I rinse them out first. Stop judging me.

in Random Crap

Victor:  Why the hell did I just see Hunter S. Thomcat running into the bedroom with a bottle of pills?

me:  I think you just answered your own question.

Victor:  No, seriously.

me:  Relax, it’s empty.  I put my empty bottles on my desk to remind myself when I need to call in refills, but then he knocks them down and chases them all over the house.  Those pill bottles are his favorite toys.  Those and lasers.  That cat could not have been named better.

Screen Shot 2012-09-18 at 10.08.44 AM

PS.  I’d like to clarify that neither Hunter S. Thomcat nor I would like to glorify drug use in any way.  Drugs are bad.  Unless you need them.

Much like lasers.

PPS.  Remember when this blog wasn’t half cat pictures and HST quotes?  Me either.

285 thoughts on “I rinse them out first. Stop judging me.”

Read comments below or add one.

  8. He should ask Ferris Mewler for help with those bottles…I mean that extra toe is like a thumb.

  12. My cat also loves pill bottles but he prefers them to be with pills because they make a fun noise.

    Also, you really did hit it out of the park with that name!

  13. Oh the nightmares I’ve had about if our cat had thumbs… she’s already like a raptor as it is. We’d be murdered in our sleep ten ways til Tuesday.

  14. That’s a lovely couch. And also, I’m still in love with your cat.
    Damn it, I should have picked him for my hero I would like to meet. =P

  17. My cat, Max, has a shoe obsession. You never know where you’ll find your shoes these days.

  18. My Henry loves empty pill bottles, too. He likes to get one end of the bottle wedged up underneath the door and then whine pathetically that his pill bottle friend is wedged up underneath the door.

  23. I want my own Hunter S Thomcat so I can add my own pics to the Lolcat craze. One day I guess, when I finally stop being a layabout Househusband. Husband can barely afford to feed us both let alone a kitteh too. Unemployment fail

  24. I suspect my cat needs rehabilitation for her addiction to black twisty ties. She could also use thumbs – I’m fucking tired of having to turn the faucet on and off for her. Lazy bastard cat.

  26. Don’t feel bad, HST. I *have* thumbs and I still fight with pills bottles EXACTLY like you do.

  30. HST is a lot more refined than any cat I’ve ever had. Their favorites were usually the plastic ring from a gallon of milk, or a dirty Q-tip.

  31. How hideously jealous is the Ferris Mewler fellow with this new interloper?

    (Actually, Ferris LOVES him and they play all the time. Rolly, on the other hand, can’t stand him. ~ jenny)

  32. Dammit, now I miss my insane Siamese devil-cat.

    Though my skin *has* finally healed from all the wounds…. And she’s happy in her new home. I can visit her.

    Next time I want to take a two hour boat ride to get abused by a cat with issues and no pattern recognition.

    Anyway, cat pictures are awesome. And so is your blog, in general, so.

  34. This is awesome :D. One of my cats carries a small marble and then bats it around. It took me months to figure out why there were random marbles on the floor (all over the house). Now the mystery is where does she find the marbles lol.

  37. HST does have a pretty fabulous temper-tantrum face, as seen on TV the other day and in various pictures. Of course, now I understand WHY he gave THE FACE to Katie Couric…no drugs that day.

    My dogs like empty pop bottles (soda, for you non-MN people) …getting the cap off keeps them busy for about two whopping minutes every time.

  38. This is why cats are so much more fun than dogs!

    No one ever blogs pics of their boring dog.

  40. Hunter S. Thompson once said, “You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when its waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye.” Those pictures make me think that Hunter S. Thomcat is imagining a hunting knife, too.

  41. if you put a few dry pinto beans or even dried peas in the bottle, you can effectively make a rattle and HST could hunt them down. or run away from the noise. it’s kinda a crapshoot, but either way, fun for you to watch. also, the little pull off tabs from the milk are the next best toy for cats on catnip or anti-anxiety meds. Not that I would know that from personal experience.

