I’m going to make a t-shirt for Victor that says “You’re doing it wrong.” It would save him so much time.

in Random Crap, weekly reruns

After the 80 bajillionth time Victor told me that I was doing something incorrectly I decided I needed to make a t-shirt for him that simply says, “You’re doing it wrong.”  It would save him so much time.

He can’t really help it, but he does tend to point out everything I do wrong, from sitting (too floppy)…to drinking (too sippy)…to writing (overuse of the word “too”).  I suspect that if given the opportunity, he’d critique the rate at which my cells divide and how poorly I organize my uterus.  But then I considered the t-shirt idea again and I realized that when he told me I was “doing it wrong” I could stare at him and know that if he had chosen to wear the appropriate shirt he wouldn’t have to go to the trouble of saying it out loud.  So technically he’s doing it wrong.  And we both win.  Or lose.  Together.

If you need one for your own personal Victor, just click the picture.

PS. As I was designing this shirt for Victor he paused behind me and said, “That logo is crooked” and then walked away.  And it’s not crooked.  It’s just the way it looks on the website.  But he’s sort of proving my point.  Then he said he liked the way that it started out almost positive and then really got the point of the matter.  I suggested that he could wear some duct tape over the “WRONG” part and just strip it off only when I was fucking something up but he said that duct tape loses its grip after a few hundred removals.

Then he pointed out a typo.

I rest my case, you guys.

He says he does too.

********************

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119 thoughts on “I’m going to make a t-shirt for Victor that says “You’re doing it wrong.” It would save him so much time.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I want that shirt. I want to wear it to work every day…not so much because people are doing anything wrong..but it would piss them off for me implying that they’re wrong.

  2. My hubby and son are constantly telling me I’m wrong. I told them that God gave everyone a talent. Some people are good at singing, some are great preachers, some are great writers, me? I’m good at being wrong. Welcome to the club Jenny. Nice to be in good company.

  3. You should make a shirt for women that says “I Know, I’m Doing It Wrong”. So funny. You really make me laugh!

  8. Haha I love it. When I was younger I had a shirt with a shark on it and you could open the sharks mouth and see a fish. If only this saying was written on that shirt then “wrong” could be in the sharks mouth!

  10. My husband knows better than to correct me, or I, him. Both of us are…determined…people who do not take direction well. If his hair was on fire and I suggested putting it out, he’d burn to the ground before he made a move toward the faucet. *sigh* What can you do? Make sure the insurance is up to date, I suppose, and roll on.

  11. With my husband it’s usually, “That’s great, but…..” or he makes this face like he just sucked a lemon. I hate that face, and when I ask him what the face is for he denies making the face. I have threatened to install cameras in our house just to record the sour-lemon-face. That’s not extreme is it? I sense a sour-lemon-face coming on. Sigh.

  16. We married the same man. Once he kept insisting that I needed my hearing checked because I can’t hear a word he says due to his incessant mumbling. So, I went and got them checked. The doctor, not surprisingly, said, “you have the hearing of a dog!” Now whenever he says I am doing something wrong I say, “I heard that!”

  21. I adore your bio! And I’m dying to know what the typo was, because ‘your doing it wrong’ would have been even funnier

  22. I’m going to make my own t-shirt that says, “You just THINK I’m doing it wrong. But, I’m really just doing it this way to test you to see if you are cocky enough to tell me that I’m doing it wrong. You get an A+. For being Cocky. Too bad you get an F on Sensitivity.”

    Do you think that would fit on a t-shirt?

  23. The argument could also be made that technically it should be “you’re doing it wrongly”, so.

    Also, this feedback from the shirt ratings: “My husband likes husbands in an artistic sense” which I think was meant to say “skulls” or probably almost anything else.

  24. sheesh Victor, way to be TOO critical much! Leave Jenny aloooone! (and if you’ve ever seen the ‘leave Britney alone’ video, you’ll say it in that dude’s voice)

  25. Victor’s not as bad as the ophthalmologist I worked for. His extremely capable technician (who handled everything in his day to day life for him, including keeping track of his stock portfolio) had to change the batteries in the ophthalmoscope. It was as simple as changing those in an ordinary flashlight. She flipped the switch and it lit up. Done and done. Nope. Dr. Micromanage made her take it apart and SHOW him that she got the two batteries in correctly. Even though it worked. She should have conked him on the noggin with it.

  26. This is absolutely brilliant. But I hope it comes in women’s because I can maybe, occasionally, sometimes, every once in a while be the know-it-all.

  28. I would get that for Boyfriend to wear anytime I’m doing anything kitchen related. “YOU DONT CHOP ONIONS LIKE THAT!!!!1” Sigh.

  32. Oh, I like Caley’s response! You totally need a t-shirt to wear while Victor is wearing his.

    Really Victor? Is this all you have to do all day, pick on Jenny? Jenny, you should duct tape Victor to a wall. After all, even he said that duct tape eventually loses it’s ductile strength, so he won’t be up there forever!

  34. that sweet guy is going to get a good stabbing one of these days…

    I hope it doesn’t hurt his feelings when we’re all sitting on your side of the courtroom (bride’s friends to the left please).

    He’s been begging for it! You’re a saint (really).

  35. I need that t-shirt for me because I feel like I’m constantly dealing with people who are doing it wrong all the time. It doesn’t even matter what “it” is because it’s just wrong.

  36. See, I’d like the “Your doing it wrong” shirt with the logo at the wrong angle. It’d be all meta and stuff.

  41. I’d get that to wear myself, but my uterus is disorganized as hell, so I probably shouldn’t throw stones.

  44. Thank goodness I can go through this post while being forced to endure football. Go Broncos. Or don’t I don’t care. My husband is obviously doing it wrong

  45. If it’s a gift for someone else to wear, you should write it as “Your doing it wrong.” I think that’s a funnier point. And a little douchy. Win-win.

  46. You don’t need that negative reinforcement. Maybe a shirt that says “let’s try that again ??”…smiley face is mandatory. I want a t-shirt that says “where’s my #freeshit?” I’ve been blogging for weeks and still no offers of sponsored free shit. ISN’T THAT WHAT BLOGGING’S ALL ABOUT?

    They should’ve gone with that rough draft but I guess Lorena Bobbitt trademarked it.

  47. If he really said, “duct tape loses its grip after a few hundred removals”, I admire him for the quick comeback. I always think of the perfect retort – 2 hours later.

  49. Apparently I missed a critical point of this post at first, because I thought you were making the shirt for Victor to wear because HE was always doing it wrong! But I eventually figured out THAT shirt would have to say “I’M doing it wrong.” Or, you could just add an arrow pointing up to the wearer, so that “You’re doing it wrong” would really MEAN “I’m doing it wrong.” Of course, that would mean Victor would have to be always doing “it” wrong, which only seems fair — certainly there is SOMETHING he is always doing wrong? If not, I’ll just buy it for MY husband.

  50. My husband does this as well. And sometimes (a lot of sometimes) he’s WRONG about my wrong. And HEY! Guess what? At least I’m DOING it. I mean, let’s say that someone snuck into my house and did all of the laundry and dishes…would I hunt them down and tell them that they’d folded my shirts wrong and stacked the dishwasher incorrectly? No. No I would not.

  53. I was just rereading your book the other day. You two are awesome, and you and Victor balance each other perfectly.

    I honest to God just wrote “you and Victim.” Do you ever call him that?

  54. Victor is clearly a saint. I sometimes share with him “that feel” of attempting to impart useful information with all the success of Gilbert Gottfried teaching a pekingese to square dance (and receiving precisely the same amount of gratitude).
    I think I’m missing something on the linked “shit rough drafts” page, though. Isn’t that the actual full text of The Vagina Monologues?

  56. I ADORE horrifically inappropriate Christmas ornaments! My very most favorite Christmas ornament is a singing cowboy angel warthog.

  59. Hmm. Is that worse than the looking-over-my-shoulder-with-the-deep-sigh tactic? I suspect my husband is afraid of flying forks if he SAYS I’m doing it wrong too snarkily (he’d say that isn’t a word, by the way), so he’s mastered the big sigh.

    Then he taught it to the dogs.

  63. Please please please -an ornament that says, “knock, knock mother fucker.” I need one. And so do all my friends.

    (Click through to look on the back of the giant metal chicken ornament. It’s a special surprise. ~ Jenny)

  65. Considering that I recently said to my husband “Sigh. What else did I do wrong?”, you KNOW that I need that shirt. After I said it, we proceeded to get in an argument about coconut. Don’t ask. The next night at dinner, I placed a container of coconut on the table, just in case he needed some on his tacos…

  66. I am beginning to think this might just be a stupid guy thing. Both my ex-husbands & all my ex-boyfriends needed this shirt!!! I can’t be “doing it wrong” that often!!?? Certainly the odds go in my favor!!?? Lol
    Pfft I say……pfft!!!

  67. This would be perfect for work…except it would need “moron” adding to the end of it. That way whenever someone opens their mouths I can just point to the shirt instead of wasting all the effort of rolling my eyes and sighing when they don’t even notice I’m clearly not interested and will continue whittering on about things that aren’t important.

    Oh man I love my job.

  69. I know way too many people who need this shirt. I think I will buy a plethora of them and then any time someone says that to me, I’ll just throw a shirt at their face and walk away. They literally won’t know what hit them.

  71. You and I both know Victor’s case is far from over.
    There is no statute of limitations on fights when you’re married.

  74. I wish you’d have the same stuff on CafePress. For some reason, I can almost never log successfully into Zazzle.

    (If I ever get one of your journals, they’re the first name into it.)

  75. I’m going to franchise a new service that all wives need. I’ve “benefitted” from this service for years and I just want to share it with others. It’s called SOYS: “Steve Over Your Shoulder”. In the kitchen cooking? SOYS will tell you if the burner is too hot or if your cut vegetables aren’t even. SOYS will point out a better way to load the dishwasher. Using the wrong utensil in the non-stick pan or (horrors) dulling the good knives by cutting on a plate? Luckily SOYS comes to the rescue. The service not only works in the kitchen but other parts of the house. TV too loud? SOYS will handily point it out. Going to the bathroom without the fan on? Voila! SOYS! Order today and watch your hair turn grey prematurely.

  76. I find it very beneficial having a “You’re doing it wrong” A type husband, every time I don’t feel like doing something I do it wrong and wait for him to take over very easy.

  77. Never be good at stuff you don’t want to do–that’s my motto. 😀

    If I’m doing it wrong, anyone can feel free to do it themselves…I’d like the shirt that says, “It’s not *wrong*–This is just the way I DO THINGS”

  79. I think you should make him a version of it that reads “your doing it wrong” so that the irony of incorrect grammar about someone who is correcting another can be savored and enjoyed.

  81. Frequent reader, but infrequent commenter, more often than not, it’s because I’ve wet myself laughing whilst I read. I may be ordering this shirt for my mother for Christmas…

    Thanks for the laughter Jenny.

  86. SO buying that one for my wife, as there is apparently a right way to do everything, and I consistently fail to find that way.

  87. I must admit, I am usually the one telling my significant other that he is “Doing it wrong”. Maybe I should get one of these t-shirts lol 🙂 Or you know, rethink my hyper-critical ways… Methinks that the t-shirt would be easier…

  88. My horrific confession:
    I deserve one of these t-shirts hahaha
    That’s not horrific but y’know, something too horrific could be just terribly anti-social, so I went safely unhorrific

  90. I excel at doing things wrong. I like the idea of the angle being off enough to mess with people’s minds. The last thing I did wrong was not read the instructions on the frozen pizza. You know, the part where they tell you to remove the cardboard that’s under it? Yeah. It’s kind of flammable.

  92. ALWAYS do it wrong here.
    I borrowed our Christmas tree to the girl that my 24 yo son sleeps with (do NOT call her his girlfriend). Anyway. She was doing the set for a play in the city. I called him yesterday to check on the status of said tree as play ended a week ago. The girl had gotten the tree and brought it home with her but the two HUGE bins of tree guts didn’t fit in her garage and were in outside. Son called to let me know where it was and that I could go get it. I was already in bed. I figured no one would steal two large tupperware bins of tree guts. Went to pick up tree today. No tree. SOMEONE in my city now has a lovely 18 year old tree made up of many, many, many, many separate branches. I hope they enjoy it. Poo poo heads.

  93. A version that says “Are You Sure?”
    I dated a guy who would say that after almost every statement someone made. It didn’t last long.

  94. According to my Victor (who will now be unwrapping this on Christmas morning) he is not being negative or critical, he is showing me how much he cares by “helping me”. Oh and why can’t I take it funny like you (Jenny) do, why do I get all upset, I should look at it as him saving me from doing it wrong…so I’m even doing it wrong by not appreciating him telling me I am doing it wrong. Can I get that printed on both sides since I double fail?

  95. I don’t know what to write. But I want to help… I tried to make my husband understand why I couldn’t see nipples as a sexual body part while breast feeding by comparing it to his penis. Instead of understanding he told me it should be a female comics stand up joke.

  98. I am guilty of Victor like tendancies. Once in therapy when asked what my husband would like me to work on he said “I would like her to work on being right less often. She is nearly always right and it gets on my nerves”. We are in a better place now and while I am not right less often; because let’s face it you are either right or you are not; I am less bossy and slower to point out his flaws. I have also done a lot of work on myself and try to remember that there really is more than one way to skin a cat. Probably. Having never skinned a cat I would not know for sure. But if there were only one way, according to my husband at least, there is a high probability that I would do it right. 😉

  99. See, I agree with the above. I would totally buy a shirt that said “Your doing it wrong”. And then I would totally smug about the irony of it.

  103. Sometimes (all the time) I think things through and then start “discussing” it with my husband as if I don’t already know what needs to be done. I gradually lead him to the correct conclusion. However he’s recently caught on to my game. He’s too smart for his own good.

  104. I think that perhaps if you’re going to do that on the front, the back should read “I’m feeling stabby”

  106. Or, he could leave the duct tape and the shirt on when you’re having sex so you’d know what was going on.

  109. I am so happy this exists. Now I can give this to my brother so he can stop shouting it at me and just merely point at his chest instead, because silence is golden and also easier to ignore.

  110. I once crossed my legs while sitting on a tram & had a panty liner malfunction that caused an unintentional personal waxing moment on public transport. I can’t even sit without doing it wrong.

  111. I admire all you thick-skinned people who put up with this, perhaps male, trait so amiably.

  112. I’d order this, but I’d probably do it wrong. (As a husband, I’m contractually obligated to be wrong about all things. In the event that I’m right and my wife is wrong, said incident will NEVER BE SPOKEN OF AGAIN!)

  113. Oh I just love you! This really would save the number of words my husband would have to speak in a day 😉
    Carrie, The Just Mildly Medicated gal

  115. I would like to point out the fact that the Beyonce-at-the-door ornament did not appear until I turned off Zazzle’s content filter. I guess they have a problem with giant metal cocks?

    (Oh, yeah. Zazzle hates pretty much all of my designs. If you don’t turn off the content filter my shop is extremely small. ~ Jenny)

  119. I like how the shirt, as printed, could have a second meaning: “You’re doing it.” “Wrong.” as if it’s judging the reader for not having sex right at that moment.

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