This is not a real post

This isn’t a real post.  It’s just a bunch of follow-ups to old ones:

1.  My laptop is still stolen.  The airline is still silent on what they found on their video cameras.  I’m still incredibly stupid for trusting American Airlines with it.  They offered me $900 in vouchers which I told them I don’t want.  Luckily though, I’ve made enough money off of my stickers (version 1 and 2) to replace my old laptop.  That is the beauty of buying a very cheap laptop.  GIANT THANK YOUS GO HERE.

2.  me to Victor:  I just got invited to speak at a blog conference in Kokomo.

Victor:  You’re not going to Kokomo.

me:  You can’t tell me what to do.

Victor:  …Because Kokomo is a fictional island invented by the Beach Boys.

me:  OH.  Wait…I meant Kosovo.  That’s a real place, right?

Victor:  This is why you never get the blue pie when we play Trivia.

3.  The first ever bloggess book club starts in 8.5 hours (7p central) and we’ll be discussing the first few chapters right here.  There will be a new discussion thread here tomorrow to discuss chapters 3 through 7.  Unless this whole thing fails miserably.  Then I’ll just show up and talk about ponies and how to make booze slushees.

4.  There is no number 4.

5.  Hailey made a fruit bat headband because she’s really into fruit bats right now (?) and the cats have taken to wearing it whenever they’re resting.  It’s like a fucking sleeping mask for cats who want to seem ready for an attack even when they’re unconscious.  There’s not a joke in here.  This is just my life.  Ferris Mewler right now:

"HELLO."

281 replies. read them below or add one

  1. He’s trying to FUCKING SLEEP, Jenny. And you’re taking his picture? This is why you have vomit in your shoes.

    Like

  2. I only travel by covered wagon for that very reason.

    Like

  3. The philosophical conundrum of “There is no number 4” positioned as number 4 is making my head spin.

    Like

    Dianna recently posted In Which I Contemplate Unicorns.

  4. Actually, there is a Kokomo — in Indiana. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kokomo,_Indiana

    I very much doubt they would be having a blog conference, though.

    Like

  5. 5
    heyitshigbe

    Slow your roll. There’s a Kokomo, Indiana. Don’t think that place isn’t festering with glamour, intrigue, and Midwestern sensibility.

    Like

  6. Oy, poor Ferris.

    Then again, he doesn’t look that bothered.

    Kosovo? Hmmmm …

    Like

  7. Kokomo is actually a real place! It’s a town in central Indiana. It is not some place you want to go to. They do have a lot of strip clubs though.

    Like

    Leigh recently posted 30 Day Knitting Challenge?! Day 30.

  8. It is a terrific look for Ferris. I wonder if my cat wants something similar.

    Like

    Seanna Lea recently posted 4 repeats and a bit....

  9. Kokomo is a real place – in Indiana. You can Google map it and everything. That said (having been to Kokomo), Kosovo sounds way more interesting.

    Like

  10. I’m sure the Beach Boys like Kosovo too. I hear it’s lovely this time of year.

    Like

    Jillian recently posted It’s Getting Ka-razy.

  11. What is this fruit bat phenomenon? I was substituting in a kindergarten class last week and the kids made up and performed a fruit bat play complete with masks and wings. They would have started a cheetah play if we hadn’t run out of time…

    Like

  12. 12
    Linda Allen

    Is Ferris Mewler lying on a *gasp* COUCH CUSHION?!?!?!

    Like

  13. Yes, there is a Kokomo in Indiana! Because of that, the first few times my sister heard that Beach Boys song she thought it was a pardody by one of the Indianapolis radio stations–the idea of Kokomo as some kind of tropical paradise was pretty hilarious.

    Like

    Amy recently posted Getting back in the groove.

  14. I am Number Four.

    Like

    Bejewell recently posted Ugly Baby.

  15. I think Nathan Fillion stole your laptop. It’s a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top!

    Like

    Avitable recently posted The one where I embrace my baldness with a razor in hand.

  16. I’d just like to point out that Kokomo is a real place – it’s the town in northern Indiana where I grew up: http://www.cityofkokomo.org/

    It’s definitely not tropical, or as nice as the pictures on the website make it look. Also, there’s probably not a blog conference there; at least, not one you’d want to go to. You don’t seem to blog about monster trucks and corn very often.

    Still, you can tell Victor that Kokomo is totally not fictional.

    Like

  17. I would totally order that mask from your store. My cats would LOVE it.

    Like

    Tova recently posted Snickerdoodle Muffins.

  18. Leigh, dummy me always wondered why the Beach Boys were singing about a town in Indiana as if it were some exotic, sexy place. Must have been the allure of the strip clubs.

    Like

  19. Ferris Mueller is very patient. Also, bats are awesome. That is all.

    Like

    Brenna recently posted I didn't really know what it was about when I put it on hold..

  20. I say go to Kokomo; Victor has no imagination. Although I generally loathe bats of any sort, I think Ferris looks kind of handsome.

    Like

  21. 21
    Su Brunjes

    I need one of those masks.

    Like

  22. I once had all my panties stolen out of my suitcase after an AA flight to Atlanta. I only wish I had requested video. For the record, I never even got an offer of a voucher. Apparently they didn’t fit.

    Like

  23. oh burrrrrrrrrrrrrrn Victor! Kokomo IS real! Jenny, you should make Victor cite his references from here on out. You’ve been deprived of the blue pie for far too long. Why would you believe a guy who married a chick who collects taxidermied rodents?

    Like

  24. OMG, I totally want one of those for my cats!!

    Like

  25. I love that you (?) at the idea of your daughter being into fruit bats. Like its an odd thing? LOL.

    Like

  26. I think it is funny that so many people wrote about Kokomo, Indiana if I have my Indiana towns correct the only thing they are famous for is being complete assholes to Ryan White.

    Like

  27. I’ve never been to Kokomo but Kosovo’s actually kind of fantastic. If the conference is in Pristina you’ll be greeted on your way into the city by a giant golden statue of Bill Clinton. Despite that Kosovo is still pretty great.

    Like

    Andrea recently posted Cabarete Smoothie.

  28. 28
    Matt Harris

    Kokomo is a real place; Kokomo, Indiana. It is a nice little town. You might enjoy their giant stuffed bull named ‘Old Ben’. http://www.cityofkokomo.org/main.asp?SectionID=50&SubSectionID=113&ArticleID=60

    -Matt

    Like

  29. I can’t stop starring at Ferris… I am hypnotized, and terrified…

    But yay for the laptop!

    Like

    Christene recently posted Child Care Dilemma.

  30. I’ve long thought that King Fred could use a sleep mask, from the amount of times I find him sleeping with his paw over his eyes. Clearly I need to make a bat mask for him.🙂

    Like

    Kate J recently posted Me and my facebook games.

  31. That picture of Ferris Mewler should totally be submitted to stuffonmycat.com (or whatever that Stuff On My Cat website is). He’s rocking that mask. Love it!! LOL! See you at the book club!

    Like

    Devon recently posted Fire In Ice by Devon Stewart.

  32. Kokomo is actually a real place. I believe it’s in Indiana.

    Like

  33. Kokomo Indiana? That could be fun. I guess. Way closer than Kosovo, for sure.

    Like

    tracey recently posted The Best Laid Plans....

  34. “Ooooooh I wanna take you down to Kokomo [Indiana]. We’ll get there fast, and then we’ll take it slooooow [because there’s nothing to do in Kokomo, Indiana]. Thaaaat’s wheeeeere weeee [don’t] waaaaaant to gooooooooo.”

    Like

    Janel recently posted Embarassing Papers I've Written.

  35. Hmmmm… Kokomo is a real place. And they tell me I can’t learn anything from the internets.

    Like

    Nat recently posted Vagina and bad words.

  36. Is she really into fruit bats or….weird alien bat creatures that are coming to invade us and only our children are intercepting their telepathic communications through their dreams?

    Like

  37. Holy crap. The tourist bureau of Kokomo, Indiana owes you each a nickel.

    Like

    Jenny the bloggess recently posted This is not a real post.

  38. 38
    Sarah Donovan

    I love all the shout outs for Kokomo, Indiana.

