Hi. You don’t know me, but I’m the woman at the movies who accidentally groped your boob. Here’s the deal. I had to pee and so I was in a hurry to run out and get to the bathroom so I didn’t miss anything, and I had my hand out at arm level to push open the door of the theater and then I heard vomiting behind me and so I turned around to see who was throwing up, and that’s why I didn’t notice that you had opened the door (probably on the way back from the bathroom yourself) and that’s why my hand was out and I was rushing forward and inadvertently grabbed your bosom. I apologize if this was your first lesbian experience and it was accompanied by the soundtrack of vomiting, but that was really more the fault of the movie than me. Also, I wouldn’t even mention it except that when I accidentally grabbed your boob I felt something mildly lumpy. It’s probably nothing but you might want to get yourself checked out. Also, I often get popcorn stuck in my bra during movies so it could totally be that. Or maybe you keep your phone in there. Me too. But technically that can cause cancer since they say that phones cause brain cancer and if you keep them near your boobs they probably cause boob cancer? Except, wouldn’t phones cause ear cancer if it was really the phones fault? Because you never hear of ear cancer. And now I’m confused. Probably because I’ve had too much to drink. Which is why I had to go to the bathroom in the first place. FULL CIRCLE.
I’m just saying, check your boobies. For both of our sakes. Also, sorry about the groping, again.