(I wrote this before my surgery but I forgot to publish it before I went under, and then drugs happened. Sorry. I suck at timelines.)
This isn’t a real post. It’s just a small recap of what’s been going on behind-the-scenes lately.
We moved a few months ago, continuing our pattern of buying a house, fixing it and then putting it up for sale about 15 minutes before it actually feels like home. When Victor decided we should move again I told him that this house will be the last one because I wasn’t moving again unless it was in a coffin. Then he waited until I was out of town and bought an old (but very sweet) house that needed massive repairs, had lots of issues, and could probably kill us. In short, he bought the “me” of houses.
When we moved we all three decided on the one thing we each wanted in “the perfect house.”
Victor wanted something safer in a gated community because I had a bit of a stalker problem last year (Please don’t stalk me. I’m very boring in real life, I assure you.) I wanted a smaller yard with big trees and a lush lawn. Hailey wanted a pool.
The week we moved in to our new gated community a man rammed the front gate and had a full shoot-out with the local police department. Luckily for him, the police have extremely bad aim and arrested him. The gunman in question lives on our street. We have succeeded in locking the crazies in with us. Also, we got a flier from the homeowners association that there’s a neighborhood mountain lion on the loose that’s eating puppies. (Not a joke, although it sounds like it should be.) And I just assume the sewers are filled with panthers.
Three weeks later I watched as a man ardently sprayed what I thought was ant-killer all over our green lawn. He was ardently spraying plant poison. He had the the wrong address and was supposed to be destroying the yard on the next street so they could put in different grass. He did an excellent job. We are now dirt farmers and the harvest is plentiful.
Last week I decided to just take a break from all the insanity of busted pipes and roof replacements and angry mountain lions and simply relax in the pool.
Someone bring me a damn pina-colada.
PS. Everything will resolve itself eventually and in another few months I will either have some fabulous stories, some very pretty “after” pictures. or possibly a nervous breakdown. Maybe all three. Why limit myself?
PPS. My home-health nurse came today and says all my vitals are good and that I should be healthy enough to have my surgery tubes removed on Wednesday. If this surgical shit goes as well as the remodeling has gone then I suspect I will be filled with dead possums and missing several important appendages by Thursday.