Shit I found on my phone

This isn’t a real post.  It’s just a bunch of pictures I had on my phone.

Knives, guns and a total lack of awareness of personal space. If statues suddenly come to life we are fucked. #don't blink

 

This is a locked case in the bookstore filled with "erotica". The book on the right? Is an utterly nonsexual history of table tennis. I can't tell if this is a joke or just a new fetish I'm not aware of.

 

This is what a cat looks like in a weave. In case you were wondering.

The more you know…

144 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Pong porn? That’s a new one. Must google it later…

  2. I couldn’t live in a world filled with those kind of statues. I’d blink.

    Synnove @ Don't Chew On The Dinner Table! recently posted Take me now!.

  3. Now I’ll be wondering all day about pong porn…

  4. Am I the first comment? Awesome. I work in a library, and we don’t keep our erotica or our ping pong books under lock and key. I guess we’re just sexually freer up here in Canada.

  5. Your phone holds much better random photos than mine does.

    Rea recently posted Nixon and I are on a break....for now..

  6. The cat isn’t wearing a weave. He just scalped an afghan hound, and that’s his trophy.

  7. 7
    Johnny Feelgood

    Rule 34. Just saying.

  8. Obviously, someone read the “P” in the last word in the book title in the second picture as a “D.”

  9. This just goes to show how important it is to maintain a regular grooming schedule for long-haired cats.

    Laura @ Unlikely Explanations recently posted Comment on Guns Don’t Shoot People. Ovens Shoot People. by Laura.

  10. Damn… #4… I’ll be first one of these days :)

  11. 11
    Tammy Proctor

    I love the table tennis book’s name. Puns ftw!

  12. Maybe ‘Pong’ is a euphemism? Or something? I am incredibly unhip with the kids these days. Not that it’s any different from when I was a kid myself.

    Jaime recently posted Homemade Friday: Vanilla. Really..

  13. I just found you (I must be the last person in the universe). So funny! I have shit too- one of the places is on my phone.

    Cheryl Nicholl recently posted Avalon.

  14. Unbeweavable!

    ilikebeerandbabies.com recently posted Puppy Dogs and Rainbows Friday.

  15. I hear certain strippers can do obscene things with pingpong balls. Perhaps the store owner experienced that during his last visit to the local club?

    Dangerous Lilly recently posted JimmyJane Hello Touch Review.

  16. Maybe it’s naked pong?

  17. Random photos are the best. My husband always finds weird things in stores and is all, “Take a picture of this!” Makes for excellent blog fodder, er, subjects when I can’t think of anything to write.

    Allison recently posted I Might've Gone Overboard On The Metaphors.

  18. If I wasn’t on Panera’s wifi I would so be googling pong porn. Anything is more interesting than research for a paper on How Colridge and Wordsworth epitomize the Romantic age.

  19. Perhaps someone saw the book and thought “There is no way someone wrote and entire book on the history of table tennis. This must be a fake cover, like that book about Aqua Squirrels. But more whorey.”

    Amanda recently posted Vera Bradley, You Sneaky....

  20. What a great share to kick off the weekend. Happy Friday to you!

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted A Positive Reflection.

  21. Pong porn is a hugely underrepresented subculture. You should read the fan favorite “Fifty Shades of Pong”

    Kari recently posted The difference between sadness and Depression.

  22. Well before today I could have honestly said I have never seen a cat in a weave. Life changed.

    Lisa recently posted It was a good week. Cupcakes were eaten..

  23. Ok, I hate to say this… but you know what some extremely talented women can do with ping pong balls, right?

    LDiggitty recently posted 500th post! no way....

  24. 24
    mudogfartswhenshebarks!

    What were you doing in the erotica section, Jenny?

  25. I am afraid to go through my phone for pictures, and I certainly could not share them with anyone. Also, what is the “Chester” book. I can only think of Chester the Molester and that scares me… and intrigues me.

    Mrs.Goodnight recently posted I Am Happy.

  26. 26
    mydogfartswhenshebarks!

    I misspelled my own alias!

