Men don’t understand cravings.

Conversation with Victor:

Me: I think I’m craving heroin.

Victor: What?

Me: Well, I assume it’s heroin.  It could be crack.  I don’t really know.

Victor:  Start over.  Make sense this time.

Me:  You know when you’re craving something, but nothing satisfies the craving and so you just keep eating?  But nothing works and so you’re full but you’re still craving something but still you don’t even know what it is that will satisfy the craving?

Victor:  Not really.

Me: Well, normal people do and I’m one of them, and I’ve eaten everything in the pantry and I’m still craving something else so I’m assuming it must be something I’ve never had before.  Something like heroin.

Victor:  Right.  So popcorn didn’t satisfy you, so you just automatically assume you need heroin?

Me:  Or maybe meth.  Maybe I need to find a meth lab.

Victor: Just stop talking.

Me:  I was just thinking that meth labs aren’t like regular labs because they’re faster than regular labs.  Like, if I need to know if my chest x-rays are clean it takes days for a doctor to let me know, but if I go down to that meth lab by the lake I’d probably get served immediately.  Or shot immediately.  One of those.

Victor: How do you even know where a meth lab is?

Me: I don’t, but I just assume that there are some by the lake.  Because scientists like water sports.

Victor: Scientists?

Me: I’m pretty sure if you work in a lab all day you’re considered a scientist.

Victor:  Not if it’s a meth lab.

me:  It’s a loose definition, but I’m pretty sure it still counts.

PS. Don’t do drugs.  I’m not sure why I even need to say that but I assume someone will see this post and tell me that saying meth labs give fast service encourages drug use.  It doesn’t, but if you think silly words are enough to make people become drug addicts then you probably also think that me saying “don’t do drugs” is enough to stop people from ever becoming addicts.  Because apparently my words are magic.  Who knew?  So love your fellow neighbor, stop making the Kardashians famous, and send me a dollar.

289 replies. read them below or add one

  1. So, apparently, I’m not a man … because I understand this.
    In related news: Can I borrow your red dress?

    Liked by 2 people

    Daddy Scratches recently posted I’m basically replacing Howard Stern … except for the “replacing Howard Stern” part..

  2. Did you fall asleep watching Breaking Bad or The Wire?

    Liked by 3 people

  3. You are craving Green chile. I never knew what I was craving either until I moved to New Mexico and holy cow, it’s the best. Now I can get it whenever I want. You can too, they sell it at Sam’s.

    And yes, for meth go to the lake, Canyon Lake, it’s not too far from you. It’s full of Meth heads!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My friend M. and I call this “Yak.” We were standing in my mom’s kitchen, having exactly the same conversation, about how you can crave something, and just a single serving of the craved food is perfect and satisfying… but bowl after bowl of non-craved foods don’t fill the hollow spot. At that point, my teenage brother came in and started just EMPTYING the fridge… meat salad, pork and beans, hot dogs, cheese sauce, a piece of lasagne, some pudding… and I turned to M. and said, “See, Richard is craving that rare Lithuanian yak, and he’s not going to stop eating until he’s found it.” It became a code for “What is the thing that you’re having a craving for today?” and we’d go on epic, road-trip Yak Hunts to find the crispy chips, or that ice cream with the coconut flakes at that one little place, or whatever that night’s yak was. Fond memories!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. AMEN!!!! but most importantly ” STOP MAKING THE KARDASHIANS FAMOUS.”!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I thought I was a man, but I understood this. Now I’m confused. Also, I might be an asshole.

    Liked by 1 person

    theycallmetater recently posted Life Ain’t Fair.

  7. I only have a $20 in my wallet. Will that do?

    Like

  8. Your logic is sound there. Scientists must be the ones making meth. Never thought of that before, but I’ll be sure to pass on that tidbit of advice to everyone I know.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. We had a meth-lab a few blocks away from us. We knew because we heard helicopters flying overhead and we turned on the news and saw an aerial “live” news feed of our ‘hood and the street was blocked off and there were floodlights and people running around in Haz-Mat suits.

    I was all: “Look! It’s that house a couple of blocks over!”

    And my husband was all: “Naaaahhhh!”

    And then I was all: “YEAH!! Let’s drive over there!!”

    (See? You and Victor aren’t the only ones who have conversations like that. Just thought you’d like to know!)

    So yeah, we drove over there, and the cops were all “Keep moving…” so we went back home to watch it – from the sky – on the news instead.

    P.S. We didn’t get any meth. I figured I should mention that.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I’m craving mac n cheese…which is kind of like crack I guess…and to avoid making and eating mac n cheese, I then eat everything else. Sigh. I should just make the damn mac n cheese.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. You and your magic words. So magicy.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Your words really are magic. It’s a fact.

    Like

  13. You want something with mustard – Grey Poupon or a knockoff – anything dipped in mustard. Well, not anything, almost anything. Or just some nice dark chocolate chips.

    Like

  14. GREAT. Now I’m addicted to heroin. Turns out the answer was muffins. But we didn’t have any, so, there ya go.

    (More people need to use muffins in the war against drugs. No one ever thinks about muffins. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  15. Hmmm…I didn’t know scientists like water sports. I picture scientists as nerdy guys with pasty skin who need to stay out of the sun.

    Like

    Rhonda recently posted Paul Ryan: The Out of Touch Douchebag.

  16. I’m just going to keep eating chocolate until my body realises that chocolate is better than anything else it could be craving.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. “Start over. Make sense this time.”

    How many times has had to say that, I wonder.

    Like

    Jess recently posted Anastasia Has the Answers.

  18. With me, if I can’t find what I’m craving, it’s probably because there’s a sudden Sour Patch Kids shortage in the house. Because Lord knows the cabinet and fridge are so full you couldn’t fit another single CARROT STICK OR WHOLE GRAIN BOX OF CRACKERS in them.

    Not that I’m bitter. About going on a raw-food diet lately. Gahhh

    And, the phrase “just stop talking” comes up a lot at our house…glad to see it’s not just me.

    Like

    stef recently posted No, You CAN'T Share My Swim Lane--More Awkward Encounters.

  19. 19
    itzybellababy

    I would just go with some Starbuck’s.

    Like

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  20. They say that Oreos are as addictive as cocaine. Maybe you should start there? Instead of going straight to the heavy duty stuff. I’d suggest “Double Stuff” Oreos, just to be sure you get the full benefit of the experiment.

    Like

    sameburndifferentflame recently posted Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.

  21. that’s hilarious. I don’t care who you are. And I didn’t read encouragement for drug use anywhere in that post…only encouragement to explore alternate means of satisfaction for cravings…and like Rhonda said, I didn’t know scientists enjoyed water sports, but maybe that could be a new thing.

    Like

  22. For the love of God don’t google “scientists love water sports”, Rhonda. It can’t end well.

    Like

    April recently posted Planning a Wizard of Oz birthday party.

  23. I can appreciate an equal opportunity craver.

    Like

    Psychobabble recently posted There’s always room for evil.

  24. I made that same erroneous assumption. Turns out I was craving Buffalo wings. But the trial and error that led me there was intense.

    Like

  25. Try queso. It’s like meth but cheesier.

    Like

  26. Know what bugs me? Why do meth labs always pop up by lakes? Is it like nuclear power and they have to be near a water source? Do nuclear plants even have to be by water? Um…I’m going to be quiet now, because I’m just making my confusion worse.

    Like

  27. LOL Cake makes everything better.🙂

    Like

  28. 28
    shitastrophy

    Don’t forget how scary those mug shots of people who do meth are – so if you are shallow go with the teeth rotting and the face boils as a good reason to not do meth.

    Like

  29. At least I know now what it is that I’m craving when I stand in front of the refrigerator or the pantry shelves or the refrigerator … and I’m full because of all the strange things I’ve eaten, but my mouth is still craving … heroin?

    Like

    nammynools recently posted Communication Chasm – Bridged.

  30. I hate that feeling! Last night I thought it was marshmallows. Who knew it was really heroin?

    Like

  31. You’re craving Takos (with a silent S) – it’s TAKOS Tuesday, Victor should know this he saw the Lego Movie

    Like

  32. The last line is complete perfection.

    Like

  33. I just want cake. So it’s nearly the same.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted Billions And Billions And Why This Post Has Nothing To Do With Carl Sagan.

  34. But now there’s all that new data about willpower and how the brain doesn’t actually understand the word no, so when you say “Don’t do drugs”, you’re actually telling our brains TO do drugs. It’s so complicated that I suddenly have a craving for popcorn…

    Like

    rarasaur recently posted 99 Green Balloons.

  35. This happens to me all the time. NEED MOAR SALT!

    Like

  36. Your Victor and my Art must be related. I get the “start over and make sense” all the time. Also the “stop talking”, except his takes the form of a deep sigh and a resigned “Yes, dear. Anything you say, dear.”

    Like

  37. I’m pretty sure some foods are laced with crack because they’re so MOREISH! Also: is MSG just a fancy way of telling the consumer that there’s narcotics in the product? I’m looking at you, Pringles!

    Like

  38. Yes, normal people do understand cravings like that. I guess this means Victor is not normal. That’s so sad. ..

    Like

  39. I’m pretty much an atheist, but if this post makes people stop making the Kardashians famous, then I’ll believe in God because my prayers will be answered. But only if the lack of famousness includes Kanye too.

    Like

  40. 40
    Benjamin Venable

    Where do I send the dollar…?

    Like

  41. Come on…. so disappointed in Victor. He should know better. I mean what did he do when you were pregnant?! I’m pregnant and last week my husband lovingly, albeit quizzically, held me while I wept (like major ugly cry, wept) with happiness that it was the best day of my life having pickles and vanilla cupcakes for lunch.

    Like

  42. I get that feeling too…..but for me it’s known as my food addiction. Worse than heroin, cause you HAVE to eat.

    Like

  43. 43
    SharonCville

    I find that the answer is usually cheese.

    Like

  44. It’s pickles, and if it’s not, then it’s olives.

    Like

  45. is that what I’ve been craving? and here I thought it was just stress eating.

    Like

  46. OK people. I am a scientist and I am NOT:
    1. a man
    2. white and pasty
    3. “in to” water sports (but I do like swimming)

    What I AM
    1. a woman
    2. kind of dark for a person of European ancestry
    3. working in a lab all day

    I just wanted to stand up for scientists here and say that, for the millionth time, yes we could all make meth, but the vast majority of us don’t because we’re nice people and that would be wrong. So go hug a scientist and thank them for not flooding the market with excellent, high quality drugs of high purity because it would make our drug problem even worse. Or don’t hug a scientist, just be friendly and maybe buy us a gourmet coffee, because coffee is LIKE crack or meth or heroine but without the ability to give you terrible skin.

    Like

  47. I think the craving you are experiencing is for Cadbury Mini Eggs. Those things are made of crack.

    Like

  48. Has Victor honestly never had a craving like that? I always suspected there was something un-human about him. He’s an alien, isn’t he?

    Like

  49. “Start over. Make sense this time.”
    He’s just a SWEETHEART.

    Like

  50. I already loved you…..but even more so now. PLEASE stop making the kardashians famous

    Like

  51. …and I agree with Ang. It’s probably mustard

    Like

  52. It’s wine for me. Always wine. But it has to be from the actual country I was craving.

    Like

  53. 53
    eliseandfam

    I have never wished so badly for “like” buttons on blog comments! Hilarious!

    Like

  54. Best PS ever!

    Like

  55. 55
    eliseandfam

    And you’re pretty funny too🙂

    Like

  56. I think you could be craving shopping for a new pair of boots. I am suspicious that
    the food craving section of my brain is located in the same place as the shoe shopping section.

    Like

  57. Men do not get cravings. I watched my parents yo-yo diet as I grew up. I remember my dad telling me that he would just imagine chocolate cake I a giant piece of lard on his stomach and then he would be completely turned off. I didn’t know how to respond. If I’m craving chocolate cake, I have to eat it. Fat be damned! I’ll deal with that later.

    Like

  58. My understanding is if you’re looking for meth labs, Missouri is the state to visit. Meth capital of the U.S. And everyone PLEASE stop making the Kardashians famous. Same goes for Kanye.

    Like

  59. I’ve been craving something for 40 pounds…heroin would be cheaper and I’d be thinner, but then I’d probably be so stoned I’d watch the Kardashian”s for the first time and get addicted to them. For your sake and yours alone I’ll forgo heroin, keep the extra pounds as I search for that elusive craving so the evil Kardashian empire won’t gain another victim; but since I’m keeping the forty pounds you can’t have a dollar.

    Like

  60. What is the address for that dollar?

    Like

  61. I’ve always said that the rice that Chipotle uses is topped with heroin because it is SO good & addicting!

    Like

  62. you are craving the marshmallows from cereal. not the cereal, just the marshmallows. i know this because i just ordered some from think geek and they are yummy and should be worshipped. ahem eaten. and, as an aside, why does wordpress insist that worshipped is spelled with only one ‘p’?

    Like

    turtlesong recently posted a turtle’s eye view – the new black edited by richard thomas.

  63. I cannot believe that this concept has eluded us for so long! Bravo for solving yet another mystery of the universe…I’ll just go shoot up now…or try yet another flavor of Ben and Jerry’s…or both.

    Like

    Tammy in PDX recently posted Hush now, Mama’s watchin’ her stories!.

  64. Victor, what were you thinking? There’s only one appropriate answer when your wife says she has an unidentified craving.

    Like

  65. You said it, sister! I could have used your insightful and hysterical words for the last 42 years. So glad to have found them now.

    Like

  66. It’s true, some scientists like to be peed on. Oh, you mean actual water sports? With skis and stuff? Yeah, I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

    RachRiot recently posted B.I.T.C.H. It's Real..

  67. 67
    Pacemaker Queen

    I fucking hate the Karcrapshitans.

