A series of emails between me and my husband:
me: Hey. Wanna see what I’m gonna look like when I’m old?
Victor: Is that a hat? DO NOT BUY ANOTHER HAT. We live in Texas, for God’s sake.
me: It’s not a “hat”, Victor. You’re insulting all three of us here.
Victor: This is why she doesn’t come to you when you call her.
me: She doesn’t come because she’s a cat. She fucking loves this. She feels useful. For once.
Victor: Did you actually need something or…?
me: I did have one serious question. Does this cat make me look fat?
Victor: Stop emailing me cat pictures.
me: “Said no one ever.” Hey, I need something.
Victor: STOP EMAILING ME. I’M WORKING.
me: AND I NEED SOME BANDAIDS. Like, a lot of bandaids. And some iodine.
Victor: I’m blocking this email address.