And then I was murdered. (This will be eerie if I really end up murdered this week.)

Victor:  I don’t understand the point of twitter.  Millions of people saying random stuff ALL THE TIME.

me:  Sounds like you totally understand twitter.  And that’s what’s so awesome about it.

Victor:  There’s literally nothing that hasn’t already been said on twitter.  Aren’t you all done yet?

Victor:  Well.  I stand corrected.

201 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Yeah Im with Victor on this one.

    Like

  2. When will he learn… muwahahaha!

    Like

  3. That IS what is so awesome about it. You get to read what people are really thinking, however random it may be.

    The Kidless Kronicles

    Like

    Nicole@TheKidlessKronicles recently posted Tuesday: WWPD.

  4. Well, maybe it was a famous horse. Like Rafalca Romney (she’s on twitter too. I love her)

    Like

    Mayor Gia recently posted Happy Blogiversary to Meeee!.

  5. Sounds like an old episode of Murder She Wrote. You would make a great Jessica Fletcher!

    Like

  6. I love you, girl!

    Like

    Elle recently posted Simple (Stovetop) Macaroni and Cheese.

  7. So…your horse is a butler?

    Like

  8. Madame, you have used science and Twitter to win an argument in one swift blow and by using less than ten words. I SALUTE YOU!!!

    Like

  9. And yet somehow, somewhere, that tweet will change someone’s life.

    Like

    Sharon recently posted The Worst Soccer Team In Britain.

  10. Today I made flu shots look sexy. Now my arm hurts and I have flu shot buyer’s remorse. Twitter was there for me, Victor!

    Like

    Katie recently posted I’m FIFTY! FIFTY Posts Old!.

  11. Oh, Victor. It’s like you’ve never met a whole society of nutbars before. Pfft.

    Like

  12. Lately it seems all my twitter is full of is retweets of local politicians arguing with each other and citizens. It’s nice to see something fresh and new happening.

    Like

    Amanda recently posted that time I went to Europe: part two - Monte Carlo.

  13. Then I murdered said horse. There is proof all over my apartment. It was my first horse. I’m not very good at this. “That’s what she said”

    Like

    cassie recently posted wordless wednesday.

  14. Oh shut it. Twitter is awesomesauce – some of my best friends are on twitter, therefore it rules.

    Like

    Andreas Heinakroon recently posted Magpie heart.

  15. We should start a “things that have not been said on Twitter” and use the hashtag #ForVictor.

    Like

    Jennifer recently posted December 18th.

  16. Murdered by a horse?

    Oh well, Zombie blogging FTW!

    Like

    Grump and Grumble recently posted Fantastic, its the leaked official Apple promo video for the....

  17. Twitter is the where I get all of my critical information, news etc. It’s 100% accurate, all the time, just like Wikipedia. Where else would I learn that someone could be murdered by a horse and live to tell about it? DUH.

    Like

    Natty recently posted Follow Me, Follow You.

  18. Which is the PERFECT title for a book chapter…I may have to steal it – unless you’re going to use it in your next book.
    I recognize the right of ‘first dibs’!

    Kathy

    Like

  19. Oh, that’s nothing. I’ve got binders FULL of horses that have murdered me.

    Like

  20. I don’t get it either. Ha!

    Like

    ilikebeerandbabies recently posted Mommy Porn.

  21. Obviously Victor has a lot to learn. Millions of people saying random things all the time is what makes the world go round. Either that or the giant hamster running endlessly inside the core of the planet.

    Like

    karifur recently posted Kari’s Brain: now sponsored by WebMD!.

  22. I saw your tweet and figured it had to be part of a blog post. lol

    Like

    Rhea recently posted IcyHot & Donuts.

  23. Poor Victor. When will he ever learn…

    Like

  24. OMG! Awesome!!! BTW, love the idea Jennifer had of a #ForVictor hashtag!!! LOL

    Like

  25. Today I was collated by a howler monkey.

    This could become a thing.

    Like

    Christine recently posted In Case you Thought the Crazy Wedding Bitch Left the Building.

  26. This is bloody funny… but so true.

    Like

    Wyatt Kane recently posted ASMR Parody (Kitchen, Doctor, Massage, Role-play).

  27. Twitter was the only thing that saved my sanity during last night’s debate. Instead of fuming and grinding my teeth, I laughed my ass off at all the commentary!

    Like

  28. The whole point of Twitter is to see a bunch of people busy doing a load of inane, dull and uninteresting things…just like you are doing. There’s your sense of community right there.

    Like

    Claire J recently posted London: Settling In.

  29. I liked the previous tweet – that the day had been murdered by a horse. I wanted to see that!😉

    Like

    The Borg Blog recently posted Good grief, Charlie Brown!.

  30. I didn’t get it either… but then I got a handle (@veganbuglady) and figured it out… the random is the fun of it! And it’s real-time fleeting thoughts and TOTALLY enables any ADHD that I had hiding in me.

    Like

    L recently posted the tree's knees.