  42. Great name! If I had a cat I’m certain he’d wish that was his name.

    I once dated a woman who “didn’t believe in taking pills.” Not even aspirin. I was married to one who had a prescription drug addiction and was busted by the DEA. I’m a fan of taking meds if they help, and try to stay somewhere in the middle, lol

  44. Oh my god! Best. Kitten. Toy. Ever! You are truly a genius Jenny. I can only hope that one day I can name pets as prophetically as you!

  45. Damn cats. Mine steals rubber bands and has learned to open doors to get to them. That is, when she’s not climbing curtains.

  46. I’ve been browsing your store. I want to buy the “I poisoned something in the refrigerator” magnet. Thought I might deter the boyfriend from eating all my goodies. But $19.99 to ship a friggin magnet to Canada? That ain’t right.

  50. I WANT A CAT!!!!!!!!!!
    I WANT A CAT!!!!!!!!!!
    I WANT A CAT!!!!!!!!!!
    I WANT A CAT!!!!!!!!!!

    But it’s either my boyfriend and his son who both have allergies (how LAME), or a cat.

    Decisions. Decisions.

  51. Uuumm….are his toenails painted blue??? LOL!!! thanks….I needed this today…was in a funk and this made me laugh, and I’m still smiling. That’s something…YOU ROCK!

  52. I agree with ” wasnt_serious”, he really needs to get Farris Mewler to help him with this problem. Two sets of teeth and eight paws works better than one set of teeth and four paws.

    Just saying.

  57. See, now if you can put a bunch of pinholes in the plastic, you can put some catnip in then he can actually get nice and baked!

  58. Now I don’t feel so bad for mine playing with my meds packets. I had to draw the line at tampons thought..That was just weird..They were unused, but even so….

  60. That’s so funny! I adore your blog. Not sure what I would do without it…but I’m sure a straight jacket would be involved.

  61. I love HST quotes and pictures! You won’t hear any complaining from me. Oh, and could you PLEASE do something more in depth on the whole blue claw thing? I’d love to know what kind of caps those are and if they really work or not (plus if they really are a nightmare to put on or not).

    I WANT A KITTY!

  64. Since we all follow closely your exploits with a giant metal chicken, I am confident there will be interest in random cat posts. Now go make some products with the cat and pill bottles in Zazzle.

  65. We have a bat that lives on the side of our house. No, seriously. He sleeps there all day and goes off hunting or something at night. I need help choosing the little creature a name. I was kind of thinking Lenore but she seems to need a last name too. Right?

  67. See Bertrum Thumbcat for cats with opposable thumbs on FB.If you have not seen the Cravendale milk commercials, go now. Do not pass Go and collect $200.

  69. That is wonderful. Someone has to teach him how to take his proper meds. I mean, without proper meds where would we be? You are a wonderful Kitteh Mama.

  73. Um, did you give HST a manicure? Because his claws look blue. Maybe it’s a side effect of the meds?

    Seriously, I’m allergic to cats. And all this HST stuff is making me want one. Just for entertainment.

  74. I am not sure what is more funny…the comments you make on the pictures of HST, or the fact the faces he makes fit perfect into your comments. I am a huge fan of that cat.

  75. Geez. I got away for a little bit and I miss 1. HST; 2. A lot of fried food; 3. A giveaway; 4. HST; 5. HST; 6; Suicide awareness; 7. HST; 8. Terrifying alligator stuff; 9. Drug/pill PSA;and 10. HST.

    I just can’t leave for any length of time, can I? Sigh.

  81. He is utterly, astoundingly, awesomely the most perfect cat for you. I’m so glad he landed in your care so we get to share his adventures! A lesser person wouldn’t remotely chronicle this awesomeness. <3

  84. I presume you have seen this, but DON’T show it to HST! P.S. My kitty’s name is “Princess Jiji” – Jiji was Kiki’s cat’s name in “Kiki’s Delivery Service,” voiced by Phil Hartman (who I miss every day!)

    Tim Curry does the voice over on this… to perfection!

  85. I can sympothize… I also spend way too much time chasing dropped pill bottles around the house! But, I possess 2 working double-jointed thumbs… so, what’s my excuse??? 🙁

  86. Wow. Your cat rocks.

    I just go to the store for refills, it seems silly to call them in when I can just go, ask for it, get told “it’ll be about an hour” and go shopping for an hour. Voila! I get my medicines and shopping time both.

