I’m still on tour all this week so instead of deserting my blog I’m phoning it in with old posts you probably never saw. Today I’m in Brookline, Mass and I would be incredibly happy if you would come see me so I don’t have to be alone. Bring xanax. For both of us.
****************
This post was from back when I worked in HR and I thought my medication was working properly. It totally wasn’t…
I was just in the office bathroom I saw this folded scrap of toilet paper on the floor and it looked like a perfect little man’s leg. Like the pant, knee, shoe…the works. And I was like…”Is it possible that someone made this little origami man leg out of toilet paper and left it here for me to discover?” And then I thought, “No. Probably not.” And that’s how I figured out that my medication was working.
PS. This post only makes sense if you have been on drugs to make you less crazy and have had that moment of clarity when you realize that what you are thinking is probably kind of crazy and it makes you less crazy for being able to recognize that you are being irrational and realize that some mad toilet-paper-origami-artist probably did not actually leave you a bizarre gift on the bathroom floor and you don’t need to pick it up and bring it to your coworkers so they can see its genius, but that you are still unstable enough to blog about it (in case there really is an artist leaving dismembered limb origami in public bathrooms) and also to write the longest run-on sentence in the history of the world.
So I guess what I’m saying is, you know…yay for slightly-less-crazy.
Yay.
Updated: Okay, so many of you asked for pictures that I got my camera out of the car to photograph the tiny origami dismembered leg but when I went back in the bathroom it totally looked different so I thought maybe it got kicked into a different position so I’m hunched over, walking around it with a camera trying to find the original angle and then I realize that it’s not even the same piece of toilet paper. Then I see myself in the mirror standing in a public bathroom with my giant camera, circling a random piece of toilet paper so I can post a picture of it on the internet to prove that it looks like a tiny dismembered leg. Then someone walks in. On me. At my job. In the bathroom. With a camera.
Awesome.
Thanks, internets. Now I’m even more fucked up than I was before.
That was the perfect moment to give the “plastic bag in the wind” monologue from American Beauty. It probably wouldn’t have made you seem any less crazy, of course.
Hahahha…that’s one way to test our your meds. Hey, maybe that person who walked in on you just thought you were trying to get a good angle for your myspace photo??
I’ll be there and I’ll have LOTS of Xanax!!! ????
I could only hope to find you in the bathroom with a camera. But I’m guessing it’s the ballroom with a candlestick.
Eeeeee, I can’t wait to see you tonight!
Hahaha. I’ve been in a similar situation before except I was photographing vomit, that looked like a face. I guess in the time it took to locate my camera, I had either sobered up or the puke had started to settle. No face anymore. Just me, photographing vomit on my sidewalk….
I see stuff in all kinds of random things. Gnomes out of dead leaves, trees smiling at me, toy cars arranged in the face of Jesus…. Does that mean I need meds? I swear I’m not crazy! I just see things no-one else can…. well, maybe I am crazy. 🙂
I was so excited when you added a MA location, and that it was a Friday, and I don’t work Fridays, so there was no calling in sick or making up dead relatives……..and then I spent the past 2 days puking. First Response test says it’s not the flu, it’s a fetus….or well, will be, but I’m still puking (albeit excitedly….how’s that for a mental picture?), and I don’t think it’s polite to come to a book signing toting a puke bucket. I’m sad I will miss you!
Have fun in Boston! And lol about the toilet paper. The thing is, I made that and left it there for you.
Also, it’s apt that my comment posted after another vomit comment. Just saying.
Bathroom art is the BEST!!
Me and daughter have read yer book!!! Loved it!
T:)
Obviously your former co-workers were prudes!
I am sorry that I couldn’t make it to NC to see you. I am in SC and it would have been a 4 hour drive on a work night. Much sadness ensued when I couldn’t come up with any dead relatives or sickness either Dingo. I have shared my copy of LPTNH with my sister and she is a new convert. All Hail The Bloggess.
I am so disappointed I am missing your one and only MA appearance tonight, but it’s been a weird week. I’ll just leave it at that. Brookline Booksmith is an amazing spot, though, and I know there will be tons of awesome people there. Take a walk a few blocks before or after down to Zaftigs and order the potato pancakes and challah grilled cheese. If they don’t make you smile, nothing will!
