It’s probably not racist. Or possibly it’s racist to assume it might be racist. I’m sort of fucked either way.

Last week I wrote that I had something to share that I thought was funny, but that I wasn’t certain if I could write about it because I wasn’t sure if it was racist or not, and so I asked a black friend and she said it was fine, but then I thought I needed to ask some more black friends but two of them didn’t respond to me and then I got bored.  Then my original friend who was all “It’s not racist.  White people are allowed to like Snoop Dogg too” saw that I’d totally wimped out of writing the post in the first place and so she just left the comment: “Chicken“.  And she was right.  So instead I wrote into “Yo, Is This Racist?” to ask that guy his opinon since he’s an expert but he’s not responding to me.  Probably because he’s racist.  That was a joke.  More likely it’s in his spam folder.  Maybe both.  Regardless, I felt very stupid and somewhat cowardly about not publishing the post, and so I thought I’d post it now because technically it’s like I’m encouraging the necessary and on-going conversation about race-issues.  Also, this lead-up is way too long and makes this whole post a bit anti-climatic.  I apologize for that and also for possibly being accidentally racist.  I assure you that my next post will be back to non-offensive topics like dog rape and making fun of ugly babies.  Turn away now if you are only here for ugly babies.

Someone sent me a link to gizoogle, which is much like if my friend Snoop Dogg was reinterpreting the internet.  Also, can you call someone your “friend” if you once spent a lot of time hanging out with his wax sculpture?  I say “yes”.  This is my wiki-page reinterpreted by gizoogle.  It is awesome.

“Right back up in your motherfucking ass” is my new auto-signature.

272 replies. read them below or add one

  1. …I heart you so hard.

    Like

    Squishy Amber recently posted Trucking along...barely.

  2. You are how I find all of the cool stuff on the internet…

    Like

    Rebecca recently posted Ko’olina Lagoon aka Sometime you just need to go to the beach.

  3. I don’t think it’s that racist… maybe a little… Mostly, I just don’t understand what I read so I really don’t know if it was racist or not. But hey, yay for courage and making people recognize race issues (even though race issues suck).

    Like

    Rachel recently posted Things That Make Work More Fun.

  4. classic!

    Like

  5. That is hilarious! Bahaha. Now I’m never going to get that line out of my head.

    Like

  6. Racist? No.

    Awesome? Yes.

    PS. I want to be on your list of black people to ask for advice in the future.

    Like

  7. Excuse me… I’m going to be interneting for a while.

    I might never use main google again…

    Like

    Gesci recently posted Fried Brie and Cranberry-Pomegranate Sauce.

  8. I don’t need a rap name, but if I ever did, it would be Raisin Scrilla.

    Like

    Mindy recently posted Monday Motivation - She Turned Her Dreams Into Plans.

  9. AMAZING – nuff said.

    Like

    Stella recently posted I’m my father’s daughter.

  10. I so wanna be you when I grow up.

    Like

    Gin recently posted The Crackhaid Dawg.

  11. NO. This is amazing. AMAZING.

    Like

  12. Coz that shit is FOSHIZZLE!

    Like

    Tracey recently posted This, That and the other Thing.

  13. Horribly offended.
    Not a single ugly baby was insulted in this post.
    BRING OUT THE UNFORTUNATE BABIES.
    (side note, where in the hell do you find this stuff??)

    Like

    Banana Stickers recently posted King Carl For Life.

  14. So frakking awesome.

    Like

  15. Sometimes things are racist, but sometimes they are also fucking hilarious. And hilarious trumps racist every time. Every single time.

    Like

    Lee recently posted It's Today.

  16. I’m pretty sure “Right back up in your mothefucking ass” is going to replace “in bed” as a postscript to fortune cookie fortunes now.

    Like

  17. Was it racist of me to Gizoogle this post?

    Like

  18. “Jizzifer”??? Is that the only part making anyone else uncomfortable?

    Like

  19. Word.

    Like

    JRose recently posted Llama of the Month Club.

  20. Because you can NEVER go wrong with, “Right back up in yo motherfuckin’ ass.”

    Notice I corrected you Jenny?

    Jesus, you are SO white.

    Wait… is THAT racist?

    Sorry.

    Like

    The Six-Fingered Monkey recently posted App Wars.

  21. This is so fucking awesome! I fucking love you.

    Like

  22. I am laughing so fuckizzle hard! Right back up in yo mothafuckin azz.

    Like

  23. Hhahahahahaha!!!! Now that’s some funny shit right there.

    Like

  24. And my well-intentioned and somewhat connected cousin was just advising me that I’d never make any money with my blog unless I stopped motherfucking cussin’ in my writing. Hah! Right back up in HIS motherfuckin’ ass! (He’d probably like that, too, being gay and all. There. Now your blog is racist and is also offensive to homosexuals. You’re welcome.)

    Like

    Handflapper recently posted Sometimes we only have one in us..

  25. Wait, what?? You’re on Forbes Top 100 List for Booty? Then WHERE’S MY BOOTY, dammit? I demand some booty. Or at least a snuggle.

    Like

  26. this is funny as hell….race issue do suck but it is all over everywhere….

    Like

  27. Nearly incomprehensible.

    awesome.

    Like

  28. If this is racist, then I should just never talk ever.
    However, a friend of mine once wrote an essay where he talked about the origins of rap, historically speaking, and the teacher wrote “That’s racist” on his paper. Clearly, society is a bit confused.

    Like

    Zena Zee recently posted Tumblr Play.

  29. The Bloggess? Racist? No way Jose…

    ~EdT.

    Like

    EdT. recently posted The Next Iron Chef: Transformation.

  30. WOW Jenny, I didn’t know you were such a RACIST. You should apologize but I’m not sure to whom!

    Like

    Laurie F. recently posted Lazy Sunday Afternoon.

  31. Foshizzle Jahnizzle! I gots the arthrizzle to-right up in ma mutherfuckin sciatashizzle nervizzle! Lol

    Like

    Mary Anne recently posted 10 Pics From My Iphone.

  32. I think “Right back up in your motherfucking ass” would be a lovely sentiment on one of your greeting cards…

    Like

  33. i love you. you make me happy. thanks for always always always being honest about ugly babies. right back up in your motherfucking ass!❤

    Like

  34. Jizzifer? That is the only part I’d be offended by. Jizz? Ew.

    Like

  35. There is so much right with this it is hard to pick just one thing.

    Like

    daniel recently posted New Additions.

  36. Pretty sure I will never be calling it anything other than Da Huffington Post ever again. Just sayin’ yo.

    Like

    thedoseofreality recently posted Black Is My Heart.

  37. Signature line alone is fucking phenomenal. Word.

    Like

  38. I am in tears over here…..of laughter, not because I thought this post was racist or offensive or anything.😉

    Like

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  39. I love yo muthafuckin ass, Biatch. Completely awesome.

    Like

    Jaime recently posted Thankful..

  40. But, see, by posting this (and I vote for NOT racist), you will find out if it is racist or not. And then if it IS racist, you can use it as a fine example of what white-people-who-don’t-understand-when-things-are-racist-and-when-things-are-not should not do or say and you will be helping so many of us who are in that boat with you.
    Thank you for this learning opportunity.
    Right back up in your motherfucking ass atchya (which is like “right back atchya” only with your motherfucking ass in the way)

    Like

    Erica recently posted Happy Thanksgiving. Please pass the Stupid Rolls..

  41. I am half-Black and half-White so I’m only half-offended at this. The other half of me thinks it’s fucking hilarious but I wouldn’t trust that half too much since that side has the Nazis if you go back a generation or two. Although, to their credit, they were also spies for the French Resistance and one ended up executed by Hitler for that bomb plot gone wrong; talk about a big FAIL. (I’m not making any of this shit up, btw.) You know, if more people would just have interracial kids this shit could be solved in a couple of generations; then no one could get offended at ANYTHING because we’d all in the shit together. That’s probably close to the truth now as it is but there are some people so invested in being able to check off one fucking box on a census….I guess they like living in boxes. But foshizzle, Jizzle, at least yo ass HAS a wikipizzle page. You be famous, biatch! How can I get me one of those? Can I be, like, in yo ONTOORODGE or some shit? When we goin’ on tour?

