Let's Pretend This Never Happened Paperback Tour

in Random Crap

I’m going back on tour, y’all.  Last time I was on tour I got a brain in a jar and someone left a kitten on my table and we all had to be really quiet so that we wouldn’t wake it up (the kitten…not the brain).  Also, I gave a reading to several people in the Costco parking lot.  It was pretty glamorous.  You should come.  Seriously.  Please.  Don’t make me do this alone.

The Tour So Far:

March 5 ~ Paramus, NJ Barnes & Noble, 7pm

March 6 ~ NYC, Upper West Side Barnes & Noble, 7pm

March 7 ~ Chicago, Anderson’s Bookshop, 7pm

March 8 ~ St. Louis, MO, Left Banks Books “Drink Out”, 7pm

March 18 ~ Louisville, KY Barnes & Noble, 7pm

March 19 ~ Dayton, OH Books & Co., 7pm

March 20 ~ Cincinnati, OH Joseph-Beth Booksellers, 7pm

March 21 ~ Kansas City, MO, Rainy Day Books, 7pm

April 1 ~ San Francisco, CA, Books Inc. (in the Marina), 7pm

April 2 ~ Danville, CA Rakestraw, 7pm

April 3 ~ San Jose, CA Barnes & Noble, 7pm

April 4 ~ Phoenix, AZ Barnes & Noble, 7pm

539 thoughts on “Let's Pretend This Never Happened Paperback Tour”

Read comments below or add one.

  5. You circle around Indianapolis without stopping in Indy! Please please stop here! I would needlepoint you a kitten HOLDING a brain. It’s a great deal!

  8. And I JUST ORDERED THE-HARD-COVERED-WITHOUT-THE-EXTRA-CHAPTER-BOOK on Amazon for around RM 80.00 plus shipping because our money is three times of the US dollars. I just hope I know what the extra chapter is about. 🙁

  9. No stops in Tennessee?! I think you need to expand the book tour to at least Nashville, Knoxville would be preferable though! 🙂

  11. Please come to Dallas! My friends and I will protect you from the pretentious ones.

  12. Montreal, Canada? Pretty please? Indigo in Downtown Montreal or in Laval?? Pretty please with a cherry on top?? I’ll bring kittens and chocolate!

  15. Washington DC? Oh, please? Better yet, anyplace in Northern Virginia or southern Maryland! I would bring TWO brains and TWO kittens!

  16. I live in Tallahasee, the capital of Florida. Please come here! All my friends and I have read your book, and my mum’s bookclub did it a few months ago. I’ll make you a “taxidermy” cake if you come!

  17. Just ordered the PB edition, even though I already have (and have read) (and love!) the hardback edition. Can’t wait to read the extra stuff you’ve got in there. 🙂

  18. You’ll be in Dayton! Huzzah! Must start hunting down crazy taxidermy animals to bring in!

  22. Nothing in the Southeast? I was so hoping for another chance to skip out of work early and stalk Barnes & Noble for you (considering how confused they were in Atlanta last time). We can even have it in the bathroom this time if that would help??

  23. You’ve got to get your magnificent ass over the border – assuming they’ve forgotten about that thing a few years ago – and come to Canada, Jenny! Toronto is most likely the closest locale you’ll be able to grace with your presence, but I’ll willingly make the drive – I’m a Niagara Falls boy through and through – to be granted an audience with The Bloggess herself.
    I’d love to meet you in the wonderfully imperfect flesh…

  24. Oh my gosh! Jenny, you’re coming to Dayton!? I am so excited! Squee! I totally can’t wait to meet you. If you’d like, I can bring one of my 2 crazy orange cats so you feel more at home while you’re here!

  27. Dayton Ohio? Dayton Ohio? Seriously?!?!? NOTHING happens in Dayton Ohio! Oh wait, it will on March 19th! WHHHHEEEEEEEEE!

  28. Excellent! You’ll be five minutes from my house when you go to the Paramus B&N. I know what I’m doing March 5th 🙂

  30. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your three California stops happen while I’m on spring break (I’m a teacher).. I’m aiming for the Danville one!!!!! WAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  32. No Milwaukee, WI? So hurt, I have been sharing your book and telling everyone I know that this is a must read and still, you won’t come see us? Sobbing in my coffee on a Monday morning. 😉 have fun and behave yourself.

  33. boston, please! if not boston how about acton, mass? there’s a great indie bookstore there and an awesomely divey chinese restaurant down the road that serves killer mai tais…you show up, i’ll buy the drinks!

  34. Awww darn. The closest you’ll be to me on this tour is NJ, which is…not close. Maybe I’ll get lucky and they’ll extend the tour.

  36. So excited about you coming to St. Louis!!! But, a social night with drinks and mingling??? I am going to have a few panic attacks on your behalf and then you won’t have to. Can’t wait to meet you!

  37. You need to come to Omaha! KC on a Thursday night doesn’t work well for us Omahans. Come. We have the best zoo ever. I will be your personal escort. I mean, not an escort like that, but you know what I mean. So, like…May would be best. Go ahead and pencil that in, ok?

  41. I second all the suggestions of Boston! How else can I bring you an ethically taxidermied Professor McGonagall as her animagus?

  42. YES OMAHA!!!!! it would be a perfect side trip to head west after Kansas City 🙂 Would l love to see you!

  45. I would like to second James on the you live in Texas and there are no Texas dates? I would prefer Houston but I’d drive to Austin if you were there on a Saturday…

  46. I’ve come up with a list of reasons why you really need to come to Tallahassee.
    1. We have a small, used bookstore that is really struggling and could use the publicity.
    2. We have a pizza company that will sell you a slice of pizza as big as your head or a whole pizza too big to fit in your car.
    3. We have a cookie company that will deliver warm cookies and cold milk to your hotel room until 3AM
    Sounds perfect. Come visit, please.

  47. I totally want you to go to Indianapolis. Not because I’m there, but I want to see Lindsay’s needlepointed kitten-with-a-brain.

    So I vote for an Indianapolis stop!

  49. I think Thursday night in Kansas City sounds perfect! Already have my tickets reserved . . .

  54. YES! I am so glad you’re going to Rainy Day Books in Kansas City! I won’t be there since I’m currently in Chicago, but as a Kansas City native, I LOVE that store! It’s an adorable local book shop and I always shop there to support it!

  55. I can’t make the NYC upper west side Barnes and Nobles on March 6. Can you come to my aprtment building in Forest Hills, NY on March 5th? I can get my neighbors to come and reserve my apartment building’s party room/library (which incidently doesn’t yet have a copy of your book in hardcover- that’s OK. They don’t have a copy of my book, Executive Severance, either).
    There are soda and vending machines down the hall and the building is wheelchair accessible. In case of emergencies, the laundry room is nearby and we have a decent bike room.
    Let me know as soon as you can, because reservations for the space go fast!

  56. Another fan from Dayton, and it’s the day after my birthday, too! Awesome!

    The bookstore is very nice. btw. I’ve already put you on my calendar.

  57. Wait, I just noticed you’re in Paramus NJ on March 5, and then in Chicago on March 7. Than doesn’t give us much of a window, unless you want to show up the weekend before. No, that won’t work because my youngest has a thing. Looks like it HAS to be late morning or early afternoon on the 5th. I promise you’ll get to Paramus for the 7PM gig. Let me know.

  58. No one ever comes up to where I can see them! Please come to Maine, or at the very least Boston or Portsmouth NH. If you come to Maine I will bring you lobsters!