I’m so excited to see you tonight! I don’t have Xanax, but I have an extra Welbutrin which probably won’t help as much. I could bring vodka or the like, though!
I guess that was before camera phones were popular? Now when I see strange shit I can just whip out my phone and take a tiny, blurry, picture of whatever it is. Yeah, okay, maybe it was better you got your big camera.
I will not only totallllly be there tonight, but may I be so bold as to make a recommendation?? One of my favorite places to eat in Boston is at the Border Cafe (easily T accessible (Harvard Square) – not that you need to use public transportation as a successful author and everything…). Delicious American-Mexican food (not to be confused with ACTUAL Mexican food) and right down the street is JP Licks (and despite the dirty sounding name is actually just FUCKING FANTASTIC homemade ice cream with sweet ass flavors). YOU. ARE. WELCOME.
how do i send you an email-was scrolling through cosmo this morning, and found mention of lady gardens. have a screen snapshot of it for you… thought you might like.
sara
I can’t believe you’re in Brookline today! I love your book and I lived in Brookline up until last week when I moved to London. The universe has a sense of humor….
Hiya- I’m going to try to make it tonight to Brookline Booksmith, but my schedule is extremely packed, so I can’t promise anything yet.
But WELCOME TO BOSTON!!!!
P.S. Don’t go to Border Cafe. Trust me. I used to work upstairs from there. Let’s just say we had to hire our OWN exterminator service because of them. And the health inspector never quite understood how Border Cafe was allowed to stay in business. The mice weren’t mice. They were rats. They were armed. And they were the size of small children, only much more ruthless. Srsly, don’t go to Border Cafe. JP Licks is indeed awesome, but, well, let’s just leave it there, shall we?
This REALLY had me LOLing! We like ya just a li’l bit crazy! 😉
I also think I see shapes in things that aren’t clouds. But I’m not medicated… (I did psychedelic drugs in college though, so maybe that’s it…)
Origami man’s leg in a public restroom? Hmm. That *might* be crazy…but I’m not an expert. Photographing it? Yeah. That’s nuts. But, thank you because its damn funny.
Um I would have loved to walk in on you in a bathroom trying to photograph toilet paper on the floor. I would be amused and confused and then would spend the rest of my day trying to figure out the best 140 characters to illustrate just what I saw and the glee that it gave me. It would have been a good use of my day I think.
Ah, medication. It took me till I was thirty to discover the joys of Prozac. It wasn’t until I got married that I realized “Hey, other people don’t seem to be anxious all the time. Plus, my anxiety seems to really be bugging the shit out of my wife. Maybe I should, like, do something about that?”
Prozac is my Jesus. –>http://heretichusband.blogspot.com/2012/04/chapter-8-in-which-i-find-prozac-to-be.html
It didn’t die for my sins, but I’m sure it would do so given the chance. And I’m not so sure Jesus did either.
I’ll be there tonight! Got a bottle full of Lexapro… but I might need that for myself! Cannot wait to meet you in person 🙂
I totally saw the other leg but it was in a kitchen in OHIO.
I seriously laughed out loud at this. I can totally see myself trying to photograph something in a bathroom. Ugh, the things we do.
I only recently started reading your blog…say, around the time of Juanita the Weasel. I really need to read back through the archives to see what I’ve been missing. 🙂 Happy Boston Friday!
OMG, I hadn’t seen this post before! Hilarious – thanks for the laugh!
I think this is the exact sort of thing that inspired the development of cell phone cameras. People think you’re marginally less insane if you’re taking a bizarre picture with your iPhone and not a giant, 35-mm style Canon. Don’t ask how I know this, just take my word for it. 🙂
Clearly I need to be medicated! I fixate on the stickers on bathroom stall panels every single day, realizing they have been installed on the wrong floor. I constantly wonder if the 12th floor has our stalls. There has been a terrible mix-up, and it has to be righted, but I am the only one that sees it. Every. Single. Day. What if some other BUILDING has our stalls?! Then I sit there and notice that the name on the drain is misspelled; you do not spell Jason with an M. All of this in less than 2 minutes. You’re not alone, dear Bloggess.
