Sometimes I think Facebook just exists for my sister and I to help explain our family to the rest of the world:
***********
And in entirely unrelated news, it’s time for the weekly wrap up:
In unrelated news, it’s time for the weekly wrap up.
What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- “I’M GOOD AT STUFF” mug. It’s like a mug for “World’s Greatest Grampa, but you don’t have to be a grampa. Plus, it will subliminally make you seem sexier and more competent when you hold it.
What you missed on the internets:
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
This week’s wrap-up is sponsored by the talented Elisabeth Staab, author. Book two of her Chronicles of Yavn – Prince of Power – is half urban fantasy and half romance with giant handfuls of wizards and vampires thrown in for good measure. Find it.
{ 111 comments… read them below or add one }
Well, not just Facebook but the whole of the internet is in fact for all us weird people. It’s a known fact.
Andreas Heinakroon recently posted..Proud to be weird
I love your family because you make my crazy family look semi-normal. Although we have had to clarify comments on Facebook too. Maybe we are crazier than I think. Hmmmm.
The Giraffe? It’s special, but I’m sure it would look perfectly lovely mounted on the wall.
My Half Assed Life recently posted..Hairdressers and Dental Hygenists
Totally 100% thought you meant mount in the sexual way. I am not your friend nor your sisters friend on facebook, but I am a loyal reader/stalker of your blog, so probably a given that I, like everyone reading/commenting here, is of course weird. Which I take to be a positive attribute.
Glad for the clarification!
Punky Coletta recently posted..Bi-curious Rainbows
Given your interest in odd taxidermy, I feel that suggesting your father mount the giraffe head may have been a slightly self serving move. You know you want it. Busted.
Let the giraffe jokes begin! For instance, “I’ve heard of sticking your neck out, but that would be ridiculous!”
Next?
Robert K. Blechman recently posted..Announcing the Amazing Tweeted Sequel to Executive Severance!
So I’m looking at this and my youngest daughter says “Look, she’s happy she has a giraffe”.
I read your book at work. Laughed so hard at inappropriate times that I had to stop bring it to work with me. So I got the whole mounted thing.
Gail recently posted..Incomprehensible
I love that she saved that giraffe. Damn Toy Story for making toys have feelings! UGH! I swear that was a huge conspiracy by Mattel. Whatever, now I’m mad.
Sara recently posted..Gratitude
That Pin about dogs is one of the best things I’ve read in a long time. I love it.
Bodaciousboomer recently posted..An amalgamation of somewhat unrelated things…
Aaand now I want a mounted giraffe! Will that be sold in your cocaine shop soon too?
Mama Melch recently posted..2 years Ago Today
Your sister is adorable!! Also, I am super happy they decided to save that giraffe.
Emelie recently posted..Pro-Choice? Pro-Life? PRO-DIRTY-DANCING!!!!
THAT was awesome!
And special kids (messed up legs and visible stuffing) need love, too. I have a herd of special kids. Drives the hubs nuts, but oh, well.
Jules recently posted..MUD RACE!!!!!
Explanations really aren’t necessary, except when Victor is being logical …..
Tom Stronach recently posted..Lance Armstrong and Cheating….
Well, actually I am glad for the clarification. Not because the sexually mounting a stuffed giraffe fazed me so much as “Wtf? He has to behead it first? That is kind of fucked up.”.
lol!
Wait a minute. Jenny, is your maiden name Dusek? My very best friend in the world is a Dusek from Texas. I’ve never met anyone else with that surname — how very cool it would be if two such awesome women turned out to be related.
I’m pretty sure one of the main functions of facebook is to show the one’s world of acquaintances just how weird one’s family is.
Amanda R. recently posted..Meeting Nature in the City
There are way too many abandoned giraffes in this world…they all need a home…maybe we should start a shelter for down-on-their-luck giraffes?
Which reminds me…
What did the giraffe say to the taxidermist?
Nothing, giraffes can’t talk.
Ba-dum-ch.