  31. I love you guys. Really.

    Like

    Em recently posted Letting Go: Emotionally.

  32. Well hell. Is this the voice of Dead Jenny via horse? That hungry asshole had better take care of your hair. And HST.

    Like

    Arnebya recently posted The Bright Side of 39 (and a letter to myself).

  33. Twitter is heaven. Victor will learn.

    Like

    Nic recently posted How Not to Impress a Guy on a First Date.

  34. 34
    Annadanna from Canada

    I hope if and when you’re actually killed by a horse you’ll still tweet to us.

    Like

    Annadanna from Canada recently posted I just want the pony treasure.

  35. Christine (comment #25) LOLOLOL!

    Like

    Em recently posted Letting Go: Emotionally.

  36. I hate it when that happens! It happened to my husband once, but he’s better now.

    Like

    Ranch Mama recently posted Keep'n Our Poop in a Pile.

  37. Most tweets need to be read like they are soundbites from a movie trailer. Your movie sounds very interesting.

    “A horse on the edge. The woman that was collateral damage. The beginning of a hundred year war between human and equine. Starts. Today.”

    Like

  38. I also liked the original version that you deleted: ‘Today was murdered by a horse.’

    Like

  39. Dude, Victor, I don’t always understand Twitter either. Does that make it less awesome? Nope.

    Like

    Ashleigh recently posted Dreaming Through the Depression.

  40. How could everything already be said? I mean, stuff keeps happening Victor. I’ll bet no one has already said this: My hubby told me he lost his travel coffee mug when the armadillo he had just shot ran over and died on top of the coffee mug he had sat on the ground.

    Like

  41. Now I will look for #ForVictor. Amazing idea!

    Like

    Maggi recently posted Loss of a Friend.

  42. Silly fellow. There’s ALWAYS something left to say.

    Like

    Robin recently posted An Unthinkable Ironic Mustache Wednesday.

  43. If Victor were more creative, he’d have tweeted something more random back not only to one-up you, but also to disprove his own point which would have made you win by default, even though you totally agreed with his point in the first place.

    Like

    Erica recently posted All the animals in my town hate my guts..

  44. Poor Victor, he should really know not to give you a challenge. Also he so very much dosen’t get twitter, it’s kind of sweet.

    Like

  45. Twitter makes me feel like a confused elderly person. Except I’m not elderly. Maybe if I were, then I would have some tech savvy whippersnapper of a kid to teach me how it works and then I’d get it. Instead I’ll just sit over in this corner being old before my time.
    HEY KID KEEP OFF MY LAWN!

    Like

    Patti B recently posted Another Knit a Fantasy Story Update.

  46. He should have known not to toss out THAT little challenge!

    Like

  47. Twitter is not for me, I feel so old and out of touch but I just don’t think I am clever enough!

    Like

    Rebecca recently posted DIY No Sew Fairy Costume.

  48. I can always count on you for a laugh out loud moment! Thanks Victor, for throwing down that gauntlet. 😀

    Like

  49. If twitter wasn’t electronic it would be so loud and annoying. But I love it. I’ve learned so much random crap on twitter. And it makes me laugh.

    Like

    Jen recently posted Fear.

  50. Some criticisms about the triviality of Twitter may be justified, but quite often, they are not.

    Twitter is wonderful.

    Why?

    Because reasons. That’s why.

    Like

    Jon Jones recently posted 100 WORDS.

  51. Clearly he is missing the point of saying nothing that is really something. I bet he was not a Seinfeld watcher, huh?!😉

    Like

    thedoseofreality recently posted It Is Now the Time….

  52. LOL Twitter is a little insane at times.

    Like

    Ashley recently posted Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey and ACTUAL LITERATURE.

  53. Twitter is freaking awesome just for this reason! It’s so random!

    Like

    Bonnie Franks recently posted Customized Email Subscription Box.

  54. Thanks to twitter, My attention span is 140 characters LOL

    Like

    Kerry recently posted … Thinking of you #WordlessWednesday.

  55. If it weren’t for Twitter, I don’t think any of us could do things like watch presidential debates without stabbing everyone in the room.

    Like

    Jake recently posted Trust me...I'm the Rug Doctor..

  56. So sad. Horse murder is the second worst kind of murder at the hand of animals.

    Like

    Melanie recently posted Happy. In Photos..

  57. Lisa October 17, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    He should have known not to toss out THAT little challenge!
    Gotta agree with that!
    Personally, I’m still looking for the story that concludes with the butler sticking his dick in the mashed potatoes.

    Like

  58. Actually, I’m always nervous I’m going to say something on Twitter that will *get me* murdered.

    Like

    When I Blink recently posted Pumpkin Pimping: It’s A Thing.

  59. 59
    The Other Jamie

    And that is EXACTLY why I love Twitter.

    Like

  60. A horse, of course.

    Like

    ColdBlooded recently posted PitBull Awareness..

  61. Way to show Victor!

    Like

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted Avoid Psychos When Dating: Have a Second Mobile Number.

