I usually just ignore these but tonight I was bored.

Actual pitch I just got:

Hi Jenny,

Would you be interested in recipes from baby food creators on how to include your child in their first holiday meal?

My return email:

Weirdly enough, we’ve actually been feeding holiday meals to our child for the last eight years, but I will pass this on to any of my friends who ritually starve their children during Christmas.

So far, no response.

 

250 replies. read them below or add one

  1. My mom used to send me to bed without supper. But, I was in trouble then. Do you think she would be their target audience?

    Like

    Robyn Webb recently posted I Super Glued My Lips Together Instead of Writing a Paper.

  2. Sounds to me like they want you to cook your child…

    Like

  3. Oh, I thought it was for people who enjoyed cooking and eating babies.

    Like

    JRose recently posted Anti-Anti-E.

  4. You had a more charitable interpretation than I, who assumed they were giving out recipes in which the child was an *ingredient*.

    Like

  5. Is it weird that I read that as literally including your child into your holiday meal? Like, as an ingredient?

    Like

    Banana Stickers recently posted I will inject you with kindness.

  6. Exactly, Codie… you do NOT want to try the Gerber Holiday Puree.

    Like

  7. I fear you misunderstood the pitch. Sounds to me like they want to cook your daughter and feed her to babies, the sick bastards. This calls for a more aggressive response.

    Like

  8. You should have said you would only allow recipes that included Spam in them.

    Like

    Lady J recently posted A Ginger Kid Haunts Me.

  9. 9
    Smiling Kevin

    First thing that came to mind was it was advocating cannibalism. Festive.

    Like

  10. Are you sure this wasn’t a pitch for recipes featuring your child as an ingredient? It reads OK either way, is what I’m saying.

    Like

    Chuck Baudelaire recently posted Wikipedia Worldwide Candy Marketing Juggernaut Thing.

  11. Um…. I read that as including your child… as in adding them to the ingredients during their first holiday. You know… get them while they are fresh.

    Like

    Robyn recently posted Blogging withdrawal (apparently).

  12. Lol… I feel ya.

    Like

    Sabrina recently posted Grumpy Cat.

  13. Am I the only one who read this as if you want recipes to cook your children and serve them as the holiday meal?

    Like

  14. I also read it as like cutting off a baby’s hand to feed to them during holidays. >.>

    Like

  15. Or… are they asking if you’d be interested in recipes on how to cook children for their first holiday? Human veal might be something special to wow your guests.

    (Yes, I am fully aware I’m going to Special Hell.)

    Like

    R.C. Murphy recently posted The Window.

  16. Hahaha.

    Not everyone has the kind of effervescent, appropriately nourished childhood that you have been able to provide for Hailey. And if they don’t, it’s certainly for want of inventive babyfood ideas.

    Wait, isn’t baby food pretty much mashed potatoes and Jello? Christmas dinner is already fully 50% baby food.

    Like

    David Eagle recently posted A thing I learned tonight.

  17. I love it! Are you a grammar nazi (no political or racial implications intended)? I am at times, but then I also tend to write how I speak so I am sure my grammar is all over the place.

    I guess when you are famous you get pitched all kinds of crazy stuff. You could probably come up with a huge post of just these kinds of offers that would make everyone laugh!

    Like

    Mishka recently posted At Least One Thing.

  18. Oh good, I’m not the only one.

    Like

    Banana Stickers recently posted I will inject you with kindness.

  19. Best.Response.Ever!!!

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    Tammi @ My Organized Chaos recently posted Sonic the Hedgehog – All Star Racing R/C Vehicle.

  20. I totally read it as include your child as an ingredient.

    Like

  21. I’m more concerned about the “their” as in, are they planning to cook your child to make the baby food creators’ first holiday meal? Also, who are baby food creators? Is that really a job? And it kind of bothers me that they want to eat your child.

    Like

    The Diamond in the Window recently posted Half-Baked Ideas: On Race, Tokenism, and Representation.

  22. You rock!

    My response was: Normally, I season and roast my babies. How do you prepare yours?

    Like

  23. It seems that they’ve been reading “A Modest Proposal…” Well read, though creepy baby food manufacturers. I wonder where they get their baby food from. Anybody reminded of the soap in Fight Club?

    Like

    neal recently posted Crazy hair.

  24. She definitely made it sound like you would be eating your first-born child. Not that I am opposed.

    Like

    Ally recently posted Awful Self Portraits.

  25. I want to know why she wants you to eat your child? That’s what’s more disturbing to me.

    Like

    Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? recently posted Date Night!!!!!.

  26. Somehow I feel the joke “killing with kindness” could be worked in here somewhere…

    Like

    Zena Zee recently posted Insecurities....

  27. Holy shit, I love you people.

    Like

    Jenny the bloggess recently posted I usually just ignore these but tonight I was bored..

  28. Nice. I’m missing some winners by just deleting most pitches without reading them.

    Like

    Christina Gleason @ WELL, in THIS House recently posted Wordless Wednesday – What is This Naughty List You Speak Of?.

  29. It sounds like the baby is going to be “the meal.”

    Like

    Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) recently posted Fridge Astrology: What Your Magnets Reveal About You.

  30. You’re supposed to feed those? Um. We have a problem.

    Like

    Sarah Elizabeth recently posted I'm Doing NaNoWriMo This Year, And Here's Why.

  31. 31
    Kelly Panick

    Too damn funny!