Andrea recently posted..Hollywood bound (and determined)
It never even occurred to me that it was the other kind of mounted; I mean, I read your blog
whatimeant2say recently posted..Do You See What You’ve Done, Lance Armstrong? It’s Not All About You.
Love the links to stuff you didn’t come up with. Always a fan of The Oatmeal even when he’s semi-serious. Pami’s massage story was indeed hysterical. But it didn’t make me laugh half as much as your book is making me laugh. Honestly. I’m reading it at work and people have come over and asked if they need to call 9-1-1 or bring me an asthma inhaler or something. I have to read it with my legs crossed ‘cuz I’m on constant pee-your-pants alert.
Which just goes to show that whether they are real or stuffed, animals are good for a laugh. Loved the links too – esp God is not a Christian. Feel sorry for people who put God in a box. Malia recently blogged on Men, Sex and Pregnancy at http://blog.maliamartin.com/
I’m glad she saved the giraffe. It would be sad to let it be thrown away because of a few imperfections.
Sue recently posted..My personality matches my dog’s breed
Oh, and now I totally want to see a pic of the giraffes head on a wall, surrounded my actual animals. It would be like a reverse of when E.T.’s head is mixed in with the stuffed animals.
Punky Coletta recently posted..You Have to do What Works Best for You.
Deformed giraffes need love, too, you know. Pretty sure mounting him would the focal point of any room!
thedoseofreality recently posted..Friday Feast: OMG Please Tell Me There Is No Mayo In That
I suppose people might need clarification on what you mean by “mount”. Homonyms are such a challenge.
TriGirl recently posted..I Will Bowl You Over with My "Unbelievable" Bowling Skills
…Damn my family is boring. I mean, our biggest story is the time I stabbed my step-dad through the hand with sewing scissors when I was six, or the time he and my brother were joking around with yard tools and he accidentally stabbed my brother with a pitchfork…through the hand.
Squishy Amber recently posted..An early "I Want" Update
i hate facebook when it’s used as an incompetent political or religious platform, but when it’s used like THAT – I LOVE IT.
monica recently posted..it’s a short list
We have a giraffe like that and now all I want to do is cut off its head and mount it. Sexually.
Cindy ~ The Reedster Speaks recently posted..The Reedster Presents . . . “Lose Yourself”
Most of my time on facebook is dedicated to denying the most recent piece of alarming fan fiction I’ve written. This week, it’s Boris Johnson/Brian Cox…
Az recently posted..My Age Is Probably A Health And Safety Risk
Is it getting mounted? And I’m thinking, yeah, probably no need for clarification there.
Stephanie recently posted..Adult Children of Mom Bloggers’ Support Group
I did not even think of that in a sexual way until after I saw you explaining the explanation. Is that cause I’m weird and think taxidermy naturally, or because I just know your family after reading so many of your stories?
The world may never know.
CrissyM recently posted..Distractions
I always wished I had a sibling for this very reason. No taxidermists, just stoner hippie parents. Wish I had someone to share my twisted sense of humour about it. You two are so fortunate to have each other. And a giant stuffed giraffe. With holes and broken legs. I do hope she shares it with you. I had a whole lot of kids on purpose specifically so they had someone to joke about their fucked up childhoods with. They already have two decrepit life-sized stuffed tigers which they are pretty good at sharing.
I need that mug. I love the frost flowers.
MILF Runner recently posted..Product Review and Giveaway: Sports Bra!
Let’s make giraffes the owls of the upcoming fashion season.
Kat Peacock recently posted..In Praise of Arabesque
So when are we going to see a Bloggess reality show? You interactions are pure entertainment for us. I could use more laughs.
Denise recently posted..I Made A Promise
I guess turning the stuffed giraffe head into a taxidermy mount is better than wearing it as a hat. The Scooby Doo video made me laugh out loud.
The Suzzzz recently posted..29 1/2 Forever
I always bought the stuffed animals no one wanted as well :]
Robyn Webb recently posted..I Named Her Mocha Bean. And, She Ended Up Being a Boy
Cue tons of Bloggess fans trying to friend your sister on Facebook now.
