Lost in Translation

This week Victor came back from his annual trip to Japan.  This is a picture he took there.  I’ve added a caption that is much less rude than what his response was.  You are welcome.

And in vaguely-related news, I’m off to Australia tonight because I’m bad at saying no to things, and because you’re not supposed to turn down trips to Australia simply because you have a terrifying fear of travel, and of change, and of death, and getting chlamydia from koalas.  That’s a real thing, you know.  Koalas have chlamydia.  They’re just dripping with it apparently.  Or possibly it’s the fear talking.  All I know is that some koalas have chlamydia and I drunkenly told Australia that I wanted to hold one while dressed as one.  And then the park that lets you hold koalas told me that I had to submit a picture of me in my koala costume first because they have to protect the koalas from being distressed, so now I’m being judged by a bunch of koalas who probably have VD.  I think I might have hit a new low and I haven’t even left the country.

PS. I’ll still be posting stuff while I’m gone, but if you want to keep up with my Australian VD adventures you can go here.

PPS.  I assume Australia is regretting this already.  Sorry, Australia.  Sorry, koalas.  Not your fault.  You can’t take me anywhere.

193 replies. read them below or add one

  1. step away from the ledge, you are going to be fine, it will be a fantastic trip and you will have bags of fun! all the best in your travels.

    Like

  2. You’ll be okay. Probably.

    Like

  3. You got this, friend. Go take Australia by storm.

    K.

    Like

    Karen from Chookooloonks recently posted what are we looking for?.

  4. Koalas are the least of your worries. CROCODILES. They’re all over the place. I wouldn’t be surprised if while you’re taking a photo with a koala, its crocodile friend will photobomb you. And then sit down for a snack!

    Like

    Marisa recently posted This Day Forward.

  5. You are going to have a wonderful time! And try not to think about how many things in Australia can kill you. Don’t pet anything.

    Like

    Ragemichelle recently posted Johnny Depp And Window Pushers.

  6. So jealous, although I didn’t know about the koala VD thing. I wrote a romance novel set in Australia, even though I’ve never been. Maybe no one will notice. I figure, hey, I’ve been to Outback Steakhouse, I got this. Put that jumbuck in your tucker bag! And stuff…

    Like

  7. Don’t worry. The only koalas with chlamydia are the ones who are into hot soup from behind. The less kinky ones are rather harmless, or so I’ve heard.

    Like

    Abby recently posted The 5 Stages of Writer’s Block.

  8. So you’ll share this picture of you dressed as a koala with AUSTRALIA, but not with us? So not cool, Jenny.

    Have fun!

    Like

  9. I heard koalas get a little stabby if you make shrimp on the barbie jokes. Just sayin’.

    Like

    Stace recently posted Zombie Tarot: Halloween Spread.

  10. 10
    Kat Smitheram

    Australia is very excited to have you coming to visit. Or it’s just me. One of those.

    Like

  11. Ooo, just THINK of all the cool creatures you’ll encounter in Australia! Koalas, platypus, kangaroos, echidna, sugar gliders….

    Like

  12. Have a wonderful trip!! 🙂 Hug that Koala for me please! 😀

    Like

  13. “I think I might have hit a new low”

    ^^I think you spelled “new high” incorrectly up there.

    You’ll be fine. Well, first you’ll be absolutely terrified, but then you’ll get there and have tons of fun and tell us all about how you were worried for nothing and it was the best trip ever.

    Like

  14. Chlamydia from a koala is the cutest way to get chlamydia, IMO. I’d say it’s better than Deep Vein Thrombosis from a didgeridoo. I could be wrong.

    Like

    RachRiot recently posted Getting Off On The Wrong Foot.

  15. No soup for me. Thanks.

    Enjoy Oz!

    Like

  16. Those Koalas are freaks in the sack apparently, sleepin around worse than a politician.

    Like

  17. I bet Paul Hogan has more STD’s than all of the Koalas in Australia. I don’t know this for sure, but don’t have sex with Paul Hogan.

    Like

  18. Have a fantabulous trip!🙂

    Like

    Cara (Eli) recently posted Marianne and knitting update.

  19. That sounds awesome. And terrifying. And chlamydia-ish.

    Good luck! I hope you don’t come back with any new diseases!

    Like

    Jaime recently posted Homemade Friday: Batman and The Wizard.

  20. 20
    Char James-Tanny

    When you go to hold the koala, ask for a female. The male has a scent pad in his chest, and you’ll be very attractive to female koalas after holding him. (Yes, I speak from experience.)

    Have a wonderful time!

    Like

  21. Unless you plan on sleeping with Koala I’m pretty sure you’re safe. Have an amazing trip!!

    Like

    toywithme recently posted The Stronic DREI Pulsator ~ A True Sex Machine!.

  22. I am glad I have no hot soup in my behind. Just fat. Envious of Australia. I have a friend there and she says as long as you don’t do anything stupid, you won’t get hurt. Watch out for the black widows.

    Like

  23. It’s almost tomorrow in Australia already, so don’t worry, the catastrophes you were worried about, already didn’t happen.

    YOU’RE WELCOME.

    Like

  24. There’s an art to bad English. I, personally, am a fan of funny kids’ t-shirts: http://www.momintwocultures.com/2013/10/interlude.html

    Like

  25. I was also just in Japan and meant to take a photo of a Lawson’s convenience store and send it to you and somehow never got around to it, but I guess if Victor takes an annual trip to Japan, you already know all about it.

    Hug a wombat for me. The heck with those koalas, koalas get all the publicity.

    Like

    wombatarama recently posted Souvenir.

  26. Koala Condoms, with a hint of eucalyptus, to clean out the sinuses prevent all kinds of stds

    Like

    William recently posted Gunner.

  27. Beats my husbands Bejing pic of a scorpion on a stick!

    Like

  28. Maybe you can wear rubber gloves while dressed as a koala and holding a koala? It’s only a teeny bit stranger after all.

    Have fun!

