Huh

Confusing things I’ve taken pictures of, part 976:

“Hand impregnation” sounds cold and baffling enough, even before you add shoes to the equation.

Victor says it’s actually some sort of pudding that keeps shoes waterproof, but I’m pretty sure that I’d rather just wear flip flops than have to impregnate my shoes by hand.  It’s a personal choice.  No  judgement.

136 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I like the random comma in “Impregnite, Shoe”.

    Like

  2. Seems legit.

    Like

    Smokeynall recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  3. My husband often suspects my shoes have been humping and multiplying by the front door.

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    SaraBeth recently posted Rick James Style.

  4. I had a hand impregnation. Best thing I ever did. LOL!

    Like

    Kristin recently posted NaNoWriMo 2013 Week One Update.

  5. Please note the warning….Do not hand impregnate in front of a roaring romantic fire! I am impressed by your sensible footwear choices Jenny.😀

    Like

  6. I would have had to buy some just to open it and see what it was.

    Like

    Victoria recently posted All-Natural Pot Pourri is Here!.

  7. I have never used pudding to keep my shoes dry. I must be doing it wrong.

    Like

    Ragemichelle recently posted Yes, It IS A Thing.

  8. ain’t nobody gettin’ my shoes pregnant but me!

    Like

  9. i didn’t know that impregnation was flammable. yikes!

    Like

  10. Im fairly confident that they call flip flops thongs over there. So…not much better than knocked up shoes

    Like

    Casey @ waffling recently posted Mussels from Brussels.

  11. I wonder if I would finally get pregnant if I rubbed it on my belly?
    Or would I just birth a shoe?

    Like

    Tia @ Gilded TBags recently posted Technologic.

  12. I thought you were an “old hand” at manual impregnation.

    Like

  13. And if your shoes get near a flame, then you’re in trouble?

    The visual I get from the phrase “hand impregnation” makes me cringe. And cross my legs.

    Man, the whole thing makes me uncomfortable!

    Like

    Laurie recently posted Custom Cover for my E-Reader.

  14. If only they made this for socks….

    Like

    Heather recently posted Challenge: Accepted?.

  15. If you eat the pudding do your shoes multiply? I might be okay with that.

    Like

    Allie Campbell recently posted The Aristotle of shower time..

  16. Apparently it makes your shoes waterproof AND flammable. Which some might consider a design flaw. Unless you want your shoes to burn in the rain. And really, who wouldn’t want that?

    Like

    Chuck Baudelaire recently posted Random Things That Are Pissing Me Off.

  17. It must be really flammable if they had to put the warning on the FRONT of the can!

    Like

    Kelsie recently posted The Dogs of Anarchy…Find Anarchy!.

  18. That just seems so wrong……

    Question: how many months do you have to wait for the “big day” after you’ve hand-impregnated your shoes? I’ve never had pregnant shoes before

    Like

    Kat recently posted What to change…...

  19. That’s kind of beautiful.😀

    Like

  20. Plus it’s flammable…who wants something flammable on their feet?

    Like

  21. The really rough bit about hand impregnation is when your hand’s water breaks.

    And when they said, “you have no gf enjoy your hand,” I thought they were only kidding…

    Like

  22. If you impregnate your shoes then you are stuck with them for life – no matter how annoying and uncomfortable they make everything. It’s just not worth it.

    Like

    Jaime recently posted Hoodoo is a word I got from the show Supernatural, which I am currently addicted to*.

  23. Is this in a museum? I love weird bits of history like this. They show us that people lived differently in the past, and things we consider weird they considered normal.

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    Jenny Williams recently posted The Hats of Mental Illness – 11/3/2013.

  24. He said, as if “shoe pudding” cleared up everything.

    Like

  25. But would you want your shoes waterproofed if they burst into flame every time you walked past a heater vent?? Somehow that just seems counter-productive…don’t it???

    Like

    Jansy recently posted Happiness and Four-Letter Words.

  26. Usually I just have sex with my shoe…

    Like

    Chooplah recently posted Marriage Isn't for You, It's for the Lasagna and the Health Insurance.

  27. 27
    Queen of the Weezils

    Anyone else dying to know about the OTHER 100 confusing things she’s taken pictures of? I feel like I’m missing out.

