I’ve gotten a lot accomplished today

Conversation between me and my husband (who doesn’t understand creative work ethics):

Victor:  Why dont you get off the couch and get some work done?  You’ve done virtually nothing today.

me:  I’ve done LOTS.

Victor:  You’ve watched TV.

me:  I’m watching the BBC.  So it’s classy.  Plus I’m doing research for English words.  Because England is where the words come from.

Victor:  What words?

me:  ALL THE WORDS.  It’s practically where English was invented.

Victor:  It is where English was invented.

me:  THEN WHAT ARE WE YELLING ABOUT?

Victor:  You’ve wasted your entire morning watching Doctor Who.

me:  I AM LEARNING ABOUT THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM.  It’s like that week that I tried to read A Brief History of Time.  Except better, because this I can actually finish.

Victor: There are like 50 years worth of Doctor Who episodes.

me:  I stand uncorrected.  Also? I’ve been keeping the cat alive.

Victor: Um…what?

me:  For the last 4 hours I’ve been single-handedly keeping the cat alive.

Victor: And how’s that then?

me:  Through pills.  It’s a 12 hour slow-release capsule.  So technically the cat and I have been working on his dodgy thyroid for 4 straight hours.

Victor:  You gave the cat his pill four hours ago and you’ve watched Doctor Who.  THIS DOESN’T COUNT AS PRODUCTIVE.  Also, it’s not “single-handedly” if a pill is doing all of the work.

me:  Don’t be ridiculous.  Pills don’t have hands.  All it has to do is dissolve.  Plus, I learned the word “dodgy” this morning.  Bloody good word there, mate.

Victor:  You are impossible.

me:  No, I am unpredictable.  Like right now I’m going to switch off the tv and meditate.  It’s good for my inner…something.  I don’t know the word.  I probably will after I finish all those Doctor Whos though.

Victor:  That’s not meditating.  That’s napping.

me:  It’s horizontal meditation.  It’s a new thing.  You should try it.  The cat and I love it.

Victor:  This is the reason you’re up all night panicking about deadlines…because you don’t work in the day like a normal person.

me:  I just finished watching a show about time-management.  I think I know what I’m doing, sir.

Victor:  You just finished watching a show about time-travel.

me:  That’s about as managed as time can get, I’m pretty sure.  I’M HAVING A VERY PRODUCTIVE DAY.

Victor:  You watched a tv show about farting aliens.

me:  SPOILERS!

Victor:  What do you mean “spoilers”?  YOU LITERALLY JUST WATCHED IT.

me:  I watched some of it.  Then my body demanded horizontal meditation.  IT’S LIKE YOU’RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME.

Victor:  AAARGH!  You are so incredibly…

me:  Dodgy?

Victor:  NO.  NOT DODGY AT ALL.  THAT’S NOT EVEN HOW THAT WORD WORKS.

me:  How about dicky?  Like if someone has a bad heart in England they say he has a “dicky ticker”.  Which is sort of fun to say.

Victor:  *sigh*

me: Say it.  Say “Dicky ticker.”

Victor:  I’M NOT SAYING IT.

Me:  Alright.  No need to get dicky.

Victor:  YOU’RE NOT EVEN USING THAT WORD RIGHT.

me:  I’m pretty sure I am.  “Dicky” means “unsound” and “unsound” means “not based on sound evidence or reasoning and therefore unacceptable.”  Looks like pretty clear proof that you’re being all kinds of dicky.

Victor:  Just stop talking.

And then I did. Mostly because I was worried all this arguing was putting an undo strain on the cat’s thyroid.   Also, I don’t know what a thyroid does.  Then I came in here and started typing and Victor seemed relieved that I was finally getting to work, but really I was just writing this all down because later I’d like to remember whatever it is that I’m demanding an apology for.  I still haven’t entirely figured that one out.

264 replies. read them below or add one

  1. That sounds like an entirely productive day. One I wish I could have instead all of this feeding of children and changing diapers.

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  2. FIRST!

    Please oh please oh please let me be first. Then I can tell you how awesomely productive you have been. TV is my hobby. Educational TV like Dr. Who is a freaking physics course. Get with the program, Victor.

    Cheers my chum!

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  3. That cat’s going to be a bitch if her thyroid goes.

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  4. You sound really busy to me. Clearly.

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  5. The Slitheen are a dodgy sort, indeed, ol’ chap. Dodgy and farty.

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    Barilla recently posted Green, memories and animals.

  6. Horizontal meditation is the best meditation!

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  7. How else are you supposed to know about wibbly wobbly timey wimey…stuff? DOCTOR WHO IS IMPORTANT TO LIFE. Life.

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  8. Bloody good. ;D

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  9. Add ‘Cheeky’ to the list.

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  10. Substitute Kardashians and you’ve descibed the life of many who work from home. Now I shall meditate. Horizontally.

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  11. 11
    samwhiteoak

    Tickerty boo or not quite so pucker? (as in “how are you today cat? tickerty boo or not quite so pucker?”). Tell Victor you find his behavour mildly cretinous & he is really getting your gander up. Jeeves & Wooster is a fantastic source of quaint English phrases….Amazon have the boxset.🙂

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  12. Research. You were totally doing research. Like, cause one day I’m going to write a crime thriller and I can tell my husband that all those episodes of Bones were worth it. Also, David Boreanaz.

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  13. I’m all about horizontal meditation – I’m pretty sure it’s just a deeper form of yoga where you move beyond the physical realm to a spiritual realm that allows you to release your inhibitions and dream of time traveling doctors.

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  14. Sounds like Victor is blinkered to me. Either that or he’s just being a picky dicky.

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  15. Cheerios!🙂

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  16. Dicky Ticker…. BAHAHAHA!

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    Kerry :) recently posted Overheard on the 10 O’clock news.

  17. Oh Jenny. We were meant to be besties. First, I’ve been reading A Brief History of Time which I’m loving but have to put aside for “work”. Second, I often tell people that I’m incredibly busy due to time constraints and then I watch 7 hours of Doctor Who. Third, there is no third but I felt that would round out my argument. Basically, this is all kinds of awesome and I give you all the awards, madam.🙂

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  18. Clearly, he needs to apologize for not saying dicky ticker. His refusal obviously means that he hates the British and is a traitorous German spy.

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  19. 20
    Christine M

    The days i am most productive are the days i set out to watch as much Doctor Who as possible in a single day. i always overachieve on those days.

    (i’m getting ready to start in on Torchwood now. Because i feel the need to oogle some Captain Jack)

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  20. I will be watching my first episode of Dr. Who TODAY (thanks iTunes)! WOOHOO! Movin’ on up…to the East Side!

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  21. I could go for some horizontal meditation today.

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  22. 23
    AngryBaconGod

    “You’ve wasted your entire morning watching Doctor Who.”

    This is an inherent contradition.

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  23. Given that you’ve been travelling and selling and being all friendly and stuff lately I think you are more than entitled to a day or week or month of relaxation. Tell Victor to mind his own darned business and if he’s so worried about you not getting things accomplished, he can bloody well (yes, that’s English!) do it for you.

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  24. SPOILERS! Hee hee hee.

    I just started seeing a British guy. Last night, we had a whole discussion on word derivation. I would feel odd telling that anywhere but here. He says I’m “delightful”. I may never go back to dating American men.

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  25. I love horizontal meditation. I learned it in this great book How to be Sick. No joke, Victor! Also, I’m posting this from my Android while in bed. Horizontal. I’d wave but I’m kinda tired. Eustice says to say hi from him too.

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  26. I watched “Voyage of the Damned, all of season 4, “The Next Doctor”, and “Planet of the Dead” this weekend.

    I consider it a study of hermits and social anxiety.

    “Hermits United. We meet up every 10 years, swap stories about caves. It’s good fun. For a Hermit.”

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  27. “Dicky” generally applies to seasickness/carsickness or food poisoning and means “sick” as in “liable to vomit”
    “Dicky ticker” is an oddity possibly originating from the character Arthur Daley in TV’s “Minder” It would be more usual to say “dodgy ticker”

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  28. Omg, I love it. I think you win tho. Obviously.

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  29. WANKER.

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  30. There really is no reason for Victor to “throw a wobbly!!”

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  31. Jolly good show there dear.

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  32. Your day sounds way more productive than mine. I’ve just been sending random tweets about how the war on women is totes real and the suck, and writing FB posts about how it would be uber fantastical if someone would pay me to spend my days searching the interwebz for info on domestic violence, repro rights, and other womens-y stuff; blog, tweet, and FB about it; and convince gov’t officials and random strangers / voters to either celebrate or start gathering pitchforks. And I did all that WHILE watching episodes of Buffy. Because I’m good at multi-tasking. And I want to be prepared in case the zombie apocalypse also happens to come with vampires.

    Oh, and I DID start the dishwasher. And I’m pretty sure I fed the bengals. I think. I mean, they’re not trying to eat my face right now or anything, so I think that means I fed them. Unless they’re waiting for me to start horizontally meditating to try something. ::eyes bengals suspiciously::

    Anyway, Score? Heather: 1, Day: 0 Take that unproductiveness.

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  33. I chaperoned the 5 year olds on a field trip and now I’m at the office – catching up on blogs and facebook. I think I’ve been productive enough today, chasing after the kids at a large wooded park next to the ocean. And thankfully my boss is gone for the afternoon so I can relax a bit. I work in a buddhist office, but I’m not sure I could get away with the ‘horizontal meditation’ line. Might try it, though!

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  34. my cat has thyroid problems too, we just found out about 2 weeks ago. I’ve had to start rubbing this dermal cream on the inside of her ears twice a day to get her better. She seems to feel better, except when I have my finger stuck in her ear. She doesn’t like that.

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  35. That’s it. From now on all naps are “Horizontal meditation on English, farty aliens, and dicky tickers.”

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  36. I just figured out that the only horizontal meditation place at my office is on the floor under my desk. It’s carpeted and it’s dark and if I use my purse as a pillow … ummm … cranial support accessory then I’m sure I’ll get a lot of meditation done. Hopefully, they’ll be more understanding of the creative and healing powers of meditation at this company than the last place I worked.

    Tell Victor that although “dick” and “dicky” may sound alike, they mean something entirely different. But that “time management” and “time travel” are indeed synonymous.

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  37. Tell Vic I said “smeg off you wanker” We call horizontal meditation, eyelid maintenance, as in checking them for holes etc…

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  38. I have been trying to find copies of the early Dr. Who. Like.. I want to start at the very BEGINNING episode. Kinda like what I’m doing with Star Trek. Started with TOS, movies that fit, TNG, movies that fit, etc, etc. (just not Enterprise. Totally not of the same time-line/dimension )

    Does anyone else use spell check to learn new words and/or improve their spelling and vocabulary? Because I totally do that on a regular basis.

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  39. Single-handledly keeping the cat alive is soooooo much more productive than whatever dodgy stuff he was doing I’m sure. Tell him to keep his dicky ticker to himself and you go enjoy some horizontal meditation with the kitties. I had some horizontal meditation yesterday for about 2 hours and it was lovely. If it wasn’t at work today, I might just meditate horizontally all day long!

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  40. Wow, you’d think that being a New York Times best-selling author would mean you can catch a break, but no. Some people are so demanding.

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  41. I don’t understand why husband’s refuse to say words when we ask them to. It baffles me. I think it’s a very productive day too… I meditate that way often as well. I was calling it narcolepsy, but I believe it was my inner something calling to meditate like immediately.

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  42. You should have mentioned to Victor that you also didn’t kill anyone with your kamikaze Diet Coke Cansicle.

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  43. You must gobsmack him.

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  44. It’s MONDAY, Victor. No one works on MONDAY. They all just get together and talk about their weekends and putter around until it’s time to go home, vowing to get to that report “tomorrow”.

    Monday is like a bonus weekend day. Or second breakfast.

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  45. Oh, I love the slitheen episodes. Did you get to the one with the slitheen and Captain Jack yet? SPOLERS: He doesn’t sleep with any of them! Shocking, I know. Bet Victor didn’t even know what they are really called. Farting aliens indeed.

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  46. Oo oo, ask me about Thyroids. My PhD was in thyroid disease (and deafness, bet you didn’t know they could be related by a single gene?) and I’m a Brit. I can describe it’s function whilst using words like dicky, pucka, cricket, dodgy, arse, boffin, moggie, and gob-shite.

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  47. Just tell Victor that you’re doing yoga- it’s called “Star pose” and it works best if your eyes are closed!

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  48. I bet Nail Gaiman has all sorts of dicky chats with his dodgy wife after he’s done inventing more English and meditating horizontally. And look how it’s worked out for him!

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  49. He wouldn’t be complaining if you were talking about scheduling time for the horizontal polka

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  50. I love the word “bloody.” It’s like England’s version of “fucking.” It makes everything sound much more kickass when you use it.

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  51. Hmmm, I think I could use a little horizontal meditation right about now. I’m totally blaming you if I get my ass fired for “meditating” on the floor of my office today. You’ll hire me, right? I can be your assistant, or something. Like maybe I’ll watch all the Dr. Who’s and take notes and then reinact them for you, so you don’t have to strain your eyes while you just lay there and nap. Um, I mean meditate. Deal? Cool, I’ll be there in a couple hours. After my nap, of course.

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  52. Totally a productive day. And I’m telling you, your life is a lot like mine. Your husband too. They just don’t get it.

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  53. It’s obvious that Victor doesn’t understand how brains work. Or cats.

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  54. If it makes you feel better, I have been watching Millionaire Matchmaker all day. So, you have been FAR more productive and classy than I have.

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  55. I should send you some Weeping Angel figures, so you can hide them around the house and say “Don’t Blink”…you know, for fun.

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  56. Consider me gobsmacked….and knackered. Time for some horizontal meditation I reckon. Why does Victor go out of his way to try to make you look like a tit?

    (I was married to an Englishman.)

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  57. Actually, I can totally vouch for horizontal meditation as a thing. There are a bunch of statues of Buddha reclining on his side, and in yoga, there is savasana pose. Which involves lying on one’s back legs flopped shoulder width apart, hands at one’s side palm up. It’s totally a thing. And is known as one of the most calming poses ever.

    Also unrelated but related, there is this: http://www.bitrebels.com/geek/star-wars-yoga-the-illustrated-edition/

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  58. The SGM can also be very “dicky”. Take that however you wish ;0)

    Just finished your book, Love. It was the best. kinda-memoir. ever.

    You rock, Lady.
    Cheers to you!
    [Or Cheerio. If you’re English or just a litte hungry for some fiber.]

    Rachel

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  59. I get those “get off the couch…” whinging, too. And thanks for the word “dicky”, though when I use it in future (probably in the next couple of hours), I won’t mean unsound.

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  60. Tell him to sod off!!!! Haha

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  61. Tell Victor not to get his knickers in a twist, horizontal meditation is the new Tai Chi.

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  62. This right here? This just made my doucherific day a little less douchey and a bit more unicorns and rainbows. I bow to your comedic genius (it’s less a bow than it is me hanging my head over my keyboard trying not to snort coffee out my nose, but, well, details).

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  63. I’ve had plenty of people who lead meditations say if you fall asleep during a meditation it’s still effective. It’s just your mind getting out of the way so your higher self can work more effectively. So you can tell Victor to put THAT in his pipe and smoke it😉

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  64. Like I said…Poor, poor cat.

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  65. I’m totally envious. I would’ve much rather been watching Doctor Who… er um.. researching English.🙂 And yes, horizontal meditation is the best kind!

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  66. I spent significant parts of my weekend doing some horizontal meditation. Now I feel like I was all kinds of productive instead of just lazy. Thank you for making me feel better about myself. (See Victor, she did accomplish something today!)

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  67. 68
    The Other Jamie

    I’ll see your “dicky ticker” and raise you a “wonky knee” (which I apparently have, due to a sprained ligament).

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  68. The most important thing I learned in college? That in advertising, staring out a window, looking as though you are doing absolutely nothing of use, is called “incubating”.

    While incubating, you are taking a broad expanse of experiences, combining them with your own wits, and masterfully paving ground for the best thing you’ve ever written, drawn, or pasted together 15 minutes before the deadline. I find it is a key element in everything I do now.

    Need to clean and organize the closet? First, It is absolutely vital that I lay on the floor in my comfy clothes watching True Blood and eating cookie dough. I’m in a relaxed position that allows full visualization of the clean closet and the optimal organizational layout.

    It also comes in handy when the horizontal meditation is required. Just put down the cookie dough, first.

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  69. Samwhiteoak…. It’s dander not gander, we are not flippin’ geese!( I’m English, we know these things) Also, having a Dicky Ticker is no laughing matter, unless of course the medication for same, has you swinging from the chandelier and peeing on the crowd…. but that’s another story.

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  70. Hang on, I’m taking notes. Cause this sounds remarkably familiar in my house. Plus, what exactly was Victor doing that was so productive? Yelling at you for being unproductive? Sounds like he has his knickers in a knot, and really secretly he wanted to learn English from Doctor Who too. Cause really, who wouldn’t? (Especially the 10th Doctor, mmmmmmmm)

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  71. “Dicky ticker” is now in my vocabulary. I feel as if I need to say it a lot, just to get comfortable with it.

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  72. i think i just busted my lap-band laughing so hard! i pray that one day i too will have a husband that i can torture with my sarcasm and whit!

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  73. I should start practicing horizontal meditation. I am pretty sure I need SOME type of meditation, because I’m having the kind of day that makes me want to stab people with sporks… and that’s not all that friendly. Thank you for making me smile today, at least you know I won’t be stabbing you.
    Also, thank you for understanding the need to feel like stabbing people.

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  74. For the love of GOD will you just COME TO THE UK ALREADY. Bring the cat.

    Please and thank you.

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  75. Oh god, how much do I want to teach you more English words (and how to use them totally inapropriately!). Sarah

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  76. Seriously, you must copyright “Dicky ticker’ ASAP.
    It’s going to catch-on like wildfire. And with all the heart issues in theworld, all those medicinally types will be using YOUR vocabulary in their offices and surgeries and you won’t be making a dime. That would be tragic.

    P.S. For the record, your day has been entirely more productive than mine. I mean, solving cat thyroidic impending doom….that’s AMAZING.

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  77. I’m so glad I discovered you and your blog at BEA a few weeks ago. Loved this. When will people ever understand the process of writers? We are always productive even when standing still because the mind is always at work.🙂

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  78. You may not have run into this fact yet (I can’t imagine they would be discussing them on Dr. Who) but when I used the phrase “fanny pack” in front of some Brits they were equal parts horrified and hysterical. (Don’t ask why I would have *ever* used that term. Except I ordered one with a unicorn on it. Nevermind.) ANYWAY it turns out that over the pond, “fanny” means something, ummmm, kind of different.

    So tell Victor you just learned something really important, in preparation for your eventual overseas book tour de force.

    xo

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  79. Have you ever seen Father Ted? I believe you would enjoy it. Tell Victor that you are doing good, because while doing research on time management and meditation, that you are not bringing home towels or friends for Beyonce. Then watch Father Ted on Netflix.

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  80. Yeah, well, when the Daleks and the Ood and the Silence show up, Victor is going to be damn happy that you spent all of that time watching Doctor Who…um, I mean, doing scientific research.

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  81. Wondering if my comments are always awaiting moderation because I hardly ever remember to put in an email, or because Jenny thinks I’m some kind of uber stalker.

    Either way, ::sad panda::

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  82. Sometimes people (Victor) just don’t (doesn’t) understand that creative types work best at night. Or on deadline. Or that they’re always on. Sometimes they just need a dicky (Victor) inspiration. Hmmm, Victor inspiration. I don’t know what to do with that. Maybe it’ll come to me.

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  83. Have you started watching Torchwood yet? It’s not as good as Dr. Who (IMHO), but you’ll learn lots about England watching it! Like, did you know Wales is part of England (as in attached to it), but it isn’t actually England, it’s a whole other country? I know, right? Now I can go meditate, I’ve been so productive.

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  84. I love all the fun quips and literary quirks the Brits use. Dicky-ticker! It IS fun to say. I just have to figure out how to get it into my conversations!

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  85. I just horizontally meditated for three hours. My nearly-two-year-old needed my help in his own horizontal meditation, as he’s never been that keen on the whole meditation and mind-body connection, but man does he get dicky if he skips his daily horizontal meditation. I single-handedly helped him to rest, replenish and get in touch with his inner self by lying down with him and snoring. I feel that it was an excellent use of my time.

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  86. *undue
    But anyways, excellent as always. Victor would feel badly if your cat suffered because you were off doing frivolous work type things rather than being an official pill pusher.

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  87. This gave me a much needed chuckle today I have to say. My conversations with the kids these days seem to go along similar lines…

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  88. I love horizontal meditation too. It really helps to calm you down, especially after dealing with a dicky ticker. Harry Potter is dodgy!

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  89. I read thyroid as hybrid. A hybrid problem sounded way scarier and like much more work. You should let Victor know he should be grateful you don’t have to deal with that.

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  90. Good show, old chap. I don’t have a dicky ticker, but now I wish I did so I could tell people that I have a dicky ticker. Just walk up to them in Wal-Mart and be all like “Hey, I have a dicky ticker.” That would be rad.

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  91. Whoa, that’s way more productive than my day has been!

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  92. When I think the romance is dead between my husband and I, I just read your conversations and realize … it is so totally dead. Or buried alive. Hey, at least Victor keeps attempting to reason with you! That is one fabulous dickey you have there (pretty sure that was incorrect usage of the word, but go with it).

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  93. I sat here and stared at a pile of fabric……i’m attempting psychic folding….so far the cat sat on the fabric pile……maybe that could be considered folding….

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  94. Finally sat down and watched Dr. Who, thanks to your endorsement! Love it! We saw the farting aliens episode last night. Thank you for sharing – I feel much more fulfilled as a human being and my command of the English language must be greatly improved🙂

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  95. Take a cue from the Doctor. Just look at Victor and be all, “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Then randomly start quoting from the Lion King. Although I’m sure any Disney movie would do. Then when he’s all off balance and confused yell “Geronimo!” and run out of the room. This wins all arguments. Ever. Trust me, it’s been thoroughly tested. Try to throw in a quick “Allons-y” for good measure and you’re set!

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  96. Or ironing….

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  97. I’m glad to know that there are others out there that suffer from the same creative writer syndrome that I do. You watched Doctor Who all day on BBC, Jenny, and I started watching Boardwalk Empire. It’s research for the period piece I’m considering writing after watching the first few episodes.

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  98. I think I speak on behalf of all of us on the right-hand side of the Pond when I say that: you are an honorary Englishman, Jenny, welcome to join us at any time. (Except we might need to make your handle a bit more classy. I suggest “Bloggesse”.)

