My friend at geekologie just pointed out that now ostriches are flying (which made me happy for them) but then he clarified that they’re only flying if they’re taxidermied and attached to helicopters (which made sort of scared for humanity.) Granted, it’s kind of awesome in an inspirational “I believe I can fly” sort of way, but it’s also disconcerting because most of us can’t fly a regular remote-controlled helicopter without crashing it, much less lots of remote controlled helicopters carrying a super-unstable, giant dead ostrich, and if things follow the way they do in my house that ostrich is going to end up stranded on the roof with a bunch of old frisbees, best case scenario. Worst case scenario? It crashes into a neighbor’s yard and impales an unsuspecting hugging couple, like some sort of fluffy, deadly, cupid’s arrow made of ostrich. And then neighbors will call 911 to explain that they’re stuck together because they’ve been impaled by a flying dead ostrich and the people who work at 911 will be all “STOP CALLING HERE, DRUNKIE” because no one is taking that shit seriously.
At the very least, someone is going to lose an eye. Think your actions through, ostrich-fliers.