    Like

    Leila recently posted DQ Does NOT Mean Dairy Queen.

  42. Haha!! This…is awesome… and yeah…the dude prob IS racist😀

    p.s. Btw, this is Alejandra, from Musings in Red. I’ve split my old blog into two: an inspirational blog, “Parasol Dreams”, and THIS book review blog.
    I’ve been dying to have a blog officially dedicated to JUST book reviews for quite a while, so I’m quite excited about this!🙂
    And the reason I’m boring you with all this information is that I’m just letting all the blogs I follow know about my new blog name so that they don’t think I’ve abandoned them. Or that I died. Or some other tragical thing like that.🙂

    Like

    The Hipster Owl's Bookshelf recently posted An Invisible Thread: a memoir.

  43. Only thing I gotta say is I love you. A lot.

    Like

    Natalie recently posted How To Make Play Dough, Yeah I Finally Figured It Out.

  44. I’m black and it’s not racist. I’m also an English Major and it’s an abomination on the English language. It pained me to read it. I mean it was funny but why would you do that to words?

    Like

  45. That shit be straight up trippin’, yo.

    ~The Whitest Girl, Ever.

    Like

  46. I wasn’t sure if you had arrived yet, but now that you’ve been immortalized in Ebonics, you have. Fo’ muthafuckin’ shizzle. I mean, screw the book. This is sick. And by sick I mean dope. And by dope I mean ill. And by ill I mean… what we’re we talking about? Oh, right. Cross stitching.

    Like

    The Maven recently posted How (Not) To Name Your Baby - a Poem.

  47. Is it racist that I didn’t understand a lot of it? That might have been the slowest I’ve ever read a paragraph…🙂

    -Shout Out for keepin’ shit real up in here!

    Like

  48. I don’t think its racist because I had to read it 4 times to gain its meaning. I’m pretty sure I forgot who’s president.
    I’m too white. Absolutely hilarious.

    Like

  49. ! luvz it!

    Like

  50. I KNEW IT!!!!! I KNEW that “chicken” comment was your friend bustin your ass!!!!!! LMFAO! And I dont know if its racist or not but I’m one who tends to find racist shit funny anyways. loves you means it!!!!!!

    Like

  51. Not racist. There. I’ve done my black person rescue mission of the week. Exhausting.

    Like

    Erica M recently posted yeah write #85 weekly writing challenge badges are ready: open submissions this week.

  52. Ahahahah, this is what it said when I went to facebook:
    “Update Yo Crazy-Ass Browser
    You’re rockin a wizzy browser dat isn’t supported by Facebizzle.
    To git a mo’ betta experience, go ta one of these cribs n’ git tha sickest fuckin version of yo’ preferred browser:”

    Like

    Winopants recently posted WTF Fashion: Menswear Edition.

  53. I read this while walking down the hall at MD Anderson and now everyone wants to know what’s so fucking funny about cancer. No one actually asked, but they looked at me weird.

    Like

    Karen W. recently posted I'm just a girl who has struggled with life.

  54. I don’t think that’s racist, but I sure as hell don’t want any Jizzifer right up my motha fuckin ass, yo! You’ve got to take a girl to dinner or something first!

    Like

  55. I thank you for linking that, because if you hadn’t I would never have gotten to read the following on my blog-
    “Itz a phat muthafuckin thang I be aiiight enough just totin it around n’ enjoyin itz squishabilitizzle, cuz I be not shizzle what tha fuck else can be done wit just 30 yardz of bulky weight yarn.”
    And THAT is funny shit.

    Like

    Patti B recently posted Another Knit a Fantasy Story Update.

  56. If it makes you feel any better/worse, I occasionally say “Word to me” to my children.

    Like

    Cathy recently posted Awkward Photojournalism: Travel Edition.

  57. Can I please be on your “Black People To Call To Vet Out Racist Shit” list in the future? Because I would totally be honored. And no…this isn’t racist. Not to me, anyway….

    Like

    Robin recently posted Alive..

  58. Oh. Em. Gee. That is not racist – that is an excellent example of wonderful. “Biatch is dopest known for her irreverent writin style”. Why do I feel that irreverent needs to be translated?

    Like

    Kara recently posted The Idea – It’s About that Time.

  59. OMG…. according to gizoogle.net on one of my profiles…. instead of being “Education Support Staff”…. I am now “Ejaculation Support Staff”.

    I am dying laughing over here.

    Like

    Keiran recently posted Reverse and rewind, erase and revise.

  60. I don’t think you’re truly friends with someone UNTIL you hang out with a wax version of them.

    Like

    Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted I Love-Hate You, Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

  61. ““Right back up in your motherfucking ass” is my new auto-signature.” – Damn, better change mine then…

    Like

  62. I can’t tell if its racist becuse it’s so up in my ass motherfucking funny. And victor discouraged you from posting this? Never trust his judgement.

    Like

    Anne Stinnett recently posted Speaking Of Hell...Highlights I Didn't Predict.

  63. I don’t think that was racist at all. You were writing as if you were Snoop. You could do another one where you were writing as Shakespeare or John Wayne, they have a certain style to their language too. That’s how I see it anyway. Forizzle Thou Pilgrim.

    Like

  64. I’ve fallen in love with the internet again. Bless your motherfucking ass.

    Like

  65. When I gizoogled myself, the first thing that popped up was “My fuckin ass hurts.”

    I think I might be in love with this.

    Like

    Jaime recently posted It's surprising how many times he's smelled patchouli and patchouli-related scents.

  66. I feel like it’s not racist, because it’s sort of making fun of Snoop Dogg specifically, not black people or even rappers in general.

    But I really, really want to know more about Leila’s family tree. Wowza.

    Like

  67. I need to steal that line I don’t know where I would put it, or what I would do with it. Hilarious!

    Like

    Christene recently posted 40 Weeks of Pregnancy - Week 35.

  68. LOL❤ i don't think it was racist, just hilarious!

    Like

    Zia recently posted vlog no. 2, in which I muse about tea and... stuff.

  69. I call shenanigans!! Jenny you did NOT grow up in the deep south without developing a sincere sense of racist/not racist. Who or what is making you feel modest about your southern sense of decency?

    Like

  70. Totally not racist. And on an unrelated note, I’m re-doing my bio.

    Like

    Dolores recently posted Boring post about my feelings and shit..

  71. The part that gets me is “Biatch suffers from fheumatoid arthritis, OCD, depression, n’ a anxiety disorder.

    Like

  72. So. Confused. But I laughed.

    Like

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted Happy Cyber Monday.

  73. I laughed so hard I almost peed. This is good. Too good.

    xo Ashley
    luckylittlebird.blogspot.com

    Like

    Ashley recently posted Cyber Monday Fail.

  74. Toia, I am an English professor, and I thank you.

    Like

    MommyTime recently posted You say "mid-life crisis," I say "goal-oriented".

  75. You make me yearn for many things. Now it’s a Wikipedia page so I can have a Wikipizzle page. And an autosignature.

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted Half the Perfect Moon.

  76. My favorite part? “Autobibliography”

    Like

  77. i am in muthafuckin love. oh, and why does snoop dogg use an umbrella? FO DRIZZLE.

    Like

    monica recently posted Lessons for a future Monster-in-Law.

  78. How do I snicker in Snoop-dog-eze?

    Like

  79. That is like trying to read Lolzpeak, except that there are no cats…and it might be a little racist; it is hard to tell.

    Like

    Morgan Eckstein recently posted Tentacle Sex Fiends.