    Like

  68. 68
    Carol Cleckler

    Your dollar is in the mail. I owe you!

    Like

  69. At least someone will deliver drugs right to your house (I’m assuming this is a thing since I see it on TV) but no one will bring me the Ben and Jerry’s Core ice cream I’ve been craving since I read about it (don’t look this up, you’ll crave it too).

    I think this means that we lost the drug war. If they delivered ice cream, we’d probably win the drug war. That is simple deduction.

    Like

  70. I’m Craving A Reese’s Cup, But I’m Too Lazy To Go To The Store. I Wonder If I Shoot Off A Flare Gun If Someone Will Come To Get Me A Reese’s Cup. I’ll Probably Get Arrested Instead. Only One Way To Find Out… See You In The Papers Or The Internet!

    Like

  71. 71
    DragonTears

    Where do I make my dollar payable to?

    Also I love that you are spot on with ppl thinking you saying meth labs are like the drive through of drug use and Don’t do drugs will determine if someone goes out and uses.

    Use your magic words to tell my seven year old that Mommy is always right, the car dealer to give me a permanent loaner, the bank to give me a foreclosed house and my life will be Double Unicorn Awesome!!

    Mwahs!

    Like

  72. Totally understand this. I pretty much base every dinner on what I’m craving. Most of the time it’s just something with a heckuva lot of flavour – either salty, sweet, creamy, or umm, salty. I like salt. That’s not a code word for drugs, I swear.

    Like

  73. Words are magic. Here’s your dollar…

    Like

    susielindau recently posted The First of Many Wild Rides.

  74. most likely you were thirsty. we first worlders apparently get confused over that one. who knew? the guy on 20/20 or whatever the hell it was, that’s who.

    Like

  75. You forgot “Stop making Justin Beiber famous”

    Like

    Ashley recently posted The Campaign To “Ban Bossy”.

  76. Magic words are very satisfying.

    Like

  77. Truer words have neve been spoken.

    Like

  78. Donuts. Warm donuts are like crack. My donut dealer and I talk about that every Saturday morning when I pick up my crack and milk.

    Like

    Shelley J recently posted I am freaking humanitarian. Practically a saint..

  79. i just read that chocolate chip cookies and monopoly were invented the same year…probably by scientists who had yet to discover meth, but were sure there would be cravings and were poised to monopolize on it. plus the whole ‘get out of jail free card’ implies scientific hypothesizing.

    Like

  80. I agree with everything you said, especially the Kardashians. I’ll have to owe you the buck, though. I’m a little short this week. Spent it all on meth.

    Like

  81. The whole “Just say no,” campaign was based on the concept that the best way to solve a national epidemic of self-medication and addiction was by indoctrinating a generation with a generalized slogan of negativity.

    Like

  82. For me it’s usually chocolate or popcorn. Or maybe you are thirsty.

    Like

  83. To what address do I send such a loving anti-Kardashian Dollar?

    Also, You forgot to mention the rock solid scientist proof that there are merit badges for watersports, and Girl Scout cookies obviously contain meth, so meth makers ARE scientists. Or unicorns. Or sciency rainbow meth-a-corns!!

    Like

  84. you are insane…in a good way…that was a compliment

    Like

  85. Homemade lasagna is my crack, and it usually takes about 3 days of fridge, freezer and pantry grazing before I figure out I need a fix

    Like

  86. This was great! My husband stopped listening while I read it to him right around “Scientists”.

    I absolutely know the craving feelings and I think Victor does too, he just doesn’t want to tell you the name of his dealer because then you’re going to know about his deep dark secret and he’s afraid you’ll annoy the dealer and Victor will be cut-off as a result.

    Like

    Rea recently posted Snarky Bitch takes on annoying tv commercials.

  87. I’ve had crazy insatiable cravings before… where I eat X because it sounded good but it only made me want something else. I get it!

    Like

    Mr. Will recently posted Some “Unsuccessful” Erotica By A Man.

  88. Of course methmakers are scientists…sort of. If we are to believe Breaking Bad, there are chemical rules and formulas to follow…so one could call a methmaker a scientist if they were feeling generous (or threatened).

    I may be craving BOTH heroine AND meth…because as soon as I eat something salty, I need something sweet…which makes me crave something salty again. It’s a never ending saga…just say “NO” to snacks!

    Like

    Jana recently posted An Elephant Stepped on Me.

  89. If you figure out what that craving is, will you let me know? I have it, too.

    Like

  90. I read once that when you crave something and can’t figure it out, it’s probably water. You’re probably dehydrated. But in my experience, it’s usually ice cream.

    Like

  91. Cravings ughhhhh Keeping me fat since ’98

    Like

  92. I’ve had this theory for years in relation to babies! Why do they cry all the time? Because they want a beer or some bourbon or a vodka tonic and they know it’ll be YEARS before they can have one. Wouldn’t that make you cry too?

    Like

  93. It’s queso. Or mustard. Or guacamole.
    Maybe.

    Like

  94. It sounds like you’re just plain Horny. One good Gasp and it will All go away

    Like

  95. Now I want meth, and all I have are these stupid Girl Scout cookies.

    Like

  96. From all of the comments, I think collectively, you should all put down the bong. It’s the pot that makes you crave stuff. However, on a “scientific” note, it has been shown that pot heads are, on average, 17% less fat than than non pot heads. I could be wrong on the %, I am trying to remember but the visions of cake and marshmallows running through my head are interfering with my recall. I guess what I am trying to say is that if you smoke pot (I am not condoning this in any way at all, so don’t judge me), you usually forget to stock up on your “crack” of choice and will just as happily eat rice cakes and carrot sticks. Plus, you wont go out to the store because every time you say to yourself, “hey, you should go to the store for some “crack””, you get distracted by something shiny.
    Wow, this reads like a pot head wrote it…;)

    P.S. I still am not really sure who the Kardashians are, and as a Canadian, I apologize for Beiber.

    Like

    Ashley recently posted I need a personal shopper.

  97. Luv luv luv luv. I put ps s at end of my blog bc people think im seriously serious when I say stuff like dis
    I MADE my husband read an article on pms depression etc . Well he didn’t read it but I.told him if he did hed understand why im bat shit crazy 1/2 the x. The Kardashian s make me ill but the snl spoofs on them make me laugh till ut hurts so….. ill only watch the spoofs ok?

    Like

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  98. I will give you TWO doll hairs!

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  99. This sounds like the logical reasoning that goes on in my head from time-to-time, haha.

    Like

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  100. I’m too poor to do drugs so I settle for coffee…and am sometimes I’m wild enough to put sugar in it.

    Like

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  101. I interpreted the “scientists like water sports” thing as meaning “scientists love piss play”, because evidently I’ve read way too much Savage Love, and I would just like to go on record as saying that this scientist does not enjoy piss. There, I said it.

    Like

    Adrasteia recently posted I've been distracted..

  102. I get cravings aaaaaaalllllll the time. Then I am stymied because I don’t know what should touch my tongue first and I end up reaching for cheese.

