Skanky-ween

in Random Crap

Okay.  I totally get that women’s halloween costumes are all slightly skanky compared to men’s costumes and I don’t begrudge your personal choices in costumes, but I think we have officially crossed the line.

Body bag costumes…men vs. women:

To be fair, you can zip the hood up over the woman's face for "more coverage". Also, that thing around her neck is her "toe tag". Truth.

I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

Updated:

Victor suggested that if I want to leave the planet I should dress as an astronaut.  These are the costumes that popped up for me.

The name tag on the middle one is "AUSTRONAUGHTY." I couldn't even make this shit up.

They also recommended a costume for when I arrive on the moon.  It’s called “Lust in Space.”  What in the actual fuck, you guys.

449 thoughts on “Skanky-ween”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. So the woman is a “Slutty Corpse” and the dude is just dead? Also, how is he going to shove fistfuls of candy corn in his gaping maw? (Or is it just me who does that every October?)

  4. Umm… how the eff is hers a body bag at all??? What is this world coming to *facepalm*

    (She has a toe tag on her “sexy choker.” I think that’s supposed to be the giveaway. ~Jenny)

  8. In honestly, I prefer skanky to gross. Our neighbors put myriad dead-looking-things in their front-yard…

    At least they got away from dressing a corpse in dad’s military uniform while dad was in Afghanistan getting shot at….personally, I found THAT to be more tasteless than anything skanky.

  10. “Umm… how the eff is hers a body bag at all??? What is this world coming to *facepalm*”

    Well, it does have a zipper.

  12. I’m trying to see how I’m supposed to get “body bag”out of what that woman is wearing. I’m seeing stripper with a slightly odd costume at best here.

  15. Well, I guess when I die if I look like that, go ahead and put me in a skimpy bodybag. Would hate for people to confuse me with a man, after all.

  16. I really don’t get it. She doesn’t even have a toe tag or anything. Slutty outfit with weird gloves and hood does not a body bag equal. Seriously. It’s Halloween. If you want to wear this just call a spade a spade and tell people you’re dressed as a prostitute with a hood fetish.

  17. My moniker for these outfits are “whoreleween costumes”. I *love* Halloween, but wanting to wear a costume doesn’t mean I want to show my cookie to everyone.

  18. If you really want to lol, look up “sexy banana.” I can’t believe they made a slutty banana dress.

  20. I suppose you could see this as making the statement “men look best when everything but their faces is obscured, and you actually have the option to obscure the face too if you want.” It’s like we have a burqa for men. Is that un-PC? I don’t even know.

  22. Why do you have to be so gender specific? I think I’ll pull out the sexy bodybag costume for Halloween.

    Though I may skip the heels… I can never find ones in my size 🙂

  27. I agree! costumes are way too sexual. and small. I am feeling pressure to find a costume to wear to the Madonna concert…in New Orleans…weekend before Halloween. Everything is so skanky, I’m thinking of going as Madonna as Evita. But am afraid I will just look like a 40s era typist for the war department

  28. I had a fairly one-sided discussion with my husband about this. Okay, so it was a rant. But still!

    I wanted to dress up as Sally Ride this year. I am going to have to buy a man’s astronaut suit, and hope I don’t swim in it, cause the woman’s “astronaut” costume is laughable. Sexy astronaut. Sexy nun. Sexy cop. Sexy nurse. Sexy________.
    WHY do all the female costume equate to sexy? What happened to costumes for being, you know, costumes?

  30. I’m going as the yellow Angry Bird but plan to tell everyone that I’m PMS/Peri-Menopause Bird. It’s a lot scarier, right?

  32. Hmm…can you say “dual standard”? (skandard?). Yikes. Why not just a toe-tag for her…

  33. Are we sure this is for Halloween & not an S&M costume? You can zipper up her hood to cover her face ….. Blech!

  34. That’s a toe tag on the choker collar? I thought it was a *price* tag. (raises one eyebrow)

  35. Hers is a costume? Looks like the kind of thing we’re told every day that we women should wear clubbing or basically anytime we’re somewhere men can view us.

  36. Kind of liking the men’s version for everyday wear around the house – just for a change from the usual black sweatpants and t-shirts pulled from the spouse’s thrift store donation bag. But equally as fetching and comfortable, one would assume…

  40. That outfit looks like a normal Saturday night at the club…but with more clothes.

  41. Looks to me like a men’s body bag costume and the dominatrix that put him there.

  46. Is it just me, or is this costume advocating necrophilia? Because in the words of The Bloggess, NECROPHILIA IS BAD!

  48. Well if by “sexy” you mean slutty she nailed it.Not sure it counts as “body bag” since its not a body bag but a cheap zip up with half her body exposed.Who makes these outfits?It has to be straight men because i hope no self respecting woman would design that…never mind actually wear it. ugh but what do i know.

  49. This is hilarious. Why don’t they just ask us to go stark ass naked, but throw a toe tag on there for a little legitimacy?

  50. I DEMAND to see a slutty body bag costume for a man. RIGHT NOW. And then I will objectify she shit out of the man wearing it.

  51. Ok. Sexy vampire I can understand. Sexy fairy tale charecter I can understand. Even sexy Ghostbusters I can understand. They for fill a fantasy. But sexy body bag? What fantasy does that for fill? Necrophilia? Ewwww.

  53. That guy has a very surprised expression on his face. Makes me wonder what might be going on inside his body bag… hmmm….

    My best costume ever was decidedly skanky though I wouldn’t call it sexy. It consisted of a ‘flesh-colored’ full body stocking with clumps of toilet paper dipped in red food-coloring taped all over it and completed with black cat ears and a tail. Can you guess what I was?

  54. But you can see why you need the fingerless gloves for the sexy body bag costume, right? Because, you know, those are just super logical. Also how she doesn’t need corpse makeup. Because…sexy sexy something sexy?

  56. It really stinks that most costumes available for women are the slutty sort. It’s tough to find real costumes if you don’t want to look like a ho. 🙁

  61. Well it is the only time that women can dress up like total skanks and not get judged for it. I’m going to be a sexy pallbearer.

  62. You should see the “Lady Bug” costume my younger brother’s 20 yr old girlfriend posted on facebook. 1.)Shoot me now. 2.)Pssh it doesn’t even have wings

  64. I went to a party dressed as Hester Prynne from The Scarlet Letter once. There was a sexy cop and a sexy nurse among other sexy costumes. I spent the whole night explaining what the “A” meant. It was sad and pathetic. A body bag doesn’t sound so bad-the male version for me though.

  67. “If you really want to lol, look up “sexy banana.” I can’t believe they made a slutty banana dress.”

    there is a slutty monkey to go with it. or you could go as a group & be a slutty fruit salad.

  68. Of course! I bet it works the same for things like “ghost” and “lamp” and “grapes” (because that’s always a popular one!

  70. Yet another reason I’m glad to have no estrogen.

    Alternate costume: nekkid with toe tag. lipsticked Y-shaped abdominal incision optional.

  71. We found a vintage 1930s wedding dress than was stained and ripped – apparently women were built a lot different back then because it fits my (smallish) 12 y.o. perfectly. She’s going to add some fake blood and makeup and be a zombie bride while I’m going to just be thrilled that my child has the most clothing on.

  72. Those aren’t for HALLOWEEN, they’re for the other holiday at the end of October….WHORE-O-WEEN.

    Friday/Saturday closest to Halloween, young adults normally of drinking age go to bar dressed like idiots (or slutty Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or slutty Harry Potter or slutty {insert not-slutty thing here}) and get horribly drunk like every weekend, only in COSTUMES.

    It’s great fun to watch.

  74. I say we all ban together and be sexy suffragettes. We’ll show them our wrists, ladies, but first we grab their attention with our words!

  77. I plan on going as Sexy 70s Bush. I think it will go over BIG with the twenty-something crowd. And who knows, maybe it will spark a trend. I mean, I am SO OVER vag maintenance.

    But seriously, if I stop to think about the slutification of our girls and women I get all sorts of angry and have to wonder just how much of a threat today’s woman must represent to the status quo that an entire generation feels it necessary to debase us.

  80. A cheaper version of that costume is easy to make: Wear a paper bag with written on it: ‘Serious Daddy issues’.

  81. well the toe tag is actually around her correct body part, cause her head really has no more brains that her foot would. (like cutchhall said in the ninth configuration, as he referred to god as foot). ps. i know i am the only one who will understand that part in parenthisis. pps. sorry i also can’t spell. 🙂

  82. Happy skanky-ween! I had a costume like the one on the left when I was a kid. It was a sheet with holes cut in it. Just sayin’

  83. Or, another way to wear this DIY is: Wear a paper bag with written on it: ‘I have no sense of humor. I am neither playful nor fun. I hope you like my butt. Because listening to me talk is torture. You’ll WISH you were in a body bag’. teehee!