  62. I agree with Twitter. Expand.

    Like

  63. LOVE. Just when I think I’ve seen or heard it all… I simply click to your blog and stand back… eventually knowing I’ll be proven wrong. Well played, Jenny Lawson, well played.

    Like

  64. Twitter: where the dead come back from the grave to “out” their murdering horses.

    ~EdT.

    Like

    EdT. recently posted Reunion 2012: Dinner Cruise. And Boat Races..

  65. So is this where you get taxidermied by Heather the Funeral Director and sent to the mouse family? I wonder what they will dress you up in???

    Like

    Sam Whiteoak recently posted Chicken shit on WTF Wednesday..

  66. Don’t forget about the mayor of Hollywood Park (San Antonio) who WAS murdered by his pet donkey… kinda creepy.

    Like

  67. I feel so much better now.

    Like

    Alex@LateEnough recently posted We Went To Brooklyn.

  68. I think Twitter is like middle school. I’ve been trying to get followers for over a year. I guess that I’m doing better than I did at middle school though.

    Like

    Mom Off Meth recently posted I'm going back to Cali...I don't think so..

  69. I guess the same goes for my blog. Popularity contest. But I love writing, so who cares. But you totally are queen bee.

    Like

    Mom Off Meth recently posted I'm going back to Cali...I don't think so..

  70. People who do not understand Twitter are doing it wrong.

    Like

    NATurally Inappropriate recently posted I’m already laughing, bitches..

  71. I hope you are right and Victor is wrong, otherwise the sequel to Executive Severance I will begin on Twitter in the new year will be redundant! Working title – Executive Severance: The Sequel http://www.amazon.com/Executive-Severance-Robert-K-Blechman/dp/0983274754/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1325994135&sr=8-1

    Like

    Robert K. Blechman recently posted Banned Book Week: Executive Severance on the list!.

  72. I follow Albert Brooks and Charles Blow. They’re both cerebral. Other than that, I don’t really grok the rest of it. TMI.

    Like

    Sj recently posted It's A Rudy Kazootie Kinda Day!.

  73. In your case, I would assume it was The Horse of Many Colors from the Wizard of Oz.

    Like

    Kera - Dreadnaught Darling recently posted Aspects of Tiny Living: Downsizing Again.

  74. Challenge accepted.
    Except I don’t have twitter. Don’t do the tweets.
    But I hope other people pick up the challenge…with gusto.

    Like

    Melissa recently posted Walking Dead takes over my braaaaaains!.

  75. I think we have all been murdered by horses at one time or another. What we haven’t been murdered by is ME.

    Like

    Birdman recently posted Trash The Dress.

  76. Oh, Victor.

    Twitter is kind of the monkeys + typewriters thing. But, if you don’t get it, you don’t get it, I guess.

    Like

    Jen recently posted Wordless Wednesday October 17 2012.

  77. You got that one by the skin of your teeth. Last year I was ALMOST murdered by a horse. My horse. He didn’t mean it though…wind is scary.

    Like

    judy recently posted Mighty Mouse & The Candy Dish.

  78. Darling, it wasn’t a horse. It was Copernicus on a pegasus.

    Like

  79. I think there is something that attracts normal and good looking spouses to us folks who are broken and weird as hell. It’s the only explanation for my LisaLiscious. Honestly I swear she’s the Female Victor. (I once named a laptop “Victor” once thinking I was being clever — “he shall win” was the idea behind it).

    Oh yeah, and twitter. I dunno. I have useful stuff in my feed from infosec folks and random goofiness, and the occasional model who wants to show her latest… uhm… work. WHICH I TOTALLY SUPPORT.
    yeah

    yeah

    I have never been killed by a horse. So thanks for the something new. Was it Bad Horse? The Thoroughbred of Sin? For my money I want it to have been Bad Horse.

    Like

    sean recently posted Foggy Santa Cruz Mountains Photo Essay.

  80. Sucks that twitter only gives you 140 characters. I’d love to hear the whole story.

    Like

    Becky recently posted Picking Out Something, Other Than My Wedgie.

  81. pfft. I was so murdered by a horse last week. Try again, Bloggess!

    Loved it! I think Twitter may have been created for you, madame.

    Like

    Erin Maureen recently posted A Little Less Sex In The City, A Little More Shrimp Lo Mein.

  82. Coulda been Bad Horse, the Thoroughbred of Sin.

    Like

  83. Fine! I’ll get a Twitter account! Between the conference I attended this weekend and you it seems I’m one of the few remaining hold-outs who just couldn’t see the difference between Twitter and a facebook newsfeed.

    Now I need to come up with a spiffy user name.

    Like

    Kelly at Cibatarian recently posted Up-coming Events.

  84. I’m scared to leave a comment for fear I will be called for questioning

    Like

    Christine from FLY FISH CHICK recently posted I Think Ikat, I Think Ikat.

  85. I was sure that the homicidal monkey had something to do with it. Better avoid him and horses for a while, unless you want this post to be eerie.

