Kids today.

in Random Crap

Today I’m in San Jose, CA on book tour.  Come see me?  Pretty please?

And while I’m gone this week I’m sharing “weird-things-I-took-pictures-of-with-my-phone.”

Today’s picture came from the road and is entitled “Back In My Day Kids Just Wrote ‘WASH ME'”.

Huh.

120 thoughts on “Kids today.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. Yay! Fittingly, I am having a picnic in a graveyard before heading over to see ya tonight 😀

  6. Well, most crack whores are in need of a good washing, so the metaphor seems apt.

    “Kids these days, speaking in metaphor.”

  7. Lovely. I used to only be worried about the defacing of my science stickers now that it’s pollen season I have to worry about being called out as a crack whore. DILIGENCE!

  9. Now that I’m essentially driving a station wagon, I’ll have to be doubly vigilant about what is written in the caked on dirt. I mean, “I am a crack whore” was something you could get away with (in your 20s) driving a Subaru Impreza, but I don’t think I can get away with it (in my 30s) on a Nissan Cube.

  13. I’m a little surprised you didn’t write a retort. Of course it probably would have had to much wit to fit on such a small canvas as a car window.

  14. Is Crack an alternative fuel?

    My daily reminder to you – You are good at it.

    But not the crack. No one is good at that. Stick with the Wine Slushies.

  22. I’ve been seeing signs taped onto the back of vehicles. I saw one taped to a van (complete with murals) that said “I like little boys.” Last week I saw a sign on a semi that said “Ladies be a flirt and lift your shirt,” complete with a photo of a topless woman. Classy…

  23. Sigh…Now I’m homesick. I lived out there for four years after college. (Doesn’t everybody want to move to California after college? I did it, but unfortunately at the height of a recession. Oops.)

    If you have any time to yourself, see if you can have someone drive you out to Hakone Gardens in Saratoga. To quote Ambassador Kosh, it’s “One moment of perfect beauty.”

  28. I’ve seen “Wash Me” written on dirty eighteen-wheelers, but that one is new on me!

  29. *Maybe* the car came with that secret message on the window that can only be uncovered with copious amounts of dust and dirt. Kind of like a car fortune cookie. I saw a dodge truck the other day that said “I’m a douche” in the back window, so that supports this theory.

  30. Well considering the driver is just hanging out in the front seat with a cigarette and doesn’t seem to give two hoots about the message, I’m thinking this is just good old fashioned grass-roots advertising by one industrious crack whore.

  32. Just wanted to say I had been totally excited when I heard you were coming my way on this tour. However, I am getting lasik eye surgery today, so coming is a no go. But at least one more person really wanted to be there today, I promise!

  35. Kids are so creative. My Mom would have had my head on a stake on the front lawn if I had done something like this to her car.

  37. That wins…second place goes to the people who hang the realistic looking ball sacs from their vehicles.

  38. Hi Jenny,

    San Jose is my hometown, but I’m too ill to come see you and I’m pretty depressed about it. I love your blog, how you write, how open you are and how you’ve helped me accept my own mental illness. I wish things were different for me and I could watch you read and get you to sign your book and probably cry in front of you, because girl, you give me some FEELS. But I can’t, so I’m writing you a long-ass comment instead. It’s not the same, but it’s better than staying a lurker. Have a great day today, and may San Jose be sweet to you.

    Hearts and unicorn hugs, steph

  39. You bet I’ll be there tonight! Been looking forward to it for weeks!

  41. I’m pretty sure crack whores don’t have cars… I mean, wouldn’t they have sold the car, for, oh I don’t know, crack? Hopefully before the whoring started? What started out as a joke has turned into a weird sad social commentary. I obviously need another cup of coffee.

  42. hahaha, well THAT would ge me to wash my car.

    I couldn’t imagine having the balls to write that on somebody’s car. What if they came out while you were mid-whore and turned out to be a big dude with a gun?

  44. Hey, look, billboards and newspaper ads are EXPENSIVE.

    Writing on your car window IS the most cost-effective way to advertise your services as a crack whore.

    That’s just smart business, people.

  45. Yeah… some people’s kids.

    However, plus side is I get to see and meet you tonight and that makes me super happy!!

  46. Seems children have evolved. Realizing that no one washes a car that says “Wash Me”, as it’s funny and in good humor.
    Nay, they have realized the only way to get someone to ACTUALLY wash it is to write something so offensive, they might actually take the time to do it.
    Brilliant,….don’t know why I didn’t think of this YEARS ago.

    Jason
    The Cheeky Daddy

  49. OMFG I TOTALLY know who’s car that is!! It’s the chick who took off with my (ex) husband. Cuz that’s TOTALLY her name. Ask anyone.

    Hey Jenny want to make a little extra money on the side? I know a tire-slashing job that pays well…

  52. I’m not going to lie, I’d probably cry a little if someone did this to my car. I mean, hello…how long had I driven around announcing to the world that I was a crackwhore? Why can’t it be something like, “You’re hot and totally don’t look fat in those pants!”…?!

  54. You know who else is in San Jose doing a book signing? Stephan Pastis… another brilliant, sarcastic hero of mine.

  55. I walked past a car the other day and it said ‘have a great day :)’ …maybe the kids in my town aren’t as hardcore as the kids over your way…

  57. Soooo sorry you’re in San Jose. It’s my hometown and I have ZERO nostalgia for it. Ugh. Please come to LA and then you can visit Whimsic Ally (all Harry Potter, LOTR, Dr. Who, etc. all the time) in Hollywood or Clockwork Couture in Burbank–that has a life sized Tardis out front.

  59. With unemployment so high, many people are looking for new and creative ways to make a living. Looks like this woman has found her niche.

  60. Since you’re in San Jose, you should take a tour of the Winchester house. You would totally love it.

  64. Ah, the fragile brilliance of young minds. And/or a perfect example of how people can be unapoligetic assholes. I’m not picky, Jenny.

  65. Someone with the money to purchase crack definitely has the money to at least pay somebody to wash their car.

  66. I cannot wait to see you today! It’s been on my calendar for forever, and I’m so looking forward to it. I highly recommend a visit to the Winchester Mystery house as suggested by Christina above. Totally up your alley, and sadly the most interesting thing about SJ. Trust me…born and raised here. 🙂

  68. I saw one that said “I wish my girlfriend was this dirty.” Classic.

  69. And you really would love the Winchester Mystery House, it is fantastically freakish and beautiful and bizarre… GO there NOW!!!

  70. Ooh! Yes! The ONLY good thing about San Jose is the Winchester Mystery House (not named after the brothers on Supernatural. Sorry.). Staircases that lead to nowhere, 13 window panes in a window, hallways you can only get to through closets, etc. Super creepy.

    But I still want you to come to LA.

  73. Come on, EVERYONE knows Crack Whore is two words. Now she’s going to have to wait weeks until her car is dusty enough to get it right. No easy fixes in dusty window defiling.

  74. Damn crack whores, always forgetting to leave their numbers.

    Hey, hope my doll head planter wasn’t too creepy last night, and sorry we couldn’t squeeze our ticketless party of five in there to see you. I’m going to TRY TRY TRY to be there tonight in San Hoser. <3

  75. I used to live in San Jose; if I still lived there I would be part of the crowd trying to get in the door. On another topic, have you read REDSHIRTS by John Scalzi? for reasons i can’t even figure out, it reminds me of your writing. It is very funny. And discussable. and I’m not related to the writer or anything.

  77. My question is why the owner of the car didn’t wash at least that window…. Hmmm lazy much or just just a show off?

  78. And someone is sitting in the car…how can they not know that someone wrote this on their car…unless they are really a crack whore, in which case, they are just bragging about their lack of intelligence.

  82. Less impressive than the hooligans who used that washable car paint to draw ginormous penises all over my Mom’s borrowed minivan. Which I was driving at a service trip. Sigh.

  84. Well, underpasses are generally a solid place to score crack. But, it also looks like its pretty sunny and hot out there.

    Maybe the driver got sick of chilling near the underpass in the hot sun waiting to make a crack-for-ass exchange, and, instead, decided to cool off in the car? The car writing was just her method of not losing her place in the crack line.

    Moral of the story — crackwhores are a wily breed.

  86. Some asshole neighbor (condo complex) drew a cock and ball on my husbands car… Awesome.

  87. Don’t knock it! I know a lady (for real) that was a crack addicted prostitute for most of my childhood. She got one of her “John’s” so in love with her that he left her everything in his will. House, car, grand piano, stocks and bonds, and about 1/2 a million dollars. The total net worth after all his taxes were paid and the inheritance covered worked out to just over a million bucks in liquidatable assets.

  88. I say, ” A for effort and spelling”. Most sporadic insults these days are full of bad spelling and terrible grammar. Bravo!

  89. ‘I have a tiny penis’ would probably cause a hasty trip to the car wash too

  91. Someone needs to get that vehicle to rehab immediately. It’s crying for help. Kind of like Lindsay Lohan. But less blunt. And less irritating.

  94. Wowza… when I was a little kid, I had no idea what a crack whore was…I figured it was a person who hoarded crackers.

  95. Thanks for coming to SJ! Your reading was fantastic. I am pretty sure that never again will I experience someone yelling “I’m calling the police!!! and I have diarrhea!!!” into a microphone at a bookstore.

  96. Ha ha haven’t seen this kind of thing in a while, but I do remember putting ‘wash me’ on my mum’s car once when I was little – although she saw it before it made its way out of the garage

  97. Probably a college kid and not a little kid. I don’t know if that’s better or worse than thinking a little kid was writing about crack whores.

  98. One would think that a high-quality crack-whore (should this be hyphenated?) should be able to afford to wash his or her own vehicle. Note that I avoid any sexism here by implying that both men and women should and could fit under the “crack-whore” umbrella. By which I mean, WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO L.A. BECAUSE I WILL THROW YOU A FUCKING PARADE BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR HUMOUR (I got all British there, aren’t you impressed?) SAVED ME? Also, why does auto correct recognize the hyphenated version? Did “Crackslut” finally get married or something? Jenny, you rock. I write for a living, and I don’t think that anyone ever thought of themselves as my bff because of anything I wrote. You did this for me, and now I want a mounted head of something in my living room. Usually, it’s the boyfriend, but what fucking use would he be on the wall? He can’t take out the trash if he’s all “hung up.” Maybe I could get a bear or something from an old I Love Lucy” episode. I digress, but I think you get it.

    🙂
    Abby

    See what you did? Hope I didn’t scare you too much,

    Abby

    p.s. All levity aside, you inspire SO many. Don’t stop.

  99. Kids of family friends wrote ‘just married’ on 3 windows of my car in glass-marker pens. They were so excited and showed me gleefully. Then I drove with them in the car. I was like, 19 and definitely not married. We got a lot of honks.

  104. I unfortunately drove around for god knows how long with a giant penis drawn on my back window complete with a hairy ball sack…it pays to be observant.

  105. hi Jenny,
    Thanks for coming to San Jose! Hope you had a good if brief visit to SF area… Saw you at the Eastridge book reading last night. Wow what a big crowd.

    Alas I couldn’t stay for the book signing, the line was *really long* and I found myself at the end (ended up near the Sci Fi seciton which was cool but I simply ran out of time to stay). But it was great to finally see you in person (you look just like your pictures!) and hear your reading. And to pick up the book finally of course.

    And now that it’s too late for me to ask in person, I just thought up a possible Q&A question for future book reading (hint, hint, AZ people): What’s the longest book-signing line you’ve had?

    Cheers,
    Mike from CA

  107. Well…IS she a crack whore? If so, I say these kids get an A for accuracy and another A for honesty.

    They should also get an A for agency…as in the Child and Welfare Agency that should be called if the mom really is a crack whore.

  109. I think for fun next time I see a dirty car I’m gonna be a kid again.
    I like the one “Wish my wife was this dirty”

    And as far as penis on your windows. I drove my daughters friends one night somewhere and they drew penis’ on all my back seat windows.

  112. I just saw a car that the kids had written #1 Daddy, My Daddy Rocks, #1 Family all over the back. Quite the contrast from the one you saw!

  115. You know what’s really strange?
    I read your book so looked at your blog. The first thing I see is this photo, and I read “I’m A Cock Whore” on the back window. Huh I thought – rude kid.
    Then a day later I looked and saw the same thing.
    Yesterday I looked at the comments and saw that it isn’t “Cock whore” it’s “Crack whore”!!!
    What does that say about me I wonder???

  116. Ah, Patricia, thank you! Now I know I’m not the only one who thought it said cockwhore (albeit with an inexplicable extra C at the beginning), rather than crackwhore. I’d imagine the results from the locals would be a teensy bit different if we’d been right after all!

  117. Just finished your book…and loved it! I was reading it at work near the begining, and laughed so hard 3 people wrote down the title, (I almost got in trouble because I’m a nurse in the psych unit of an ER and the social worker was on the phone with the psychiatrist…and I was snorting, and almost peed!). So, thanks a lot, you almost got me fired! Feel like I’ve discovered family I didn’t know I had. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Best wishes on your next book.

  118. I didn’t even register the “r” as an extra “c” Toni. My mind never even saw it.

    And then I was wondering about the driver – the woman smoking her cigarette – do her kids REALLY think she’s a cockwhore? IS she a cockwhore? What would being a cockwhore consist of?

    Crackwhore just doesn’t do it for me! No mystery there! 🙂

  120. You’re going to feel really bad when you find out that the person was reaching out to the world for help in their crack and whoring addictions, find themselves ridiculed on the internet, and then kills his or herself…

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