Jesus Loves Myspace

Today I’m in San Diego doing a reading and signing but while I’m on tour I’m reposting some of my old posts.  This one was from 2008:

I pass this sign all the time and try to figure out what it means:

 

img_1879.jpg

So Jesus died so we could access Myspace in heaven?  I’m no theologian but can’t Jesus just wiggle his nose and make stuff happen?  If you think Jesus has to die so that you can get access to MySpace then you have serious problems, my friend.  I suspect this whole sign is a trick question and the answer is “Burn down this sign*”.

PS.  If you’re dead and still on MySpace I’m pretty sure you’re not in heaven.

*Don’t burn down this sign.

102 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Hahaha, that there is funny! If you’re alive and on MySpace you’re definitely not in Heaven! I’m afraid that Facebook is heading in that same direction, just ask its investors.

    Like

    WilyGuy recently posted Bringer of Conversity.

  2. This can only mean that Jesus is a musician because isn’t that the main reason people are there now? Either that or he’s a little bit behind the times….

    Please remember – you ARE good at it.

    Enjoy San Diego – this is a good time of the year to be there. Plus, they have more Oxygen than Denver.

    Like

    Kara recently posted Spice Girls at the Closing Ceremony.

  3. I hope we get a second coming of Christ so he can die for Pinterest in Heaven, cause I’m going to need that shit!

    A bunch of hardcore Christians hate me now, right?

    Like

    Christine recently posted Canadian Feature Friday: Weekly Culture Shock.

  4. Well, that makes perfect sense to me. I never did join Myspace.

    Like

    Mom Off Meth recently posted Five kids.

  5. I am pretty sure Tom made them write that at gunpoint,

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    recently posted Dearest Children.

  6. 6
    Ilikebeerandbabies.com

    I am pretty sure Tom made them write that at gunpoint

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    Ilikebeerandbabies.com recently posted Dearest Children.

  7. I’m right there with all the sinners in hell, ’cause I’m still a Facebook whore.

    Like

    Just Keepin' It Real Folks recently posted A Low Blow.

  8. Erm, if you’re still on My Space I’m pretty sure you ARE dead.

    Like

    my honest answer recently posted Why Am I Not Invited Anywhere?.

  9. Duh, Jesus. Clearly you should’ve died for Angry Birds in Heaven. Apps are where it’s at. Possibly. I don’t know, I’m not into religion.

    Like

    Robin recently posted Fly, Robin, Fly.

  10. At your Phoenix/haboob signing, I liked that you chose to read the same chapter of your book that my wife showed me, to try and get me interested in it.

    I couldn’t help but notice that you left out the part where you warn your rapist cat about Aids. I was wondering if you ended up regretting that part or if that was just an oversight?

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    Shawnte recently posted Photoshop Friday Weather Report for Phoenix.

  11. I wonder what the sign must say now since Myspace has kinda disappeared…”I’m all a Twitter about JC” or maybe “If you want to spread the word, just Pin it.” (Sorry, couldn’t even come up with something as bad as those for FB, but I tried. *sigh*)

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    Chris Dean recently posted Crusade For Wee-Free Potty Seats.

  12. Pretty sure the intended interpretation is “Jesus died for my space in heaven,” and they turned it into “MySpace” to make a punning reference to what the out-of-touch clergy mistakenly believe is still a culturally relevant institution of the digital age in a misguided effort to reach Kids These Days.

    Like

  13. 13
    Lady Penelope

    “I went to Heaven and all I got was this t-shirt”

    Like

  14. 14
    Christa Irell

    Hey all- just saw Jenny in Denver last night and she is WONDERFUL!!! If you have a chance to see her in San Diego- GO! QUICKLY!

    Like

  15. Jesus was pretty much ahead of his time in terms of social media. The Bible has no account of this, but Jesus’ Twitter account was closed because he kept spamming everyone.

    Like

    Rhana @ Dumb {Squared} recently posted More fun than a barrel of monkeys.