  59. What are the chances that you’re touring somewhere in July/August? We’re coming to visit from Australia and I’d love to go to a reading!

  60. See you in St. Louis! Just bought my tickets! I am so excited I can’t stop using exclamation points!!!!!

  61. You’re coming to see us in Louisville! I am soooo excited! Whilst I am awaiting your appearance, I will try to hunt down as many weird taxadermied items as I can…In Kentucky I’m pretty sure to find things that would render you speechless :O

  62. Your stop in San Jose is at the mall 5 minutes from my house. Hooray! I will see you on April 1st.

  64. I was really excited to see that you’re stopping in St. Louis. But I looked at tickets and it’s almost $30, which includes a paperback copy of your book. I already have the hardcover. I gave several copies out to friends for Christmas. I’m asked the bookseller and the ticket seller if there is a cheaper “no book” option. I mean, I loved the book, but I’m on a budget. I’m hoping that a no book option can be added to the St. Louis stop. After all, I can walk to this bookstore! [Which reminds me, want to come over for pre-party cocktails? Or is asking that creepy?]

  65. I will see you in Phoenix, goody! Now can you add Denver in there I let my sister in law borrow my copy of your book and she refuses to give it back tell you stop in Denver so that she can meet you. I could just buy a new book but I don’t want to.

  66. So I’m thinking to myself “I’ll bet she’s not coming anywhere near – OMG March 19 ~ Dayton, OH Books & Co., 7pm – that’s only about 5 miles from my house!!!!!” ***nerdgirlsquee!!!!!!! I am SO THERE.

  67. totally grounded in dallas for my last trimester but im sending out scouts to buy your book and get it signed for me. im VERY pregnant, they will do as i say or SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES. let us know if and when this gets extended back down south!!

  68. Yahooooo! You’re coming to STL! Cannot wait to see ya! (After you alluded to KC, I got my BF to agree that a road trip was necessary cuz I figured that would be as close to us as you’d get – but nope! See you March 8th!!)

  69. I hope that you make it near here again.. Gaithersburg book fair should have just been renamed for you.. the Jenny Lawson Bloggess Book Fair. yep. Not that Gaithersburg is *that close* to me.. but it sure beats trekking several states. Let’s admit it.. WV just doesn’t have anything. Or, if it does, it’s way way in another far off part of the state.

  72. FYI – if you fly to Kansas City, you actually will be IN Kansas (because that’s where the airport moved to after many happy years in Missouri). Note that the Kansas City airport is, quite possibly, the most inconvenient airport to a city ever, so bring some reading material for the very very very long ride into town . . .

  77. Oh, please try to get close to Georgia! We have a lack of intelligent humor “’round these parts” 🙂

  79. Good plan to have 10 day breaks. The bookstores and readings sound great, the airports etc. not so much.

  80. OMG, you’re going to be in NJ on my birthday! Of course, I’ll be in NYC then because I’m hitching along on my husband’s business trip (evidently being frightened by crowds is an awesome birthday present?). But that’s okay, because you’ll be THERE the very. next. day. It’s like the best sort of inadvertent stalking & it makes going to NYC more like an actual present and less like being bored while hiding in a hotel room, waiting for him to stop working.

    And I get to thank you in person for getting me writing again – I read my 15 year old your book & she said you write like I talk, which compelled me to start a new blog. Also, you have her writing hilarious footnotes on her English papers now. So her English teacher totally owes you one.

  81. You need to come to Ottawa and skate on the Rideau Canal with us!!! Canada loves you too!

  83. Please come to Canada! These stops aren’t even close enough for me to consider driving to the border. ‘Cause I totally would.

  85. D: none of my favorite people ever make it up to Alaska..
    I mean.. I don’t blame you. It’s a frozen hell. But tourists seem to think its pretty and we have bears? I would love to meet you is what I am trying to say here.

  86. See you in Louisville! I don’t mind telling you that the fact that you will be in Louisville LITERALLY made my year. My entire fucking year. 🙂

  87. Jenny, if you ever come to New Orleans, I know I can talk Maple Street bookshop into letting you do a signing in their bathroom! It is lovely old bathroom with a claw foot tub, walls covered in peeling paint and young adult medieval lit posters, and a secret cabinet filled with “bathroom candy. ”

    There are three bars only a block away. The book staff shop could pass you cocktails through the bathroom window. Also, Plum Street snowballs is just blocks away, and you have not lived until you have one of their snowballs covered in nectar cream (or you could substitute Chambord for the syrup.)

    And the bookshelf itself

  90. Oh goody! You are going to be right by my house. Wanna come over and have wine slushies afterwards? I promise not to kill you. Really, I’m not the killing kind. My cat can attest for that. I let her deal with any and all bugs that find their way in to the house.

  91. Pretty please won’t you come to Wisconsin? Our state abbreviation is totally logical!

  92. I can’t believe you’re not coming ANYWHERE NEAR the great state of COLORADO!! What a bummer. 🙁

  93. Dayton and Cincinnati? Ew.

    Whoever scheduled you messed up. You should be stopping in Columbus, the only worthwhile Ohio city to visit.

  96. Louisville! I’m so excited – we almost always get bypassed in book tours. We’re literate, honest!

  97. Please please please come to Temecula, CA! PLEASE! On your last tour you went to San Diego, La Jolla to be exact, but I was still living in New Zealand. Now I’m in Temecula, and I would TOTALLY come see you! I’ll even try to find a funky taxidermied animal for you. 🙂 And bake cupcakes!

  100. Curse you, NYC for being big enough and close enough to me to attract everyone I’d want to see, but not close enough to feasibly make the trip (3 hours each way) – especially on a weekday. Don’t suppose there’s any chance of an Albany, NY pitstop?

  101. New Jersey & NYC!? Please come up to Connecticut!
    New Haven, Hartford…or better yet, ask your PR people to look into the spiffy Barnes&Noble in Glastonbury just a mile from Highway 91 — come here!

  102. Please come to Madison, WI!!!! (Milwaukee is fine, too) I’ll bring you deep-fried cheese curds!

  104. I really wish I could come, but I’m in bed full-time. So I REALLY appreciated when you did the youtube of a section of your book. Thank you! I’m also waiting for the audiobook I requested to arrive. Yipee!

  105. I am VERY VERY tempted.

    However, I must point out that Naperville is NOT Chicago. Not at all. It’s Naperville, which is a suburb of Chicago, but it is NOT Chicago.

    And I’m leaving for Florida the next day for Spring Training (baseball), so I’m torn. I love you, and I’ve seen you twice (I’m the one who wore the red dress to the Chicago Public Library when it was a billion degrees out), but eewwww the suburbs! :p

  112. Are you kidding? I was in the MN crowd last time…there is NO CHANCE you’ll do this alone. You’ll be fabulous, and dammit I wish you were coming back to the (currently disgustingly cold) mosquito state.

  113. NAPERVILLE! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! So close to me. The only thing better would have been if it were blocks away in Downers Grove. WHEEEEEEEEEE!

  114. You’re coming to Chicago two days before I arrive and my hometown of Louisville the day after I leave. Which means you should come to Milwaukee right between those dates. Pretty please?

  115. You can find me in St. Louie…
    Whoooooo hoooooo! Now to tell the husband where I will be March 8.

  117. NO stops in Charlotte NC??? Have you lost your mind woman??? oh wait… that is a loaded question… never mind! 🙂

  118. Nooo!!! You’re finally coming to Cincinnati, and I have class that night until 9!!! I don’t suppose you’d be willing to stick around at Joseph Beth until 9:30 or 10, would you?

