Truth in advertising. (Warning: If taxidermy creeps you out you probably shouldn't be here at all.)

me:  ARGH.

Victor:  What are you complaining about-OH HOLY GOD, tell me you didn’t just buy that.

me:  Worse.  I was just outbid on it.

Not many dead, octogenarian half-rabbits can pull off such a seductive pose.

That’s right.  It’s a rabbit head sewn on a human body.  I bid on it because it’s awesome and also because of the description:

“…and the foot is missing/Her right hand has no fingers…found this in a box in the roof/  With the foxs.”

It’s like Sylvia Plath wrote this shit, y’all.  

PS.  I found this right afterward because ebay is like this dick friend who is all “Hey, you like fucked-up shit?  LOOK AT THIS FUCKED UP SHIT, YO.”

Sir, your squirrel is neither "flying", nor should it be classified as "new". Don't be an asshole.

I’m pretty sure this is the exact opposite of truth in advertising.

244 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Totally exact opposite! Seriously, MY EYES, MY EYES!!

    thedoseofreality recently posted LEGO My Toys!.

  2. The flying squirrel is “New”?

    …Not “Used”?

    whiskeypants recently posted Privilege II: Yes, You Have Privilege.

  3. The best way to start my day is here. This is hysterical. Thank you for the laugh so early in my day.

  4. Can’t. Stop. Looking.

    Andrea Mulder-Slater recently posted Relax. Don't do it..

  5. HOW DO YOU FIND THIS STUFF? It’s my ambition in life to live in a dark house full of weird taxidermy and fairy lights. I told this to mt media studies teacher, and now he won’t talk to me.

    Az recently posted Dear The Tories, We Don't Burn Protestants Any More.

  6. Damn you advertisers!! :D

    Miss Gee recently posted When Snippets From Childhood Start To Make Sense..

  7. “Flying squirrel. Some assistance required.”

    Amanda recently posted and the snow may devour us all.

  8. My best friend sends me shit like that allllll of the time. She has a “fucked up browser” that she only uses to look at stuff that she doesn’t want anyone else to see. I’m not sure why she would hide this from everyone else, but then send me a link to open on the only browser I have, but she does.

    For the record, you cannot stab out your mind’s eye. I tried.

    Maternal Damnation recently posted Goodnight My Someone.

  9. I’d be more concerned if it were described as “Like New — only used once.”

    Used for what?

    USED FOR WHAT!?!?!?!

    Patent recently posted The current state of baby names.

  10. OMG, I need to know who outbid you! Why are you two not friends?? I love the internet, where anything can be labeled “new”!

    Queen Eisheba recently posted Love Is In The Air #OPVALENTINE.

  11. The things you can find on ebay…looks like my kind of world. I never even knew. Guess I know where I’ll be buying next years Christmas presents.

    Danielle recently posted Terrifical Tuesday (with pictures!).

  12. That flying squirrel is nowhere NEAR as f’ed up as the amputee bunny lady. Ebay dropped the ball on that one.

  13. I am flabbergasted someone other than you would want this. It seems tailor made for you. But being outbid shocks the snot out of me!

  14. That’s it. Next time I am bored at work I am going to search ebay for taxidermied things. Then if I win something I will bring it to work.

  15. I read “With the foxs” as code for “What the fuck” at first. Because that’s exactly what I would think if I found a seductive half doll/half dead rabbit randomly in a box in MY roof. Just after “SCORE” and right before “do I need an exorcist?”

    Eva Halloween recently posted The Lips of a Strange Woman: The Pulp Art of Margaret Brundage.

  16. I’m pretty sure the ‘New’ describes how recently this no-longer-flying squirrel was found. Or not. I really have no clue. That ad is just falsely silly.

  17. It amazes me how easily surprised Victor is. I mean, shouldn’t he be used to this by now?

    Carol recently posted Life is about the little things that make us happy, right?.

  18. Holy Mother of God, that’s disturbing!

  19. That squirrel is obscene and I don’t like the way it makes me feel.

  20. ..and still I can’t get anyone to buy my daughter’s old Little Tykes kitchen set. WTF.

    Maybe I should dress up a dead mouse as Alice and pose her at the stove.

    moooooog35 recently posted I'm pretty sure this is the dream MLK was talking about.

  21. If you’re interested, the exterminator comes tomorrow to evict a family of squatters (no I don’t mean my in-laws).

  22. I like the precisely descriptive use of anthropomorphic… combined with absolutely zero punctuation.

    Victoria Elizabeth recently posted Sartre said: Hell is other people… but he never tried to customize a tabber widget..

  23. Poor thing flew right into a glass window!

    Thank you so much for this post! I needed a good morning laugh!

    Ericamos recently posted Alien Project-In Which You See What Sort of Nonsense Runs Through My Brain.

  24. oh, that first one is obviously meant for you! I’m sorry. Also, that Victor says Holy God cracked me up.

    And that squirrel is definitely neither new nor flying. You can tell you are in your wheelhouse here.

    I adore you. I don’t think anyone else could make me interested in dead animals. I’m not sure that’s sounding like quite the compliment I mean it to be.

    Shutting up now.

    Em recently posted List It: A Toolkit For Tough Times.

  25. …How can you “use” a piece of taxidermy?

    Claire J recently posted [7 Pictures, 7 Stories].

  26. 27
    NtYtCrzyCatLdy

    What amazes me is that someone was paying $119 for it! The right foot is missing and the right hand has no fingers? Sounds like a rabbit head mob hit to me.

  27. and now I can’t unsee THAT either. Damn it.

    Adrienn recently posted Growing up in the eighties.

  28. You are a terrible influence because now I wan to go surfing on -bay just to see what aweful things I can find. Thanks for that! Just…thanks.

    Chris Dean recently posted Twitter’s Gonna Make Me Rich And I Discovered The Chupafaun!.