  27. If you think about it, table tennis is a lot like sex. Balls flying everywhere (and sometimes hitting you in the face when you least expect it), some paddling, and often there are expletives shouted.

    I get where you’re coming from, bookstore.

    Ashley recently posted Relaxi-Taxi.

  28. The cat picture is exactly how I pictured a weave on a cat!

    Angie recently posted Follow Me Friday.

  29. That is one confused looking cat! “What happened to my seersucker suit, man? I didn’t order mohair!”

  30. Gotta say, I kinda want a copy of “The Big Book of Porn” just because the title amuses me.

    markira recently posted NEMO.

  31. Weave’s for cats? I see a new business venture in your future.

  32. I love random crappy mobile uploads. They’re the bomb diggity. For example.
    http://beingsmokey.blogspot.com/2012/07/dont-see-that-everyday.html

    Smokeynall recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  33. Ping pong erotica love it. Where do the paddles go?

    Sara recently posted Blurred Vision.

  34. That looks like something I’d do to my cat if I had a weave handy.

    Lix recently posted Hollyhock & Bee 8x10 Photography Print, Nature Photography, Pink Flower, Wall Art, Home Decor by lixhewettphotography.

  35. I wonder how many people actually ask for erotica assistance

    William recently posted Last Day of 8.

  36. This isn’t a real comment.

    whiskeypants recently posted Privilege II: Yes, You Have Privilege.

  37. I might have to get a weave.

    Kathleen recently posted Dis-Quieted.

  38. Statue comment made me giggle, I was totally thinking the same thing. You know the one on the right is the one on the lefts annoying little brother or something or maybe two important political figures….I really have no idea

    Nickie recently posted St.Patrick's Day Activities...With Kids..

  39. The more you know…the less you fear the uncertain? :P
    Also chances of you seeing a scary picture and getting scared is reduced? :D

    Miss Gee recently posted "Ah..well, today is going to be a fucked up day" Helps. Honest..

  40. In regards to pong porn – Rule 34.

  41. I’m not nearly as concerned about the misplaced (or not) pong book, as I am about how SMALL the “Big Book of Porn” really is! Utterly disappointed! (and calling the book store to take the hold off of the “Big Book of Porn” and off to search for a BIGGER book of porn! HA!)

  42. This is what a cat looks like in a weave….right before he murders you in your sleep.

    Stephanie H recently posted One year later....

  43. Love it all ;)

    Keaven recently posted Medicated.

  44. Rule 34 of the Internet: If it exists, there is porn of it. Pong porn now exists because it is on the internet. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

    Melissa B recently posted Happy Shit – 3/1/13.

  45. If i recall, ping pong balls… oh whatever.

    Carmen recently posted When Mice Attack. For Reals..

  46. I love going throw my phone and finding all the random pictures I tool because I thought something was funny! I think your kitty needs to be groomed ;)

    Tanya recently posted The Best WordPress Anti-Spam Plugins for 2012-2013.

  47. OMG Cat in a weave. Awesome.

    Ashley F recently posted Fluffy Thing Friday's - Pandas!!.

  48. I think the size of the gun is telling us that he is overcompensating for something…

    Jess recently posted What’s My Super Power? Sticking My Butt Out, Apparently….

  49. I have a “gift” for being able to open up ANY book to the naughtiest part. I would like to exchange gift for just about anything else.

  50. Is that statue picture from the Cenotaph in front of the Alamo?

    (Yep! ~Jenny)

  51. Do you think the stone guns work? GREAT!
    A whole new Blink nightmare. armed statues.

    Also, that weave is the wrong color for that cat. She need a colorist consultation or she will end up look like she belongs on a Maury explaining why her 3rd son’s penis actually used to belong to an alien.

  52. Pretty sure that if you put your erotica under lock and key the only people buying it are those into S&M and shaming. That might explain the ping pong book, but I’m not sure how. I must not be the target audience…

    Don’t blink might also apply to the cat. They move almost as fast as weeping angels and can do a lot more damage than sending you back in time, especially when made to wear fake hair. Real hair they’re much more tolerant of, go figure.