  85. I’m a chubby girl so I make my own costumes I have no need to be skanky. My leg and back fat conspire against any skanky aspirations (and thank god). Just add a healthy dose of cleavage to any costume & you can get in to the club (I have cleavage in spades). Speaking of skanky costumes and the club 2 or 3 years ago two girls chose the costume of underwear and wings now they where the nicest in the juniors range at Target. And wings. I pretty the where going for Dream Angles from Victoria Secret but on a coupon budget they just kind of looked like lost strippers. That day was when I learned that the skanky costume thing had gone to far. Cuz these two had decided to go out in there foundation garments to the club. I mean I know it’s warm in TX so you do have to worry about the weather but you do have to worry about your pride even if you don’t know you have it.

  86. I weep for the future.This is as bad as “Sexy Girl Scout Cookie Costume”. Necrophilia or pedophilia, take your pick.

  87. Hubby and I were talking about this. We see little 6th grade girls dressed like ravers gone prostitute and think, when did it get this way? And how do the kids get away with it? And who other than a fellow 6th grader (boy) wants to see that kind of thing? Wait. I do not want an honest answer to that.

  88. Which is part of why I just make my own anyway.

    Meanwhile, it isn’t getting any easier for women to be taken seriously in, well, pretty much anywhere, and we’re being continually bombarded by images that tell us we’re too fat/ugly/poor/lame.

    That’s it, I’m moving to– oh, wait, we haven’t mastered interstellar travel yet, have we?

    Dammit.

  89. Please don’t leave the planet! Then we’d all still be stuck here with this sort of crap and no you to make fun of it. That would be awful!

  91. Oh, yeah, I think she got that at Girls Costume Warehouse…as seen here http://youtu.be/V4rUiV_Hh74

    No, what alarms ME is when I see the 12 and under set dressing as Sexy Bee or Sexy Candycorn or something. Usually, I tackle them, wind a sheet around them and duct tape it all down and send them on their way. It seems like the humane thing to do and mummy/ghost/overly-bandaged victim costumes are always “in” on Halloween.

  94. Yet another infiltration of the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ curse …
    Is *nothing* sacred anymore?

  95. My Halloween trick this year is going to be replacing my city’s supply of body bags with the ladies’ costume shown. Including the heels.

  96. They must be running out of costume ideas… or they’re just trying to come up with a reason to put a woman in a little black dress. Probably both.

  97. GAG!!!! Even in DEATH – women are exploited – held up to impossible visions of what it means to look good????
    I’m just saying – when I die – I don’t think ANYONE is going to be concerned about my thighs or my cleavage…

  101. Have you seen Jean Kilbourne’s “Killing Us Softly” series? They put zippers over women’s mouths to silence us! Grrr… And don’t get me started on the slutty costumes for little kids…

  105. So many wonderful costume ideas! I love sexy fruit salad, but I think that my friends and I may just have to band together and be sexy suffragettes for Ho-lloween (that’s what we always called it back in the day when we would show up at Halloween concerts dressed in our regular clothes, which were usually god awful car salesman plaid polyester pants and little boys’ baseball t-shirts from Goodwill, and were surrounded by sexy slutty everythings, but I like Skanky-ween too!). I don’t know, it’s really a tossup. But none of us have prepared our Doctor Who themed costumes for the second year in a row so we need something!

  106. wow. seriously a body bag? who do they think we are? skanky-ween. when skanks can be themselves and everyone else can be skanks.

  107. …Just… wow… I’m so sad to be a sentient being sometimes… No other species is so… special.

    On that note… according to The Oatmeal, 1 in 3 house cats is a serial killer, killing on average 2 times a week. So, they kill (all together) 2.9 billion critters a year. That’s just for this country. Maybe cats are secretly the world’s best army….

  110. I say we start a movement where all the plus (NORMAL) sized men and women decide to purchase and wear these stupid costumes. With all our glory and/or glories hanging out in all their splendor. If they didn’t want us to wear them, they should make an alternative.

  111. I dont understand all the hate on the sexy costumes?! This is why Halloween was invented!!! Personally, I’m trying to decide between being a:
    sexy burn victim
    sexy tampon
    sexy Mother Teresa
    sexy abortion

    which do y’all think would be the sexiest?

  112. Like a previous commenter, I immediately thought of Cracked’s slutty girls in slutty costumes video. At least with most slutty costumes you have some vague recognition of what the inspiration was before it was tarted up. If you didn’t tell us she was dressed as a body bag, I NEVER would have guessed. Hell, I still kinda don’t believe you.

  113. I overheard a college-age girl at a store asking her friend if the costume she was contemplating was “slutty” enough. Sigh.

  115. I remember my Sophomore year in college, all my friends dressed up as Vampira or Greek goddesses. I dressed up as a meal card (white sweat suit with huge pieces of cardboard on front and back). I did not get picked up that night. ;>)

    And in direct opposition to the fabulous looks you posted, here’s what I created for what to wear in the workplace for Halloween (if any workplaces still allow it!): http://www.polyvore.com/halloween_in_workplace/set?id=60497994

  116. Yeah, I teach high school and on holiday spirit day I had to explain to a girl that the Easter Bunny and the Playboy bunny are not the same bunny. Skanky costumes have gone too far.

  117. I love wearing clothes that compliment my shape, but it’s really gotten to the point where shit is just over-sexualized. A body bag? REALLY? There is hardly ANY OF HER BODY in that fucking costume!!! And it kills me that even for younger girls the costumes are all…sexy. My daughter is 8 years old. I don’t want her to be sexy!!! But then, we live in a world of Toddlers & Tiaras and Honey Boo Boo, so what the hell can we expect? The world is going to hell in a handbasket. And apparently, all us chicks will be pretty much naked when we get there.

  118. Oy.

    Back when I was young and sexy and could have pulled off the skanky look and my asshat of a boyfriend *wanted* me to be the sexy French maid for Halloween, it pissed me off so much that I went full-on clown instead — red, frizzy wig, goofy hat, full face makeup, red honky nose, oversize shoes, oversize flannel costume that covered every millimeter of skin.

    I was warm and cozy and supremely smug in the counter-stereotypical brilliance of my clown getup. Except for the asshat of a boyfriend, one of my all-time best Halloweens!

  119. How many men do you REALLY want to see with that much skin showing? Count your blessings. 🙂

    Seriously, not sure what’s up with the skanky chick costumes. Looks like all we ladies should be hanging out on street corners on Halloween night (new meaning to the ‘trick’ part…)–the sad thing is that even the costumes for little girls are the same way. I’ll make my daughter’s costumes myself first…

  120. It reminds me of that scene in ‘Mean Girls’ when the head bitch says “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”

    Except that we ARE saying something.

    SLUTS.

    =)

  122. ….Not in a “Because you’re crazy way”. In a “Other people think these things too?!?” way. Just to clarify.

  124. Agree with so many of the other comments. In response to the questions about where to get good costumes…

    It’s probably too late for this year because they’re all made to order but I highly recommend technodolly on etsy. I got this dress last year: http://www.etsy.com/listing/107986829/long-black-dress-savannah-desert-dress. Made to fit me perfectly. I wore it with wings, heeled boots, glitter makeup (fairy) and this year will be a witch. (My sister is dressing as a witch too and her daughters will be our cat familiars.) Not slutty but still feminine and fun!

  125. I live in Colorado and on Halloween, the smart woman is dressed as the man’s body bag. It definitely looks much warmer than a pair of tights, high heels, and a skimpy dress.

    I remember one Halloween, it was so cold, we put a sweatshirt on my dog so that she could come with us and not freeze.

  126. I so completely agree with you! And it’s as bad for little girls but in a different way. My daughter (five years old) asked me today, “Why do the Halloween costume people think all girls can be is princesses?” And sluts! I wanted to yell out. But I said “You are asking a very good question, sweetheart.”

  128. I said to my husband, “I want to be a pretty princess in a red dress this year. Or really just something sparkly and princess like.” He says, “Why are we in this costume store then? You always get pissed off because the sane side for the men is so different from the slutty side for the women.” I said, “I was hoping Disney princess wasn’t slutty.”

    http://takebackhalloween.org/ is a great resource guide to help you think of costumes that you can put together yourself and not feel offended or offensive.

