Well, that's embarrassing.

in Random Crap

I’m going on book-tour in a couple of days (for the love of God, please come see me so I’m not sitting alone) so I decided I needed to get my hair trimmed today.

Conversation I had with the stylist:

Her: So how do you normally do your hair?

me:  I usually just wash it and then let it air dry.

Her:  Wow.  You’re really not concerned with appearances, are you?

me:  Why?  Because I’m low-maintenance about my hair?

Her: No.  Because you’re wearing two different flats.

Motherfucker.

PS.  This is where I would stick the obligatory “I got my hair cut” photo, but it looks the same as always (except shorter) and it’s much more interesting to share a photo of me as a Walking Dead zombie.

A photographer once told me that if you open your mouth slightly in a photo it makes your face thinner and more seductive. I totally see what he means now.

(Dead yourself here.)

346 thoughts on “Well, that's embarrassing.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. I’ve done the two-different-shoes thing too…except I went to work, all day. What the heck – I like a little variety.

  4. That is a trend I’d like to see catch on! I would also like the trend of wearing one fluffy slipper and one pretty shoe catch on, to nullify my own oh-what’s-that-on-your-feet-story.

  5. Bwwwaaaaahhhhaaa. I love that you are so low-maintenance. Both shoes are equally cute so it’s totes ok.

  6. I once left the house wearing two different tennis shoes…like, different colors and everything… if that makes you feel better.

  10. Me too! I usually walk out the door without looking in the mirror, and can be somewhat shocked when I go to the ladies room at work, glance in the mirror, do a double-take and think, “Good God, I went out in public looking like THIS?” (To paraphrase Mel Brooks in Spaceballs, “Why didn’t anyone TELL me my hair was this bad?”) I am looking forward to seeing you (and your new haircut) in Cincinnati in a couple of weeks!

  11. I once went to the movies without a shoe… Honestly… in my defense though… One foot had one of those orthopedic boot things on it… So I was technically only missing one shoe.

  15. It drives my husband nuts that I wear two different socks regularly. They’ll both be black or grey, but they won’t match. I have this sticky-uppy-toe which means I wear out socks quickly. Since he does the laundry, he regularly throws my socks across the room in frustration.

    So I hear ya on the shoes. I’ll have to try that next.

    Happy touring. Come to Canada!

  16. Wow. As scatter-brained as I am, I’ve never done that. Different socks, yes; different shoes, no. In your defense, those shoes do look very similar.

  17. omgahhh. :> *snort* I wish I could come see you and am sad I cannot, but if you ever hit the NC book tour circuit I’m all over you. I mean it. I mean I’m there.

  19. You are human! Whew! I mean, you’re a zombie, but a zombie who’s human.

    The shoes, they are so similar. And as long as she wasn’t being a bitch (because that would be cause for a refresher course in chair-side behavior), and was really just cluing you in, then it’s all good.

    Oh! And as long as the cut turned out well.

  20. Ann,

    I’ve just went out with my shirt inside out today! Also, I’ve worn my husbands shoes to work before. I’m not sure how I didn’t notice since they are huge but I think pregnancy brain is the best explanation.

  21. I laughed out loud when I saw the picture, so my 3 year old came to look. I said, “see, she’s wearing two different shoes.” His response, “and they’re naked.”

  22. I’ve walked the dog wearing slippers, me not the dog, not on purpose, but those things are comfy..

  23. Well, there’s the whole different sock thing going on right now, so you just started a new trend: different shoes. You are a pioneer in women’s fashion. I think this warrants a trip to Milan. Just because.

  24. I totally have the same black flats (the one on your right foot). But your ankles are much slimmer than mine. This sounds like something I would do. You should have just played it off all, “Yeah. It’s the in thing? You didn’t know? Huh.” And then looked at her like she was the weirdo.

    ♥Spot

  26. I just returned from a business trip where I discovered that the ONLY shoes I packed were both for the left foot. I feel in good company now.

  28. I did that too. Only one was a clog and one was a loafer. And I didn’t notice it until I got home. And I’d been trying on SHOES.

  29. Hahahah! That is awesome. I puffy heart you. You could totally have pulled off ‘God, don’t you know this is the latest style? ‘

  30. I’ve totally had your New York part of the signing tour on my calendar for a number of weeks now, Jenny 🙂

  33. One time I left the house with one black dress shoe and the other foot stuck in a giant hoagie roll. The day only got worse when I went to eat my sandwich at lunch.

    Hello, Jenny the Bloggess.

  35. My eyebrows are really thin (almost nonexistent) so I fill them in. Once, I only remembered to do one, then
    went to work and taught my entire class with, essentially, one eyebrow. I’m sure my (college) students thought I was a complete wackadoo. In other news, my friend Amy and I are coming to see you in Louisville, KY.

  36. I totally have the pair of the shoe on the right! Rock on with your new do…and your two shoes!!!

  39. though i’ve been particularly fortunate in the shoe department, i have walked around an entire mall with my skirt stuck in the waistband of my tights. with a butt as enterprising as a soggy waffle, that is a lose-lose situation.

  40. I was wearing two drastically pairs of socks one day when I went over to my aunt’s house one night for dinner. Normally no one would ever know, but I had to take off my shoes to jump on their new trampoline. I swear, my teenage cousins’ confusion when they saw my feet… I’m an adult- Really I am, I had thought. I just get distracted sometimes

  41. I have — totally intentionally — refused to change from my Ugg boots into “real” shoes at the office today. Because it’s cold in here, and I’m being passive-aggressive. I keep hoping someone will say something so I can tartly respond “I’LL TAKE OFF MY WINTER BOOTS WHEN MY OFFICE GETS ABOVE SIXTY DEGREES, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.” But of course, nobody cares.

    Passive-aggressive footwear: it’s how I get things done.

  42. My mom did that one morning. She’s a teacher, and her students called her on it. She told them it was a new extra-credit game she was starting. If she ever had shoes or socks that don’t match, whoever notices gets extra credit. Genius.

  43. I recently found out that the boyfriend of a friend used to wear his pants backwards. In public. On purpose. When he was in high school.

    Two different shoes, that are the same color, isn’t that bad.

  45. I found boots I liked so much that I bought them in brown and black. I have gone out wearing one of each color. The shoes you are wearing are remarkably similar – I bet no one but your stylist noticed. It’s her job to be into details.

