This isn’t a real post

in blogging about blogging again, Random Crap

Hi.  This isn’t a real post.  It’s a video of me speaking in London.  Except that I wasn’t really in London because that would be expensive, so instead I just called in and they put me on the jumbotron so I LITERALLY looked enormous compared to the other women on the panel.   Part of my speech ended up on this video by the wonderful @newmumonline but luckily she edited out the part where I was attacked by my cat, and the other part where I pretended to be Godzilla stalking my tiny, unsuspecting co-panelists.

It was awesome.  Thank you, London.

144 thoughts on “This isn’t a real post”

Read comments below or add one.

  7. How can you NOT pretend to be a giant Godzilla eating the tiny other panelists? I mean, duh! What did they expect when they threw you up on the jumbotron?

  8. What do you mean “luckily she out the part where I was attacked by my cat, and the other part where I pretended to be Godzilla stalking my tiny, unsuspecting co-panelists”?! Those sound like the best parts! The two couldn’t be more “Bloggess”… I say a re-unedit is needed!

  11. Better to be there virtually than deal with the possible threat of daleks, cybermen or other aliens that will invariably attempt a takeover at Christmas. 🙂

  14. It was hilarious – partly because it seemed perfectly normal to have a ginormous image of a woman on the stage. The other reason was the cat attack which punctuated the discussion and distracted all of us in the audience and baffled the onstage panel members who couldn’t see you. As for Godzilla – well that reminded me it was the middle of the night for you in Texas and I smiled and thought ‘poor love needs to get some sleep.’

    Thanks for joining us, it was grand to have you there :o)

  15. But…
    …I really want to see you Godzilla-stalking other panelists.. (tiny man-pout)

    Also, I know you don’t respond to email (especially not from random fans), but a few days ago, I emailed you a link to a taxidermied squirrel riding a taxidermied snake like a cowboy. I sent it to you because I just couldn’t help it.. Hope you laughed really hard..
    I would buy it for you, except I am a private music teacher. (translation: “Am poor.”)

  16. OMG – I love how you handle trolls! Awesome! 🙂 And you look great. The camera always adds pounds. I look like Ethel the Cow.

  21. LOVE IT! Personally, I think getting to appear via Jumbotron is pretty much like being Oprah. Or the President. Next time see if you can do it at the Olympics! 😉

  25. It’s ok that I’m hearing you say Thank you, London in a pop star voice, on stage in front of a screaming crowd of adoring yet silly underwear throwing fans, right? Good.

  27. I have to ditto Kerry (#8). Why in the world would we not want to see you as Godzilla?! C’mon people!!!!

  34. OMG… If you would have whipped out some Barbies and bit their heads off all Ozzy style, I would have peed myself.

    Congrats on terrorizing London!!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  35. I would like to see the cat attack also. Who does not want to see a cat trying to kill you on the internet from the internet? Common, it could be classic!

  36. Part of me now wants to write something trolly so you’ll change it something better than what I come up with and then I can take credit for it. But I won’t.

  38. You look like a less scary version, but a mightier, brighter version of the Wizard of Oz…..when he appears on the big wall when they enter his chamber…..oh never mind. I can see it in my head.

  41. Who else skipped forward after about two and a half minutes to hear only the parts when Jenny was speaking? Also, I agree with everyone else that I’d like to see the edited stuff!

  42. Sounds like they edited out the best parts. Please show attack cat and Godzilla!!!

  43. Also, thanks for sharing perspective on the grey ethics of blogging. I’m new at this and I struggle with absolutely wanting to respect the privacy of people I may talk about and still wanting to share my stories. I’m always interested in perspectives on that.

  45. A cape. You need a Ming the Merciless cape with the flipped up, 8 inch high collar. Bwaaa Haaa haaa.

  50. Thank you for sharing your experiences with juggling motherhood, family life, and working life. It helps to know that it’s okay to “suck” at something once in awhile. That it’s impossible to be perfect at everything. I’ve really been struggling with that lately though I’m getting better (at not caring).