  16. Maybe it’s supposed to say ‘my space’ in heaven, not the actual site but the actual words, Jesus died so Heaven can have enough place for us there or something of that sort. Anyway, my friend just had a B for Science because she wrote ‘poop rope’ instead of intestines, and she actually explained it to the teacher. I feel sorry for her because I wasn’t brave enough to write ‘poop rope’ during an exam. Haha.

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  17. Jesus needs to get with the program. Shouldn’t he be on the cutting edge of the intertubes?

    Like

    Reneesance recently posted Pink Maple Leaf 1970s Polyester knit fabric by Reneesance.

  18. I bet Jesus has like, all the friends on myspace. Like he can just add himself to your account automatically. And then if you’re like what you doing? Jesus is like, I’m saving your soul. Through myspace. Yeah maybe not so much.

    Like

    Holly Folly recently posted How to Can Food In 12 Easy Steps..

  19. Or maybe this is just some elaborate marketing scheme to bring Myspace back to the forefront of social media. It’s like a guilt trip tactic. “Y’all. Jesus DIED for this. Please log-in. Please?” -Tom

    Like

    Ashley recently posted Mother, may I?.

  20. You’re where “Some Like it Hot” was filmed! Beautiful city!
    I put the picture of us from your New York visit here: http://www.executiveseverance.blogspot.com/2012/04/too-much-humor-writing-talent-in-one.html

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    Robert K. Blechman recently posted Batman Goes to Executive Severance for Detecting Techniques.

  21. And people were worried about Big Brother watching them… wow.

    Like

    TheFeelGoodDepot recently posted I’m Not Mad It’s Monday @ The Feel Good Depot.

  22. I saw one recently that made a play on Facebook using the words faith book. I was driving and couldn’t get a photo though.

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    Kris recently posted Tune for Tuesday – The PETEBOX.

  23. That is SO 2008!

    Like

    Rachel recently posted How to Remove Glass from Your Foot.

  24. They should definitely make the sign up process easier than that.

    Like

    Denise Malloy recently posted The Verdict on Junk Food.

  25. On my last road trip I saw a sign reading “You Won’t Find Jesus on Facebook.” I found it hilarious, not just because of the implied condemnation of that social network, but also because I’m pretty sure you can. In fact, if my own circle of friends is any indication, it’s impossible to avoid him there.

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    Jeff Clough recently posted Manliness, Basketball, and the Quest for Balanced Journalism.

  26. I am pretty sure the reason Jesus died wasn’t for MySpace. The reason Jesus died was because he wanted to be the first Zombie, and since God had already stated “Yes Mary, I am your baby’s daddy”, he knew God had his back and would bring him back.

    Like

  27. I love your reposts!🙂 Please keep going. It is so wonderfully weird!

    Like

    Luna recently posted Dyslectic aliens.

  28. Why are musicians on MySpace?

    Like

  29. MySpace is to Heaven as Facebook is to Hell? I would have thought the other way around…. *does a shot*

    Like

    Brooke recently posted Gabrielle Union And Neutrogena Dispel Dangerous Skin Cancer Myths.

  30. Church signs are the best. A friend and I saw one that read “Jesus loves you, no matter what” but we put an empasis on the “no matter what part” that turned Jesus into an insane stalker ex-boyfriend who we eventually had to get a restarining order against. Good times.

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    Megan recently posted I love lamp...only after it cleans itself up though.

  31. Great. Now all I can think of is Jesus getting into funny predicaments, wiggling his nose while Darren barely tolerates his antics.

    And Jesus in a sensible polyester pantsuit? Comedy gold. Although he may have to ditch the sandals.

    Like

    FFW recently posted Help Me Settle a Bet.

  32. omg i love church signs ! they have weird ones here in Australia too, i always wonder if there is a databank for witty pastors or something ?!
    all the best for your tour !

    Like

    Nikki recently posted Different Wednesday– (almost) wordless..