  129. I don’t want to either. But for totally different reasons. Or no reason at all. I’m not even sure anymore.

  130. Halloween is a night for dressing up as something you want to be/something you’re not/something fun. Society reflects it’s nutty views on how women’s bodies & sexuality should be controlled all the time.

    I choose not to apply that to how other women are dressing on Halloween.
    Someone does -not- lose value by expressing sexuality.

  132. I am totally gonna buy this costume. And let me tell you why. If I someday die a horribly gruesome death (ie: disemboweled, burned alive, drowned in feces in a outhouse, heart attack from weighing a metric ton) It will be in my last will and testament to have me buried in this body bag. It will be the best anti-skank Halloween statement known to man. Plus, I bet someone pukes on my coffin… BONUS!!!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  134. The worst part is they probably have a child version of the woman’s costume. Little girl costumes have gotten soooooooo super trashy. I hate to sound like an old person, but I can’t be the only one to notice this.

  135. My everyday clothes are all so frilly and girly, that I usually use halloween as an excuse to do drag. I’ve been the phantom of the opera, captain hook, and this year I’m working on a sherlock holmes costume. My dream costume is Jareth the goblin king, but I don’t think I can pull off chest hight spandex pants, haha.

    (maybe the sexy costumes are for people who usually dress conservatively, and want an excuse to break out of their mold? or just, you know, skanks….)

  136. Vanessa, you aren’t the only one–my daughter is only one and I was making the WTF? face at most of the costumes for her age. I need to learn how to sew…….

  137. Ridiculous. It’s really not much better out there for young girls. When my daughter was 10, we decided on a referee outfit…… even though no referee I’ve ever seen wears a skirt. But it wasn’t slutty and the skirt was long enough to cover the essentials. Only after getting it home did I realize there was a number on the pocket. Guess what number…….69. Uh yeah…..white out made quick work of that and it became 88.

  141. Here’s a woman’s sexy burger costume:
    http://www.yandy.com/Sexy-Hamburger-Costume.php

    And Gene’s burger (what? Who is Gene?) costume from the same website:
    http://www.yandy.com/Genes-Burger-Costume.php

    Why would you want to be a sexy burger? Just why? That website does have all the fixins for a very sexy fruit salad as well. I think they should break down the parts of the burger so that my friends and I can collectively be a sexy burger…

  142. What IS it with that sort of nonsense? After screaming out loud at work in frustration that “the Grim Reaper IS NOT A HOOKER!” one of my coworkers offered to make me a custom Halloween costume. I give up on the industry and will now be the scariest Grim Reaper this side of the red light district–and won’t get fired for inappropriate work clothing, either.

  143. Yeah, it was pretty sickening looking at Halloween costumes on the same website my hubby found his costume. There were those that were okay, but I did not see one men’s costume that showed near as much skin or that were as tight. Nauseating!!

  144. Wow. What if those were the ones that CSI used? They would lose so many uncontained, chopped up body parts. Thank goodness for normal sized body bags! Otherwise we’d be tripping over misplaced limbs all across this country. Glad we dodged THAT bullet!

  145. I made the mistake once of agreeing to chaperon the Halloween dance. I thought, hey, Halloween is fun and I’ll get to do my “help out once a year” thing and it will be all win. Yeah. SO not doing that again.

    I mean I know it’s a high school but I was NOT prepared for that. I ended up watching the front doors of the school halfway across the building from “the dance” just because I really could not believe what some of these kids thought counted as costumes. One even asked her friends to stand behind her while she bent over to take a drink from the fountain…

  146. I was searching for a grey wig for Halloween (I’m going as my coworker who refuses to learn my name after two and a half years of working together….take that, lady) and I came across a “sexy old lady” costume. Like, a grandma wig and grandma glasses with a Daisy-Duke style tied up boob shirt. I thought that was the most confusing and wrong “sexy” Halloween costume ever, but it cannot compete with the sexy body bag!

  147. I know someone who dresses as a douchebag everyday. Funnily enough there isn’t an actual bag involved there either.

  149. Oh geez. Last year my friends and I bucked the trend and were McPoyles from Its Always Sunny. We looked Disgusting and I got real drunk. Plus I got to wear baggy leggings. Most Comfortable Halloween Ever.

  151. Huh, that doesn’t look like a very effective body bag. I’m pretty sure the whole hot pants concept would get in the way of making sure that the rotting remains didn’t mess up the coroner’s van. And who’s going to want to cram a dead body in one of those anyway!

  153. When it’s my time, I hope my body bag looks like the one on that woman. Of course, everyone might be frightened to see the maggots eating away, but whatever!

  154. This is just in the most horrible taste. Death is real and final; a ghost costume or walking skeleton or zombie is different from this sort of thing–even though I can’t exactly explain why. You know what I mean….
    I don’t even see the woman, just the sad sight of a body bag.

  155. If you want to go as a dead body in a bag but want to show off your sexy legs, you could save some money by just getting a black trash bag, cutting out a neck hole and wearing it as a dress. Budget leggy lady corpse!

  158. Where would she put all the sweeties she gets whilst trick or treating?? Or has someone already asked that? Silly woman will freeze to death in that. You think she would at least have put some woolly socks on or something…. Is that Iggy Pop in the man body bag?

  159. I can’t believe they found another way to create a skanky Halloween costume… a body bag. I’m waiting for the “I’m a little tea cup short and sexaaaay” costume.

  161. Meh, I’ve already given up on me… more like, I wouldn’t want any daughter of mine to live on this planet anymore 0_0

    I feel like this is the 50 Shades of body bag.

    Nothing says “Do me” like a corpse.

  164. I saw a Sexy Ghostbuster costume and almost lost my shit in the store. I could not find a single non-slutty costume there. I just bought a ton of fake weapons from the men’s section and while my friends are freezing their exposed booties while we party I’ll be in jeans/leather jacket as a vampire hunter. Get creative ladies. 😉

  165. So, you can zip over her face? That is so creepy! I was laughing out loud when I saw the picture but then I read your truth comment and got really creeped out. Who thinks of these things?
    Meanwhile, I think you should make a line of halloween cards with the mouse from your book cover and all your other little friends. Please?

  166. You guys are missing the point! This is a game that coroners play, any body part that is hanging out of the “bag” gets chopped off and you have to try to stuff it back into the bag! Oh and its timed, kind oflike that game were you try to stuff pieces into their spots before the timer goes off and the pieces all shoot out at you??

    I think its played more at coroners college then in the actual work force.

  167. Okay, so question 1: Why on earth would one want to wear a body bag costume?
    Question 2: WT-ever-lovin’-F?!

  168. Halloween costumes make no sense now. I’ve seen them take already sexy comic book characters and give them even less clothes.

  171. I took my 9 year old shopping for a costume at spirit of halloween last week. not only have these sexy costumes overrun the adult section I was horrified to see them in tween size versions. it is a sad state when you cant even find a half decent Dorothy costume for a 9 year old…..

  175. Halloween is just an excuse for women to dress up like complete tramps and not get judged. 🙂

    Not gonna lie, I’d be more inclined to follow suit if I looked like her, too.

    Is that awful?

  176. Huh. I had no idea when women die they’re dressed in stockings and heels as part of the body bag. I wonder if that applies to ALL women, or just the slim-enough-to-wear-a-mini-bag ones, because I gotta tell ya, I would NOT look ok in that ridiculous getup.

    Then again, I distinctly remember dressing up as one of Jabba’s pig-guards from Star Wars Ep IV in elementary school…so I already have strikes against me.

  177. I saw an article about Disney costumes where the fat characters’ costumes only went to a 12-14. The evil witch in the Little Mermaid was bigger than that, but only thin-plump people can dress as her. It’s kind of like telling Queen Latifah that she has to lose weight to go as herself at Halloween. I love Queen Latifah. She’s wonderful.

    Time for meds.

  178. Lol! No literally… I laughed out loud when I saw this. So much so that my husband came over to check out what I was doing, what was the only thing that came out of his mouth??

    “I LIKE living on this planet!!”

    -_-

  180. Here’s one I really, really, really don’t get: I saw a “sexy peacock” costume advertised. It was being worn by a woman. There are two things wrong with this:

    1. Peacocks are males. The females are called peahens, and don’t have the males’ dramatic plumage.

    2. I’m okay with most peoples’ fetishes, inclinations, and orientations as long as they’re shared by consenting adults. But…peacocks?