    You’re entirely right to horizontally mediate through Aliens of London. New Doctor Who doesn’t start to get good, with occasional exceptions of which Aliens of London definitely isn’t one, until Tennant leaves.

    Like

  99. You so need to come to jolly old England and do a book tour, then a) I can actually come to your book tour and b) you can learn lots of quintisentially British words and phrases, call it research if you will!!

    Like

  100. Wow you got some serious kiss ass comments now a days, plus some rather rude one.

    Well I can assure you as someone living in deepest Cornwall in England ( if you are thinking deliverance now, change the pig for a sheep, the swamp for Moorland, and chewing tobacco for Wrigleys spear mint, and you have it) that dicky ticker is fine, and more “cockney” than anything, Dodgy is ok, and is meant a couple of things, firstly anyone or anything that is conterfiet or fraundulent, or something which works intermitantly, for instance, you would have a dodgy knee, or a dicky ticker, but you could have a dodgy heart, the alliteration in dicky ticker is what makes it work.

    For more Dodgy related news try “dodgy, good enough” it’s a great band and a great song.

    Now from Dicky and Dodgy, you may well get, or have indeed gone past, Dogging, this is an entirely different past time in the Enland, which normally involves people watching other people do rudies in cars in deserted car parks at night.

    Anyway I shall leave with you “Dodgy Dogging with Dicky” which is a whole book in itself involving half hearted voyuerism with Sir Richard Attenborough! Thank you.

    Like

  101. Dont worry Pajh once she gets to fish custard her life will never be the same. Bowties are cooooool!

    Like

  102. I like “Horizontal Meditation”.🙂

    Like

  103. BRILL-O! (That’s English for ‘BRILLIANT!’)

    I’m being uber productive myself by watching Twilight on FX… It’s on right now! Put on your Twilight gear and get dicky with it!

    Like

  104. Omg! This was such a funny conversation! It’s the best one yet🙂 Love the ending where he thought you were working – and in fact you’re just writing everything down. Just too good! lol

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  105. Seems perfectly productive to me!

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    kat rowley recently posted Sorry For The Silence!.

  106. As another English person, I think you should add the ejaculations arsebiscuits and cockbucket to your vocabulary.

    Like

  107. If he complains about being called “dicky” you can always call him “dickish.”

    Like

  108. “Sodding” or “Sod” is another BRILLIANT British word. It basically means “Fucking” or “Fuck”………. Example: I’m watching sodding Dr. Who. That’s what. Sod off you Mother Sodder……… (except I don’t think sodder is used).

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  109. Victor is a saint!

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  110. Who doesn’t love a good session of horizontal meditation? Victor is just confused.

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  111. so i totally had no idea what a thyroid did either, until a few years back when i got cancer in mine. so super lame, i still don’t really know what the thyroid does other than invite cancer over. apparently the thyroid is the party is at!

    Like

  112. |I’m pretty sure that just reading this blog counts as a today WIN in terms of accomplishment.

    Not because it’s BAD or hard to read, but just because it’s all I’ve done today.

    You know.

    And stuff.

    Or not.

    Like

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  113. Substitute Spooks (or Ashes to Ashes, Doc Martin, Hu$tle, etc.) for Dr. Who and you have my ideal day. If only I could make a living watching BBC and other British channels, then life would be grand. Too bad there’s not a demand for experts in British tv here in the States, as i truely think that would be my ideal job. I’d even be willing to watch Top Gear and Strictly Come Dancing. Next time the hubby asks why I’m watching all this stuff, I’ll tell him it’s research for creative writing. Or maybe not.

    I recently made a trek to Winnipeg and the highlight was stocking up on Digestives (British biscuits aka cookies) that I can’t get in the states. Spent $50+ on them. yes, I’m that pathetic.

    Like

  114. 115
    OutoftheBoxBA

    I just don’t understand how a sentence with the phrases “waste of time” and “watching Doctor Who” is even a plausible sentence. Watching Doctor Who is never a waste of time. There’s the whole science aspect, improving cultural understanding. And the food pairings- I mean really- shouldn’t everyone know the joy that is fish sticks and custard? (ok, don’t try that last part- but it is still more fun to use than “pb&j” as a reference for things that go well together. Allows for speedy whovian identification!)

    Like

  115. I’ve been breastfeeding an infant for three weeks straight…and watching tons of Netflix…

    Like

  116. I’ve been practicing horizontal meditation STANDING UP, which I’m pretty sure makes me brilliant … or dodgy.

    Like

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  117. Other than writing your book and having worked in HR, what is it that you do do? How can Victor tell if you are or are not working? I would like to see an explanation of what your work is from Victor’s perspective so I could then judge from his perspective when you work.

    Since you blog, and you blogged about Victor, getting Victor “upset” is actually part of your job description or does he not understand this yet?

    BTW, I do know what the thyroid does and Tom Baker is my favorite Doctor Who. (They are getting younger with each regeneration.)

    Like

  118. Victor’s logic is dicky. He needs to meditate and order his thoughts.

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  119. Taking medicene for a dicky dick might harm a dicky ticker.

    Like

  120. I see nothing wrong with a day of BBC and naps…ahem… horizontal meditations. In fact, tomorrow sounds like a good day for a Firefly marathon and interspersed meditation. That’s productive and important to my mental health.

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  121. If you got a cat to swallow a pill that was probably enough work to earn like 17 hours of TV. Cats hate pills. And they’re sharp…well parts of them are.

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  122. I so need to get a cat… with thyroid problem so I can constantly be productive.

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  123. i cannot wait to say, “no need to get dicky,” today.

    Like

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  124. Ahahaha! I always knew watching Doctor Who was productive… Now I am bookmarking this page next time I get in trouble for “doing nothing” all day. Also to inform the world that I use the word “dicky” correctly as well.

    The Bloggess is still at work saving my marriage without even trying. Virtual high-five!

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  125. Men just don’t get it. I sat in bed the other day thinking about all the things I could be doing and I’d say I was being very productive. I mean, people pay lots of money for planners and organizers. I put in a good 8 hour day planning and organizing in my head!

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  126. I’ve never thought of Doctor WHo as a time management show before…

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  127. I still think you’re being more productive than I am during the day whilst sitting here at my desk.

    I used ‘whilst’ there. I know that’s English but in retrospect it might be Ye Olde English. Maybe this is all worth a time travel back to find out.

    Ugh. That hurt my head. Off to meditate horizontally.

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  128. Honestly, he doesn’t know that many hours of watching Doctor Who is NOT a waste of time. You are learning very important things. The Doctor visits a lot of historical figures, so you are learning about history. You also are learning negotiation skills since the Doctor is excellent at getting warring alien factions to agree and not blow up the universe. You are also learning about science because of the whole space/time continuum. Mechanics and engineering (there’s a whole lot of parts to the Tardis). Deduction and mystery solving skills (how is the Doctor going to get himself out of THIS jam?), not to mention learning British slang and fun catchphrases. Good show, ol’ sport. Good show. Allons-y!

    Like

  129. 130
    writergirl67

    I can teach you tons of odd English sayings and words. Like, wellies, shag and shady.

    Like

  130. Monica, that sentence wouldn’t make sense because ‘dicky’ means broken or not working properly…… no…… wait….. I see what you meant there🙂

    Like

  131. 132
    Samwhiteoak

    Ladyraven….yes love, so am I

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  132. When I first became a Doctor Who fan I swore I’d watch from the beginning and headed straight to my library to start checking them out. First, not all of them are on DVD, several seasons were only availble through VHS. Which we don’t have. So I watched the first couple of seasons, which were black & white, stop-motion sci-fi, and were likely epically awesome in their day the way the show is now, but since that day was before I was born I decided to punt the whole thing. I could make a case for starting with the 2005 doctor, but no need to revisit the 80’s. Ever.
    Allons-y!