    Like

  39. The fruit bat thing reminds me of third grade. Every time we had an assignment to write a story about animals, I would retell “Star Wars”. Only with animals. I still have little books of “Lion Wars” and “Horse Wars” and “Tiger Wars”. If only Mrs. Winters had let me complete my epic masterpiece, “Elephant Wars”.

    Okay, so I might have a few issues…

    Like

    Phenomenal Lass recently posted Designing Women and Over-The-Shoulder Boulder Holders..

  40. As others have pointed out, there is a real Kokomo. And it does seem to host conferences. But I don’t know about a blogging conference.

    Like

    Tragic Sandwich recently posted My Balance, Revisited.

  41. 41
    Sarah Donovan

    I bet some stud in Kokomo would be happy to hold some twine for you.

    Like

  42. Now I have a Beach Boys earworm.

    For anyone interested in the book club, in the very unlikely event that you don’t already have a copy of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (or maybe you accidentally dropped yours in the toilet), I accidentally ordered two copies off the inter-webs and I’m now giving away my extra. You can leave a comment to win: http://mamanongrata.com/?p=1796

    Like

    Susan recently posted In which my ineptitude is your gain.

  43. That mask would be perfect when I have teenagers. I can scare the crap out of them when they are late for curfew but still be sleeping. Ferris is a parenting GENIUS.

    Like

    Alex@LateEnough recently posted A Letter From A Christian Mom Of A Gay Daughter To Her Conservative Christian Pastor.

  44. But I *want* to go to Kokomo, damn it! (I never got the blue pie either Jenny:)
    Glad to see everything’s normal in The Bloggess household!
    Love the name Ferris Mewler, and he loves that photo, thank you very much;-)

    Like

    Karen recently posted Breakfast Smoothie of Champions.

  45. Kokomo is a real place in Indiana.

    Like

    Corey Feldman recently posted Jasmine’s Mother’s day with Egret and Red.

  46. Um. I don’t think I would go to Kosovo either. Wait, what the fuck me? I would totally go to Kosovo. While you’re in the “area” you should also book a visit to Chernobyl. Because that would be enviably awesome.

    Like

    cassie recently posted wordless wednesday.

  47. I got offered a job in Kokomo, IN once. I did not take it.

    Like

  48. Dammit, why do people INSIST on giving me earworms?! Now I’ll have that wretched [not really] song stuck in my head until I can fob it off on someone else.

    Like

  49. “That’s wheeere you wanna go to give a speech about blogs…”

    Like

    Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted The Five Phases of a Stomach Flu.

  50. I have driven through or been to Kokomo, IN, or the armpit of Indiana as we say here in South Bend, IN, far more times than I’d care to admit. You could stay at the Koko Hotel!!! I think it has a palm tree on it.

    Like

  51. Wow…that’s one deep sleeping cat!
    My husband thought it was a Stitch mask, until I explained it was a fruit bat, then it went back on to his “is that cat even alive?? why is the cat wearing a mask” kick again. I swear, we stopped listening to each other around 3 years into marriage.

    Like

    Rea recently posted You can take the bitch *me* out of Oki but I leave an impression.

  52. Hmmm….Kokomo, Indiana and Strip Clubs. Do you think they got confused and think that The Bloggess is a stripper name and that you do some kind of Erotic striptease while reading a blog?

    Like

  53. She probably likes fruit bats ’cause they’re also called megabats, and anything with “mega” as a prefix is bound to be pretty awesome.

    Like

    Banana Stickers recently posted Because I don’t want to be a Snatchel when I grow up.

  54. You should mass produce them and sell on here. I’d buy one for Sookie.

    Like

    Karen Sanders recently posted Merrell's Are Not Acceptable Bike Wear and Other Observations.

  55. Cool! We’re gonna talk about how to make booze slushies tonight… and ponies?! Kick ass. I was already excited about the book, but now I’m super duper excited. Love the sleeping mask.

    Like

    Heather recently posted Slow Cooker Beef Stew.

  56. Take the vouchers and donate to a women’s charity. Just tell them to be careful what they pack!

    Like

  57. There’s a Kokomo, Indiana. But you don’t want to go there. Indianapolis would love to have you, though!

    Like

  58. Knew about Kokomo in Indiana, not so much about the strip clubs. Guess I don’t know the right or wrong people. ;D The Wikipedia link mentions several Kokomos. I think you should go to the one in Hawaii.

    Like

  59. Is kokomo really a made up place?

    Like

    Chooplah recently posted 7 Amazing Uses for Vodka.

  60. I got quite excited that you would be speaking at the Kokomo, IN conference, even though the likelihood of Kokomo having such a conference seemed small. Then I realized that commuting to Kosovo for a conference would probably not be nearly as efficient for me.

    Like

    Emily Guy Birken recently posted The Pre-Worry Stage.

  61. I barely trust airlines to get me to I’m going. The drink coupons help.

    Like

    Eric recently posted What the HELL is THAT!?.

  62. Take the vouchers. You will never see your laptop again.

    Like

  63. Hey y’all, there’s a Kokomo in Hawaii too, maybe she’s going there!!!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kokomo,_Hawaii

    Also one in Arkansas. So it’s not JUST IN.

    Like

  64. 64
    DragonTears

    LOL Why would you even question her being into Fruit Bats… I mean honestly that seems tame compared to where she could be.

    Also the cats are brilliant ninjas, unless the other cats realize it’s a mask … then they just look like silly fruit bat cats.

    Like

  65. I’m not going to tell you to tell Victor that Kokomo is real. You know what to do.

    I will tell you that if you add 15 times 4 to 4, you’ll get my age. But not until Wednesday. Unless there really isn’t any 4, in which case I don’t exist. (WTF? There’s MATH?)

    I have 2 copies of your book and “friends” have both of them! They’ll probably be participating in your Book Club.

    Like

    Jami recently posted Going for a record.

  66. 66
    shereekachu

    Nathan Fillion pwns #4

    Like

  67. For what it’s worth, in addition to Kokomo, IN, there is also a resort in Jamaica that is now called Sandals Cay that used to be called Kokomo Island, as an homage to the Beach Boys song. Which would be an EXCELLENT place to hold a blogging conference. But not if you actually wanted people to attend the speakers at the conference. Which may have worked out in a twisted way. You get to be a key note speaker and not have to worry about being infront of a crowd of people because they are all drinking mai tais and scoring weed from the locals.

    Like

    Erin recently posted Vloggy Vlog.

  68. In addition to Kokomo, Indiana there is also a Kokomo in Arkansas, Mississippi and Hawaii. Fun fact of the day.

    Bonus fun fact: All but 2 states have a town or city named Farmington.

    Like

    Melissa B recently posted Domestically Challenged.

  69. Poor cat. Poor, poor cat.

    Like

  70. I’m fascinated by how many people know that there’s a Kokomo, Indiana. My mom lived there once, I think. Before I was born (apparently it seems I should be very thankful for this). When she was stationed at the nearby Air Force Base? Something like that. Hard to remember things before you were born. It’s funny though, she never said a word about the strip clubs…..

    Like

  71. I can’t even post anything that makes sense right now because that picture has me laughing hysterically. Oh my god.

    I wonder if I can try that with my cats. Wonder what they’d do. To me. heh.

    Will be present tonight. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. And you.

    Like

  72. All of the funny comments have been made and I have nothing to add.

    Except that I will be talking about your book with you. So there. You won’t be alone. And you know where to find me – or I like to think I’m cool enough that you could consider finding me if I show up late or whatever. So you know you’re not alone. As if. Whatever I am saying means nothing. I am trying to ensure my child doesn’t stab herself while peeling a cucumber. So there.

    Like

    Andrea recently posted Arranged ~ Book Review.

  73. Dangit…I teach a class until 7:45 tonight. I hope the slushies are still on when I get home!

    This morning the local “hard rock” radio station here talked about a strip club in Duluth (MN) with a display of stuffed chipmunks (or possibly squirrel) in various bar scenes including a poker game, sitting at the bar, and some sort of bar brawl.

    I’m sure it was the taxedermied rodents that made me thinik of you, not that the rodents are posed in mini-bar scenes in a strip club…

    Like

    Jess recently posted Flash Fiction: The Seven Deadlies - Envy.

  74. Ha, sleep masks for cats. They’re such primadonnas.

    Like

    Mayor Gia recently posted The Futon of Death May Literally Be Trying to Kill Me.