Oh fuck! I had a similar experience just recently. Except I was looking at a leaf that looked like Gandolf and I was in my robe. Outside. And the UPS guy started talking to me and somehow we got on the subject of my anxiety attacks. Needless to say, he ran back to his truck and didn’t even ask for my signature.
Probably smart not bringing that tiny origami leg into the office to show your co-workers. I mean obviously someone made it and left it for you in the bathroom but your colleagues might not be convinced. We just got a new automated aerosol spritzer in my work bathroom and every once in awhile it hisses at me and for a second I think I’m Sigourney Weaver in that movie with Harry Connick Jr. where he hangs her in a bathroom stall but she totally escapes.
I will be there!! Alone without shame!
I also worked in HR. Anyway, I WISH I could get out there today but my husband’s working a 10+ hour shift, and I’m handling my little one. *Sniff* I will try you at BlogHer (if I am able to finally make a decision…I wish I had a bathroom there like yours to hide in!).
*Little ONES. All three. Let’s make no mistake there. If there were only one, I would be there!!
Can’t wait to see you tonight!
Sadly, I don’t have any Xanax. I have Ibuprofen and Iron pills. Not much fun there.
Ha ha… YAY for slightly less crazy
There’s just so much potential awkwardness to be had in bathrooms even without the hazard of people leaving tiny paper legs.
I love your blog and so I’ve nominated you at mine for the Versatile Blogger Award – you don’t have to take part if you don’t want to, but I just wanted to include you in my links 🙂
I will totally be there! No Xanax. I have some Amitriptyline. Will that help?
So excited to meet you tonight! And also terrified. I hope I don’t weird you out. Or creep you out. Or accidentally pee myself.
I have read you for awhile, and never commented. Which is shameful. Then, I met you briefly at Mom 2.0 (I’m another Jenny we talked about the greatest name of the 1970s), and THEN I read your book on a plane this week and freaked out my seat-mate with my shoulder-shaking, tear-inducing, I’m-laughing-but-I’m-trying-not-
-to-laugh-out-loud-on-a-plane laughter. So totally worth it.
I hadn’t seen this post before – love it! And I love that the internetz demanded that you take a picture and you went for it. That’s why they love ya!
Seeing things in other things always weirds me out a little. I’ve never stopped to take a picture though.
Oh my god you make me laugh!
I think you should add some Canadian tour dates. We’re a lovely people, plus, it’s almost Stampede in Calgary. We’re basically Texas. You won’t even know you’ve left!
If that’s not in the cards, any way to get signed books north of the border??
I always have those moments of clarity, I.e. “oh, I am using my crazy thought process, I should check to see if I forgot my medication” but I figure it means I am still somewhat sane, that I can recognize I am crazy sounding.
Wish you were coming yo Portland Oregon this book, perhaps for the next one!
Jww
So sad to be missing you in Boston, but it’s DD’s birthday party tomorrow and having a houseful of little girls to prepare for kind of trumps your awesomeness. I will, however, be treating the girls to a live play with Juanita and Beyonce puppets, thusly ensuring readership of your blog for the next generation. Either that, or ensuring I have the least popular child in school, irreparably damaging her reputation and hosing my own street cred.
I sometimes make really tiny origami cranes and leave them in random places for people to find, but never a severed leg. I wouldn’t know how to go about making one of those. Because I might start if I did.
So I was thinking about how I really want to come tonight but how I always back out of these things (coughsocialanxietycough). But then I thought if you can do a book tour & be on CNN and talk to thousands of people, I can survive one evening in a packed book store.
Of course, I’m even more anxious about it because I bought the ebook and not the paper copy (out of sheer impatience), so there’s nothing for you to sign, except for my iphone, but that doesn’t seem like the same thing. I don’t have any taxidermied offerings for you either. Nor Xanax, alas. Also, a small part of me is afraid meeting you in person will ruin the you I’ve created in my head and it really sucks when your heroes turn out to be douche nozzles (not that I think you’re a douche nozzle, just, you know.. like Nathan Fillion ignoring you or Morgan Freeman wearing cats). But then I keep thinking: but if anyone would understand, it would be you, right?