    Like

  32. That’s an end-product of what Terry Pratchett terms as “cackling.” Gingerbread houses… Stuffing children in ovens…

    You know. HOLIDAY cheer! ;o)

    Like

    ShellHawk recently posted Ape's Dolphin Adventure.

  33. A modest proposal…

    Like

    Jenni Kitchen recently posted Still recovering....

  34. Please answer all my email for me.

    Like

  35. Sounds like a natural progression from thumb-sucking, to me. Creamed baby! Pureed toddler!

    Like

  36. “Include your child in their first holiday meal” sounds like a “Modest Proposal”-type thing. “NEW: TENDER BABY RECIPES! BABY WITH CRANBERRY GLAZE!”

    Like

    Wendy recently posted Batman Joker-inspired Wooden Necklace in black, purple, green, and tan by NerdyNecklaces.

  37. No, Jenny’s not interested, but I hear that Wil Wheaton is a huge fan of strained carrots!

    Like

    Julie recently posted This weekend (12/7).

  38. Yeah, they def wanna include your child so as to be eaten! Or pushed around on a plate or passed over on the buffet.

    Like

  39. …why do baby food creators want to have other people’s children for their first holiday meal?

    Isn’t “child” just an informal weekday snack for the busy working family?

    Like

  40. For chrissakes. Just put whatever you made into a blender. They won’t know the difference. Recipes. Bah.

    Like

  41. It was nice of them to offer to make sure that you were feeding your kid. It’s even nicer that, you know, you were feeding your kid.

    Like

    Rachel recently posted Stupid Things...And Sunsets.

  42. Ditto. Don’t let them cook your child!!

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted Hope Springs.

  43. AND, I just read that as ‘feeding your holiday weasels…”

    I’ve been following this site for too delightfully long! Keep on keeping on, Jenny!

    Like

  44. Does sound like a modest proposal. The baby should probably be the centerpiece though, so as to feel properly included.

    Like

    Geoffrey recently posted the citizenship.

  45. This is so the best thing I’ve read today.

    Like

    Jessica M. recently posted LIFE IS A TEST. HA. (TAKE TWO).

  46. If I didn’t know any better I’d think they were advocating cannibalizing your baby this Christmas… Isn’t that what they meant by including them in your holiday meals?

    Like

    Andie recently posted Gender Essentialism in Your Stocking This Christmas.

  47. Maybe they are trying to get you to prepare for the rapture..

    Like

  48. Huh. I read that as including your child in the meal…as an ingredient. Mushed up food already is kinda gross, and the idea of mushed up human? Even grosser. And also disturbing.

    Like

  49. 49
    ellemichelle

    How To Cook For(ty) Babies

    Like

  50. Be sure to ask if it can be eaten with the fingers or should the fingers be eaten separately?

    Like

  51. I wish I had your quick wit today when someone told me my baby seemed hungry… and asked was he getting enough??? Nope, he was a bad baby and I said, “that’s it, no food for you today!” idiots….

    Like

    Kelly @ In the Mom Light Blog recently posted Would Ya Wednesday – Worst Mother Ever Award – I Let My Baby Fall and Break His Leg.

  52. Yep, I’m in the “baby as Christmas Roast Beast” crowd. That’s some baaaaad sentence structure right there. Or scary. One of the two.

    Like

  53. @banana Stickers. Nope- I read it the same way as well.

    Like

  54. I kind of like to exclude mine. That’s what the kids’ table’s for, isn’t it?

    Like

    Stephanie recently posted My Top (and Bottom) 10 Favorite Christmas Songs of All-Time.

  55. I would love to meet the people that create recipes that use children as ingredients.

    On second thought, maybe not.

    Like

  56. 56
    Denise Evans

    Hmmm.

    I thought they were asking if you’d like them to eat your child.

    Maybe I _do_ need to get my glasses checked.

    Like

  57. It says something about me that I am overjoyed to learn that I’m not the only person that interpreted this as someone cooking and eating children.

    Like

  58. 58
    Denise Evans

    Of course, I am the same person who once referred to KFC as “Kentucky Fried Children” — WHILE PARKED IN FRONT OF IT LOOKING AT THE SIGN.

    My teen still brings that up on occasion.

    Like

  59. um. yeah. add me to the couch of they want you to cook WITH your child as an ingredient, not FOR your child.

    Like

  60. To me, that pitch read like you were going to get instructions for how to serve your baby, suckling pig style, at christmas dinner.

    Like

    Mellzah recently posted The Hawkeye Initiative.

  61. 61
    Lisa (yeah - circa 1963!)

    I just had this horrible flashback to an image from “The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover”…*shudder* (That’s two hours of my life I’ll NEVER get back.) Please don’t cook or starve your child this holiday season.

    Like

  62. My kids think Christmas dinner is Chinese food and a slice of pie. If those are the types of recipes they’re offering, then forward me the email, dammit!

    Like

    Rhana @ Dumb {Squared} recently posted Wednesdays suck..

  63. You really include your child? We take ours to the kennel. Sure, it costs a lot (holiday rates) but the meal is much more relaxing. Please forward me their information as I’m sure our children would prefer to stay home this Christmas. Thank you.

    Like

    One classy motha recently posted Should Christmas Cards Cause Irritable Bowels?.

  64. Soylent Green is People!

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    Lynne Thomas recently posted Thanks to everybody.

  65. Too damn funny!

    Like

    Melissa Lawler recently posted Fashion From Midnight Velvet #GiftGuide.

