Well, *that* doesn’t bode well.

So, this is going around Facebook:

page 45

I decided to try it, and the book next to me was the German translation of my book.  The sentence is:

“Der Familienlegende zufolge schlug der Mann meiner Ur-Ur-Grobtante, als die schon Über dreißig war und eines Tages am Frühstückstisch saß, seiner Frau von hinten einen Nagel in den Schädel und begrub sie anschließend im Garten.”

This, of course, translates to:

“According to family legend, when my great-great-great aunt was in her thirties, she sat down at the breakfast table and her husband drove a nail though the back of her skull and then buried her in the backyard.”

And that’s why I’ve hidden all the hammers on the roof, Victor.  I’m saving you from yourself.  And I’m also saving me from yourself.  We’re both benefitting.  Stop asking about the hammers.  The hammers are gone.

**************

And in other news, it’s Sunday, which means its time for the weekly wrap-up:

sid

What you missed in my shop (Named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you  by the lovely Helen Pellet, who has a brand new show on cable access called “Here’s What I Like And Now I’ll Tell You Why.”  Watch her describe what she likes, assisted by her hapless maid, Nora Marbles.   My personal favorite: “Green: The Bluejean of Nature.”  I recommend.

450 replies. read them below or add one

  1. This letter? To the sanitarium?

    Like

  2. oops..forgot to add, that was from the Naked Lunch. Figures that would be the book closest to hubs.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted On A Precipice.

  3. “He was wearing the clothes he had on the day before and looked like he hadn’t slept.”

    Yeah, that sounds about right.

    Like

    Daddy Scratches recently posted The Week in Review: January 24, 2014 … a collection of bitching and moaning misleadingly presented as though it were part of an ongoing weekly feature that doesn’t really exist.

  4. “Over the top dependability”. – thanks to the Warn Winch ad in my husbands 4-Wheel & Off Road magazine.

    Like

    deepfriedyankee recently posted Hail to the V! Now pick that thong out of it..

  5. Depending on whether the sentence can start on the previous page, mine are:
    “Physicians wishing to treat those whom they diagnosed as neurasthenic needed to acquire a good deal of personal information and constantly consider that their patient’s nervous exhaustion was, as one physician observed, ‘compatible with the appearance of perfect health.'”
    Or:
    “Beard himself was especially adamant on this particular point.”

    I think I like the Beard one better, but the first one might be more weirdly accurate.

    Like

  6. “‘Is there anything wrong,’ I asked bracing myself.” Yep. On the mark. I’m going to go cry and talk to my cats now.

    Like

    kstewand4cats recently posted Draw me like what now?!.

  7. The book nearest to me is called All My Friends Are Dead. It’s hysterical and I highly recommend it but I don’t know that I even want to look in it to see the future of my love life. I can almost guarantee a bad situation…..

    Like

  8. Bradley Cooper is the sexiest man Alive. Yes, I read People. Sue me.

    Like

  9. “Of course!” exclaimed the princess. She rushed into the shop and bought as many candles as she could.

    Like

  10. “All the keys in in this house open all the doors,” Mrs. Allen said.

    Mrs. Allen is a perv.

    Like

  11. “The sheer thought of it was obscene!” Yup… That pretty much sums up my love life.

    Like

  12. “It was close to four so no wonder” – Chasing the Shadows by Keri Arthur
    Apparently I’m a slut

    Like

  13. I have a stack of Stephen king novels next to me. Forgive me for not playing lol

    Like

    Shannon recently posted Lost….

  14. no-but this is what we can eat. start here.

    from ‘the organic nanny’s guide to raising healthy kids’

    Like

  15. Ha! Mine was a horse journal, and the sentence on page 45 is, “First time breeder promotion program.” Glad I’m not a first-time breeder, but if I were, a promotion program might be nice.

    Like

  16. confused “Student organizations which had been banned under Zia became very active.” This does not work if the book nearest to you is “I Am Malala”.

    Like

  17. When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

    Like

  18. Fine. I found a book instead since those are the rules. Mine is I do not like green eggs and ham. Which, I really don’t. So there.

    Like

    The Dose of Reality recently posted Pinterest Nightmare #189: The Face Trainer by No!No!.

  19. No more hammers! I like it.

    Mine is: “With the arrival of Schoonmaker’s apprentice, Iris becomes, if not happier, at least less self-conscious, because Caspar doesn’t seem to notice her sorry looks.” – Gregory Maguire, Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister.

    That’s kind of depressing.

    Like

    Steph recently posted Sit Down, Charlie Sheen, I’ll Take It From Here..

  20. no-but this is what we can eat, start here.

    from ‘the organic nanny’s guide to raising healthy kids’

    Like

  21. “Every now and then a spur of rock came down through the arid ground, leaving us scarcely room to pass.”

    Like

  22. The nearest book to me was yours. I have daddy issues, apparently, which explains my love life as well as anything.

    Like

    Chuck Baudelaire recently posted Best Picture Blitz 2014, Part 2.

  23. “…which seemed very yellow and large set in the bright red plumage of his head.” – Drift House: The First Voyage by Dale Peck. Obviously my love life is just as colorful and confusing at this sentence. Or maybe it’s a sign I should start dating Carrot Top…

    Like

  24. “Huge doors creaked and rolled back.”
    From Jason Hough’s The Darwin Elevator.
    Hmmm… I’ve been separated for 5 years & friends are encouraging me to begin dating. Yup, that fits. :p

    Like

  25. “Where will they go?…I don’t hopefully know” -The Lorax

    Like

  26. “Although there are any number (an infinite number) of things you might want to do, effects you might want to achieve, two are general enough to serve as a basic classification and as a port of entry into the wonderful world of sentences.” (p.45) – How to Write a Sentence and How to Read One, Stanley Fish. LOL I’d say it fits perfectly just substitute sentences with the word sex.😉

    Like

    Chenelle recently posted Sick.

  27. “She was out on her old 1958 tractor, bushogging the sides of her long driveway.”
    -A Whisker of Evil by Rita Mae & Sneaky Pie Brown
    I have no idea what this says about my love life. Translation, please?

    Like

  28. How bad is it that there are absolutely no books around me? Yikes. Guess I spend too much time on blogs!

    Like

    Rhonda recently posted Is Being Liberal Really a Bad Thing?.

  29. “DARKNESS AND WARMTH.” Of course, the second sentence is even more telling, “And then, an all-beep rendition of ‘LA Cucaracha.’ ”

    LofL

    Like

  30. Mine was “I was uncomfortable with that.” Bwahaha.

    No shit.

    Like

  31. 31
    Chelsea Reeves

    Can I get the Nothing some Hard Liquor and Hammer Won’t Fix in a maternity shirt? I really want to wear it to brunch with my in-laws. You know, after they get out of church, and I pry my fat pregnant ass off the couch.

    Like

  32. 32
    Princess in my head

    “There is nothing fig jam can’t fix.” Well sure. Add a live chicken and you’ve got a floor show.

    Like

  33. The closest thing to me resembling a book is my journal. Page 45 is a grocery list. Yeah that pretty much sums up my love life.

    Let’s try again. Dr. Seuss, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” Page 45 is the completely blank white last page of the book. Once again, this seems to fit.

    One more shot. “Statistical Methods and Data Analysis”………

    I hate this game.

    Like

  34. It depends whether book means book or nearest paper thing with words.

    “Introduced in the late 16th century, the Regulator dramatically improved accuracy in measuring time with the addition of a pendulum to the weight driven movement” – Design Toscano catalog

    “I hastily withdrew, shuddering.” – If I Were an Evil Overlord

    Like

  35. “These shrimp make a fancy appetizer or party food.” Yummy!!

    Like

    jasteck recently posted I’m a Cry Baby.

  36. Personally, I’d have hidden the nails because any object with a hard, flat surface can be used to knock them in.

    The closest book to me was an AMA Home Medical Encyclopaedia (A-H) that was published in 1989. “Educational programs have advocated following ‘safe’ sex practices and, for intravenous drug users, ensuring that needles and syringes are sterile, in the hope that it may control or reduce the risk of infection”. Does this mean I should stay single? I’m so confused.

    Like

  37. Later that summer, he would enjoy the sweet corn that grew from the garden, fertilized by her body.

    Oh, wait. That’s a Johnny Depp movie. Never mind.

    Like

  38. “Initially developed as medications to induce sleep, barbiturates today continue to be used as sedating drugs to help those with difficulty sleeping.” From my addiction counseling textbook. Not sure what to make of that one.

    Like

    Natalie recently posted Invisible.

  39. “Only an idiot would risk that again.” Yep, sounds about right to me.

    Like

    FutureCat recently posted Phase 2.

  40. “Lula looked down at her plate.” – Sizzling Sixteen. I think I’m hungry now.

    Like

  41. You will be setting your cap at him now, and never think of poor Brandon.
    -Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

    As true today as the day it was written. Poor, poor Brandon.

    Like

    random elouise recently posted NO. 27 ON THE LIST OF THE MOST AWESOME THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU, LIKE EVER.

  42. “Usually it was like spillage – cold and heavy, slippery and gray – but once in a whole some stars had the nerve to rise and float, if only for a few minutes.”

    Well, then. That seems dire.

    Like

  43. Currently reading “Stories”, edited by Neil Gaiman and Al Sarrantonio. Page 45 is near the end of Joanne Harris’ short story, “Wildfire in Manhattan”:

    “I looked at him. ‘He could be, I guess. There’s always room for a drummer.'”

    I…I don’t know how to respond to that…

    Like

  44. At the kitchen table, the closet book to me is an older version of the Wilton Method of Cake Decorating Lesson Plan for Course I. I turned to page 45 and it is 2 practice sheets; the first, is swirls and curves and stars. The second says, “Happy Birthday”(print), “Congratulations”, “Happy Birthday” (cursive) and finally, “Best Wishes”. Nothing I can relate to a love life, unless the “Congratulations” is a predictive statement. In that case, awesome. However, I can tell you that today is actually my birthday so the coincidence is uncanny. Hmmmm…I better go shower in case I meet someone today.

    Like

  45. “…she was a total loss.” Nothing like a little mid-morning judgment.

    Like

    Jessica @scienceofparenthood.com recently posted Look Back In Laughter: It Was The Best of ‘Toons.

  46. I used my book The City Center and here’s what my romantic and tender love life looks like:
    “You have technology?”

    Like

    Simone recently posted Why writing an outline IS creative.

  47. From “Before You Leap: A Frog’s Eye View of Life’s Greatest Lessons” by Kermit The Frog: “The first thing we needed was a place to do the show.” Eep! Perhaps I’m more of an exhibitionist than I thought. OTOH, it may be telling me I really should sell my house and go get a condo downtown. Location is everything.

    Like

  48. no page numbers on my Kindle makes me sad

    Like

  49. “Jon looked at the old man sprawled unconscious on the pavement”

    Like

  50. The nearest book to me is The Oxford Bible Commentary (don’t ask). The first sentence on page 45 is: “The story is of course significant in that this is the earliest instance in Genesis of death and also of violence committed by one human being against another.” I AM NEVER DATING AGAIN.

    Like

  51. “Who brought that?” I asked.
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!

    Like

  52. “The King turned pale and wrung his hands” Baha😀

    Like

    Sarah Allen recently posted Collaboration, upcoming things, and Jim Gaffigan.

  53. “By 1810, the American religious establishment and most tunebook compilers had adopted an ideology that favored solemn, dignified, even bland music from European sources, while avoiding fuging tunes.”

    Racy stuff.

    Like

  54. “I keep watching him as he searches, and for some reason, he looks different than he did just hours ago.”
    Which raises questions. What is he searching for? Why am I watching and not helping? What is he becoming, that he looks so different through the hours? Should I run?

    Like

  55. I tweeted this to you a while back please tell me you saw it and felt cool… and copied and pasted from my Facebook since twitter won’t let me have this many characters…

    I just want to see who of my friends actually have books

    Mine: First book I picked up… In this garb he proceeded along the banks of Euphrates, filled with despair, and secretly accusing providence, which thus continued to persecute him with unremitting severity. ~Zadig, or Fate, by Voltaire

    Since that wasn’t ideal, second book I picked up… Instead of Sweet Valley High, I read books about zombies and vampires. ~Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson

    Like

    Michelle recently posted How to Get Fired: Reconciliation, Sociopaths, and Sex.

  56. “Well, we’d both better try to rest.” That made me snort laugh. Then I was all creeped out – how do they know?

    Like

    Julie You Jest recently posted I think my dog is a Republican..

  57. “Take care of yourself,” he challenged. “Then we’ll move on to the demonstration.” (Key of Valor by Nora Roberts)
    Huh. I have a gutter mind so I am STILL laughing. Heh.

    Like

  58. “…seeing naught but the perils already passed, so the wisdom of man doth not enable him to avoid the follies that beset his course, but only to apprehend their nature afterward.” Sir James Merivale. Well, that says it all.

    Like

  59. “In every triangle, the sum of the lengths of two sides is always greater than the length of the third.”
    Triangles, lengths, and my love life…and they say geeks are boring!
    Machinery’s Handbook, 25th edition, pg.45

    Like

  60. Cmon now, you have to be happy that the same people who read your book also reads Voltaire. It would have been from “A Biography of Zero” (I know that should be italicized or underlined) if the kids didn’t take it first. This should at least please Victor that your reading base has an IQ.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted How to Get Fired: Reconciliation, Sociopaths, and Sex.

  61. “A small crowd had gathered and it occurred to me that another thug might arrive, so I needed to work out a way of freeing up a hand without releasing the original two thugs.”

    Hmmmm. Apparently, I need to figure out how to let go of my previous relationships before the next one arrives.

    Like

  62. “It is not a love token, it is a wedding ring. We are married.” I make my announcement in triumph, but I am instantly disappointed. – page 45, The White Queen

    Make of this what you will.

    Like

  63. “Tater Bacon Pancakes” – Louisiana Hometown Cookbook

    I’m calling it a trifecta.

    Like

  64. “When did you notice the infection?”

    from The Queen of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner.

    Like

  65. Don’t think I ever got around to reading this one.. it’s sitting on top of the pile of stuff by my computer.. “Before I say Good-Bye”.. Shortly after they met, Cornelius MacDermott had laughingly observed, “Adam, you’re a prime example of the differences between appearance and reality.”

    interesting.

    Like

  66. “All I could think was holy hell, momma’s gonna die when she hears about this.”

    I’m reading Shem Creek by Dorthea Benton Frank. My love life has always been questionable to my mom. She’s never liked anyone I dated. She hated my ex husband. Hmmmm

    Like

  67. “When she came in the next morning there was a dictionary of Dwarvish and a copy of Postalume’s The Speech of Trolls on the lectern too.”
    -Unseen Academicals, by Terry Pratchett

    …given that a Discworld book was the closest one to me, somehow that sentence seems to fit pretty well.

    Like

  68. “By this time, they had walked a good way.”

    from The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis

    Like

  69. We met at a tragic Hollywood party by a pool at the Roosevelt Hotel.
    Reader’s Digest

    Like

  70. Page 45 just says “Part Two”. Well played, book, well played.

    Like

    Fox recently posted Bloggers Unite for EndoMarch: Week Two – Getting Personal.

  71. This portion of the tube is filed with four to six very small holes after the open end has been pinched off and folded over to prevent leakage.

    Gem Cutting, a Lapidary’s manual

    Like

  72. “Yes”.
    Says it all really…

    Like

  73. 73
    Shannon Campos-Hatfield

    OMG mine said
    “You’ll feel better when you eat.”
    This is especially funny considering i am fat!

    Like

  74. A little kerchief was flung about her bare throat, but lay slanting to one side. Crime and Punishment. Maybe I should’ve picked The Secret? #hidingkerchiefs

    Like

  75. “During the early 1600s men and women alike wore a three-inch obi.”
    Kimono: Fashioning Culture
    Hmmmmm.

    Like

  76. “We’re running out of ways of using the water up.” Karlology, What I’ve Learnt So Far… by Karl Pulkington. Alrighty then.

    Like

  77. “The magic circle beneath it flashed, and the crypto was transmogrified into a small green lump.” From Monster by A. Lee Martinez

    Like

  78. I’d hide the nails, personally.

    “Yes?”
    – Spook Country, William Gibson

    Sounds good to me.

    Like

  79. Oops, Karl Pilkington, not Pulkington.

    Like

  80. The closest book to me is a book of Love poems by Pablo Neruda. Page 45 is blank. What even is my life?

    Like

  81. If ebooks count: ‘Oh.’
    If they don’t: ‘A final fillip to the preceding onion soup may be accomplished in the kitchen just before serving or by the server at the table.’

    Either way: Yup. That’s about the sum of it.

    Like

  82. 82
    writingmom2013

    So glad you’re on WordPress! Also, love that cat coffee mug.

    Like

  83. I did this a few days ago on Facebook. My sentence was: “So,” said her other father. “Do you like it here?”
    Coraline. By Neil Gaiman.

    A tip: I’d hide the nails, too, Jenny.

    Like

    marydpierce recently posted Weekly Photo Challenge: Juxtaposition.

  84. Girls much older than that were either safely married or hopelessly lost–either to prostitution or death.

    doesn’t look good for me…

    Like

  85. 85
    writingmom2013

    Reblogged this on The Meandering Musings of a Media-Consuming Mom and commented:

    The nearest book for me was An Object of Beauty, by Steve Martin.

    My sentence?

    “Still, seven thousand dollars was not bad for a walk around the corner.”

    This is why I have missed the Bloggess on WordPress. How else would I understand my love live? (But not really, because as parents of a young child, neither my boyfriend nor I get laid often enough to have a relationship based solely on commerce and sex.)

    Like

  86. “Once they had cultivated a quagga chromosome out of DNA recovered from hair and other remains, they injected it into the enucleated zebra egg, then put the egg back into a surrogate zebra mother.”
    -From Ancestor<\i> by Scott Sigler

    Wow. That’s pretty kinky.

    Like

  87. “Soon.” – Bones of the Lost by Kathy Reichs (sounds good to me!)

    Like

  88. “However, ‘unauthorized’ biographies are published all the time.” If I have the kind of life where people are writing biographies, let alone unauthorized ones, I’ll be doing okay.

    Like

    Jenny Williams recently posted Getting Old Is Awesome.

  89. “Nah, if we go back, we just end up in the feather room with no way back onto the slide that brought us in.” — From The Tolls Must Go, by Scott Burgess.
    That explains a lot.

    Like

    Marcia recently posted Take Me to Your Solar Vortex.

  90. I have a 10yo, and we’re doing PARP (Parents Are Reading Porn, I think), so the closest book to me was Flat Stanley’s Worldwide Adventures. The sentence:

    I didn’t CHOOSE to be flat. I don’t stand for ANYTHING.

    Oh great!

    Like

  91. “‘Pardon me, ma’am,’ a girl near the front says. ‘What if I don’t want to go with the people who choose me?'”

    Ok, that’s two sentences. And really doesn’t say good things about the future of my love life. Hehehe

    Like

  92. My love life descriptor?

    “Looking like a claw, a hand cultivator has three or five prongs on the end of a long shaft.”

    Well. That’s alarming.

    Like

  93. Closest book to me was Jeff Smith’s Bone Vol. 1: Out From Boneville. First sentence on the page, “Why, yes!”
    Second closest book was Dominic Deegan – Oracle for Hire The Complete Series Vol. 1. Bit tedious to find page 45 since the pages aren’t numbered, but from what I deduced as the correct page, first sentence was, “What’s wrong with YOU, four-eyes?”

    This is good and bad.

    And an indication that I read a ton of comics/graphic novels.

    Like

  94. “I’m keeping up with what I use,” Parsons said.
    Red Dragon by Thomas Harris (The first Hannibal Lecter book).
    I don’t know what to think.

    Like

  95. Page 45 in the book closest to me was a chapter title page: The Floating House. I need someone to tell me how to feel about this.

    Like

  96. Großtante not Grobtante. Groß! the ß is a special German character and phonetically it would be translated into GROSStante (which I am sure you appreciate even more making it your gross aunt😛.
    (I can sort of top that, I did it a while ago and my book was Gulp, by Mary Roach. The memorable line was: ” To experience taste, the molecules of the tastant – the thing one is tasting – need to dissolve in liquid “. )

    Like

  97. The book closest to me is D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek myths. Page 45 is an illustration of Artemis. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

    Like

  98. “Ethylene glycol is an ingredient of automobile antifreeze.”

    Is it sad that a Chemistry textbook was the closest book to me?

    Like

  99. Two Mercedes rather than camels formed a kind of gate in front of the main canvas flap.-Blink of an Eye by Ted Dekker.

    Like

  100. But Manwe rose also, and it seemed that he stood to such a height that his voice came down to Yavanna as from the path of the winds.

    This seems ambiguous at best.

    Like

  101. The last generation to wear suits as they went about this work, they had money in their pockets and knew how to spend it — it’s from “The Enduring Saga of the Smiths”. I’m bummed it wasn’t a snarky Morrissey quote. And that Skeletor Facebook page is amazing.

    Like

    skullwoman recently posted Dear Auntie Skull Woman answers questions about…Tattoos!.

  102. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

    “It somersaults swiftly, handle over blade, and finds itself buried in the dartboard once again.”

    I like the seeming acrobat-ness of that.

    Like

  103. “When one of the possibilities matures, the rest will perhaps be forgotten, but right now, this moment, while she speaks of Life, she knows in the back of her mind what’s happening to her hand.”

    I feel uneasy.

    Like

  104. “But Marianne could no more satisfy him as to the color of Mr. Willoughby’s pointer than he could describe to her the shades of his mind.”

    As it happens…Daughter is reading Sense and Sensibility for school, so the book was sitting next to the computer. My mom choose the spelling of my name from the character “Marianne” in this book.
    It’s all kinda weird, huh? Not sure how much sense the quote makes in regards to my love life?

    Like

    Marianne recently posted Cheatin Chicken and Dumplins.

  105. I was going to run away today but I had no clean pants, so I’ve locked myself in the bedroom instead, giving me plenty of time to enjoy all your links to cool stuff. No, I’m not a teenager. I’m a happily married mom with a successful career. But I imagine if anyone can relate to my attitude today it’s you or your other readers. You’ve all been here before, right?

    Like

  106. “No you won’t, because the dolphins will protect you.”

    Like

  107. random elouise…In my edition…that’s the first sentence on pg. 46! And it makes more sense than mine!

    Like

    Marianne recently posted Cheatin Chicken and Dumplins.

  108. It may be objected that this is a borderline case. xD

    Like

  109. Then I remembered the water.

    What the hell… hahaha

    Like

  110. “Please do not hesitate to call upon me if there is anything you need” — A Matter of Honor by Jeffrey Archer (one of my husband’s books.)

    I suppose this is a commentary on taking care of the “needs” of others, but my first thought was what about “my” needs.

    Like

  111. “18th May 1907 – I began to wonder whether the fairies are taking their revenge upon me.”

    From: Lady Cottingham’s Pressed Fairy Book

    It’s a diary of a young girl that decides to press fairies (instead of flowers). The morbid (and by morbid, I mean awesome) smeary drawings of the fairies last moments—as they were smashed between the pages—are fantastic. So, of course, it’s my coffee table book.

    Like

  112. From Stephen King’s The Stand:

    “But it was almost uncanny, the way she had caught him.”

    I am intrigued and also relieved it wasn’t something revolting.

    Like

  113. Kinda fitting…..from How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you p 45: And lastly, I’ve made a list of items I’d like to see accomplished by the end of the month.

    Like

  114. “You may lack all motivation and direction.” Hahahahahaha….. don’t tell my husband, lol!

    From: How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies by Therese A. Rando. It’s required reading for a course I’m taking, really.

    Like

  115. He was too polite to stare at my scar.

    The Ha-Ha by David King

    Like

  116. “The streetlights turned on automatically, doing little to push back the darkness, doing a lit to cast deep shadows on frightened faces.” Oh how so very true.

    Like

  117. “A jar of wasps, which when released would sting deeply.”

    -Stephen King’s -The Shining
    LOVE IT!

    Like

    aimster813 recently posted Through the Fog.

  118. “Yessir.” – From Jonathan Kellerman’s Rage.

    Yeah, sounds about right.😉

    Like

  119. 119
    Pavlov's Cat

    Mine’s ‘pour in the stock and red wine’ which probably sounds about right.

    Like

  120. 120
    MrSpellcheck

    3 books on the computer desk:
    American Sniper “We’d have lunch together and trade informal intel back and forth.”
    William Shakespeare’s Star Wars “Pray, whither goest thou, thou naughty droid?”
    The Phantom Tollbooth “Confusion in the Market Place”

    Appears to be unresolved, lol.

    Like

  121. “The government did not, at any time, allege the Skilling solicited or accepted side payments from a third party in exchange for making these misrepresentations”

    Criminal Law and Procedure, 12th ed.

    Apparently this is the love life of a law student? haha

    Like

    Desiree Michelle recently posted Obligatory Reflection of 2013.

  122. “Complete the stitch using red.”
    It’s a knitting pattern book.

    Like

  123. “The thunderclaps and explosions and jarring vibrations continue for days.” – The True Story of Noah’s Ark.

    Like

    Kelly recently posted Getting Old Sucks.

  124. Regenbogen: pluvius H, caelestis Al; [auch ohne Attr.] If I translate the German parts to English, that gives: 2. Ranbow: pluvius H, caelestis Al; [also without attribute.] I was kinda worried when I saw that the book closest to me was my Latin to German dictionary, but rainbow? That acutally sounds good!

    Like

  125. So I have 3 choices (the book closest to me was a cookbook.)

    The first thing on the page is the recipe title: Angel Surprise Cake….awwww…(but probably not accurate).

    Or I could go with the first line of the ingredients: 1 package lime Jello…hmmm…(I like lime. So. Yeah.)

    The first real sentence (according to the grammar nazi in my head) is: Dissolve jello in water.

    Definitely explains a lot…

    Like

    TheFakeGourmet recently posted Grab a spoon – it’s National Peanut Butter Day!.

  126. I don’t think we were even conscious of each other, the world around us, anything except the words before our eyes.

    (The sentence starts on page 44, but I’m going with it.)

    It’s from World War Z by Max Brooks. And it makes 100% sense at the moment, as I’m 100% single and all I’m doing with my life is writing and trying to clear clutter.

    So. Yeah.

    Like

  127. “You have it.” -A Feast For Crows, George RR Martin.

    Well then. Yay?

    Like

  128. The book is The Better Angels of Our Nature, by Steven Plinker.

    The sentence? “In the early 19th century an English convict named William Buckley escaped from a penal colony in Australia and for three decades lived happily with the Wathaurung aborigines.”

    I shit you not.

    Like

  129. 129
    Tigervon@msn.com

    F M R O O D P B M B S D S X

    Jumbo Word Find.
    And strangely spot on right now.

    Like

  130. From Food Network Magazine:
    “Giada is definitely fit, but not from running.”
    Hmmm.

    Like

  131. Robin #48, to get to pages on your Kindle, click on the button that’s to the left of the house/home button, go to Go To ….. put in 45 and then go down to page and click. Voila. page 45.

    Like

  132. “Twenty-two replies indicated that the position had been filled” (Stephen King’s IT)
    Wow. That’s almost eerie.

    Like

  133. Oh thhhhbbbbppppttttt please delete my previous comment, I didn’t mean to post my email address.

    Like

  134. The October List by Jeffery Deaver
    “She glanced at his handsome face, felt that ping of attraction.”

    This is a kidnapping mystery story, but if that’s a sign of 2014 I’ll take it!

    Like

  135. 135
    Hi, I'm Natalie.

    “Do as the locals do and enjoy an afternoon soak at one of the city’s public geothermal pools…” Heh.

    Like

  136. 136
    Amber Tinsley

    “She has always been good at biding her time.” The Stand by Stephen King. Coulda been worse considering the author but my future love life…damn I was hoping for a little more action. Damn you Stephen King. Now excuse me while I go check out all my books to find a better outcome.

    Like

  137. “Early twenties, maybe.”

    Given that I’m reading Scott Sigler’s “Pandemic”, that sentence was remarkably gore-free.

    Like

  138. 138
    SharonCville

    “But Clay, he’s only been with us for a day and he’s probably a criminal.” Oh, dear…

    Like

  139. 139
    SharonCville

    Oh. That’s Fluke, by Christopher Moore.

    Like

  140. “He sat in his bedroom with the blinds closed, hugging his cat.”

    Really. The sad thing is that that is scarily close to what I’m actually doing.

    Like

  141. I took a shower and brushed my hair out into a bunch of soft curls that skimmed my shoulders.
    Takedown Twenty~Janet Evanovich
    Kind of boring, but then again so is my life in Ohio!

    Like

  142. I got this: “Most of the corn as it was husked was tossed into a pile, to be borne later to the village.” I have no idea what this says about my sex life. This is what I get for having a fascination with historical ethnographies. (This was from “Buffalo-bird Woman’s Garden” by Gilbert L. Wilson, published by the Minnesota Historical Society.)

    Like

  143. It could have been worse considering they sometimes just tied you over the horse like a sack of flour. The Son. Omg. It’s perfect

    Like

  144. By way of allegory – the device by which literal meaning of the text implies a figurative or “hidden” meaning – Plato describes a group of ordinary mortals chained within an underground chamber (the psyche imprisoned within the human body).

    Hmmmm…oddly accurate at the moment.

    Like

  145. 145
    elaineziman

    “Besides, the mound was very close to all that remained of Granny Aching’s shepherding hut, and that was almost holy ground.” (I Shall Wear midnight, by Terry Pratchett)

    Like

  146. “…[the] more I did it, the more I wanted to do it.” — Thinking in Pictures and Other Reports From My Life With Autism

    That’s funny. That’s the same thought I had this morning while having sex with my husband.

    Like

  147. “Meanwhile, Wanda asked Billy where he thought he was going.”

    Which seems all calm and sweet but it’s Stephen King so I’m pretty sure they’ll both be dead soon.

    Like

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  148. “It helps to prepare your child for the possibility of an accidental separation.” – The Official Birmbaum’s Guide to Walt Disney World.

    Well that’s interesting – I don’t have kids and can’t, maybe because I didn’t prepare my child adequately (and must be blocking it out)….

    Like

  149. “Well-designed paths do more than get you from one place to another.” (Front Yard Idea Book, by Jeni Webber)

    Oh dear.

    Like

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  150. More than any other factor, vision affects the choices we make and the way we spend our time. I’ve got Stephen covey on my desk right now because I am trying to pick up a habit that will make me more effective. I think it might not be working since I made a choice to forego my to do list and I’ve spent my entire morning surfing the net.

    Like

  151. Also, all I could think about when I read that blog post from Maureen Johnson was the character Maureen Johnson from RENT.

    Like

  152. “By that very afternoon McGroaty’s inspired ferreting had met with success.” (The Steampunk Trilogy, Paul DiFilippo)

    I hate to imagine how this applies to our love life, but it sounds fuzzy and tickly.

    Like

  153. I’ve been reading THE LOST YEARS with a friend whose son was into drugs. First sentence on page 45 reads, “The downward spiral had started slowly.” I laughed out loud. Right on target!

    Like

  154. “Great. Not only am I isolated and alone but also, now clearly, unpopular.” :((((((( From the new Bridget Jones book.

    Like

  155. I had three closest books. In a pile. On my bed. Don’t judge me.

    “Discount Armageddon” says: “Fine; if it wanted to be that way, I would improvise.”

    “Ancient Rome” says: “The policy was so fundamental that Rome even offered slaves a chance for upward social mobility.”

    And “Connected” says: “It comes in the form of verbal and sonic guerrilla warfare”…

    I’m disturbed by this. What exactly am I doing in my love life?

    Like

  156. Earle was still setting with Sookie, trying his best to calm her down, but he was having no luck. ~ The All-Girls Filling Station’s Last Reunion, Fannie Flagg.
    Well, my husband does spend a good deal of time calming me down…Or trying to…

    Like

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  157. You should hide the shovels too. You know, for good measure.

    Like

  158. “If you keep a steady determination and stick with that purpose, you will know how to use that choice and control your consciousness so unwanted thoughts don’t come to you anymore.” Little Voice Mastery

    Like

  159. I wasn’t going to play, but mine’s hysterical, so I have to: The end of the previous page’s sentence is (sticking messages inside a pudding?), but pg 45’s 1st sentence is – “They would get all goopy that way.” Goopy; Super sexy. (ugh)

    Like

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  160. “There was a knock on the door and Bond looked up, irritated, and Araminta Beauchamp stepped in.” – Solo, William Boyd
    Damn, my name isn’t Araminta Beauchamp but it would appear James Bond is irritated with her anyway. I might have a chance.
    I think another interpretation of your page 45 sentence could be you’re going to get nailed – wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more!
    Sorry to those offended, I don’t always have good self censoring.

    Like

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  161. “It’s so somewhat effective that i now rely on it almost exclusively when I need to get myself to do something important. ”
    -Hyperbole and a Half, Allie Brosh. It’s oddly fitting.🙂

    Like

  162. “Now, it was just th efunction of our interface desiderata (IIIb), (IIIc) to make these probability assignments completely ‘objective’ in the sense that they are independent of the personality of the user.” (“Probability Theory: The Logic of Science,” E. T. Jaynes)
    (I have no idea what this means– my husband and I share a desk, and he’s at the reading stage while I’m at the writing stage…)

    Like

  163. Closest book, the Power of Myth (soft cover) “And God saw everything that he had made and behold, it was very good.”

    Like

  164. 164
    Levom Jevub

    The book closest to me is a training manual, and page 45 is kevcompletely blank to allow for note taking. So I guess the first line is either nothing or something I have to do myself. Which is remarkably accurate.

    Like

  165. “What you see was once the famous English stronghold of Castlegard.” Timeline by Michael Crichton.

    I hope it doesn’t mean that I was once famous but now just a pile of moldering ruins.😦

    Like

  166. The nearest book happens to be your book so: “Instead of Sweet Valley High, I read books about zombies and vampires.”

    If we look at the last book I read, that would be The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe which is a bit complicated because it’s an eBook. Using Amazon Cloud Reader, I get: “‘Why?’ asked Marvin dolefully.” Somehow that sounds very profound in a “I’m not sure what it really means” sort of way. (Kind of like 42.)

    Like

  167. First partial sentence “..my fault.”
    First full sentence “it just didn’t occur to me that we wouldn’t be able to get out at the other end.”

    Seriously (sadly) sums up my love life.

    Like

  168. 168
    Curiouser & Curiouser

    Mine was also a cookbook . . .
    Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
    Huh. I guess menopause is coming.

    Like

  169. “What difference does that make?”

    This is accurate.

    Like

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  170. I tried this, and the closest book to me was a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It said, “Absolutely pointless, seeing as your mother’s charm does that already.” I have no idea what to make of this.

    Like

  171. Mine was from “The Name of the Wind”-“Everyone thinks you’re dead.” I laughed and laughed.

    Like

  172. “Musket barrels flashed in the moonlight as the shout of ‘Halt! Your name and your business!’ came from the dark.”
    Hmmmmmm…..Yeah….that could work.🙂

    Like

  173. The closest book to me was a British copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly hallows. It read, “Absolutely pointless, seeing as your mother’s charm does that already.” I have no idea what to make of this.

    Like

  174. LMAO– I’m reading a dirty book and it’s pretty accurate. All I know is I really need to go get your book after reading that one snippet- I’m like the last person of my friends that hasn’t read it yet. Sorry I didn’t buy it yet– but I bought a damn mug so I still love you and that’s proof!

    Like

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  175. 175
    Patricia Peterson

    LOL, HILARIOUS–“You don’t want to require an increasing amount of financial pressure to motivate you toward good choices.” Pocket your dollars: 5 attitude changes that will help you pay down debt, avoid financial stress, and keep more of what you make, by Carrie Rocha

    Like

  176. First full sentence – “With your permission we stop there, there may be a fresh camera for you. ”

    Umm. No. (From Dorothy Gilman’s Mrs. Pollifax Unveiled.

    Like

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  177. Hmmm, I have a bunch of programming and UNIX books next to me. For some reason that explains everything…

    Like

  178. I’ve never figured out how to make this work with a Kindle.

    Like

  179. “Gravel road with limited traffic.” From The Long Trail End to Ender’s Guide..

    not bad…

    Like

  180. Victor doesn’t need a hammer to do anything anyway, he can just use a shoe if he needs to hammer anything in. Works for every woman in the world😉

    Like

    Molley@A Mother Life recently posted She MADE me get in a Cab- Part II HMM tour Guide.

  181. From The Wilder Life: “The whole process began to feel superstitious and weird.”
    Laughing…

    Like

  182. Page 45 just has a picture of a kitten on it. Spot on accurate. I am becoming more and more of a cat lady everyday!

    Like

  183. “Currently a branch of Chase Bank, the former Salinas Valley Savings & Loan in San Jose, constructed in 1961, has been through so many incarnations that initially it seemed impossible to track it’s origins”. Mid-Century By The Bay by Heather M. David

    Like

  184. Of course I played the game, and of course I got:

    “He’s been in the sea a long time,” Evan said.

    All I know is he’s been somewhere a long time, cause he’s not around here!

    Like

  185. Of course I played the game, and of course I got:

    “He’s been in the sea a long time,” Evan said.

    Well, he’s obviously been somewhere a long time, cause he’s not around here.

    Like

  186. “Every domestic witch will eventually look into the subject of finding a household deity.” I have no idea what that would even mean.

    Like

  187. So the nearest book for me is “Shakespeare’s Star Wars.” Page 45, line one: “Pray, whither goest thou, thou naughty droid?”

    I’m dying over here. OMG.

    Like

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  188. How many significant figures are in each of the following measured quantities?
    -Introductory Chemical Essentials

    Like

  189. My nearest book was an illustrated cookbook: Roots – The Definitive Compendium. Page 45 says, “I prefer to roast beets, rather than boil or steam them.” I think my husband would prefer I did NOT roast, boil OR steam his beets.

    Like

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  190. Mine was, “when the amount of dough is too much for your machine, process by halves or thirds, and combine for the final hand kneading”. Which feels sadly/oddly right on about the state of my marriage…

    Like

  191. “Get the fuck out of my room. I’d like to have angry sex with my wife right now.” Gulp. I don’t like angry sex.

    Like

  192. “Why, it must be because you have no other purpose but to plague me.”- A Dance with Dragons.
    Well this explains why I am single.

    Like

  193. Mine was from Who-ology: “Full name: David John McDonald” which means my love life can be explained as David Tennant. I like that a lot! Favorite Doctor.

    Like

  194. “Don’t compose without a scale.” Somehow it’s fitting.

    Like

  195. “On the ferry across the Oresund between Denmark and Sweden, I drank a cup of coffee and began to feel human again.” I’m just drinking my first coffee of the day after a big night so I guess…

    Like

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  196. Hmm. My closest book was a coding manual … note sure what this means but it can’t be good “ACTUATE #IMPLIED, onload, onrequest, actuateother, actuatenone.”

    Like

  197. From “Raising Goats for Dummies”: ” A lot of people around the world eat goat meat…. in bed?

    Like

  198. The book closest to me is a book of postcards called “Grandma’s Dead: Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals.” Page 45 postcard is a cute puppy in a basket and at the bottom says “You’re bad in bed”. How sad, given this is supposed to refer to my love life.

    Like

  199. The nearest book to me is Allie Brosh’s Hyperbole & a Half. Page 45….”Are we going to do the thing?”
    Well then…

    Like

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  200. Mine was, “I thought I’d gone insane.” Yep. Pretty accurate.

    Like

  201. The closest book to me is the Code Monkey Save World collection that arrived yesterday. Page 45 starts with “I now call this meeting of VILLAINY AFFILIATED, LLC to order!”

    Which….yeah, I’ll accept that.

    Like

  202. I had not yet seen this on FB and decided to play along after reading your blog post. Mine was the first book I ever read cover-to-cover – my mom’s old Dick and Jane reader copyright 1951. Page 45 reads, “Find Dick.”

    Like

  203. “I remember something I had done in my fear landscape in Dauntless initiation …in a simulation, a woman demanded that I kill my family, and I let her shoot me instead.” {{well that leaves me feeling awkward. I mean dont get me wrong, that’s what Id do. But …my love life …umm …I dont know what to think about this. haha

    Like

  204. I spent way too much time looking at that Skeletor Facebook site, but it was fun!

    Like

    Punky Coletta recently posted Married for ten years: Reasons I still love my husband. Too many of these have to do with poop..

  205. “‘It is my name,’ he said in as soft a voice as he could manage.”

    Like

  206. “Usually it was like spillage — cold and heavy, slippery and gray — but once in a while some stars had the nerve to rise and float, if only for a few minutes.” From THE BOOK THIEF, by Markus Zusak. (My husband and I are rolling on the floor laughing at this!)

    Like

    KLY recently posted So you’re trying to develop your VOICE….

  207. “Magically prepared food has a certain blissful flavor with which dishes cooked in an ordinary oven simply cannot compete.” Book from the game Ni no Kuni

    Dang it, I’m not magical enough! This explains my lack of a relationship, but how do I fix it?

    Like

  208. “Paid for what?” (John Connolly’s The Infernals)

    If paying for it isn’t going to get me anything worth talking about, why waste the money?

    Like

  209. We got such a kick out of the book closest to me that my dear husband reached over to the bookshelf and grabbed the first book he touched. From THE CALL OF THE WILD, by Jack London, “Buck made his hole in the snow and slept the sleep of the exhausted just, but all too early was routed out in the cold darkness and harnessed with his mates to the sled.”

    Cant. Stop. Laughing. We’re having waaaay too much fun with this!

    Like

    KLY recently posted So you’re trying to develop your VOICE….

  210. Closest book is David Baldacci’s The Sixth Man… “At the doorway there were two more guards.”
    I don’t think I like the sound of that it’s like I’ve been kidnapped by a perv… probably a rich perv but still, no thanks!

    Like

  211. You did better than I did when I grabbed my closest book earlier this week – at least yours adds excitement!

    Like

  212. “Needle two indentations on the owl’s head”. Hmmmmmm . . . . .

    Like

  213. The figure shows the general categories of data that might be collected over the course of the assessment and represents another way of thinking about the determinants of the health shown in Table 1-1 on page 10.—From Community Nutrition in Action, the textbook I’m reading right now.

    Like

  214. From Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.

    “Could be dangerous.”

    Well, that’s a bit of a worry.

    Like

  215. “Even street lampss with time-ochered glass, even moonlight failed to smooth a layer of romance over the crumbling stucco, the warped clapboard, and the peeling paint of the houses in Camp’s End.” That… sounds pretty accurate…

    Like

  216. “Not all Doris’s sisters were like her–with such a spicy tongue, you might say.”

    I’m speechless.

    Like

  217. “Saturn was originally one of the Numina, the Protector of the Sowers and the Seed, as his wife Ops was a Harvest Helper.”

    Yep, clearly a perfect description of my life.

    Like

  218. “She nodded again, biting her lip.”

    Like

  219. “Harry was alternately filled with restless energy that made him unable to settle to anything, during which time he paced his bedroom, furious at the whole lot of them for leaving him to stew in this mess; and with a lethargy so complete that he could lie on his bed for an hour at a time, staring dazedly into space, aching with dread at the thought of the Ministry hearing.”

    Special thanks to J.K. Rowling for the extra long sentence and the strange summation of my love life…. you had me til you mentioned the Ministry, Ms. Rowling. I think we all know ‘there’s no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation’! [Shout out to Pierre Trudeau for that wisdom!]

    Like

  220. “…minus 088 and counting…”
    sounds about right

    Like

  221. 222
    Steampunk Octopus

    The book closest to me is a biography of Anne Boleyn. This doesn’t bode well.

    Like

  222. My first sentence runs over from the preceding page…
    “I watched as he picked it up and leafed through the first few pages before raising his head to search the parking lot, combing the area as if he might spot either a surveillance camera or, preferably, a vanload of naked swingers pressing their bare breasts against the windows and inviting him to join the fun.” – David Sedaris, ” Naked”

    I don’t think my life is nearly that exciting! Hahahahaha!

    Like

  223. “Quite…but there’s no need to make idle conversation.” -the cypher, by Diana Pharoah Francis.
    O.dear.lord.

    Like

  224. “I liked living along, doubted if I could abide sharing my space with anyone, but sometimes I wondered.” — “Identity Crisis” by Debbi Mack (a murder mystery)

    Like

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  225. “An intense upward stretch of the legs is matched by a strong downward extension of the trunk.”
    Oh my, sounds fun. pg 45, first sentence, from Yoga, The Iyengar Way
    This is the section on standing poses . . .

    Like

  226. Disturbingly, the closest book is a blank notebook. Page 45 isn’t looking good.

    Like

  227. “Begin by knowing, and exploring, the fact that you already have a number of different voices.”

    Like

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  228. We’re all so well-read! The Bloggess-Pack FTW!

    Like

  229. Jane! Yes…yes we are! that is awesome..and I love The Bloggess-pack. We’re fucking great.

    Like

  230. So, the only book in the room is the one in which I write poetry.

    By aisle 7 there’s a kink
    in my elbow and an angry
    red dent slashing across
    my forearm from the handle
    of a basket overloaded with cream
    of broccoli soup cans
    and fresh ears of white corn.

    I may have arranged the line breaks for perv factor when typing this. In reality, my love life is non-existent, so perhaps this is saying I do mundane things like grocery shopping instead?

    As for actual books, I fetched my latest read – Diary by Chuck Palahniuk – and it said:

    Misty said, “The what?”

    Hahahaha. Non-existent indeed!

    Like

  231. “Snape didnt care about nothing or nobody but Lily.”

    Like

  232. 233
    Rhonda Colwell

    “Everybody thought they’d fight, but Edgar apologized, so now people suspect Edgar is a coward” Oy vey.

    Like

  233. The only book in the room is the one in which I write poetry.

    By aisle 7 there’s a kink
    in my elbow and an angry
    red dent slashing across
    my forearm from the handle
    of a basket overloaded with cream
    of broccoli soup cans
    and fresh ears of white corn.

    I may have adjusted line breaks for the perv factor. In reality, my love life is non-existent, so maybe this is saying I do mundane things like grocery shopping instead?

    The latest book I read was Diary by Chuck Palahniuk. It says:

    Misty said, “The what?”

    Hahahaha. Non-existent indeed!

    Like

  234. 235
    Red Tory still

    “The pageant of the river bank had marched steadily along, unfording itself in scene-pictures that succeeded each other in stately procession.”
    (The Wind in the Willows).

    Like

  235. Page 45: “I am but a servant in your house.” No-o-o-o-o-o…though oddly enough, it seems to be true…

    Like

    leanne tankel recently posted MUFFINS WITH MOMS (or MOMS WITH MUFFINS).

  236. The book nearest me is an 1895 edition of Edison’s Handy Encyclopedia of General Information and Universal Atlas. There is no sentence on page 45 but the first words on the page are “Specific Gravities and Weights of Stones, Earths, Etc.”

    Like

  237. Uhm. It’s never good when the closest book is a GOT book. From “Clash Of Kings”

    Next cam Ser Horas Redwyne’s turn.

    Like

  238. Well this isn’t good the book nearest to me is Helen Keller’s Teacher (my kid was doing a book report on her recently).
    Page 45: Why, on the record book of Tewksbury she was down as “virtually blind”.
    I have no idea what to make of this lol.

    Like

  239. “What happened to you?” From Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

    Like

  240. The nearest book didn’t quite have 45 pages. So yeah, nonexistent does pretty much sum up my love life at the moment.

    Like

  241. Mozart: Confutatus Maledictum, how would you translate that?
    Salieri: Consigned to the flames of woe.

    Um, just frigging great.

    Like

  242. Sorry, forgot I had to use references…. The Fire by Katherine Neville

    Like

  243. Like most people (I think), I keep my books in a few select locations in my house. From where I was when I saw this, I calculated the distance to each book location, and then to the nearest book (with 45 pages…I have a number of small graphic books with fewer on display) within that collection. The “closest” book was Dan Brown’s Angels and Demons in hardcover (what? I love shitty fiction. SUE ME…THE NEXT CLOSEST BOOK WAS THE ORIGINAL FREAKONOMICS! Also I buy hardcovers so I don’t destroy them when traveling…YOU’RE WELCOME FOR BUYING YOUR HARDCOVER, JENNY!). Page 45, sentence 1: “‘Vestra was on the cutting edge of particle physics,’ he said.” Erm, with that explanation, “grand wizard of the nerds” seems appropriate…

    Like

  244. ” ”

    The nearest book to me was a journal, page 45 was still blank. I like that my life is a blank page.
    Lucky me.🙂

    Like

    Nebulize recently posted Book.

  245. It worked! Well aren’t you? Hiding away in the garden.

    Like

  246. 247
    JaxTheAwesome

    Saw this quote and thought of you:
    “A beautiful, majestic, disgusting unicorn.”
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/23/deer-farts-on-camera_n_4653026.html

    Like

  247. “HANDS UP, FEET APART, MOUTHS SHUT.” I guess that’s what I get from reading stupid teenage dystopian romance. At least it gave the husband and I a really good laugh because really?!?! We have a toddler, so I don’t think any of that would happen.

    Like

  248. “(HP Deskjet printers set the standard for quality and reliability, so) you have made an excellent choice.”

    I think my wife would agree.

    The heading at the top of the page, “Getting Help When Things Go Wrong,” is a sentence fragment (a gerund phrase to be precise), so I will pretend that doesn’t apply.

    Like

  249. One can apply to Hegel what Le Senne said of the philosophy of Hamelin: “Each of the lower terms depends on the higher term, as the abstract on the concrete which is necessary for it to realize itself.”

    This does not bode well.

    Like

  250. Hahahaha. My first sentence is: For three months this method was pursued, the doctor and patient all the time looking for “a crisis” that should bring out the “bad humors.” (Women of the Asylum: Voices From Behind the Walls, 1840-1945 by Jeffrey L Geller and Maxine Harris). Yeah..

    Like

    Adrasteia recently posted Books I'm currently in love with or shall be shortly.

  251. The closest book to me is a book of cat poetry. I don’t even need to open in. The fact that I own a book consisting entirely of poems about cats says more than words ever could.

    Like

  252. “The wavefunction is therefore periodic in time with period 1/v, and periodic in space with period 2pi/k, which is equal to the wavelength lamda (see Fig. 2.2-2).”
    Or, if textbooks don’t count:
    “The answer is: he took the goat over first, and then the yam.”

    Like

  253. 254
    Sherry Silguero

    “Errol!” said Ron, taking the limp owl from Percy and extracting a letter from under its wing.

    Truth be told, this isn’t the first time Harry Potter has explained my sex life, LOL! BTW, I loved the “Talladega Nights” reference!!

    Like

  254. A friend posted this on facebook shortly after I came out to her and several others as being asexual (despite having been in a serious relationship for several years.) My sentence is
    “Why not?”
    So, yeah. That pretty much sums it up…

    Like

  255. I’m not doing the book thing like EVERYbody else did. Not because I’m a rebel but because I just don’t feel like looking for the nearest book…which is a whole ‘nother room.

    But I want to be friends with Michelle too. But I don’t want to go for walks with her dog. All that junk…well, at least she isn’t scrounging for catshit in the bushes.

    Like

  256. “Most people have some distinctive features, such as creases and wrinkles, that can be used as a focal point and to make the face come alive” ~ Anatomy for the Artist.

    Well, that explains everything! lol.

    Like

  257. Really wishing I hadn’t decided to start reading Grimms fairy tales last night… Ok, here goes… “But what did she see when she went in?” Ok, that doesn’t seem too bad, as long as you don’t read the next sentence and find out that what she saw was dismembered human bodies in a basin. Hmmm

    Like

  258. When two items of equipment (DTEs) are close to one another and we only use modest bit rates, we can transmit data using two-wire open lines and simple interface circuits. (One of my husbands IT books)

    Oh dear…. well I guess it is pretty simple when you get down to it

    Like

  259. “Its ok to get ideas from old recipes, but don’t copy the methods, or even the proportions!” I guess I need to update my repertoire. Thank you oh wise Facebook. I shall not forget this.

    Like

    Robin recently posted Hello, my name is Robin and I am a mother.

  260. pg 44 of “The Illustrated Brief History of Time” Stephen Hawking
    (really the closest book to me)

    Explanation of my love life? >>>>> “Consider a pair of twins.”
    (really the first complete sentence)
    Hilarious. And Intriguing. I love it!

    Like

  261. Hmm p45 of ‘Awakening’ is the start of Chapter 8 entitled ‘A Cry for Help’. The first actual sentence on that page is ‘We should take her to the doctor… there’s obviously something wrong’. Great.

    Like

  262. Wow.
    Quite the scary prospect – especially if you have a Bible nearby. Or a book of Greek legends.
    Neither of the love affairs ion those books ended well…

    Like

  263. Dutch book about Norway.
    “Bij helder weer ziet men mijlenver over de gespleten scherengordel en de Noordzee”.
    Translation:
    “With clear weather, one can see miles away over the split row of little rock islands and the North sea”

    Like

  264. “Auslese, one of the riper Pradikats in the QMP quality wine category defined by the GERMAN WINE LAW.” – Page 45 of The Oxford Companion to wine. You would think working with wine full time would be fun…& you would be wrong. It just reminds me that I have a wine exam (yes they have those) in two months time & I KNOW NOTHING!

    Like

  265. He wouldn’t have bothered to tell me all this, surely, if he were not seriously interested in me…….That kinda works!

    Like

  266. ‘His mouth was slack and a pair of hugely bucked upper teeth pushed past his lips.’ I think I’ll stay single a while longer.

    Like

  267. “But it had been nothing” (location 45 on my kindle, reading Lois Lowry, “the Giver”) Thanks for that. Now for the rest of Monday.

    Like

  268. The nearest book was a phone book. My sentence was: “Servicing all makes & models.” So basically I’m a slut.

    Like

  269. Courtesy of a book of folktales…. “The answer is: He took the goat over first and then the yam.” and now I feel dirty and scared whenever my husband walks in the room.

    Like

  270. I am a 6th grade reading teacher…I opened up the nearest book to me “The Last of the Really Great Wahangdoodles”, by Julie Andrews Edwards and my line for this was “The children hardly had time to digest this piece of information when the professor continued”…I guess I need to slow down in my teaching??

    Like

  271. Given a short demonstration of the steps, the pair could have danced any dance in the world. Victoria Hislop, The Return

    I find that deeply pleasing.

    Like

  272. “Mon Dieu!”

    haha, I like that. ~Catherine

    Like

  273. so I did it– my sentence is WAY too creepy to explain my love life….
    unless you remove the word “child”: creativity and innovation form a large part of a child’s enjoyment in the play activity.

    So according to this either I’m a pedo or I enjoy the creativity in simple things… YEA I’m going with simple things…. SIMPLE THINGS!!!!

    Like

  274. “‘Stay here, mind,’ he said, unbuttoning the breast pocket of his uniform and tucking the notebook away. He waved an official forefinger at us, and disappeared into the porch.”

    Speaking from the Bones, Alan Bradley

    He disappeared into my “porch”. Nice.

    Like

    Melanie recently posted Comment on Redneck Clouds.

  275. LOL … “Monday morning: a day in the life.”

    I am not making this up. “Presumed Innocent” by Scott Turow.

    Like

    maitriscraps recently posted New Product ~ Herbal Salve!.

  276. “Who shovels all this?” Figures.

    Like

    amandacthall recently posted Vintage China Cabinet.

  277. ” Nobody ever thinks of running for Treasurer, because all anyone cares about are the big-ticket positions like President and Vice-President.” My son’s Diary of a Wimpy Kid book lol.

    Like

  278. “For chemical emergency, spill, leak, fire, exposure or accident, call chemtrec – day or night 1-800-424-9300”. Wow, that IS an accurate assessment of my love life. Eerie. Maybe I should work instead of dorking around on the internet, it seems slightly less depressing after that experiment.

    Like

  279. Thanks for making me laugh so hard on a rather blah morning.

    Like

  280. Ha, ha, ha. I wanted to try the 45th page thing when I saw it on Facebook but forgot to…I love how you made it hilarious.

    Like

    James Smith recently posted What if my spouse won’t sign the papers?.

  281. “And there won’t be any real cream for it when we do get it,” says Swift Fox.

    from Margaret Atwood’s MaddAddam.
    It is way too early for me to even begin contemplating that:\

    Like

  282. “If you are using Nintendo DS software that supports gameplay over the Internet, tap this option.”

    That can’t be good.

    Like

  283. “Fluid inclusions are hollow spaces filled with fluid.” Gemstone Buying Guide. Sorry I was at work when I read this post.

    Like

  284. 285
    davidbreslin101

    The closest book was manga, and the first speech bubble just said: “Poor girl….”
    Clearly I need to re-think something, but I’m not sure what.

    Like

  285. 286
    Heather Greywolf

    You DO realize that the closest book to me is Allie Brosh’s “Hyperbole and a Half”, right?

    “It’s so somewhat effective that I now rely on it almost exclusively when I need to get myself to do something important.”

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

    Like

  286. Ha! My closest book is Mayo Clinic on Alzheimer’s Disease, which results in “Either case would lead to the creation of more plaques”

    Like

  287. “‘Course you can.” Terribly simple and yet, rather profound…Guess that’s what I get for having purchased teen paranormal romance (MUST finish the freakin’ series!).

    Like

  288. 289
    Kitty Hawkings

    “GIGANTIC FREAKING SCARECROW” (It’s all caps in the book)
    That’s what I get for keeping a RPG book in my bag. I’m not sure how it relates to my love life.

    Like

  289. “How could she be so careless about her work?” from The Copyeditor’s Handbook, 2nd edition.

    Like

  290. “Leave it to Cap’n Nemo to chase all my legit contacts in the Ring ConFed back down their holes with his hot flagged freight.”

    huh, wonder what that means?

    Like

  291. The Coin Collector’s Survival Manual, Seventh Edition. A close up of the “LIBERTY” on that same coin as shown points up the unnatural rippled effect. What the ?

    Like

  292. “Indeed, the very folly itself, while considered absolutely hideous, was welcomed as a landmark by those lost on their way home from hunting.” “The Pursuit of Love” Nancy Mitford.
    The first book on stack of books that have been sitting on the back of my desk where I left them several years ago, I literally opened to page 45 without paging to it.

    Like

  293. “Pay with Visa/Mastercard/Paypal” – Computer programming book talking about User stories.

    My wife will not like this…

    Like

  294. He must be getting both from the Good Power. ~ Mere Christianity by C S Lewis

    Like

  295. The book? “The No Asshole Rule.”

    Sentence #1 on page #45:
    It is also useful for convincing yourself to stop belittling others and for getting some help if you can’t stop yourself, as it can ruin not only others’ lives, but also your own.

    Like

  296. I am so totally screwed. I’m at work, so the closest book is “Who Moved My Cheese”

    Haw said “Sometimes, Hem, things change and they are never the same again.”

    Like

  297. “What could they want to ask me about?” he said.
    Book: The Princess Bride. I’m kind of scared if this is a descriptor of my love life.

    Like

    Malia recently posted A Semi-Haunted House?.

  298. “SQL Server backups are often made on tape devices.”

    The fact that the nearest book is a pocket manual for an outdated version of database software probably says everything one needs to know about my love life.

    Like

  299. “The shoes were the hardest part.” WTF?

    Like

  300. “Children always know when their mothers are crazy-they just never admit it, not out loud, to anyone.” Lost Lake by Sarah Addison Allen

    Like

  301. “The Accomplishing-more-with-less methodology, as you may have noticed already, is intended to be modular and flexible.” – The Accomplishing More With Less Workbook

    I . . . think I’ve just been told I have a small dick and am being given tips to compensate.

    Like

  302. Mine read “It was warm inside.”

    How would anyone know? My vagina has sealed over. Like pierced ears left too long without a stud.

    Like

  303. “I had pushed the rock to the summit, and now it felt like I was madly trying to keep ahead of the ensuing landslide.”

    I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not. However, if I’m looking for a meaningful discussion on whether this constitutes happy romantic thoughts, there’s a small chance I maybe on the wrong website.

    Like

  304. The book I have closest is a Crime Analysis textbook. The first full sentence:

    Additional ritualistic actions may include writing or carving notes to police on the body, or leaving items at, or taking items from, the crime scene.

    Not sure if I should worry about the rituals or the crime scene part of my love life.

    Like

  305. Technically this was a seed catalog and not a book, but…

    “Extra-large peanuts with rich flavor”. I can’t stop giggling.

    Like

  306. 307
    Lance Karutz

    “…walk, get a massage – it doesn’t matter what, as long as it is a good, healthy outlet for when the stress of the Tension Challenge gets to be too much for you.”

    HOW DID THEY KNOW?!

    Like

  307. My nearest book said, “The woman in the black dress wept”. Hmmm, I guess this method DOES accurately describe my love life.

    Like

  308. From “The last empress” by Anchee Min:

    “I had begun to read The Romance of the Three Kingdoms, a Chinese emperor’s history of the period following the Han Dynasty, encompassing four hundred years.”

    So I’m clearly not getting any?

    Like

  309. Brilliant!

    Like

    J recently posted On Living with IBS (PART ONE).

  310. I don’t have a book. What do I do? WHAT DO I DO??

    Like

  311. “The underlying energy of the Wesleyan theological heritage stems from an emphasis upon practical divinity, the implementation of genuine Christianity in the lives of believers.”

    Maybe I should try again once I get home. I’m really not clear on what that means for my love life.

    Like

  312. 313
    square eyes

    “Give on an empty stomach, preferably at least 30 minutes before breakfast.” (Drug Formulary, 22nd Edition, 2004-2005) I’m not even a physician! Recycling book now.

    Like

  313. The only book on my desk is the 2002 National Electrical Code book…..this can’t be good….Well here goes….
    “Except as elsewhere required or permitted by this Code, live parts of electrical equipment operating at 50 volts or more shall be guarded against accidental contact by approved enclosures or by any of the following means:”

    Go ahead and figure out my love life with that one….

    Like

    Beth recently posted Misadventures in Painting.

  314. “He was Meticulous and verged on extraordinary, but had problems with rules.” That me!

    Like

  315. 316
    willow3tree

    Nearest book
    page 45
    first sentence:
    Be sure to list your organization’s legal name here.

    Oh darn, it is worse than the National Electrical Code Book. At least with Beth’s she should not play with someone that has over 50 volts, not sure how many a human has – lets look it up. Wow she can have a love life with any human form as according to NanoMedicine a human body can only generate between 10 and 100 millivolts.

    Like

  316. Beth–I THINK WE HAVE THE SAME BOOK OF FOLKLORE. I APPROVE. (Also I find that a hilarious coincidence.)

    Like

  317. “The ability to imagine smells, in normal circumstances, is not that common – most people cannot imagine smells with any vividness, even though they may be very good at imagining sights or sounds.” Hallucinations, by Oliver Sacks.

    Hmmm.

    Like

  318. Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire (because my son left it out where it doesn’t belong):
    “It just didn’t occur to me that we wouldn’t be able to get out at the other end.”

    Wow.

    Like

  319. Taking advantage of the ‘O:h woman’s apparent generosity, Romero’s aunt managed to sneak away to the Akimel O’odham villages.

    I’m not sure mine applies.

    Like

  320. Though it would be the first time Angie showed up the next morning dead in an alley and Cory would be involved in a murder investigation.

    Like

  321. “I understood neuroanatomically that my motor cortex had been affected and I was fortunate that within a few minutes, the deadness of my right arm subtly abated.”

    My love life? Is my husband my ‘dead right arm’ that I will be grateful to abate? So confuzzled.

    Like

  322. From an I/O psychology textbook: “This page intentionally left blank.”

    TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN. DAMMIT.

    Like

  323. Page 45, first full sentence:
    “She’s communal, right?”

    yikes

    Like

  324. Ha ha that’s hilarious! And definitely makes me want to read your book. The book nearest to me is Nocturnes by John Connolly (a book of creepy horror stories). Top of page 45:

    ‘You got some ID?’ he asked.
    ‘Why, did I do something wrong, Officer?’ said Buddy.

    Hmm okay. So I seem to have some sort of kinky policewoman role-play going on in my love life. Interesting.

    Like

  325. Hmm. “But we broke every law it was possible to break in the desert, that was where cutting my leg had brought me, for it was the first rule I had ignored.”

    Perhaps this exercise is about your sex life in an alternate universe?

    Like

  326. “Your hair is blonde, shoulder length, and pulled back.”

    Actually, my hair is red, waist length, and flying fuzzy and free. And what that has to do with my love life is beyond me. Probably need a palm reader, a psychologist, and a dream dictionary to help figure it out. And maybe a priest.

    Like

  327. “What the scythe,” Leonard gritted, are you doing on my horse?
    Dismount at once!” Yep. sounds about right. Permission to ride, denied.

    Like

  328. “Hester perceived instantly that she had made a mistake.” A Breach of Promise, Anne Perry
    Well. That’s depressing.

    Like

  329. 330
    Lady Macbeth

    “Loss of control pleased James, where it made his son shudder.” – Images of Rule: Art and Politics in the English Renaissance, 1485-1649

    Like

  330. “There are four things a grown, modern woman should have…a proper muff. A big, hairy, minge”. THAT must be why I am still single! I’m going on a shaving strike starting right now.

    Like

  331. .”…publicly brand herself as an adulteress. Maybe Cecily, who was used to “ruling the King as she pleases”, and was incensed as his misalliance, was so hysterical with rage that she said the first thing she could think of that could hurt him–if, of course, she said anything at all..”

    From Alison Weir’s bio of Elizabeth of York.

    Uh. Well. I guess the ‘ruling the king as she pleases part” might apply. lol

    Thanks for the laugh!

    Like

    stef recently posted Cookbook Wishes and Carb-Laden Dreams.

  332. The page labeled 45: “The Transport layer doesn’t need to use a connection-oriented service (this is up to the application developer).” This is what I get for having all of the fiction on the shelf across the room. (And for thoroughness’s sake, there was also a page xlv which had “Explain the purpose of network scanners” as the first sentence, minus the punctuation, cause it was an outline.) Hrmmmm.. They could both be taken for euphemisms, I suppose.

    Like

  333. “Why don’t you want to take antidepressants?” -This made me laugh waaay too much.

    From Dissonant Disabilities: Women with Chronic Illnesses Explore their Lives

    Like

    Allison recently posted Sharing.

  334. The book I grabbed “the book of qualities” by J. Ruth gendler. Unfortunately page 45 was a drawing so I checked out page 44. Title Jealousy jealously stands by the blue flame of the gas stove stirring obsession stew. Ya… So I tried page 46 Title Terror. (Great). Terror is stricter than my first Latin teacher. Ugh… No wonder I’m f$&@*%g single!!

    Like

  335. The sentence I found – “Do you see what’s happening here?”
    Sheesh. I’m afraid to parse that one. I suppose I can say I expected worse. The book was “Python Programming: An introduction to computer science”

    Like

  336. “What was that damn thing? What did it want?”
    Ticktock, by Dean Koontz.
    Too fucking funny!!!!

    Like

  337. “Now Gandalf led the way”

    huh. It seems I need a wizard to guide me

    Like

  338. “While adults may have some emotional commitment to McDonald’s, this attachment is even more true of children.”
    That sounds about right.

    Like

    Luna Fahl (Romina) recently posted A Second Wind.

  339. “Peeta’s a baker’s son.” — The Hunger Games
    Well, I guess that narrows it down…..

    Like

    Shana recently posted If I knew the way I would take you home..

  340. “I feel like a soccer mom,” I said. — “Bloodlines” by Richelle Mead

    If soccer moms have non-existent love lives, then BINGO!

    Like

    Shelley J recently posted Spell check and proofreading can save your reputation.

  341. There was no sentence, just a map of Hanoi on page 45.

    Like

  342. “My wife and I were taking our morning walk when the conversation turned to her mother’s drunken abuse of her as a child and a teen.” – Hope For Today

    Yep. Nailed it.

    Like

  343. “Sometimes.” Jane Eyre
    also…YEP.

    Like

  344. ” The brigadier-general was free to mentally confess, that, of all eccentric persons he had met, none was comparable to this product of the exact sciences.” – Around the world in eighty days. Ummm, yeah. Pretty much sums it up for me! My husband definitely fits that bill!

    Like

  345. I’m reading Nelson Mandela’s Long Walk to Freedom. The first sentance on page 45 is ‘Marriages between tribes were then extremely unusual.’

    I’ve racked my brains, I can’t think of anyone within my family I would want to marry. Maybe that is where my first 2 marriages went wrong; unwittingly I had married some long distance cousin or something.

    Bleugh.

    Like

    Ribena Tina @ ribenamusings recently posted What I learned this week.

  346. Friends, romans and — damn did I have to have Shakespeare next to me.

    Like

  347. The nearest book to me only has 30 pages…

    Shit.😦

    Like

  348. “Accounting standard setters should be more accountable for their decisions because the thinking behind specific requirements should be more explicit, as should any departures from the concepts that might be included in particular accounting standards”
    New Zealand financial accounting. a textbook I paid a lot of money for and opened it about 10 times… 11 now.

    Like

  349. The Russian custom of matchmaking was regarded as something outrageous and was laughed at by everyone, the princess included. From Anna Karenina.

    Haha, the following sentence: But how a girl was to get married or be given in marriage, no one knew.

    Amen.

    Like

  350. 351
    snowfire169

    “He spent the money, didn’t he?” OK, that just came out way wrong! It’s from Agatha Christie’s The Clocks.

    Like

  351. “The information captured in the service portfolio also ensures that you clearly define the services and link them to the business outcomes they support. ITIL Foundation exam study guide. HAHA

    Like

  352. Coincidentally, the nearest book to me is YOURS. So my love-life is summed up by the sentence “I did mine on tattered, paperback copies of Stephen King novels that I’d borrowed from my grandmother.”
    Thanks for so succinctly bringing focus to married life….
    Lolololol

    Like

  353. This proved to be quite a funny thing to do. Although I was sure that the sentence you would find didn’t explain the love of your life.

    Like

  354. ahh jeez I wish I wasn’t studying accounting and my nearest book would have been so much more interesting… “Note that it is only the cost of the wrapping paper sold that is matched against (and deducted from) the sales revenue in order to find the profit, not the whole of the cost of wrapping paper acquired”

    Also I just wanted to let you know that your post on depression last year deeply moved me, and I have just written my own post about my story and put a link to yours at the end for other readers to wander across to if they wish. I hope your fight is going well🙂

    http://myfroley.blogspot.com/

    Like

  355. I’m sitting at my desk and the nearest book is a historic structure assessment of a 1912 rail yard: “No testing has been undertaken to determine the existence of asbestos or lead paint in the building as part of this report.” Oh, fooey on that. All areas of my personal life have undergone rigorous testing for hazardous materials. I can shenanigans.

    Like

  356. “Maybe none like this.” hmmm gotta ponder that one.. RL Stine Red Rain-jury is still out on whether or not I am going to finish it

    Like

    Cindy recently posted Noro Through the Ages.

  357. “Not all Doris’s sisters were like her–with such a spicy tongue.” I’m thinking this bodes really, REALLY well for my love life:). Just sayin’.

    Like

  358. “It’s so somewhat effective that I now rely on it almost exclusively when I need to get myself to do something important.” That was Allie Brosh talking about motivating herself with fear and guilt in her book Hyperbole and a Half.

    Hmm maybe this means if I am not totally in love with someone or something, my life will be meaningless and unproductive?

    Like

    Jackie recently posted Don't sit at the table across from the bathroom..

  359. so i did this once at home and i had a stack of 10 books all right eqi-distant from me… they were all funny. now i am at work and the closest books are the AP style writing guide: This practice should not, however, be interpreted as a license to ignore the general practice of lower-casing common noun elements of a name when they stand alone. or Business Letters for Busy People: This letter is used as a foot in the door and to request that a potential customer help the salesperson.Great. this so describes my non-existent love life…

    Like

  360. “Now he could go home and explain to the girl that nothing had happened.” Neverwhere, by Neil Gaiman.
    I’m not even sure where to start with that…

    Like

  361. “Acquired by the Roos family, it was bequeathed in 1482 by Sir Richard Roos to his niece, the Queen’s damsel and kinswoman, Eleanor Haute.”

    Like

  362. Yours is kind of scary. I’m at work and the only book I have nearby is the Yellowpages. My sentence is a bankruptcy attorney. I think I’m in trouble.

    Like

  363. Just cannot resist Facebook fun! So, here it goes, His And Hers style:

    Hers: I have this hand written book, a little lifeline I throw to myself, from my past self, who had her shit together at that moment. ( And it works, with or without the shot of tequila.) The cover jacket design is inscribed with “OH BOY” — (Not my idea, but a good one) — And it is a nice fat chunky book.
    On page 45 my past self wrote: “MORE is (necessarily) Not Better.” Some would disagree. Take my boyfriend Van for instance.

    His page 45 from a textbook at his desk: “Architectural Description identifies the system of interest whose architecture is being expressed.”

    Love life explained. He certainly is interested in expressing his architecture.

    Like

  364. Just cannot resist Facebook fun! So, here it goes, His And Hers style:

    Hers: I have this hand written book, a little lifeline I throw to myself, from my past self, who had her shit together at that moment. ( And it works, with or without the shot of tequila.) The cover jacket design is inscribed with “OH BOY” — (Not my idea, but a good one) — And it is a nice fat chunky book.
    On page 45 my past self wrote: “MORE is (necessarily) Not Better.” Some would disagree. Take my boyfriend Van for instance.

    His page 45 from a textbook at his desk: “Architectural Description identifies the system of interest whose architecture is being expressed.”

    Love life explained. He certainly is interested in expressing his architecture.

    Like

  365. “Spit it out right now!”

    I laughed out loud! Especially since the nearest book is To Kill a Mockingbird! Thank you for bringing this joy to my day🙂

    Like

  366. “We’ve started with the principle ‘work on me first.” hmm so…I have a dirty mind.

    Like

  367. “…this is especially useful for navigation in very large tables.”

    That’s what happens when the nearest book is the Chicago Manual of Style. Now navigation ON very large tables would more interesting…

    Like

  368. Katie V…..I just snarfed in my coffee…LMAO

    Like

  369. LMAO
    So I did that…. My book was “Radiographic Imaging & Exposure” and the sentence was ” This secondary x-ray photon typically has very low energy and is unlikely to exit the patient.”

    My husband’s book was “Ukelele for Dummies” and the sentence was “Not all chord diagrams start at the nut.”

    Like

  370. “Then he looked me up and down pointedly, as if I were an inanimate object.”

    I’m not sure WHAT that says about me. Except I don’t think it’s good.

    Like

  371. “Mao pondered his alternatives.”

    Hmmm, why not.

    Like

  372. Kud spat out one last mouthful of dirt.

    Like

  373. 374
    Queen of the Weezils

    I think that book trick only works when the book near you is some sort of fiction (or at least a memoir/biography). It does not work with a federal appropriations textbook, unless your love life involves the department of homeland security and radiological disasters.

    Wait……

    Like

  374. “Now he could go home and explain to the girl that nothing had happened”

    Neil Gaiman-Neverwhere

    Well, as long as nothing happened….

    Like

  375. If there is one breadth indicator that has been analyzed, modified,adjusted, and discussed more than any other, the Advanced Decline Line is probably the winner….

    Like

  376. “The Chaperons emerged from the fracas triumphant, while the hostess remained contrite.” From The Deluxe Transitive Vampire: The Ultimate Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed.

    Like

  377. 378
    robin.borke

    Jedediah Homespun up and spent a quarter to see the Simese Twins (Eng and Chang).
    Everyday Life in the 1800s by Marc McCutchen

    Like

  378. The man thought for a moment and sighed. -Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls

    Shit is rigged.

    Like

  379. Earth is the only planet in the Solar System that supports life. –Smithsonian Knowledge Encyclopedia

    Like

  380. “This problem is harder than the first problem” – Extending Children’s Mathematics: Fractions and Decimals. Well that bodes well…

    Like

  381. “You should perform the physical examination systematically and efficiently.”

    Well that’s not very romantic now is it?

    Like

  382. “No, he was an important part of my life; I like talking about him. Remembering him.”

    …..and I’m depressed now. Thanks for the accuracy, book.

    Like

  383. “Most of us have heard of movie critics like Roger Ebert, Joel Siegel, and Leonard Maltin, but what about David Manning of the Ridgefield Press?” – Wow… Now I’m even more confused about my love life. Or, my severe long-lasting lack of one.

    Like

    Dean recently posted It's been a while.

  384. 385
    Chris Patterson

    “This is one of the most spectacular ways of getting down”.

    Very glad that Break Dancing: Let Colin and Venol Show You How was closer on the shelf than any of these outdated tech books.🙂

    Like

  385. The closest book is a board book called “Max Drives Away”. It has 14 pages. The next closest is “The Master and Margarita” in French (what’s with the translations?). So, it’s a quote from Faust: “Qui es-tu donc, a la fin? Je suis une partie de cette force qui, eternellement, veut le mal, et qui, eternellement, accomplit le bien.” It really doesn’t get better with translation, so let’s just leave it at that.

    Like

    MAM recently posted Jump Start Your Creativity.

  386. Thanks for the ‘kick ass stuff’.
    I got a few things worthy for my blog.

    http://goosball.blogspot.com/

    Like

  387. “Marriages between tribes were then extremely unusual.” (Mandela’s autobiography)

    Kind of appropriate, because I’m Romani, and marriages outside of the Romani community are unusual, but I married a non-Romani person anyway.

    Like

    scar recently posted House Dreams.

  388. Scott Pilgrim’s Precious Little Life. Vol. 1.

    “I’m Cooooold!”

    Hmmm… not sure that’s entirely accurate.

    Like

  389. 390
    Sam in Brooklyn

    “In particular, think about your performance challenge, and notice what your internal voice has to say.”

    Huh. This sounds like a Viagra ad. Is their erectile dysfunction in my future?

    Like

  390. “The tax code dictates much longer periods to write off real estate.” (Tax Savvy for Small Business Owners)

    I’m open for interpretation on that, folks.
    And if we’re talking about eBooks; the screen size, resolution, font size, and window size pretty much dictate what the first sentence will be on page 45, so… not an option I guess😉

    Like

  391. “Now, more than ever, I long for my life to have more heft.” from This turns my Heart.
    Hell yeah, who doesn’t like heft!

    Like

  392. Sadly my book didn’t have that page….it was Old MacDonald had a Farm that my son had left next to my computer. Perhaps that means that my love life is yet to be defined? Hopefully it doesn’t mean it’s nonexistent!

    Like

    AmberLynn Pappas recently posted Vampires, Visitors, and Visions of Baby Serial Killers.

  393. “Fry bacon till crisp; pour off most of fat.”

    Like

  394. From The Country Girls by Edna O’Brien – “She is coming, said Declan. Isn’t she Martha? ”

    It’s complicated!

    Like

  395. Welp. Mine was “You’re a horrible person and no one can stop you” so that can’t be that great either…..

    Like

  396. One of the reasons I love my life is that it took a little over a minute, and serious consideration of getting a measuring tape, to figure out which book was actually closest to me. After all that, the sentence (“‘Who brought that?’ I asked.”) was anti-climactic.

    Like

  397. “Straight, narrow lines of ice-crystal clouds typically produced by aircraft at altitudes colder than -25℉(-31℃), contrails occur in nearly saturated atmospheric conditions when aircraft emit water droplets that immediately freeze.”

    It’s all relative I guess, I’m really a warm person when you get to know me.

    Like

  398. “Hence, the experimenter’s skill becomes important in this regime.” AWWWWWWW YISSSSSS!

    Like

  399. i cant cry , not here. I have to calm down.

    not a good one i guess…….

    Like

  400. “Youth who have French as a first language and who study in francophone schools seem to feel it is more important to stage a large even including participants who might inevitably speak English at some point, rather than holding a small event completely in French.” (Nilan & Feixa)

    I’m not sure how to interpret this. Am I destined for international love, or should I invite many participants rather than embrace monogamy? Oh academic reading.

    Like

    Nadia recently posted All Lit Up: Tobu Zoo Under the Starlight.

  401. hmmmm…”Take the butter goo from earlier and rub it over the sides and top of the loaf.” hmmm….strangely enough I can see a corellation to my love life. (from…The Sweet Potato Queens Big-Ass Cookbook and Financial Planner)

    Like

  402. “On a plain in Africa, a herd of zebras peacefully eats grass.” Um…not sure how to interpret this one…

    Like

  403. “I listened to what she said, but it didn’t process”. So true. I am a terrible listener and taker of advice, I just wing it and do everything my own way. Sometimes that’s good, other times not so much.

    (From Hooked on Murder, a book combining crochet and mystery detection)

    Like

  404. “Nobody ever thinks about running for Treasurer, because all anyone ever cares about are the big-ticket positions like President and Vice President.” – Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney

    Like

  405. “We could be the last people left.” Very doomsday-ish but I’m ok with that. Married almost 21 years.🙂

    Like

  406. Well mine was, “Ensure that you know all of the grammar for section 1E, especially the forms of uolo and fero and the endings of all imperatives.” My husband’s was, “It would put spotter aircraft in the vicinity of his crime,” Not sure whether this says more about our love life, the concept of the game, or what the hell kind of books we have on our coffee table.

    Like

  407. Hahahaha! The nearest book was Fk It Therapy (great read, by the way!) and the sentence was ‘What’s the worst thing that could happen if you just started saying Fk it bigtime?’

    Like

  408. That should read ‘Fuck It’ not Fk it.

    Like

  409. Ah shit! My Global History textbook begins at 600 and something. IT DOESN’T HAVE A PAGE 45! …and that explains so much.

    Like

  410. OK, I’ll bite, so here’s mine (from The Quantum Universe: Everything That Can Happen Does Happen):
    “We’ve now set up a framework within which we can explore quantum theory in detail.”
    So invoking Schrödinger’s cat maybe I’m both in a relationship and not in a relationship as long as I don’t look at it (too hard?!).

    [Well at least it has got cats in it…]

    Like

  411. “Marcus offers him the knife.” from Divergent by Veronica Roth. Shit. I’ve got some thinking to do.

    Like

  412. “Questions 1 through 3 are based on the passage below.” From 2013 GRE Premier, by Kaplan. Yes, that explains everything.

    Like

  413. I have two books sitting on top of each other.
    “Went to a party, took some pills and liquor, ended up in a coma.” or
    “It was basically taboo”
    Either option is pretty yuck.

    Like

  414. “Apply pressure with your hand to the flailed area.” NOLS wilderness medicine.

    Apply pressure. With your hand. I’m okay with this!

    Like

  415. pottery barn catalog doesn’t have page numbers

    Like

  416. Considering the book I am currently reading I was a little hesitant to read the first sentence on page 45. However, it probably is the most beautiful line in the entire book:

    “Memories are woven tapestries hiding hard walls – tell me, my friends, what hue your favoured thread, and I in turn, will tell you the cast of your soul…”

    Like

  417. Does an atlas count? “United States of America and Canada”

    Well I DID have a long distance gf from Illinois (I live in Denmark)..

    Like

  418. ‘In some people, the immunity is only partial.’ Dear lord, no.

    Like

  419. “She just shook her head indicating the negative, then laid it down on the bicep of her outstretched arm”

    I… No. That is NOT how it goes.
    Or is it?
    Dammit.
    Damn you and your creepy insights into my life!

    Like

  420. 421
    Kat from Jersey

    “For Nathan, it is a moment of poise, in which he must balance what he knows and what he should not know” From Jim Grimsley’s “Dream Boy”. Poor Nathan!

    Like

  421. Much like Sharron, the book nearest me is a book of ghosts stories. Also, I. Don’t like doing these anymore because the last time I tried it, page 45 was blank.

    Like

  422. 423
    thevoltz2000

    With so many trees in the city, you could see the spring coming each day until a night of warm wind would bring it suddenly in one morning.- Hemingway

    Not a guy known for his great relationships. Had 4 wives and killed himself. But the passage is nice.

    Like

  423. “Everyone thinks you’re dead.”

    Fantastic.

    Like

  424. 425
    Volcanic Ash

    The Nellie, a cruising yawl, swung to her anchor without a flutter of the sails, and was at rest. -Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness. Yep, sounds about on par for my love life!

    Like

  425. my book was Hell Hath No Curry by Tamar Myers. The line was “You really think so?” and it explains my love life so perfectly

    Like

  426. Oh dear, I can’t even type this properly: Assume that an infinite sheet of electric surface current density J[bar; sub-s] = J[sub-o]x[hat] A/m is placed on the z=0 plane between free-space for z<0, and a dielectric with epsilon = epsilon [sub-r]epsilon[sum=0] for z>0.

    Though for us that might actually explain a lot.

    Like

  427. When I did this, the only thing on page 45 was a picture of George Harrison. I didn’t know HOW to interpret that.

    Like

  428. A close relationship will also mean protection from the other members of the pride – Life of Pi. Well I’m not a pack animal I guess ……….

    Like

  429. hmmm, not sure what this says about my relationships, I’m going to cut off their heads or are they cutting off mine?
    From Zealot by Reza Aslan:
    “Indeed, Jesus may have regularly set eyes upon the man who would one day cut off the head of his friend and mentor, John the Baptist, and seek to do the same to him.”

    Like

  430. the closest book to me at the moment is my Criminal Justice book, so this isn’t sounding promesing. lets see pg 45.
    “Another sociologist, American Robert K. Merton, expanded on Durkeim’s ideas in his own theory of strain.”
    umm what does this say about my love life?

    Like

  431. “He thought about the matter for several days.” YUP SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT. (From The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, which had me pretty nervous.)

    Like

  432. “It had the density of a dwarf-motherfucking-star and at times he was a hundred percent sure it would drive him mad.” The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. I’ll take it!

    Like

  433. Mine said, “That’s me.”
    Awww…

    Like

  434. Finished your book, then rummaged through your blog, followed the ‘advice’ above, I’m german, guess what…

    Like

  435. “No, but I am a fan of him in a mustache”

    Like

  436. “Finally, don’t sweat the small stuff.”

    Honestly, the best advice I’ve had in years.

    Like

  437. “On the training of Black Men.”

    Like

  438. I don’t know why a Mexican cookbook was next to the keyboard, but the first sentence on p. 45 says: “These are the most attractive salsa flavors I know: tangy (almost citrusy) from the tomatillos, smoky and hot from the chipotles, and sweetly aromatic from the roasted garlic.”

    Apparently, my love life is a lot better than I thought.

    Like

  439. The closest book to me is a fairy coloring book. There aren’t 45 pages and I don’t even have kids. . .Yeah, that sums me up I think.

    Like

    CraftyHope recently posted 30 Words: Mystical Land.

  440. “The police station is probably not high on your list of places to visit-but Bangor’s may be the exception.” The book is CURIOUS NEW ENGLAND.

    Like

  441. “This Act makes it a criminal offence to misdescribe an article for sale.”
    Remind me to get any future lonely hearts ads proof read by a solicitor. (CF6 Mortgage Advice text book, oh yay)

    Like

  442. I like mine, though I don’t know what it says about my love life. “Lulu had photographed them all, the saints and the sinners, watched over by the patron saint of the city, Saint Francis of Assisi, from his shrine down on Vallejo Street.” (Ripper, Isabel Allende)

    Like

  443. 444
    SquirrelLogic

    “Ah, you rascal, you rascal! I’ll get the better of you!” ejaculated Selifan as he sat up and gave the lazy one a cut with his whip.
    Uh…I guess that’s what I get for reading 19th century Russian literature. From Dead Souls by Nikolai Gogol.

    Like

  444. except it actually says “wife” Frau is wife in German, not husband. Everyone in Germany now thinks your great-great aunt was gay. Its a good thing they’ve gotten more tolerant over there :0)

    Like

  445. OK, this is good. It’s “Banksy – Wall and Piece”. Page 45 is a picture, captioned “Council House, Bristol 2001”. The first sentence on the facing page is “Wearing your jeans two sizes too big so they hang low off your ass in a gangsta fashion was invented in Los Angeles”.

    At my age, I’m not going to start doing that.

    Like

  446. ” In myth and story we find that the consequences for and entity attempting to break, bend or alter the operating mode of The Ineffable is to be chastened, either by having to endure diminished ability in the world of mystery and magic- such as apprentices who are no longer allowed to practice – or lonely exile from the land of the Gods, or a similar loss of grace and power through bumbling, crippling, or death.” Sheesh. I don’t think I should have participated….

    Like

  447. 448
    Beige Rivera

    Ok I know these comments are old but I have to share. I love you and read you religiously. What this usually means is I’m huddled in bed and crying I’m laughing so hard, tears streaming down my face while my husband tries to discern what’s happening with me. This morning, he references the term “junk o’clock”. We ponder where on earth we heard that. My lovely husband says I found it hysterical and I told him about it. This leads me to the only place that I would have found “junk oclock”, your blog. Now, you have a wonderfully handy search bar and I search “junk o’clock”. Lo and behold, it brings me to the exact thread it’s on, and the best part, it’s not even yours, it’s a blog post you referenced on Sunday wrap up!

    Like

  448. Bruce encouraged me to speak up about everything, to say what I liked and didn’t. (from God Never Blinks by Regina Brett)

    Um. Hmm. I like everything but the Bruce part. There’s no way I’m getting involved with a Bruce. (Not because of any like or dislike of the name, but I don’t think there are all that many women named Bruce.)

    Like

  449. 450
    thequirkyzoologist

    The nearest book to me was blank.

    I feel so alone.

    Like

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