  29. There are times I think “we could totally be friends, that Bloggess and I” (and I might think it in the creepy internet stalker way.) But, like, you know… then I see a rat head or whatever the fuck on a barbie body, and then I’m like… “maybe she’s too, um… cool for me. And popular. Yes. That’s it. I’m outclassed.”

    Now, if you could find me an owl in spectacles or an awesome hat, I would call it Horny McHooters and we could all be friends for life. (I stalked this to you on twitter already, but did you reply? DID YOU!? No. Like you’re too busy for my random creepy tweets or something. Whatever.)

    The Maven recently posted When I Think About Me, I Neglect Myself.

  30. That’s some shit that you can’t be unseen. Funny though!

    GK Adams recently posted My Writing Life.

  31. Shouldn’t the description have read “a box in the roof, with the foxen?”

  32. 33
    Milena DeDobbelaere

    AMC has created a show about taxidermy called IMMORTALIZED. It begins on Thursday, February 14th.

    About the Show
    AMC’s unscripted series brings viewers into the captivating and provocative world of creative and competitive taxidermy. Immortalized explores the passionate detail and artistic expression that goes into creating this compelling art. Each episode will feature one of four highly regarded “Immortalizers” facing off against a “Challenger” in a competition. Their task is to create a piece to be judged on three criteria: originality, craftsmanship and interpretation of the designated theme. Whether the artists are known for their classic or rogue creations, each week they will work to perfect this centuries-old art form in an unprecedented battle. “No Guts, All Glory.” Premieres Thu., Feb. 14 at 10/9c, only on AMC.

    http://www.amctv.com/shows/immortalized

  33. Is that a rabbit head sewn onto a Barbie body? I approve because 1) an actual human body would be just…creepy (and really, far too large, unless someone found a Pygmy) and 2) let’s be honest: Barbie could use a better face.

    And a sandwich.

    Jess recently posted I don't have a problem....

  34. outbid… I am speechless… Well I was until I saw what should have been labeled “NON” FLYING SQUIRREL
    Carrie from Just Mildly Medicated

    Carrie recently posted Parenting from the couch.

  35. This post actually gave me the heebie geebies.

  36. I read dick friend as dick-friend, and had a surprised moment wondering if Victor was ok with that.

  37. Found in a box on the roof of where! This makes all the difference!

    Teresa recently posted I look dangerously good in a sweatband..

  38. Her arms and legs have been seen on with thread at some point.

    Oh. Yeah.

    Alie Kriofske recently posted Good is not a specific enough word, in my opinion..

  39. Am I the only person hoping you get a box very soon and it has sexy rabbit head lady stored near the foxes in it, sent from a fan?!?!
    And that flying squirrel was totally used! Actually I’m pretty sure it was an abusive relationship and there should be an investigation into it’s death. It’s quite suspicious.
    RIP poor little abused and used flying squirrel. We only wish you really were still new.

    Rea recently posted Like-minded parents DO exist!.

  40. funny stuff i never knew was funny (or that it even existed) LOVE YOU!

  41. Oh my god.

    Lix recently posted Photography: Carried Away.

  42. I don’t want any of these, but I find your fascination, fascinating. But the next time I go to Calgary, later this month, I am SO going to the Gopher Hole Museum and get you a souvenir.

    http://www.jky.net/albums/gopher-museum_index.html

    GeekGoddess recently posted Cruising, With Cabins, Size Matters…..

  43. So, would ebay be a good place to find a lightly used taxidermied hermaphrodite pigmy marmoset dressed as a tranny hooker with potential reanimation properties?
    ASKING FOR A FRIEND.

    Banana Stickers recently posted Zesty as Fuck.

  44. Be jealous-my friend just got me an alligator dressed as a pirate….aaarrgghh

    Mary Anne recently posted Cancer Sucks. Blue Hair Does NOT!.

  45. If it wasn’t for you, I would have NO idea what weird and interesting things are out there just waiting to be found … after seeing the rabbit lady, I’m trying to decide if this is a good thing lol!

    Cheryl recently posted Missing: My Sanity.

  46. I am not the one who outbid you on the rabbit, but I kind of wish I was. I mean, Valentine’s Day is next week.

    Observacious recently posted List 30: Being a parent is f***ing awesome!.

  47. Just realized there is a part of Ebay I’ve NEVER been to!!

  48. I never use eBay and had no idea it could provide such entertainment. The next time I need to buy a brand spanking new dead flying squirrel I know where to look.

    Lovelyn recently posted My Thoughts on the Super Bowl.

  49. I just got kicked out of the library for laughing out loud.

    Burns the Fire recently posted Puppy Love 4: C’est La Vie.

  50. I can’t stop staring at the mutant Rabbit/Barbie. It reminds me of the Rat King in The Nutcracker. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like the fucking Rat King.

    Amy recently posted Super Snot Tot- February 4, 2013.

  51. I hope the seller found that as he was packing to move out of his obviously cursed dwelling. Why else would that be in your attic! It’s a good thing you were outbid-there’s bad mojo there!!

    Rabia @ TheLiebers recently posted That's What Friends Are For.

  52. Okay, there is no way that rabbit thing is not haunted. Some murdered women’s soul is in that thing.

    Holly Folly recently posted Things I Have Learned After Watching Star Trek Drunk..

  53. I’m trying to figure out who in the hell sews a rabbit head on a body. It’s like Beatrix Potter meets a serial killer – or something like that. How big is that thing? I’m just really freaked out by this human bodied rabbit. I have nightmare material for months now. Thanks a fucking lot! :o)

  54. Man, when are $120 Taxidermy rabbit heads with sewn on human bodies gonna come with a “buy it now” feature? This is what’s wrong with America!

    thedavidcmurphy recently posted Our Last Dance Together....

  55. 56
    Valerie Power

    Is the “flying” squirrel supposed to be do it yourself taxidermy?

  56. Just curious…had you won, what does shipping run on a rabbit-head doll from the UK to the US?

    (I think it was like 20 bucks. ~Jenny)

    Chuck Baudeliare recently posted What Do You Mean You Don't Want to Dress Like Mommy?.

  57. So you are planning on watching the new AMC show Immortalized right. They have one episode up on the AMC website now. Nothing like a taxidermy game show to make a girls day.

  58. There’s a market on Ebay for dead animals? Sweeeeeet my Hubby just found his new part time job! ( he’s a hunter and we live on a rural road with..well…road kill.) He doesn’t pilfer places for them or anything….thought I should clarify, but maybe should have stopped after the sweet part. hhmm…

    Nickie recently posted The 15 Best: Valentine Edition.

  59. As much as I respect you…

    that. is. seriously. creepy.

    Sabrina recently posted The Versatile Blogger Award.

  60. Ok I can’t resist..Who sells this shit!! I have Ebay account and inquiring minds want to know, because this was just too damn ridiculous not to look, lol!!

  61. OMG I love you. “With the foxes.”

    Ashley recently posted The American Medical Community.

  62. Well, he’s new to you.

  63. So is the non-flying flying squirrel alive or dead? If it is dead, is it taxidermied? What is its name? That guy needs to get his shit together or he’ll never become an ebay millionaire.

    The Suzzzz recently posted Sweetly Divine - Daily Special: BIGOS!.

  64. 65
    Christina @ The Beautiful Balance

    So disturbing! I don’t even want to know the psychoanalysis of the person who outbid you!

    Christina @ The Beautiful Balance recently posted Stripes & Fringe.

  65. Outbid on leg-less, finger-less rabbit headed barbie to a tune of 120 dollars? Is there a market I’m missing? I would like to buy some financial derivatives on this.

  66. Apparently, he was not cleared for take off….

    Synnove @ Don't Chew On The Dinner Table! recently posted Bitten by the Love Bug... and a few other things..

  67. Uhm. Yeah. That’s pretty messed up. The foxs. Shuree.

    Andrea recently posted You know you're a mom when ....

  68. Oh no, take my eyes, but not my lady anthropomorphic taxidermy rabbit!

  69. 70
    Jaye Richardson

    Oh…please tell me you still have a chance to score those mythical foxs…or is it the mythical foxs…or a mythical foxs…or a farthing of foxs…cannot keep them straight…stupid grammer!

  70. Easy enough to make into a flying squirrel… just add slingshot…

  71. Victor deserves a medal.

  72. @ Travis Cotton- you took the thought right from my head!

  73. I REJECT this post entirely…because of the lady-rabbit-head-with-missing-fingers-and-and-and — WHO THE HELL *DOES* THAT?!?!?

    *checks clock*
    *sees that it is currently happy hour SOMEWHERE*
    *opens tequila*

  74. My favorite part: “with the foxes.” Nice little detail.

    Natalie the Singingfool recently posted Thank Goodness I Don’t Look Like Keith Richards Yet.

  75. I am gratefully assuming that the absence of junk means female flying squirrel.

    My Half Assed Life recently posted If You Don't Know What You're Looking For, Google Can't Help You.

  76. I see your rabbit human hybrid and raise you this: A diorama of a duckling with a Jason mask on a murder spree

    http://www.ebay.com/itm/Jason-Friday-the-13th-Anthropomorphic-Taxidermy-Diorama-Camp-Crystal-Lake-/251223452617?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3a7e15abc9

  77. Perhaps, Victor was actually bidding against you, and it is your Valentine’s gift!?
    Or a fan is sending it to you…. I mean, that rabbit/human pretty much screams your name.

    Also, I’m really curious about this box that was found “in” the roof with the foxes. As though they have also tamed a troop of “foxen” (that one is for you), but they keep theirs in their roof.

  78. yes, taxidermy creeps me out, but i love your posts a lot. so, this is the place for me? god, who could not love the half human half rabbit? and he found it in a box “in” the roof? shit. with the “foxs”? better shit could not be MADE UP.

    monica recently posted Going for a world record..

  79. So I want to know more about the foxes….is he selling them as well? Are they attached to human body parts? You really do need to research this stuff better.

    (I checked. There are no foxes for sale and he doesn’t mention them anywhere else. It’s sort of insane. ~Jenny)

  80. “With the foxs.” Wow. Awesome.

  81. Thanks to my ex-husband, the most disturbing part of this post is the grammar and punctuation in the ad…

  82. Taxidermy Oversharing – the sequel

    Denise Malloy recently posted When The Girls Go South.

  83. Hey, we get flying squirrels in our attic every autumn. The cats loved it: hunting season! in the house! Eventually we would find a dead, desiccated flying squirrel or three under the couch or some such place. Let me know if you want me to save you one. Free for the shipping.

  84. Thank you, for making me laugh out loud. I’m wondering if the blog post I put up today will make anyone laugh out loud!

    Kelley
    Kdiaries.com

    Kelley recently posted What Really Went Through My Head When Becoming a Stay at Home Mom..

  85. And now all I can hear in my brain is the TV Commercial voice from Toy Story saying “Not a flying toy.”

    Jenny recently posted Going to Guild - Bonnie Hunter!.

  86. So this is only tangentially related, but have you seen the new YouTube series The Brain Scoop? You should watch because it’s delightful, but the point is that every time I watch it, I think about you . . . which sounds creepy typed out like that, but it’s because of the taxidermy so it totally makes sense.

    Ashley recently posted tv is eating my face.

  87. Does anyone else picture it having a tea party with the foxes in the roof?

  88. Oh, Jenny. I just threw up on my desk. And I thank you for that – I’ve been wanting to get back into bulimia.

    Simone recently posted The Hero's Journey.

  89. 90
    mydogfartswhenshebarks!