    Jessica R. recently posted So, it's definitely a something..

  53. ‘Pong’ is a deeply sexual word. Don’t ask me why. :-)

    Burns the Fire recently posted Life or Death, 2.

  54. Thank you so much for “Cat in A Weave” – it turned my day around. Now, if you could just show “Cat Weaving,” which would instill some small hope that possibly one day, far in the future, there could be gainful feline employment.

  55. I really need to do a better job of taking random pictures with my phone. My phone pics are boring.

    Karen Peterson recently posted Tangled to Death.

  56. Your pics are far more interesting than the ones in my phone, that might or might not include hot wheel cars and little 7 yo fingers.

    Mexmom recently posted Friends thru my internet connection.

  57. They have a bunch of superhero comics in the Erotica section too? I… I think maybe you ought to have pulled the store’s manager aside for “The Talk,” Jenny.

    adhesiveslipper recently posted Wednesdaybusiness 2/27/13.

  58. Thank you for the laugh!

  59. 60
    Ami kennedy

    I was wondering what a cat looked in weave. Thanks for clearing that up.

  60. Yeah, I find pictures like this on my phone from time to time. The other thing I find are pictures of my daughter’s games that she saves on my iPad. I think it’s just part of being a mom; you’re always going to find weird things you can’t explain.

  61. That is almost like my favorite used bookstore. Except they don’t as far as I know, have an erotica section. But they do have a bunch of conveniently miss-stacked books

  62. Maybe the person who put the Pong book in there is remembering Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

  63. Weave cat promises to cut a ho.

  64. I love this idea. I’ll have to empty my phone pictures into my blog about once a month now.

    Jon recently posted Name Dice now available for Android.

  65. …or maybe they get kinky with their own ping pong paddles, thus making it certainly erotica!

  66. Rule 34. But you already know that from previous comments! Dang!

  67. If you had to ask for assistance to get the books of erotica here, I would never have bought that first one, or spent so much time browsing a local bookshop and being amused by the low quality of porn texts. Oh well, prude US, make sure you have to be very sure to buy that porn.

  68. I wonder what kind of assistance is provided with erotica?! Is it very hands on? ;)

    thedoseofreality recently posted Nope, It’s Still Me.

  69. I’m with Eddie – Priscilla, Queen of the Desert!

  70. For those that don’t know it Chester 5000 is a rather fabby steam punk-ish story about a man who makes the perfect sex toy for his wife (it does housework as well as foreplay) http://jessfink.com/Chester5000XYV/

  71. 73
    Auntie Meme

    Please ask for assistance. Heh,heh,heh.

  72. Rule 34 just encompasses so much…Pong Porn included.

    *mentally imagines what Pong Porn would entail*

    Maura @ Eve Was Partially Right recently posted Eating Wrong, Eating Right.

  73. I always learn so much from you. Thank you.

    GurlNxtDoor recently posted Memory Lane Monday: Oscar Edition.

  74. I hope the Pong book is just a conveniently sized censor for a really gratuitous cover on another book.

  75. Statues coming to life may not be as bad as you think. Most of them would be stoned. Others would be well-marbled or bronzed. On the other hand, I wouldn’t want to run into a live Chicago Picasso sculpture! http://www.panoramio.com/photo/67349732

    Robert K. Blechman recently posted And the Oscar for Best Tweet Goes To....

  76. My question would be if you already had these captions in mind when you took the shots….the captions are definitely what pulls it all together…just love the cat weave…think I need something like that!

    Mishka recently posted Another Virtual 5K.

  77. The cat looks seriously pissed! Don’t fall asleep when he/she’s in the room!

  78. I feel so informed. And enlightened. Cat weave is just another way of saying hairy pussy, no? Harrier? And, um, STOP IT FINGERS, WE WILL NOT GOOGLE PONG PORN, PORN WITH PONG, GETTING PONGED ,PONG IT ON UP NOW, PONG ME, PONG WITH A BONG, HE HAS KING KONG PING PONG BALLS WHILST ON THE GUHMENT COMPUTER *sits on hands*

    *gets excited while hands are underbutt, thinking of mmmmmm pong*
    *the guhment probably read this comment*
    *Fuck sequestration, I’ma get fired*
    *Now I’m REALLY gonna get fired*

    Arnebya recently posted Sometimes.