    Like

    Rachel recently posted My 19th Birthday.

  86. I also thought a flying squirrel would take you out. Maybe next week,ey?

    Like

  87. That’s probably the best tweet I’ve read in the last six months.

    Like

    Jaime recently posted Conversations with Sebastian: Nocturnal Jesus addition.

  88. My cat just murdered a mouse. I have a feeling that statement is neither shocking nor original, but it’s the best I can do.

    Like

  89. You showed him!

    Like

    Heretic Husband recently posted Wackjob Wednesday 10/10/2012.

  90. I used to feel like Victor about twitter. It took me forever to warm up to it.

    Now I like it better then facebook. FB has lost its appeal to me.

    I mean where else can you talk to & get responses from celebs like Neil Gaiman, Piper from Charmed, Amanda Palmer etc AND get a direct message from John Taylor of Duran Duran in response to a disagreement you had over politics(yeah that last one made 14 yr old me squeal something fierce)?? I LOVE Twitter.

    I’m definitely in the pro Twitter group. I like that some of my inane tweets get retweeted by people or favorited. And sometimes I apparently make so much sense someone retweets it to thousands of people(Palmer did this to me twice and my twitter blew up for two days. Thanks AP!).

    I just love the connection of meeting like-minded people and talking to them. I like that I find out news faster via Twitter then anywhere else.

    Yeah, I get how people find it weird but I also urge people to give it a chance. I did that with my husband and he’s addicted now.

    Oh and what’s up with the horse? What did you do to it? Did you not feed it apples??

    Like

    Charli recently posted Raising Charlie.

  91. today i was attacked by a tumbleweave in our neighborhood. or not. but i could have been. HOLLA!
    (n. A random grouping and usually tangled mass of fake hair, which is generally the result of someones weave being pulled out in a fight)

    Like

  92. Now I’m going to have to find a way to top you; I hate peer pressure…

    Like

  93. Poor Victor!
    To lose an argument and his wife in a single tweet. So very sad or him.

    Like

    april recently posted lenore; more effective than a time out (especially as cats don’t seem to understand the time out concept).

  94. One of these days I’m going to turn random tweets into madlibs…or sonnets…

    Like

    Renia Carsillo recently posted Welcome to the class of 2012! The final group for The 6 Weeks to Social Success in 2012.

  95. lol Victor, at this point you should know better. Awesomely played, lady.

    Like

    Adrasteia recently posted Little bits.

  96. Sounds like a normal Wednesday to me.

    Like

    Smokeynall recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  97. I’m with Victor on this one. I don’t get Twitter either.

    Like

    Daryk recently posted Of preganacy and pee, neither of which was mine.

  98. Today on Twitter I promised Eminem I would rap “Lose Yourself” for his 40th Birthday. Which was today. I AM TOTALLY STRESSED OUT because my beats aren’t nearly dope enough yet.

    Like

    Cindy Reed recently posted In which I take the girls to the park and everyone cries..

  99. I’ve said it before – multiple times – and I’ll say it again – you guys are FANTASTIC!!! You and Victor BUT your commentors! Bwahahahhaha

    Like

  100. In the study with a lead pipe?

    Like

    Morgan Eckstein recently posted Day 17 of 2nd Annual 31 Days of Halloween Kitties.

  101. Ummm, yeah, I hope this isn’t a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Like

    Karen Sanders recently posted AMA.

  102. Oh yeah? Well I was murdered by a mutant spider with a machete. Not that spiders need machetes to commit homicide. It was for effect.

    Like

    SarcasticNinja recently posted Jesus and the Prisoners of Hadeskaban.

  103. Feck I want to rob this. Why are you so awesome but never talk to me, you literally have me in histerics non stop. All I want is a picture of you holding some twine. Is this so wrong of me?

    Awww nutterbutters!

    Like

    Ginger Blog Man recently posted Oh Mein Arsch.

  104. Of course. I hope now that Victor has learned his lesson. Do not doubt the Bloggess.

    Like

    Lynne Thomas recently posted Texting…Texting…1234.

  105. On an entirely unrelated note, I loaned my audiobook copy of “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” to my friend and her just turned 13 year old son who are doing a lot of traveling right now and wanted something to listen to in the car. She texted me today to say, “Following the arm stuck in a horse story, my son’s only question was “What’s a turkey baster?” I’m just glad he didn’t ask me what a dildo is. *uncomfortable giggle* Though he is even less interested in ever trying drugs than he was previously, which was not at all, so I guess that’s good.” When I suggested that perhaps she shouldn’t trust my judgment on what’s appropriate for children she replied, “What? We both LOVE the book so far!” So there you go. A very roundabout third party review of your audiobook as heard by a just turned 13 year old boy and his mom. You’re welcome. :)

    Like

    Daryk recently posted Well the job market sucks so I think I’ll just buy a company ….

  106. Nice! But watch your back for horses!

    Like

    Becki Jolly recently posted Movie Review: Hick (2012).

