It’s beginning to look a lot like I’ll be stabbing people accidentally.

Conversation between me and Victor:

me: Hey!  I found what I want for Christmas.

 Victor:  Um…no.  You can’t have a knife for Christmas.

me: It’s not just a knife.  It’s a knife with a flashlight it in.

Victor: Why would you even want that?

me:  So I can see where I’m stabbing, obviously.

Victor: Right.  And that would be reason number 800 why you can’t have a knife for Christmas.

me: Look at it this way…during the zombie acopolypse we’ll all be walking around with flashlights.  But mine will have a knife on it.  For stabbing.  That’s like the best zombie-fighting flashlight ever.

Victor: Jenny, you can’t just rationalize everything based on the zombie apocalypse.

me: Uggh.  You always say that.  You’ll feel really bad when I can’t see what I’m stabbing later.

Victor:  And this is why I don’t like Christmas.

me:  I know.  Sorry.  Zombies ruin everything.

**********************

And in other news, it’s Sunday, which means its time for the weekly wrap-up:

What you missed in my shop (Named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you  by the lovely people at YummyYummyTummyan educational game developer on a mission to trick kids into learning.  In their latest, Nommons: Math Universe, players will fly a spaceship to go for an adventure in various worlds, but when it crashes, they need to patch it up by solving math questions to continue their journey. Check out the details here.

 

140 replies. read them below or add one

  1. There is nothing wrong with a nice set of stabbing knives for Christmas.

  2. Jenny-
    Your mind works in mysterious yet awesome ways! I hope you get your zombie sticker with the built-in flashlight for Christmas. All accessories have to do double duty to take up room in my abode and this would meet criteria…
    Happy Sunday
    Donna K

  3. Tis the season for stabs.
    I want a lightsaber!

    -Angie

    smithshack71 recently posted hustle and bustle.

  4. I didn’t see this one. I bought a knife you can attach to your gun to turn it into a bayonet for the zombies for my friends Christmas gift. Its the Laserlyte Zombie Pistol Bayonet.

  5. Having a lighted knife is just common sense, and insanely practical.

    Jaime recently posted Homemade Friday: GAAAAAAHHH!!.

  6. Oh man. I already got everyone socks this year, but I know what everybody’s getting next year. It will be perfect. For two years running it’s been socks. No one will be expecting flashlight knives! In all seriousness, I can think of 3 different people in my life who unironically would really enjoy this. Bookmarked.

    Kate recently posted Alternate Forms of Anger.

  7. A lighted knife would be fucking AWESOME…It would probably make the blood look extra menacing.

    I think zombies might be misunderstood

    Ragemichelle recently posted I’m Supposed To Meditate, But Supertramp Keeps Fucking It Up.

  8. It would be much easier if your bought yourself a little flashlight and stuck it on the end of your dinner knife. Well, just a thought I thought you might like. I’m sure Victor will agree :) Seasonal greetings.

    Rum Punch Drunk recently posted Reflections.

  9. Thanks for sharing Brene’s short. Love her Texan take on life. She gets to the deep feelings without icky sweetness.

  10. My husband said no to the throwing knives on my list. The husbands are hamstringing is.

  11. Stabbing in the dark is a total hassle. You can’t tell how much blood you have on you. Obviously, a flashlight is key.

    thedoseofreality recently posted Pinterest Nightmare #412: The Veasyble Privacy Shell.

  12. Lay off the pot Jason Segal, no, wait, that was hilarious…smoke more.

    The Suzzzz recently posted Fail.

  13. Its amazing how you place an amazing woman as Mother Theresa of Calcutta on a blogsite with soo many F-bombs and 4 letter words. Apparently there isn’t any respect or honor for Mother Theresa. If you aren’t Catholic its an insult and biggotrous and if you are Catholic then you are a CINO (Catholic in name Only). You should consider another catchy motto for your blog than to disrespect a Great Woman as Mother Theresa. Read more about her and you’ll see. http://www.catholic.org/clife/teresa/

  14. Jenny, you should try flea markets for good zombie killing knives. There is ALWAYS a knife guy or lady there willing to sell you one. There are even hatchet people. Those always come in handy.

    Tayet recently posted Darling Junco.

  15. I’m pretty sure the Zombie Apocalypse is a good rationalization for almost anything. Go you!

    Manicmom recently posted Eight things I’ve learned hosting a foreign exchange student.

  16. This would’ve been the perfect gift for my brother. He collected scary stuff. but as far as I know, only fantasized. Kinda like you?

  17. You should get a set to use as steak knives. Then you can eat Christmas Dinner with the lights turned down and enjoy your tree lights better. The rest of the winter you could eat dinner in the dark, which would save energy. Also, the whole family would be prepared for zombies. Victor can’t possibly argue with that kind of practicality.

    Cris recently posted Because it's that time of year again....

  18. Love the calendar!

    Punky Coletta recently posted Monkey Down.

  19. I think EVERYONE needs a knife with a flashlight on it. The zombies will see what’s coming, but who cares? Because we’ll be stabbing them.

    Karen Peterson recently posted I'm Here. And all is well, I'm here..

  20. How did you get your hands on my order history?

  21. In my mind I am picturing a late night infomercial for the knife light. And in my mind it is called the Knife Light.

    Holly Folly recently posted Truck Breaks: a New and Better Caliper..

  22. I saw this and immediately started thinking of how many of my friends would actually want one of these and then I realized how strange my life really is…

    Dean recently posted Disappointment: In 3D.

  23. This is awesome. It’s not so much a want as it is a need.

    Smokeynall recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  24. Victor needs to get over it. It’s not like you can’t stab things NOW. I mean, you have knives.
    This just allows you to stab things in the DARK.
    Makes perfect sense.

    Marianne recently posted Mama, Do you love me?.

  25. That is a cool knife. I’m pretty certain if I showed my hubby, he’d want to buy it.

  26. When the zombies attack we’ll be all wishing we’d bought the knife with the flashlight! …well…some of us will be wishing we’d worn pants before fleeing the house, the rest of us will be wanting the knife.

    Loki-Lou recently posted BlogHer NaBloPoMo – It’s MY womb!.

  27. I know. Sorry. Zombies ruin everything.

    Hey now.

  28. Thank you, my Bloggess, for taking the work out of my Christmas shopping this year. Every year its the same old thing: the wife keeps asking for Damon or Stefan Salvatore. At least now she can open a real kick-ass gift that will hopefully reduce some of the sting of rejection she’ll be experiencing – again.

    I don’t know why Victor has to be a buzz-kill. What’s he planning on doing when the zombie apocalypse inevitably breaks out, fight off the hordes with a stuffed animal carcass?

    And by the way, zombies make everything better. Think of all those times you wish you could bash someone’s head in, but couldn’t for fear of reprisals from the authorities. In a zombie apocalypse all bets are off. You can live as you should: free of consequences.
    Zombie rule.

    The Hook recently posted This is For Those of You With Short Attention Spans..

  29. I would like to know why that one used knife is for sale. Hand sanitizer, anyone?

    TexasTrailerParkTrash recently posted Here We Come A-Caroling….

  30. 30
    lauren hewitt

    My husband said exactly the same thing when I showed him the picture of the knife now! He’s found his tribe.

  31. I hate to side with Victor against you, but really this seems like the kind of thing that, if you want it, you probably shouldn’t be allowed to have it.

    Chuck Baudelaire recently posted Jenerally Speaking.

  32. You’re in Texas. You can have whatever you want ;)

    Jen recently posted Issues of Bullying.

  33. I think a knife with a flashlight built right in is NECESSARY, especially with the upcoming zombie apocalypse! How does Victor not see this?!?!

    Kelly recently posted American car horns beep in the tone of F… just so you know..

  34. Great for when you’re feeling especially stabby. (that’s pretty much every day this busy time of year!)

  35. Very cool knife. I LOVE knives – despite the fact that I’m “questionable” around sharp objects.

    Mona (Moxie-Dude) recently posted Only one more shopping weekend before Christmas. Yayyy! Said no one EVER..

  36. Buy it. Wrap it. Say it’s from Santa. Victor can’t get pissed off then.

    rhonda recently posted Parental Rights Are Vanishing.

  37. Just checked out your wares, Jenny, and I have to say, I’m impressed!
    By the way, by “wares”, I mean “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine”, not your booty. Not that your booty isn’t worth checking out, I’m sure its a perfectly fine booty. A booty for the ages, in fact. A booty to write songs about.
    I’m going to stop typing now…

    The Hook recently posted Old Man Winter, The Wintertime Blues and Hayden Panettiere. (Or a resonable facsimile thereof).

  38. My son would want this for Christmas, too, if he knew about it. Wait, he probably does, as he showed me the entire Zombie Apocalypse tool kit on his Amazon Wish List. Sigh….

    Kathleen recently posted Instead of Zumba.

  39. That short from your friend Brene is just….perfect.

  40. Oh man.

    A “zombie acopolypse” sounds even scarier.

    Oh man.

    Gimme the knife, quick.

    HogsAteMySister recently posted Yes, Virginia, There Are Okies in Tuxedos.

  41. I’m buying that knife. For camping man. For camping.

  42. My mom has a knife collection, like you have a collection of dead dressed-up animals. She’s pretty proud of it too. I’m pretty sure that she would trade me for a light up knife. She can never know this is a thing.

    Rachel recently posted Hi, I'm Rachel.

  43. Do zombies actually die or anything when you stab them? Because they’re like already dead, right? I mean it might be an exercise in futility to try to stab a zombie.

    Angel The Alien recently posted My House Is A Barrel Of Monkeys.

  44. Number one on my Christmas list!

    eileen recently posted Arias Update.

  45. Ugh. Why doesn’t anyone take zombies seriously anymore?!!!

    KezUnprepared recently posted Quote-a-licious..

  46. Yeah, you got to be able to see what you are stabbing–otherwise, you might accidently stab him.

    Morgan Eckstein recently posted NaNoWriMo 2013--The final three days!!!.

  47. Angel the Alien has a point. In most zombie movies you have to blow their heads off to kill them don’t you? Double tap and all that sort of thing…

    Pinky Poinker recently posted Just how important is that OP score?.

  48. Anyone who wants to survive the zombie apocalypse should have a knife with a flashlight on it. And a gun. And lots of food. And a house that looks like a giant stack of wood I saw on Pinterest the other day. Did you pin that? I can’t remember, but it was awesome. :-)

  49. Oh, you so can rationalize everything based on the zombie apocalypse! Took me a lifetime of begging, but my husband got me a samurai sword for my birthday last year. And we both agree that, while impractical in our current world, it could come in very handy…

  50. Wow this could have so many uses…like if somebody breaks into your house you need a knife and a light. So perfect.

    angela recently posted Sunday Funday.

  51. Your convos with Victor mirror my old ones with my ex. Current hubby just looks at me funny when I start and goes “HUH?” Makes me laugh harder. One day I’ll probably find Mister Perfect…although, he’ll probably be the dude who changes my bedpan on my dying day. Romance. Gotta love it!

    Ona recently posted Blasphemy and Birthdays.

  52. Apparently you’ve been coveting that knife for a while now – Amazon says they can do two day shipping and you will receive it in August. Either that or Amazon doesn’t know math. :P

    Liz recently posted Blu-ray Review and FREE Digital Download: The Poor & Hungry, directed by Craig Brewer.

  53. Doesn’t Victor collect swords? There’s no way he’d say no to a sword with a flashlight.

    Jess recently posted Saddle Club #2: Horse Shy.

  54. You can totally get a knife for a gift (including xmas) as long as they give you a penny to take away the bad luck.

    What?

    What? It’s not just me.
    http://www.ask.com/question/why-give-a-penny-with-knives-as-a-gift

  55. 56
    Annadanna from Canada

    Can you stab zombies? Does it help?

  56. Would this be a good gift for my kids? I mean, they need to be able to defend themselves in the zombie apocalypse too. Hate to see them be unarmed and unable to see in the dark.

    Megan M recently posted the rose.

  57. Two things: I love how I always forget to plug in headphones before I click on your links, and then almost immediately regret not having done that. Also, isn’t that spaceship-math game just math blasters but 20 years later? Pretty sure I played a game like that when I was 7. You had to shoot little aliens with numbers on their tummies to get the right ones to fall into a chute.

  58. They are so very high. HIGHlarious! Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. So, get the knife. you can use it to cook in the dark when the power goes out.

  59. I am so jealous that you can can call Brene “my friend”. From the very first time I saw her speak (sounds weird, I know) I just wanted to have her be my friend. I could so hang with a woman like that! And the same with you! No bullshit; no masks….Anyway. I am happy that you two are friends. I am your friend over here, you just don’t know it yet.

  60. You might be right about needing knife with a flashlight. The longer this congress sits, the more they are morphing into Zombies getting ready for the apocalypse. Remind Victor that you love him and that you are only preparing to protect him from zombie congressclowns gone wild. Then he’s sure to listen.

    The WP recently posted The Wooly Mammoth Returns.

  61. I want a flame thrower so I can melt all this ridiculous snow. My husband (spoilsport that he is) thinks this is a bad idea and refuses to get one for me.

  62. I feel your pain. My husband is totally against me getting a blowtorch OR a crossbow, both of which would be incredibly handy during the zombie apocalypse. They are going to wish we were armed one day, I just know it.

    stephanie recently posted Practice Does Not Always Make Perfect..

  63. He will think differently when the zombie apocalypse happens.
    I have my zombie headhunter but sadly, there’s no flashlight.

  64. You have great taste in knives! Who wouldn’t want that knife for Christmas. Victor totally should get that for you!

  65. A lesser discussed use for this knife: holidays that have taken a turn for the worse. Let me paint you a picture.

    You are sitting around the dinner table with your family ready for the grand Christmas Day feast when, out of nowhere the electric carving knife stops working altogether. With you now unable to comprehend this situation, your significant other reaches for a knife from the lovely stainless steel Chicago Cutlery set you were gifted earlier that day. Sadly, when he brings the knife close enough to the bird to begin dissection, the blade, affected by the high heat radiating from the roasted fowl, gives because of faulty handle-glue. Thus, due to knife malfunction, the blade spins around and slices his arm directly in the brachial artery. Shocked by the dramatic amount of blood, several family members clock out and hit their plates, and your significant other goes running from the room in a panic to grab a hand towel to stop the bleeding. On his way, he trips over the cord of the non-functioning electric carver causing a massive power surge and knocking the power out for at least twenty city blocks. Now here you stand, with half your guests and your significant other unconscious and unable to communicate, a pool of blood forming on the new linoleum flooring, an uncarved steaming bird in front of you, in the complete darkness of night.

    Undaunted you reach down to your boot, pull your new knife from its fine leather sheath, flip on the light, and say to the remaining crowd, “Let’s carve this bitch up!”

    vermillionbeard recently posted I Officially Refuse to Acknowledge that Question.

  66. Seriously, knives are perfect christmas gifts! So are swords, metal fans, sais, a naginata… Um… if you have a problems, I think we’re in the boat. That and my family, who buys me these things for present. Case in point, my wedding gift from my uncle was my first katana. I also got another sword last year for christmas.

  67. I need a new set of knives… But hubby won’t let me have knives either. I guess every party has a pooper.

    Keaven recently posted Tired and alone..

  68. Victor needs to lighten up. That’s a pun if you didn’t notice.

  69. If I end up in adult diapers from laughing too hard, it’s all your fault.

  70. The satin finish just makes it. The most elegant zombie-stabbing knife I’ve seen.

  71. I don’t know why Victor is complaining, you’re so easy to shop for, you even provide the links to what you want.

    Kit recently posted Mini-Book Pendant - Jane Eyre by Kits.

  72. 73
    Doug in Oakland

    As found at the link provided by Cyan Aura: Stabulous.

  73. the power of empathy. wow. that was really great. thank you for sharing that.

    monica recently posted I think I've been nice..

  74. I think he is ruining Christmas! Knives for all!

    itzybellababy recently posted Tiny Prints: One Night Only! You Don't Want to Miss This Promo.

  75. Actually it’s help in event of a zombie apocalypse would be the reason it would make a perfect gift for my bf – he always wants sharp pointy objects as presents – maybe I should get one of those Madonna cone bras for a valentines spice up – hmmm, never thought of that before

  76. Easier to see when you stab Yourself in the eye, as in: “I’d rather stab myself in the eye before rather than listen to White Christmas again

  77. I tried not to, but I just can’t help it.

    @Carlos, I don’t think you know what a bigot is. *And* I’m pretty sure biggotrous isn’t a word.

    Also, while you’re looking things up, perhaps you could Google “satire” or “humor.”

    Just a thought.

    Stephanie recently posted Practice Does Not Always Make Perfect..

  78. Victor will probably be around when you have to start stabbing, so he should be all for you having the knife with the light, lest you mistake him for a zombie.

    Anne Stinnett (Wickedelfchild) recently posted The Joy of Ordering In.

  79. Um, hello–satin finish. Victor clearly does not understand the importance of being fashionably practical.

  80. I want one! Actually, I will buy 5, one for each member of the family. :)

    Tabitha recently posted Fifteen Days of Yuletide Fun.

  81. By all means, get the knife as it will come in super handy when you are feeling stabby — but it would put you in dangerously close quarters if used as a zombie killing implement. You want something that would allow you to keep your distance while dispatching the undead — a spear with an attached floodlight, for example. Remember, safety first!

    Jana recently posted You Put On Quite A Show.

  82. I didn’t know it was possible, but I love Jason Segel even more now. Also, DUDE! That knife is a bitchin’ switchblade! YEaH!
    And, also? Can’t wait to see what Carlos says tomorrow.

  83. 84
    Marianne Barrier

    @TexasTrailerParkTrash – I too was wondering about the 1 Used knife available. I wonder if there’s a story there.

  84. I actually think you can rationalize everything with the zombie apocalypse. Also, I feel like you are just doing research for me. (I write zombies.) So continue the rationalizing! Win!

    earthandink recently posted video vacation: Albuquerque Balloon Festival.

  85. Why can’t I like a comment? I’m looking at you, zombie rotten McDonald!

  86. I wonder if Victor would be down for a light saber instead. You could take down zombies without getting so up close and personal.
    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/physicists-one-step-closer-to-creating-real-life-lightsabers/

    Susiel Lindau recently posted Guess What’s Spinning Out of Control.

  87. OK, so, this is the perfect tertiary weapon. The ZA IS the justification for almost everything, and I think you should get stabby at the Yuletide.

    Jenx Byron recently posted Something Blue is Something Extraordinary!.

  88. Flashlight Tag!

  89. This actually makes perfect sense to me. Really.
    One lighted stabbing knife to go, please.

    Darcy Perdu (So Then Stories) recently posted SERIOUSLY? Lady, Yer Killin’ Me Here!.

  90. I am sorry he didn’t approve of the knife, perhaps these book ends instead? :P

    http://gnostalgia.wordpress.com/2013/12/14/katana-sword-bookends/

    Laura Morrigan recently posted 50 Theme Fashion Challenge continued.

  91. Congrats on shooting up there with your book :)

  92. @Angel, I know, right? Given the choice of slashing/bludgeoning/piercing weapons, zombies really aren’t that vulnerable to piercing. Now an AXE with an LED mounted in the head is what you really want.
    @Carlos, Jenny’s doing pretty well. She isn’t actively campaigning to stop condom use, for example, and she doesn’t try to ensure that the dying have no anesthesia so as to maximize their suffering. In short, Mother Teresa herself was, well, no Mother Teresa.
    Yes. It’s my unhappy destiny to be THAT GUY.

  93. Oh my god…I just watched the rudd/segal video as a way to avoid getting ready for work. And I laughed until I cried.

    I can’t take off my hat, Gideon will get out!

    Pretty sure they were stoned.

    Ragemichelle recently posted Because It’s Just Not Christmas Without White Hot Rage.

  94. Wow, Brené is full of awesome. :) Thanks for sharing.

  95. this just makes sense for many things. but re: zombie apocalypse…. wouldn’t you want a MUCH longer blade? i don’t want to be that close to a zombie.

    however, i’ll die in the first wave. i’m not a runner. or a fighter. and it sounds like no fun at all.

    steph gas recently posted sorry, i've been napping..

  96. Jenny- Victor will change his tune once he sees you duck taping mini flashlights to ALL the kitchen knives.

  97. I used to have a knife much like this, except it was a key chain. No good for zombies, but boy could I get my front door open!

    Tom recently posted Chain Bridge, Budapest, Hungary, Another View.

  98. I just want to make sure your reasoning is tactically sound, from a zombie killing standpoint. You’ve got to destroy the brain to stop a zombie. That’s the whole head shot, decapitation route. This is a lovely knife with many practical applications, but you shouldn’t use it as your primary zombie stopping method. However, if you can get the zombies down on the ground (by blowing out their kneecaps or whatever means of locomotion), this would be excellent for delivering a coup de grace to the brain stem, and you most certainly would want a flashlight for that.

    I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about the zombie apocalypse. <–lies and damn lies

    Anonyvox recently posted Guest Post: Business Trip from Hell.

  99. That knife is AWESOME. Do it.

    (too enthusiastic? whetevs, it’s christmas)

    elh recently posted well, shit..

  100. And now I want a knife with a flashlight in it so I, too, can be prepared for the zombie apocalypse. :)

    Pattie recently posted Scene From a Marriage # 7,642.

  101. Not that you’ll ever see this, but THIS is what you need for Christmas: http://www.etsy.com/listing/155687552/taxidermy-squirrel-vs-bearded-dragon?ref=shop_home_active
    Or maybe you’ve already seen it. You are the queen of taxidermied weirdness. ;)

  102. I got my husband a hand-crank radio/flashlight for Christmas. We have agreed that in the zombie apocalypse I would be completely useless; therefore, I figured he would need all the tools he could get his hands on to protect our children and me. [It also could be useful in other emergencies.] LL Bean must’ve thought I was loony when I reference zombies on my card.

    Ethne @ Wom Mom Blog recently posted BRIGHT WHITE--FRESH PAINT (and room remodeling update)!.

  103. Oh, I forgot, did you see that they make a dalek Mr. Potatohead? I figure someone has already told you, but that I should too, just in case.

    Ethne @ Wom Mom Blog recently posted BRIGHT WHITE--FRESH PAINT (and room remodeling update)!.

  104. Wow, that’s almost *exactly* the same conversation F and I have when I say I want… well, pretty much *anything* that would be handy during the zombie apocalypse. (I’m adding your knifelight to my Christmas list, btw.)

    thetanyaista recently posted ResQte Piglet Update From Down Undah!.

  105. “you can’t just rationalize everything based on the zombie apocalypse.”

    It’s telling that my first thought was, “Really? Why not?” Victor is perplexing at times.

    Also, @Carlos, you really need to lighten up. I’m confident Mother Teresa (who was an amazing woman, but not perfect) would agree.

    Jen @ Bible Belt to Boulder recently posted Merry Christmas, You Happy Dumba**es!.

  106. This Weekend>REI>Endcap>Blister Package>Machette.

  107. Good day,

    I must say I love the bloggess calendar idea. It’s fab, but I am disappointed in the execution of it. Here is the perfect time for you to re-name the “number that should not be named” on the calendar. I was really hoping that each month would have a “12″ followes by a “12.5″ and then “14″. Alternatively, why not replace the number altogether with a picture of Beyoncé ???

    Also, a flashlight knife is *not* a boot took for the zombie apocalypse. It requires you to get much too close to the zombies. Perhaps it you used duct tape to put it onto the end of a spear… But seriously, think about how close you’d need to be to use it. Your hands would get all icky with zombie goo… No amount of hand sanitizer would work on that…

  108. I feel like this is perfectly practical, not just for zombies, but for everyday use. What if you get a mysterious package in the mail, and need to open it right away, but the power is out? No problem, you’ve got a light on your box opener. Who can argue with that?

    Eva recently posted Holidays with Mama, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Christmas Again.

  109. It does seem like putting a flashlight on anything makes it a little bit better.

    For the record, the zombie apocolypse does ruin everything. That’s why it is called an apocolypse.

    With that little baby, at least you could see stuff better.

    Also, for what it’s worth, the one time I played with a switch blade I play-jabbed a case of Diet Pepsi, pierced a can and created a Diet Pepsi spray all over the place. It wouldn’t have been so bad except it was a work and I was at the cash register. This could be one of the many reasons Tower Records is no more.

    Laurie recently posted Heirloom Throw.

  110. i bought this for my dad last year and i ‘won’ christmas. jealousy from my brothers. this year, i haven’t seen anything as awesome.

  111. I don’t mean to brag, but my husband would totally let me have one of those. Or two… so that I could wildly stab zombies with each hand in a Kermit Flail sort of action.

    JRose recently posted He ain't afraid of no ghosts..

  112. Tell him it’s a PERFECT GIFT, and not just for stabbing in the dark. There are plenty of people who also skin things in the dark, in and out of hunting season.

    We had someone last summer possibly dress out a WHOLE ELK in the woods across the road from our front porch. By flashlight. Just THINK how handy THIS would have been for them!

    … I say they were hunters with hope, because the alternatives were too scary.

    Stef recently posted I'm Not Little, and I'm Not a Mermaid. But Still....

  113. I imagine this makes hot-wiring a car easier, too. Unless one is the seasoned pro variety that doesn’t need to even look to see what they’re doing.

  114. (I’m sorry, I have no idea how to hot-wire a car, or if there’s even potentially a knife involved. It made sense at the time I said it, 90 seconds ago.)

  115. Sure, fine, blame it on the zombies. Blame EVERYthing on the zombies, which don’t actually exist. All the more reason to blame them, I guess.

    I gave my wife a pair of scissors with frickin’ lazer beams and she never uses them. Just guessing you’d be the same with this flashlight-stiletto. Again, just guessin’.

    Gotta admit though, the light does make it festive. Kinda. Sorta.

  116. This sounds scarily similar to something I would do/say…

  117. i have a Daryl crossbow, bivouac skills, and alot of flashlights…if the apocalypse comes i promise ill drive down and fight off the zombies with you…really

  118. Omg…thanks for sharing that video clip…now I’m more in love than ever with Jason Segel (in spite of his fixation on the Muppets).

    And I don’t know about you, but I’d be duct tapin’ that fancy knife to a mop handle or something, cause no way I’m getting that close to the actual zombies!

    Tammy in PDX recently posted Remember it right, girl!.

  119. Seems to me it’s a Scout motto to always be prepared, right? I see NOTHING wrong with being prepared for feeling stabby (and the zombie apocalypse).

    Jess recently posted Bored Sheep Farmers vs Ohio State Marching Band. Shepherds WIN..

  120. I don’t profess to be a zombie expert, but wouldn’t stabbing a zombie accomplish approximately nothing?

    Jackie recently posted Diversity Got the Deep Freeze in the movie “Frozen”.

  121. I feel for you….my hubby nixed the crossbow and sword from my Christmas list. It’s like he doesn’t love me AT ALL. ;-)

  122. Ah, but at the risk of feeding your tiny taxidermy addiction, have you seen this?
    http://dangerousminds.net/comments/taxidermied_mice_chess_set

  123. but it’s available to be gift wrapped!!
    There’s no beating small touches like that, especially after the start of the zombie outbreak.

    Melissa recently posted Saying Goodbye Really Sucks.

  124. Christmas gets everyone all stabby

    Kassandra recently posted Common.

  125. Hmm… The description doesn’t say whether the handle is staghorn or the cheaper manticore horn. Find out before you buy or you might end up accidentally stabbing yourself in the chest!

  126. Due to an undercaffeinated state and a serious brainfart, I googled “That junk you buy to remember a place is called what?” and Google brought me here.
    I don’t know what it means, but I know it makes me happy.

    Otherkin recently posted It has been frickin' AGES. Sorry. I suck..

  127. I know Zazzle groups reviews, but I loved that the first review under the “Don’t Worry” mug said “Very sweet gift for Mom!” :)

  128. I know this is off topic, and maybe you have seen this, but I thought of you as soon as I saw the taxidermy guinea pig hair accessories pic on pintrest. It is picture #9.

    http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/81271749/

  129. What’s the possibility that you’ll read the 400th comment? Probably not good at all – but I love all things sharp and zombie -like. If you added in thorough nose picking, ninjas, and not being able to take your hands off your weiner, you’d have my 10 years old.

    That knife would come in handy during dinner. Then I could stab my Ex in the head with something proper, instead of a blunt spoon.

    This blog of yours? A-mazing. But you already know that. Just showing some love, sister. I’m so green I don’t even know why everyone is sending you their URLs – so you’ll read? Repost? Post pictures of what 8 pounds of cocaine looks like in the comment section? I’ll figure it out, I went to high school.

  130. I can’t stop wondering what exactly led you to that particular blade. Were you just innocently googling “knife” and up popped ‘knife with flashlight’ in the suggestions?

  131. BTW Victor is totally wrong. You CAN rationalize everything based on the zombie apocalypse. It’s the only sane way to have a plan.

  132. Damn zombies, always ruining things. Cool knife…

  133. I think it’s a fantastic idea – a knife with flashlight in one hand to stab in the head leaves a hand free for the flame thrower. Sorted.

    Ribena Tina @ ribenamusings recently posted What I learned this week.

  134. Brene is indeed amazing (but then so are you!). I just finished Daring Greatly.

    Robyn LaRue recently posted Update:.

  135. I can’t believe he doesn’t see how lucky he is to have someone who will protect him from zombies. How many of us can say that? :) Not many. Far too few.

    Kristine recently posted Jordache jeans, make me a woman. Please..

  136. 138
    dr.girlfriend

    Totally random, but this seemed right up your alley. It’s basically phatasmagorical animal sculptures. Part taxidermy, part surreal. :-) You don’t have to post this, I just wanted to share, because I saw it and said “The Bloggess would LOVE these!”

    http://www.creaturesfromel.ca/EllenJewettPortfolio.html

  137. I feel your pain. My husband denied me both throwing knives and a butterfly knife for christmas. :(

  138. So…um…my boyfriend is kind of like a mad scientist. But he only uses his evil powers for good. At one point, after much discussion about why I shouldn’t be allowed one, he finally agreed to build me a hypnolight. So then you posted this. And now I need a hypnoknife. Which he says is WAY easier to build than a regular hypnolight. So yay me!

    melistress recently posted The Groupon Treatment.

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