  66. I love when companies don’t do their homework before pitching something, and then send it to you. It’s the gift that keeps us laughing.

    Like

    Becky recently posted I Present My Case for Getting Off….

  67. Soylent Green is Christmas Dinner!!!

    Like

  68. HEY you won!!…Kicked Ass actually!!…Congrats..Way to go Jenny!!!

    http://www.goodreads.com/choiceawards/best-humor-books-2012#74607-Best-Humor

    Like

    hargo recently posted Brandi Carlile - Live at KEXP.

  69. Gives new meaning to the concept of a “childrens’ table”!

    Like

    Robert K. Blechman recently posted OK. This is Getting Embarrassing!.

  70. Yeah, include me in with the people who read the child(ren) as an ingredient! Ha.

    Like

    JoAnn @casualperfect recently posted Birthday Party Lunch Pack Idea.

  71. Glad I wasn’t the only one who thought they were suggesting cooking the baby!

    Like

  72. Total Jonathan Swift territory.

    Like

  73. People should really Hunger Games their children this holiday season.

    Like

    John recently posted champagne cupcakes + lemon raspberry buttercream.

  74. Baby, it’s what’s for dinner

    Like

  75. Once again, I’m doing it all wrong. But what a pitch. Not. I suspect they employ lazy, unpaid interns destined to ruin their business model. And I kind of got a cannibalism vibe from that correspondence. Is that just me?

    Like

  76. you totally need one of those thumbs up options in your comments, so many good ones I would love to give kudos to.

    Like

  77. I like how pretty much ALL of us read it as “cannibalism for the Holidays” instead of starving the child.

    I think that says something pretty fundamental about us — that we’re freaking fantastic.😀

    Like

    Jessa recently posted Patent Malarkey.

  78. What do they mean, include your child?
    It’s called a “holiday” for a reason…

    Like

    bschooled recently posted Labor Day.

  79. I’ve always wondered what baby food was made of.

    Like

    Mary recently posted Durigutti Bonarda 2008.

  80. To me, it sounds like that want to turn your child into baby food for the baby food creators to eat. Worst baby food company ever.

    Like

  81. At first I totally thought it was a pitch to use your own child in the recipes. Now I’m really going to start questioning people who say their kids are “visiting” relatives for the holidays.

    Like

  82. I never get any good email.

    Like

    Danielle recently posted RACK day 5 and Elf on the Gambling Shelf.

  83. If you read it fast, it sounds like they want you to cook your child.

    Like

    Gigi recently posted A Splashy Start to De-Stressing.

  84. 84
    mydogfartswhenshebarks!

    If only I had known I could include my babies in my holiday meals 30 years ago. I’d have much more money in my retirement account by now. I wouldn’t have had to pay for 2 college educations!! (Which I’m STILL paying for).

    Like

  85. HA! Talk about needing to do more research…also better wording because it definitely sounds like they want to cook your kid. I get wanting to make the magic of Christmas and bringing childhood fairytales to life but Hansel and Gretel needs to stay in between the pages. Just saying……

    Like

    Nickie recently posted Dealings with customers and Pinterest Update.

  86. The way I initially read that sentence, I thought the pitch was asking if you wanted recipes from baby food creators on how to include your child in the BABY FOOD CREATORS’ first holiday meal. Like the baby food creators have been so busy making baby food their whole lives that they have never had time off for a holiday meal until now.

    Which is why they’ve gone round the bend and think it’s not weird to ask you if you’d like to swap recipes from the Children-Cooking cookbook (available in the store where the witch from Hansel and Gretel shops).

    Like

    Jillian recently posted Updated: Short Post and a Song #30.

  87. I actually read that as using your child as an ingredient in the holiday meal.

    Gross.

    Like

    Kelly@Sublurban Mama recently posted And *that's* how we ended up pooping by the campfire..

  88. Thank you, people, for making me feel less bad for thinking that infanticide/cannibalism was being advocated here.

    Also? For finding it freaking *hilarious*. I feel less alone because of all of you sick bastards.

    Like

  89. I am really REALLY glad that I’m not the only person who misinterpreted that!

    Like

    Devon recently posted Fire In Ice by Devon Stewart.

  90. Wait…what? “recipes from baby food creators on how to include your child in their first holiday meal?”. Okay, Is it just me, or does it sound like they want you to eat your child?

    Like

    Dolores recently posted Boring post about my feelings and shit..

  91. Why do you ever doubt your parenting skills??

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    Leslie recently posted In Which I Get Bitch-Slapped By An Airbag..

  92. I too read it as instructions for including the child as an ingredient. Are you sure the email wasn’t from a descendant of Jonathan Swift?

    Like

  93. That’s so much better than the spam I got today! Commenters want to know if I’m interested in real estate in Turkey, or in getting rid of my man-boobs.

    Like

    Sarah recently posted They’ve Got Nothing on St. Nicholas.

  94. OHHHHH…. I thought they were talking about feeding children… Like… Cannibals or something.

    I should probably stop drinking now…

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    Like

    Valerie recently posted Someday, someone will have take a stand. Someday, someone will have to say enough! This could be that day..

  95. Seems to me like they’re promoting cannibalism at a young age.

    Like

  96. Actually, I read that as the baby food creators wished to eat your child in THEIR holiday meal, which I found even more disturbing.

    Like

  97. I probably would have mentioned that I’m not really a fan of eating children, and that I’d especially be against making them part of Christmas dinner.

