I’m sensing a theme. A really weird theme.

An actual screenshot of the news as personally recommended to me:

No. Really. I can't even make this shit up.

I also got a spam comment at almost exactly the same time.  At least, I hope it was a spam comment.

Wait. That's not true, is it?

My first thought was “Why is the ‘c’ capitalized?” And then I thought, “Holy shit, why is THAT the first problem I have with that sentence?”

I probably need to get away from the internet for awhile.

************

And in other news, it’s time for the weekly wrap-up:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

This week’s wrap-up is sponsored by Denise Malloy, blogger and author of A Real Mother: Stumbling Through Motherhood, a hilarious, light-hearted book which has been named to Kirkus Reviews’ Best of 2012.   And you can get it on kindle for 99 cents.  You can’t even get a coffee for 99 cents, y’all.  Best deal ever.

97 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I can confirm the Canadian Goose thing is in fact, true.

    Like

    Chris - Canadian Dad recently posted Lessons Learned and Memories to Last a Lifetime.

  2. My spam never wants to increase anything. It only asks me to provide my bank info so I can be rich fast. That’s boring.

    Like

    Dawnie recently posted 30 Day Drawing Challenge - Favorite TV Show.

  3. No fair! My spam comments are rude and not in the least bit helpful. They’re certainly not trying to Cure anything. I’m assuming that we capitalize Cure now.

    Like

    Julie You Jest recently posted P is for Phallic but maybe not on purpose – It’s totally on purpose.

  4. You get much more interesting spam than I do! I don’t know whether to be jealous or happy about that fact.

    Like

  5. I too wondered about the capital ‘c’.
    Good grammar is a turn on.

    Like

    Bronnie recently posted Friday, you have made my week..

  6. My spam is always someone trying to tell me they have money for me. But the steps to get it are always really complicated, and I’m pretty lazy…

    Like

    Sarah recently posted Desiccated Wall Animals is Life, Y'all.

  7. People are awesome, but still — they didn’t just not credit you for your picture; they stuck their own URL on it.

    Like

    Laura @ Unlikely Explanations recently posted Boston.

  8. Wait, when is women preferring bigger penises a news flash of science? The very unscientific Cosmo has been boasting that for YEARS. Please don’t tell me that I have entered a parallel universe in which Cosmo is on the cutting edge of science. If so, we are all fucked.

    Like

    Jess recently posted Fossils? Naaaahhhhhhh….

  9. Feeling left out. My spam never talks about penises. Maybe I just have a really good junk filter?

    Like

    Natalie the Singingfool recently posted Permanent Employee.

  10. I noticed the capitalized C, too. The spam comments are sometimes a weird and oddly wonderful place.

    Like

    Dangerous Lilly recently posted We-Vibe Salsa Giveaway.

  11. 11
    Mrs. Hamlet

    My spam is usually trying to sell me some sort of animal, which I find unsettling and tempting at the same time.

    Like

  12. I really wanted to leave a witty comment but I am at a complete loss. My brain is seriously preoccupied with HOW exactly the goose womb cures premature ejaculation. Do you have to eat it? Wear it? I don’t even.

    Like

    Kari recently posted Kids: Nature’s Petri dishes OR The solution to the unemployment problem?.

  13. The capitalized “c” was my first problem, as well. But I’m an editor, so I claim professional immunity on that one.🙂

    Like

  14. How would you use the Canadian goose womb anyhow? orally?

    Like

    A Cook Not Mad recently posted 5 Unlikely US Cities For Food Lovers.

  15. Your life is far more interesting than mine will ever be. Please don’t ever stop posting stuff like this.

    Like

    Danielle recently posted Ridiculous.

  16. Bwahahaha!!!!! Thanks.

    Like

  17. maybe they mean The Cure. in which case that sentence leaves a lot of commas to be desired.

    Like

    Brook recently posted Boston.

  18. ROFLMFAO!!! Thanks so much for that glimpse of how dinner is at your house. I cried from laughing so much. Made my night, and here I was feeling bitter, depressed, and sorry for myself.

    Like

    faith recently posted #Takeaway Saturday. I was amused that it was packed with a lot....

  19. You get all the cool shit for spam. I only get stuff for knock-off purses and viagra.

    Like

    Sandy recently posted Comment on If This Is a Joke, I Don’t Get It by Christine.

  20. I want proof that women prefer larger penises. What about lesbians?

    Like

    Melissa Lawler recently posted Will Spring EVER Come?.

  21. After my initial embarrassment of ‘OMG. That says “CSA” – everyone in the world is going to think the CSA does nothing but put videos of Commander Hatfield doing weird stuff in space’ but then I thought it was a very cool experiment and he truly is a fantastic ambassador for Canada, the CSA and space programmes everywhere…

    As for the the video of dinners eaten by animals, I owe my step brother an apology. He shared it on FB and I thought “No wonder he’s not married.” thinking it was some weird porno thing… But it wasn’t and it was funny… So I learned something about him (PS, he’s 38, single, okay looking as far as brothers are concerned, doesn’t live in anyone’s basement, moderately successful and my step mom really wants more grandchildren – if interested…)

    Thanks for sharing, Jenny! Very funny stuff this week!

    Like

    Brennan's Mom recently posted Memories of Little Miss B.

  22. I love shit flower cards! I hope they are scratch and sniff!

    Like

    Melissa recently posted An unbearable feeling.

  23. Okay, the cloth wringing thing? Is by far the coolest and awesomest thing I have seen in a long damn time!! Right after that bit of information that your spam is providing you. It really couldn’t Harm to know about these things right?
    Yes. Harm. you read that right.

    Like

    Miss Gee recently posted When Your Childhood Toys Are Cooler Than You..

  24. Canadian Goose thing true, women preferring large penises I cannot attest to, but speaking for all gay men, yep… to a point. Then.. nope.

    Like

    brahm (alfred lives here) recently posted New Kid On The Gay Block....

  25. What a news flash that was!
    Perhaps the spam was for hubby?

    Like

  26. My spam is constantly wanting to increase my penis size or to help me love my women better. My spam really does not seem to understand that I am a straight woman or am I in denial?

    Like

    Vivian recently posted Some hot tea Dahling while you hang on and hang on and hang on?.

  27. I hate spam…. it’s everywhere, all around us. Thankfully there is stuff like “how animals eat” to make me hate the world a little less.

    Like

    Jaime recently posted I did some organizing!.

  28. Canada always wants to best us in everything. Of course, it’s only THEIR geese who have wombs with a miraculous Cure. What I want to know is what one must do with the womb to elicit the Cure in the first place…

    Like

    whatimeant2say recently posted The Internet – Where Everybody Knows Your Name Unless You Completely Made It Up.

  29. Hello! I love your blog and your book, but this is my first time commenting on your page. I was just looking at possible mother’s day gifts on Etsy and stumbled upon this lil gem of a store that I thought you would enjoy:
    http://www.etsy.com/shop/taxidermyjim?ref=seller_info
    You probably already know about it, but I definitely thought of you when I saw his product. Especially this http://img0.etsystatic.com/008/0/6613286/il_fullxfull.404452208_phgh.jpg

    Enjoy!

    Like

  30. My Spam comes in a can, never has witty things to say or offer, and is delicious fried.

    Like

  31. Trying to remember if I have EVER thought about a goose womb before. Obviously this has already been a highly educational experience for me.

    Like

    Mary recently posted Santa Carolina Carmenere.

  32. I’ll bet just thinking about goose wombs helps with premature ejaculation.

    Like

    Sara recently posted Boston You're My Home.

  33. The bloopers on “How Animals Eat Their Food” is almost as good as the original video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_953877&feature=iv&src_vid=qnydFmqHuVo&v=c4UMazLvKco

    Like

  34. LOL !!
    You are the Cure to my awkward lack of motivation this afternoon.
    Thanks.

    Like

    Momma bird recently posted "Clever Girl...........".

  35. Love the link with the cat and the fucks!

    Like

    Punky Coletta recently posted You Didn’t Know You Wanted to do This Before You Die.

  36. I’m with Laura way up there. Yay for the comments, but they stuck their own URL on the picture. That’s not even close to being right and I kinda want to smack someone over there for it.

    I’m going to go watch more space videos now to calm down. Thank you for adding those to my day.🙂

    Like

  37. Throwing shit off surfaces is my kitty’s favorite game. We load up his cat tree with crap every night so when we go to sleep, he’s got hours and hours of knocking shit off it. Woohoo!

    Like

  38. Net. Do Geese Even Have Wombs?

    Like

  39. FACT: If a goose womb was thrown on my husband during sex, he would not prematurely ejaculate. I will personally vouch for that.

    Like

    Julie the Wife recently posted Dove for Disillusioned Men.

  40. At least, they are not trying to tell you how much money you could make by providing Canadian geese to people with limp dicks…because most of my junk mail is about people trying to sell me money making systems, and it is only a matter of time before I receive that particular email.

    Like

    Morgan Eckstein recently posted Spider Mania (Coffee Cup edition).

  41. Haha that WOULD be the first thing you found wrong with that sentence!

    Like

    Ashleigh recently posted Depressing, Hard Day.

  42. Definitely love the new shirt and will be treating myself to it as soon as the last paper is written next week. Because that’s a reason to celebrate, right? And also just because I think the shirt is awesome!!! Love your way of thinking!!
    As for Spam and News… I constantly get stuff like that and would always like to respond: What about the lesbians??? What about us? Can I now enlarge my fingers?? Although come to think of it that might look weird… and it’s probably pretty inconvenient. Ah well. (Note: And do Women also prefer larger fingers? I would like them to cite their sources, too. Being difficult again.)

    Entirely different matter: I feel like depression is in the air. Am I imagining things? I’m sure there’s a panic button somewhere for an evil man (because man are always evil, right…) to press and make people depressed.

    Like

  43. 43
    Gina Danger

    It was my daughter’s school who posed the question about wringing out the cloth in outer space and there was a huge assembly to have Chris Hadfield beamed into their school to do the experiment (which was recorded and shown in the link above) live for them. So if we were going via the 7 degrees thing–> me, my kid, her school, Chris Hadfield, your blog, you… I KNOW YOU! Can I come over for lunch?

    Like

  44. I just read the Canadian goose comment to my husband. He says “Canadian goose WOUNDS do that?” “No, sweetie, Canadian goose WOMBS.” “Oh, yes, that makes much more sense.” I am concerned.

    Like

  45. 45
    Gina Danger

    Oh, and by the way; me, my kid, her school, and Chris Hadfield. We’re all Canadian. And I just wanted to add that no geese were harmed in the making of that video.

    Like

  46. I would hope that seeing a goose womb would prevent premature ejaculation. Unless goose vaginas are your kink. Then I guess they would probably exacerbate the problem. I’m sure the fine people at canadiangoosebajingos.com have that all figured out.

    Like

  47. I didn’t even notice the capital “c” at first. I feel like I’m morphing into one of those Old Timey Writers who Capitalized All the Important Words. I kind of Like It.

    Like

    LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? recently posted Boston—my latte is delusional, but he really wants to help you out..

  48. Hmm. Tha capital C was the first thing I saw, too. But I’m descended from a long line of English teachers.

    Like

    Joan Hockman recently posted Fond Memories of Your Funeral.

  49. Umm, sadly I can take it a step further and admit I am also bothered by the fact that there is no such animal as a Canadian Goose. It’s a Canada Goose. My proofreading brain hurts a lot when I’m online …
    I like the theory that they are actually referring the The Cure! But it doesn’t really work out in function.😉

    Like

    Amy recently posted Egg-cellent.

  50. Clearly, there was a message there for you somewhere. Or for Victor. It is hard to know for sure!😉

    Like

    thedoseofreality recently posted Pinterest Nightmare #618: Color Paw Pet Nail Appliques.

  51. I don’t know how you run across such interesting bits on the Internet, but How Animals Eat Their Food was hilarious. I wonder how many takes they had to do for the second guy to keep a mostly straight face?

    Like

    Sue recently posted I need to remember to close the screen door.

  52. That beaver (?) in the little boat that Christa posted a link to (comment 29) has all kinds of relevant jokes that would go well with a side of goose womb.

    Like

    Sarah recently posted That time David Bowie wore my imaginary pants.

  53. I was going to suggest that maybe they meant the band, but Brook beat me to it, darn it!

    My spam assumes that I want to meet hot, single women in my area and that I want a larger penis. No geese wombs have ever been mentioned, though. I feel slighted.

    Like

    Shannon Not Sharon recently posted Television interruptus.

  54. My Spam used to be aggressively filthy, talking about penis enlargements and stuff like that all the time.

    Now I get spam for Credit reports and other boring stuff. You think they’ve realized my wife has settled?

    Like

    thedavidcmurphy recently posted More Less Of Me... And A Kitten.

  55. If you squeezed all the world’s spam filters into a single book..

    Wait.

    JENNY, IS THAT WHAT YOU DID???

    Like

    HogsAteMySister recently posted David Attenborough’s Remarkable Discovery About Unknown Natural Enemies in New Zealand.

  56. 56
    lucky maria

    Aren’t Canada Geese actually protected from hunters? Maybe the womb comes with, say, a live goose attached to it. That might settle things down in the bedroom.

    Also, knowing Jenny’s inventory and following the etsy link Christa posted [#29], I will say I am a little concerned about the squirrel population. Where the hell are all these dead squirrels coming from? Other than the fact that squirrels are aquatic, the only thing I know about them is I can’t keep them off my bird feeder.

    Like

  57. 57
    Shannon Fielding

    I saw that same news headline on the big screen in the waiting room of our local ER the other day! Shocked the hell out of another woman sitting there. Her reaction was funnier than the fact that they did a study on whether penis size matters.

    Like

  58. Well, you know, as a Canadian woman I’m not surprised about our geese. After all, our national symbol is the BEAVER.

    Like

    Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) recently posted When Google Lets You Down.

  59. I was so confused when I read that sentence because of capital C made me think of the band The Cure and the entire thing just became a jumble of words for me. I seriously had to read it like three times before I understood it. Internet break sounds good…

    Like

    Allison recently posted Make Potato Chips in Your Microwave!.

  60. My Gmail account does a pretty good job at filtering spam, so I almost never get any. And the occasional one that does make it through is nowhere near as interesting as the ones you get.

    Like

  61. My most recent spam straight out insulted the layout of my blog and then told me it could do better if I went to a website titled Soundgate Promotion. I don’t see how car stereo equipment can help me. I just checked out your uncredited photo, and it looks like all your fans have credited you and advertised the hell out of you in the comments section. Nice to feel loved.

    Like

    Singlemumofone recently posted My first guest post.

  62. re: Wringing out a wet wash cloth in space

    I can see wide ranging applications for this in the spa/moisturizing/facial biz. I bet there would be more funding for space exploration if more women like the Kardashians or The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills could see this. (Especially since they act like they have more money than NASA! ha!)

    Like

    DogsDontPurr recently posted something hurts.

  63. It is STATIONERY. You keep spelling it wrong. Stationary is not moving, stationery is shit you write on.

    (#1 peeve, absolutely seriously. It is maddening to me. I have a fairly boring life, yes.)

    (But if the stationery is just sitting there it’s technically stationary, right? EVERYONE WINS. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  64. The “c” being capitalized would be the first thing to bother me, too. It’s spam, so I would expect the content to be mildly ridiculous, at minimum.

    Like

    Pretend Grown Up recently posted And tonight, I play the role of an irresponsible grown up.

  65. stationery. unless your cards are not moveable, then they would be stationary stationery. sorry, pet peeve!🙂

    Like

  66. Yeah, my first problem with the spam comment was that they’re Canada geese, not Canadian geese… sheesh.🙂

    Like

    fairbetty recently posted My apologies.

  67. ‘Cept I don’t think a T-Rex would be tucking into a salad…

    Like

    Claire J recently posted Austerity Measures.

  68. Do geese have wombs?

    Like

    Kattie recently posted I can't say it.

  69. As I am sitting in the living room, laughing loudly over How Animals Eat Their Food, my son yells downstairs “Are you watching How Animals Eat THeir Food”? No shit. My kid is totally one step ahead of me….

    Like

  70. Flowers and shit… nice. The cat .gif thingy totally made my day when you retweeted it.🙂

    Like

    Jess recently posted Writing up the Past.

  71. You delight me, down to your interest in weird capitalization.

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted Metre Maids.

  72. I think I have been following you too long because the capital c is the first thing I noticed also🙂

    Like

  73. If it’s any consolation, the “C” thing was my first thought, too! I think I might be a nerd.

    Like

  74. My spam is always about little blue pills and penis enlargement. Um, I’m not a dude.

    Like

    Batpoopcrazy recently posted Reflections.

  75. Where are you getting spam? I must be safely wrapped in google’s embrace because I can’t remember the last piece of spam I’ve gotten. Much less penis-related spam (the best kind, right?)

    Like

  76. The capital C is what bothered me most at first. And after thinking about it… yeah, it’s still what bothers me most.

    Like

    When I Blink recently posted Fuck Math.

  77. The first problem I had with the sentence is Canadian goose…which of course could be any goose who lives in, or was originally from Canada. Does this mean that to Cure premature ejaculation I must go kidnap a goose from Canada or ask a local goose if they are originally from Canada? Or is this nincompoop, who likes to throws random capital letters around like dollar bills at a strip joint, actually referring to specific kind of goose “Branta canadensis” or Canada goose, which is not necessarily Canadian.

    Like

    Lisa recently posted Behind Closed Doors.

  78. 79
    Pat C in Washington

    In regards to “Women Prefer Larger Penises”. Yes, because how else would we have the excuse to make fun of guys who expose themselves to us, giving us the reason to say “Dang! That looks almost like a penis except MUCH smaller!” or, “So, is your nickname Needle Dick the Bug F*cker?”

    Like

  79. Thanks for bringing joy into my life!😀 Love your writing and the stuff you find to post from the interwebs.🙂

    Like

  80. *resisting the urge to google canadian goose wombs* and, sadly, this is pure curiousity. (which in the end killed the cat.)

    Like

    monica recently posted How to Survive the Second to the Last Month of School.

  81. I think it’d be weirder if it said “Women prefer larger vaginas”.

    Like

    Samantha recently posted Support vaginas!.

  82. 83
    Chuck Coshow

    You might like these paper dolls my friend Nara did:

    http://wp.me/p35Z38-8z

    Like

  83. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THAT CAT GIF

    And chill. I had to read it 3 times before I got how creepy it was, on account of being thrown by the weird capital.

    Like

    Klementine recently posted Everyday Sexism: The Effects of Following It on Twitter.

  84. My first thought – What do they have to do with the goose wombs? All sorts of random and scary weird imagines later I noticed the capital C before returning to goose wombs and deciding that trying to find out on the Internet would be such a BAD idea so I will wonder for the rest of my life….well, I won’t but you can bet it will pop up randomly in my brain or in conversation when I am very very drunk!

    Like

    Ribena @ Ribena Musings recently posted Joan Collins is right. Any woman who wants to stay beautiful needs to diet every day of her life.

  85. Your spam is a lot more interesting than mine. My spam is still trying to convince me I’m a man and that my problems are either that I can’t get it up, it needs to be longer, or that my premature ejaculation issues are now skyrocketing through the roof and needs to be dealt with.

    Like

    Cara(Eli) recently posted Chimney Fire, hot firemen and how I almost likely saved the world.

  86. Candian Goose wombs are a rare delicacy where I come from. Add some pepper, spicy mustard and a cold beer and you have some thing really special, or really gross. All depends on your perspective now doesn’t it.

    Like

    Jack recently posted This Is A Boring Headline.

  87. My spam mail consists of Adriana sending me 3-6 emails. Per day. She wants me to visit her web cam (because I make her really hot); “like” her on her private Facebook page, which she just unlocked for ME only; watch a video that is guaranteed to loosen the thighs of every woman; and contact her, because she is WAITING for me.

    Girl seriously needs to get a job or something. She has too much time on her hands.

    Like

    Geek Goddess recently posted The joy of the lost art of wearing hats.

  88. That’s awesome spam, mine usually consists of shoe-related emails by senders with names like Jimmy-choo-for-you-not-spam-this-is-real@zxnvzxlidnwa.asdnfasjkbf.com

    Like

  89. Sweet! While I was forgetting you had a blog (sorry, you’re awesome, as everybody knows… you even have tees that say so!) you went out and got a store too? MOST excellent! So glad to find your blog again. Congrats on the move!

    Like

    A.D.D. Queen recently posted While waiting for a bit of the Weekend 45mg Adderall Find to kick in.

  90. There is nothing wrong with checking the grammar before you digest the sentence. I was also hung up on the c in Cure, and THEN stopped to think about the meaning of the sentence.

    Kinda like, “single guYs: make any, girl, want to #@! you!?” A real and unfortunate spam message currently in my email. It’s so screwed up I’m pretty sure the sender added the question mark on just to acknowledge the fact that he doesn’t even know what he’s saying.

    Like

    Krystal cooks. recently posted A Fish with Feathers (Prairie Sushi Tortilla Rolls).

  91. They’re called ‘Canada’ geese not ‘Canadian’ geese for all you supposed lauguage know-it-alls.

    Like

  92. That washcloth in space thing…AWESOME.

    Like

  93. 1) Chloe is absolutely right, “Canada” Geese.

    2) I am a pedant.

    3) Thanks for the washcloth video. Chris Hadfield is the coolest guy in the universe as far as I’m concerned. Singing songs and doing science education, while *commanding* the ISS.

    Like

    Richard Wintle recently posted Strange history, and thoughts of trying times.

  94. Maybe the wombs only solve premature ejaculation in members of The Cure.

    … hahaha… members…. !

    Like

    J.Mill recently posted Flip-It Friday: Don't Hate.

  95. The washcloth in space thing is cool. I shared it on my Facebook.

    Like

  96. Ohhhhh so very glad Fru from ‘Adventures of a silly silly girl’ recommended this blog on her blog. So very funny! I think I hurt myself laughing. Kinda liked it. Feeling my inner weirdo relax and stop pretending to be a straight laced mumma. Gold. Keep on!!!!

    Like

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