    Like

  29. Well you’re just lucky you’re not going to Florida. They have feral herpes-infested monkeys there now. Very bitey one. So YAY for chlamydia koalas, I say.

    Like

    Robin recently posted Episode: Friday, wherein Season 2 begins.

  30. Walkabout!!

    xo
    Angie

    Like

    SmithShack71 recently posted Happy Halloween.

  31. All I can say is ‘you are awesome.’

    Like

  32. Behinds and chlamydia. The TMI post of the day. Looking forward to reading about your travels, though.

    Like

    Manicmom recently posted Damn you, sweater.

  33. What’s that they love to say? “No worries.”

    You’ll fit in great.

    Like

    Brian recently posted Gotcha. Gotcha not..

  34. You’ll love Australia! Best country in the world. I know because I’m from there and I’m not biased at all!

    The only koalas with chlamydia are the drop bears. Watch out for drop bears.

    Like

  35. I don’t suppose they’ll gift you with a taxidermied koala?

    Inappropriate?

    Like

    Mandy Fish recently posted I Think My Professor Is Trying to Kill Me and You Might Not Blame Her..

  36. Ugh, the flight from Texas to Australia is BRUTAL. I mean…uh…it’ll be wonderful! Yeah! G’day!

    Like

    Chuck Baudelaire recently posted The Scariest Halloween Ever - A True Story.

  37. Good luck on the trip down under!😉 Kiss a koala for us!

    Like

    thedoseofreality recently posted Pinterest Nightmare #516: Trick Or Treat?.

  38. Where oh where is the picture of you in your koala suit? I am hoping that your trip is as wonderful as you are.

    Like

  39. If you find yourself in Brisbane make sure you go to Black Milk Cothing’s shop and/or HQ! They make the most awesome clothing, including Dr.Who, Star Wars, LOTR, and Harry Potter themed goods…with and Adventure Time and Game if Thrones release in the future! It’s one if my favorite clothing companies ever!

    Like

  40. Australia is AWESOME! I have claustrophobia and I will admit the flight is hard. Just hunker down and bring plenty of movies and books on your iPad. BUT IT IS SO WORTH IT!! You end up in AUSTRALIA! You’re going to love it!

    Like

  41. I’m jealous. I just have one question about your to do list: are you going to be dressed as Priscilla, or are the camels? 😉

    Like

  42. I hear koala farts smell like cough drops, so there’s that to look forward to…

    Like

    Morgan recently posted It is Difficult.

  43. The Land Down Under will never be the same….
    I bet Victor enjoyed his hot…. soup after being away.
    Hot soup keeps a marriage alive.

    Like

  44. Sounds like that would be uncomfortable. The Behind Soup, that is, although cute, cuddly koala chlamydia can’t be comfortable either. But now that you worried, smile. You are awesome, Australia will be lucky to have you around. Also, I hear rumors of a restaurant that has the southern hemisphere’s second largest playable guitar.

    Like

    Beth recently posted Ero Vester Huckleberry.

  45. True story on the koala VD crap. Watched a whole discovery documentary on it. I think it was discovery. Anyway, still a way cuter infestation that roaches would be the koala infestation.
    http://worstrefeverstuff.blogspot.com/2011/08/koala-infestation-freddys-reveiw.html

    Like

    Smokeynall recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  46. Pretty sure that it’s the kangaroos who have chlamydia. I hear they’re slutty.

    Like

    Carmen recently posted Let's skip the middle man shall we?.

  47. I should have known better than to read this while drinking coffee – nothing like snorting hot coffee to start your morning! Safe travels & don’t let those judgy VD -laden koalas get you down. I’m sure any dirty looks they give you are just because they wish they looked as good in koala fur as you do!

    Like

  48. You’ll do great!!😀

    Like

  49. ‘I’ll have a sandwich, pls.’

    Like

    Cathy D. recently posted 365 Poems: Something wicked (and wet) this way comes.

  50. 50
    John Kirkpatrick

    You can go scuba diving to find Nemo.
    Visit museums to see how they stuff em down under.
    Talk a 115 year old aboriginal shaman into teaching you how to moon walk in a dream walk.
    Oh, the blonds you’ll meet!

    Like

  51. Skip the koalas and visit the wombats. They’re totally a thing and cute and VD-free! Wins for everyone.

    Have a great trip, and if you partake in Soup from Behind somewhere along the way, please give us a review.

    Like

  52. i’m not going to tell you what i know about australia. but koalas are so damn cute. just wear, you know. gloves and maybe a dental dam when holding them.

    Like

    steph gas recently posted adjusting to a new 'normal'.

  53. The thing you really have to avoid in Australia is chasing kangaroos. We know a guy whose student visa was revoked and he was deported from Australia because he was behaving inappropriately towards the wildlife.

    Like

  54. The VD shows your age. They are called STD, at least that’s what they are called when the koalas give them to you.
    What a great trip! Be sure to ask for the oldest, most impotent koala.
    If you get soup from behind, that would be a huge YouTube hit!

    Like

    Caley recently posted Happy November!.

  55. Being a Phineas and Ferb fan (umm… I mean since my KIDS are Phineas and Ferb fans… yeah…), I’d ask to take a picture of a platypus in a fedora. Of course, that leaves it open as to whether I wanted to wear a fedora or whether I wanted the platypus to wear one. Either one is good. Fedoras are cool (just like fezes).

    Like

    TechyDad recently posted A Halloween Story Starring The Doctor, Harry Potter, Captain America.

  56. Do a google image search of quokkas, which are native to Australia. They are practically guaranteed to make you feel less anxious. You’re welcome.

    Like

    Natalie recently posted The trouble with being a girl. (No, not that one. A different one.).

  57. Awesome. My day is made. Thank you, Japan.

    Like

    Kimicalreaction recently posted NaBloWriMo.

  58. You know you you refer to a certain part of the female anatomy as the lady garden? Well, I don’t know why but the “hot soup in behind” makes me think of calling the whole area soup & salad.

    Like

    Kit recently posted TARDIS Pendant by Kits.