  80. I’m pretty much 100% fo shizzle this isn’t racist.

    Like

    Katrina recently posted 30 Days of Thanks.

  81. May have peed a little from laughing so hard, just sayin’.
    P.S. My husband didn’t find it as funny either.

    Like

  82. Um, this is all sorts of fabulous as the first thing that came up for me was “Likes to watch aiiight pornos,” when interpreting my writer’s profile for another site. I say nothing about pornos in said profile, but don’t care as THAT will now be my signature for everything.

    Like

    Courtney recently posted It’s Courtney! The Tuba Playing Elk!!.

  83. Also, can I just say that magic needs to happen so we can upvote comments on your blog, and somehow merge my weird interest in reddit and you? Cause also, Toia’s comment needs to be paraded down the street. Yes, what DID words do to deserve this??? That said, it made me cringe less than your average written piece on the internet: numbers instead of letters, abbreviations up the wazoo, and enough gross misspellings to make your 3rd grade teacher cry.

    Now get off my lawn.

    Like

  84. And you now have the name for your NEXT next book “Accidental Racist” – fo shizzle.

    Like

  85. Am I the only fan of The Bloggess who thinks whoever wrote it is turning her/himself inside out trying too hard to be funny, so it turns out to not be very funny?

    Like

  86. Sho’ muthafucka shi’…. i wanna muthafuckin wikipizzle page. Tha’s when a bitch knows she’s MADE it, fo’ shizz.

    Like

    XLMIC recently posted I'm pretty sure I looked something like this....

  87. I’m bewildered the biographer did not comment on your love of taxidermy and giant metal chickens.

    Like

    Gary recently posted It’s starting to feel like Summer.

  88. Bloggess-

    First off – that’s freaking hilarious.
    Second off – you’ve inspired my writing.🙂

    (not this blog per-say, but you know, your blog in general…still a pretty good blog though…❤ )
    😀

    Like

    MindFULL recently posted Fulfillment Vs. Responsibility: Spending My Time (And Not Losing My Mind).

  89. “Right up in your muthafuckin ass” could be printed on the receipt from your store, right next to “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine”.

    Like

    Heretic Husband recently posted Wackjob Wednesday 11/21/12: Featuring Sean Connery..

  90. In my book I have a Air Quotes racist End Air Quotes sentence that my editor removed. It’s about Asians and it’s ACCURATE so I put it back in. And no it’s not about driving. (that’s probably racist)

    I have one more editor to sneak the line by and if they take it out I’m taking all the books and spending Christmas writing the line in by hand in every single one. Obviously editors are unaware of the phrase “it’s funny because it’s true.”

    Like

    Suzy recently posted The Back Cover Is Done!.

  91. That’s not racist, it’s AMAZING! Right back in yo mutha#@&$ ass!

    Like

    Stephanie recently posted I’m a Contestant on ‘Name That Job’ at Kelley’s Breakroom!.

  92. So, I Gizoogled my blog and this gem occurred:

    “I be straight-up buckwild cuz Jenny Lawson (aka Da Bloggess) done cooked up tha announcement dat her ass is hittin dat shizzle on her second book, muthafucka! I straight-up adored her first book so I’m straight-up lookin forward ta tha freshly smoked up one (although it’s release date is Spring 2014).”

    And THAT made me happy… fo’shizzle!

    Like

    MsDarkstar recently posted The Right Resources.

  93. I see inspiration for a new line of merchandise for your Zazzle store (or could it be renamed Zizzle?). And just in time for the holidays. Bonus!

    Like

    Becky recently posted Oh, We of Little Faith.

  94. I just have to say that my favorite comment was from the person who was not offended as a black woman, but was horribly offended as an English major. Nice!🙂
    Also, one of my friends recently had an ugly baby and will not stop posting pictures on Facebook. I want to say “She looks just like you” but if she is aware that the baby is ugly, I could get in real trouble. I’m thinking “Don’t worry, she’ll grow into it” is probably not right either.

    Like

    Rixie4 recently posted I don't think that means....

  95. I don’t think it’s racist but I do think it’s corny as hell. If whomever wrote that is black (doubtful), s/he should have their black card snatched…post haste! I’m ashamed, and not for the reasons I “should” be! lol

    Like

  96. So…. your blog post about being maybe racist through gizoogle……. “Last week I wrote dat I had some shiznit ta share dat I thought was funny yo, but dat I wasn’t certain if I could write bout it cuz I wasn’t shizzle if it was racist and not, n’ so I axed a black playa n’ her ass holla’d it was fine yo, but then I thought I needed ta ask some mo’ black playaz but two of em didn’t respond ta mah crazy ass n’ then I gotz buggin out. Then mah original gangsta playa whoz ass was all “It’s not racist. White gangstas is allowed ta like Snoop Ta Tha D-O-Double-Gizzle too” saw dat I’d straight-up wimped up of writin tha post up in tha straight-up original gangsta place n’ so her ass just left tha comment: “Chicken“. And her ass was muthafuckin right. So instead I wrote tha fuck into “Yo, Is This Racist?” ta ask dat playa his opinon since he’s a expert but he’s not respondin ta me. Probably cuz he’s racist. That was a joke. Mo’ likely it’s up in his spam folda. Maybe both. Regardless, I felt straight-up stupid n’ somewhat cowardly bout not publishin tha post, n’ so I thought I’d post it now cuz technically it’s like I’m encouraging tha necessary n’ on-goin conversation bout race-issues. Also, dis lead-up is way too long n’ makes dis whole post a bit anti-climatic. I apologize fo’ dat n’ also fo’ possibly bein accidentally racist. I assure yo ass dat mah next post is ghon be back ta non-bitch ass topics like dawg rape n’ bustin fun of ugly babies. Turn away now if yo ass is only here fo’ ugly babies.

    Someone busted mah crazy ass a link to gizoogle, which is much like if mah playa Snoop Ta Tha D-O-Double-Gizzle was reinterpretin tha internizzle. Also, can yo ass call some muthafucka yo’ “playa” if yo ass once spent a shitload of time hangin up wit his wax sculpture, biatch? I say “yes”. This is mah wiki-page reinterpreted by gizoogle. It is phat.”

    Kind of amazing

    Like

  97. This works much the same way the old Shizzolator* used to.

    * old and now-disappeared, apparently – was fun, though.

    Like

  98. That was truly terrifying. Not racist… Just terrifying. I could hardly understand a single word! Scary.

    Like

    Devon recently posted Fire In Ice by Devon Stewart.

  99. This post brought to you by the letter “Z”.

    Like

    ColdBlooded recently posted It’s Official..

  100. Jenny, I love you.

    Like

  101. Wow, that’s hilarious🙂

    Like

  102. Contemplating naming my next kid Jizzifer.

    Like

  103. Racist would be, “Isn’t it so weird/funny/stupid how The Blacks all talk like this all the time? *That’s* the reason they’re all so poor and in jail all the time.”

    This is simply comedy based on the eccentricities/attention-getting mechanisms of one person (and perhaps some of his admirers).

    But you already knew all that, right?

    What’s still got me going is “Wikipizzle.” Wait until someone decides to look up the word “pizzle…” (Now that I think about it, a Wikipizzle site might be a handy thing for those of us looking for something to do some Saturday night…)

    Like

  104. I’ve never seen a mental illness described in such a cool manner before :]

    Definitely awesome, only a tad racist. If you chose to see it that way!

    Like

    Robyn Webb recently posted Nearing the End of My Semester.

  105. Jizzifer? Really?

    Off to gizoogle something…

    Like

    a recently posted Privacy, please.

  106. Annnnnd now I will be on Gizoogle for like 3 hours tonight. Thanks.

    And this gem is from my blog. It makes me feel as though my usual content is completely substandard and unimaginative:

    “Got any weird habits, biatch? …Secret habits, biatch? …Habitz dat make you feel like a freak, biatch?

    Yeah… mah crazy ass too. I think our crazy-ass asses all do. (At least I hope other gangstas besides mah crazy ass do, and I’m bout to embarrass myself somethin’ fierce.) But I straight-up think our crazy-ass asses all have at least one weird habit, it’s just dat no muthafucka wantz every last muthafuckin muthafucka ta think they’re crazy, so our crazy-ass asses generally try ta keep our loony secretz under wraps.”

    *giggle giggle*

    Like

    Kristen Mae recently posted Losing My Shiz - ADHD and Me, Part Two.

  107. Only white people worry about things being racist. That was awesome! I want to gizoogle my life!

    Like

  108. Oh dear gods, I couldn’t stop laughing. I went and tranzizzled the blurbs/praise for my books page on my blog, too.

    “Katje’s characta pimpment is dunkadelic. Biatch feedz details bout tha charactas (and there is a shitload of em yo, but don’t let dat intimidate you!) up in just big-ass enough doses ta keep yo ass on yo’ toes. Just when yo ass think yo ass know one of tha characters…some freshly smoked up piece of deetz is busted out dat chizzlez what tha fuck yo ass thought yo ass knew.”

    I think from now on, when people ask why they should buy Bellica, I’m just going to say “‘Cause my characta pimpment is dunkadelic, yo!”

    Also my face hurts from the mirth. Thank you, Jenny. This is fantabulous.

    Like

    Katje recently posted Thomas King, Vancouver Poetry Slam, and my health.

  109. Totally not racist but I read each line with a swag and rock to hit the refrain. It was very funny.

    Like

    Southern Girl recently posted Fantasy Football and Cupcakes.

  110. And here I was, sitting around when I’m supposed to be writing, wondering what I would use to procrastinate tonight. Thank you, oh Bloggess. Thank you right back up in your mothefucking ass.

    Like

    Sarah recently posted Awesome Things I Heard This Weekend.

  111. Your name is Jizzifer… hahahahaha! Your nickname would go from Jen to Jizz. Absolutely. Priceless.

    Like

  112. First-it is NOT racist. I’m Southern and know racism when I see it.
    Second-I am so envious that Snoop Dog is your “friend”.
    Third-Raht back at ya, Mothahfuckah!

    Like

    Lynne Thomas recently posted Thanks to everybody.

  113. I freaking love you. That is all.

    Like

  114. Fo shiz, up da spout.
    Congrazzle.

    Like

    Melissa recently posted Bloggers for Movember: Cancer Sucks.

  115. BAHAHA!! I Searched my site and here is what I got LMAO
    ooingle.com
    Findin tha dopest deals up in stores n’ online ta make da most thugged-out of yo’ scrilla. Coupon Match-ups fo’ stores up in tha Central Florida area.

    I laughed so hard I’m hurting LOL Thank You🙂

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    Carol Pyles recently posted HOT GIFT for your Cigar Lover!!.

  116. A hilarious read to accompany sipping my gin and juice. It was a lovely distraction because honestly I was just sitting here with my mind on my money and my money on my mind. Peace out Jizzifer.

    Like

    Sara recently posted True Things: The Next Chapter of Crazy.

  117. You’ve whitened up the phrase. “Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.” That is the true travesty here. Can’t us white people leave anything purely black?

    I’m fairly certain I’m an excellent judge in such matters as my BFF, GFunk (that’s not actually his name, I just like to call him that because it pisses him off. Because I’m white, not because it’s annoying) is black. That’s how these things work, right?

    Like

    Czaja! recently posted And then I stole some apple juice from pregnant women.

  118. Not racist at all. (Says the suburban white lady)

    Like

    Natalie the Singingfool recently posted Thirty, Flirty and Thriving. I Hate that I Just Used that Expression..

  119. Pretty sure it would be ” right back up yo mutharfuckin azz” the “in” is unnecessary. Not racist in my opinion, but not so funny either (as in I didn’t laugh)

    Like

  120. Will you be introducing yourself in the future as Jizzifer? Because that would be awesome!! Hilarious!!

    Like

    Amanda R. recently posted People Actually Read My Blog, or I’ve Got a Killer Friday Night Social Life.

  121. I dunno if “Jizzifer” was the best name option…

    Like

    Issa recently posted Day 91 - And I Think My Interview Went Well.

  122. Oh no. All potential for productivity this week has been destroyed. MUST GIZOOGLE EVERYTHING.

    Like

    Julia H. @ Live Young & Prosper recently posted A Pants-y Pick-Me-Up.

  123. From Out Here in the Whitebread Honky Vanilla Mayonnaise Suburbs of Chicago:
    1) It’s probably racist.
    2) I can’t stop laughing.
    3) GOD, I’m a Bad Person.

    Like

  124. According to a gizoogle search on the Higgs Bosun… it was only found after them scientist dudes got down to bizness and built a banging particle accelerator…. I have no words…. but my evening is sorted if insomnia kicks in!!

    Like

  125. I hate when people stop payin my muthafuckin ass.

    Like

    Karen Sanders recently posted Christmas Trees and Cats.

  126. This is so funny yo!

    You should try reading the news with gizoogle. I was trippin yo!

    **White girl trying to speak gizoogle!!🙂

    Like

  127. Apparently you can be racist without even knowing it when you don’t actually know all of the racial slurs out there. I have a story about having a monkey on my porch that got me in all sorts of hot water with people thinking I’m a crazy, racist bitch when really, I just like monkey statues and have a porch. Some people ruin it for everyone…

    Like

  128. I wanna see what AmishPedia’s entry for you sez.
    AmishPedia. Nobody expects AmishPedia!

    Like

  129. I want you for Christmas! I need a talking Jenny Lawson keychain, i believe a rabbit foot would be appropriate.

    Like

  130. 132
    Desiree Green

    You’re book (which I have bought and read and then forced my entire family to read because it’s so fucking funny and a little bit sad) made the New York Times Bestseller list on my 21’st birthday, so I’m pretty sure we’re now sisters. Or at least best friends.

    I expect you to comply with the terms and agreements that you did not sign when agreeing upon this friendship/sistership (that’s a word). This includes, but is not limited to, acknowledging my existence. Also, I have a tiny chicken sculpture (that I may or may not have made in art class in middle school), so I think that really drives home the point. Yup.

    Keep on keepin’ on mah sistah!

    Like

  131. If this is racist, then I’m going to hell because I love gizoogle as if it was my own.

    Like

    Kez recently posted Expert parenting advice (not really)..

  132. I think the term “racist” is highly over used in the sense that not enough people look at intent along with the words and tone. It takes all 3, if you ask me. Though I will admit there is exception. If you are looking to degrade someone based on race, then yes you are racist. You however, dear Jenny, don’t seem to give a flyin’ fuck about a person’s race as long as they willing to laugh at your jokes. That makes you a comedian. A highly paranoid comedian, at that. But then we knew that, yes? So what you have to ask yourself is, would Snoop Dogg laugh at this post? And with your classic Jenny delivery, incapacity at malice, and over abundance in clueless sweetness, yes Jenny, I do believe he’d laugh his ass off.

    Like

  133. And thank you kindly for aiding in showing me my own site in a new light.

    Like

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  134. I am currently having “Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass” needlepointed on a pillow for my Mother-In-Lizzle. Merry Fuckin’ Chrizzle, my nizzle!!

    Like

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  135. I don’t think it’s racist. I think it’s street.

    Definitely street.

    Also, how cool does it make it sound to have RA, OCD, Depression, and anxiety???

    Awesome.

    Like

    Alexandra recently posted ICYMI.

  136. Not racist. I felt like I was reading something my (extremely white) brother wrote. (Thank goodness he is the only person in my family who communicates like that, because it is exhausting to interpret.)

    Like

  137. I just wanted to point out that your nickname, according to Wikipizzle, would be Jizz. And that is for to laugh.

    Like

  138. Now I know where I need to go whenever I need a good laugh…well, besides your blog. Right back up in your motherfucking ass, of course. 😉

    Like

  139. I have been reading your blog for ages and JUST realized that you are from my old stomping grounds. You are totally the coolest thing to come out of that crazy ol’ town… Go Rams! 😉

    Like

  140. 🙂
    as uZZilzzle
    zizzle!
    word.

    Like

  141. Fo shizzle my nizzle, this is dope. Yo. In your your muthafuckin ass. Or was it up your ass? I can’t remember. Nope, not racist. Just funny.

    Like

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  142. Hahaha can’t stop laughing.

    Like

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  143. Fo shizzle my wizzle!!!

    Like

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  144. I like the Dope Mom/Wack Mom title for your column.

    Like

    Lisa F. recently posted Alice in Wonderland.

  145. 148
    Pat C in Washington

    My son is black and white and when I sent him the link to Stuff White People Like and asked him what he thought of it he said he liked about 50% of it. So that’s his sense of humor. He was raised on Peter, Paul & Mary and Sly & the Family Stone, Taj Mahal and Judy Collins. So there’s that. He took me to get an MRI today because I was looped on Xanax and when we got back I about fell down getting back in the house and he said “is this what you were like during the ’60’s?” and I said “I just barely remember the ’60’s dude.” So when I bounce things off him about whether or not something is racist he looks at me as if I have 3 heads and says “you’re as good a judge of that as I am you big goober.”

    Like

  146. Wow! I’m so white that I couldn’t follow most of that.

    Like

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  147. Racist? No. 101% pure awesomeness? Straight up, dogg.

    Now I’m off to gizoogle Elmo, Martha Stewart, Sarah Palin and of course, the most gangsta cat of all, Jesus. Because I’ve only peed myself laughing once today and I have a quota to fill. I also need to fill out an application to change my driver’s license from “Jennifer” to “Jizzifer”.

    Right back up in yo muthafuckin’ ass!

    Like

  148. Snoop Dogg (Lion) actually lives 3 houses down from me. Is it racist that I call him the neighborhood drug dealer? Or is it racist that I watched from behind my curtain when the SWAT team battered down his door, and I laughed when he was trying to pull his cool, low-ridin’ pants up with his hands cuffed behind his back?

    All I can say about it now is “right back up in his muthafuckin’ ass.” Doin’ it Snoop Doggy style.

    Another great post. Love your humor. You coo’.

    Like

    Reticula recently posted November 25: Voyeur (NSFW).

  149. OMG, I am so referring to you from now on as Jizzifer. THAT IS THE MOST AWESOMELY AWKWARDLY STUPENDOUS NAME EVER.

    …..I need to get another cat, just so that I can name it Jizzifer and call for it from the back porch. “JIZZIFER! HERE, PUSSY PUSSY PUSSY!” My life would, I think, be near completion.

    Like

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  150. I’m just sitting here fucking cackling oh my god.

    Like

  151. I could only get through part of that before my bad grammar radar started flipping out …although it’s not as bad as some of the stuff my cousin posts on Facebook that I really can’t interpret. And that’s not racist because he’s my cousin, duh. Here is an actual post of his as an example:
    “Here Drnk wit ma GPa enjoyn dis lovely day n da weather havn a gewd time jamen out”

    …WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!

    Like

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  152. I don’t think this is any less or more offensive than your usual posts. In fact it’s kinda average on the offensive scale. You probably shouldn’t try reinventing yourself as a rapper any time soon, though.

    Keep it fly, J-dawg.

    Like

    Claire J recently posted London and the Personal Statements.

  153. This is honestly the BEST thing you could have ever opened my eyes to. No shit. I’ve spent the last 40 minutes using the translator to read random articles…best one so far? The CNN review of Liz&Dick.

    Small excerpt:
    Usin Lohan ta portray Dame Taylor is “not a kindnizz ta dat playette, whoz ass fails ta serve up tha kind of breakall up in performizzle dat augurs a comeback … Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch aint ridiculous up in tha role, n’ her eyes do look violet yo, but her ass is oddly passive, chillstruttin all up in scenes dat call fo’ bona n’ caprice.” Bowla as Burton, meanwhile, offers a “pallid impersonation.”

    I am in love, and I thank you❤

    Like

  154. Not racist. But since I normally just go by Jenn instead of Jennifer I’m totally shortening my name to “Jizz”….Holla!

    Like

    Jizzifer recently posted The Netherlands….

  155. I love you, but the dog rape comment made me want to puke.

    Any rape joke makes me die a little inside. I’m a little surprised that you’d even put it on your blog.

    I know I am being overly sensitive, but I can’t seem to help myself when it comes to this subject.

    / rant

    Like

    Stephanie C | Seriously? Really?? Seriously? recently posted Dear Insomnia:.

  156. 159
    Pottymouthmommy

    Baaaaahahahahaha! I didn’t even make it past jizzifer… Yes, I do have the mind of a twelve year old boy. But I still win because no one has ever used jizz for part of my name.. *snort* jizz….

    Like

  157. You always be da bitch. =) Is it racist for people to create sites that do that? Now I wanna go check gizoogle out!

    Like

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  158. Oh my god that is hilarious…thank you for sharing that with us…
    And don’t worry it’s not racist…I think…anyway I was wondering if you’d seen this on tumblr by any chance?
    http://klementineisme.tumblr.com/post/36658160534/forthebloggess
    It made me laugh so maybe it’ll do the same for you😀

    Like

    Klementine recently posted My cats are secretly a mafia family. Who knew, right?.

  159. I’m British, and to me it doesn’t look racist. Don’t all you Americans, whether black or white, speak like that?
    (for the non-initiated: BRITISH IRONY ALERT….)

    Like

    Nell @ the Pigeon Pair and Me recently posted Was I a bad Mum?.

  160. OOOO!!! Have you seen this?: http://lorizzle.nl/
    Beats the socks off of Latin.

    Like

    Kaitlyn recently posted A Cultured Mouse.

  161. I know this is slightly unrelated, but if you DO spent most of your time making fun of ugly babies, then I think you need this: http://uglyrenaissancebabies.tumblr.com/

    Like

  162. Not gonna say what I thought of when I saw your name there….

    Like

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  163. “Right back up in your motherfucking ass” – A Snoop Dogg line for the Dr DRE song “Still D.R.E.” from the album “2001” (1999).

    Learn you some, yo!

    Like

  164. Whatever else you might say about his profile of Yo, it appears well-researched. I knew from reading you about the anxiety & RA, but OCD? Antyone who collects exquisite stuffed animals AND owns a Giant Metal Chicken named Beyonce can’t be That OCD! Oh, and Right back in Yo mutherfuckin’ Ass. ‘Nuff said.

    Like

  165. I gizoogled “cars” and the search results came back for “hoopties.” Even the movies Cars and Cars 2 are Hoopties and Hoopties 2. Just awesome.

    Like

  166. This is SOOOOOO cooolll! and reminds me SO much of Nancy W. Kappes….<3 May her soul rest in peace.

    ~sloth hug~

    Like

    Miss Gee recently posted Dream A Little Dream Of Me.

  167. Totally not racist. And this is da bomb fah shizzle my nizzle.

    Like

  168. I feel like renaming you “Jizzifer” is sexist in some way-so you can always say you’re a victim of sexism if someone tries to call you racist.

    Like

    Beckles recently posted (Almost) Wordless Wednesday.

  169. I’m tempted to use Gizoogle for “Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blog”… but I’m afraid of the results.

    Like

  170. If you don’t put:

    Jenny Lawson
    Beotch raised scrilla fo’ strugglin crews

    ..on your tombstone, I think we will all be very disappointed.

    Not that you’ll know or anything, being dead and all.

    Like

    moooooog35 recently posted I'm About to be a Published Author!! - This is NOT a drill!.

  171. Stayin trizzapped in gizoogle n’ peepin dis joint bout dat joint is mizzakin me gizziggle, J. Fo real.

    Like

  172. I went to http://www.gizoogle.net and entered my own name.

    “Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Software programmer ta pay tha bills, stained glass artist ta feed tha soul, book reader, dawg luddr, bird watcher, sci-fi hustla fo’ realz. Arizizzlea …”

    No idea what “Arizizzlea ” means. Hopefully something good. Yo.

    Like

    Sue recently posted Bogie and the kitchen garbage.

  173. 177
    David Cutler

    I find neither the website nor linking to it racist. Calvin Broadus (Snoop Dogg) is a singer, lyricist, writer, actor, and general entertainer. He has also invented his own rather unique brand of slang. Many people are highly entertained by Mr. Broadus. Others are slightly entertained. Still other people find him somewhat annoying, and others find him highly offensive. The EXACT same can be said of Jenny Lawson. The linked website is, I think, a loving homage to Mr. Broadus’s slang, exactly as it claims to be. As a result some will be highly entertained, others less so, and others annoyed or offended by it. As would be true of any homage work to Mr. Broadus or Ms. Lawson.

    The only aspect of this that could be considered racially offensive is an assertion that Mr. Broadus represents ANYONE other than himself or those who actively claim him to be their representative. Mr. Broadus does not represent African Americans, any more than Jenny Lawson represents white people. Many people reading this website (myself included) would say Jenny Lawson represents us. Not because of her race, but because of her writing and humor. We identify with her and are entertained by her, and it has nothing to do with the color of her skin. Similarly Mr. Broadus entertains many people and I am certain many identify with him, and presumably they do so for the same reasons I identify with Ms. Lawson. It IS racist to argue that African Americans identify with Mr. Broadus because of the color of their skin, just as it would be racist to argue that I identify with Ms. Lawson because of her skin color. It is not racist to be amused by either of them. It is also not racist to think either one of them are offensive or unfunny. That is a matter of taste.

    Like

  174. Umm, totally what the guy above me said. Actually I was just going to comment on the Jizz thing but I’m not sure I can follow that act…

    Like

    Creative Liar recently posted Questions Answered: Who is Ericka Clay?.

  175. 179
    Heather Willats

    Hilarious!!! I’m pretty sure that “right back up in yo
    muthafuckin’ ass”….will be a bumper sticker in your stuff by the end of the week!!’

    Like

  176. Right back up in your motherfucking ass is LEGIT. i might have to start saying that…all the time.

    Like

  177. Just read my resume via gizoogle, hilarious!

    Like

  178. Makes me think of Avenue Q… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RovF1zsDoeM

    Like

  179. I’m white and I totally like Snoop…although I don’t get the whole Snoop Lion thing. He will forever be Snoop D-oh-double-gee in my heart of hearts.

    Like

    jesspants recently posted NaBloPoMo – 26/30.

  180. As it should be. (Your sign off I mean)

    Like

    Alyssa W. recently posted Subliminal Messages.

  181. I love this. The best part was using it to look up actual websites. I “gizoogled” my own website and I have had a BLAST reading what it changed all of my posts too. Seriously… this made my day!

    Like

  182. glorious-izzle.

    Like

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  183. Gizoogle is blocked by my workplace’s security settings. Not sure if it’s because they think it’s racist, or because it uses the “F” word so much.

    Like

    KyFireWife recently posted How to Make a Rainbow Cake.

  184. I wish I could “like” some of these comments. Thats when I realize I spend too much fucking time on Facebook. And I thought I cut back on that shit, foshizzle. Anyhow, you are not racist. The fact that you THOUGHT about it shows some sensitivity, but fuck, can’t we have some fun? As someone else said, if you said or thought or assumed that all people talked like this, then that would be some real BAD shit, fo’shizzle. But you don’t. Like someone ELSE said (my ass is too lazy to scroll), I’m Black and an English major. I writes shits. I love the English language. It’s beautiful.

    Like

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  185. If it has anything to do with Snoop Dog it is not racist, since he is sort of like Switzerland in that he is a neutral race space, I feel. Also, you didn’t write that thing from Wikipizzie, right? It’s not racist to post it, it’s more like publicity for yourself and them. BAM! You’re a goddamn publicist. Who knew? Anyway, I think it’s fabulous.

    Like

    Shana London recently posted Are There Crow's Feet in my Baby Fat?.

  186. And btw, I know Switzerland isn’t technically a “race space”, I was making a comparison between both Switzerland and Snoop Dog’s abilities to be neutral in general, in case anyone asks.

    Like

    Shana London recently posted Are There Crow's Feet in my Baby Fat?.

  187. I gizoogled my blog and pulled out this from my last entry:

    Jon: I don’t mind commentz bout footbizzle durin tha game usually. But when itz a intense game, itz less funny.
    Me: I be showin a interest!
    Jon: Itz like, if up in tha middle of labor while yo ass was pushin wit Ethan I axed “When do lactation begin?” It would be hard fo’ yo ass ta muthafuckin respond.
    Me: Do yo ass mean like when yo ass kept yawnin while I was up in labor?
    Jon: Well, I was up fo’ three days straight!
    Me: SO WAS I!!!!!!!

    Bonus quote:
    Jon: I ludd yo ass fo’sho. Yo Ass say weird thangs.
    Me: yo ass ludd dat shit. I be unpredictable.
    Jon: I’d go wit unstable yo, but unpredictable works too.

    Like

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  188. This absolutely made my day. Forizzle.

    Like

    Ashley recently posted I’m only test driving sedans, not flashy European sports cars..

  189. OMG!! This is the funniest shit I’ve seen in years – I translated my husband’s business website on Gizoogle and fell out of my chair laughing. Holy shit, I can’t breathe… Thank you for posting this!!!!

    Like

  190. Makes me want to toss back a 40.

    Damn it all, i can’t even make THAT sound racist. I’m a fraud.

    Like

  191. It is awesome. Not racist. It is “street-ist.” if that is such a thing.

    Like

  192. I did not come here for the ugly babies. I came here for the spastic kitten. But whatevs. I like the translation bit. Funny.

    Like

  193. I Gizoogled “purple drink” then immediately felt racist…but then white people are also allowed to like purple drinks so it’s okay….but then I Gizoogled “purple drank”…I think I might’ve taken a step back on that one.

    Like

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  194. I’m not sure about your new name. Jizzifer sounds like a porn star name or something.

    Like

    Courtney recently posted Post Challenge: My Family Tree.

  195. Gizoogle is my new home page. I just gizoogled “spaghetti” and it is AWESOME!

    Like

  196. This is brilliant. My favorite bit: Bitch suffers from rheumatoid arthritis. I have no idea why, but that made you sound even cooler. If possible.

    Like

    Lea recently posted Just to be clear….

  197. Does your autosignature also state your name as “Jizzifer?”

    Like

    Dana the Biped recently posted Mr. Sampson would be so ashamed..

  198. My Brown friend (she told me she’s not black) said that it’s not racist…and she knows a lot of racists. So your cool!

    Like

    Jenn recently posted Thanksgiving Isn’t Just A Day…It’s A Weekend! – Part II.

  199. The only part I didn’t understand was “Right back up in your motherfucking ass.” What the hell does that mean? Do you mean it was in my ass, it came out, and you are putting it back in? Is this about sex or poop?

    Like

  200. Ah… those of us of *cough* a certain age will remember a little program for the Apple II called “Jive”, which did much the same thing… except instead of using “Right back up in your MFA”, it sprinkled the phrase “Slap my ‘Fro!!!” in all over the place.

    It was funny then, too.

    Like

  201. Bwahahaha! So glad you posted. Who wants to waste time reading only things that are for-sure appropriate? BO-RING. Good choice. Fo-shizzle.

    Like

    Melanie recently posted Every Day I'm Hustlin.

  202. Thanks Jizzifer, now I be like yo an waz up and ya’ll be trippin. I be illin and can’t stop. This autocorrect crap can go up yo mutherfuckin ass

    Like

  203. Jizzifer! OMG. You have the best porn star name…you know…if you ever feel like taking your career in that direction…

    Like

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  204. I just discovered this yesterday! Biatch is fo shizzle. yo.

    Like

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  205. And now I’ve gizoogled your entire blog so I can read it like this. Thank you for the hours of time I will doubtless be wasting!

    Like

    Kyley recently posted The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!.

  206. I’m just glad you translated that auto-signature to White People Tongue. Because I couldn’t understand it in the Gizoogle Wiki entry.

    Like

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  207. I am reading How to Be Black by Baratunde Thurston so that qualifies me to answer your question. I’m black and I’m not offended by the post or your fake association with Snoop Dogg. I will namedrop you at the next Big Black Family Reunion. You’re welcome.

    Like

  208. this is even better than setting my Facebook language to English-Pirate.

    Like

  209. Bwahahahahaahahahaha.

    Like

    NATurally Inappropriate recently posted Today, I’m the douchebag..

  210. Omg. Fun! I just Gizoogled myself.

    Like

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  211. As Rorschach might say, “Hrrrmmm”

    Like

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  212. not sure I’d want to be called Jizz, though… just sayin

    Like

  213. Holy crap, I just used gizoogle AND Wikipedia together. Funniest explanation ever. You should totally try that.

    Like

  214. You can totally call him your friend!! I spent an entire day hanging out with my famous ‘friends’ in New York.. One of which was Snoop…he sends his love, mofo.😉

    Like

    Samwhiteoak recently posted More junk from New York...

  215. Okay, I haven’t gotten anything else done in the last two hours since I found this. So wrong, yet so funny.

    Like

  216. Oh, sweety. That’s not racist. Its misogynistic.

    Like

  217. I think I’m in love with David Cutler now.

    Like

  218. I thought all Texans carry guns, so say what you like and shoot the mothafuckas who take issue with you, simple ….

    Like

    Tom Stronach recently posted It's been a While.

  219. Jizzifer Lawson sounds like some sort of ejaculation problem, lol. I love it.

    Like

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  220. I’m going to put everything through Gizoogle before I send out my Christmas cards this year, especially the one to my MIL. Should be fun.

    Like

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Cards Against Humanity- still funny; but still really twisted.

  221. Oh god, I plugged your website into the search bar and it translated the whole damn thing down to Hailey in The Five Little Pilgrims and now my coworkers are wondering why I’m crying. I can’t breathe from trying to hold in the giggles. I know Victor will not approve.

    Like

  222. This is possibly my favorite thing ever.

    I foresee it taking up most of day tomorrow.

    Like

    Tracie recently posted Girl Meets World.

  223. Dying laughing. Tears ROLLING DOWN MY FACE.

    Like

    When I Blink recently posted Give and Take: The Thankful List (And a Present).

  224. fo’ shizzle that aint racist yo. In these parts more white boyz is gonna bust out like dat then anyone right back in your mutthafukin ass

    Like

  225. Remember the 90’s when all suburban and small town white kids talked like this? Better recognize.

    Like

  226. OMG, try plugging THIS in: http://shakespeare.mit.edu/romeo_juliet/romeo_juliet.2.2.html

    But, soft, muthafucka! what tha fuck light all up in yonder window breaks?
    It is tha eastside, n’ Juliet is tha sun.
    Arise, fair sun, n’ bust a cap up in tha envious moon,

    Like

    Barb Cooper recently posted Stop What You Are Doing. Watch This..

  227. lmfao at your name, “jizzifer”

    Like

  228. Hahahaha, that’s almost as funny as my life is sad. Now I have to go and punch my balls for laughing at such racism.

    Like

    Birdman recently posted Oh, Sweet Satan.

  229. 234
    Lady Penelope

    That be some hystericizzle shit!

    Like

  230. I feel like making a Wikipedia page about myself to see what it would look like if I ran it through this site. I may change my mind. This is probably my second drink talking.

    Like

  231. Oh my gosh, I am so happy I found you. Not in a stalker kind of way though. And I didn’t really find YOU, I found your website. I can thank Pinterest for that.

    Like

  232. Not racist. Bigger issue is your nickname would be Jizz. Or Jizzen.

    Like

  233. Seems like they should have done something to your picture, added gold teeth or something.

    Like

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  234. I don’t think i ever want to use normal google again

    Like

  235. That is hilarious, so so funny…I mean, terribly racist. Bad girl. Shame on you, Jizzifer!

    Ima go gizoogle my white a$$ now and I’ll sees what I sees.

    Like

  236. Was the Wax Snoop holding a big ole doobie?

    Like

  237. I NEED to find a way to work Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass into a conversation. Thank you for introducing all of us to gizoogle. I looked up my site and got this result for a recent post:

    Show of hands, how tha fuck nuff of yo ass knew there was a Cirque du Soleil porno comin up up in December before yo ass started hearin bout tha China Glaze tie-in collection? I certainly didn’t. Though now dat I do know bout tha porno, itz currently tied wit Da Hobbit fo’ mah Christmas Dizzle porno outing. Please smoke up tha followin press release from China Glaze n’ Ardell:

    I’m sure my husband would really enjoy a porno outing for Christmas.

    Like

    Michele recently posted Zoya Designer Series Part 2.

  238. No, not racist. Not unless one is going to try to argue that Snoop Dogg’s speech pattern is genetic in origin.

    In This Century: people who no longer know what racism is, because the word has been so debased and redefined as to be virtually content-free in common parlance.

    Like

  239. Gizoogle… what a concept.

    Now you just need to get Snoop to take a picture holding some string or sumpin… he seems like the type to go for it… c’mon Snoop, get into the fray!!! lol

    Like

    TheFeelGoodDepot recently posted Teacher Earns $1 Million Dollars Selling Kindergarten Lesson Plans.

  240. Yo, you the shizz, Jenny Lawson. Lawsbians everywhere love you real hard!

    Like

    Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom recently posted 1-800-HOT-ELVZ.

  241. I can’t think of anything to comment – David Cutler totally wins on commenting on this post.

    Like

    Jo and the Novelist recently posted 30 Things to do before I’m 30.

  242. Okay, this made me laugh, as did all the comments. I hope that doesn’t mean I have a racist sense of humor. Seriously. That would concern me greatly!

    Like

    Kathy Lynn Harris recently posted Your Official Music-to-Read-By Playlist for A Good Kind of Knowing.

  243. Had you been seriously worried this was racist you wouldn’t have published it. Always, I look at the intent and the intent here doesn’t strike me as being or wanting to be racist. Unlike one of your commentators, I don’t believe we have become de-sensitised to racism, I think we have become so OVERLY-sensitised in all sort of political correctness that we fail to let common sense lead us.

    The only ‘ism’ which has caused me pause is the sycophancy-ism in some of the commentary, and I’m not even sure that’s a word. (Wonder if I can be torched for making up words?)

    Keep doing your thing honestly and with integrity and you’ll always be okay. HMS

    Like

  244. That is fucking awesome and anyone that says otherwise is racist. Or just stupid. Carry on with yo bad self.

    Like

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  245. Dude! I am so going to that site! Fo Shizzle!

    Like

  246. I have to agree with everyone above. It was hilarious indeed.

    And I didn’t know something like gizoogle existed!

    Like

  247. I read my blog through that site and laughed my ass off. I don’t think it is racist at all. It is not being cruel or degrading to anyone…it is just funny. It is like using Pirate speak on Facebook…haha.

    I am planning to totally write a post about that sight…I think it is pretty amazing how they coded it to figure out where to put in the colloquialisms so it still makes sense…well done by the creators for sure.

    Thanks for finding yet another great site to use for fun on the Internet! You are my hero….LOL!

    Like

    Mishka recently posted Jingle Bell Hell 2012.

  248. Jizzi…right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Eww and ouch but damn funny.
    RBUIYMA,
    T-zizzle

    Like

  249. (Disclaimer: I’m letting this comment stand, but please be aware that this is an unverified charity and there are rumors that it may be a giant scam. Donating to the ASPCA might be a lot safer. Also, I was referring to dog who are rapists. And that’s a sentence I never thought I’d have to write. ~Jenny)

    I’ve enjoyed your blog for a long time, but today I read something that wasn’t funny. I get that your comment about dog-rape being a non-offensive topic was said sarcastically but it happens and it’s HORRIFYING. If you want to see the results of the topic you’ve joked about just go to Facebook, find Eagles’ Den Rescue and read about Gabe. LOOK at the photos of this dog. And then make a donation for his treatment. His pain is not a joke. Read his story below:

    URGENT!
    AN EXTRA SPECIAL POST! PLEASE SHARE FOR HELP!
    Hello Rescue Angels,
    My name is Gabe and I am a Chocolate Lab. I am estimated to be less than a year old and I was just given the name Gabriel today. I was named after the Archangel Gabr
    iel, but you can call me Gabe for short. Right now I am really skeptical about angels. I have met a few in the last 24 hours. I have met people who are kind and gentle, and who are trying very hard to ease my pain. And I have a lot of pain right now. In fact, pain is all I have ever known so I am one of those fur kids looking for a first chance. I suppose yesterday was what you would consider my “Re-Birth Day.” Because yesterday is when I was saved from a kind of hell no living creature should be forced to endure.

    Yesterday an animal control officer found me wandering about, hurt and afraid. He immediately carried me to the local shelter and told the shelter manager that he had a dog that was hurt and maybe had been struck by a car. The first thing they saw was the sad face I have always worn. And they saw the fear in my eyes as humans came near. I was checked over but there was no sign of trauma that being struck by a car would have caused. Still, I was in a lot of pain. I yelped and cried when touched and they searched for the source of my misery. They immediately noticed the knot at the top of my tail indicating a break.

    Once they knew there was a definite problem they carried me to a wonderful person named “Vet.” That is when my horrible secret was exposed. Vet examined me really well and found the terrible bruising and the source of my pain. They learned why I wear this sad look and why I fear humans. The exam revealed a multitude of problems. The problems led to one conclusion. Only one thing could have caused my misery. I have been repeatedly sodomized by a human. Like Charity, Hope and Faith, I am a victim of rape. And I am learning this is not MY SHAMEFUL SECRET as I have believed for my entire life. This is a HUMAN’S SHAME! This human that claimed to love me and share their life with me has caused me so much pain.

    My case is most likely NOT like Faith’s, Hope’s, and Charity’s. Even though this horrible abuse began while I am a young boy, it was not done by someone breeding dogs to fight. This was done by another type of sick, perverted human that thinks it is ok to “love” your dog. They call it love. I call it misery and pain. Each time he would come for me and I would scream with pain he ignored my cries. Now I suffer in silence and I need a voice – your voice. And now – after so many nights of agony and wanting to die – I finally want to live. And I need your help for that too.

    Right now I am in really bad shape. I am in a lot of pain. The people that I have met in the last 24 hours are fighting for my right to live now. My tail is broken right at the top where the person who was raping me grabbed it and used it for leverage as he sodomized me. I am terribly impacted and my bottom is so bruised I cannot work to help myself go to the bathroom. I am in terrible pain. It hurts to walk. When I walk I urinate uncontrollably. When anyone touches me on my sides or near my bottom I yelp in pain. For the first time ever, my screams have been heard There is most likely a lot of nerve damage. The people caring for me heard about Charity, Hope and Faith and called their people for help in understanding this terrible thing that has happened to me. Right now what must be done is to treat the problems that are immediate. They also must run all the necessary tests so I can live. It is going to be a very long road to recovery and I am told I cannot make it without help. I am very afraid, but I can be brave if I know I will never be hurt this way again.

    So I am coming to you and asking for your help. Eagle’s Den Rescue has said they will help. I need to be with the vet so she can determine all of the problems I have. We do not know where this journey will take us but I do know that there are people standing with me that are willing to fight for me. Right now I am receiving antibiotics, prednisone and pain relief. Tomorrow is a new day and I hope the sun will shine for me – for the first time ever.

    Will you help me? Please share my story far and wide. Pray for me. And donations are desperately needed for my medical care. Please help me if you can.
    You can leave a donation for me at Pay Pal via eaglesdenrescue@live.com.
    Or a direct link to the Eagle’s Den Pay Pal account:
    https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=CF7XNPKP9QFWE

    OR My special Chip In:
    http://eaglesdenrescue1.chipin.com/justice-for-gabe

    I appreciate you reading this and caring about me. I am thankful for any help you can give. I hope I can live. And I hope I can finally have a home where the words: I LOVE MY DOG mean belly rubs and ear scratches and not rape.
    If you love your fur kid, could you give him an extra belly rub tonight for me… I have never had that. If you wish on a star tonight, MAKE A WISH FOR ME. If you say a prayer tonight, SAY ONE FOR ME. If you shed a tear tonight, SHED ONE FOR ME and all the others like me who are in harm’s way. And if you share a fur kid’s story tonight, PLEASE SHARE MINE.

    One day I will be ready for a loving home. If you can be that soft heart for me you can start the application process now: KAT_EDR@LIVE.COM to request an application.

    With hope for a better world tomorrow where Love does not come with such a high price,
    Gabe

    Like

  250. I feel like it is wrong of me on many different levels but I can NOT stop laughing.

    Like

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  251. Huh. Evidently I swear so much in my posts/on Twitter that there was very little divergence from the google result and the gizoogle result.

    Which I count as a motherfucking win.

    Like

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  252. And now I will only be reading your blog through Gizoogle. Winning!

    Like

  253. 258
    lepetitfromage

    Oh. My. God.

    This is the most fun I’ve had on the internet in quite some time. This is one of my favorite finds:

    “It’s a single-servin wine. But it’s up in a puddin cup wit a foil top cuz apparently screw tops is too classy now, nahmeean, biatch? I gotz it fo’ 99 centz all up in tha gas station. I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. All of dis is true.”

    Like

  254. So I went to gizoogle and gizoogled water. The second link was: HowStuffWorks “How tha fuck Water Works.” It was hysterical. The wikipizzle entry was pretty frickin entertaining too.

    Like

  255. From one cracka to onother – that was great. We should all talk like that one day out of the year. Everyone would feel so much better because we would be laughing all day. Except for the people who thought it was racist. They probably wouldn’t laugh.

    Like

  256. Biatch wrote an autobibiliography, huh? Nice.

    Like

  257. I need an auto-signature…

    Like

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  258. PS – I didn’t read through all of the 200+ comments ahead of mine, but actual Wikipedia says pizzle is the old english word for penis. Just sayin

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  259. That made me cry laughing…..now I hurt.

    Like

  260. I wish I could be a dope. I’m not really sure what that means but it sounds cool and so not suburban mom blogger just trying to fit in with her puffy Banana Republic shirt from the clearance rack.

    Like

    Beck recently posted Reading Between the Lines: Conversation with My 14 Year Old.

  261. Fuckin’ racist! Imma burn yo’ book!

    Like

  262. I downloaded your audiobook ages ago and have finished it at least 4 times. May the cosmos reveal more amazing and quirky people like you. Gushy fan- Stef

    Like

  263. I’m about as white as they get, and can’t help myself but to talk in Snoop dee oh double gee lingo now and again. Mostly just to throw people off gaurd.

    Like

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  264. This is so freaking funny! I am so sad that gizoogle is blocked at my work, but I will hit that shizit when I get home! Thanks Jenny!

    Like

  265. Fo shizzle my nizzle…

    wait.

    Too racist. Reversed. Right?

    Ughhh:D
    Great post as always!!!

    Like

  266. “I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. “

    Like

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