    Like

  133. That is definitely not a waste of time. ‘Dicky’ is a wonderful word and so is ‘bloody.’ I like the word ‘dilly.’ You’ve also been productive because I didn’t realize that dicky was a word, so you’ve educated somebody today, and that’s a pretty big productive thing. Besides, it’s Dr. Who. How is that not educational and productive to watch?

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  134. 135
    Samwhiteoak

    Ladyraven – Bowties? Oh! Bow ties!! Seems we’re as bad as each other…..did we go to the same school?😉

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  135. LOL. One of these days Victor’s head is just going to explode.

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  136. My cat’s being dicky—she peed on my toothbrush. I’m going to meditate horizontally so I don’t kill her. You’ve saved her life. Add that to your accomplishments for the day.

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  137. You’re logic resembles my logic! Plus, Doctor Who is the BEST TV SHOW EVER! Watching it is useful in all kinds of ways!

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  138. I finally have a name for what I do every afternoon… Horizontal Meditation! Love it!

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  139. This is something that my wife is only starting to get a handle on – the fact that there is a mental Olympics going on in my head ALL THE TIME, an internal Hunger Games, an introverted game of chess with BOBBY FREAKING FISHER. When it LOOKS like I’m only playing Mass Effect or watching Doomsday Bunkers, there’s like, BOMBS and TACTICS and shit going on in my head. Someday, I’m going to have a Pulitzer to prove it to her. In the meantime, I I’m almost finished with Mass Effect, and I think about lazers and space ships a lot.

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  140. Doctor Who days are the best days of all🙂

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  141. Just tell Victor that this will be a chapter in your next book. Very, very productive day indeed!

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  142. Time management = time travel? 😀

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  143. I like-you-love-you, (not love-you-love-you). You made me cry with laughter in the staff room at lunch break because I was reading about the HP scarred vagina. All the other teachers were just looking at me, and I had to run off to find a corner, cackling like a loon all the way. This also made me crack up. (I am a Brit. If you want to know what we say, I suggest the next piece of research should be Harry Potter in literary form. We do say ‘mental’ quite a bit.)

    Plus I also have a dicky thyroid and it is the gland which is supposed to regulate your energy levels and when it craps out it feels like you are wading through tar dragging your corpse behind you.

    Like

  144. Do you know how many websites and blogs I’ve looked at, read, pored over, etc today? I mean, I’m telling you – getting things done is the name of the game over here today!

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  145. That sounds like the type of ass-busting I’ve been doing since I got off work this morning… horizontal meditation and now “Warehouse 13” but that’s only because I’ve seen all the Doctor Who’s currently on Netflix (not counting the old ones).

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  146. I’m married to a British man. The novelty? Wears off pretty quickly.

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  147. I am so very very glad that you have returned from your book tour de’jour! We missed you and Victor terribly, and it is totally obvious that you are getting work done.

    The logic and reasoning it took to process the rationality of that vocabulary conundrum was obviously work!

    GEEZ VICTOR!

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  148. Laughing at this one might have given me a dicky ticker.

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  149. I like productive days like that, although my version of productive also includes a baguette and butter. Sometimes wine. Okay, fine. Always wine. Always.

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  150. Also, you can shut your office door, put in earbuds and stream Doctor Who through Netflix straight to your computer. Just tap the keys lightly every once in a while and it sounds like you’re working. Problem solved.

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  151. When will Victor learn?! “Time is not linear; actually from an non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big ball of wibbley wobbley timey wimey …… stuff…..”….. So because of the universe you will always be simultaneously late and early for all of your deadlines and should thus be continuously freaking out and relaxed. It also means at your least productive, you’re also your most productive.

    Mind = blown.

    Like

  152. Very good.

    Whatever you do don’t ask anyone in England to show you their dick turning tricks in public toilets. That’s a whole ‘nother page in the dictionary under George Michael’s name and who got done for that. Not ‘done’, but ‘done,’ luv. In England that means arrested.

    Love,
    HMS HerMelness Speaks (literally).

    Yep, I’m English, Daahling. I know these things.

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    HerMelness Speaks recently posted BritMums (A)LIVE! And Kicking 2012.

  153. Lots of people saying they know what the thyroid does, but no one educating us poor fools. I give you this link and excerpt.

    http://www.wereyouwondering.com/what-does-the-thyroid-do/

    “Your thyroid is a butterfly-shaped organ that lies across the cartilage of your neck above the collar bone. The role of the thyroid is to stimule metabolism and along with the parathyroid glands ( beside or near thyroid), controls the body’s circulating calcium levels.”

    Like

  154. *I* think your conversation turned Python-esque, right around the farting aliens bit. Well done, you!

    Like

  155. If you’re cat is hypothyroid, we have the same disease! Also, Sean calls me ‘impossible’ too. I’ve decided it’s a synonym for ‘awesome.’

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  156. 158
    Ladyraven

    Samwhiteoak LOL unless Sam is short for Samantha I doubt it,was an all girls school! Maybe the English teacher was moonlighting.

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  157. NOT ONLY did you spend four hours educating yourself about the intricasies of quantum physics, BUT YOU ALSO sustained a beloved pet’s life and even found time to get in touch with your inner… whatever. To top it all off, you learned English. You know, the English kind of English. From England. Where it’s all Englishy and whatnot. I think it’s time to take a break from all your hard work and eat some mothersodding cake.

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  158. See you get it. I tried to convince my friends that watching Doctor Who is research but no one believes me. I’m writing a book about time travel, Doctor Who is about time travel ergo Doctor Who is research. Also ergo is a great word.

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  159. I have a thyroid problem. I also had thyroid cancer. Pills are the way to go when it comes to thyroid. I say YOU are doing a damn FINE job at making sure your pussy is well relaxed and healthy.

    If you want to read about my experience with thyroid and learn some facts about it you can read my post: http://captkitty.wordpress.com/2012/03/15/thyroid-fun-cancer-and-surgery/

    Like

  160. I’m convinced someone is messing with my space time continuum. Explain this. One hour at work feels like one hour. My hour (9:00-10:00 pm, if I’m lucky) feels like fifteen frigging minutes. Why is that???
    Add in fluctuating hormones and a biological clock about to strike midnight and I never know exactly what time it is.
    Malia recently posted Am I Being Catty? http://blog.maliamartin.com/

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  161. He’s just jealous because you get to do stuff like that and STILL make money. And you just returned from a whirlwind book tour, which may or may not have been the most anxiety-ridden time of your life, but you did it and thrived through it!

    You ROCK!

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  162. Sorry, I basically stopped reading after this piece of heretic infamy:

    “Victor: You’ve wasted your entire morning watching Doctor Who.”

    Victor, stay away from all kind of phones. Not just blue booths. You have no idea.

    Like

  163. YOu know, it’s HOW you waste a day that really speaks who you are.
    I think wasting a day keeping a cat alive and furthering your vocabulary are both exemplary ways.
    Don’t even get me started about the importance of meditation and keeping a healthy mind.
    A healthy you, makes a better you. A better wife, a better mother. Oh, yes!

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  164. My daughter has spent the entirety of her summer vacation so far watching every episode of Doctor Who that Netflix offers. She is totally on your side of this argument. And she would like to personally thank you for giving her a few more good reasons as to why she should not have to stop watching.🙂

    Like

  165. This is my new favorite; you now have a reason to do it all again tomorrow!

    The pirate’s husband said, “Whatcha doin’ today?”
    She said, “Nothing.”
    He said, “You did that yesterday.”
    She said, “I wasn’t finished.”

    Like

  166. you guys have the best arguments.

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  167. 169
    Brattus Rattus

    Tell Victor that I feel like I accomplished something when I manage to hose myself off on the weekend. I think he should count his lucky stars he has you. LOL

    Like

  168. Is it wrong that I knew which episodes you were watching just by the words “farting aliens?”

    Like

  169. In my house we only really need like 6 stations. BBC, TNT, USA, Cloo, AMC, and CBS. We have CBS because the local news is some of the best entertainment I have ever seen. That was not the point of this comment. I was really going to comment on the fact that no day is wasted on watching Dr. Who. I could and do spend quite a bit with my so called “TV friends” as my husband calls them. “Well they don’t judge me. Real people do!” I tell him. It gets to be tedious. All of this to say, no day is ever wasted watching the Doctor.
    Also, never Google yourself when you have done a reality wedding show with Anxiety Disorder. It always ends badly
    I hope you and your kitty are feeling quite lovely!

    Like

  170. Of course you have to watch lots of Doctor Who! It’s cultural. Have you seen the Blink episode yet? I actualy hid behind a cushion during that one… I don’t have a dicky ticker, or even a dodgy one, but my thyroid is totally jiggered, sadly. I obviously need some cat pills.

    And by the way, lovely fellow commenting person whose name I have stupidly forgotten, Wales is not in England, Wales is Wales, and it is part of the United Kingdom, as well as being part of Great Britain. [No, I don’t know why we have two names for the whole place either, it’s not like they teach us anything in schools over here. We are all too busy watching the telly. Sorry.]

    Like

  171. Tell Victor you’ll put his muppety arse in the boot of your car for a good horizontal meditation session for saying Dr Who isn’t productive time management. The Doctor is a time LORD which means he owns time management. You learn all kinds of nifty things on Dr Who, it’s like grad school for nerds?

    Like

  172. I love horizontally meditating! It’s the only way I meditate!

    My husband asked if you secretly record these conversations with Victor, because he was amazed by the details!

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  173. Jotting down the phrase “horizontal meditation” so my kids won’t assume I’m just napping and scream in my face.

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  174. The Crack Puppy has a dodgy thyroid that requires two doggy downers per day, else she shakes.

    The first couple of weeks on meds, she looked a lot like she was in college.

    Very stoned. And rolling down the stairs a lot.

    But now she copes.

    Well, she’s still dodgy but not dicky.

    She’s a girl.

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  175. You were only pretending to be a lazy-ass so that Victor would feel compelled to nag you about your lack of productivity which would give you an opportunity to antagonize him into a conversation chuck-full of sarcastic witty banter, thereby manifesting a clever new blog-post.

    You’re not fooling anybody.😉

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  176. Blimey, Victor does not understand how writers and artists work.

    Your day was so much more productive than mine—my wife made me go outside and run errands. Therefore, I have officially accomplished…errands…and nothing else.

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  177. See? Doctor Who is great for your creative work ethic. I sort of wish I hadn’t seen all of the recent episodes so that I could watch them new again. ALSO, when is the new series BBC? WE’RE WAiTING HERE.

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  178. Watching Doctor Who is entirely productive, and anyone who disagrees is just full up of crazy.
    You should give Sherlock a try too, loads and loads of words there. Plus the boys blog, that has to be worth triple the education points.
    If you schedule your TV properly you might never have to get off the couch again!

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  179. That sounds PERFECT. When I do that, Hubby usually tells me how good I am at “relaxing.”

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  180. It sounds terribly productive to me. Those Doctor Who episodes don’t watch themselves. Plus, if your cat is anything like my parents’ cat, then getting pills into him (and making sure he doesn’t decide to barf it up in the living room), is lots of work too. Lots of dangerous work.

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  181. Tell Victor that if you watched all the Doctor Who episodes back to back without stopping it would only take you 11 days – 50 years is a dodgy hyperbole.

    Like

  182. It’s just pants that anyone could think that watching Doctor Who all day is not productive. Even my 4 year old loves Doctor Who (of course she’d prefer Phineas and Ferb, which by the way, is Doctor Who related because the boy who voices Ferb is Timothy Latimer from the Family of Blood episodes of Doctor Who…but I digress), and we get loads of stuff done with it playing in the background! I also second the Sherlock recommendation, and if you like spy type dramas then MI-5, where lady porn actors go when they need a break from being all proper and wearing cravats and tight breeches.

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  183. Dr who IS research! It’s research on the past AND on our future. Victor should feel pleased that you’ll know ow to defeat aliens nd stay indoors at Christmas time (every year) and avoid fat sucking pills. You know?

    Like

  184. When I am forced to go out and do things, it completely ruins my ability to do ANY OF THE THINGS.

    What you’re doing isn’t “sitting around.”

    It’s “responsible resource management.”

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  185. Dr Who totally counts as being productive. Because otherwise you won’t get all the Dr Who references.

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  186. Oh, you’re just the best.

    Like

  187. 189
    nisbanisba

    Yesterday I spent most of the day reading Sherlock fanfiction, which also makes me want to use bunches of British slang. By late afternoon I was so tired from so much intellectual stimulation that I was ready for a kip. I am not sure if this is better or worse than watching tv all day? On the one hand it’s reading, on the other hand it’s kind of super embarrassing. But I agree, BBC definitely makes it all cultural and classy.

    Like

  188. Wait, creative work has “ethics”? I have to explain this to my friends, maybe they will have new respect for me! (probably not). I highly recommend the English language, it has many fine words and phrases. Without it, I’d be grunting or babbling incomprehensible stuff like those cave men in the movie “Quest for Fire.”

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  189. Keeping cats alive and managing horizontal meditation and engaging in linguistic study is incredibly productive. I love all those British words. Wish I could pull off saying “bloody” and “dicky” but I just can’t. I’m not cool enough, evidently.

    Incidentally, a British guy I went to college with told me that we often get our idioms mixed up when we speak with them. “Pissed” for example, means “fall down drunk” to him, which caused some confusion when he first come across the pond. I think about this whenever I hear someone say how pissed they are.

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  190. I’ve been an Australian all my life and I don’t think there IS a dodgy way to use the word dodgy. It’s my favourite word. I use it everyday. You should demand an apology for him incorrectly criticizing your use of the english language.

    Like

  191. Note from New Zealand.
    NEVER trust an Aussie.
    They are all dodgy.

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    hogsatemysister.com recently posted My Kingdom for an ‘Off-the-Shelf Body’.

  192. Actually, the horizontal yoga pose with your eyes closed is called “savanasa” or “Corpse Pose”. It’s true. Plus I married a Brit so I have become fluent in British. Some other fun words are snogging, shagging, buggar, takin’ the piss, and prezzy. You should try randomly using these and others in conversations. You’ll be all kinds of cultured. And fabulous.

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  193. Sometimes being “unproductive” is really just producing blog material, which, I would argue, is incredibly productive.
    I’ve been editing for Australians, and they make all their words that would end with “-ize” into “-ise” instead, and that seems pretty fancy. You should make Victor acknowledge that you optimised your day and demand that he apologise at once.

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  194. AWESOME! Waiting for the new season of Doctor Who…I’m so impatient. Missing Torchwood as well…

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  195. i would never have guessed victor to be such a time mangement nerd. live and learn, live and learn.

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  196. I absolutely LovE you!

    Like

  197. SPOILER ALERT: the thyroid does fucking EVERYTHING. I know, cause I don’t have one anymore. Poor cat with the dicky thryoid.

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  198. And as soon as Victor mentioned “farting aliens” I knew EXACTLY which episode you were watching.

    Like

  199. A hell of a lot of writers write at night. A lot of my best writing comes out between 2AM and 4AM, so I don’t know what “normal” people Victor is talking about. Plus, isn’t “normal writers” kind of a contradiction in terms?

    Like

  200. Though I’m not sure your “dodgy” application was strictly in accordance with the colloquial usage, your usage of “dicky” pertaining to Victor’s behavior was spot on!

    Like

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  201. Ok, you really don’t have to go to the site. Anyway, for clarification, the thyroid controls a lot of your body. It’s just below your adrenals. I have a slow (hypo)thyroid. So it means my iron is low and I tend to be cold, oh and it’s hard to lose weight. My cat has a fast (hyper)thyroid. So it means she is super skinny. She is also crumudgenly and old. Her thyroid issue may kill her eventually.

    So you know, my cat and I practice horizontal meditation every day. Usually only once a day. Did you know that meditation is doing anything that helps you settle your brain? So, you can sit cross-legged and go ohm or you can listen to some good music or, *gasp* do research on time travel by watching the bbc. Technically, if you like video gaming, that is meditation too. Go Beta brain waves go! Try that for next time.

    Like

  202. I am laughing my ass off by myself in my house. My cat is staring at me like I’m crazy. Judgmental furry bastard.

    Like

  203. And now I’m worried about MY cat’s thyroid. So, that was also productive for you.

    Like

  204. 206
    Puppygirl

    I really don’t understand how this works. You get into a ‘discussion’ (dodgy or otherwise) with Victor and somehow I get accused of being lazy and irresponsible by MY husband. Something about trying to negotiate to get me to vacuum. I think this definitely calls for a good top to bottom hoovering (another good English word!) of the house while my husband is trying to sleep off his next hangover. At 7:00 a.m. On a Sunday. He’s really got to learn to pick his battles. Us unpredictable sisters have got to keep our men in line.

    Like

  205. Watching Dr Who for four hours (or more) is extremely productive. Where else will you get all those great quotes?

    I spent all day Saturday watching “Merlin,” so I was improving my English language skills, too.

    Like

  206. 208
    Jerry Bauer

    “undo” is dodgy. In context, I think you mean “undue”.

    Like

  207. I spent the day watching Dr. Who too! Totally productive. Because while learning time management I thought about our budget which is a bit dicky. I’m a bit past the farting aliens, though…

    Like

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  208. 210
    OutoftheBoxBA

    Had to tell hubby about this post, and my earlier comment. He argued that there is a plausible sentence which contains “wasting time” and “watching Doctor Who.” That sentence would be “What are you doing wasting your time doing , you could be watching Doctor Who.” However he has now repeatedly told me that the above doesn’t count if you are supposed to be cleaning the basement so someone can come fix the air conditioning and install new HD receivers for DirecTV (Doctor Who in HD, Yay!).(not the same service people, I assume, but they are likely to be here on the same day.) I say they get combat pay if they can make it through my basement and I should be watching Doctor Who.

    Like

  209. Dicky ticker.

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  210. Sounds like a perfectly busy and educational day to me.

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  211. I think he should apologize for not bringing you a blanket.

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  212. @Ludovicaa Ah lass I’ve said dicky ticker before, I’ve not used dodgy ticker though. It doesn’t flow right. I guess it depends which part of England you hail from? After all our roots come from a hodge-podge of different cultures.😉
    Doctor Who is essential research. Victor has admitted that by pointing out there are 50 years of episodes to watch. Not only are you learning about time management and English idioms you are studying the development of said idioms over a period of 50 years. There’s probably a thesis in there somewhere.

    Like

  213. I had never realised “dodgy” wasn’t a universal word. Suddenly I think my blog must not make sense to anybody outside of Scotland…

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    Sarah Rooftops recently posted Talking Me Into: Running.

  214. “Horizontal meditation”… I think I’m going to use that next time I need to justify a nap.
    Non-creative types definitely don’t get the creative process. It’s not always about sitting down at your desk and “being productive.” (I have this argument with my boss all the time). Sometimes you need to sit and watch hours of Doctor Who to stimulate the creative bits in your brain.

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  215. I ocasionally insist on days like yours under the justification that I am recharging my battery. If I don’t get in plenty of horizontal mediation and questionable television I will lose my creative muse. (At least that’s my story)

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    Blondie McBaffled recently posted Fabulous Blog Ribbon.

  216. I spent yesterday watching Bones, also VERY educational (even if you don’t understand a word they say) and practicing horizontal meditation, looks like we both invented it because I didn’t read this post till today. Unless you are projecting your fabulous ideas mentally, in which case I am just your apostle, receiving brilliance. And if that’s the case then CLEARLY you had a very productive day.

    Like

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  217. You’re really busy, right?
    “Dicky ticker”? LOL!

    Like

    Lorii Abela recently posted 7 Warning Signals That She is a Fraud.

  218. Why must our husbands question our methods of work? TV to them is mindless entertainment. TV to people like you and me is research for future blogs. They need to stick to things they know such as; killing bugs, taking out the trash, opening jars and bringing us our bon bons and Diet Coke. Right?

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    Mrs. One Day recently posted The Heat is On.

  219. Gobsmacked – that’s my favorite very British word.
    Who would not astonished to be to be smacked by gob?

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  220. I love horizontal meditation. In fact, I think I’m going to go do some right now. Watch my child? She’s anti-meditation in any form, especially at 4am:-/

    Like

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  221. You just described the general thrust of most every day of my life, these days. Except I don’t usually even bother trying to justify it at all to disappointed (dicky) observers.

    Like

  222. In addition to the number 42, Dr. Who is also the answer to the meaning of life. THAT is pretty fucking important!

    Oh, and tell Victor that mediation will help you find your inner sanctum – it sounds good (and was evidently the name of a spooky old radio show in the 1940s, as well as a cheesy movie with Margaux Hemingway in the 1990s).

    I also love the words dodgy AND gobsmacked. And FYI, in England they have a dessert called Spotted Dick.

    And thanks for the poem. It was awesome. How the hell did that cat get up there?

    Like

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  223. 225
    Sheltiemama

    This is totally what I’m going to call watching “Doctor Who” for hours on end from now on: “Learning about the space-time continuum.”

    Like

  224. Rather than throwing a wobbly, Victor could also be having a turn. But don’t worry, you got it sorted. World Market sells Spotted Dick in tins. It’s rad with Bird’s Custard. And yes, England is where words were invented. And those words begat Chaucer who begat Shakespeare who begat Lewis Carroll, who begat J.K. Rowling!

    Like

  225. Interesting…I too write down things so I can remember why I’m demanding an apology…also so I can remind myself that I’m mad about something after I’ve calmed down. I thought I was the only one who did this, but I see I have a kindred spirit! Thank you! If I start writing down the things that make me happy or smile, I’ll be sure to include this! 🙂

    Like

  226. I love the conversations between the two of you.
    Also Dr. Who is bloody fabulous. Victor needs to stop being a Wanker and just listen to the Doctah…

    Like

  227. You and victor make me so freaking happy. I still haven’t started Dr. Who… I’m terrified of being addicted to another tv show… but you may end up convincing me.

    Like

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  228. @LoveHeckerty – I actually have Spotted Dick in a tin in my pantry right this moment. I’m afraid to eat it, though. I’ve never had it before. What does it taste like? How does one serve it? What is Bird’s Custard – is that just a brand of custard?
    See, everyone – look how productive this thread of comments is. Someone should tell Victor we’ve ALL been working very hard all day and learning lots of new stuff!

    Like

    Mary, QoE recently posted Up All Night.

  229. ‘dicky ticker’ comes from, as far as I know, a British sitcom called ‘Allo Allo’ which was, improbably, set in a french cafe during the occupation in WW2.
    V silly, lots of kissing in cupboards, a bed with flashing bedknobs, an old duffer who used to say in a ridiculous french accent ‘oh my dicky ticker’ and an even more ridiculous accented british policeman who couldn’t speak french. He gave birth to the phrase “Good moaning”, which, pathetically, I still use most days.

    In fact, sod it, this youtube shows you it

    (dicky ticker at 3’49 to save you watching something utterly unfathomable)

    Dicky really only works with ticker.
    Dickish is more likely if someone’s being a dick.

    Now, what about discombobulated?

    Like

  230. Oh and spotted dick – basically like a sponge pudding with sultanas/currants in.

    Like

  231. It’s good to be organised about your arguments so you can demand an apology later. I applaud you, Jenny Lawson.

    I like to make a bullet-point list of things to bring up in an argument because in the heat of the moment, I forget everything I want to say. Then I remember a couple of hours later but it’s really hard to reboot an argument once it’s already ended/the other person has left.

    Also, horizontal meditation is the best. I do up to 10 hours of horizontal meditation every single day and I’m totally zen. Or lazy. One of those.

    Like

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  232. I’m just going to print this up and hand it to my husband this Sunday – Really, Doctor Who takes precedence over all.

    xo

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  233. I totally think you should consider just recording these sessions with Victor. Then turn them into a broadway musical. It would be freaking hilarious and probably make you very well off indeed!!!

    Well enough to buy all the Dr. Who episodes ever made and have the time to just sit down and watch them (since you no longer require additional income). lol

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  234. I think I am going to start using the phrase “dicky ticker” in the OR. Yep. Thanks!

    Like

  235. Horizontal Meditation ? Seriously ? LOL

    Wish I was there watching you two have that conversation so I can laugh my ass off.

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  236. That sounds EXACTLY like my accomplishments for the past several Sundays – give cat his thyroid meds, sit on couch, watch Doctor Who.

    Isn’t it a glorious way to spend a day??

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  237. My comment is just about one word in this post. “Spoilers”. Which is my text notification sounds. I think it’s very appropriate to have River Song say “spoilers” every time someone sends me a text. This is how my mind works.

    Like

    Cecily recently posted The Five Year Plan.

  238. Um, I just found your blog. My sister sent me a link to your post about the 5 foot metal rooster named Beyonce. It made my day. And now I’m going to waste the next hour and a half perusing your super funny blog. Yay!

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    Sue recently posted And then I fell off the couch.

  239. hahahahahaha absolute gold. thanks for this brilliant piece of bloggy literature.

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  240. Oh. My. Word! And yet another post that has me literally LOL-ing! I just love these type of posts. Thank you, thank you, thank you for putting off the horizontal meditation and typing this out instead.

    Like

  241. 243
    Lilysmom72

    Just laughed my ass off through that entire blog post.

    Like

  242. pssttt. i have an idea: next time maybe watch it with french subtitles…then you can learn all the words in the french AND in the english. and come to think of it, “docteur qui” kinda sounds like an exotic porn title. fun!

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    coco recently posted accidental beauty.

  243. I think Victor’s right–get busy! You need to get crackin’ on your next book. I’m half-way through your book and I’m gonna need more, so please hurry. Why can’t you be like that 50 Shades author who cranked out 3 books in a row? ; )

    Like

  244. I have a book called “A brief History of England” it is REALLY old and I got it at an antique store. My mom, who is English, said it is a super old text book. Anyway, a brief history of time or England – kind of the same. Both really old and neither very brief – that is why I bought the book. Anyway, I thought you might find that interesting.

    Like

  245. That was fun to read! Except, you used the word “gotten”. That’s not English. I know, because I am. English.
    What you mean (I think) is “I got a lot accomplished today”, or, better still, “I accomplished a lot today”. Listen to The Doctor. He almost never says “gotten”. Other than that, keep up the good work. Cheerio!

    Like

    Sean recently posted New Marbles.

  246. “Victor: You’ve wasted your entire morning watching Doctor Who.”

    Dear Victor,

    Doctor Who is never a waste of time. Therefore, it is impossible to waste an entire morning watching Doctor Who.
    You stand corrected.

    Luv,
    Sare

    Like

  247. 249
    KINGFRIDAY

    Slate tells us what people REALLY do when they “work from home”…it’s not as bad as your boss might think:
    http://www.slate.com/articles/business/operations/2012/06/working_from_home_a_new_study_reveals_what_people_really_do_when_they_telecommute_.html

    Like

  248. Lady, you are the craziest person I’ve ever heard of. And I love you for it.

    Like

  249. As a Whovian, I’d say absolutely time well spent.

    Fantastic! Molto Bene! Brilliant!

    Like

  250. Love your posts but this one reminded me of a wanna be bloggess.com post conversation between her and her husband. Normally you are very original but not with this one. Love you still and keep on posting!

    Like

  251. I love Dr. Who! Perfect use of time.
    Also, where was Beyonce a year and 4 months ago: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41466543/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/t/armed-rooster-kills-calif-man/#.T-6G55HvmIA

    Like

  252. You my dear are a visionary. I need to have wine with you.

    I find myself hilarious….you though, take the cake.

    Amanda

    Like

  253. 255
    cuntagious

    “Troll” is the new “Nazi”.

    Like

  254. Well I only came on here because “collated” was an answer in a crossword puzzle I was doing and for some reason I instantly thought of Will Wheaton!
    I am English and have never managed to get “dicky ticker” into any conversation…probably because it isnt the 1940’s any more. “Dodgy” however is my teenager’s word of choice to mean ” anything vaguely unpleasant /undesirable or from the 1980’s”
    Anyway, wibbly wobbly timey wimey moves on ,and so shall I!

    Like

    Cathy recently posted Cake.

  255. Sometimes I watch Doctor Who all day for lesser reasons. I’m THRILLED to hear that you’re into The Doctor.😀

    Like

  256. 258
    Chris Burrell

    I LOVE Victor!!

    Like

  257. I’m still getting over the fact that you have gone your whole life without using the word dodgy.
    Actually this reminds me of my favourite kabana story, beside the time we bought one full of dog food, wait no it doesn’t top that one.
    We bought a kabana that was not quite right (clearly not learning from the dogfood incident), mum ate some and said well thats a dodgy kabana (say it out loud).
    See you have gone your whole, entire, 30 something year life, and not said dodgy kabana.
    Ren xx
    p.s. it sounds like dolce and gabbana

    Like

  258. OMG! I just watched the farting alien episode last night!

    Like

  259. “Horizontal meditation” may be my new favorite term EVER.

    Like

    Emily recently posted Still alive!.

  260. I watch Doctor Who when I have to do homework. It’s like brain food. I’ll be sure to watch it all the time since I’m taking physics this year.

    My parents fight with me all the time about watching endless episodes of Doctor Who. They clearly take Victor’s side.

    Like

  261. Hellooo :)) I just came across your blog..I honestly don’t know why I’d never seen it before!! I came across it because it was referenced by Allie in Hyperbole and a Half. I know you get gazillions of messages and you probably don’t really have time to answer them, but I have to say that I am loving you and your blog from what little I’ve had time to read so far!! You’re so funny…random…I never quite know what to expect… a little bit of crazy and originality is hard to find these days in blogs!🙂

    This particular post was amazing. I loved it, because I completely identified with it. My cousin (who i’m currently bunking with) never seems to understand my fascination for Dr. Who, the fact that watching TV is research for me (I too learn new words and get great ideas for stories/blog posts), or why the deuce I enjoy spending hours straight reading my favorite blogs and writing posts for my own blog. sigh..

    Thank you for being so awesomely funny!

    Like

  262. You may also enjoy using “Jammie dodger”. While this is the name of a biscuit in England (one which the 11th Doctor is fond of) it is also a slang term for a person who is very good at getting out of tricky situations or twisting them to his/her advantage. You can also a be a bit jammie, in a similar manner.

    If you’re aware of this, it will also make the Doctor’s use of the biscuit more entertaining. He is definitely a jammie dodger.

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