  50. I totally did this at work one day. I used to live in a basement apartment that was very dark in the mornings. I grabbed two shoes that sure felt the same. Noticed once I was at the office and confided in a co-worker who then proceeded to parade me around the office in a, “What did Laura do wrong today? quiz show style. Sigh. It happens.

  51. Hey, I like “I got my hair cut” photos! Even when you look basically the same. Those two flats totally go well together, though. You could have said they were deliberately mismatched.

    Personally, I’ve been cutting my own hair for a few years now because I have terrible luck with hairdressers (in that I can’t stand any of the ones I’ve met), and I keep waiting for my “I cut it myself” response to comments about my hair to be met with a response like, “Oh yeah, I can tell.” Somehow has not happened yet. I see three options here: people are way too polite, my hair’s waviness really does hide the unevenness well, or I’ve been kidding myself and everyone is just an observant as I am.

    (Maybe I wouldn’t wear mismatched shoes, but after three years of everyone pointing out I’d lost weight, I found myself zipping up a pair of pants I’d stopped wearing because I couldn’t get them up my thighs. Who cares if I lost a few pounds! Or if I gained them! How do people look in the mirror and determine it’s time to go on a diet? I don’t get it at all. Sometimes bordering on Asperger’s has its upsides.)

  54. I hate shopping (I know, weird huh?) so I used to buy two pairs of shoes in different colors when I found a pair that I really liked.
    Used to.
    Stopped after I got to work one day with mismatched-color shoes. With a skirt.
    I also stopped getting dressed in the dark.

  55. When I was a kid my mom always wore those Isotoner ballet shoe slippers, but never a matching pair. If we pointed it out she would say ‘Yeah, well I have another pair just like it!’
    Which would be FINE except now I frequently find myself doing the same thing with socks.

  56. Totally laughed out loud because I’ve done it too! Wish you were on tour here – didn’t see Dallas/Carrollton back on the schedule.

  59. I’ve paired navy hosiery with black clothes before (hey, it’s not my fault the navy was so dark! I thought it was black!), so I feel you. At least one wasn’t a heel and the other a flat. Try explaining that.

  62. I wore two different shoes into the office once. They weren’t even the same color.
    I’ll see you in St. Louis! I’ll try and coordinate my shoes but I’m not making any promises.

  64. I just went to my kids school for a class activity with my slippers on. Thank God they resemble Ugg boots. Some people commented how pretty my boots were and asked where I bought them. I told them Kohls (true) and then changed the subject.

  65. I once did that at work, except that both shoes happened to be for the same foot (it was winter and I was changing out of my boots). And it was my first day at a new job. And the boots I had chosen that morning were super-cute, short, and bright purple, and they really, really, REALLY didn’t go with my conservative office attire. And since it was my first day, I got taken around and introduced to everybody.

    Sigh.

  66. Don’t worry your pretty new hair about it. A friend of mine recently wore a hoody with a pantyliner static-clung to her back at the gym that had accidentally gone through the washer and dryer. And by “friend” I seriously mean someone else. It wasn’t me. I don’t go to the gym.

  67. Just about spat my coffee all over the screen as I read this – you are so gorgeously hilarious!! I remember once going to big corporate meeting trying to play the part (badly) & looking down to see I had one brown & one black boot on. Made me laugh so hard I had to excuse myself!! Some of us just aren’t meant to give a shit!!

  68. I love you! 😀
    I can be having the shittiest day, and then you make it all better…

  70. I showed up to gym class once with two different gym shoes. And they were both right feet. I think that was the only time in my life I was actually disappointed I couldn’t work out.

  71. I once bought a pair of shoes, got them home and wore them the next day. It wasn’t until midway through the day that I realized that one was black and the other was navy blue. Fortunately, the shoe store let me exchange the blue one for the correct black one. I check all my shoes carefully now.

  72. I did that to work one day in pumps. Apparently it was so obvious that a lady called from across the large office to point it out.

  73. I keep several various pairs of black dress shoes under my desk. They’re similar in style. The other day I almost walked into a meeting wearing two completely different styles. Had the one heel not been a little higher than the other throwing off my gait, this would have happened to me.

  75. We’ll see you in Naperville! Oh and least you put shoes on 🙂 That’s one step up from me most of the time.

  76. I once wore different Birkenstocks to work. One was open toed, and one was the closed, cloggy kind. Nobody noticed.

    If a stylist said that shit to me, btw, I’d be out of there.

  78. Yeah, been there, done that. Embarrassing as hell. I must say, that it’s nice to know that people I admire are human. 🙂

  79. I once wore red shoes with a hot pink dress (which I could’ve sworn was red too). That was back in the day when everything had to be matchy matchy. Today it would probably be considered edgy or something. So I guess I was just ahead of my time…yeah, that’s it 😉

  82. You did that on purpose, you little trend-setter, you. Also – Hope Dallas-Fort Worth is in your book tour’s future. (Insert Sad Face)

  84. I recently went to work and at about 11am realized that I had only put eyeliner and mascara on ONE eye and was walking around looking all Clockwork Orange and NOBODY told me.

  86. I used to be a middle school teacher. One day my legs felt really sore about mid-day, and I sat down to rest while the students were working. One of the kids in the front room cleared his throat and asked, Are you okay? I said yes, just tired today. He pointed at my shoes and said, Is there a reason you’re wearing two different shoes?

    I looked down, and was wearing a light brown mid-heel shoe and a black very low heel shoe. No way in this universe that they were in any way similar, except that they both were footwear. I had not noticed for an entire day! So yes, WTF me too!

  89. This made me laugh aloud!

    Also, I just read about an instance in Portland where these people got in to a car accident and there was great confusion because they were all zombies at the time. Which would be confusing.

    Of course, we are talking about a city where coyotes ride the transit.

  90. I once did a group job interview with the boob buttons of my button up undone. This skeezy guy pointed this out to me AFTERWARDS.

    About two years later I met the guy again at a coffee shop and he remembered me by my boobs.

    He then dated my sister because I refused to date him.

    Moral: guys, stay classy. Girls: safety pins.

  91. Not only have I done that, I did it with a pump on one foot and a kitten heel on the other. Never occurred to me to wonder why I was limping…

  92. While sitting in a restaurant telling a friend that I had actually worn my sweater inside out and not noticed until I took it off in the evening, she said “like now, you mean?” Indeed, I had done it again. Sigh. I responded that “at least my bra is on INSIDE my shirt – that is my primary sartorial goal.”

  95. One time I managed to wear shoes that were different colors.
    And not like black and navy — they were red and blue.

