Fun with Ebay

in Random Crap

I’m starting to sell some fucked-up shit on ebay so that I can buy some more fucked-up shit on ebay.  It’s a vicious circle, and a sign that I probably need help.  Regardless, my decapitated, possibly-haunted, broken robot is already at $46 and that pays for at least a dozen lightly-used glass eyeballs.

Also, the shipping is $25 in the US (it’s crazy heavy because of the motor on the bottom) or free if you just want the dismembered head.  And if you win I’ll throw in a free, signed copy of my book.  Or I’ll leave it out if you think that lowers the value of the overall package.  It’s totally up to you.

PS. It’s way easier to read on the actual site.

My favorite part: “Have one to sell? Sell it yourself!”

Because who doesn’t have an extra, decapitated, soul-devouring, home-made, broken robot?

144 thoughts on “Fun with Ebay”

Read comments below or add one.

  5. The problem with creepy haunted items and cats living in the same residence is you can never tell which of them is doing the projectile vomiting.

  10. I love ebay– but have never actually purchased anything on there. I’m looking at a pair of sunglasses on there- but am terrified i’ll be ripped off. Hehe.

  13. I’m now being haunted by this thing on Twitter AND Facebook (and sometimes eBay, when I feel the need to see how far its price has gone up). I need to be less obsessed with you, but I can’t. It’s too much fun.

  15. My favorite part: “Have one to sell? Sell it yourself!”

    That cracks me up, too. But only because I read it with a tonality that sounds more like something a jilted wife would say. “Want a sandwich? Make it yourself.” Hahahahaha!

  16. Or the part where it says people who bought this have also bought these items: and there is kid’s bedroom decorations. Lol, clearly people want the dead drummer to eat their children, and obviously there have been others for sale

  17. These are definitely the best Q & A I’ve ever seen in an eBay auction. Can I buy just the Q & A? Is shipping free for just the Q & A?
    Also, I’m fairly certain the robot closely resembles what my wife would look like were I to buy this.

  18. The shipping now says $83.05! I think the doll is actually increasing the price as we speak (or should I say, type).

    (Seriously. It’s like ebay is haunted. It’s $25. Ignore the weird shipping rates. ~ Jenny)

  19. I wonder what my Great Pyrenees would think of a potentially homicidal doll…or head…

    Considering his long and abiding love for dismembering stuffed animals with vigor, I’m pretty sure a haunted doll would scare the bejesus out of him.

  21. That way MY barn filled with paper-mache body parts, damn it. You shouldn’t judge decapitated, soul-devouring, home-made, broken robots until you get to know them better… jus sayin.

  22. I would love for someone handy to buy it and make it work again. What do you imagine is sounds/looks like when it moves?

  23. eBay is such a scary place. Not because of the items but because of how it becomes an addiction and getting out is like Hollywood’s take on leaving the Mafia. Only you have to bid on the horsehead in your bed which sort of makes it even worse.

  25. Oh man. If I had any sort of disposable income, I’d be in such trouble on eBay….Also, wouldn’t it be awesome to turn the head over and use it as a candy dish? Because it’d be like giving candy to all those poor children souls stuffed inside.

  26. You are now on my favorite seller list! Thanks for continuing to surprise and amaze.

  27. Holy c@#$ this thing is chock full o’ awesome, or souls it’s eaten. Either way it’s a win.

  28. I love the ebay suggestions on “People who bought this item also bought…” This totally goes with a Bert and Ernie wall mural stickers.

  30. So creepy!! You’ve posted it three times now and each time I click it and weird things happen to my spine.

  34. Can I pay extra to have you ship it to someone I don’t like? I have an ex who needs this, badly.

  35. Please tell me you’ve seen the “more like this” section… Undies, Jeff Foxworthy albums and a possibly haunted doll that may or may not trash your house. Oh my. Perhaps I’ve been blaming the kids for the work of evil dolls!

  36. I think you should update the description to feature it as a potential mother’s day gift.

  37. Wow, that makes way more sense. I totally saw Rooster instead of Robot.

  38. I kinda feel like you may now have an active file with the FBI and DEA….

  39. eBay sent me an email stating “still lookin for a possibly haunted robot?” . Love it!

  41. I want to know why ebay says “People who bought this item bought” and has kid decals like Bert and Ernie for walls.

  43. Those are some savvy Ebay shoppers you have there. I’m going to look for more of your Ebay listings now, because I’ve run out of your blog posts to catch up on.

  44. “People who bought this item also bought…” really? They bought wall decals of Bert and Ernie?

  45. Does it not fit in one of those flat rate boxes from the Post Office? I bet that would be cheaper if it fits.

  46. Honestly, you have a lot to learn about marketing. Why draw attention to the robot’s negative qualities? You should have called it “Possibly haunted robot might NOT eat you in your sleep.”

  50. So it is $62 dollars shipping if you use the “I do not care when it gets here because it endangers more mail people that way” option, and just $20 if you elect to use the “I want it in my neighborhood stealing children souls tomorrow” option. Either way, it sounds like a win-win to me.

  51. Yep, as has been noted above, people who bought this Haunted Robot also bought Bert & Ernie wall decals. Because they come alive in the night and battle the Haunted Robot. Seriously, the Bert & Ernie wall decals are your friends and protectors, you will need them to survive the Haunting. So if you buy the Robot, you better buy Bert & Ernie, too.

  55. the questions may just be the best part! I wish I had enough to bid on this, I think it would keep the cats from nibbling on things they shouldn’t ever again. And finally convince everyone that I should never ever be allowed on the internet

  56. Damn, my potential buyer comments are never that fun. I might use ebay more often if they were!

  57. After seeing this I now wish I hadn’t gifted my daughter’s freaky, possessed, heavy-breathing doll to charity.

  58. So many comments about people who bought this haunted robot also purchased Burt and Ernie wall decals. Exactly HOW MANY haunted robots are on eBay?!?!?!!!?!

  59. I too loved the “Have one to Sell? Sell it yourself!”
    How many headless, soul-eating, zombie, robot dolls are out there in the world? And how many people are out there trying to sell them?

  60. There’s been an announcement that there’s a Sex Superbug strain of antibiotic resistant Gonorrhea that can kill you in three days from septic shock and I think we’ve now discovered the source.

    But I’ll take the drugs in the head.

  61. When you have company that have over stayed their welcome ie 12 minutes after arriving, you could set the head out in the bathroom and when they ask where the soap is you can yell out ‘ just squeeze the demented child doll head’s eyeballs until liquid comes out…that should be soap or brains, both work.

  62. What the hell is the head made out of ? From one angle it looks like a homicidal cookie.

  63. Okay, has anyone else noticed, in the third pic, that it looks like there’s a demon in the neck, with its hand resting just near the collar? Just me, then?
    Hey–where’s my cat? She was just here a minute ago. Oh, god, kitty, you didn’t look it in the eyes, did you?!

  64. Hmmm, how much would it really be worth to mail that thing to my inlaws? Anonymously. Eh, they’d probably make it more evil and it would take over the world.

  66. Seriously, the people who bought items like this also like Thomas the train, winnie the poo, and bert/ernie. The mind boggles.

  68. I just realized I’ve been doing ebay wrong. I need to re-evaluate my item descriptions to make them waaaaay more enticing. And haunted. And possibly soul-sucking.

  69. So this has nothing to do with this post exactly, or at all. So I am writing this too you Jenny as i am in the hotel Lobby at the computers they have in London. I am writing becuase for a long time i wanted your book, and i bought it friday, the one witht he new chapter, at JFK airport friday on my way over. I have been a long time reader of your blog and it has moved me a lot, but y0our book more so. I was wondering if there was a PO Box where i could send you a hand written letter in all my crazy glory. I much perfer a letter as one its a lost art and secondly, i can take more time with it than here. Your book and teh topics you talk about on your blog and in your book hit close to home for me and it helps. You are a person who truly helps by being you and not pretending to be something you are not.

    Welp now that i have gushed, time to get one last pint in jolly ol England before i pack to go home. I basically just want to steel another pint ghlass to have a mathcing set. My dad just broke the one i stole from a pub a block or so over. So exscuse me while i commit petty theft for the thrill of it.

    Thanks again for just being so awesome, and you as you are. And sorry this has nothing to do with your post, but this is the most comprehensible thing i could put out right now with out taking my time and spending a massive amount of time typing, which i am doing anyways. all right im done, i swear. Thanks lot Bloggess, you are more awesome than a possum.

  70. At the bottom of the page along with the Bert and Ernie stickers, Ebay suggests buying the children’s book “Always Kiss Me Goodnight.” Because, if you put this haunted robot in your kid’s room, that’ll be the last time you kiss your living child.

  71. I don’t think I’m ever going to get those lifeless eyes out of my head. Thanks for at least a month’s worth of nightmares and insomnia.

  72. I just spit out all of my coffee laughing. Thanks. This was just to funny. I would so buy this if I wasn’t moving. This would be perfect for a friend of mine. 🙂

  73. and at the very bottom of the page:

    Related search : Barbie Lovely Sleep Ins

    I always knew that Barbie secretly ate the souls of children while they slept.

  74. Is it’s face supposed to look like it’s covered in Ritz cracker crumbs? I’m not supposed to think it looks a bit edible, right? Oh god, I’ve been possessed by the devil, who wants more maw-crunching, haven’t I?

  76. You know, I’m not sure which is better; the listing itself or the fucked up Q and A sesh at the bottom! I also don’t know which I love more…you and the craziness that is YOU or the crazy ass readers you have here! I’m in Texas, if I bid and win this damn thing, can we meet somewhere just so I can bask in all your glory?

  78. I have no idea if it is your description or the Q&A that is the most disturbing….either way it is all freaking hilarious.

  79. Does that guy live on Drury Lane? Because that is the most creepy looking gingerbread looking mo fo I have ever seen. I buried a child’s hermit crab tonight so maybe I am just in a paranormal state of mind. Fingers crossed it doesn’t get un burried by a creature of the night. I can’t have Pet Semetary up in here with Hermit Crabs.

  81. The Q&A’s are comedy gold! Thanks for the (somewhat disturbing) laughs!

  84. You may be the most brilliant woman I have ever met. I want to be you.

    Yes, we met once, at a signing… and I’m not saying that in a creepy stalker way. Just stating a fact.

    Also, I want to be the male you, because I would make a shitty woman.

    I hope that your haunted robot brings you good fortune and nightmares to whomever purchases it.

    -Six

  86. I have never before seen such a hilarious ebay entry, or comments! I guess I’m shopping for the wrong stuff.

  87. R & I both thought the head was a potato and not original to the body when we saw this on twitter.

    Backup plan if the head sells: Make your own potato head.
    Bonus: You don’t have to masticate paper.
    Then you’ll need a replacement shako too…hmmm….

  90. I like that it has a listing, “People who bought this item also bought”:

    Stickers.

    Seriously. Army tank Wall stickers, princess wall stickers, Dora stickers, glow-in-the-dark stars to stick on your ceiling, and Betty Boop stickers.

    Gotta watch out for those crazy sticker people – apparently they also like haunted robots.

  91. You have now started the niche market of people selling haunted items on Ebay. Way to go, trendsetter *takes stock of all her haunted, useless items*

  93. You need to learn what a garbage pile is. Some of these things need to go in a garbage pile. Someone who doesn’t have the money to spare might buy this because it belong(s/ed) to you.

    I adore you, but seriously. Sell it if you want to, but don’t advertise it as it’s you who is selling it, IMO.

    Just my two cents.

  94. You know sometimes you love a story so much you bid into it? That happened to me. I would rub my face on that ghost for history.

  95. Hahahahaha, I thought it said “rabbit” not “robot” & for a minute I was all excited!

  96. This robot is like the elite of the dark society and there is nothing quite like it! Ebay’s just jealous!

  97. Oh great. eBay, yet another place I need to find time to search for oddities…
    You have already given me enough fodder to waste my afternoons on Youtube, old Bloggess posts and trying to work out this fercokta Twitter for Bloggess updates.

    I’m never getting off the internet, am I?

  98. This is why people are awesome. I feel that things like this are enhancing my creativity.

  100. The best part aside from the “have one sell it yourself” is at the bottom of the listing it says “Related search :
    Barbie Lovely Sleep Ins”
    Because everyone searches for barbie and haunted robots!

  104. You need to just do a weekly thing where you share your ebay descriptions, because this is more than awesome.

  105. Your first sentence is the best definition of e-bay ever.

    Better buy fast: all that stuff is about to be taxed.

    Let’s hope the money goes toward getting those kids back to Head Start and those cancer victims hooked back up to the IV.

  110. Sooooooooo, just a note: If you select the third picture of the crazy robot where the head is detached but you can still see the rest of it….. IT LOOKS LIKE THERE IS A CREEPY GHOST FACE IN THE NECK OF THE ROBOT. Go check it out…………THERE! SEE! It looks like a little girl with her hair blowing to the left (her right) It also kinda looks like the little girl on the playbill of Les Miserables. Just saying.

  112. 1) The bid is now at $76. Good for you, Jenny.
    2) The questions and answers are awesome. You should compile them into a post.
    3) How can Ebay have a section “people who bought this item also bought”, when no one has bought the Haunted Robot yet? Can Ebay tell the future? Do they already know who is going to win the bid? And how do Tinker Bell wall stickers compare to a Haunted Robot?

    I’m confused.

  113. Holy crap! I didn’t realize how gargantuan that thing was until I clicked on the picture of you holding it’s head. That adds a whole new level of creepy to it. Such a bargain to get that much ‘creepy’ for $76. I’ll be interested to see how much it sells for and keep watching the Q&A section, because those people make me smile. I think I might just need to mark this auction as something to watch for the Q&A section alone. I’m also excited to see what you buy with the money you make off this auction. You find the best ‘stuff.’

  115. Ok, so someone has probably already mentioned this, but you get a lot of comments and I need to leave work, so I’m just going to throw this out there…..THERE’S TOTALLY A FACE STARING OUT OF ITS NECK!!!! Or where the neck should start….whatever. The point is….no wonder it keeps popping up on your pillow! That third picture has totally creeped the hell out of me now!!

  118. I just went and looked at the auction and the last picture actually has a face in the stuffing of the neck lol ….proof that it is possessed!

  121. That is one creepy looking… doll… thing. Yeah. Like that United States Postal Service tv commercial, where they’re all like: “Dude, we gotta get rid of this creepy-ass clown that some asshole sent us”, and the post man is all like: “Hey, if it fits, it ships. HOLY CRAP, IT JUST MOVED AND IS NOW STARING AT US, CALL THE F***KING VATICAN.”

    Also, yes, there is a creepy girl’s face in the third ebay photo. Thanks for making my nightmares more terrifying Aimee and Carol.

    The End

  122. The head looks like it’s made out of an old grapefruit, possibly coated with glitter (or old lacquer). Soooper creepy though.

  126. so between being annoyed at the readers that were snotty about the listing and wanting to rub my butt all over this haunted robot but can’t because i can’t be sure he wouldn’t spontaneously drum in even numbers i sit here spellbound!!!!!

  127. okay so I checked out the ebay site and at the side of the page there was a tab that said ” see more items like this” and was like okay and hit it which showed a bunch of freaky crazy satan dolls and then in the middle there was a TOASTER! who in the f#ck thinks a toaster should be in the same group with freaky satan dolls, but while writing this I thought, well maybe freaky satan dolls like toast, I mean who doesn’t like toast? right?

  130. My favorite part is the “People who bought this item also bought.” Wish I could attach a photo. Here are the listings:
    In The Jungle Large Wall Decals / Sticker…
    Minnie Mouse Bow-Tique Wall …
    Family Like Branches on a Tree We all G… (really want to hear the end of that sentence)
    TANK ARMY 48.5″ x 21.5″ SUDD …
    Owl Tree Home Decor WALL STICK …

    Essentially, a lot of decorative wall hangings. To go with your haunted robot, I suppose.

  131. I am gonna need you to begin writing that “Who” episode right now. Gatiss and Moffat would NEVER able to say,”no” to that script! They live for soul-sucking, fear-inducing, heartbreaking stories like that!

  132. It’s kind of telling to look at the area of the page that says
    “people who looked at this item already bought” . . .
    Wow.

  134. my favorite part is the “people who bought this item also bought” and it’s all DISNEY WALL STICKERS??

  136. Whoever buys it should then dress it like a ghost. That way, when the Scooby Doo gang shows up, they will come in all cocky and unprepared for what is coming, “It’s not really a ghost. It’s just…Holy Shit! What the Hell is That!”, followed by lots of panic.

    That will teach those meddling kids.

  138. And yet it can’t be found on Ebay anywhere now? I searched for a completed listing to see what it sold for and the link is removed. It already disappeared – like a ghost. LOL

  139. What happened to it? It’s gone from ebay after selling for something like $152… some people just have too much money and time! LOL! Did it delete itself because it doesn’t want to leave you? It likes you, your barn, your attic…your brains! Muhaahaa!

  141. I have the same cycle. Sell stuff on ebay so I can buy more stuff on ebay! I can’t stop.

  142. I was selling a Jolly Chimp so I listed that it was possibly haunted and “may or may not run on the dark, lost souls of the foresaken. For ease of use, it also takes D batteries.”

    Someone bought it straight out and there were a ton of others for cheaper that they could have bought. Flair sells!!!

  143. That Q&A was just hilarious! I wonder why people would be interested in buying something like that? lol…there is a market for everything huh? Either way it’s a good sale!

  144. HA!! this is SO on point. I did ebay for many, many years and often thought it would be funny to sell a “haunted microwave” or even some weirder shit, just to see how crazy people really are and for my own amusement. this is awesome.

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