  33. One of my favourite outside-a-church signs is “Jesus wore sandals.” I’m still not sure why this would be either inspirational, or something that the general public might need to be made aware of. Oh, and the one next to the off-ramp that says “prepare to meet thy maker.” It has said that for the past twenty years or so, and even when I was a kid I thought it was a little pessimistic. Maybe that particular off ramp has a high incidence of accidents?

    Like

    Jessica recently posted Overheard While Doing Dishes.

  34. I KNEW Myspace would be making a comeback in the afterlife!

    Like

    Nic recently posted An Open Letter to My Soulmate, Mariah Carey.

  35. HA. I love this so much.

    Heaven was always behind the times.

    Like

    Stephanie recently posted That Corner is as Good as any to Stagnate.

  36. Darnit you are 3 hours away…come closer next time to the humble “Inland Empire” instead of San Diego. We even habe a church with cool signs too like God answers prayer mail.

    Like

    opinion8dhermit recently posted toddler triathalon.

  37. Does ANYONE still use MySpace?

    Like

    Kelly at Cibatarian recently posted Another Pause.

  38. Phew. So glad to know that social media is acceptable in heaven. That would have been a tricky one to get used to otherwise!😉

    Like

    thedoseofreality recently posted WOULD I PAY MONEY FOR THIS: Being Crafty + GIVEAWAY!.

  39. I didn’t realize you had to die to use Myspace… I thought it was still there just lame.

    Like

    Kevin McCrank recently posted Left Spine Down. Check them Out..

  40. Come to Pasadena again. Did you do a signing when you were here not so long ago? Or just shop for neat stuff?

    Like

  41. I find it extra humorous that they are using the word “space” and that’s exactly what they’re missing to help this sentence make sense.

    “Jesus died for my space in heaven”

    Also, “space”? What about “place” or “spot”? They should have asked Jesus for basic literary skills instead.

    Like

  42. That’s about as good as my new favorite news headline “Boy Scout Leader Attacked By Rabid Beaver.” Some statements are just so funny they’re hard to beat!

    Like

    Queen Of All Things Good recently posted The Weekly Random Wrap-Up - Pinterest Edition.

  43. I think there is an online site that churches go to for these things. Sometimes they are clever. Most of the time they should just say “Feel guilty, come inside, give us money”.

    Like

  44. There is NO WAY Jesus is a myspace fan.

    Like

    Mayor Gia recently posted I’m a Sneaky Ninja Spy..

  45. Myspace now has an option to log in using your facebook account.
    I think they’ve given up.

    Would Buddha use Friendster?

    Like

    Heretic Husband recently posted Guest Post: Fundamentalism: The Leading Cause of Atheism.

  46. I think it’s hilarious that some of your commenters are explaining that, MAYBE, it’s supposed to read MY SPACE. HA HA HA. REALLY now? Who woulda thunk it? Snort snort.

    But I agree with you…Satan and FB definitely have some kind of relationship going on. FB is like the 8th deadly sin or something: everyone hates it and knows it’s bad for you but you CAN’T STOP GOING THERE. It’s like internet crack or something. I hate FB. I even occasionally deactivate my account. But then, I fall OFF THE FUCKING WAGON and log back on. It’s…awful.

    Like

    Leila recently posted What Happens When You Wake Up Momma Bear.

  47. I hate to break it to him…being he’s the man in charge and all, but MySpace is sooooo over. Only people hanging out there are people you’d purposely lie to when asked if the empty seat next to you is free (it’s not…someone is sitting here).
    Besides, I think Jesus is more of a Twitter man…quick, easy and his hashtag are all the rage.
    XOXO

    Like

    Martha recently posted The hills are alive with color!!.

  48. @FFW,

    That’s just crazy talk. Everyone knows he folds his arms and nods decisively (accompanied by *BING* noise).

    And that jewel in the navel is just scrummy.

    Wait, that’s Barbara Eden. Never mind.

    Like

  49. I agree with the previouses about myspace being dead.

    As far as the meaning, i think some preacher man thought it would be a funny play on words… “Jesus died for MY SPACE in heaven.” Little did he know that myspace died years ago…

    Like

  50. I keep reading the sign over and over hoping to understand what they’re saying on some level, but I’m still getting nothing. I think someone must have just had a stroke when they were coming up with that one.

    Like

    yetisaurus recently posted Drag Show Adventures - part 1.

  51. Thank God I missed that phase because I had no clue how to turn on a computer–hey, I’m 52 and just learned last year—teaching this old dinosaur new tricks. Now I’m a Facebook aficionado, fossil and all!!!

    Like

    Menopausalmother.blogspot.com recently posted Menopausal Cuckoo.

  52. My fave was always;
    JESUS SAVES
    MOSES INVESTS

    I just love those church signs….they never get it quite right. ….which is just funnier…in a mildly twisted sorta way.

    Like

    sj recently posted We, The People ~ The First Amendment.

  53. Good luck living without this now that you know it exists:
    http://www.monster-munch.com/eaten-by-a-bear/

    Like

  54. I’ve gotta wonder who comes up with these things. A sign on a church in my town right now states “Come inside – we’re PRAYER-conditioned” HAHAHA WOOO! Those church-sign-writers are up and coming stand-up artists.

    Like

    Annie Jay recently posted Mastering the Breakdown.

  55. Love it.

    I never even liked Myspace when it was likeable. Music on a webpage should be illegal.

    That is all.

    Also? I wanted to see you in Toronto, Jenny, but I decided to have my long-awaited MRI instead.😦

    Like

    Stephanie C | Seriously? Really?? Seriously? recently posted 5am Cookies? Nom Nom Nzzzzzzz.

  56. MySpace is still live? Seriously?

    Like

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted It’s all about the furries.

  57. Hah! That’s hilarious. Jesus is behind. MySpace is over.

    -Tara
    http://madmaxandfamily.blogspot.com
    http://blog.chron.com/madabouttown/

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    Tara of Mad Max and Family recently posted Tuesday's Tots and Wee Ones: Your Own Little Pumpkin Patch.

  58. I get to come meet you! It’s exciting!

    Like

  59. Thanks for being so fucking awesome last night in Denver, and for signing allllllll the books, and especially for bringing COPERNICUS, because he is my favorite. And because now when I’m low, I can look at my book and giggle and remember ‘Depression Lies’, because Jenny wrote it right there!

    Like

  60. Had a phone conversation earlier today in which I convinced the worker at Barnes and Noble in San Diego to read “Let’s Pretend…” and thebloggess.com. If you start a peddling empire like Mary Kay, I’m in.

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    Melanie recently posted Hope 2012: Closing Ceremonies.

  61. Then who the hell is on Google +?

    Like

    Jen recently posted Deconstructed Food...or, Lazy Chefs.

  62. So, should I friend Jesus now? Do you think that would help with the whole rapture/ascension to Heaven thing? Wait.. do you “friend” someone on Myspace? I have some research to do. Thanks for the head’s up😉

    Dr.Em

    Like

  63. I’m not sure if this post is more awesome, or if the comments are more awesome.

    Myspace…lol

    Like

    NATurally Inappropriate recently posted I think my kids may be assholes.

  64. Jesus clearly had his priorities confused.

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    Sandra recently posted Therapeutic Thursday 8/9.

  65. That’s because Jesus is a HUGE Justin Timberlake Fan. Duh.

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    Amy recently posted What are Down Pillows? A Goose’s Final Revenge.

  66. That is funny!

    And I love that you lived in Pearland. I know people there, so I keep thinking, “I wonder if Jenny knows so-and-so? She’d really get along with them. But maybe not that other one though.”

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  67. You’d think the supreme ruler of the universe could find a better social network than the fail that’s Myspace. Just sayin’.

    Like

  68. and he still wasn’t able to save it from its own demise. Guess Jesus should have tried dying for twitter since Satan claimed facebook. At least he’d have had more followers! (<- I'm probably going straight to hell for that joke)

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    Brittany recently posted GPS Fail.

  69. I knew there was a reason why I never signed up for MySpace.

    Like

  70. Myspace was the trashy version of FB. This could hurt Jesus’ image… best to let his PR team know and let them handle it rather than taking any rash actions like sign burning. PS – I wish I was in San Diego… jealous!

    Like

    Kelly recently posted Raising a Cry Baby.

  71. The best part is, 14 year-olds are all, like, “Omigawds, that is SO dated!”
    BTW – This week YOU ARE COMING TO SEATTLE!!!!!
    Just in case you forgot. El yay – can’t wait!!

    Like

    Leslie recently posted Geeking Out, Whovian-Style.

  72. 72
    Lynne Thomas

    I keep waiting for the rapture so that car in front of me WILL be unmanned and I can get around them. Also so some of the stupid people will be off my planet. Oh, yeah, I’m going to hell.

    Like

  73. Wait, you were in Pearland in 2008? You could have saved my sister’s marriage. Or something. But then I wouldn’t have her back in Atlanta.

    Never mind.

    Like

    Bryan recently posted Going green and getting clean!.

  74. I can’t decide if the best part of this post is the mental image of Jesus wiggling his nose a la Bewitched or the idea of Jesus using something as passe as Myspace.

    I do believe I’m going to use the phrase “What, can’t Jesus just wiggle his nose and make stuff happen?” in front of my Holy Roller Mother-In-Law and let the hi-larity ensue.

    Like

    Maura @ Eve Was Partially Right recently posted Looking Beyond The Scale: Sage Advice From Sparkpeople.

  75. so this was actually a prophecy…cause isn’t everything now in the ‘Cloud”?

    Like

  76. What if MySpace is hell? Like, all your friends from life are on Facebook. And you’re stuck over there like a fucking fool trying to connect with people who are there but don’t care. You would update your shit and no one would care. And finally, you try to kill yourself, but you won’t die… BECAUSE YOU’RE ALREADY FUCKING DEAD MAN!!!

    Or maybe I’m over thinking it?

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    Valerie recently posted Monday is trying to eat my soul... thru my asshole.

  77. This post reminds me of this church sign debate:
    http://www.snopes.com/photos/signs/dogheaven.asp

    I was so sad to read the description at the end that it’s just a hoax. So sad.

    Like

    EvalynnRose recently posted Writers Annonymous.

  78. Does this mean there’s not going to be any facebook in heaven??! No reason for me to be good at this point, really.

    Like

    Melissa recently posted You may or may not think this post is crap.

  79. Thank you for signing my book for me (and my late kitty Puck). I got a little emotional but it was totally worth the long freaking wait. It was fun chatting with the BlogHer/ Blogger girls in front of me, so the hour wasn’t totally torturous😛

    Hope you enjoy your San Diego adventures!

    ~Samantha

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    Samantha recently posted Simple Geeky Art.

  80. I hope there’s no MySpace in heaven. That would suck big time!

    Like

    Cheryl D. recently posted 5 Cool Things about Menopause.

  81. Oh Jenny, I awoke this morning from a shitty night including a dream where I was being surrounded by a bunch of catholic clergy and we were having a right old ding dong about the ultimate fantasy book, the bible. Billy Connolly popped in and through with all the clergy deferring to him and he turns to me and says “all right, wee Tam, we still on for dinner tonight”? And keeps walking up the grandest staircase to see the pope and then I woke up at 2 Am and went for a pee, that seemed to resolve the issue

    We, will burn for our unkind thoughts Jenny, do you hear me burn LoL

    Like

    Tom Stronach recently posted London 2012, The Closing Ceremony.

  82. Had a great time at your reading tonight!!! My sides hurt from laughing. I’m so impressed by your bravery. Thank you for coming to San Diego!!!

    Like

  83. I am broken up over missing you tonight in San Diego. I had to celebrate an anniversary of sorts, and have been waiting for you to knock on the door, all knock-knock motherfucker, in anniversary fashion….

    Like

  84. 84
    K. Cathcart

    Crap, crap, crap! I can’t believe I missed your book signing tonight. I was so looking forward to it and then somehow life got in the way and I totally forgot that it was today in spite of the fact that it is on every calendar in the house and the one on my computer too…Damn. 😦

    Like

  85. Religious folks are kind of funny. Jesus does so many things that seem weird. I just figured that’s how he rolled, lol.

    Like

    Jenn recently posted And Then It Rained On My Parade.

  86. Hi Jenny! I just want to say thank you for coming to San Diego! You totally made my day, and it was so great to see that you’re just as sweet and nice and pretty as you are in my head. *that’s kind of creepy, but true* Thank you again for making it through what has got to be a pretty tough situation to make all of us stalkerfans very very happy. And, thank you for signing my baby.

    Like

  87. I love signs like this! I once saw one that said “First Anglican free church”
    I really wanted to go inside and be all like, “So what are we? Buddhist? Catholic? Whatever, as long as there isn’t an Anglican in sight!”

    Like

    Kaitlyn recently posted Vlog - Be The Change.

  88. As the daughter of a church secretary…er…business administrator or somesuchtitle, I can tell you two things:

    1. Churches are constantly trying to be hip when coming up with sign slogans are pretty much constantly about 10 years behind the trends…which makes for excellent brain candy whilst on roadtrips through the Bible Belt.

    2. There are actually collections of phrases for churches to put on their signs. I don’t know if they pay for these things, but if they do, goshdarnit, how do I get that gig? It seems like the easiest thing ever and a fun opportunity to slip things like, say, subtle plugs for Facebook in them…maybe Facebook would even sponsor my church-slogan work…I sense a burgeoning industry.

    Like

    Meg recently posted We Are Warriors!.

  89. It was great to stalk, I mean meet you last night. We posted super flattering pictures of only your good side on our blog this morning…and by super flattering I mean cell phone pics…

    Hope you liked the cookies!

    http://www.3craftybitches.com/2012/08/it-all-started-with-simple-conversation.html

    Like

  90. I’m so sad I wasn’t in San Diego last night for this. It was on my calendar, but then I had to do a last minute trip and was out of town, damn it. I hope loads of people showed up and bought your book. I howled through the whole thing and had to give up reading it in bed because I kept waking the hubby up. Fantastic work, my friend, fantastic work!

    Like

  91. I often read your blog right before I go to bed because it usually makes me laugh so hard that it makes me tired enough to go to sleep. After reading this I had to drag my husband out of the bathroom while he was brushing his teeth so he could see this sign. Hilarious! I’m so going to hell with facebook.

    Like

    Lily from Itsadomelife recently posted Someone Wants To Call The Pacifier Police On Me.

  92. My friend and I passed a church one day and the sign read:

    JESUS CAME TO BRING LIFE

    We seriously had to resist the urge to change it to:

    JESUS CAME AT LEAST TWICE TO BRING LIFE

    Yes, I’m going straight to hell.

    Like

  93. I think this is just a play on words like he died for my space in heaven, because he had to die so we can go to heaven the MySpace is just to get attention but still everyones take on it is pretty funny lol

    Like

  94. I wondered who was still over there.

    Like

    Karen Sanders recently posted Surely I'm Related to Ted Turner.

  95. See, I knew from the Christian Mingle commercial on TV that God does actual use the Interwebs.

    Like

  96. http://www.buzzfeed.com/tweetmeme/l307f5d530cef42fabc379800d73219d7jpg/ Church sign argument. Best thing ever. For the record, I’m with the Catholics.

    Like

  97. If Jesus died for MySpace in heaven, well, that was really a waste.

    Like

    Tara recently posted Positivity And The 3:1 Ratio.

  98. There is a church sign on my way to work every morning – this past week it has read “Stop Drop And Roll Will Not Work In Hell”. Give them an A for effort I guess…

    Like

    Sephani Paige recently posted Sephi, SMASH!.

  99. I love you, and this blog. but the thing I love most about this particular post is that people are so……….. special, that you actually have to include an ‘also, don’t burn down this sign”.

    Like

  100. haha. I pass that same sign all the time!

    Like

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