You guys are totally fucked up. Never change.

I opened up my mail today and was surprised to find a shitload of drugs in it, and I assumed it was some sort of weird sting, but turns out that my post office gave me the wrong box and the drugs were perfectly legal and are supposed to go to a clinic.  I also got a home-made dead frog in the mail and that caused much less confusion, because of course I did.

My friend, Ben Hamby, author of Rise of the Steam Goddess, is a bad-ass who knows far too much about steampunk Victorian vampires, and today he mailed me this:

Yeah. So, that's a taxidermied froggie dressed as Mad Eye Moody.

He goes perfectly with my other Harry Potter-esque taxidermied creatures:

Issues. I have them.

Still on the lookout for Draco Mouse-foy,  Severus Snake and Hairy Otter.  Suggestions taken below.

PS.  “OMG, DUMBLE-DORMOUSE.”  I just screamed that and Victor just glared at me.  Victor has no appreciation for the arts.

266 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Looks like Draco is at Mad-Eye’s feet from when he was turned into a ferret.

  2. My brother just got a real snake for his birthday and named it Severus Snake. I don’t think he wants it taxidermied yet though. I’ll let you know when it dies :)

    Melissa recently posted Climbing Update.

  3. Am I the only one who pictures the wide eyed frog sucking in air at some sort of unseen surprise??

    Am I the only one who looks at their faces and tries to determine what they are thinking?

    God I hope not…

    Woman_on_Pause recently posted All is not Lost.

  4. That’s not a frog. That’s a toad. Or at least it was, once.

    Andreas Heinakroon recently posted Literacy.

  5. I’ve never been a fan of taxidermy but that frog is awesome. I am jealous.

    Leigh recently posted Allergies, man (Day 42 KEDfaY).

  6. This makes me unreasonably happy. Mad-Eye Toady is spot on!

    Katie recently posted The Shadow of the Wind: A Fellowship of the Worms Experience.

  7. Oh god. He’s perfect.

    Stephen Battey recently posted Spokane Better than Tacoma: My “Response”.

  8. Sirius Black bear? Although that one might take up a bit more room than the others.

  9. Oh! Oh! Mole-Demort! Do they taxidermy moles? Is that a thing?

    Katie recently posted The Shadow of the Wind: A Fellowship of the Worms Experience.

  10. I don’t know why I’m always surprised when you get taxidermy animals in the mail. But every time I wind up staring. And, I mean, they all look really awesome! I adore your collection of Harry Potter-esque animals! And I agree with Stephanie, it does look like there is a ferret Malfoy there!

    Laureen recently posted Grime and Punishment by Z.A. Maxfield.

  11. I’m way to confused by why Ron Weasel-y has Ermine-y Granger’s hair… or maybe I’m just having a flashback.

    Clare recently posted Places We Love….

  12. This is the single greatest taxidermy collection I have ever seen.

    Also, maybe get a Lord Mole-demort? You need a villain!

    Lauren recently posted Comment on Book Review: The Theory of Everything by Kari Luna by kindlemom1.

  13. I’m jealous because nobody ever sends me a dead animal and I really want one. Those things are expensive!

  14. I enjoy annoying the hell out of my four-year-old by asking if she’d like me to read some more Scary Otter to her.

  15. I really wanted you to say that Victor has no appreciation for the Dark Arts….

  16. You need a professor McGona-gull!

  17. 17
    Arden (Dancing Wino)

    What about the RAVENclaws??? This shit writes itself…..

    Arden (Dancing Wino) recently posted T.G.I. Mother Flippin’ F..

  18. Man, I think Mad Eye Toady is the best one yet! Ben has one awesomely strange talent!

    Kait recently posted A Little Check In.

  19. Hope you grow this & turn this into a traveling exhibit at some point – I would so pay to see these fun creatures!

    Denise Dorman recently posted WriteBrain Media Lands Fox Morning News Chicago for Client "Battle of the Hospital Chefs" (video).

  20. Holy insane Batman, the munchkin will love this. She’s stuck in Harry Potter land right now. She did take a break from Harry Potter for Shark Week. And she consoled a child I made cry. Good times.

    Smokeynall recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  21. Oh, and I don’t know if there is such a thing as too many dead frogs, but you could really use a Neville Frogbottom too!

    Lauren recently posted Book Review: The Theory of Everything by Kari Luna.

  22. Narwhal Longbottom?

    Space might be an issue with that one, though.

    Vole-demort. (Or Mole-demort)

  23. A stuffed wolf for Professor Lupine, a cat with a witch’s hat for Professor McGonagall, and a stuffed bear for Hagrid.

    Frankie Lawson recently posted I Confess: I Cut Myself.

  24. I could totally see this trending on Twitter.

  25. You need a sorting hat, too, because it would add verisimilitude to your display. Also, just a thought – if the economy gets really, REALLY bad, you could open your house as a kind of Museum of Delightfully Weird and people would pay money to come see your treasures!! Take that Disney! Booyah!!

    Mary QoE recently posted Have you seen my mother?.

  26. 26

    Cho Chinchilla (Chang-chilla?)
    Godric Guinea Pig
    Professor (S)Quirrell

  27. You really need a stuffed pig named Dudley.

    Traveler recently posted The Cost of Forgiveness.

  28. I need to get on this mysterious list of send cool stuff to me that you have stumbled. LOL. That’s awesome.

    Jess recently posted When I’m Overwhelmed in Business.

  29. He kinda looks like a California Raisin… Except for the feet.

  30. Luna Moth Lovegood, Draco Lizard Malfoy, Rita Mos-keeter (though it might be tough finding a stuffed mosquito)

    whatimeant2say recently posted One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Winning Entry in the Firepants Rummage Sale Contest.

  31. I really wish I had friends who mailed me homemade dead Harry Potter-themed animals.

    It seems I need new friends.

    Jaime recently posted Homemade Friday: The Great Star Wars Birthday Extravaganza (only a month late).

  32. Wonder if that toad ever had its eyeballs licked.

    Jeff recently posted Small talk what?.

  33. Batty Crouch (Sr. or Jr.)
    Luna Dove-good
    Nearly-Headless Chick (en)

  34. If you don’t make them reactant scenes from the books in really fake cheesy voices, you are wasting a golden opportunity.

    Holly Folly recently posted Getting Stuff Fixed by Other People For a Change..

  35. Totally thought Mad-Eye Froggie was actually Baron VonGreenBack from DangerMouse….

  36. mmm…drugs….

    Marinka recently posted Friendship.

  37. Lord Vole deMort

  38. Re: Victor has no appreciation for the arts.

    He really doesn’t, does he?

  39. Those names are PERFECT. My husband and I came up with a list of x-rated versions of Harry Potter character names one night. It was late, I don’t know. We managed to think up far too many.

  40. My daughter received this as a gift Tuesday from her grandma:

    Hairy Otter (T-Shirt at Simply Seattle)

  41. I’m pretty sure I can make a Draco mouse-foy for you…Harry Otter might be more difficult as In pretty sure otters are all protected species these days. Maybe if you can hunt down an antique mount I could dress him up appropriately for you!

  42. You should take up would be a narrow market..but you’d fucking OWN it.

    RageMichelle recently posted How To Be An Adult Child Of A Narcissist.

  43. Love that frog!! it’s fabulous!!!

    Candy @ Candypolooza recently posted Wordless Wednesday Stylish Sights of San Angelo.

  44. OMG that is awesome. I can’t wait to see Dumble Doormouse. :) It’s possibe you have the coolest fans…or, that you’re such a level of cool that the weirdo fans who send dead things to stars are welcome here. :) Either way, WIN.

    Jess recently posted Townhome Twits Episode V: The Baba Yaga.

  45. haha! I’m about to run a post about how my son carries his new favorite comfort thing around everywhere with him…a taxidermied and decapitated baby alligator head he named Lusassa. It’s all cool until Lusassa gets thirsty and starts sipping on my straw when I’m not looking.

  46. I feel confident that you meant to title this post “toadally” f-ed up. Because bad puns make the world go ’round.

    Allison recently posted That Thing (Or The Confession).

  47. On the search for a vole. You need a Lord Vole-demort.

    jennie lynn recently posted Wii Vignettes, Starring My Son.

  48. Hog-rid? (I was at the Tempe, AZ reading where someone dragged in a stuffed Javelina for you)
    Sirius Black-Bird

    Kara recently posted Bring Back The Words- Where Have You Lived?.

  49. It is like people just know you inside and out. Well played Ben Hamby.

    thedoseofreality recently posted Pinterest Nightmare #210: Bikini Jeans.

  50. Ferret Ollivander! :)

  51. Helga Huffle-Puff Fish?
    Loon-a Lovegood?
    Peter Petti-shrew?

    Kat recently posted Not Really a Post But More of a "HA HA!" Moment I Decided To Share.

  52. As awesome as those are I have to ask (forgive me if this has already been asked and answered): Why is Ron Weasel-y wearing Frankie Stein’s (from Mattel’s Monster High) school dress?

    (Actually, Ron is naked under his cloak. Ermine-y is the one wearing the Monster High outfit because it was the only thing I’ve been able to find that fit her. They just don’t make enough ermine-sized clothes. ~ Jenny)

  53. I’m in complete fucking awe of your furry Harry Potter cast! And a little jealous, too.

  54. Lord Voldemoose, though that might not go over well with Victor

  55. With all this Transfiguration going on, you definitely need a Professor Minerva McGona-gull.

  56. Dinner for Schmucks…

  57. LOVE it!!! Cannot believe you have not made a coffee table book of your collection!

  58. Mad-Eye Toady is perfect.

    And so many good suggestions offered to complete your collection – either Mole-Demort or Vole-demort would be awesome.

    If you can’t find a Severus Snake, maybe a Severus Snipe? There aren’t enough birds in your collections.

    Sue recently posted Why must software companies change the UI?.

  59. Why can’t I be you?!? I’d kill for a Mad-Eye Toady. Any frog taxidermy, really. But damn – that is awesome.

  60. 60
    Lauren Muzzi

    I’m sure we could totally dress this guys up in a black dress and wig…. and some white face makeup… oh yes…

  61. Your mail is way more interesting than mine. My best mail days are when I get nothing. Because that means I didn’t get bills.

    Karen Peterson recently posted Flashback Friday: A Reading from the Book of Karen.

  62. Oliver Wood-chuck
    Professor Pomona Trout (sprout)
    Luna Lovebird

    Tanya recently posted Challenge #3 – Pilot Season.

  63. My son and I suggest “Moaning Turtle.” Though it might be hard to make her look appropriately ghostly, she would thrive in a wet environment!