    OMG! ROTFLMAO!!

    You can’t make this shit up!

    It also cannot be UNSEEN!

    And for #33…Sign up your dad to participate in that show! But you’ll have to put a notice in your blog so all of us can watch it.

  90. lmao thank goodness for you! On the worst of depressed days you make me laugh like a jackass

  91. Well, to be fair, that squirrel *could* be flying. If you duct taped a firecracker to it…

    Dana the Biped recently posted The First Person to Make a Sandwich Joke Is Going to Get a Knuckle Sandwich Instead..

  92. I was all HA HA HA and then I was like all EW EW EW…scored a perfect 10 with this post!

    JENN recently posted You Forgot My Whiskey…But I Still Love You.

  93. Is it wrong that I find the first one fascintating, but the second one is just sad. That person’s an asshole. He needs to taxidermy that little squirrel STAT!!!

  94. I bet you could find a couple of little, brightly coloured rabbits’ feet and sew them on like fuzzy slipperas. Maybe one of the missing foot and the other beside the intact foot….as though it was kicked off in the height of bunny passion. That would certainly add a bit of dash and dishabille to the scene, dontcha think?

    Sj recently posted What People Want?.

  95. Have you seen this? This is the classiest, prettiest taxidermy I have ever laid eyes on, which does not at all negate the “scary-as-fuck” factor (at least to me). Seriously, check this shit out.

    http://www.jaski.nl/default.aspx?page=337&switchToLang=EN

  96. Technically, that squirrel is flying heaven.

  97. That flying squirrel would make a totally awesome area rug for a doll house. Just sayin.

    Lolia at Summer of George recently posted M Shop Design.

  98. Kinda wacky looking and twisted, but I get it!

  99. Sylvia Plath, indeed! (I’m so giggling right now, which is pretty wrong because there really isn’t anything funny about poor Sylvia…except in this situation as pertains to the gentleman’s eBay poetry).

    Give that thing a Disney Barbie princess dress and you could sell the characters to Disney for a new, hit movie with songs and a love interest. I’ll bet Disney animators could come up with a killer storyline complete with foxs in the roof and probably an awesome flying squirrel love interest.

    MILF Runner recently posted Holy Shit, I ran yesterday!.

  100. Proof that you haven’t reached the end of the internet. Keep going!!!

    Smokeynall recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  101. 102
    Alicia York

    It’s really such a shame that foxs don’t play more nicely with their toys.. spoiled, I say.

  102. I’m confused as to whether she is confusing the word “roof” with “storage shed” or “Foxs” with “rats.” Or maybe she lives in an underground bunker. In that case, maybe the roof with foxes is preferable to the closet with moles. Do moles eat dead rat/dolls? Either way, it sounds like it was written by the same people who write the Nigerian Prince e-mails.

    Amanda recently posted My Blog's Identity Crisis- Help!.

  103. The truly sad thing about the squirrel? He died before he could finish his math homework. He probably took one look at the textbook and keeled over right there on the paper. He was all excited to use his new yellow ruler, too. Then he saw the equations. So sad. So sad. This eBay auction is living (as in, “dead”) proof that math can be fucking lethal.

    Sweet Sassyfats recently posted Because Your Cholesterol Level Doesn't Matter If You're Dead.

  104. This new Redfin collection of house listings is called “Extreme Taxidermy”. From the pictures I looked at, they don’t know nuthin’ ’bout “extreme”.

    http://www.redfin.com/collections/tim-e-u552876/extreme-taxidermy-c507

  105. The only good squirrel, flying or otherwise, is a dead one. Bleck.

    mommylisa recently posted Valentine's Day - What do I want?.

  106. did he mean ‘the foxen?’

  107. I thought of you when I saw this : )

    http://16sparrows.com/LWA/PS-Pigeon-Post.html

  108. Who looks at a dead rabbit and thinks “Damn, it would look good on a decrepit doll body. Let me get my sewing shit out. I have work to do.” It was probably’s some family’s beloved pet frankensteined with their most beloved toy.

    Y recently posted One food forever.

  109. This Youtube channel is relevant to your interests and you should be watching it: http://www.youtube.com/thebrainscoop

  110. You’ve seen The Brain Scoop, right? It’s a web series about real-life employee of a The Philip L. Wright Zoological Museum, who pretty much just shows us all the stuffed animals and preserved skins in their collection. The girl is adorable, and there are some great lines:

    “So you can get moldy monkeys. That happened. Once.”

    “We also have an entire moose. And we have a horse in here. And probably about two bison. And it’s also where we keep our filing cabinet. So it’s our office.”

    “We also call it the Overflow Skull Storage Room.”

    “Seriously, if you want to watch an orgy on campus, it is in here.

  111. Apparently there’s a new tv show on AMC called “Immortalized” about strange and interesting taxidermy and the people who make them.

    Julie G. from Iowa recently posted Copy, paste, STEAL.

  112. It’s like Beatrix Potter’s cute little world was attacked by zombies! How do you find this crazy stuff?!

  113. Damn. I hate it when taxidermied animals I’m interested in are falsely advertised. :P

    Madeline recently posted Maddie writes conversationally? ;).

  114. I think I’m going to start searching “anthropomorphic” everywhere.

    Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) recently posted Do you love office supplies? Win $250 worth.

  115. “The foot is missing.” The RABBIT’S FOOT is missing! Don’t you see how lucky you are that you were outbid?

    Robert K. Blechman recently posted The Fast, Funny Twitter Mystery Continues! This Week's Amazing Tweets!.

  116. I never knew there were so many dead things on eBay until I started reading this blog. Thanks for that.

    Adrasteia recently posted Tired but out and about.

  117. That squirrel would totally fly if you threw it right.

    Kathy in KS recently posted 2 1/2 Years in the Making.

  118. I’m starting to feel as though Ebay might need to consider look a little closer at its users….like, you can’t use Ebay until after your background check and retina scan.