  59. Remember in sixth grade when koalas were all the rage? All the girls loved them? They were on Lisa Frank folders and people wore little clip-on koalas on their jean jackets? Who knew they were dripping with disease???

    Like

    Lori recently posted Just suit me..

  60. I hear the soup in the front has more protein, but that’s just a rumor.

    Have fun in Australia. Bring home some stuffed dead animals and blog about it.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted The not so funny part of farming children.

  61. Australia is awesome and you’re going to have a blast.

    Like

  62. Between Koalas with the clap and face cancer Tasmanian devils, the Australia of my childhood imagination is slowly turning into a horror show.

    Like

    The Suzzzz recently posted I've still got 30 minutes of Halloween yet, let me enjoy it while I can....

  63. The VD Koalas will make for more thrilling adventure.

    I’m wondering, how are you going to find a camel who’s dressed as Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, to stalk? That seems a little like a needle in a haystack. Or, maybe, all of the camels dress in drag, so it wont be that hard? Australia is truly a strange place.

    Like

  64. I want to see the pic of you in a koala suit holding a koala! Did you ask if you could wear your wolf suit while holding a koala? I figure you will probably have it on the plane as a snuggie anyway. Have a great trip!

    Like

    Keitha recently posted Quick Halloween Lunches.

  65. Just promise yourself that even if you happen to have one anxiety attack or anything like that, you will push through it, accept that it happened, and do not let it ruin your trip. This is advice I haven’t seemed to apply to my regular life, but can do on trips. I spent most of a month in Indonesia unable to breathe properly, thinking it was asthma on a level I had never experienced (it was actually my malaria medicine trying to kill me, but I didn’t find that out until 3 weeks after I got back). The trip was still AMAZING, and the only activities I missed out on was a hike to a leech-laden waterfall, hanging out at the beach, and maybe a few dinners out. On a trip to Greece- my suitcase was destroyed on the way there (contents were fine, just had a GIANT hole ripped in it and I got a free one from the airline-sometimes it pays to complain), the US Embassy was bombed a few blocks from where I was staying while we were in Athens, I got left by group one day and had to wander around Athens by myself to catch up, and my wallet was stolen on a bus- it was the funnest trip I’ve ever been on. I do not wish to create more reasons for you to freak out, just know that yes, shit can happen, but that doesn’t mean it will be a shitty trip. Just try your hardest to have as many good experiences as you can, enjoy your travel companions, do silly things, and use your sense of humor to deal with anything less than pleasant. Also, maybe you should bring me along since I seem to absorb all the bad luck on group trips😉 Have a great trip and come back with amazing stories!

    Like

  66. Sushi bars really shouldn’t be giving any sort of enemas. That’s my vote.

    Try not to get overwhelmed by the hot accents in Australia.😉 Last time my friend from Melbourne visited here (MN) all my friends swooned. Seriously.

    Like

    Jess recently posted Groupon May Be Trying To Kill Me.

  67. I was really hoping for a “The dingo ayte my BAYBEE!” before you left, but maybe you could send us a vlog with that while you’re there? Holding a dingo while you say it? They all wear condoms, so no chlamydia-infested dingos that I’m aware of.
    Have a riot! Or, maybe cause one?

    Like

    Jackie recently posted The Disappearance of Halloween.

  68. Have a great trip!!

    Like

  69. Nevermind the koalas, if you’re in Australia you must find a platypus! They can only be found in their native country, nowhere else evidently, and they are a bunch of random leftover parts in one animal! Plus, I think they’re VD-free.
    Safe travels!

    Like

    Rea recently posted When the snarky bitch is now a mom, it becomes a balancing act to control the snarkasm*.

  70. Hey I held a koala once…luckily I made it out of there chlamydia free!
    have fun!!!!!

    Like

  71. I don’t suppose you’ll be able to find a stuffed koala wearing a bush hat???? you might have to settle for the toy version.

    Lucky you! I’d say yes to Australia, if Australia asked…

    Like

  72. I was going to direct you to
    Gopher Hole Museum?
    208 1 St S
    Torrington, AB T0M 2B0, Canada
    +1 403-631-2133

    But Eric beat me to it. Curse you, Eric!

    Like

  73. Oh, watch out for drop bears in Australia! (have fun :D)

    Like

    TriGirl recently posted The 2013 Athleta Iron Girl Race Recap Part 2: the part where I actually race..

  74. Goddamned judgey koalas.

    Like

    Holly Folly recently posted My Stomach Hates me and a Trip to the Doctor..

  75. What are you planning on DOING with the koalas?? They’re called VENEREAL diseases for a reason. So, keep the contact to sitting-room-polite and I think you’re good.

    Like

    Marianne recently posted Phil.

  76. Victor and I both hope you don’t come back from Australia with an STD!! And have a great trip!

    Like

    Rabia @TheLiebers recently posted Five Minute Friday: Grace.

  77. You’ll be fine, I lived my whole life (29 years) up until this year in Australia and I hardly died at all. I’m living in Germany now which is probably a good thing for you, as I’d be tempted to dress up as a koala wearing a “VD-Free” t-shirt and try to get in a photo with you… Have fun!
    P.S. Koalas sound weird, just a heads-up.

    Like

  78. If you can’t hold a koala, you should try for a quokka instead! This was linked in Jim C. Hines’ blog this morning: http://laurenandemmalaurenandemma.tumblr.com/post/57082266094/the-quokka-is-a-marsupial-native-to-australia

    Like

  79. Enjoy Australia. Make sure your koala wears a condom. I wouldn’t want you to get chlamydia.

    Like

    Lovelyn recently posted Not So Happy Halloween.

  80. Good rule of thumb to never drunkenly promise anyone ANYTHING. 😉

    I don’t speak Australian except for the thing where you say “raise up lights”…and that translates to “razor blades” in Australia, and everyone has a laugh. But I’m not sure why you’d need to know that, unless you’re shaving koalas while you’re there?