    Shopping time is FUN.

    And you need to put some beans or something in the pill bottles. Hunter S. Thomcat would LOVE it if they made noise.

  89. I leave empty bottles on the counter as reminders, and the cats (we have five … ) knock them down and play with them, which sort of defeats the whole purpose, but it’s a system that works (more or less). As I was typing this, my calendar app reminded me that it’s time to take my Lithium. The irony!

  90. At least he sticks to prescription drugs… The last thing you need is for Hunter S. Thomcat to be roaming the mean streets looking to score!

  91. More importantly – what is the awesome fabric that Hunter S. Thomcat is lounging on! LOVE it!

    (It’s a chaise I found on the side of the road. It’s right next to my desk so that’s why I have so many pictures of him on it. ~ Jenny)

  94. And here I though it was only my whackadoodle cats that loved to play with pill bottles. Maybe it’s a sport?

  95. Jenny (can I call you that? I feel like we’re friends, even though you’ve never met me, and we’ve never had a conversation), if you’re having trouble with the softpaws staying on, I find that using more glue that the packaging recommends solves that problem. I load those suckers up, and they usually (except maybe one or two) don’t come off for weeks. It certainly is better than claw marks all over everything! I only wish I’d discovered them when Willie was a kitten!

  97. Hahaha, my cats do the same thing! The especially like it if you put something in it (like a rock or a bead or a water bottle cap) so it makes a rattle-y noise. Of course then you’ll never get any sleep again ever, especially if he likes to play with it in the bathtub. But you can’t fight the cute.

    We have two adult cats and three kittens, and recently brought one of these home: http://www.amazon.com/Hamusuta-845-Happy-Hamster-Ball/dp/B000NPGMOU They love it! And we love watching them stalk it and run away from it when it comes towards them. Hours of entertainment. 🙂

  100. I need to have an HST in my life. Cesare the chinchilla is cool, and likes to give me the stink eye, BUT IT IS TOTALLY NOT THE SAME. He likes to chew on toilet roll holders, not run around the house with pill bottles. Though, can you imagine a chinchilla doing that??????????

  104. Funny! My dog likes to carry around my 8 lb hand weights. Hey, at least someone’s using them.

  105. OMG, it’s total self-fullfilling name prophecy! Like when we named our dog “Tonks” and then she broke her leg less than 10 minutes after coming home. Yes, just as clumsey as her namesake. And she continues to be just as clumsey, but with none of the auror-like qualities of the real Tonks. Of course, maybe she won’t be killed by death eaters then. Oh, if you haven’t read all the Harry Potter books, don’t read that last sentence, **spoilers.**

    BTW, why is there no spell check on these comment boxes? I totally don’t know how to spell clumsey. Clumsy? Clumbsey? Comment box, totally not helping me! Don’t they know I need help?!

  106. I don’t get baby fever, I get cute kitten fever. And I’ve got a big ole case of it right now, all cause of that cute little pill bottle lovin’ kitten of yours!!

  110. The little ring of plastic you pull off to open a jug of milk. Also, of course, balled-up paper. And, my Lala’s favorite: 3 or 4 Dove chocolate foils rolled up into a ball.

  111. Ahhhh. I thought my kitty was the only one who loved the pills 🙂 I got so tired of chasing after my pill bottles that I designated one for Luna and filled it with some old bells from a Christmas pen I got as a gift. Now of course she has lost all interest in any pill bottle, but hey its there for her amusement.

  113. My cat deliberately knocks things off of shelves, my son wen through 3 piggy banks (until I wised up and bought him a PLASTIC piggy bank) because the cat liked to hear them smash… he’s a bit of a dick. One time he was so mad at my husband for me going away on a trip and leaving him (the cat) behind that he gave Mr J the stink eye and then smashed a glass on the floor. True story.

    I wish my cat was attracted to pill bottles. The clean up would be so much easier.

  115. Cats are so awesome with their “look at me, but don’t stare because that’s creepy” attitude. All my stupid dog does is snort and rub eyeball goop on my walls. Hate her.

  116. Thank you. I was feeling really crappy and grumpy and had my crankypants firmly situated, but these photos are just fucking fabulous.

    One of our cats loves to bat batteries around. Anything shiny, really.

  117. Just wondering how much time you spend during the day following your cat around with a camera? 😉

  118. HST is adorable.
    We are fostering a mama with her 6 (yes, 6) babies. Soon our house will be overtaken by little paws.
    I’m dreading the day, but quite excited.

  119. My cats (two of them at least) love to play with chenille pipe cleaners you can purchase in any craft store or Target. My husband twists two or three different colors together and then wraps the whole thing around a pencil and Ta Da!! TWIRLIE! Hours of entertainment for kitties. Until they try to wash them in their water dish…cats…go figure!

  120. Hunter needs his own Facebook fan page. Is there one yet and I missed it?!?! I’d be a fan and I’m not even a cat person………yet.

  123. I’m kind of new to The Blogess <> but I just finished your book. I have never snorted with laughter on a plane before. If I weren’t a pale skin gal I think the TSA would have been called in. I’m just here to say, “Hey. Think you’re a genius funny person and your cat pictures made me snort in the privacy of my own home!” Thank you! I love that his nails are painted blue!

    Yer newest fan,
    DeMonica

  125. Haha, well let me tell you my human child also likes to play with my pill bottles. When they’re not empty, so that he can shake them like maracas. It brings him so much joy I can’t take them away.

  126. My cats like to play with my retainer, which oftentimes isn’t rinsed out first….

    I would definitely prefer that they play with my pill bottles.

  127. The real question is whether you remembered to call in those refills. 😉 Half the time I don’t even remember, and I don’t have a cat knocking the pill bottles around.

  129. I drill kind of small holes in old pill bottles, fill them with cat treats and drop them on the floor. Our cats go nuts trying to get the treats out. By-the-by the hole is big enough for a treat to come out of… they just have to figure it out.

  135. I’m allergic to cats, so I’ve never really understood the fascination… Until now. I think HST might be the REAL HST reincarnated as a cat. If he starts dragging in mescaline instead of dead birds, I think we’ll have our answer.

  136. I think that a few wine corks would be a nice addition to Hunter S. Thomcat’s playthings. Seems appropriate considering his current druggy predilections…

  137. My last cat was a klepto that stole my roommate’s toilet paper out of her bathroom cupboard, but I could totally see her being into pills. Man, I miss that cat…she was awesome!

  139. I LOVE HST & Ferris Mewler… but whatever happened to Rolly? We haven’t heard about her or seen her pretty much since she sat on your towel turban. Is it because she isn’t as hilariously-ridiculous as the boys, or because something happened to her?

    (She’s still around, but she hides from Ferris and HST so normally she’s hiding when I have the camera out. ~ Jenny)

  140. Dangerous toys are the best toys of all, especially for kids and pets. When my daughter gets ahold of contraband of any kind, the look of sheer joy on her face is worth the risk of death and maiming. This goes for cats as well, I assume, but their faces are far less expressive so I can’t be sure.

  141. I completely approve of pills, for cats or humans. I started my kids on pills when they were still just fetuses! (How? Uhm, birth canal, insertion, vitamins…it’s kind of personal.)

  146. We don’t ever want to give animals thumbs. Animals have no self control when it comes to treats!

  151. Are those softpaws? Because seriously my boys gnaw softpaws off in an hour. I need to know your tricks. The lives of my sofa and brand new mattress set depend on it.

  153. Dude…does he share at least, or does he keep all of the good stuff for himself?? My vet suggested valium for my cat not that long ago. It appears the children are driving him to pull out his fur. I promised her he would get at least half the bottle. For some reason, we left without a script 🙂

  154. The Bloggess,
    So I write on Facebook:
    How strange it is to find my blog on blogrolls of bloggers I don’t even know (eloquent, right?).
    To which someone replies: The only other person who can say that is The Bloggess. You are famous, Le Clown.
    Wouldn’t you say that I had to check you out? Man… will my comment ever be lost in this sea of replies…
    Le Clown

  158. My cat loved coloured mini-marshmallows. I left a bag on the coffee table only to come home from work and find the bag half empty. They became toys that she purposely whacked under the couch and loveseat to melt in the summer heat, just enough, so that they could stick to the wood floor.