    Also? I just read every single post in your archives. That makes me your fourth-in-command, I think. I like low-pressure jobs.

    Like

    muttikins recently posted I’m Giddy and I’m Up and You Know What That Equals!.

  103. I owe you a dollar but I’d rather owe it to you than cheat you out of it.
    mmm, i think I want some cheetos…….

    Like

  104. I recently found my answer: party mints. You know, those pastel-colored little pieces of crack that you get in those teeny tiny little paper cups at showers and such. I can buy a big ass container at HEB, forget the fucking little paper cups. My blood glucose levels may not be happy, but I sure am. It’s a party in my belly.

    Like

  105. I advise peanut butter honey sandwiches in these situations. Add sirrhacha if that doesn’t seem to do the trick. I’m not pregnant.

    Like

    Jenn recently posted What I read on Monday (week 2).

  106. You do realize that people who are searching for local meth labs will now be directed to your blog…right? I mean, it’s Google and all. As for cravings, try dark chocolate next time. It may not be what you really want at the time, but…it’s chocolate. By the time you realize what you really do want, it won’t matter because you will have had something better by then. You’re welcome.

    Like

    onanotherfreakingmission recently posted Blame NetFlix.

  107. Things eaten today during enraged pregnancy cravings:
    -cereal
    -apple
    -granola bar
    -4 cookies
    -an enormous Taco Bell crunchwrap
    -fried chicken
    -2 pickles
    -4 carrots
    Sad thing is, this all happened before lunch. I am going to die, if my starving stomach doesnt kill me first.

    Like

    Kate Rowan recently posted Taking one day at a time..

  108. like since you know, I can’t actually like your post but I definitely like it.

    Like

  109. Oh Jenny….you were craving a can of icing. But meth works.

    Like

  110. 110
    westingtown

    I have this phenomenon frequently. Sometimes I can curb it by brushing my teeth and drinking lots of water. And sometimes an all-out “yak”-finding mission is the only way to go. Thanks to Michael from post #4… I am totally appropriating that definition for my own use!

    Like

  111. I think the meth lab people are considered chemists. I frequently crave tiramisu like it’s crack. Same with cheeseburgers. I also know someone who got busted for dyeing their crack green for Saint Paddy’s Day. Better the crack than the cheeseburgers.

    Like

  112. I see no reason not to try meth or heroin or other highly addictive drugs such as mini rice cakes in the cheddar cheese flavor when you cannot seem to satisfy a craving. No reason whatsoever.

    Like

  113. I just ate the rest of a box of wheat thins. Because I wanted to eat something and they were handy.

    So the other day, I was in the hallway of the courthouse and overheard this little bit:

    Lawyer: “When we’re in court, keep your mouth closed. Don’t yawn or smile.”
    Client: “OK, but why?”
    Lawyer: “Because you’ve got the mouth of a meth user and everyone will hate you, just based on that.”

    Like

    Comrade Misfit recently posted DiFi Gears Up for War With the CIA.

  114. Justin Bieber is still famous??

    My cravings: chocolate or ice cream or large slabs of meat… and sometimes mac & cheese…

    Like

  115. I feel I should pay you the dollar just for sticking up for common sense over the Kardashians.

    Like

    penelopegeorge recently posted Knowing What I Know…Would I Do It All Again?.

  116. Seriously, Victor? It’s pretty easy to spot the meth lab. http://www.greatpetnet.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/MethLab.jpg

    Like

  117. Anything pickled, including pickles, satisfies that need for me. That is not a euphemism.

    Like

  118. Thank you so much for your advice. It means so much that you replied. And the part about needing me in this tribe was what I needed to hear. But,um,I kind of self-harm on my thighs so I’m not quite sure what works for that. No offense. I feel bad. Sortofishy Anyway, thank you! I send all my hugs and best wishes. God bless..

    Like

  119. To re-iterate what Jenny said, DON’T DO DRUGS!

    That said, I don’t have a choice but to do drugs and some of them make me crave things. Not heroine or crack or meth, but I’ve done the whole eat everything in sight and still be hungry thing so I completely understand. And if you want fast lab results, I can recommend a good hospital. And if I had a dollar to spare, it would be yours just for the Kardashians remark.

    Like

  120. Just so you finally know: you are craving Trader Joe’s Chocolate Covered Sea Salt Butterscotch Caramels — see? Now that I said it out loud you know it’s true. You’re welcome and I’m sorry.

    Like

  121. Usually when you get that craving, you are actually having withdrawl from DRUMROLL some sort of Vitamin. Try supplementing with a multivitamin, or mainline Orange Juice and Spinach,

    Like

  122. Oh, and men will never understand these cravings. Eeeeever. And I’m a very complicated,complex,wants-to-smack-my-enemies-upside-the-head-with-a-building-but-smiles-at-them- kind of person. So my other comment may be hard to answer. And you never fail to make me laugh. I’m sort of afraid I’m your clone. We’re both struggling but winning this war, we have a sense of humor and the random things we say would never make sense in a million years. Seriously. Anyway, I talk too much. In reality I’m a total recluse. OOOOOOOOK. Bye.

    Like

  123. Dill pickles with ranch dressing. That always stops the eating binges. AND, you don’t go to jail for eating pickles with ranch dressing.

    Like

  124. Oooooone last thing, if I don’t already seem crazy enough. I know this isn’t an advice column but um… does depression happen for no reason sometimes because I start crying out of the blue like a faucet and I am honestly freaking my own self out. Alright,gotta go. bye.

    Like

  125. Try sweet and salty, like pretzel m & m’s.

    Like

    Sandy the Fearless Scribe recently posted Anne, Lestat, and Me.

  126. Then apparently I’ve had a craving since I was 10 years old. I eat, and eat, and eat and just can’t get satisfied. Now I want to go outside in very blustery snow to find something I crave…maybe I’ll hit up Baskin Robbins for a chocolate fudge hot fudge sundae…Yeah, that ought to do it…for today anyway…

    Like

  127. Gosh,I honestly wouldn’t answer a person like me. But I need to know. Is it normal to be depressed for monthes and monthes and monthes without a break? Occasionally I get a good half of a day but then it’s back and I am sad beyond words and if somebody dares to speak to me I give them a reason not to. I don’t understand myself anymore. And my 2 year messed up anniversary is in a few monthes. And I don’t know anymore,really. Anyway, gotta go take my Zzzquil because if I don’t,I don’t fall asleep until 5 a.m. Byeee.🙂 And sorry to all commenters for hogging the comment space.

    Like

  128. Thanks…I thought I was the only one who grazed through the kitchen only to find that my craving was not satisfied. YIKES!?!? I hate that feeling that I am full but not satisfied. Thanks for sharing!!

    Like

  129. Stop making the kardashians famous. Can we print that on a mug or would that only add to the ridiculousness? Anyone else think of the strange looking aliens from Star Trek whenever you hear that name? Just me?

    I hate it when I want something and nothing in my house satisfies. I assume it means I want something that I can only get somewhere that isn’t here or something equally irritating.🙂

    Like

  130. Oh God. I love you. I love Victor. I love heroin–wait, I’m getting carried away here. I am SO HAPPY THAT YOU EXIST AND WRITE THESE THINGS TO MAKE ME HAPPY. Because we all know that’s why you write them (sorry, other guys).

    Like

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  131. 131
    Momz Happy Hour

    No idea why this conversation happened but it was pretty funny.

    Like

  132. I completely & utterly get ‘those’ cravings too. I do sometimes wonder if it has something to do with mental (un)health…but peesha.

    Like

  133. Ah, meth dealers. Stay-at-Home scientists.

    Like

  134. When that happens to me it’s always the same craving but I try to eat a bunch of other stuff first in the hopes that it isn’t. When none of that works, I give in and go have… a 7-11 hot dog with all the toppings, but most importantly lots of the squeezy cheese and squeezy chilli. Then the not-so-mystery craving is gone.
    Come to think of it, crack and heroin might be better for me.

    Like

  135. My husband’s Cajun family calls that insatiable. unknowable craving a “thraca”, whatever THAT means. My woo woo alternative doctor makes me put 1/2 a teaspoon of this crazy expensive Celtic sea salt in about 4 ounces of warm water and drink it. Not quite as horrible as it sounds and damned if it doesn’t work!

    Like

  136. Ah, yes. This is me after eating an entire package of peppermint patties. “Hmmm, what else can I scarf down?…”

    Like

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  137. 137
    Auntie Meme

    Men don’t have cravings because they don’t deny themselves food. And they don’t distinguish between good food and bad food. Gummibears? Food! An all HoHo diet? Still food!

    Like

  138. I used to get those same cravings….now I have Prozac🙂

    Like

  139. 139
    Shelley J. Beeby

    Maybe you just need a little bit of sugar. After all, that stuff’s more addictive than cocaine, according to some scientists.🙂

    Like

  140. If you are craving something and can’t figure out what it is….usually what you’re craving is sex. Just throwing that out there….it may be less risky than drugs but maybe not.

    Like

  141. Will you accept 4 quarters?

    Like

  142. Totally relate.

    Like

    nancytex2013 recently posted get that bowling ball bag away from my head.

  143. My doctor thinks I am “allergic” to Tylenol AND all NSAIDS. I asked him if a low dose narcotic existed that had neither… and I am PRETTY SURE he thinks I want to do heroin now. He also demanded that I get my heroin from someone else, because my evil bladder is not heroin worthy. I really was asking out of curiosity, because I didn’t have the internet with me, otherwise I would have asked it… and I bet the internet would have been nice enough to offer me whatever drugs I needed without trying to make me feel like a junkie.

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    J Rose recently posted It's Better Than Candy Crush Invites.

  144. LOL…and BTW today’s comic at seemikedraw.com is topical for you–meth related humor abounds, today!

    http://seemikedraw.com.au/this-cartoon-just-made-a-scientific-breakthrough

    first time commenter, be gentle….

    Like

  145. I bet you are going to start getting a lot of dollar bills in the mail.

    Like

    Brenna recently posted A look back.

  146. Saw the comment about Oreos being addictive. While I agree Double Stuff’s are delicious….I think the “Golden Birthday Cake” Oreos should be illegal; they are so yummily addictive. (But make sure you get the Golden ones, not the Chocolate Birthday Cake ones).

    Like

  147. OMG! This part was my favorite too! I wonder if Victor is aware of his online fan base?!? Team Victor🙂

    Like

  148. 148
    Holly (a.k.a Adore Prince)

    Shout out to Karen #25 for her answer of queso. Yes, cheese(us) is the answer. (I know, bad play on words). Also, #7 Kara, what can you do with $20 in your “POCKET”. You can go pop some tags! Thanks Macklemore.

    Like

  149. Meth rules. I can understand how you’d crave it. The bitch is QUITTING meth. It’s like the hardest diet you’ve ever tried. But it is possible. And recovery works.

    Like

    Mom Off Meth recently posted My morning conversations.

  150. Go to your pantry and reeeeeeaaaallly think about what sounds good. Then put it all in a pan. Maybe cook it, if that sounds good. Call it Meth and eat it. There: you’ll be a scientist!

    Liked by 1 person

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  151. This made me cry with laughter while trying to read it out loud to my husband. Who in turn had to get me to slow down and calm down. I know that feeling. And he doesn’t. Perfect, perfect post.

    Liked by 1 person

  152. Especially the ‘stop making the Kardashians famous’. I wouldn’t mind if they were Cardassians.

    Like

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  153. Liar, liar, pants on fire – I understood every word and it made perfect sense other than the Kardashians what is that, is it a drug in the US that we still have to see over the pond, but I am assuming that you will keep it there and save us from ourselves and yes, magic, you are the ‘Great Ciceronian’

    Like

    Tom Stronach (@tomstronach) recently posted Book Review: Henry Wood Detective Agency Time and Again (Book 2).

  154. Hey, I wrote a book all about this. But I need to re-read it because my cravings have left about 10 pounds behind. On my behind. I’ll include the link to my book here, if you have any interest at all. (Disclaimer: I talk about God in it. Thought I should get that out there because some people react the same way to the mention of God as they do to the mention of heroin.) Okay, I’m done. Link: http://www.amazon.com/Cravings-Catholic-Wrestles-Food-Self-Image/dp/1594713057/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394624873&sr=8-1&keywords=cravings

    Like

  155. My heroin/meth/crack is homemade mac’n’cheese. It can’t be from a box. It is all about the process of making as well as eating. It usually involves 4 types of cheese…. Oh, and a big yes to “stop making the Kardashians famous”.

    Like

  156. So, the first false premise from which you’re proceeding is “I’m normal.” I think you and normal parted company about six exits back, which is okay, because normal is boring. One may make neither the Kardashians nor the Cardassians famous. One need not make the Centauri famous, because they’re already fabulous. Also, they have six dicks. No, really.

    Like

  157. 157
    Lucky Maria

    I have the ‘eat everything not nailed down’ days and get very frustrated. It usually lasts a day or two, I get really unhappy and then I get my period. And every damn time I think, “Oh yeah, my period, I totally forgot about that.” It’s only been happening every month for 30 years and yet, somehow, it still always takes me by surprise.

    Like

  158. Whenever I am craving something I wind up bingeing on chocolate. I don’t know if I was actually craving chocolate. But it helps.

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    ideationms recently posted Underwater.

  159. I so want to meet you someday and just sit around have conversations like this. I have conversations like this in my head all the time and my husband is not nearly as understanding as Victor and won’t engage in the crazy to help me get the thoughts out. Please be my friend and let’s meet sometime? Not a weird stalker living in my parent’s basement in Wisconsin. But my parents do live in my basement in Wisconsin in the summer, so does that scare you? Can’t wait for the next book! I have shared the first one with everyone I know. Some get it and some just don’t understand.😉

    Like

  160. I am the most cravingist person I have ever met. But mine are so specific that they can sometimes never be satisfied. Like, I want a hummus sandwich with fries from the Dmitri’s that used to be in Daytona Beach (which is more than 50 miles away anyway) that closed down five years ago. Good luck getting that!

    Like

  161. I know the EXACT feeling you are describing. I went through my kitchen last night around 11 to try and appease my craving. Nothing worked but I am sure I gained a couple of pounds eating popcorn, pistachio nuts, cheese, beef jerky, a couple of Frosted Mini Wheats, an apple, carrot sticks, a mini marshmallow, and a few bites of spinach tortellini with pesto sauce. Then I just went to bed. By the way, sometimes your words are magic.

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  162. I think you were craving salt & vinegar potato chips. I think they use powdered crack instead of salt.

    Like

    maitriscraps recently posted Dalek Soaps!.

  163. Today, Bonny wins the internet – standing up for scientists everywhere. (I just write about engineers, but I like to think I think like a scientist.)

    So, jenny, you didn’t say where to buy your dollar so I went to Zazzle. St.Patrick’s Day Sale….oooh.

    Like

  164. also, please magic for me: “lose 10 (20) pounds”

    Like

  165. OMG wiping the tears from my face I tried to read this outloud to someone. God that was hard! whew! Ok, I got Allies book, actually my daughter picked it up for me since I work all the time, and told her she might enjoy it. She said “no” or maybe “no thanks” but then she picked up the book and sent me a text “you’re right mom, she is funny” Maybe she will read yours too, when I am done with it, if I let her. Can I preorder your new book??

    Like

  166. I had to reread this.

    It troubled me at first because it was like reading my own thoughts. Kind of. I get what you mean about craving something but not being satisfied. I once ate a nearly full box of Lucky Charms just TRYING to fill that hole and all I got was a bad stomach ache.

    booze, TV, sex, food…there are times when nothing fills that hole. Nothing. Not even Lucky Charms. So don’t try that.

    It’s also possible that I just have a toothache.

    Like

  167. Well don’t leave me hanging!
    WHY do scientists like water sports?

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  168. The dollar’s on its way to you.

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  169. Bryan Cranston totally seemed like a scientist to me, so sorry Victor.

    Like

    The Dose of Reality recently posted Dear Chevy, Thanks A Lot!.

  170. The P.S. is the best thing about this! P.S., I also think any “p.s.” is the best thing about life in general.

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  171. hahahahahahahahaha. i could go on, but you probably get the point. I wholeheartedly agree on “stop making the kardasians famous”

    Like

  172. Reblogged this on LeahWould and commented:

    This has all the truth…

    Like

  173. I just crave the Nobel Peace Prize. I haven’t got one yet, but I’ve already reserved a place on the mantelpiece above my fireplace, where everybody can see it as soon as they walk into the room, without me having to point it out. It’s going to stand between the urn with my Uncle Reg’s ashes that we haven’t decided what to do with yet, and the souvenir of a lighthouse we prop the unpaid bills behind.

    http://bryanhemming.wordpress.com/2014/03/08/bryan-hemming-for-nobel-peace-prize/

    Like

  174. “So love your fellow neighbor, stop making the Kardashians famous, and send me a dollar.”

    Best damn advice ever

    Like

  175. Turns out my craving was homemade chocolate pudding and thankfully my sister was at the store when I text/whined to her about not having any cornstarch. So pudding was made and consumed which saved me a possible heroin or meth addiciton.

    As far as money goes, I’ll send you $20 so you can lead the charge to sop making the Kardashian’s famous.

    Like

  176. Peeps. Frozen Peeps. That is what I crave. And your dollar is on it’s way. (will you still blog when you are filthy rich from all the dollars?)

    Like

  177. Buck is on it’s. And a meth lab. Both taxidermed, of course.

    Like

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  178. Food. I crave food.

    Like

    Jenny Williams recently posted Family History Photo – Two.

  179. Please tell us when you find whatever it is that you’re craving.

    Maybe it’s the same thing I’m craving. And then maybe I can stop. eating. all. the. things!

    Like

  180. I dunno – you might as well try them and see if it helps. But then, I failed at getting dressed today, so I may not be your best source for validating good decisions. I do hope you’ll let us know what it is when you find it. For what it’s worth, sometimes when I’m stumped it’s actually vegetables. Which I think explains the confusion perfectly.

    Liked by 1 person

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  181. I love the part: Scientists love water sports. Can you please elaborate on that sentence? I feel like that could be a post all on it’s own. Thanks for making my afternoon less dull!

    Like

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  182. Your words are magic, Jenny. You have no idea.

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    Marianne recently posted Hotel hell.

  183. Cravings are a hormonal issue (insulin, cortisol, glucagon) scientifically speaking.

    Like

  184. As much as I loved this post, I loved your comment about the K____ians more – because seriously… I have never seen their show – but really? It exists? (sigh)

    Like

  185. i’ll send you a dollar when you send me 100000 dollars

    Like

  186. Um yeah, is it the euphemism “water sports” that scientists like, or is it actually playing in the water I wonder?
    I could well imagine a bunch of weird sciencey guys peeing on each other wearing lab coats – in the name of science of course!

    Also the craving, yeah I well know the feeling, it’s the one I get that I can’t fix, that eventually leads down into the spiral of depression. Now if I could just find that damn thing I’m craving that I don’t know what it is, maybe I could get off the meds I’ve just had to start taking (because 20 years of therapy still hasn’t given me enough tools to cope; but not from lack of trying).

    The craving could also be Xanax, but I can’t help you there, apparently it’s pretty much banned here in Australia now; they reckon it’s as addictive as cocaine!
    So maybe you’re actually back to craving addictive drugs, just that it’s pharmaceuticals not street drugs!

    Like

  187. We go around saying “That’s not IT” when seeking The Right Thing to satisfy a craving. I never even considered heroin.
    Often I find it’s something they stopped making a decade ago, like Carnation Breakfast Bars. Damn, now I want one.

    Like

  188. I craved nachos when I was pregnant. Does that count?

    Like

    mmaxwellbey recently posted wishing for kittens.

  189. There is no TexMex in New Zealand.

    Do NOT talk to me of cravings.

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  190. Well, now I’m craving chocolate and salt . . . and a pretzel? A chocolate covered salty pretzel. Yes, please.

    Like

  191. I crave lemonade when I’m hungover. So that’s.. like.. basically the same thing you know?

    Like

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  192. Oh, and I’m also craving snowballs, but can’t find them anywhere; you know marshmallow centre dipped in coconut then chocolate; mmmmm snowballs!!!

    Like

  193. Have you ever tried eating soil or polystyrene?

    Sure it’s not “likely” what your craving but I’m thinking before you go knocking on the meth house door…trying soil or packing peanuts might be less likely to get you all shot-at, or blown-up, or arrested…

    Then, if you do try heroin or crack, you can be all “But I tried everything else first, Officer. I probably had a vitamin deficiency that’s resolved through the ingestion of crack related substances. Totally not my fault.”

    PS in case I also have your power of words…don’t do drugs, or eat polystyrene…that stuff probably stays in your colon longer than gum.

    Like

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  194. Poppycock…..that’s what everyone needs to satisfy a craving…..we just got a Costco nearby (live in melbourne, oz) and it’s full of American goodies such as this devils food…. I can’t go to costco again til it’s all gone…that is all….Poppycock

    Like

  195. 195
    Michael Lipphardt

    (Dead eyes, arms straight out front, stiff legged shuffle, said in a monotone) Yeeeeesssss misstressss Blogggggeeeeesssssssssss. Hoooowwwww maaaaannnnyyy dollarsssss shall we sennnnnnndddd??????

    Like

  196. I think meth would be slightly less addicting than my seasonal drug of choice- Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs.
    And men totally don’t get the craving thing. Silly, silly men.

    Like

    Stacey recently posted Jakarta Diaries.

  197. p.s. just discovered you and I am in love! (In a you rock and I love your writing kind of way. Not the stalker weird scary way.)

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    Stacey recently posted Jakarta Diaries.

  198. @Stacey(comment 195) I know!!! I went on a total binge of those things and I kid you not, I ate a bag a day. THERE. Now you know everything. Well.not everything. I have other issues. Anyway,I still feel guilty confessing. But now I will always use the excuse that it could have been meth. Thank you,Jenny.

    Like

  199. 199
    Kevin Hicks

    Whew! I was about to leave work and go get some heroin AND meth, just to be safe, but the final paragraph saved me! Thank you!

    Like

  200. 200
    Kevin Hicks

    Also, I don’t know where to mail your dollar.

    Like

  201. A nutritionist once told me that when you’re hungry but no food actually sounds good, it’s your body telling you that you’re dehydrated. Although to be fair, plain ol’ water hardly ever sounds good in those situations either. so heroin is probably a better answer.

    Like

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  202. I hate random cravings. I once craved Kiwi fruit so badly that I walked to the grocery store at like 9pm, got 4 and ate them all in one sitting. My best friend was pretty sure I was going to give birth to a green baby with fuzzy brown hair.

    Like

  203. 203
    PepperjackCandy

    You don’t seem to have a donate button for me to use to send you my dollar.

    Like

  204. So where do I send the dollar? I am totally sending you a dollar!,

    Like

  205. It’s a wild ride inside your brain, isn’t it, Jenny?
    Trust me, you don’t need heroin.
    In fact, they should siphon your thoughts, mix them in a chemical soup, and distribute them among drug addicts.
    They’d never use again…

    Like

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  206. I can totally relate to this.

    Like

  207. my husband makes homemade beer, moonshine, AND whiskey in our basement. sometimes he makes it in our shed. he was nervous he would set the shed on fire and the cops would be called, so instead he makes in in the safety of our basement next to our gas boiler. it makes 100% sense to idiot home scientists. and yes we DO live on a lake. you are correct, scientists enjoy the scenery… probably because when they blow up their establishments, the scenery is all that is left.

    Liked by 1 person

  208. If meth labs offer that kind of speedy service (see what I did there?), I’ll go there the next time I need an X-ray or CAT scan.

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  209. I had an acquaintance once who twice blew up his apartment cooking meth. This was way before I met him because I don’t make a habit of being friends with meth scientists. My question is: Why didn’t the management evict him after the FIRST explosion?

    Like

  210. And when you’ve tried every drug and you still have a craving, what will you do then!?

    Like

  211. Hilarious. Your husband sounds like he gets you. “Make sense this time” and “Just stop talking” sound like things a spouse would say. I used to dream about chocolate pie. You know, just plain old pudding pie, nothing fancy, with lots of whipped cream. I made some and ate it and the craving went away after a while, thank goodness.

    Like

  212. This had me in stitches! Brilliant.

    Like

  213. This is hilarious! “So love your fellow neighbor, stop making the Kardashians famous, and send me a dollar.” Too perfect.

    Like

  214. “..PS. Don’t do drugs…”

    Caffeine?
    Alcohol?
    Refined sugar?
    Aspartame?
    TV?

    Like

  215. lol, poor Victor, a victim of women. At least he tried, got to give him credit.

    Like

  216. i was once craving a piece of cake and my husband brought me a muffin. a MUFFIN. it has NO FROSTING. not cake. i totally get it (and my husband does not).

    Like

  217. So funny. I love your logic here. I understand you perfectly. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! Yay for you!

    Like

  218. Al Murray said: ‘Oooh heroin. It’s very moreish!’

    Like

  219. I eat my way through big lumps of parsley. I assume I must be missing some parsley related vitamin. It also leaves very attractive green flecks in my teeth . . .

    Like

  220. Men do understand cravings and have them. But usually, it’s the woman that stands in between the men and his craving prey. Sadly. I’m craving a bit of pub and footie this weekend, and I know
    I won’t be satisfied and my craving will be slammed down by the missus and her ideas to pack
    as many things for the Carribean in the midweek. Is there a company that offers packing your suitcases?

    Also, don’t think this would encourage me to go to lake district, in search for a murky scientist with a fully blown lab, let alone meth lab. So you’re ok.

    Nice read anyways.

    Like

    encuntlopaedia recently posted Bar is Open, Gather and Gaswork the Cuntrats.

  221. It’s a full moon

    Like

  222. This is happening right now….I’ve got to go find some green chili like one of the earlier posters mentioned….haven’t tried that yet…

    Like

  223. The first blog I ever read just now and it was surprisingly refreshing. I’m going to enjoy this. But a heroin craving usually comes with cold sweats and stomach cramps.Good luck with finding your lab

    Like

  224. You’re my hero…or perhaps my heroin…e

    Like

  225. LOL! maybe you need a filler like water or milk to…. ahem you know puff up whatever you have eaten……….tricks the brain into thinking you are full.😉

    Like

  226. I’m glad I belong to the normal people category!
    I loved it! Men don’t Understand cravings!
    Brilliant woman!

    Like

  227. Thanks for appearing on my time line! I was telling someone about the hug/strangle on Friday and thought I really must find you to start following you!

    Like

  228. Many, many lols!!!!!

    Like

    availableallday.wordpress.com recently posted Top Paddock, top shelf..

  229. If I’m craving something and don’t know what it is, I agree that chocolate is an acceptable substitute.

    Like

  230. Instead of pretzels and m & m’s, try Oreos and m & m’s!!! Find more info about this at http://www.timetostartcooking.wordpress.com

    Like

  231. Thank you for your magic words. Words (like music) will only make people do things they already intended to do anyway (given any excuse).

    “There are more love songs than anything else. If songs (words) could make you do something we’d all love one another.” – Frank Zappa

    Like

  232. Love this, great minds think alike. Just published a post “On becoming a ‘like’ junkie”: http://wp.me/p4pv5p-1U.

    I think the addictive craving we both felt was similar.

    Like

  233. Amen to that! and also LOL about the Kardashians.

    Like

  234. Meth labs!! Stop making d Kardashians famous!! And u probably aint craving heroine!

    Like

  235. It’s weird to combine meth with cravings. They don’t eat on that stuff!

    Like

  236. I’m craving African food right now accompanied with a braai sizzled with Hansa Pilsner.

    Like

  237. I am an admitted druggie and fake scientist. IN fact, my fake science involves studying drugs. At the moment the race in the drug development world is not to create meth far away from the lakeshore, but to finally invent a drug that will remove all memory of anything Kardashian.

    Like

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  238. I love how he talks with you. It’s so cute and funny! But I understand! I have a mountain dew a day. And last week, I gave it up to save money (I spend $1.50-$1.80 on one mountain dew) and I did save money, but I was going crazy without it. But my boyfriend didn’t get that. He was like “I don’t see what’s so hard about it.” Well he wouldn’t, he doesn’t even drink soft drinks. All he drinks is water and beer, but mostly water..

    Like

  239. hahahahathat gave me a good laugh

    Like

  240. Wow. Playful conversation. I can definitely relate to cravings.

    Like

  241. I think it makes more sense that Victor is actually a robot.

    Like

  242. 245
    whinyhanie

    I’m in the middle of craving something right now… what is that thing is still a mystery. Ate tons of ice cream, still not satisfied. My mission today is find my heroine, whatever it is.

    Like

  243. I may have to do an in depth analysis of this hypotosis

    Like

  244. Ahh, hilarious!!

    Like

  245. I’m hungry now.

    Like

  246. You did mean; “Don’t do Illegal drugs”, right?

    Like

  247. Mmmm – mustard. Mmmm – salt & vinegar chips. Mmmm – queso. Mmmm – ice cream.

    Wait, was there something else in this post? I read the comments first and got sidetracked.

    Like

  248. 251
    AndiMirandi

    If you are craving something, but don’t know what, eat a dill pickle. Someone told me this once, and it works. I promise. If it doesn’t, try meth. 🙂

    Like

  249. ThIs. Exactly! But only the Easter line of cadbury cause the candy bar is NOT the same

    Like

  250. I perfectly understand craving – although in my case it leads to bizzare jumps.

    Like sometimes I end up downloading old TV series because nothing in the house satisfies my sweet tooth. Or from time to time on my way home I rush to the local (mega)bookstore to browse picture books of garden labyrinths (or tree houses) because the novel I am reading doesn’t satisfy my combined hunger for mistery & adventure.

    But I also arrange my perfumes by the colour of their flasks….

    Liked by 1 person

  251. Haha cool post! Followed!

    Like

  252. Bread and butter. Gave them up for lent. I have had dreams of dirty white bread sarnies smothered with huge dollops of butter. I’d inject a loaf of Hovis right now if I could.

    Like

  253. Your post, and all the commenst above, have satisfied my cravings for laughter! Still, I must go and find the peanut butter sandwich that is calling me, or maybe it is the cheese, now I’m thinking cheesecake, which leads to pineapple rice cream …..arrrgh, someone say something funny ….NOW!

    Like

  254. very great post… Thanks

    Like

  255. 259
    writinglesbian

    Love this! Feel free to check out some of my work!

    Like

  256. That last sentence is perfect. Words to live by.

    Like

  257. send me your paypal address, so i can send you a dollar.

    Like

  258. thanks loved reading this

    Like

  259. This post (as yours usually do) makes perfect sense to me, especially your logic behind the obligatory “don’t do drugs”. Some people can be total a$$holes these days.

    Like

  260. I was going to comment, but I forgot how to spell “awesome”.

    Like

  261. Brilliant! You make me laugh..😀

    Like

  262. This makes sense to me, Bloggess. Maybe Victor is just being an insensitive prick?

    Like

  263. Just like when I once told my guy, “That escalated quick?” And he had me explain why I thought he did.

    Like

  264. Your title caught my eye.. Men don’t understand cravings… offcourse that’s not true. Had about 25 cupcakes last weekend when I was over at a friends house and still wanted more😉
    Anyhow, I had a good laugh and thank you for that🙂

    Like

  265. 269
    Missey-Jane

    Truthfully humorous😉

    Like

  266. Love your disclaimer at the bottom! And I think cravings are hormonally induced, which would fit your theory beautifully!

    Like

  267. Remember those “this is your brain, this is your brain on drugs” egg frying commercials? I had a former co-worker who said even though it had been years since those aired, her daughter still refused to eat eggs because of them. She wasn’t sure it they actually worked on the don’t do drugs front though.

    Like

  268. Doritos and/or chocolate éclairs. Works every time.

    Like

  269. 273
    Tonya R. Moore

    I oh so know that feeling! Funny though, I once wondered about something like Soylent Green… but that just cuz that particular revelation amuses me. But really, hehehe… scientists.

    Like

  270. Lame

    (I think it’s pronounced “Lamé.” ~ Jenny)

    Like

  271. You tickle me . . .

    Like

  272. I am like you 100%. When it’s the time of the month I just eat and eat and I’m not even hungry but I just want something, not always sure what it is but I want it!

    Like

  273. I’ve had those cravings,and the satisfaction has been different every time:
    ~Franks Red Hot on a Reeses PB cup
    ~Slab o’ water buffalo steak (I was at a beer fest and eating my way through the food carts and came across it).
    ~Menudo WITH beef foot.
    ~Guinea Pig (I felt so bad about eating it, but I thought I’d gross myself out and not eat anymore. It worked, but I liked it. Damn Peruvians).

    Like

  274. 278
    Creative_Junkie_xXx

    Lol hilarious! I thought i was the only person who felt that way

    Liked by 1 person

  275. U preggo?? That’s when u so crazy trying to figure out cravings🙂
    But whatever it is .. Sure hoping it’s NOT drugs honey ..🙂

    Like

  276. Lol-sometimes altho it sounds absolutely rediculous- u just may be thirsty. Just an idea😉

    Like

  277. Be creative and build a meth lab in a church. Last place anyone will ever look for it.

    Like

  278. I love reading your blogs and can’t wait to get stuck into your book!

    Like

  279. P.S. If Breaking Bad ever comes back you should totally audition as a scientist!

    Like

  280. It’s seems as if we may have been twins separated at birth. I know this feeling (and conversation) all too well my friend. All too well. Thanks for reminding me that I’m not the only odd fish in the sea!😀

    Like

  281. Try milk (any kind)…maybe with some lucky charms cereal. The milk seems to quell my cravings. Also, tea with Milk Thistle has helped. Thanks for the story!

    Like

  282. I know exactly what you are talking about! It is indeed in this craving state that I tend to go from sweet to savoury and back to sweet only to be followed by savoury craving for more sweet. It is a relief to see that someone else knows my struggle. #foodbabies

    Like

  283. You crack me up! Don’t change. Hope you found the cure for your craving.
    LOL and I hope it wasn’t the crack or meth

    Like

  284. My boyfriend doesn’t understand why I NEED to eat certain foods when I want them or why I eat everything one day and nothing the next. Cravings are evil.

    Like

  285. Each time I come here you remind me how much I love you. Each time it astonishes me. And pleases me that you are there doing what you do.

    Like

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