  120. Holy crap.
    Holycrapholycrapholycrap.

    I am in college in Lexington KY. You are going to be in Louisville. I might be able to bribe someone to give me a ride. I need to go plot and get in touch with some friends now.

  122. Can I squish into your suitcase for your trip to NJ? I so miss my family and friends up there.

    Also, where is the Austin date? Pretty please? It’s almost local! 😀

  124. YAY Anderson’s Bookshop in NAPERVILLE (ok it’s close to Chicago) – March 7 here i come!

  127. I second the suggestion for Charlottesville, Virginia! That would be very near where I live and I could guarantee at least three other attendees with me! 😀

  132. Your not coming to Neil Patrick Harris? We were so excited about the name change (Maryland is just so boring) and you aren’t coming through! I’m sure you would have gotten at least two kittens and possibly a puppy (or goat). Always next time 🙂

  133. AHEM – I don’t see anything anywhere near DC. Any chance we can add something in there? Pretty please?

  134. …no love for your fans in Oklahoma? I swear if you’re flying from KC to Texas you’ll have to stop here in Oklahoma City anyway. We need you. Pretty please?

  137. i almost pee’d i was so excited!!!!!
    see you in san jose.

    and just because your going to the mall that’s in the “ghetto” part of town. i promise you won’t get jumped. <3

  138. Aw, man… Don’t you want to experience the magic and wonder that is Arkansas? Ever?

  140. Yay for Andersen in Naperville. 🙂

    Can’t wait to meet you in person, since I was traveling when you last hit Chi-town. 🙂

  143. Omgomg no way! You’re actually coming to Kansas City! Yay yay yay! I’ll even skip rock climbing to attend! Woowoowoot!

  144. Who’s stoked? I’m stoked!

    Not one, not two, but THREE opportunities to hang out with you. I know you scheduled it that way on purpose 😉 Too bad I’m not also a noteworthy because then you might consider meeting up for coffee.

  146. Will you be adding anymore stops? Louisville is only 200 miles away, but I’ll be 7 months pregnant and the husband won’t let me come see you. 🙁 So sad. Maybe I can get a friend to get me a signed copy of the paperback.

  148. I am sad you are not coming back to Denver. 🙁 I had an emergency last time involving werewolves and could not attend.

  149. Hopefully you will come to Utah in the future… I look forward to the opportunity to have the in-person ‘Jenny Lawson Experience’. 😉

  150. pretty please, come to colorado springs. there is a fun book store called poor richards and they serve yummy snacks at their coffee shop next door. you would be pleased.

  152. So excited- I live a mile from your Louisville stop. Can’t wait to hear you in person! Your ” can’t un-see it” post had me snorting beer through my nose yesterday.
    PS. Email me if you want food recommendations- I’ve got them down. 😉 Deb

  155. I would love to get a reading in a Walmart parking lot or something but you keep coming to my home town when I’m OUT of town. I’m starting to get a complex.

  157. Seattle/Tacoma area?? Pretty please!! I will personally guarantee no rain if you visit. That’s not actually true. Sadly I have no control over the weather, but I’ll bring you an umbrella. Whadya say?

  158. what? why on earth are you not coming to arlington/washington d.c.? does that mean i have to send my metal rooster with a self addressed postage paid box in order to get you to sign it?

  162. please, please, please come to Boston (that might be a song?)…or MA in general or anywhere up here in the great Northeast. We have fun little rodents…

  163. I promise to stop stealing your books and ripping the cover off them before selling them – but ONLY if you promise to visit Raleigh, NC. when I’m here.

  164. NYC is great, but there’s the other 90% of NY that is often forgotten about. Syracuse or Albany would be great for a future tour. Sorry I’ll miss you 🙁 (but congrats on the 2nd tour- how awesome is that??)

  165. Which Books, Inc. in SF? There are like four of them!

    i’m amused that you’re in SF on a day when i work from home in San Jose, and then in San Jose on a day i’m working from my office in San Francisco. Doh! Working on swapping my schedule now 🙂

  166. You’re coming to St. Louis! I have tickets purchased already! Yay! I’m so excited! <3

  168. Oh PLEASE Vancouver, Canada. Pretty please! I want you to sign my baby! And maybe my dog if I can sneak him in.

  171. I wish you’d come to Portland, Maine! But I also wish you would scrap this tour altogether if it adds lots of stress to your life again…

  172. Dallas dammit get here already

    Hope you have a safe tour even if you dont come to Dallas though 🙂

  173. Hmm, Lexington is only 3-ish hours away from Clarksville, TN. Is it worth it? Totally worth trading body parts if necessary!! Now to convince the husband…… maybe I’ll poison something in the fridge. 😉

  175. Any chance of going to the DC area? You came to Gaithersburg, MD last time but I was out of town and missed you. Would love to see you in person and try not to add stress to you.

  176. We’d love to have you in Portland, Oregon again – I’m sure we’d be able to pack the house for you again! 🙂

  178. PLEASE come to CT!!!! (and by CT I mean Hartford area).

    If only I still lived in/worked in NJ/NYC. I could have seen you on March 5 and 6!!!

  180. Damn! I moved away from KC and *then* you have a tour stop scheduled there? Any chance for a Fayetteville, AR stop on the next leg? Or Tulsa, OK? Maybe Little Rock, AR? So many “boyfriend brownie points” on the line here…

  181. I really wish you were coming closer to me! I’m in VA and can’t travel as far as NJ or NY. But I will keep my fingers crossed for the next time. Maybe more of your stops will include the east coast.

  182. WTF. No Houston stop??? I’m sad. I’ll bring you a basket of kittens… and cookies.

  183. I cannot wait for you to come to KC!!! Already have it on my calendar!! You are the BEST!

  184. Yay! Can’t wait to see you in Cincy! I feel the need to seek out something awesome and dead for you… Yes, that sounds totally normal.

  186. Brain and cat and Costco lots.
    You DO lead a glamorous life. I’M SO JEALOUS!
    I remember the line from Pheobe on Friends, “He was so unappriated in his own time,……I’d give ANYTHING to be unappreciated in my own time!”
    You’ll be in Danville! My old stomping grounds. If I can swindle a trip up there, I’d love to meet you, but only if I can pet the brain and stare in horror at the cat.

    Jason
    The Cheeky Daddy

  187. Alright I’ve got this planned out!! Come to Acton Mass, Terri posted she’ll buy the drinks. I bet we can get LindseyM to bring lobsters and I’ll bring maple syrup. Not sure if that make a good night, or one that would need bail money, which makes it a Killer Night! Either way sounds like an awesome foursome.

    terri February 4, 2013 at 8:15 am
    boston, please! if not boston how about acton, mass? there’s a great indie bookstore there and an awesomely divey chinese restaurant down the road that serves killer mai tais…you show up, i’ll buy the drinks!

    LindseyM February 4, 2013 at 9:37 am
    No one ever comes up to where I can see them! Please come to Maine, or at the very least Boston or Portsmouth NH. If you come to Maine I will bring you lobsters

  192. This is totally unrelated to this post, but I needed somewhere to share this.

    I found your blog via Beyonce the chicken and of course had to read back through the archives because, well, that’s what I do. For the past week, I’ve uttered “Motherfucker” more times than in my entire life previously. And, I’ve thought it twice as often as that. It is kind of like the time I played Grand Theft Auto for about an hour then had to drive somewhere. Suddenly, I felt drawn to run people over or hop out and beat up hookers. Well, except saying and thinking “Motherfucker” probably won’t land me in jail. Hopefully. So, thank you for not leading me to a life of dead hookers and prison shakedowns. I owe you…

  196. I never comment here because I’m totally not nearly as funny as the other people that comment here… but O.M.G! Danville, CA is so insanely close to me that I’m totally coming to see you. I don’t have a brain in a jar, but I’ll try to come up with something clever for you to blog about that you’ll still be talking and thinking about the next time you tour, but this is AMAZEBALLS!

