This could have been a very sad post, but instead it was just sort of sadly amusing.

Text message from Victor:

And then I called him back, laughing, because it is a rather ridiculous picture and it sort of looks like the forklift is shooting out lasers and then Victor was all pissy because he actually, truly almost did get run over by several forklifts and he was all “I COULD HAVE ENDED UP IN A HOSPITAL.  IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE PAPERS.”

“What?  Man sarcastically taking photos of forklift warnings actually gets run over by a forklift?”  And then I started giggling some more and then Victor hung up.  In his defense, he was probably in shock and was going to find a blanket.

In my defense, I’m not the only asshole in this situation.

Honestly, we belong together.  Mostly because no one else would take us.

195 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Well…I am glad your husband wasn’t run over…and also not set on fire.

    Like

    Ragemichelle recently posted I Play Right Field.

  2. I almost just got run over by a forklift while reading your post about Victor almost getting run over by a forklift while laughing at a picture of a guy getting run over by a forklift.
    And then a wormhole opened up and swallowed the universe.

    Like

    Daddy Scratches recently posted The Scratches Family’s Excellent Adventure, Part 2: Now featuring twice the booze!.

  3. Love it! And yes, it’s a weird warning sign. Obviously it’s ineffective as well as distracting.

    Like

    Jerimi recently posted Hunger.

  4. This would have to go on the tomb stone. Or maybe a photo of the cell phone picture too. Sorry Victor.

    Like

    SaraBeth recently posted What You Waiting For.

  5. It looks to me like the forklift is being repelled by the little man raising his arm. So I guess really bad body odor keeps forklifts away. Who knew?! That’s very helpful information. Thank you Victor.

    Like

  6. I thought the guy in the picture was doing a fun limbo dance with the forklift.

    Like

  7. Good news, everyone! Really, though, it is. Glad to hear he’s still alive!

    Like

    Beth recently posted Vintage Clearance.

  8. Are you sure that the forklift isn’t squirting water? Maybe if Victor hadn’t been so pissy, he could have had a shower.

    Like

  9. Lasers….. MIND BLOWN!

    Like

  10. Those last two sentences are the basis of any good relationship.

    Like

  11. This sh*t is just too good. You can’t make it up!!! (glad Victor is okay🙂

    Like

  12. Hahahhaha! Oh VICTOR. Seriously though, that’s the best newspaper headline ever. Also, if Honey Boo Boo has taught me anything, it’s that not all forklift incidents are fatal. Way to over-react, Victor. Probably the worst that would have happened is having a jacked up toe.

    Like

    Katie recently posted The Walking Dead: Rise of the Governor.

  13. Awesome sign. And the best story I’ve heard all week.

    Like

  14. Not sure if the man in the warning image is getting impaled or having his hip carved out by a frickin’ laser beam.

    Like

    Jonathan Humphreys recently posted Mostly Harmless.

  15. Looks like the little person is dancing. A modern version of the Locomotion perhaps? What can we call it?

    Like

  16. You two kids are just perfect for each other. Except for that whole Republican thing. But if you can look past that, so can we.

    Like

    Kara recently posted Love You So.

  17. My husband works with heavy machinery at a mill. I get texts all the time,
    FYI Hon, walked through acid, may need to undress in the garage.
    Almost got crushed by a Back Hoe, what’s for dinner?
    Lost my hard hat in the industrial sized mixer (Scary blade thing that eats all the things.) Head still attached.

    And the worst thing I face in a day is finger cramps from typing, or an over cooked ham.

    #DomesticBossProblems

    Like

    Woman_on_Pause recently posted Another Open Letter.

  18. Oh and the picture looks like it is saying, “Caution, large machine will tickle at will.”

    Like

    Woman_on_Pause recently posted Another Open Letter.

  19. LOVE. It almost looks like he’s getting squirted with a water gun.

    Also? That’s exactly the kind of text messages I get from my husband.

    Like

    Natalie recently posted Favorite Theme Parks In So Cal: Knott’s Berry Farm.

  20. 21
    Rowbot's Mom

    So where exactly was Victor if the risk of getting laser beams shot from a forklift needs signage? Totally his fault. Glad he’s ok but even happier when I read a post about the two of you and your conversations.

    Like

  21. at first, i thought his text was being supportive and comforting, too. and then i finished reading it. and realized it’s exactly the same type of shit that awesome husband texts to me… except he doesn’t read my blog. so you have that on me, for sure.

    Like

    steph gas recently posted vinegar... who knew?.

  22. That is so totally what would happen to me. I’m definitely the girl would would back up while taking a picture and fall right into the damn ocean at high tide.

    Also, I love that he loves you enough to correct your spelling when you’re down. Priorities ;-p

    Like

    Annie Jay recently posted Hazy Memories and Nearly-Missed Opportunities.

  23. My sister actually got run over by a cyclist today. For reals. Idiot going to fast on the pavement knocked her a** over teakettle. Luckily, she was helped by a passing motorist and has nothing worse than shock, cuts and bruises.

    Like

  24. I love you. Again.

    Like

    kerry recently posted Windy!.

  25. That totally sounds like something I would do, the forklift thing. I am fantastic at ignoring things getting ready to attack me.

    Like

    Leigh recently posted Plans (Day 94 KEDfaY).

  26. BWAH HA HA HA! I feel like this might be my favorite post of yours ever.

    Like

    thedoseofreality recently posted The Future’s So Bright We Gotta Wear Shades.

  27. It’s like those signs at Disney World and other amusement parks that are supposed to tell you to keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle but instead look like they mean “no dancing on the ride.” Like someone would really be stupid enough to dance during Big Thunder Mountain. Side note: If someone is stupid enough to do this, please let someone else be smart enough to video it and post it on YouTube so we can all laugh at him… at least until he gets horribly hurt at which point we’ll feel bad for laughing at him but will still chuckle quietly.

    This one looks like it really means that when you are dancing, you should watch out for forklifts. Luckily, I don’t go dancing anymore or I’d be paranoid that a forklift was going to break through the nearest wall Kool-Aid-Man-Style and come at me. It’s also lucky that I don’t go dancing anymore because I’m a pretty bad dancer and I’d be afraid that someone would post a video of me for people to laugh at. But mostly the forklift thing.

    Like

    TechyDad recently posted Granny Smith: A Tale of Stolen Apples, Roller Skates, And An Indestructible Granny.

  28. 29
    Heather Greywolf

    Huh … forklifts now have armpit laser attachments.
    Who knew?

    Like

  29. I can’t stop laughing. And I want to be y’all’s neighbor.

    Like

    Sherry Carr-Smith recently posted Are You Having A Boy or A Girl?.

  30. Thank you for this.

    Good to know this sign exists, as my VERY ADHD (forgets to breathe without meds) 19 y/o started a new job where he may be required to operate one of those death machines.

    This could help with our legal defense.

    Like

    Gina Fenton recently posted Forgive me Father!!.

  31. I was once almost run over by a camel at a camel market. I doubt there were warning signs.

    Like

    Tragic Sandwich recently posted Solo Travel: A Weekend of One’s Own.

  32. There should be a warning sign warning against warning signs.

    Like

  33. I wondered where Victor was that he saw a forklift shooting lasers at people. Glad he’s safe!!

    Like

    Rabia @TheLiebers recently posted Somewhere I Must Have Done Something Right or Frances' 10th Birthday.

  34. Two peas in a pod. Word of advice: Watch out for forklifts.

    Like

    DaniellaRobin recently posted Silly Sunday-Spandex Woes (?).

  35. Someone really should start offering Almost Sympathy cards for near misses like this very situation.

    “I’m sorry you almost got run over by a forklift.”

    “I’m sorry your favorite aunt almost choked to death on the tequila worm.”

    “I’m sorry you almost set your child on fire trying to use that hair straitening thing you bought after seeing it on a late-night commercial.”

    Those things would sell like hotcakes!

    Like

    Jeff Clough recently posted Playing Games on a Mac? Really?.

  36. It’s like Maximum Overdrive forklift. With Star Wars attachments. It’s an MST3000 episode in the making. Those guys would have a field day with on-screen Victor.

    Like

    Sarah recently posted My husband really doesn't understand how compliments work..

  37. There’s nothing sadly amusing about this post. It’s hilarious and it also shows a true love story in all it’s glory…you and Victor are perfect for one another.

    Like

    Marianne recently posted Tolkien.

  38. I had a great uncle get run over by a steamroller. My mom said that thankfully he was standing in sand so it “only deformed him a little.” (said with a strong East Texas accent)

    Like

  39. Once I saw an Amish Crossing sign (or whatever it’s called, because it’s not really that they are crossing, like ducklings, but be careful you don’t run over them or whatever) and I though eh, it’s 9pm, no Amish are going to be out here and all of a sudden BOOM I saw an orange triangle and lanterns and beards and I very nearly ran over a horse and buggy. Oops.

    Like

  40. Also…the forklift sign…that’s not lasers that is denoting “action” of the forklift tines actually doing the stabby motion into the worker’s armpit.

    Like

    Marianne recently posted Tolkien.

  41. Whenever my other half + I do something that only the one would ‘get’ I’m reminded of my [late] Grandma who, when she’d talk about any couple who were alike – but who might not seem perfectly ‘normal’ to outsiders – would say this typically down-to-earth and dead-pan line:

    “Well, at least they don’t spoil 2 homes”. Maybe that’s you + Victor too.

    Like

    Julie Kirk recently posted 30 postcards to myself: Week 4 of LSNED.

  42. Heart. Tell Victor he brightened a snarktastic/cranky morning.

    Like

    Squishy Amber recently posted Food.

  43. I’m always wary of forklifts when I’m doing the Macarena.

    Like

    Zebra Poundsworth recently posted How to have a nice set of cans.

  44. I would mention to Victor that his sentence would sound better if it was, “I was taking a picture of this and laughing at how stupid the guy looked when I was nearly run the fuck over by a forklift.” I am sure he would appreciate the correction.

    Like

    The Shitastrophy recently posted Why My 8yo is Like a Stripper.

  45. I look forward to the day I find my Victor.

    Like

    Laura recently posted Know When To Walk Away…Know When To Run..

  46. I’m glad he didn’t actually get run over by a forklift. Now tell him to stop being a smartass and check the rest of his 19 text messages.😉

    Like

    LeahWould recently posted Pumpkins. This Post has nothing to do with Actual Pumpkins. #leahwouldblog.

  47. I read the 2nd text the same way you did =

    Like

    Victoria recently posted New Product Now Available ~ Peppermint Body Lotion 4 oz.

  48. You and Victor need your own TV show. Seriously!

    Like

    Darcy Perdu (So Then Stories) recently posted STARTLING Discovery Inspires HooHa Award!.

  49. This totally made my day!

    Not the whole Victor almost got run over by a forklift while taking a picture of the ridiculous sign, obviously (well, maybe a little bit).

    Like

    Gigi recently posted If you need me, I'll be living in a van down by the river..

  50. See, to me, it looks like the person is squirting some kind of bodily fluid on the forklift. Am I wrong?

    Like

    Kit recently posted Special Order for Yaya by Kits.

  51. HA! The very first thing I thought of was Mystery Science Theater 3000’s Fugitive Alien episode and started singing the Forklift Song (“He TRIED TO KILL ME WITH A FORKLIFT…!”) Now THAT will be stuck in my head all day- THANKS A LOT VICTOR!!!!

    So I’ll be another asshole in this situation…😉

    Here’s the MST3K video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx7ldTl7txQ

    Like

  52. 54
    Amberlee LeTourneau

    I want a forklift that shoots lasers..

    Like

  53. Funny how our soul mates are responsible for both driving us mad and keeping us sane. It’s the best of the best when you truly value each others sarcastic and saddistic ways.

    Like

    Melissa recently posted Life only sucks if you let It.

  54. You are made for each other. Sounds like my life.

    Like

    Heather Garcia recently posted If I can do it so can you.

  55. Reading this I think about my partner and something about making each other laugh. It goes so deep, doesn’t it?

    Like

    Burns the Fire recently posted Life or Death, 3: Top of the World.

  56. Minus the extra “d”. I have a bad case of the Mondays….

    Like

    Melissa recently posted Life only sucks if you let It.

  57. I want to say something humorous about this, but I think Daddy Scratches took care of that in post #2. I don’t think Star Trek could have come up with a better paradox full of universe swallowing goodness.

    Like

  58. Tis the perfect combination, you muddle along just fine and that is just lovely!

    Like

    Luci - Mother.Wife.Me recently posted Weekday family breakfast Link & Pin.

  59. That Chriss Angel fella has a trick where he gets stabbed by a forklift. Pretty impressive!

    Like

  60. Seriously, I know guys who drive forklifts, they all drive full speed and like jerks.
    i also know someone who got run over. It wasn’t good.

    Like

  61. Oh no! I’m totally the kind of shithead that would send my husband the text Victor sent you. Note to self…ignore spelling errors when spouse is hurt or upset! He’s lucky you didn’t stab him.

    Like

    Jaclyn Schoknecht recently posted Over-educated, Under-employed Mom Seeks Career Counseling.

  62. My husband once said to me “I hope you take this as a compliment…but sometimes I know how Victor feels…”

    Um…thanks? No really. Thanks.

    Also, I thought he was trying to calm you down at first too. So soothing…and insulting at the same time.

    Like

    Kristina B recently posted Social Meds.

  63. is that bacon coming out of the man getting shot by the laser coming out of the forklift?

    Like

    turtlesong recently posted a turtle’s eye view – perfect people by peter james.

  64. Your relationship reminds me so much of my own.

    Like

  65. I always laugh in these sort of situations. I can’t helped myself. It is a nerves thing I think but I also manage to make the situation worse. Hey ho!

    Like

    Vicky recently posted Standing Out.

  66. I wish you guys could work with me. It doesn’t pay a lot at all. But the random daily hilarity would keep everyone in stitches. In a good way. and… probably the bad way too.😉

    Like

    sherry recently posted What Would Guy Do.

  67. I sort of wish I was married to both of you. I hope my husband will go along with this.

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted Delightful Things.

  68. My husband reads my blog. Only when I MAKe HIM. Cheers to Victor on that one.

    Like

    Laurie F. recently posted Plinky Prompt: Simply Be Thankful For Something or Someone.

  69. This is precisely the marriage I want to one day have. This was hilarious.

    Like

    DC Dana recently posted Family Fun Day.

  70. I think Victor takes himself much too seriously. And needs more situational awareness. The worst thing to happen to him is NOT being run the fuck over by a forklift. The worst would be a life without you. But I’m certain he knows that.

    Like

    Lynne Thomas recently posted Dear Lord, Has It Been That Long?.

  71. Hell, I’d take the both of you!
    Also, I’m the one whose sending you those very real cautionary DM s on Twitter: you really *are* being filmed.

    Love,
    Your Stalker.

    Like

    Miss Gee recently posted Be A Shaktiroopena: Tell me Your Stories..

  72. I’ve always loved your descriptions of you and Victor. I think they make we laugh and smile the most of your posts.

    Having that someone who seems to “get you” on the silliest level is a real treasure. I have that with my Sex God and after almost 4 years we’re still marveling over the fact that us two incredibly unique/odd people managed to find each other and click so well.

    Like

  73. 75
    John Kirkpatrick

    Why is it that people under stress never get irony? Or jokes at their expense?

    Like

  74. Is it sad that the first thought that went through my head was that the driver’s forks had no business being positioned that high, while driving…. *sign* *signed a former forklift driver.😉

    Like

    Kim recently posted Teenagers Behaving Badly… A Rant.

  75. Attack of the Killer Forklifts.

    I would pay to see that. In 3D, even.

    Like

    Brian recently posted Om to the nom.

  76. He dares correct your spelling? Tell him his text should have said “I nearly got run the fuck over by a forklift.” Clearly it was a tense situation…see what I did there? Huh? Do you?

    Like

    Chuck Baudelaire recently posted Tattoo Me?.

  77. Yeah, I’m the asshole that made the joke about a forklift running over someone only to have one of the participants in my class tell me that it had, indeed, happened at that plant a year before. I get the award for most awkward situation (cpr & 1stAid division).

    Like

  78. The best forklift safety video EVAR http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9z77oztO6UQ

    Like

  79. Let’s face it. Forklifts would be way cooler if they DID shoot lasers.

    Like

    Karen Peterson recently posted "Hope is never lost.".

  80. The forklift training manual where I work has a page that says something about how improper use can lead to injury or death… and has a picture of a little stick figure guy on a gurney. His stick figure wife and child are shown standing next to his body. It’s hilarious and creepy!

    Like

  81. Definitely soul mates.

    Like

    Steve Z recently posted Gear Review: Fishpond Westwater Guide Lumbar Pack.

  82. I saw your book in my local bookshop. I live in germany. Cool, huh?

    Like

  83. So glad that is a funny and not a sad post

    Like

    Mexmom recently posted Training.

  84. @Amberlee LeTourneau,

    But would a Shark be driving that forklift that shoots lasers? (Cue Dr. Evil pinky laugh)

    Like

    TechyDad recently posted Granny Smith: A Tale of Stolen Apples, Roller Skates, And An Indestructible Granny.

  85. You NEED to watch this… and this is my professional opinion as a safety person.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oB6DN5dYWo

    If you don’t laugh, you are broken…

    Like

    Itzybellababy recently posted Blogger opp-Black Friday Shop til You Drop $100 Giveaway Event.

  86. I think this should still be in the paper. Why only bad things in the paper, people?

    Like

  87. Y’all are MFEO….

    Like

  88. Hahahah I love that you said “you’re doing it wrong.” I’m totally going to use that for my husband. He always does it wrong when trying to comfort me!🙂

    Like

    tara recently posted Elizabeth Olsen Joins ‘Avengers: Age of Ultron’ cast.

  89. This is funny! How sad/funny would it have been if he got hit.(that sounded bad) 😦

    Like

    Tanya recently posted Three Key Characteristics of a Smart Social Media Policy.

  90. I like Jeff’s idea about Almost Sympathy cards. I’ve also been almost run over by a forklift, in Lowe’s, of all places. The driver was zipping along like there weren’t people all over the store. I wanted to throw something at him for being such a speed demon on a machine that can impale someone.

    Like

    Courtney recently posted Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups..

  91. I nearly got skewered by a snowplow with some sort of horrible stabby attachment on the front of it. It slid down off Greek Row in Pullman, WA and careened into the road I was driving on. Fortunately I was up early for Parasitology and there was no one else on the road. Sidenote: I usually refused to enroll in 7:45am classes, but Parasitology was so gross that it kept me awake. Also, the professor brought doughnuts every day.

    Like

    Adrasteia recently posted Ramblings and other haberdashery.

  92. LOL, you two are absolutely made for each other!

    I’m glad that he didn’t get run over but, boy would that have been totally ironic – man run over by forklift while distracted by a sign warning about getting run over by a forklift. Since he’s okay it’s totally alright to laugh Jenny 😉

    Like

    Kat recently posted Heavenly fall food.

  93. Sherlock reference! That is all.

    Like

  94. I am certainly glad that Victor was not run over or more importantly shot by lasers.

    You two are certainly a fun match!

    Like

    Tara Wasney recently posted Film Review - Gravity.

  95. My favorite part about that photo is the blood shooting everywhere.

    Like

    Dana the Biped recently posted There are things you'd think I'd remember....

  96. Haha! I love it. Our “married” sarcasm would leave another couple in tears in the bathroom all night. We love one upping and being clever, so we really bond with it. I totally understand though, we’re also too settled and broken now to fit with another other human beings. Luckily, CNN is investigating “Men and Their Dolls”, so if I kick it first maybe he can find a Silicone Sally. =) Gross.. Gosh I love my guy, He would totally laugh at that.

    Like

  97. How awesome would it be to have the job illustrating these kind of signs? If you look at the particular detail they offer for each unique, calamitous situation (forklifts, tailgates, chemicals in the eyeball) you’re kinda awed by the artist’s glee in assuming the worst possible scenario.

    Like

    Kimicalreaction recently posted Cats..

  98. I can see how that text was confusing.
    And I think Victor’s wrong and that it’s entirely possible to take a deep breathe.

    Like

    Alie Kriofske recently posted Going to a party and staying for all of it.

  99. 101
    Simply Kelly

    Oh, but I hear forklift deaths are all the rage this year. Would it be open casket? Could we paint tire marks across his forehead? No, Victor, I’m sorry. We ARE glad you lived.

    Like

  100. 102
    Stephanie Pollard

    Well, I’m safe from Victor’s brand of abuse because my guy couldn’t spell “SHIT” if he got hit in the head with a paper sack full of it.

    Like

  101. Well then, it would appear that you and Victor could totally live in some kind of weird four-way relationship with my husband and me, because that’s exactly how that would happen with us, too🙂

    Like

    Cynthia Hill recently posted Anyone Need a Lollipop? My Experience at Blissdom Canada ’13.

  102. Funny stuff.

    A couple years ago, I almost ran over a cow with my car…the thing was grazin’ on a gravel road…didn’t even see her until I was roughly 10 feet away from her. Was inches from running her over.

    The rest of the night, I couldn’t quit thinking about what the headlines in the paper would be if I did, in fact, hit the cow and die. Any way you put it, it’s rickdickulous. Even wrote an entry consisting of some of the absurd headlines that came to mind.

    Like

    Rico Swaff recently posted Congrats to New SNL Cast Member, Brooks Wheelan.

  103. Ok… 1. it would have been nicer if we were in fact comforting you. 2. Isn’t it a nice feeling when you realize you are with the right one?

    Like

    HD recently posted New Mama Drama, Daily Prompt: Exhale.

  104. Glad Victor’s wasn’t hurt, except for his pride. Tell him it could have been worse. Imagine how “cause of death” would have appeared in his obituary!

    Like

  105. Fate works in mysterious, drunken, truly fucked-up ways, Jenny.
    I’m glad Victor survived. However, if the worst had come to pass, would you have stuffed him and set poor Victor up in the corner of the house somewhere?

    Like

    The Hook recently posted Miley, Missed Opportunities, and Bits ‘n Bites of Wisdom From The Hook..

  106. OMG! I just spit my coffee everywhere! I love this!

    Like

  107. Beautiful! I once told my husband, all romantic like, he had eyes the color of wet cement. You know, city girl.

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    Kelli K recently posted My Chance to Show Coco Webber Who Was Boss.

  108. I always wanted an ironic death. Getting run over by a forklift while laughing at a forklift safety sign seems as good as any.

    Like

    Kat recently posted Get Ready FOR EPIC AWESOMENESS!.

  109. Funny post — road and other signs are a pet peeve of mine (pet peeve?? — where did that come from?). Check out http://debsblogspot.wordpress.com/2013/03/09/road-signs

    Like

    Deb recently posted Banjofest!.

  110. I say the same thing all the time.. we’re stuck with each other, because nobody else would have either of us. 🙂 I’m glad Victor’s ok & he can still point out your spelling errors.

    Like

  111. all you need is love. and a healthy dose of sarcasm, correction, and fine wit. ;o)

    Like

    monica recently posted If you are in front of the bus, do not turn right (or something like that)..

  112. Just found your blog (am I only person alive who didn’t know it existed?) and I have to say you crack my shit up! Love it! Followed! Can’t wait to read what’s next!

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    Rachel recently posted Fall Into Fall.

  113. My husband doesn’t even read my posts. =(

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    Kristen Mae at Abandoning Pretense recently posted Top Ten Things Not to Do on Facebook.

  114. My work had safety classes for avoiding getting injured by a forklift. The advice boils down to, “Stay the fuck out of the way.” The video they showed us kept demonstrating with a turkey leg what a forklift will do to your various body parts. Four years later and that video is still the high point of working here.

    Like

  115. Perhaps you should have texted Victor that the proper wording is “…I nearly got run the fuck over by a forklift.” After all, we don’t want to lower those grammatical standards.

    Like

  116. Sounds like Victor knew exactly what he was doing.

    Like

    Melissa recently posted A moment of fear.

  117. You’re both wrong – the guy in the forklift picture isn’t being hit by a forklift, he’s shooting the forklift driver from the robot guns in his armpits and yelling “Quit trying to run me over, Motherfucker!”

    Self defense, y’all. The sign says “SHOOT IF YOU MUST, Forklift drivers around here are fucking CRAZY.”

    Like

    Julie the Wife recently posted Many Homecomings.

  118. Huh. He’s quick to offer constructive feedback but he isn’t quick to take it himself (the sign). That sounds about how I do things too.

    It’s all fun and games until we are stabbed by a forklift.

    Like

    Laurie recently posted A Whole Lot of Nothing.

  119. You should totally watch this german safety video with cut off limbs and decapitated people in it:
    It’s called Gabelstaplerfahrer Klaus which translates to fork lift driver Klaus.

    Like

    Tina recently posted if you come visit your beloved ones in hospital, don’t forget to bring flowers and pipe bombs..

  120. omg, how funny would it be if you pasted a picture of your head on the forklift danger person on that sign!

    Like

    Teresa recently posted The Princess Contract, or HOW I DON’T DIE..

  121. I love you, Lady! So funny!

    Like

  122. I feel the same way about my husband. Who else would put up with me??

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    Mary recently posted Bogle Phantom.

  123. I probably would have done what Victor did, but been run over. That’s hilarious (because he’s not dead, of course).

    Like

    Jill recently posted Shameful.

  124. I think I will print this and take it down to the factory floor. They need a lift.
    (Yes I went there.)

    Like

  125. “Honestly, we belong together. Mostly because no one else would take us.”

    I have long said this is the secret to a successful marriage.

    Like

  126. LOL! “Caution, large machine will tickle at will.” -Woman_on_Pause

    Like

    @jinxyjakee recently posted No. 3 (Possibly).

  127. I hope he realizes eventually how delicious the irony of that is.

    Like

    Samantha recently posted Enjoying Music and Using my Elbows.

  128. My husband loves those “SLOW children at play” signs. Though admittedly he’s never been almost run over by said children.

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    Allie recently posted My Special, Special Gift.

  129. I thought Superman was trying to repel it, until I realized he had no cape.

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    Tamara Woods recently posted Changes a musical montage.

  130. Irony’s a bitch, right? Thankfully she let you off this time.🙂

    Like

    Eleanorjane recently posted How to get ahead at work - part one.

  131. I saw a forklift this morning (sans warning signs) and it was carrying a scissor-lift cart in his forks. It pulled out on the street suddenly and another guy was running and waving a cloth. It was all very mysterious…

    Like

    Princess Judy recently posted Titties!!!!!.

  132. You know..my son works with fork lifts…I’m going to ask him about the lasers…

    Like

    Ragemichelle recently posted I Play Right Field.

  133. 136
    SqualorHouseGail

    @LunaLee—I love you for reminding me about the MST3K song!!!

    Like

  134. It’s obvious that forklift has a special attachment on it and the forklift driver is just generously applying deodorant on his smelly co-worker, who also happens to be very ticklish.

    These people look out for one another, except people who don’t work there.

    Like

  135. It’s all fun and games till someone gets tasered by a forklift.

    Like

    Renee recently posted I need to borrow a mongoose. Immediately..

  136. The new laser toy in a forklift form, driver sold separately.🙂
    So funny, Jenny!❤

    Victor seems to be more concern landing in the papers than actually being hit by a forklift.
    You too are perfectly perfect for each other!❤

    Like

    monalisachong recently posted The 3 Little Pigs: Home kiddie fave story.

  137. Hahaha, that’s the kind of shit that would totally happen to me. I have mirror image bruises on my legs because keep running into the elliptical. Coming and going. I don’t seem to learn.

    Like

    Veronica recently posted Captain Phillips: Reporting for Nachos.

  138. Well, glad Victor didn’t get run over by any giant machinery, but I want to know who designed that sign. And what EXACTLY were they going for. Very very interested in this….

    Like

    Kelly recently posted A Weekend in Pictures.

  139. As so many no doubt said of the Tiger and me, “Thank God they found each other.”

    @my fellow MiSTies, “OLE!”

    Like

  140. Aw, Victor was almost so sweet!

    So to me, the picture looks like this guy drove a forklift over to the other person, just to squirt him in the chest with water like one of those clown flowers.

    Like

    Jane recently posted Kissing Toads: A Good Date is More Important than Cheese.

  141. “Impaled on a Forklift” would be a great name for a rock band.

    And sound awesome on a headstone.

    Especially if the headstone was shaped like a forklift.

    And went up and down.

    No, that would be a bit creepy.

    Like

    HogsAteMySister recently posted Speed Demon From an Early Age.

  142. This same thing happened to me at a Target one beautiful day– I was on my way to a kids birthday party and feeling all glamorous because I spent way too much money buying matching tissue paper/ribbon/bag/card/sticker/God knows what and I was just checking out when I saw a woman with three young kids enter the store. They were fighting over who got to sit in the front of the basket so the weary, defeated mother pulled out THREE BASKETS and proceeded to put each child in one and tried to push it across the produce section. I couldn’t get my phone out fast enough to take a picture of this.
    “This’ll be so great, I can’t wait to post this so we can all laugh together, what an idiot.”
    The next thing I know, my adorable new sandles have decided to introduce my face to the floor and I am watching in slow motion as my iced latte goes flying. The ice crashes to the floor, then I go the way of the ice. Did I mention I was wearing a dress? At that point my soul lifted out of my body and panned around the room like it was trying to win an oscar for best cinematography and I got a good look at the dozens of gaping faces watching me struggling to right myself while scooping the melting ice back in my cop.
    Anyway, point of that is that maybe we should stop taking photos of things we think are stupid. It’s just tempting fate.

    Like

    Aussa Lorens recently posted Gravity: This Movie is About My Life.

  143. 146
    Al Berzins

    Umm. I smell the FOUR relationship breakers creeping in. Criticism. Stonewalling. Defensiveness. Contempt. But cats seem OK. Good ’nuff

    Like

  144. I love that your love/marriage is like mine love/marriage – dysfunctional and funny. My therapist told me once, I enjoy the drama that my husband brings me. She was not wrong. I enjoy the drama Victor brings you. Heck, I enjoy you.

    Like

    ej Taylor recently posted My Kitchen Hates Me.

  145. Yes. Yes, you do belong together!

    Like

    Jen recently posted Write 'em or Lose 'em.

  146. Just reading the words, “…nearly got ran the fuck over” made me chuckle.

    Like

    Tammy in PDX recently posted Streaming.

  147. Truly, who would have thunk it?!?
    The comedy and possible tragedy together would make for a great Seinfeld episode. Glad he wasn’t skewered tragically by a forklift!!🙂

    Like

    My twice baked potato recently posted Angels Among Us.

  148. Very glad no one was lasered or forked.

    That sounds wrong.

    Like

    em recently posted do list.

  149. Any tweet that begins with “Victor is still alive…” portends an AWESOME story. And so it was.

    Like

  150. Forklifts are dangerous. They should’ve put up more signs.

    Like

    Lovelyn recently posted Relaxing is so Difficult.

  151. If Q could have built a forklift for James Bond, it would look a LOT like that, and it would TOTALLY shoot lasers.

    Like

    Megly Mc recently posted Nerdery: A Tale Told In Two Parts….

  152. Stickman is always good for a laugh. To the point that my boyfriend and I always take pictures of the best crazy situations we find him in and text them to each other. So far my favorites have been on a snowblower, pettibone and dumpster.

    Like

  153. If I had to chose the fatal freak accident that would usher me into the afterlife, it would.be the Looney Tunes classic falling piano.
    This forklift looks like it traps its hapless victims in a tractor beam before impaling them.
    Glad Victor wad not hurt.

    Like

  154. Very funny, and the Sherlock reference put it over the top. Thanks for making my day.

    Like

  155. I like Victor even more now. Except maybe the part where he does that “only I can make fun of my relatives” thing but with forklifts.

    Like

  156. Victor must be related to my husband. Does he laugh when he sees someone’s hat blow off down the street?

    Like

    Pinky Poinker recently posted Princess Lulu Returns! Pinky sings a song..

  157. 160
    ScorpionAngel

    I suggest you and Victor watch this hilarious (and bloody) German film about everything that could possibly go wrong with a forklift: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjtFxsPcrhI

    Like

  158. I find your post funny. You guys are really perfect for each other. But seriously, the forklift knows how to squirt? Or it’s just an imaginative invention?

    Like

    Kaicie Fione recently posted Baby Strollers for Girls.

  159. Next time tell Victor to only look at the signs after having stolen a forlift to drive over to look at the sign. This will ensure the victim of bad driving is someone else!!

    Like

  160. This post reminds me of an Alanis Morrisette song. It’s like rain on your wedding day, it’s like taking a picture of a forklift right before it runs over you, it’s like a fly in your chardonnay

    Like

    chickensconsigliere recently posted Butter Files: Drug Lords.

  161. Laughing to hard at you and Victor.
    You two are the cutest x

    Like

    Amy recently posted My Week In Pictures #2.

  162. Hardly amusing. Barely sad. I actually find this quite scary, as it can happen to just any one of us.

    Like

    Ajeet recently posted Marketing Is Not Everybody’s Cup of Tea.

  163. You have such great comebacks to your husband! Much better than my…Eff you.

    Like

    Nina recently posted Muh Scale & Me..

  164. This cracks me up. I think a forklift shooting lasers would make everyone’s days better.

    Like

    Meg @ Meg-in-Training recently posted Crossfit + Insanity: Week 4 Recap.

  165. In one of my early jobs out of college, I worked in a foundry…there was a forklift with a warning sticker that said, “Avoid Death.”

    Like

    Marianne recently posted Marvelous, Magical Meg.

  166. Love of irony, sarcasm and a warped sense of humor are the three building blocks of any truly great relationship.

    Like

  167. The last line of this post would make an excellent anniversary card.

    Like

  168. If true love doesn’t involve laughing at your significant other’s spelling mishaps and near-fatal forklift accidents, then I don’t want any part of it.

    Like

    Allie recently posted I Have Shoulder Leprosy, but at Least I can Still Give HJs..

  169. shit happens.xx

    dreaming is believing

    Like

    Niki recently posted conviction..

  170. 173
    @thingstoshea

    I’m more amazed that Victor has 19 unread texts. Must be ads for Kohls.com or something.

    Like

  171. Why do you have 19 unread messages from Victor?

    Like

    Annadanna from Canada recently posted It's not a secret what a mess I am.

  172. OMG this line is my boyfriend and I ” Honestly, we belong together. Mostly because no one else would take us.”

    Like

  173. Uggh the second one. Basically a sneak attack.

    Like

    Jill Pinnella Corso recently posted An Interpretive Dance For My Boss.

  174. I love you two, I truly do. And I’ll put an e on the ende of any damne worde I please.

    Like

  175. and besides – at leat you read Victor’s message before the other 18 pending messages.. right?!

    Like

  176. That would’ve been so freakin’ bizzare….almost like an Inception moment….

    Or just the Universe saying, “So I heard you like people being hurt by forklifts so I decided to have several forklifts try run you over while you are taking a picture of someone getting run through with a forklift!” Sorry, Victor! I suggest you stay away from forklifts for a while….

    Like

    LadyEden1337 recently posted Midget Ghost Theory and A Review of the 100th Ghost Adventures Epsiode.

  177. I must agree that there are situations in life that can give someone something to laugh about in spite of the story behind it! I guess it isn’t really safe to take pictures especially while in a busy street.🙂

    Like

    Farrah | Funny Photos recently posted As a Brit, I must agree.

  178. Ok…I am a random stranger on the Net, and do not really KNOW Victor, but, it does worry me a bit that you report he was nearly run over by forklifts (Plural). I really hope that he figured out that forklifts are dangerous after nearly being speared by the FIRST one…and it did not take three misses before it sank in. I have had dealings with some guys that it DID take several interactions like that to figure it out, but, they were Republican, and, I really think that he is brighter than that…
    pleasant dreams
    dave

    Like

    dave mundt recently posted How do YOU deal with Stress?.

  179. Glad Victor is ok. We Jews have a concept called Bashert, when two people are meant for each other. You and Victor? BASHERT! Btw, I love reading the comments almost as much as reading your posts. What a fantastic, witty, sarcastic, hilarious, and open group of people! And Daniel J. Hogan made me guffaw and snort with “I’m sure Victor will FORKgive you”.

    Like

  180. http://imgur.com/TmdaK9X This picture makes me think of you… lol. Labyrinth family portrait.

    Like

  181. Is it actually a sign to draw you in by it’s ridiculousness just so that they can get you? Maybe they are zombie forklifts…

    Like

    Kattie recently posted Thirty-third appointment.

  182. @chickenconsigliere, thanks for the reminder that the proper answer to La Morissette’s question “Isn’t it ironic?” is “No. It’s unfortunate. The two words do not mean the same thing.”

    As a comedienne I once heard put it, “Ironic is NOT a black fly in your chardonnay. Ironic is a Scotsman cloning a sheep. Ironic is naming an airport after the President who fired all the Air Traffic Controllers.”

    Like

  183. My husband proofs my posts after-the-fact too!

    Like

    J.Mill recently posted Flip-It Friday: Is Anyone Else Hungry?.

  184. Alert the National Guard! Forklifts can now be used for crowd control because they have lasers, or maybe cattle prods, attached to them. I marvel at how perfect you and Victor seem for each other. I think my husband and I are that closely matched as well, but he refuses to text so I’ll never have proof of our compatibility.

    Like

    Molly Dugger Brennan recently posted All Cheffed Up.

  185. totally happy that victor is ok. for future reference he should stay away from forklift conventions. or Costco. either way.

    and I also thought that he was comforting you. sike!!!

    well played.

    Like

    Loco YaYa recently posted Time Changes Pain - 22 Years Later.

  186. Forklifts are dangerous. One time I walked into one of the forks on a forklift that wasn’t even moving. (The idiot running the thing left the forks way up in the air and it was just out of my field of vision.) It poked through my hardhat and cut my head. OK, so I was walking pretty fast and should have been paying more attention, but I got a nifty scar out of it AND reset the “days without a lost-time accident” calendar to zero! Who would have imagined those things were that sharp. But then I also ran into the bucket on a backhoe (again, it wasn’t moving and the bucket was left pointing outward just about forehead level). Another nifty scar and OSHA-reportable accident. So this seems to be a pattern with me.

    But the best story of all – I watched a contractor walking around a job site while studying a very large drawing walk right into a deep ditch… that was clearly identified on the drawing he was holding! We were all like, “He’s not going to walk into that ditch, is he? Hey buddy, watch out for that… Oh, man, someone get a ladder.” Working construction is so much FUN!!!

    Like

  187. Loving the oblique BBC Sherlock reference in an already awesome post.

    Like

  188. I’m trying to figure out how to incorporate this into my forklift or dock safety training programs at t he warehouses I work at! Don’t think I can since it has an f-bomb but man do I want to!!!

    Like

  189. Since when did forklift trucks come with Laser canons?

    Like

  190. A forklift stampede?

    Like

    Lizzzzsnort recently posted Camp Chair - Bike Trailer Transformer.

  191. There is a BBC Sherlock reference and I’m in shock from all the awesome. You can tell by my blanket (which is orange for anti bullying day and because, well, reasons)

    Like

  192. Have you ever seen Forklift Driver Klaus? It’s on YouTube, and you should be able to find it subtitled (it’s in German) but if not it’s still ducking funny. The first time I saw it I fell out of my chair and nearly peed myself laughing; the second time I saw it I laughed so hard I nearly killed myself with an asthma attack.. And every time I see it it’s hysterical.

    But if you don’t want to watch poor Klaus and his hapless forklift problems, well…no. You should just watch it. I’d link you but I am on my phone and it doesn’t even want to let me swear properly.

    Like

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