Bradley Cooper and my vagina

in Random Crap

Remember when I was on the Katie Couric show?  I know, it’s fuzzy for me too, but it happened.

It was the first Katie show she ever taped, and I sat on my white corner seat after falling almost completely on Katie Couric because her producers insisted that I wear heels.

Me and Katie. She's just as sweet as you would imagine in real life. And so tiny I could carry her around in my bra like a kangaroo baby.

Soon afterward, Bradley Cooper sat on that exact same stage.  And then he planted his face deeply into the same pillowed seat that had so recently supported my vagina.

Academy-award nominated actor with his face where my butt was.

This means that my vagina has one degree of separation from Bradley Cooper.  It’s like the Kevin Bacon game, except that it’s Bradley Cooper’s nose and my lady-garden.

Which, mathematically speaking, means that the Hangover II cocaine-monkey is just two degrees of separation from my vagina.  Which I suspect is illegal in Texas.  But totally worth it.

Honestly. The man cannot stay vertical.

This is all going on my resumé.

241 thoughts on “Bradley Cooper and my vagina”

Read comments below or add one.

  4. I now have a new life goal. I need someone famous to have one degree of separation from my booge. Or less in the case of Evan Peters. Also, I am gross. Sorry. You started it.

  5. That’s all fine and well unless he suddenly sniffed deeply. Then that would be creepy.
    Err, yeah. Just kidding. It’s Bradley Cooper for fuck’s sake OMG

  9. Almost falling on national TV because of the female peer pressure to wear heels: you now have something in common with Lena Dunham. 1 degree of separation from Bradley Cooper? Swoon.

  16. And since I sat on a sofa next to you before, my lady garden is three degrees of separation from Bradley Cooper.. You just made my day..

  22. Does that make me two degrees of separation from Bradley Cooper because I read your blog or three and my computer is two or none because it’s your vagina? I hate math.

  24. OK, before I read this post, that picture of Bradley Cooper would have just been a cute picture. Now it brings two words to mind: Sphincter Tingle. And as Martha Stewart would say, “It’s a good thing.”

  25. New game….replace the word vagina with one word from any movie title…I’ll start:

    Vagina Linings Playbook

  26. I’ve met you twice. I think that totally validates a connection to the cocaine monkey.

    I wonder if this will show up on my LinkedIn profile.

  27. I once told Bradley Cooper he couldn’t use our restroom. I’ve never lived it down, and I realize there may have been the ability to kidnap him had I said yes, so I’ve never really forgiven myself either.

  29. Dude. Without context that picture is totally fine. Those two pictures back to back makes it look like he is REALLY going for a good, deep inhale. Like he is specifically doing that because your vajayjay was once there.

    …Maybe he is.

  32. That’s all right. We’ve got a friend who any conversation involving him is three steps (or fewer) from meth. Just the way it goes sometimes.

  35. The closest my vag came to a celeb encounter was that one time I was in an elevator with Mike Epps. And my friend thought he was in porn.

  37. So… since you signed my chestal area, I have a connection to Bradley Cooper because of his nose’s proximity to where your lady garden had once been ensconsed? Honestly, I am not even sure what that flowchart would look like. This requires either a little research or perhaps a few hours of intensive therapy.

    Carry on!

  38. It’s been about two years since I was last here. Sorry about that. I can’t promise it won’t happen again, but I can say I’m relieved to see you’re still talking about vaginas. I don’t think anyone on the face of the planet has done more for vaginas than you. I think you deserve a medal the size of a satellite dish for services to Lady Gardens.

  43. Thank you!! Thank you for all of this. I was having a really crap-tacular morning when I read this and couldn’t help but smile, which is good becuase before that happened I felt like kicking someone-anyone actually-in the face, just to see a fight break out. That……..would be good for no one. So, my entire office thanks you!!

  44. Your resume must be the most awesome reading. Mine sounds so boring. Like I’ve done the same job for the last umpteen years. And it doesn’t involve a lady garden at all!

  45. He was obviously overwhelmed at the awesomeness of sitting where you had sat. He just wanted the moment to be even awesomer

  47. What’s up with Texas anyway? You should totally live in New Jersey. I’m almost certain that the laws are much more liberal when it comes to lady gardens…or lady gardeners, which I just realized is a phenomenal alternative word for lesbians or lawsbians for that matter. I digress.

  50. ok—now I am gonna be wanting to use “lady garden” in sentences all the time….

  53. As someone pointed out, it might be legal in Texas, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal in Arkansas. Until this last election I could not buy a bottle of wine in the county I live in. I shit you not. How fucked up is that? Wait. What were we talking about?

  54. If Bradley Cooper sniffed anything where my lady garden had been AND I had a picture of it? I would offer to buy that couch and take pictures of my cats sleeping on it all day long…. where did this blog reply go awry? I’m uncertain. Oh well. I’m posting it anyway.

  55. OK, since I’ve met Kevin Bacon, who is 2 degrees from Bradley Cooper, or vice versa, then that means I’m 4 degrees from your vagina AND 4 degrees from the cocaine monkey… wait, is that right? I’m so bad at this game.

  57. I’m not sure Bradley Cooper, a vagina and a cocaine filled monkey make for a great resume, maybe good, but in this economy you might want to throw in, say, medical marijuana. That being said, I’d still hire you. I like women who like their vagina’s. They’re pretty cool to work with. Did that make sense? NO, but who cares. I let my vagina do the talking for me.

  58. I just have to say I love the red dress pictures behind you on the Katie show! You look beautiful! Yay for one degree of separation between your vagina and Bradly Cooper! 🙂

  59. I once met Jenny McCarthy while having a smoke outside a hockey rink. She looked at me, then at the crowd of autograph seekers. She saw my badge showing that I worked at the rink and said. “Are you here to escort me?” I said. “Nope.” She rolled her eyes, walked past me with a man in a suit and she rudely said. “I’ll sign a few autographs but no Playboys.” It’s like we were dating. I call it a date. I hate Jenny McCarthy.

  61. First of all, I love your thought process or sometimes the lack thereof. You give me hope that my thoughts are not so crazy after all. Secondly, you and your ta-ta’s are gorgeous, so it stands to reason that so is Victor’s playground. Who can blame Bradley Cooper for doing a nose dive into the lovely, lustful scent you so graciously left behind. (I just know he tongued the spot, while fantasizing about picking the fruits of your garden.)

  62. I would ask if I could touch your vagina, but on second thought – 1. That is gross, 2. That is gross, 3. He touched the couch after you, so I guess this whole discussion is moot.
    But anyway, congratulations. I wouldn’t mind spending ten minutes in a room alone with him…

  65. Holy Fun Bags!! I guess it’s true, everything really is bigger in Texas!

    Do you think he was smelling the cushion?

  66. Hahahahaha!
    (I know why you were wearing red, but is Katie Couric always colour coordinated with her guests? Just wondering, does she change when a new guest comes on, or is the guest asked to wear a specific colour? I am not going to spoil this generalisation-from-two-samples by doing research, but feel free to do this for me 😉 )

  68. I would have hated it if they had made me where heels. HATED it. I am terrible at walking in heels becasue I never wear them, so having to walk without looking at my feet would be pretty hard.

  71. That should definitely be a drinking game or something. 2 degrees to a cocaine monkey!!

    I don’t even have a vagina and I think I have vagina envy because I don’t connect in 2 degrees with a cocaine monkey!!

  72. It won’t be legalized here until Rick Perry comes out or gets caught.

    …being 2 degrees of separation from a cocaine monkey, that is. Wait, what did you think I was talking about?

  73. Delighted, not just for you, but for me, See, Jenny, I met you on your book tour and I touched your shoulder as I bent down so they could take a (really bad) picture. Now it’s all worthwhile Your shoulder is connected to your lady-garden, which was connected to the cushion which was connected to Bradley Cooper’s nose.

    It’s like I’m only four degrees of separation from picking Bradley Cooper’s nose. Squeee!

  74. Looks like the Coopster is really breathing your lady garden in, trying to be one with it. He is a true talent.

  75. Interviewers never ask Bradley Cooper the question I really want the answer to. Which is, ‘Is Michael Ian Black a good kisser?’

  76. You look so beautiful in that red dress. Your smile is fantastic. And I would truly relish reading your resume! I think it would be really fun (and more interesting) if everyones resume contained all the crazy things that happen to them!

  80. SORRY THIS COMMENT HAS LITERALLY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR LADY PARTS OR YUMMY BRADLEY COOPER, BUT YOU NEED TO CHECK OUT THIS WEBSITE! YOUR KITCHEN WILL NEVER BE MORE FULL OF AWESOME PROFANITY THAN WITH THIS!
    Honestly, this isn’t even my website, nor do I know the person who created it, but it is Amazing, and must be shamelessly whored about the interweb, and, let’s face it, you have the connections. So Here.
    http://fuckingrecipes.tumblr.com/

  82. Bradley Cooper has a #2 from YOU, not the other way around. Please keep in mind the degree of personal importance and to date, your impact is much greater than his…regardless of his totally hot #. Besides, to the best of our knowledge, he neither collates nor staples…or, for that matter, owns any twine.

    Now, if he were to send you picture of himself _mopping_, that would increase his hotness quadrilaterally, in which case, we might have to re-evaluate. But until then, YOU have it over him any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

    I’m just sayin’………………

  84. I love reading your blog and when I recommended “Let’s Pretend” it came with a warning to wear a pamper because accidental tinkling would occur! I suffer/get by with depression and have most of my adult life. I haven’t wanted to die, but there were many times that knocking myself into a coma seemed like a valid option. Over the years, through many medications, self injurous behavior, anxiety and times where I would have rather slept out in a field than deal with life, I know that I am okay. I know that while it feels terrible now, I will feel better in the future and try to ride it out. Daring to make oneself vunerable seems pretty daunting, but you were/are amazing for being so open about being you. You definitely have a fan in me.

  85. If you’re going to have someone’s nose that close to where your lady bits have been, Bradley Cooper is an excellent choice.

    My greatest six degrees story includes telling Chris Robinson he looks like Jesus. He laughed, I awkwardly backed out of the room, I doubt he’d take my calls if I tried. I think that makes me negative degrees from him now.

  88. I am SOSOSO jealous that you have any degree of separation to a super-freak coke-monkey! Also to the cute capuchin from “Hangover II.” (<– See what I did there?!?)

    Your life seriously results in the best stories.

  89. Bradley Cooper faceplants in a cushion where your lady garden was.

    My dog shoves his face in my sweatpants.

    Your life is different than mine. :-/

  91. Damn, I’m jealous. None of my body parts are within six degrees of separation of simians on stimulants, and I probably wouldn’t even get into trouble – you know how liberal our Europeans laws are.

  92. If Bradley Cooper can get a whiff of your daintily scented delicates, that’s ZERO degrees of separation.

  99. O-M-Effin-G! The comments after this story, and not to mention your story is freakin’ hilarious! I’m at work and I couldn’t stop laughing!!! I work in a lab, and your logic makes me two (I think) degrees from everyones’ vaginas and penis’ since I have to touch and process their samples for Chlamydia and Gonorrheae, and sometimes God knows what else!!!!
    Uh……EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  101. I think this also now makes me two degrees separated from Bradley Cooper… sorta…which in some states constitutes marriage. Probably.

  102. Actually, cocaine monkeys are totally legal in Texas. I worked as an administrative person for a state agency and when we moved a new bunch of IT guys into our building I went around asking if they needed anything. One told me he would like monkeys and cocaine and that both are available via state contract. I refused to order them because I was just starting out in my career and didn’t want that order associated with my name, but hey, it is legal.

  104. I’m lost for words on this one which is unusual as my wife oft says I wish, that’s me of course and not you Jenny, just in case you were confused, sometimes that you were Dumb as the crap that comes out to often makes you sound dumb and you need to stop talking now … What… I’m a guy it goes with the jeans

  107. This is exactly the sort of thing I would have noticed if it happened to me. Damn….lucky you. Although, if you had sat on the sofa AFTER Bradley had planted his face there, you might have been able to walk away with a little of HIS essence on your lady parts… just saying.

  108. totally legal, even in texas. so, bradley cooper, feel free to have your cocaine monkey around the Bloggess’s lady garden all. damn. day.

  110. The thought of all the people who are now one degree of separation from my vagina will now bother me… I should buy a new couch.

  112. I’d be willing to bet this isn’t the first time vagina and Bradley Cooper have been mentioned in the same sentence(nor will it be the last).

  113. SCREW THE MONKEY!! Bradley Cooper was like in your vagina! If I read a resume with that, I would hire you for ANYTHING.

  122. I wonder if they knew he was going to faceplant where your butt was? I mean, why did he need two seats all for himself if they didn’t? Odd staging, really. Unless there was someone who was going to come in with him. And you realise that your lady garden also has one degree of separation from whoever else’s ass has been on that seat. Although yeah… Bradley Cooper would be one of my picks too.

    And PLEASE tell me you’ve seen or at least heard of that new competitive taxidermy show? (You might enjoy the other one too!)

    http://www.indiewire.com/article/television/amc-greenlights-two-new-unscripted-series-about-taxidermy-and-freak-shows

  125. I once shared an elevator with the Irish guy out of Braveheart who saved Mel Gibson’s life when he was cavorting around in the forest.

    My genitals have no connection with his face, though. I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing.

  126. I find comfort in the fact that when I am watching Katie, so are you…but I don’t know what time it comes on where you are. It’s on at 2PM MST where I am located. Is it weird that I am comforted by this?

  127. This is freakin’ hilarious. Every word. Fun Fact: Bradley Cooper is bilingual, so he can tell you how to say “lady garden” in French. Well, unless your vagina is also fluent in the language of love, then “she” already knows.

  128. Okay, so I’ve met you. That puts me at three degrees from the cocaine monkey? Then two degrees from Bradley Cooper’s face? So am I one degree from you or your vagina? The cocaine, nose, lady-parts, and boobs all have me confused. Freaking awesome.

  129. I’ve played way to many of those computer games lately where you find what’s different in the two pictures! Just noticed your sitting in a one person chair and she has the love seat, he is sitting in the loveseat and she is sitting in the chair for one.

    (It’s actually three pieces. Two chairs for one and a floating piece that moves to either side as needed. Later when they brought out other guests to talk about the red dress they moved the middle part over to our side so that we could all sit together and Katie could sit separately. ~Jenny)

  130. Clearly Bradley Cooper knew this in advance and was waiting for an opportune moment to bury his face into the chair… Who wouldn’t jump at the chance really?

    Also, the term “lady garden” must be added to the official dictionary. It’s too full of win to not be used in daily conversation… So lets all see how many times we can use that this week…

  131. Why was his face where his butt is supposed to be? If he’s going to cover his face, then he should at least do it in a way that would allow us to stare at his ass. That’s only fair.

  132. I totally get your humor, love it!

    Very happy for all the success you are having! Enjoy!

  133. I hate to be a buzz kill – but Bradley Cooper is actually sitting in the chair that Katie was in – not the couch you were on. Sorry! But it’s still pretty neat!

    (You’re not a buzzkill. The set is in three pieces and the middle piece moves as needed to accommodate how many people are on it. That’s why it looks bigger in the second picture and smaller in the first. Katie’s seat always has the arm rest on her left. The guest has the armrest on their right. ~ Jenny)

  136. This is why I am so excited that I don’t get math at all. I totally believe your equations!! I don’t really have to add any numbers up!!

  139. Your vagina is also one degree away from everyone he ever slept with, too. Just sayin. And if I got within one degree of him, you could assume it would end up NO degree and that police would be called to remove me from his body.

  141. Those kind of resume credentials are hard to come by. It reminds me of that exchange in Notting Hill with Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts.

    ANNA
    I could have a stunt bottom, yes.

    WILLIAM
    Would you be tempted to go for a
    slightly better bottom than your own?

    ANNA
    Definitely. Ths is important stuff.

    WILLIAM
    It’s one hell of a job. What do you put
    on your passport? Profession — Mel
    Gibson’s bottom.

    Funny stuff.

    Jason
    The Cheeky Daddy

  143. I am trying to think of the next target/step in your continual ascension to ultimate awesomeness but I cannot, at this moment, think of another man I’d like more to bury his face in the imprint left by your warm vagina…

  144. Was a little ticked that you made me snort laugh, but now I’m intrigued because I think your vagina may have ESP. Have you had it tested?

  150. HHAAAAA!!!! You should write him a super awkward letter assuring him that although he is within just a few degrees of your vagina you have no plans to pursue him…..though you should be entitled for one movie premier on the red carpet.

  151. Lady garden?! You just gave me a new term for my vajayjay. Which means you’ve replaced Oprah vocabulary and in my heart. You beat Oprah… well played.

  154. P.S.
    You are in the top 4 Google search results for “Bradley Cooper vagina”. Congratulations!
    Add *that* to your weird search requests that send people to your page…

  155. Your boobs look lovely in the background and Bradley Cooper looks lovely trying to smell you.
    It’s a win-win!!
    PS I think Katie got an idea from Bradley and probably smelled the cushion after he left….

  156. I’m trying a new thing and reading the comments without reading the post (will read it after). You should try it. It’ awesome.

    Oh and ‘Tee, comment 25’ – New game….replace the word vagina with one word from any movie title…I’ll start:

    ‘Vagina Linings Playbook’

    I have to add……………… Jurassic Vagina

  157. Bradley Cooper once bumped into my crotch. It happened in an elevator in Los Angeles. At time I was happy he was making a fist but maybe an open palm would have been better for me.