  75. I was going to say something about Indiana. But that’s been covered.
    So…this is not a real comment.

    Like

  76. You should sell fruit bat headbands/sleeping masks for cats in your store. I think there’s a silent demand for them. Silent because it’s the cats demanding them, but they have serious communication issues.

    Like

    Jo and the Novelist recently posted It Must Have Been [Feelings of Crapulance] But It’s Over Now….

  77. I just want to say, just like so many other assholes before me, that Kokomo is a real place, in Indiana, and apparently a bunch of other places. Now read my blog, because only a hundred or so of you read it yesterday from here. GO. NOW!

    Like

    Birdman recently posted I Can Be An Asshole.

  78. Good thing it’s not a real post because this isn’t a real comment.

    AA might not be able to tell you what’s on the camera. There might be a super-secret conspiracy involved in taking YOUR laptop. If they talk about it their cover is blown and they’ll have to answer to Big Scary People who might do Mean Things to them. Keeping silent about your laptop is the only thing keeping them safe.

    Like

    Cibatarian recently posted And the verdict is.....

  79. I want to know why we can’t have a meeting to just talk about ponies and how to make booze slushies in ADDITION to the book club. Also, I say take their damn vouchers…. it’s hell to get an airline to give you extra peanuts these days… take whatever they’ll give you.

    Like

  80. I know I love you, but The Prisoner reference? You just take my love to a whole other level of nerdvana. *contently sighs*

    Like

    Tara Robinson recently posted Royal Weddings Need More Meth....

  81. It’s kind of a hard toss up deciding whether to wish that it’s Kokomo, Indiana or Kosovo.:/

    I’m geeked on the book chat, though!🙂

    Like

  82. I so feel for you on the laptop. Last year I was excessively stupid and left my laptop bag in my unlocked van one night. Next morning – gone. Bag gone along with my laptop, fucking external hard drive backup, Kindle, portable projector, and my favorite fountain pen. That was a hard stupid tax to pay. I now online auto back up.

    Like

  83. My niece was into fruit bats but not just any fruit bats. They had to be _Mongolian_ fruit bats. She wanted to be a MONGOLIAN fruit bat for Halloween one year, not a fruit bat. Her mom made her a fruit bat costume and took her to Mongolian BBQ for dinner. Done.

    Like

    condoblues recently posted LOLCat Drop Cloth Grill Cover.

  84. I broke two laptops and an iPad in one month. One lost to a glass of $2.99 wine, one lost to my two-year-old and one lost to a game of Words with Friends while in the bathroom.

    Like

    ilikebeerandbabies recently posted The Confessional.

  85. I’ve been to Kosova, so if you want a travel buddy, just let me know.

    Be warned, though, they’ll put a fried egg on your pizza.

    Like

    Suniverse recently posted And this is why Tim Horton's is better than your local bakery.

  86. If I had that mask on the back of my head, NO ONE would come into my cubicle. Because honestly, the handgun sitting on my quarterly sales report isn’t working.

    Like

    Julie the Wife recently posted Mounting My Box.

  87. Clearly Haley was handed down the awesome gene. You should totally market the “Do it yourself, fruit bat cat hat making kit” For every one sold, one gets given to shelter cats…cause those guys like to dress up too…probably.

    Like

  88. Okay, I am new here, but…

    You have a cat named Ferris Mewler?! That’s just too cool!

    Like

    Charleen recently posted Music Monday: Verdi's Requiem.

  89. You had me at booze slushies….although I did actually read your book and LOVED IT!!

    You really need to have your daughter start selling those kitty sleeping masks on Etsy or some handmade place – I’m telling you they would sell out like hot cakes!

    Like

    Melissa Kauffold recently posted Talk Around the Kitchen Table.

  90. 90
    aliasmisskat

    Okay, I’m going to stand up for Kokomo. IT’S A REAL FUCKING PLACE. It just doesn’t exist in the Florida Keys. It’s in Indiana. In the middle of a fucking cornfield.

    Kokomo is home to the first test drive of an automobile, the first WOMAN to drive an automobile, the invention of Stellite and stainless steel, a huge stuffed bull and a big ol’ sycamore trunk, and way too many fucking stoplights. And me. A very real person. I fucking promise. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kokomo,_Indiana

    Like

  91. I love you and Ferris.

    Like

    Maggi recently posted Let’s put an end to unlicensed puppy mills today!.

  92. Question is….if you HAD to choose….which place would you rather travel to? Kokomo or Kosovo?

    Y’know, on the off off off chance that there is a blog conference in both.

    Like

  93. Fruit bats are my favorite animal on the face of the planet. No lie! She has good taste.

    Like

    Rebecca recently posted what my dreams are telling me.

  94. This site has totally jumped the shark with all the The Dark Knight Rises movie tie ins. Way to sell out Jenny.

    Like

  95. Re/ the fruit bat thing – at least you know it’s not because she was reading Christopher Moore’s Island of the Sequined Love Nun, yet. Roberto the talking fruit bat is a character in there.

    Like

  96. Jesus, for a minute I thought Hailey was already wearing dead animals to be just like her mom. And while they look fabulous on you, I think seeing a young one with a dead bat on her head might push some people over the line. I’d hate for someone to call CPS on you.

    Like

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Marital rating scale for wives.

  97. I am glad you got another laptop, even though you lost all your stuff on the old one. I wanted so badly to be a part of the book club but my library only had two copies of your book. One copy is checked out, and the other one is “in transit” between local library branches. I can’t get the available copy that is in transit because it already has a hold on it. So I may just stop by and check out the comments. I hate missing the discussions!

    Like

  98. re: Kokomo
    there’s one in Indiana (which when I was a kid was what I thought the Beach Boys were singing about)

    http://www.cityofkokomo.org/

    so are you going there? or Kosovo (in Europe)?

    Like

  99. That batcat is creepy as hell.

    Like

    Jaime recently posted Homemade Friday: Bacon Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies.

  100. I nearly wee’d myself in excitement. I live less than an hour away from Kokomo, IN. Faaaaaiiiiiiillll!

    Like

  101. In my house, my husband Danny would insist on saying “So that means I was right and you were wrong…” and frankly, I would do the same thing. Victor didn’t say ANYTHING like that about putting your laptop in your SUItCASE? Give it up for VICTOR- he’s a keeper. Jenny, you owe him big time! wink wink. love, Laurie F.

    Like

    Laurie F. recently posted Carry OnTuesday: Is there anybody there?.

  102. I’m not saying it wasn’t American Airlines, but…maybe it was a TSA employee:
    http://www.star-telegram.com/2012/06/18/4041709/ex-tsa-inspector-at-dfw-airport.html

    And, there appears to be a Kokomo Winery in California. Sounds more up your alley than a small town in Indiana.

    Like

  103. Can Hailey make one for my cats? I’m sure they would appreciate a fruit bat sleep mask!

    Like

    Jaime recently posted just so tired.

  104. The Ryan White Made for T.V. Movie was a staple of my childhood. Every year my parents would send us to Tennessee to spend two weeks with my grandparents who, in preparation for our visit, would tape made for t.v. movies so we wouldn’t get bored. (Thanks, Grandma.) Other classics of my youth include Dance Until Dawn (where I learned the color “puce”) and the Jessica McClure story. So, um, yeah – no new or helpful information here – Kokomo totally exists, and it really started the whole “AIDS-Made-For-TV-Movie” genre. I’m pretty sure.

    Like

    Kelly@Sublurban Mama recently posted Stalkers Make Great Friends Because They're Both Loyal and Committed.

  105. There’s a Kokomo Indiana, a Kokomo, Arkansas, and Kokomo, Hawaii. If I were you, I’d go for Hawaii.

    Like

  106. 106
    northerngirl

    either way you need to talk about booze slushees

    Like

  107. You really shouldn’t allow fruit bats on your furniture.

    Like

  108. 109
    Minnesota Red

    I dunno, this reads like a real post…I love when you mess with our minds. Which is every damn day.

    Like

  109. You should sell those hats hailey makes. I’d buy one for each of my dogs… which is actually two. So I’d buy two.

    Like

    Keaven Neely recently posted A warning.

  110. I think I love your daughter as much as you. True story.

    Like

    Becky recently posted Almonds.

  111. The book club will be a huge success, just like everything else you do.

    Like

  112. Ferris Mewler should start his own fashion blog… I’m sure it would trend worldwide!

    Like

    Nat recently posted Sodding Sorting Hat!.