Because us innernet people are weirdER. OH! Next book/movie title about the things you and the Bloggess Army accomplish? WEIRD AND WEIRDER.
*flies her freak flag*
Dangerous Lilly recently posted..Non-Monogamy and Sex Toys – Safe Sharing Tips
you have like the best line-up of shit you didn’t come up with this week…and please..I mean it in the best way possible!!
Miss Gee recently posted..Something That Keeps Coming Back: Like A Bad Dream.
Could the broken legs and holes be the result of being mounted too much? God, I hope not. Poor giraffe. Glad it was rescued.
Janene recently posted..Name the clown, win a book
Ha! I thought my family was a little weird but ive never had to explain to anyone on facebook that my dad doesn’t hump stuffed animals
winopants recently posted..Things That Go Bump, Hump, and MURR in the Dark, Plus the Rest of the Napa Getaway
I don’t see why your sister is complaining…she’s the one who said “broken hole.”
Heretic Husband recently posted..Wackjob Wednesday 1/16/2013
Mounting giraffes requires either a lot of glue or a very tall ladder.
Either way.
It’s perilous work.
HogsAteMySister recently posted..On Removing a Tick From Your 4-Year-Old’s Pecker
Well, first of all I like this post.
Anyway, I hope you have a good day.
Secondly, I was reading daily odd compliments, and it made me think of you. In a good way though because it makes me smile, and you make me smile.
Katie Watson recently posted..Oops my bad
The original fb post was funny, but the ensuing conversation was hilarious!
Alexis recently posted..Longer, More Voluminous Eyelashes: Follow-Up
I think you’re right. its nice to see your life – and your schedule – are as crazy as mine!
Of course, your busy schedule reflects your publishing success, whereas mine reflects abject failure, but tomato, tomahto, right?
OMG! The house burning down thing! Brilliant.
Also – ‘mount it’ is pretty much forever tarnished.
Kaitlyn recently posted..Overheard in Starbucks
Whatever that giraffe just said must’ve been hysterical, just look at her face! Maybe broken legs make you funny, and Gabi knew that.
Vanessa recently posted..Those bowling rental shoes are getting better all the time!
Oh, the trials and tribulations of children of taxidermists.
Stephen Battey recently posted..Someday, the quality of this garbage is going to improve.
Mounting stuffed animals is frowned on? Shit….
Kim recently posted..What I Learned Last Night… *The Local Comedy Show Edition*
I kind of feel like your sister is a really great person for saving that poor, mangled giraffe. Mounting it would be absolutely appropriate (both kinds, because I don’t discriminate against furries/plushe lovers or taxidermists).
Gaijincracker recently posted..Judge me, judging you! Alien probing contest entry
Dearest Jenny,
I finally ordered your book from amazon and received it in the mail yesterday evening. I must say that I am very disappointed. I thought for sure that the book would keep me busy and entertained for a few days but it did not. Instead, I read the entire book last night because I couldn’t stop reading. Please finish a second book promptly.
Sincerely,
Mikki
You have to cut the head off and THEN mount it? I must admit, that sounds dark even for you.
Rebecka recently posted..Michigan: Where the Leaves Crunch Louder
Well you *needed* that clarification because you just know there is some niche fetish market catering to crippled giraffe-humping. Probably: hotgimpygiraffehump.com Sickos!
RachRiot recently posted..You’re Welcome, Manuel
RachRiot recently posted..You’re Welcome, Manuel
It’s nice when someone gets you, isn’t it? Even nicer when there is a giraffe involved. Or so it seems to me.
Ally Bean recently posted..The Stuff & Things Of Life
I was fascinated by the poor, poor lady who went in for a pre-natal massage and came away with….way more than she bargained for.
Speaking as someone who really enjoys an occasional massage, I can promise you that I will NEVER just lay down on the sheets with the naive expectation that those sheets are pristine and untouched…..I will be patting and checking from now on.
Yeesh!
Dear Jenny,
I write to you at this time looking to enlist your services in a campaign of mine. My name is Cheyenne and I am 15 years old. I really want a hedgehog and have for a while. My parents said that they would consider it heavily if I was creative in my proposals. This is why I need your help. My mom is a huge fan of your site and she owns your book (which I have read. It’s hilarious that your mind works a lot like both me and my mom’s. And slightly disturbing. But mostly hilarious.) I was hoping that maybe you could write me back or write a blog post about it so that my mom could see how determined I really am? Maybe you could even make #hedgehogcampaign trend! Thanks for any help you can give me.
Sincerely,
Cheyenne
(Dear Cheyenne, hedgehogs.are.adorable. But? They’re also not great pets because they sleep all day and are up all night. They’re good for insomniacs though and when they take baths they pull me out of any sadness I have. So they’re like tiny anti-depressants who won’t play with you in the daytime when you want them to. I’m probably not helping here. I apologize. ~ Jenny)
Actually, I totally believe that you had to clarify the head mounting thing. I have read both blog and book, and I’d STILL need it clarified. Your family is deliciously insane. Bless.
Adrasteia recently posted..Wow, Pinterest is a huge time suck
That’s why I won’t let my family anywhere near Facebook. There’s not enough room for that kind of weird.
Its nice to see that I’m not the only one who has to explain my family on Facebook… or in general.
Rachel recently posted..Whoops
That is one of the GREATEST pleasures of having a sister…..you share the weirdness
Long live the weird! <3
Cara(Eli) recently posted..The season for missing things
Mounting a giraffe has got to be difficult!
Cheryl D. recently posted..A New Addition!
I have an adorable stuffed puppy who’s short one leg. Perhaps she could start an animal sanctuary for irregular stuffies?
Kris recently posted..Touch. And go.
That reminds me of the time my husband called my mom and told her, “I mounted an owl with my dad today!” Ten years later, he still hasn’t lived that down. (It was an owl decoy for scaring away birds, which they were mounting on the roof of his dad’s apartment building. Or so he says, anyway.)
hilarious facebook exchange. clearly FB needs a new group for Plush Taxidermy Enthusiasts. I for one would join and hope her stuffed giraffe gets restuffed as a shoulder mount and is the first one shown. stuffed and restuffed, twice stuffed. kinda like a twice baked potato
Christine @ FLY FISH CHICK recently posted..Johnny Fisher Got Me Hooked On Crackle
Wait, so what happened to the giraffe? is he still intact? And by intact I mean “did his head get taxidermically mounted” not “did you neuter him”
Kp recently posted..How I Keep Tiny Noggins Warm.
I love your family wamily. From afar.
Kathleen recently posted..Ars Dentifrica
We will need pictures of the mounted head or someone mounting the torso
Ellen recently posted..Germy Fucks and Why I’m Not Mature Enough for Children
I’m so glad that when I pulled up your blog this morning the scary vagina cake was no longer screaming at me from the top of the page.
I’ve always thought giraffes were kind of uppity. This broke down giraffe kind of takes them down a peg. This probably only makes sense to me.
Smokeynall recently posted..The First Goalie Post.
“Cut off his head and have daddy mount it.” Excellent. Nicely done.
Teeny Bikini recently posted..The Only Penis That Turns Me On
Your family needs a facebook fan page! This kind of weirdness needs to be shared with the world all the time! Pure awesomeness.
Rea recently posted..The more serious side of parenthood
I wouldn’t have thought anything of the “mounting” since I know your dad is a taxidermist but the link below appeared in my feed. Even though I love my sisters, I can’t hit :”like” or repost it because all I can think of is…Yes, from the same “lady garden!”
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=515690185121597&set=a.294461793911105.82123.130269480330338&type=1&ref=nf
Those altered books are AMAZING. There are so many creative and talented people out there. As an art major myself, sometimes I feel like Ace Ventura around the dective lady,…”I’m a little out of my league here.” Either way, it keeps me trying.