    I miss having a cat. Allergies suck! Which will make things difficult when the cat overlord takes over the world. Unless they have the cure. Then I eagerly await the day of our new Overlord’s arrival.

  160. That cat gets a smile out of me every time, often when I need it most. Please don’t ever stop posting about HST.

  161. HST has to be the most appropriately named furr-baby I’ve ever seen. It’s amazing the random things cats and dogs find to amuse themselves. There can never be enough HST!

  163. you really should put some dried beans in a couple of your larger pill bottles (as someone with an anxiety disorder as well, I Know without asking you have spare pill bottles hiding in strange places, At least my pill bottles seem to hide in strange places) for Hunter to play with. Cheap cat toys are the best cat toys.

  164. My dog loves playing with pill bottles too–we put rice in them and she thinks they’re the best toys ever.

  165. HST reminds me so much of my long, lost sweet Lily. Lily was a beautiful kitten with an enormous personality who ended up being male. I refused to change the name and referred to Lily as “it” rather than “she” or “he”. Maybe Lily ran away from the torment of gender confusion. Anyway, I miss Lily and love all the photos of Hunter.

  166. Hunter (I can call him that, can’t I?) must know what it’s like to be a hounded celebrity. He probably thinks you are his Mommy, but really you are paparazzi. Just as long as he doesn’t put his paw on your lens and angrily push you away, or throw a punch at you, I think it’s ok to take so many photographs. Just try to respect his privacy once in a while. Kitties need space too!

  173. HST is a seriously kick-ass kitty!
    And please stop making light of “kids” playing with pill bottles; you know, or KGA will say you’re making fun of HER. Oh boo-hoo, cough sputter, narcissicm re-defined! 😉

  177. There can NEVER be enough photos of HST. Crazy cats that dismiss “cat toys” and make toys of household objects. My Neva recently found an (unopened) tampon on my bathroom counter, played with it and actually carried it around her in her mouth. sigh. Good thing we didn’t have company over! Have a great day Jennie!

  180. I never thought of empty pill bottles as cat toys–one of my dear boys will love this idea.

    (Half the traffic I get on my most popular blog is driven by cat pictures–keep the cat pictures coming.)

  181. HST, thumbs aren’t gonna help… I have 2 of them and those bottles are still a bitch to open. I think your idea to chew them open is probably more efficient. Also, I’m not sure what side effects those meds have on cats, so maybe you will grow thumbs once you get that bottle open…

  182. Like Andrea, I get the dirty q-tips and they are left all over the house. Buffy likes to leave an assortment of items on my pillow while I sleep as my cat likes to play fetch with these. My favorite is reaching my hand up to throw what I think is a toy and finding a giant, wet, have eaten, but still alive bug. So not pleasant. Her drug of choice is rum and coke which is harder, though apparently not impossible, to play with.

  184. Devon, do you have friends in the US that you can have the magnet sent to? My Canadian friend does that, and I can ship things to her way cheap.

  185. I am absolutely in love with your cat. Mine does not steal my pill bottles as he is entirely unaware of his own insanity. He just likes to steal the flowers out of my vases.

  187. I recently acquired two new kitties. One showed up at my door durimg a thunderstorm, soaking wet and DEMANDING to be let in. The other somehow appeared in the parking lot of my job, and every time I walked outside. I saw her come out from up in the engine of one of the vehicles parked there, obviously she needed to get out of there before she got sliced and diced!!

  188. What an excellent post, especially the “BRING ME SOME THUMBS!” caption. My cats are exactly like that, little overlords who demand instant service.

  189. Have had at least one cat all of my life. They are haughty, demanding in a nice way in that they will not bite you, love to do things for you – leave headless chipmunks, dead squirrels, walk on the dinner table to taste the spaghetti, roll on their back so you can satisfy your need to rub their tummies. they also love lasers and are understanding of you enough to stop playing when you are tired by turning their backs and stalking off, walk in front of the computer screen to remind you it is playtime. Very kind, considerate friends. Absolutely love them. I once had an orange cat like HST and had named him Alexander. He was full of fleas,infected me and the entire house and left when he knew he was going to have to be de-fleaed. Really missed him after all the swelling of my legs resolved. (I had actually give him to friends who had a real ranch with millions of cats who would line up for a drink of milk as the cows were milked. Really – a real ranch)
    give HST, Victor ( a strong man if there ever was one ), Hailey (wonderfully gorgeous ) and you a great big family hug.

  191. That is one of the most ridiculous cats I’ve ever seen. I bet he and my cat Lucifer would be best friends if they ever met.

  192. I consider myself a dog person more than a cat person. However, a few weeks ago, my mom called to tell me about a dog adoption event at the local tractor supply, and me being me, I had to go visit the dogs. Except when I walked in the door, there was a crate of kittens. And in that crate was the most awesome cat I have ever met in my life. His name was Fitzgerald. Although I think he was misnamed. I called him Alec Baldwin. Because as soon as I took out my phone to get some pictures of his hilarious antics, he reached through the crate and started swatting at my phone all “GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE” like an Alec Baldwin rage monster.

  193. Best cat toys ever, the pull tab thing on the top of a gallon of milk. I have dozens under my refrigerator.

  194. a) The paws while sleeping. HST has the best sleeping positions.
    b) Don’t you have another cat who jumps down from the XMAS tree? Is she bitter and jealous that you aren’t posting pix of her? I expect revenge.
    c) How are the nail coverings working? I always wanted to try that for my cats. Well, one cat in particular who enjoys shredding the furniture. Did you have to sedate HST to put them on?

  195. A cat playing with empty pill bottles is totally no big deal.. as kids our favorite toy was a “one shot squirt gun”.. you know, my Dad’s syringes, with the needles broken off! Those were cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (my Dad was a diabetic)

  197. Little Misty Moodle – a little Russian Blue – loves these: http://www.amazon.com/FX-Mini-Porcupine-Balls-Toy/dp/B003FPZWM8/ref=sr_1_3?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1348004208&sr=1-3&keywords=mini+koosh+ball The little furry monster loves to walk around with these in her mouth making a weird mew noise – looking like the Ood from Dr. Who ( http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Ood – yeah, you kinda have to use your imagination and squint a little.) $6 for a bazillion of ’em, you can’t go wrong.

    Oh, and parachute cord. That’s crack for ’em.

  198. Our cat ..Carl Spackler’s favorite toys are twist ties and of course lasers. He loves to get “stoned” and then passes out about two feet from his catnip bowl..and of course I am not condoning excessive nipping..especially not in bat country..and “this is fuckin’ bat country”..look out!!!

  205. My cats found the acorns I gathered for the baby flying squirrel and have been rolling them all around the house. Mostly when we’re trying to sleep.

  206. Hahaha…still loving those blue nails! The family I nanny for has two cats, and I’ve now bought them multiple sets of nail covers, mostly of the pink and blue variety. I love the little clicky clacky noises they make when they walk.

  207. The ring from a milk jug. Anyone know what I am talking about? My cat LOVES those things!!

    Of course I am not the best cat mom as she apparently ate over two feet of gift wrap ribbon (in multiple hues because she loves rainbows) and had to have it surgically removed because a twist tie held the colors together. * sigh *

  208. My parents favorite story is about the time they used the kids in my nursery school class to test child-proof caps and I asked the teacher if I could use my teeth to open the lid :/. So HST, just use your teeth!! Teacher said its ok!!

  212. I didn’t think I could laugh today. I’m having one of those overwhelming, wanting to hide in my closet kind of days. (I hate these fucking days). But, your little kitty just made me chuckle. Thank you for that.

  213. I nearly died, okay minor cardiac arrest, reading this post and the pics. HST’s facial expressions (does a cat have those????) are amazing~ he might have been human in a former life. More HST pics please!
    On a serious note, I appreciate your honesty and bluntness in sharing your journey with depression! If more people were willing to talk about it like you do then maybe people who live with it would feel less isolated!

  216. i think it’s adorable that your cat plays with empty pill bottles. because what are they really? cat toys! and we all thank you for rinsing first.

  220. Why do YOU have cool cats with awesome personalities while I have temporary custody of my daughter’s snotty “don’t touch me you loser because I am too cool” cat??
    Obviously the cat karma of the universe is unfairly balanced in your favor.

  221. My cat that can open doors also loves playing with my pony tail holders (yes, that’s what we call them in Texas-stop judging). He looks for them on my nightstand. if he doesn’t find one there he goes to the bathroom counter. If he still hasn’t found one he opens the bathroom drawer and gets one out! I find them all over the house. It’s incredibly annoying. 🙂

  223. My cat Adorabelle Underfoot is seriously in lust with HST. She’s making me type this. Seriously.

  227. THAT is most hilarious thing I’ve seen in fucking forever. Actually the “no, I’ll do it” box is the funniest to me! I must Pin this now!!! You never fail to make us laugh, Jenny.

  230. that is so freaking funny! Our puppy had an eye problem just after a few weeks trying to kill herself…..i don’t understand animals, but It cost us a lot of money. anyhow when I would fall asleep she would go find her eye medicine and take it to her secret spot. I mean, come on, I;m human and have at least half a brain. I can figure out where your secret spot is. she ate the top off of the medicine and let it drain out. twice. I had to call animal poison control. Really? I didn’t even know that existed.

  231. I think your cat and my new puppy would get along.

    The cat digs pill bottles and my dog steals empty water bottles. Meds and a beverage.

  233. I swear. I just love you.

    and now I feel kinda creepy for saying that.

    so I should just say I like you. I like your website. it is awesome and something I need in my life.
    thank you for being on my computer.

  234. I love you and HST so much. I can’t even say how much I like this post. I read it at school and everyone called a crazy cat lady so I made them read it and now they think I’m even weirder and I’m just like “HOW ARE YOU NOT HOOKED? How are you not immediately happy after reading that? How are you not wishing you had that book? How are you not getting this?”

  235. My dog steals water bottles everywhere he can find them, including people’s hands. Stupid health nut. Clearly, he’s adopted.

  236. i love pics of your cat. he’s adorable. i work in a library and was pleasantly surprised yesterday when cataloguing new books to come across yours. i recognised it instantly from your blog. i’m in australia

  240. My two cats love straws. There are straws all over my apartment, in various stages of destruction. They chew on them until they’re shredded and unrecognizable as straws in a previous life. Twist, the 3 year old, carries them in to the cat room where the food bowls are and deposits them next to the bowls when she has a snack. I can carry them back out to the living room where the cat toy depository is, and in a couple hours, they’re back in the food area. She’s always so proud of herself, carrying those straws around. I don’t see the attraction, but whatever. 100 cat toys for $.50 (or free from a fast food place). What could be better? (also, at least they’re not legos, because those HURT when you step on them!)

  241. Love your captions ! Maybe HST is HST reincarnated . You must write a book with him. Because we can’t know fur sure one way or another. I wish there was a like button on comments, although it could be scary. ” What! 500 people are planning a trip to Texas to steal my cat?” Not that I would steal your kitten. #1) I’m not mentally ill that way 2) kittens turn into cats 3) my husband would be fur-ious.

  242. You and HST may not have yet realized it, but you’re single-handedly (or single-pawedly – IT IS TOO A WORD. Well, it is now) …

    Where was I? Oh, right.

    You’re single-handed-pawedly increasing the cat adoption rate by these HST posts. Therefore, it is your duty to continue such awesomeness. For the sake of the kitties. And for the sake of people with left-over pill bottles.

  243. Having recently gotten a new dog, I understand why you post so much about HST. It’s fascinating discovering the personality of a new companion and we want to share, whether it be a new boyfriend, a new baby, or a new pet.

    I like seeing your HST stories and picture, so maybe I’m not completely boring people with tales and pictures of my dog, Bogie.

  244. My vet stopped prescribing pills to my cat after he started driving erratically and swerving into light poles.

    On an unrelated note, if you happen to know any designated drivers in the Vancouver area, I’d appreciate the info.

  249. My cat prefers prescription bottles with the pills still inside, so I put some coarse sea salt in an empty bottle so it would still rattle.

  250. I love his Soft-Paws! The pet store near me stopped carrying anything but clear or pink sparkles.

  255. hunter iallianylys bri–wait–is brilliantly potraying my condition as i recover from thumb arthritus surgery performed yesterdaY. TYPING WITH left hand. difficult. right thumb hurt but soon not anymore. thank you pills

  257. Perfect! I was feeling all stabby from my chronic pain condition/ mental fogginess this morning, and now I am cured.

  258. My cats love tampons. Still in the wrapper. They rattle, they roll when you bat at them, and they mortify guests when they come sailing out from under the couch.

  259. God, he reminds me of my Jack when he was a little one. (A little kitten, that is…)

    Jack used to pick up whatever was by the bathroom sink: medication, soap, my mother’s glasses. He’d trot to the edge of the stairs with it, throw it down, his head going up and down as he watched it on its way, as though it were a vertical tennis match. Then back to the sink for the next thing. I can only assume he was taking notes on his results while I wasn’t watching, eg. plastic containers bounce better than soap, the glasses get a fun reaction from the humans, etc.

    This is also the cat who climbed all over and behind the TV pawing to get inside, trying to figure out where the hell all those little people were coming from…

  261. This post is one of my all time favorites. The captions are fucking GENIUS! You Rock! (I would click on that button if you had it…)

  262. Jenny, please create a “Featuring: Hunter S. Thomcat” tab? There are days when I really, really need to see post after post with your HST pictures and content. He is the very model of a modern major ginjacat. Nothing random nor crap about HST, hon!

  263. Reminds me of my daughter’s ferret who decorated the whole house with an entire box of cute little pink mini-pad packages from under the bathroom sink…

  269. All I can think of is the line from the anti-drug commercial that you referred to in your book: “I learned it from watching you!”

  270. Hunter looks beautiful, and so like our little cat Moses, he’s a hunter too, frogs are his speciality. He loves to bring us live ones.

  272. One of my kitties loves hair elastics, flings them around pounces, sneaks up on them.. but in his old age he now steals socks, not sure why….the other two prefer to find their toys outside, last week two of them were taking turns pouncing on a mole in the backyard while it was trying furiously to dig an escape in the hard packed rainless dirt. My husband came along and dealt with it, they are now pissed with him for ruining their whack-a -mole game!
    it really isnt fun to find several dead rodent bodies in the backyard (not eaten, just played-with to death. oh well at least they’re not bringing them home live….

  275. Why is everyone talking about the cat? This post is about that sumptuous and gorgeous couch right?

  276. You know Jenny, if this blogging thing doesn’t work out for you, you could make big bucks as a pet-naming consultant.

  277. OMG my cat does that, too. I buy her plenty of real toys and what does she like best? Pill bottles, hairspray caps, and hair ties. Apparently in another life she was a drug addict with a perfect hair complex.

  280. The week before Thanksgiving, I got an accidental kitten. He showed up on my sister’s property and she was unable to keep him. That is SO something he would do. He has even gone as far as to rummage through my purse.

  281. so i flipped my calendar to april and, of course, saw hunter s. thomcat with his pilly, pill, pills and realized: if ferris mewler hadn’t lost his thumbs, he could have helped hunter open that damned childproof lid. yes, it took me this long to figure it out. also, i haven’t slept two hours straight in, like, a week. these things may be related. i can’t be sure.

  282. My one-year-old nephew enjoys gnawing on empty pill bottles as well. His mother keeps one in her purse, but it can get a little awkward getting it out for him in public.

  285. It’s sweet that he’s following in the grand tradition of his namesake. Just never let him drive to Las Vegas with his lawyer.

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It\'s like I\'m stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

Discover more from The Bloggess

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading