We're all going to Hell, but at least we'll be together.

This weekend I went to this flea market and I bought a cloak that I thought would be perfect for role-playing Lord of the Rings/Game of Thrones.  Then I found a tag sewn inside and realized that it probably belonged to the Pope.  I can only assume that he decided he needed to unload some of his vestments to pay for retirement.  Regardless, I think this means that I’m the new Pope.  Or that I’m running for Pope.  Something like that.

There are stains all around the hip line, which I hope is wine. Probably it was just sprinkler water and the Pope was like “Ah well, it’s only water” and then Jesus turned it into wine and the Pope was like “JESUS. THAT STOPPED BEING FUNNY THE 100th TIME YOU DID IT” and Jesus was like “Just wait.  It’ll come back around again.”

Technically it looks like a RenFest costume…until you turn around:

Yes, it's a cross, but in my defense I thought it was a giant "t" for "The Game of Thrones." Or "Mr. T." One of those.

Regardless, I think that I’m now the official Pope until the new one gets elected and I’m pretty sure that I get paid in hats, which is great because I totally have a face for hats.  Plus (unlike the last Pope) I won’t just join twitter and immediately get distracted and stop working, because I’m already good at not working but still pretending to work.  Also, I’d get to ride in the Pope-mobile, which is like a convertible that has a see-through top so your hair doesn’t get fucked up and you still get a tan.  Which is pretty smart and probably my favorite thing the Pope has ever invented.  Plus, if I run for Pope lots of religious people will be praying a ton.  Mostly about me not needing to be elected Pope.  And possibly some just praying for my soul.  So I just raised prayer rates and I DON’T EVEN HAVE A HAT YET.  That’s how awesome I am at being Pope.  I’m not even trying and already Jesus is probably super inundated with work.  Which he loves.   Because he’s not on twitter.

PS.  I need some slogans for my posters.  Because I’m pretty sure you run for Pope the same way you run for student council and that’s what I would have done if I wasn’t so high shy.  I’m thinking something like “Jenny for Pope.  She’s got issues but the last Pope was in the Hitler Youth so maybe stop judging her, asshole.”  Or something with ninjas.  People love ninjas.

313 replies. read them below or add one

  1. It’s so pretty! Definitely popelike. Hmmm..slogan? “I’ll Protect Taxidermists, Not Child Molesters!”

    It doesn’t rhyme, but….

    Mayor Gia recently posted Trivets: The Conclusion.

  2. 2
    mydogfartswhenshebarks!

    Jenny for Pope!

  3. You know, if someone did find a cape that had once belonged to the pope at a flea market, it would probably be you. Also, I’m not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Since it could be from one of those old dead popes, and so it’s probably haunted.

    Holly Folly recently posted Removing the Tire from the Rim and the Taste of Failure..

  4. You would make the best pope yet :)

    Robyn recently posted Blogging withdrawal (apparently).

  5. I’m pretty sure you’re not meant to find them at flea markets at all… which means God wanted you to run for Pope! “Jenny for Pope, because God said so!”

    Amelia recently posted Grimace (I am woman, hear me roar).

  6. 6
    Ben Goodwin

    Jenny for Pope. After two-thousands years of men fucking up religion, let’s give her a chance at it!

  7. You should SO be the Pope! You’d be the best Pope ever. At least the funniest. I don’t think there has ever been a funny Pope. Nope, I’m sure of it.

    Barbara Beige recently posted The Snow and My Brain.

  8. The only unrealistic thing I find with this plan is that I think the Pope is suppose to be male.

    KMarrs recently posted Feed.

  9. I love it. And I think you’d make a good pope.

    Nicole recently posted Unemployment.

  10. Perhaps you can simply be the Ninja Pope? Also, see if you can get Prada to make you a couple pairs of those shoes – they look way comfy.

    Kara recently posted OWH ODBD March Challenge.

  11. 11
    Ben Goodwin

    Jenny for pope. I mean honestly, can she do worse than the ones that went before her? (correct answer: no)

  12. Think of the possibilities this opens up for the traveling red dress…

    Babybloomr recently posted Wordless Wednesday: They Always Hold Hands.

  13. Pope that Ninja. Vote Jenny.

    Jude recently posted February Goal Wrap Up.

  14. 14
    StroppyGirl

    “Knock Knockin’ (on Heaven’s door), Motherfucker.”

  15. 15
    Elaina Bradshaw

    Hahaha it looks like a reeeally stained version of the robes used during Lent.

  16. 16
    thebewilderness

    Pat Robertson, the grifter from a competing organization, strongly recommends that you pray to exorcise the demons from out your used clothing before you put it on.
    Obviously this information is too late to save you from demon possession.

  17. “Jenny for Pope, because why not?”

    Squishy Amber recently posted Realisation.

  18. MR. T SEZ: I PITY THE FOOL WHO DON’T HAVE A MUTHAFUCKIN’ CLOAK. POPE BE EMBARRASSED AS HELL TO BE DRESSED WORSE THAN ME.

    Ellie Di recently posted Graturday 03.02.13.

  19. “Jenny is the new BAD ASS POPE.

    Fresh. Fearless.

    And she collects weird shit.”

    Mrs SGM Kenyon recently posted Coming Home: The Flight is Delayed.

  20. TOTALLY Ninjas…or maybe, both…Ninjas with issues are the Popes of the future.

    Shawntel recently posted From Students to LEARNERS!.

  21. It’s about time for a female Pope!

  22. You would totally make a great Pope

    Corey Feldman recently posted 2 Giveaways – Egret and Red the Later Years & The Sexton and the Reaper.

  23. 23
    Teresa Bird

    “Jenny for Pope! She already has the wardrobe!”

  24. Zombies. There must be zombies. I mean, Jesus kind of qualified, being raised from the dead and all. You never know.. maybe you could get a cameo appearance on “The Walking Dead”, too. If you do, you totally have to kiss Daryl. You’re welcome ;)

    Kallan recently posted Pagan Honor: What's it worth these days?.

  25. Again I say we live in pretty much the same area I find shitty toys from Mexico you find the Pope’s old cape really! Stop buying all the cool stuff or at least share the details on where all the good flea markets are cuz I always leave disappointed and empty handed

  26. Maybe something with zombies…. or avoiding the zombie apocalypse? That’s a good theme, but possibly less catchy than ninjas.

  27. 27
    Jane McKee

    I’m worried that Pope B gave that to the yard sale because he peed on it too much. Which also might be the reason he quit as Pope. Your slogan: “I look awesome in red shoes”.

  28. “Jenny for Pope. Vote for her or she’ll send ninjas after you when you least expect it. Also, hats.”

    Melissa recently posted These pictures pretty much sum up our relationship.

  29. Please wear that to your reading this Tuesday in Paramus…that would just be fantastical!

  30. That cape would look AWESOME with the pope’s, uh, your red Prada shoes.

  31. If I had not renounced my Catholicism and decided to maybe consider joining the Temple of the Jedi, I would totally vote for you to be Pope. Personally, I think the cardinals decide by sitting in the Conclave and playing a tournament of “Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock” until there’s only one poor guy left.

    whatimeant2say recently posted Pretty Much the Only Person You Should Ever Call “Ma’am” is Your Own Mother.

  32. I didn’t think I could love you more… but I do. :) Jenny for Pope! That would definitely be enough to turn me Catholic. :)

  33. I would suggest choosing Pope Joan II as your name. As a former Catholic, I really wish the legend of Pope Joan was real.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Joan

  34. Jenny for Pope! I think you would make a much better Pope than this last guy. Oh, and Jesus is on twitter @jesushchrist. I don’t follow him but had to look when you mentioned he wasn’t there.

  35. I would totally vote for you as Pope! Put an end to the catholic church’s war against LGBT people!

  36. “Jenny for Pope.

    Unlike the last one, she bears absolutely no resemblance to the Evil Emperor from Star Wars.

    Plus, she already has the robe.”

    Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity recently posted In Like A Flaming Sequestered Lion And Out Like A…Oh Who The Hell Knows!.

  37. Oh my God, you are actually wearing a priest’s vestment. Might be from a bishop. You bought this thing? I thought they couldn’t sell blessed objects. Clearly someone is breaking some rules. I have some altar linens and a collection basket if you need them….

  38. I’m remembering my Pope formal education from Catholic School and I think there might have been a woman Pope at one point. So you’re probably a shoe in.

    Mary recently posted InVita Bistro.

  39. I want to know what the tag in the robe said that changed your perception of its origins – “Made in VC”? “Machine wash warm with like colors in blessed holy water”?

    Kimmie recently posted The only creature more honest than a 4 year old is an 84 year old.

  40. Maybe instead of being Pope full-time, you could mail the cloak to people and allow them to be Pope for the day. You could call it the Pope Cloak Project.

    Laura @ Unlikely Explanations recently posted Guns Don’t Shoot People. Ovens Shoot People..

  41. 41
    Ashley Austrew

    “She only Twitters when she’s on the shitter. JENNY FOR POPE.”

    “Jenny for Pope because God thinks she’s dope.”

    Why do I feel like campaign posters need to rhyme?

    Ashley Austrew recently posted Setting a Good Example.

  42. I am thinking “Lawson is Awesome. So vote.”

  43. Jenny for Pope! Everyone gets a monkey pirate ninja!

    Liz recently posted I’m a geek.

  44. 44
    Betty Fernau

    I love it!!! All hail Pope Jenny!

  45. Pope Jenny will wash away your sinny.. no
    Jenny for Pope is our only hope.
    There’s not a lot that rhymes with Bloggess.. or Papal.. Fuck this is hard.

    RachRiot recently posted I'm In A Book! And It's Not Penthouse! If That's What You're Thinking!!.

  46. Jenny for Popette: The Tighter the Mitre, the Sweeter the Peter. (I have no idea what that means. I really need to stop drinking in the afternoon).

    stace recently posted HIGH KICK! Zombie Tarot video review on the Wishlist from The Escapist.

  47. The first openly female pope. ‘Bout time chick popes came out of the papal walk-in. Pretty sure the last one got stoned, though…and not in the good way.

  48. Maybe something like “Vote Jenny! Cuz her ‘pope-ry’ smells divine!”

  49. I would so vote you in as pope. And I’m not even a Cardinal. Wait, I’m not even Catholic

  50. Laughing out loud. Not to be redundant, but you are awesome! Jenny. For pope! Her sweet ninja skills are pope-a-licious!

  51. 51
    melissa suntheimer

    lawson 2013…you’ve just been poped.

  52. 52
    Condo Blues

    Now that you have the Popemobile at your disposal you to develop more Pope stuff like the Popearang, Popeboat, and Pope Shark repellent just like Batman only Popeiler.

    Condo Blues recently posted Garage Door Dining Room Table.

  53. Yes, ninjas make everything better!

    Punky Coletta recently posted The One with the Writing Errors.

  54. Jenny for Pope! Offering a nice selection of cheeses with the bread and wine.

  55. Ok, which color smoke says you get my vote? I forget.

  56. I always figured you could find out the truth about the whole transubstantiation thing by trying to wash out communion wine. If it comes out in cold water it was blood; if it comes out in hot water it was still grape juice.

    Of course, I don’t invited to wash sacramental vestments much, so I still haven’t had the chance to try it :-)

    Wendy recently posted Spring Leaves Polymer Clay Necklace in Pastel Colors Yellow, Peach, and Blue by NerdyNecklaces.

  57. Pope Bloggess the first! Sounds legit to me!

  58. I would totally vote for you to be pope!!

    The slogans are cracking me up!!

  59. “Jenny for Pope because she has common sense and loves old dead things so she’ll love the hell out of Vatican City. Which is good because then there won’t be any hell there anymore.” It’s lengthy, but I like the idea.

    Sara recently posted Blurred Vision.

  60. I know “we” don’t get to vote for the next pope, but if we did, I would totally vote for you. The Christians need to start focusing on things that don’t involve sexual scandals. Like nail polish made specifically for cats, small (but ethical) taxidermy, and cereal for dinner.

    Jeneral Insanity recently posted The beginning of the beginning of the end of the world is coming!.

  61. People love zombies, too. Maybe you can be a Zombie Ninja?

  62. Your slogan for Pope, ahem, “Go forth and spread the word of Jenny, motherfuckers.”

  63. You should run on the platform that sins only count on Sunday… unless your clergy…

    JRose recently posted Following "The Following"?.

  64. Man, Jenny, I just left the church. But if you’re the new pope, I might rejoin!!!

    Claudia recently posted Freud, die Playlist, und der ganze Rest, Teil II.

  65. So then would you beThe Popess?

  66. The Devil made me do it

  67. Jenny for Pope!
    Saving your souls one wine slushy at a time!

  68. Vote Jenny for Pope, and she will lead you to the (Lady) Garden of Eden.

  69. A pope with hope.

    This pope is dope.

    A mo’ betta pope.

    The Bloggess, southern fried pope.

    Pope this, mutherfuckers.

    Simone recently posted There's a pill for that!.

  70. my favorite is:

    Pope this, mutherfuckers.

    it’s very modern and it’s time the catholic church kicked it up a few centuries, don’t you think?

    Simone recently posted There's a pill for that!.

  71. “Vote Jenny for Pope! Or the ninjas and zombies will get you! But it’s okay, she can totally save us from that!”
    If your Pope, can you approve of that whole cloning thing? I’d like my own Nathan Fillion, please. kthxbai

  72. The Real Popes of Texas. You are Pope-u-lar. The Popelarette -an amazing journey to find the next Pope! That cape would look great as you dance with one of your choices on the one on one date. With a young virgin Franciscan monk…..

    Mary Anne recently posted Hot Flash Friday – Gravity Sucks.

  73. How about the slogan, “Vote for Jenny. All refreshment, no pope-ish after taste”? Or does that sound dirty? And turning water stains into wine stains? Totally a dickbag Jesus move.

    Nicki recently posted This is why we can’t communicate effectively!!!.

  74. Pope Jenny. Like Ninjas, only better. Or – Pope Jenny. Like ninja Jesus, only better.

    Mary, QoE recently posted The boy who wanted to be a stunt man..

  75. You have my vote! Except that I’m not on the pope election committee or council or whatever… and I’m not actually catholic… in fact I’m not even close to being catholic, or religious… Well, for what it’s worth, you still have my vote!

  76. 77
    jenn jones

    Jenny for Popess!

  77. Uh, I hate to break it to you but Jesus has been on Twitter for a while now. https://twitter.com/Jesus_M_Christ

    Maria recently posted Lego My Sanity.

  78. Not ninjas, doughnuts. You can be the pope who gives out doughnuts.

    Jenn recently posted Foggy Window.

  79. 80
    StroppyGirl

    Jenny for Pope – she knows the real story behind Eve, the apple & the Lady Garden of Eden.

  80. I’m going with, “Like Mother Teresa, only better.” (It’s worked for all these years, plus she’s a Catholic saint now, isn’t she?)

    Or maybe, “The new Pope Bloggess mass: holy communion just got slushier!”

    Sharon Wachsler recently posted Book Giveaway Winners!.

  81. You could take the title, “Pope Taxidermy I”.

  82. Didn’t pat Robertson warn us all about buying sweaters from Goodwill because most of them come with demons and this I swear is not made up. All I have to say about your cape is the bag probable has some antidemon saint things with it. I am so jealous. You find everything good. It even has wine stains. Please tell us how great it is when you wear it next. Much love.

  83. forget slogans! what would your Pope name be?? cause you’re supposed to change your name when you become Pope…

  84. Why do I have to be moderated story of my life…..

  85. Campaign Slogan:
    “Pope Goes The Weasel”?
    (You could pose with Ron Weasley, in a matching miniature cloak…)

  86. I want a cloak.

    But Harry Potter style so I can be invisible and spy on people.

    That white girl... recently posted Not-So-Swifty.

  87. “The Bloggess for Pope – because God says so!” – which is what I hear, in my head, all the time…

  88. That would go great with the red shoes. But doesn’t the Pope wear a white cloak, or has that ship long since sailed? Since your slogan has been “Like Mother Teresa, Only Better” your new slogan has to be “Now With Infallibility”

    Robert K. Blechman recently posted And the Oscar for Best Tweet Goes To....

  89. 90
    E M Foster

    Jenny, if you became pope, I’d return to church!! You would already be attributed with a miracle for that, according to my mother, so you’d be on your way to sainthood already! :-)

  90. Pope Bloggess. How progressive of the Catholic Church. Hardly seems like them but I’m on board with the idea.

    Smokey recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  91. You were destined for this. First the boob mushroom, now the Pope’s Cloak? These are signs that are best not ignored.

  92. “Jenny for Pope. She’ll forgive your sins if she’s done it too, so you’re probably good.”

  93. I was sort of thinking that those “patterns” that might be water/wine stains are maybe more like impressions-think Shroud of Turin. Which is so cool because after you retire from Popeism (which apparently is cool with the Catholics now) you can make a living displaying the Shroud of Jenny the Pope. Hey-I’d pay to see it.

    Sarah recently posted The “It’s all about Me” issue.

  94. “We couldn’t find the Ninjas for Pope because THEY’RE NINJAS so vote for Jenny instead.”

    Alex@LateEnough recently posted Conehead Puppy And More Than Enough Links For Your Weekend.

  95. 96
    TinkerBell

    Pope Schmope. I want to know where I can get those wall plant holders. Those are badass.

  96. 97
    Dan Johnson

    If elected Pope I will make it okay for Jews and Muslims to eat pork! Too long have they been denied the joy of bacon. Why has no one ever seen the best chance for peace in the middle east is also the simplest. Bacon for Pope!

  97. The only way I would convert would be if you were Pope forever. That is a miracle in itself, I think. Maybe the cloak was at the flea market to ward off all those demon sweaters Pat Robertson *spit* was talking about…

    GurlNxtDoor recently posted A Half-Assed Post.

  98. Don’t kid yourself. Those are pee stains on the cape.

  99. 100
    ButterFlyGal

    I never made the connection between the pope getting on twitter and the quitting. Too much interesting stuff to read — fuck the papacy. I’m on board for Joan II. Jenny to Joan II – this Pope’s for you!

  100. They see you pope’n…. They hatin….

  101. 102
    Anonymous

    “won’t try to ninja you guys away from the truth about these guys tryina bang kids (mostly boys)”? that’s a good slogan, right? truthful, i bet.

  102. 103
    Elizabeth M.

    Oh for the love of all things holy, BRING THIS TO CHICAGO! (Naperville!) I will take you out for a drink afterwards if you promise to wear the cloak.

    Shit, I’d probably buy you a drink anyway, but OMG.

  103. Jenny for Pope, Beyonce for President and Hunter S. Thomcat for Overlord!

  104. You’d be a fine Pope.

    Denise recently posted Side Effects Can Suck It.

  105. Well, you’re in red here, which is the cardinal color. Popes wear white, at least until they start spilling the wine too much and it becomes obvious because of the stains. The white doesn’t show the stains so much of other things priests spill. If Monica Lewinsky had been wearing a white dress, Bill Clinton would probably still be president.

    Tom recently posted My Suggestions to Make Flying a lot Easier.

  106. You’ve got my vote!
    How about “Hey, We Could Do Worse.” or “At Least She’s Supposed To Like Boys.”
    I think those sum it up…

  107. “You guys are pretending a lot of shit never happened. Well, I have written the book on just that. This is perfect”

    Jen K recently posted 51 Life Tips for my Daughters.

  108. I’m sleep deprived and easily confused today, so I think I only understood half of this post. But like many people I will vote for you because your speech sounded good and you have a cool outfit.

    Stephanie H recently posted One year later....

  109. So…You are awesome.

  110. So now you probably have the power to make the mystery stains go away by blessing them. I have no defense for that, nothing else goes away when blessed, but it occurred to me and somehow it makes sense. To me.

    Anne Stinnett (Wickedelfchild) recently posted Delusions of Me.

  111. If you do become pope I say your first order of business should be to replace the Swiss Guard with Ninjas.

    Sabine recently posted Anatomy of a Fall.

  112. Hmmm, it looks more like a robe from one of those super-secret esoteric Orders. I think that you might now be a member of the Outer Court of the Illuminati…which is better than being the Pope, I think.

    Morgan Eckstein recently posted Book review: Submerged (Cheryl Kaye Tardif).

  113. I have never found anything that cool at a flea market. You’re going to wear that for all your book readings from now on, right?

    Stacey recently posted One & Done.

  114. Oh I so needed to read this tonight. You are awesome and might I suggest ” Knock Knock Mother F’ers there’s a new Pope in town” ?

    Nickie recently posted Munchkin's Pierced Ears and Random Google Findings.

  115. I’d totally vote for you to be the new Pope. It might even make me start going back to church and stop being pagan… Dude, I can’t even say that with a straight face! I’d still vote for you though. I’m thinking your slogan should be something like, “Every vote against Jenny will cause a ninja to kill a kitten” or something.

    Devon S recently posted It's the little things.

  116. You could go for something simple like “Pope Jenny I: more dogs; less dogma.” Or, um, in light of your profound influence and your ability to drop the internet on the heads of assholes, would you consider something like “More relevant than the last guy.”? And of course, you can aim for weak spots with “Out with patriarchy and Latin; in with lady gardens and profanity.”

  117. you couldn’t do worse than the last guy…

    onsanity recently posted broken, February family self portrait.

  118. Aren’t Pope dresses white or gold? Thinking only Cardinals wear red. Cardinal is your only hope in any case — they probably still check Popes for mommy-parts.

  119. “I’m Pope, Bitches!”

    With a photo of you, throwing up gang signs in the popecloak.

    I’d buy one.

  120. I guess the cross rules out Mrs. Dracula, which was my first guess.

    I would vote Jenny for Pope. The white smoke would be the result of all the exploding heads of Cardinals.

  121. P.S. While your theological credentials might be a bit weak, I think your background in HR and your experiences in asking “Is this your penis?” makes you infinitely better qualified to handle the Church’s real problems.

  122. I can’t think of a catchy slogan, but if you become pope, I think that will automatically elevate Hamlet Von Schnitzel to a religious relic. He’ll need a super snazzy reliquary. Something made of gold and encrusted with precious stones. Or a Hello Kitty lunchbox. Actually, a mouse inside a cat’s lunchbox probably isn’t the best idea. Unless that’s how he was martyred. Holy shit, I think martyrdom could actually elevate Hamlet to sainthood. That’s totally how sainthood works, right? No? Maybe?

  123. All I can see in my head is a picture of you surrounded actual cardinals (taxidermied of course) with tiny voting ballots and signs with your face on them. I have no idea how many, (cause im not catholic) but I know there should be a lot of them…and its totally a popularity contest anyway so its completely like a student council election so you should be totally fine. Cause in my vision these cardinals seriously love you! Probably because your propaganda includes birdfeeders with vote for Jenny written in an envenly distributed mix of peanut butter & bird seed.

  124. Do you have two giant whisks hanging on your wall? You could make some epic scrambled eggs.

  125. 126
    Cedarflame

    I don’t have a good feeling about that thing…

  126. Ooo…if you become Pope, are you going to bring Hamlet and Juanita back to life? I don’t know about James A. Garfield, though, since he’s just a head.

  127. 128
    Pat C in Washington

    You could use my campaign slogan from when I ran for something in 10th grade:

    “A vote for Pat is a vote for Pat”

    My campaign manager came up with that and thought it was HILARIOUS X 1,000. We couldn’t figure out why I didn’t win.

  128. Jenny for Pope: because like a ninja you didn’t see this coming.

  129. 130
    Telzey Amberdon

    I left the Catholic religion in the 4th grade because I found out women can’t be popes. If you get to be pope, I may have to return to the fold. But only if you get to be pope. You or Oprah. You, or Ophrah, or Tina Fey.

  130. You found that at a flea market? That’s just … when I go to flea markets, I come home with half a dozen chipped plates and a macaroni portrait of a dog, but you found a cloak!

    Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous recently posted Grading on the curve....

  131. I would convert to catholicism (is that a word??) if you were pope.

    Keaven recently posted Medicated.

  132. Slogan: “Bloggess for Popess: Her Life Is An Open Book – Soon In Poperback, I Mean, Paperback!” (Yeah, it needs work.)

  133. Bloggess for Pope. She already has the cape. She’s just a pair of Prada shoes away.

  134. I don’t think you’re Pope unless you have the hat.

    Courtney recently posted Bones.

  135. The Popess.

  136. In church vestment circles, that kind of cloak would be called a cope. It is worn by the Celebrant (priest, bishop, or whoever is presiding) for formal processions, blessings or celebrations. You’ll see them used sometimes in Episcopal (Anglican) and Orthodox liturgies, as well as Roman Catholic services. Red is used for Palm Sunday and the week before Easter, Pentecost, and for martyr’s feast days.

    Sadly, knowing all this geeky church trivia won’t make you Pope; but at least it gives you another rhyme to work with in your campaign.

    Jane Ellen+ recently posted Say what?.

  137. How about, “Jenny is fucking awesome and also, not a misogynast – bonus!” If you get elected, I will totally become Catholic.

    Shawn Walter recently posted Katniss Practice Not Going Well.....

  138. And unicorns. People LOVE unicorns.

  139. I understand that when they make you pope you change your name. You could be Pope Ninja the First. Perhaps you could wear a fez instead of that huge hat (it’s a bit ostentatious even if you do own your own country, don’t you think?)

  140. “JESUS WAS A ZOMBIE.” If you’re going to shake it up, really shake it up!

    Ashleigh recently posted Breaking?.

  141. The Pope only followed 8 people on Twitter. When you run for Pope be sure to tell the masses that you’ll follow everyone that follows you. That’ll be millions or billions of people on Twitter. It might blow up the system and all of us writers could get back to writting and doing important things like drinking Gods favorite beverage, wine. And don’t forget to tell all your followers that following you on Twitter and buying your books will get them a ticket straight to heaven no matter what they do on earth.

    Mitzi Sorensen recently posted It’s Not About The Money.

  142. “Pope Jenny Knows that If Jesus Were a Ninja, WE’D STILL HAVE HIM”

    Fewer altar boys! More ninjas!

    Lady Chardonnay recently posted Tongue-Kissing My Fears.

  143. Didn’t the last pope tweet in Latin? That totally appeals to the youth of today. How about, “Jenny Ninja ergo sum.” I don’t think it means anything, but no one really speaks Latin anyway.

    Summer recently posted Interview with Writing Mother and Author Donna Steele.

  144. How’s this roll for a slogan….
    Will Pope for hats?

    Mrs. Tuna recently posted The Real Sheldon of Orange County.

  145. I expect to see white smoke from the Vatican any minute now. What will your pope name be? (Try to include “y’all” in it, please.)

  146. 147
    Amy maynaard

    Have you picked your Pope name yet?

    I picked mine a few weeks ago and went with Pope Lando Boniface, a bit StarWars and a bit up my self! I would love to see what you come up with.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_popes

  147. Pretty sure the Vatican has a secret ninja department. You know, like the Vatican Police, except secret and ninja.

    Dolores recently posted Flowers, please.

  148. Once again I am reminded how important punctuation is. To wit: ” She’s got issues but the last Pope was in the Hitler Youth so maybe stop judging her, asshole.” I was going in a completely different direction until I noticed the comma. Wow.

  149. Jenny for Pope
    Victor for Pope Consort
    Hailey for Princess of the Church
    Putting Family back in Values!

  150. Oh, and compliments on the photo. My first prayer book had a picture of the Assumption of the Blessed Mother and you are a dead ringer for her.

  151. Oh hey, if you make Pope could you please tell Dick Cheney that Jesus told you that He hates Cheney and thinks Cheney is an ass-monkey? I would so appreciate it. O.

  152. I was looking for a hat for you and found the Pope hat chip, a Dorito. So, this is a heads up.

    Kathleen recently posted Hazelnuts in Winter.

  153. 154
    Molly Matteson

    What a funny, funny, hilarious post. Love it!!!!!!!!

  154. How is that cloak the perfect length for you? Surely it’s a sign.

    Mom in Two Cultures recently posted What Sky Wants You to Know About ASD.

  155. Do they let unwashed heathens vote? If they do I’d totally vote for you!

  156. If you make a t-shirt that says “Jenny for Pope” I will wear it to your book-signing in Kansas City! And then I’ll probably go to hell.

  157. “Because this would make an awesome chapter for my next book.”

  158. 159
    Gerri Willis

    “Jenny for Pope. She’s ready for the apocalypse, zombie apocalypse that is”

  159. “Because I know (the almost) St. James Garfield personally, bitches!”

    No? Oh. *shrug* I’d vote for ya. If I was Catholic… and a guy… in a gown… who liked boys… I’ll stop now.

    Tracey a.k.a. KidLit! recently posted And Then I Snapped..

  160. I love the cloak though. Very pretty.

    Tracey a.k.a. KidLit! recently posted And Then I Snapped..

  161. 162
    Adrasteia

    What did the tag sewn inside say? “Official Papal Property”? You could probably whore that thing around on eBay if so. “Old Pope Cape, Now With Official Papal Stains!” Total gold mine.

    Adrasteia recently posted Dude, the movie.

  162. I just read all the comments, and ‘pope’ has officially become a nonsense word. Pope, pope, pope. Yep.

  163. I think if you get to be Pope that means that Unicorn Success Club is an official religion. Which is awesome!

    Plus, you hang out with James Garfield who is well on his way to Sainthood…so I think that’s more papal points in your favor.

    ALSO… you have a zombie apocalypse plan… I don’t see any other pope candidates who can say that!

    MsDarkstar recently posted An Interview with an Author.

  164. Pat Robertson said second hand clothes can contain demons! I hope you got some good ones. Maybe ghost sex in your sleep.

    Girl to Mom- Heidi recently posted Hope is Portable.

  165. Slogan: “Jenny for Pope. She does not have her head up her ass.”

  166. Vote for Jenny: She’s a ninja and she doesn’t even know it”

    Love, the Ninja Hurtling Association.

    Miss Gee recently posted Spontaneous Combustion.

  167. I so want the Pope Mobile. That how I want to get to school everyday.

    sparkling74 recently posted How I Know I Don't Belong on the Amazing Race.

  168. “I’m the anti-Pope, motherfuckers!”

    Rhana @ Dumb {Squared} recently posted Death by pillow.

  169. If you are going to make posters, just write
    “JENNY FOR POPE! I PROMISE TO PUT SODA AND CANDY MACHINES IN EVERY CLASSROOM!!”
    I mean,isn’t that what every Junior High student council poster looks like.

    “Jenny for Pope! She will make sure you have NO HOMEWORK!”

    - well, at least you will get the vote of every 12-18 year old across the world;)

    JR recently posted My son's chore list preserved like an ancient Egyptian artifact....only not! Diggin Ho Ho Holes, Diggin!.

  170. Habemus Lawson.

  171. So wait, WHAT DID THE TAG SAY??

    Beatnik Mary recently posted Because it's my birthday, let's just have a whole mess of contests!.

  172. So, instead of pimpin you`ll be popein? Yeah, I got nuthin. *slinks away*

  173. THE BLOGGESS PAPACY:

    Finally a girl pope
    To give altar boys hope
    For a boobie to grope

    Darcy Perdu recently posted Oh Deer! On My Lawn! Quick, Pee!.

  174. “I have a halo around my butt, what more could you want.”
    Jenny da Pope!

  175. Jenny for pope! She promises to make all priests ninjas which will make church way more fun. And less molesty. (Is molesty a word? We can sort that out later).
    Ps. I’d vote for you. I get a vote right?

  176. Is it like going to New York and finding a knock off Kate Spade bag, but your flea market has knock off priestly robes??? By the way you should look up Walter Potter, a taxidermist from around the turn of the century. He gives you a run for your money on “interesting” creatures. I especially love the bunny cheating in the classroom! (although with your background I bet it is old news to you!)

  177. Honey, I have bad news. The Pope is in Rome. He doesn’t send his hand-me-downs to charities in the U.S.A. You may run for Cardinal, or if you are afraid of being mixed up w/the baseball team, you might even have to settle for Bishop. That’s it. You know the saying: aim high and settle.

  178. Jenny, despite your new robe and the vaguely cathedral-looking background in those pictures, I doubt you will win this election, because you cuss too much. It’s very un-popelike to use the F word. Also, you’re a woman, remember? It’s extremely un-popelike to have a vagina.

    Brian recently posted High Octane Logic.

  179. OK, that last post looked like it was spam. So I am going to clarify that I thought I saw the pope this morning but it turned out to be Mike Tyson. Well it was more that I thought it was Mike Tyson but later suspected it might have been a NEW pope, but then I saw your post and realized it was probably you the whole time, and that stain might be some kind of random hotel tea. Or cat leavings.

    But WHATEVER this is the link… http://www.shakenmama.com/2013/03/breakfast-with-pope.html

    Erica recently posted Breakfast with the pope?.

  180. Of course we’re all going to hell. That’s where all the interesting folks will be if heaven & hell really do exist.

    There is a school where John-Paul II did mass in San Antonio in the late ’80′s. So “Pope Jenny” could come to SeaWorld and bless the animals (close to the school, but more fun)

  181. Pope Blitzer.
    (Given your previously-sported outerwear…)

    Claire J recently posted Adventures in Non-employment.

  182. 185
    Mikey Cooper

    Unfortunately, like car windshields, the Popemobile’s glass bubble filters UV light. So not only can you not get a tan, but if you have transition lenses, they won’t darken on a bright day. Such bullshit!

  183. 186
    Adam Bartoszek

    Popin’ ain’t easy! ^_^

  184. Possible running campaign…”Toggless vote Bloggess for Pope! Even the naked need a mouthpiece.”

  185. Vote For Jenny, author of the highly-acclaimed “Let’s Pretend this Protestant Reformation Never Happened.”

  186. Since the cape once belonged to the last Pope, it’s clear you’re already Pope in Jesus’ eyes–it was divine discovery, or something like that. So how about this slogan: “Jenny’s Already Pope, So Go Ahead And Release The White Smoke”?

  187. Saw this job description and thought of you!

    http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/rom/3609112590.html

    However, I’m quite certain they will say you are the wrong sex. It’s worth a try!

  188. 191
    Debbie Bashford

    You know if you become pope you’d have to move again

  189. Jenny – She’s Pope-a-licious!

  190. Well, it’s sort of red, black, and gold. I’m guessing the “t” is for “Tywinn.”

  191. People do love ninjas.

  192. Dang, I love you. And I love that robe! You are my favorite pope ever, even more than Pope Genevieve G. Rota.

    Janika recently posted How big is the Lexx?.

  193. I’d vote for you, but I’m Jewish so I wouldn’t have to do anything you said.

  194. Being an actual Catholic, I can tell you that’s no SCA made cloak. That is a cope used in Liturgical services Anglicans and Episcopalians use them too. As much as I love you, no Pope for you. But you COULD be a bishop in the Anglican church….

  195. If the T were blue, I’d say it was for “Tardis” but it’s green, which just stumps me. Maybe it’s T for “trash” and it’s Oscar’s vestments?

    For campaign slogans, how about “Even ninjas want Jenny for Pope. They’ll tell you themselves if you can find them.

    Maya recently posted I Deserve A Fucking Nobel Peace Prize.

  196. According to legend/history you could probably get around that whole “the pope has to be a man” thing. Just don’t have a baby in the middle of the street during one of those pope processions.#Pope Joan

  197. Jenny for Pope because she already realized that God loves three ways.

  198. well normally the Pope is guarded by the Swiss Guard I think, so maybe you should have ninjas. So you’ll be the first Pope with her own ninja protection posse. That will definitely bring in the votes.

  199. 202
    Kate in MI

    Jenny for Pope, because: Beyonce.

  200. If that is a bishop’s cloak and has red wine stains, and the pope wears white, clearly you are going to have to switch to Chardonnay (or Sauvignon Blanc, my fave) after your inevitable election to the papacy. But don’t worry, it is a small price to pay to rid the holy mother church of choirboy-molesting priests, which you would do on day 1. And maybe days 2 – 1002 because there are a lot of them. Oh, and you could make all the cardinals switch to red dresses instead of robes, just because then they would have to be all humble cuz the whole world would see their skinny legs.

    Or you could just declare yourself the Pope of the Church of Jenny and avoid that annoyingly long flight to Rome.

  201. “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened” could be the perfect Pope slogan.

    http://www.kimicalreaction.wordpress.com recently posted Sooie! Here pig, pig!.

  202. Why not just go with the old posters from running for the President? Wasn’t that something about “free unicorns.” I mean, your whole platform should be something “green” and how better to save the world (and trees) than to re-purpose your old posters?

  203. Anyway, if Pope doesn’t work out for you, you are always more than welcome to join the church I founded/created in an online forum ages ago. All are welcome. And we don’t judge anyone. We even currently have an opening for a Deacon and hey, you already have the robe so you’d probably be a shoe-in…

    It is called The Church of the Rising Penis.

    All rise…..

  204. Oh, I think you’re too late…my friend David already claimed the title of New Pope by virtue of his red shoes. But maybe he’d lend them to you? Or you could lend him your cape.

  205. Jenny Lawson for Anti-Pope!!!! Because she is much cuter, is too smart and is way too funny to be an actual pope!!! Keep the robe though….its great for layering and you can still be like the unicorn ninja or something.

  206. 209
    Too Lame for a Screen Name

    Jenny Lawson: Endorsed by God*

    *This post not approved by God but she hasn’t been struck down by lightning yet, so that’s almost like saying he’s on her side.

  207. Jesus is not on Twitter?? I think Jesus NEEDS to be on Twitter (hint hint).

  208. 211
    Boston Karen

    You’ve had Joan. Here comes Jenny!

    PS — I’m pretty sure that’s called a cope. It’s a communion robe…

  209. Elect Jenny, because the Popes with Penises thing is just not working out.

    Molly Dugger Brennan recently posted Venn Diagram.

  210. Vote Jenny.
    She’ll bring the dope back into pope!

    Katarina recently posted Farts and Giggles..

  211. It’s a gorgeous cloak. Are you sure you want the hassle of being Pope? They’ll expect you to move to Italy. And learn Latin.

    Sue recently posted I don't like it when your web site lies to me..

  212. Don’t stop until you get the red Prada Pope shoes. Emeritus Pope isn’t wearing them anymore… so they’re just sitting there in the Vatican, getting bored. http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=Prada+Pope+shoes

  213. J-Dog -
    The Popess With The Mostess

  214. 217
    Cassandra

    Jenny, I love you! And not in a lesbian way, but in a you-make-me-laugh-so-hard-that-snot-comes-out-of-my-nose kind of way.

  215. Abandon Pope All Ye Who Enter Here -
    For I Have Pit Stains On My Ass

  216. MY GILT CAPE BRINGS ALL THE GOYS TO THE YARD

  217. She’s a lover and a writer -
    Now – kiss her Southern mitre.

  218. I wish I had a face … or even a head … for hats. Big, round face on a big, round head :(

  219. I got tired of reading all the comments, but did anyone already say this:

    Vote for Jenny. She’s Pope-tastic!

  220. Jenny for Pope because reasons!

  221. 224
    Cheryl Abraham (Bastet)

    Soak the whole thing in wine then it’ll all match.

  222. Jenny, We’d love to see the Conclave elect you. Next tour you’d be selling Pope Soap on a Rope!

    Newleaf recently posted Golf Anyone?.

  223. Jesus was a zombie. Jenny should be Pope.

    Amanda recently posted Vera Bradley, You Sneaky....

  224. There is a story about Pope Joan–apparently the 13th century, “Joan” disguised herself as a man and became the Pope. She was busted as a woman when she was riding a horse and gave birth. Perhaps you found Pope Joan’s cloak, and your name also starts with a “J”. Coincidence? Perhaps NOT!

    Deborah Chessey recently posted ~All I Wanted was my AP Book~.

  225. 228
    Lady Penelope

    Access to free wine. I see where you’re going with this Pope-thing…

  226. Sorry to rain on your parade, but that cope isn’t necessarily a Catholic item and even if it were, it’s probably the cast-off of a local parish. (Whoever sent it in needs to have their head examined, though, because I’m pretty sure a thrift store is not the proper way to dispose of excess vestments.)

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cope

  227. Jenny if you become Pope, I will definitely go back to church! Otherwise, it’s pretty much never going to happen, unless somebody dies, or gets married. You could run on a platform aligning yourself with St. Francis, who had a thing for animals!!!

  228. So… did we get the campaign running yet? Where can I volunteer? I think we should organize a mars on Rome? Who’s with me!?

    debby recently posted OkStupid..

  229. Jenny for Pope – Or we’ll send ninjas riding double unicorns after you, Bitches! – God bless.

    Or…

    Batman for Pope. – Psych! He’s not running, so Jenny for Pope!
    (This is like getting a celebrity endorsement for free, because who wouldn’t keep reading a sign that said Batman for Pope?

    And btw I think I have a great way for you to win the whole Pope contest. Being Pope is totally like a popularity contests, they vote for you. And people who you’ve converted would be totally obligated to vote for you. (I’m not a religion scientist, but I’m pretty sure that’s how it goes.)

    So, what you have to do is convert a but-load of people. Now I’ve heard tell that actual _live_ people get all critical when you try to convert them without asking (and who has time to ask)…

    “Quit throwing water on me!”
    “What the hell are you chanting?”
    “Where did that cloud of incense come from?”
    “I already have a God!”

    But I read somewhere that you can totally convert someone on their deathbed (and even after death) by giving them last rights. Which is (as far as I can tell) just chanting and sprinkling holy water on them. So here’s my plan…find yourself a few cemeteries of folks from another religion, and start a-chanting.

    (FYI, if you’re worried about where to get the holy water, just drop by a church, they totally leave it at the front door in a big bowl…unguarded. Probably so people can fill up squirt guns to keep under their bed against the threat of vampire attack.)

    PS. This may not actually work because I think in reality it’s only Cardinals that get to vote for Pope… But what the hell, when have we ever let reality get in our way before? Plus, I think the Cardinals will be impressed when you show them the pictures of you converting whole cemeteries of people for them…I mean that’s work they don’t have to do now.

    PPS. I’m pretty sure I’m going to Hell too…

    Laura recently posted When You Forget the Bracket on a Smiley, it’s Just Eyeballs…creepy eyeballs staring at you sideways..

  230. “Vote Jenny For Pope: She Can’t Raise The Dead, But She’ll Put Cute Little Outfits On Them!” with a picture of a taxidermied monkey. People love monkeys, too.

  231. 234
    John & Julie

    Jenny for Pope. She hasn’t had a sex scandal since last century. Unless you count all those times she talks about about her vagina. Which if you DO count, you’re an asshole anyway.

  232. I say keep with the whole “I look really good in hats” theme. People are really into costumes….look how well Downtown Abbey did–costumes.

    Lala recently posted Celebrating Dr. Suess.

  233. That is a fantastic cape. All you need is a wizzer and a strong suit in overlooking deviant habits and Bob’s your Auntie Jean – Pope Bloggess the 1st. You certainly wouldn’t want to be a nun in the US because they are all under a supervision order for being too female and bolshie, going on about how many poor people there are instead of castigating contraceptive users, etc. Bugger it, go for the top job.

  234. 237
    elaine kurpiel

    Jenny for Pope. A woman who thinks with her head ( not a man who thinks with his other head.)

  235. Oh my God. Stop. It’s wrong to laugh this way. Ba haa haa

    Steph@livingbrilliant recently posted Superwoman makes the best biscuits.

  236. Clearly y’all haven’t read the book “Pope Joan” by Donna Cross. (I know that should be underlined, not in quotes…but I don’t know how to do that here.) You should. Excellent historical fiction.

    Jenny–you were supposed to own that cloak fear not. In other news…did you SEE this on Etsy? This has Jenny the Bloggess written ALL OVER IT.

    http://www.etsy.com/listing/124505661/darling-baby-taxidermy-rat-in-old-time

    Yours,
    Melanie

  237. I’m not Catholic or a cardinal but I’d totally vote for you for Pope. Is it gonna be on SurveyMonkey or something like that lol?

    Southern Girl recently posted Wash Day & More Photos.

  238. Jenny for Pope.
    She is your very next hope.
    It is a cloak, but unlike ninja folk,
    Invisibility, nope.

    Jason
    The Cheeky Daddy

    Jason recently posted Wooden Blocks - The Everytoy.

  239. How about : VOTE FOR JENNY! SHE IS NOT AN 80 YEAR OLD MAN!

  240. All your sins will be forgiven, forgotten or worshiped – Jenny absolves all with your vote!

  241. 244
    Jacqueline

    You could misspell it on purpose and let the slogan be JENNY FOR POOP!
    Be anal expulsive, not anal retentive!

    (I’m still laughing over Stace Comment 46, “The tighter the mitre the sweeter the peter…”)

  242. Would you settle for beatification? Saint Bloggess would be cool. Plus then I could have an icon of you in a corner of my house, with candles and shit.

    soxanne recently posted Weekend Notes.

  243. I’m pretty sure the Pope is reading this post and going, “Damn…I should have never gotten rid of that coat.”

    Mindy
    http://www.thesuburbanlife.com

    mindy@thesuburbanlife recently posted Comment on Humiliation at the Dryer Door by Brandy Underwood Selby.

  244. I want one.

    It totally reminds me of the Illuminati for some reason. Probably because I just started reading Angels and Demons.

    MILF Runner recently posted Not everyone's a winner..

  245. Love the comments (and the post)! For purposes of verisimilitude, the clergy-cape/cloak is called a cope. There’s some good rhyming there…

  246. I was led to your blog via a link on another blog I follow. On that blog you were listed under the heading “funny.” Your introductory comments to the blogs you follow all tout the person’s drinking prowess. Why the fixation with alcohol? Is it your brand of humor?
    Susan
    Sobriety Date: 11-22-10

  247. Oh, awesome cape. I would totally vote for you for pope.

    Kattie recently posted He did.

  248. OMG. I am Catholic AND I love the idea of you as Pope. I would vote for you, but I am not a 90-year-old man who protects pedophiles. They are the only Catholics allowed to pick the Pope.

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted Shhh….I am Not Supposed to Be Here.

  249. Actually, Jenny, what you’ve got there is not a cape, it’s a COPE. So, I guess you could say that you got the Pope Cope from the man who couldn’t

  250. Just think of it…if you’re pope, you have rehabilitate Copernicus…..both of them.

    Good gravy! What a concept! Jenny for Pope!

    Sj recently posted If A Turtle Falls In The Forest....

  251. Well, I think you now need to reconsider those cat suits. While the seersucker is lightweight enough for summer, it’s obvious the cats will now need something a bit more CLERICAL, if you get my drift. Whether you call them acolytes or decide to make them altar boys or bishops, they will require new clothing.

    However, as a Pope needs their ‘staff’ to be dressed for the occasion, he can no longer have any problem with you dressing the cats in suits–albeit much more religious/clerical/formalware than the original seersucker.

    But I think they need to keep the bowties. Nothing says “I’m a furry Bishop of Her Holiness the Pope” more than pink bowties.

    Grey :)

    Greyson Stoehr recently posted When One Needs A Squinty Icon....

  252. As a former Catholic, I was actually creeped out by the thought of putting that on. Like Catholic demon hands would come forth and suck you back in to the fold. But clearly you’re immune to demons, which makes you a perfect candidate for pope. They could do demon testing instead of voting this time around.

    Christian recently posted We Apologize of the Inconvenients.

  253. Vote for Jenny!! You’d probably win if you danced like Napolean Dynamite.

  254. I had a poster slogan for you but I forgot what it was because I was distracted by the GIANT WISKS ON YOUR WALL with flowers growing out of them.

    How big are your pots?!

    I fear you may be less Pope and more witch.

    moooooog35 recently posted If You Give a Mouse a Cookie You Will Probably Die. It's kind of like the "Butterfly Effect" but with more rat crap..

  255. I would 100% vote for you as Pope, but I’m not Catholic and probably not allowed to vote for Popes. They would rescind my sort of a Baptist, sort of a Penticost, oh hell, no one knows what religion I’m supposed to be card and then I’d end up in Purgatory if there’s one of those for Bapti-costal sinners. As it is, I have a lot of explaining to do to God. I except He’s feeling pretty stern toward me already. But maybe I can make up for that if I get a cool cloak. No, no, pretty sure I’m going to Hell. Oh, well. Meet you there.

    Allison recently posted I Might've Gone Overboard On The Metaphors.

  256. “Vote Jenny for Pope! She probably definitely won’t get struck by lightning for this. Maybe.”

  257. 260
    Cheryl in Wisconsin

    Hey! Making me laugh out loud when I’m supposed to be working stopped being funny the 100th time you did it!

    I would totally vote for you for Pope. The Catholic church would benefit from some new vision.

  258. Here it is, I hope you’re ready for this. I was thinking your cloak sort of reminds me of the ones by the Monty Python folks, and that you need a broad-brimmed red hat to go with it. And with that, you could jump out from around corners and yell at people. Your slogan would be, “No one expected the Spanish Inquisition, either.”

    Anonyvox recently posted An Easy One.

  259. Just when I think you couldn’t possibly get any funnier or more awesome, you go and volunteer to be the new pope! You rock it. Jenny for Pope!

  260. Anyone who claims to be Pope but doesn’t have the red Pradas is just a poser.

  261. I left the church in ’72, but with you at the helm..et-( a kind of hat) I might rejoin. Now if we could just get you into the enclave.

    Cheryl Nicholl recently posted A Bloggers Journey- Lesson 1.

  262. I like that you buy shit that amuses you.

    Maura @ Eve Was Partially Right recently posted Affirmations.

  263. Don’t use Prepared for the zombie apocalypse with plays on other p words, . My daughter did that last year for vp of her jr high student council,she spent alot of time explaining alliteration, and lost, something about not being able to vote geek. The school not allowing her to put promote diversity on the posters hurt her as well. She is the only anglo in her grade and it was funny but her principal has no sense of humor. I doubt the Council of Cardinals has a better sense of humor than her principal and they aren’t know for promoting diversity either as you would be the only woman..see I was making a point.

  264. Looks like you have some competition from a dog, who as it turns out is the ‘Pope’le’s Choice. http://bradypiper.wordpress.com/2013/02/11/poper/

    Brady recently posted Pipery Tour.

  265. Jenny for Pope: Penis Not Necessary for the Job.

  266. HA HA! Whatever it is, it looks great! And personally, I think you’ll be the best Pope (Popette?) EVER!!!!

    Crystal recently posted OCD Moms Coping Skill: Identify the Triggers.

  267. I’d vote for you. “Jenny for Pope. Because God Said So.”

    Emelie recently posted Kili.

  268. Pope rhymes with Dope. You could come up with so many slogans!
    Jenny for Pope would be Dope.
    Smoke Dope and Vote Jenny for Pope.

  269. Definitely a poster similar to Obama’s HOPE………except it would say Pope, obviously.

  270. “You know what’s dope? The Bloggess for Pope”

    That would be the best slogan ever. So good that the Cardnals wouldn’t even have together. The smoke would be pouring out of the Vatican as soon as they knew you were running for Pope. You’d turn me holy in 0.3 seconds flat.

    Samantha recently posted Blizzard watch! Now everyone one panic..

  271. How about “Jenny for Pope cause when the Zombie Apocalypse happens she’ll share her ninjas…unless of course you didn’t vote for her, then you’re fucked”

  272. All hail Pope Jenny!
    If we join your religion, can we drink wine slushies, too?

  273. Jenny the Pope: Majestic as Fuck

  274. Help us Jenny Wan Kenobe, You’re our only Pope.

    I think you need some Pope for Change artwork

    http://laughingsquid.com/pope-a-parody-of-the-popular-hope-obama-poster/

  275. Your slogan can be “Free papal smears for all!”

    No, wait. Pretty sure I mixed something up there.

    Allison recently posted A Letter to the Media.

  276. I’d vote for you. If I were Catholic. But what I really wanted to say was that this whole post really reminded me of that scene from Eurotrip where Scotty accidentally becomes pope and then sets the hat on fire. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Regardless, it doesn’t beat the scene with Lucy Lawless in the fireworks factory/hostel. I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell just for seeing that movie as often as I have.

    Dana the Biped recently posted The Banjo of Science.

  277. Okay, I’ve got another contender for motto: “Deus ex macrame.”

    Summer recently posted March Giveaway- Going forth!.

  278. Off-topic, but if you like Doctor Who, search YouTube for Space Gandalf. You’re welcome.

    Mr Farty recently posted She's A Juanita.

  279. 282
    Brattus Rattus

    If you became Pope I MIGHT believe in a God.

    I have a feeling that your kind of church might be something I could stomach.

    Pope on, Jenny. Pope on.

  280. Dang I wish you could VOTE for popes.

  281. Come to think of it, vestments are something that every working girl (or stay-at-home mum) should have in their wardrobe. You just never know when you might need them. And they can be dressed up or down.

  282. 285
    teezaweezl

    I love that you’ve used the former Pope’s ball sacks as planters on either side of your photo just then. It’s astonishing how much the pubes that came with resemble foliage, isn’t it?

  283. Shut the front door – the pope had a twitter account? ….and what box have I been living in?

    Kelly @ In the Mom Light Blog recently posted Happy Wife = Happy Life: 10 Rules for Husbands to Live By.

  284. Reading that has so cheered me up!
    I’m going to disguise myself as an old man and get myself a cardinals cope and hat, then sneak into the Sistine Chapel and get you made Pope.
    Just need to strap down my boobs and create some wrinkles and I’m fairly certain this plan is flawless.

  285. 288
    Kassandra

    You look very regal

  286. This world would be a much better place if you were the Pope. Seriously.

    Kim recently posted He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.

  287. You’d have my vote for Pope… unless I have to go to church to vote. I don’t go inside churches because I’ll likely ignite in flames.

    Joanne recently posted Resume do’s and don’ts – Some useful resume tips and advice.

  288. My brother and I got super bored a few summers back and, long story short, we got ordained online, for free. So, you know, if Catholicism can’t get beyond your vagina, the Universal Life Church will look past pretty much anything! (But seriously, my dog is also an ordained minister of the ULC.)

    In any case, I would totally vote for you for Pope, but I’m fairly certain I lost my say in such matters after the whole becoming-a-she-reverend thing.

    God speed, Pope Jenny!

  289. As a former catholic school girl, i want to shout first: IT IS ABOUT TIME THE MALE DOMINATED VATICAN RECEIVED A GIANT DOSE OF ESTROGEN AND HUMOR AND YES, BLOGGESS RELEVANCE!
    And then, your possible slogans:
    1. I’m good at stuff! And I will put the I CAN in vatican, motherfuckers! (ugh, that’s pretty bad…)

    crap my mind went blank. but just think how you could rock that pope-mobile – you could paint flames on it and decoupage hamlet von schnitzels’ picture on it. it would look like his little cape was blowing in the wind. and riding around in the pope-mobile all that would matter would be that cape, mismatched shoes be damned….

  290. You can Pope Ninja bitch slap people in the confessional and blame it on the sacramental wine…or holy water fights! Omg – the possibilities…

  291. Does anyone else see the man with his arm outstretched in the “stain” on the back of the cloak?

    Kristy Werner recently posted 9 Things I LOVE About Snow Days.

  292. New pope. Better than old pope. Now with more hair and more issues, but fewer calories.

    Katie recently posted A Romantic Weekend.

  293. If you want to use the “stop judging her, asshole” tagline, I would make sure the comma between judging and asshole is VERY visible. Otherwise, you’re going to have an entirely different kind of campaign on your hands…er…butt…er…

    Lisa Newlin recently posted What designers were worn on Oscar night.

  294. Put a big “A” on the front to cancel out the cross on the back. It will totally work.

    Or run for Pope.

    Or do both.

    I bet if they elected you as Pope, the smoke that would rise up from them burning that crap would have glitter in it and be all pink

    Evalynn Rose recently posted How to *properly* medicate your dog.

  295. Mr.Frankie the gender challenged female who lives inside my sisters taxidermy hamster would vote for you. He is very distinguished and once had an affair with the dread pirate Roberts, but he also likes to confuse parrots and borrow smokes off grandmothers. he fully supports women as pope but thinks your should aim higher. like supreme overlordess pope of the universe. it does have a nice ring.

  296. You would rock as a Pope!

    Mexmom recently posted Friends thru my internet connection.

  297. Actually, Jesus DOES have a twitter! https://twitter.com/jesus

    He’s pretty badass too!

  298. Because you’re now Pope-ess, I would like to recommend growing tomatoes in the Popemobile when you’re not using it. Fresh home (or Vatican, if you want to get technical) grown tomatoes to either enjoy or sell to tourists to pick up a little extra money for the Church’s coffers.

    Jami recently posted Going for a record.

  299. 302
    Onlypartlydumb

    Really? No-one else got “Vote Jenny for Pope. She has the dress to match the shoes”??

  300. Definitely something with Ninjas! Everyone loves ninjas!!

    Rachel recently posted The Autopsy of a Break Up.

  301. I’m with TinkerBell, I wanna know where you got your plant things!

    Cassie recently posted My Black Ops battle chatter.

  302. “Jenny, she’s not too pooped to POPE!

  303. Jenny for Hope!

    Burns the Fire recently posted Life or Death, 2.

  304. Last night I was reading this blog entry to my hubby, because he swears up and down that we are exactly like you and Victor minus the whole taxidermied animals thing (to which I reply: we’re still young and there’s still plenty of time left in our lives… Unless our world is somehow destroyed. Funny, how I go to world destruction before I go to our individual deaths…) I closed my laptop after showing him the picture of the mongoose fighting the cobra, not bothering to close the actual window, and this morning when I open my laptop:

    “OH JESUS CHRIST! A MONGOOSE FIGHTING A COBRA!!”

    Casey (my hubby) runs into the room and is all like “What! What!” And then he realizes that I’m reading your blog. He looks at me and says: “If we ever get the chance to meet Jenny and Victor, I’m totally shaking Victor’s hand because I can barely handle you and you and Jenny are far too alike.”

    I took the whole thing as a compliment, just so you know.

    WilyJess recently posted The most wonderful time of the year?.

  305. That totally should have gone under the cobra/mongoose entry… don’t know why it didn’t. Oh well…

  306. BTW, I love the dangly glass ball-sack fake flower holders in the door way. Very avant-garde.

  307. i love the popemobile. I think you might get some cool shoes, too!

    Wendy recently posted What Doesn’t Kill Us...

  308. At first when I read this I was all “The Pope doesn’t have to save for retirement, he’s Pope until he’s dead!” (which btw basically means being Pope is a death sentence… I’m going to Hell, I know) But then I remembered that the last Pope just retired, breaking that whole centuries long tradition so maybe popes do have to worry about retirement now. Well played Jenny, well played.

    Mallory recently posted My immune system doesn't love me....

  309. I’m not reading through 311 comments to find out if someone else posted this, but:

    The Pope is now on Twitter! Hide your cloak!

  310. So I’m (really) late to the party (had to move cities, untangle myself from the clusterfuck that my relationship had become and save the world with unicorns, so you know, busy. And no internet.)… but does Ken know about this?

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