  51. “I love you and I want to wear your skin.” I love this so much that I kind of want to add this as a comment on a whole bunch of your posts, just to see if people wonder if you changed it yourself. 🙂

  53. I don’t understand the decision to edit you being Godzilla OUT. I would think that would be highlighted. Unless, of course, it’s being held for the Director’s Cut DVD.

  56. I want to be just like you. I want to wear your skin. And no, Jenny didn’t change this. But she so should because that’s some creepy shit right there.

  58. Uhm I’m horribly confused here, how is this a good editing job? How is cutting out you being Godzilla (because lets face it everyone wants to be godzilla) or being attacked by your cat bad? It sounds wonderful, and funny. And much like you.

  61. Please tell me this happened on Guy Fawkes Day and you decided to hold an alternative celebration with a Godzilla attack instead of fireworks. Please.

  62. My friend MadameGuillotine was on one of the panels at this thing. I really wish I could’ve been there.

    You should totally come to London by the way, because it’s awesome.

  67. Since I’m currently ripping out my own hair raising all 5 of my teenagers in a 3 bedroom apt; I cannot attend anything like BLOGHER or other conference about writing. So getting to see you on JUMBOTRON and listen in on how you and these other women are attempting to balance blog writing, book writing, and raising your kids! And the questions that these women were asking are similar to the questions that I would be asking. Thank you for sharing.

  68. You look like the bit from 1984 the movie where they had big brother’s head up on a giant screen giving orders to everyone. Except you look way less evil. And also I think that big brother thing was from a commercial. Otherwise, dead on.

  69. I’m jumping on the Godzilla bandwagon. I need to see that part of the video. Puh-leeeze?

  73. That is AWESOME! You are one lucky lady.
    Did you sit in the bathroom for 15 minutes before the conference making sure there were no stragglers in your nose? I would have. I would have flossed about 15 times and waxed my upper lip too. Just in case. You never know what people are going to notice when your head is 20 feet tall.
    I also would have been sitting there pretending to eat the other panelists.
    Kudos, Jenny. You are one ballsy chick, and while I don’t want to wear your skin (you kind of need that), I WOULD happily wear you as a hat.

  74. The Bloggess: Living Large In London! Kinda like “The Purple Rose of Cairo” except you didn’t climb out of the screen. Could you please figure out how to do that? That would be awesome!

  75. It kind of looks like you might be the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk. Like you might just suddenly decide to eat the other people or something.

  77. You look like “God of the Panel”. “Queen overseer!” Incidentally, I would have paid money to see the part where you were attacked by your cat. HST I presume?

  79. Oh, I SO want to see the Godzilla part and the cat attacks. Assuming it was HST and not FM?

  83. I’ve died and gone to heaven and in heaven @theBloggess is talking about me.
    Knock knock knockin on heaven’s doooooor!
    xxx
    MWAH!

  85. Your head was so big I could see it from my sofa at the other end of the country! Great that you could take part: ~I know that all the bloggers were stoked that you took part.

  88. I like that one commenter who thinks you only impersonated Godzilla because you were tired. They must be a new reader.

  91. *finally* someone using the word ‘literally’ correctly.

    P.S. We can see up your nose …

  97. Once again, you were charming and amazingly interesting. Your poise and humor were great!!
    Kathy

  98. so are the “out-takes” going to be posted somewhere for the enjoyment of your flock? are we a flock? we could be a murder. you know, like crows.

  103. I should have made a video yesterday when I was decimating throngs of scurrying, screaming ants who had invaded my kitchen. Much like your co-panelists, they were unsuspecting. And much like you, I was pretending to be Godzilla. Sadly, I don’t think anyone gives a fuck about ant-genocide 🙁

    Please share your attacks!

  104. You know you’ve done something when you’ve got the biggest head in the room.
    I love that London is so smart as to have you.