    Like

  98. Oh, HELL no! Keep your food processors away from Hailey!
    I, on the other hand, have teenagers who would make delicious Soylent Green Beans for the holidays.

    Sullen and moody, but delicious!

    Like

  99. Hide yo kids, hide yo blender, they cookin everybody up in here!

    Like

  100. Sounds to me like it was going to be suggestions on how to prepare your child to be a main course or side dish depending on the size of the child.

    Like

    Seanna Lea recently posted I'm Smitten!.

  101. It sounded to me like they wanted to include the child IN the meal. As in an ingredient? They are baby food CREATORS after all!

    Like

  102. Jenny: one. Bad solicitors: zero.

    Like

    Natalie the Singingfool recently posted Christmas in the LBC. Sounds Like a Rap Song..

  103. So are they going to tell you how to purée your child into baby food? That’s kind of what that email sounds like.

    Like

    Ashley recently posted Elf on the Shelf: Fallen From Grace Edition.

  104. Wait, are they making food out of babies? Not right man, not right.

    Like

    Holly Folly recently posted Brush Clearing and the Fence of Thorns..

  105. I, too, had visions of folding the child into the holiday batter! Ick! Sick!

    Like

  106. 106
    TemperamentalRedhead

    You forgot the signature line

    –signed the witch from Hansel and Gretel

    Like

  107. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that sentence actually wants you to cook your child into a meal and then feed it to said child.

    My head hurts trying to imagine that.

    Like

  108. This isn’t related to your post, but this picture of a taxidermy made me think of you: http://i.imgur.com/YDgu2.jpg.

    Like

  109. I, too, thought that they were going to offer suggestions on To Serve Baby. Oh, right, spoiler.

    Like

  110. The baby was eaten by lions.

    Like

    Tragic Sandwich recently posted How to Make a Mom Angry.

  111. It’s not just you.

    Like

    Brook recently posted Self Portrait “Saturday”: Real Beauty.

  112. I agree with the consensus: I read it as though they wanted to give you recipes for turning babies into a festive main course for a holiday dinner. In case your local Jeffry Dahmer wannabee is coming by for a snack, I guess.

    Like

  113. I am glad that I am not the only one that thought cannabalism was being suggested.

    Like

    Morgan Eckstein recently posted Tentacle Sex Fiends.

  114. I took it as include your child….as a meal. I don’t see you as the type to eat your young, but then again I don’t really know you. Maybe that is your type. Are you one of THOSE people?!

    Like

    Bailey recently posted I just want to be OK.

  115. I love how all of us have been reading your blog for so long that we all just misinterpreted that as suggesting cannibalism. Personally, I was kind of hoping that your response would be somewhere along the lines of “Thanks, but I’d prefer not to eat my child.”

    Like

  116. Everything about this was wonderful.

    Like

    Emelie recently posted Nice to Meet You, Mr. Erin Brockovich..

  117. Given the comments, I think your response was rather tame.

    Like

  118. I almost want to see how dumb the recipes are.

    Like

    Mom Off Meth recently posted The people of Walmart.

  119. i thought they meant make baby food out of your baby too…

    Like

  120. Well, I’m glad to see that I’m hardly alone in reading that as recipes that want you to either make a meal of your kid; or feed parts of your child to the child.

    And yes, it does kind of give “baby food” a whole new meaning…

    Like

  121. Actually sounds to me a bit like they want to make the food OUT OF the babies. And that is weird and wrong.

    Like

    Heather/muirnait recently posted Whitewashing the Fence.

  122. Mmmm. Roast baby is my favorite, right after broiled kitten and giraffe au vent.

    Like

  123. that is the most awesome answer ever

    Like

  124. We just let the kids lick our plates when we’re done. Looks like I’ve been doing this wrong and may need to do some further reading on this subject.

    Like

    Sabine recently posted Tis the Season for A-Holes.

  125. Oddly enough when I read the first statement I IMMEDIATELY thought they were saying something about having the baby and eating him too. Could be my meds are off. Could be lack of sleep. Could be they are really are cannibals.

    Like

  126. …or perhaps they’re suggesting you actually cook your child in some sort of sick, twisted, auto-cannibalistic holiday meal ritual. Which is just wrong on pretty much on any level.Like, seriously. My holiday meals often include things like turkey, ham, and a suspicious-sounding dessert called “Sex In a Pan.” But never a child, much less my own.

    These people are sick.

    Like

  127. After the news I just got, this post was exactly what I needed to feel better and laugh a little. Thank you!

    Like

  128. My first thought was, “Well, if I include my child IN the holiday meal, they probably won’t be alive to partake with me. Hmmm. Maybe they don’t really need that foot after all…”

    Like

  129. I somehow read this as how to include the baby as part of the meal and I’m all, “baby food is not made of babies!!”

    Like

  130. And now I see how many other people read that letter the same way, which means the pitch person needs to learn how to write, and also your followers are a bunch of sickos.

    Like

  131. Oh, so that’s what I’ve been doing wrong these last 8 years! I thought I was supposed to feed my child.

    Silly me.

    Like

    Cheryl D. recently posted Happy Belated Thanksgiving!.

  132. “When I was a kid, our dad would kill us….”

    “And we were lucky!”

    Like

    Martin Hajovsky recently posted Arts, crafts, birds and, of course, Lights dot calendar.

  133. 133
    imp the sane

    I want a like button for the comments…🙂

    Like

  134. Good. Everyone else picked up on the apparent plug for cannibalism, too. Gross.

    Like

  135. Jenny…. I think they wanted to give you a child roast recipe…

    Like

  136. Can you imagine the commercial pitch? “…I love this baby food. It’s all natural and contains more baby than the leading brand…”

    Like

  137. Sorry, I have to laugh it Loud! Do I get it right? Sounds hilarious and creepy, I hope the sender wasn’t offended.

    Like

    Jacque Raine recently posted Famous Secret Societies.

  138. “Despite his butterball exterior and plump thighs, my therapist doesn’t think it’s a good idea to cook him. WHY ARE YOU TEMPTING ME??!!”

    Like

    Shannon recently posted Let's Make Fun of Angry, Humorless Commenters!.

  139. I am sad that I am late to the party and all my witty replies to your post have been taken. Dammit.

    Like

    lifestrickery recently posted Dear Vagina, – Part 1 in a series.

  140. Hmm, well…. that leads me to think of a modern take on the Hansel and Gretel story…. Gingerbread houses are…. holiday like. Maybe she just wanted to put them in her ‘Holiday Oven’.

    Like

    Kera - Dreadnaught Darling recently posted Downsizing: Form Follows Function.

  141. “It’s a cook book…!” Feck, that’s funny! Good start to a Friday morning!

    Like

  142. Yes, I thought they were talking about including the child in the meal as, like, a garnish sauce or as an antipasto on the side…

    Like

    Claire J recently posted Why Philadelphia.

  143. Off topic but I just found something that made me snort my cup of tea in a most unladylike manner and think of you, so here is my long-time-reader-first-time-commenter comment:

    According to Amazon, people who viewed this highly suspect product: http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant-Gallon/dp/B005MR3IVO
    Have also viewed this: http://www.amazon.com/Marshall-Ferret-Cap-Red-Tassle/dp/B00176GK96/ref=pd_sim_sbs_hpc_9

    Like

  144. Don’t be mean. These sound like nice people trying to do a nice thing.

    Also it says “thier” meal, not “your” meal. I know it is not your fault that people commenting here can’t actually read, but you probably knew where this would go. Again, don’t be mean.

    Like

  145. I’m with your other crazy readers – I assumed they were talking about cooking up your baby for the holiday meal. Strange our mind went there and not yours. Sign of maturity? Go you!

    Like

  146. I totally read that as recipes to cook children and serve them as the holiday meal.

    I am clearly sick.

    Like

    Dana and the Namaste Dogs recently posted Adventures Abroad.

  147. You know, the way I read it they not only are talking cannibalism, they are wanting you to feed the child to itself!

    “Mommy, I’ll take a leg, please.”

    ~EdT.

    Like

    EdT. recently posted Double #selfie.

  148. I read it that they were offering the child as an ingredient too. Meh, I suppose it is something different. We all used to have turkey legs…all 6 of us….from one turkey. Norfolk is the home of the turkey production for England and inbreeding, so the two work fantastically together at Christmas.

    Like

    Sam Whiteoak recently posted Elf on a shelf the Norfolk way..

  149. *spitting coffee on keyboard.* THAT was fabulous and i think it just made my day.

    Like

    monica recently posted Hello, Blog. Remember me?.

  150. 150
    Lady Penelope

    Oh, we’re a sick bunch. Proud to be “one of us, one of us”

    Like

  151. It totally sounds like they want you to eat your child. Or possibly want your child to eat your child. I don’t know which is worse.

    Like

    Nat recently posted Adventure time!.

  152. Was the email signed “J. Swift,” perhaps?

    Like

  153. Bahahhahaha short and sweet and awesome. Love it.

    Like

    Mayor Gia recently posted Would You Like to Hear a Christmas Song?.

  154. Nom Nom Nom Nom BABIES!

    Like

  155. Their pitch also makes it sound like the baby goes IN the meal, instead of just being able to eat it.

    Like

    Heather recently posted Reading Wrap-Up: November 2012.

  156. I actually read that as making the child a part of the meal – some bizarre offer of cannibalism…

    Like

  157. Uhm, when I read “include the child in the meal” I thought “baby food” means “food made OF babies” 0o

    Like

  158. for the love of pete, this is why we grammar! otherwise strangers are eating our babies!

    Like

  159. 159
    Brattus Rattus

    Ever since the courts ruled a “Dingo” really did take that ladies baby, they have been coming up with new and interesing way to make babies disappear.

    Good on you for calling bullshit to this “baby food creator” schtick. It was just the new Dingo 2.0 version.

    Like

  160. Hey, can you forward that info on to me? Last year’s dinner was a little tough. Maybe it’s because I’ve been roasting *adult* relatives. A younger child might be just the ticket to a tender, juicy meal. Thanks.

    Like

    Heather Head recently posted The Goats: A Retrospective.

  161. I should have known I wouldn’t be the only person who read that as “include my child in a nice pot roast?”

    Like

  162. So I saw this headline about a man who shot a woman over a zombie argument and I immediately thought it was you. Glad to see you’re not dead though. http://www.geekologie.com/2012/12/sadness-man-shoots-girlfriend-over-zombi.php

    Like

  163. I really wish on most days I had your quick wit. Me, I would have just deleted the email, but you made this glorious situation out of it. I am willing to bet more hilarity will ensue from this. Good choice!

    Like

    Sara recently posted The One With the "Foreign Body".

  164. Jenny! I can’t believe you missed the opportunity to call them out on their baby eating ways. Way to take the high road. Pfft.

    Like

  165. I’m now reminded of the scene from Alice in Wonderland.

    Like

    Dangerous Lilly recently posted The Best (and worst) Sex Toys of 2012.

  166. Oh my lord. Feeding a pureed version of my family’s recent holiday dishes might be grounds for a visit from Child and Family Services, e.g. Green bean-Oriental noodle Casserole with Marmalade, Salad Nicoise, Tomato Aspic, Salmon Mousse. Good thing Waffle House is open 24/7/365.

    Like

    Childishman recently posted Oh BFD! (Bad Food Decisions).

  167. 167
    Tina, Escrow Goddess

    Uhm, should it bother anyone that so many of your readers leaned towards the whole idea that this had something to do with cooking and eating small children? That’s disturbing, very disturbing, on many levels.

    Like

  168. I’m with everyone else…I thought it was about cooking your child. How horrible….

    Like

  169. Wow. Inviting family over for Christmas dinner suddenly takes a turn for the worst.
    Grandma: “Where’s Johnny? Doesn’t he want some of this delicious meal?”
    Mom: “Oh, he’s here, and I don’t think he’s a fan of this particular dinner.”
    NomNomNom.

    Like

    Czaja! recently posted I totally DO have something to blog about today..

  170. 170
    Joan Rowlands

    Well really, if they want to include children in the holiday meal, can’t they just eat one of their own? I’m sure that if I wanted to eat my child I can create my own recipe. You know, chocolate covered eyeballs, jellied lips, or how about stuffed roasted arm – you could even have it holding the jug of gravy!

    Like

  171. Recipes, huh? Like from “Mastering the Art of Child Cooking” by Julia Child Cookery? What a blatant rip off. Those Gerber people should be ashamed of themselves.

    Like

    Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom recently posted Pen and Sell Her.

  172. I read it the same way I read “baby oil.” That is, oil extracted from babies. How can I cook a meal that uses the flesh of small children.

    Like

    the gold digger recently posted Wednesday May 16 Political Wife 1.

  173. Oops. And I see Joan had the same idea, only far more creative! I like the stuffed roasted arm holding the gravy jug, Joan!

    Like

    the gold digger recently posted Wednesday May 16 Political Wife 1.

  174. Awesome. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who thought it sounded like they want to cook their child for the holiday meal.

    Like

    Amélie recently posted Crispy Chickpea Patties.

  175. Well, at least people actually give a damn about your work and your awesome rep. For every “Katie” appearance, there’s bound to be a few crazies…
    The last pitch I received was from a medical laboratory that wanted me to test some new designer drugs…

    Like

  176. Is it weird that I immediately went to a cannibalistic place? “Include your child in their first holiday meal”? Really?

    Like

    Bonnie recently posted Year of the Heifer.

  177. See I read it and would have responded that it sounded sinister like the food was made of babies and you were incorporating your child into the menu for the meal, I would pretend to be outraged and then ask for curiosity sake what a sample child menu would be.

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    The Suzzzz recently posted 2012 USU Holiday Ceramics Sale.

  178. Um, Jenny these people are actually canibals and they are trying to solicit your participation in a old family recipe exchange that is secretly designed to bring you and what is left of your family, into the fold. Cannibles are sneaky that way. All I can say is beware of Spam that comes with a calderon.

    Like

  179. I am so glad that I am not alone in that thinking this was about cooking up your babies to make the holiday meal. You really missed an opportunity for a great response. Perhaps next time you should just post the marketing pitches, wait for the responses and pick the winner to send back as your reply.

    Like

  180. Hooray for your success at a good sized following of twisted minds! (Mine too). ….also thought it sounded like they meant to cook the baby. However, since it specified “first” holiday meal, it makes me wonder if it would have just been something small included in the meal like a foot or a hand, so they can be included for years to come….I count a maximum of 13 years though, because at 12 years you’d be left with head and torso, so you’ve got one final year to cook the rest of them in, unless you can preserve parts for future years but I don’t think conventional freezers work well for that long a time of storage.

    Like

  181. I agree with some of the other comments. I think you completely missed the point of their pitch. Obviously, they were marketers from a weird cult that eats children during their holiday meals. They’ve probably seen pictures of how delicious your daughter looks and thought you might be ready to sell or trade her.

    Like

  182. Kind of reminds me of something you’d see on Chopped. “Remember, you must include all of the items in your basket. Your basket includes: celery! persimmons! tarragon! and a newborn baby!”

    Like

  183. Oh man, this is perfect for us! Our holiday babies always turn out so tough. I wish you’d pass along more info. We’re particularly interested in brining this year. Mmm, I just love to include babies in our holiday recipes!

    Like

    mike recently posted Race to the moon … or general vicinity.

  184. When I first read the e-mail they sent you, I thought they were asking you for recipes on how to cook children for Christmas dinner…
    Love your response though!

    Like

  185. I was pretty sure it was about cooking babies, too. I’m kind of saddened that it wasn’t an updated version of A Modest Proposal (http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html).

    Like

    Adrasteia recently posted Pretty pictures to end the week.

  186. Pitch… smitch.. should have said that you would consider it if they let you use theirs first.. Then again, maybe your response was much more tactful.

    Like

    TheFeelGoodDepot recently posted Holy Spock! The Star Trek Medical Tricorder Is Real, And It’s Only $150.

  187. The comments make me think of my favorite response to the dreaded “Why don’t you have any children?” question. I usually smile at them and say “Well honestly I like children, really I do, but I can’t eat a whole one.” and then walk off.

    Like

    The Suzzzz recently posted December 7, 1941.

  188. um i immediately thought cannibalism as well.

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  189. At least your arm isn’t stuck in a cows vagina?

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  190. I know everyone’s already said it, but I’m finally catching up on your blog, and this TOTALLY reads to me like they are wanting to cook your kids. Maybe they read your previous post about kiddie kebobs and thought since you were opposed to such cooking methods, you needed a new recipe? I like them on the rotisserie with a bourbon glaze, but maybe that’s just me…

    Like

  191. wait… you’ve actually been feeding your child these past 8 years? I didn’t know that was a thing.

    Like

    natalie recently posted I'm done..

  192. I think you’re reading it wrong…

    “Would you be interested in recipes from baby food creators on how to include your child in their first holiday meal?”

    The people who make food from babies want to add your kid to the recipe and eat her over the holidays.

    Canibals!

    Like

  193. “Would you be interested in recipes from baby food creators on how to include your child in their first holiday meal?”

    So the baby food creators want to cook and eat your child in their first meal for the holidays? And they’re going to give you the recipes to show you how they’ll do it??

    Grammar. It’s important.

    Like

  194. Ha, like a lot of other commenters, I totally thought they wanted to cook the baby as a part of the holiday meal. LOL

    Like

  195. My first thought – see KristiLoo. That could go a few ways I guess.

    Like

    Tina recently posted Williwaw - My Band.

  196. It’s part of the robots’ plan to take over the earth. Simple, yet brilliant.

    Like

    SexyLittleIdeas recently posted real men suck in bed.

  197. Love this response! I teach children’s cooking classes and believe that children are people too. They like good food and don’t need “kid” food.

    Like

  198. I think you may have missed the point. Pretty sure it is people creating food from babies, and they would like you to learn how to incorporate your baby into a holiday meal.

    Like

    claire recently posted Le Roi est mort.

  199. I’m one of the ones who thought this was referring to cooking the kid…O_o

    <3,
    -J

    Like

    Jess Haines recently posted Friday Funnies – Casual Friday.

  200. Are babies the new Fois Gras? We know that we probably shouldn’t eat them because it’s just so horrible, but damn, they’re tasty.

    Like

    Veronica recently posted The goalposts have shifted. My how they have shifted..

  201. You kill me, Bloggess. Just kill me. I’ve read into past posts and I was glued. Laughing, but glued. You’ve got great wit, and have opened up a WHOLE can of ideas for what I’ll be doing with our shelf elf in the coming weeks.
    Rock on, sister. I’ll be rooting from the sidelines.

    Jason

    Like

    Jason recently posted Boy And Girl Baby Names.

  202. My husband has been telling my kids for years that he’s raising them for food. I could sure use those recipes now that they have reached the pre-teens!

    Like

  203. Baby back ribs?

    And I, too, find it vaguely reassuring that I am not the only one who interpreted that message as referring to recipes CONTAINING children.

    Like

  204. Foie Gras even. Way to typo things Me.

    Like

  205. Yeah, sounded like a cannibalistic offer to me.

    Like

  206. wait, babies eat food?

    Like

    Simone recently posted Why are food trucks so popular?.

  207. That really does read that they have recipes using children. Love your reply.

    Like

    Kattie recently posted Please.

  208. You’d think after a while people would stop sending you ridiculous pitches, knowing that you’ll make an appropriately snarky reply and show it to the world. People worry me sometimes.

    Like

  209. Like others commented, I read it as recipes for including the child in the recipes… mashed baby? steamed baby toes? baby belly flambe?

    Like

    Peanut recently posted The P word and the D word.

  210. Good for you! The least they could do is a little research and pretend they read your blog – then again they’d be way cooler if they actually read it.

    Like

    Kim @ The Family Practice recently posted Parenting to Christmas.

  211. Include them in their first holiday meal? Like.. In the recipe?!

    Like

  212. 212
    Jennifer Becker

    You could have expressed great interest in recipes on how to cook your child for holidays meals.

    Hi Jenny,
    “blah blah….recipes from baby food creators on how to include your child in their first holiday meal?”

    Jenny: “I have always wondered about cooking children and serving them for holiday meals. Do tell.”

    Like

  213. 213
    Jennifer Becker

    Hahahaha….I hadn’t read any of the comments yet.

    Like

  214. What! No wine pairings? How would I know what to serve with my cannibalistic Christmas dinner.

    Like

    Keri recently posted The Diva is in the House.

  215. What JRose said. I guess context really is everything.

    Like

  216. And if you read it slow, it still reads as though they want to cook your child. If your child mouths off during the holiday, now you know what you can do with a fresh child. Ho! Ho!

    Like

  217. Actually, it’s worse than all of you think. They are baby “food creators” (how precocious) and they want to include (read that as cook) your child in their (the baby “food creators”) FIRST holiday meal. This is babies eating babies. It’s one step up from cannibalism. Of course it could just be the first meal of the holiday season, but that’s so last year. . .

    Like

  218. Gives a whole new meaning to “Goodnight Moon”

    Like

    Robert K. Blechman recently posted The Perfect Antidote to Holiday Spirit.

  219. I must admit, my first thought was “they want to tell you how to cook children?”…

    Like

    Catherine recently posted Recipe: Pink Scones!.