  113. 114
    Minnesota Red

    And by the way, I live in DULUTH, MINNESOTA, home of the dried animal strip club, but I don’t go there because I don’t want my shoes to stick to the floor. If you know what I’m getting at. Ew.

    Like

  114. I’m from Kokomo,IN too. I guess you can go check out the big ass tree stump & record setting large steer that was taxidermied…..otherwise it’s factories and a really good pretzel shop.

    Like

  115. Coming from a town near Kokomo, IN, one question will not leave me alone… Why would a town with a large Amish/Mennonite community host a conference about blogs?!?
    And I wish my cat would wear a bat sleep mask. It’d be cute.

    Like

  116. There has to be some kind of button where we can like comments

    Like

  117. Reason #63 why I am so glad I found The Bloggess: a post titled “This is not a real post” can generate 96 comments and counting. You are rad! And inspiring for this bloggy-newbie!

    Like

    Melisa @ Just Begin From Here recently posted have kid, will travel: resort edition..

  118. The cay Kokomo is now called Sandals Cay. Sandals resorts bought it and changed it’s name.

    Like

  119. Also just fyi- ryan white did not attend classes at kokomo high school. He went to a county school & they are the ones who kicked him out. Kokomo, in this, was not involved. We kust happenef to be the closest biggest town in 30 miles.

    Like

  120. There IS no spoon.

    Like

  121. If that cat pees on your bed( and he will ) don’t come crying to us.

    Like

  122. I thought Kokomo was in Michigan…

    Like

  123. I love that your daughter is now obsessed with fruit bats. They’re awesome (the original flying monkeys, if you will)!

    You should totally show her this baby fruit bat rehab video: http://vimeo.com/19162402.

    Like

  124. Hi Jenny, Do I need to have a web cam to do the book club thing? How does it work? I LOVE you book girl. YOu are so funny and it makes me so happy to read something so hilarious and also truthful. Thanks for lightening things up! – Katie

    Like

  125. I’m on Vicodin right now because I had surgery last week and that picture of Ferris Mewler in the fruit bat mask literally made my heart stop. MADE MY HEART STOP. That photo should really have a warning before it, like a ‘here’s a disturbingly scary as shit mask on my cat that Hailey made that will make your heart stop if you had your tonsils out a week ago.’

    Also, damn bad Grammar making it sound like Hailey made the cat and not the mask. You know what I mean.

    Like

  126. ::clutches pearls:: How DARE you put a mask on Ferris Mewler, cat with the best name ever! Oh the horror!

    Also I’m totally okay talking about ponies and boozey slushies. The best boozey slushie? Swedish Fish Rita’s Water Ice and Pinnacle Whipped Cream Vodka. You’re welcome in advance.

    Like

    Posy Palette recently posted To Naked, or not to Naked?.

  127. I’m pretty sure that Ferris was just huffing marker fumes and has passed out.

    Like

  128. 130
    Pretending to be Sane Lawyer

    Wait…so do the cats push their heads inside the headband and then go to sleep? Because that would be awesome.

    I’m guessing that the headband is thoughtfully placed onto already sleeping cats….

    Either way, that picture of Ferris is the best part of my day by far.

    Like

  129. The point of Kokomo isn’t that it does or doesn’t exist…its a state of mind. As proven in the lyrics below:

    Everybody knows
    A little place like Kokomo
    Now if you wanna go
    And get away from it all
    Go down to Kokomo

    Everybody knows Victor….EVERYBODY!!

    Like

    Kelly recently posted My Dad is Better Than Your Dad.

  130. Wait, Kokomo isn’t a real island? Ummm…

    Also, can we talk about your book AND how to make booze slushees?

    Like

    Lacey recently posted Oh, I’d Smash Her Good!.

  131. KITTY MASK!

    *dies of cute*

    Like

    jesspants recently posted Seriously, watch your back- he’s sneaky!.

  132. The idea that you’re book club could fail is laughable. But if the alternative is ponies and booze slushees, then it’s a win-win.

    Yesterday, my best girlfriend at work had a pretty horrible day, so we ended it with me going into her office and reading two chapters from your book. Those laughs were better (and cheaper) than therapy.

    See you at 7.

    Like

    Jen recently posted College parties ain’t what they used to be.

  133. OMG! I almost just peed myself with the fruit bat mask on the cat!!!! There just are no words…

    Like

    Stacy recently posted "Look who's playing Magic mama... its the devil".

  134. Um, your, not you’re.

    Of all places to make that typo (along with others). Obviously, I need to make proofreading more a priority.

    Like

    Jen recently posted College parties ain’t what they used to be.

  135. I’m so glad that a bunch of people replied saying that Kokomo is a real place because I thought it was too and then I realized I was probably wrong because I never get the blue pie either. (That’s geography, right? We only have the SNL Edition of Trivial Pursuit and their pies have nothing to do with smart stuff like science and geography and history. Well, unless the history of SNL counts.)

    Like

    April recently posted Dancing Queen.

  136. 138
    Pat Calchera

    My cat Peaches would have not only torn that fruit bat mask off, but clawed every human within 100 ft. of said mask. Peaches is old, cranky and not a mask wearer. That being said, your cat looks lovely in his fruit bat mask…maybe he really is a superhero cat. Fruit Bat Cat!

    Like

  137. TSA stole my benzos out of my suitcase. As in, my legally prescribed, strictly controlled, schedule 1 meds that you don’t get replaced!! Shame on me for displacing them out of my carry-on to make room for, yanno, shit for my kids to play with on the plane? I called the sheriff, they told me to report it to TSA. TSA told me to report it to the sheriff. No police report = no replacement. Immediate withdrawal is FUN! Thanks for a hellish month, you asshats!

    Down here, they go hardcore stealing shit from the tourists in Orlando (MCO), especially the international ones. One asshole baggage handler was stealing iPads, taking pictures of them with his phone, stuffing them in his pants, selling them on eBay on a one day auction or BIN for ridic low prices, then swinging by the post office after his shift to ship his pilfered stuff. TSA sucks; never fly through ANY airport in Florida with any type of valuables in your checked bags. They’ll conveniently leave a note in your bag that your bag has been searched if the x-ray reveals anything of any possible interest. Next time I fly, I’m taking some old empty bottles of Percocet and loading them up with Tylenol as an experiment. Bastards.

    Like

    Puckleberry recently posted Puck's been up to stuff!.

  138. I hear fruit bats are all the rage right now, so just consider Hailey ‘fashion forward.’ As for Kosovo, I just read that it ‘is the newest nation of the 21st century, still struggling to be recognized in the world’s complex political and economic structure.’ I think a visit by The Bloggess would help give them the credibility they need. Onward ho!

    Like

    Janene recently posted Summer stress.

  139. 141
    Kathryn Franks @Thrushiebaby

    This post could be the BIGGEST earworm EVAH!!!!!!
    Love to prove my husband wrong, I just wish I had an army of people to help me!
    Kathryn

    Like

  140. Yes, people have already told you there is a Kokomo, Indiana and it’s true! I’ve driven through it dozens of times, in five minutes or less. And if you come to Kokomo to, say, discuss your book and blog, I would happily show up! Mostly, because I wouldn’t want you to be alone. I don’t think Kokomo has the internet yet… but I’m sure we could meet friendly street people who are learning to read. It would be community service!

    Poor putty tat, getting paparazzi-ed in his own house…

    Like

    Jen recently posted Wicked Hot.

  141. 143
    Jennifer Becker

    This from the internets (Victor should do his research if he wants that next blue pie piece!), “The place referred to as “Kokomo” in the song is fictional. Although Kokomo, Indiana, Kokomo, Arkansas, Kokomo, Hawaii and several other Kokomos do exist, the song refers to a place “off the Florida Keys.”[2] The name was later used by resorts in Sandals Cay, Jamaica, and Grassy Key, Florida. The song also mentions many places in or near the Caribbean: in order of their appearance in the song, Aruba, Jamaica, Bermuda, Bahama(s), Key Largo, Montego, Martinique, Montserrat, Mustique and Port-au-Prince.” – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kokomo_(song)

    -Much love

    Like

  142. LOVE the fruit bat mask. My cats would never think to wear it to sleep in, or wear it at all. And I just got your book from the library and I’m sure I woke the neighbors since my windows were open and there windows were open and I kept bursting out in OMG laughter and having to use my inhalor. It is one of the best books that I’ve ever read and I’m torn between trying to really savor it and finding out whathappensnextreally fast. And when I say best books ever, that’s really saying a lot because I am 55 and I’ve read a shitload of books.

