Victor: I am eaten up with mosquito bites.
me: You totally are. You look like someone graffitied all over you with Braille. Or like you’re made of cat nipples.
Victor: Those fuckers even bit me through my shirt. I have like 20 mosquito bites on my back.
me: Do you have them on your arms?
Victor: I never get mosquito-bitten where I have hair.
me: So hair is a dense forest they get lost in? Like your arm hair is trees and the mosquitoes are Hansel and Gretel.
Victor: They must hate hair. You never get bitten on your scalp, right?
me: True. We should make mosquito-deterring spray that just sprays fake hair on you instead of pesticides.
Victor: I’d look like a giant werewolf.
me: The bugs would avoid you.
Victor: EVERYONE would avoid you.
me: It’s perfect for mosquito-attracting people and also for introverts who don’t want to talk to people at parties. We could call it were-hair.
Victor: Yeah, but people would mispronounce it…like “were” hair.
me: But that’s okay because it’s like you’re a werewolf and it’s like what you would look like if there WERE HAIR all over you. Double meaning.
Victor: People don’t want to be covered in were-hair.
me: Better than being covered in itchy cat nipples. We are going to be so rich.