    Juliette Wade recently posted Video: Religion in Worldbuilding 2 (Daily practices and religious diversity).

  64. I wish I was better with this kind of pun stuff. I am usually known for puns on the fly that make my friends groan. This collection is fantastic; especially since they are arriving unbeknownst to you. My only surprise mail is children’s books to review which are, I will admit, awesome, but I’m not a child and don’t think it’s fair that my kids get to have a kick ass library while I’m doing all the “work.”

    traceybecker recently posted Crickets.

  65. You are just the coolest person EVER (no matter what Victor and your future middle-schooler might say.)

    I thought of a woodpecker for Luna, but then you’d have a porn star name: Luna Lovewood. A blessing or a curse? Who’s to say? You, I guess. My 11 year old is more fond of Luna Moth, because she hasn’t been warped by junior high and hormones yet.
    Professor Trefawney – good luck finding room on the mantel, but wouldn’t she be fun at Christmas?
    Gildeeroy Lockhart – because Prof. Trefawney needs someone to keep her company.
    (Tasmanian) Devil Longbottom – the homoeroticism writes itself.
    Professor (S)quirrel – bonus points for second face under turban.
    Professor Trout – a woman/a fish. ‘Nuff said.

    This has been fun. I wonder if your mail carrier has any idea of the treasures delivered to your door (now with forwarding labels)!

  66. How about Gecko-Malfoy??? That would be awesome….

  67. I really think Ron’s wig needs to be on Ermine-y. He can have a *little* ginger wig, but that’s totally Hermione’s hair.

  68. Holy dear god this is the greatest thing I have ever seen. I love him. Turning Voldemort into a door mouse will top it all though. A little white mouse with red eyes and the nose. Peeeeerfect.

  69. When middle school book report projects go that step too far…

    or not far enough, frankly, because they need a shoe-box diorama to live in; a shoe-box diorama rolled in glitter, that is.

    Hj recently posted Sunset over the Valley.

  70. I can’t wait until your collection is complete!

    Melissa Lawler recently posted 2013 National Can It Forward Day.

  71. I am LOVING your HP collection. And I really love the suggestions for additions.. and yes, Victor has no appreciation for the (dark) arts. >.<

    Meg recently posted Pieces of a conversation.

  72. I’m thinking Dumbo – dore. Nothing funnier than an elephant In a wizard hat.

  73. Funny how the taxidermist frog is less confusing than a box full of drugs. Maybe the drugs are only less confusing to me because I’m a pharmacist. :-)

    Love the collection!! Can’t wait until its complete!! :-D

  74. Could I get the measurements of your Ermine-y Granger? I’m sure the problem with the lack of ermine-sized clothes can be solved…

  75. I wish I were super crafty…I’d toad-ally make you some awesome taxidermy shit.

    MILF Runner recently posted Sunday Seven.

  76. Got to have “Hog”rid. And he’d be way bigger than the rest, so it would be perfect.

  77. Color me jealous! How about Ha-ground hog?(OK, that was BAD!)

    Chris Dean recently posted The Dark Side, humor, and pixie dust.

  78. i weep with envy. well, also because i stubbed my toe, but mostly envy.

  79. That’s not Ron, that’s Ginnie. Just look at the hair.

  80. Dumbledore is old English for “bumblebee.” Rowlings said she named him that because she would imagine him wandering around Hogwarts humming to himself. I dunno, can you taxidermy a bumblebee?

    Miranda recently posted Vern Yip, are you out there?.

  81. What did you do with the legal box of drugs? You never did say….
    Great group shot btw!

    Laura recently posted My Pillow.....

  82. If otters are protected, what about Hare-y Potter (the rabbit/hare)?

  83. Honey, you’re totally fucked up, too. I hope you never change either. :-)

    Elizabeth Lee recently posted I Think I Graduated.

  84. Note to self: Do not read The Bloggess in the break room at work.

    You need more red-headed weasels to fill out the Weasley family. Especially Fred and George.

    Kats recently posted 100 Blog Posts - #27 - Ring of Fire, Chapter 2 (continued).

  85. You also obviously need the house mascots. The snake and the badger are probably easy enough, but the eagle and the lion would probably break some federal guidelines if not laws.

    Miranda recently posted Vern Yip, are you out there?.

  86. Holy horcruxes, this is the best thing I’ve ever seen. You need Professor Squirrel, surely your dad has a squirrel laying around begging to be turned into a Harry Potter character.

    Marissa recently posted Hug your loved ones. They could be gone tomorrow..

  87. I like the MOLE-demort idea, but there is a rodent called a vole. Then you can have a real VOLE-demort!

  88. Your mail person would be traumatized if they knew some of the things they’ve delivered to you. :)

    Courtney recently posted Burn Notice.

  89. Sorry if I’m repeating an idea but I got too excited after reading down to about 65 and just had to share.
    Loon-a Lovegood, Argus Finch and Bella-tick Lestrange (not sure if that’s possible)…great, now I will be obsessed with this all night.

  90. Luna Lovegoose.

  91. There is a lakeside bar and grill in the next little town down the road from us that used to be called The Fox Den. Part of its decor was a taxidermied red fox, biggest one I ever saw. New owners upgraded the menu, got rid of the fox, and changed the name to The Thirsty Otter. No taxidermied otters were obtained in this maneuver, happily (I like otters better than foxes).

    Stupid Chrome spell-check doesn’t recognize “taxidermied”. Get on that, will ya?

    kmkat recently posted Realized this week that I have a theme song this year..

  92. In the collections I used to work in, we had a decapitated snowy owl we called Headless-wig. XD

  93. Best taxidermied frog ever. Mad-Eye Toady… Guffaw.

    Also, does Ermione need a Gryffindor scarf as well? I can do other Houses, too. Please let me know. Accessories are important.

    Kara recently posted OWH Midweek Throwdown Friendship – Masculine Twist.

  94. You need to look now on ebay UK just been on and they have a snake for severous snake a vole for lord vole demort as well as lots of other taxidermy and they ship to the USA too! They also have a lion and some peacocks but they’re £4500!

  95. 96
    Laura Connor

    I’m desperately searching for Lemur Lovegood. Is it legal to taxidermy a lemur? I’ll start researching this. (And suddenly ‘lemur taxidermy’ starts trending).

  96. My BIL just told me you need to add Volde-mole to your collection……He says he usually traps a few moles every year and if you know a good taxidermist…….

  97. They also have squirrels for professor squirrel and lots of weasels for the weasleys

    ok I am now obsessing over finding hp taxidermy!

  98. Awesome- love!

    Kelli K recently posted Fuck One Day at a Time.

  99. God, I love you.

  100. Well, you may need a Voldemort. You could make him a villain with just really bad eyesight and call him “Mole-demort.” Just my two cents. :)

    Megan M recently posted little girls, big thoughts.

  101. Well crap, I should have looked farther up in the thread and realize my idea was late to the party. Oh well, I tried.

    Megan M recently posted little girls, big thoughts.

  102. Victor, why you no love Mad Eyed Toady?

  103. I immediately thought you needed an Albus Bumbledore, but that even those huge bees would be hard to dress up. Thanks to Miranda for making my first thought sound really appropriate!

  104. Ermine-y Granger. Oh my god. <3

    Kelley recently posted Oh, You Like To Cry, Do You?.

  105. Love that! I wish there was a “like” button for some of the suggestions! They are just as entertaining as your post.

  106. You need an olinguito. You’d totally be the first person to have one, considering the world didn’t even KNOW about them until yesterday. Just look at this face:

    I think you absolutely must have it.

    When I Blink recently posted The Incognito Olinguito: 6 Very Stupid Jokes.

  107. This has inspired me..I need a taxidermy squirrel for hubs. The perfect Christmas present

    RageMichelle recently posted Man Versus Squirrel.

  108. Mad Eye is toadily awesome!

  109. Mad-Eye Toady reminds me of Strax from Doctor Who.

  110. Professor Quill-ril (porcupine)

    Courtney recently posted A little change never hurt anyone.

  111. You’re very cool and all, but I’m glad no one mails dead frogs to me.

    Geek Goddess recently posted Friday Fun Flick Boston Wedding!.

  112. I’m sooooo jealous…all I have is a taxidermied baby alligator dressed as a hooker that I picked up in the French Quarter…maybe I should start a “ho” collection…

    Anice recently posted Beautiful People.

  113. Rita Mosquiter — but I don’t think you can really taxidermy a mosquito. Though in my state, they’re nearly large enough….
    Delores Umbrige is said to look like a toad, but I’d have said Dormouse Umbrige or DeLouse Umbrige.
    Minerva MagonaGULL?
    Weevil Longbottom? I’m getting even worse at this.
    RubberusDuck Hagrid? Meh. That sucks, too….

    Part of the problem is that so many of them already have animal names. Makes puns way less fun. Remus Lupin is already a (were)wolf. Sirius Black is already a black dog. While Dumbledore isn’t actually a bumblebee, you’ve already got one for him already.

    But if you don’t come up with a Lord VOLEdemort, (which, why wouldn’t you? That’s already Lord Weasel of Death.) I will be very disappointed.

    Ms. Hazard recently posted Yes, But That’s Stupid.

  114. Lucius (or Narcissa) Mole-foy
    Batty Crouch
    Mink-nerva McGonagall

  115. That toad is awesome by itself, so it is a great addition to your collection.

    Mexmom recently posted My first 5K.

  116. Well I am guessing if you take enough of the legal drugs you will see the rest of your collection ;) lol

  117. Ron Weasel-y is so cute! I want to start a collection like that with Lord of the Rings characters :)

  118. I haven’t got anything funny to add, I’m just posting to say “Ermine-y Granger” is a work of genius. :)

    Jodes recently posted Congratulations, Seeing Stars winners!.

  119. I’m totally up for knitting scarves too. I just need to know where to send them!

  120. 122
    Minnesota Red

    I have a model horse collection but you are pretty much kicking my ass with all this.

  121. I’ve never known anybody who gets dead animals in the mail before. You are definitely one of a kind! :)

    Kat recently posted Ten Things to Smile About This Summer.

  122. Vole-demort? Anyone? Sigh…..

  123. @Miranda: If moth balls can be mass produced, a simple stuffed bumblebee should bee easily accomplished.

  124. I had a friend ( God rest his soul) who had a taxidermied armadillo. I was fascinated by the hairs that stuck out of him here and there. He kept it in the dining room and his wife disliked it immensely! You would love it! Not really part of the Harry Potter theme, but if I could get my hands on him, I’d gift him straight to you. Isn’t the armadillo native to Texas? :)

  125. Please tell me you plan to have some sort of David Tennant Doctor Who – Harry Potter cross over animal. Please.

    Dawnie recently posted Knowing When to Fold.

  126. Exactly!

    Kathleen recently posted Siriusly, the Dog Star.

  127. These are awesome. Here’s a link to some knitting patterns for ‘Ermione. (I’m not an advanced knitter or I’d give it a try for you.)

    Also – on August 13th I commented on your blog. On August 15, WordPress shut my blog down for “inappropriate” content. Coincidence? Probably not. But totally worth it. (My blog is back up and doing fine now.)

    Lyda recently posted Comment on Pollyanna and the Laughter of Doom by Pollyanna finds her people | Pollyanna Rainbow Sunshine and the Needles of Doom.

  128. OMG Katie he so could be Baron von Greenback!!! DM… good times chief.

    sherry recently posted By ­°.

  129. Nothing to do specifically with this particular post, but I wanted to let you know how much your writing means to me. I’ve been going through a pretty bad bout of depression (my first). I happened upon your book (the title seemed utterly appropriate for my situation!) and I laughed out loud for the first time in months. And I didn’t stop laughing until I hit the end. (Looking forward to book #2!) I then read your blog posts from the beginning to current. Your sense of humour has helped me to start enjoying life again and your more serious posts about your mental health have helped me to not feel so alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting yourself out there.

    Kerry recently posted Mosquitoes are Assholes.

  130. 132
    Lukus Pocus

    Tuna Lovegood?

  131. OOOoh…let’s see…

    Professor McGonnagull (Seagull)

  132. Put a bonnet on it, and I’d call it Delores Umbridge.

    Mad-Eye always seemed more of a carp to me.
    Wood eye, wood eye?!?

  133. Hey Jenny (and everyone!)

    Thanks for the shout out and all of the kind words, as well as the great puns. I linked my books in my ‘website’ thing (because I’m a whore). Jenny, Professor sQuirrell will be on his way in the next month or so. We’ll see what happens after that.

    And I wouldn’t worry too much on the ‘me changing’ front. I don’t think many of your friends and fans will be doing much of that either. We’re all mad here.

  134. Sorry, I think it’s Draco Ferret-foy.

    Cathy recently posted Five Things Friday.

  135. Okay, while I love you dearly…we differ on affection for stuffed dead things, but because you’ve managed to tie the whole thing to Harry Potter…I am SO FUCKING IN!!!


    Megly Mc recently posted And the Award For Best Catch Phrase While Blowing Up a Building Goes To….

  136. Peter pet-a-shrew???

  137. 140
    Kathleen McD

    Luna Dove-good, Vole-demort, … Albatros Dumbledor, Nympadora Skunks, Hogrid, Shamus Fin-agin (fish), MaFalcon Hopkirk, Vulture Krum, Goat-ert Grindelwald, Doggie the House Elf, Worm-tail (although this was too easy ), Olive-Gander, Nearly Hedgehog Nick ( or Clearly Hedgehog Nick), Vincent Crab-be, Yax-ley … I could go on.. but then you would think I am too much of a Harry Potter Nerd… lol

  138. You should definitely make a fancy picture book full of glossy photos of all the taxidermied creatures in your house, with a blurb for each on how you got them. The Harry Potter chapter would be fantastic.
    So, are you thinking of ever branching out into more series or anything? Imagine a Doctor Who set…

    Klementine recently posted Why I don’t hate teachers, and do hate people who disrespect them..

  139. Wow…just wow. That has got to be the creepiest thing I have EVER seen. I evidently do not appreciate the arts either…

    That is still the coolest thing I have seen today, though…really creepy, but cool.

  140. 143
    Rowbot's Mom

    So not taxidermy, but our next cat WILL be named Purr-nerva McGonagall. I would also love if she/he looked like the cat from the movies.

    What about a rooster – Sher-cock Holmes? As long as Beyonce didn’t get jealous.

  141. How about a frog for Volde-wart?

    My twice baked potato recently posted From Twitter.

  142. Have you ever seen the show, ‘Scrubs’? Hubby and I were watching it on the Netflix this summer and he was all, ‘Is the episode with the squirrel army coming up soon?’ If you haven’t seen it, there is a crazy (or quirky, or interesting, however you choose to describe him), Janitor on the show who has a taxidermy squirrel army in his garage. It made me think of you.

    Punky Coletta recently posted My parents thought Cher was raunchy, but the only thing raunchy about that night was human behavior..

  143. I’m laughing so hard.

    You’d think Victor would have learned to appreciate the arts by now. Or at least Harry Potter haha

    Jess recently posted New House, New Goals.

  144. A frog wearing a monocle. That’s awesome. What else does he do? Can he go to the supermarket for cigarettes? I LOVE this. Thank you.

  145. Bahahahha I can’t even look at that photo of the harry-potter-esque scene without crying laughing!

    Christina @ The Beautiful Balance recently posted Photos from the week 8/14/13.

  146. I had a package sent to me by mistake once — sadly it was a case of incontinence protection products. Couldn’t even be fashioned into a realistic “Poise”-mona Sprout.

    Jana recently posted Survival – I’m Lucky to be Alive!.

  147. I can’t believe I just spend the past 15 minutes looking at dead animals on eBay. But there is an auction for moles. Just sayin’

  148. You are the only person I know who has ever been sent large quantities of drugs by accident. Why oh why does all the weird stuff happen to you? Awesome Harry Otter collection by the way. I love Ermine-y’s hair.

  149. I had all the feels for Tom Felton while growing up and now it’s Snape. You’ve got it alll covered.

    I would like to suggest Luna Dovegood. :) Because doves and starry goggles should go just fine!

    Miss Gee recently posted Economists Shouldn't Be Allowed Into A Bazaar..

  150. I second Tuna Lovegood! Kingsley Shackle-colt, Tom Rattlesnake, Horace Slug-horn, Xeno-filly-ous Lovegood, Helena Raven-claw or Heron-a Ravenclaw, Doggy (Dobby), Rabbit-us Hagrid, Professor Tre-llama (Trelawney), Nympha-deer-a Tonks or Nymphadoremouse Tonks, Oliver Woodchuck, Vincent Crab, Grip-hoof (could be any animal with a hoof…), Cedric Dingo-ry… And that’s all I’ve got…

  151. And of course there’s “Crab” and “Goyvole”

  152. Hairy Otter. Enough said!

    Hillary recently posted A Letter To My Former Self at 17.

  153. Why does Ron have such long hair???

    Brooke recently posted I may have lied a little....

  154. In no way should readers associate the shitload of delivered drugs with your fondness for stuffed critters.

    But as Hunter S. Thompson said:

    “Jenny took way more drugs than I ever did. And I am a doctor.”


  155. How DO you get on these creative people’s mailing lists? I TOTALLY WANT. *sigh*

    Dark Matter Fanzine recently posted Who whimsical! 1991 SF art by delphyne.

  156. Victor has no appreciation for the dark arts?

    Amber recently posted Holy Crap I'm Going to Uni.

  157. Alright already: I’ve ordered your damn book! Happy now?

    Now I think I’ll stuff it & turn it into Jenny’s BookWorm, or something…

    (looking forward to reading it…) :)

    JallieDaddy recently posted Saturday is Caption Day! The Jurassic Edition.

  158. Last time I got a box full of drugs in the mail, I too saw many different animals dressed as humans.

    thedavidcmurphy recently posted The Writer Who Wouldn't Write.

  159. a fishing rod called ‘grab and coil’?

  160. How do these people get your home address?

  161. Suggestions for the Harry Potter collection:

    Professor McGonagull
    Toadeus Hagrid

    Ragemichelle recently posted Man Versus Squirrel.

  162. I was actually thinking of Luna-moth lovegood and Drake-o Malfoy a duck would look so fantastic with that collection

  163. I can’t stop

    Nymphadora Honks (a goose with purple hair)
    Mole-y Weasley
    Bat-atrix LaStrange

  164. Did anyone suggest “Vole- demort” yet? Or “Tuna” for Luna?

    Korinthia Klein recently posted The Amzing Milwaukee Race On Bikes 2!.

  165. 169
    Cheryl Vincent

    Dumble-dolphin, just because I want to see what stuffed dolphin looks like.

  166. The weirdest thing – I saw a post on pinetrest of those three critters. I immediately thought that looks like something the bloggess would have. And then I looked closer and it was yours! For some reason this cracked me up

  167. 171
    Cheryl Vincent

    PS I like that my comment is waiting moderation. In my experience of The Bloggess, moderation is a term loosely used.

  168. 172
    Cheryl Vincent

    Moaning Turtle

  169. OMG HARRY POTTER TAXIDERMY. there is definitely something wrong with you, but i love it. the first time i saw your taxidermy collection, i was a bit put off. i thought it was a bit creepy. but it’s not, it’s actually charmingly ridiculous. it’s not like you just collect random dead things. jean-louis and juanita were my favorites…. until now.

    stephgas recently posted wondering.....

  170. Montana just passed a law that could put a serious hurt on your stuffed critter collection. Road kill can now be harvested for food ( ) making stopping by the grocery store after work obsolete!

  171. I love the Chive, and I love your website!! I made sure they knew where this awesome picture came from!!

  172. How about Rubeus Hogrid, the boar? He could even be a new bff for James Garfield!

  173. Now I feel like there’s something wrong with me for not having any dead animals in my house. Well, except for the meat in my freezer, but that probably wouldn’t look right dressed up as a Harry Potter character.

    Kristen Mae at Abandoning Pretense recently posted My Cervix is Going to be Featured on an Episode of "Hoarders.".

  174. Voldemortortoise! It must happen!

    Megly Mc recently posted As Long As He Isn’t a Slytherin.

  175. Just don’t lick the toad or you’re back to your first problem.
    Seriously though he looks awesome! Who doesn’t want a steampunk taxidermied frog?

    Kitty recently posted Some Quick Thoughts.

  176. Oh, now I want a taxidermied frog dressed as Mad-Eye Moody!

    Possessed Cat recently posted In Which I Reveal That I Cannot Say No To Anything, Even If The Thing Is Books On Freemasonry..

  177. Luna MothGood. Luna LoveMoth. You get the idea.

  178. Luna Love-goose?

  179. Luna Love-goose! I love that one.

    What every your issue is, don’t solve it!!!

  180. Not sure if you’ve seen this, but Dumble Dormouse:

  181. So after reading this post I had the following coversation with my husband.
    Me: See? Instead of collecting My little ponies, I could be collecting dead animals. See how much better you have it?
    Husband: is the the standard we’re holding ourselves to now?

  182. Guinea-y weasley? Like a stuffed Guinea pig! But then you’d need a Harry Potter

  183. Ha! I feel like you should get a collection for Lord of the Rings. Hobbits could be chipmunks. Gandalf would be a distinguished bunny rabbit, methinks.

    Mayor Gia recently posted Cat Couch.

  184. 189
    Miss Dandelion

    I’m confused by Mole-demort. Isn’t there already a small furry animal named a vole? we could have a literal Lord Vole-demort! unless voles are super difficult to find.

  185. Victor is a saint. Slightly mad, but aren’t they all?

  186. I don’t know which image is going to give me nightmares tonight…your taxidermied frog or the rat that was dragging a trap around in my attic (thump…slide, thump…slide). Sheesh, Where’s a pistol when you need it?

    Diane Holcomb recently posted A Bed in a Box.

  187. I think the drugs were meant for me–please send…

    leanne tankel recently posted HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!.

  188. 193

    I strongly suggest that you read this blog – she doesn’t blog enough but she is an inspiration

  189. My husband once bought himself a ferret, for his birthday. I probably would have like it more if it was wearing a jacket…. and was dead.

    Kim recently posted My Son is a Psychopath….

  190. Magon-Eagle (maybe not so legal here?)
    Nearly Headless Tick
    Mongoose Myrtle

  191. They’re cute and creepy and awesome. I am amazed at how they very much resemble the characters. Nice, nice.

  192. No matter how crappy my day is, I can come here and read shit like this. And laugh myself silly while my husband just shakes his head. But you guys get it and its awesome. Never change Jenny!

  193. That is quite possibly the most fantastic collection I have eve seen. I can’t wait for the completed collection!

  194. Okay..last one

    Pussy Weasley

    Like a know..for Percy. God, get your mind out of the gutter.

    RageMichelle recently posted My Sugar Hubris.

  195. While your gallbladder was trying to kill you my stomach was trying to kill me except the doctors were telling me it was all in my head… That hurts too has for two years they tell me that’s in my head too lol yes it is and painful I might add which is why I have come to you dear doctor for you to tell me I am crazy? I know that too! That does not stop the pain. Finally I had to get dramatic almost die and prove to the that my belly had quit just stopped working! So now I have tubes a 6 inch cut from my ribs to belly button an IV pole in my house and I’m learning hospital drugs are better. Especially when you pop a couple come on here and cheer and laugh at your new potter addition go pale almost lose the coffee cup in your hand and scare your girlfriend! YAY to Mad Eye Toadly!!!!!!!! Thank you for making my morning.

    Btw-cats tubes operations not a good mix in general you’d think they’d be comforting but no they a more hey let me step mmmmmm here!

  196. Your taxidermy collection makes me smile. It is totally abnosome!

  197. How about a Whomping Wombat in honor of the Whomping Willow? Kind of a stretch, I know, but lines of decency have already been compromised….

  198. I’m thinking Luna Louse, but that may be too hard to dress up!

    Kathi recently posted Yarn along.

  199. A fish named Sheamus FINnigan

  200. Best comments ever

    Michelle @QofTU recently posted Monster of the Week: Everything in Pacific Rim.

  201. 206
    Phoebe Walker

    Helga Hufflepuffin would work. By the way, I’m reading your book and appreciate you including your personal pictures. Adult books need more pictures. How do you know if animals have died from natural causes?


  203. Wait. Can you legally taxidermy a kangaroo?

  204. Oh my freaking god those are the coolest things ever. And the names. OH my god, the names!

    Not to brag (totally bragging) but I got to meet Luna Lovegood. In person. It was amazing. Harry Potter for life.

    Dumble-dormouse is brilliant! You are obviously not being appreciated enough.

    tara recently posted easy + simple chicken and black bean tortilla soup.

  205. As it hits 1am and I am still working, I am having a craptastic evening. THANK YOU FOR MAD EYE TOADY.

    He just made my night.

    Dad Moon Rising recently posted Orange May be the New Black but Larry is Just an Old Jackass.

  206. ACTUALLY, I think this toad pre-dates Harry Potter – I think it’s Toad of Toad Hall, in the midst of his motorcar infatuation in The Wind in the Willows.

    I only said that because I’m a pedant. Now ignore me and go back to your fun.

    Pam recently posted Raspberry sandwich.

  207. How about “Hagrid Hedgehog” … But he’d have to be a BIG hedgehog.

    CrissyMoss recently posted Throw Them in Jail!.

  208. Your house must now resemble a museum. Haley is going to be a lucky lady when she becomes a teenager and has tons of street cred in growing up with genuine weird stuff– to hell with convention.

    Suggestion: Gregory Goose Goyle and Harry Hipotteramus Because NO ONE will see that coming… and who wouldn’t want to see a fully taxidermy hippo with a scar, cape and glasses. I rest my case.

    Jean recently posted LA Fitness | Dracula on Broadway: Continues.

  209. Oh oh oh oh JENNY!!! My insanely fucked up role model:

    I found the most bizarrely beautiful article on Lowering the Bar that looks like it was written just for you.

  210. Shit, and all I get in the mail are bills my life is so weird ……..

    Tom Stronach recently posted Our Great Days Out Part 4.

  211. Professor MacGonaGULL?

    This is great!

  212. I wish you had a “That shit was so fucking awesome I don’t even have words, but I want to express my extreme SQUEEEing!” Button for post like these.

  213. comment #213 is genius. none of this small scale bull crap taxidermy….. you DO need a large Harry Hipotteramus!

  214. Fuck all that – I say go totally Avant-garde and name him Harry the Troll man with insidious parsnips and Volde he who shall not be cared for when the time for reckoning has begun.

    Keep Hagrid Hagrid. Some shit you just don’t change.

    Damien recently posted The Middle Aged Man and the Sea.

  215. 220
    Karey Gardner

    What about Minerva McGonaGULL? She is one of my favorite characters!

  216. Haha. This is too good!

    Cara Lyn Erickson recently posted MORE Common Sayings and Their Origins: Part 2.

  217. How did I not know that you had Harry Potter themed animals?? Now I love you even more!

  218. Vole-demort,

  219. Luna Love-goat, might be a nice addition. All the other Hog-warts characters could take turns riding her.

  220. I have that same frog playing baseball. If you want it I would be happy to send it on to you. Let me know.

  221. You may have issues, but they are highly entertaining and we love you for them. Thanks for sharing them.

    Tara recently posted Todays Theme: Reach Out For Help.

  222. You are giving your daughter so much contect for HER book when she’s older. lol

  223. conteNT. That was supposed to be content.

  224. jenny – i really think you need to explore taxidermy interior decorating……could be profitable for you……..

  225. Hagrizzly. Because scale.

  226. Mad Eye Moody frog may just be the best thing I’ve ever seen.

  227. You also need a Vole-demort [voles totally exist, I’m not making that up for a pun] and a Lizard with insanely wacky hair and crazy eyes and you can call her Bellatrix Liz-strange. Also Min-ermine McGonagall, and a wolf that you just call Remus Lupin, because that name is already like being called “wolfy mcwolf” to begin with.

  228. scratch the above mcgonagall suggestion for Minerva McGonaGULL [taxidermy seagull required]

  229. OMG. Don’t ask how I found this. It is a strange mix of creepiness and hilarity that just sucked an hour from my day.

    Stephanie recently posted Back to school *sigh*.

  230. Okay, some of it is just plain fucked up. But I can’t stop looking at it.

    Stephanie recently posted Back to school *sigh*.

  231. There is something wrong with you and THAT is why I love you!!

  232. Hairy Otter is a t-shirt at the Seattle Woodland Park Zoo

  233. Seriously the first thing I thought of when I saw your toad was Wind In the Willows…that toad looks like it’s had a wild ride.

    Lori recently posted All you need is love. All you need is love. All you need is love, love. Love is all you need…or a reasonable facsimile..

  234. We also would have accepted Frog-Eye Moody.

  235. Bellafox Lestrange anyone?

  236. 242
    over the hill mom

    Toady is awesome. I like him the best of the 3 so far. I agree with Lori above who said that she thought of the Wind and the Willows- that is what I thought it was going to be. Can’t wait until your set is complete. It is super cool!

  237. Hag-grizzly?

  238. Recently discovered your site, LOVE!!! It isn’t weird to me at all that I sat for over 2 hours laughing hysterically at your posts especially about “Copernicus.” Anywho, totally appreciate the love you have for taxidermy and that I recommend if you’re looking for more “forms of art” to appreciate. Thanks again for all the laughs. I definitely will be purchasing your book soon!

  239. saw this and immediately thought of you:

    how kind of you have a recent, somewhat related post!

  240. This is WAYYYY better than harry potter puppet pals…

    jessiev recently posted Off the Beaten Path in Cyprus.

  241. i love the idea of a professor squirrel with a turban or an aunteater petunia. beetleatrix lestrange? i should really be doing laundry or caring for my family.

    Amy recently posted A Pampered Pig.

  242. OMG! I love you you fucking much, Jenny. This post brightened my day.
    Never ever change!

    GurlNxtDoor recently posted Memory Lane Monday: Star Wars and Existential Crises.

  243. Mrs. Macgona GUL!

  244. 250

    The wig on Ron – is that by any chance this wig?

    I <3 Ellowyne…

  245. Rubeus badgerid?

  246. Haha, I LOVE the wig you have for Ron Weasel-y. It’s kind of amazing.

  247. I thought that Ronald Weasel-y was Ginny and that Ermine-y was Luna lovegood… Just sayin’

    But mad eye toady. ERMAGERD!

  248. Hey Mother Theresa I have just found your blog. Nice. Please just please don’t use italics cos I cant read them and my eyes hurt trying. Susie

  249. Don’t forget Sirius Black Lab!

  250. I realised something totally mind blowing about Harry Potter the other day.

    Diagon Ally = diagonally.

    I’ll give you a second to scrape your exploded brains off the wall.

  251. If they were delivered to me I would have been tempted to start a new business. Fortunately I never get anything interesting in the mail.

    Vivian recently posted Our snow chicken is 21.

  252. This made my life. <3

  253. Professor S-Quirrel–in a tiny turban and maybe with a second noseless squirrel face on the back of his head-you know, under the tiny turban.

  254. Would you consider Draco Mole-foy instead, bc apparently blonde moles are out there on the interweb for the taking.

  255. Remouse Lupin

  256. Hedge-hogrid.

  257. Oh dear, I woke up thinking of more: Loon-a Lovegood and Sybill Tre-larkey. De-loris Umbridge. Wish I could work in stoats or martens.

  258. Hey, I heard you like taxidermy stuff. This made me belly laugh during a really hard day. I hope it gives you a smile too:

    Enjoy. :)

  259. 266

    Harry trotter = pony dressed as Harry.

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