  198. So I see this and immediately call my bookstore for details and they know nothing. NOTHING. Unacceptable. I’ve left a message and wait their call. Or I will call again tomorrow. And the next day. Can’t wait to see you.

    But if the bookstore doesn’t work out, I’m game for the Costco parking lot!

  200. really i’m going to start crying… i couldn’t go see you during the 1st tour because i was on bed rest during my pregnancy and this time i can’t because my husband will be out of town working for 6 weeks so no sitter and no vacation time for him!!! you should come to my house for dinner in Milwaukee… but my house will be packed mostly so it may be take away.

  203. I’m so excited I’ll finally be able to go to your book tour! It will be a great way to celebrate my birthday!

    An extra chapter? Yes, please. To hear the author talking about her book? Yes, I want that. All of that on my birthday? Of course I want that. What did you say? I can have drinks with that? Yes!!!

    Don’t mind me, just doing a happy dance over here.

  210. For real??? When I lived in central Ohio, you were all over the places NOT in Ohio. Now that I live in central New York, you’re coming to Dayton AND Cincy??? Not cool. Not cool at all.

    But I still love you. Let’s have that second book, please!

  211. Please come to the south! And by the south I don’t mean Atlanta or Miami. Somewhere in the middle would be nice! Would love to be able to go to one of your readings!

  213. Hey, is there any chance that you can add a Seattle, WA date to that tour?!?! I would LOVE to see you!

  215. Keeping my fingers crossed that you’ll add Houston — last time you came I was unemployed and couldn’t afford a book.

  216. I’d beg you to come to New Orleans but that needlepoint kitten holding a brain in Indianapolis sounds like a winner to me!! (see comment #5)

  217. Please come to Raleigh! There are so many loving weirdos around here that just adore you!!!

  218. UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK UK

    Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

  219. Please come do a reading at The Last Bookstore in Los Angeles : ) It’s a fantastic space and then I can go to the reading.

  222. I don’t see “Wolverines” on the list! You’ve got to come to the Detroit suburbs, or at least Ann Arbor. I promise to come see you! Plus, you need to visit the newly named state. Maybe then Rick Snyder will no longer be Governor. That would be epic!

  224. BEST. BOOK. EVER! I just finished reading your book while I was on vacation.. most of the people around me including my husbad just looked at me like I was nuts because I was laughing so hard out loud!

  226. Yay! You’re coming back to Chicago, and this time I’ll be here to see you! I plan to bring all of my Jenny-loving friends with me too.

  227. REALLY?! Dayton and Cincinnati, instead of Cleveland? Arrggghh. I want to come but 4 hours is too far to drive after dark. Boo, hiss.

  232. I see several comments in favor of a stop in RALEIGH NORTH CAROLINA. I can vouch for our vibrant and active community of hippie/yoga/firedancer/weirdo types who would love to see you. I have contacts to share about venues and events you could join, or I would be happy to facilitate a more cozy reading/signing event of your very own.

  236. I want to come see you… and possible poke you with my pinky (because it’s awkward, not because I want to hurt you… to be clear) BUT, you have managed to evade the entire STATE I live in. I feel I should take this personally.
    It’s because I wanted to poke you with my pinky isn’t it? Damn.
    Sorry everyone in Florida, my fault!

  237. Kentucky??? That’s AMAZING! Except I live 2 hours away and would never make it in time. I honestly want to cry right now. 🙁

  240. Minneapolis, MN please? I do the hour to hour and a half trip there…but I can’t afford a trip anywhere farther because I’ve got another trip planned already for May… Please, please, please?

  241. No one ever comes to Pittsburgh. Then, as of the time I started to write this, it doesn’t look like anyone else has mentioned it either. Perhaps there is a bit of a demand and supply issue…. Some yinzers read, though. Really.

  242. I would totally come to see you, except I live in Canada and have no way of traveling.

    Booooooooo.

  244. Oh man, I was really hoping Portland would be back on the list! I missed you the last time you were here!

  246. …..argh, I just reread what I wrote and what I meant was that I’m glad there are some bookstores left in general as they are few and far between these days. (not that you have toured a lot of bookstores and i’m glad there are some that you haven’t toured yet. or something like that. I’ll just shut up now.)

    please come to Pittsburgh. thanks.

  249. Oh my….I think it’s possible that you don’t understand that Los Angeles is the center of the universe…all things revolve around us. When I saw that there was no L.A. stop it occurred to me that someone forgot to tell you this. And now you know….please handle accordingly

  250. Eeeeek! They have you set up at the East side of San Jose!?!? . There’s a great B&N at the Westgate Shopping Center too. (West San Jose)
    I”ll try to make the drive (and get a sitter for the heathens)

  251. Considering your popularity with the Germans, I wish you’d come over here. I’d even visit the Dead German Store at least ten times before you arrived to be sure I came armed with lots and lots of gifts. Actually, I’d want to take you to the Dead German Store. To make you less nervous about going with a stranger, I’d come prepped with a wine slushy to go. And a Fasching mask for you to wear, so you’d fit in and could also hide if you felt like it. Please come to Germany. I’m sick of being the only belligerent, charmingly crazy American.

  252. There are so many Dayton fans here! I was so excited to see it on the list, everyone always has their events in Cincinnati or Cleveland! YAYAYAYAYAY!

  253. Any talks about Canada again? – such as Calgary or Edmonton? (I would suggest a spring or summer timeframe the weather is much more agreeable then) 😉

  259. Please, please, come to Portland Oregon again. I had to miss you for a stupid family vacation!
    I wont miss you again, promise.

  261. It’s a 3 day drive to CA from Vancouver. If you could make it up to Seattle I could make the trip across the border. Just not in July or Aug please.

    (will the iPad book be updated/available with the new chapter?)

  262. Why don’t any of my favorite authors ever come to Las Vegas?!?! Come on!!!!

  263. Please oh please come to Albuquerque! Not Santa Fe, they’re too snobby up there…and they don’t have a major bookstore either! We have 2 B&N’s here!

  268. You’re dead to me, unless you come to Portland, and sign a book other than “Stiff,” by Mary Roach.

    That is all.

  269. Anderson’s Bookstore is the place where I met Douglas Adams. When I leaned across the table to get a picture with him, he hauled me around the table, plopped me into his lap and said cheekily, “Come here and tell Father Christmas what you would like this year.”

  270. CANADA! I promise you’ll fit in. And be welcomed with open arms. I can’t promise there won’t be moose or cougars. But let’s be real, you probably wouldn’t show up without at least a chance of seeing a moose or cougar. I repeat. CANADA!!

  271. I might go to Dayton, OH! Its only 40 mins away! Or possibly Louisville the weather’s nice. Can’t wait!

    xo Ashley
    luckylittlebird.blogspot.com

  272. Hey Downers Grove (Andersons Bookstore) is where I grew up. I hit that bookstore every allowance day to buy books. Hope to see you read again! Let me know if you have time for me to buy you finner or drinks!