    Like

  28. 28
    Liddle-Oldman

    I swear I had a can of this during the 60’s, when I used to order all kinds of odd military surplus garm. (Hint: a Browning Automatic Rifle ammunition belt nicely holds a six-pack). Smelled weird. Don’t remember if anyone actually ever rubbed it on their boots.

    That’s not a random comma, by the way — the Army labels things as though Yoda was their head quartermaster. “Shirt, Men’s, Field”. Top down, their terms are.

    Like

  29. I’m more put off by the high cost of shoe impregnating than anything else…does that tag say $20?

    Like

  30. Not just hand impregnation, but flammable impregnation to boot.

    Like

  31. Shoe impregnation certainly explains the mess in the bottom of my closet! Do we have proof of hangers doing this too?

    Like

    Rabia @TheLiebers recently posted His Mercies are New Every Morning.

  32. Not to put a damper on the fun but it’s probably just shoe polish.

    Like

  33. That comma would seem to imply that “impregnite, shoe” isn’t the only variety of “impregnite”. I’m not going to think about what other everyday objects have gone in for the treatment.

    Like

    Anubis Bard recently posted Hiking as Church.

  34. And I think Victor is right about the waterproofing, because there is nothing like flaming shoes to keep the water off.

    Like

    Anubis Bard recently posted Hiking as Church.

  35. My shoes always look pregnant after I eat too much salt. Well, it’s my swollen feet, technically. The shoes are like the too-tight pants. For my feet. My feet pants… Yeah.

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    RachRiot recently posted Getting Off On The Wrong Foot.

  36. Actually it’s to protect your shoes (and feet) from chemical warfare. Specifically, from vesicants (chemicals that raise blisters, e.g. mustard gas). Check out the military specs for the stuff: http://www.dtic.mil/dtic/tr/fulltext/u2/a544845.pdf

    Like

  37. Chicken.

    Like

  38. Is that where baby shoes come from?

    Like

    Korinthia recently posted Mold-A-Ramas at the Brookfield Zoo.

  39. Ohhhh. I was trying to impregnite my shoes the old fashioned way. This will be ever so much easier.

    Like

    chickens consigliere recently posted Butter Files: The Christians and The Pagans of Macomber Hill.

  40. im·preg·nate
    [v. im-preg-neyt, im-preg-neyt; adj. im-preg-nit, -neyt] Show IPA verb, im·preg·nat·ed, im·preg·nat·ing, adjective verb (used with object)
    1.to make pregnant; get with child or young.
    2.to fertilize.

    3.to cause to be infused or permeated throughout, as with a substance; saturate: to impregnate a handkerchief with cheap perfume.

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    Joy F. recently posted Project Front Porch: The Beginning.

  41. Outstanding. I’m going to need to get my shoes some birth control.

    Like

    Julie recently posted Winter I Amended Schedule.

  42. I had no idea that I could have been a shoe breeder. Who doesn’t want free adorable little baby shoes? …Or maybe I could invest in a pair of designer shoes, and then sell their offspring on E-bay.

    This has become a little dark.

    Like

    Curiosity recently posted Moving my shoulders, ever so slightly.

  43. My shoes are sluts and probably have a giant mutant herpie. No way would I stick it in there; I don’t care how warm and juicy their openings.

    Like

    iris de mallemarok recently posted And lose my heart on the burning sands.

  44. 44
    SqualorHouseGail

    I’d like to see the Product catalogue from the manufacturer—I’m picturing this:

    Impregnite, Handkerchief
    Impregnite, Koala
    Impregnite, Shoe
    Impregnite, Woman
    Impregnite, Wombat

    Like

  45. On second glance, I’m enjoying the worry that having impregnated my shoes with something highly flammable, they will then be waterproof, so if I *DO* stand too close to a fire, HOW WILL I EVER PUT THEM OUT?

    Like

  46. Hand impregnation removes the middle man – the turkey baster.

    Like

    sandy@sinsationallyme.com recently posted Thanks for the obvious sign because I had no idea what to do here..

  47. 47
    Cookie McCool

    I just don’t think Victor understands things sometimes.

    Like

  48. So, have you set fire to a can of Impregnite, Shoe yet? To see what happens? You know, for science?

    Like

  49. I’m quite baffled that no one seems to know about impregnating shoes. I haven’t seen it in this form, it’s usually a spray, but the idea of impregnating (waterproofing) shoes isn’t uncommon.

    Then again, your way is more fun. Carry on.

    Like

  50. That can is totally overpriced. You can get that stuff on eBay for like 5 bucks. You never know when you’re going to be faced with liquid vesicants after all.

    Like

    Kelly Fox recently posted Bad Poetry Thursday: It’s Country Music Time!.

  51. Never trust a husband. Never, ever.

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    Kristy recently posted Systems Or Stress: It's Your Call.

  52. Completely off topic, but this happened this morning… and well, it made me think of you.

    I was reading your mostly true memoir (I’m sorry it took so long, but I live in the middle of the cornfield, which is similar to living under a rock, only more windy) and I came to your overdosing on Ex-lax story.

    And then I HAD to poop.

    Which got me thinking. Does reading about pooping always make you have to poop? Because if so, you and I may have stumbled onto the cure for a lot of really grumpy people.

    To bring things back on topic, I bet ingesting some of that Impregnite Shoe would make you have to poop since it’s probably petroleum based (and thus flammable), or maybe it would have the reverse effect since it’s talking about impregnating and I seem to remember reading that pregnant ladies get constipated a lot.

    Like

  53. I’ve heard of being pregnant with ideas, but I don’t want my shoes – or my feet – pregnant. Guess my kink runs in a different direction.

    Like

    Beverly Diehl recently posted Slut of the Month: Rita Moreno.

  54. I’d be leery. The cans look like the kind sterno comes in. I wouldn’t want my shoes to ignite during or after impregnation.

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    Sue recently posted Hummingbird ballet.

  55. Also, could this picture be classified as #shoeporn? Just wondering…no judgements here either.

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    LeahWould recently posted Random Ramblings 11-7.

  56. Waterproof and highly flammable sound like an interesting combination.

    Like

    Jen recently posted When Ideas Attack.

  57. This is probably a miracle for shoes with fertility issues.

    Like

    Ragemichelle recently posted Mea Culpa…Kind Of.

  58. Flip flops probably work in Texas. In Wisconsin in January, not so much.

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    kmkat recently posted Thursday tales: wildlife (of a sort)..

  59. Nothing is worse than an impregnated shoe. They get all bloated and bitchy. It is a nightmare.

    Like

    thedoseofreality recently posted Just Call Me Tony Danza.

  60. My dogs impregnate my shoes for free – or try to, at least.

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    Jill recently posted I'll Get You, My Pretty.

  61. That would be a lot cheaper than shoe shopping. Do they sell that here?
    I agree with Sarah – it’s probably shoe polish.
    But shoe polish that makes more shoes.

    Like

    Caley recently posted You Are Good - Just Compare.

  62. It’s going to make that facts-of-life talk with my kids a lot harder.

    Like

    Caley recently posted You Are Good - Just Compare.

  63. If it’s flammable and it’s in a tin, then it’s Sterno.

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    Larry Brantley recently posted I Had To Learn Martial Arts Because My Mother Dressed Me Like This.

  64. That’s it my putting all my shoes on birth control.

    Like

  65. Clearly we can blame “Impregnite, Shoe” for the necessity of shoe condoms.

    Like

    Shelley J recently posted I might possibly be the Terminator.

  66. Wait, a pudding to keep your shoes dry? Who puts pudding on your shoes? And how does pudding lead to “shoe impregnation”? Somehow I missed that “birds and the bees” lesson. (“When a mommy shoe and a daddy shoe like each other very much…”)

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    TechyDad recently posted The Post-Halloween Crafting Blues.

  67. All my shoes are child-free by choice.

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    According2Robyn recently posted Game Review: Mount and Blade (Clash of Kings Mod).

  68. This is exactly the reason why I wear clogs.

    Like

    bschooled recently posted Reason #82 Why You’re Single- Lack of Filter.

  69. This is what happens when you don’t wear socks with your loafers, kids.

    Like

    HogsAteMySister recently posted Melon-thumper Police Flashlights and Waco.

  70. I saw a picture of a woman in a red dress today and thought about you and your photo shoot in the park.

    Like

  71. You have an awesome blog and I’ve bought your book.

    I thought you might enjoy reading this about the possibility of tardis travel:

    http://www.fromquarkstoquasars.com/is-tardis-travel-possible-according-to-science-yes-maybe/

    Like

  72. If you wear socks, will it act like a condom?

    Like

    BatPoopCrazy recently posted The Experience of a Lifetime.

  73. You made me hand impregnate my nose while snorting.

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    Kathleen recently posted Abundant Love.

  74. Every time I look through my photos on my phone I find myself wondering what the heck I was thinking.

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    Allison @ The Book Wheel recently posted TLC Book Tours: Friday’s Harbor.

  75. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, Jenny….
    Perhaps it’s a Time Lord thing?

    Like

  76. This is making me laugh.

    Like

  77. Can you imagine the conversation, when they were deciding what to NAME their new product?

    “I know! Let’s call it something really catchy. Something that will inspire half our customers to buy this out of curiousity, yet REPEL the other half into buying some other product that will not look embarrassing, sitting on their closet shelf.”

    Maybe they had a simple can of “SHOE POLISH” sitting next to it, and it was like a marketing test or something. Oh, for a hidden camera on that shelf…

    Like

    stef recently posted We Now Have a Clowder, or a Glaring--Or is it a Glaring Clowder?.

  78. Am I the only one who watches American Horror Story: Coven and thought, “Bring me 2 ounces of your husband’s Baby Gravy.” No? Ok then.

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    Beth recently posted Halloween 2013: Renaissance Edition.

  79. Pudding???

    Like

    Mama D recently posted What's In A Name?.

  80. I don’t even know what to say about this.

    Like

    Karen Peterson recently posted Goals? Oh, right, I set some of those, didn't I?.

  81. Is it a sin after impregniting a shoe to abort the process that could lead to baby shoes? I mean, do shoes have soles?
    And what do you get if you cross a Doc Martin with a flip-flop? Is there some kind of shoe apartheid that prevents this ever happening? These are important social issues, people. We need legislation – and shoe polish, we must have shoe polish.
    Oh, and can sling-back mules even breed?

    Like

  82. You only feel that way about your shoes because you don’t live any place where winter is serious. I hand impregnate all my leather boots and shoes every fall. If only they would then reproduce without me having to purchase them some relatives…

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    MommyTime recently posted Anniversary.

  83. My brain has been chewing on this since I read it this afternoon. Why would you impregnate shoes that you want to be impregnable? Talk about mixed messages. This is exactly the kind of thing Robin Thicke is talking about in that song “Blurred Lines.”

    Like

    Shelley J recently posted When you've got a dirty mind, there's never a dull conversation.

  84. Sadly, the first thing I noticed was that they used what looks like Futura Font Family *facepalm*

    excuse me while I go trip over my geek that is hanging out

    Like

  85. Oh, for heaven’s sake, everyone . . . it’s just military-issue grease to waterproof combat boots and help keep you from getting wet feet and maybe trench foot.

    Like

  86. One question: Where do you shop?

    I do manage to find two-headed goats and shrunken heads – but never anything odd/confusing/weird for sale. I’m pretty sure we live within a couple hours of each other.

    Like

    Kernut the Blond recently posted Ring my bell and warm my bed..

  87. How in the HECK does one work the word “impregnite” into daily convo? I will try this in the morning with my fellow co-workers. Can’t wait! T:)

    Like

    T:) recently posted ♥♥Time To Fly♥♥.

  88. If it meant I could totally have my cute red boots multiply, I’d gladly impregnate them by hand😉

    Like

    Cheryl T recently posted 6 Year Olds CANNOT Be Trusted.

  89. AND it’s flammable. Sounds like a fun night : )

    Like

    Jane recently posted Dear Universe, I'm Still Here.

  90. Shoes should always be impregnated the old-fashioned way…bible says so.

    Like

    Megly Mc recently posted It’s Adam and Eve, Not Eve and Some Jackass..

  91. This is soooo funny! Ha!

    Like

  92. This is far too amusing to me because one of my favorite bands of all times is called “Shoes”. And this would be the best / most embarassing thing to post to their Facebook wall….

    Like

  93. Well if it would make my shoes multiply….

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    Angela recently posted MIA.

  94. So what ? You’ve been trying to impregnate a cow using your hand, don’t you remember ? Anything can be impregnated by using hands like cows, shoes, old friends, you name it.

    Like

  95. Thank you for giving me another reason not to visit Australia….

    First reason on my “why the fuck would I want to go there??” list was them having spiders the size of Chevy pick-up trucks. Second, they are home to ONE HUNDRED species of venomous snakes – which along with the truck spiders, and the myriad of other Australian animals that can either kill you or make you wish you were dead, completes my nightmare quite nicely.

    And now, hand-shoe porn.

    Like

    MakeWayForLindaJ recently posted My Shampoo Tried to Kill Me.

  96. Greetings and Salutations…
    It is, indeed, a gel (of sorts) that not only waterproofs leather boots, but, is designed to keep chemical agents from penetrating to the wearer’s skin. For what it is worth, it used to be made with Mink Oil…which, by the by DOES come from real minks. it is a mixture of rendered fats from the skin, and, the contents of the scent glands at the base of the animal’s tail….

    Like

    dave mundt recently posted Once again, the Politicians AMAZE me..

  97. hahahahahahahahah

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    --ginger. recently posted Best. Laundry Tags. Ever..

  98. appropos of nothing….
    My Mom & Dad loved the whole “thanks for the memories” schtick that Bob Hope & Bing Crosby did.
    And then I had to go get my first bra.
    Yeah.
    Thongs for the mammaries.
    Scarred for life I tell you, scarred for life.

    Like

  99. It’s like weird, random shit just follows you. You are a super-powered magnet for oddities.

    Like

    Renee recently posted Kids? Tyrants? Gremlins? You decide..

  100. I just realized that *I* follow you. So I guess I’m weird, random, and odd. Who knew? (besides everyone who has ever met me.)

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    Renee recently posted Kids? Tyrants? Gremlins? You decide..

  101. You gonna learn today….

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    Sarah recently posted this morning.

  102. We have always wondered where baby shoes came from.

    Like

    TPPC.tv, Pets Teach Us So Much Radio Show, Podcast & Blog recently posted Giant, Beautiful, Scary Maine Coon Cat.

  103. 103
    MyDogFartsWhenSheBarks!

    If this makes your shoes waterproof and flammable at the same time, if they were to catch on fire, how would you put them out?

    Like

  104. I would LOVE if my kids’ shoes got impregnated and made slightly larger versions of themselves every few weeks. It would save me so much money.

    Like

    Frankie Laursen recently posted Getting Someone on Your Side Sometimes Means Meeting Them Halfway.

  105. Query: If your hand and your show got together, what would their children look like?

    Like

  106. shoe…hand + shoe =

    Like

  107. Sounds too fishy to be true.

    Like

    DOCTOR STINKSTAH recently posted If I make 35 K a year would she date me?.

  108. Drawing from what I know about KRYPTONITE, I would have thought this to be birth control…for shoes?

    Like

    MILF Runner recently posted The Most Overdue Race Report in the History of Race Reports.

  109. But if you were willing to impregnate by hand, you might benefit from the creation of little shoes in the future…might cost less than having to buy them. I wonder what the shoe gestation period is, and do boots take longer than flipflops do?

    Like

    Mishka recently posted SmartWool Socks Acquired.

  110. Help for the shoe shooting blanks?

    Like

    kimicalreaction recently posted NaNoBloPoMo Day 8: Who loves a ginger?.

  111. My brother was a quartermaster. He’ll love the comment that the army names everything like Yoda is their quartermaster.

    Like

  112. I think I finally understand why the Brits call galoshes “rubbers”.

    Like

  113. I just thought you needed to see these stuff raccoons in a canoe cuz well:

    Like

  114. Now I’m imagining a shoe giving birth to hundreds a of tiny baby human hands? Huh. Maybe the other way round.

    Like

    Az recently posted I Love Science, But Sometimes It Makes Me Sad.

  115. Like, I wish I could, Liddie-Oldman’s post.🙂

    Like

    Brenna recently posted A Halloween-Themed Urine Sample Cup.

  116. Haha what does that even mean?!?

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    Christina @ The Beautiful Balance recently posted So, where do you get your protein?.

  117. That is something else…

    Like

  118. 119
    kathi wright

    …and that is how we get pairs of shoes….

    Like

  119. I’d HAVE to buy that just to leave out on the counter in the bathroom for when family members you don’t like come over and search your bathroom for stuff…

    Like

  120. I am confused. I stared at this picture and it looks cool and vintagesque but for the life of me, I don’t know what it is!

    Like

    My twice baked potato recently posted Eff You, Diorama!!.

  121. I am often struck by the things too strange to be made up–like John Boehner’s name sounding so much like boner…for example:)

    Like

    leanne tankel recently posted TITILLATING TUMBLR.

  122. I.. um… do you have to by the shoes a drink first?
    Is it something that is done in public spaces?
    Do you feel the need to have to shoo the cats out of the room lest they spy you impregnating a shoe?
    How does the shoe feel about this?

    Soo many questions.

    Like

    A.T.H. Webber recently posted Remembrance day, why bother?.

  123. I had no idea there was a home kit for hand impregnation. I always thought you had to take your shoes to a clinic.

    Like

    Molly Dugger Brennan recently posted Dances with Biscuits.

  124. “used for both greasing the boots and protecting from chemical gas” only $7.50 per can http://www.colbubbie.com/usmilitaryshoeimpregnite.aspx

    Like

  125. Sizzling Hot Shoes Get Impregnated… the name of my next movie.. I swear…

    Like

    itzybellababy recently posted My morning Zulily purchases.

  126. I was going to go for the obvious here, the creep thought of impregnating your shoes. But can I just add, How in the world is anyone getting that can opened?? My can opener would melt at the sight of that can. Or do you open it like my camp counselors would open the Hawaiian Punch, by just punching two holes in and letting gravity take over?

    *My brain isn’t right, I know.*

    Like

    Woman_on_Pause recently posted Driving Mrs. Crazy – Part I.

  127. This sounds like an excellent way to reproduce shoes with minimal costs. I will now be searching out this product on amazon.

    Like

    Aussa Lorens recently posted Workplace Biatches.

  128. So…are your shoes pregnant or are they not?

    Like

    Anne Stinnett (Wickedelfchild) recently posted The Joy of Ordering In.

  129. It looks like it opens like a paint can, so I’d say pry the lid off with a screwdriver.
    Hmmm… I seem to be out of orange juice.

    Like

  130. So if your shoes are pregnant do you get a Patent-turnity Test? (for Patent Leather Shoes).
    Does the man become the Alwedged Father?
    Will you always have twins (since shoes come in pairs)?

    I am 100% sure this is where the whole “Having a Soul/Sole”- thing came in.
    and we won’t even talk about Spinal Taps! See? Shoes again.
    This all makes complete sense to me.

    These and many pregnant shoe related questions are swirling in my head. Thanks a lot. I need to get back into the studio and work.

    Loves you!

    Dr Brassy

    Like

  131. Pudding?

    Like

    Marianne recently posted Worth a thousand words.

  132. Where in the hell do you find this stuff? This can looks “vintage,” which is a nice way of saying it looks like somebody slapped a new label on an old can of Sterno.

    Like

    Kit recently posted Mini-Book Pendant - A Discovery of Witches by Kits.

  133. As I recall, you’re no stranger to hand-impregnation, Jenny. *holds up turkey baster and winks*

    Like

    Lynn recently posted Be the Bear … BE the Bear..

  134. If you impregnite your shoes and it’s burning – pretty sure your shoes are dirty and you need some penicillin…😉

    Like

  135. Impregnation here means to blockade the pores of the leather. It was kinda funny a term. The grease was actually used on roughout boots, in which the side of the leather used for the boots was reversed. There is a document online, declassified, from Aberdeen, talking about the ingredients. Doesn’t seems to be much poisonous.
    I’ve used this stuff. Fairly effective waterproofing. It can even be buffed to a light shine. Light coatings will always be a lot more effective.

    Like

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