  107. I copied you and tried tweeting: Today I was murdered by a kitten. It was Hunter S. Tomcat, probably.

    Like

    Girl to Mom- Heidi recently posted Funniest Kid’s Drawings.

  108. Did anyone fall for that?

    Like

  109. Thomcat! My apologies.

    Like

    Girl to Mom- Heidi recently posted Funniest Kid’s Drawings.

  110. I made a recipe for monkey poop today and couldn’t wait to share it on Twitter. Twitter is really the only place for such things. It is magic.

    Like

    Barbara recently posted Halloween Recipe: Monkey Poop.

  111. Horse Murderer? Sounds like the next Stephen King novel.

    Like

    Dana @ This Silly Girl's Life recently posted Boring Books..

  112. 112
    Imperfect momma

    And now there needs to be a random crap twitter night.

    Like

    Imperfect momma recently posted Life with a boy.

  113. I’ve never understood Twitter, I feel like an old lady for thinking it’s stupid just because I don’t get the point. That being said, I have one….only to enter into drawings to win awesome shit.

    Like

    Bailey recently posted It's a...Gummy Bear?.

  114. Are you Don Draper’s father?

    Like

    Jillian recently posted Short Post and a Song #23.

  115. I think Victor has now upped the anty – you must come up with tweets like this more often.

    Like

  116. Yeah, I don’t know why people think horses are so sweet and loveable. I look at a horse and see nothing but malice and evil. And pretty eyes.

    Like

    Ely North recently posted Radical new breast cancer treatment!.

  117. Wondered if you saw this. I think that’s your red dress thing in this clip!
    Here’s the link…

    http://www.upworthy.com/finally-pictures-of-gorgeous-women-that-make-you-feel-better-about-yourself-inst?g=3&c=ufb1

    Like

    Ronda recently posted The Big 7.

  118. Wait, were you trampled to death or did the horse silently sneak up, cover your mouth with one hoof, and kill you?
    These things matter.

    Like

    Jessica recently posted The time where I get to play Pintester for a while..

  119. 120
    Lady Penelope

    Twitter is like a magic 8 ball;
    Ask it a question, give it a shake and the answer appears.

    Like

  120. Oh, please, don’t get murdered!

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted Catastrophe Theory.

  121. you rock

    Like

  122. Today I was murdered by a hearse.

    Like

    anna recently posted 31 Days of Halloween: Day 17 - A Painted Witch Cauldron.

  123. I bet no one has ever said, “My hamster tastes like cheese.”

    Like

    Issa recently posted Day 50 - Rough Night.

  124. I’m probably the one person on Earth who HATES Twitter. It’s a bunch of verbal…er…written diarrhea. It’s also a lot like being schizophrenic because there are so many voices and thoughts at once….I already have about 46 of my own to deal with, so adding the rest of the world to that just makes shit a lot more confusing!

    Like

    Brea recently posted A Letter to My Son.

  125. I have a Twitter account that I’ve never used. But it makes me feel like I have more friends when the spam-bots request to follow me. I feel the love!

    But now I feel left out. No horse has ever murdered me, assaulted me or even made an inappropriate joke in my presence. It hurts.

    Like

    Liz the Insane recently posted The Birth of a Star.

  126. I also do not get Twitter at all… in any way, shape, or form…

    Like

    Lisa-Marie recently posted There are witches in the air!.

  127. I used to spend so much time on Twitter. It was so much fun! I haven’t been on much anymore. When I am on, I don’t often enjoy it as much as I used to.

    Maybe everything has already been said.

    Like

    Cheryl D. recently posted Very Adorable, But a Lot of Work.

  128. It’s like he doesn’t even KNOW you, Jenny!

    Like

    Brenna recently posted Philosophizing.

  129. Twitter Rocks! I totally love it! I don’t post random stuff enough.. Hope you are having fantabulous days lately!

    Like

    Candypolooza recently posted Colors of Me err my hair.

  130. Long live the TwitterVerse!

    Like

    DragonDon recently posted Korea wrestles with sexual imagery.

  131. Way to stick it to him! *shakes Head* When will Victor learn?

    Like

    Kaitlyn recently posted How to Sculpt a Hare.

  132. I was sitting here reading this post when all of a sudden I hear my husband say, “Stay out of the water when the coral is sperming.”

    I’m curious about that random statement, but I get the feeling the answer might ruin the trip we’re planning to take to the Bahamas for our 15th anniversary…

    Like

  133. Wow. Now I REALLY wish I hadn’t given that horse with the leather mask and chainsaw directions to your house.

    Like

    Amy recently posted Brad Pitt Chanel Commercial.

  134. What if you were murdered mid sentence and we all started suspiciously eyeing local horses, but really you meant to say “hoarse jugglers” and then they got away with it!!! Damn you, autocorrect!

    Like

  135. I think you have the plot to a really weird and awesome crime/sci-fi novel.

    Like

    Tanya recently posted Focus.