  273. OMG and Lord-love-a-duck…you are coming to Ohio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am slightly overcome and bit panicked at the idea of all the people that will be in line. I’ll take a Xanax and meet you there. 😀 Can I bring my stuffed monkey, Karl?

  274. Ditto on wanting the Houston stop!! I don’t have a stuffed hamster or a brain in a jar, but I most certainly can bribe you with a petrified sock.

  275. Danville, CA, here I come! I listened to your audiobook while in the car with my family. I had to totally leave my children in the dark as to why I was always busting out laughing!
    Can’t wait!!!

  278. So excited for your tour!! Is there any way you will add a Canadian date?? I would love to see you speak again!!! You are too fabulous for words!!

  283. Seattle needs you! Except please come to somewhere that isn’t Costco because I haven’t got a membership and they’d probably extort one from me if I tried to sneak in to see you… Although it might be worth it… Or I could hang out in the parking lot, because that isn’t creepy at all. Sigh.

  286. Pittsburgh, please? I bought 4 copies of your book for friends and we will all be there! All 4 of us…with wine slushies.

  287. WHOOO-HOOO Jenny’scoming!Jenny’scoming!

    If you need/want a like minded mental misfit to pal around with or “help” with pointing and laughing at the normals as a distraction while in Cincinnati—I’m your girl. We could even manage to get arrested if you wanted …or not. (I also know where the best bakeries and ice creams in town are. Even Oprah gets ice cream from Cincinnati.)

  288. You should be coming to Alaska. Why are there no book tours in Alaska?! THE FROZEN TUNDRA AND -70 IS AWESOME!

    By the way, love your posts. All of them. All the time.

  289. Ohio reader here, going on 2 or 3 years reading your blog. Very excited that you’ve chosen to stop here!

  290. Los Angeles? A suburb of Los Angeles because technically I live 30 miles east of there. 🙂

  291. Two dates in Ohio? Like we Michiganders… er, Wolverines didn’t already hate those stupid Buckeyes.
    Ah well, I appreciate the fact that you are even coming within driving distance of me.

  292. I couldn’t make it last time you were in NJ, but I’m totally going this time!! Can’t wait!!!

  293. The ONLY reason I’m not doing a major pout right now is because you came to Gaithersburg MD last summer and I should probably be happy to share you with other people instead of being all selfish-y. But please don’t push it.

  294. HURRAY for Paramus! I don’t have to schlep to the city to see you!!! (not that you’re not worthy of a schlep)

  295. Bummer, I see you are not coming to Montana – I’m certain there are plenty of stuffed dead things here you would love!

  296. Why do all the cool people skip Tucson and just go to Phoenix? It makes me very sad. ='(

  297. No Denver/Boulder? I’ll bet The Tattered Cover or Boulder Bookstore would love to host you.

  298. Love you! Got my book club to read your book. Any chance you’ll be coming to CT?

  299. I am so disappointed that nowhere on that list is Victoria, British Columbia, Canada.

  303. I may have to road trip to Ohio from Western NY. I have to see your crazy up close and personal. And if you happen to get uncomfortable and shout out your credit card number I’ll have my pad and pen ready. VAGINA!

  304. *Seriously* what’s wrong with Australia?
    Do you not love us? *sniff*

    If you fail to come here on tour, we will have no option but to see it as an act of war and we will be deeply hurt.
    Do you want to be responsible for an entire country on suicide watch? Hmmm? Do you?

  307. Please come to Philadelphia (or somewhere close by). It would be really awesome to hear you speak!

  308. No love for Canada? We’re way more fun than Dayton, OH (no offense to the lovely folks of dayton. You have really clean streets). Please come to Toronto. You won’t be disappointed!

  309. NOOOOOOOO!!! My fiance and I are moving to Austin, TX in March, but I’ve lived 30min south of San Francisco MY ENTIRE LIFE and half a month after we move away YOU’LL BE IN SF. AHHHHHHHHH!!! *explodes*
    PleasecometoAustinatsomepointinthefuture. PLEAAAAASSE it’s not even that far for you! XD

    Someday I hope I’ll get to meet you! I have a signed copy of your book! Cuz my fiance emailed you and asked for one, and you sent him a sticker with your signature to put in a book, and he got me your book and I WAS SO HAPPY Imighthavecried. It was a REALLY awesome gift.
    Why can’t the extra bonus chapter be added to the hard cover book? I might have to get your paperback book, cut out the extra chapter, and tape it to the back of my hard cover book. *w*

  313. I was soo excited to see that you plan to go on tour on march, since I’m going to be on a business trip to the states on march. Too bad that I’ll be in Houston all the time…

  314. Skip Boston. Come to NH, preferably Manchester. If you come to Manchester, I can introduce you to the squirrels who live in my backyard – they might sit in your lap and give you nose kisses and eat peanuts from your hand. I can also introduce you to my 12 year old who can amuse you with Big Bang Theory and Doctor Who quotes.

  315. Come to Boston, PLEASE!! Or you can go to Manchester, NH, like Liz says. I can go there. All the other places on your tour are so far away!!

  316. Minnesota?!?! PLEASE!!! I am in a state of panic because the dates you are closest to me I can not attend and the only date that really works is in phoneix and I don’t think driving 26 hours will work with my poor car 🙁 (maybe I can hitch hike…. hmmm)I would give you a (stuffed) bear head and some moose antlers!( not attached to a living animal either! What a deal!!!)

  317. If you come back to Neil-Patrick-Harris, I will happily come see you again! Loved your first visit!

  318. I would go but not one of those places are even in my state. I’m actually going to one of those states on vacation, but that won’t be until two days after you’ve been there. This timing is not working out at all.

  321. Hi. There is a little sh*thole in Alabama called Birmingham. We have kudzu jelly! Or Atlanta. That is a real place with a real population! Just suggestions for your next tour. I’ll bring you a casserole.

  322. “The Tour So Far”…. This sounds suspiciously like you are expecting more readings! I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you can make it somewhere close to me in the South (like NC or VA?)
    PS. I’m a cat so crossing my fingers is pretty tricky.

  326. Come to the Barnes and Noble at Mayfair in Wauwatosa, WI I work there and we would love love love to have you!!!

  327. I don’t see Canada on that list and so I refuse to aknowledge the fact that this tour is even happening. In which case I don’t know what I’m commenting on here because without a tour announcement, there’s nothing to say. Except that every time I see “CA” I hope it’s short for CANADA and then it isn’t and god dammit that sucks.

  330. Still no stops in Minneapolis?! Or anywhere in MN? Chicago is too far to drive as a (recently) single mom of a 4-year-old.

  331. YAY! You’re finally coming to the Midwest’s armpit… aka St. Louis. I’mma do my bestist to be there!!!!!

  332. so sad you are not coming to MN – I know it is really cold and snowing here but come on – the winter people need humor too!

  333. any chance you could make it to brooklyn? there’s a barnes and nobles, and also a couple of indie bookshops, especially court street book store which has housed many an amazing sessions

  336. Actually, Kansas City’s airport is still in Missouri. Really, it is. But Rainy Day Books is in Kansas. Fairly near where I live, in fact.

  339. Oh yeah, I’m thinking I’ll come stalk (I mean meet) you in Danville!!! I better hurry and perfect those unicorn stuffed cookies.
    -Gina-

  341. Woot – Cincy March 20 – the bookstore is right next door to Longhorn Steakhouse. And the first day of spring – booking that day as vacation for sure!