God, reading this makes me sound crazy. I promise I’m not this crazy. Hopefully I see you tonight!
I love you crazy lady. You’re afraid people won’t like you right? Try carrying cooked bacon around in your pocket. People love that shit.
I’m like a kid the night before Christmas I’m going to see Jenny Lawson tonight! Squeals with excitement!!!
I am 39,000 kinds of sad that you are in my town and I am missing you — but tonight is my son’s last elementary school picnic and I’m running the manicure table. (I hate picnics, but I love the idea of getting a manicure at one.) Can’t you come over and have a slumber party with me???
I will be thinking of you tonight and sending so much love!! And a virtual manicure, even!
I have about ten excuses not to go tonight. Some of them involve my inevitable demise by freak car accidents or assault on public transportation; others include my dwindling participation grade for an online class that has discussion board at that time. (If you see someone sitting in the back row with a laptop, know that they still love you.) As I get thinking about all of these, I soon realize that I’m crazy. And then I remember that, for this particular event, craziness is not a valid reason to stay home. … See you tonight?
Had a serious anxiety attack yesterday before a small work picnic. Wanted to hide in a bathroom but decided I had to go. I went, had a pretty good time, and mentally hid in the bathroom with you. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Makes me feel less crazy. Or makes me feel less alone and crazy. One of those things.
Ok, can anyone explain to me how you get that little bottom line that says “Lady Chardonnay recently posted….”? Cause I just started my a blog and I’d like to link it too. Sorry, a bit blog-tarded right now.
Uhh, just figured it out.
Haha. It could have just been working in HR that made you crazy. As someone who currently works in HR, I’m pretty sure thats the case for me.
So I guess my post about seeing a smiley face on my bathroom counter, formed from an eyelash (the mouth) and specs of dried up mascara (the eyes and nose) is probably an indication that I might have been a LIT-TLE off my rocker a few months ago…
I would totally come see you in Boston but I had a medical emergency involving a tick and lets just say my manly parts.
That would have been a perfect opportunity to point out that your medication was working and that you RECOGNIZED it was crazy to be taking pictures in the bathroom. Then you both could have rejoiced in your sanity and taken a picture to commemorate the event. Win/Win.
I get to see you in less than 25 hours. And then again 26 hours after that. I’m insanely excited. And still working on courage to wear a red ball gown to the talk on Sunday.
And if I meet you tomorrow and you need something for Sunday (that I can actually get – so not like drugs or anything), I’d be happy to do my best. Even though you have no idea who I am. :p
Hope you’re doing okay!
I wish I was in Boston right now. I could really go for some good seafood. 🙂
I’m wondering if there’s anything I could possibly do to surprise my coworkers? I mean they’re already convinced I’m the weird one as it is. Seeing me photograph toilet paper would probably not even register to them.
I ALWAYS bring a camera with me to the bathroom. I think it’s very important to document things, especially things that I’ve been very intimately involved with. Someday, someone will find my little archive and use it for a brilliant gallery show with huge glossy prints. And a lot of other people will throw up.
Oh wow.
i hate it when my meds don’t work properly. my recent batch has failed me. NOBODY is happy about this, trust me.
navigating bi-polar is SO much fun. i think we should go back to calling it manic depression, at least that sounded cool.
have fun at your signing. i will continue to live vicariously through you.
I saw some random scrap of something that I still believe was raccoon poop in the bathroom or our office building. I even made my assistant go look at it (on the floor of the bathroom, under the sink, at our office) because I was 96% sure it was raccoon poop. She refused to touch it nor would she crawl under the sink to get a closer look for me. I guess I should of figured that, hell, she won’t even bring me coffee. She did say it looked like raccoon poop but was probably something else. She couldn’t believe that a raccoon would of been loose in the office building without a warning being posted somewhere. But as the Floor Warden, I don’t even recognize the fire alarm when it goes off, I still have yet to locate the stairs in the building and Fire Man Mike still won’t give me a fire ax, so there could of been a warning and I just didn’t pay any attention to it. Now come to think about it, Fire Man Mike has not once gone over the procedure for loose wild animals in the office…I came up with my own set of procedures for Zombie Apocalypse .
I’m worried that by posting this you are now going to receive over 300 tiny oragami legs in the mail.
This reminded me of the time they put me on tamazipam for a week and at the time I thought I was being totally normal but in hindsight I can see why my colleague insisted on driving me home after I emailed half the office a picture of my water glass with a packet of buttons on it, subject line: my glass has eyes, it’s so cute!
Also, congratulations Dingo!
So psyched for tonight!! Can’t wait!
I think it is HR that drives people crazy. I no very few sane HR people
I love that you were in HR.
I’m wondering if maybe I should be medicated, because the other day when I was eating some large white-ish beans, I turned to the pregnant woman sitting next to me and said, “These beans look exactly like fetuses.” (Feti?)
P.S. Boston just got way cooler because you’re in it. I’m more excited about meeting you than that time I went backstage at an Elton John concert.
Aren’t you glad they invented easy to use cell phone cameras? Now, you can snap the shot from your private seat of comfort without getting caught! Unless, of course, there are other people in there and they hear that awesome little “click” from the camera. Then you walk out and they won’t meet your eye because they probably think you were in there taking pictures of your girly-parts and sexting them to someone.
But, other than THAT, they’re awesome!
Come to Canada please 🙂 🙂 !!!
But I NEEDED a picture of a dismembered origami leg! God, Jenny. Way to disappoint. Now I’m going to have to just imagine it. And imagined dismembered origami legs are not nearly as satisfying as the real thing.
And look on the bright side: you could’ve been dressed up as a clown or something when someone walked in on you. That would’ve been LOADS worse. No one likes bathroom clown photography.
Suddenly I have the urge to fold toliet paper into interesting shapes and leave them in public bathrooms everywhere.
I would have seen the same dismembered origami toilet paper leg had I been in the bathroom. But I prefer to think of it as “creative” and “visionary” rather than “crazy”. Because otherwise I would have to admit to being crazy (as opposed to “phenomenally eccentric”, which is how I generally think of myself).
I totally know that moment of clarity! It’s excellent to be sane but still have some of those crazy thoughts to inspire fun and fantastical thoughts…like when I suddenly imagine the weeds in my backyard have come alive and may attack me if I try to take out the trash!
Aw, I’ll be in the Brookline area, too, but not until next Tuesday. Bummer.
Can’t wait to meet you tonight!!
Holy crap, your blog is more addictive than Pinterest. It’s like a rabbit hole but in a good way. Except if I lose my job due to lack of productivity. That would be bad.
Textured walls always messed with my head as a kid (pre-meds). Noticed, since being off meds for over a year (after 20 years on), marbled print is doing the same. Saw image of Little Orphan Annie on door in movie theater bathroom stall a while back, now, on occasion I go see a movie, I go check it’s still there. It isn’t; last saw some sort of beastly creature instead. I do miss my meds.
Yikes– I guess I won’t be meeting you after all 🙁 The electrical storm knocked the power out and i’m posting this with my phone..
Come back to Boston, please??
Loved this! You are the best Jenny!
I can TOTALLY relate to “that moment of clarity when you realize that what you are thinking is probably kind of crazy and it makes you less crazy for being able to recognize that you are being irrational…” So SO true! Thank you for articulating it so perfectly! Best of luck on the rest of your book tour! If I didn’t live overseas, I would so be there…
You always were an opinion leader and trend setter.
Now, everyone takes a camera into the toilet.
And many bring their own body parts.
So, I was taking my mom for a colonoscopy and an endoscopy the other day, and while we were in the car after cracking all the jokes that can be cracked about them using the same scope for the throat that they do for the ass pictures, and which side they’ll do first (esophagus or anus, there’s a ton of eating shit jokes in there if you try REAL hard), I read her the part in your book about being enveloped in a deer carcass. She said that something extremely similar happened to her when she was younger, and I thought you might want to know that you aren’t alone in the whole ‘wearing a deer inadvertently’ scenario. So, basically, what I’m trying to say is that your book gave us a sort of psychotic-homestyle bonding moment (we are both sufferers of major depression, OCD, and generalized anxiety disorder). So, thanks for that.