  79. Well, we do not want kids learning about ping-pong.

    Morgan Eckstein recently posted Plan for March and maybe June 2013.

  80. This post had everything: violence, kinky sex, and sexy hairy cats.
    More please!

    Melissa recently posted I’m Ready for my Closeup.

  81. I have read the chester book. It is quite a ….good read. ahem.

    The history of pong, not so much.

  82. I thought they were telling a person named Erotica to ask for assistance.

    MILF Runner recently posted Socks Giveaway! Bonus topic: why I'm annoyed at DailyMile.

  83. I know you get a bajillion comments but I just wanted to let you know that your website always makes me laugh even on the crappiest day. I have anxiety and depression issues too and you are my heroine for being so brave and funny. Have a great weekend.

  84. I miss working at a bookstore. Best times ever.

    Danielle recently posted 8 O'Clock P.M. = Uncontrollable Cravings.

  85. Why isn’t “The Big Book of Porn”… bigger?

    Peach recently posted The Unfinished.

  86. I’m pretty sure that if you search the web you will eventually find something involving sex with ping pong balls or whatever, and cats with hair extensions. You know, to make them look more Persian. Or Angora. Or Schapendoesy.

    Sabrina recently posted Thrift Store Jewels.

  87. The History of Table Tennis in the Erotica Section is classic! Not to mention that it’s embarrassing enough to be purchasing such a book but then to have to fetch someone to open the glass door of naughty? Too much!

    Amy*

    Amy* recently posted How to Make Watercolor Paper Flowers.

  88. Cheryl Nicholl, clearly I am the last person to find her blog….and thank god I did is awesome!
    This post made my day

  89. why can’t any of the handsome roman statues come to life when you blink?

    Simone recently posted There's a pill for that!.

  90. I just saw another Friday Photo Dump. Yours kicked that one’s ass.

  91. That’s why I live for thrift store shopping! I usually arrange some items in an inappropriate pose and leave it there for someone to take a picture. It’s my random acts of kindness-you’re welcome.

  92. Now that I see how great the cat looks in a weave I’m considering one for myself.

    Wendy Roberts recently posted Obey the mug.

  93. That weave looks a lot better than some I’ve seen…

    Dana the Biped recently posted Quick! I Need an Icepick!.

  94. Uh oh… my cat saw the cat with a weave and now he totally wants one too.

  95. Whose weave is that? I’d imagine someone at the bookstore thinks they’re hilarious. And they are.

    Adrasteia recently posted Beautiful Friday.

  96. There are those videos of ladies shooting ping pong balls out of their vagina’s…..

  97. Woot, I work at a Half Price Books (though not that one). Also, Jenny-for what it’s worth I’ve never seen your book come through our store. A lot of people ask for it but there are usually only a couple available in the entire (now nationwide) company. People just aren’t willing to sell your book!

    And for the love of all that is good, people, PLEASE don’t accuse HPB of ripping you off when you sell to them. Here’s a cover-my-ass statement: I don’t speak for the company nor do my views represent them in any way. But seriously, I guarantee you that when I say that I see that book frequently I mean I literally had three other people sell it back earlier today.

    /rant

    Also, from the Amazon description of the Pong Book: “*Please note: some images contained in this book are of an adult nature.” So yeah, Rule 34 all the way. Sexy, sexy table tennis…

  98. Apparently I need to learn a lot more about Pong.

  99. Not saying kitty don’t look good, but I think s/he might be better as a brunette.

  100. I totally recognize the statues in the top picture. That’s part of a larger piece outside the Alamo. :)

    Courtney recently posted Bones.

  101. What would I do without you, Jenny?

    Ashleigh recently posted Breaking?.

  102. 104
    Lady Penelope

    *sigh* what did we do before camera phones?

  103. Could you imagine if you blinked near one of those dudes?

    Punky Coletta recently posted A Fun Place for Writers to Pee.

  104. That is possibly the first picture of a weave that makes me want to buy one.

    Renee recently posted How to Lead a Life of Crime ‘Class is in Session’ Blog Tour.

  105. Your phone could make one hysterical picture book of nonsence. I like that.

    That white girl... recently posted Suck my Dick's.

  106. NONSENSE.

    Not nonsence. Damn typos.

    That white girl... recently posted Suck my Dick's.

  107. wait. where exactly is the bookstore with A LOCKED CABINET??? i am totally going!!!

    monica recently posted The Naked Truth. (And yes, I know you never wanted to see me naked.).

  108. Do you think the statues were standed like that when they were carved, or did they just get tired of standing next to each other for years on end and now they fight about everything???
    And maybe PONG is code for something only die-hard Erotica fans know. Things that make you go….WTF?

    Leslie recently posted When Did I Get Too Old to Dance?.

  109. The Big Book of Porn is disappointingly small. Book Viagra needed?? ;)

    Mama D recently posted Ain't That The Truth.

  110. Since I can’t figure out where on your site to submit this link, and I know you love Tim Minchin, I thought I’d attach this for you here (no, it has nothing to do with your phone pics) – enjoy!

  111. The book on the right might have been placed there by someone with a paddle fetish. Just a guess. And the statues are thin enough to go where fully dimensional statues can’t.

  112. I used to have an awesome book on my desk when I was a graduate teaching assistant in Classical Civilization. It was a giant red coffeetable-sized book entitled THE BOOK OF PAIN. I used it as a paperweight for students’ tests, figuring that no one would dare pick it up. Ah, good times, good times.

  113. 115
    Amanda Martin

    Oh, you’re a genius. I have so many photos in my phone that I refuse to erase because someone somewhere will appreciate their hilarity. Now I have something to do with them. You’re a genius of your time and an inspiration! ;)

    Amanda Martin recently posted Alligators, Turtles & Panthers, Oh My!.

  114. Random comment: Did you know AMC has a reality show about taxidermy????
    Immortalized

  115. The inclusion of ping pong in the cabinet is less funny than the sign. Erotica you need assistance with? Sounds like a clunkily worded escort ad!

    Emily recently posted As DonateLife Week ends, FAST Month begins.

  116. Already starting to worry about my withdrawal symptoms while you are on the road for the Book Tour! Hope you will keep blogging even while you are gone!!

    Darcy Perdu recently posted Oh Deer! On My Lawn! Quick, Pee!.

  117. 119
    Jesse Markham

    Reminds me of Priscilla Queen of the Desert where the Asian wife demonstrates the muscularity of her vagina by launching ping pong balls into a rowdy crowd with it.

  118. Another seriously scary aspects of statues coming to life is all the headless, armless, demonic, biblical and nothing-but-a-torso-y statues that will run (crawl, jump, fly etc) about… definitely be part of the apocalypse I think. We should all get sledgehammers.

    Amelia recently posted Grimace (I am woman, hear me roar).

  119. I am also wandering about them offering to assist with erotica, what kind of store is that?

    Vivian recently posted Picking up the donkey's leg.

  120. I’m a little concerned about this bookstore’s porn being locked up. Because who the hell wants to ask a salesperson “Excuse me, I’d like to have a closer look at some of your fine pornography…and do you have anything about ear sex fetishes?”

    No thanks. I’ll google that shit in the privacy of my own home where no one can judge me

    Stacey recently posted Other People's Kids are fine. It's their parents I can't stand.

  121. The things that can be done atop a ping pong table are numerous. And naughty. I, for one, am glad that the Powers That Be have decided to finally take action and show ping pong for what it truly is: A gateway drug to a nefarious world. Thank you book store owner. :)
    Mindy
    http://www.thesuburbanlife.com

    mindy@thesuburbanlife recently posted Comment on Humiliation at the Dryer Door by Brandy Underwood Selby.

  122. I once laughed aloud in the bookstore when I noticed that “Erotica” was next to “Self-help”

  123. Naked ping pong ?? How is that scored?? Oh wait, I just answered my own question.

    Batpoopcrazy recently posted So, I suck… Yes, I know.

  124. I’m never going to be able to get that statue idea out of my head.

    Em recently posted I Did It!.

  125. They misspelled DONG. I *do* know a lot about dong…
    Don’t tell my mom, okay?

    RachRiot recently posted I'm In A Book! And It's Not Penthouse! If That's What You're Thinking!!.

  126. Hm, am I the only one who thought it was funny that the bookcase says, “Please ask for assistance erotica”? I’m imagining all the erotica books that involve submissives asking to be tied up, virgins asking more experienced people to educate them. The title that leaps to mind is, “Can You Give Me a Hand?” (The “Job” is understood.)

    Sharon Wachsler recently posted Book Giveaway Winners!.

  127. Seriously, that cat needs a lawyer….
    How is it you’re “non-posts” always do better than my official posts?
    I suck….

    The Hook recently posted WordPress Team Up: The Hook And The Mercenary Researcher. And More Indie Chick Goodness!.

  128. What I found funny about the erotica shelf is that it tells you to ask for assistance! I guess no one likes to see someone having fun all by themselves!

  129. 131
    steverino

    Nice to see that cat get some blog-time. She used to somehow photo-bomb you regularly, but now it’s all HST all the time, with some bones thrown to Ferris now and again. Note I can’t even remember her name!

  130. The “Big Book of Porn” is startlingly small.

    Julie the Wife recently posted Such a Sweet Day.

  131. Where on earth is that bookstore? Only two of those books could possibly be considered as erotica. Powers and Preacher are possibly for adults, but not all adult fiction is erotica!

  132. You have much more random photos than me. The cat looks like it is about to attack its weave.

    Kattie recently posted He did.

  133. Erotica under lock??? ::Sigh:: Only in the US.

  134. Now that’s what we call a zany selection of photos! Most of the time, I find myself randomly downloading photos off Facebook pages that qualify to be called funny (George Takei’s page and 9GAG are some of my favorite) and then leaving them there for weeks at a time, never to look at them again. And your cat with the weave – priceless! Thanks for the laugh!
    Alana

  135. Oh god… Pong porn. I don’t think I can keep up with these new sexual fads…

    Emelie recently posted Kili.

  136. Yo, I have a $150 metal chicken in my front yard because of you. But if you intend to stay my hero, I need some color up on them there walls. You’re too dynamic for “taupe.”

  137. Nice Dr Who reference there :)

    When I was at school it was a joke that you sometimes had to write an essay on the sex life of a ping-pong for detention – could be that!

    I think the cat just read mine…

    JallieDaddy recently posted Silent Sunday 3/3/13.

  138. I love it when HPB makes it into funny pictures! :P I know why that book table tennis book is in there; someone bought one as a gift for their kid only to find it had people playing it NAKED OMG SCANDALTIMES.

    I hate having the erotica in a locked case. It’s awkward for the customer and it’s awkward for the cashier who has to stand right next to the case while the customer browses.

  139. 1. all the powers books on the left are NOT porn. they are serious crime comics with an occaisional wild sex scene but I’ve got to get that chester book now! thanks for educating your readers! :-)

    and naked ping pong sounds like it would hurt

  140. Maybe the book is really entitled “Everything You Know is Dong” instead of “Pong” but it’s a typo, so it was given to the book store obviously in need of good erotica materials.
    I can’t see the author’s name, but I’m telling myself it’s Long Duk Dong from “Sixteen Candles.”

    Lisa Newlin recently posted Diary entry from the Pope just before resignation.

  141. Love the cat in a weave! Maybe the bookshop owner just saw the paddles on the cover and jumped to the wrong conclusion!

    Mark Magness recently posted Skyfall Critique (Spoilers!).

  142. THANK YOU! I commented on this earlier talking about how I work at Half Price. I was trying to put some stuff on a shelf in the sports section that was too full yesterday and noticed the same Pong book on the shelf. I proudly took it to my manager and informed her that it needed to go in the art case, showed why, and had room to take care of the stack of books I had. Who knew your blog could be *this* educational??

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s