  343. Come back to Portland, OR!!! My friend Abby wasn’t able to make it last time, and although I brought her book for you to sign, I know she’d love to see you in person. Pretty pretty pretty please!

  344. The Atlanta area is missing from the list… Newnan, Ga, if you want to get specific.

  345. I would totally host a reading in Beacon Hill Costco parking lot, Calgary Alberta Canada. In fact, I’ll buy you a hot dog and soda…I’m just that thoughtful!

  348. Please take care of yourself and don’t let this tour wear you out! Seeing you in person is great but we also need our daily Jenny fixes and you need your health. 🙂

  355. I really think you should skip Phoenix and head south to Tucson. It’s like the Austin of Arizona. Much cooler, both figuratively and literally. Plus then I might have a chance to see you!

  356. Ahhhhhhhhhh! San Jose, San Francisco, Danville! I am determined to make one of those!

    Love you, Jenny

    Laurie

  357. Your publicist has a wicked sense of humor! Seriously, San Francisco on April Fools Day? Or is it all a big April fool joke plot? I show up – no one’s there – psyche, sorry Jenny’s really not showing up today. Ok, so maybe I’m just being paranoid. Well, either way – I look forward to seeing you or having an awesome prank pulled on me. Safe Travels to you on your tour.

  358. Please come to Hawaii. Oahu, to be exact. I promise to come see you…even if it means playing hooky from work!

  359. I caan hardly contain my excitement that you are coming to St. Louis! Ticket is purchased, hubs is on notice…March 8th here we come! Please travel safely, and see you soon!

  360. I’m in Lexington. Which should I choose – Cincinnati or Louisville? I’m surprised I even have a choice!

  363. A WooHoo! I’ll see you in St. Louis!! ps-if you have time you REALLY need to go to the City Museum – home of the 10 story slide. that’s right – its 10 stories long!!

  365. I haz a sad…… No Virginia again. Charlottesville would love you, I promise, and it’s a nice town, really. UVa is wound a bit tight, but it’s still a great town. Or Roanoke. Roanoke is pretty cool.

  369. I cannot tell you how freaking excited I am that you are coming to Kansas City!!! I know you were upset because it wasn’t KANSAS, but really, you can totally see Kansas from where you’ll be. It’s practically the same thing…only way better 🙂 We can’t wait to welcome you to our wonderful city and show you that Missouri aka Ancient Rome, is so much better than Kansas!

  370. Jenny, why is Montana not on the list? You are missing such an opportunity to find all manner of stuffed dead things. Montanas love stuffed dead shit. Many of us like your book too.

  372. I’m also a mom. Also a geek. Also with anxiety, and mine is in large part the reason I avoid driving as though it were the bubonic plague.

    Thought of you when I saw this today, enjoy (2/5/13) : http://shirt.woot.com/

  373. Please please come back to DC….was having panic attack issues the last time you were in town so I couldn’t make it. Maybe find place with a big ladies room so I can meet you there? Thanks!!!!

  380. Come back to Colorado!! I will come and see you and I will bring all of my friends. Ok so I don’ t have any friends, but I will find some….

  382. My offer of bringing in a taxidermied moose (like full, complete, entire moose) that you can actually sit on is still valid if you include Fairbanks, Alaska to the book tour… Hell, you could give a reading from the top of the moose. It would be awesome!

  383. Arrrrgh, no SoCal stops. =( Missed them last time because of my job, now I’m unemployed and don’t have the cash to drive up to NorCal. Q.Q

  385. OK, so I absolutely adore you and would totally be your BFF and stalk you if it weren’t for the whole you in TX me in IL thing. But thought you would like to know that the tour stop for Chicago isn’t actually in chicago. {I have a big ole sad face right now.} Your tourr is in some suburb of Chicago where i probably won’t be able to get to to tell you how mch your experiences in animal husbandry made me giggle out loud in public.

  389. I was so excited to see you’re coming to STL, but I really wanted to take my sister to see you, but she’s only 20 and says min age is 21 for the STL event. We all loved your book, but I think she could especially relate since she’s been battling fibromyalgia for years. Any chance part of the event would be okay for under 21 participants? I would love the chance to bring her!

  391. I need you to either come to portland, oregon or so.ewhere near lexington, ky so I can send my little brother to get your autograph for me… think you can pencil that in?

  392. So now I see the challenge in purchasing books for the kindle. No autographs!!!!! Will definitely need to rethink this.

  393. OH NO! I worry for you….the book tour took it all out of you last time, and now you’re going back into the fire! You are brave for getting back on the horse, (I’m mixing my metaphors!) but with my own experience with depression, I avoid the triggers. And that kind of sucks.
    You have my admiration for living life the way you want to, and saying F**k You to the black cloud that is itching to come back.
    Hugs,
    Vee from SD

  396. I’m so excited that you will be in Danville, CA. I’m so going to go and see you and probably cry because I get too excited when I meet someone that I love. But totally not in a creepy, stalkerish way. I’m so just excited!!!!

  399. Well, woulda look at that. The Bloggess is coming to San Jose, CA. On April 3. At 7pm. A location, date and time that I can actually make.

    Because this is an obvious miracle, and I am not an ignorer of miracles, I shall be there! Though I will not have a jarred brain or live kitten to offer. Though, depending on the future health of my very old and mean cat, I may have a jarred cat.

    I am going to check eBay for a giant jar. See you in April!

  402. LOUISVILLE, BABY. You just made my spring. Working on ways to create a fundraiser for the Traveling Red Dress or silver ribbon Mental Health awareness!!!

  404. If you come to Goshen, Ind., I promise you a ride in an Amish buggy. And noodles. Lots of noodles.

  405. Seriously, nothing in the Pacific Northwest? Can we interest you in Sasquatch? C’mon, we love you up here! Please??

  407. WAAAAAAAAAH!! You’re not coming to WOVERINES *FISTPUMP*!!!

    I think I speak for everyone in this great state of WOLVERINES *FISTPUMP!!* that we’re feeling just a TAD slighted over here.

    I promise if you come to WOLVERINES *FISTPUMP* we’ll significantly add to your creative taxidermy collection!!

    Please?

  408. Remember how much you loved Seattle? Come back and love us some more. Just don’t go to Costco.

  409. Here’s another vote for Omaha! Please please please??? And somebody mentioned our WORLD-CLASS ZOO? Damn straight!

  415. YOU ARE COMING TO NAPERVILLE???? SO MUCH HAPPINESS!!! It’s like you KNEW I was devastated last time I couldn’t come when you were in Chicago.

  417. You are coming to St. Louis! I will be there, but not with bells on, because they creep me out a little bit.

  419. Since you are going to Ohio you should pop up to see us in Detroit. Splendors abound in Detroit. Seriously..please come!

  423. What? No Minneapolis stop?!! I’m pretty sure our state is the birthplace of taxidermy!

  424. How about Doylestown, PA? Not too far from Philadelphia and there is a great Independent bookstore with a bed and breakfast just down the block. My friend Sarah (www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com) did a reading from her first book there.

  425. Will they never send you to Las Vegas? 🙁 I wish you the best of luck and safe traveling

  427. Point of clarification – the Kansas City airport is in fact in Missouri. And while it is in the sticks, it is the most convenient airport ever from which to depart. You’ll see!

  429. You should make a stop in El Paso on your way home from Pheonix. Even though I’ll be getting married that week I will totally take time out of my being a bride schedule (which I am really not looking forward to) to come to your book signing. Just don’t make it on April 13th at 6pm…my future husband might not appreciate that too much.