  220. I’m with Lady J @8 – they should only include recipes with Spam in them🙂

    Like

  221. I’m guessing that Soylent Pink is made of girl babies and Soylent Blue is made out of the boys?

    Like

  222. I read this sentence as – would you like to know how to include your kid as one of the ingredients in your holiday meal?

    As in “stuffed baby quail” but let’s just forget the quail.

    Like

    Lady Jennie recently posted Ten Wedding Bloopers.

  223. (looks like I wasn’t the only one who read it that way).

    Like

    Lady Jennie recently posted Ten Wedding Bloopers.

  224. looks like I’m not the only one who thought eating your child is bad. You should’ve written back, “Cannibalism is illegal.”

    Like

    Trinity recently posted Christmas is a tough time.

  225. Why would they not respond? That’s just rude.

    Like

  226. Hey Jenny,
    Would you be interested in a great video of Tim Minchin? Sure you’ve probably seen it before but I just saw it last night and can’t help sharing. Tim Minchin – 5 Poofs and 2 Piano’s – (HD) OFFICIAL. While I’m sharing things that you’ve probably already seen, Fist Me This Christmas, a carol by The Wet Spots.

    I’m sure these are the e-mails that you’d rather get.

    Like

    BiPagan recently posted VIDDING PANEL AT ODDCON!! Please join the panel..

  227. Yeah, cannibalism all the way. These ‘baby food creators’ are sick fucks!

    Like

    Sarah recently posted All I want for Christmas is a new hymen.

  228. GREAT. You just gave them a multimillion dollar idea for free.

    Like

  229. You remain my idol.

    Like

    Karen Sanders recently posted Happy Happy Joy Joy.

  230. I can’t believe you’ve been feeding your kid for the past 8 years. I assume she’s 12, right?

    Like

    Marinka recently posted Calls From School.

  231. I cannot imagine why this Etsy seller’s wares made me think of you:
    http://www.etsy.com/shop/cathairandteeth?ref=seller_info#

    Enjoy!

    Like

  232. They should know better by now, really. Will these silly PR people ever learn?

    Like

    TPPC.tv, Pets Teach Us So Much Radio Show, Podcast & Blog recently posted How to look like the Smartest Person or Pup at the Party.

  233. Would you be interested in recipes from baby food creators on how to include your child in their first holiday meal?

    No thanks. I prefer my holiday meal with turkey, not children.

    Like

    Jen recently posted musings re: Phineas & Ferb.

  234. wouldn’t that be soylent green?

    Like

    janeen recently posted Love builds a garden..

  235. I’m still working out how someone could be EXcluded from their first holiday meal.

    Like

    Cris recently posted Anatomy of a Scam Email.

  236. I am absolutely amazed that you didn’t write something about how it’s really unethical to eat children. Or ask them how your child is going to eat the meal if they are part of it.

    Like

    Jeneral Insanity recently posted Conversations with The Manchild: Why I need a midget pony..

  237. I am sorry, but I think it is a rude answer to a very polite question

    Like

  238. Do these people not read your blog? Totally wrong tone!

    Like

    Whorrified recently posted CAMILLE PAGLIA MAKES FEMINISM AS SEXY AS THE CLAP.

  239. Somehow, I can’t imagine babies caring nearly enough that they’re stuck eating mushy peas instead of whatever holiday feast everyone else is chowing down on.

    Like

    Julia H. @ Live Young & Prosper recently posted Links For All: 12/9/12.

  240. All I want for Christmas is to be friends with Jenny Lawson. And also dinner.

    Like

  241. Am I the only one who thinks you might send them a picture of Wil Wheaton making snickerpoodles? Oops, I mean snickerdoodles. You know – the ones rolled in festive red or green sprinkles.

    Like

  242. No one puts baby in the corner… but the crock pot is okay.

    Like

  243. Are you sure they were offering ways to cook (aka include) your child as part of the holiday meal?

    Like

  244. Hmm, I read that as them wanting to give you recipes to cook babies…

    Like

  245. Are they writing recipes for the post Zombie Apocalypse?

    Like

    Mustang Sally recently posted New TV series "Portlandia".

  246. So baby food creators feed on babies, but only during the holidays?

    Like

  247. Dear Jenny, As a suffer of panic disorder it was consoling to read of someones elses angst. Your wit and resilence is admirable. Being a new mother is great material for writing and I’m almost done with “Let’s Pretend It Never Happened” When I get used to my new glasses and can see wtihout feeling like I’m looking through binoculars I will read more of your writing. The picture of little Rambo will forever make me laugh, especially since he has a smile on his little face. You are lucky to have a loving husband. Mine is surely contributing to my mental decline, since all he’s worried about is that I keep my weight down.Oh well. I guess my life epitomizes the saying from the 70’s band YES- If you choose not to make a choice you still have made a choice.’ I feel Hunter Thompson would have been amused by your writing. My 1st husband was Thompsonesque-consume mass quanities of drugs whenever possible-so I have had some good times.~ALOHA~

    Like

  248. I think I would prefer to eat my second child. She is the one who drives me to drink…well if I did drink she would drive me to it. Although she is only 3 so she can’t quite drive yet, so perhaps I should rethink this. 😉

    Like

    Jesica H recently posted Nutrisystem Week 15 Report – Tasty Food equals Tasty Results! #NSNation.

  249. Add me to the list of people who thought they were talking about actually cooking your baby. That’s why proper puctuation is so important. It’s the difference between “It’s time to eat chlidren,” and “It’s time to eat, children.”

    Like

  250. I also thought it was about cooking your child as part of the meal.

    Like

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