    Balanced Idjit recently posted I'm terrified of the Government.

  119. There’s a business in town here called Alive Again Taxidermy. The visual image that name gives me always creeps me out. Now, combined with that Thumper/Barbie hybrid, I’m going to have nightmares for months.

  120. I’m dying over Victor’s comment and then your response…hilarious! And the description of the rabbit with the missing foot & fingers seriously kills me!

    Peanutlayne recently posted It's not a hole in one..

  121. You know, Jenny, far be it for me agree with Victor here because I kind of dig the creepy taxidermy, but…(and I might be going out on a limb here) wouldn’t it be more cost effective at this point to make your own taxidermed (is that even a word?) animals in stead of bidding on them on Ebay? I’m betting that you picked up some mad skills growing up and could whip up your own rabbit woman hybrid easy peasy. And then, you could sell your own creations on Ebay. Everyone would be clamoring for a Jenny Original!

    Heather recently posted I Made It Monday.

  122. I fear that the rest of the world might be catching on to the awesomeness of taxidermy.

    http://www.amctv.com/shows/immortalized/about

  123. My husband does a little taxidermy. I found myself yelling “Don’t you dare thaw out that animals and skin it until after our sons birthday party!” And I then thought “I bet not many people have said that. Well, maybe Jenny Lawson’s mom has said something similar.”

  124. Perhaps “new” means the same as “gently-used iPod” when it’s broken with a cracked screen… Bastards.

    Am I the only one a little freaked out he’s on his back? Why couldn’t they put him in a fun action pose, like holding a light saber. That’s a squirrel I would buy.

    Jean recently posted Blueberry Swizzle Stix at Blockbuster.

  125. 126
    Tinkersdamn

    I posted this at Facebook, but thought maybe it was better here (sorry, I haven’t learned to do tidy links!)

    http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Taxidermy-moles-playing-cards-/111006845420?pt=UK_Collectables_AnimalCollectables_SM&hash=item19d88609ec&_uhb=1

    MOLES.PLAYING.CARDS.
    My husband snatched the laptop away from me when he saw me about to bid. Thhhpt.

  126. Jenny, I adore you and will be re-reading your book once my mom finds it and returns it to me, but thank you for making my obsession with Thor look semi-rational. :-)

  127. 129
    John Kirkpatrick

    Does your squirrel fly?
    -Yes
    How is that possible?
    -I fling her.

  128. Gah. I feel like the first one is a fetish thing. GAH GAH GAH.

    Mayor Gia recently posted Tis the Season for Saving.

  129. Description is awesome but your rabbit lady is seriously creepy. Of course, creepy can be a good thing. Sometimes. But not this time. Sorry.

    Shawn Walter recently posted I know, I know, but I have a good excuse...?.

  130. 132
    Lady Penelope

    Franken-rabbit? Flying Squirrels who don’t? Pft!
    I’m far too concerned that someone who can spell ‘anthropomorphic’ also typed “seen”, “foxs” and did not once use a single little full-stop!

    Here’s some, pass them on ……………………………………………………………………………………………….

  131. Go home squirrel, you’re drunk.

    T. A. Woods recently posted Smiles.

  132. It’s all about marketing. The text of that ad would have been far more compelling had it been cut out from random newspapers.

  133. Flying squirrel could be batteries needed… not included… that would also explain the new condition

    Mexmom recently posted His new obssesion.

  134. Is that…a Barbie Bunny?

    Also laughed for 10 minutes about the “flying squirrel.” Seriously. I need a life.

    Quirky Chrissy recently posted The Power of a Name.

  135. You were outbid because you didn’t bid in GBP. Which is George Bush Pesos.

    Marinka recently posted Testing.

  136. Wow. I wonder what the people who left it in the attic used it (should I say ‘her?’ I think I should say ‘her’) for.

    Punky Coletta recently posted Sexy Nerds are my Kryptonite.

  137. Next time I find something dead on the road I am chucking it on Ebay.

    Just so you will find it.

    FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT.

    I am so giving.

  138. My favorite part is that the arms and legs have been “seen” on with blue thread. Those foxes sure are sly making it up to the roof and all! Ha!

    Amy*

    Amy* recently posted Recycled Cardboard Heart Banner.

  139. o.0 the squirrel scares me.

  140. I think it is awesome and cute. Reminds me of the Peter Rabbit tales. But maybe I too am just messed up since I did grow up with a family that kept rattlers and crows in the freezer and animal hides in the yard.

    gem recently posted First Love.

  141. My sister’s dog recently ate a bunny and then threw up its head. Maybe, instead of being grossed out, she should have attached the head onto a doll. It seems as though her dog was trying to help her.

    Robyn Webb recently posted A Synopsis of Embarrassing Things I Did in My Life to Make You Feel Better About Yours.

  142. I…I don’t….I don’t really have words.
    Someone paid a lot of money for a bunny head on a 80% doll body. Why so much?
    And…what if that “flying” squirrel isn’t really taxidermied? He doesn’t look like it. He looks like he was stomped. And brought in. And you will get a stinky package in the mail if you buy him.

    NEW. He’s NEW. WHUT.

    Dangerous Lilly recently posted We-Vibe Has Discontinued the Salsa.

  143. The rabbit/human is the most ditrubing thing I’ve seen in a long time!

  144. Oh Grandma, what a big rabbit face you have?!

    And maybe he meant “dying squirrel” and it was autocorrected….

    Vanessa recently posted Live Blogging the Super Bowl.

  145. And by “foxs,” I can only assume that she means “foxen.”

  146. Roof? As in, the attic? And you were outbid… for $76????? REALLY?????????

    What would you have done with her?

    Kristen Mae recently posted To the Parents of the Kids I Chaperoned at the Zoo....

  147. Hell, if you want a new flying squirrel I trap them in my attic all the time.

    Stacey recently posted Every Morning.