    Can I bribe you with cake? Or even an invite to the wedding?

  430. Holy shit, y’all. This is the funniest thing I have read. Ever. Looking forward to stalking you non-creepily while you are in Ohio.

  432. I just did a full on GASP SHOCKED FACE ALMOST CRY because you are coming to :

    DAYTON OHIO!!!!!!!!!

    OMG. I am so excited. I am going to fall over.

    Don’t worry, we have good things in Dayton. Like a musty, moldy horrifyingly awkward air force museum that people from all over the world come to see (and if my family makes me go to one more time, I will punch them).

    We also invented the ice cube tray, you are welcome. (And the ice cream cone. And the YO-YO.)

    When you fly in, make sure that you stop by the airport shop and get the featured “Nothing Tips Like a Cow” t-shirt. In yellow or green!

    Also, Forbes recently rated Dayton as the #1 happiest city to work in right now. Don’t worry, it’s not true. We’re all kind of wondering what they put in the water at Forbes right now.

  435. How did KNOXVEGAS get left off again?!?! (Knoxville, TN)
    That would be like the most exciting thing since…well, ever here!

  436. Sooo close but so far. Why does “Chicago” have to mean 1-2 hours drive outside the city? (“they” – whoever they are – always do this to me).

  439. I am starting to feel that you have something against Indianapolis.

    I mean, you’d fit right in in Indiana – plenty of rednecks who like taxidermy. You could probably find some neat new critters to bring home to fit into your critter-land!

    🙂

  441. it’s so totally appropriate that you’re reading in San Francisco on April Fool’s Day!

  442. Serious question!! How do you feel about cheesecake?

    (I love it. It does not love me. ~ Jenny)

  447. Pittsburgh Pittsburgh Pittsburgh Pittsburgh Pittsburgh Pittsburgh Pittsburgh, please dearest jeebus, come to PITTSBURGH!!!!!

  448. Bah, You need to come to Lawrence, KANSAS (you’d get to come over to the Kansas side!) It’s not too far away, unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it since it’s on a weeknight and I work early :/ Oh well, maybe next time. I loved the book and my husband complained that he couldn’t lay on my boobs and read since I was laughing for a good portion of the book.

  450. Fabulous! I hope that Seattle or any major city within a 5 hour driving radius is added.

  451. SOOO excited you’re coming to San Jose. But really, they put you at the worst possible mall in a sketchy side of town. If it’s not too late, maybe you can talk them into, well, ANY other Barnes and Noble in the area. But I will be there anyways. Toodles!

  453. I’m unreasonably and unhingedly crushed that you’re not swinging by SoCal. For the past five minutes, I’ve been researching the other California locations, checking dates, and considering the feasibility of a 14 round trip drive through L.A. on a weeknight prior to an 8AM-6PM workday in my 15 year old van, Alvin. It would be a really cool way to reach the 250,000 mile mark, but it might also mean getting stranded in Compton at 3AM or something and I’m not sure how my boyfriend would respond to the frantic call that would necessarily follow. Going to consult with my bff and either get talked down or hatch an even crazier plan. Might see you at one of the Cali locations or in AZ, maybe with a great hitchhiking story or some new friends from AAA. Haven’t done anything wild and escapey since the Salton Sea. Don’t ever go there in the summer. I can’t talk about it without feeling queasy. Sidenote, however – I now know a website where you can score a framed souvenir fish carcass from one of the die-offs.

  456. Just bought my tickets for the Kansas City event!!! So excited you’re coming here!!

  457. I’m so bummed-you’re coming while I’m away on business! You suck! Ok, you don’t, but kinda for choosing this date! Can’t a womsn make a living 🙂 I hate smilies!

  458. I almost threw my laptop across the room as I jumped up in excitement!!! What? Jenny Lawson in my Joseph Beth!! I called immediately to see if I needed a ticket. I haven’t been this jazzed in a while. Counting down the days. If we are past daylight savings time it may be light enough for readings in the parking lot. Yeah!!!

  460. Why can’t your book tour include South Jersey?? North Jersey gets everything, great snowstorm tonight, great shopping and lets not forget they have the murder capital of the world. We here in south jersey only have 2nd highest murder rate in Camden and alas no Jenny. We truly are the red headed step child.

  461. Reallllyyy? No TEXAS? That’s pretty disappointing. :-/ Hmph. Maybe you will add more locations (San Antonio, Austin, Dallas..I’ll take almost anything).

  462. I am SOFA KING sad that I moved from Cincy and will not be there for the reading you arranged for my birthday. It would have been the best. birthday party. ever.

  465. The Rainy Day Books gig is actually going to be at Unity on the Plaza. Which is a marvelous place to see a speaker/author/etc. We got our tickets, actually two sets. So SQUEE, we are going to be there!

  467. Holy Chrimoly!!!! You’re coming to my part of the world soon! It looks like I’ll be making a trip to Dayton soon!

  468. I’m really excited that you’re coming to KC. And, as someone who lives on the Kansas side of the metro area, I really wanted to convince you to come to our side of the state line with some quirky thing (and we do have a famous stuffed horse, but he lives in Lawrence, which is a bit of a drive from Kansas City).

    But then I found this. And now I think that you might need to spend any free time you have in Independence (a MO-side suburb). https://www.facebook.com/pages/Leilas-Hair-Museum/210681535670290

  469. Why not Canada? Maybe cause it’s bloody cold up here in Calgary, that’s probably why…but that’s also why we need you. We love you. You make us laugh. And we are sounding too needy. But, you would sell a lot of books. We even have Costco parking lots if you are feeling nostalgic about that experience. But bring your parka, mittens, toque (Canadian for knitted cap) and boots if you come before May.

  471. Yay for the new tour! But please tell me you’ll come to Atlanta sometime in the near future. Oh, please tell me that.

  472. Crud, I USED TO LIVE CATTY CORNER ACROSS THE STREET FROM LEFT BANK BOOKS IN ST. LOUIS, MO :(. Shoot, darn, heck, frack, etc… Too bad you’re not coming to the Tattered Cover in Denver. It’s pretty cool. Have fun.

  473. Please come to Pittsburgh. You seem to come right through between New York and Ohio. I noticed that there are 12 occurrences of people in Pittsburgh asking you to please come here on this thread alone. I believe that means we here in da burgh would welcome you with open arms and not creepily stalk you or anything 🙂

    Pittsburgh is super cool. Its not a large metropolis, but we were the site where the last Batman was filmed so you could say that we are Gotham. The people in Pittsburgh rock. We are all super friendly. We have actually turned a parking lot into a park (Schenley Plaza). And the Cathedral of Learning across the street from the lot turned park is a gothic cathedral on crack (26 stories) and used for secular education. Its rather cool and ironic (and the nationality rooms are fascinating).

    We put french fries in sandwiches and on salads. Seriously, I think its a law here. The New York Times has suggested that Pittsburgh is not only a great getaway spot, but a good place to move!

    I think that those are enough reasons for now. More can be provided upon request.

  475. You’ll be in my neck of the woods -somewhat- on my birthday. Yay!! It won’t be sucky after all.

  476. Wish you would have been able to fit Tucson, AZ on your list. Will have missed you both times, but I still totally love your book (will by the paperback for the extra chapter). Maybe get to see you on yor next book.
    Have fun on tour.

  479. There are a couple Books, Inc. locations in SF. Hoping for an update with a specific location? I may drive in from Sacramento.