  136. @Brea,

    You’re not the only one. I don’t twat on twatter, I don’t use a cellphone/devilbox (and consider it the single worst invention in human history), and I don’t Facebook. I remain a fan of communicating in more than a single sentence (or fragment thereof). That may be related to my loving long novels like the Song of Ice and Fire series or The Count of Monte Cristo.

    Like

  137. I love your response and declare you the winner of the argument (but I still agree with Victor that Twitter is kind of pointless).

    Like

    Shannon recently posted Why Wednesdays? – Why I Run, Reason #8: The Pleasures of a Neighborhood Adventure.

  138. http://www.y94.com/y94-blog-details.php?ID=4128
    This is amazing.

    Don’t get murdered. But if it was in fact by a horse, it’d seem an appropriate way for you to go. I mean no offence, it’d just be perfectly random.

    Like

  139. I will have to go to my Twitter feed and see how many people have reposted this. I see an amazing chain of things that haven’t been on Twitter yet, like “I just clipped my toenails” or “I was trampled by a pack of feral chihuahuas”

    Like

  140. Oh Victor, you asked for that……

    It’s like he was daring you to come up with something outrageous and I love it :)

    Like

    Kat recently posted My two loves: internet and reading.

  141. 143
    mydogfartswhenshebarks!

    I do’t understand Twitter. Why would I want to hear about the random thoughts of THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE? I can’t even tolerate my own random thoughts, ESPECIALLY at 2 in the morning! My anxiety keeps me awake with the most STUPID thoughts ever! “That was a cute dog food commercial” “Where do I get one of those neat little contraptions?” “Did I take out the garbage?” If I used Twitter, I’d NEVER sleep! I’d be up all night reading the replies to all of MY RANDOM THOUGHTS that I didn’t want to think about in the first place!

    NO no no no nooooooooooo!!!

    Like

  142. I just un-buttoned my pants to make room for lunch. Take that Victor!

    Like

    Beck recently posted Eine Kleine Bikini.

  143. I just read this on CNN.com and thought of you. I’m a longtime lurker. You rock.:)
    Morbid Anatomy Library, Brooklyn, New York
    This library and private collection of weird art and antique medicine cum gallery and lecture space hosts occasional classes in anthropmorphic taxidermy. That’s the resurrected Victorian craft of dressing dead animals in adorable little outfits and posing them in human activities.
    The bunny school houses and kitten croquet parties of a more genteel era, however, have been updated to mouse burlesque dancers, skateboarders and drunken poets.
    Visits can be scheduled to the library by appointment.

    Like

  144. Since all of my friends live on the internet, I think of twitter and the delivery system for things I would have said if we actually hung out, but we don’t so I tweet it. And vice versa. For the most part, I only follow people who I would want to hang out with.

    Like

    JRose recently posted Now Make Like a Tree and Get Out of Here..

  145. I hate to break it to you, but I posted that last week. So, technically, Victor is right. Now if you had said you were murdered by a *taxidermied* horse…

    Like

    yetisaurus recently posted Bucket List: No Regrets.

  146. I’m with you, I don’t understand Twitter either and have been trying to “figure it out” now that I’m a blogger. To me it just seems like people reposting links to articles…

    That being said, follow me on Twitter! @ThrivingWives (har har)

    Like

    Thriving Wives recently posted Strive to Thrive - What Does That Even Mean?.

  147. Rather unfair, your irresponsible criminalizing of horses. Not only that, but you, mam, are a Sizeist. Ponies have just as much homicidal rage as a horse. For shame.

    Like

    Abby recently posted If Lowe’s were a person He would be an Ageist, Pimple Faced Twatwaffle with a Distinct Underbite and a Questionable Mole on His Left Ass Cheek.

  148. “A murder would be nice, of course” ~Bad Horse.

    Like

    Liesl recently posted Pinterest is ruining my life.

  149. I totally always want to post witty shit on Twitter, but never think of any witty shit to say till it’s too damn late.

    Like

    NATurally Inappropriate recently posted Texts with Jay are never boring..

  150. She was a horse come unshod and will be caught red-hooved.

    Like

    Synnove @ Don't Chew On The Dinner Table! recently posted My life among the Banshee Garden Slugs.

  151. Dude, I’ve totally said that before. Just not on Twitter. Also, I was clearly lying as I’m not dead and am rarely near horses.

    Like

    Meg recently posted Only in Dreams....

  152. I saw you in this and I had to tell you- it gave me goosebumps. You are beautiful!
    http://www.upworthy.com/finally-pictures-of-gorgeous-women-that-make-you-feel-better-about-yourself-inst
    Thank you for all you do to keep us laughing!!

    Like

  153. I love Victor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  154. Victor’s reactions to your comments crack me up. He is the perfect straight man in your comedic duo.

    Like

    Sue recently posted Can Bogie be trusted off-leash?.

  155. My money’s on that sonofabitch Mr. Ed, all uppity talkin’ and stuff.

    Like

    Kevin recently posted The Mona and Joyce Show - Episode 5 Abby and Brittany.