Maybe that person found the other leg…
This comment has nothing to do with this post. I’m sitting in SFO airport headed to Hawaii and I’m more excited to sit on the beach and read your book (i’ve been saving for a few weeks now, for this exact moment than I am to actually be going to Hawaii! That’s just how awesome you are Jenny! Good luck with the rest of your tour and don’t let Morgan get you down 🙂
Yeah, I’ve learned over time to NEVER take my camera into the bathroom. It’s been pointed out to me by TPG (a.k.a. The Peanut Gallery) that NOTHING GOOD cames of photographing ANYTHING in the “bat-room”. I beg to differ and that’s why my camera has been CONFISCATED by The Thought Police. Who believes (1) it’s HIS thought that counts and (2) I am obviously waay 2 dangerous to be allowed in a bathroom with a camera. (Never mind. He may have possession of the Nikon, but that’s what throw-away snapshot cams are for…)
Dear Jenny,
I just finished reading your book and I loved it! I have had strange thoughts just like you and you are giving me courage to say them out loud. Well, sometimes I do say them out loud and then like you said it gets quiet and then I try to say something even more stranger to cover up the first one….well you know!!! Thank god I have friends who understand me and laugh or cover me when I come out with my strange thoughts or inappropriate comments( those are dosies). My friend Kathy actually blogged you about how she bought Beyonce jr. A smaller version of your big one. Duh, isn’t that what jr means, just in case you didn’t understand. Lol. She is one of the friends that totally gets me and she totally loves you!
Finally the funny book I have been looking for!!! Thank you Jenny for making your bad times funny and I love that OCD and anxious mind. I totally understand it!!!!
Chris
PS- I was going to give you “xo” like I always do with family before I sign my name. Is it too personal to write to you? ????
Well, it wasn’t for lack of trying. I did see you, but you didn’t see me, since I waited as long as I could but then had to take the little guy home. I’m so glad you had such a terrific turnout, Jenny! I don’t think you have to worry too much about being alone, no matter where you go. You clearly have a lot of fans. I really hope you come back this way again. Maybe when you go on tour for your next book?-)
PS I think your blog is on Texas time. It’s 10:17 here!
Don’t worry, that is not the longest run-on sentence ever. I think Jane Austin has the monopoly on that…..
I’m glad that I’m not the only one who hauls out her camera at times when she shouldn’t and yet doesn’t drag it with me when I should. For example, I had awesome tickets to see Aerosmith and Walmart totally didn’t care if you bring cameras in to take pictures and where was my $600 camera? Half and hour away from the concert. I got some decent pics of Steven Tyler on my iPhone, but I wish I had gotten some on my camera. They might have been poster quality. 🙂
I’m sorry this comment is totally off topic. I’m still kicking myself over not taking my camera with me.
I would totally pay money to catch someone in a bathroom with a camera circling a piece of toilet paper. You just can’t make that shit up.
I saw you tonight and you were fabulous! I was one of the last people to get my book signed. You had been there forever and you were still so gratious and hooloovoo. You seemed tired (rightly so), so I hope you are well and get some rest. Thank you for the experience.
Is it weird that I am on NO drugs and this not only makes perfect sense, but has also happened to me before?
Replace “tiny dismembered leg” with “Octopus humping a unicorn”.
I know!! I could barely believe it either! When I dragged a co-worker in to see it as well, she was all “its just a crumpled piece of paper. YOU NEED TO UP YOUR MEDS!!!”
And thats when I realized I should probably BE on meds.
I wish I was in Boston so I could see you again! But in a TOTAL NOT CREEPY WAY!!!
Hugs!
Valerie
OMG, we had SO much fun tonight. Thank you SO much for coming to our corner of the world. I’m the crazy woman who had you sign her Wonder Woman pajamas and gave you the stuffed animal version of Copernicus.
Thank you for trekking up here to New England and for dealing with the weather. You were fantastic and hilarious and brave and my husband and I really appreciated it.
I’m always taking pictures of weird shit in my bathroom at work – It’s like an episode of the Twilight Zone in there.
Now I totally need to leave little unexpected surprises in the bathroom all the time. Ew, not like that!
I want to cry because I couldn’t go today can you just stay puuuulease. Roar. Angry and sad.
So, i was totally prescribed xanax today. IT WORKS. But I will share… you’ll have to come to Nashville to get them, but I don’t mind sharing. My mama brought me up right. I also have 1/2 a bottle of Klonipin I won’t be using now… It’s free for the taking if you need some. And that’s some charity right there… sharing crazy pills = unconditional love!
I’m super bummed I couldn’t go see u today, but since my car hates me since i might have told it I plan on replacing it within the next week, and thus decides to break down. Very sad. Hope it went well!!
TOTALLY not crazy to see things that are not actually there in other things…I do it all the time, just to self-entertain! When I was growing up, when I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep for a nap or at night, I would stare at the patterns in the plaster on the wall and find blobs of plaster that looked like things…I find chickens and whales a lot…you should give it a try next time insomnia strikes!
No one’s ever left me a gift in the bathroom–either real or imagined!
This is the point where I link to the mysterious and stunningly beautiful origami book-based sculptures that recently appeared around Edinburgh:
http://thisiscentralstation.com/featured/mysterious-paper-sculptures/
So all I’m saying to you is: sometimes when you find weird paper artwork in unexpected places it IS just the xanax…but sometimes it isn’t…
I may or may not occasionally see things in my hair on the shower wall. It’s not a mirror, I don’t see things, IN my hair, I see things made out of my hair.
Ok, let me back up a second here. I lose a lot of hair. Like, A LOT of hair, way more than normal people. It’s really, really thick though, so it’s never really noticeable. Anyway, when I shower I leave all the hair that falls out on the wall because if it goes down the drain it gets clogged and then SOMEONE has to clean it and that’s usually me, and that’s beyond nasty, so I save my hair on the wall and then throw it away after I’m done with my shower.
Good lord Jesus that sounds insane. Whatever. The point was that I occasionally make shapes out of it, like Jesus on the Cross two days before Easter. (that actually happened.) Then I left him on the wall until after Easter lest I be punished for destroying a sign from God. But most days I do recognize that it’s not sane to see shapes in my hair. Except for that one day when I thought I should become a hair-reader, like a palm-reader, or tea-leaf-reader or something. But I don’t think that now, so I’m good.
I didn’t mean to imply I MAKE shapes out of my hair. I meant that my brain deciphers shapes. Also, ignore that one extra comma that snuck it, please, it’s annoying the crap out of me, but I can’t edit my comment.
IN. Ugh. I’m done trying here.
You were awesome last night in Brookline. It was great to hear you read- and amazing to find out that everyone’s tongue does NOT turn black when taking pepto bismol…..I thought I was normal…..now, because of you, I’m a 1-in-6 normal instead…..
Thank you so much for visiting Boston last night! You were awesome and the night was a blast. While I was waiting for the reading to start I kinda had to pee so I turned to my friend and told her that I wanted to find the bathroom just to see if you were hiding in there beforehand. Then later I found out they don’t even have a bathroom there. It’s like they had no idea who you are. Plus, what kind of business doesn’t have a bathroom?
Alright, meeting you last night was pretty f-ing amazing and will certainly be one of those highlights of my life that they show on the big monitor screen in heaven while you’re waiting in line at the gate to talk to St. Peter or whatever. Probably before the first child. Maybe. Totally worth not getting to bed until 4:30 in the morning!
So I wanted to share this story with you while we were there, but there were so many people, and you were being all gracious and awesome, and I didn’t want the people behind us to get all “stabby”, so I’ll share it here. My sister and I took the Amtrack train down from Portland and had to park our car in their parking lot. We paid when we got into the station because we didn’t want to deal with it at 1:30 in the morning when we got back. The cost was $4 so my sister gave the nice gentleman behind the counter a 5 dollar bill, and he handed over one of those presidential dollar coins. And who was on that coin you might ask? JAMES FREAKING GARFIELD!!!!
FATE I TELL YOU, FATE!
-THe ENd
I wish I could have gotten down to see you yesterday but this pesky work thing got in the way (and somehow I ended up working later and I still have to come in tonight to fill in a hole, well, it’s a grave for cremains, I work at a church, like that explains it). I bought your book in hardcover on a whim and tried to not finish it too quickly. I didn’t want the book to end, that’s how it good it is! Lent that to my masseuse (who recently said she’d like to sit inside my brain for an afternoon to watch how it works). I am re-reading it on my iPod Touch in e-book AND I have the audiobook version! Love it that much. Thank you.
Take care, AndyB, NH.
I see things in the tile all the time. We need to develop an eye mounted camera that will photograph what we see and not what’s actually there.
I love this post and I love even more than you talk about Xanax. And being crazy. If all the crazy people of the world (read: internet) talked about their crazy, we wouldn’t have a crazy person stigma anymore <3.
Seeing you in Brookline yesterday was one of the best nights ever for me! Thank you so much for coming to the Boston area, and even more for being who you are and writing the way you do, and bringing so many of us weird people together that we almost feel like the “in” crowd.
One of my favorite moments from last night was a woman in the bookstore walking up to us in line and asking “Okay, who is she? “The Blog” or something? I just had to ask because I’ve never seen a happier line of people in my life”
I think that really says a lot.
and that is why you should always take your phone into the public bathroom…because you can’t make that shit up & you need photographic evidence!
Ok, I am just SO glad that I pushed past all the anxieties and WENT to this and met you and it was awesome and fabulous, of course. Did you get vodka later?
I live in a little apartment with thin walls. I usually keep my tv, music and voice low… but uh, this post blew it out of the water – I was laughing SO loudly and uncontrollably that my neighbor came over to see what was going on. Then I made him read the post and I think he is too crazy to know he’s crazy b/c the moron didn’t even laugh. This has been my favorite post of yours, EVER. LOVE it.
OK I doubt you will ever read this, Jenny, because let’s face it, you get a shit-ton of comments. So I don’t blame you, but that doesn’t make me want to comment any less. This is by far one of my favorite blog posts on the internets. I take meds and usually I can never tell if I am less crazy or not–I depend on outside observers. But now, you have given me the idea of putting my shit out there and judging for MYSELF. THANKS!
I had a blast meeting you.
I almost missed the signing, but my wife insisted I go. I’m the fellow who told you my wife has arthritis. I passed along the advice you gave about monthly injections, but she’s dubious. The last time she looked into the main arthritis treatments they were all sulfa based, and she has a nasty, life threatening reaction to sulfide based drugs.
Regardless, I’m going to look into the various injections to see if there are any that aren’t sulfide based these days.
Thank you for the advice.
I’d be stalking you, if it were a little closer than the opposite side of the planet. Without xanax though, that shit makes me more crazy instead of less. Visit Melbourne. PLEASE. =D
I choked on an M & M because I laughed so hard at this little toilet paper origami man story.
This is not exactly a comment about this post, but I needed a place to tell you what happened when I was reading your book – I borrowed it from the library.
Yesterday while I was on the porch reading about all HR & penis pictures, I smashed a huge bloody mosquito. I live in Maine. The mosquitoes that were hanging around my porch had already been sucking on moose and bears and bass before they got to me that day.
Anyway, when I turned the page with my swatting hand I got blood all over the penis picture page.
Blood dries fast on a sunny day.
I ran back inside and googled, ‘how to remove blood from a library book page’ Hydrogen Peroxide. It works, but it leaves a mysterious wrinkled damp spot.
I live in a very small town. I was the first person to take this book out of the library. Pretty soon everyone will know that Fern spent an extra long time on the penis page of Jenny Lawson’s book and left a big, weird, dried up, wet spot.
I may lose my job at the elementary school.
I. Fucking. Love. You.
I have been giggling my ass off for hours (or hour, I work graveyard) and my co workers think I’m even weirder. Yes! Thank you for spouting off uncontrollable, random and inappropriate thoughts. I am not the only one…