Hi. Today is Valentine’s Day and that means you either spend all day wondering if your significant other is going to get you something, or you spend the day poisoning the roses that all the other girls in your office got. This is ridiculous because Valentine’s Day is pretty much just made up to sell shit, and also because roses are slow to react to poison and so you’re much better off just putting them in the microwave for a few minutes while your coworkers are at lunch. But empty out the water first because otherwise it’ll boil and then you have to come up with a reason why you have second-degree burns on your palms and then you end up in the hospital. No. Instead, realize that this is a ridiculous non-holiday made to make everyone feel insecure about their relationships or lack thereof and instead use this day to do something lovely and sweet for yourself.
For Valentine’s Day this year I’m giving myself the gift of watching foreign horror movies for the next four hours. Victor’s giving himself the gift of yelling at me to turn down the TV because there’s too much screaming leaking into his conference call. EVERYONE WINS.
Your turn. Forgive yourself for something. Treat yourself. Remind yourself of something nice you like about yourself. Buy yourself a drink and let you take yourself home for a nice bubble bath and a wheel of cheese. Make home-made fondu and dip everything in the house in it. Dress your cats up and pretend they’re throwing a surprise party for you. Whatever. Just do something nice for you. Because you’re worth it. Trust me on this one.