It was an easy answer, really.

in Random Crap

Victor:  If you could have dinner with anyone – dead or alive – who would you pick?

me:  I guess I’d probably pick “alive”.

Victor:  That’s…actually a good choice.

146 thoughts on “It was an easy answer, really.”

Read comments below or add one.

  14. I guess it depends on whether they were DEAD-dead or UNDEAD-dead. Because I guess having dinner with an undead might not be so bad, as long as I’m not on the menu.

    But an all dead person wouldn’t be much of a conversationalist and the smell would probably kill my appetite.

  15. Obviously. The dead make smelly dinner partners. Although, some of the living….

  16. What about half-dead. Like Zombies or vampires. Or the Jonas brothers.

  17. Victor should be more careful before he leaves out the Undead. Zombies, Vampires, and the like don’t tend to be a very forgiving sort.

  22. I’d probably pick dead. It would be quieter. (I have a 6 year old daughter who talks constantly.)

  24. I’d pick a member of the Rolling Stones. Might as well kill two birds with… er.. you know.

  25. Really depends on how anxious one is feeling, and the state of the corpse. I mean, I’d rather have dinner with a urn of ashes than some people…

  26. Wait, is the question for the guest to be dead or alive, or Victor to be dead or alive? I’m in that odd phase of my migraine where if I were asked that question I would have a very Corpse Bride montage in my head. Fun for me, not so much for the person seeing me staring blankly at them.

  27. What if they were dead AND TAXIDERMIED? Then it would be a much tougher choice, am I right?

  31. Plus, I’m just saying, you dine with the dead, there’s no fight over who gets the last slice of pizza.

  32. The obvious answer is usually the one that no one chooses. I am so glad your mind just ignores the “normal” and goes for the simplest.

  35. Though I imagine dinners when your dead could consist of ice cream, chocolate, cake and you wouldn’t gain a pound. Tough choice!

  36. Dead people won’t pick off your plate or whine and complain throughout the entire meal.
    The downside is those fuckers are notorious for not picking up the check, so there is that.

  40. Although dead people never take bites of my dessert even though they specifically said they didn’t want dessert in the first place even when I said that they always take a bite of my dessert but they said this time they wouldn’t because they were so full but the stupid waiter brings two spoons anyway so now there’s this pressure to actually use the spoon and I have to create a wall of glasses and napkins to deter the inevitable encroachment from across the table and then I’m seen as selfish even though they could have just ordered some frigging dessert themselves. Just saying.

  44. With some of the people in my life lately, it is difficult to tell the difference! The conversation drags either way!

  45. Alive would mean more conversation but dead would mean more food for you. I guess it’s all about what you want from the meal. 😀

  46. Excellent choice. The conversation will most likely be MUCH more interesting.

  48. There is something to be said about a nice quiet dinner companion who doesn’t chew loudly or dominate the conversation.

  50. So wait, are you dead/alive or is your dinner companion dead/alive? The answer’s the same (for me), but now I’m curious.

  57. If they are dead and they are eating, then I guess it is the Zombie Apocalypse. Do you really want to eat dinner with someone that is trying to gnaw on your arm? Makes it hard to use your cutlery effectively. Alive is the safest choice.

  60. I think she meant *she* would be alive. Not the dinner guest. Who may or may not be alive.

  61. Wait, like zombie dead, or ghost dead? I wouldn’t mind conversing with a ghost about what it’s like to be deceased. I don’t think zombies talk much.

  63. Of course you could make them wear Wolf Blitzer while eating dinner and then they’d kinda sorta be both, right?

  66. I would eat the dead one. The living tend to scream and
    it might hurt my ears.

  67. That fact that I’ve never thought to give that answer before, makes me feel like a failure. Thank you, only you and my dog has ever made me feel that way ;-P

  68. You know, too few people appreciate the simplest answers. I like it. I’d rather have dinner with someone alive as well.

  69. I like Victor’s reaction. The slight hesitation suggests he was thinking he, himself, is fortunate that you feel that way. If you had chosen “dead”, that could have meant dire consequences for your relationship 😉

  72. ROFLMAO I’m always biting my bottom lip when I visit your site to stop from cracking up so damn loud I scare others. I’d pick Prince but only because today is his birthday.

  73. Not much point in eating with anyone if you are dead… I mean seriously does anyone else remember nearly headless nicks death day party? Ewww.

  76. Sure….but maybe someone dead would be seriously interesting. The trip to the restaurant alone would be a good story.

  78. My very first thought was of an Eddie Izzard joke:

    “Cake or death?”
    “Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry…”
    “You said death first, uh-uh, death first!”
    “Well, I meant cake!”

  83. I AM SO HAPPY! I just read that the coolest new shoes are SHOWER SLIPPERS!!!!
    time for me to go shopping – it will be the first time i will have cool, in style shoes in , uh, ever?
    I had to share this with you, Jenny.

  84. Do dead people eat? I thought that was for zombies only! Still all in all Victor…. Good choice!

  86. I wonder if the future will have a time travel/resurrection service that brings dead people back for the sole purpose of having dinner with clients.

  89. Who is paying, that’s all that matters. Because I’d pick a free dinner with say, Al Capone, than a dinner I had to pay for with Ghandi. Only Ghandi would still be a good pick as you might get him when he was on a hunger strike, so you would just have to pay for your dinner. Just to be sure, take Ghandi to a steak house.

    “oh sorry, it’s just steak, I hear the Porterhouse is excellent!”

  90. I’m not so sure about your answer, think about this for a minute, apart from the smell there may be some advantages to dead dinner companions. If the other person at dinner was dead you could totally eat their dessert and no one would notice, cause hey, they’re dead.

  91. WAIT!!!!!! When Victor said “dead”….oh nevermind. I pick alive, too. I’ve been thinking about this for about an hour and thought I changed my mind….but I didn’t.

  92. Ah guys, I think she means that *she* would rather be alive than dead during the dinner. I guess it’s a bit either-way, but Victor confirms it. Also, I just saw Hotel Transylvania and it was awesome- best catchphrase ‘Holy rabies’. This all makes sense in my head.

  93. I really don’t know that I’m going to be able to hold it together long enough to WAIT for someone to ask me that question so I can totally steal your answer. I must find a way to artificially insert this question into a situation…….

  95. Okay, maybe. But you know the dead ones never steal your french fries, so there is that to think about.

  96. I’d have lunch with Hunter S. Thomcat. If you would walk in the room, I’d consider it a bonus!

  99. Good choice. Dead people smell funny and they never keep up their end of the conversation.

  102. I’d have to say I agree. I might be more specific as live Paris Hilton is probably less engaging than a dead Tesla. But YMMV.

  105. Come on — I want to know the answer to the implied question. David Gandy? Jesus? Hitler? Martha Stewart? Prince ? (ok, maybe that’s just me!) Michelle Obama? Jon Stewart? Gandhi? Victor? (just kidding!) Don’t make me write an entire list…

  107. AWESOME CHOICE!!! LOLOLOLOL

    Although I might think harder on that if I knew the terms of dead. Does that mean i can play tricks on people and have supernatural powers?
    That might be attractive….

  108. I would choose “Dead of Alive” Or both. Depending on the Iteration.

    “You spin me right rough baby, right round, like a record baby, right round, round round…”

    Earth Moon Sun. They made a bid.

  109. Mind you I was watching the news this morning and over here it’s all about Prince Philip and his wee op for abdominal investigatory surgery, sheesh no one mentioned mine and I got bruised on http://tomstronach.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/ive-no-idea-what-to-call-this-one-you.html and then there was a piece on Nelson Mandela and it’s not looking good and I suddenly thought, ‘If there is an after life, how will the conversations go between Nelson Mandela and Gandhi, would they have a punch up over whose non violent approach was the right way to go’ Just a thought…..

  111. I think you mean YOU would want to be alive, not the dinner companion….this made me snort when I read it though, I have never heard that response, but I will be anxiously awaiting that question now so I can use it. Just like I long for someone to say “my face hurts” so I can respond with “It’s killing me…” *sigh*

  112. I don’t know… If you’re dead you don’t have to worry about who’s picking up the check or those awkward silences or whether somebody put something nasty in your food or choosing the restaurant or picking something from a huge menu or if you don’t even like the other person…etc…

    And if it’s the other person you meant, this is from someone who is constantly surrounded by dead animals, so I’m not sure the answer in that case is so obvious…

  113. Ha! How about ethically taxidermied? They could be posed, ‘Here’s Louis XIV throwing a bread stick.’

  116. I agree with P.C. …
    I never thought of it that way before.
    I choose ALIVE too. Interesting answers up there of which I expect some to be true to some personalities – one saying it depends on “how dead they were”… does not make you wonder what that person wanted the date for – not someone I want to go out with.

  119. Could you be dead and have dinner with someone alive? ‘Cause that might be kinda fun… but only if you could come back from the dead once the meal was over, of course.

  120. Definitely alive. Dead would either be boring conversationally or be a zombie, which means that the dinner prepared would go to waste while s/he/it tried to chew your brains.

    Dick Cheney is a grey area, though, so probably leave him out of the consideration pool altogether….

  122. Depends on what’s for dinner, and who the person is. Like if it were lobster, I might be okay with them being newly non-stinking dead (or long dead sans stench) so I could eat it all, or if my dinner partner were Hitler, I would prefer him dead, what with the whole being a Jew thing.

  126. I’m guessing I’d probably go with alive too … if only just from the aspect of appreciating the food….

  128. I know this goes without saying but – you are freaking awesome

  130. So clever! I bet you are excellent at riddles. Let’s say you’d chosen a dead person to eat dinner with. Would the dead person just have to sit there and watch you eat your food? That wouldn’t be very fun for them. Maybe you could take the dead person of your choice to a carnival. Ride the Ferris Wheel with Kurt Vonnegut, or wear a stuffed animal for George Washington.

  132. Really, the question should be:
    “What person, alive or enjoying the afterlife, would you like to join for happy hour?”
    There are no “dead” or “undead” people to deal with, plus no commitment to dinner, with or without the possibility of dessert. And, really, even if the person you thought would be awesome in the afterlife turned out to be a total douche-nugget, it is just an hour.

  135. I was about to say, “Joe Strummer,” when I was invited to contemplate the existential debate begun by a comma. Well done. I’d still pick Joe. And yes, alive. Both of us. Because who needs a zombie Clash? I liked the human one. Now I’m just getting weird.

  136. Kind of like a sign that says. “Breakfast Anytime” Well, I’d like breakfast during the renaissance. Yep, I stole that. I’m not proud.

  138. You should have picked the middle-ground and had dinner with zombies, only make sure they’re chained to the chair and don’t EVER reach in front of them for the potatos.

  140. Good answer. Mine would be God. If he/she showed up would prove his existance, if not, we would know to start worshipping something else! Also, I’d like Eddie Izzard there, think he would be fun.

  141. but if you had dinner with a dead person you could ask them questions like:

    do the maggots bother you?
    did you see a bright white light?

    and the ever important, “how are we having this conversation?”

  146. There are some evenings when I would prefer dead company to live dinner conversation. Oh, that’s why I have an adorable dog.

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