  148. To make up for the dead flying squirrel photo, I present you with a photo of a live BABY flying squirrel http://tangerinemonday.com/2012/09/so-then-this-happened/. You’re welcome.

    Stacey recently posted Every Morning.

  149. 151
    Imperfect Jessica

    Oh my word, that’s so creepy it’s awesome

  150. “In the box with the foxs” killed me. I spit tea. I just want to spend like 10 minutes in your brain. That’d probably be enough to scare me away…

    Sara recently posted Quick Sand.

  151. My nieces plan to have be taxidermied (is that a word) when I die. They want to run wires through my body so they can move me around and put me in different poses. They love me…a lot.

  152. It’ll probably be beneficial to you to not buy it in the long run, as the seller CLEARLY doesn’t know that the plural of “fox” is “foxen.”

  153. 155
    cactus sally

    Ok then…
    I’m just gonna slide this dish under your door. Look, you’ll like it. It’s a valium burrito, your favorite. Oh, wait – that burrito’s mine, but if you want, I’ll try to rustle up some Judy Garland trail mix. *whispers* …I’ll just let myself out…

  154. I just looked up weird shit on Ebay. All your fault

    Tiana recently posted The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared.

  155. are the foxes anthropomorpic things too?! is this seller selling the foxes? Why are the foxes so briefly mentioned and then left to be forgotten?

    Kp recently posted An Offering to the Etsy Monster.

  156. 158
    Pat C in Washington

    So if eBay had actual editors (which they clearly do not), or rejectors of asshattery, how would they edit the flying squirrel one?

    Sir, you cannot advertise this …. thing…. as a flying squirrel. It is a pelt and clearly cannot fly unaided. Plus, it is not new. It’s obviously used.

  157. Sounds like someone is about two dead animals away from not being allowed on the internet any more!

  158. I’m pretty sure that that flying squirrel isn’t new. Just saying.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    Valerie recently posted Oh. Dear. God.... Tomorrow is Monday!!! Bum. Bum. BUUMMMMMMMM..

  159. I started crying when I saw this post. I was laughing SO hard. I like how the seller posed the rabbit-human in such an attractive position. Online shopping has taken things to a new level.

    Sarah recently posted Frumpy Moms are Sexy.

  160. @My Half Assed Life #76
    I zoomed in on the photo (so nobody else would have to) and I didn’t see any junk so it probably IS a female. As someone who works with flying squirrels as part of my job (for reals, y’all) I can tell you that flying squirrel junk is small and that the photo is too fuzzy to tell for sure.

    Also? That tail on the flying squirrel is about a third shorter than it should be, so I’m guessing that she didn’t meet her end by flying into a glass window. Just saying.

    As for the “Thumper/Barbie Hybrid”… I got nuthin’.

    Kelly and Geoff recently posted Good research and archaeology pay off.

  161. Flying squirrel? I think that’s a typo and it should say LYING SQUIRREL. Not lying, as in dishonest. Lying, as in… not… standing.

    RachRiot recently posted You're Welcome, Manuel.

  162. Newly dead maybe?

    Izzy Mason recently posted Chinglish and Harry Plopper.

  163. The missing foot seems artistic. Kind of some ironic type statement on lucky rabbits foot or something. But they lost me at the missing fingers. Of course, I never did understand art.

    Ms Burrows recently posted Chickies Part II.

  164. There are days when I wonder things like “Why is the rabbitgirl naked? What did the foxs have to do with that? Did they eat her foot and leave her, cold and mangled, naked in the wilderness of the attic, to make it through life as best as she could, hoping some day to be rescued and displayed on ebay for all the world to see?” These are the days that I know are going to be very interesting!

    Deb recently posted Enter the Dragon…err…Angry Poet?.

  165. I actually wanted to tell you that you’re being discriminated against in theatres. Or at least Canadian theatres. I went to see a movie on the weekend, and along with ads about ‘no cell phones, no texting’, it said ‘no taxidermy’. Now, I wasn’t able to determine whether this is a prohibition against *bringing* taxidermy, or just against *the act of taxidermying whilst in the theatre*, but nevertheless I thought you should know.

  166. I’m sorry, but I cannot fathom why anyone decided to put a rabbit’s head on a doll body. That is one rationale I would love to hear.

    Sue recently posted Layoff - Not as calm as I thought.

  167. How on earth can someone sell a dead squirrel? Is it even stuffed? It looks like just a dead squirrel. Is that legal?

    The rabbit on the body….yeah, speechless here. Got nothing.

    Leslie recently posted The Trouble with Directions and A Literal Mind.

  168. OHMYHEAVENLYHAM…such awesomeness so early in the morning!

  169. #1, whoever did the rabbit is amazing.

    #2, I agree with others – the biggest problem with the whole thing is just the grammar error, because clearly they meant “on the roof with the foxen.”

  170. “Warning: If taxidermy creeps you out you probably shouldn’t be here at all.”

    Well, it didn’t BEFORE.

  171. How can I UNSEE this?

  172. I have been trying to catch a mouse in my apartment for about a month, I wonder how much I can get for that?

  173. 175
    Maintenance Al

    Set up the DVR for Imortalized – I can’t wait! Love the fact that it begins on Valentine’s Day – I can just picture that romantic evening!

  174. Refer to: Parrot, Ex.
    Norwegian Blue, pining for the fjords.

  175. Um…how the fuck did you stumble upon the anthropomorphic rabbit? Please don’t tell me you troll ebay looking for fucked up shit to buy.

    Right? Right?

    Maura @ Eve Was Partially Right recently posted Greek Yogurt Review XIV - Fage Fruyo.

  176. I totally agree. I hate false advertising. Never mind that we’re selling creepy taxidermy on ebay. At least give a truthful description of your messed up hobbies.

    Rebecka recently posted Kalopsia: A Desirable Affliction.

  177. WTF is “bisque hands and feet” – like a soup?? So confused.

  178. “the arms and legs were sewn on with blue thread AT SOME POINT” – what???

    Emelie recently posted And Then I Shook Rod Stewart’s Hand and Almost Stole a Watch for the Sake of Being Memorable in Vegas – Part 2..

  179. 181
    Cheryl Abraham (Bastet)

    I literally almost spit out my coffee. <3 you!

  180. Me, through howling laughter: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god… My cousin*: What’s going on in there!?

    *My cousin took me while homeless, she’s clueless as to why she hears/sees me in tears from laughter most mornings. Someday, when my books are retrieved from storage in Colorado, I’ll mail her my LET’S PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED to clue her in.

    Oh, and last night I learned that we have a house to move into ASAP… Yay.

    Lil recently posted Extra Credit.

  181. I have a small gator head that I bought at a sports show. I ripped the head off a baby doll & wired the head onto the doll body. It has a wig on it. Need to get some sort of clothing on it. Yeah, I make my own weird shit.

  182. You should pay ebay royalties.

    Or a finders fee.

    Or maybe a ransom.

    Because, where else would you find this stuff?

    Other than an institution, I mean.

    HogsAteMySister recently posted Stubbed Toes and Mercurochrome.

  183. “It’s like Sylvia Plath wrote this shit, y’all.” Love it!!

    Teeny Bikini recently posted How Hard Could It Be?.

  184. That squirrel should be marked as “used”! Liars!

    Great find on the rabbit! HA!

    Sadie recently posted Win a Pocket Taco in the Handbag Heaven Giveaway! #handbag Ends 2/18.

  185. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot????

  186. Misspelled laying squirrel

  187. New is definitely not the word I would choose here…seems like Dead would at least be somewhat accurate, or perhaps even Renewed…if you want to consider taxidermy as renewing…LOL.

    Mishka recently posted Problems With Aliens.

  188. It’s actually kind of awesome that someone outbid you on this. Think about it. This is huge. Someone else is out there in the universe collecting this kind of stuff. Maybe lots of people are collecting taxidermied animals in crazy clothing. This could actually mean that you are more mainstream than originally predicted.

    Kim Kircher recently posted Worst Day Ever? Really?.

  189. Maybe the person who out bid you is really a fan, and they bought it to give to you at a book signing somewhere on your book tour…they were all, “OMG, Jenny would LOVE this.”

    Adrienn recently posted McDonald's Playland saved my kids..

  190. This is very different from what I search on Ebay.

    Karen Sanders recently posted It's That Time of Year.

  191. Whenever my husband rolls his eyes at me in exasperation, I just pull up posts like this to show him how bad it could be. It doesn’t make him feel better.

    Brea recently posted I got a Job.

  192. Hilarious! That squirrel…. I don’t know but that don’t look right…

    Joanne recently posted Only in Toronto… How a morning of errands can turn into a day from hell.

  193. What is wrong with me? I actually find myself wanting to bid on the old not-ever-going-to-fly-again squirrel…

    whatimeant2say recently posted Is This Some Kind of Count-down Clock and I’m Already Dead?.

  194. That mouse head/human body one was worth it for the description alone. Pure brilliance!

    Brenna recently posted I know my spider hate has been well established, but.....

  195. There is some scary shit on eBay.

    Cheryl D. recently posted My Daughter Is Now 9. Wow!.

  196. I love you and everything you have ever said in your entire life, but the picture of the dead flying squirrel killed me a little inside. Maybe it’s because I have 2 pet flying squirrels, maybe it’s because I am secretly jealous of all the dead/ stuffed animals you have, or maybe it is because you seem to be the coolest person alive. Whatever reason it is, I am sure I will get past this issue I am having and continue to stalk your blog for more randomness.

  197. 201
    Leah Summers

    http://www.ebay.com/itm/Old-VTG-Real-Taxidermy-Frogs-Playing-Pool-Minnesota-Fats-making-a-Bank-Shot-/400408363879?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item5d3a32c367

    Why don’t you just get two frogs playing pool? I mean, nothing is weirder than two frogs playing pool…

  198. Oh, no. This squirrel is much too old. This thing will never make a present. Try again. Don’t give up!
    Something fresher. Something pleasant.

  199. How do you find this shit? That’s a talent all in itself. Condolences on the loss, but you should consider contacting whoever outbid you – clearly you two could be best pals. Or perhaps bitter rivals. Hm.

    A Morning Grouch recently posted Dream # 15: Mini-Triceratops, Boats and Hippos.

  200. Sometimes God intervenes and keeps us from having things we “need” because – awesome or not – WE DON’T NEED THEM. But THEN God sends you the “new” flying squirrel, which was apparently flying when it accidentally flew into a vat of liquid nitrogen – sealing its fate into perpetuity. Good form for a flying squirrel. Apparently that shit matters…

  201. I have a dead squirrel in my front yard. It must have had a heart attack because I saw it fall out of a tree. Is that the sign of an impending apocalypse? More importantly, do taxidermists do pick-up and delivery?

    Hip-Baby Mama recently posted Tech-Free Power Hour.

  202. Is the flying squirrel preserved or is he going to be…ripe…by the time bidding ends? Hmmm…

    Jen recently posted The wonderful thing about Hawaii is, there, it doesn`t take any words at all to say “I love you.” You can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..

  203. I was just watching TV and saw a large metal chicken. All I could think was “Knock, knock.” By the way, is the item located in Lenin’s Tomb a taxidermied zombie?

  204. I think that’s a hugging squirrel. Which is so cute!! Every time your down Mr. Hugger will give you a great big hug and turn that frown, upside down. Buy it!

    Samantha recently posted Blizzard watch! Now everyone one panic..

  205. Wow! That is all I can say about that!

  206. Hilarious!
    Q: What’s worse than bidding on an anthropomorphic taxidermy rabbit?
    A: Being outbid for an anthropomorphic taxidermy rabbit?

    Jason
    The Cheeky Daddy

    Jason recently posted Guy Stuff - Ultra-Ever Dry.

  207. Love love love this. I’m pretty sure there’s some flying squirrels out in the alley behind my work. I’m gonna sell em and get rich!

    Eileen recently posted Casting call: Reality divorce party.

  208. Did you see (and I’m assuming someone in the 200+ comments has already told you…or your agent or publisher…YOU MADE POWELL’s TOP 100 books of 2012. http://www.powells.com/puddlys/2013 Congratulations!!!!!

  209. My son just read a bunch of Sylvia Plath for a middle-school assignment, so I showed him your take on the Bunny-Lady listing, and he is still shrieking with laughter. I am absurdly thrilled to show him that something he learned in school has actual relevance to his life! Thank you, dear Jenny, for this teachable moment!

    xxx

    Lady Chardonnay recently posted . . . And Then, For a Good Time, We Saw "Amour"!!.

  210. 216
    Jessica Evans

    Hi, Jenny.
    Long time reader, first time writer. I love your blog. It brings humor to some of my driest (or most hungover of days). Although, I love your blog, I cannot navigate your site to find a place to contact you directly. Maybe that is on purpose. Anyhoo, I must have the “Stop” shirt, but in baby size. My longest, best friend ever is having a baby and this baby needs that shirt. Can you instruct me on how to order it? Would so appreciate it.
    Thanks for the laughs,
    Jessica

  211. Ah! I visited this post two days ago, and this image is still swimming around in my head!

    Punky Coletta recently posted How to Get Your Mother off Your Back.

  212. LMFAO!! That is pure fucking awesomeness right there!

  213. 21 BIDS ??????????

  214. This weird little booger is a must see on eBay. Saw this and had to share.

    http://www.ebay.com/itm/Rice-bag-weasel-/150991847869?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item2327d0c1bd

  215. Maybe the non-flying squirrel was first found by the foxs in the roof. Or maybe it thought it was a flying fox? Were you puzzled by the fact that someone who “seen arms on with blue thread” and spells foxes, foxs could come up with the word anthropomophical?

  216. I sincerely hope Sylvia Plath could spell “foxes” correctly.

    Melissa recently posted Mood swings and naked babies.

  217. those are both frightening and yet interesting.

  218. Have you seen the ads for the new AMC show Immortalized? I saw it and immediately thought of you!

    http://www.amctv.com/shows/immortalized/about

    A competitive taxidermy reality show? I think they need you as a judge!

  219. You’ve been nominated for an award on my blog – for bloggers that make you pee laughing! Having read this I can see why. also as a taxidermy lover and proud owner of three dead squirrels (Sally, Malcolm and Tufty since you ask) I love that you love weird shit. Get over to my blog as there is a category for weirdest blog too and I just bet you would love them!!

    tattooed_mummy (@tattooed_mummy) recently posted Alternative Blog Awards - The Nominations - Get VOTING!.

  220. I have found THE site for you! I love your obsession with these critters and applaud you for displaying them!

  221. This little beauty would look SO nice in your collection, with a natty little waistcoat and a fob-watch! http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Taxidermy-White-Rabbit-Cute-/261164564693?pt=AU_AnimalCollectables&hash=item3cce9f00d5&_uhb=1#ht_500wt_1156

  222. This squirrel is up to $10.49 as of 02/12/2013. I can’t believe you can actually find this shit on ebay! ha ha ha… poor squirrel…

    Daughter of Maat recently posted Characteristics of the Successful WAHM – Discipline.

  223. It doesn’t matter how horrible my mood, if I stop and read The Bloggess, everything is better. Thank you for making me snort with laughter every time I visit.

    Mrs. H from NJ recently posted My final fudge of the day - Ziplock Bag Fudge.

  224. I’m assuming your daughter is neither scared of, nor creeped out by anything now, considering all the taxidermied items you have in your house, correct?

    But you can still freak out Victor.

    I call that a win. :D

    Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity recently posted Hello, It’s Cold.

  225. Hey, you need to check out http://www.shopgoodwill.com I just saw ataxidermied BLOWFISH and two stiffy looking frogs. It’s quite the website. Think E-bay but depressing. But cheaper. And completely completely weirder. You cannot imagine what people donate to the GoodWill. xo Pal

  226. 238
    DoctorBenzene

    One handmade taxidermic Christmas ornament coming up!

  227. Oh i wish i was joking —you got me curious about this ebay taxidermy thing and just look what i found today! i was thinking if your husband wanted to make more points with your Dad, he could well… make him a new bag with Item #: 370757179416:
    REAL HARD tanned BUFFALO SCROTUM mountainman bag bison pouch ball bag nut sac. Better than a sow’s ear? It’s only up to $15.00! A steal?

  228. 240
    DoctorBenzene

    It’s still a flying squirrel…it’s just dead. You’ll have to throw it from tree to tree now.

  229. Um, technically that is a permanently grounded squirrel. Dude ain’t gonna be flyin’ no more…

  230. I saw a trailer for a TV show about taxidermy…and thought you might be an executive producer…at any rate, as soon as I saw the trailer, I thought of you.

    Mishka recently posted Maru Fix.

  231. That woman/rabbit is disturbing, but you would have done well making greeting cards out of her/it after making a cute outfit for the thing.

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted Recently Named One of Top Ten Blogs in the World.

  232. 244
    Amy Breschini

    Ok, I had not even heard of posed taxidermy animals until I read your book. Look what I just stumbled upon today. I wasn’t searching for it! Maybe you are creating a trend!

    http://www.etsy.com/listing/123480433/susan-the-taxidermy-mouse-is-a-real?ref=v1_other_1

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