  481. I never win. Prove me wrong. 😉
    Tracking the tour to see how it lines up with my travel, may catch you this time, I missed in Boston last go around.

  483. Could you please come to Rochester, MN? You can have your choice of Costco or Sam’s Club parking lots!

  485. Would love for you to come to Vancouver, BC. Was in Village Books in Fairhaven (near Bellingham, WA) and saw a huge cardboard ad for Let’s Pretend. They had a great spot with a desk for you to sign books. Nudge, nudge. Please ask the PTB to bring you up this way! Please!

  487. while you are on book tour, I will be in the town where you bought Beyonce. Life is so unfair.

  488. Please come to Hershey, PA, or at least somewhere close to Central PA. We have chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate…
    While you’re signing books in Ohio just tell them you need to use the restroom and then when they’re not looking, slip out the bathroom window and tell your driver to head east and don’t stop until you smell chocolate.

  492. I just had this awesome visual in my head of you starting every leg of your tour, running out and fist pumping to Paperback Writer (Beatles, obvy) like a motivational speaker hopped up on blow (or Oprah on big giveaway days). It’s a hilarious thing to envision.

  496. So sad to see that you’re still not coming to Michigan. I will order the paperback and will maybe trade for my hardcover that I gave to my friend to read months ago. She said she’s still not finished reading it – how can that be? Thank you for being you Jenny, you deserve everything good that has come your way.

  497. How do we convince your publisher to send you to Raleigh/Durham? What is their favorite flavor of crack?

  500. Okay, so maybe the Omaha Zoo is not enough incitement. I get it, you prefer dead animals. We have BOOZE too!! And if you prefer we can find a cozy bathroom for you to sign books in and no one will even notice because the lines for the women’s room is always around the corner. Did I mention the booze? I would love to see you again. 🙂

  501. What???? No trip to London. Boooooo. And I was going to take you on a personal tour that would include a walk-by of that two-headed taxidermied cat I took a picture of JUST FOR YOU.

  507. I second Cathy’s comment! What do you have against Buffalo? Its an interesting city filled with the friendliest people, and I even know of a really great taxidermy shop you could visit while you’re here!

  508. I asked my friend what I should say to get you to add Omaha, NE to your tour… it went like this:

    ME:”Jenny Lawson is on tour, but the closest town is KC. How can we get her here?”
    HIM: “Say this:BEEEOTCH! You’re too good for Omaha!”
    ME: “I’m not calling Jenny Lawson a BEEEOTCH!”
    HIM” Tell her Counting Crows wrote a song about Omaha and if it was cool enough for them it should be cool enough for her!”
    ME: “What’s the song called?
    HIM:”Omaha! You’d think you’d know that being from Omaha! Seriously?”
    ME: “I’ll youtube it….”
    (More dialogue about the crazy home made Omaha videos on youtube…PLEASE don’t look. You’ll be disturbed.)
    ME:”I think I’ll just use this conversation.”
    Also, I googled taxidermy Omaha and 10 places popped up. Surely, that says Omaha is the place for you!

  510. Puh-lease stop by on your way home to The Woodlands/Houston area!!! If you do I will go find you the most F-ed up thing on the side of the road!!!!

  511. I’ll totally buy dinner and let you pet my cats if you just swing through des moines ia!

  512. To put what I’m about to say in context, I live in Australia. In March, I will be flying ALL THE WAY from Australia to the US. That’s really far and will require many, many hours of sitting folded into a tiny seat listening to other people’s children whinge. And now I find out you’re going to be in all the cities I’m going to, but on the wrong dates. It’s like you’re deliberately avoiding me. Is that what’s happening here? Do you just hate Australians? There is NOTHING WRONG with vegemite, JENNY.

  518. You should come to Warrenton, VA. Last April they filmed some of the stuff from J. Edgar here! Well, the courtroom stuff, but it’s totally our town!

    Fine, just something close to DC. I’ll drive to Gaithersburg like last time if I must, that was fun even though it was 5000 degrees. But I got to meet YOU!!!. And I got to meet Barathunde Thurston, too, who called me racist, which was lots more fun than it sounds.

    Sooooo… extend the tour, perhaps???

  519. I am squeeling! Finally someone I adore is touring where I live!! See you March 20th in Cin City!!!

  520. EFFING THURSDAYS! Anderson’s bookstore in Chicago (well, Naperville, but whatever) is across the street from my library and they ALWAYS have the best events on Thursday nights! So I will be across the street giving awesome literature to children but know that there is one more person with you in spirit. And not in a creepy ghostly way. (I might stop by at 9 and see if the party is still going.)

  521. Any chance you’ll ever some to Salt Lake City. You’re seriously my hero, and It would probably make my life 1000xs better if I ever got to meet you!

  522. Hey–Why don’t you come on down the road to Austin?? I listened your audio book and I just want to be sure it really WAS you speaking on it…if you were to tour here and give a reading I could verify that itwas, indeed,you speaking on your audio book and not some overpaid voice actor …Anyway…loved your book, which brought back memories(nightmares) of my own childhood…hope to hear you soon

  523. You should totally come to Binghamton NY- wait- no you shouldn’t-you should never ever go to Binghamton NY- This is why you should never listen to a random stranger on the internet- you could wind up visiting a place like Binghamton NY….

  524. Las Vegas should really be on the itinerary… just sayin. I’d show up… but now it’s looking like I’ll have to make another trip to Phoenix… OH, and what are the odds you’d sign my Kindle.. since I don’t have an actual book. Maybe I’ll buy the paperback JUST so I can get your siggie, and the extra chapter… hmmmm… Still voting for adding Vegas though.. I’d save enough money to buy a few paperbacks.

  525. I already tweeted..or I think I did..Please tell your people to book in MA!! (sorry don’t know how to spell it) as I just moved here from the West Coast. Missed ya there and don’t wanna miss ya again..Congrats from MA either way!!

  529. And the one opportunity I would get when you come to the midwest I’m out of town BOTH DAYSSS. Come to Indianapolis. Please?

  530. I’m so excited you’re coming to the bay area on your tour. But, I have to tell you that I think you’re cooler than only going to San Jose. I think you should also check out Book Passage in Mill Valley, http://www.bookpassage.com/
    I think you should do a reading there too. I’ll tell everyone. We’ll pack the place and I’ll never unfollow you on twitter.
    Please?

  531. You should squeeze in a visit to the Joseph Beth in Lexington, KY. (I mean you’re hitting B&N in Louisville…and then hitting Joseph Beth in Cinci….so close…so close…)

  532. One word.
    Canada.
    Yes, it is cold. Yes, it is far. BUT, think of the advantages.
    Nice people. Except me of course because I am a 48 year old, mother of two bad ass. Yea, that’s right. I am scary. Until suppertime and then my kids are scary.
    Igloos. No we don’t live in them but maybe you would come if you thought we did because really, an igloo? How cool is that?
    Polar Bears. Yes, we have them (waaaaaaay up north) but better come quick since it seems we have completely fucked up the environment and are killing them off. I guess we aren’t that nice after all.
    Other than those items, we are exactly like you. Insane. Please come.
    Your biggest Canadian fan,
    Bel

  536. Frowny face…why no Seattle??? There’s no snow…everything is REALLY green!! Come to Seattle!!!!

  538. Hey, about about Maine — it’s a lot like Texas, only colder. Or at least somewhere in New England. I’d even buy a copy of the book for you to sign, even though a friend already lent me her copy.

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It\'s like I\'m stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

Discover more from The Bloggess

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading