Thank you!

in I am totally overrated, Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Random Crap

EEEEEEEE.

That is the sound of a hamster being squeezed too tightly by a three-year-old.  It is also the sound I’m making after finding out that your tremendous support of the paperback version of my book (which came out last week) is now #5 on the NYT paperback list.  I am so incredibly lucky to have such an amazing community behind me who is willing to buy a book all over again just so they can read the bonus chapter.  Also, I have lots of great tour stories to tell you when the tour is finally over (Come see me?) but for now let me just say that the greatest part about touring is watching nervous people creep in alone but leave as groups of new friends.  I am so lucky to be a part of your bizarre tribe.

Picture of a few awesome people from last week's book tour. They smelled like cupcakes and magnificence.

And to thank you a tiny bit for all of  your bad-assness I’m giving away five autographed copies of the new book this week.  And if you already have one you can just sell it on eBay, or use it as a coaster, or give it to your newest friend to test how easily offended they are.  Just leave a comment and I’ll pick people before I leave again for the next leg of the tour.

PS.  For real.  Thank you.  We did this together.

2,093 thoughts on “Thank you!”

Read comments below or add one.

  5. I am going to enter that giveaway because I desperately want another copy of your book and I don’t give a toss that I have two already.

  8. A signed copy would be amazing – I just have the kindle version…not “just”…just…AHHH

    Anyway, the book is awesome, you’re awesome, and you’ve earned all of this!

  11. When I read your book (ebook version, I don’t have a paper copy!!), I would excitedly tell my husband everything that happened. I just couldn’t keep the hilarity to myself. Eventually he told me to stop because he wanted to read it when I was done!

  12. i admit to being one of the cheap bastards who read the bonus chapter in the store and didn’t buy a second copy of your book.

    you may all now shame me.

  13. Weird attracts weird, but it’s a good weird. I’m just waiting for my next paycheck to run out and get the new book.

  15. You deserve it! Wonderful book. It make me laugh and cry 🙂 You’re a beautiful writer, Jenny.

  18. Congrats!!!! I can just imagine you making that sound too.

    As for the giveaway…. I reallllllly want a signed copy because I want to read that extra chapter…… gah! I must read it!

  19. That is a beautiful sea of people. And you brought them all together. Wow.

  20. I’m impressed at the number of guys in the audience! They looked like they had their heads on straight, but it’s hard to tell. Abd what are the chances of the first comment winning? But I’m an optimist. Enjoy the fandoration!

  21. I haven’t been able to find a copy in Australia and I’ll understand if you don’t want to post one to me all the way down here but I would LOVE to get a copy! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

  22. the bf thinks two copies of the same book is silly. help me prove him wrong. besides – he laughed just as hard as i did when i read him some excerpts!

  25. I loved your book but I had the E-Book version. Congratulations, you deserve it and so much more for bring laughter in the world.

  28. You deserve it, Jenny.

    Your book is amazing and REAL. Plus, DAMN hilarious. 😉

    I’d love a copy of the paperback so I can read the new chapter.

  29. I’m so envious of everyone who gets to come see you! I wish I lived closer to where you tour (or that you’d come tour in Canada…!)
    Oh well, I’m used to living vicariously through others!

  30. Congrats! You are AWESOME and deserve it!

    I hope I win cuz I couldn’t figure out how to get the kindle version autographed–especially since I don’t live close to ANY of the places you are visiting! 🙁

  40. Pick me! I really want your book. Was gonna buy it today but it was sold out

  45. I’ll take it! You can just give it to me when I see you in KC next week;)

  47. Congrats! You are an inspiration…and a bad influence. And have a sailor’s mouth. But that is why we love ya!

  49. Still sad that you aren’t coming to Boston 🙁
    Happy that the book is doing well 🙂
    Would love to have the paperback to get the extra chapter!!!

  50. It’s my time… I have a friend who just had a mastectomy and this would be a great pressie… X’ed fingers for me….

  51. Woo, wanted to see you in Chicago, but no money for gas! Pick me for the drawing please!

  52. I just bought the audio book – which is Amazing! But I would LOVE an autographed book 🙂 I missed your St.Louis signing because I moved to Chicago the week before. Too bad your signing wasn’t a week earlier!

  54. Insert interesting, attention-grabbing comment here. My baby is teething, and I’m living on, oh, ZERO SLEEP. I need a paperback copy so that I can re-read your book, and have some sunshine in my life. Or, at least, some laughter.

  55. I sadly missed you on your last tour when you came to Seattle, but I’d love a copy of the paperback. Congratulations on your success!

  59. Gosh, good work!
    I’m sad you aren’t able to do a book your in Sydney, and I’m too broke to follow you around on your US tour.
    Life is too difficult.

  63. Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! I want to complete the Let’s Pretend This Never Happened trifecta! I own the hardcover and the ebook. 🙂

    Also please consider touring in Canada because we love you here too!!

  66. I would buy this book for the cover alone…. but then, that would be judging, wouldn’t it?

  67. I would love to win. It’s as close as I would get to you ever coming to my neck of the woods in Canada.

  68. Pick me! I met you in Miami and you told me not to divorce my husband even if he doesn’t get me a giant metal chicken. I’m also an active member of Allie Brosh’s forum, which I totally think you should join and come play with us!

  76. I’d read the new chapter carefully so it will look new when I give it my (unoffendable–usually a very good thing) dear friend Ali.

  77. Congratulations! Can’t wait to read it. And thanks for all you do for all of us by sharing your story!!

  78. Jenny, you are an inspiration to us all, or to most of us, or maybe just some of us. Anyhow, to me. Congratulations. (And I’d love an autographed copy of the book. Seriously, I’d cherish it.)

  79. Love your writing, your book, and your attitude. Congratulations on all your success!

    (And get your butt up to Canada, would you? I promise there’s more to the country than Toronto! ;))

  81. Um, I actually do use reactions to the Beyonce post to judge people I send it to (and whether they laugh when I occasionally post “Knock, knock, motherfucker” on facebook). It’s amazing how proud I am of someone I don’t actually know, but I am of you. Immensely. 🙂

  82. I love people who smell like cupcakes and magnificence. I’ve found a lot of just cupcakes, and a few magnificents, but it’s especially rewarding (and unusual) to find a combination of the two. All the best to you! 🙂

  83. I would LOVE to own a copy of your paperback book. My husband and I love relating to you and Victor!! Congratuations Jenny!

  84. Congratulations! I am new to your Blog and enjoying it. You crack me up!

    PS: I’d love a copy! 😉

  85. You rule Jenny. I would see you if you came to Minnesota….come see ME???

  90. You deserve every single wonderful thing that happens to you! I adore you.

  92. I *neeeeeeed* a copy of your book, because I have it on my Nook, which means I don’t get to display it in its awesomeness in our home library!

    (Also, I am enormously excited for you – #5! Sweet!)

  94. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Congratulations! I love that the crowd smelled like cupcakes AND magnificence. Have to admit I always assumed those two things would smell the same.

  95. Congratulations! So well deserved! Wish I could have come to see you in person.

  96. I would so love a paperback copy, I ~must~ read the new chapter. I won’t get to see you this time around (you aren’t coming close enough this time) so I will have to wait till book 2 tours to bring you jello shots and love.

  98. Bought myself a copy for my birthday in October and have loaned it out so much it is in bad shape. A signed copy wouldn’t be a bad replacement. Congrats!

  99. I need one! I lent my copy to someone, and they lent it to someone… ugh.

  102. Is that guy in the front row to the extreme left wearing a fuschia tutu?

    (It’s red. And he looks FANTASTIC in it. ~ Jenny)

  103. Oh Jenny. We couldn’t be happier to have you as a leader of our tribe. You deserve the attention for being so freaking you.

  107. Is that guy on the left in a red tutu and and Knock Knock MotherFucker t-shirt!??! SWEET!

  108. Me me me me!!! I’ll even make you a deal: if you give me that book, I promise I won’t stalk you to make you my new BFF like I have planned to do since I finished reading your book. (Not that you’re really in danger of me stalking you anyway since I live many highways away from Texas and am very lazy, but I would like this to be an exchange of sorts.)

  114. I love love love rereading your book!! I have it in digital form and would love a paperback to hold and cuddle!!

  117. Your book and seeing you in Charlotte, NC last year were two highlights of 2012! I’m recovering from a C-section, but soon I’ll be able to get the paperback version!

  118. I would love, love, love a signed copy of your book! Heck, I would even love an unsigned copy!(maybe a little less, but it would still be loved!) 😉

  119. Just found your blog! Cant help but crack a smile when reading your posts….
    Thanks!

  122. I’d LOVE your book! My 2 best friends and I have been brought to tears with laughter over your blog! Love it!!

  123. So happy for you…and for us for the extra chapter!
    My hardcover copy is autographed…the paperback copy is sad because it isn’t.

  124. It’s awesome to see the turnout. That book really was such a blast to read. I’d love the paperback one so I can sneak it in with my fiance’s books to coax him into reading it. It’s like yummy bookalicious crack. 🙂

  126. Thanks for all you do! I’d love to get another copy of your book since mine seems to be permanently on loan.

  129. Never laughed so hard in my life. One of my absolute faves from last year! Would treasure a copy of my own!

  130. Badassness? Done and done. Thanks for always making me laugh until I cry!

  131. I got 2 copies last week but I would love an autographed copy! I also have it on my Kindle so I can read it any where 🙂

  132. I was amazed how many of my friends said “That book is awesome!” when I started telling them about it. Didn’t even know they were fans. You’re big league now, Jenny.

  133. I think that to make up to me for not coming to Sacramento, CA on your tour, that you should pick me for an autographed copy of your book! 😉

  135. ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME! 😉 I’m selfish, I want it purely for my own reading pleasure AND it will have a place of honor – I have a shelf JUST FOR internet friends who are authors. There is a space there JUST WAITING FOR THIS BOOK. Think of the prestige I will garner! It might catapult me from mediocrity to SOMEBODY!
    Hey, it could happen.
    Also I am sad that your book tour does not include Oklahoma.
    WHICH IS ANOTHER REASON TO PICK ME. You know how backward the people are here. YOU MUST HELP ME.

  140. LOVE you and can’t wait to meet you in Louisville! Wish I could take you to dinner at some of the yummy eateries we have. We could do some serious grubbing! 🙂

  144. I loved your first book and a few months ago I let a friend borrow it… it was never seen again… so I will be buying a paperback so I can talk her into giving me mine back… but I am totally going to read the extra chapter before I give it to her… cuz thats how I roll..

  145. #5 on the NYT!! Way to Go!! I’d come see you again but you’re not anywhere close to me this time and i no has teh monies to fly to you 🙁 sad face.
    If the humor gods decided I should be graced with your book i’m keeping the signed one and giving the other one I have to my bff who only just started reading your blog and is just starting to understand the awesomeness that is you. 🙂

  146. Congrats! And I would love another copy of your book. I wouldn’t even use it as a coaster. I’ll just make all my friends read it once I have read the new chapter!

  147. Just found you a little bit ago and am spreading your news to deserving folks! Wish I could have met you when you met a friend of mine in Chicago recently. A bit too far away from me, though.

  148. I saw you when you were in Seattle and since you won’t be back around here, I just strong-armed my friends and family in the Louisville/Cincinnati area to go see you. My guess is they will go and be completely baffled and maybe even yell at me because CURSING, but you know. Fighting the good fight and all.

  150. I so wish you were coming near Richmond, VA. I would love to meet you. You have reduced me to hysterical tears more times than I can count – especially listening to the audiobook in a public place! (obviously, I used earbuds!)

  152. I’m with Sue W – come to Minnesota! (Oh wait…..we’re nice here….. come here PLEASE? )

  160. I have a copy of the hardback, but I’d love a paperback copy for the new chapter! As an AmeriCorps volunteer I can’t really afford it, but I may buy one anyway. I only wish I lived somewhere I could see you on tour.

  161. I would LOVE a copy of your book. I am poor so I got it out of the library and just read it recently. I am still laughing about stuff from your book even now.

    I am so looking forward to your next book about your anxiety disorder since I have that amongst other fun things.

  163. Great news! I loved reading your book on my nook, would love a copy in paperback!

  164. You need to come to Anchorage on your book tour! That would be awesome 🙂

  168. I’d love to have a signed copy!
    (that is, if you’d you ship internationally for those of us too far away to go see you on tour. Or come to Spain. Either would work :D)

  172. Sigh. I am seriously considering skipping class next week to meet you when you ome to Cincinnati. It’s my favorite class, too.

  173. If I don’t win, I’m buying another copy to give my newest friend. You are right ~ I need to know how easily offended she is!

  174. Credit should go to your amazing, yet incredibly twisted – in a good way – family, Doctor Who, and of course, the Little Bloggess and Victor.
    Savor the flavor of victory, Jenny; God knows you’ve earned it.

  175. Pick me! I have the Kindle book, but can’t spring for the second copy :(. And I’d LOVE to read the new chapter!!

  177. If you send me a copy of your book, it’ll be entirely your fault that I stayed up all night reading it.

  178. You’re proof there’s hope for all of us who don’t quite fit. Good job you, everything you have is well-earned!

  179. I would love a paperback copy since my mother stole my hardcover copy on a plane ride from Virginia to Oregon in January and I haven’t seen it since. She laughed out loud to the point of snorting and embarrassment on every leg of our flight.

  182. Yay, I’m in this picture! You just can’t see me, ’cause I was way in the back, behind other people, and didn’t actually get there until several minutes after this picture was taken. Oh, wait…

  183. That’s a lot of happy people! Congrats on your richly-deserved success! If you weren’t so awesome (and a good writer), it wouldn’t have happened, so YAY, you!!

  184. You are awesome! My coworkers and I have been pimping your book(as my friend jenny says)! I have purchased it three times…twice as gifts! I think the gift receivers like me a little better now. So hey thanx for writing…. best of luck!

  186. That is so cool. You completely deserve it. And your/our tribe is really great. When I went to your booksigning at Costco here in Seattle last August, everyone was so nice in line. I was still nervous, and I think I babbled to you for a minute about it being my birthday, and you smiled and were nice, too. I didn’t have enough courage to stick around, but it was still the nicest standing around in Costco I’ve ever had. Plus I got your book for myself as a bday present. So, there’s that. Congrats on NYT list again!

  187. I just moved from CA to WA and after 3 months, I finally made a friend. And I would love to share your book with her! Pick me!

    P.S. thanks for wishing my cousin an early happy birthday on twitter last month, he really needed it 🙂

  188. This is awesome! Congrats on #5. Super psyched for you and STILL MAD YOUR PAPERBACK TOUR DOESN’T COME ANYWHERE NEAR DC.

  189. Would love to share your book with my therapist! I reference it weekly. You deserve all this great support. 🙂

  190. I want to go to there! Also I’m dying for a copy of your book! I should buy one so that you get money for your awesomeness (I did buy the audio book, does that count?), but I’m a poor lowly grad student. Pick me! #noshame

  191. I love you, Jenny! You’re so awesome, that I’ve gotten several friends to read your book too! And they love you! And I’m totally not just saying this so that you might give me a copy of your book! 😉

  192. Me because I’m your #1 gay fan, and I WILL spread the word. LoveLoveLove

  202. Awww. I’m giving a copy of your book to a friend of mine who’s 6 weeks away from having her first baby (alone) while dealing with her mom’s terminal cancer (she needs as much laughter as possible). But – I’m planning on buying it for her anyway to tuck into her hospital bag – so please pick someone else who can’t buy one. Just wanted to let you know that your book will bring much-needed joy to a (very sweet) stranger!

  204. That is awesome! Go you! (Also, pick me, pick me, pick me! Maybe? Please?) 🙂

  205. Me! I listened to your audiobook but would loooooooove to see your printed words. And bonus chapter. And I want to display Hamlet von Schnitzel as a faceout on my bookshelf for all eternity!

  207. I never win anything, but this could change the course of my luck forever. Pick me, pick me!

  208. Hell yes Jenny!! I wish you were coming somewhere close to southern New Mexico, but I can live vicariously through the awesome people that get to go see you 🙂

  211. Even though I have read it before, I am excited to read your book on my upcoming 10 hour flight to Poland! It’s one of the few things that is going to keep me sane. 🙂

  212. Come to Raleigh, NC! I’ll be there! loved loved loved ur book, cant wait for more!

  214. Well, I read the hardcover about 4 times already, so I think I TOTALLY deserve to get the signed paperback version with the bonus chapter.

    Oh, and you rock. Seriously. ROCK…MY…SOCKS.

  216. I already bought the hardcover, and the kindle version, AND the paperback but if you pick me, I promise to give my unsigned paperback to someone who hasn’t read the book because I CANNOT LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVEN’T READ THIS BOOK.

  217. I NEED a copy!!!! We are having a money-saving March and this book being dangled in front of me is dangerously close to throwing me off my money-saving mission this month (I would hate to be a failure:)

  218. Is it creepy that I want to win just so I can have something you touched? A little? Well, then I want to win because you’re not coming to the City of Salt so I’m probably not going to be able to see you in person… We’ll go with that.
    🙂

  220. Ooooo MEEEEE! I bought the original on Kindle and can’t see the pics very well. Need hard copy! And PS, I like your cats.

  224. I was there! I don’t need to win a copy, I’m just super excited to see a pic of the even I WAS AT! (please come to Anchorage, AK. I’d totally be at the signing [again].)

  225. Someday I will make a friend. And when I do, I want to give the poor soul your book. Because he, she or it is going to need something to live for. Please give me a book. I can be more pathetic if you need me to be. I can be SO PATHETIC.

  230. PLEASE PLEASE pick me!! Why? Because I can’t get to any of your tour stops to have you sign one in person. 🙁

    Like Crash, I’m super disappointed your paperback book tour doesn’t include a stop anywhere near Washington DC. ::insert EPIC SAD FACE::

  232. Your book made me laugh so hard I cried. You really new to come to Austin! :-)!!

  233. Pick me! I spread the love international styles!! And I can’t buy the paperback yet because I’m sure the Euros haven’t legalised (oh yes, that’s how we spell it) it yet!!! I’ve shared the love and promize (that’s not real) to continue to do so! Hug me. 🙂

  234. I would love an actual copy of your book. I downloaded it on my kindle and read it this week and I have to say that I knew you had a few issues based on your blog but reading your book really made me understand you better. It made me laugh to the point of tears at times but it also really spoke to me. I could relate to so much of what you said about what you deal with. Especially a lot of the stuff about your school years. I loved the stuff about you and Victors relationship because as fucked up as I am it gave me hope that someday I might meet a guy who will accept me for who I am and love me despite all my crap. One part that I really connected with was the part about your first pregnancy, it made me cry because of the memories it brought up. Thank you for writing your book and sharing yourself like that. And thank you for showing me that being me is ok, that my issues arent things I need to apologize for, and that people can love you not despite them but because of them. You rock!

  236. I would love one – I was going to come to your tour stop in Cincinnati next week, but I just started a new job this week…and now I have to work next Wednesday evening….

  237. Yay Jenny! One of these days, I would love to see you on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. He’s the perfect person to interview you since he’s a bit out there himself. That would be so awesome I think my head would explode.

  238. I wish you would come to Tulsa, but I probably couldn’t come anyway due to anxiety and chemical sensitivity. I bought a copy for my mom and it’ll smell like goats and chickens so I can’t borrow hers, so still I wait…

  240. Congratulations!! I laughed my way through the book the first time, and it’s let me bond with a few friends over our previously undisclosed fears and anxieties. Thanks for making the world a little weirder. 😉

  243. I bought your book a couple weeks ago, thinking I was going to save it to read in the hospital when I had my 4th baby. Problem is that I started reading it sooner and couldn’t put it down – so much fun to read! Then, I shared with my husband and mother-in-law. Great job!

  245. I need that paperback, and also a hamster that won’t cry even if I squeeze him tight. Please pick me.

  247. Holy cow. I just moved and when you come to Danville, CA in April, you are only going to be an hour from my house. This must be fate.

  248. Thank you so much for making horrible days at work so less horrible with your wonderful tales!

  251. I feel misled by the term “new book”! I got unnecessary aroused and then incredibly disappointed when the new book turned out to be the old book! therefore I’d like to win a signed copy of the old book since new one doesn’t exist. Also the book that I purchased long time ago is not signed. I’d like a signed copy so I can sniff it occasionally. Thank you. Also, my cat died.

  252. Pick me!! Is this where I tell you my sob story that our house flooded and we’re staying in a hotel so could totally use some good luck?!?

  256. Saw the book last weekend at Sam’s Club. If they hadn’t raked me over for the cost of a new membership, it would have ended up in my basket. Rather than test Assets Protection, won’t you pick me (and save me the cost of bail)?

  257. Ooh, I’d love a signed copy. Closest spot on your tour was NY and I couldn’t get up there on a weeknight!

  260. Ooooh, ooooh PICK ME! PICK ME!! I was a little sad that your east coast leg didn’t include Philadelphia. (I swear we read here.) How can I not have a signed copy considering we’re such close Twitter friends? 😉

  261. I just discovered last night that a good friend lost her copy to a dog before she was able to read it, and she doesn’t want to risk my copy near the dog. So yes, I am using the excuse that “the dog ate it” as my reason for wanting to win a free one!

  262. i’m coming to see you in San Jose! But i’d love to win a copy anyway! Then you can sign it twice! Wait! That’s not enticing you, is it? 🙁

  264. *Totally would love a Copy of the Paperback copy with another chapter of Bloggess FUN! :)* Please!! Safe and Happy book signing/talking trails to you…!!!

  265. OMG! I would love a signed copy. Never read a book that made me laugh so hard!

  266. We may have done it, but you got it started.

    Also, if I don’t get a signed book, can I get a dead mouse? Stuffed, please.

  267. I will forgive you for skipping Indiana AGAIN if you give me a copy of your book. Love you!!

  271. I MUST be the biggest loser because i havent read your book yet. BUt I insist I’m a huge fan, who has exposed you to many of my friends who HAVE bought said book.

    so, that counts for something. nothing.

  272. I would frame the crap out of that autograph! Or shellac it on a trophy!

    Plus I have been meaning to buy the book but I get hella distracted. Usually because I wind up commenting on blog posts and then forgetting what I was doing….

  273. I’m new to twitter and just building my follow list. I entered “the boogers” but “the bloggress” was listed. If I read your book, will you teach me about boogers?

  275. I ended up giving away both copies of the hard back I bought cos I figure everyone needs to read it, so I would maybe make excited noises if I won an autographed copy with a bonus chapter

  276. Go you, on your tour 🙂 Doing the really scary stuff makes other stuff seem less scary. So we’ll all be scared together….. That sounded more motivating in my head….

  277. Can I have a signed copy please? I promise to give my other one to a friend in need.*

    *Lies. I’m going to play with them like they are dolls and have tea parties with them.

  278. I sadly have not yet read your book. But it’s on hold at the library, and I’ll probably have it to read while I’m sitting in a barn waiting for a horse to have a baby next week. It’ll keep me awake, right?

  279. Awesome!! I have a few friends who NEED your book. Although if I won it, I might keep it for myself and give them my current copy.

  280. I’m a loyal devoted hanging-on-every-word-you-say fan. I was one of the first to buy the first book. (I back ordered it.) I *totally* want a copy of the second. And frankly, I’ll go out and get one if you don’t pick me. Because I love you. You’re welcome.

  283. I have 3 kids and haven’t read a book that wasn’t made of cardboard in 10 years!!!! I need it!!!

  291. Oooh! Congratulations! I wish I could have added to that number. Maybe I’ll be one of the lucky random people. That would be awesome

  292. If I win, I’ll give my non-autographed copy to an unsuspecting someone…..

  293. PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME! Or not either way I love you and will be buying your book soon except that you aren’t coming to New Mexico which makes me a little bit sad…

  297. Already have my book. Driving friends/family insane by my constant readings to them. I’m trying to work “Hush, little rabbit” into my daily vernacular.

  298. Oh PLEASE come to Minnesota again, I couldn’t see you the last time because I had something going on, but I promise I will make sure my calendar is empty if you come back again!

  302. If I won a signed copy of the paperback, I’d have to keep my original hardcover too – I had Wil Wheaton sign it “This book is funnier than the Bible.” !!!

  305. I literally just pulled over to beg for a freebie lol
    Hey! They said dont text and drive. There was nothing about reading and driving!

  307. I need your book so I can read it!! I’m also on terminal hold with my local library. 🙁

  308. Saw you in Annapolis last summer. My signed metal chicken occupies a place of honor in my home!

  309. If I beg enough will you add Little Rock, AR to your book tour? Please? Pretty please. Also, if love to win a copy of your book. Every time I get mine back from a friend I have to loan it to the next person on my list. Which is actually awesome.

  310. I’ve made everyone I know read your book, and the last person I loaned it to kept it. I would love a new copy!

  311. Ooo please pick me!! I’m canadian I don’t get to see you on tour and I don’t think we are privy to the bonus chapter in the paperback version…I have the hardcover…LOVE THIS BOOK. would really really like to get that bonus chapter.

  312. Just a thank you to you. Because you help me see each and every day that depression lies and that I do have the strength to survive.

  314. OMG I loved you book to bits. I read most of it during a bad down swing of depression and it had me cracking up and literally LOLing through most of it. I stopped a couple of times just to make it last longer but I just flew through it anyways. I’m dying to read the new chapter when I can snag a copy. You are an amazing person and have been a great inspiration for me as I’ve wandered around the roads of depression and chronic anxiety. Much <3 to you you amzaing wonderful woman and you family!

  315. I would read the extra chapter then frame it and place it in pride of place next to an ethically taxidermied Australian bush creature (likely a Quoll)

  316. Okay, just leave a comment…that’s all I have to do. Relatively simple, normal thing most humans don’t have a problem doing.
    I think strapless bras are equal to the crotchless underwear, kinda feel naked but you’re not.
    There…a statement.
    Oh shit, was it supposed to be a comment about the book?

  318. I can’t wait to be in that crowd! See you next week! Of course it won’t be THAT crowd. Mine will have a unicorn head in it.

  319. Me me me!!! I have a broken foot and crutches. I’ll go for the pity vote.

  320. Beyonce promised me a book 🙂 I am sure you will help him keep his word….I love your blog…you crack me up and I would love to have a copy of your book…congrats on being #5 on the list…grovel..grovel…grovel

  321. It would be handy to have an extra copy, as I keep foisting the first one off on friends! Wish you were coming close enough for me to see you in person, but I’ll have to live vicariously through your blog. XOXO

  324. I didn’t have a car, or a sittet, or my pills to come see you in Chicago-ish. Is live to win a signed copy so I can lie and tell people it was a magical panic elixir and no I won’t share and buy your own. What a twisted marketing suggestion. Save me. With your book.

  326. I wish we could have seen you. My father-in-law was visiting when you where in NJ, ans we couldn’t make it. Last tour, you were nearby and dh was working, so we c ouln’t come. I would love a copy so I could share you with my kids and said father-in-law!

  328. Congrats on #5! Can’t wait to see you hit #1. I re-read it on my kindle whenever I need a laugh to remind me that my own life really isn’t so crazy.

  331. We’d love to see you in Portland again! Hope you’re having a good time – you deserve it. 🙂

  332. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PICK ME PICK ME!!! I have a hardback copy and so does my mother (she has become a HUGE fan since I gave it to her), but I need an autographed copy! Sad that you’re not coming to Houston since I missed your first tour but happy that it’s going so well for you!!!

  334. I was feeling yucky the day of your event in NYC and so so bummed that I had to miss you. Next time, k?

  336. I need it so I can make my husband read it! He has a fear of my iPad for reading. And you’re not going to come anywhere near my city 🙁

  337. Now I kinda wanna squeeze a hamster… no worries – I’m already medicated.

    I have your ebook, but could really use a coaster.

  340. Pick me! Pick me! I have a digital copy of your book, but I wish I had a hard copy so I could share it 🙂

  341. Winning this would be the perfect trifecta of awesome. We met Wil Wheaton at Disney on Tuesday (super awesome), lost my wallet at the Magic Kingdom on Wednesday (not awesome) – it was found and returned to me on Thursday (super awesome), and now the only missing part is an autographed copy of your book + bonus chapter!

  342. I have not purchased the new paperback version due to my whole no job/no money situation, but as soon as I get a job I want so much to get a copy of the paperback version to read in the tub… I’d take my hardcover copy but I worry that I’ll laugh so hard that I’ll get bathwater all over it and since it’s the copy that you autographed at the same time you autographed my chestal area (thank you again for that!) I don’t really want bathwater all over it. Plus, it’d be easier to put a paperback copy into a ziplock bag for reading in the tub.

    I’m sad you’re not coming back to Dallas but hope our paths eventually cross again. I still think about how awesome it was to meet the tribe that came out in Dallas (including Lisa G… that was a HUGE bonus)!

  344. I have an ebook copy of your book…would love to have a copy of the paperback version.

  345. We are reading your book in the Methodist Book Club, but you don’t sound very Methodist to me.

  346. #5! I’m so happy for you! I have the kindle version so having an actual copy would be AMAZING!

  347. This is so awesome, Jenny! YOU are so awesome! It’s your amazing-ness that attracts cool and awesome people. I hope to win a copy of the new version of the book (after buying three of the hardcover), but if I don’t, I imagine I’ll have to buy another one. I can’t let that chapter go unread!

  348. I already have two hardback copies, one that my sister had you sign for me in Tempe and one I pre-ordered last year. If you’ll come to Vegas I’ll buy a paperback copy just so I can meet you and have you sign that one as well. Or you could randomly choose me to get one of the five copies and then come to Vegas to sign it!

    It’s win-win!

  351. I’m sad you’re not coming to Los Angeles on your tour, so winning an autographed book would certainly make me feel better.

  352. Ohhh, I want to go to one of your book signings so badly! Come to the east coast PA/NJ region!
    Would love to get an autographed copy.

  355. I would love a copy! I so wish you were coming to the Dallas, TX area! Good luck on the next leg of your tour!

  357. That would be a fantastic consolation prize since none of the book tour stops were close enough for me to get to…. You deserve all the fantastic praise. We are lucky to be a part of your tribe as well.

  359. Reading: The best way to fuck reality for a while.

    Oh! Ohh!! Ms. Kotter, I need that book! (The other one can go to my awful sister – I got her hand me downs growing up, so she can get my used copy of your book.)

  360. I seriously would love to have your book. I haven’t been able to afford it, and considering your nearest tour place was several hours away, i’d never be able to get a signed copy.

  364. I have the book on Kindle, so I could really use a hard copy of the book for any emergency coaster needs around my house. Please pick me!

  366. You are an awesome chickadee. Your true-to-self style has been an inspiration to me. Just knowing that I’m not alone has been better than therapy. I read your book and LOVED it. I share quotes and jokes from it, all the time.
    Whether or not I’m chosen, you should know that your journey has inspired my journey. I couldn’t be more grateful.

  367. Meeting you was totally worth buying the book again (and one for a friend in Iowa)! If you look closely I’m WAAAAAYYYY in the back. To the right. By the creepy dog. In the “enchantment” section. 🙂 What an awesome evening! Thanks!

  369. Pick me, pick me!!!! Long time follower, first time commenter. Thanks you for being so frank about your anxiety and depression. I was raised in a family where it is unacceptable to talk about your feelings. Since I rarely share with people, I often have felt like there is something wrong with me and I’m the only one like “this” Your book/videos have helped me a lot. One night, I was literally holding back the tears and your book brought me around to laughter. 🙂

  370. OOOOOhhhh!! I’m 1/3 way through the Hardcover(a gift from my hubby for Valentines day!!), but I’d LOVE LOVE LOVE an autographed copy!!

    XOXOXOXO

  373. I pre-ordered the kindle version so I dont have an actual book…sure would love to have a “hard copy”! Plus I introduced you to human interactive cat ears so you love me. 🙂 Pick me! Pick me!

  379. ::sigh:: Alaska is AGAIN not on your list of tour stops. Thus I need to be one of the lucky 5. To make up for the pain in my weeping, freezing, bear-skinned, polar heart.

  380. I’m so happy for you, Jenny! I would just LOVE a copy of the new paperback book, especially since I wasn’t able to make any of your tour dates in Southern California. Best of luck on the rest of your tour!

  383. Pick meeeeeeee, pretty please? With sugar on top? Or maybe a wine slushie? 🙂

  386. Just so you know, your reach gets all the way to the other side of the world, I spent much time receiving weird looks when I was reading your book whilst commuting to and from my old job. You know what I totally didn’t care, laughter makes the world go crazy (no sorry that’s no TV and no beer makes Homer…) well I like laughing.

  387. I’d love a copy. We’re reading your book for our book club in a few months, mostly to weed out the people it offends. Not really, but that would be a fun litmus test.

  388. See, now I have always thought awesome throngs of people that support hilarity and brilliance would smell like cupcakes, magnificence with a hint of dryer sheets.

    I guess you learn something new every day!

  392. Please come to Boston … (in the springtime…) A little Joan Baez for you. Fingers crossed for the autographed copy of your book!

  393. Oh pick me because I’m lame and haven’t bought the paperback version but still really want to read the bonus chapter

  394. I can’t even tell you how much I wish I lived ANYWHERE near one of your stops… sadly the “MIDDLE OF NOWHERE” northern Ontario, Canada is not one of your stops. But cheers to you Jenny!

  395. Okay Melissa, just leave a comment she said…I mean how hard can it be? Most relatively normal humans do this all the time.
    I think strapless bras are like crotchless underwear but for your boobs. You’re kinda naked but not.
    There, a comment.
    Oh shit, was the comment supposed to be about the book?

  396. I borrowed your book from the library when I read it the first time (I actually forced them to buy it cause I emailed them and said they were severely lacking in books about family who stay together with taxidermy and such) and I got the virgin copy.. Is there anything better than a virgin book from the library? It gave me a bit of a lady boner. But I’m glad that now others who patron my library can shoot Pepsi max out their nose like I did when I read it.

  398. I bought the iBooks version and am so sad I can’t hold it in my hands and pass around to all my friends!! Would love to win an actual copy

  399. I loved the book and can’t wait to read the new chapter (double yay if I win :P).

  401. Gimme, gimme!! Or I can just wait until you are here in Cinci next week…..either way – win win for me!

  403. Congrats chickadee!! And if you ever make it to Shreveport, expect to see me in your front row. (:

  404. *insert something clever here that will make me win*

    Just remember, I and my lovely red-headed wonder child headed out in the middle of a haboob and stood in line for hours in Tempe, AZ to see you. I even shared my pictures of the haboob with you. (Is the emotional blackmail working yet??? P-P-P-P-PLLLLEEEASE?? with sugar on top, and a taxidermied something or other)

    P.S. You are AWESOME!! (see, flattery is better than blackmail, right? right? maybe?) >_<

  406. We are all so proud of you-and we are just along for the ride 🙂

  408. I’d been wanting to read your book since it first came out but was a little low on funds so I waited for it to come out in paperback. The timing of the paperback release was perfect because I had a doctor appointment that included a one hour test and I needed something to read while I was waiting. I bought a copy of the book about a week before the test and, to keep myself from reading it (and possibly finishing it) before my appointment, I tied it closed with ribbon. It was like I was opening a much awaited present to myself after being jabbed with needles. Totally worth the wait. 😀

  409. Congrats on the top 5!! I’m so disappointed you won’t be in my area (Ga) this time. Last time you were close I had a giant panic / agoraphobia situation and couldn’t make it. It happens. Please continue to enjoy your tour and be safe! Wave to my family in Los Angeles when you’re there!

  411. I would LOVE a signed copy of your book.. Or any copy, signed or unsigned for that matter. I am old school and need to feel the spine, count the pages and carefully lick my right pointer finger before the last paragraph of the right page is read while I expertly turning the page without missing a beat.

    I have turned this into a fine art form since I was reading avidly since I was in 4th grade. Actually my first favorite book ever read 20 times over in second grade, was “A Fish Out Of Water” and I was hooked ever since. Not only did I understand NOT to overfeed fish, I learned that I would never be that girl who follows directions because people said so and would most likely have the same results at least once and wonder how I would get all the stains out of the carpet after a huge fish came barrelling down my mothers staircase and through the front door.

    Now.. back to your book. I promise I will read it, review it and post it on my blog. I SAWEAR!!!!!!

    Gratefully yours, an avid reader.
    P.S. But not such a good speller
    P.S.S. I used to be a good speller and won the spelling bee in 4th grade for the entire school.
    P.S.S.S. No the school had more than one 4th grade class. 6 to be exact.

  412. I have many unstable friends (including my poor mother) that I feel would benefit greatly from your book. I know I did. I enjoyed meeting you and am so happy for your success. I’m not trying to butter you up (besides, I’m really just going to use it to keep my kitchen table leg even) but its so refreshing to see a very real very kind person deserve such greatness.

    Cheers.

    Missy

  414. I’m in Guatemala without Netflix or Redbox and hardly any books to ready, so I really think you ought to pick me. (Pretty please?)

  415. Winning a copy of your book would give me a second reason to squee like a squooshed hamster this week. (the first being the news that “Sherlock” is not only about to start filming season 3 but is confirmed for a 4th season! SQUEEEEEEE!)

  416. That was the book signing I went to! (I’m in the third row hiding behind a book.) Thank you so much for coming out on tour and reading for us. If I’m a lucky winner of your book I’ll gladly pass it on to someone who couldn’t make it to your tour, or who couldn’t afford the book which is equally tragic.

  417. I can’t wait to meet you!! I’ll get to see you in CA, at your stop in Danville! I’m so excited! I would love the paper back version so I can read the new chapter.. I have it in hardback, and for my iPad..

  420. So bummed that you’re coming to Louisville & Cinci on weekdays! I live smack in the middle of the two…unfortunately, I don’t think my boss would understand what I NEED to go see the incredibly funny owner of a giant metal chicken, who happens to be my favorite author…maybe I could tell him I’m meeting with Beyonce’s “manager”?!?!

  422. So happy for you that the paperback is doing so well— but why wouldn’t it, it’s fabulous. Continued success with #2 and I hope 3 and 4. Much love, Donna

  423. I hope I get picked to win! Did I mention my birthday is on St. Patrick’s Day? Early birthday present maybe? 😀 Hugs!!!

  424. I just found out about your blog when one of my friends and I were having a conversation about my new roommate who doesn’t like to lock the door. My friend said, “you have to read this post on this blog I follow” and brought up your post about your bear “protection” costume. Fantastic! Wondering if I win the new book if a bear costume can be thrown in or if I can buy one online….

  425. It’s all because you rock… Now it’s only I could get you to visit my tiny town…

  427. Pick me & I’ll let you name one of our farm animals anything you want! ANYTHING. YOU. WANT.

  431. I friggin LOVE you. I lent my copy of your book to my friend and bitch stole my book!!! I need a new copy. 🙂

  434. You should pick me because I’m heartbroken I can’t come to see you next week in Louisville. My daughter has a school function I can’t miss. 🙁

  435. Oh I’d love one. Right now I have a copy that I borrowed from our local library. (I borrowed The Book of Job by Harold Kushner at the same time. That IS odd, no?

  437. You aren’t touring anywhere near me or i would have brought my own tribe of weirdos to see you. I would absolutely adore a copy of your book, your blog helps me get through the days.

  438. Please please please pick me! My office just had a tornado drill that only served to illustrate how we will all die horribly in the event of a tornado, I need a happy! And some McDonald’s!

  439. Memememememeeeee!!!
    I couldn’t make it to your NJ stop and I’m still crushed 🙁
    Had planned to buy the paperback then but it never happened… so I totally need one!
    I also need to get my ass on a plane and see you at one of your next stops 🙂

  440. I borrowed it from the library the first time, so a paperback copy with a bonus chapter would rock.

  442. I would love a copy, please. Thank you. And, congratulations on the success of your book. I do enjoy reading your blog. 🙂

  443. I would love to win one….but if not, I am definitely buying it when i get paid!!! I wish I still had the petrified frog and lizard from when I was a kid, i would so send them to you. 🙂

  444. Come to Maine on your book tour! I promise… we have lots of wierd and dysfunctional people here.

  445. I love your book, my mother stole my copy so i will have to buy the paperback. Hope your tour stops in Texas too

  446. OOOH pick me, I can smell like cupcakes too! Also because I’m 6 hours away from Miami and totally not going to make it but really wish I could! /hopeful smile

  447. Only #5?!?? You deserve #1! Thanks for all the laughs. Please give me a book.

  448. Hey! That’s my hand somewhere in there. My hand is totally famous now!

    I have all 3 versions of your book! 2 of them are signed which is awesome. (If I’d have had bigger balls at the Chicago signing I’d have gotten the audiobook done too. Damn!) So you can take me out of the running for the autographed ones. But thank you for being so awesome!

  451. So, the other night, I was lying in bed and I farted.
    So of course my partner goes “Ewwwwww, why is it always so stinky”.
    And being delirious (it was quite late), I wondered aloud “What if I stuck an orange in my pants. Then it would smell great!”.
    And she’s like “What. Don’t do that. That is even worse.”
    But I continued musing: “But then it would be all lumpy. You could call me BaboonButt.”
    And I got a “Stop Talking.”
    Which reminded me of you and Victor, so clearly I deserve a book for farting in bed.

  456. Want a signed copy. Need to say thanks for the great stories. Love your book. And can’t wait for the next one. P.S. I offer bribe of actual pony rides (Eclipse the Andalusian for adults and Percy the cutest Shetland on earth for the kiddies-in Liberty Hill–not that far) if I win.

  458. me!
    Because I only have the kindle version due to living in Kenya, where your publisher seems to have forgotten to launch your book!
    And because I’m currently exiled in Denmark waiting to give birth to my first child in about 12 days… And tonight I decided to watch a birthing documentary on tv which has left me horrified, terrified and oddly exhilarated at the same time… I need a dose of you to keep my mind off it 😉

  459. Every single person in that photograph is smiling! How amazing is that?! I have nary a copy of your book, and I do so hope I am one of the chosen.

  461. Congratulations, so many times over!! You truly deserve all the accolades- not only is your book hilarious and well-written, but YOU are such a gift to the world! Yayayayyayay!

  462. OH MY GOD PLEASE PICK ME…. and here’s why… I just spent the entire day scrubbing black and orange mold out of the grout in TWO bathrooms. With BLEACH AND BAKING SODA! My LUNGS ARE ON FIRE!!!! For the love of Halloween, please let me have a copy of my very own to love and stroke and hold and squeeze too tight and make it go EEEEEEEEK and I will call it George. Thanks for your support. I mean, by tomorrow, I’ll probably die of NOSE BLISTERS.

  463. You have so many followers bc the you are awesome and giant metal chicken.

  464. I think you- via your books- are pretty awesome! You bring light to many issues that people have been told not to talk about. You also make me feel it’s ok every time I say the work “fuck” Along with the fact that I’m 43 and my mother still yells at me on Facebook when I’m being honest about wanting to punch people in the neck when they drive their Amigo’s like assholes through the store isles. I would love a signed copy and I wouldn’t sell it. I would keep it and then give away my other to someone who has a stick up their butt in hopes that when they laughed at what you write the stick would magically fall out.

  467. Can’t wait to see you in Dayton Ohio on March 19th — and it will be my BIRTHDAY!!!

  468. please Please PLEASE?!? I just finished the hardcover version and want the bonus chapter AND the autograph … and I promise not to sell it on eBay. Also, I asked my husband for a 5 foot metal chicken for my birthday, but I got earrings and a pair of shoes instead. I think he thought I was kidding about the chicken. I wasn’t.

  470. Congratulations! I have your book on my Kindle, but would love to have a hard copy. Especially a signed one. Because now that you’ve said “give it to a new friend and see how easily they’re offended’ I’ve got all sorts of ideas. It’d be a great way to make new friends that will last – the main screening would be someone that recognizes it lying on the table while I’m drinking a cup of coffee. Or a shot of tequila. Hmm, maybe the tequila would get me a closer match. If I’d had a hard copy last fall I’d have saved a lot of ‘omg I thought she was a real friend’ angst. (Sadly, not joking.)

  473. I’d KILL for a signed copy of you new book, Jenny!

    I mean really…is there anyone you need me to kill? I’ve never done it before but I’m a quick learner….and it IS a SIGNED book!…uh, oh, looks like I have a motive! maybe I’m not going to be good at this.

  476. Send me one in Canada, so I can spread your spirit around these Rocky Mountains!!

  478. You are coming to a town where I *used* to be, but I have moved across country to be with my new love in the last week. I thought about staying long enough to meet you… but… I couldn’t find the perfect taxidermied animal to give you, so….

  480. I was just coming back to re-read your last post (where you ask “what the hell was Grimace? A stain?”) because it made me laugh so. I would love a signed copy of your book!

  481. Thank you for helping me to realize that I am not alone in my crazy filled world of pure awesomeness. You make me feel more normal. And slightly LESS crazy. But definitely more normal.

  483. You rock. If you send me one please write that it’s to “doctor”.

  484. Me please! I missed you when you came to Boston…anxiety is lame, and I’m still kicking myself. Plus I totally don’t have the paper-back copy yet, and nowhere near enough cash to justify buying it again.

  486. I actually need two copies of your book because I know so many weird people and I like to share. Congrats! You’ve earned every copy you’ve sold!

  487. Eventually you WILL come to Utah!! I’m sure everyone and their sister wives would love to see you!

  488. Cool beans! I bought the first kindle version and would love to have a signed paperback.

  489. too cool, congratulations! can’t wait to get paperback copies to give to my sisters/nieces; loved the e-book, can’t wait to read the extra chapter! would be awesome if I had autographed copy. 🙂

  491. Pick Me! Pick Me! (pretty please with sprinkles and a cherry on top)
    I don’t have a copy yet and it would make me feel better over you not coming to the UK. 🙁

  493. I gave a friend MY copy of your book (with the nameplate) because she wanted it so badly and I’m THAT good of a friend. Or you know, I waited until the last minute then couldn’t find it anywhere (because it’s awesome and sold out) and just had to give her my copy… which means I need another.

    Also, I love Doctor Who. And cats. And taxidermied animals…primarily stoats. I need a stoat. (I think that’s a given… we all need stoats, in coats.) Aaaaaand I’ve gifted it to others before. Which means I’m a giver. And a sharer. And I’m not normally all like “look at what I’ve done” but when you want a book and 404 other people have commented, you do whatcha’ gotta’ do.

    Glad the book has done so phenomenally well… not that any of are surprised! Congrats to you!

  495. Cheers, Dahling! I’ll be seeing you in Kansas City! I need a copy so I can give it to my friend who is all pissy that I’m making a special trip home to see you, even though she asks me to come visit regularly!

  496. EEEEEEEEE is also the sound a slightly psychotic monkey makes when it is flinging poo. Or… you know… so I’ve heard…

  499. PER-LEEEEZE come to Seattle again?? I promise not to be *too* stalker-y weird…but probably will be a little bit but that’s ’cause I can’t help it. At least I won’t be scary. PROMISE.

  500. Pick me!!!! My daughter said she’d give me my copy back (you signed it for us in Boston), but somehow I’ve never seen it again!

  501. I have so enjoyed watching you through this whole journey. You are a blessing, and I’m so happy for you!

  502. awww… you were in NJ while I was in the Bahamas (guess I win on that one, huh? LOL!) but I wish I had your book while I was laying on the beach! Would love a copy!

  503. Bought the paperback and missed seeing you in Naperville, IL so I would love an autographed copy!

  507. You are not merely “a part” of a bizarre tribe, you are its inspiration! (You are also the reason I have a giant metal chicken in my courtyard. His name is Zoot.)

  509. My husband pre-ordered your book in hard cover for me, which I’m pretty sure he regretted as I was laughing so hard I woke him up several times. Sadly, I lost the book in our house fire on February 1st. I would love a replacement, pick me!

  510. Ooh ooh! Pick me! I came to your last tour but I can’t make it to this one!

  511. I would totally be one of those nervous people, slowly realizing I actually related to the people around me, and feeling myself open up and Be Myself With Strangers! I’ve experienced this at Amanda Palmer shows, and I have her signed posters to remind me This Can Happen. I would love a signed book too 🙂

  512. Would love the book and some cool taxidermy but, the book alone would be awesome.

  513. So happy for your success!! I’ll be buying another copy (unless I win one) because I MUST read the bonus chapter!

  514. After months of reading here, I thought I couldn’t tell if you were the type who would want me to beg, bribe or both, but I think I know the answer. Both. And alliteration counts for something, right?!? I would LOVE a copy!! (And totally share it…but only if I could watch over those people’s shoulder to make sure they didn’t steal it.)

  516. As a member of the far-off and probably-never-will-be-visited-Australia, I would adore the next best thing – a signed copy of your delightful book.

    In a world where everyone pretends to be sane, your existence is a wonderful reminder that it’s perfectly ok not to be. Long live ruined soufflés!

  517. You say you’re “lucky to be a part of your bizarre tribe.” Lady, I think you’re the REASON for our bizarre tribe! Keep on keepin’ it real. <3

  519. I don’t know her but it looks like Kari should win one. She sounds like a huge fan, buying all versions of your book. That’s my vote, if we get one : ).

  521. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Mememememememe! Uh, please 😀
    I want to read the bonus chapter and then pass it along to friends to share the laughter. I’m not giving up my hardcover!

  522. You deserve every bit of the success…We bought two digital copies and one hardcover…We’ll have to get the paperback so there is a complete set, I see. I say this as someone who has read your blog forever and watched this awesome progression to what you have achieved now. You are truly a member of the Double Unicorn Success Club.

  524. You are fabulously hilarious! I would be so honored and would worship the book i were picked!

  525. Hi Jenny! I would love a copy of your book, which I would never use as a coaster.

  526. I’m sorry if I freaked you out in St. Louis. I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I sniffed you. You smelled really nice. You said it was Copernicus, but it was totally you. I would love another signed copy!

  527. Congratulations!! And Yay the Tribe! I already *technically* have a paperback version of your book, but doesn’t matter, I’ll use this new one as “to-lend-to-friends-to-get-them-addicted” tool. ;-D

  528. I need the actual book; I bought the nook book and laughed til I choked, but I couldn’t see the pictures cause I haven’t gone in to get my glasses even though the optometrist said I need them now and they are so teeny on the nook. Thanks!

  529. Pick me! Pick me! I hope you come to Minneapolis on your tour again! It was great seeing you last time! 😀

  530. I teach school and spring break is coming up. I need a copy of your book to take with me to the beach so I can read and laugh and read and laugh and read…….

  531. I just downloaded your audiobook. It’s great. Duh. I’ve lent out my copy of your book to all of my friends. If they don’t like it, it’s really hard for me to find things to talk about anymore. Thank you for being you!

  533. You are so awesome!! we are lucky to have you in our bizarre tribe. I also reeeaaally wanna read the extra chapter 🙂

  534. I never win anything. Hell I can’t even win at the soda machine in my office – most days it just takes my money the same way a slot machine does. But I’d love a copy of your book!!!

  535. I loved your hardcover very much and loaned it to a co-worker that STILL hasn’t returned it after far too long!! If I were to get a paperback, I’d be a little less bitter about my loss. Congrats, Jenny, and thank you for the giveaway!

  536. Love your book! We read parts of it at work when we have had a particularly stressful day. (We work with K-5th graders). Thank you for the “healing thru humor” we get.

  537. Totally awesome. This little tribe is a lifeline for so many. Your bad-assness inspires us all.

  538. Loved, loved, loved the book when I read it last year and plan to read it again but I’m dying for the extra chapter.

  540. Ermygawd. I had to be a mom the night you were in Minneapolis (okay, technically Edina) last tour and couldn’t come. Please come back and/or gimme the book with the new chapter!

  541. I have read the original version of your book twice now. It STILL makes me laugh out loud. Congratulations!!

  543. Please pick me! I’m still slowly working my way through your book, because I’m using them as bedtime stories and sometimes I don’t get through a chapter. It is awesome and my husband and I are constantly in stitches.

  544. Pick me! (since I already have the ahrdcoer and want to see the new bonus materials!

  546. I am just going to shamelessly beg: PLEASE! I want your book and I can’t buy it. Please! 🙂

  548. Love. You. So. Much. (and Beyonce, too, really, if I’m going to be completely honest.) Knock, knock…was the first I’d read of you. And now I’m hooked.

  549. I really really really want a copy so I can read this extra chapter!!

  554. Oooh! Another copy would mean that I can lend out the hardcover to people despite the fear that I’ll never get it back. Which would be nice, because then I can get more people hooked while still having my security blanket around. (Yes, your book is one of my security blankets. I read it in the closet sometimes when I’m having a bad anxiety day.)

  557. Heard your book on tape and loved it! I wasn’t able to finish it but would love to receive your book so I could!

  558. You’re not just part of this bizarre tribe. You’re the leader. You should have a wicked cape and head dress along the lines of an Amazon headshrinker. Or a superhero. Even a bath sheet and towel turban would do for this crowd really.

  563. Congrats Jenny! I’d love a copy of the paperback too – an extra chapter is sure to be filled with awesomesauce.

  564. I’d love a copy of the paperback! I made my sister read the hardcover you signed when she was here for Xmas. She loved it too!

  566. I would love another copy, I keep loaning mine out to friends! So far, everyone loves it, like I knew that they would 🙂

  567. My dog stress pooped two times this morning. Then I frantically called the vet because she ate something she shouldn’t. Then I leaned how to make a dog puke. Then I cleaned dog puke from the carpet and guess what? Dog food magically expands on the way back up. Then I got to shampoo every carpet in the house.

    I could use a laugh.

  568. OMG PICK ME. Or come back up north of NY sometime so maybe I can see you in person!

  569. Pick me please… I hope to see you in Louisville Monday if all the posted it note hints I have been leaving around for my husband work lol I think they have lets hope…

  570. Loved your book the first time around..holy shitsnacks ( my new most favorite word thanks to you ) , it feels so good to laugh !

  571. I started reading your blog a few weeks ago and LOVE it!!!! I catchy myself saying, ,knock knock motherfucker” all the time now. Thanks for making me laugh!

  573. I gave my copy to my long-estranged mother who is trying to stay sober for the first time in my life. She laughed her ass off, cried some, and it brought us closer together. I’ve been meaning to thank you for that. And it’s OK if you pick someone else–I’ll end up buying another copy anyway…and probably give it to a friend when I talk it up! You totally deserve this success!!

  576. Oo, pick me! Though I already have a copy from your NYC stop, I’m giving it as a gift, so I could use one for myself!

  577. Please, please, please pick me! I live in Mexico (I’m an expat) and unless you plan on touring south of the border, it will be my only chance to come close to meeting you! I am such a big fan. I flew to Ohio last year for a Beyonce the giant metal chicken party!

  578. I would LOVE to have a copy of the paperback. I gave BOTH of my original copies to friends because they didn’t understand why I think you are so f-ing hilarious! I can’t justify buying a third copy…. hoping i get one here! ::fingers-crossed::

    Glad the tour is going so well!

  579. I am a father of four who grew up in a small town in NC and can relate to your book so well please send me a copy here in wilmington, nc and Ill mail you some sand back in return

  580. I have yet to buy the paperback copy, so getting one for free, and one that you have signed to boot,would be a procrastinator’s dream, so I would feel doubley honored to recieve your glorious book in a easily portable edition with one extra (bonus) chapter,and bedazzled with your fab john hancock,as well as not have to make any effort on my part to actually procure it.
    Enjoy your tour, and all the love that comes with it.

  581. I keep re-reading your book and waiting to stop laughing out loud. it’s been 10 months and no luck yet! 🙂

  583. I hope I win! I have the hard back but haven’t purchased the paper back yet (sorry…just being honest!). I love you!

  584. i would love for you pick me my original copy has been stolen by my workmates, and i wasn’t even half way through!

    i did however also buy the kindle edition they couldn’t steal that version…………

  585. Woo! I still haven’t read this (I know, I suck), but I really really really want to!

  586. I need the book to hit my imaginary boyfriend in the head with when he doesn’t agree 100% with me. This size will not leave marks.

    Thanks,

    Pam
    You rock!

  588. Can’t wait for you to get to Kansas City! You are awesomer than anybody!

  589. Seeing you on your hardcover tour in Portland, OR was one of the highlights of my year. I’m so happy for your success. I’ve shared my copy of your book with everyone I know. And they’ve all loved it as much as I do!!!

  590. Awesome people are awesome. I am so glad that you have hordes of nervous folks coming to your things. You are bringing them out, you! You did it, your words and wit! I love your book and I would love to get the next chapter.

  591. My good friend Dawnie is in that photo. She recently wrote you a letter on her blog. I was the friend texting her that she did too belong. Anyway, my turn is next Tuesday in Dayton and omg squee!

  597. Your book is one of my favorites. When I meet new people there are 3 important questions I ask. 1. Do you love The Doctor? 2. Do you know who Jenny AKA The Bloggess is? 3. Are you ready for the Zombie Apocolypse? If even one answer is “huh” they must be exterminated.

  598. LOVE the cd version you have made me laugh and cry and plug through some ugly and some fun times please keep writing!!!

  601. Congrats on the list placement! Pick me! Pick me! I’d love to read the bonus chapter!

  602. So pleased that you are being introduced to the world’s weird and wonderful people. It’s a huge tribe of which I am honored to be a member. We are a loyal group.

  603. Oh my gosh, I want to stay up all night & read your book in one sitting and then go into work the next day looking hung over or strung out on too much caffeine because I stayed up all night. Puh-leeze!!!

  604. “I love you!” She squeeks nervously…the uncomfortable silence is deafening…

  605. I’m a broke college kid who will probably go to Barnes & Noble just to read the extra chapter, since I can’t afford to buy your book a fourth time. The problem is that outings trigger my anxiety, so I’ll have to either do it one sentence at a time over the course of a few weeks, or sneak it into the bathroom, which seems oddly appropriate now that I think about it… Pick me?

  607. oooh pick me! I’m already upset that you’ll be in NJ when I JUST moved out of that state down to Florida. A book would totally make me feel better. Also, you coming to Miami would also make me feel better.

  609. I’d put a copy in the bathroom at work. People need to know, and they need to know while sitting with their pants down around their ankles.

  610. I LOVE your book. I have never laughed so hard reading a book and now I have my husband reading it. We would love to have an autographed copy!

  611. Please pick me – I loaned the hardback covered book to my sister who left it at a job she left, although I may have to buy it for the extra chapter…..luv u

  616. Happy Pi Day! And Congrats on the paper back. Feel free to pick me as a winner so i can read your book as I heal from my broken ankle.

    -J-

  618. I’d love a copy – I haven’t seen the bonus chapter yet. Fingers crossed!

  621. Hi. Loved the book and have bought copies for other people. It would be cool to get a signed copy and I doubt you’ll be bringing the signing tour to the UK, so good luck to me. 🙂

  622. I already got my line ticket for your book signing in Cincinnati, OH!! My sister had just introduced me to your blogs about a week ago – THEN she tells me you were coming to Cincinnati!! OMG!

    Searching through past blogs, I found the one about the swanky “transient hotel” – I was laughing so hard I was crying and stomping my foot on floor!

    Thank you for sharing the way your mind works. 🙂

  623. You make me laugh, you make me cry, and you give me inspiration. Thank YOU. 🙂

  627. Before I read your book, my husband and I were to buying a giant chicken. They sell them at Eastern Market in Detroit. True story.
    Love your book and your blog!

  629. I am so excited to see you in Louisville on Monday night! I came from Huntsville AL up here just to see your bad ass self 🙂

  632. Ooh, ooh, you have to pick me!! My sister and I went to our local garden store and proceeded to line up chickens on a step behind each other, pretend to knock on an imaginary door, and turn around to see which one our eye went to first. THEN we went over to my other sister’s house, attempted to knock on her screen door, she spotted me as I half tripped/jumped over the railing, and then nearly knocked her very own mini Beyonce off of the porch when she opened the door. But she enjoyed it nonetheless. ;>) Keep on keepin’ on!!

  635. Awww. I love that you have a following that isn’t creepy, but sweetly bizarre. Congratulations!

  636. I was introduced to your book from my sister in law. I fell madly on love!! Your stories abd writing style are perfect! I read the book through on 2 days and promptly found your website and Facebook sites! Thank you for making it ok to be a little odd!!

  640. Saw you in NJ and must say that YOU ROCK!!!!
    We thought it was just going to be a book signing but you did a chapter reading and a Q & A and it was awesome. You are my hero.
    Thank you for coming to NJ.

  643. oh, pick me, pick me! I am listening to your hilarious/disturbing/instructional book while walking on the treadmill. I get extra points for spending the big bucks on the audio version, right? Also, I tried listening while doing that weird elliptical contraption for the first time and I almost killed myself. So, more points for being willing to die for your book, I think. Plus, I need to see some pictures of your dad. I’m thinking of him as Captain Lou Albano, but I don’t think that’s right. In conclusion, I think you are a brave and wonderful person and writer.

  645. An old family story: when my parents were on their honeymoon during the end of WWII, they went to Reno and my dad ran into actor John Wayne at the bar. My dad was thrilled, introduced himself as a fan, and told The Duke that it was his anniversary, and Wayne said, “Congratu-goddamn-lations”.

    So, Jenny, I already have your book, but in any case, congratu-goddamn-lations!

    PS My father then ruined my mother’s part of the anniversary by spending the whole evening with John Wayne in a bar. There are no truly functional families!

  648. OOH ME ME ME! I already have a hardback copy but I wanna read the new chapter!

  651. I do not own a nook or a kindle or any of those other fancy schmancy devices. I buy books, so that I can read them and people will know what I’m reading and then they will ask me questions about the book I’m reading. So, when I’m reading your awesome book at the beach this year, people will be asking me about it. And I will tell them, and also, I will burn in the sun.

  652. We like giving you titles – “New York Times Best Selling Author” just sounds so cool when multiplied. I’d love a copy signed – missed you in Chicago by 1 day but did get a picture of the book at the O’Hare bookstore. They were dressed in “Signed by the Author” stickers.) Didn’t buy one though as I picked one up on Release Day.

  653. I love the guy with the red tu-tu. So adorable. Congratulations Jenny, you’re a star xox

  656. Hooray! I love this book so much. I have been reading a chapter everyday after a very stressful couple of weeks and it makes me laugh and I feel better.

  657. I already have the book, I’m here for the comments. Keep up the fantabulous work!

  660. I like to think of it less as “we did it together” and more as: YOU did it by creating an awesome space, and a snort lemonade out of your nose on a plane funny book, and then WE acknowledged your awesome with cold hard cash. Proving the world not yet ready for destruction.
    Yes, the lemonade in nostrils thing was painful. Thanks.

  661. Awesome! I’ve got it as a nook book because paper pages tear too easily in the hands of my little monsters but I could totally hide a paperback at work and make people think I’m even more odd when I start randomly giggling to myself heh.

  663. I would like a copy! I’ve bought five copies of your book for friends already! this way, I can make sure one more person wets their pants from laughing.

  664. I am SO thrilled you are having such success on your paperback tour (if a little weepy that you won’t be coming to my lovely bookstorein Memphis)!! I could always use another copy of your book-I am constantly hand selling it at the store, convincing folks (whohave NO idea what I’m getting them into) that they MUST read it NOW–and in fact, I’ve decided that I will be giving a copy of your book to all my future potential suitors. I will highlight the beautiful passage about a chicken named Beyonce. If a man either A. does not find that entire scenario humorous, or B. thinks it’s not realistic (and highly likely), then he really has no business trying to date me. Love you big–best wishes for big crowds and a safe and happy tour!!! XOXO

  667. You are the highlight of the day for so many of my friends, my sisters, daughters…etc… Your book is awesome and just another way for us to enjoy your crazy, fun, and bright spirit. Thank you and can’t wait to meet you next week! EEEEEE……:)

  672. I adore you. I want nothing more than to read your book from cover to cover and then sit and read it again several dozen times. 🙂

  673. Pretty, pretty, pretty Please??????? Pick me!!! Can’t wait to see you in Cincinnati!!

  676. I’m so excited for you. Can’t wait to see you during the next leg of the tour.

  677. I’d absolutely love a copy! I’ve been meaning to read it so winning a copy would be perfect!

  679. I can’t wait to read the bonus chapter of your book. I haven’t been able to buy it yet due to saving for daycare for my daughter, but I still can’t wait to read.

  680. If you were coming to a city near me, I would totally sneak in nervously.
    But alas, Florida is no-man’s land.

  681. well, if you do pick me, I will be flattered, honored, and delighted. If you do not, then I will have to go out and buy another copy (my hardcover is probably still in the possession of my ex. May it bring her some joy, she needs it) Either way, I am going to have to get a new copy.

  682. Me! Me! Sorry.. sounds a little greedy doesn’t it? I blame the kids, I’m surrounded by them all day and at the end sharing seems kinda wrong. (just don’t tell them 🙂 )

    M

  686. Cupcakes & Magnificence: I have always preached that cupcakes should be their own food group. And that the actual cupcake is really just a delivery device for the FROSTING…Mmmmm. So, maybe the frosting is the magnificence!?!?!

  688. Pick me!!!!

    I agree with Ron – I’m too hemisphere-challenged to get an autographed on in person!

    🙂

  690. Wow. I’m a hard workin single mom. My wuzband is kind of a deadbeat. And my boss is so far up my ass I’m wearing two pairs of shoes ( not my joke. I’m too stressed out to think of my own.). I so need your book. For free. Love you.

  692. I’d love to win a copy, because I went to the bookstore to buy it, but I only had $10. I read part of the last chapter and was laughing so hard I was crying. The BN helpers kept checking on me. So I’d Love to win a copy (I know I said that already, but it’s really really true!).

  693. That’s amazing! I wish I could have seen you when you were in Illinois. 🙁

  695. Congrats! You’re the awesomest. I need to read that extra chapter. Maybe in a book that came directly from you. 🙂

  696. Why won’t you come to Memphis? Don’t be scared. You’ll have an armed guard at your side the whole time. I promise.

  697. We’re hoping to come see you again but you were much closer the last time you were in Phoenix. I’m trying to convince my parents they need to go too so you can corrupt 3 generations of my family.

  698. I can never look at metal chicken without saying ‘Knock-knock mother f*cker’!! Am planning on making a 2 hour trip to see you in person. *YAY*

    Pick me. :o)

  699. I gave my hardback copy to a very special friend (mostly to make her laugh so hard that beverages shot out of her nose), so I’m jonesing for a paperback version!

  702. i must have a copy of your book! I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH!! lol i have yet to read the bonus chapter but i can hardly wait! i think ill pee my pants if i get a copy signed by you in the mail. lol i will totally lose it my husban wont be able to peel me off the ceiling for weeks! thanks!!

  705. No, thank YOU. For real. Thanks for making me laugh. (Damn, are you really going to read all of these?!)

  708. I will seeing you in Phoenix! My daughter and I are making an event of it….you know eating out at great restaurants, shopping the outlet malls (can we get you anything?) , showing up at B&N to get our books that we OWN..people quit asking for a free book…buy on for Christ’s sake, you sound pathetic…and possibly a couple of small metal chickens, it depends if we can fit them in the car. Then, to the hotel because we don’t live in Phoenix anymore. Thank you for giving us a reason to PARTY!! and my husband’s paying for everything…awwwww!

  709. I’m commenting because I want to read the bonus chapter. I already know who I’ll give my hardback copy to. Also, I’m sad that you aren’t coming near me on this tour.

  710. That would be great! Im also very happy for you. You have wonderful fans with incredible sense of humors.

  712. I’d be one of those people creeping weirdly in alone… Although sadly I’m afraid of other humans, so I would probably leave alone too. Oh well.

  713. Well, if you’re not going to venture anywhere near the eastern panhandle of WV .. I’m going to need that autographed copy since I won’t be able to see you in person to sign the one I bought. That’s 1 copy down.. next!

  715. I am raising my hand with my eyes squeezed shut and my arm about to jump out of its socket like Arnold Horshack “Oh, oh, oh!” In Mr. Kotter’s class. Pleease let this be the first thing I ever won. Or I might lose what little sliver of eager hopefulness I still possess!

  716. I love your book, and I love that there are so many people at the signing! You have millions of fans, and that is mathematically correct.

  719. I would really love to have the paperback to go with my hardback then I will have a full set. Right not it’s not even and it’s driving me crazy!

  720. You should pick me because I like unicorns and have dead stuff mounted above my fireplace. I married a man that likes to kill Bambi’s Momma so I can grind her up in my kitchenaid. Also, one time..my husband and I got drunk and ran butt naked around the outside of our house in the rain. (We live in town) Thank goodness I got that boob job!

  721. Oh pick me! Pick me! *jumping up and down* My twin needs a copy… wait my twin already has MY copy. I need another one!!

  724. I, personally, am not surprised that the people who came out to see you smelled like cupcakes and magnificence. After all, like attracts like.

  726. Yes please! I have your book as an ebook but would love a paper copy one!

  727. Oh! We’re looking for a badass addition to the silent auction to benefit my daughter’s school – this would be awesome. Also, I didn’t visit you in Paramus because I didn’t want to give you the horrible virus I had. Sorry, I would have bought a copy and had you autograph it for the auction if I hadn’t been sick.

  728. I discovered your blog recently while I was staying with my daughter in the hospital for 3 days because she had just been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Reading it really brightened my days. I can’t wait to read your book!

  729. I’d squee all over the place if I won!

    I already have the kindle version, but an autographed copy is much more cuddly. 🙂

  731. Ok. I want a copy of your book so much I’m leaving another comment. I scrolled through the comments twice. I don’t see my original one, but I am not surprised. I have legitimate issues which shall remain nameless.

    Like I said in my original comment, I will totally be buying the current one if you don’t pick me, because I love you, and again, you’re welcome.

  732. STUFFED ALBINO GROUNDHOG!!!!!!! Did I catch your attention?! I have shared your book with a couple friends already and sent copies to some others. I would love, love, love a copy with the extra chapter but I haven’t made it to the book store to see if the Canadians were privy to that bonus or not. In the meantime I’m trying to convince some friends to help me procure a “piece” for your menagerie collection… My husband is thus far unimpressed and I’m sure yours will be even less (insert evil laughter here)|
    PS thank you so much for your link a couple weeks ago to the kid taking in blades – that led me to discover the “To This Day” project and it has been a life changing discovery. Thank you.

  736. I love your book so much and am so happy for your success. You deserve it!

  737. My best friend introduced you to me. I absolutely LOVE your wit and humor. Also, your real life experiences. Thank you!

  739. Oh please please please pick me! Your book is the ultimate friend test. My office mate and I bonded over it… Which I am fairly certain is the reason no one else wants to talk to us. Not that they ignore us, per se. They’re just not on board with our implementation of more interesting policies, like the cursing hour, or that if someone sniffles, you’re obligated to make a joke about a coke problem. That’s fine though; they’re not Unicorn Success Club material anyway. There’s a proverb like that, right?

  741. Ooh me! Because the 703rd comment (at the time of this writing) always wins! 🙂

  745. pick me pick me!! I’m dying to read it, it’s been a slow miserable death! I’m too cheap to buy it, I’m actually considering breaking down & doing so. We were sending it around, but somehow it never made it. It made it from Korea to SoCal, only had a short trip to NorCal, but still hasn’t left SoCal 🙁

  746. We thank you – for being one of the bravest, most real people on the planet.
    We heart you large.

  748. Congratulations! I’m so glad that all of your adoring fans (myself included) turned out and supported you and your book 🙂

  749. Since you refuse to tour near me, shouldn’t I get a book? Please? I’ll show you my best pout…..

  754. I looooove you! And your badass, mildly offensive, completely hilarious book. And blog.

  756. Since i have only met you electronically, I only have your book on iPad, and thus you should pick me for one of the actual books to prove your love me, because nothing says love like two people who have bonded over the desire to have Harry Potter lightning bold episiotomy scars. Our friendship should be sealed in a tangible way. Although I do have one of the little cardboard Hamlet schwags that I copped from the local bookstore in exchange for writing a review that said, “Read this shit, y’all!”

  759. Now chances are that I’m not as cool as any one of the previous 709 people (good luck combing all these) but I share your posts all the time and it makes me feel fantastic that i have friends that get me(and you) and hopeful for my future in this crazy world we call life. I’d love a book, sister.

  761. A signed copy of your book would make me sound just like a that poor hamster!! And I still see no vegas on the tour :'(

  763. Saw you at your Miami stop on the first leg of the tour. Met two other people alone, nervous, unsure, and left with them both being amazing friends. They have literally saved my life and we owe our misfit sisterhood all to you. <3

  766. I don’t have the book, but I want it, so you should pick me. I would have it, but I am one of those old students that young students hate, and my school books are stupidly expensive.

  769. I’m so thrilled with your book that I wanted to give mine to the local impoverished library. But wait, then I’d be giving mine away! Oh dear. Maybe you’ll make Mother Teresa look even worse by giving one to me for the library (or to Butte County Library-Chico directly).

    Incidentally, we’re not “that” California. We’re the poor relations up near Oregon.

    In any case, thank you so much for such a great read.
    Anne Morris
    Chico, California

  772. OMG I WANT ONE!!!!! I only buy books from Goodwill. Which makes me kind of a hypocritical book supporter since I’m not technically supporting the book industry. I am helping the less fortunate, though!

    God only knows how long it will take for your book to end up on the shelves of Goodwill. Your fans are such die-hards, they probably set up shrines around your book, enclosed in vacuum-sealed glass cases. =)

  774. I need you to come to NOVA DC area. I’m new here and having trouble finding my tribe!! I’d be ok with signed book too.

  778. I read your book while visiting my daughter and became a Jenny convert. Now I need my own copy to spread the word!

  779. I “lent” my copy to my mother and she hasn’t returned it, so I would LOVE a signed copy. Enjoy the rest of your tour.

  782. I was just introduced to you this past weekend when some friends were sharing the story of Beyonce. I nearly pee’d my pants from laughing! I have shared your stories several times since and made many people laugh nearly has hard as I did. My friends and are so excited about your book and plan to start a book club with your book being our first read! Thank you for being you and sharing your stories, they are magnificent!

  783. I currently smell like guacamole and lime tortilla chips. Am I still allowed to win?

  785. Technically I already own your book… I then lent it to a friend so she could also fall in weird internet love with you. She gave it back but I want to read your bonus chapter and then pass it along to the next lucky friend who will get to discover you!

  786. Oh dear lord how I wish I could have been there! Being in Virginia however, doesn’t really lend itself to getting to one of the tour locales. But I could totally use more friends like you. Not that we know each other, even though I feel like I know you. Anyway…rambling…oh look…something shiny!

  787. Woohoo, congrats! Your book resides in my keep library. I plan to be there if you ever make it to San Diego.

  788. Hey- I’m pretty sure there’s a gal back there who doesn’t have a book in her hand! Isn’t that illegal? Or maybe just rude – like going to someone’s house for dinner and NOT bringing wine. Or bringing cheap wine. Home made wine. Anyway, it’s my birthday next week and I asked for the book. I’m pretty sure I’ll get it and don’t really need the free book, but it would be awesome and kind of piss off a certain someone who recently re-gifted the wine I brought as a hostess gift.

  789. Congratulations, really great news to hear. Hope someday to visit the States and catch one of your tours. Wishful thinking. Love and hugs from Japan!

  790. Grad student spending book money on textbooks eagerly awaiting your blog posts to break up epic study sessions wishes to be thrown into the running to be gifted your awesome book!

  791. I almost never leave my hometown but I totally planned on driving four hours to see you in Dayton. Unfortunately, I have to stay home with my niece and nephew because my brother is going to a wedding in Texas. I don’t know if I could bring the kids with me all that way. They are 1 and 2 years old. Maybe you could release a scroll version of the book, or a stone tablet version. Then you can tour again and help get me out of the house. I would totally come out to have you sign my stone tablet.

  792. I don’t think I smell like a cupcake….or magnificence, but…

    Congrats on all of your success…you make me laugh almost every day!!!!

  793. I love your book!!! Wherever I read it … I cracked up… And people thought I was crazy!!! I’d love the paperback. Can’t wait to see you again. Come to CT!!

  794. Pick me please! I am a HUGE fan. I bought the book on my kindle and would love a paperback copy (and BONUS chapter) but can’t afford to buy it right now. Extremely sad face. Keep up the good work – you are an inspiration!

  795. Pick me or I’ll cry like I just watched one of those ASPCA commercials with Sarah McLachlan!

  797. Pick me! I wish you were coming to So Cal again so I could meet you a second time! XOXO

  798. I wrote a song declaring my undying love for Jane Espenson and posted it for the world.

    Where does that get me on the book list?

    Or Jane, for that matter. Although I have to believe that if Jane Espenson called you and said, ‘Hey, I need me a book!’ you’d be all like, ‘Of course you can have a book, you created the Phantom Dennis.’

    And then the world would collapse into a critical mass of awesome and none could escape it’s pull.

    Not even light or gravity.

  800. Have had a year of down days and I love reading your blog as a pick me up…can only imagine what the book would do for my mood! I sooooo need to read it!

  801. I have the Kindle version, the Hardcover, the Audible version. I adore you and would LOVE to have a signed copy! I obviously have issues. :-/

  805. Okay I was going to be selfish and say pick me pleeeease, but I think Tracey in Australia deserves it since she can’t even get an unsigned copy! Pick her, pleeease!

  806. OOH, PICK ME PICK ME! *channeling her inner Donkey* The Shrek character. Not that I’m an ass. Generally.

  809. Pick me, pick me! Unless you are going to be giving away a taxidermied dead animal soon, and winning a copy of your book would disqualify me from winning said dead thing. Then please pass me by. Because I really want a dead thing in a costume, and you can’t buy that at a bookstore.

  810. I live in Colorado. I don’t smoke pot. I live vicariously through the stories of the misdeeds of others. Books are my drugs. Would LOVE a signed copy of yours…or the rooster. I would definitely take the rooster

  811. Oh, oh, oh. Please? I’m going on 1.5 years unemployed & have not yet been able to buy a copy. But, OH! I really do want to read it. 🙂

  813. That is amazing news! Congrats to you. I don’t have your book yet.. To be honest, I’m a cheap ass!

  814. I read my sister-in-law’s copy over Christmas, but I need one of my own!!!!!

  815. Pick me! Because I can’t come and see you as I live in New Zealand – unless you want to start a world tour?

  816. I would really love a copy of your book to give to a friend who had a really rough year, and needs a chance to laugh and find hope and other people who feel the same way she does.

  818. Our friends sent us your book out of the blue last week via Amazon with the suggestion that I read it to my wife (who is perfectly capable of reading but deems it to taxing). I didn’t have a clue who you were but zoomed through it in a weekend (in between chapters of book 5 of A Game of Thrones – talk about a dichotomy!) Sure I rolled my eyes at times but what a great read! Thanks!

  819. fuckit! i know i won’t actually win, but i’ll play anyway.

    i never win anything…….

  820. I gave my hardback copy to a family member who recently found out she has cancer. I knew giving her your stories would cheer her up but I need another copy! 🙂

  822. You are fantastic! I wish you were coming to the Seattle area so that I could come see you!

  823. Your book is amazing and made me think my mental musings aren’t that odd….ok…maybe they still are odd but I am not alone. I am just not a writer and more of a reader so your book is perfect. Pick me!!

  825. Congratulations on all your success! And thank you for making me laugh — at occasionally inappropriate times, but still.

  827. Pick the Australian! And then me….. because then I can pretend we are friends all over again just like the first time I read it….. 🙂

  828. I’m coming to see you in Cincinnati, and I’m going to be one of the nervous ones! So pick me, especially because I’ll buy another one that night for you to sign! Yay!

  831. If you pick me, I will donate the book to my daughter’s elementary school auction. This may or may not be done anonymously. If you don’t pick me, I will not be offended in the least.

  836. I was at the airport this past weekend in one of the shops and a lady was looking at all the books trying to pick one out. Yours was right in front of me so I picked it up and told her if she was looking for something good to read, this would be the book. She asked if it would make her laugh out loud… I told her it would most definitely! 🙂

  837. I’ve given many, many copies of the book as a litmus test for friends. If they don’t call me in tears, rolling on the floor laughing, I have serious concerns about their friend longevity. Congratulations!

  839. May the random number generator be ever in my favor.
    Thanks for all you do Jenny.

  842. Instead of “pick me, pick me!”, I am going to tell you a story. One day, due to the spontaneous relocation of peanuts, my coworker ascertained that she had a mouse living in her office. To make herself more comfortable with this new reality, she named the mouse Chuck. Her boss set a not-nice trap for said mouse, which she promptly un-set. I relayed this story to my almost- four year old daughter, who has had the following advice for my coworker. “Look under the desks, and around the chairs and under the heater. Is Chuck a boy or a girl? I think he’s a boy. What’s the rest of his name? How about Sally? Chuck Sally. Yeah. Oh, and if he’s hard to catch, you could use your paws to grab his tail. I have a smart forehead, so I could help.” You should send me a signed paperback, because I must be cool, since I am clearly raising a very cool kid. The end.

  844. I’m in North Virginia and would LOVE to win …I’ve felt really stabby lately and I think reading it in hard copy instead of on my little iPod (not even an iPad) would be AMAZING and lead to me not feeling so stabby. And less nearsighted.

  846. Ohhhhh me, please! I don’t even have one copy yet, because I’m a) poor and b) behind on my reading.

  847. My (your) library book is due the 22nd. I’ll see you Tuesday the 19th in Dayton. You can give me my free book then.

  849. *waving hand frantically in the air a’ la Arnold Horshack* Me, me, me! Pick me! Pleaaassseeee!!!!

  853. You’re so awesome! I want a paperback with extra chapter! Heck, I just want the extra chapter!!!!!!!

  856. Loved the book the first time and can’t wait to read the second one! Super sad I had to miss the tour in NY!

  857. Me! Me! Pick me! I neeeed this…really. Ummm…I have six kids…only tiny grains of my dignity and sanity left. And, I’m nice. But, not too nice. Plenty of sarcasm here. But, not mean. Not really. Uh…I like your hair?

  859. I am so excited to re-read and read the bonus chapter!! Congratulations! I took your hardcover to a party to loan to the hostess and everybody there pawed through it

  861. In July, when Google Reader goes away, I will still visit your website everyday. Yup, you are a keeper!

  862. I gave a book to a friend from high school who was having a bad time of it – guess what, it made her laugh, which is what she partially needed, and made her realize that we are not alone, which is what she really needed. You have the best superpower of all, spreading joy and hope, in case you needed a reminder. Congrats!

  863. I would love to have a copy of your book! After reading it, I realized that someone else in the world felt exactly the way I do. I wasn’t alone anymore. Thank you for that.

  864. Pick me because I’m going through a terrible divorce and heroin withdrawal and I have a bad case of ingrown ass hair and a gazillion giant whitehead zits and I’m middle aged with two small children and a stretch marked gunt so I REALLY need the laughs! …well, only the last three are actually accurate. But they are good enough reasons, right? And I’m Canadian. So you will be giving away a book to a sophisticated foreigner that loves to guzzle beer and wear gum boots.

  865. Funny for a book? The new Pope is 76. We could have two guys in the Old Pope’s Home soon.

  867. I’m a grad student and I’ve almost completely lost the ability to read for pleasure and fun. Help me Bloggess, you’re my only hope!

  868. It doesn’t matter if I win, I just think you rock! And I wish I could be more like you! You are an inspiration! I just wish you came with the book so I could hear your stories told by you- the one at the book store in St. Louis was AWESOME!

  869. I loved your book. Seriously, was reading while stuck in limbo at an airport in a country where I don’t speak the language for 3 days in order to maintain my sanity. Thank you for that.

  870. To receive a signed copy of your book would prolly be the most exciting moment of life! Seriously, I’m pretty boring so this would be awesome.

  871. Pick meeeeeeeeee! I bought your book but if I had an autographed copy, I could donate the old one! Or maybe not donate as much as pick a girl who really really needs a laugh. P.s. my phone tried to autocorrect donate to “fondue.” It’s clearly my phone.

  876. I’ve been dying to read your book, but I am like # bazillion on the request list at the library, and I am poor. Your story about Beyonce made me popular at work for a day, which was was sooo exciting, since I am a school librarian and the only time they notice me usually is when I am late for yard duty, so thanks for being hilarious, heartfelt and a truth teller. If you ever come to Ottawa, ON, Canada, we have snow – and crazy people.

  878. I’m so sad I’m not near any of the tour spots, it seems this is a community of my people!
    I’m proud of you Jenny for doing this despite your anxiety, and maybe because of it. We all love you. Thank you.

  879. ooooh…I so want a copy. It’s not available yet here in Canada. 🙁 I lent my hard cover version to my sister-in-law…who never returned it. Bitch!

  880. I usually joke here, but honestly, you are amazing. You are such a fruit salad of traits that everyone finds a little part of themselves here, but gets along with the other fruits as well. Until those fucking Kiwis show up, and then I’m out.

  881. Would love to have it- the hardback copy that I had has gone to be with another blog-obsessed lady so I would LOVE to have the paperback! Would love to read the extra chapter and would love to laugh alll over again about how much fun your family is! Am thrilled that all of those awesome people turned out at your book signing. I wish you would come to my neck of the woods!

  883. I love you Jenny! And not in a creepy stalker kind of way, but in that I totally get hiding in the bathroom kind of way. Thank you for bringing such an awesome tribe of people together.

  884. Oh, Jenny. It’s you and your wonderful way with words and feelings and finding the absurd that did it. We just finally all found you. Thank goodness. 🙂

    Huggles,
    rissatoo

  885. You’re the GREATEST, I am so happy for you! (This is a boring comment but I want to be in the running for the books) (But I am genuinely really happy for you!)

  888. Since I can’t come see you, having an autographed copy of your book would ALMOST make it better. Almost. 🙂

  890. Congrats! That is awesome. I have recommended your book to a crazy number of people, but I would freaking love to win a signed copy. Here’s to fellow Whovians everywhere!

  891. I was sad when I had to return your book to the library last week, so a paperback copy of my very own would be awesome! Congratulations on your continued (and deserved) success.

  893. A very good friend of mine gave me your book. She knows me very well. I literally screamed with laughter. I got it on the Kindle, so I’d love to have a paperback copy, so that I can see the pictures. Thank you for being awesome.

  894. Congratulations, Madame Bloggess! I really wish I could have made it to one of your book tour stops because I love your book and you are awesome. 🙂 I’d love to read the extra chapter!

  895. So looking forward to reading the bonus chapter! Love you, Jenny!

  896. I know the odds are against me, but I’m hoping you pick me anyway! <3
    I can't afford to buy your book right now… but I will own it one day whether you pick me or not!

  897. While I’ve given the book away as gifts, I don’t actually have a copy of my own! Please pick me!!!!!

  898. Thanks for sharing your wacky, someone demented sense of humor with us. The last 9 months I’ve had a sick little girl, and when I was at my darkest, your sick sense of humor always made me smile. Thank you and congratulations!

  900. Jenny, not that I would resort to bribery, but I’d you picked me, I’d gladly bring “Caryonce” to you at your Louisville signing. Just saying.

  904. Oh Jenny! I would be thrilled to receive a copy! Your book scared my wife silly several different times. Well, not the book itself, but the noises of hilarity radiating from me at random times. So for that matter, your blog scares her as well. She can tell when I’m reading it. I kind of make the walls vibrate. Supposedly. I hope your very own eyes are reading this so you truly TRULY know how much I adore you. Because I DO. *nods emphatically* XOXOXOXO (because life it too short not to send HUGS and KISSES at every opportunity!)

  905. I didn’t know about you when the book first came out so would love a copy of this one – but either way I just want you to know how many times your posts have made my day when I really needed a smile. And how many times I shared them with my hubby and we laughed till tears ran down and our teenage girls just looked at us all screwy eyed LOL Thanks for the laughs!!!!

  906. Not only do you have tons of support in physical life, but check out all the comments! It’s so wonderful to see your success (now, if only you’d come to my dinky town that’s farther north than most Canadians…).

  908. thank YOU for combining 2 of my favourite things – reading and you!

  911. I need a paperback. And it’s autographed. I have the hard back but it’ll be lonely without the paperback. Love the book!

  914. I have actually eaten duvet whilst reading so as not to wake my husband as I was laughing so much, didn’t work he woke up thinking I was having a fit – priceless. Come visit the UK

  915. I’m so proud of you. The accomplishment and acceptance and outreach of it all.
    The next best thing to meeting you would be seeing you, but since I’m not on your tour, the next best thing would be receiving a book from you. I’d be ever-grateful and probably end up reading most of it out loud to my husband. I make him listen. Thank you for everything.

  916. Congratulations. Would love a copy to share with some of my fellow book clubbers.

  917. Ive already read your hardcover, but would love to read the extra chapter!

  918. I definitely need a paperback copy of your book because I won’t allow my husband to put his grubby hands on my autographed hardcover copy! He really needs to read it though. He still feels alone in his daily fight with depression.

  919. A part of the bizarre tribe? You are the leader Jenny, never forget that! Plus, pick me for the book! Pretty please?

  921. I really really want to win this because I preordered the Kindle version of the book when it was first listed on Amazon and I loved it, but now there is a whole chapter I didn’t get to read, and I think I need a real bookcase version so people will see it and I can tell them they HAVE to read it. There. That’s my entry.

  922. I LOVE your book! My friend and I quote different parts of it randomly, and laugh so much we almost pee. Thank you for writing! The world needs more of your stories.

  924. Awwwww … That’s also the sound my cats make when I hug them too tight. Personally I don’t think you can hug too tight, but opinions vary. Congrats on the book!!!!

  925. Of course I want a copy of the book, but I also would like you to let go of the imaginary hamster now. I have this Lenny from “Mice and Men” image in my head that I just can’t shake.

  926. i’d love to read it, and i love your work, but i read the hardcover (from the library, because I’m unemployed). but i know there are those more deserving than me. so i’ll just say, i’ll be your best friend ANYWAYS, because that’s how I roll.

  927. I picked up your book and started reading it in Chapters, while waiting for my daughter to shop. I had to change seats 3 times because of the looks people were giving me, and even ‘shushing’ me when I guffawed out loud once….or twice! (okay, maybe a few times)

    Oh – and I agree with Melissa’s comment about strapless bras.

  930. I haven’t purchased a copy yet personally, (I plan too, 😉 ) but I do encourage everyone to ask their local library to purchase a copy or two! That is actually how I even found out about all this in the first place and now I’m listening to the audio book with my mother! Just as good the second time around and it’s awesome to be able to hear Jenny read the book! Thanks!

  931. I don’t know if I should be picked… but I would love a copy! Seeing as my library doesn’t have it, and I can’t afford a copy. 🙁

  932. Pick me! Pick me! I have nothing funny or awesome to say! But pick me anyway!

  934. I could die happy if I had an autographed copy! What does that say about my life? Do I have low standards? Or is your book just that awesome? Only one way to find out.

  935. I have a copy of the book in digital format (yay for $2 Boxing week sales), but I would LOVE to have an actual, physical paperback copy of my own. Your signature would be icing on the cake!

  936. Oh I cannot afford a new book (seriously how sad is that!) but so want to read the new chapter. I was surprised my tiny little library had a copy of the hardcover cause for most books I really want to read, I have to wait till the book is out a year so I can ask for it through interlibrary loan.

  939. I don’t even care if you give me a book, I’m going to buy it (again) anyway. I just wanted to tell you I saw you and your book mentioned in a little blurb in the March issue of Real Simple magazine. It said you were, ” A Funny Person to Follow” (twitter)

  945. Would love to have a copy of the paperback! I promise to love it and cherish it as much as I do the hardback! I have a Bloggess bookmark ready and waiting for it!

  946. Use as a coaster? Never! However, my signed Nathan Fillion pic makes an excellent trivet…

  947. I absolutely LOVE your book and would love to have a paperback copy. It is great to read when I am having a bad day.

  949. The totally awesome girl who is among the “three beautiful and unrelated Lawson girls” and who brought one of the world’s coolest photos for a photo with you? She’s a dear friend of mine. If I had an autographed copy of your book, I could sort of pretend her awesomeness rubbed off on me! Or even if it didn’t, at least I have a Bloggess autograph! Loved the book. My Dad still keeps asking me if you stole parts of it from my life. I’m just grateful that the dead-squirrel-puppet is not one of the things we have in common. I think I’d still be in a locked ward somewhere.

  950. I would love another copy, especially a signed one. 🙂

    I am a doctoral student and I read ALOT so it is great to have some fun reading each day. Thanks!

  952. So, I bought your book when the paperback came out and took it on a plane trip to a working group meeting this week. I had three flights and two layovers, so I figured I would have plenty of time. I laughed out loud the whole time I read the book (despite my best efforts to appear composed). Although several people said something to me about it during the trip, I figured “What do I care? I won’t see these people again.” Right? Wrong. The guy sitting next to me on my last flight was at the same meeting. He gave me a pretty wide berth.

  953. I’m dying to read the extra chapter, could use some good laughs in my life about now. Thank you for making me smile so often.

  954. Pick me! Pick me! (Hands frantically waving ) must. . .have. . .autographed. . Copy of awesomeness!!!!

  955. You are awesome! If you were touring anywhere near me I’d fight the crowds to see you!

  956. You never fail to amaze me by making me either contemplate something profound or by making me laugh until I almost pee myself. I need to read your book. Now. Please.

  958. Thank you for stepping outside your comfort zone and coming to see all of us. You’re one of my heroes <3

  959. Right on girl! Loved the booked…would love an autographed copy as much as I would love a taxidermied alligator dressed in a powder blue tuxedo 😉

  960. Please please pick me! Do you realize how far I just scrolled down just to comment on this!? And I would totally not use it as a lame coaster. I would show it off to all my friends so they can be crazy jelly.

  962. Want want want! Love your blog and everything you do. In that weird, crazy way that makes everyone in the room uncomfortable. It’s my *specialty*.

  965. Not enough EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEs in my SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

  966. Ooh, me!! Pick me! Pick me! ::jumps up and down waving her hands::

  967. i just ordered my copy! i read a chapter in the denver airport on tuesday… i was laughing so hard that i had tears streaming down my face and just nearly peed my pants. you rock, jenny! (autographed copy or not, you rock 🙂 )

  968. Please and thank you those are the magic words if you want nice things to happen (winning a copy would be so nice) they are the words that should be heard. Oh my god why am I reciting Barney lyrics (which sound kind of/vaguely creepy when you type them out). I really loved your book and would be honored to have a signed copy.

  970. Wow! I’m impressed! Not surprised though 🙂 Now the question is, what will it take to get to #1?

  971. I’m reading a library copy right now, but I’d love to have one of my own. Bonus chapter is bonus.

  973. Jenny, you astound me every day. Whether it is with your rapier-sharp wit or your unapologetic views on life. I bow to you, mademoiselle. Well done. 🙂

  978. Wish you were coming back to San Antonio for a reading. Love to see you again. Of course I guess I could just run into you at the mall or something, but it’d be weird asking you to start reading your book in the food court, wouldn’t it?

  979. I would love another copy of your book. I won’t lend the one I have, (except to my daughter, and even from her, I took collateral), because I instead send people to your website and give them the link to buy it. You see, I’ve tried to explain you, many times . . . and I just can’t. It’s not “you had to be there,” it’s “you have to read it all – the blog and the books.” When I first found you, I read the whole blog in one shameful Saturday binge of snicker and “(insert link) YOU HAVE TO READ THIS” emails to my daughter. The book, I rationed, and read in two days. I would love another copy and it would have a place of pride on my shelf – then I would tear up the other one into chapters, and lend them out to still force people to buy the whole book for more. Is that wrong? Or just wrong in a good way? (Incidentally, I second all the Canadians encouraging you to come here. I promise we have our own brand of wonderful weirdness).

  981. Please pick me! If you’re giving away to people outside the US, that is. Which I hope you do. Because I love your book. It was amazing. I only have it in e-book, though, and would love to have it in an actual dead tree copy as well, especially because of the new chapter.

  984. I’ve decided rather than a spirit animal, I would like a wordy talisman. See I tried an animal, the incomparable @plathitude helped me acquire a Georgian taxidermied squirrel for my daughter for Christmas. Crossing so many state lines and losing his nut were harrowing and now, poor confused guy (girl, really) has a piece of rotten wood epoxied in his maw. I just, I just don’t really want a spirit animal, but your book, I want to have it to clutch to my chest and thrust at people to ward off their crazy or their normal which brings out my crazy. So I’d love one of the five books, but I’d take something else, half toying with the idea of taking one of Squirrelty’s (the she/he southern squirrel) nails and wearing it around my neck.

    Not sure I can chance it though, will go buy the soft back, which I’ve been waiting for because I feel bad breaking the spines of hardbacks.

  985. I can’t wait to see you next weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk!!!! (In KCMO!)

  986. Pick me! Pick me!! I’ve been wanting to read your book but haven’t gotten a chance to buy it yet! Help a girl out! lol

  988. I’d love a signed copy for myself. My sister and I saw you in north Jersey and you were made of awesome and funny! But the copy of got autographed I gave to my niece, so I want my very own paperback. To go with my hardcover, which did NOT have the bonus chapter.

  993. so-o-o-o-o need another copy of the book because I haven’t gotten tossed off the train yet for laughing so hard I hyperventilated.

  994. I once gave up on housework. Just totally went on strike and spent a week flopping on the couch after work. The day prior to my Strike O’ Apathy I made a pot roast in the crockpot. Nobody put the pot roast away. All. Week. Mr. Jen finally hid it in the fridge. When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I burst forth in a cleaning frenzy. Opened the fridge. Lifted the crock-pot lid. Gagged. Last time I smelled something like that was the last Easter the bunny hid real eggs in the house (he hid them so well the Jenlings missed two. Not one. Two. We thought the hamster died. He was really old and had escaped and was living in the floor vents.) I didn’t know what to do with the rotten roast. Garbage day was still like, four days out. I couldn’t put it in the trash, I’d stink up the outdoors. I couldn’t leave it in the fridge because of like, ebola and stuff.

    So I flushed it down the toilet.

    That didn’t work out so well.

    That eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee sound? Last time I made that sound a decomposing hunk of beef was chasing me out of the bathroom on a sea of toilet water.

    I would love to make that noise again, but with less emotional trauma and Clorox.

    Pick me, and I will. (Make that noise, not flush a pot roast.)

  995. Me! I have a friend who cuts herself and I know your boom will definitely help her and if I get it I’m gonna give it to her (but I’l. Read it first she won’t mind and won’t know hehe) but please for me and her thank you!

  996. I wish you would come back to Atlanta. best time I had in a long time was at your signing!!!

  997. I literally cried from laughing so hard. My DH thought I gone and lost my mind… up in here.. up in here… sorry about the musical reference, but it’s how I roll. lol.. anyways, thanks for being born and using the written word to fulfill my appetite of a good laugh-cry.. cuz that’s a thing.. the laugh-cry..

    Pick me!

  1003. You are the only reason for Texas being on my list of states to drive through. You and the giant ball of twine. Well, if the giant twine-ball got loose and rolled down out of Kansas, through Oklahoma, and came to rest in, like, Lampasas or some such place.

  1008. I already own the hard cover but i would love a soft cover with bonus stuff for basic training!!!!!!

  1009. At some point will you post the extra chapter? I really want to read it but I’m a broke university student and already have the hardcover copy!

  1012. Oh, boy, there’s no way in hell that I’ve got a chance of winning one of the five copies … *prays the the Random Number Generator Gods … and Deep Thought*

  1013. You are so awesome! That is why you are succeeding. That and because seriouly, who could NOT love you? You are the dysfunctional best friend we all wish we had! Congrats on your success!

  1014. If you give me one, I absolutely promise to give it to a friend after I’ve read the bonus chapter! Gotta spread the wealth, you know!

  1015. I just got my paperback, but I would love an autographed copy (to go with my autographed hardcover) 🙂

  1018. You are such an amazing inspiration Jenny. In my mind we are best friends. 😉 thank you for making me laugh, and just being you.

  1021. Sometimes, when I feel truly lost and alone, I will read your blog until I feel like I can smile again. Thank you, for that, and all the others who you make smile. You touch more people than you can imagine.

  1022. Come to Australia and I’ll give you a slice of my son’s R2D2 cake I’m making for his party tomorrow!

  1023. I would love to win one, but with almost 900 comments appearing before mine, and who knows how many after, I am sure I wouldn’t win a copy. I just wanted to write a congratulatory message to you! How awesome! ?????????

  1024. I would love a copy of the book, I had it on my Christmas wish list, but I never got it. 🙂

  1027. I was there! I was standing off to your right behind the cards. Because I was running late and feeling panicky, but I was there! (In the bright yellow shirt)

    Someone asked me why I have three copies of your book. I let her read a chapter (I’m not sure which one she picked), and she was going to buy a copy after work. YAY!

    I’m proud of you, Jenny. <3

  1028. Congratulations! I follow you on twitter and read your blog religiously. Haven’t got the book yet, though– maybe you can help with that? 😉 Think of you and this strange tribe whenever I come across a picture of a weird taxidermy animal….

  1029. I wish so much I could come to one of your tour locations. But alas, just too far to travel right now . I would also LOVE a copy of your book :3

  1030. (love that second sentence. 🙂 )

    Congratulations on your success, and thank you for being a filter that brings together awesome people.

  1031. You are the reason Texas is on my list of states to drive through. You and the giant ball of twine. But only if the giant ball of twine escaped from Kansas and rolled down the country squashing parts of Oklahoma and came to rest in, like, Lampasas or somewhere. Otherwise, it’s just you. Congrats on #5!

  1032. Ok… that wasn’t supposed to be a bunch of ?s at the end… it shwed up as hearts for me. Don’t you hate it when things don’t work then way they are supposed to?

  1033. I’m going to buy the book anyway but I’d LOVE to have a signed copy! You really inspire me 🙂

  1034. I would slap a kitten to get one of those signed books! Ok, maybe I wouldn’t slap a kitten.. I might squeeze it a little. But not enough to make it cry.. or even make it’s eyes bug out.. very much.

  1037. I pulled a Jenny and crapped out on going to you when you came to Seattle last August because I got scared. I still haven’t forgiven myself.

  1039. Thanks for an awesome evening in New Jersey on your tour.
    If we win a signed book, could you make it, “To Aaron.”
    Still the Best Gift EVER!!

    Eve xo

  1042. I would love a signed copy! I’ve been meaning to pick up the book but just haven’t got around to it. 🙂

  1045. Love this book! Passed your website onto some friend who needed it the most!!!

  1051. My husband bought me a kindle copy of your book for my birthday, and I laughed so hard I cried and woke up my three month old daughter. It helped me through the darkest part of my postpartum depression as I was adjusting to my meds and trying to be a sane mom. Since then, I’ve told everyone I know and everyone I’ve met that they need to at least read your blog if they don’t buy your book.

  1055. Beautiful Bloggess, I just have to say how much I adore you and your book. I laughed so hard I cried so many times I lost count, and promptly purchased the paperback for my sister. Her husband’s terminally ill and she’s going through an incredibly rough time so I figured she needed a laugh. And who better to give her one? Thank you for helping the weirdos and the misfits and making us feel like we belong.

  1057. Pick me! Pick me! Pretty please with a cherry on top? And an only slightly squeezed hamster?

  1058. _Our_ bizarre tribe? We’re part of _your_ bizarre tribe!
    (Probably said before, but the comments are tl;dr)

    I have a Kindle book and a bookplate (which is _on my office wall_, not hidden in a book!) But I would love a real autographed paperback!

    Yay for a stop in Danville! Maybe this time I’ll come early enough to be in the same room.

  1060. I have someone I would love to give this too – that, and I bought the audio book the first time around, so I don’t have a physical copy! I totally need one, even though the melodious sound of your voice talking about vaginas and taxidermy is one of the highlights of my commute.

  1062. Absolutely, not to pull rank or anything, but I am the new wife! 😛 (that and I don’t want to give up my copy to the family who wants to read it…)

  1064. I honestly just got goosebumps from the sheer awesomeness of all those lovely people holding up your book.

  1068. Signed copy would be muchly appreciated. I have the e-book. And you can’t sign an e-book.

  1070. I am honoured to be part of this community. (and honoured is spelled correctly, I am Canadian!) Congrats on your success.

  1071. That photo is epic, “bizarre tribe, I love that! We love you in Canada, too!

  1074. Well, I’m hoping I have next Thursday off because that’s when you’re in my part of the world. I’m excited!

  1077. I would love a copy, you are such an inspiration for people who suffer from anxiety!

  1078. Me me me me!!! And you can totally just give it to me on Tuesday when I meet you in Dayton! I cannot tell you how psyched I am to have you in my city! It’s gonna be a good day!! You will totally be my favorite person on Tuesday! AND I totally got my friend hooked on you when I asked for volunteers to come with me. So I TOTALLY deserve this book! Cuz I NEED the extra chapter!

  1079. whoohoo! I would have been in that pic, but I was way overheating from all the love and had to seek refuge one aisle over 🙂 Thanks for being so patient with the picture taking and story-telling of your fans. I felt self conscious for like a second that I was so awkwardly leaning on the table with my big ol’ booty in the air for the 5 minutes it took for the sweet bookshop lady to stop activating Siri and take the pic, but decided that I was among loving, accepting people and it didn’t matter. Thanks for touring again and sharing your stories!

  1080. EEEEEEEEE!!!!! signed book!! signed book!!!! I only have an electronic version, because I don’t have a decent bookshop in my small town here in Australia.
    But I will pay shipping & handling fees if that helps!!!!
    Ooohhh ooohhhh puhleeze pick me!!!!!

  1081. Crap, you probably need my email. Oh wait! You’re just gonna give it to me on Tuesday!

  1082. Pick me! I haven’t read it yet. Blagh! Congratulations on the success of the book. I am so excited for you!

  1083. I’ve been on the waiting list for your book at the library FOREVER. Even though they have 37 copies. I’m almost at the top of the list but I’d love to have my own copy.

  1084. Pick Me! I’m a newbie and wish I had found you years ago!! I need a Beyonce in my life, the large one, the small one just won’t cut it in this house.

  1085. PICK ME PICK ME PUHLEEZE!!!!!!!!!!! I already have a copy but it hasn’t been besmirched by your pen!

  1086. I don’t have anything clever or witty to say, I’m a lurker just peeking out long enough to qualify for the book. Thanks.

  1087. I’ve made a totally new great friend thanks to your tribe, Jenny. I can’t thank you enough for being the awesome person you are.

  1089. Holy cow! I free book from you?! Please, oh please, oh please?!! I have so many people I could share with. My friends and I have been introducing new friends to your amazingness. Pick me!! I ain’t too proud to beg!

  1091. Got the hardback, so unless I win; I’ll read the bonus chapter sitting in Barnes and Noble. Also, I made my book club read it, I mean my book club was chomping at the bit to read it and we all loved it. My husband has bipolar 2 (1 wasn’t good enough for him) so am looking forward to the second book immensely. Thanks for sharing your life.

  1094. I wish I could come see you! But the closest you’ll be to me is Kentucky, and I have an extremely full day on the 18th.

  1095. It’s because you’re awesome! I can’t wait to see you!

    Also, I NEEEEEED YOUR NEW BOOK! I have a hard back copy already but I need this one to read the bonus chapter! 🙂

  1096. I would love to win this book! It really is the funniest and most heartwarming thing I had read in a long time! I wish you were coming closer to Birmingham, AL. Good luck on things! 🙂

  1097. Dear Jenny,
    Thank you for being such an inspiration to my daughter Elizabeth. (She’s the red dress girl in Chicago). When she showed me her autographed paperback and talked about showing you the picture of the two of you she was grinning from ear to ear. That doesn’t happen often enough.
    She has struggles and you are a source of strength for her.

    Thanks
    XOXO
    Jeanette

  1099. I would have come to a signing, I really would, if you had only included New Zealand on your itinerary. What’s with that? Something we said? Pft!

  1100. I’m so happy for you! I bought the hardcover when it came out and got a beautiful signed bookplate from you. And then I sent it to a friend before I had a chance to read it. She was going through a really rough time and I thought you would be a perfect cure for her. I was right. So now I’m going to get the paperback! Any chance of bribing another bookplate from you? 🙂

    Keep on rollin, Bloggess… we love you!

  1101. Pick me, because I catch mice under a pot and release them outside. My three badass cats are no help.

  1103. My wife and I both loved your first book, we told all our friends about it. Can’t wait to read the new one.

  1104. I am still ticked that they scheduled you in St. Louis on the same night as the Muse concert. Would love an autographed book. Thanks for sharing!

  1106. Hi Jenny, love the blog. I’m sitting in my garden in New Zealand ( you know, those two little islands just to the right of Australia) and I’m laughing like a drain. Maybe one day you’ll get down here and do a book tour. Look forward to it, I’m sure you’ll have fun here. Hugs from a fellow Whovian.

  1108. Yay!!! My husband was there and is actually in the picture above. We have the audio version, hardcover and paperback now (signed for me of course). Congrats!!!

  1109. I bought the hard cover, so unless I win; I will be reading the bonus chapter at Barnes and Noble. I did make my book club read it this summer, they loved it.

  1111. Oh please!!! I still want to see if my newborn babe and I made it in the new chapter. Or come back to Toronto, where I will again drive for a total of six hours just to see you again.

  1112. Your site is one of my daily stops around the internets. It always brings me happy, nerdy smiles and it gives me faith that you’ve found such great success. Thank you

  1113. I just discovered you recently, thanks to a good friend of mine. I hope you pick me, but if not, I’ll be sticking around anyway. :o)

  1116. Well if I didn’t feel guilty before, that picture does it. I’m in there toward the back NOT holding up my newly purchased paperback version because I had the nerve to come see you without purchasing one from Anderson’s. In my defense, I have the hard cover copy, but apparently it is a major faux pas to attend a book signing without purchasing said book from the hosting bookstore. You should have seen the look we got when they asked us if we had our books to sign and we said that we just came to see you. The other store lady had to jump in and say tell her it was ok for us to be there. We sat down and kept thinking they were going to politely ask us to give up our seats for the “real” fans. Now I know how lepers must feel. Anyway, you were great and it was worth the evil eye. Would love a copy of the “COOL” version but not sure if I deserve it. Oh the shame…

    Would feel honored to received

  1117. I just want a signed anything from you. May I have a signed anything from you?

  1118. Congratulations! Your honesty and humor and openness bring us all together.

  1119. That is awesome. All of it. The picture of a thousand pictures (well, it looks like a thousand book covers to ME) must be worth a thousand-thousand words (that’s a million, if I’ve done my math correctly). So a million words (or a thousand-thousand, if that’s your preference) should cover WHY I SHOULD WIN a signed paperback, right? If not, maybe knowing that winning would make me furiously happy does the trick? I dunno, I’m just spitballin’ here.

    Jenny, I love you more than a picture of a thousand pictures. Can you stop in at Winston-Salem, NC? I’m sure there’s a bookstore somewhere around here.

  1121. I love to entertain and mortify my children and husband by doing dramatic readings from your blog after I have taken my nightly dose of Xanax. Of course, the drama is punctuated by tears, snorts, and side clutching as I laugh myself into hysteria. This is followed by my husband escorting me to bed like an invalid. (Once upon a time he worked as an orderly at a mental hospital. Little did he suspect that one day that training would come in handy.) Please pick me for a signed copy of your book, so I can continue to torment my family with my perverse pleasure of reading about your tomfoolery and shenanigans? Pretty please??

  1123. I hear they might not be able to put Chavez’s corpse on permanent display down in Venezuela. I think your dad could fix that, right?

    So happy for you!

  1125. Jenny, I have been reading your blog for about a year now. I LOVE your writing and stories. I decided this was a good reason to stop being a “creeper”! I want your book!

  1126. Even if you were coming to Boston I still couldn’t have you sign my e-book, so paper would be better!

  1130. Ummm pick me please, my exhusband got custody of your book in the divorce, so I had to buy it on my nook. In fact- I even pre-ordered that sucker. I need a hard copy with a hand written cartoon please. (True story)

  1132. Loved the book and would love to have one to give to a friend–after I read it, of course!

  1133. I still wish I had attended your first book tour!! I’m determined do see you when you tour in Miami again.
    I lent my best friend your book and she loved it. I wouldn’t mind having an extra copy to send to her Navy base so she can have something amusing to read while stuck in her bunk!

  1134. *throws name in hat* Woohoo! Will you be in the Seattle area at all? Do you have Hamlet with you this time? He would make an awesome travel buddy, I am sure. xD

  1135. (jumping up and down and frantically waving my arms in a strange combination of excitement, nervous energy…because oh crap people might notice me…and a gleeful rush of a toddler-on-Christmas-Eve adrenaline) “Ooooooh, pick me, pick me, pick me!!!!

    Hee hee…I was typing to fast I accidentally typed puck me. All lesbain based, Freudian slips aside, now I’m worried random Canadians, or possibly Russians….basically people from any country where hockey is popular….are going to throw pucks at me.

    Anyway, pick me. Or puck me. Whatever.

  1137. Congratulations!! I’m so excited for you!

    I am embarrassed to admit that I have not yet bought or read your book, so it sure would be fun to win a copy!

  1141. Pick me please… need to read that bonus chapter and annoy my kids with more crazy laughter 🙂

  1142. Congratulations on the book making it to #5! That’s awesome!
    (And yeah, I’d love to win a signed copy, heh.)

  1144. Already own the hardcover book, but I would LOVE to have an autographed copy of the new one. Want to come see you, will you PLEASE come to Michigan? Sitting here crying to my 12 year old daughter (who also read your book) because I can’t get out of work to drive to Dayton to meet you. You are so awesome, read your blog daily, laughed so hard when I read the book the book the first time on an airplane I actually had to put it away because people were starting to look at me like I was crazy!! Please pick me!!

  1145. I love you and I wish I could come see you on your tour!! Congrats on the number 5 spot!!

  1146. Thank you for being my guaranteed laugh everytime I read your blog or book for the eleventy-billlionth time. I will read the new chapter eleventy-billionth and one times. Promise.

  1147. I would collate papers that say “Knock Knock, Motherfucker” while dressed in a Unicorn costume wrapped in twine and covered in glitter, hiding in a bathroom for a signed copy of your paperback book!! PLEASE pick me!! Love you! ?

  1149. I’ve bought three copies of your book so far. It would be fun to win one with an extra chapter. I’d keep it for me!

  1150. Jenny, you make me laugh so hard I cry. And then you make me want to do it all over again. I seriously want to photocopy a chapter or two and carry it in my purse for emergency angst situations. A paperback is much easier to carry in my purse and much less likely to be wadded up and tossed in the trash with miscellaneous sticker backs, used tissues and receipts. Pick me?

  1151. Oh, goodness. I want the book!! I’ve read it, but I don’t think I did it right. I’d like a chance to try again!!

  1152. Thank you for writing this book!!! And FYI – I am giving one to EVERYONE I know for Christmas!!!

  1155. Seeing as you don’t seem to have any plans to visit rural West Tennessee any time soon, I would absolutely adore a chance to get an autographed copy of your book. Oh- and on another note, I totally cured an agoraphobic cat I rescued from the pound by asking myself every day, “What Would Jenny Do?” Two months later and the cat is just mildly neurotic. Thank you.

  1157. Pick me, pick me. I bought your book last summer and loaned it to a friend. So I totally need another copy that I would NEVER use as a coaster.

  1159. Sell it on ebay? Are you crazy? I do like the idea of giving it to a new friend to test them out. It’s a great way to find out how compatible you are with someone. However, I do have a friend with a birthday coming and I know she’d love it, so it would probably got o her since I already have both the hardcover and the paperback. What? They’re different. Of course I needed both.

    And before I forget: CONGRATULATIONS!! You so deserve it! It is a great book. It made me laugh like I hadn’t in a really long time. Thank you!!

  1160. Since you’re not touring anywhere near me, an autographed copy would help make up for the disappointment.

  1161. i missed you when you came through Charlotte, NC and i am still kicking myself for not going.

  1163. I would love to win! It has been one hell of a week and I could use something good! Loved your book, BTW!!!

  1164. Sadly, without photo smelling technology I cannot enjoy the cupcakes or magnificence, but looking at the smiles of the folks in the picture, I have to say — I get it.

    I can’t join the book tour crowd- but I am with you in spirit!

  1165. At the NJ signing, I got books for my wife and her best friend, and never thought to myself “Dammit, I’m gonna want one too!!”

  1166. I have used “Lamb” by Michael Moore to test new friends, I can’t see how this would be any different, bring it on! 🙂

  1169. Completely totally need a signed copy so definitely pick meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  1170. Would love to win this! Now if I can just convince you to come to my town for a book signing…

  1172. I have an overdue library copy of your book which I can’t renew because somebody has a hold on it, and I haven’t finished it yet because I was working on my first ever quilt for my son’s birthday which was yesterday and I’m almost finished with the quilt but not with the book.
    ps. scorpions are scary and I’m never moving to Texas

  1173. Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!

    I should totally be one of the recipients of your book because:

    A. I haven’t been able to buy it yet
    B. After 4.5 half super not awesome years of being homeless off and on, I am no more. I finally moved out of my car and into my very own apartment after the most grossest divorce/bankruptcy/foreclosure (Haven’t updated my blog yet because I was sick for the first month and now I am just being lazy).

    and

    C. Because I love you and I am still here largely because of you and all the crazy/wonderful things you bring to my life (I repeat “don’t leave” over and over when the moment calls for it and so far it is working).

  1175. Ooh pick me! I have the hardcover but won’t be able to make it to any of your tour stops this time around to get it signed in person. 🙁

  1176. I totally went and got a copy for all of my best friends so I’d have someone to talk about your book with. Now I have some of them coming with me to San Francisco next month to get the paperback and meet our favorite author-YOU. Also when I first met my new roommate this school year the first book I recommended was yours and we went from being strangers to best friends in less than a week!! Thank you and I cannot wait to get the paperback version for the extra chapter of awesomeness!!

  1178. I would be greatly honored to receive an autographed copy from you if I am chosen. Thanks for the opportunity!

  1180. Ooh! Ooh! I SO want to win. Especially since my signed plaque envelope was empty. 🙁 Wah. That is SO the story of my life, though.

    You should extend your tour into Texas. I seriously would love to have you sign my book in person!!!

  1182. Jennie. I love your blog, follow you on twitter. Love that you are friends with Anne and Wil Wheaton! I am not holding my breath for a Canadian tour; as I know you are a Texan and you probably think Kentucky is a northern state. You have a wicked sense of humour (yes spelled correctly – Canadian) that I enjoy. Thanks for all the smiles, tears and joy. Hugs girl

  1185. Such a fabulisitic life event… as it would be if I had a copy of your book.

  1186. You are amazing. But you already knew that. And I would love a copy!!! I am broke and still have not been able to buy one. I chose to feed my kids 😉

  1189. I NEED your paperback book because:
    I was terminated from my job that I had for 11 years, I’m “only” 63 years old so I can’t retire without moving into an alley or a spot under the highway, no health insurance and its fucking freezing here in New England. Help a nurse out!!! I’m a psychiatric nurse so you know I’ve worked hard all my life, can you believe an RN got laid off? Health Care today – now that’s a joke. And about the Jodi Arias fiasco——–explain that to me like I’m a 6 year old. She already said she did it. ‘Nuff said.
    You give me a book, I’ll hook you up with whatever psych advise, meds, or permission to stay in bed watching TV for a month.
    I’d like to thank the academy…etc. etc etc.

  1190. You are one of the most awesome people EVER! Just so you know. I have an autographed copy of your book in hardback, but how can I lend someone a copy of your awesomeness without a copy of the paperback? There’s no way I am lending out the autographed copy!!!!!

  1191. Congrats on the success of the newest version of your book! I’ll have to get the paperback now to see the extra portions 🙂

  1194. Weird that there appears to be a golden retriever at the book signing. Why is he on the book case?

  1195. I pre-ordered my copy via Amazon–along with a 25-pound bag of cat food, because kitty had food allergies–and the day you were closest to Milwaukee, Wisconsin (in Chicago) I had an engagement that I made three weeks ago. I would have loved to drive out and see you, but receiving a signed copy would be equally amazing.

    Keep writing Jenny! Looking forward to many-a-scattered-brained posts from you.

  1196. Please pick me! I would love to send a copy back to the person who lovingly bought me a copy of your book in hardcover!

  1197. Someday I will actually make it to a book-signing/read/other author-interactive-thing. Someday.
    You’re on the top of the list, Jenny!

  1199. Ooh, I love paperbacks. Although they don’t make nearly as effective weapons – have you noticed that? Someone should get on that!

  1201. I am pretty sure a hamster makes no sound when being squeezed too tightly. They just go silent and you think they have relaxed enough to trust you and then you find out they are dead. (it was a gopher I was rescuing.) that’s how I earned my half of “the freeze ’em & squeeze ’em sisters”.

  1202. I’m jealous of EVERY on of those people! But, an autographed copy of your book would make it more bearable.

    Congrats on #5!!!!

  1203. I listened to the audiobook and absolutely died of laughter on my way to and from work everyday! You are awesome and I would absolutely love a signed paperback copy of your book!! P.s. I sent my husband your post about McDonalds characters and he said it was the best thing I’ve ever sent him… It was THAT good.

  1206. Je voudrais une copie de votre nouveau livre parce que j’ai entendu dire que c’est un divertissement comme Liberace! Vous êtes un fabuleux petit chou!

    avec une grande admiration,

    Cactus Sally

  1210. Congrats! I want to be part of your bad-ass tribe, so I hope you pick me. 🙂

  1211. I’m so sorry I missed you in St. Louis – I would have gotten drunk in a basement for you, but far less important things got in the way.

  1214. You deserve every single good thing that comes your way! Congratulations! I can’t thank you enough for helping me realize that there’s a bunch of us anxious weirdos out there, and I couldn’t be more proud to be part of the tribe.

  1215. I live 16 miles of dirt road from the nearest no-traffic light town. I’d love to read your book out loud to my chickens and cows, some of whom are very nice. I think Admiral Nelson the rooster could use some cheering up.

  1217. More love for you and the book. Can’t get enough of the Bloggess!

  1218. I have the hardback, and now I need the paperback, and I really need something to read.

  1219. I certainly wish I could have made it to one of the stops, alas distance and unfortunate timing prevented me from being in attendance.

  1221. Wow. There’s already over 1200 comments, so i have like, NO CHANCE of winning, but i’d really like to read the bonus chapter!

  1223. I need the new copy so I can give the old one to my daughter. Hell with Chicken Soup books, this is a life changer!

  1224. You rock, and not just because of the preserved carcasses and creepy dolls. Although they are definitely part of it. Enjoy your well-deserved success!

  1225. If I had money, I would buy the paperback, then give my hardcover to a random person as a gift.

  1231. Of that guy in the bottom left corner of the picture who is wearing the red ‘dress’ I have to say: that is awesome. I love it.

  1237. Please come to Southern California (specifically Irvine in Orange County)!! I’d love to meet you!

  1238. I bought your book, got the faceplate, then bought another copy so I could go to a signing. My friends couldn’t go, so I brought their books too. Now I have my copy, and my lend out copy. I took the CD out of the library just to get the outtakes, and want to know if the extra chapter on the CD is the same as the one in the paperback. I promise the book will have a good home, and I will never ever let my children squeeze hamsters.

    I cannot guarentee the saftey of small furry creatures if I don’t get picked. Their little lives are in your hands.

    P.S. No animals were injured in the course of this comment.
    P.P.S. I just remembered your penchant for taxidermied rodentia, so perhaps not the best “incentive” on my part.
    P.P.P.S. I also just rememebered that it’s ethical-they-died-of-natural-causes-and-then-they-were-stuffed taxidermy you’re into, so back on.
    P.P.P.P.S. I would actually be thrilled if you just replied to this comment, given that it is the 1200ish one. I would totally give my vote to one of the other commenters who couldn’t afford your book.

  1240. P.P.P.P.P.S The signing was in New Jersey, and I totally got lost in Newark on my way back. Turns out some of the streets there are one way. Go figure. Had to call my husband for directions. Just sayin’.

  1244. It would be amazing if you picked me. Like one in a million odds here. Ok so more like 5 in 1236 ish. But so close to one in a million. We share the same name. does that help me? 🙂

  1245. Would, of course, love a signed copy. Will, of course, always love you!

  1246. sigh……… Okay okay – there are already over 1200 flippin comments soooooooo I think that pretty much illustrates my chances of zilch. Sides I fell pray to the hardback pre-ordering last time around – and supposedly if we “pre-ordered” we’d get an autographed book plate :-((( fail.

    I love reading your stuff & peepin’ in your mind/life – you make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me read out loud to my husband. I am so glad you’re “makin’ it”!!! You go girl!! If I had ever been lucky enuf to receive a red dress I would want to put it on right now for you!

    And now that I’ve written all that in vein (I told myself I was not going to try to win you over with clever or witty reparte) fail. I was going to just simply say, “pick me P L E A S E ;-)”

  1249. PICK Me, oh please pick me! I live in Alabama and was able to convince my husband to go to Georgia to get a copy of your hardback book and have you autograph it just because he supports my reading fetish!!

  1250. Pick meeee! I need to loan my father my copy but it’s autographed and therefore it doesn’t get to leave my home. Also I think he might be sort of confused by the “fuck arthritis” scrawled inscription without proper explanation. What I’m saying is I need a new, less sentimental copy to read the new chapter out of and then loan out to several awesome people in my life.

  1251. I would love a copy! Buying a new book is a rare luxury for me these days.

  1252. Congrats on all your success!
    I so wish you were coming to Dallas so I could meet you! 🙂

  1253. I’m terribly sad that you are not coming to the easily offended Salt Lake City. I know you have at least…4 die hard fans here!! 😉 I hope you a wonderful book tour. (I’d also love, love, love a copy of your book)

  1254. I loved the book and recommended it to several peeps who also loved it! But, because I am a heathen who now reads books on my I-pad, I cannot get the we chapter. Now I haz a sad…..

  1255. Congrats, the book is hilarious and has kept me company on all of my recent flights–well after I wake up and stop snoring it makes me laugh.

  1256. For a signed copy of your book I would gladly send you my only child to do all your household chores and cooking. Or possibly some adorable pics of my cats snuggling. You know, whichever one is legal. Oh, and I’ll also be your best friend for life!

  1258. Squee! Just invited a friend to come see you in Phx!!! I’d love a signed book, tho, since I hate standing in line ;P. See you on April 4th!

  1261. Oddly enough, I stumbled upon your blog after going to a book signing for Stephenie Meyer (long story!) Anyway, I think you’re hillarious and I would LOVE to read your book! (Your signed, free book) 🙂 xoxo

  1262. MEEEEE PLEEEEASE! Saturday is my birthday, I turn 26 and have to buy my own insurance..a book would pretty much make up for that 🙂

  1264. well, i just had to add my little blurb here to water down the numbers and increase the odds against all of us. you’re all welcome.

  1270. I would just love a copy of the paperback. The kindle version just doesn’t compare to holding a book. Plus a bonus chapter, who wouldn’t want that?

  1271. I collect signed books! I loved your book – we read it for book club a few months ago!

  1274. Please pick me. We’ll be by to see you when you come out to the west coast.

  1275. I want to see you for real…. but I am going out of town while you’re in KC. Gotta get my book somehow!

  1277. I’d love an autographed copy! I live in such a small town that NO author ever visits us, much less one as cool as you!

  1278. Please pick me so that I don’t have to wait until I go home again to borrow(steal) my sister’s copy to read it!

  1279. Would love to give the autographed paperback copy to my best friend Angel, who gave me the hard-cover for Xmas.
    P.S. Thanks for making us laugh 🙂

  1282. You’re so inspiring. I love how you can make so many experiences into positives. I hope my children see me as inspiring as I see you today!

  1283. Congrats! I loved loved LOVED your audio book. You singing the chapter titles was the greatest thing ever (and I am still planning on playing the vagina drinking game). I want an autographed copy of your paper back so badly! I wanted to preorder with the signed – what’s it called? Nameplate? But I couldn’t get it in Canada. Pretty please pick me. I would be ecstatic 🙂

  1284. So how much do I love your book and your blog?

    I’m going to stand on the shoulder of the freeway on ramp and panhandle until I have at least twenty bucks.

    After which, I will hitch a ride to Vegas.

    Where I will parlay that twenty dollars at the black table into…….nothing. I suck at gambling.

    Which will then lead me to steal a toddlers wooden block

    Which I will carve into a gun shape by gnawing on it with my tooth. ( yes, tooth, dentists are too expensive. )

    And will then use said carved (sorta) gun to rob a casino. But not the Bellagio. In fact, I better not say
    Which one.

    Which will net me enough dough to buy a small Island.

    So I can start my own country.

    And the reason for all this, is so I can put that funky caped mouse on your book cover on the flag, and
    Call the currency Jennys, and name the country…… Lawsonlandia.

    YOU’RE WELCOME.

  1285. Pick me, pick me! I really regret not making that 3 hour drive to see you last tour when you passed through Charlotte.

  1287. Congrats! I would love a chance to read the new chapter. Best of luck with the rest of your tour.

  1290. You’re too awesome for words. And yet, I just wrote five of ’em. Guess I’m a paradox wrapped in a tortilla.

  1292. My girlfriend and I were going to come see you when you were in St Louis a few weeks ago, but I ended up having to work.

    I loved your book, but do not own one. I had to check it out from the library. Would love to have one.

  1293. What’s the only thing better than a copy of “Let’s Pretend this never Happened?”
    TWO copies, of course.

  1294. Pick meeeeee! That’s the sound of a 42-year-old that’s jonesing to read the bonus chapter! 🙂

  1295. Growing up in Alaska, the child of a hunter, I have the image of gutted deer hanging from my swingset permanently embedded in my brain. Point being, I quite literally laughed out loud when reading your account of having run into, and inside of, a deer. And though i’ve found myself inside of a deer, I’m nevertheless proud to say I could relate to that particular Bloggess tale.

    Many congratulations on your continued book success~
    xo

  1297. I came to your reading in Houston, then promptly gave both copies I got signed away as gifts (before I could finish reading it even, though not before realizing that I have been to the tiny west TX towns you talked about – my ex was from Grape Creek!). Anyway, I would love to finish the book and have my own copy to keep!

  1298. I’d love a copy! I haven’t been able to afford a new book lately, but it’s on my to-read list one day!

  1300. If a new friend is easily insulted by it. They’ll be an old friend pretty soon. 😉

  1302. I am one of the many who would love to be in your (ever growing) pile of names for selection. =) I own the book as an e-book (before I even owned an e-reader, so I have it on my PHONE in the stupid iBooks app which is where I still read it) but would love to have an actual tangible copy. Regardless, you continually rock and whoever the five are are lucky ducks. So glad you’re enjoying your tour!

  1303. Dear Jenny,

    I realize that this may never find you because you get like 200+ comments every day, BUT, I just wanted to say… I’m totally jealous of your crazy family. I know that sounds weird and I’m sure I don’t get nearly a tenth of what it must have been like to be you with your family, but when I read your book, I’m jealous of your crazy family. My crazy family just makes me hurt a lot inside, and left me with PTSD as a nice parting gift. When I read about your crazy family it cracks me the hell up, and I think you turned out amazing and we’d be best friends if I lived in Texas and went to parties where you talked about giant metal dildos you get in Kate Spade bags. Your book lifts me up. Thank you for sharing with the world.

  1305. I’d love a copy for the extra chapter. I keep telling people to read the book just for the HR stories; so pe the pants funny.

  1306. oooo paper!…im certain my biped would love a book made of paper…or anything made of paper, really…especially w inky namey things on…as i am sans thumbs and as such unable to hold a book or turn pages, i must enjoy the electronic version of your writings (btw, i feel mr thomcat is somehow exploited, but perhaps thats just me)…of course, i refuse to share it w my biped (she was late feeding me on 14 june 2009), so a paper version would make her very happy…anyway, *yawn*, i feel a nap coming on…consider it, wont you?…

    diana (jeanines 4legged)

  1308. Me, me, oh pick me!! I am slightly bitter that Denver was not included in this tour, though, not going to lie. I bought a copy of your book to cheer a depressed friend up last year…. and she didn’t get it….and we are not really friends anymore. But I have more friends who *could* use a copy, and I want it in hardback, myself anyways. I have the kindle version, and so if you pick me, it would be a dilemma to keep it, or to give as a gift. It is a battle I am willing to fight. Just saying.

  1309. you have been so oddly inspirational to me….i feel like i have my shit together because of you, so THANKS! p.s. PICK ME

  1311. Please pick me! I bought two of your hard cover copies. I kept one for myself and have the second to my sister (our parents are crazy too). Then I lent my copy to a friend and she never gave it back, I believe she’s lent her lented (? Suuure) copy out. Please!

  1312. Knock knock mother f—–!!!
    Glad to see someone with an original take on life make it to the New York Times best seller list!!!! Congrats, you’ve earned it!!!!

  1313. Saw you in StLouis last week, awesome! Have shared your book, blog, and you with tons of friends. You deserve all of the praise given. Now, when’s the next book??

  1314. I am blaming you for my lack of sleep and subsequent large amount of Mountain Dew consumption at work the next day (making me sound like the hamster) . I just bought the paperback. I usually read a few (like 5) pages of whatever book I am reading in bed before I pass out each night. I was up until 4 AM reading as your book is too damned good to be put down. Don’t you want to inspire another sleepless night, large caffeine consumption, and hamster-speak?

  1315. You should pick me because you aren’t coming close enough for me to see you!!!!

  1316. I wish you were coming back to GA ~~maybe this time I could actually peel myself away from the window and meet you ~~~~

  1317. Would love the new one! I’ll read ur new chapter then give paperback to another nutcase in Nashville, where YOU DO have a following. Thanks for being who u r and so transparent. Come here for Southern Festival of Books in October. You’ll love the people!

  1320. I want one pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. It would make up for the pain of your book tour not being extended to Canada.

  1321. I think most of my nutty friends have already read the book, but there might be a lurker somewhere…I wish you were coming to Oklahoma so we could see you in person.

  1322. If you sign my butt, I’ll have a tattoo artist tattoo over your signature so I will always sit on your name. That sounds better in my head.

  1323. J’aimerais bien d’avoir ton livre magnifique. There, did that catch your attention? I hope so because I surely would love a signed copy of your fantastic book.

  1324. I’m sure Portland is lovely, but Eugene if fabulous. You should let us come see you here. 🙂 I’ll make you mini-elairs.

  1326. Ok…here’s the scoop: I have NOT yet read your book. I keep trying to get it from the library but it’s always on hold… SO then I put it on my wish list on paperbackswap.com (love this site!) and still nothing… SO I didn’t know until I just read your last blog post that there’s an xtra chapter in the new paperback edition! Yay! SO maybe you MIGHT TAKE PITY ON ME and gift me with your book so I can finally know what the hell all the hub bub is about! I have a feeling it’s gonna be a pretty rockin’ literary experience as every other book I have on my shelf is a self help book (raspberry) so obviously I’m living a slightly deprived existence….

    ((hugs))

  1327. Congratulations, No. 5! You don’t climb that high on the NYT list unless your book is REALLY good. I’m looking forward to picking up the paperback so I can read the bonus chapter.

    To say you’re a part of this bizarre tribe is an understatement, for you are our leader, our tribal chieftain… I mean chieftainess? You’re like the bizarre tribal queen over all us loyal, bizarre followers, aka minions.

  1328. Pick me! Pick me!
    I’d come to a book signing, but you don’t have any scheduled in the Middle East! 🙁

  1329. I am SO glad this book is doing so well for you! You deserve every last bit of awesome it brings you =)

  1330. I have already given your book to no less than 10 people in my life. I’m sure there is someone I have forgotten, so I would love to have yet another copy!

  1331. Honestly, I feel like Jenkins should be thanked for the success of this book as well. He was the classic underdog story, and a beacon of hope and encouragement in an otherwise negative and drab world. I mean, except until he met his untimely demise…but you know…until then…he was a true inspiration.

    Speaking of a negative and drab world, I live in St. Louis, and was out of town when you were here, so I didn’t get to come to your event and impress upon you that we are truly soulmates. It’s probably for the best though, as I don’t need ANOTHER restraining order against me (although word on the street is you get a special prize for your 7th one. Fingers crossed!)

  1332. Please say you’re coming back to Denver. Depressions been shadowing me all winter and I need something to look forward to.

  1333. Although my heart is broken because you didn’t venture farther north that Seattle … I am throwing my name in the hat for an autographed copy of your paperback. I bought the sole copy of the hardback at my local bookstore and they looked at me like I was crazy when I squealed with glee that they had it.

    I’ve read excerpts of it to my coworkers, and lemme tell you, you are a big hit here in Juneau AK 🙂 COME SEE US!

  1334. Jenny,

    I’m so grateful for your deep honesty. It shows me that I can take the risk of being real for people. And thank you for your awesome sense of humor! Congrats on the book ranking! I’m sure it is a wonderful book. I’m so glad you write.

  1337. I’ve followed you a while, & you’ve clearly rubbed off – I was told recently that my FB updates remind a fellow fan of your blog. I’m not sure if this is a compliment or not, but we’re clearly combining our forces in a bizarre world sized mind meld. For this reason I feel I should read your book, but I’m enormously underpaid (and feeding a depressing SIX cats- I don’t even *like* cats, what is my life?!), so I need to be gifted one. It’s clearly the right thing to do. And I’ll even dish out an extra kitty cuddle on your behalf – you’d be *patting kitties on the other side of the world*. That officially gives you a superpower. You’re *welcome*. Also, this huge comment was really difficult to write on a tiny iPhone keypad, so there’s that…
    Kia kaha from Aotearoa 🙂

  1342. Unfortunately when you came to Denver last year I had no idea who you were so I didn’t bother to go to the book signing. Too bad it’s not possible to kick my own ass!

  1343. I never win anything but I figure it is worth a shot. I would love your book.

  1344. This blog and your book let me forget about whatever’s going on in my life so I can laugh for a moment and feel better about my strange thoughts. So thank YOU 🙂

    PS: I would love to read this new bonus chapter without loitering suspiciously between the shelves at Barnes & Noble…wouldn’t want to disturb the people around me with my not-so-subtle snickering…

  1345. I have the hard copy and the e-book. Unfortunately Anchorage is not on your tour list and as I’m moving from Alaska to Texas in a month or so I’m broke. I would dearly cherish a signed copy. Not to mention be estatic to read the bonus chapters!!!!!

  1347. It took someone VERY special to put a community like THIS great together. Thankgawd YOU are that person!

    Also, we NEED a copy. Don’t own one, had to pester our local library to buy some. And then I forced my husband to read it. Extra chapter? Yes, please.

  1348. “… like this great…?”
    Really? Do you even TRY proofreading, Jul?

    Gah, whatever. You’ll probably understand. 😕

  1350. Jenny,
    You’re the best! Congrats on number 5! Thank you for being my light when facing depression.
    Jessica

  1351. My husband wants to start a support group for Victor. I’ll stay on your team as I’m consistently impressed with your enthusiasm for life. And your enthusiasm for the strange.

  1354. I would totally love a signed copy paper back!! I went to your hard cover signing, and the lady that took our picture….totally didn’t take it. So a paper back signed copy would totally make up for that 🙂

  1356. well, i know i said i would die if you didn’t come to the Seattle/Tacoma/my house area of Washington State, but i am pretty sure i’ll die even MORE if i am not blessed with one of your books.

    i’ve got the e-copy (which you should be happy that i purchased rather than pirated like a horrible thief), but i would ADORE a real, i-can-hold-it-in-my-hands-and-deface-it-with-highlighter version.

    good GOD i would adore that!

  1358. I´d love a copy of your book and I would love to come to your ook tour, unfortunately there´s an ocean keeping me away….(For real, I´m German.).

  1359. Thank YOU Jenny, for continuing to be awesome through all the good times and bad, and putting a smile on my face every time you post. You deserve all the success you have and more.
    From a sixteen year old girl in Australia, thanks for being an inspiration, Bloggess. 🙂

  1362. My cousin gave me a copy of your hardcover for my birthday last year and had it signed at a convention by Felicia Day as Jenny Lawson in regard to you promo-video, which I thought was great.
    To have a copy signed by you, though, would top that. 🙂

  1363. I went to your signing in PDX, but Powell’s had sold out before I got there!

  1364. Congratulations!! I am so thrilled to see you have such success.

    I am so sad that I don’t get to see you in Kansas City. But alas I am in France with 21 high school students.

  1367. Any chance of you coming to London on this tour? It’s lovely this time of year. Also, I should totally win because I have sick twins to contend with. Yep, for ten hours of today it’s just me and two eight-month-olds with vomiting and diarrhoea. I bet you’re jealous!

  1368. So jealous to see the tour is not coming to Canada but ever so delighted to hear it is going well for you!! I would love to win one of the signed copies! You are one of my favorite writers, and the only writers who has made me wake up my husband laughing while reading in bed.

  1369. Thank you for sharing your life with all of us, and for letting us share our lives with you. I’d dig winning the book because I intended to buy it but life and money aren’t working out for things like books…

  1373. It would make a great shelf-buddy for my hardback…

    Hopefully, your travels will bring you back to the NW for another reading (we got the cleanse and the serial killer cat last time. SO GREAT.). It was pretty awesome, I actually ran into friends that I didn’t know were already Bloggess fans… probably should have known, now that I think about it.

    <3

  1375. If I win the book, I’m gonna use the money I would otherwise have spent on it to force my friend to finally read A Fault in Our Stars by locking her in a closet with a copy.

  1376. My best friend and I love your blog so much. I found it when I was pregnant and stressed last year and I read it constantly. Then when my daughter was born and up at all hours of the night, I’d stay up reading it so I didn’t fall asleep rocking her lol. Now my best friend is pregnant, and so I passed you on to her, and she relates to you so much. She also has some crazy anxiety problems And she adores you. We were wanting to come see you on your your, but the closest you came to us was 3 1/2 hours away- and she has to work that day (Louisville ky, on Monday) and I couldn’t go without her. Anyway, her birthday was last week, and mines next week. So one of us totally needs that book. And by one of us- I actually mean her because if I get it I would trade her and take her hardback and give her this one… Because I couldn’t be without one haha!

  1377. You’re on a giant wait list at my library, so I would love a copy! Also, I tried seeing you when you were in Chicago, but I was put on bed rest and couldn’t, then I had a baby and couldn’t…maybe come again this summer?!! 🙂

  1378. You mean I didn’t have to steal my library’s copy? I could have just waited to win it??

    (I didn’t. Steal it, I mean)

  1379. This is totally the best weird tribe of them all, and you are one of our beloved totems. Or maybe idols. Whichever most applies where giant metal chickens and homicidal dead monkey are concerned 🙂

    Also: Book! Ooooooh yes, please!!

  1381. If you came to Miami again, I’d be able to have you sign my paperback. *Fingers crossed* Pick me. Pick me. Pick me. Please?

  1383. I’d really love to win a copy of your book, mostly because I live in Poland, and there is quite literally NO CHANCE that I’ll be able to buy your book in a book store here. And do you know how much it costs to ship a book to Poland after buying it on Amazon? MUCHO MUCHO MONEY!

    So, please. Take pity on me and my bank account. And pick me! Please!

  1384. I live in the UK and you haven’t toured the UK which means that my fandom has gone unrecognised which is totally why you should send me an autographed copy of your book. That and I can totally hook you up with some amazing taxidermy creatures if you fancy it because London is full of weird…uh, cool sh*t like that.

  1385. I thought of writing a big speech about how you make my life better and since discovering your blog I have reason to get out of bed, but that is just to kiss-ass for my liking. So I will rather tell you to pick me because I am amazing and it’s your loss in life for not having met me already.

  1388. OOOHHHH me!!!!!!

    I do own it on my Kindle but I would LOVE a copy that I can share among my also crazy friends! Or maybe I’ll just buy them one…. but help get me started!!!!

  1391. Hi Jenny, I have been an avid reader of your blog for about 2 years, and really love your stuff. I hail from Sunny South Africa and for some reason I can’t buy your book on Kindle. Publication laws I think 🙁 I would love it if you were able to send me a copy because I have been wanting to get it since it came out in hard back.

  1395. “the greatest part about touring is watching nervous people creep in alone but leave as groups of new friends.” Now that’s a quote worth sharing!

    You rock Ms. Jenny 🙂

  1396. So disappointed that I wasn’t able to come see you when you were in Chicago. I absolutely loved you book and am relatively new to your blog but can honestly say that I truly laugh out loud when I read your stories. My husband is always looking at me like I’m nuts or grumping at me because the bed is shaking from my laughing! Thanks for being such a bright spot in my life!

  1397. Congratulations, Jenny!!! 🙂

    (Hopefully this post won’t show up as anonymous. Stupid iPad.)

  1401. I have nothing witty or amusing to say. Congrats on the #5 you absolutely deserve it. I would absolutely love to win a copy, I would keep it pristine (except for reading the bonus chapter), but I’m in the UK and dunno if we’re included. More than anything though, I’d really like to buy the audio book version, any idea when we might get to be able to do that, I can only imagine how much more awesome your book is when read by you.

  1402. Please may you come to England and do a book tour?

    A shop near me has a stuffed badger, and I’m not allowed to buy it unless you sign the stand it is on. MrGiantwoman said so. Plus I want to make armour for it…

  1408. My copy is en route from Amazon even as I type, but if you pick me for an autographed copy I’ll give the one I’ve bought to an underprivileged yet deserving stranger.

  1409. You could pick me and increase your sales in Australia!!!! Please. Pretty please. I’m being horribly bullied at work and you cheer me up and mean I don’t feel alone in my psychological turmoil!

  1413. I need that copy of your book!! And I will be selfish and keep it all to myself!

  1414. I would SOOOOOO love to win an autographed copy! I promise to read it aloud to all my friends (while taking frequent laughter breaks!)

    Puhleeze???? *waves hands in air*

    Grey 🙂

  1415. I am hoping your tour goes so well that you tack on more locations. Like Michigan.

  1416. Sorry I missed you when you came to NJ! I have the hard cover & the audio versions. So naturally I need this to complete my set!

  1417. I love your book soo much. I hope you continue to have fun on your book tour! 😀

  1419. New fan. I don’t have a copy of the old book, so I definitely NEED the new one…for free…autographed. I also NEED new towels and a giant metal chicken. I actually saw one a few weeks and also most bought it just because. The next day I saw that a friend had one at her front door which she bought because of your blog. So here I am, a new fan because of our taste in chickens. It’s destiny!

  1420. Congrats – you deserve it! Here’s hoping it keeps climbing until it’s #1! 🙂

  1421. Congratulations on being #5 and good luck with the rest of your book tour! I really wish I could come to see you. I’m originally from Missouri, and you’ll be in Kansas City, which is only a couple of hours away from my home, but I’m currently working in Japan! I’m hopefully sending my brother as proxy since he’s a student up there.

    I already have a hardback copy of your book, but I would love an autographed copy of the new version with its extra chapter!

  1422. I love the idea of giving it to a new friend to see exactly what kind of person they are!

  1423. My 10 year old son also loves your book and has read a few choice parts to his classmates – Uh Oh!

  1424. Ohh, I wish I could come to one of your books tours! But I think Australia is a little far, and also I suspect I’d be just a touch alienated by the slight age differences between me and most of your readers (and you for that matter!). But come on, who ever heard of people having idols who were their own age?

  1425. Praying to the sweet little baby jesus with his little tiny halo that you pick me!

  1427. I have the hard copy and would love a signed paperback!! I also have recommended your book to several people! Love your sense of humor!!

  1430. I need another copy because I lent mine to friends and then had a coworker ask me if I had ever heard of The Bloggess – I obviously need another copy to pass around the office.

  1433. Meeeeeeeee pick meeeeeee. My fiance made fun of me yesterday for reading your book again- this is round number 3. If I have the paperback, at least I can tell him that it’s technically a NEW book. 😀

    Sadly, I am too poor to buy the paperback right now. Thanks a lot, Mr. Student Loan. You’re a douche.

  1434. You deserve all the recognition and more, much much more! I want to be more free like you, and if I never manage that then maybe I can just have an ounce of your humor and wit. I’m not greedy after all.

    <3

  1435. Pick me! Pick me!

    Also…you should come to Washington DC, or thereabouts, because I want to come see you but you’re always so far awayyyyyy!

  1436. My hardback copy of your book is currently out making the rounds with friends…I would love a paperback copy to throw in the mix 🙂

  1439. You are so FABULOUS…. but please, pick me so I can be a part of it all……

  1442. My cousin introduced me to your Blogessness….I’m delighted that she did.

  1443. I’m so sad you’re not going to be anywhere near me! 🙁 I want the chance to meet you so bad and to thank you in person for being such an amazing inspiration!

  1445. Bummer your tour wimps out and doesn’t come to the tundra of Maine. Come on – you want to see snow in March. Admit it. Now add a new stop. Or at least pick me to get a copy of your book.

  1446. I love your book and have made all my friends read it! I can’t wait to get the extra chapter. The clerks at Barnes & Noble know me by heart now that when I walk in, it’s because I’m buying a copy for a friend’s birthday present.

    P.S. – Bring your tour to VA!!

  1448. Oooh, I’d love a copy of the book! I’m tired of waiting for my friend to finish reading it to loan to me and there are several others in line to borrow it after me!

  1451. I am attending the book club of a friend on Monday and they are discussing your book, the first one. I recommended it to them due to my reading of it causing me to laugh until I seriously peed myself, so yah thanks for that it was at work too. 😉 But any way would love to get a copy of the new book. Would also love you to come to my house the last weekend in April for my girl’s weekend as we all read your blog and have read the book and last year in Pennsylvania we found Beyonce in a smaller version. The Amish did not find our hysterical laughter and picture taking of the chicken quite as funny as we did. Love you.

  1453. the copy i was given for christmas is under glass…as in “in case of emergency break glass” because i know it’s going to be great and i don’t want to use it until i read all the crappy books in my TBR pile. an autographed copy would be put under glass as a TREASURE!

  1455. Ah! Pick me! I’m trying to convert others to your sense of humor because it’s WAY better and some folks are just too easily offended.

  1458. I still strongly believe you need to expand your tour North of the Border. We Canadians can all relate, and we are probably all your super secret #1 fans who read your book every night over a hot plate of Poutine while yelling “That’s so True, Eh!” at the end of every Chapter.

    Your Awesome! Thanks Jenny!

  1459. Pretty please! I think my doctor said I need a signed copy with bonus chapter.
    Also, this site and I just had a tussle over providing my web address. I don’t think your blog needs daycare, but whatever. If your blog has little bloglings, I promise to give you a discount.

  1460. EEEEEEEE! I have the Kindle version, but I would love to have an autographed book from you!!!! EEEEEE, pick MEEEEEEEEEEEE! Love you bunches!

  1461. So glad to hear the tour is going well, you should come back to Canada! 🙂

  1462. Book please! I have the hardback but I am dying to read the extra chapter…I’ll see you in Dayton on Tuesday! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  1463. I have your hardcover book signed by you in Manhattan during your first book signing. I would love to have the paperback too so I could read the extra chapter.

  1464. Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaase come to San Diego!!!…….and in case you don’t, I’d LOVE an autographed copy of your book since I only have it on kindle 🙁

    P.S. I just love the sheepish guy in the front of the crowd!

  1466. I’m only commenting to get a book.

    I’m far less witty that those who normally post so I just sit back and read.

  1467. Does it have to be an awesome comment? If so, then I don’t stand a chance. Pick me!

  1473. Your success is well-deserved! By the way and apropos of nothing, I am making you a themed Bloggess handmade soap and perfume set and am going to send it to you once it’s ready. <3

  1474. I really NEED to read the bonus chapter. I mean, after all, if you are including it in the paperback edition, it must be vital to the story, right?? My OCD will not allow me to move on with my life without it, so in a way, you would be like my therapsit. Right??

  1476. When I see the word “magnificence” i read it as Maleficent.

    Disney has rotted my brain.

  1477. Ohh if I win I’ll make my book club read it next….ok we’re going to read it anyway, but still. Books are good!

  1478. Ooooooo, meeee! I don’t even have a copy and live in Canada and it won’t stop snowing! Plus, I’m a big fan of free things and this would be such a great free thing!

  1479. I think I can sneak out of work early to see you in Dayton Tuesday evening, but don’t know if my anxiety is going to let me drive over there . . . they are messing with my meds right now and it’s driving me more nuts than normal!! I would LOVE one of your books :]

  1482. I would really like to read the bonus chapter! As I cannot come see you in person, since your tour isn’t bringing you to Alberta Canada, I feel I am particularly qualified to receive a free copy! Plus that would free up my hardcover copy to pass along to a friend in need of some laughs. So really it would be like helping 2 people.

  1483. PLEASE COME BACK TO HOUSTON ON YOUR BOOK TOUR!!! I missed your last one and I was all “well, motherfucker!!!”

  1484. I would love to have a copy to give to my library. I bought a hard copy for myself and loaned it out (gone forever!) but I was planning on giving it to the library when my friend finished it.

  1486. I’ve a copy of the book already on kindle, but I can think of a good friend who definitely needs a copy too. Then we can all be BFF forever, because of course I feel like you and I already are (but not in the creeper, stalker way) after reading it. Your book really did put anxiety into perspective for me 🙂

  1488. Pick me! I am having to share mine with my fiancé…. And we could use a new coaster too.

  1490. I don’t think I’ve ever commented on your website before despite reading it for some time now. I think you should pick me as positive reinforcement to keep me posting comments. I’m sure you don’t want to miss them.

  1491. Your book made me SNORT with laughter. Yes, snort. I am not ashamed to admit it.
    Needless to say, I would LOVE an autographed paperback copy so I can brag to all my book club friends (we are all reading your book this month).

  1492. as a card-carrying crazy person, I’m so glad to be part of your weird little tribe. 🙂

  1496. I would love for you to come to Memphis. I need a good excuse for a couple of hours away from work. “Appointments” off campus can be fun!

  1498. Pick me! I’m so bummed I can’t come to your book signing in Cincinnati, I’m out of town that day!

  1499. I’d LOVE to have a copy of this new edition. I imagine that there are too many comments here to spend time answering questions, but I’ll try anyway. Are you planning to add this new chapter into the audio version (your reading was absolutely great)? I got my library to order it and would love to have an excuse to have them order another…

    Thanks,
    Ken

  1500. Congratulations! I was so disappointed that I missed you in Toronto. I hope you come back for the next book!

  1504. I would love a copy to take to the hospital in a few weeks when I deliver our third child. Our third boy child. I am equal parts super excited and “what the fuck were we thinking?”

  1506. By far, your book is among my top 10 favorites of all time. And that’s saying something considering how much I read! Thanks for all you do, darlin’! You’re the best!

  1509. Would be awesome, if you’d pick me. Here in Germany a paperback isn’t even available.

  1510. I would love to win an autographed copy. I have the hard back and got my copy of the soft cover on the 9th. Super excited for you and congratulations.

  1511. I hope I can pick up a copy of the paperback soon. I already have the hardcover and the audiobook (when you have to read it out loud every few minutes to explain why you’re laughing, the audiobook is a good investment :P). Might as well complete the set, and hey, bonus chapter! 😀

  1518. Congrats!!! I would love to have a copy of your book. I’ve been dying to read it. Too broke to buy it (or anything else besides food and gas) and the waiting list at the library is about 5 years long!

  1521. Need. East Coast. visit. (preferably Virginia…very preferably Hampton, VA….!!!)

  1523. I will read your book eventually, but I am a robust procrastinator and have not yet ordered it. Having it sent to me after ‘winning’ it would be awesome- although enabling of my procrastinatory nature. Either way, it will be great!

  1524. Ewww!! Pick Me Pick Me 🙂

    I have been wanting to buy your book for the longest and for some reason I HAVENT yet. I’d love a copy 🙂

  1525. Congratulations! Any book that causes spousal annoyance via uproarious laughter is a book I need to own, not just get out of the library!

  1526. As if you needed other people to be involved in Badassery…you kind of have that locked down, in fact I’d go as far as to say it was your super hero power.

  1529. I’m number 1,388 for making a comment to win a copy of your novel. It will be my lucky number if you send me a signed copy. Go LUCKY NUMBER 1, 388.

  1530. A SIGNED copy?? YAY!! And I thought all those tweets to Bill Shatner might be wasted. 🙂

  1532. Yay, it’s finally in paperback! 😀 So excited!

    Honestly, that’s probably one of the only obstacles that has kept me from reading your book yet. I’ve been dying to, but I’d rather buy it and love it forever than check it out, so I’ve waited.

    Congrats on paperback, and that’s a very nice group of readers there!

  1533. I want so badly to come see you in Cincinnati. I even emailed the book store for information. Then, I had to have a glass of wine because I was overwhelmed just considering it. All those people, the crowd, the drive…gack! I adore you, Jenny. I wish my level of crazy would allow me to come meet you. *le sigh* Safe travels. You are a pea in my pod.

  1535. Hoping I can come see you in Louisville, KY on my birthday! That would be a great way to make turning 47 a little less tragic.

  1537. Wow! Congrats!
    And oh. I wantsss it! My pressssscious. Givesss it to me. *waves hands in front of computer screen, just like a jedi* *because I am one* *a jedi that likes to quote Gollum* *what?*

  1541. I would LOVE a paperback version of your book! It would actually make my year if I was chosen.

  1542. I don’t have your book and I want one. End of story.
    I lie…about the end of story part…you want to give me a book
    because I have a little alligator in my living room who goes by the name of Carmelita.
    She wears a green skirt and is in a perpetual dance pose from her
    days in Cuba where she was stuffed, um, I mean born.

  1544. Glad the tour is going well. I caught you in Charlotte on the last tour and you were fabulous (obviously) .

  1545. I would love a signed paperback with bonus chapter. I have the hardcover with a signed book plate. I laughed until I cried.

  1546. I am so freaking excited that I get to see you in Cincinnati!! I loaned my forst copy of your book to a friend and she liked it so much let her keep it! That goodwill will pay off now, cause not only will I replace it, but I;ll have a signed one to boot!! WAAHOO!

  1549. My son just came in and said, “Mommy! Don’t fart!” I said, “Okay.” Then he said, “You stink!!!” I said, “No, I don’t.” But he just giggled and ran back into his room and shut the door. If he’d given me the chance I’d have told him I smell just like roses. Or maybe like cupcakes an awesomeness…but then he’d have asked me to make cupcakes and I’m just not up to it today.

    I love your stories, I love your strength and I love your generous, loving spirit. Thank you for giving us all so much!

  1550. Oh please pick me! I am a freeloader who borrowed your book from the library and laughed until I cried. I would love to have my own copy!

  1551. Congratulations! It’s amazing what you’ve accomplished but also pretty cool the sense of community among your fans. It’s a movement! 🙂

  1554. Oh, f*ck me (not literally, I’m a 56 year-old post-menopausal woman; I only deal in the adjectification or exclamination of that word), you are Hilarious. And Talented. And someone I would love to meet and have a few drinks and a sacrificial bonfire with. But we could only do sleepovers after I buy a gross of fire extinguishers, smoke alarms, and scorpion traps (in case they follow you). And maybe up my life insurance.

    I will read anything you write and gladly blow nose-jets of whatever I’m drinking at the time all over my e-reader or masticated-tree copy of said writing. Anything. Until the end of time.

    I’m not going to beg, but I will tell you that since I already read this book on my bespattered Kindle, should you bestow a paperback copy unto me, I will force-feed it to my daughter, my sister, and the annoying lady in the cubicle next to me. It will be an act of love in two out of three of those cases.

    (Regardless of the whole free book thing, thank you. I have never laughed that explosively while reading a book. And good explosions are hard to come by these days, so really … thank you.)

  1555. Congrats! I would love a copy to lend out and create my own little converts. Insert catchy political slogan along the lines of a free copy for me is a new raving cult following for you (but catchier and less stalkerish)

    I kinda can’t wait to see you in KCMO next week! – getting you started early on the hip slang here in the heartland. FYI — for your own sanity do not deconstruct those that say Missoura (anchorpeople even do it). I don’t claim them.

  1556. Yay! I bought a copy of your book with my on my e-reader on a long flight. I shook so much while reading it that my friends were concerned – I was trying to hold in my laughter. I cannot wait until your next book!

  1557. Hey bloggess,
    Let me just say I’m a big fan and am majorly commenting only to get one of the copies you’re handing out 😛

  1559. love! my sister lives in wa and i live in houston and we discuss your blog every time you post! thanks for keeping us laughing (and feeling badly about ourselves for doing so!)

  1562. COMMENT! Done. Mostly, I want your autograph and this seems like a super-special way to get it. PICK ME! (Randomly, of course.) Do *hugs* help at all? There, now you have hugs.

  1563. I GET TO SEE YOU NEXT WEEK IN KANSAS CITY!!! Which is not in Kansas. I am beside myself with joy.

  1564. Loved your book! I bought the UK paperback – had it on pre-order on amazon for months!

    Do you know if it already had the extra chapter? Or will there be a new UK paperback?

    Keep being awesome 🙂

  1566. You rock Jenny!!!! I would love a hard copy of your book (I have the kindle version)!!

  1567. You totally ROCK! Congratulations. Can’t wait to get my hands on your book (I haven’t even read it yet…I know, I deserve to be totally ass-kicked).

  1568. Top 5 reasons you should pick me to give away a book to:
    5. You’re #5 on the NYT paperback bestsellers list!! Congratulations!
    4. I live in Texas.
    3. You are awesome and wonderful! Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
    2. I’m the only one to do a top 5 list as of 10:20 AM central on 3/15/17
    1. I have not yet read your book!!!!!

  1569. Squeeeeeeee! We love you Jenny. I’m an unabashed Lawsbian (and lesbian too so bonus points, right?). I stalk people at bookstores and say “you have to buy that book, it’s AMAZEBALLS”.

  1570. You are the total badass momma!!!! Congrats on ur book being so awesome! You deserve it all! I would love to have a signed copy to give to my sister! I already have one and I have just finshed reading about the whole diaper exploding at the pool…. so so funny, because it totatlly happens to me all the time… well not me, but my lil girl.. and yes, you would think I would remember to put a swim diaper on, but, sheesh. that calls for a lot!

  1571. I would love a book! I have the hard copy and would love to read the bonus chapter in the new one. Also, can you come to the Milwaukee area, please? We would love to have you!

  1572. I already have the hardback and the kindle version, so a paperback is obviously what I next need to obtain. Your blog is my homepage. And you need to come tour in TN. We’re kind of like TX, but with an N instead of an X.

  1573. I’ve passed my hardcopy on before I even finished it! So would love the paperback. (easier to read on the beach too!) But it would probably cost more to get it to me than the cost of the book itself. (Grand Cayman-I sent you a pick of my creepy Christmas Pixies)
    I’ve passed your blog link to several friends here who are now loyal followers. Thank you for making me look cool! ;o)

  1574. You are fantastic and I love everything you write! The next time you do a book tour, you should totally go to Pittsburgh – I would love to meet you! Keep being awesome 🙂

  1575. I would love to have a paperback copy to share with someone who needs a cheerer upper! I have been using your book to rebound while reading ‘Fault in Our Stars’–it is like my own rapid-cycling manic depression book club! Cheers!

  1577. I would love a copy of the paperback! I had the hardback, but I NEED the bonus chapter(s?)! Also, I wish you would do a book signing in west Texas! I jut moved out here, and I thought it might increase the chances of making you my friend in real life!

  1578. Congrats!! Love your blog, this success is well-deserved! I’m not able to make it to any of your signings and would love an autographed copy of the book.

  1579. I just bought your book for my Kindle. But I would much rather have a paperback copy – and signed – WOW. How much do you think I can get for it?

  1581. So jealous that you aren’t visiting us again. I have more interesting things for you to sign than my shoe!

  1582. I was standing at the newsstand at the airport fondling your paperback. My kid walks up and says, “Don’t you already have that book?” I said, “Yes. But this one has an extra chapter.” He walked away confused. The weird thing is, I found myself handling up on your paperback again, at a different newsstand in a different airport three days later.

  1584. Jenny, your book was awesome. I rented it from the library and read it within 2 days…while at work 🙂 I’ve been reading your blog for a year or so now and was so excited when your book came out. I literally laughed out loud 30 bajillion times….some of my co-workers thought it was odd I’d be laughing in the middle of the day, but that’s because they thought I was actually selling insurance, not reading the best book ever 🙂

  1589. Your book was my first encounter with you. Since finishing it (in a day I might add) I may or may not be Internet stalking you (in a totally non weird adoring fan kind of way). I have recommended your book to all I encounter and have already loaned it out. I fear I will never again see it. A signed coy would hold a revered place in my woefully overcrowded bookshelf. If not, I still adore you. All the cool kids are weird, true story.

  1590. i would LOVE to win a copy in order to read the bonus chapter! pick me please! thanks!

  1591. My paperback copy was ruined 2 nights ago by a malicious toddler who decided to take my hospital-sized jug of water and dump it all over the coffee table (you know those giant jugs they give you after having a baby at the hospital? Yeah, that size). I thought I had this parenting thing all figured out. He was in the living room, watching cartoons, and I was hiding from him, folding clothes in the bedroom. And in he walks holding out my jug-o-emptiness saying, “Here Mama.” Of course, I still have the Kindle version, but no extra chapter.

    Also, that water incident ruined my Bed Bath & Beyond coupon, too. There goes my soda machine plans.

    This comes just days after my 35th birthday, and receiving the surprising news at my OB appointment that morning, that as a 6-month pregnant woman, I am officially “advanced maternal age”. Apparently, my OB, who has two small children of her own, *wants* to be stabbed. Who can blame her.

    This also all took place the same day I really started to notice that no one in the building where I work, feels the need to hold an elevator or a door for a waddling pregnant woman carrying a laptop bag, a giant purse, and a lunch bag, and some jackhole let the garage stairwell door slam in my face, when I was going to my car. Well, I’ll admit, the purse is my fault, but it is full of books and trucks for a toddler who never appreciates my preparedness anyway, so I have no idea why I leave all that shit in there. Anyway, the people in my building are apparently all selfish assholes.

    Then today, my OB nurse called me to tell me that I failed my gestational diabetes test.

    Ok, no not really. She said I passed with flying colors. But she did inform me that I’m anemic and will need to get on iron supplements. HELLO, CONSTIPATION, MY OLD FRIEND. I can’t wait to go pick out a new stool softener. The nurse said they make them in some slow-release version that is supposed to be easier to digest. Ha. I remember being told that by the hospital nurses after having my first son, and the very personal SECOND BIRTH I had in my bathroom at home 4 days later.

    Anyway, I’d like another copy!

  1592. Hmmm, I commented last night but it doesn’t appear to have gone through, so here’s a second attempt: I am new to your blog, which I discovered by way of ‘Twilight’ author Stephenie Meyer. (Weird, right?!) Well anyway, I think your blog is hysterical, and I would LOVE to read your book. (Your free, signed book) 🙂 LOL – Thank you!

  1593. Pick me!
    My daughter absolutely loves you. She used to read your blog to me and laugh until tears ran down her face at some of them (she loved the huge chicken you bought Victor). If you send me a copy, it will be the absolute greatest gift I could ever give her! Her name is Denise if you personalize them.

    PS: Now, I get the blog feed on my home page and have become a big fan myself.

  1594. I WISH YOU HAD COME TO SEATTLE AGAIN!!! I could start a collection of pictures with you! (have one from last time). not a stalker, I promise =)

  1595. Oh, I would love a SIGNED copy 🙂
    I absolutely love your blog – I could carry you around with me without my laptop!

  1597. I gave my hardback to a friend. Would LOVE another copy, plus a bonus chapter. <3

  1598. Congratulations! I’m so happy for you and your success. And I would LOVE a copy, signed or no. 🙂

  1599. This is so awesome! I wish you were coming to my town but unfortunately I live out in the Boondocks. I am going to ask my parents for the book as my graduation present, that way I can go to college and test my new roommate on her weirdness!

  1600. PICK ME! PICK ME! No really….please? Pick me?? I gave my personally autographed hardback to my daughter to read, and it has not been returned to me. Which is ok, but now I need to read your book again and, yes, the bonus chapter! You make the unbearable days so much more bearable, Jenny! Thank you!

  1602. Pick me, please!
    My lovely boyfriend was trying really hard to get it for my birthday last week, but we live in Hungary, and he just couldn’t get it shipped from anywhere. 🙁 By the way, did you know, that you have fans in Hungary? I mean, at least one, for sure. But I’m a big fan, and it’s a kinda little country, so I make up for at least a few dozens.
    Congrats on your success! Hope I can read your book soon!

  1604. I already have the Kindle version, but I’d love the paperback to give to a friend!

  1606. I literally was just thinking yesterday about asking you how to get my hands on a signed copy of the book since I had work the day you did your signing in NYC. Obviously our brains are mind-melded or this is a sign of kismet or SOMETHING VERY MEANINGFUL and you should give one to me.

    PS – I love you.

    PPS – The above statement holds true even if you don’t give me a copy of your book.

    PPPS – But obviously I’ll love you THAT MUCH MORE if you do…

    Cheers 😀

  1608. Can’t wait to see you in Phoenix! I think I’ve told everyone I know about your book and blog, and am reading the book again. It’s good to know I’m not the only one and there is a whole community of us.

  1609. Yay! I’d love the book. I missed out on getting your autograph in Dallas when the lady passed out and the EMTs arrived. Just too much excitement for me. I’d love a second chance!

  1610. When I am truly feeling sad and hopeless I read your posts. Thank you for brightening my day. Love you, Jenny!!!!

  1613. I would love to have a hard copy of your book, so I can introduce my mom and sister to your awesomeness.

  1615. In lieu of seeing you in person (since you won’t be coming to Atlanta, it seems), I would love an autographed copy of the book!

  1616. I need this! I recomended your book to about 7 random people at the libarary. I am pretty sure the 90 year old woman picked it up!

  1617. congrats on your continued success! I wish there was a signing closer to me so I could come and show support!!!!

  1618. I need a new copy because my 15 year old son took mine and won’t give it back. He LOVES it! I know, I know – parent of the year…

  1619. I would love another copy to send to my daughter so I don’t have to send her my copy which she will never return! 😉

  1622. I would greatly like a paperback of your book, because my mother has stolen my hardback copy. It will serve as bait in order for me to steal back the hardback copy.

  1623. Not to tell you what to do or anything, but I totally think you should grant Aleah’s request (March 15, 2013 at 9:41 am, #1584) and send her a signed coy. Also please post a picture on your blog because Wikipedia says that a coy is probably the US cousin of Japanese Koi* and I need to see you signing a fish. Goes without saying that it will be funnier if the coy is still alive. Also less stinky.

    *Not exactly, but the word Koi is totally at the bottom of the Official Coy Wikipedia entry which is the same thing.

  1625. Yes, please!

    Also pleeeeease come to Portland! I lived in Alaska when you were here last and I NEED to bask in your weird presence. I will bring cake.

  1626. I totally want a signed copy! especially since you arent coming anywhere within 4 hours of where i live.

    PLEASE! I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER.

  1627. Congrats on the NYT thingy! Way to go! I want a paperback copy to keep my hardback copy company..please and thank you.

  1628. I only wish you toured closer to where I live! I would come to see you and make you feel ever so nice and loved.

  1629. Jenny,
    As much as I would love a copy (another) for myself, my friend Michelle is fighting colon cancer (stage IV) for the second time in her young life. I would love to present her with your book, as a cherished gift as I know she enjoys your blog.

  1631. Your blog is a slice of awesome in my otherwise non-awesome day…thank you for all that awesomenss that you do!

  1633. It would be great if you could give me the book for my english assignment (and myself of course)! (I hope you remember me). The book at my school library is the hardcover, so I’m really curious about the extra copy.

  1634. Congratulations, O Great Bloggess! I love the picture of all the paperback buyers –they look like an unbelievably up-beat and Caucasian version of Chairman Mao’s Cultural Revolutionaries waving their Little Red Book copies, just after kicking some running-dog-capitalist-imperialist-Yankee-bee-atch-ez (wait: Mao never said “bee-atch-ez”). So glad to follow you and your wonderful blog!

  1635. You are a great public speaker – don’t you forget it! Thanks for posting the picture. My friends are all jealous because I am in the front row! I already loaned my paperback out to a new victim and can’t wait to hear what he thinks.

  1641. Pick me! Pick me!
    Imagine bouncing up and down with my hand in the air.
    Pick me! Pick me!
    It’s very dangerous because I’m wearing heels and happen to be rather clumsy.
    Pick me! Pick me!

  1642. I bought the book on my e-reader and I felt like I missed out on getting a good look at all the photos. I would LOVE to have a paperback version! And congrats on hitting the bestseller list again!

  1643. I just bought the Kindle edition but I’d love a paperback copy to give to my sister 😀 She desperately needs The Bloggess in her life but just doesn’t know it yet!

  1644. That would be awesome – I’m taking the audio book out on a road trip with some friends – but the disc that starts 10 Things Your should Know about HR cuts out. I could turn it back in but my huband I like guessing/ arguing what they could be. A paperback backup would be a fun way to insert chapter back into the trip. Like the advertising section in “Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?”

    This message brought to you by the abundances of birthday cupcakes I was given at work…

  1645. Blatant grab post hoping to win one of the autographed copies of your book.

    <3

  1646. While I already have a copy on my Kindle, I would LOVE love love to have a paperback copy!

  1650. Hello – just came across your blog, can’t wait to catch up. I would love to get a copy of your book so I can really get to know you, and read on my upcoming vacation. Congratulations!

  1651. ME!!! ME!!! ME!!! PICK ME!!! Seriously, you should pick me because I was willing to scroll through 1635 other comments for the mere chance of winning. Just saying.

  1652. I would love to have a paperback copy. My hardback copy is almost as thin as paper now from the sharing I’ve done with it. And I hope to see you next week here in Louisville!

  1653. Gah! You’re coming to a town near me this Monday and I’m so sad because I tutor that day and I can’t make it!! I did find the paperback at a Sam’s Club near me and picked it up to read the new chapter. My mom looked at me really funny when I kept laughing.

  1654. I’m feeling lucky! I would *LOVE* a copy and will even send you a handmade card of thanks – and no, my cards are not pinterest-worthy.

  1657. A free signed copy of your book with bonus chapter AND a Veronica Mars movie in the same week? I’m pretty sure I’ve died and gone to heaven.

  1658. I’d love to win a copy to give away… since you already signed both my paperback and my hardcover in Chicago… (yes, that’s me in the blue striped sweater in front, I LOVED meeting you Jenny!!!).

  1661. Would love to get a signed copy for my wife’s birthday to celebrate our own neurosis!

  1662. Ooh, pick me! I’m still sad I missed you in St. Louis last week (was sick & forgot to buy my tickets early BOTH. *sigh*). I was going to rush out and buy a copy this week, but I haven’t yet. 🙂

  1663. Congratulations! I would love to win a copy. Wish you were coming to PIttsburgh.

  1665. Yay!!! I really hope I get picked – I could use some more laughs in my life! I convinced a whole list of my friends to read your book – and my copy went missing. I could use another!

  1667. I have my hand in the air. Now I’m waving it, and making eye contact.

    (It must be such a rush to see this kind of response. I am around Comment #1650… One Thousand, Six Hundred Fifty. That’s quite a statement about you.)

  1668. I’m reading a library copy right now, but I NEED to own one. Pretty please send me a copy, or I may just have to steal this copy from the library, and I really can’t afford to get on these librarians’ bad sides because they are really scary.

  1670. It will only become my toddler’s coloring book after I have read it cover to cover. I (can almost) promise.

  1671. Definitely would love a signed copy! Then I can stop harassing my local library to purchase it…

  1672. I have been reading snippits of your book aloud to folks (friends, lovers, total strangers) for so long, it would be nice to have a hard copy to share! That way they can believe that someone really did write this shit and I did not make it up in a drug, sugar and alcohol-induced coma!

  1675. If I get one, I can leave my unsigned copy in the break room at work for others to read. Otherwise, I’m not sharing with people who will beat up and spill on My Precious.

  1677. I spy my friend Kim!! Congrats and I would LOVE a copy of the book pick me!! lol

  1678. I would LOOOOVE an autographed copy!! If I win I’ll make the sound of 30 hamsters being squeezed by 3-year-olds!!!

  1679. Pick me! Pick me! Love your book and an autographed copy would be awesome. And, no, I am NOT giving it to my daughter…

  1680. Yay!!! I’m so happy to hear it is doing well. Good luck on your next leg…well that sounded weird

  1684. I’m so happy that it’s #5 on the NYT paperback list! How very exciting for you! Thank you for making me laugh and helping me be me.

  1686. Pick me! Pick me!!

    glad to hear your tour is going well! and congratulations on making #5!!!!! Woooohooo!

  1689. I don’t need a copy of your book (already have it, so I’ll let someone else win!) but I just wanted to say CONGRATS! You definitely deserve it.

  1690. You are the badest of assess, Jenny. Don’t even change. I didn’t bat an eye at the idea of purchasing a paperback copy of a book I already owned and loved (and read twice) in hardcover just for you. You’re the best.

  1691. Me, my mom and my two teenage daughters have bonded over this book. Pleae pick us so we can read the bonus chapter outloud. No seriously. We read it to each other outloud and cry laughing. It’s really the best way.

  1692. So happy for your good news! Would love to win a copy of your awesome book.

  1693. Love you Jenny!!! Enjoyed seeing you in LA – wish I could make it out to see you again!

  1696. A signed copy of your paperback version would be amazing! And, it would complete a threesome, as I already have the Kindle and hardback version. Seriously, you have to pick me–you don’t want to be responsible for messing up a threesome . . . .imagine the bad karma that could bring . . .
    But, even if I am not one of the lucky ones, I will always love you!!

  1697. I love ya, Jenny, but I’m not going to buy a second copy of your book just for the extra chapter, so I hope I win one!

  1698. Jenny, I’m so happy for your success. I bought the hard cover (and I never by hard covers cause they look funny on my bookshelf, but I just couldn’t wait for the paperback) and I’ve read it twice. Thanks for continuing to entertain me.

  1699. I reallllly need to win your book!! 😉 But if I don’t win it I think it’s time to treat myself and buy it for myself this week!!!! 🙂 <3

  1700. I see “I’m giving away…” and I think that I will absolutely drop a comment to be in the running, cause my odds can’t be that bad, right? But then I see the awesomeness of 167 comments in 10 minutes… 633 in one hour… 1380 in half a day! Even though I am quickly dropping to less than 1 in 2000 chance, I want to comment just to make the comments roll past 2000 in 24 hours! Why? Just to say “we love you this much!” Oh, and I guess the #5 on the NYT paperback list might say something too, but come one, how many of those were thinking it was a new twilight series or something? I’m just sayin!

  1701. I am reading your book right now. It’s completely inappropriate to burst out laughing when you’re by yourself on a park bench, but who cares???

  1702. Oh how I hope I’m the one picked this time! Good luck on the rest of your tour!

  1703. I have your book on my nook, and a signed inside sticker thing, but I have nowhere o put it. A paperback would be just the thing…

    🙂

  1706. I laughed so hard I cried while reading one chapter at the bookstore. I’d love to have your book and not embaress myself in public anymore!

  1707. ME! ME! PICK ME!
    I haven’t even read it yet but IWANTTO and the library copy is out and I haven’t gotten around to buying one so please
    PICK ME!
    😀

  1709. Pick me, pick me! I hope I get to come see you in San Francisco in a couple weeks! Can’t WAIT!

  1711. I would cherish a signed copy of your book, I truly <3 you….not in a creeper way ; )

  1715. I yelled out “THIS SOUFFLE IS RUINED” at the office yesterday and made 2 new friends! Thanks for bringing us together:)

  1716. Pick me, and I’ll keep the signed copy and give the other one away to a crazy friend. Besides, It’s my birthday! So I’ll be doing a snoopy dance anyway. Besides, since i was born on the Ides of march, any one want to help me find a Julius Cesar?

  1717. Dear Jenny,
    You should pick me because the last time you toured and you went to Arizona, I had to work. It was devastating and I punched a co-worker in the arm and she got a big bruise and told the boss. Luckily, the boss didn’t care and I wasn’t fired, although if I was maybe I could have gotten to see you. And now I live in Minnesota, and no one comes to Minnesota including you, so I need this so I don’t punch someone else because what if that someone else was important or just really liked to sue? I’d either be in jail or a hobo. Now that might happen anyways, but at least if I had your book I’d be entertained. I mean, I have your book but not a SIGNED copy. Plus it’s the hard cover version, which is really very nice but hurts more when I punch it. Not that I punch it. I might punch it. It’s very durable. I have a problem. Should I stop typing now? Ok.

  1720. I postponed going to see my own famn damily in order to catch your reading near San Francisco last year, and it was so Totally Worth It! I brought my husband along and he loved it more than visiting our families, too.
    I have two copies of the hardback, one signed and one with the bookplate, plus the audio version because this is such a wonderful book of crazy that I really, really wanted to hear you read it. I’d love a copy of the paperback to complete my set.

  1721. I have the kindle version of your book, so yeah, I need a signed paperback to share with daughters!

  1722. I would love a copy of your book. I’ve been accused of having a twisted, sarcastic, smart mouth sort of humor. Surely your book will show me a new path!

  1724. Comment-comment-COMMENT-TNEMMOC-Comment-kommentar-comment-puna-COMMENT-comment-comment-comment-komehtap-comment-tnemmoc-comment-COMMENT-COMMENT-commentaar-commenter-athugasemd-comment-Comment-comment-Comment-comment-tracht a dheanamh-comentario-comment-COMMENT.
    With all these comments, does it increase my chances of winning ??????

  1725. Love your book. Love the blog. Will be in the audience when you’re in Danville, CA. You’re wildly talented…if people only knew how difficult it is to write as you do. I study the craft of your postings as I struggle with my own writing…as yet, still confined to an old school Composition notebook. Keep writing!

  1726. Congratulations! You deserve every bit of this success. Please pick me for an autographed copy of your book. I’ve wanted to meet you in person but the day you were in Miami I was kidnapped as I was leaving work by my friends and taken to my surprise bachelorette party and it doesn’t seem like you’re coming back here anytime soon so please PICK ME!

  1730. Congratulations! I just wish you could extend your tour a bit further… New Zealand, perhaps? 🙂

  1731. i haven’t read the book because each time i buy a copy i freak out that i forgot an occasion where i need to bring a gift…..so i gift the book.

    someday, i will get a copy of my very own. i hope.

  1734. Girl you need to check out Sarafina Fiber Rt on Pinterest. And don’t forget to pick me.

  1736. Oooooooooooo!!!! Oooooooo!!! Meeeeeeeeeeee!!! (And congratulations! You’re wonderful.)

  1737. Come to Minneapolis (ah hem…that’s in Minnesota) and deliver my free book in person!

  1738. My teacher recommened you. (You met her at Andersons Bookstore in IL in Naperville). I fell in love with your book! She should have told you what I told her! Since at home theres some things going on she told me this funny book she got so Im like ok why not? Not even to the 5th chapter and I was in love XD I swear when I was laughing I said ” I think Im in love……. Im bisexual now XD With the writer who made this story and to my teacher who told me about this! Im weird and then she told me about you comming here I wish I went I bugged her to take me but you know teachers cant give rides to students so i was super mad/sad. she laughed when i told her about the bisexual thing ( im stright tho so dont worry :D) but it was funny which made me laugh even harder. I wanted to tell you that and Thank you for giving this book to us, for letting me read this book when I needed to get away 😛 So thanks! Wish I met you tho T~T

  1740. Found your blog by total accident, and its my favorite part of the workday, I mean my time alone..oops!
    I would love to have your book, I do believe I am as slighty twisted as you, and thats what scares me!

  1741. No, Thank YOU, Jenny…. for being one of the physics defying axis-es (axii?) around which this tribe spins.

    Also? It’s the Ides of March which means it’s Mom’s birthday so if I were a good daughter and I won I’d give the book to her, since I already have the kindle version and a hardback from a book signing and… oh who am I kidding. I’ll just buy her candy, because I need the whole collection!! (Or I could buy her the book. Um. Yeah.. ok, I’ll do that!

  1742. I would love to win an autographed copy of your new book, which I would give to a friend because I plan to buy several copies to give out, anyway. The world needs your book to be everywhere!

  1743. ME! I need that book in my life. Otherwise, I’ll have to check it out at the library and rack up another obscene amount of overdue book fees. And I’d rather be using that money towards something more awesome. Like big metal chickens. Or taxidermied hamsters.

  1745. I would love a copy of your book, very very much (please?), but mostly, just, what everyone else has said: Congratulations. You have for sure earned this.

  1746. I think I really need this book. It’s either going to help me get my shit together or just make me laugh. Either way I’m down.

  1747. You should pick me because after reading the fantastic hard-cover version, i gave it to several colleagues in my office for Christmas, and my HR director pretty much gave me a time-out. #grumpycatHRdirector

  1753. So glad you are bringing so many awesome people together on the tour. I was so sad to miss you in Minneapolis 🙁

  1754. I am sorry I am lame and have not bought your book yet. And congratulations!

  1755. Thank you for sharing your life challenges and experiences! I would love an autographed copy of your book ~ and if I am not one of the lucky 5, ‘sallgood.
    Congratulations!!!

  1759. I’d love a copy! I borrowed it from the library to read it initially, and since they frown on you keeping books and I am a cheapskate, I don’t have it anymore.

    Congratulations on your success =)

  1760. “or give it to your newest friend to test how easily offended they are”

    Wasn’t going to enter, but then I read this suggestion! WIN! (I suppose I COULD just lend out my hardcopy and learn who my true friends are, but this sounds like much more fun… plus I can’t justify buying the extrachapter, erm, sorry, paperback as I am currently unemployed.)

  1764. Jenny, you are so full of badassedness yourself! Thanks for putting yourself out there so that we can all pretend together! Xoxo

  1765. My boyfriend and I listened to the itunes version on a road trip across the country. Because you were reading it, sometimes we felt like you were on the road trip with us. Oklahoma was f’ing weird…Congratulations on your book success! You have inspired so many women!

  1769. Me, please!! I read your book as a library book (because I’m retired and on a budget, although I look MUCH younger than my age, of course), so I really need my own personal copy. You’re the best!!

  1770. All right , since I now own the book in Nook, Hardcover and yes, I had to get the paperback for the new chapter,( I did give it to my sister who is now an avid fan of the Blogess) do I want an autographed copy? Hell yeah!! So although I have no real hope of getting one, I would like to know if I send one of my copies with a self address and stamped envelope would you autograph it. I would love to see you on your tour but you aren’t coming to Milwaukee. Soooo continue your tour and I know people will come.
    Thanks,
    Brenda PS. Why are some of the comments Pink? I’m feeling paranoid .

  1771. I have been meaning to read your book again. A bonus chapter really sweetens the deal.

  1772. I love how happy your readers look! Pick me and then I will come see you at a reading for the new book.

  1775. I am new to the legions of adoring fans and am now reading you up as fast as I can! Dearly wish you were coming to the Washington DC area on this tour… maybe next time!

  1779. You deserve all of it. Not only are you special, but you make us all feel special with you.

    And I do already have your book… signed by you when you were here in San Diego on you last book tour. And it meant the world to me to meet you. God I felt so nervous I was sweating like a gnu in 100 degree weather. But it was worth it to meet you. And I would love to get the new book, because I am dying to know what is in the extra chapter. I thought about just going to B&N and just reading it, but then I wouldn’t have it… my precious….. so thoughts of stealing it did cross my mind, but that would be wrong.

    So please pick me. To prevent me from going to jail over a book. Or turning into Gollum. Or lord knows what else.

    P.S. I have no idea what a gnu sweats like in 100 degree weather. However, I have always loved saying “gnu” and think it is a wonderfully fun word to play with, but a horrid name for an animal. Not that wildebeest is much better; but I’m sure someone could have come up with a better name than “gnu”.

  1781. Congratulations on all your success, you deserve every bit of it! <3

    I'd love to win a signed paperback copy! I bought the ebook when it first came out, but I'd really like to have a physical copy as well.
    And an autographed copy would just make my LIFE. You are such an inspiration to me, you've shown me that not even my depression and anxiety disorders should stand in the way of me being furiously happy 😀

  1782. I was trying on mastectomy bras today. A free signed copy of your book would go very well with such an occasion.

  1783. Oooh, pick me because I can’t come see you live, living in Alaska as I do. Also, I’ll be your friend and let you tell everyone that you have an Alaskan friend and she lives in an igloo and owns a polar bear and if they ask I’ll TOTALLY back you up.

  1784. Knock knock mutherfuker… It’s Sally Golden Chickenleggs- Beyonce’s long lost cuzin in Pennsylvania!!! I would really like a copy of the book as I am unable to get to a store to buy it and the delivery man quit comin around cause my bitch sister Myrtle Mussieleggs wouldn’t stop pecking at his balls…. So please pick me!!!
    Oh yeah and Keep up the hilarity! My keeper hasn’t stopped laughing for weeks!!!

    Thanks

  1785. I’d love a paperback copy. I pre-ordered the hardback and was lucky enough to come see you while you were in Atlanta but curling up with a hardback isn’t quite the same as with a paperback. So, I guess I’m telling you I want to curl up with you. Hmmm…TMI?

  1786. Leaving a comment! I’m super disappointed that I won’t be able to come to your book signing in KC next week 🙁 I have to go to a work thing. So this i my only chance for an autographed copy!

  1787. I would love a signed copy of the paperback book! I’d read the bonus chapter very carefully and then call up the guys from Pawn Stars to see if I can get on the show pawning your book. Publicity for you, awesomeness for the pawn shop, entertainment for me. Win-win-win. 😉

  1788. Me! Me! Me! Please pick me! or conversely

    I don’t give a shit if you pick me or not.

    Whichever works for you is fine with me 🙂

    PS. I will be coming to see you in Kansas City next week!

  1790. I’d take one, but Barnes and Noble just told me that I HAVE to buy a paperback in order to get a number to get in line for the signing when you come to Louisville on the 18th. I already have 3 hardback copies and a nook copy. I bought 10 copies for friends at Christmas for gifts. So, another copy…….okay, go ahead …….I’ll take another.

  1794. I bought your book as an ebook last year. I regretted it, because it’s so much easier to PUSH it on other people when you have a hard copy! So maybe you don’t want to pick me, because if you don’t, I’m going to buy the paperback anyway.

  1798. Congrats! I’m so glad you’ve received such a great response!

  1800. My boyfriend (now husband) first introduced me to your blog when we were dating. We would (and still) read your blog together and laugh our asses off, and of course appreciate the more serious entries. So, in a way, you have been a part of our relationship from the beginning. *Sigh* Thank you! 😉

    I don’t have anything clever or smartass-ish to say to convince you to pick me. I am not too proud to beg though, so–PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. PICK ME!

  1801. Throwing name in hat.

    Also, I just got an agent!!! 23% sure you won’t see this comment, but I wanted to share my news with you anyway 😉

  1804. My grown up daughter lent (lended?) me your book. Until then – hard to believe, but true – I had never heard of you. I laughed my ass off as I read it, leading my other children to think I was demented and (when I had to try to stifle the laughter at work) leading my coworkers to think I was having small seizures. I am now firmly convinced that we are twins separated at birth (OK – maybe cousins, because I am so much older than you and your boobs are WAY better than mine!)

    Have I mentioned that my work is like toiling in the depths of hell, which would make my coworkers small, ugly demons? After reading your book, I tracked down your blog. I now have it up on my computer at all day and I’ve been reading from the first post (I’m now up to 2011). I can’t tell you how much my mood has improved since I started stalking you…um, reading your blog. You have probably saved the life of some of my more annoying coworkers! So there you go – the Bloggess is a true American HERO!

    Anyway, (you’ll come to learn that I can’t say anything in one simple sentence. In fact, I had a boss once who said I had “verbal diarrhea” which, when you think about it, has to be better than “verbal constipation!”) I would love a copy of your book to place on my desk next to my People to Kill notebook (I kind of disregard the “with kindness” part). My shrine to you will soon be complete!

    Son of a bitch! Apparently, it’s fine to READ your blog at work, but God forbid I COMMENT! I got the whole “You have attempted to access a blocked site” when I tried to post! Luckily, I’m onto the administrators at my work (or as I like to call them, “the spawns of Satan”) and I composed my comment in Word first – so I had a backup when those bastards conveniently disappeared the first one. I had to email it to myself at home and THEN post! You SEE why I need a copy of your book???? Your wonderful insanity is the only thing keeping me remotely sane!

  1807. Come to Maine…..we need you here 🙂 thank you so much for being who you are and sharing thst with us

  1808. I’m with Diane but if you come to Maine it has to be at least Augusta or even Bangor!

    Pick me for the signed copy!

  1810. Hey! Those two lovely ladies in the front row wearing stripes are my friends! yay!!

  1811. Oh my, I can just barely see myself in this pic! That was a lovely signing. Thanks again for stopping in Chicago-not-really-Chicago 🙂 So glad I’m not working 15 hour days so I could actually make it. Totally worth the hour drive there and back. Keep being awesome! PS- my friends also asked me if you were just as awesome in person as you are on your blog. I replied with a resounding hell yes- and she’s super nice.

  1812. I would LOVE a signed copy! (crossing my fingers and hoping desperately to win one)

  1813. I’m excited for your continued success! You deserve it! I love that you have this picture on your blog and that my sweet husband is in the front in the tutu! And that people kept asking about it in the comments!! And I agree he does look fantastic! 🙂

  1815. I just recently read your hardback book (I know late to the game here), but I LOVE your fantastic self and have recommended you to all my friends… well my good humored ones. 😉

    Would be ecstatic to win a copy of the paperback!! 🙂 Would also love if you made it to CO on your tour… just sayin’.

  1817. Oh wow. I read your book on my Kindle but really really wished I’d bought a hard-cover for the pics. I then bought your book for my 3 girls as a gift. Now’s my chance to buy a copy for myself! whoopeee!

  1818. While I’m a little bummed that you won’t be anywhere near Cleveland *hint hint* I’m extremely happy for you! If anyone deserves such success, it’s definitely you. I can only imagine the response when your next book comes out 🙂

    I’m just going to have to read your posts and imagine I’m sitting with the rest of your fans. BUT if you want to slide an autographed copy of your paperback my way, that might get rid of some of the disappointment I feel for missing your tour…

  1819. Fuckle fuckle. That’s the sound the Hamburglar makes when he realizes that he is unlikely steal a free copy of your book by posting a comment because there are already well over a thousand comments.

  1820. I live in Eureka, Ca and will not get to see you on tour! I would love a copy of your book!

  1822. I gave your book to my sister for Christmas. I wouldn’t mind having one for my mother too.

  1825. as a member of the bizarre tribe, i must say congrats on the great sales of the book and for being nominated for all of those (5?) web/blog awards. i am enjoying the book… consider me a contender for the giveaway.

  1827. We would very much like to have a book, please! We’ve gotten very addicted to your website, but we’re too cheap to buy a book and too lazy to get it from the library. We’re waiting for a friend to take pity on us. Or you!

  1834. I’m so bummed I won’t be able to see you in Louisville as I have to travel for work. Major bummer!

  1835. I would love to have that signed book to share with my bestie. We were going to try and get to Louisville, but unfortunately work got in the way 🙁

  1838. I would adore it if you pick me. I am spending my Friday night with 8 boys ages 8-13. If I could pretend this never happened, I would. However, because I am so stupid to do the birthday party thing, I probably do not deserve it.

  1839. Yea! Get on with your bad-ass self! (And no, I can’t really pull that off, but awesomest time to try ;)!)

  1841. AUGH. For some dumb reason I thought you were coming to Chicago on the 17th & not the 7th. Darnit. Ah well, snooze & lose. 🙁 But I wanted to thank you for writing this book. I’ve been going through a bunch of crappy stuff lately & you made me smile & laugh out loud. I really really needed that. So, thanks! 🙂

  1844. I would love an inappropriately autographed copy of your book. (I’m assuming it would be inappropriate.)

  1845. Piano! Slimy ghost breath! And we are all just over here howling at the moon, wishing for your book.

    signed,

    the friendly ghost collective

  1846. I loaned my copy to my mom who loaned it to my sister. I have a feeling it’s not coming back do another copy would be fab! We have all laughed and cried. Thank you!

  1847. Still laughing about your cat’s tail getting sucked up into your vagina . . .

  1848. SO proud of you!!! Hope the next leg of your tour doesn’t
    Wear you out! xoxo
    Kathy

  1849. You so deserve everything that’s coming around. My wish for you is this just keeps getting better and better.

  1851. Let’s pretend you and I know each other in real life, and we are really close friends, and you’re like “Look, I know you already pre-ordered the e-book of the hardback, so let me just go ahead and choose you as a paperback winner. I’m not trying to be a dick, but your sense of entitlement is pissing me off. Who do you think you are?” Then I’ll say something to confirm my entitlement mindset, and you’ll throw the book at me, so you feel better getting out some aggression, and I’ll feel better because I’ll still win the fucking book…which I love, by the way. So, yeah, let’s pretend this DID happen and then follow through. Deal? BFFs for life.

  1853. Congratulations on your continuing success!
    I have to shamefully admit that I do not have a copy of your book yet. 🙁
    I would love to win a copy.
    Pretty please. 🙂

  1854. If only you were touring in RI or MA, I would be able to come see you speak again. Oh well, I guess we have to share you with the rest of the country. 😀

    Congratulations on the book sales!

  1857. One day, you’ll come to Philly. Until then, I’d love a copy of the book!

  1858. I was kind of pissed that i had to spend like 10 minutes(it was actually like 20 but im pretty sure it was more like 10 if you subtract all the distractions) looking for the book. I was expecting it to be right smack in front of the entrance where all the ‘new to paperbacks’ are and it wasn’t there, i checked all the top lists and what not and it wasn’t there. I then couldn’t find the biography section for the goddam’ life of me and ended up in the diet section(totally opposite). Anyway i finally fuckin’ found it in the back corner between two boring books(im pretty sure they were boring… the cover looked boring). I just thought i should share with you my Indigo adventure.

  1860. I would love to have a copy as I LOVED it! I sure wish you were touring closer to me.

  1861. when I saw 1800+ comments, I figured my chances are pretty slim of being one of the 5 winners and yet I figured nothing ventured nothing gained. I’d very much appreciate winning a copy of your paperback book. Fingers crossed!

  1864. Your blog just straightened me out about the hamburglar. I can’t even imagine how much I would learn about the world if you picked me for your book giveaway. If you don’t pick me, I’ll buy it anyway, but don’t let that deter you from picking me.

  1865. if your book tour came to Omaha, I would totally hide under the table with you :] (in a non creepy way!)

  1866. I can’t even imagine how you’re going to pick just one comment out of all these and against better judgment, here goes: YES! BOOK! GREAT! 😉 And good luck on the tour.

  1867. i’m banned from online shopping so haven’t gotten your book yet….and i’m like #100 something on the waiting list for my library’s copy .. (honestly i’m surprised they even have it!) would be so totally awesome to get a SIGNED copy….

  1869. I’m hoping it will make my daughter laugh hard enough to go into labour, or pee her pants, either way there’ll be joy.

  1873. You rock my box Jenny! All the way from Australia!! Come tour down under- if not a signed copy will suffice 🙂

  1877. I need an autographed copy of your book for my daughter before she marries a third idiot.

  1880. You know I want one! Love your blog, especial your conversations with Victor!

  1882. I get to see you in Kansas City (would it be weird gave you a hug and cried? Because that’s what I want to do), so I will get my own copy there, but I would love a copy for my friend who NEEDS to read your book, she just doesn’t know it yet. 🙂

  1883. I totally need you to pick me because I started reading your book while visiting my daughter (care of her purchase), then I went home. So, I Ned my own copy because she won’t let me have hers! And that’s why I only have one daughter. I have sons who would totally lend me a book, but they don’t GET you. Sigh ….

  1884. Ooh!! I pre-ordered the hard cover!! But I’d love a signed paperback!! And i NEED to read that extra chapter :)) plz plz plz (I’ve never won a contest in my life! Haha let this be a 1st :D)

  1886. Woo, less than 2,000 comments — I’m feeling good about my chances, oh baby!!

    I will buy the paperback anyway, for the new chapter, but I would ADORE a *signed* copy!! I promise to give the other paperback to someone who needs a good laugh (the chapter where the unknown assailant is sending you notes under the bathroom door…..freaking funniest thing I have ever read) and will appreciate its magnificence. Fortunately, such people are legion in these parts.

    Thank you for this lovely offer, dear Jenny!

  1888. Woot! I should win because I scrolled to the way bottom just to comment and it took forever…. Congrats!

  1889. Hey Jenny(: I don’t know if you remember me ( you probably don’t) but last summer you were in chicago at a book fair event and you were speaking!!!! I got to meet you, and you signed my poster, and my moms copy of your book! ( You tweeted a picture of my mom holding a poster about twine) Now I was wondering if you could do me a favor. I was wondering if you could help me out with a school project. At school, we are supposed to be doing some Volunteer work around my community to do a research project. During this time I have to do research, make a tri fold presentation, do an interview, and volunteer! A while ago I read about The Traveling Red Dress project, and I would like to do it as my research project. It will be hard to volunteer but I am thinking I could get a bunch of my friends together and have a mini photo shoot with a red dress that I have. I was wondering, if after I got approval from my teachers, would you be able to help me with the interview part of my project? It a lot to me that your doing this for people, and I think it would help my friends too! ( We are all in middle school, and that’s practically a self esteem killer right there!) It would appreciate it a lot!!! Please e-mail me if you can help me out(: thank you so much, and I love your book!!!!

  1890. STUFFED ALBINO GROUNDHOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Just in case you missed it the first time 😉 If you want to have a heads up his official name is Wiarton Willie.

    Please consider Canada for your next book tour!

  1891. This is the comment I am leaving so that I will have a chance to win the paperback.

    Just being truthful.

  1892. Okay, I have to get in on this, if I’m not too late.
    Congrats on all the tour love! You deserve it!
    You make me laugh all the damn time. Cackle, laugh, wheeze, giggle, all of those things. I’m tickled to see more and more of my friends come to discover and love you.

  1893. I want, more than you can possible imagine, to smell like cupcakes and magnificence.

    Congrats on your latest success!

  1896. I wish so hard that I could’ve attended one of your readings/signings/whatever amazing stuff you were doing, but the events were far away and I has no moneys for plane tickets. Your book was so damn funny – I felt like I couldn’t read it in public because it was hard not to laugh maniacally – and oddly sweet at moments that I’m very tempted to buy the paperback, too. Or you could just give me a copy… That’s always a possibility, you know.

  1898. I am simultaneously happy for and extremely jealous of all those awesome people at your book signings. If only you were coming to New Orleans! You are awesome, and I recommend your book to people all the time in my lowly job as a bookseller at the B&N. Sigh.

  1904. Chained to my computer, working on my website so I can again start submitting it to Agents: So, I have not been out to purchase your book. Not making any money either, which only adds to the problem.

    Love your blog. You’re my hero.

  1906. Hi Jenny! I don’t have a website so I just put one that I go on everyday. ANYWAY, pick me!! 🙂 xoxo I own your book already, but an autographed copy would be LEGIT. Also, you brighten even the dreariest of workdays and your brilliance is soooo appreciated! Keep up the amazing work! 🙂

  1907. Wish I could come see you on tour. Alas, just too far away I think. But congratulations!

  1911. I forgot how I ran across your wonderful blog initially, but it’s been a couple of years now and I am glad that I did. I’m so happy that the book is doing well. Take care of yourself on tour!

  1912. ” I am so lucky to be a part of your bizarre tribe.”
    A part of??? Sweetie, you are our leader . . .

  1913. I am currently reading your book, and I have to say I am pressuring/encouraging (more like forcing) all of my friends/family/coworkers/random ass people to read it. I have laughed and cried. Thank you.

  1915. I’ve only just discovered your blog, and have spent the past week ignoring my family so that I can read *all* of your previous posts (and laughing maniacally while I do!) Please pick me; I’ve ordered your book from our local library, but I’m number 72 on the wait list!

  1917. That guy on the left, so gay!

    (If “gay” means “awesome” then I totally agree. Amazingly gay. ~ Jenny)

  1921. I was too nervous to make it to your book reading in NYC but I really enjoy reading all about how well it’s been going on your blog! I hope that next time you are here I will be able to stop by and say hi and thank you for your wonderful words. Much Love, Rachel

  1923. Whee! It would be exciting to see the pictures in the book! (I read the audio version.) Also, I wish I could smell a room full of cupcakes and magnificence. (Especially cupcakes.)

  1924. I wish I could have met you. Thank you for making me feel like it’s ok that I couldn’t and you’ll love me anyway! I would love a signed copy of the first book my baby ever read with me!!

  1926. I’m on my third reading and about to lead my book club discussion after picking this as our book as the month! Just as good the third time around!

  1927. I’d love to win too! Then I’d have more to explain to my family when I snort coffee out my nose (which hurts, but not nearly as much as root beer does).

  1928. Holy crap. Giant, enormous thanks for the sweet comments! I just picked the 5 winners and emailed them so check your email to see if you’ve won. PS. If you win but don’t respond with your address tonight I won’t be able to send it until I get back next weekend.

    Thanks so much!

    ~Jenny

  1930. Jennie — echoing the tonnage of congrats that you’ve received here. the book is hi-sterical, and you should definitely think about rolling around in and soaking up all the praise. you deserve every bit.

  1933. You aren’t coming to San Diego this time!! HUMPH!! I keep buying your books and giving them away and not getting them back! HUMP Again!! I have next to NO MONEY, but I needed your book, so I bought the audio version. GREAT by the way! ( You have a great singing voice!) I have a GREAT video of you and your sister from when you came to San Diego and would love to send you a copy if you want it. You are SO ADORABLE!!! I tell everyone to read your book and every rooster I see, I ask if it is because of you. You wrote me a note that says “Depression LIES, NEVER GIVE UP! BE YOU!!!!!!” It has helped me SOOOOOOOOOOO much! I follow your blog so I can regain a sense of humor, God bless you! I hope to win a signed copy of your new book! That snow cone shack last day, it inspired me a lot! Where can I send you a copy of my video of you? PLEASE write back!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I am excited for you! Also for the possibility of you writing back. (WINNING A SIGNED BOOK POSSABILITY TOO!!!) Oh pretty please??? I am glad you are having fun!!! YAY!

  1934. Are you sure that these people aren’t being held there against their will? Maybe there’s a bomb in the books and they can’t touch the ground…..

    Anyway I wish I could’ve been there!

  1935. Wish you were coming to Florida! Hope you have a wonderful trip and I will definitely buy the book in paperback as well! Thank you always for everything that you do.

  1939. You should definitely SELL when your share price hits 2000.

    Wait.

    You mean you are NOT a listed company?

    Then what’s with all the lawyers?

    Oh, silly me.

    Those are stuffed ferrets.

    My bad.

  1940. We are a crazy bunch of blogstalkers aren’t we? (Pick me, I have a few folks I need to see if I can offend.)

  1941. I had the hardback checkout from the library for a month and had $6 in fines. Once I got it, I didn’t want to take it back, since there was re-reading that needed to be done. Probably I should have just bought it? If I win, I will give it to someone who needs it, and buy another for myself!

  1944. You deserve it, you are amazing! I haven’t got to read your book yet (But I do want to), but I do read your blog every day.

  1946. If I have a copy of your book it may calm the urges to steal the neighbor’s big metal chicken, or it will make it worse. Either way it will be fun.

  1947. Oh…pick me! Pick me!
    Here’s a joke to make you chuckle.
    Knock knock.
    (Who’s there)
    Control freak. Now you say control freak who!
    🙂

  1948. oh i would love a copy!! i’m looking forward to meeting you in a few days and i’ll be getting my own copy then, but a second copy to give to a friend never hurts!

  1951. Haven’t gotten around to buying the new paperback so… it’d be awesome to win it.

  1952. Also, super huge point of pride: my sister is in the above picture. She’s the one you said looks like she fell out of Alice in Wonderland (because, seriously, she texted me to tell me that as soon as she was humanely able). ^_^

  1955. Me! Pick me! I already own the hardback version, but I have two hands…two books, thus, I need! I already know the bonus chapter will be amazeballs. And I have friends who definitely need offending. Let’s make this happen.

  1956. i’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese in a tin, gywneth paltrow, but i’d rather get a copy of your book witht he return address of 30lbs of uncut cocaine, xoxo

  1958. I SO want to read the bonus chapter. Love love love the book on Kindle. My co-workers on the crisis line where I work overnight shift also love it.

  1960. Oh man I wish you would come to Mississippi!!!! I would love to meet you in person and I would LOVE to win an autographed copy of your book.

  1961. I’m dating a new woman. When I saw a copy of your book on her bedside table, it confirmed she’s the woman for me. Being picked for an autographed copy would be a nice romantic gesture. You could add matchmaker to your resume.

  1962. Me me me! (jumping up an d down and waving he hand wildly) Pick me ME ME!

  1963. The paperback is not available here in Denmark (that is Amazon UK) until May. MAY??!? I need this win badly…

  1964. Meeeeeee because I was too sick to attend the book tour in my city.
    AND because I think I might at times be the brown version of you….

  1965. So, I had a friend buy a book and take it to you to have it signed, since I can’t come see you in person. I know… You’re heartbroken. But it would make both of us feel better if I was able to win one of these 😉

  1966. Hi Jenny,
    I think you should totally expand your tour to Minneapolis/St Paul! We need you here, it’s March in Minnesota and the weather terrorists keep reminding us that last year, we were at 80 degrees on St Paddy’s Day. This year? It’s in the 30s with 3 to 5 inches of snow coming overnight. WE NEED YOU TO KEEP US ALIVE. But no pressure. You could always webcast a signing and we can bundle up in our ear muffs and huddle around our furnaces and pretend you’re signing our copies. XO

  1968. Holy Cow–or should I say freshly squeezed hamster. There are a hell of a lot of commenters to choose from. I love the picture that accompanies this post because it reminds us what writing is all about: community and shared experience. Every person holding that book probably thinks they’re fucked up, just like I think I am (and you are:). Writing reminds us that we’re not alone. Thanks for being such a funny, honest reminder (er?).

  1969. Oh Jenny you aren’t just part of it, don’t you know you’re the leader? A slightly drunk leader sporting a skewed tiara perhaps (but aren’t we all…)

  1970. I’ll be there in Kansas City! Which is actually in Missouri. Sorry for the confusion.
    P.S. You’re so awesome!

  1971. I would love a chance to have a hard copy, especially a sign copy. I have a digital copy, and although I love my ereader…it’s not the same!

  1973. I’ll add your autograph to my Tom Hanks, Henry Winkler, Ron Howard, Tom Baker, Colin Baker, Jon Pertwee, and more Dr. Who scribbles. My collection will be complete!! (hands rub together)

  1974. You inspire us all, we are so happy for your success and wish you many more successes to come. We’ll be there with you for those too, and we’ll bring our friends. And even strangers. And my mom.

  1976. I’m so sad to miss you in Louisville tomorrow! I was making plans to be there and then my parents decided that tomorrow, of all days, would be the day they move here from the other side of the country. I’m really excited to welcome them here, but sad to miss your reading. Hoping more tour dates will be added. Have fun in the Bluegrass State and don’t forget the Bourbon Trail if you have extra time!

  1980. Jenny,

    My students have been reading your pieces throughout the year for various speaking competitions. I have even seen 2 students advance to national forensic national competition reading from your pieces. One of my students would like to read from Let’s Pretend for UIL compeition, but I need to know that you were born in or after 1960. UIL would like an email, with my request in your reply. I would appreciate it if you could do this for my speaker.

    Jerod

  1982. I have the audiobook (you’re welcome for the extra cash) and listened to it as I drove cross-country for a move. I was laughing out loud so often, and then sobbing for Barnaby Jones Pickles, then identifying with tales of depression and anxiety. Thank you for not only making my drive tolerable, but for speaking truth to so many – and disguising it as humour.

  1984. I was stopped from reading your book on a late evening flight to Denver. I was giggling so hard it was disturbing to the other passengers. I tried to repress the laughter but, well, it wasn’t pretty as repressed laughter turns into snorking and tears. My husband finally just took the book out of my hands. I want to think he was secretly amused and wanted to read it for himself.
    It’s a wonderful book.

  1985. Your grace and humility in success is inspirational — at every turn you make me proud to be a reader!

    Now, I know its nowhere near anywhere on the schedule, but if you come to Miami there’s a taxidermied fox in it for you. Handmade by my father-in-law. I feel like you might be just the good home he’s been looking for — he deserves to be with someone who will dress him in little pants and jaunty top hats.

  1986. I neeeeeeeed your book! Yes! So if I don’t win one I’m just going to have to buy one!

    (On reflection, this might not be the best way to persuade you to give me one….)

  1987. It was so lovely to meet you last week in St. Louis! You and Copernicus both.

  1988. Pick me pick me!! I bought the hardcover only to have the supreme brain-fart of giving it to my sister for her birthday before I’d finished reading it 🙁 now she wont let me read the rest!

  1991. I still never got my copy back from my Mom….could really use my own. <3 you!

  1994. It is odd because I always thought you would smell like cupcakes and magnificence…. And sunshine 🙂

  1995. Holy Shit Comments Batman! That was a lot of scrolling, I think I broke my mouse. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I’m currently reading your book and at night, I read a chapter out loud to my husband…as his bedtime story. It’s the creepiest bedtime story ever, but he’s loving it.

    After chapter one, he said to me – “Who is this chic?” I wasn’t sure how to answer!! 🙂

    xo

  2000. Jenny, loved your first book and am currently looking for the paperback. Unfortunately, I live in Bartlesville, OK, (I noticed that your book tour comes nowhere near us). Anywhoo, good luck on your tour!

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