  98. OMG! I’m glad to know other people accidentally wear two different shoes. I’m not alone!

  99. If it would make you feel better, I will totally come to your book signing in Manhattan this week wearing two different shoes. It’s not like I fit there anyway, so I might as well do it on purpose.

  100. One navy blue pump, one black pump, in front of a congregation while singing for a funeral —

  101. they match, Kinda like black socks, sure the pattern might not be identical, but they match

  103. Today at lunchtime I reached behind my back to tuck my shirt back in and realised that I had walked all over the office all morning with big white pockets sticking out of the back of my dark blue pants. Why oh why did someone not tell me I looked stupid??? I laughed at myself and tucked them in as well. Maybe no one saw them…lol…right. :p Last week I got home and when I went to take off my earrings, realised I only had put one in. Yeah. We all do it.

  105. I wouldn’t be too concerned Jenny as I’m sure you have another pair just like them at home 🙂 xo

  107. I did that once before, except they were OBVIOUSLY very different – one was brown and the other dark red. Yours look very similar. Mine weren’t even the same height, I had put two on the decide which was better with the outfit, and I guess I forgot to actually *decide*. I made my husband drive another shoe to my office lest I die of embarrassment!

  108. More than once I went to the gym and after showering realized that instead of my pants I had my husband’s pants. They were distinctly not the right size. While I haven’t done the shoe thing I wear pretty distinctive clogs. I would have to be asleep to mix up one clog and one flat (I don’t really have more than 1 pair of any type of shoe).

  110. I’m sorry but that open mouth thing just makes the person look like a mouth breather. Look at that chick from the Twilight movies.

  111. Years ago I went to a job interview and as I was waiting for the boss to show up, I looked down and had one black shoe and one beige shoe on. Fortunately I had enough time to run out to the car and change into proper shoes. I had several pairs in the car as I was moving and had lots of stuff left in the car. Might have been a sign, the boss turned out to be an a-hole.

  114. That’s outstanding and made me laugh out loud at work (where I shouldn’t be reading your blog) but, there you go.

  115. Have you yet had to do a book signing alone? I mean, alone in the room with no books to sign? Because it seems the opposite has been true EVERY SINGLE TIME (please use a Beetlejuice voice when you read that part) and there are throngs of people waiting to touch you.

    You have beautiful eyes as a open-mouthed zombie. I think death and decay and chain link fences makes you look younger, too. Like…10.

  116. At least they were both black!! I’ve done two completely different COLORS before…on a day I had a meeting with clients. Probably would have been better barefoot…at least my pedi was up-to-date! And as for low-maintenance, I don’t even OWN a hair dryer, so there ya go.

  117. At least they were both the same color and heel height. I went to work in 2 completely different shoes – different colors, one black one grey; and different heel heights. You would think that alone would have stopped me. Apparently I thought it was a sexy swagger.

  118. I’ve done that. And have also gone through the majority of the day wondering why my turtleneck felt funny….only to discover I had it on backwards. *sigh* those are the days when I wonder why I got dressed in the first place.

  119. You’ll see me on the 5th. o.o I don’t know yet if nerves will have me talking your ear off, or if they’ll have me shakily handing over a book and hoping you sign it without noticing I’m trembling like a leaf. And I’ll wager you look gorgeous. 🙂 You usually do.

  121. I once went all day with a pair of shorts on inside out and backwards thinking to myself all the while that they fit horribly wrong. I still have no clue how I got them buttoned up

  122. I’ve done the one brown/ one black thing several times, and once walked around at work with my skirt tucked into my sheer to waist pantyhose. Unfortunately, I had run out of underwear that morning. >_<

  123. I went to work one morning with my shirt inside out and didn’t notice. And the two co-workers that were already there didn’t notice (or maybe just didn’t say anything). The next person in pointed out that my shirt was on inside out because A) she could see the printed brand/size information on the neck (it’s one of those shirt that instead of a tag has screen printed info) and B) it was a freaking collared shirt. I now make sure my shirt is right side up in the evening before I go to sleep cause I’m obviously not attentive in the AM.

  124. LAWLZ. Awesome. I usually wear boots, so it’s a little harder to get different ones, but I’m sure I’ll manage someday. Also: please come to Seattle. We miss you. <3

  125. Oh, I think you’re one among many having done just that.

    A coworker did the shoe thing, only she had pumps and the heels were of different heights. How she made it to lunch without noticing the height difference is beyond me.

    Another coworker came to work with one leg of a pair of pantyhose sticking out of her pants. She noticed when she came back from her trip around the town delivering documents, by then one entire pantyhose-leg was trailing behind her, the rest still up her pants-leg. How she was able to walk around like that without noticing is also beyond me.

  126. Matchy matchy is out now…. no longer do we need to worry about our purse and belt and shoes matching… You’ve just taken it to the logical next step – no reason for the shoes to be all matchy matchy either!

  127. The photographer at my daughter’s wedding wore two different pumps to the reception; one green one navy blue. My mom has worn two different tennis shoes out before…see, it happens to a lot of us!

  128. I’ve done that more times than I care to admit. does that mean I’m not concerned about my appearance, too? I mean, I get my hair cut two times a year, wear yoga pants and a teeshirt every day and wear two different shoes sometimes.

  129. On the plus side, I bet you have another pair of flats that are almost identical. I bet they could get together and have a party.

  132. Your mismatched flats reminded me of my very favorite United Airlines commercial where a gentleman is on his way to a job interview and notices his mismatched shoes in the elevator on his way to the interview. It touched my heart because it made me think of my dad traveling for interviews when he was looking for work.

  135. I once left the house wearing fluffy slippers. The trick is to hold your head up high and pretend it was on purpose.

  137. at least they matched the cape that’s *supposed* to protect your clothes from errant hair and hairstylist boogers.

  139. also realized that I should read everyone’s comments because it was already posted. I am slow like a zombie then 🙂

  141. Once I went out in the same shoes….just different colors on each foot. (nothing like shopping variety, right?) and once, I went out in slippers. To a graduation. At a University. Had to do an emergency shop in bare feet on Yonge St. in Toronto because I refused to go in slips! That one is attributed to no sleep and a night shift, the first one? Well. Nothing to blame THAT one on!

  142. Years ago I was dropping my daughter off at a home day care, which quite fairly required that parents take our shoes off at the front door. I was late for work (am busy! am important!). On my way out, I threw on another mother’s (very similar) shoes. She had to chase me down in the driveway to get her own shoes back, and was not amused. So. Yeah. Been to a similar place.

  143. My hubby planned to take me out for a rare brunch date, so I dolled up, wore a dress and everything. (I don’t wear dresses.) I didn’t know until I got back home that I wore the dress backwards. In public. The bow that ties in the back had flipped sides when I washed it, so I just put it on so the bow was in back. *facepalm* Thankfully, I have very long hair, which hid the chest row of buttons.

  144. If you open your mouth slightly in a photo it makes you look like one of those blow up sex dolls. Unless you’re a zombie. Because I do not believe they make blow up sex dolls that look like zombies. I could be wrong but I am unwilling to Google it.

  145. I did this & it took me a while to figure out why the heels were different heights. And normally, I’m pretty bright, but that day……. Ugh!

  147. Well, at least they were the same color. In my defense, brown and black look very much alike when you’re running late for work. Yeah, I know. That’s not really a defense, is it?

  148. I’ve totally done that before! The good news was that I was in a shoe store when I looked down at my feet and saw what I had done. The bad news is that I had walked all over the mall before I got to the shoe store and thought I looked GOOOOD!

  149. I once got through 6 of a 8 hr day, in a hospital before I noticed that my scrub pants were inside out.

  150. I’ve done that before, too! Only I managed to have two different colored shoes that also had different heel heights. WTF? How could I walk around & not notice *that*? My friend pointed it out at dinner & then took pictures to show everyone lol!

  152. I would so come to see you if you come to North Carolina (Wilmington… we have a beach…)

  153. I also, much to my children’s dismay, frequently forget I am wearing slippers when I head out to get them from school. I am pretty sure the other mothers have completely given up on me at this point.

  154. Gee, two different shoes isn’t so bad. I once took my daughter the the pediatrician and the grocery store wearing my shirt inside out. No one said anything the whole day ( and yes it was VERY obvious) until my husband says, “Oh, is that one of the shirts where the tag’s on the outside?” Um, no, no it’s not. I blame him.

  155. I went to work one day thinking I looked totally awesome. I spent the day walking around in these pointy-toed spike-heeled pumps that were super sexy but killed my feet! After work I went to get a hair cut and realized that I had my shoes on the wrong feet which made them point to either side!!! Kinda like elf shoes!! I guess I had never even looked at my throbbing feet all day!!! So much for being sexy! Unless your into hobbled elves!!

  157. I’ve worn two different shoes to work also. One was navy blue, the other was black. The most embarrassing thing about it?? The heels were different heights! I didn’t notice until after my lunch break.

  164. I think ‘low maintenance’ is just another way of saying ‘supremely awesome and totally cooler than everybody else.’

    Or at least that’s what I’m hoping.

    Ahem.

  165. I have on more than one occasion, said to my co-workers, “Yes, I DID get dressed in the dark!”

  166. I wore a red polo shirt with a pocket(!) backwards– to work and then to the doctor’s office. And NOBODY called me on it. Not my husband. Not my fashionista boss. Not my doctor. Thank god I treated myself to a trip to the bookstore and got rained on so bad that I had to go straight to the restroom to dry off. Holy hell. Looked in the mirror and decided I must either be invisible or crazy looking.

  167. I…don’t know anyone who wears two different shoes to work. Or regularly discovers that her underwear is on inside out. Sigh.

    I wish you didn’t hate us so in the frozen tundra (MN), but I’m sure your (non-MN-stop) tour will be most excellent. With long lines of adoring fans. 😉

  169. I’ve done that several times before, I have so many flats! One time an 8 yr. old pointed that out to me. I figured that was okay since they are closer to the ground.

  170. I’ve gone to work with two different shoes, in different colors, before. Didn’t realize until I’d been there for three hours, and nobody told me! Very embarrassing.

  172. I have, more than once, put my work shirt on backwards OR inside out (I typically wear black shirts) and not notice until I have left the house. I feel your pain.

  173. I wore two different colored socks to school today. Not on purpose; I just can’t tell blue from black. I’m the teacher, btw.

  174. To be fair, I saw the picture before reading the text, and I didn’t realize you were wearing different shoes, either. Roll with it! 🙂

  175. I made it half way through the work day with a substantial amount of hay in my hair once. No one told me. I felt like a moron. Always look in the mirror after feeding the horses.

  176. A friend and I are coming to see you in St. Louis, so you definitely won’t have to sit alone here. I frequently wear two different shoes to work. Once I wore a heel on one foot and a flat on the other and didn’t notice I was walking lopsided until lunch.

  179. I used to have two identical pair of pumps, one in black, one in blue. Halfway through one day at the office, discovered I had on one of each color, with a black skirt. Yeesh. Anyway, I too will see you in Cinci – can’t wait!

  180. Darlin’, it happens to all of us. Also, you need to come here to Jackson, Mississippi! ‘taint that far away from Texas!

  181. More than once, I’ve rolled out of bed and walked the dog without having brushed and rebraided my hair. Or even looking in a mirror.

    Really, my criteria for leaving the house are a bra and not-pajamas.

  183. Since we’re sharing embarrassing stories..today while at the Doc office (for my 2 year old), I went to the bathroom; and as usual, he tries to open the door. And since I was in a regular doc bathroom and not a stall, he can easily open the door. So mid-pee I jump off the toilet to stop him so everyone standing right outside the door waiting to check-out does not see me… but because I’ve pushed 2 kids out of my lady parts, they don’t work like they use to so…yes… I ended up peeing on myself. I think I would have rather them see me naked.

  184. I think you need a new stylist. Your hairdresser simply does not get you. You are glorious and beautiful and your shoes do not need to match to accomplish this. She (or he, I don’t judge) needs to recognize your awesomeness.

  187. I have gone to work (at a MAJOR corporation) with two different shoes. TWICE. Once they weren’t even the same color.

  188. I’ve done the same thing many times.

    Once, I was in a training session with my boss and going out to lunch with him when I realized my error. I made sure to walk behind him and keep my feet hidden at all times. Luckily, he didn’t catch on.

    Another time, I happened to be scheduled to give blood. As I laid down, I realized that I had on two different pairs of black shoes. The nurse was working on me and I noticed her looking towards my feet. Figuring I had been found out, I made a comment about how my kids distracted me that morning. (Not a complete lie.) It turns out she had been looking PAST my feet and out the window, though. Had I not said anything, she wouldn’t have noticed. Were I not in the middle of giving blood, I might have fled the room in embarrassment. (It’s a general policy of mine not to flee a room in the middle of giving blood. I think it’s a good policy.)

    This is why I try to have 1 pair of brown dress shoes and one pair of black dress shoes. As they get worn out, I replace them, but I’m much less likely to make this mistake if I’ve got only “brown” or “black” to put on in the morning.

  189. OMG. What a bitch! She could have at least let you do all your errands and go home first, before you finally realized yourself that the shoes didn’t matech! You might have never known, if you’re like me and kick your shoes off the minute you open the door.

    BTW, I just checked out your (first) book at the library! THE LIBRARY. It was in stacked in the Biography section. How cool is that?! (I’m really poor, or I would have bought one by now.)

  192. I have said that I should just move to a nudist colony several times. Clothing and I don’t get along. I’ve put my bra on over my tank top before. I have worn a white and a dark blue flip flop before. I’ve even sent my 4 year old to school with one of my very lacey and sheer thongs attached to the velcro of her jacket. I could go on here, but I think that is enough.
    You are beautiful and awesome no matter what you wear!

  193. I just checked the date when you’ll be in Chicago. You finally come to a place near me and I just had to make travel plans for that weekend! Good luck with the tour! You’re fabulous….Also, cute flats – both of them.

  194. I once walked around for several hours with two different colors of sandals on and only figured it out when I got home.

  196. I inherited a pair of my brother’s cargo shorts (caprees on me), and I thought they were SO COOL. I wore them far too often, especially because they were loose enough I could pull them on without unbuttoning them (I’m going somewhere with this, I promise). This was especially nice while changing for PE, because I could get in and out of those shorts super fast.

    Too fast. Too fast to notice that I put them on backwards. And didn’t notice until someone the next period pointed it out. Ughhh.

  198. Dear Ellen.
    Thank you so much for implanting a mind picture of two horny corn dogs in my brain.
    I cannot find the bleach.

    Luv ya, mean it.

  199. I am so happy! I am going to get to see you on your book tour when you come to NJ!!!!!!!!!!

    (huge fan. first time poster)

    (well i’m not a poster. but if i was, i’d be an old beat up new kids on the block one.)

    (or maybe pink floyd)

  202. You never fail to make me laugh out loud–thankyouverymuch!

    I, too, have worn unmatched shoes. To a very uppity-tighty (I just made that up) office. It took me until noon to look down and realize I was wearing one brown and one blue pump. One open-toed; one closed. And one heel higher than the other. What the hell; I just laughed and told everyone about it….figured many were already whispering about it away.

  204. I once wore slippers in a professional school setting. In a hospital. The slippers were furry.

  207. Oh yeah, have done this twice. Once with dress shoes to work (1 black, 1 blue). One with two different sneakers. So glad it’s not just me 😉

  209. I feel like hair stylists are always judging me, “oh you want us to do that with your hair” “must’ve been a rough day it looks like you have sharpie on your scalp”. And I’m all like “Can I talk or will that mess up the haircut?” they are so stressful

  211. I once went out wearing to COMPLETELY different flip flops. One was an Old Navy white plastic flip flop and the other was a black rubber flip flop with a cloth top that had my college’s emblem on it. I was so shocked when I noticed that I thought I had accidentally taken someone else’s shoe (I was in the shoe section on a store). I hadn’t, though….

  212. I was on a cruise when I discovered for the formal night, I had one blue shoe and one black.
    Can’t go shoe shopping on a cruise ship. I wore them. I was miserable. Likely I was the only one who noticed, but still.

  213. OMG. Jenny. You are the best ever!! That is fucking awesome!

    Every day, my boss wears a pressed white coat and stethoscope. Under his white coat he wears slacks, a dress shirt, and tie. He is always impeccably groomed and totally professional and distinguished at all times. One glorious day, he came into the office wearing two very nice brown leather shoes. Unfortunately, they did not match. Each other.

    So you, my dear, are in good company.

    Also, I have not read all the posts, I immediately jumped in to comment, so I may not be the first to say this but you realize you are able to dress your cats like dapper gentlemen and cannot manage to get matching shoes on your own feet. Sorry girl, had to point it out.

    Also the zombie morph is the bomb-diggity. Yep I said bomb-diggity. 😀

  214. So, if I walk around… 24/7 with my mouth slightly open, will my face forever look thinner and more seductive? I think I’m going to need to hire someone to walk around with me… to spray a mist of water in my mouth every so often… I can see it getting a bit dry 🙁 Nothing can EVER be easy. can it???

  216. Hahaha – we’ve all been there!! My friend wore one brown flat and one bright yellow one to work the other week. Didn’t notice until a client laughed at her. Good times!

  217. I wish Jenny could visit EVERYONE’S hometown on her book tour — but if she is appearing anywhere even remotely near your town, it’s definitely worth the trip. We saw her at the LA Book Reading last year and we’re STILL laughing about it!

  219. I can sympathize! I’ve done that before! I’ve also gone to work with NO shoes! LOL I was in a rush out the door and made it to work 45 minutes away and was went to get out and “SHIT!” I called my boss and said “I’m calling in stupid today. Obviously, my brain is not available” LOL

  222. That’s why I have to be totally careful about putting my shoes away in their own special spots in the shoe cubby because I actually have gone to work wearing one navy shoe and one black shoe. I buy the same shoes in different colors if I like the fit, so I have to put them away carefully so I don’t do stupid stuff like this. I’d really rather wear my purple shoes every day ‘cuz they’re the most comfy, but some days I have to “meet the public” and represent and be all presentable.

  224. Meh, the munchkin wears two different shoes and mismatched socks all the time. It’s all the rage I’m told. Just own it and rock it like a boss or whatever it is these kids say now a days.

  225. Mismatched shoes? That’s not so bad. Oscar Pistorius is going to trial for murder and he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. — Oh, like you’ve never made fun of a double amputee. Don’t judge me!

  226. I was getting ready for a 5K one day, shuffling around in my flip flops. I left and got 1/4 of the way there…in my flip flops! I had to go back for my running shoes. Now THAT is dumb!
    Devan

  228. I’d say you’re on trend. My daughter has always insisted on wearing her socks mismatched. Before school started this year we found a line of shoes that are designed and sold as a mismatched pair. I paid $50 to buy her a pair of shoes that didn’t match…you accomplished it for free.

  229. For me it was one normal shoe and one Doc Marten boot. How did I not notice that when I laced them up? Probably just the stupid in my brain.

  230. I found your book, was reading it, and decided to check out your blog. Which lead to Google. Which leads to… did you know the most commonly Googled thing along with your name is “age?” All I can think is, why?

  231. I am just jealous that you have two pairs of cute black flats and I’ve got zilch. I even wrote an article about getting through the morning after. One tip was to have a pair of ballet slippers rolled up in your purse, so you can take off crazy heels, walking home not looking like a prostitute. Oh the joys of being young and slutty. (This suddenly took a weird turn)…

  232. Well at least they are fairly similar. In my first two weeks of my new job, I turn up in one cute striped pink flat, one gold-edged black suede flat. One was pointy-toed, the other was not.

    I didn’t notice until one of my new colleagues pointed it out to me. I had no spare shoes. It’s not a look I recommend really.

  233. I don’t think that the mismatching shoes were particularly noticeable as being different. It would have been more embarassing if you’d put a sandal on one foot and a metallic gold heel on the other, of course…

  237. At least they’re the same color. I did that and spent the whole day at work wearing one brown flat and one black flat.

  238. I totally wore brown socks with grey leggings yesterday. Ended up going to Walmart at lunch to buy black socks cuz I was so self-conscious about it.

  239. You should have very confidently told her that it’s a new fashion trend. It’s what all the big celebrities are doing these days. 😉

  241. I noticed the Dayton stop has no link. Is that because we’re so awesome that we don’t need one? Or because you’re not really coming and it’s all a hoax? Either way, I’ll be there. Hope you are too.

  242. I did that too! one brown and one black didn’t notice until half way through the day…

  244. I arrived at work one day wearing my nasty, muddy, ugly canvas garden slippers with my suit. Yes, they were comfortable but I drove myself back home to change. They were quite unacceptable in my office atmosphere. The whole time I wondered, how the hell did I do that? And now, thanks to your photographer’s advice, I will be all slackjawed in every photo that I’m in.

  245. I have a sweater that I constantly wear backwards. No intentionally. But it always happens and I never notice it until I get home. The sweater has nerve. I love your shoes.

  247. I also have worn different shoes, to work, but since all my shoes are black, not such a big deal…

    My mom once penciled in her eyebrows with her pale pink eyeliner pencil….at the time I had a chuckle….but looking back I realize she was at the crossroads of her vision and mind going at the same time….so now it just makes me sad and afraid….Rest in Peace little Mommy…

    Don’t fret….You will not be alone in Phoenix……Team Phoenix is ready for you!

  249. Mismatched shoes = the height of fashion. Especially when it’s subtle like that. For serious. Red carpet stuff right there. Also- you make the sexiest zombie ever. I’m going to dead myself now!

  253. I hope this was your long-time stylist. Because telling someone “You’re really not concerned with appearances, are you?” the first time they do business with you is pretty rude.

    I like the comment that said you should have told her it’s the new thing. Maybe you would have started a trend.

  255. I had a major brain slip in shaving my legs and only did one. I didn’t notice until I got to the gym, wearing capris and doing legs presses with my feet in the air and my trainer pointed it out.

    I saw you last time around in San Antonio. It was great to meet you. I was nervous to go, but my husband took me and I’m so glad he did. You are awesome!

  256. Seriously what an awesome moment….Don’t feel bad, I’ve occasionally put my underwear inside out all day plus shirts. I’m waiting to see what other apparel i can wear wrong. LMAO

  257. I walked around the mall once with my blouse on back to front and inside out. Everybody always stares at my daughter so I thought that was why I was getting stares.

  260. Even though you pointed it out, I could still barely tell because they’re the same color. I am the worst girl ever. I still wear the soccer shorts from my soccer uniform (they’re from 10 years ago); who DOES that?! Me. That’s who. I’m never getting married obviously.

  264. I wear dentures and almost went to work with out them once. I had to turn around and go back home for them. My teeth!!! That go in my mouth. 🙂

  265. 2 things.. 1. I’ve had that same conversation with my stylist excepting the shoes.
    2. I see on your book tour, you aren’t coming to Washington DC, so I can’t see you. I assume that if you aren’t even coming to dc, then coming to Waldorf, MD is out of the question?

    FYI: I’m so entertained by your blog that I got your book on my e-reader. (just bought it yesterday) I’m hoping it’s as good. Do you autograph digital copies? :p just seeing if you have developed that technology yet.

  266. I was at the airport once obediently taking my shoes off for the security check when the guy said I’ll bet you have one just like that at home. Looking down I realized I was wearing two different socks. But both socks were awesome in my defense.

  267. Done the mismatched heels of different heights thing; thought the ground was extra uneven that day. I’ve also done the pointy toed heels on the wrong foot and got caught at it. My quick cover story was I thought it would help stretch the little toe part out a little and all the women nodded at my sage advice. I’ve also had a thread that tickled and tickled my knee so I reached down to yank it. It yanked quite a bit. It was not some random loose thread as I thought or even to the short skirt I was wearing, but to the elastic on the waistband of my underwear. So in one smooth move I separated my underpants from their waistband and down they came. I just shrugged and stepped out of them, picked them up and walked away with my head held high. I was thinking, THIS is the real reason your mother tells you to wear nice underwear.

  268. Yep, I’ve done the two different shoes thing too. Both were Birkenstocks, but seriously, one was a SANDAL and one was not! You’d have thought my free-wiggling toes would have clued me in. Didn’t notice until I was outside the car at the organization to whom we were donating lots of drums and stuff (for music therapy). Thank goodness my son was there to help, so I just hopped back in the car 🙂

  271. It’s not that I’m not concerned with my appearance. It’s that I’m really not concerned about being judged. I submit Helena Bonham Carter as an example of this kind of fabulousness.

  272. I’m sure every comment ahead of me is someone saying “I did that” so I’ll join in and say “I did that, but mine were two of the same shoes, one red, one black” UGH. And I’M not the one that noticed either, it was a coworker.

  275. People never compliment you when your shoes match, but make one little mistake and they are all over you about it!

  276. A couple of weeks ago I accidentally wore gray wool slacks with an open weave, tunic style shirt. To work. When I was going out for happy hour with coworkers and the boss after. I meant to wear black skinny jeans, and I did in fact look ridiculous all day. I made my husband drive two towns over to bring me better pants. And he did, bless him.

  277. I wore my pants inside out to work once.

    Wasn’t even a “notice in the car, sneakily get changed” situation either. It was a full on “walk two blocks, stand on a busy highway for 15 minutes then notice all the seams and pockets were on the outside while on a bus full of strangers” situation.

  278. Shoes? Minor. Fresh out of college a LONG time ago, I didn’t realize I had worn striped underwear under my nice cream colored pants – until a gold box showed up on my desk a few days later, with a pair of pink striped undies and a note “next time wear pink stripes instead of the blue”. Nope, no one told me. I gave the only other female co-worker major crap for not telling me. She said she thought I knew. I think I burned those pants after that. And no one ever confessed to leaving the box on my desk. Weird.

  279. Seriously, how is it you got zero points for wearing shoes that were a) both flats and b) the same color? And how is it they SELL two totally different colored and patterned girls socks for a ridiculous price because they are “SO cute” but you get grief about mismatched shoes from someone who should be looking at your head and not your feet. I think you should have said “it’s fashion statement dammit”.

  280. I find myself out in public all the time with mismatched pieces of attire. I do it so often I’ve just adopted it as my style. Be brazen about it and it’s easy to pull off.

  281. Wow, that is embarrassing. Why do people has to through in an insult when the point it out? It’s happened to me on more than one occasion. Once, at softball practice girl on my team asked me if I had something wrong with my feet and pointed out I had two different shoes on. Practice was almost over and I hadn’t even noticed. Nothing wrong with my feet, just my brain.

    @melissa too funny. Once after a late night escapade back in my single dating days, I accidentally wore the guys jeans home. I didn’t notice until later that morning when I realized they were a couple inches too short on me. He had to wear my womens jeans home that day since we had been over at a friends house. We never talked again and I donated his jeans to Goodwill.

  282. I wore blue sequined slippers to work once cause I don’t like to drive in heels – the heels decided to stay home and hang out on the kitchen island…

  283. I had a boss once who was almost the same size as his wife. He’d ridden his bicycle into work and packed his change of clothes in the dark befor leaving that morning. He had to attend several meetings that day, so he made sure he had his black dress pants packed. Unfortunately he’d mistakenly packed a pair of his wifes black dress pants. He couldn’t very well go to the meetings wearing his bike shorts, as spandex wasn’t very appropriate for those situations. Instead, he attended all the meetings and walked around the office for the rest of the day holding a folder in front of his crotch. Ladies pants, I guess, don’t accomodate the extra naughty bits that men’s pants do. He never made that same mistake again.

  284. “I’m not unconcerned with appearance, I’m a highly creative artist who refuses to be shackled by the constraints of society!”

    I want to come see you!! But the closest you come to me is like 11 hours away . . . 🙁 If I come anyway, can I pretend we’re actually real friends, ’cause you’re so awesome? lol

  286. during hurricane sandy we had to evacuate our house and our neighbor came and got us on his boat and brought us to his house down the road that hadn’t been hit by the flood waters yet. in my panic to get out of my house quick, i put on two different shoes. so throughout the whole storm all i could think about was how all my possessions were going to be destroyed and i was going to be that crazy woman with ninja turtle pajamas and two different shoes.

    our house ended up only having minor damage.

  287. Did that REALLY happen???

    The other a day a lady I worked with did the same thing….and she didn’t notice until someone asked her about it!! haha.

  288. I’m so impatient for the paperback to come out that I had to start re-reading the HB last night. I hate reading it when I’m sitting next to hubby – it gets tedious to have to read it all out loud to explain my snorts and giggles. When PB is in my hands, I’ll make sure he gets locked in bathroom with only the HB so he will understand why it’s a private read. Very very little makes me laugh out loud but you do, in spades.

    My daughter’s BF also has poisonous tap water and she may have gone inside a deer carcass for fun…my folks have a cistern…my next door neighbor tried raising raccoons AND a fawn in his bathroom….but you are still way out front in uniquely weird experiences!!!

  289. If your hair stylist was a man, this could have gone completely unnoticed…

    My husband: “All of these black shoes look exactly the same so how can you possibly need 19 different pairs?”

    Me: “You are just style blind, every pair is noticeably different. And, some are grey!”

  291. I wore two completely different colored flats to work and didn’t realize it until I sat down at my desk. I did this not once, but twice. One black, one light beige. You are not alone.

  292. I did this once and went to an important presentation in London, turned out they had slightly different heel heights too, I always like to make in impression.

  295. I ordered the paperback today at Anderson’s, so now I don’t have to stalk you in the parking lot! Though I may anyway just because. But not in a creepy way.

    And I felt good supporting a local bookstore. Well, Naperville anyway.

    Also, I now own hardcover (signed), Nook, and paperback (to be signed). I just need the audiobook version. I ordered it from the library, but I’m convinced someone stole it.

  296. Seriously?! I just did the same thing a couple of months ago. Realized it when I was in the restroom stall at work (around lunchtime) and while squatting looked down at my feet and realized my “misstep”.

  298. I think you should wear two completely different ones on purpose, keeps people guessing that way. I hope you are bringing those cats on tour with you, especially now that they have those cute little suits. Can’t wait!
    -Gina-

  299. At least your look similar…I did the same thing and one was a slip on sandal and one was a loafer…two different height heels and didn’t realize it until about an hour later! To my credit, they both were black.

  300. i spent an entire day with 2 different colored shoes on…….and everyone I came into contact with thought it was a lost cause to tell me…as one said when confronted later, “no good could come from it”. I’m a well-recognized train wreck.

  301. I once noticed getting out of the car at work that I was wearing two completely different shoes. One black, 3″, hard-heeled, full-coverage whoe; one brown 1-1/2″ soft-rubber-soled loafer. I felt like a peg-legged pirate walking through the hallway to get to my desk. I have never been so glad that I keep a pair of safety shoes at my desk (by which I mean steel-toed for visiting the factory floor, not shoes in case of fashion emergencies such as this).

  303. That’s awesome. Once, a woman I worked with, discovered half way thru the day that she was wearing one brown boot and one black boot. It gets better. One was a 1″ heel, the other 2 1/2″. WTF?

    After that, we started calling her “Boots”

  304. Tell that stylist you take an Absurdist approach to fashion. You’re like the Salvador Dali of Payless and BoGo. We’re all just lucky you weren’t wearing lobsters in tiaras and party gowns on your feet.

    …..now I want a picture of a lobster in a tiara and a party gown…. with a spatula.

    WHY IS LIFE SO HARD, JENNY?!?!

  305. I once wore two different flip flops out to the store, but in my defense, it was after I put ear drops in my eye and things had really just gone way the Hell downhill at that point.

  306. LOL…you really need to see a dentist about that gingivitis. You will not be able to gnaw on flesh for much longer if you don’t get that looked at.

  307. yeah, so this one time while I was 17, my mom and I liked the same pair of black flip-flops. Instead of sharing one pair we had to buy 2 cause she is an 8 and I am a 9.5. One day I was in a hurry to get to school and managed to put on one of hers and one of mine with out noticing for at least 2 hours. Once I did notice, it was ALL I could think about and I still had several more hours left before I could go home.

  308. I have to share a story about my very quiet coworker. He normally leaves his work shoes in the car, and he didn’t realize until he got to work that he had no shoes to wear. So he went to Walmart to buy cheap shoes to wear to work, but they wouldn’t let him in the store because he wasn’t wearing shoes. SO… he had to ride around on one of those wheelchair carts to buy shoes because “then his bare feet were not on the ground”. Needless to say, I thought it was hysterical.

  310. I purchased your first book 2 days ago and I’M SO PUMPED FOR IT TO ARRIVE IN THE MAIL, i have cleared my calander for a solid week so i can become the book…because i will be so immersed in it…that i will eat it…i dunno…I’m JUST PUmpED

  312. That just totally made my night and reading the word motherfucker. Epic!

  313. Shoes look fine to me what’s she talking bout?

    So I’ve been suffering from a 10 month non stop migraine that leaves me pretty much in bed 90% of the time. I finally made it out of the house the other day and decided I was going to get my hair cut. My biological parents both have very thick curly hair so you can imagine what I inhererited well at 19 I cut it all off to shock everyone and have since tried to grow it out. And by out I mean it grows out I am the whitest person with an Afro you will ever meet so it’s short and will stay short and since I’m in bed and will soon be getting frequent injections into my skull I figured what the heck I’m getting a Mohawk but what’s a Mohawk without messing with the hair stylist a little. So she takes the clippers does three passes over the left side of my head and I pretend to freak out and tell her to stop OMG no I can’t she has to put it back on I don’t want to do this what am I gonna do I can’t have a Mohawk what was I thinking. She went white 🙂 I smiled said I was just kidding carry on… 🙂 poor woman’s Hands were shaking. I haven’t had that much fun in 10 months! :evil grin:

  314. I would have done that. They are the same color. And close to exactly the same. If I had enough shoes, I would do that. Instead I do it with socks. Why are people looking at my feet anyway? Do they have some kind of foot fetish? You should turn it around on people like that if you do it again.

  317. I can totally understand that happening. They are similar to be fair. When you want to worry is when you put one slip on, and one lace up shoe on. I have seen someone who has done this. A full day of looking mortified.

  318. I used to do that on purpose in high school and college. Two different colored high top Converse. Besides, two different shoes is so zombie chic, don’tcha think? 😉

  322. Dude you should have told her you were doing that “Little Miss Missmatch” shoe thing, lol. Boom! Have fun on tour and don’t forget to take the Meth!

  324. I had a day trip via plane to another part of the state. The day started very early and I got dressed in very low light. I realized as I got to the airport that I had on two different black shoes and there was absolutelty no time to do anything about it. The whole day was very uncomfortable as I was entirely self consicious and hoping that no one would notice. At the airport on the way back hom, TSA made a big fuss about it. “Why do you have two different shoes”? I felt like making up an excuse that one was a special orthopedic device, but chickened out and told him I got dressed in the dark.

  325. I work at a high end fitness center here in Boston. A few months go Kevin Bacon was in town filming a movie and worked out at our gym…I kid you not almost ever day that man got on the treadmill wearing two different types of gym shoes! My point being this fashion “mistake” is actually a fad

  328. They were of similar style and color, so just play it off as a fashion statement and scoff that anyone who dares mention it is sooooooo not in style with their lame matching shoes.
    I read a fashion quote once from a designer (whose name I don’t even remember) but it said that if you make a truly unique choice on your feet, it can pull any outfit together. I’m thinking you may have it!

  329. Oh. My. Gawd. Dear woman, you are amazing.

    Along the lines of your shoe issue, I REGULARLY put my underwear on inside out. Somehow, I manage to not notice until going to bed, usually, in spite of a normal human’s regular number of trips to the bathroom throughout the day.

  331. Anyone else think their zombie face is hotter than their real one? Cause mine was. Who knew how flattering rotting flesh could be?

  332. hahahahaha …. i rather like the look. besides they’re both black, who is she to say it isn’t the new fad? 😛

  334. Because I went to college the last time it was popular to wear leggings as fashion, I bought two pair of IDENTICAL boots. One black, One brown. I wore one of each color out dancing one night. 😛

  335. So, I looked down today and realized I pulled a Bloggess. My right and left shoe were similar, but not matching, black flats. Whoops

  336. The other day I wore one black patent clog and one black patent with silver scribbles clog. They look VERY different and since they are shiney (being patent and all) it was pretty noticeable. I feel your pain.

  337. I wore a dress backwards for half a day before anyone told me about it. I have also worn two different colored shoes because once I find a style I like, I might buy several pairs in different colors. In the dark, black and dark brown don’t look so much different.

  338. At least they were the SAME COLOR! A couple months ago I was walking around work like a normal day… then I happened to look down… and what do I find? I had on one black flat and one RED flat on. #gettingdressedinthedark – I knew something felt weird when I was walking, just thought it was gum on the bottom of one shoe.

  339. I once wore two different shoes home from a friends house. You know, the kind of house where they have you take off your shoes the moment your feet come over the threshold. They were the same color but one had two inches more heel than the other. Got half way home, stopped at a gas station, and was pumping gas before I looked down and realized I’d left with one of my my shoes and one of hers.

  341. OMG I have so done that! Please never stop writting your blog. It makes me feel like I’m an actual normal person for the first time in my life! I swear we were seperated at birth!

  342. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for pointing me to the “Make Yourself Dead” App. My 19 year old was telling me last night that I needed to get Snapchat for my phone….she’ll be sorry now.

  344. I didn’t even realize they were different until you mentioned it. And then I had to scroll back up just to verify it. Guess we can ride in that oblivious boat together.

  345. I had a baby 10 weeks ago, so I’m basically catching up, minute by minute. She just started crying in the other room, so I’m going to type fast. Everyday, I put a sweatshirt over my ever present nursing bra and go downstairs to get dressed because that’s where Mt. Foldmore is, on my couch. I’ve gone out twice without putting a shirt on. TG it hasn’t been that warm. Fleece gets hot fast.

  346. I’ve done this ….twice …at least twice that I realized it.

    P.S. in a parallel universe sort of way…I had a pet raccoon too… Coony.

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Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

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