    Nah…

  158. If you were a unicorn… You would now be pregnant with Bradley Cooper’s baby. It would be a very beautiful baby.

  159. Haha! Once I was on a business trip in San Francisco and found a tiny B and B to stay in. They usually house people on tour doing musicals or film shoots, but they were in between gigs, so they let me stay in a really great room for a reasonable price! The owner happened to let it slip that the last person to stay in that room was Matthew McConaughey (he was there for a 3 month stay or so for a film shoot and left a few days before my stay). Let’s just say I had some good times in that bed!

  160. I tried to play the game once or twice. I wish I knew enough people to know which important/famous/brilliant people I am linked to. I wonder how many steps it would take to reach Johnny Depp. Hmm.

  161. Wow, Jenny! My initials are B.C., same as Bradley Cooper’s. And I watched The Hangover (just part 1; haven’t seen the sequel yet). I think this means we’ve been intimate, you and I. Am I right? I can’t wait to tell my friends. Or… is this one of those things I should keep to myself? Please advise.

  162. Am I the only one that is going to tell you “No”? Dearest Jennifer –as a world famous celebrity, I am sure you are used to having “Yes” women around you. However, some of us are strong enough, and confident enough to tell it like it is …Crap, I totally lost my train of thought…Oh yeah, Bradley Cooper had an extra chair next to yours, so there was not so much a vagina touching. I’m a big Prince fan, and David Gandy too ( google him – totally worth the effort), so I would appreciate it if you would please let me know when you will be anywhere next to a chair (vaginally or otherwise) of either of them. Much love from your strong, confident minion – Holly

  164. Awake, anticipating bad news about our beloved dog, and knew I could count on you to bring me a smile. I thank you for being you.

  169. I shook your hand once at a book signing and you probably went home and immediately masturbated, (because, come on, look at me) so technically… yeah. Me and Bradley Cooper. It was bound to happen.

  172. I’m so jealous! You are living my dream. You need to get back on the show and touch your lips to where he had his! Oh, I’m excited for you just thinking out it.

  176. Well technically, I guess you should add Kevin Bacon to your resume too, as Brad Cooper starred with Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers, and Vince starred with Luke Wilson in Old School, and Luke Wilson starred with Kevin Bacon in My Dog Skip.

    But that’s not even the best part. The best part is that the dog that played the young Skip, is also the same dog that played Eddie on Fraiser. So now your vagina has been touched by a famous monkey and a famous dog.

    Damn woman! Your vagina has seen a lot of star action!

  180. I just want to know why Bradley Cooper seems to get two chairs, while you only get one. It seems like a very weird insult.

  182. That was hilarious… but what would be even funnier is a recap by you of the TV show “Immortalizer” on AMC. It’s basically the Iron Chef of taxidermy. They’re trying to play it off like they’re serious (and I’m sure they’re probably deadly serious about it) but they have a comic as one of the three judges so I’m not 100% sure on that. I mean, take a look at the headline picture on the Smithsonian Magazine blog. It is trying to be serious, but I’m almost positive it’s some kind of parody.
    http://blogs.smithsonianmag.com/artscience/2013/02/outrageous-taxidermy-the-subject-of-a-new-show-on-amc/

  185. I can’t imagine you have any more goals to pursue after this! Book, schmoock…you practically had his head buried in your vagina…can the New York Times compete with that?

  191. Bradley does seem to end up face-planting a lot, doesn’t he? Maybe he should write you a thank you letter for giving him such a lovely lady garden-scented pillow to land on instead of something else. Like imagine if Katie had been interviewing plumbers or something instead. Plumber Butt has got to be a worse perfume than Clean Lady Garden. Now that I think about it that way, Cooper DEFINITELY owes you a thank you. And possibly a wine slushie.

  200. I have a similar story to that, but with Drew Barrymore. Except there are no vaginas, or couches. Just a boy I once knew and a film called Ever After. It’s an odd story. I’ll stop talking now…

  202. Looks like Bradley Cooper did a triple sow cow face plant into your lady garden (and stuck the landing.)
    Personally, I think there should be a few more degrees of separation with the monkey. Some of those dudes carry raunchy rabies and are pro-life.

  204. I just want you to know that, since you mentioned the monkey, you need to keep your eye on that monkey….. (Crystal is the name from what I’ve been told). Monkey and I worked at an event (Screening of Treasure Buddies) and Crystal did photo ops with guests and when I went to take my pic the monkey kissed me AND TRIED TO SLIP ME THE TONGUE!… I’ll never forget it. 0 degrees of separation between the monkey and me and way too many between BC and me…. sigh….

  206. Bradley Cooper had butt sex with Michael Ian Black in Wet Hot American Summer, and Black was caressing Cooper ALL OVER with his hands. And with those same hands he replied to a comment of mine on MySpace 402 years ago. So pretty much I basically had sex with BC…I think. Right?

  207. congratulations, you have accomplished 1 degree of separation from the dreams of probably 90% of straight women. I mean, you were my hero before, but now you just took all others out of the running for ever. Until Batman because a real thing..

  211. Wow, prior to this I would not have assumed my vagina capable of expressing emotion. But she is indeed jealous of your proximity to Bradley Cooper 🙂

  216. Uh, the Katie show damn well better be on your resume anyways! Right next to your role as the leader of at least 2 cults. (Beyonce and Red Dress. Do all cults have to be bad?)

  217. I just wanted to say thank you. Seriously, you have helped me so much. I know this seems random since the post I am commenting on is about Bradley Cooper and your vagina, but I was just looking through posts on my blog and realizing that a lot of the things I have written on there, I couldn’t have without the strength I got from reading your blog. Actually, my entire blog wouldn’t exist without you. I started reading your blog during a really bad period of depression, and it helped pull me out of it. And after I started to get better, it gave me the courage to try to start writing again. So thank you.

  218. I opened this website up to show a co-worker that the rooster on his porch was just like yours and we both read the title (VAGINA) at the same time. awkwardddddd

  219. I would think you would already have one or two degreees of separation from the cocaine monkey just because of your drug experimentation days of drawing on walls and answering phones.

  220. I had to go watch all the “Katy Couric and Jenny Lawson” videos after seeing this post. I don’t know why I never thought to go search for you outside of your own Chanel on youtube… There are so many vids from your book signings! That’s awesome since I keep managing to miss them.

  221. I’m glad you shared. It’s not a dirty secret, it’s a cry for help, and sounds like it was heard. Someday you won’t have to. We love you.

  222. And today is one of those days when I think “I’m really jealous of Jenny Lawson’s life.”

    …okay, so that’s every day, but still.

  226. Does being from Philadelphia mean that I’m one vaginal degree from Bradley Cooper as well? Because that would be nice.

  228. True story: Bradley Cooper’s character’s house in “A Place Beyond the Pines” was filmed in my sister’s home. Left behind with various other cheap props that the crew purchased at salvation army, was a pair of plain white boat shoes that Bradley Cooper wore on set. Turns out he has the same size feet as my father. A 61-year-old man in Upstate New York is wearing Bradley Cooper’s shoes.

  229. I’ve been troubling myself with the question “what type of job would this be a selling point to put on your resumé” and surprisingly the answer is: all of them! Who _wouldn’t_ want to work with someone whose vagina is one degree of separation from Bradley Cooper’s face?

  231. Hahaha oooh, this made my day. I’ve spent a week up on the mountains without any internet or TV and I come home to civilization to Bradley Cooper’s face in your almost-lady-garden. Brilliant! It’s so good to be back! 😀

  232. Believe it or not, a similar situation exists between myself and Bob Ross. Okay, don’t beleive it. IT’S ALL LIES. But there’s something weirdly enticing about thinking of Mr. Ross transitioning over into “happy little gardens,” if you *know what I mean.* Vaginas, Jenny. I’m talking about Bob Ross painting happy little vaginas.

  233. I do have an eye for detail and looking at those two pictures, I’m afraid I have to say that he is face planting Katie’s seat, not yours. See, you’re in the single chair, she’s on the loveseat. And then he’s on the love seat, all in love with Katie’s vajayjay spot.

    Love the background pictures in that top scene though. Red is my favorite color and you make it do things I didn’t know red could do!

  235. The vagina is the inside part. It would be very difficult to have a couch support it.

  238. Does it kind of make ya wonder if he saw you on the show, and thought hey….when I get out there on that couch, I’m gonna……
    Well, either way, pretty cool stat for your resume.

  239. I know I’m a little wait, but lmfao. I aspire to one day have my vagina in the same vicinity as Bradley Cooper, so you’re basically my hero.

  240. Please tell me you didn’t fart on that cushion that that was in the picture “Academy-award nominated actor with his face where my butt was”! 😛

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Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

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