The other day Victor brought home one of those Elf-on-the-Shelf things and now I’m inundated with pictures on pintrest of elves doing “adorably naughty” things. Like, moms (who are far less lazy than me) will throw flour and applesauce all over the house and then pretend that the naughty elf did it. Except I would never do that BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS TO CLEAN THAT SHIT UP. Personally, I’d rather come back home from shopping and find that the elf has ransacked the house looking for hidden drugs. That way it’s a learning lesson for the kids. A lesson about not turning your back on addictions. And about why I shouldn’t be allowed to have a scapegoat elf in the house.
Our elf right now:
PS. Victor just yelled at me for sticking a knife in the couch and I was like “Dude. That hole has been there for two years” and then he yelled at me for not telling him that there’s been a hole in the couch for two years. So basically I’m getting yelled at by Victor for Victor not being observant enough.
I blame the elf.