Kids today.

Today I’m in San Jose, CA on book tour.  Come see me?  Pretty please?

And while I’m gone this week I’m sharing “weird-things-I-took-pictures-of-with-my-phone.”

Today’s picture came from the road and is entitled “Back In My Day Kids Just Wrote ‘WASH ME'”.


120 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Ouch!!

  2. Yay! Fittingly, I am having a picnic in a graveyard before heading over to see ya tonight :D

  3. Someone is SO grounded for that! Or in therapy if it was the truth! ;)

    thedoseofreality recently posted Smells Like Teen Spirit.

  4. 4
    lucky maria

    Decent car. I’m thinking a career change might be in order.

  5. If I catch the kids who did that to my car….

    Anne Kimball recently posted How My Dog Makes a Difference in Our Family.

  6. Well, most crack whores are in need of a good washing, so the metaphor seems apt.

    “Kids these days, speaking in metaphor.”

  7. Lovely. I used to only be worried about the defacing of my science stickers now that it’s pollen season I have to worry about being called out as a crack whore. DILIGENCE!

    Amanda recently posted Splitting the Hairs of Victory....

  8. Ha! Better than a methhead, I always say…

    Mayor Gia recently posted We Need More Holidays.

  9. Now that I’m essentially driving a station wagon, I’ll have to be doubly vigilant about what is written in the caked on dirt. I mean, “I am a crack whore” was something you could get away with (in your 20s) driving a Subaru Impreza, but I don’t think I can get away with it (in my 30s) on a Nissan Cube.

    Kristin recently posted Achievement Unlocked: HFM Gets Published in Literary Journal.

  10. And yet the driver of the car is just sitting there and leaving that on the windshield. It should read “I am a lazy ass”

    My Half Assed Life recently posted Pants that fit weird, Bosses, Pizza and Boobies..

  11. We are driving a Wash Me car.

    Kathleen recently posted Jazzmen.

  12. This makes me feel old and not a little concerned for the future of humanity.

    “Get off my lawn!” *shakes cane*

    Mom in Two Cultures recently posted My Two Cents.

  13. I’m a little surprised you didn’t write a retort. Of course it probably would have had to much wit to fit on such a small canvas as a car window.

    Sara recently posted Knock it Off..

  14. Is Crack an alternative fuel?

    My daily reminder to you – You are good at it.

    But not the crack. No one is good at that. Stick with the Wine Slushies.

    Kara recently posted Moxie Fab Tuesday Trigger + Shopping Our Stash.

  15. The Best Little Crack Whorehouse on wheels in Tex-…California.
    Sounds like a successful enterprise…

    Claire J recently posted The Following Post Will Make You Smile (2nd in the Series).

  16. Well, I’m surprised a crackwhore can afford such a vehicle. Impressive, really…

    Emelie recently posted And Then I Thought About Reevaluating Some of My Standards… But Don’t Worry, I Won’t Follow Through..

  17. At least everything is spelled correctly.

  18. Oh my!

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted One Short of the Brady Bunch.

  19. The driver is still sitting in the car. Maybe it’s a marketing technique.

    Misty recently posted Fire: Day 22/366.

  20. That *might* make me a little bit more motivated to wash my car!!

    Rabia @ TheLiebers recently posted Spring Bucket List.

  21. O.M.G. I hope they knew the person. And that the person deserved it.

    Amanda- The Southern Unbelle recently posted B is for Birthday. Or not..

  22. I’ve been seeing signs taped onto the back of vehicles. I saw one taped to a van (complete with murals) that said “I like little boys.” Last week I saw a sign on a semi that said “Ladies be a flirt and lift your shirt,” complete with a photo of a topless woman. Classy…

  23. Sigh…Now I’m homesick. I lived out there for four years after college. (Doesn’t everybody want to move to California after college? I did it, but unfortunately at the height of a recession. Oops.)

    If you have any time to yourself, see if you can have someone drive you out to Hakone Gardens in Saratoga. To quote Ambassador Kosh, it’s “One moment of perfect beauty.”

    maryhs recently posted A good weekend.

  24. They really need a better marketing plan

    Denise Malloy recently posted Not Eggs-axctly What the Easter Bunny Had in Mind.

  25. Is it weird that my first thought was “How can a car be a crackwhore? Cars can’t do drugs”

    Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous recently posted C is for Creationism: or, how to make a quick ten grand....

  26. Man, I always just wrote ” I <3 you" on my mom's. Kids these days.

    Bree recently posted Mom's Tip Jar.

  27. 28
    E M Foster

    I’ve seen “Wash Me” written on dirty eighteen-wheelers, but that one is new on me!

  28. *Maybe* the car came with that secret message on the window that can only be uncovered with copious amounts of dust and dirt. Kind of like a car fortune cookie. I saw a dodge truck the other day that said “I’m a douche” in the back window, so that supports this theory.

    Ashley recently posted Quarter Life Crisis.

  29. Well considering the driver is just hanging out in the front seat with a cigarette and doesn’t seem to give two hoots about the message, I’m thinking this is just good old fashioned grass-roots advertising by one industrious crack whore.

    Charlotte recently posted Sore.

  30. Well….some people like to advertise.

    GK Adams recently posted Creamed Possum.

  31. Just wanted to say I had been totally excited when I heard you were coming my way on this tour. However, I am getting lasik eye surgery today, so coming is a no go. But at least one more person really wanted to be there today, I promise!

  32. Cali kids don’t fuck around. Hope you packed a shiv for your book tour, just in case.

    Flannery recently posted Crimes Against Chickens.

  33. Maybe the driver was just trying to get the word out.

    Lovelyn recently posted We’ve Moved.

  34. Kids are so creative. My Mom would have had my head on a stake on the front lawn if I had done something like this to her car.

    Danielle recently posted Count your Blessings.

  35. “I wish my wife was this dirty” was a favorite of ours when we were kids.

    thedavidcmurphy recently posted Clowning Around.

  36. That wins…second place goes to the people who hang the realistic looking ball sacs from their vehicles.

  37. Hi Jenny,

    San Jose is my hometown, but I’m too ill to come see you and I’m pretty depressed about it. I love your blog, how you write, how open you are and how you’ve helped me accept my own mental illness. I wish things were different for me and I could watch you read and get you to sign your book and probably cry in front of you, because girl, you give me some FEELS. But I can’t, so I’m writing you a long-ass comment instead. It’s not the same, but it’s better than staying a lurker. Have a great day today, and may San Jose be sweet to you.

    Hearts and unicorn hugs, steph

    steph recently posted School..

  38. You bet I’ll be there tonight! Been looking forward to it for weeks!

  39. I’m pretty sure crack whores don’t have cars… I mean, wouldn’t they have sold the car, for, oh I don’t know, crack? Hopefully before the whoring started? What started out as a joke has turned into a weird sad social commentary. I obviously need another cup of coffee.

    Katie recently posted I’ve Got a Crush on You! And you, and you, and you, too!.

  40. hahaha, well THAT would ge me to wash my car.

    I couldn’t imagine having the balls to write that on somebody’s car. What if they came out while you were mid-whore and turned out to be a big dude with a gun?

    Alison recently posted Beer League Hockey.

  41. The devil on one shoulder is laughing his ass off. The angel on the other is merely shaking her head and saying, “Oh, dear.”

    Karen Peterson recently posted With a Spring in My Step.

  42. Hey, look, billboards and newspaper ads are EXPENSIVE.

    Writing on your car window IS the most cost-effective way to advertise your services as a crack whore.

    That’s just smart business, people.

    Darcy Perdu recently posted Awkward Elevator Moment — Me & 4 Stoned, Scantily-Clad Men.

  43. Yeah… some people’s kids.

    However, plus side is I get to see and meet you tonight and that makes me super happy!!

    Rachel recently posted Adventures in Dating a Friend….

  44. Seems children have evolved. Realizing that no one washes a car that says “Wash Me”, as it’s funny and in good humor.
    Nay, they have realized the only way to get someone to ACTUALLY wash it is to write something so offensive, they might actually take the time to do it.
    Brilliant,….don’t know why I didn’t think of this YEARS ago.

    The Cheeky Daddy

    Jason recently posted Daddy Chores.

  45. ““I wish my wife was this dirty” was a favorite of ours when we were kids.”


    Maura @ Eve Was Partially Right recently posted Are You Nuts About Nuts? You Should Be!.

  46. Damn, you had to take a picture of my car.

    Jack recently posted How To Raise The Perfect Daughter.

  47. 49
    Mikki Blueyes

    OMFG I TOTALLY know who’s car that is!! It’s the chick who took off with my (ex) husband. Cuz that’s TOTALLY her name. Ask anyone.

    Hey Jenny want to make a little extra money on the side? I know a tire-slashing job that pays well…

  48. San Jose folks – how early are you showing up to Barnes & Noble?

  49. I am going to be there! I also have a present for youuuu! <3 ^_^

  50. I’m not going to lie, I’d probably cry a little if someone did this to my car. I mean, hello…how long had I driven around announcing to the world that I was a crackwhore? Why can’t it be something like, “You’re hot and totally don’t look fat in those pants!”…?!

  51. I bet her mother’s car has a sticker that says, “My daughter was crackwhore of the month!”

    Baddest Mother Ever recently posted Law and Order: FPU (Feral Panties Unit).

  52. You know who else is in San Jose doing a book signing? Stephan Pastis… another brilliant, sarcastic hero of mine.

  53. I walked past a car the other day and it said ‘have a great day :)’ …maybe the kids in my town aren’t as hardcore as the kids over your way…

    Nat recently posted Guest Post: Chocolate and Nut Muffins.

  54. wow…I think I prefer “wash me” better…

    Tanya recently posted HR Practices – Do You Have Zombies in Your Office?.

  55. Soooo sorry you’re in San Jose. It’s my hometown and I have ZERO nostalgia for it. Ugh. Please come to LA and then you can visit Whimsic Ally (all Harry Potter, LOTR, Dr. Who, etc. all the time) in Hollywood or Clockwork Couture in Burbank–that has a life sized Tardis out front.

  56. Yeah, welcome to San Jose

  57. With unemployment so high, many people are looking for new and creative ways to make a living. Looks like this woman has found her niche.

    Barbara recently posted …and then it all went terribly wrong.

  58. Since you’re in San Jose, you should take a tour of the Winchester house. You would totally love it.

  59. 61
    Patricia Smith

    I once saw one that said, “I wish my wife was this dirty!”

  60. Yes, I remember the good ole days…those days are gone!

  61. HAHAHAHAHA Just imagining all the cackles that must’ve gotten from people driving behind that vehicle.

    Adrasteia recently posted I am too tired to do both, so you get another 750 words excerpt today.

  62. Ah, the fragile brilliance of young minds. And/or a perfect example of how people can be unapoligetic assholes. I’m not picky, Jenny.

    Jessica recently posted on choosing your own adventures and accepting a little tough love (bitches).

  63. Someone with the money to purchase crack definitely has the money to at least pay somebody to wash their car.

    Emily recently posted It is my firm belief that backpacks should never have wheels..

  64. I cannot wait to see you today! It’s been on my calendar for forever, and I’m so looking forward to it. I highly recommend a visit to the Winchester Mystery house as suggested by Christina above. Totally up your alley, and sadly the most interesting thing about SJ. Trust me…born and raised here. :)

    Reese M. recently posted Bookish Event: Meeting Martha at Kepler’s in Menlo Park, CA.

  65. That’s my car! Er, I mean, my neighbor’s.

    Dana the Biped recently posted A First-Person Narrative.

  66. 68
    Star Austin

    I saw one that said “I wish my girlfriend was this dirty.” Classic.

  67. 69
    Star Austin

    And you really would love the Winchester Mystery House, it is fantastically freakish and beautiful and bizarre… GO there NOW!!!

  68. 70

    Ooh! Yes! The ONLY good thing about San Jose is the Winchester Mystery House (not named after the brothers on Supernatural. Sorry.). Staircases that lead to nowhere, 13 window panes in a window, hallways you can only get to through closets, etc. Super creepy.

    But I still want you to come to LA.

  69. lmao! I guess this gives the driver more incentive to wash…

    Ali K. recently posted Fast and the Furriest 5k 2013.

  70. Ah crackwhore shenanigans — I miss California.

  71. Come on, EVERYONE knows Crack Whore is two words. Now she’s going to have to wait weeks until her car is dusty enough to get it right. No easy fixes in dusty window defiling.

    Carilyn recently posted Things I Do When I Should Be Running.

  72. Damn crack whores, always forgetting to leave their numbers.

    Hey, hope my doll head planter wasn’t too creepy last night, and sorry we couldn’t squeeze our ticketless party of five in there to see you. I’m going to TRY TRY TRY to be there tonight in San Hoser. <3

    Califmom recently posted Gone. She's Gone..

  73. I used to live in San Jose; if I still lived there I would be part of the crowd trying to get in the door. On another topic, have you read REDSHIRTS by John Scalzi? for reasons i can’t even figure out, it reminds me of your writing. It is very funny. And discussable. and I’m not related to the writer or anything.

  74. Wow. That’s a thing. Welcome to San Diego!

    Danielle recently posted On Feminism and Chivalry, or Wake Up and Talk Straight.

  75. My question is why the owner of the car didn’t wash at least that window…. Hmmm lazy much or just just a show off?

    Mexmom recently posted Confidence is what every woman needs.

  76. And someone is sitting in the car…how can they not know that someone wrote this on their car…unless they are really a crack whore, in which case, they are just bragging about their lack of intelligence.

    Morgan Eckstein recently posted Happy April Fool's Day (Zealot's Dictionary Edition).

  77. Guess that kind of thing is a bit more motivating than plain old “wash me.”

  78. My car is so dirty the kids write the message on the inside… “Let me out” backwards.

  79. Less impressive than the hooligans who used that washable car paint to draw ginormous penises all over my Mom’s borrowed minivan. Which I was driving at a service trip. Sigh.

  80. Fact: San Jose is full of crack whores.

    Jamie the Very Worst Missionary recently posted Sweet Little Baby Prostitutes..

  81. Well, underpasses are generally a solid place to score crack. But, it also looks like its pretty sunny and hot out there.

    Maybe the driver got sick of chilling near the underpass in the hot sun waiting to make a crack-for-ass exchange, and, instead, decided to cool off in the car? The car writing was just her method of not losing her place in the crack line.

    Moral of the story — crackwhores are a wily breed.

    PinotNinja recently posted Apparently, I Live in Arlen, Texas.

  82. wow. speechless. how exactly did they know???

    monica recently posted Top 10 Ways I Am Nicer Than A Substitute.

  83. Some asshole neighbor (condo complex) drew a cock and ball on my husbands car… Awesome.

  84. Don’t knock it! I know a lady (for real) that was a crack addicted prostitute for most of my childhood. She got one of her “John’s” so in love with her that he left her everything in his will. House, car, grand piano, stocks and bonds, and about 1/2 a million dollars. The total net worth after all his taxes were paid and the inheritance covered worked out to just over a million bucks in liquidatable assets.

  85. I say, ” A for effort and spelling”. Most sporadic insults these days are full of bad spelling and terrible grammar. Bravo!

  86. ‘I have a tiny penis’ would probably cause a hasty trip to the car wash too

  87. That car runs on CRACK? How did I miss *that* news story?

    Julie the Wife recently posted Ice Cream Cage Match.

  88. Someone needs to get that vehicle to rehab immediately. It’s crying for help. Kind of like Lindsay Lohan. But less blunt. And less irritating.

    whatimeant2say recently posted From the Woman Who Brought You Terrorists Who Poison Your Food.

  89. Obviously the car (or the driver) offended someone lol. Poor car.

    AMummysLife recently posted Losing a dear friend.

  90. No! I’m super impressed that you put cockwhore on your blog. Groundbreaking, once again.

    Girl to Mom- Heidi recently posted Rainbow Cookies.

  91. Wowza… when I was a little kid, I had no idea what a crack whore was…I figured it was a person who hoarded crackers.

    Rico Swaff recently posted If this Sign Accurately Depicts Lobsters, then Lobsters are Dumbasses.

  92. Thanks for coming to SJ! Your reading was fantastic. I am pretty sure that never again will I experience someone yelling “I’m calling the police!!! and I have diarrhea!!!” into a microphone at a bookstore.

  93. Ha ha haven’t seen this kind of thing in a while, but I do remember putting ‘wash me’ on my mum’s car once when I was little – although she saw it before it made its way out of the garage

    Ally recently posted Why You Should Consider A Magazine Theme.

  94. Probably a college kid and not a little kid. I don’t know if that’s better or worse than thinking a little kid was writing about crack whores.

  95. One would think that a high-quality crack-whore (should this be hyphenated?) should be able to afford to wash his or her own vehicle. Note that I avoid any sexism here by implying that both men and women should and could fit under the “crack-whore” umbrella. By which I mean, WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO L.A. BECAUSE I WILL THROW YOU A FUCKING PARADE BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR HUMOUR (I got all British there, aren’t you impressed?) SAVED ME? Also, why does auto correct recognize the hyphenated version? Did “Crackslut” finally get married or something? Jenny, you rock. I write for a living, and I don’t think that anyone ever thought of themselves as my bff because of anything I wrote. You did this for me, and now I want a mounted head of something in my living room. Usually, it’s the boyfriend, but what fucking use would he be on the wall? He can’t take out the trash if he’s all “hung up.” Maybe I could get a bear or something from an old I Love Lucy” episode. I digress, but I think you get it.

    See what you did? Hope I didn’t scare you too much,


    p.s. All levity aside, you inspire SO many. Don’t stop.

  96. 99

    Kids of family friends wrote ‘just married’ on 3 windows of my car in glass-marker pens. They were so excited and showed me gleefully. Then I drove with them in the car. I was like, 19 and definitely not married. We got a lot of honks.

  97. Best dirty car comment I have ever seen? ‘Wish my wife was as dirty as your car’ !!!

    Laura Ehlers recently posted I Am, I Said...outloud...on the train.....

  98. Good thing you’re here to guide the youth of today, Jenny…

  99. Or maybe she really is a crack whore? Just sayin…. :D

    Robin recently posted What a Wonderful Chartreuse World It Would Be.

  100. Wow. At least it didn’t say “Wash me. I’m a Crack Whore.”

    Leslie recently posted Pope Walter.

  101. I unfortunately drove around for god knows how long with a giant penis drawn on my back window complete with a hairy ball sack…it pays to be observant.

  102. 105

    hi Jenny,
    Thanks for coming to San Jose! Hope you had a good if brief visit to SF area… Saw you at the Eastridge book reading last night. Wow what a big crowd.

    Alas I couldn’t stay for the book signing, the line was *really long* and I found myself at the end (ended up near the Sci Fi seciton which was cool but I simply ran out of time to stay). But it was great to finally see you in person (you look just like your pictures!) and hear your reading. And to pick up the book finally of course.

    And now that it’s too late for me to ask in person, I just thought up a possible Q&A question for future book reading (hint, hint, AZ people): What’s the longest book-signing line you’ve had?

    Mike from CA

  103. maybe this is just cheap advertising?

  104. Well…IS she a crack whore? If so, I say these kids get an A for accuracy and another A for honesty.

    They should also get an A for agency…as in the Child and Welfare Agency that should be called if the mom really is a crack whore.

    Lisa Newlin recently posted And then I bumped into Howard Stern….

  105. At least they spelled whore right!

    Batpoopcrazy recently posted No Mistakes? WTF???.

  106. I think for fun next time I see a dirty car I’m gonna be a kid again.
    I like the one “Wish my wife was this dirty”

    And as far as penis on your windows. I drove my daughters friends one night somewhere and they drew penis’ on all my back seat windows.

    Carla recently posted I think Spring has Sprung.

  107. Love this stuff. I have a whole page of stupid car stuff just like this. Wish I’d have seen this.

    Smokeynall recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  108. At least they spelled it correctly…

  109. I just saw a car that the kids had written #1 Daddy, My Daddy Rocks, #1 Family all over the back. Quite the contrast from the one you saw!

    Jackie recently posted Happy April Fool’s Day or How we pranked my Mother in Law..

  110. 113
    Lady Penelope

    Huh…looks like my sister got herself a new car…

  111. Wow. That is really ugly.

  112. You know what’s really strange?
    I read your book so looked at your blog. The first thing I see is this photo, and I read “I’m A Cock Whore” on the back window. Huh I thought – rude kid.
    Then a day later I looked and saw the same thing.
    Yesterday I looked at the comments and saw that it isn’t “Cock whore” it’s “Crack whore”!!!
    What does that say about me I wonder???

  113. Ah, Patricia, thank you! Now I know I’m not the only one who thought it said cockwhore (albeit with an inexplicable extra C at the beginning), rather than crackwhore. I’d imagine the results from the locals would be a teensy bit different if we’d been right after all!

    toni in florida recently posted I wrote a witty ditty!.

  114. 117
    theresa esposito

    Just finished your book…and loved it! I was reading it at work near the begining, and laughed so hard 3 people wrote down the title, (I almost got in trouble because I’m a nurse in the psych unit of an ER and the social worker was on the phone with the psychiatrist…and I was snorting, and almost peed!). So, thanks a lot, you almost got me fired! Feel like I’ve discovered family I didn’t know I had. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Best wishes on your next book.

  115. I didn’t even register the “r” as an extra “c” Toni. My mind never even saw it.

    And then I was wondering about the driver – the woman smoking her cigarette – do her kids REALLY think she’s a cockwhore? IS she a cockwhore? What would being a cockwhore consist of?

    Crackwhore just doesn’t do it for me! No mystery there! :-)

  116. I missed you in San Jose. I will never forgive myself….

  117. 120

    You’re going to feel really bad when you find out that the person was reaching out to the world for help in their crack and whoring addictions, find themselves ridiculed on the internet, and then kills his or herself…

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