  156. Why a horse? Is that just the first thing that came to mind? Do you have something against horses? And why murder? Why not ice-skating or football – something more jovial? We need more back-story.

    See, that’s why I don’t do twitter.

    Like

    Kristen Mae recently posted Idiots With Viable Uteruses and Why I Want to Learn Korean.

  157. I still can’t believ Victor though you would be quiet on this one.
    Also love the idea Jennifer had of a #ForVictor hashtag for things that haven’t been said in Twitter

    Like

    Mexmom recently posted Being busy at work and finally feeling good about it.

  158. 160
    Mikki Blueyes

    I’ve spent the past two days arguing with (and proving that I’m right to) call center reps – post office and insurance company. So the fact that you so effectively proved yourself right to Victor, just cracks me up to no end.

    Last night I dreamed Dr.Phil was trying to touch my face. True story. #ForVictor.

    Like

  159. Something just for you: Morbid Anatomy Library, Brooklyn, NY: http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/18/travel/seven-gross-places-america/index.html

    Like

    Sheila recently posted PAIN.

  160. At least it wasn’t a runaway blimp!

    Like

    Heather recently posted Romantic Getaways with your Girlfriend are hard to run by your Husband..

  161. …by a horse? they don’t even have thumbs…..but a bull, that I could believe.

    Like

    katie metzroth recently posted What if Superman was just called Man?.

  162. I saw your tweet and I wondered what that was all about. Of course, some brilliant retort of your to poor Victor. Ha!

    Like

    Stephenie Stone recently posted Tuesday Confessional 10/16.

  163. just read your book. i grew up in lamesa then moved to odessa. i have also been inside a dead deer.

    Like

  164. It’s because you never expect the horses. That’s why they’re so dangerous.

    Like

    Euphoria Girl recently posted A Post About Cooper.

  165. As the Board President of our local therapeutic horseback riding program for individuals with special needs, I was startled to learn of your demise at the hooves of a horse. It’s startling, but it happens. Horses kill.
    The real reason I’m writing is that I just read your book. I didn’t realize that Jenny Lawson was “the Bloggess that I’ve been reading for years, but once I did, I thought the book was even better, and that you write in a surprisingly similar style to my facebook friend “Insane in the Mom-Brain”. She would make an interesting editor for your next project.

    Loved the book, respect for all the personal shit you put out there for us. I knew that when you said those things didn’t really happen to you on the blog comments… that they really did. Now I am glad to know I read you right.
    Love ,
    V.

    Like

  166. It’s always so fabulous to prove a point, isn’t it?

    Like

    Courtney recently posted You’re Killing Me, Chicago.

  167. Do you think horses get songs stuck in their heads?

    Like

    Rayna recently posted on the whole, I think I handled that rather well.

  168. ..in the library!! With the candlestick!!

    No? :((

    Like

  169. Now, you’ll regret that tweet if it happens hey? Would you find yourself inexplicably terrified if you came across a horse in your day now? I would.

    Like

    weezafish recently posted Feeling Broody? Laugh it Off.

  170. So, just when is Victor going to publish the Lexicon of Randomly Tweeted Nonsensical Every Day Sayings of Jennifer Lawson?

    Like

    Tom Stronach recently posted Hi, Hello and Good Day.......

  171. My low self esteem basically ensures I rarely post, since I figure no one gives a shit about my random thoughts… and then someone re-tweets me.

    More odd to me than being murdered by a horse, really.

    I do believe that we would be more concerned if you WEREN’T posting about animals and death in the same breath!!

    ________

    Like

    Stephanie C | Seriously? Really?? Seriously? recently posted Amanda Todd, Bullying, and Bullshit Committees.

  172. 174
    Dennis Dillow

    Remember the TV show Benson. The widowed Governor’s wife had won a flowered dress as a costume and was eaten by horses, it was explained in one episode.

    Like

  173. 175
    Dennis Dillow

    You can delete my last comment. Aside from the typo, I researched it on imdb and found that it was sugar, not flowers: “as that of the Governor’s wife who was said to have been killed by horses. She was not trampled, but eaten while wearing a costume made largely of sugar.”

    Like

  174. s shopping in walmart late last night wearing my Copernicus hug shirt and looking a hot mess when this chick walked right up to me and was like “I love your shirt!” I was like “Uhm. Oh! Thanks, Its the bloggess.” And then the strange happened, she said “I know, Im a lawsbian too! I think we should start a fan group and meet to discuss her blogg!! I think I have a card.” And then she looked for her bizz card but didnt have one so she just scribbled her number down on a tine scrp of paper she had in her coat pocket and she walked away.

    And then I had to explain to my kids what a lawsbian was and why they couldnt say it to their friends…..

    Like

  175. Jenny, My brother just wrote the funniest true story and I posted it to my blog. It involves a stuffed possum and a stuff bobcat. If you have a second, check it out. I think the link will be on here. I thought of you when I read it.

    Like

    Becki Jolly recently posted Guest Post: The Quest for The Ultimate Man Cave Prize.

  176. I tried to explain Twitter to my mom.
    I couldn’t. It was for the best.

    Like

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Exceedingly scary and incredibly gross….

  177. Can you and Victor just start turning on a video camera and recording these conversations.
    I think we would have the most hilarious sitcom ever imagined.

    Totally AWESOME!!!

    Like

    TheFeelGoodDepot recently posted Friday October 19, 2012 – Feel Good Depot Idiot of the Week.

  178. A fleeting thought that isn’t recorded is like a tree falling in the forest. If you’re not tweeting you don’t exist! It’s driven by the same thing that compelled cave pictographs.

    Like

  179. Was it a single equine assassin, operating in plain view? Then you were the victim of a one-horse open slay.

    Like

    Robert K. Blechman recently posted Executive Severance and The Creative Uses of Twitter.

  180. 182
    Stacia McGourty

    I am, at this very moment, creating a webinar explaining various social media platforms to public librarians. This screenshot will be included. I believe that might be the best explanation of twitter ever.

    Like

  181. Bad Horse, the Thoroughbred of Sin, would like a word…

    Like

  182. I’m assuming you knocked on wood.

    I second the idea of just setting up a video camera in your house so we can get a constant stream of these conversations. It would be the latest reality TV, only, you know, actually entertaining. A mix between reality TV and The New Normal. You should probably also have at least one gay person move in. It’s possible I’m putting too much thought into this.

    Like

    Jen @ Bible Belt to Boulder recently posted Lessons from Our Children.

  183. One would think that Victor would have known by now not to issue you a challenge like, “There’s literally nothing that hasn’t already been said on twitter.”

    Was he expecting you just to say, “Why, yes, you’re right” and to walk away?

    Like

  184. Hah! It’s like that game/English class assignment where you write a sentence, pass the paper to the next person who writes another sentence, and so on until you have a complete story. Only in this case you filled in the sentence structure with random words:).

    Like

  185. I don’t understand Twitter either. It sort of leaves me feeling constipated.

    Like

    Angela Weight recently posted Random Friday Thoughts of an Insecure, Self-Doubting Writer Type.

  186. Now I’m worried about horse gangs going around on murder sprees.

    Like

  187. And now what am I supposed to do when a horse murders me and instead of a brain-eating zombie, I come back as the frequent-tweeting kind?

    Because if I’m going to spend the rest of my life as a social media oriented undead, I at least want to start off with some originality.

    Like

    Curiosity recently posted Schrodinger’s Junk Mail.

  188. What happened to your twitter account? I love reading it and it hasn’t been available lately😦

    Like

  189. Make some room on that bench, Victor. I use it for work and that’s about it. 140 characters and the signal to noise ratio makes the Baby Baal cry.

    Like

  190. how would horse murder go exactly…. now I’m curious.

    Like

    chemgirljaime recently posted shit is out of control.

  191. I kinda love this.

    My only frustration with Twitter is the inane bullshit that gets retweeted sometimes. “Can I get an RT because reasons? It’s my birthday/I’m a huge fan/I secretly have an altar to you in my closet.” Here I am, working to maintain at least a façade of coolness by not squeeing at the people I fangirl over in my head, as well as trying to keep my replies and comments witty and relevant, and “*derp* I lurve yew real hard, can haz RT pleez?” gets a response?!

    Okay, I’m done ranting. For now…

    Like

  192. I recently discovered that the concept of Kamikaze Robot Parrots doesn’t exist anywhere on the internet! I found this to be very surprising as it is clearly the sort of thing that the internet community should have invented already.
    Sadly, I remindeed the situation by posting it on Twitter, so Victor wins this round.

    Like

  193. 195
    Amberlee LeTourneau

    Moral of the story……. don’t f*** with horses.

    No really it’s generally frowned upon and can lead to you being murdered by a horse on a mission to kill.

    Like

  194. So one of my childhood repeating nightmares is I was eaten by a horse. I am not lying. Still can see the whole thing in my head.

    Like

    Kim recently posted Golden Sweater--Third Time's a Charm!.

  195. HAHAHA, you are amazing:)

    Like

    Christina @ The Beautiful Balance recently posted Apple / Pear Crumb Cake.

  196. I heart twitter too!

    Like

    Amanda @gidders1 recently posted Seaside Memories, Bingo and a Thrifting game..

  197. I actually JUST joined Twitter, because I was part of the whole, “Twitter is just random thoughts” camp myself, but then I realized and accepted that I need that randomness to promote my blog. So I’m on it. I love the comment on the horse. Even if it had been said before. Also, you are hilarious and my blog hero.:)

    Like

  198. At least it wasn’t a pig–I hate it when that happens.

    http://www.mummyinternational.com/344/

    Like

  199. My partner and I absolutely love your blog and find many of your post’s to be exactly what I’m
    looking for. Does one offer guest writers to write content for you?
    I wouldn’t mind writing a post or elaborating on a lot of the
    subjects you write with regards to here. Again, awesome weblog!

    Like

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