    Have a safe trip, and tell yourself what I tell myself whenever I fly. This pilot does this for a living. Every damn day. It’s like driving a FREAKING BUS for him. Then I read a book that requires my full attention, straight-through until we land, and mentally say “BRAVO” to him when we touch down. Vodka helps, too…

    Like

    stef recently posted Adult Child of....

  81. Did you know that your Neil Gaiman Amazon book review just made it to Least Helpful (http://leasthelpful.com/)? I read Least Helpful every day after I read thebloggess, so it was weird to hear from you twice in one day. Stop doing that. Have fun down under. In Australia, I mean.

    Like

  82. I hope you are also visiting their wine countries and not just get a disease. Unless it’s liver disease and that’s okay

    Like

    Mary recently posted Capitoul Rouge.

  83. C’mon, Koalas? I was BORN here, lived here my WHOLE FUCKING life, never even seen a Koala in the wild! Only ones I’ve seen are in a wildlife park, off their faces on eucalypt leaves! I’d be more worried about possible Wolf Creek scenarios myself…..

    Like

  84. I want to hug a koala bear SO BADLY. Have fun down under!

    Like

    Mayor Gia recently posted Blogcast 3: 10/31/2013.

  85. Dear Jenny – about Australia: Australia took my aunt. Sort of. She went to New Guinea as a missionary in 1950 and fell in love with another missionary and they got married and had babies. When the babies got old enough to need schools, they returned Australia, my uncle’s home. They visited the US in 1962, but missionaries don’t make much money so they never came here again. About 1995 my father finally returned the visit. My mom had Alzheimer’s Disease and needed a lot of care and special accommodation. Everywhere they went the Australians were kind, understanding and hospitable. One of my treasured possessions is a photograph of my mother holding a Koala. We never got my father’s sister back (she’s still there) but Australia gave my parents their last vacation together. And they’re taking good care of my aunt.
    So go to Australia. Let them welcome you. Hug a Koala (pictures, or it never happened). You could do worse.

    Like

  86. Be careful, safe travels, have fun! and don’t think about these deadly animals…. 🙂
    http://www.australiangeographic.com.au/journal/top-30-deadly-animals-in-australia.htm

    Like

  87. 89
    MyDogFartsWhenSheBarks!

    I’ve always wanted to go to Australia and New Zeland, but now that I’ve seen the

    Like

  88. Enjoy the trip and have some fun!!! You got Laura with you, for GOSH SAKES!!! It is gonna be EPIC!!!

    Like

    Sarah recently posted Counting Blessings.

  89. 91
    MyDogFartsWhenSheBarks!

    Oops! Some random keystroke posted that before I was done typing…

    I’ve always wanted to go to Australia and New Zealand, but now that I’ve seen the GIGANTIC BUG you posted, I am no longer interested in checking out New Zealand at all. No Sir, no way! Nope! Thank you for the warning!

    Have a safe trip!

    Like

  90. Australia is definitely on my bucket list! Safe travels!!!

    Like

    Mona (Moxie-Dude) recently posted What a lovely tree! PS. I NEVER use the word “lovely”. I’m not myself today..

  91. You realize you can fell 4 goals with one trip Down Under? They have camels there. Although you may not have packed your Priscilla costume AND your koala costume.

    Like

  92. If you refrain from rubbing the koalas’ genitals on your mucus membranes, you should be fine.

    Like

    JRose recently posted Cheeseblarg's Slutty Halloween Extravaganza.

  93. The Australians are going to LOVE you Jenny! You are totally their kind of person.

    I hope that the travel discomfort is minimal and you have fun! I think the Australian accent might actually be the sexiest so Victor had better save his Stormtrooper costume for wooing you when you get back.

    And I’ll give you a buck if you can find a better sign than he found in Japan.

    Like

    Laurie recently posted Holiday Hijinks.

  94. 96
    Tim 'tehtimmah' B.

    take a few copies of your book, and spread the awesomeness to Australia, or they may have copies of your book in stores, either way, your book will explain everything to everyone that you meet.

    Like

  95. Aaaahhhhhhh– I’ve spent a lot of time in China & SE Asia and the place is covered in these kinds of signs. You just walk around giggling and it makes up for the lack of personal space you must suffer.

    Like

    Aussa Lorens recently posted That Time I Jumped Out A Window And Almost Died.

  96. I’m with Laurie ? ^^ I’ll donate to the “Find a better sign than Victor” club. Who can have anxiety when they are on a scavenger hunt? I hope you have fun.

    One dollar if you find a better sign than Victor.

    Like

  97. On a side note, I was scanning through ICANHAZCHEEZBUGER and saw Hailey and one of your cats in a GIF. It’s the closest I’ve ever come to seeing some one I know on that site.
    Have fun in Australia!!

    Like

    marathondater recently posted HOT DAMN!!!.

  98. You’ll be protected in your suit – it’s like a massive condom, but furry. Watch out for the huntsman spiders that can carry a small child away. Maybe they will carry the koala away for you.

    Like

    The Shitastrophy recently posted What to Do With All That Candy?.

  99. I’ve been in Aus my whole life – never caught VD from a koala yet … though, I have caught a rash from a blue tongue lizard, but that’s a whole other story. You’ll be fine – we already love you & unless you like, luuuurrrvvvee the koala, you should return home disease free! 🙂

    Like

    Jodie recently posted Of blogging, dreams & apathy ….

  100. 102
    Don A in Pennsyltucky

    I hope that little thing in LAX didn’t affect your travel plans. My two trips to PNG via Australia included the LAX->Sydney flight which took off Friday evening from LA and got to Sydney at sunrise on Sunday. Saturday disappeared in transit. On the way back, I got to relive it on airplanes and in airports. Pleasant trip.

    Like

  101. 103
    SqualorHouseGail

    I hope you have a wonderful time, Jenny!!! From what little I know, Australians seem like awesomely fun people to be around—so you should fit right in.

    Can’t wait to hear what adventures you get into!!!

    Like

  102. You already have one up on me. I have always stuck with the idea that everything in Australia will kill you. Which I know is silly, just most things can and that doesn’t mean they will. Regardless of that invented silliness I couldn’t force myself to sit in a plane that long. I can’t sit and read for class more that an hour or so at a time. Then there’s the anxiety. I know the limits of pushing past my comfort zone and well I might as well sign up at NASA cuz the likleyhood of me doing either is about the same. I know its good th test your boundaries but it’s also good to know your limits.

    It’s good that you are going you can tell us all about it and we or I can marvel at your bravery.

    Like

  103. EVERYTHING in Australia will kill you. You will be lucky if you leave only with chlamydia from a koala. (side note: why is it spelled like that? Have I been saying it wrong all these years? Should I being pronouncing it Ch-la-my-dia?)

    Like

    Jill recently posted I'll Get You, My Pretty.

  104. 106
    Auntie Meme

    Unrelated, but awesome. I never know whether you see your twitter feed or not.
    http://www.thisiscolossal.com/2013/11/just-the-two-of-us-cosplay/

    Like

  105. This post has a lot of things that are… dripping. I don’t know how I feel about that.

    Like

    Dana the Biped recently posted Man of My Dreams.

  106. I hope you make it up to North Queensland! We live in the nicest part of Australia up here.

    Like

    Pinky Poinker recently posted Bloody Bustards!.

  107. I think you’ll be ok as long as you don’t have sex with the koalas.

    Like

    Jane recently posted Dear Universe, I'm Still Here.

  108. It’s the Drop Bears you have to look out for…..and if you visit the Sunshine Coast feel free to call in, hideout in my bathroom for awhile🙂
    Just keep an eye out for the Drop Bears….mmmmkay….

    Like

  109. They have really big spiders there, which may not be an issue for you but is literally terrifying to me. So beware the large spiders, you have been warned.

    Enjoy your trip!

    Like

  110. You’ll be here but – aside from investigating worthwhile curiosities – will you be talking, doing book-things or what?

    Like

    Lisa recently posted feel like makin’ love!.

  111. You’re coming to my neck of the woods!! Have a great time while you’re here. Can’t wait to hear your take on it. Hope you get to cross some of those things off your list!!

    Like

  112. Even worse, koalas are premature ejaculators.

    Like

    Julie the Wife recently posted Happy Halloween, Slackers of America!.

  113. We’ll be delighted to welcome you and Laura to Australia, which may as well be New Zealand because we have a tendency to adopt their Kiwi achievements as our own, eg Crowded House, Sam Neill, pavlova, Outrageous Fortune etc. Come around to my place for some prawns on the barbie but watch out for all those drop bears.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted Stupid Fucking Thing!.

  114. 116
    Kat - Austin

    Yuk – you are doing the mighty trip/ You don’t need to do that to keep people listening to you. I see your Houston blog friends did this trip so there you go.

    Like

  115. Welcome to Australia, Jenny! I’m so glad that you’ve decided to come here and I hope you have a great time.

    Like

  116. I think it should be illegal to use ‘dripping’ and ‘chlamydia’ in the same sentence. That being said – have an awesome time.

    Like

    Kate recently posted Rationally, I'm really not that stupid..

  117. 119
    Yet another Kylie

    Just looking at your goals, you may have trouble with the toilet one. The toilets here don’t really swirl around like the ones in the US, they just go straight out. You’ll see what I mean.

    Like

  118. I can’t get the image of koalas dripping chlamydia out of my head.

    Like

  119. I am NOT a koala expert but I am a genuine chlamydia expert (yes, such people do exist for the betterment of humanity and the preservation of your cervix, endometrium and Fallopian tubes- we love it because science and rauchy double entendre jokes at lab meeting brighten our research days) and I can promise you that it’s not the same species of chlamydia although it has the same effect. I will prove my expertise right now by letting you know that the chlamydia infecting the koalas results in a syndrome known as “wet bottom” (garglng/gacking sound)! However, everything will be TOTALLY FINE with frequent efficient handwashing with soap (actually everthing is ALWAYs better with soap and water).

    I hope that you have a wonderful time!

    Like

  120. Cats get chlamydia too, as I discovered when I took my cousin’s cat to the vet. He was the sweetest, most mellow cat ever, until you walked into the door of the vet. Then he transformed into a monster. Seriously, to examine him they had to wrap him in a towel and wear huge leather gloves/gauntlets. He had an eye infection and the vet said “Oh, it’s chlamydia, here’s some medicine” and I said, “great, thanks” because all I could think about was getting the devil cat (growling and hissing and snapping) out of the vet’s office. When I was driving home and he had calmed down I started replaying what the vet had said and immediately called the vet back, since I had recently started dating someone and all I could think about was having to call him and have THAT conversation: “Um, hi, I just wanted to let you know you might need to get tested. Um, yeah, I have the clap. No, no, I haven’t been sleeping with someone else…no, I got it from my cousin’s cat…dial tone”. Anyway, it is strictly an upper respiratory infection in cats and also NOT CONTAGIOUS to humans. I bet it is the same for Koalas. If not, at least you are married, and Victor knows you well enough to know that if you tell him you caught the clap from a Koala, you are telling the truth. Have a great time!

    Like

  121. Just be careful not to get into any boxing matches with the kangaroos — apparently they are bad-asses who love to kick ass (and I mean that literally). Have a great trip!

    Like

    Jana recently posted Survival: What the Hell is a “Water”?.

  122. There is beer there. Good beer, not like American pee-water. Drink beer and hug kangaroos. Purple eyes are all the rage, no?

    Like

  123. We welcome you to Australia Jenny, I have lived here all my 34 years and have not been killed yet or contracted chlamydia from a koala or anything else. I hope you have a nice time in my country

    Like

  124. Australia is going to love you:-)

    Like

    chickens consigliere recently posted Fashion is a Two-Faced Bitch: I got nothing.....

  125. 127
    Marianne Barrier

    Have fun!

    Like

  126. Hug a koala, feed a few kangaroos but whatever you do DON’T touch a platypus or a Tassie Devil. Tassie Devil one’s pretty self explanatory but the male platypus has big arsed spurs which will leave you in agonising pain. There is no antidote. AND never ever touch any of our wildlife UNLESS it is in a zoo and the zookeepers have said you can touch them. Their cute furry exteriors are just a decoy. Our wildlife is not friendly. They will rip you to shreds. But welcome to Australia!! You’ll love it here:)

    Like

  127. Welcome to Australia! Whereabouts are you going while you’re over here?
    If you make it to South Australia, I’ve some local recommendations for you:
    – Farmers Union Iced Coffee (this stuff outsells any soft drink here)
    – Frog cakes
    – The Big Rocking Horse
    – Coopers Pale Ale
    – Cleland Wildlife Park (they let you cuddle the koalas!)

    Like

  128. Forget all they say about that everything in Australia is trying to kill you. My mother dreamed of going to Australia, and never got to go, but her best friend did — Australia is like dying and going to heaven. Part of it is beaches and surfing and part of it makes west Texas look crowded and wet. It’s the land of Crocodile Dundee and The Tasmanian Devil and The Great Barrier Reef and “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney” and “A Town Like Alice” and also a honking huge mesa / butte thing that rises out of the the flat plain called Ayers Rock that looks like this: http://images.nationalgeographic.com/wpf/media-live/photos/000/060/cache/australia-ayers-rock_6009_600x450.jpg, though you’ll probably get it without the lightning if you are lucky enough to see it. Go, take tranquilizers on the plane, and have fun holding koalas!

    I won’t tell you not to be scared, because to do that would be silly. Instead I’ll tell you to take a talisman, hook it to your purse, and look at it every time you are. Mine, when I took a two day trip by Amtrak between Denver and Boston with a switch over at Chicago during which I had to make sure my husband, my 8 year old, and I didn’t get separated, was a plastic keychain attachment dangly thing of Seto Kaiba from Yu-Gi-Oh! — don’t laugh. He’s sort of the antihero, as opposed to the antagonist, and he has loads of both arrogance and self-confidence. Every time I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, I’d look at it and think “Kaiba could do this, he’d just breeze through it and bitch out anyone who got in his way” — and then everything was better somehow.

    For you, I’d recommend someone from Dr. Who; either the Doctor himself, or one of the companions. Find a keychain or a sticker or something, put it somewhere you can see it ALL THE TIME WHENEVER YOU NEED TO, and whenever you are panicky, look at it and think Rose, or Amy, or The Doctor, or whoever, could handle this. I don’t know why this helps, but it does.

    At least it’s not Daleks.

    Like

  129. I.think.I’m.going.to.die. JENNY LAWSON IN THE SAME COUNTRY AS ME. This is what dreams are made of, I don’t even need to see you and I’m living a dream. But fucking hell, I’d love to see you. Is there a slim chance you are heading Gold Coast or Brisbane way? I’m hyperventilating, but also trying to play it cool at the same time, I don’t think it’s working.

    Like

    Brigitte Nieberl recently posted I think my dog hates me.

  130. You are going to have a wonderful time, because you are sweet, kind, funny, and people genuinely like you. The proof is in this comments’ section, which is filled with fans who want to welcome you. You will be better than fine.

    I am looking forward to your posts.

    Like

    Penney recently posted This is What She Can Do.

  131. Oh, and phrasing is important because no one wants behind soup.

    Like

    Penney recently posted This is What She Can Do.

  132. You can also get chlamydia from birds (Chlamydia psittaci – also referred to as Psittacosis, Parrot Fever or chlamydiosis). So if the koalas don’t infect you, the birds will. But in reality you could get it from birds in the US, so its not something special for Australian birds. Unless you get attacked by a Cassowary that has chlamydia. Then you’re probably dead anyways.

    Like

    Nina Potts recently posted A strange moment.

  133. Naturally after reading this, I had to google “Koalas Chlamydia” and one of google’s auto-suggestions was “Koalas Chlamydia One Direction” . So maybe ESPECIALLY watch out for koala boy bands while you’re in the outback.

    Like

    CyndyBush recently posted Trick or Treat – Friday Fragging.

  134. TAKE PICTURES if you see wild bearded dragons because I HAVE BEARDED DRAGONS!!!!! 8D LIZARDS. I want to see all the wild beardies that I assume will be crawling EVERYWHERE.

    Like

  135. 137
    Liz Finlayson

    Very happy you are coming to Australia! Someone needs to bring the sexual health of koalas to the forefront…… Have never meet you obviously, but if you find yourself in Tasmania and need someone to have a coffee with or act as interpreter pick me!!

    Like

  136. Awesome! You should look at the stars while you’re there. (the ones in the sky, not Australian movie stars.) The constellations are different in the southern hemisphere.🙂 I didn’t get a chance to do that while I was in Australia, and I regret it.

    Like

  137. I’d be less worried about Chlamadya-Koalas than EVERY OTHER ANIMAL IN AUSTRALIA because everything is dangerous or poisonous or creepy or all of the above. But have fun.

    (seriously)

    Like

  138. You’ll have a lovely time in Australia! We’re all very nice and quite a few of us are crazy enough for you to feel right at home.

    Like

    Fleur recently posted Richmond Adventure.

  139. That’s a curable std I think. Haha

    Like

  140. OHHH I bet they have kick ass taxiderm art.
    Think of the possibilities.

    And you’ll be great!

    Like

  141. Hold up, on your way now?! I thought it was in a few months! We shall welcome you with open arms and equally open wine bottles ;D

    Like

    JJ - 84thand3rd recently posted November Photo Challenge 2013 #eatfoodphotos: The Food Photo-A-Day!.

  142. Enjoy the eucalyptus, dear one!

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted In a Lonely Place.

  143. Australia is awesome! It’s worth the angst.

    Like

  144. I am ok with STD carrying Koala’s, but the spiders… I have seen the videos I have seen the meme’s. Their spiders are legendary. And I am not a spider fearing girl. If they are the size a quarter or less I am the Zena of Spider killers. But anything above that I am running and screaming like a little little girl.

    Enjoy!

    Like

    Woman_on_Pause recently posted Creeping….

  145. Already? yay! Australia is totally your home away from home. In nearly 40 years I have never been even slightly poisoned by any wildlife and I spent 17 of those years in Darwin, the capital of the NT which actually does have crocodiles turn up in suburbia, palm sized spiders and ginormous goannas.
    Also – note to Starwefter – that “mesa/ butte thing” is a monolith – a ginormous rock (well technically an inselberg but I’m not a geologist), thus “Ayers Rock”, which is officially (and these days mostly unofficially called Uluru. It is amazing and beautiful and sacred should be visited but never climbed. Anyone going that way should also go to Kata Tjuta. Jenny, go there. It’s indescribably wonderful and if you don’t take a baby you will be safe from the dingoes.

    Like

  146. Yeah…take that fear by the kahoonas and whirl it out into the solar system. I admire your courage!

    Like

    diane holcomb recently posted We All Have Our Thing.

  147. OMG!! Koala whores!

    Like

    itzybellababy recently posted Blogger opp- What's your story?.

  148. Bring back a koala! (Preferably live, but I guess stuffed will do.)

    Like

    Kernut the Blond recently posted Ring my bell and warm my bed..

  149. Please tell us what Victor captioned the photo. Please… for some reason I’ve become
    fixated on this and I’m desperate to know.

    Like

  150. Have a fun and safe trip!!!!

    Be sure the knock the koala out before taking a picture with him…then you can make it smile…..

    CHEESE!!!!

    Like

    Leah Would recently posted Art & Aliens.

  151. Oh, have a wonderful visit! I’ve wanted to go there since I was a child. A lot of my breast cancer support group friends live there and they are lovely fun ladies. Koalas are cool even if the do get the clap. Safe travels dear!❤

    Like

  152. Have an amazing trip!! Hope you don’t get VD!

    Like

    Karen Peterson recently posted Karen's Blog of the Week: Everyday Trish!.

  153. Regarding the picture, I really find myself more concerned with the blurry hand apparently holding a cat poop than with the ‘behind soup’ aspect.

    Like

  154. Hello Bloggess,
    I Live in Gunnedah (north west NSW) the Koala Capital of Australia. We boost we have Koala’s without chylamydia, please come here!!! True story. XX

    Like

  155. Dang, it sounds like no enterprising tourism bod has managed to snag you and drag you over the New Zealand while you’re in the area. Seems a bit of a waste to go so far and not just take another few hours to see a totally different (much nicer!) country.

    Biased much? Well, yes…

    Anyway, have a lovely trip and I hope you have good flights with quiet people, smooth flying and lots of lovely sleep to help you adjust to the time change.

    Like

    Eleanorjane recently posted How much is enough?.

  156. Thanks so much for writing your blog. When my day is such that I need a pick me up, a laugh either lightly or a full belly laugh that makes my co-workers look over at me, well, I turn to your blog. I just wanted to say thank you. And becareful of those Koalas, even if they are darn cute.

    Like

  157. I would kiss Paul Hogan on the leathery lips for a chance to go to Australia and contract VD from a koala.

    Like

    Shawna Lewis recently posted Hotdog Water Reflections.

  158. Rolling about laughing at a mental picture of you stood in a line up of koala’s to see if you can be spotted as the imposter.

    Like

    Ribena Tina @ ribenamusings recently posted A post from my dad.

  159. Chicken Noodle Soup enema, for the common cold? Sure… why not!

    Like

    Kim recently posted Gangsta’s Paradise… Car Karaoke.

  160. I love your blog! Hilarious day in, day out. I’m just getting started blogging, and would appreciate some feedback from you or your cult following. http://semanticsister.blogspot.com. Keep up the awesome writing!

    Like

    Leslie recently posted The Momma Matrix.

  161. Don’t hold a platypus! The males are venomous. No animal/bird/fish/invertebrate will hurt you in Australia unless you are trying to kill it or catch it.
    Also, you don’t have to worry about rabies. We banned it.
    Check out some of these little guys, if you get the chance:
    Video — Sugar Gliders — National Geographic
    Hand-raising Baby Numbats at Perth Zoo – YouTube
    Images for pygmy possum
    Melba Gully glow worms, Great Ocean Road, Victoria, Australia
    Red-legged Pademelon – Rainforest Australia (Pronounced “Paddy-melon”)
    Brush-tailed phascogale on a rock – ARKive
    Amazing! Bird sounds from the lyre bird – David Attenborough – BBC …
    Meet the antechinus, a mouse-like Aussie marsupial that kills itself …
    Eastern Tube-nosed Bat – Australian Museum
    Common spotted cuscus – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Tree kangaroos: best photos ever taken – Australian Geographic
    ! Striped Possum ! Tropical Rainforest, North Queensland Australia
    The Flying Duck Orchid – Australia’s Other Amazing Anatine …

    And amazing (Not crowded!) places to visit…
    The Pinnacles (Western Australia) – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Lake Mungo – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Remarkable Rocks, Flinders Chase National Park – South Australia
    Wave Rock Hyden Western Australia
    Bungle Bungle Range – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Karlu Karlu / Devils Marbles Conservation Reserve – Parks and …
    Parks Victoria – Great Otway National Park
    parkweb.vic.gov.au/explore/parks/great-otway-national-park?
    Great Ocean Road, Victoria, Australia – VisitVictoria.com

    Have fun, and let people know if you need some personal space. We totally respect that, we’re a sparsely distributed population.

    Like

  162. Dammit! I was expecting all of those to automatically create links! Sorry about that.

    Like

  163. You must tell us all in Australia where you’ll be, as it would be great to say hi and I have xanax if you run out :p

    I’m based in Melbourne, so if you’d like a chauffeur/minion whose car has the number plate I❤ GIN (seriously) feel free to get in touch! Melbourne is near The Great Ocean Road and the Otways national park on one side and the Dandenong Ranges and Healevsille Native Animal Sanctuary on the other. Melbourne itself is pretty kickarse too, lots of great food and artsy weird things.

    Like

  164. I don’t usually comment, but just wanted to say welcome to Australia!
    You’ll be fine! I’ve survived 30 years here without being bitten by anything poisonous… my Grandma was 60 years old before she got bitten by a Redback spider and lived to tell the tale… she is now 89 and has forgotten about the tale.

    Like

  165. Starwefter’s talisman idea is genius. Something that reminds you of safety and strength.

    I think your trip will be full of awesome – after all *you* will be there! You may want to plan to rest your inherent awesomeness, like pauses, naps and sleeping. They help me keep my moods from wobbling out of control. Just a thought.

    Exciting is scary, sometimes. Enjoy!

    Safe and memorable travels.

    Like

  166. http://www.dailytimes.com.pk/default.asp?page=2013%5C10%5C31%5Cstory_31-10-2013_pg9_1

    Completely unrelated but there was a chupacabra sighting in Mississippi

    Like

  167. 169
    daffodil101

    I’m an Aussie, don’t worry too much….. the majority of us live in cities and normally see our gorgeous wildlife on camping trips or at the zoo. The scariest things are the huntsman spiders, that live in our houses but are completely harmless. Us girls are total wusses when it comes to spiders but we’ve all survived. I think I’d be scared to go to America cos of the expensive health care and how everyone has a gun :op

    And you must go to the beach. Not just any old beach, though they’re all amazing. I’m from Queensland and we have the Great Barrier Reef, turtles, dolphins, rainforest that goes right up to the ocean. Total paradise.

    Like

  168. for some reason, I thought of you

    this has nothing to do with the above post.

    I love Cuttle FISH!!

    Like

  169. from a local – don’t have sex with the Koalas and you won’t get the clap.

    Seriously though, good on you for making the journey. You’ll love it here. I know I do🙂

    Like

  170. Come to central Ohio and see the largest Longaberger basket. http://www.longaberger.com/homeOffice.aspx
    It’s really a building that’s built to look like a basket, but I still think it counts as the biggest basket.

    Like

  171. I don’t think it’s asking too much to request that the koalas wear protection — at least until you’re in a loving and mutually respectful relationship and have both been tested.

    Stay safe down there.

    Like

    When I Blink recently posted In Disguise.

  172. Oh, oh, oh….any public vets in Australia? Specifically Sydney? You will love it here!

    Like

  173. Fuck! Events, we have vets!

    Like

  174. 1) Take a puzzle book on the plane. If you can’t sleep and you’re too freaked out to focus on a book or a movie than try just a question at a time.
    2) If the previous poster is right about the toilet, try switching to a bathtub.
    3) I think the giant koala looks cooler than the banana.

    Like

  175. Have fun in Australia! Don’t get the clap.

    Also, I love ill-phrased signs. Perhaps Victor needs a blog?

    Like

    Jean @LadyJWanderlust recently posted Job Tips: What I Learned While Working in Hell.

  176. So where in Aus are you going to be? If you’re coming down here to tasmania, Launceston has monkeys in the city park. Plus baby monkeys since they all had sex a while ago. Not sure about chlamydia though.

    Wombats can be assholes. But still better than those koalas. Too closely related to drop bears, imo.

    The daintree rainforest, if you go north, is awesome as well.😀

    Like

  177. Wave on the way through Sydney🙂

    Like

  178. It’s true. Koalas are apparently riddled with VD. They also feed their babies their own poop. So good luck holding a koala while dressed as one. If you come home with chlamydia and a stomach full of koala poop, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

    Like

  179. Burn the koala costume after you hold the koala. But not in view of the koalas. That might upset them and then no telling what could happen. But do burn the costume. No need to keep a chlamydia infested garment.

    Like

  180. Judging by your goal page thingy, you haven’t yet gone to the bathroom. Should we worry? I’ll worry just in case we should be worried.

    Like

  181. I am really looking forward to seeing that photograph🙂 ~Catherine

    Like

  182. I’m dying to know the unedited version of what Victor said.

    Like

    CrissyMoss recently posted Ouch! and Day 3 NaNoWriMo.

  183. Just dropped in ..and oh my gosh you are going to OZ. You have so many comments that I hardly need to add to the list..but here’s the thing you really reall really need to know. It is not possible in New South Wales (NSW) to hold a koala. I do know for a fact that you can do this at the Lone Pine Sanctuary in Brisbane, I know this because I take my kids every time we go home, most recently in August. There you may even come across a busload of Japanese tourists causing you to have all kinds of wacky internal dialogs about soup. Brisbane is at it’s finest this time of year with glorious purple jacaranda trees heralding the end of year exams for those in school and university. And…if by chance you are travelling QANTAS, have some of the delicious passionfruit shortbread cookies that they keep in the snack rack at the back ofthe plane. Oh, and mango.. mud crab and macadamias.

    Like

  184. Oh good lord- I had a quick scroll through a bunch of the comments..and no one mentioned to be careful of the DROP BEARS. Am I the only one concerned about your safety? Unreal!!! Give trees a large berth…and you might be oK. Might.

    Like

  185. You get to have all the fun!

    Like

  186. 188
    MrSpellcheck

    The link to progress fried itself !! How is the trip going?

    Like

  187. Restaurant tagline: Our soup tastes like ass.

    Like

    Kara recently posted Oh My Gah.

  188. More paraphrasing – this was so wrong I had to share it with you.

    http://distractify.com/fun/fails/the-x-worst-asian-sign-translations-of-all-time/

    Like

  189. I’ve been to Australia and held a koala and I don’t remember it, but I have a fantastic picture of it. I hope you have a great trip and I’m looking forward to the picture of you with a koala.

    Like

    Tara recently posted Todays Theme: A Letter to the Love of My Life.

  190. I don’t know about the drop bears, but koalas will definitely pee on your head. Hats are a good idea!

    Like

    Get Smart recently posted No last blog posts to return..

  191. I don’t know about the drop bears, but koalas will definitely pee on your head. Hats are a good idea!

    Like

    Alva O. Malone recently posted No last blog posts to return..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s