  181. I just was talking to someone about something very similar. My question is…what is it about Halloween that brings out the inner whore for women? Just once I’d like to see a guy dressed as Marky Mark or David Beckham in a Calvin Klein Underwear Ad. Just sayin’.

  183. That’s just gross. And i google Sexy Banana, too. Whore’o’ween is right. Does the oxygen flow to the brain have some kind of October cut -off valve?

    Sheesh!

  184. I apparently have no inner whore… Even when my thighs could have passed for sexy-if-you-squint-a-little-please, I never thought to wear this trash. Oooh, a sexy trash bag, there’s the thing!

    No. This year I’m putting on a nice normal dress and gluing spiders coming out the sleeves and neck, as the gods intended.

  185. I didn’t even realize it was a corpse bag, I have to check again for the the tag, that I really though it was just a chocker collar.

  186. Oh goody. Just the other day I was thinking to myself, where can I get a slutty black plastic romper and hooker heels to complete my corpse costume? Here it is! So all I have to do now is lose fifty pounds and I can play a dead woman for Halloween. If ever there were a photo representation of a double standard, this is it.

  187. I seriously don’t get why men get to have the fun, gory, or serious costumes and women have to be some sexy version. I saw a mummy costume for a woman that was just a really short white tattered dress with matching tattered stockings and gloves. And the model was wearing those “any normal woman would break her neck wearing them” hooker heels. I’m tired of every costume for women being a differently themed slut. I am not a skinny girl and costumes like that make me feel worse about how I look. I am glad that I go to nerdy Halloween parties where you see people dressed up in steam-punk, Renaissance Fair, and even Mystery Science Theater 3000 robot costumes. The parties are epic and there is only ever one or two women who feel they have to dress like a “Sexy Witch” in attendance.

  188. I’m sorry it makes you want to leave the planet, Jenny. I looked into doing so myself, but the astronaut costume only contained enough fabric to cover one of my legs.

  189. Was Halloween always so sexuality, or do I just not remember it as a kid. I can say as a guy while single I did where some pretty skimpy costumes.

  190. “slightly skanky”? i don’t think i saw any unslutty costumes in the pages and pages of the local halloween ad

  191. Whores are everywhere. Only now, they have their own holiday. For a Good Time, call Party City.
    Hysterical.

  192. Seriously, I want to get back to the good old days, when you’d throw some shit together about 20 minutes before the costume party and call it good.

  194. I would dress as a suffragette, but I reserve the right to cover my wrists, thankyouverymuch, so I’m going to dress as Marie Curie every year from now on.

    “You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individuals. To that end each of us must work for his own improvement, and at the same time share a general responsibility for all humanity, our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be most useful. “

  195. I was over at my MIL’s a couple of weeks ago and for some bizarre reason, she had a costume catalog. Mind you, her youngest kid is 26. Maybe she has something going on I don’t know about. Anyway, my 6 year old grabbed it and we had fun talking through the super cute infant and toddler costumes. The young kid costumes weren’t bad either. I really started getting alarmed as we reached the tween and teenage costumes. By the adult costumes, I just had to snatch the catalog from her and put it where she couldn’t find it. She wanted to know why the grown up lady was wearing a Red Riding Hood costume that was obviously meant for a little kid, judging how “her tushy was hanging out from under the skirt”

  196. His looks like a body bag. Except he should be barefoot with a toe tag. Hers looks like very cheaply made “f*-me” clubwear or something a street walker would wear.

    Texas Ren Fest is going on right now. There is so very much more of adults getting dressed up in clothes that perhaps would be more appropriate remaining in the bedroom. Of course out at any ren faire it’s equal opportunity for both men and women to dress in *head-tilt*-inducing clothing.

  198. I knew what the man’s costume was by looking. Had no clue what the woman was. I wish women worked harder at picking a decent costume instead of just being anything slutty. I’m being a pinata. Maybe a kind of slutty one. But at least you will know I’m a pinata.

  199. My daughter is going to be Merida from “Brave” for Halloween, and I’m going to be a bear. (If you haven’t seen the movie, Merida accidentally turns her mom into a bear.) So I’ve been searching for bear costumes, and am having the same problem there. Do I pay a shitload of money for a full-body bear costume, or do I go as a hooker bear? … A hooker bear with fat rolls bulging out super-attractively, I might add.

  203. Clearly the woman who buy and wear these costumes do not actually eat Halloween candy…so I call false advertising

  204. When my daughter was 4, she and my husband wandered in to a Halloween store in our local mall a few minutes ahead of me. As I came in, she ran to me and said, “Mommy, what’s a slubby o?” When I asked her what she meant, she replied, “Dad says that all the girl costumes look like slubby Os”. He was right, every girl costume looked like a slutty ho.

  207. So true, so true. Have you all seen the women’s Elmo costume, that fur-lined mini dress? That’s just inappropriate on so many levels, I can’t begin to count.

  208. I come from the UK originally but have lived in Germany for 5 years now. In the UK I think Halloween costumes for women are often seen as a chance to wear little and attempt to look what a lot of people think is ‘sexy’, I guess much like some of the awful products you’ve pictured here. It put a massive smile on my face when I saw that the women in Germany do the complete opposite, or at least in Berlin where I live. They make a real effort to look creepy or weird and I think it’s great.

  209. All the “slut” & “whore”-ing going on in these comments is a little alarming. I mean, I get it, but at the same time I feel sorry for women who feel the need to make Halloween all about how little they can wear and the fact that anything can be turned into a “sexy” version of itself. There’s a lot of heartbreaking and worrisome self-worth issues happening here. Resorting to lashing out at these women is far less productive I think than teaching women that they’re more than a body to fill a sexy bag. /soapbox

    That said, I’m a lot more comfortable with the idea that if the outfits must exist, they should be just as acceptable on all body types (including male).

  211. I’m an engineer at NASA in Houston, and let me tell you those space suits would NOT get the job done.

  212. I work for a magazine that deals with Halloween a few months out of the year. You want costume names? I have a million from companies: Julius Pleaser, Marcus Abonius, Babe-a-lonian Warrior, Sir Bangalot…the fun never ends (eye roll.)

  213. Wait, that first costume is supposed to be a body bag? WTF?! What sick perv designed that one? And I don’t even have words for the “AUSTRONAUGHTY”. My 13 y/o daughter wants to be Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Have you seen the Dorothy costumes? Dorothy has definitely left Kansas and has started her new career as a stripper.

  219. among other sexy themed things…sexy fruit…….. WHAT?

    http://www.google.ca/imgres?um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1760&bih=834&tbm=isch&tbnid=qN3I20mlp2uPyM:&imgrefurl=http://hellogiggles.com/item-of-the-day-127&docid=lm-sfXPKNXR9rM&imgurl=http://hellogiggles.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/sexy-halloween-714×317.jpg&w=714&h=317&ei=7lh0ULrpJui5ywHY1oDADA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1383&vpy=176&dur=36&hovh=149&hovw=337&tx=192&ty=86&sig=103882501477140887907&page=1&tbnh=84&tbnw=190&start=0&ndsp=45&ved=1t:429,r:10,s:0,i:98

  221. Oh the joy of Halloween… just put slutty in front of anything and you can be that. Slutty bunny, slutty pumpkin(from HIMYM) You know what I haven’t seen?! Slutty baby! Good lord why is there no slutty BABY costume! That’s how I’m gonna make my millions! YES!

  222. I tried finding one for a 12/14 size range that had long sleeves and oh did more than cover my butt–evidently that is like the search for the Holy Grail. it just isn’t going to happen 🙂

  223. In all fairness, even if you don’t want to wear them, at least having a diet & exercise plan to be able to fit into those costumes by Halloween is really helpful in ensuring that by the end of the holiday season you haven’t actually gained much weight eating all the candy, pie, turkey, ham………………… 🙂 Just trying to look on the bright side. 🙂

  224. Oh that is just CREEPY.

    As a female college student, I think I’m legally required to dress really terribly for Halloween. Don’t college girl costumes usually consist of “sexy fill-in-the-blank-here”?

    Meh, forget that. It’s cold where I am. I am dressing up as a baby. I have multiple pairs of fleece button-up footy jammies, plenty of ponytail holders to give myself silly-looking ponytails all over my head, and I’m gonna hand-knit a grown-up size bib. And I think I’ll probably grab some Ring Pops at the store this weekend and do a little cosmetic surgery on them so they look more pacifier-ish.

  228. Halloween used to be for children to dress up and extort candy from their neighbors. Now it’s an excuse for otherwise perfectly respectable women to dress like strippers. Still not sure if that’s a bad thing or a good thing.

  229. I was a taxi driver one year. And rather than the smelly, rude, hairy man I should have been, I had a short yellow dress and the name tag said, “FREE RIDES”. Yup…. But it fit so I felt obligated to get it.

  231. If you have to try with these ridiculous costumes to feel validated as “sexy”, you’re probably doing it wrong. I certainly wouldn’t look cute in a riduculous costume like this, but lucky for me, I don’t have to try.

  232. Why is it that women’s costumes are 1/2 of the material, yet cost twice as much as men’s costumes?

  233. What kills me is that the sluttiness is not being confined to adult costumes anymore….it’s like there is too much sluttiness for those little scraps of fabric to hold, so the skank-factor is trickling down into costumes for young girls. Trying to find my 8 year old a costume this year that wasn’t leaning towards sexy was challenging. I finally had to just beg my seamstress mother to make something. *sigh* Can I come with you when you leave the planet?! I’ll bring snacks!

  237. Who wears these? Seriously? Is there a special Halloween for Whore’s that we don’t know about, on a different day?

  239. I do not understand how there’s anything remotely sexy about a body-bag. Why has the Halloween industry turned on us lovers of this holiday? Why do they assume we all want to be sexy body-bags???

  240. Gotta love how all the women’s costumes are “sexy” something. Sexy Nurse, Sexy Police Officer. I want to see them try to sex up Zombies and shit like that. Although honestly, I’m sure if I googled it, I’d already find something.

  242. I have a friend who dresses to subvert that trope every year. A few years ago she was Innaproriately Sexy Gandhi (including bald cap); this year might be Innapropriately Sexy FDR.

  243. They’re even starting out with young girls. Google “girl’s cookie monster costume” and compare that to the “boys cookie monster costume”. Disgusting.

  244. Preaching to the choir here, Jenny! This has been a long, involved and perturbed discussion amongst my female friends – must I be a slutty something? I’m about to go all “Carrie” on companies. So, I shall go to my fall back position: “hello, my name is” tags with various names (on clothing that is suitable for Michigan in October). Identity crisis! Brilliant…

  245. I’ve never dressed as a “sexy” anything for Halloween. And people consistently ask me on that day if I’m gay. Apparently, gay people have the monopoly on wearing clothes on Halloween.

  249. I’m thinking covering your girl parts should be mandatory. I really don’t want to see anyone’s vagina and those costumes do not look like they provide v-coverage.

  250. One year, I was in a hurry, there was too much pressure and all I had was black face makeup so I went as “girl with big eyebrows”. Now that there is internet to see what other people wear, no wonder I barely got any candy.

  252. This is so pathetic! I had no idea that was a body bag costume. Its just like the line in Sex and the City movie Miranda Hobbes: The only two choices for women; witch and sexy kitten.
    Carrie Bradshaw: Oh you just said a mouthful there sister.
    SMH 🙁

  253. The even more sad part is that all of this has filtered down to children’s costuming. This year I was hard pressed to find anything for my 9 yo that wasn’t skanky cat or skanky fairy or dress like your favorite skanky doll. We found “pop star” it had pants. That is the one we chose.

  254. Lust In Space, damned. Dress as a Godess. Then we will see who’s all “Danger Wil Wheaton, Danger!”

  255. I don’t get it… if you want to dress like a whore on Halloween, I think that’s absolutely fine, but then go as a whore, not a dirty dentist, naughty nurse, trashy teacher, etc. It’s just weird. And it sends the message that women are all repressed exhibitionists who are just waiting for the annual opportunity to let the freak flag fly… and really, that’s only some of us. Some of us are in-touch with our inner freak year round and don’t need to publicize. 🙂

  256. UGH. No way I’m paying cash money for some skanky POS that is so poorly constructed it will probably not survive a single party, much less an entire day. And that’s not even addressing the fact that they’re made with stick figure women in mind, so I’d probably look like 12 pounds of shit in a ten pound bag.

    No thanks. I’ll make my own. Granted, I’ve participated in a lot of Renaissance festivals over the years, so I have a decent amount of garb to choose from without having to put extra thought into it. And considering I’ve paid hundreds of dollars over the years for quality pieces like my hat and boots, I am all about getting my money’s worth out of them.

  257. I am so over the sexy costume bullshit. Halloween is supposed to be creepy…but not ” look at the 15 year old dressed as a stripper” creepy.

    I’m going as a dead clown. DEAD CLOWNS=HALLOWEEN people! Not strippers!

  258. Halloween has devolved into a holiday where it’s acceptable for women to dress like skanks. It also allows those who can’t fit into a size 2 costume to dress like a hobo and be ignored for the rest of the night. I’d rather sit at home, watch Doctor Who, and eat all the Halloween candy than be subjected to that torture. Assholes. And Halloween used to be my favorite holiday!

  259. We’ve been calling it sluttoween — but I think whoever named it “whoreoween” came up with an ever better term.

    In my 20s I used to try for the sexy costumes, but I made them myself. Had to , because all the readymade ones came with heels I couldn’t walk in, let alone dance. At least this year that Kohl’s link has sparkly ballet flats.

  261. Okay, since when has a body bag been a Halloween costume?

    And since when has it been okay for the adult superstore to run TV ads during primetime for all of their ‘sexy’ costumes? Which happened last night while I was watching TV? What if I don’t want to be a slut for Halloween?

  262. My husband would NEED a fucking body bag if he asked me to wear something like that!! Who’s with me??

  263. Okay, the person who created the ‘Sexy Body Bag’ costume totally deserves a vag punch. The ‘Sexy Banana’ creator, too, deserves a vag punch.

    Vag punches all around for the ones that create a ‘Sexy’ costume out of something NOT SEXY.

    That will be my platform when I run for president, by the way.

  265. Friends of mine get together and do an actual PRODUCTION, for the Trick or Treaters, a whole interactive event with actual full sized candy bars involved.

    A couple years ago they did “Night at the Museum” I got drafted for Sacajawea (the Director is my landlord, how could I say NO? also my boyfriend was doing Teddy Roosevelt, which if you’ve seen the movie makes perfect sense.) … COULD NOT find a costume that wasn’t “sexy Indian Princess” and was getting pissed + grossed out. (I’m in my late 40s, and not built like a centerfold and was never built like a centerfold… ) Fortunately while venting about this on FB it turns out another friend has a couple of authentic outfits that she made herself. She loaned me one of them, and I was adorable… it wasn’t the right tribe’s garb, but it was certainly 100x better than Princess Vixen.

  266. *sigh* I feel your pain….and I don’t even think I’d have guessed body bag for her costume if I had 100 guesses. But I see from many other commenting peeps that I have company in that arena!

  267. So glad I have a boy with another on the way. My only concern will be which superhero to be or is it too gross (my brother once went as a toilet)…so glad I don’t have to worry about them being sexualized.

  268. As I see from my male perspective is that women can choose between wearing the male and the female version, because the male version is really an unisex version. But what about men? Men can’t wear a sexy version of the body bag.

  271. Not that I believe these costumes are appropriate they are indeed outrageous even more so that modest/realistic costumes aren’t offered.
    But aren’t we showing how our slightly misogynistic society infiltrates our thinking by calling the people wearing said costumes sluts and whores? Women are basically led to believe they should dress this way and give very few other options costume wise then we berate them for wearing it.
    So Yeah go make your own costumes hit them where it hurts in the bank but you aren’t helping anything by attacking the models and the people who do wish to wear these costumes.
    You don’t know they are a slut or a whore and its just a few steps away from saying she deserves to be raped because she is dressed provocatively.

  272. Umm…yeah…as a “full figured woman” (read: Fatty McFatStuff!), I am HORRIFIED by the number of slutty costumes available to me. Ew. Just, ew. We do 2 Halloweens – one w/the fam, and the one out on the town. So I usually wear the same costume for both. However, this year The Hubs (also a larger framed person) is going as Captain Morgan, and I his pirate wench. At least I have the rack for that …but I’d like a little more coverage on my thunder thighs. As Mama June says, ladies, “all that vajiggle jaggle is not beautimous.” So for the family fun, I’m going as The Cat in the Hat. Which you can also apparently make slutty … complete with Thing 1 and Thing 2 (use your imagination…)

  275. Clearly these are all appropriate for space travel and concurrently your destination vacation… duh. 😀

  276. The fact is that most womens costumes are made for *actual* strippers…. or role playing. But mostly strippers.

  277. yeah I noticed today’s groupon – man is in a SWAT team uniform and the two women are basically hookers – one sexy ring master and another a sexy clown – sexy CLOWN, oxymoron?

  278. Oh god, PLEASE tell me someone on here wrote the reviews on the ‘Lust in Space’ costume?! They just happen to be posted today… HILARIOUS.

  281. I can never understand skank-a-licious Halloween costumes. Mostly because I live in the north-east, probably, and it snows on Halloween most years. Or at least it used to, before global warming.

  283. The best part of the Lust in Space costume is the reviews! If you missed them you missed out!

    ” highly recommend this garment to anyone who loves the Lord like I do. “

  285. When I received this year’s catalog for kids costumes, I lamented it was the Super Hero and Ho’s edition. You should see what they expect little girls to dress like.

  286. That is Amanda Palmer singing “Astronaut”, which is the only kind I like. I guess I shall go as the multitasker doing a bunch of different things poorly based on today. 😉

  287. why exactly is it so bad for a woman throw on a hot mini-dress and be a walking sexual fantasy once in awhile? why call the women bold enough to go for it a slut or whore? i don’t understand attacking other women because they are dressed provocatively. don’t we have enough trouble making it through the day without slamming because someone else’s boldness makes us feel a little insecure about our own sexiness? wives/girlfriends: what is wrong with throwning on a scandalous outfit and stepping out with your husband? why not make him drool and boost his ego by that hot woman on his arm? single ladies: boost your own ego by being the reason heads turn in a crowded room.

    no, it’s not cool that women are routinely sidelined as sexual playthings. no, it’s not cool that we get treated differently depending on whether we are dressed up or dressed down when we are in public. guess what? life isn’t fair. you know what is SUPER UN-COOL? being subjected to judgement and harsh criticism by other women that don’t even know you. and why are they so quick to flash claws and hiss? maybe it’s insecurity in their own physical attractiveness that leads to a jealous response. maybe it’s fear that if they don’t put down scantily clad women then they might be judged themselves.

    more often than not, this blog is about facing down the things that scare the hell out of us, that make us cringe, that make us doubt and judge ourselves…many times this blog makes me feel a little safer in the world because you make it okay NOT to fit in perfectly with everyone else. in fact, the perspective of this blog is often one that says “So what? I’m different.” it makes me sad to read such a nasty attitude towards would-be wearers of sexy-ween costumes. there is a difference between a woman that will don a naughty outfit one night a year and a woman who dresses every day as though she has to daily prove her sexuality. you know, i think that difference aside, both types of women deserve a chance to live without being ripped apart by her female allies.

    yes, the halloween costumes are definitely not intended for children…possibly may get one in trouble depending on where around town you chose to wear it…live and let live, ladies…and more importantly, ask yourself what prompted you to be so mean…and when you figure out, get over it, and go live a little yourself.

  288. Maybe I have cotton in my eyes, but I interpreted this as “Why in the fuck are guys so covered up?” No? If it makes you feel any better, The Price is Right just hired their first male model (he’s young and hot!). 😉

    I wish I could get my thigh into that body bag.

  289. I was just complaining about this last night. I can’t find one Dorothy costume that doesn’t resemble a french maid in gingham. Since when was Dorothy a ho?

  290. Yeah, I went to a Pirate Party for my roller derby team and could find nothing plus sized that was even remotely practical to wear on board an actual ship. I ended up in a black velvet and red thing that made me look like a cupcake more than a pirate. I don’t think my little dagger or booty bag helped me resemble a pirate as opposed to a cupcake. So I am rewearing that trashy nonsense to a Halloween party but I’m putting a frosting hat and cherry on my head and going as a cupcake. There will be way too much of me exposed as it is, I might as well go as my favorite food. Beyond frustrating.

  291. I’ve never understood why women’s costumes expose as much skin as possible without someone calling the cops for indecent exposure, but men’s costumes cover them from head to toe. Where are the half-naked men’s costumes? That’s what I want to know!

  293. My favorite, forever and always: Sponge Babe, the sexy (shudder) Sponge Bob. Because, if you haven’t warped your children by now, you’re doing it wrong.
    I used to work at a costume store, and we were all “what the actual fuck” when they came in last year. I think we might have sold 1, all year.

  294. I just think it’s a misunderstanding. She accidentally tried on the child-size body bag.

  296. I always take Halloween as a day when I can dress as myself, without worrying about social conventions (to a point, no nudity). A couple years ago, I wore a purple overbust corset, a giant red Christine (from Phantom) skirt, black and white striped tights, huge rainbow slippers, red and black laceup fingerless gauntlets, sort of a black shrug thing, a crown of blue flowers and twisted stems, vampire teeth, and carried a knife. Lately it’s been a little more tame, with a waist cincher and huge skirts, minus all the really out of place stuff. It’s great getting to feel like yourself for one day!

  298. I’d buy that if the wig, gloves and boots were included. LOL! I don’t think the dress would fit over one of my thighs.

  301. @ comment 285, Aliea: I completely understand where you’re coming from. But dressing up like that and walking around town, for me, isn’t a fantasy and isn’t freedom. And I’m certainly not going to do it because someone else wishes to reclaim it as such. I’ll dress according to my own standards, thank you very much. And my husband’s ego will be just fine.

    A great deal of the problem with the trend in women’s Halloween costumes being so incredibly over-sexualized is that there is often little or no alternative for teens, tweens and adult women who cannot sew to wear anything else, unless they just put on the men’s options. I don’t know why costume shops have “girl mummy” and “boy mummy” when they used to have just “mummy” when I was a kid. But every year it seems to become more and more extreme.

    I don’t blame the women who wish to purchase and wear these costumes. And The Bloggess didn’t either. But surely even you can see that the catalogs, and the expectation of “why not make him drool and boost his ego by that hot woman on his arm? single ladies: boost your own ego by being the reason heads turn in a crowded room” and such are imposing an impossible standard on us. It’s not empowering. It’s worlds away from accepting of every body type.

  302. I ran into this same situation while searching for costumes on Amazon yesterday. (In fact, I think I saw this one.)

    My personal hated favorite? A sexy vampire costume called “Fang Bangin’ Fun Vamp”. I’m still wondering if it would impinge at all upon my professional reputation if I show up for work on Halloween wearing that. I’m sure it won’t.

  303. I thought it was a garment bag! Costume people think you can just put “sexy” in front of any occupation and, presto, Halloween costume. If you really want a proper astronaut costume you can get one from the NASA Store. You can go online if you don’t want to go to Houston.

  306. Is it just me, or does the woman’s “body bag” unzip from the crotch upward???

  309. Yup, there is clearly an opportunity here. Sounds like many of you would be very happy to find costumes available for purchase that were fun, actual characters, totally imaginative, or whatever, as long as they were not “skanky”. Anybody looking for a business opportunity? Sounds like there are many women who want to celebrate the holiday rather than sexuality, both for themselves and their children.
    ps maybe the same new company could make skanky costumes for the guys ; )

  310. Was just having this conversation w my mom. Remember when the choices were cool like superman, batman or darth vader? Now it’s slut, even sluttier, ginormous slut, and wouldn’t believe your eyes ho.

  312. What is truly hilarious, the woman on the left in the “astronaut” costume resembles a low-rent version of a Kardashian (if such a thing as a lower-rent version were possible)

  314. There was a time, back in covered wagon days, when I was a rockette and wore fishnets and a top hat and this little short tuxedo looking thing.

    That stuff is skanky. To wear in public. And I wouldn’t even scare my husband with it in private. All that vomiting might not do much for my marriage.

  315. “Lust in Space”!!!! And they DON’T include the wig, gloves, and boots!!??? Seriously – what good is a wand without the wig, gloves, and boots? Shouldn’t it be ‘dust in space’? cause it looks like she’s supposed to be some sort of sexy French maid – who got involved in some horrible rocket incident and is now forced to clean for unappreciative astronauts….but I digress….

  316. Just when I thought I couldn’t be shocked, you go and shock me, Jenny. Holey rusted metal, Batman. Damn.

  317. You guys are funny. =) The ‘body bags’ would look ever so much better if there were zombies moving around in them..

  318. Why does just about EVERY female have to dress like a whore on Halloween. It’s my favorite holiday, but that ruins it. 🙂 I feel that I’m in agreement with you on everything.

  319. I agree w/ Victor. You would be totally hot in that costume – either one, really. And watching a paramedic try to stuff my dead body into that body bag would be hilarious.
    Molly

  320. Wow….just wow. Yeah, I don’t think I could get my thigh into the ladies body bag costume.

  321. I always shop in the men’s section for my costume now. My personal favorite these days? Naughty Miss-Nutcracker. She’s apparently Mrs. Claus’s crack-addicted sister. W.T.F??

  322. What really kills me are the prices for Halloween costumes – “sexy” or otherwise. Some of the prices aren’t hideous, but some of these things cost $50-100 and they don’t even come with all the accessories. My son wanted to dress as an evil scarecrow a couple of years ago, but I’m not paying $50 for a burlap sack with a cheap mask: http://www.spirithalloween.com/product/ht-scarecrow1/ (notice that pants and shoes aren’t included)

  323. Jenny, I find that many of your expressions have made their way into my speech… “What in the actual fuck” not only made me laugh out loud on a day when I needed it most, it is my new favorite expression.

  325. My biggest concern isn’t that women’s costumes are so slutty—it’s the young girls’ that throw me for a loop (and a gag session). They’re basically designed to be a pedophiles wet dream. What 6 year-old needs to be a naughty nun? Seems to me, any child that would choose that as their costume should be sent to a real convent, and their parents should be punched in the baby makers!

  326. Totally forgot to add, in college 3 of my roommates dressed in trash bags and called ourselves the hobags. That was 20 years ago, way ahead of our time.

  328. I always wonder kind of parties I’m missing out on as I have never been to a Halloween party where any of the female costumes in stores would be appropriate. 🙁

  329. I spent an hour at Party City last week. “What can I wear to work that won’t get me fired….” I finally tried on the peacock costume. Needless to say, I left empty-handed.

  330. Jenny,

    I have to tell you I work for a Costume Retailer and there are some amazing costumes that are totally inappropriate for men too. see below links:

    http://www.costumekingdom.com/p-7695-penis-costume-happy-halloweenie.aspx

    http://www.buycostumes.com/Genie-in-the-Lamp-Adult-Costume/32435/ProductDetail.aspx

    http://www.buycostumes.com/Snake-Charmer-Adult-Costume/31698/ProductDetail.aspx?evar3=VerticalProductRecommendations

    Anyway thought it would bring a smile to your face to see how awful some costumes can be.

    😀

  333. I have a provisional reservation on whatever leaves the planet if rom is elected. On a more serious note, do real people really buy these costumes?

  334. These are the same costumes sold in stripper stores. What’s truly sad is a lot of these same outfits also come in ‘juniors’ sizes… Wrong on so many levels…

  337. I could forgive the abundance of slutty costumes if there were even half as many non-slutty ones for women. Instead of, you know, none at all. 🙁

  339. Although…. if NASA had used uniforms like that, they would probably still have funding. Sadly. I’m not saying its right, I’m just sayin’.

  340. Well, at least you can zip something over her face, since her talk hole distracts the men who only want to ogle her breasts… sheee-it. They wont stop making these things until people stop buying them, people!

  342. I can spend hours thinking up costumes, then put “sexy” in front of it. Try it….Sexy unicorn-done. Just don’t try it with trees, there’s some people that aren’t right in the head. And this is me, saying that. :::smh:::

  347. Why not just save the money on the “body bag” and go naked- a little body paint and call yourself a murder victim. (It’s not like she’s leaving anything to the imagination under that costume anyways! OMG I think I just became my Grandma with that sentence…

  348. OK, if you want to see really outrageous female astronaut costumes then look no further than the British TV show from the ’70’s called U.F.O. The show was both ahead of its time and incredibly sexist. The premise of the show was that Britain was secretly keeping the world safe from aliens who were here to kidnap people and steal our internal organs. No shit. There were 3 modes of protection, earth, sea (via submarine and fighter jet) and a moonbase. Here is a clip of the type of costume the woman wore when on the moon. If you watch some of the other clips you will notice that the same women on earth dress completely differently. Apparently metal wigs, thigh high boots, and go-go skirts are needed for lower moon gravity.

  351. I would have to grow six inches and lose 20 pounds to fit in any of those. Not to mention the boob surgery…nope we’re sticking with bag lady costume this year. Is bag lady PC? Bag person?

  352. The comments on Amazon for the Lust in space costume were too good! I may have to wear it to church myself!

  354. Once i was sexy Abe Lincoln for Halloween. I thought it was really funny. I went to a party and EVERY SINGE GIRL was dressed as sexy school girl, or sexy fairy, or sexy nurse. No one understood why I was wearing a sexy dress AND a beard…

  355. Ok, I admit it. As a 17 year old I went as as Dracula’s wife with cleavage and tight bodice to the local party. Got hit on by many. Good times. (No really, a really memorable night 🙂

    Now I am older, rounder and somewhat frumpier and how fun it is to make a costume that is actually GOOD and covers oneself 🙂

  360. Uh just checking, but if my ass n boobs looked like that I wouldn’t need to leave now would I?

  361. I agree completely, but there is a solution. Buy one of the men’s costumes (I swear, no balloon with the word “cross-dresser” will pop up over your head) (although that might even make it better) and if necessary, take it in and hem it, or if you have the bucks, go to your dry cleaner’s and have THEM make the alterations. True, true, it should not be necessary, but we do what works.

  362. It’s like they just worse and worse every year. Eventually I think they’ll stop calling them titles like “Sexy Astronaut” and call them more accurately “Stripper.” Here’s something to think about though… if people weren’t buying these types of costumes in such high quantities, they wouldn’t still be making them.

    This just makes constructing your own costume look better and better.

  364. i am in love w/ Halloween…several years ago, i ceased dressing as *nouns* per se
    & attempted to embody concepts/clichés…’death warmed over’
    made a good showing…but ‘the force of habit’ (nun costume w/ a light-saber) was inspired!

  365. Make the costume! I made a Riddler one last year out of a green body moph suit and a ? mark stencil. It was awesome but I feel I may have peaked with it.

    Oh well

  368. The astronaut costume on the far right? It has Silver Lame on the outside of the woman’s thighs! The woman thin enough to wear lame on the outer curves of her thigh ( where the cellulite grows) isn’t going to look sexy.

  369. imagine the conversation this poor stupid girl is gonna have:
    “What are you supposed to be?”
    “A corpse in a body bag.”
    “…no, seriously…wait…do you know what a ‘corpse in a body bag’ is?”
    “Um, yeah. It’s a dead body, in a black bag.”
    “Ok…and your costume relates to that how?”
    “…um…well, i have a toe tag!”
    “Where?”
    “Here, on my neck!”
    [sound of birds chirping]

  371. Well, to each there own I suppose. I am not sure if people hate it because they can’t wear it or hate it because they could… but alas, most seem to hate it.
    I agree that I don’t know who wears them though as they never seem to be on anyone at any place I am…
    Oh well.

  372. “yes, the halloween costumes are definitely not intended for children…possibly may get one in trouble depending on where around town you chose to wear it…live and let live, ladies…and more importantly, ask yourself what prompted you to be so mean…and when you figure out, get over it, and go live a little yourself.”

    Honey Boo boo? Is it you?

  373. It seems like the people (guys) who design women’s Halloween costumes are the same ones who create every female heroine in comic books and games. What reasonably intelligent warrior goes to battle in a skin-tight, barely there outfit – and stiletto-heeled boots?

  374. Hilarious! I had a similar experience in Party City a few days ago. My husband particularly like the “Backdraft” costume, a lady firefighter with fishnets! But I don’t think he wanted me to wear it for Halloween!

  376. High heels in space? Bogus.

    I am still mystified by the lack of seat restraints on the Enterprise so the ridiculous footwear really puts me over the edge.

    Plus, if they’re going to objectify women, then I demand equal objectification of men! I mean, it’s only fair, right?

    PS If they must objectify people, can we see some people who are actual size? When I see the skinny, hairless, airbrushed models, I feel so sorry for them and want to take them to DQ for fries and a shake.

  379. THANK GOODNESS my daughter’s were not really into this crap and no one wants to see me dressed that any of that! It’s like “oh, it’s Halloween; I’m a sl*t this year?”.

    We do much more creative things at our house. This year, my 2 year grandson is going at a male Mishonne (from The Walking Dead – complete with Elmo hoodie) and my daughter’s, Mommy and Aunt, are going to be his Zombie pets! Hilarious!

  380. I tweeted you about some squirrel-feet earrings. They are so cool! http://pinterest.com/pin/51721095692004517/
    Saw a different pair on Etsy. http://www.etsy.com/listing/102056687/squirrel-paw-earrings-silver-fur-real?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_query=squirrel+feet+earrings&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=all
    Wow. Didn’t know you could buy jewelry like this . . . You’ve probably already got a pair, but if you don’t, I think you should totally have them.

    Best,

    Carol H
    Enabling addictions to weird stuff since the 70’s

  382. At least one of the versions involves pants. I’ve found it really challenging to find any women’s costumes locally that have pants instead of a dress. I wanted to find something I could rollerskate in. I’ve pretty much decided I’m just going to dress as myself. That ought to be scary enough.

  383. There’s little/no imagination in dressing like a hooker, regardless if that hooker is a space cadet, nurse, or other. Save the hooker outfits for the bedroom. Halloween costumes should take thought and imagination. They don’t have to be expensive or even store bought.

    One year, I bought a long hair red wig and oversized sunglasses, kept looking over my shoulder all night, and whispered to people that I was in witnesses protection. Another year, I found a pink beehive, wore over-done pink make-up (Tammy Faye Baker style) and a pink shirt with jeans and my cowboy boots and said I was from from a “little” 10000 acre ranch in Texas.

  388. I’m going to go as you: The Bloggess. I even have a hairdryer. I’m just having trouble finding all the (dead) animals. You know, you could really help us all out and sell this shit on your site. Plastic versions of Juanita and James Garfield…… OH MY GOD!! STOCKING STUFFERS!!! BEST. IDEA. EVER!!! Okay. You must. WHO OUT THERE CAN CREATE PLASTIC MOLDS OF DEAD ANIMALS?? Seriously, those would make the best Christmas gifts EVER!

  389. All this foolishness simply proves that women are more highly evolved than me. I mean really, do you want to see your husband wrapped in Saran Wrap? Ew.

  391. I overheard a college girl telling her friend, “Yeah, I was going to try to come up with a creative costume, bit it’s easier to just go as a slutty something.”

  392. That makes me a little sad. Or a lot sad. For Halloween people should try to think of something creative or at least funny or scary. Not just “oh hey, heres the least amount of fabric I can wear and pretend is something!” STupid skinny girls that ruin things like dressing up like ridiculous things.

  393. Why not just a big, slutty vagina with the woman’s face coming through the middle of it? I bet it would sell. Couples could go as a pair, now what could the dude dress as…? Hmmmm…

  396. Huh, at the bottom of the ‘Lust In Space’ page there is a section where you can e-gift it to someone with the comment “I thought you might like this”.
    Really? That’s … ah … bold.

  398. Aliea, I am totally with you. If I had the body I would rock whatever costume I wanted and not feel the slightest bid bad about it. Would that make a “slut” “whore” or worse? I dont think so. Why do we feel the need to label women who choose to wear a revealing costume one day a year?!? Perhaps not a great choice is you are going to be around young ones but that is a judgement call for whoever wants to wear it. This is a close to “slut shaming” as I have ever seen on this website and I am not a fan. Just because it is not your choice doesn’t mean you need to call very hurtful names to the person who does make that choice. Come on ladies, lets try to support each other no matter what we are wearing on Halloween! I will give you that I think some of these costumes are seriously ridiculous but if you were in the costume design business wouldn’t it be kinda fun to see who make the most insane thing ever and see if it sells? Hey, who not?

  400. Teachers figured this one out a loooong time ago cause you can’t turn up at school wearing that stuff! Instead, you buy the guy’s outfit, and alter it, or get it altered, if necessary. This sort of makes you a cross-dresser in a body bag, which is even cooler. Except, you can’t tell the children that. Actually, a body bag costume would not work at school at all. But in general, it is usually safer to go with men’s smaller-size costumes, unless you are one of those miracle women who can buy cloth and whip an outfit together in a jiffy. (I’ve never done anything unkind to any of these women, but I have thought about it).

  402. Just today I saw a “Naughty Nemo” costume that was… a sexy clown fish. Whhhhaaaat? Baffling. Utterly baffling. I mean, I’m disturbed by sex astronaut and sexy nurse, and sexy body bag and sexy vampire, but sexy cartoon fish child? That is right at the intersection of too many different weird issues to even count… it’s a FISH, for goodness’ sake! a fish! Who on earth wants to be a sexy cartoon fish?

  404. I just got an ad for a SEXY Joan of Arc costume; they suggest adding long wig and fishnet stockings! She isn’t wearing a miniskirt, but, gee whiz. Joan of Arc and Sexy just do not belong together.

  408. …the Lust In Space costume is actually kind of cute.
    I would wear it as like a cyber fairy warrior.
    With some awesome LASER KNIVES.
    And I would write myself a back story in which I was the last survivor of my race.
    Because I had to KILL THE REST OF MY RACE after they went SPACE MAD.

  409. How is that a body bag? How is it a toe tag if it’s on your neck and not a toe? It is each person’s choice whether or not they wear revealing costumes, but if the purpose of a costume is to dress up AS something or someone, shouldn’t it look like what you are dressing as? Shouldn’t people be able to somewhat tell what you are? No one would see that and say “cool body bag!”
    The biggest problem I have with the costume catalogs/websites/stores is that they are not designed for normal bodies. I don’t see a huge amount of women walking around in daily life that could pull of the body bag or sexy astronaut quite like the models.

  412. A better name for the Lust In Space one would be Moonraver. What a bunch of space cadets.

  414. I suggest a psychic coupling, a joining of the spirit of the Bloggess with the spirit of Sherman Alexie as embodied in his latest, Blasphemy.

    Then you’ll want to be back on this planet.

  415. Well, you could say that the third astronaut one is a tribute to Erin Gray’s Wilma Deering. Kind of a reach, but there you are.

  416. That’s exactly why I don’t dress up for Halloween. The go-to costume for girls is a skanky dress and a headband with animal ears.

    I would however like to know how a person gets the job of naming these costumes. I’d totally apply.

  417. If you leave for outer space, can I come with you? Because I have this theory that the world is becoming more ridiculous every time I go to sleep and so far I have not been proven wrong – or in short, I don’t think I want to live on this planet anymore either..

  421. Look, you gotta be ready to get it on and make them babies just in case you actually get stranded in space.
    Thanks for thinking ahead, Astronaughty.

  424. OMG the Lust in Space costume looks very similar to the astronaut barbie I had as kid!

  426. Gods bless her, my nine year old still just likes to dress up as animals. She wants to be a bat this year. Even for young girls, it’s all miniskirts and purple sparkled bat wings. WTH?

  427. Oddly enough, after this posted, I made a comment on Facebook about Ghostbusters and a friend posted a link to a “Sexy Ghostbuster” costume. And yes, the men’s costume looked just like the uniforms in the movie.

    Sigh.

  429. So true, you have to be a size zero to look like any of those models in those costumes too. Personally I prefer scary or funny over sexy when it comes to Halloween costumes. I haven’t even started decorating for this year, and I am pretty sure I will not have an opportunity to even dress up….sad state of affairs, I tell you!

  433. Oh, great. I clicked on the Lust in Space link… which took me to the item on Amazon… which is now suggesting all sorts of nasty things based on my clicking. Thank you so much, Jenny. No, seriously.

  435. I’ve never understood why all women’s costumes have to be sexy. It’s even filtered down to the teen girl costumes which is beyond scary. Even the plus sized womens costumes have some sexual aspect.

    WTF y’all??? We’re more than sexual objects. And what is the teen sex kitten thing telling our little girls?

  438. My history thesis is on nurses, so I’ve had to look at many, many costumes for nurses. I thought I was immune to the horror until I found a naughty Florence Nightingale costume.

  441. My three year old wants to be a pink pony for Halloween. Try explaining to a barely-beyond toddler that all ready-to-buy pony/horse costumes are designed by pedophiliac men with horse fetishes. WTF??!!!

  444. ROTFLMAO.. So I read this post about the costumes.. Then realized.. Crap… Hubby and I are having a get together for Halloween and i’ve not even THOUGHT of costumes…. So i Google “Couples Matching Costumes”…..

    Evidently… Halloween costumes were invented by men..LOL ( sorry guys).. Haven’t found anything for me and hubby yet.. BUT>> My wonderful sister with her incredibly large boobs is getting a surprise gift from her Big Sis….. A halloween costume designed to look like a road with headlights… and a deer costume ( fully covered of course) for her sweet man!

    Trick or Treat!! Auntie Aimes

  449. When I first saw that, I thought maybe the dude was dressed as a wardrobe bag, there to doll out clothes to all of the undressed “costumed” women, like some sort of social commentary on the slutification of our society on Halloween. I’m disappointed to hear that he’s just a body bag lol.

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It\'s like I\'m stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

Discover more from The Bloggess

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading