A friend of mine (who shall remain nameless unless she decides to out herself) recently came up with a list of “online phraseology that must DIE RIGHT NOW OH MY FUCKING GOD.” These phrases are:
So THIS happened.
And then my heart exploded.
OMG, you are SO BRAVE.
I’m guilty of using a few of those myself, plus an occasional “OMG ADORBS” and “Totes magotes” but I think I get a pass since I’m doing those ironically. Our friend Maile, however, decided that we should just take shit up a notch and suggested some possible alternatives:
Suggested alternatives for over-used online phrases:
(((HUGS))) = (((HUMPING)))
OMG, TEARS. = OMG, FETAL POSITON. ROCKING UNCONTROLLABLY.
I DIE = PUTTING A GUN TO MY HEAD RIGHT NOW.
So THIS happened: = PLEASE LOOK AT THIS, HARD.
And then my heart exploded = TYPING WHILE DEAD ON THE FLOOR. EMT CLEANING MY HEART MATTER OFF THE WALL.
OMG, you are SO BRAVE. = I WANT YOU TO BE MY DADDY.
I suggest we start using Maile-isms immediately.
Because they are totes adorbs.