As for you family, the weirdness abounds in each clan. Each has their own level of weirdness, just ask The Wife. It’s what makes us family, yeah?
Jason
The Cheeky Daddy
Jason recently posted..Baby Carriers and Slings
I prefer to leave stuff unexplained and let my friends think I’m crazy.
Karen Peterson recently posted..The Time I Accidentally Stalked Joseph Gordon-Levitt and then Saw Paris Hilton Almost Fall in a Garbage Can
Thanks for the chuckles and congrats on the ProBlogger post! You rock!
TPPC.tv, Pets Teach Us So Much Radio Show, Podcast & Blog recently posted..MeowMonday, TunaTuesday, CatLadyLand Cat-Toon, Bermuda Triangle?
The VERY hasty denial just makes your statement all the more suspicious…
Claire J recently posted..Angry Winter Sea
I’ve never thought of mounting a former stuffed animal head…it is pure genius.
Jenn recently posted..It’s Like Disneyworld But with Fewer Lines
Ah, to be a mounted head of a fly on the wall at one of your family gatherings. I imagine it would be amazing.
Tarl recently posted..The Wrong Way to Euthanize a Lizard
great blog, very funny
Mounting a giraffe head doesn’t sound so unusual anymore. Not after the years of reading your blog. Taxidermy has taken on a whole new meaning…
tracey recently posted..How will you observe Black History Month?
I was starting to think Facebook existed to make the less than perfect feel… Less than perfect. And of course for political debates. Nice to still see the funny!
So I read your book today. My six year old daughter wanted to know what I was reading about. I told her it was about me. She then says “Well unless your a frickin mouse king I think you’re fibbing. Because I’m pretty sure you’re reading about a mouse king”. I then told her I was a mouse king and that shut her up for the rest of the day
Great book by the way. I almost peed myself when you wrote about the porn magazie. Because that exact same thing happened to my cousin and I. Except we were a bit more perverted and cut out the pictures and hid them in my generic Teddy Ruxpin’s zip-up butthole. Until my mom found them and started to question my sexuality… I was 7.
Samantha recently posted..My computer has AIDS
Giraffe Hate Crimes. The Untold Stories of Giraffe Rumspringa, next on Dateline.
Julie the Wife recently posted..Friday Quickies
I was once considering buying framed art from some website. And next to every item was the option to “See it Mounted”. Each time I clicked the link I expected to see a gif of somebody humping a picture. It never was, though.
Wendy recently posted..Candlelight Vigil
It’s the so-called normal people who are weird to me.
Burns the Fire recently posted..Life or Death
I now have a mental picture of a man “mounting” a headless, stuffed giraffe. Thanks for the giggle as I fall asleep. I guess that makes me pretty weird as well
Heidi Bryan recently posted..Molly’s adventure with a massage pillow…
It’s neat you and your sister can talk about your dad mounting animals and it NOT be about sex. Because that’s not always the case.
Anyway, back to Animal Planet reruns.
The Maven recently posted..Why Your Baby is Like A Bad Ex-Boyfriend
Love your sister’s face in that photo — it’s a combo of crazy, joyous and mischievous all in one.
Emily recently posted..Oh Yes It’s Ladies Night!
Tell Jenny you deserve a HUGE raise. Because I said so. It’s so Jenny. p.s. I need to know the name of the person RIP that died who was an accountant or something. Mrs. something, accountant or librarian. I have a little ok a lot of OCD action here. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(Nancy W. Kappes, paralegal? ~ Jenny)
Laurie F. recently posted..Carry on Tuesday: The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again
So this giraffe needs a name, right?
Longneck McGee?
Melissa recently posted..I read some books last year
Great Facebook post!!
I love that Mitchell and Webb look. Hilarious!!!
i was already laughing about the giraffe having broken holes before you even got to the mounting part. (“broken legs and holes”) . . . [sigh] . . . i might be even weirder than your family.
Question for you. I always wanted to be a writer, but my grammer sucks balls and I have adhd so I’m easily distracted. So I would actually be a really shitty writer, but still I know there’s a book deep down inside, maybe in my lower intestines, but it’s still there. Any whooo’ Do you have any pointers of what can help focus, build up the ol’ 7th grade grammer skills and maybe just maybe be my go to gal if need be? I know you want to. You know why? Because I am gangster and gangsters are pretty bad ass to give pointers to.
Samantha recently posted..My computer has AIDS
I think a long giraffe’s neck would be a taxidermist’s wet dream. You could use all that length for hanging coats or ring toss. Only one question: how do you stuff an already stuffed giraffe?
I got one of those giraffes for my son, but the thing scares the bejeezus out of him, so he had to go in the garage…where he scares the bejeezus out of me.
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom recently posted..I Wrote ‘Aiming Low’ A Theme Song!
Cutting the head off seems appropriate.
Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted..Relationship Success: Enjoying the String of Tiny Moments
I would have ended up rescuing that sad giraffe too. I thought I would one day grow out of believing that EVERYTHING has feelings, but it hasn’t happened yet. To this day I have a shabby couch in my dining room because I would feel sorry for it if I saw it on the curb for trash pickup.
Jolene recently posted..Feelings, wo-o-o feelings
OMG those links were hysterical. Kudos on linking The Oatmeal, too. My friend the TX T-Rex recommended it, and he was right to do so. My latest woes: our most excitable young cat Buzzy has figured out that the red bug (i.e., the laser pointer) is not something that appears, but something I MAKE appear, and has adjusted his pestering roster accordingly. I’m not sure if this will get better or worse if I find a job.
where can I order your book?
Dorothy recently posted..Free Right Now – Book One – Dera
Killing myself over the email exchange. Completely love the photo. New t-shirt “SAVE THE GIRAFFE!!!!”
Ah Ha Ha!
PEW PEW PEW!
My family just breaks things and creates ‘projects’ for my poor father.
http://bloggingwench.weebly.com/the-dumbest-thing-youll-read-today.html
Ellen recently posted..Put Them in your Tea and Spill it on your Crotch
My sister had a 10ft stuffed-animal giraffe that was rescued from a liquor store (had been part of a promotional display). It was obvious the giraffe had been in the store to long, as he couldn’t stand up without leaning on something!! Then again our cats were named Ulthar and Frodo, so you can guess we weren’t what you’d call “normal”
Speaking of headless extremely large stuffed animals…on Modern Family last night they had a Zebra that was decapitated and stuck in a bed, Godfather-style!
Giraffes are tall blondes – many like them!
Martin recently posted..Leaky gut syndrome community
Jenny I’m not sure if you’ll see this but I had to share. AMC has a new show that They made just for you! Immortalized is an unscripted series that brings viewers into the captivating and provocative world of creative and competitive taxidermy.
holy shit you can’t make this crap up.
http://www.amctv.com/shows/immortalized/about
Dear Jenny,
You sent me this:
(Dear Cheyenne, hedgehogs.are.adorable. But? They’re also not great pets because they sleep all day and are up all night. They’re good for insomniacs though and when they take baths they pull me out of any sadness I have. So they’re like tiny anti-depressants who won’t play with you in the daytime when you want them to. I’m probably not helping here. I apologize. ~ Jenny)
I have researched them extensively and am aware that they sleep during the day, as they are nocturnal animals. However, in captivity, they sometimes adjust to their owner’s sleep patterns in order to bond with them. Also, they are super compassionate once they bond with you. So, they really are great pets!
Sincerely,
Cheyenne
P.S. You said that hedgehogs taking baths make you smile, so here is a video of one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0NrIatqy5w
Cheyenne Nichole recently posted..Saw this is NYC
Clearly the giraffe was abused and neglected in that place. Could have at least let the poor guy ride shotgun.
Lady Redcurtains recently posted..I demand a better search engine. And a snack.