    Like

  143. Oh My Gosh!! I ADORE you! You have made me laugh harder, longer, and more often than anyone or anythign has for a long time. Thank you for being a major highlight of my day! Never stop sharing your hilarious perspective on yoru amazing life!!

    Like

    Heather recently posted Blessings Abound.

  144. Ferris Mewler? I MUST steal that name for the kitten we may never get. If we ever get him.

    Like

  145. I just want to let you know that you are not responsible for other people’s criminal behavior. Victim blaming hurts a lot of people, and you are hurting yourself with it. You did not steal a laptop. You are not stupid and it isn’t your fault. Realize that some bastard stole your laptop and American Airlines is covering for him and IT IS NOT YOUR GODDAMN FAULT.

    xo

    Like

  146. Kokomo is a real place! My family lived in Kokomo, Indiana for about 8 years when I was a little kid. IT IS A REAL PLACE!!

    Like

  147. I’d be a little concerned that the “airborne syphilis” stickers would get me a nice sitdown with the authorities.

    I haven’t flown in…years. I didn’t check bags that time, just had a big purse and a backpack. This was pre-patdown era.

    I hope American Airlines gets their shit together.

    Like

    Jen recently posted Elka's first hole!.

  148. I don’t have children but think any child who could be into fruit bats is a child I actually wouldn’t mind sitting next to on a plane. That would be some fascinating conversation.

    Like

    Julie recently posted So How’s That Nose Piercing? 2 Month Report.

  149. =) Love that photo!! =) Have a good day! Jess

    Like

    Jessica recently posted write about anything or everything.

  150. He looks like an asian acrobat in circ du soliel. I’m not sure if they were actually asian. Their faces and masks were painted like geishas. Anyways you might want to keep an eye on him for signs of wanting to join the circus.

    Like

    lucky ocotillo recently posted Apparently I Should Listen to Disney More Often.

  151. Hold out for Kokomo. And if you are actually going to Kosovo, let me know – I have a friend who spent some time there and you might want to find out what you are in for……

    Like

    Judy Hettena Wright recently posted Attracting Strays.

  152. Awwww dammit! Come to Indiana, you have a small cult following here. (not the scary stalkery kind–the kind that we want to give you booze & unicorns & hide in the bathroom with you cult. Because that’s how we (me & my kids) roll.
    My heart skipped a beat when you said Kokomo, it’s less than an hour through the (children of the) cornfields from us.
    And, I’ve been to the ‘classy’ strip club there. People come from all over to this boobie mecca of strippers.
    Besides, nothing exciting happens here, well except that football thing this spring. That was just a fluke though.

    Like

  153. Holy shit! Totally did not see a #4 and didn’t believe Diana’s #3 comment. Had to go back… AND THERE IT WAS! You friggin blow my mind every time, Jenny. BTW…. Fierce kitty.

    Like

    Lillian recently posted July 23rd ~ LOVE.

  154. Thanks a lot, Victor.

    I don’t know what planet Victor lives on, but the Beach Boys, Tom Cruise and I all know where Kokomo is.

    Like

    Rhana @ Dumb {Squared} recently posted Sometimes I should just stay at home and stop trying.

  155. Dude I was totally born in Kokomo. Does that mean I’m fictional or that Victor is wrong? I’m gonna say Victor is wrong bc I’m totally team Jenny here but between you and me…being fictional does explain alot about my life.

    Like

  156. Ferris is my cats idol. Tell Hailey we want to buy a fruit bat headband for him.

    Like

  157. i don’t know anything, really, about indiana or fruit bats but i do know that i am bouncing on my seat waiting for my stickers to show up so i can stick them on everything and maybe everyone in my house…except the lizard because she’s pretty corkin slow up top and would prolly eat it and have troubles which would then become my troubles….

    Like

  158. and the fruit bat sales will go into Hailey’s college fund, wont they Jenny, Jenny?

    Like

    Tom Stronach recently posted Is it me?: The Shame of the Irish Catholic Church.

  159. Wait, I want to know how to make booze slushies!

    Like

  160. I am very relieved to see other commenter’s confirm there is a real Kokomo. I was worried I took a wrong turn into a parallel universe after lunch. WHEW

    Ferris pulls off the fruit bat look nicely. You should submit it to the Bad Cat Calendar people.

    Like

    Bridget McArthur recently posted Never Seconds Update.

  161. DO. NOT. GO. TO. KOKOMO. INDIANA.

    Like

  162. “fruit bat headband” = fucking amazing. Then again, it means you have your face, and the face of what appears to be a very happy or very ferocious fruit bat on your head, which begs the question: WHERE ARE THE FUCKING WINGS TO THIS MOFO? Have you seen the wings on those things? They’re like, the size of pizza pans! Rediculous!

    -The nde

    Like

  163. I think Victor ruined many people’s lives today. I preferred to live in a world where there really was “a place like Kokomo” because that is where I wanted to go “to get away from it all.” Now all I have is the reality that it is just an island made up in a song written by all the uncool Beach Boys. Tell Victor he owe’s everyone a booze slushy.

    Like

  164. 166
    Debs (Findawe)

    I need one of those fruit bat masks. And a cat.

    Sadly hubby has convinced me that deliberately staying up till silly-o-clock in the morning when I have a very busy week at work, two plays to do and an Open University degree to study for is not condusive to good mental health, so I don’t think I’ll be able to make the book club until later in the week. Damn you time zones! But i’ll totally come on thursday – who does any work on a friday anyway?

    Like

  165. AWESOME MASK.

    I am busy Tuesday nights, it’s a shame :< (this is my innocuous yet very angry face)

    In case you weren't aware of it, you've gotten a review in the summer edition of Bitch magazine for your book (it's not an insult, it's actually an excellent pop-culture feminist magazine). I can send you some pictures if you want!

    Like

  166. My Melvinator loves bats and has for years. She wore the same bat costume for 3 years in a row (toddler – preschool) – I had to deconstruct the original and rebuild if for the last wearing. She also had a bats decorated bedroom in 2 houses. At a favorite thrift where most kids hold dolls or trucks up to their mom – my daughter found a nearly 2 foot across hard plastic bat. He has been suspended from her bedroom ceiling in all 3 houses we’ve lived in with her.

    Like

    Kara recently posted Countdown to New Shoes Album Day 2, Track 14.

  167. I predict that Victor won’t let you go to Kosovo, either. Not that he can tell you what to do.

    Like

    Mary recently posted Seven Daughters Rich Red Blend.

  168. Tell Victor there sure is a Kokomo! (Kokomo Indiana)

    Like

  169. I’m not going to weigh in on the Kokomo controversy, it seems Victor’s managed to get them waving the pitchforks again, and quite frankly I don’t participate in anything that involves weighing.
    I’m crazy excited about the book club, however I just realized (like as I’m typing this) that I’ll be playing girlie poker this evening. Worst memory ever. That bat mask rocks!

    Like

    neeroc recently posted Father’s Day.

  170. Your cat is named Ferris Mewler? When you’re looking for him do you do it in a Ben Stein voice? “Mewler? Mewler?”

    Like

    Heretic Husband recently posted Guest Post: Wrestling With Faith.

  171. Kokomo Island is totally a real place — the Sandals people just renamed it when they bought it and built one of their gi-normous resorts there. Victor owes you a blue Trivial Pursuit pie piece and also an all-expense paid luxury week at Sandals. Also, you should automatically win whatever the next argument is because Victor is not thinking clearly: why would the Beach Boys sing about a dozen Carribean places that are real in the song and just throw in one fake one?

    Like

  172. Love that fruit bat headband!!

    As for us, our cat wears a tie. In fact, that’s the link below if you want to see him in it.

    Like

    Wendy recently posted Buster's Tie.

  173. You shoulda titled this post “ce c’est ne pas une post”, like the Magritte painting of the pipe.

    Like

  174. Go to Kokomo! Evidence suggests that Muppets will be there:

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y3ii-Df1Hs8

    Like

    Jillian recently posted Dear Danuel's iPad, and also our apartment building's ancient elevator:.

  175. Don’t go to Kokomo in Indiana. It’s about an hour away from Indianapolis. Famous for strip clubs, sluts and a strange ringing sound only certain residents can hear. You’ve been warned.

    Like

  176. So, Victor doesn’t get the blue pie, either, does he? Kokomo is in Indiana. Boring place, really. But it’s there.

    Like

  177. I think Victor should go with you to Kosovo, you know, just so he can get a good feeling for what we’re all really like. I’m sure your European fans are just as crazy as your American fans.

    On another note, I love cats, I really do. But I am not a fan of the grey tabby cats. This is thanks to the little pain in ass who adopted my husband. Scratch is his name and he’s a right bastard most of the time. He’s socially retarded and has problems with inappropriate masturbation. The Prozac helps, but he’s still a pain.

    That being said, Ferris Mewler looks fantastic.

    Like

    Kelly and Geoff recently posted Following up on Replacements.com and North Carolina Hate.

  178. That cat mask is amazing. I would totally buy one for my sister’s cat. Because I don’t have a cat and no way would my dog let me put it on her.

    Like

    Lisa @ Floating Along... recently posted Meg & Barrett's Wedding.

  179. Our local grocery store has wine slushies in the freezer case end cap display. I think of you everytime I see them.

    Like

  180. Kokomo is a real island owned by Royal Caribbean (although in all fairness it is now named Sandals Cay.) It is right off Jamaica. It is only 2.5 acres so it isn’t anything big BUT it does exist. Being a Florida girl I have to know my islands! The song is about a a place in the keys called Islamorada. You should give a speech there because there is hardly anyone there so YEHAW no panic attacks!!

    Like

  181. Lady, you crack me up. I never get the blue pie either. Beach Boys are tricky.

    Good luck on your laptop… we had a similar incident last year and have heard radio silence. Even though I understand that you didn’t want to accept vouchers, that might be all you ever get from those bastards at AA.

    And kudos to your cat for being a good sport and wearing the Fruit Bat hat! I trust no one was injured. Great blog, as usual.

    Like

    Lady J recently posted 50 Shades of Grey... Why None of My Friends Are Picking Up The Phone Part 1.

  182. Hey, fruit bat masks = college fund. Just saying.

    I love your commenters. Your followers are awesome.

    This was a good unpost.

    Like

  183. #2 had me thinking you were coming to Indiana… incidentally I grew up very confused about the Beach Boys song because he was talking about all these tropical islands, and wanted to take her to… Indiana… major letdown!

    Like

  184. Screw the cats, I want that as a sleep mask. Totally able to terrify the dog with a mask like that! And it would keep paws out of my face as my alarm.

    Like

    Tina recently posted The Happiest Place on Earth....

  185. We are at the beach on vacation and I TOTALLY forgot to bring my book for the book club meeting, which I am going to try to make tonight. On the other hand, I’ve read it twice already, so maybe I’m prepared? If not, I can just have a daquieri and make a fool of myself. (And no, I do not know how to spell daquieri, but that’s how I think it should be spelled.

    Also, my 12 pound cat would love the mask. I think you and Hailey need to do a joint venture on Zazzle.

    Like

    Chelle recently posted Blogging Angst.

  186. This is not a real comment either…..

    Like

    Bill Dorman recently posted Back away from yourself, you’ve crossed the line.

  187. My friend ate fruit bat curry in the Seychelles. Then she remembered the cute furry face of the fruit bat she saw hanging in the tree the day before. Too late. Obviously. Just fyi.

    Like

  188. Um… the Kosovo in Europe? The wartorn one which Brits are advised to “avoid all but essential travel” to…? Er… maybe decline…? Maybe…?

    Love the mask, though! My cats would maul me if I tried to so much as suggest they put that on.

    Like

    Sarah Rooftops recently posted Making Plans With Someone I Hadn't Seen in a While.

  189. The entirety of my knowledge about Kosovo comes from this video:

    Looks like a great time!

    Like

  190. My daughter, too, is into fruit bats. She is seven. Isn’t your daughter around that same age? I blame the schools. WTF are they telling our children that would come home interested in such an arbitrivial creature? And drawing it and writing stories about it and looking up facts about it — that’s just WEIRD. Fucking fruit bats, indeed.

    Like

    Andi-Roo recently posted Kings Island — A Smoking Good Time.

  191. The wine is chilling for tonight!

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted Expiated Guilt.

  192. Airplane people = bad.
    That fruit bat headband/cat mask? = AWESOME.

    Like

  193. Huh, and I thought my 4 year old was the only kid obsessed with fruit bats. Just wait until she moves on to vampire bats-that’s when the fun really starts.

    Like

  194. I live in Kokomo, IN, and everybody’s bashing it; I should be offended. 😉 Actually, I thought “Really, we’re having a blog conference here?” Woulda suprised the heck out of me!

    Like

    Laura recently posted This is not a real post.

  195. Apparently I need to provide some perspective on Indiana. The people are friendly, hospitable and cook some crazy deliciousness. Yes, there are small minds and big minds here. I’m from the Bay Area and I’ve encountered the same distribution of small and big minds there. Here’s the thing about Indiana (and from my drives through big ol’ Texas, I’ve found the same), people you don’t even know will wave “hi” when you drive past, if you’re lost you can generally stop to ask for directions and not fear for your safety, many Hoosiers have a HUGE fondness for taxidermy, but with the exception of sunglasses and a cool hat or lei, I’ve rarely seen them dressed so splendidly as your quiet pals.
    I don’t know so much about Kokomo, but Columbus, Indiana is fantastic. We enjoy our adult beverages, the local massage parlor just got busted and closed for including happy endings on their menu, and as far as I know, there are no strip clubs.
    There is, however, a great local bookstore, “Viewpoint Books,” and most importantly, a pawn shop not far from there with the most wondrous find; a stuffed Grizzly bear attacking an elk. Truthfully, I don’t really know the specific type of bear or deer-ish animals that are taxidermically captured in a death-match. In fact, I question whether these two particular animals exist on the same continent, much less in the same geographic region. But, as soon as I saw it, I thought of you. It would be quite a challenge (nudge, nudge) to name and dress such a magnificent depiction of life in the wild.
    Columbus, Indiana would welcome a visit from you. If you choose Kokomo, Indiana over Kosovo the country, I would happily travel to the happy-ending hamlet that Kokomo is alleged to be, simply to have you sign my book (that I checked out from the library).
    ~Peace. And vodka.

    Like

  196. 198
    Jackobanzi

    Is it me, or is Ferris Mewler lying on keys to the Fruit BatMobile?!

    Like

  197. My cat has a pirate hat and fairy wings. He is not pleased.

    Like

    cassie recently posted egads! what fresh horror is this?.

  198. There’s a Kokomo, Mississippi too. I know this because one of my neighbors has a farm there. I thought I misunderstood her the first time she told me where the farm was. >> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kokomo,_Mississippi

    Like

  199. The evidence seems clear that you need to add Kokomo, IN to your encore book tour. How could you not?

    Like

    Mom in Two Cultures recently posted Hand Foot Mouth Elbow Knee Tummy Butt Disease.

  200. So what you’re saying is, Ferris Mewler’s now batting for the other team?

    Like

    alonewithcats recently posted In the spur of the moment, I discovered doggy style isn’t my style. Because I’m a cat person. And other reasons..

  201. 203
    ellemichelle

    since you’ve been travelling so much lately, you probably haven’t had time to catch the newest reality show on travel channel called baggage battles, where they auction off unclaimed (found/stolen) items. as you can see, there’s no real incentive for them to return your shit to you. if they can put their hand on your laptop, it will go in a box & be autioned off for hundreds or thousands of dollars, not to mention what they tv show will pay them.

    http://www.travelchannel.com/tv-shows/baggage-battles

    Like

  202. Your kid is fucking awesome.

    Like

  203. 205
    Sweet Caroline

    If you come to Kokomo, I will arrange a pre-twilight raid on the blog conference with a bunch of ninja readers and we’ll spirit you away to Indianapolis where I can promise you will be surrounded by lots of good things to eat (that aren’t corn) and a bunch of fun people who want to hear you talk. About anything.

    And then we can pretend it never happened.

    Like

  204. Man I was really excited when I first read you were coming to Kokomo. I was thinking Kokomo, IN….which is not that far away…and where all my family lives😦

    Like

  205. I die a little every time I look at those stickers. I want some, but I’d be fired if I put them on my stuff.

    And yeah, I thought Kokomo, IN, too.

    Looking forward to tonight’s discussion. Wait, I have to read FOUR CHAPTERS for tomorrow? (stoopid day job)

    Like

    leslie recently posted SOS Challenge 56 - Stickers.

  206. 1. I’m disappointed Kokomo isn’t a real place (I know the song. I just assumed I’d go there one day).

    2. Sell fruit-bat-cat sleeping masks. Please.

    Like

  207. Ooh, do please come to kokomo, IN! Then there would finally be a tour stop close enough to where I live.

    Like

  208. When I was little, I dressed my cats up in Cabbage Patch clothes. They didn’t tolerate it nearly as well as Ferris Mewler does the mask.

    Like

    Addie recently posted health: my simple ass method to get some willpower, already..

  209. 211
    Kwirky Kirsten

    you totally need to make a parody post/Youtube video about United and the computer! They are douche nuggets and obviously didn’t learn their lesson about how to treat customers from this band that had to write a parody song about their craptacular customer service skills! They totally threw this guy’s $3500 guitar all over the place and broke it, then blew him off; sound familiar?

    Like

  210. Jenny, I’m spending the summer in Dallas, and the other day on my way to work I walked by a dried out dead squirrel. I was gonna take a picture of it on my way back for you of course, but when I came back, it was gone!!

    Beware. Someone in Texas is trying to rival your taxidermy collection.

    Like

    Rayna recently posted and then I walked around high off the caffeine fumes.

  211. I think the whole chat thing is totally out of control but totally awesome. I have laughed at so many things your fans have written. And to think it all started with a blog. You rock sista!

    Like

    boo reynolds recently posted Creative Food Creative Brain Creative Work.

  212. 214
    Cassandra

    Confidential to Victor:

    (although the part isn’t isn’t confidential, just the part…you’ll understand)

    I’m from Indiana.

    (next part)
    There is a real Kokomo. It’s a town in Indiana. When I used to hear that song on the radio, I was always like “um, it’s not that cool”, because I thought they were talking about Kokomo, Indiana, not Kokomo the fake island. Which is kinda like Santa Claus. I think.

    (not confidential)
    Life is very confusing. /nod

    Like

  213. Do NOT go to Kokomo, Indiana. Just don’t.

    Like

  214. At first I was like Kokomo Indiana!?!?!?!!?! *squee* then you crushed my dreams, dream crusher.

    Like

  215. I totally thought Kokomo was real. Way to shatter my world, Victor.

    Like

    Emily recently posted Whirlwind Weekend.

  216. http://www.cityofkokomo.org/

    I went to kindergaten there and then we moved.
    🙂

    Like

  217. I’m waiting for the headlines from whatever the hell newspaper they have in northern Indiana to announce that the cityofkokomo.org website crashed today due to the enormous amount of traffic.

    Also, to the person who thought Kokomo was in Michigan, I think you’re thinking of Kalamazoo.
    LOVE the fruit bat mask for Ferris.

    Like

    Nikki Nicholas Mohamed recently posted NO I Don't Know Where the Promenade Deck Is.

  218. 220
    AnnaBanana

    My husband now thinks I’ve totally lost it. I’m still giggling over #5!

    Like

  219. Ha, there is a BIG difference between Kosovo and Kokomo. Personally, I prefer Kokomo.

    Like

    Stephenie Stone recently posted No Sleep Till Brooklyn!.

  220. FERRIS MEWLER IS A MOTHERFUCKING BAD ASS!! BURGLARS BEWARE!!! That is all.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    Like

    Valerie recently posted My Stange Fear.

  221. You could have been right about Kokomo. You could have been invited to Kokomo, Indiana. How do you like them apples, Victor? It is a real place. The Hoosier state would be happy to welcome you.

    Like

  222. kosovo? is that in RUSSIA? the mask looks good on the cat.

    Like

    monica recently posted Are you smarter than a raccoon?.

  223. Ferris Mewler now fights crime as “Fruit Bat Cat”. Mask design v0.1

    Like

    DragonDon recently posted What I do in Korea.

  224. I grew up near Kokomo, Mississippi and it is not very tropical either, unless the humidity and heat count then it totally is! No strip clubs or excitement like Kokomo, IN either. Really, based on the description in your book it would probably be more like Wall. And as far as a blog conference goes, most of them wouldn’t know what a blog was!

    Like

  225. OH EM GEE…
    If you didn’t have my heart already, this would’ve done it: “4. There is no number 4.”

    Bloggess, you are a bad@$$, and I love you for it.

    Like

  226. My cat Lily likes to sleep with her head buried in my purse. Maybe we should get her and Ferris Mewler together, they seem to have a lot in common.

    Like

    kianwi recently posted Crazy Poop Lady.

  227. Haley and my son would get along great. Today, he decided we’re making the cat his very own Nyan Cat costume: felt pop tart and a rainbow sock for the tail, since we haven’t seen the cat poop rainbows yet.

    Like

    Suzanne recently posted One thing off the To Do List.

  228. I’m sad I missed you in Chicago, I had to work.

    I was going to offer you a free ghost tour (where I work) if you came up to Milwaukee, but I’m lame and never got around to it.

    Like

    Lindseh recently posted Whew, deep breath..

  229. My friends tell me Kokomo is a real place, I say who cares ’cause the Beach Boy’s place will have more booze. Let’s go there.

    Like

  230. LOVE THE Fruitbat headband!!! Been laughing out loud! It’s like my house.

    Like

    Cyndi Thomson recently posted Growing Up.

  231. Oh CRAP! I was soooooo gonna get in on the book-chat-thingy-what-ch-it. Signed up and everything. I even studied the first 5 chapters. and I NEVER do that! Is there away to get an excuse absence? I swear, I will read all the notes and do my best to catch up.

    Damn it. Why did I have to go and have a kid 10 years ago today? What was I thinking?!?
    Oh ya. “Damn, that hurt. Holy shit! I’m Mom!”

    If it helps my case any, my now 10 year old loves the end pages of your book. She too thinks the animals are cute in their funny little poses.

    Like

    Tracey aka KidLit! recently posted Ah June... The Most Chaotic Month..

  232. Dearest bloggess,
    i found this for you.

    Like

  233. i quit

    Like

  234. 237
    Ashley Thomas

    My cat will bury her head under the pillow on the couch during naptime. That is a way of it telling you **don’t disturb please**, I guess.

    Like

    Ashley Thomas recently posted Kim Kardashian Ripped Dress.

  235. So. I seriously cannot do that math. I am in Queensland, Australia on the Gold Coast can you fucking tell me when I have to appear, after drinking wine spritzers all day to the book review? I love you and your stuffed animals any which way

    Like

    karen hughes recently posted 24.5 hours and counting.

  236. You had me at booze slushies!! I firmly believe Kokomo is the happy place you to go after having had a few rounds of said slushies. There’s just no arguing with that kind of logic.

    Like

  237. 240
    Queen of the Weezils

    Kokomo island may be fictional but Aruba, Jamaica, Bermuda, Bahamas, Key Largo, and Montego totally aren’t. You should go there.

    Like

  238. So before I got to the comments about Kokomo, IN…I was totally like, really? The Beach Boys made it up? Dang! So I guess I would fail with the blue pie piece too…..and this is why I have games like Harry Potter Scene It and Harry Potter Clue, and Ice Age dvd games instead!😉 Oh yeah…and the kids like them, too.😉

    Like

  239. Fruit bats look a lot like demon versions of Stitch (from Disney’s “Lilo & Stitch”).

    Like

  240. Bats can PURR, y’all. Think about it.

    Like

  241. You should totally market that evil fruit bat sleeping mask. It pretty much says “yeah, I’m sleeping, but you still don’t wanna fuck with me.”

    Like

    Ashley recently posted A modern day fairy tale....

  242. LOL!!! I would totally tell people that I was going to Kokomo just to see if they figure it out!

    Like

    Jenn @therebelchick recently posted Wordless Wednesday: Breakin’ The Law!.

  243. if this is not a real post, then why am I seeing it? WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME?

    Seriously, though – love the fruitbatcat.

    Like

    deva recently posted Isnt that what Twitter is for?.

  244. 247
    Mrs. Meg C

    I LOVE all the Indiana people speaking up about Kokomo (which some of us (in the nice parts of Indiana) see as the armpit and above only Gary) and letting you know just how many of us love you here and would flock to see you were you to visit the cornfields of Indiana. Though truthfully Hoosiers avoid Kokomo so we’d prefer Lafayette, Fort Wayne or Indy as the local of your next conference.

    Hell, maybe we’ll just start a conference to get people to visit us!

    Like

  245. wondered if you have read this funny blog with cartoons? she is also writing a book so i thought you should check out the competition:)
    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

    ( this is not my blog, im not a total douchehat )

    Like

    Jeanette recently posted don’t call me, i have no phone.

  246. I enjoyed last night! Until I got kicked off the Internet. Your book club broke it. With awesomeness!

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted Let's Pretend....

  247. You should totally take the vouchers and then sell them for half off – then you still come out at least a little ahead? Heck buy two cheap laptops!🙂

    Like

  248. 251
    Cheryl in Wisconsin

    My cats want to dress up also but they’re asking for FOXBAT outfits, which Russian reconnaissance aircraft. I always give in to them but I know this is seriously going to take it’s toll on my knickknacks.

    Plus, I’d like to be the 820th person to tell you that Kokomo does indeed exist, and I would attend a blog conference if you had one there. Even though I don’t have a blog. Or a sincere reason to visit Indiana. I’m just avoiding working on Accounts Payable.

    Like

  249. Kokomo is where Godzilla hangs out…Really. You can go see him at the Kokomo Godzilla museum. I understand it is about two blocks away from where Farmer Stan has a roadside exhibit of the largest balls of chewed gum in the world.

    Like

    Jack recently posted Don’t Be Such A Serious Blogger.

  250. My four year old is totally obsessed with fruit bats. He was a fruit bat for Halloween. When people would say “Oh, a bat! How scary!” He would get all indignant about it” “I’m a FWOOT bat. It’s not scary. They eat FWOOT and they’re BWOWN and they make a ‘squeak, squeak’ noise.” It was out of control.

    Like

  251. holy crap. how do you get that on your cats’ heads without getting your eyes scratched out?

    Like

    Melissa recently posted Flour Bombs Away!.

  252. At least you didn’t have your family heirloom Victorian-era tiara in your checked bag: http://gma.yahoo.com/tiara-british-duchess-found-six-years-british-airport-171431048–abc-news-topstories.html

    Like

  253. Nice to see Ferris so completely checked out. You have highly entertaining cats.

    Like

  254. My grandma lived in Kokomo for a few years when she was a little girl. I have a picture of her with her little brother and sister sitting on a donkey. In Kokomo. Taken by an itinerant photographer. I’m not sure if the donkey was itinerant or not. And…”Kokomo , me baby. Kokomo me right. Kokomo your mamma. She’ll be back tomorrow night…” (Bonnie Raitt)

    Like

  255. Kokomo is also a city in north central Indiana, and for one brief moment, I thought I was going to stop breathing with the thought that you’d be only 50 miles from Indianapolis, where I live. If you do decide to come to Kokomo, Indiana, let me know.

    Like

  256. Slightly worried that the fruit bat mask is just a cunning disguise for the fact that Ferris Mewler has been decapitated.

    Like

  257. Uncontrollably laughing at number 5….and the comment above mine.

    Like

  258. I’m kinda surprised at how many people have heard of Kokomo, Indiana. Someone had a real sense of humor when naming some of the cities in Indiana. In addition to Kokomo, we’ve got Peru, Mexico, and Lebanon all fairly close to each other. It’s like someone’s trying to make things seem a lot more exotic than they really are. Kelly (@ 9:43 a.m.), I always heard that Gary was the armpit of Indiana (I’m also a Bender).

    Like

  259. You need a real fruit bat. Oh wait, you have to live in Australia to keep one of those as a pet. Wait a minute…!

    Like

  260. Kokomo does exist! It’s not an island, though, it’s the twelfth largest city in Indiana. Maybe not quite as exciting as an island. But for point number two…..Jenny = 1, Victor = 0.

    Like

  261. From Wiki: “Sandals Cay (formerly called Kokomo Island) is part of the privately owned Sandals Royal Caribbean all-inclusive resort in Montego Bay, Jamaica…The original name for the island came from the song “Kokomo,” written by John Phillips, Mike Love, Terry Melcher, and Scott McKenzie, and performed by The Beach Boys. The inspiration for the song was a pool-side bar in Islamorada, in the Florida Keys.”

    Like

  262. Kokomo is an hour north of the 12th largest city in the U.S. (Indianapolis) – Kokomo itself is much smaller.

    And if you come to Kokomo Jenny – I WILL. SO. BE. THERE. IN. A. HEARTBEAT….well, really more of in an hour…because that’s how long it will take me to drive up from Indy.🙂

    Like

  263. I live close enough to Komomo Indiana to come rescue you.

    Like

  264. Also, if you’ve never read Christopher Moore (Sequined Love Nun or otherwise), go do it. You will NEVER regret it!! I recommend starting with Lamb.

    Like

  265. I was reading this post while nursing my son and laughed out loud at #5. This caused him to stop eating and stare up at me quizzically. So I read it out-loud to him and he joined me in laughing. A grand time was had by all.

    Like

  266. Oh, goddamn it. I don’t know what music sounds like beyond say, 90, because that’s about the time I went almosttotally deaf. I mostly remember 80s music. I’ve had the Kokomo song stuck in my head ever since you posted this. The way to get rid of this music loop is to think of a more complicated piece of music, like classical, and it wipes it away. Except I never could hear classical music, minus a short bit of the Ride of the Valkyries. And now my brain is rotating between Kokomo and this bit of Ride of the Valkyries, with a mental picture of Elmer Fudd trying to Kill the Wabbit. The Kokomo song has also triggered a mental image of the Full House episode where Jessie gets to sing with the Beach Boys on stage, and that horrifies me, it gets worse every time I think of it and it’s all because of you.

    Like

  267. I went to Key West. I assumed Kokomo was the island after that because of the song – but it’s not. Just Cuba is after Key West and that’s some bullshiz ’cause I don’t know how to speak the Spanish! I hope you Beach Boys get farty sand stuck in your buttonholes. Please visually interpret that last sentence in your mind in as most classy way that you can, and just know it had to be said.

    Like

    Nicole recently posted “Nonsensical broad is nonsensical”.

  268. Ferris Mewler is awesome.

    Like

    Suze recently posted Baby Poops.

  269. Ferris is like a rock star!

    Like

  270. #5 made my day–I love it! I wonder if I could get my kitty to wear one….

    Like

    Piper recently posted Who Knows Chicago?.

  271. Tell your husband Kokomo isn’t fictional. I grew up in Kokomo Indiana.

    Like

  272. Great. You just made all the people in Kokomo, Indiana, disappear. It’s like an episode of Outer Limits with Hoosier and the Beach Boys.

    Like

    Cathy D. recently posted Cathy, magically move photos from your phone to your computer..

  273. Why is Victor so judgey about the blue pie piece? I have NEVER won that either and I belong to Mensa. He’s clearly compensating for some failing…

    Like

  274. I need a fruit bat sleeping mask because it kicks my regular sleeping mask’s ASS.

    Like

    califmom recently posted On Comparing Loss.

  275. I live in Kokomo.. and actually we are the home of the first car.. yes there are cornfields and assholes. But the people here are genuinely nice.. the GM headquarters is here and we were voted community of the year for 2012. The cost of living is low here and I would encourage people to visit actually I guess if you can’t handle down to earth people who like biscuits and gravy all day then you might not come here.. I have been here 29 years.. I have seen many other places and this is the place I’m always happy to come home to!

    Like

  276. 280
    Emily Davis

    ^As the good Hoosier that I am, I came here to tell you that there IS a Kokomo, and it’s in MY STATE, and YOU SHOULD COME VISIT.
    But it’d already been said.
    If you come, tell us!

    Like

  277. I know this has been said a hundred times but yes, Kokomo is in Indiana. And it sucks. I was born and raised there. It is known as The City of Firsts. It is now just a small dying town.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s