  105. Great interview! Love your take on balancing all aspects of life – or rather juggling – and how we shouldn’t self-sabotage when we have to let go of one of those aspects during a given week. Kudos to you 🙂

  110. I finally got to see this. Great advice! But man oh man, being on the jumbotron? I’d hate that! My pores are already too large…

  112. I love your troll policy. I think it’s a better way of handling them than just about any other policy I’ve seen.

    And I don’t think you “lose feminist points” for saying that you can’t be the best at everything all the time. I think that’s a really valuable and important point to make. A lot of people (women, but probably also men) feel like they must be HORRIBLE FAILURES for not being 100% awesome at everything they try to do or need to do… and no one should be made to feel that way. By all means, do the best you can, and kick ass at as much as you reasonably can, but don’t torment yourself for being “a bad (whatever you think you’re neglecting right now)” just because you aren’t a rockstar at every single aspect of your life at every time.

  114. Idea: we build a holographic Bloggess projector and then let the giant, shimmering photon conglomeration loose in Las Vegas!

  116. Ok, I was secretly hoping you’d do this in an English accent. I’d pay some serious Euros to hear that 🙂

  117. 1. I’m from Jersey originally and I don’t understand a damn thing they said 2. You’re from Texas you know damn well you were sitting there going BLOG-ASS, who the hell is the BLOG-ASS she insulting me. 3. What would have truly made this awesome for me is if you would have worn a big BLOG-ASS hat. They were Brits after all.

  118. P.S. IF by chance any of them are reading your Blog right now…ah awesome show..bravo there….

  120. Okay, so I TRIED finding a mail address to contact you on, so this wouldn’t litter the comments on a random post. No such luck. You probably won’t even read this.

    BUT.

    I found a picture of another boobie mushroom!

    http://9gag.com/gag/5848134

    See? God has been talking to someone else! Or possibly, it’s just a totally normal kind of mushroom that just so happens to look like everyone’s favourite body part, but still. Mushroom! Boobies!

    😀

  121. I admit, I started watching it entirely for the Godzilla moment, then re-read your comment and was sad, because they edited out the best bits of the beautifully funny, ridiculous you.

    Rawr!

  125. That reminds me of that 1984-inspired Apple Computer commercial. Except instead of your face on the big screen there was an old bald guy asking everyone to be submissive to the government.

    Way to go!

  127. Can we please see the Godzilla and cat attack? Please? Everything was lovely but THAT would be the cherry on top.

  128. You should never have told us about the missing Godzilla and cat attack parts….you will never rest until we see them now. 😀

  130. http://www.incrediblethings.com/pets/wtf-taxidermy-squirrel-riding-rattlesnake/

    I would have loved to get this for you, however it was $550 and I’m currently responsible for keeping 4 boys alive and I am pretty sure my husband would not appreciate it the way it should be. So all I can offer you is to just stare longingly at it. And hunt down the person that bought it, and then steal it from them. No, don’t because stealing is bad and wrong.

  131. Whoa. See that button up there on the right? The one that says, Lisa decided it was time to take a stress management class? I’m Lisa. And stressed. And ironically, I just decided to click that button. Weird…

  133. Honestly, when not talking, you have the same look I do when I want a wine slushie, but I am not sure if it would be appropriate or if anyone would notice if I snuck one on the sly.

  139. Um? I’m sorry… Did you say that is was LUCKY that she edited out the part where you stalked your un-suspecting co-panelists, Godzilla-style? I apologise, Mrs. Lawson, I adore your writing AND your face, but we might have to break up. I mean, maybe. At least take a break. Or not. But SERIOUSLY, WHY CAN’T I SEE THAT?!! (I am sorry for online yelling. I feel very strongly about pretending to be a dinosaur.)

  141. I couldn’t really hear what you said, the audio was not that great on my end 🙁
    Is there a youtube link or something? I would really like to hear what you said.

  143. You really need to get “in” with The Doctor. He could have just dropped you by London on The TARDIS. THAT’S the way to travel! I don’t know why you didn’t think of this yourself!

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It\'s like I\'m stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

Discover more from The Bloggess

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading