It takes a lot to faze me. Consider me fazed.

So, I get weird shit in the mail all the time because I have readers who know me and who see weird shit and automatically think of me.  I’d like to think that’s a compliment.  Last week someone sent me a severed hand on a stick.  I’ve gotten scrotums and cobras and a box of dead hamster and books on Victorian venereal diseases and old taxidermy manuals and each time I think “My God, I’ve found my tribe” and Victor thinks “Is it too late to divorce her?”  And the answer to both of these is a resounding “Oh, hell yes“.

And today I opened a box from a reader (Stefano) who I once met at a reading.  He is lovely and Italian and he found this in a small shop in New York and thought I needed to have it because his wife was afraid it was going to eat their faces off while they slept.

She has a point, Stefano.

Hi.  You're never going to sleep again.

Hi. You’re never going to sleep again.

Hang on.  I’m shrinking down more pictures.  You need to see the rest of this but it’s publishing slowly.  Probably because this creature is busy eating your computer screen so it can get to you.  Just saying.

More coming…

Photo #2 for everyone going “WHAT IS THAT?”.  It’s a mermaid, you guys.  Obviously.

Like Sea Monkeys if they were on steroids and wanted to eat you.

Like Sea Monkeys, if they were on steroids and then you forgot to feed them and then they crawled out of their tank and wanted to eat you.

It would be easier to say that this terror doesn’t belong in my house, except that it fits perfectly between the insect funeral scenes and the dead mice playing musical instruments.

I didn't even add a filter here.  It exudes it's own filter.

I didn’t even add a filter here. It exudes it’s own filter.

It looks shocked.  It might be mocking me.

It looks shocked. Or it might be mocking me.  Frankly, everyone in the house looks a lot like this at the moment.

There’s grass and stuff in its mouth and I want to take it out but I’m pretty sure that’s a trick to get you to feed yourself to it.  Not falling for it, mermaid.

Regardless, the bar has been set, people.

Stefano, my hat is off to you.  Also, please clean out a spare bedroom as we will be sleeping at your house until we have ours blessed by a priest.  A young one and an old one.

PS.  Someone asked what the cats think of it.  Ferris Mewler is hidden in a cupboard.  Hunter S. Thomcat is keeping an eye on the situation.

He'll never eat fish again.

He’ll never eat fish again.

562 replies. read them below or add one

  1. OMG That’s just awesomely terrifying!

    Like

  2. I’m too afraid to blink.

    Like

    Leigh recently posted Red Tide (Day 256 KEDfaY).

  3. That is a thing that nightmares are made of.

    Like

    Psychobabble recently posted There’s always room for evil.

  4. damn.

    Like

  5. I didn’t think Dementors could be taxidermied…

    Like

  6. What the hell is that? It is oddly cute.

    Like

  7. My god that’s creepy. What is it? Was it? Supposed to be?

    Like

  8. WTF is that??

    Like

    BinkyToes recently posted Veggie Italian Bake.

  9. Oh my fucking God. Get it out of the house before it kills you all in your sleep!

    Like

  10. Much awesome. Why would anyone want to unsee this? I can think of a few places I wouldn’t want to see him (her? it?) though. First thing when I wake up is one that springs immediately to mind.

    Like

  11. I. Um. Well. This is definitely something I need in my living room.

    Like

  12. That is amazing and creepily adorable! But… what the hell is it?!?

    Like

    Lynette recently posted Hormone Hell.

  13. HOLY SHIT!!! That thing is worse than weeping angels!

    Like

  14. That’s pretty horrifying, though I’d say I think sending someone a scrotum is at least a tiny bit weirder. Close call, really.

    Like

    Tulips recently posted Not The Me I’m Supposed To Be.

  15. That is amazing and I love him.

    Like

  16. New family pet?

    Like

  17. The good news is that you’ll never be bothered by door to door salesman or Jehovah’s Witness’ ever again if you put this out on your front porch🙂

    Like

  18. I said earlier today your life was magical. This really just proves it.

    Like

    Jess recently posted BSC #24: Kristy and the Mother's Day Surprise.

  19. Oh God. Ha ha ha. That is perfectly brilliant!

    Like

  20. Is it a fiji mermaid?

    Like

  21. 25
    RescueDawg418

    You have your very own Dementor from Harry Potter!

    Like

  22. It kind of reminds me of the undeveloped twin from an early X-Files episode…

    Like

  23. AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You warned me on Twitter and I came here to look anyway, what was I thinking????
    (PS Not to be a spelling Nazi but can you please change your “phase” to “faze” for me?)

    Like

  24. Were they human scrotums???

    Like

  25. I’m already having computer issues so this will probably be the last straw!

    Like

  26. What. The Hell. Is That?

    Like

  27. It’s a prop they use to fake shit on Ghost Hunters!

    Like

  28. Looks like a nazgul & a dementor had a love child…

    Like

  29. You weren’t kidding. What in the bloody hell is THAT?

    Like

    Kelli recently posted Let It Go.

  30. Well, at least I know what my nightmares are going to be about tonight…

    Like

  31. What is it, how do you kill one, and does it stay away if you salt your windowsills?

    Like

    Amelia recently posted Identity part 3 (Happy Women's Day - everything will be all right).

  32. Wait!!! It looks like a petrified Voldemort partial soul that died when Harry died and they were in that weird Kings Cross-like place!

    Like

  33. 37
    Kathryn Franks

    Going to bed in 3, 2, … NEVER!!!!!!

    Like

  34. Must. Not . Sleep. Must. Warn. Othearrrrthgjmlreghphnsbm

    Like

  35. Now that you own this, you must see this. You will probably never sleep again, but it’s a small price to pay. http://vimeo.com/82920243 (And just quietly, so NOT signing this girl up for my zombie apocalypse team).

    Like

  36. I wish someone would send ME a hellbeast in the mail…

    Like

  37. 41
    Theprissychick

    That is the most terrifying thing I have ever seen! Hence, I must have one to go in my living room right now.

    Like

  38. That is terrifying.

    Like

    Rhonda recently posted Bullying or Just a Jerk? There is a difference.

  39. Yikes……. (I think you meant “faze” rather than “phase,” btw.)

    Like

  40. oh my GODS i want one

    Like

  41. I have one important question. Does. That. Thing. Have. Fingernails.

    Like

  42. oMG that is one ugly thing!

    Like

  43. Just watch the cats take a liking to it.

    Like

  44. My first instinct is SCIENCE THE FUCK OUT OF IT and figure out what the hell it actually is…I’m both terrified and fascinated. Also, it’s kind of zombie-trendy (are zombies still a thing?).

    Like

  45. Wait, I think we found evidence of ancient aliens. Call Giorgio!

    Like

  46. 51
    I. W. O. A.

    There are no words. Except these eight apparently.

    Like

  47. OMG! Picture #2 is incredible! It’s a mummified mermaid baby! God, it must be awesome being you!

    Like

    Lynette recently posted Hormone Hell.

  48. 53
    Resident_hippie

    Want!

    Like

  49. I bet that … critter was really fun when it was shambling about and stealing people’s toes.

    Like

  50. I really need to know what this is made of. Plaster? Paper mache? An entire mummified deformed child? PCP?

    (My money’s on the PCP.)

    Like

  51. OMG, what did they do to Ariel?

    Like

  52. Please show us how the cats like it.

    Like

    Messy Money recently posted A Consumeritis Close Call.

  53. Pssst: it’s ‘faze’ not ‘phase’. http://www.vocabulary.com/articles/chooseyourwords/faze-phase/

    (Not the point at all, I realize.)

    Like

  54. Is that a lacy tutu s/he’s got on? I’m super jealous.

    Like

  55. This is what happens when you get them wet and feed them after midnight.

    Like

  56. She’s keening for a wig and a chiffon neckerchief to compliment her tattered sea lace?

    Like

  57. This is awesome. I’m going to have nightmares tonight, but it will be worth it. You need some sort of suspension system so when people come over it will whisk by and grab their hat. Maybe put a box of hats outside for people that don’t have one.

    Like

  58. For God’s sake, DON’T BLINK.

    Like

  59. omg that is so rad. I wouldn’t want it in my own house of course. :))

    Like

  60. Fishing net, tutu, same diff. She’s awesome. Congrats on the new addition.

    Like

  61. Spongebob Squarepants comes to mind: “Ma! Do you wanna buy some chocolate?” But She was a worm and not a mermaid. Still. Definitely looks like her. Weird.

    Like

  62. Oh. My! This is so f’ing cool.

    Like

  63. It’s a mermummy! Congratulations!

    Like

  64. It’s oddly compelling, but I’m still glad it’s at your house and not mine.😀

    Like

  65. 72
    Morgaan Madden

    Holy shitnipples. I’ve always highly respected but kept a careful distance from your taxidermy stuff. I have a thing, and I can’t explain it, but it keeps me from eating red meat/pork, too. Just makes me shudder. But THIS, this masterpiece. It has changed my heart (or stolen my soul, I’ll get back to you on that.) I love it. It’s… beautiful.

    Like

  66. Pygmy mermaid mummy?

    Like

    Shelley J recently posted Beware the goats of March (updated).

  67. I’ve seen something like that on TV. People thought it was a real mermaid but it was a monkey fused to a fish. But that still didn’t prepare me for this. I expected something disturbing but I thought it was going to act like the girl from The Ring and crawl out of my screen. Oh shit. This page is still open. ..

    Like

    Rachel recently posted "I'll Help You Through".

  68. 75
    Lesterminator

    Are you sure that’s not an oceangoing black Lectroid from Planet 10?

    Like

  69. THAT IS AMAZINGLY FANTASTICALLY RAD ASS!!

    Like

  70. THIS is the stuff of nightmares, in a kindof awesome way.

    Like

  71. 78
    Mommabird2345

    Is it the lighting or that cameras can’t do it justice, but is it…..furry?

    Like

  72. Wow. W.T.F.

    Like

  73. Confringo

    Like

    All at Once recently posted 40 bags in 40 days.

  74. 81
    Auntie meme

    Needs eyelashes.

    Like

  75. Oh God. I’m really glad I’m not sleeping alone tonight. I may never sleep again.

    Like

  76. 83
    Fiona Plunkett

    By the gods, help me in my geekiness, I actually know what that is… If you were in Northern Canada, this looks very much like a Sedna. It’s a scary-ass creature in Inuit mythology. There are many versions of how she died, but in all of them, she was taken out to sea and thrown out of her father’s kayak and when she tried to catch hold to save herself, he chopped off all her fingers. Feel the love. No wonder she looks pissed….

    Like

  77. This thing has a brother! For realz… Look up the Banff Merman. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

    http://www.calgaryherald.com/close+personal+with+Banff+Merman+Banff+Indian+Trading+Post/7316708/story.html

    Like

  78. Tweezers…
    For the grass…
    If it is bothering your compulsions but you don’t want to use your fingers. Jenny, please don’t use your fingers. Because I love it, and also don’t want you to feed it. You know how it is.

    Like

  79. i’ve heard of these! it’s a mermaid from some place like fiji

    Like

  80. I’m going to def need a bottle of wine to get to bed tonight!

    Like

  81. This is a take on PT Barnum’s “Fiji Mermaid”. (In other words, there are more of them!)
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fiji_mermaid

    Like

  82. throws holy water on screen

    Like

  83. That is freaking awesome!!

    Like

  84. If you stick your fingers in its mouth, it will eat them. Resist the temptation. And get that thing exorcised STAT.

    Like

  85. Bloody hell, THIS is the one thing that will scare me more than the old statues at The Palace of Fine Arts in SF.

    Like

  86. Yes, what Stan said. And as a mermaid scholar (it’s a thing, I swear) I am really jealous.

    Like

  87. Holy guacamole. I… I have no words. And usually I have words.

    Like

  88. Of course the sensitive middle child chose that moment to walk behind me and peer over my shoulder at the computer screen….

    Like

  89. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

    Like

  90. It needs a wig.

    Like

  91. Please, merman, don’t eat me in my dreams! Who am I kidding?I will not come close to sleeping tonight,

    Like

  92. Most Excellent !!!!

    Like

  93. You win. So far….

    Like

  94. Mermaid? nah. Alien fish-maid, maybe.🙂

    Like

  95. It looks like you just busted it doing something really embarrassing. Its face says to me “Wait, this isn’t what it looks like! I can explain! DON’T TELL MY PAROLE OFFICER!”

    Like

    karifur recently posted My car is possessed.

  96. It’s the eyes, those black soulless eyes, they…

    Oh, hello. How are you? I welcome our Mermaid overlords, don’t you? Come look closely…

    Like

  97. 1)I feel like she needs a single glittery bow on her head. Red perhaps. Ruby slippers style.

    2) I long to hear the back story of how this creature came into existence in the first place. It’s got to be amazing!

    Like

  98. That is scary as hell but I died laughing

    Like

  99. Me again. Halloween will be awesome for you this year. I can just imagine this darling creature greeting the neighborhood kiddies at the door, while dead mice play instruments on the porch and Beyonce hands out eyeball candy. By the way, I think you should name this one “Demonica Lewinsky”. EPICNESS.

    Like

    Kelli recently posted Let It Go.

  100. That’s not a mermaid. IT’S A MOTHERFUCKING GRINDYLOW. A water demon. For God’s sake, they grab little children with their sinewy hell-arms and drown them if they come too close to the water’s edge. KILL IT WITH FIRE. IMMEDIATELY.

    Like

  101. Jenny – creepy as f*ck. Have you come up with a name?

    Btw, “Holy shitnipples” is my new swear phrase. LOVE IT – Morgaan Madden you rock.

    Like

  102. Can’t wait to see what you’ll name this fella!

    Like

  103. Why? And why does it look like the expression changes just a little bit in each photo?

    Like

  104. I laughed so hard I cried. I love you!!!!!

    Like

  105. Wow! That is weird and keeps getting weirder.

    Like

  106. It looks like Ariel learned how to light a fire under the sea.

    Like

  107. I know what this is. As in, found out about it years ago, and deliberately stored said knowledge in my brain (it’s currently taking up the spot used for remembering my mother’s birthday).
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jenny_Haniver

    Like

  108. “It exudes it’s own filter” has me in stitches, either that or I am so terrified. Kind of like when I was a kid and got the giggles at funerals. I am revisiting that moment right now. I love creepy but this is beyond creepy. Someone please send Jenny some Sage to burn. Stefano, that means you!

    Like

  109. omg, it’s a dead Bubble Guppie.I hope it’s Deema, she is fucking annoying.

    Like

  110. Wow. When I close my eyes, I still see it. I don’t think I can unsee it…

    Like

    alejna recently posted Shiny Apple Pi (and some peach pie pi, too).

  111. I think we now know what was inside the box at the end of the movie “Seven.”

    Like

  112. I’m sorry. I don’t think it’s scary at all. It’s fucking fantazzballs. Seriously.

    Like

  113. 120
    StroppyGirl

    It’s a Fiji Mermaid! Left over from a circus freak show, I think.

    Like

  114. If the insect funeral scenes start looking empty, you know what/who to blame.

    Like

  115. I’ve just added an item to my bucket list. Before I die, I want to take a tour of your house… or at least the rooms that have all of the weird stuff.

    Like

  116. Looks like Stefano may have dropped some serious coin on this for you, Jenny.
    http://www.thegeminicompany.com/feejee.html
    You could get another and have a matched set.

    Like

  117. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the Beach Boys, isn’t it?

    Like

    Anubis Bard recently posted The Love Note to 2014, March 11-17, in Costa Rica.

  118. Oooooooo! Whatcha gonna name it?

    Like

    muttikins recently posted Happy Boiled Dinner Day.

  119. I was thinking that I was jealous of the things your fans send you. Till I saw this shit. Thanks for the permanent insomnia for the rest of my life. Which is probably not going to be long as that thing has already started devouring my soul through my laptop’s screen.

    Like

  120. Great, I had to read your blog just before getting ready for bed…

    Like

  121. I really need to unsee this pleaseandthankyou.

    Like

  122. It’s times like this that I have to laugh, because I just shouted “Jesus-tap dancing-Christ, Jenny, why?” And then I thought that maybe you wouldn’t appreciate me calling you by name since I have never met you, and then I worried that you might not like me shouting about Jesus at you, and then I wondered when tap dancing was invented, you know on the off chance that Jesus really did….. you know what, never mind. I was about to try to go to sleep, but now that won’t work. Seriously, would you put a warning in the post title next time someone sends you an undead soul-eating mermaid. Is that too much to ask? Because you know someone will.

    Like

  123. My first reaction was to giggle…….it may be shock…..

    Like

  124. I feel like reading this post while in bed hoping to sleep SAFELY and soundly was a poorly crafted plan. I’m fairly certain that in any horror movie, that thing would eat someone’s face off.

    Like

    kstewand4cats recently posted Dear Teenage Girls: Day 18.

  125. wow- that is more than amazing

    Like

  126. 133
    Laurie Stoker

    I really wish I hadn’t just started eating my dinner when I read this.

    Like

  127. That was impeccably hilarious! 😆

    Like

  128. Jesus that’s terrifying.

    Like

  129. I love that the cat’s ears are back. That’s what my cat does whenever he’s seriously disturbed or upset.

    Like

  130. Perfect for Halloween. Put it on your front steps and put a bowl of candy behind it. Place a note under its hands saying, “Pass me to get candy… if you dare :O”

    Like

  131. Well. That’s… That’s something.

    Like

    Alex recently posted On Bullying, Opinions, and Pitchforks.

  132. 139
    YouAreHere

    This is one of those things that is so scary that I have actual tears of fear welling up.

    Like

  133. I actually said, “Holy Shit!” when that thing came up on my screen. That’s the most horrifyingly awesome thing I’ve ever had the misfortune to see. It’s the stuff of nightmares.

    BTW, what name have you decided to bestow on this terrible thing?

    Like

  134. That’s not just a mermaid. That’s a fucking soul-sucking undead mermaid. I’m assuming this is what happens when dementors have one night stands with mermaids.

    Like

  135. I had the unfortunate luck of being in the middle of dinner when I opened this. I froze with the fork in my mouth and could do nothing but stare for a few long moments. Um, congratulations on your new arrival?

    Like

  136. Oh. Holy. Fuck!!

    Like

  137. I’m pretty sure I saw one of those in my drain once…I have girls so it makes sense…

    Like

  138. That thing is mucho scary, but I am in admiration of your sparkly clean floor. Just sayin’.

    Like

  139. That is wonderful. Just fucking awesomely wonderful.

    Like

    Kim recently posted Survey says: Q&A!.

  140. This sexy monster is soooo taking a selfie. I just don’t know why his captor didn’t bother to taxidermy his celly?! No artistic vision on his part!

    Like

    Jane Ryan recently posted Vegan.

  141. So I’m in bed looking through Twitter and right as the picture pops up my husband jerks in his sleep. I think I wet the bed. That’s terrifying.

    Like

  142. That looks like… a Dementor crossed with a Pike. This is worrying.

    Why is this worrying? Because a Pike eats EVERYTHING. A Dementor EATS SOULS.

    Basically, run. The Elder Gods have released their pilot fish.

    Like

  143. OK…call me sick and twisted but I see I “human eating fish” with a small toddler stuck in its mouth. The toddler is scared and amazed at what is happening.

    Like

  144. It reminds me of The Thing, a, well, thing on display at a roadside museum between Tucson and Wilcox on I-10. The last time we went through there it was still there, surrounded by other interesting items, and cost a buck or two to go through and see “The Thing.” The last remaining oddity of a great era…

    Like

  145. Is that one of those things you hang on the wall, push a button, and it sings “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”……???? T:)

    Like

  146. That’s the scariest fucking thing ever, & you’re going to LIVE in your house w/it? …please tell me the human end is not real? Bc, that can’t even be legal. So, dinner party at your house? Not. Holy yikes.

    Like

  147. You know that show “Oddities?” With creepy mermaids, scrotums, and your stuffed menagerie, you could open your own store whenever you wanted!

    Like

    Jana recently posted Tissue Troubles.

  148. It’s hard to believe that someone actually planned for this to look like this. Maybe it’s a plan interrupted and he got lazy and said…”Oh! I don’t want to do anymore…I’ll just slap a fish on the back end…no one will know…

    Like

  149. Hahaha god you are amazing…I have never laughed so much in my life..

    Like

  150. Thank you, Jenny, and special thanks to Stefano. For adding this to be shared forever through the WWW.
    A tidbit: “W” resonates to the number “6” so WWW=666

    Like

  151. OMG WHAT NO KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!?one!

    Like

    Kathy S. recently posted Hunting and gathering at Walmart (or anywhere).

  152. 159
    Eva Martinson

    From his dilated pupils and the angle of his ears, HST looks conflicted. “Should I make friends with it? Should I kill and eat it? But what if it’s already dead? What if eats ME? But I must be brave and protect my humans. Wait, shouldn’t they be protecting me? Must show no fear. MAKE IT GO AWAAAAY!!!”

    Like

  153. That sassy baby needs a wig!

    Like

  154. So I showed this beauty to my 12 year old daughter. Her reply? “What the SHIT, Mom!?!”
    I know- I don’t even try anymore. At least the worry I had about my baby being switched in the hospital has been dispelled. She’s definitely my daughter…

    Like

  155. Ahhh yes, and what does it say about your tribe that some of us (like yours truly) immediately both flich and squeal, “OMG, it’s a fiji mermaid?!”

    Like

  156. Wow.

    Like

    Korinthia Klein recently posted What a Difference a Pope Makes.

  157. Holy crap, I’d rather watch 6 episodes of Walking Dead in a row than see that again.

    I’ll bet mermaids are actually this scary.

    Like

    Laurie recently posted DIY – My Way.

  158. 165
    Carpe Librarium

    I am pregnant, and this will be what shows up playing the part of my little ‘foetaljuice’ in all my hormone-driven dreams from here on out.

    Like

  159. That thing is STRAIGHT out of Hell! Burn it, and then burn it again!

    Like

  160. I am worried for you. Get out of the house while you still can. IT WANTS TO EAT YOU DEAD. But in case you were worrying, I’m not worried ABOUT you. This all makes perfect sense to me. Wait, now I’m worried about me… Time for another Xanax.

    Like

    Ashleigh recently posted Loving Someone who has Depression.

  161. 168
    Deanna Straw

    Well, if you need a priest-ish someone, I am a semi-young ordained minister who has friends who are also old and younger ministers! Pretty sure we’d travel to bless your house and mermaid-like-demon. You just let us know and we can make it happen. Hope you sleep well tonight!

    Like

  162. Oh no. I already have stress dreams about work. If this guy (girl?) appears in my nightly mental meanderings I’m calling you, Jenny…at Stefano’s, of course.

    Like

    TriGirl recently posted My Runger Monster.

  163. Oh look! A mermaid foetus. (Yes, mermaids are viviparous, contrary to popular belief.)

    Like

    Andreas Heinakroon recently posted 10+1 facts and myths about caffeine.

  164. What the fuckity fuck?! That is, tell me the skull is not a skull, or at least tell me it’s an ape AND then burn it before it eats the cats

    Like

  165. She needs a facinator to really make her fit in.

    Like

  166. 173
    labgoddess

    The only thing I can say right now is “Holy Fuck!”

    Like

  167. I have gotten a bedpan filled with tootsie rolls in the mail but this takes the cake. Seriously though, what is it really????

    Like

  168. Exactly like Sea Monkeys. Only weirder.

    Like

  169. I should have heeded your warning on Twitter and not come to check it out… but I just couldn’t leave well enough alone could I?? Good God, that thing is so horrifying. I am disturbed by the fact that Stefano actually bought/owned it. (Also, Jen’s comment above nearly made me wake up my children I was laughing so hard)

    Like

  170. I actually felt better once I saw the fishtail. I don’t know what that means.

    Like

  171. Slap a wig on that creepy thing and it’ll all make perfect sense.

    Like

  172. I just woke my husband up because I was laughing so hard. He seemed a little mad until I mad him read your post and now he forgives me completely. Just wow!

    Like

  173. 180
    StacieinAtlanta

    Hunter is clearly pondering what scared the shit out of that thing.

    Like

  174. This thing is obviously in the middle of a rousing rendition of “Part of Your World”, you just need to remove the grass.

    Like

  175. I wonder if she knows the Long Beach Washington alligator man.
    This popped right into my mind as soon as I saw the picture you posted. This is in a store in Long Beach Washington. I think they are about the same size too. http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/images/wa/WALONmarsh25b.jpg

    Like

  176. This actually made me scream “What the flowery fuck IS that thing?!” out loud. That goddamn voodoo skele-fish is scary enough that it frightened cats in Seattle. That’s like at least 65 states away, if you count Wyoming a few dozen times. I always do, because I feel kinda sorry that hardly anyone lives there. Poor lonely state.

    Like

    Adrasteia recently posted There may, in fact, be balm in Gilead after all. Suck it, raven..

  177. I now aspire to exude my own filter. Brilliant.

    The Little Mermaid is now somewhat tarnished in my head. “Look at this stuff, isn’t it- OH MY GOD!!!!”, and then pee comes out.

    Those liquorice button eyes are not working one bit, either.

    I’m allergic to water, all of a sudden!

    Like

  178. Wow, I thought you were talking about the big orange creature sitting behind the mummified mermaid. That’s why I was freaked out!

    Like

  179. Oh my fucking god.

    This is… I can’t. I’m dead. lol

    Like

  180. Jesus fuck. That’s exactly what I needed to see while up with the baby at 1 a.m. No, really. It will ensure I don’t accidentally fall asleep and drop her. Because I’ll likely not sleep for awhile, now.

    Like

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  181. 188
    ocularnervosa

    I once got a letter from the IRS so…..

    Like

  182. 189
    Sillymagpie

    Are you sure it’s not a dead alien mermaid. Check around for a guy who looks like Rod Serling. Or Fox Mulder. Possibly taxidermied.

    Like

  183. In fact there are a few mermaids out there. http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/33525

    Like

  184. Now you need a series of billboards leading to your office advertising “The Mermaid that God Forgot” …in just 18 more steps…12 more paces!…You’re almost there kids!!…Here He Comes!!!…Exit Now for the Death Mermaid!!!!

    Like

  185. If it were much, much smaller I would say it belongs in your haunted dollhouse. It’s awesome!

    Like

  186. I’m a fairly hard person to scare, probably because I enjoy it so much. For whatever reason, it did not even occur to me that you might have photographed something truly disturbing, because yeah sure, whatever, I can totally handle this.

    I will never doubt you again.

    That is the single creepiest real-life object I have ever seen in my life, and I have to go to bed now, so thanks for the nightmares! kisses

    Like

  187. Holy crap I cannot WAIT to show this to my daughter. I will let you know what her 14 year old reaction is. She loves your site, btw and I think she wants to adopt your cats and your daughter, personally. Possibly you too.

    sigh Fortunately for her, I won’t get her out of bed at 2:14 am even though she’s homeschooled and TECHNICALLY she doesn’t have any activities until 7pm tomorrow…hmmm.

    Like

  188. It looks lucky.🙂 I love its “Oh, hey, didn’t expect you to come home early and see me going through your underwear drawer” facial expression.🙂

    Like

  189. All I can think of is American Horror Story and other terrifying movies, books, et. Creeeeeepy.

    Like

  190. Terrifying and awesome! I would love one if only I wasn’t so scared that it doesn’t even need to be in the same room to get me. I think it might even be able to suck souls through the computer screen!

    I love the insect funerals by the way!

    Like

    Laura Morrigan recently posted Cosplay BBQ at the Japanese Gardens #1.

  191. People on the internet know where you live?

    Now THAT’S frightening!

    Like

  192. 199
    madrigorne

    Needs a crystal ball to look into and a scarf round her noggin, some verdigris and gold jewelry and a small carpet bag to either set close by or dangle from her arm. The Oracle will see for you. Aurelia is a pretty good name.

    Like

  193. can I borrow this for my son’s birthday which is also happens to be Halloween because I’m putting this into his bed and I am going to screw with the boy. This is what we do. I know great parenting. Right?

    Like

  194. Surely this is the long lost bride of Jake the Alligator Man!
    http://jakethealligatorman.com/
    (If you’re ever in Long Beach, WA., be sure to visit Marsh’s Free Museum, home to Jake. You will definitely find your tribe there!)

    Like

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  195. I would imagine it’s a gaff used in some sort of side show attraction. I wonder if they bought it at the shop in oddities?

    Like

  196. He’s actually quite sweet looking in comparison to the one I’ve seen in Banff, Canada. That one has pointy teeth and looks not dissimilar to shrunken heads from days of yore.

    Like

  197. I photoshopped something for you – leaving it here…

    http://madrigorne.wordpress.com/2014/03/19/for-the-bloggess/

    Like

  198. Worth it. Sleeping is overrated anyway.

    Like

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  199. I am so very scared, right now. Not only will I need to double and triple check my locks, ensure all my doors are firmly closed and check under my bed… I’m somehow going to have to be floating above the ground during it, so this thing can’t get at me.

    Like

  200. Well this is more than a little weird isn’t it? Why would someone make that. Why?

    Like

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  201. Waaauw. Never seen anything like it. Wouldn’t want it in my house, though, but I think it is awesome – it would fit in with my books…

    Like

  202. 210
    classifiedinfo

    So creepy, it gives “Robert the Doll” a case of the willies.

    Like

  203. What the holy living fuck-crap?? I’m sort of jealous but also, I like sleep. So I’m mostly not. I AM going to have my head blessed though as I think this may crawl out of my thoughts and eat my face while I sleep.

    Like

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  204. On one hand it’s creepy as hell. On the other, it’s kinda cute.

    Like

  205. I second the motion to stay out of the house until it’s been blessed. You should probably get a rabbi, an Imam, and a buddhist priest to bless it too — just to cover all your easily accessed bases.

    That thing is so creepy.

    Like

  206. Somehow, I pictured mermaids as red-headed.

    Oh wait. That’s Disney. Not Bloggess.

    My mistake.

    Team Stefano’s wife here. I would definitely mail this to you if it were in my living room.

    Like

  207. 215
    gina in alabama

    You need one of these unicorns
    http://www.amazon.com/Moxie-Girlz-Poopsy-Doll-Kellan/dp/B00ALG177I
    to counterindicate this mermaid. Only then will balance be restored. Watch the attached video for some more extreme wrongness but its presented in such a good, wholesome way that makes it even more disturbing.

    Like

  208. That is scary as fuck.

    Like

  209. My first impression: That thing’s facial expression looks like an alien who ended up on the wrong end of the probe.

    Like

  210. That might be the hidden link.

    Like

  211. It kind of looks like my second husband.

    Like

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  212. I think I’ll keep my Thor and Egyptian gods collection I have going. None of that will make me wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.

    Although that scares me, it is also completely fucking awesome.😀 Bravo Stefano!!

    Like

  213. 221
    Naomi Martin

    Dang. It’s a fiji mermaid – I know because I drooled (not literally, that would be gross and possibly bring it to life) all over one at a Halloween convention but unfortunately it was too rich for my blood and/or it needed to go home with a virgin so I couldn’t get it. The one I saw was decorated in a crate with fish netting and other things (innocent babies? ) to make it feel like it was at home (in the depths of hell, obviously). You’re a lucky gal and/or about to be overtaken in your sleep tonight. Either way, cool gift!

    Like

  214. Nice trick! Glad you figured out the mermaid’s trap to get you to feed yourself to it! Thank God for Hunter! Ferris is probably just waiting for the correct moment to strike..

    I love you Jenny.

    carry on.

    Like

  215. It’s not shocked OR mocking. It is angry at you and wants you to suffer. o.O

    Like

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  216. OMG you have a sideshow mermaid!! that’s wonderful! ok, so this poor lil dear is a bit… creepifying… but come on! these guys are hard to come by. plus, how would you feel if you were taxidermied onto a carp? I mean a horse, sure, then i’d be the centaur ruler of the galaxy, nach, but a carp? poor lil spider monkey. just keep telling him that this makes him awesome and unique and i’m sure he’ll relax some.

    Like

  217. I couldn’t stop laughing…is there something wrong with me that I laugh at that.

    Like

  218. Chelsie | March 18, 2014 at 7:45 pm
    That’s not a mermaid. IT’S A MOTHERFUCKING GRINDYLOW. A water demon. For God’s sake, they grab little children with their sinewy hell-arms and drown them if they come too close to the water’s edge. KILL IT WITH FIRE. IMMEDIATELY.”

    Why does a GRINDYLOW strike a chord with me?? I know that. Where did I learn it? Oh please brain, find the drawer that knowledge is stored in!

    Like

  219. 227
    Alice Fraggle

    Is it weird that I want one, but want to burn that one at the same time? I mean, it’s awesome, but it’s also terrifying. Is their a word for that?
    I think Julie is right – it’s a Grindylow! (Grindylows are in Harry Potter Julie – if that helps you find the brain drawer!)

    Like

  220. 228
    Alice Fraggle

    ACK! Can’t edit replies! “Is THERE a word for that?”
    (I know the difference, really!)

    Like

  221. @Julie- Harry Potter.

    I woke up this morning and popped open my iPad to check out what I was missing on the interwebs, and I ended up staring at this, with my 5 yr old daughter (who joined my mid-night after having a nightmare) laying right beside me. I was terrified she would see it and then I would never sleep alone again, but I couldn’t look away. So, thanks for that, I guess…

    Like

  222. Holy shizz that is scary!

    Like

  223. Oh. My. You are lucky to have such good friends. It’s the eyes that bother me. And the fingers…

    Like

  224. It looks like Hunter S Tomcat is planning on eating it the next time you leave the house so… no worries, until you have to take him to the vet or get him exorcized.

    Like

  225. Errm.. Right. Well. That’s an image that is never going to leave me. Thanks!

    x

    Like

  226. I WANT ONE! I think he (she??) is awesome! I seriously need to find one of these.

    Like

  227. PS Have you read The Wee Free Men by Terry Prachett? I know you like Gaiman and Practchett isn’t really the same sort of thing at all, but the Tiffany Aching series of books are lovely. (And not scary/creepy like the Merthing.)

    Like

  228. 236
    Dianna Overmyer

    HAHAHAHA! Thanks for that. I needed a good laugh today.

    Like

  229. SHIT SNACKS SCOOBY DO!!!
    I will be with Ferris in the cabinet and we will be sharing Ambien. We will never mention this again.

    Like

  230. Creeptacular!🙂

    Like

  231. This is what my nightmares are made of…

    Like

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  232. I kinda think it deserves a proper burial, ya know?

    Like

  233. Oh, phor phuck’s sake…the spell checkers obviously don’t understand that your use of “phased” was not only intentional but necessary in this situation. I think it is a mummified mermaid baby unearthed from Pompeii……where the lava met the Sarno river. Of course. I mean – why else did an Italian bring this to you?

    Like

  234. 242
    OtherCharlotte

    We carnival people recognized her before we even saw her tail. She is a fiji mermaid. Fear not.

    Like

  235. Want to know why there is grass in its mouth other than to lure you into sticking a meaty and delicious finger in there? When these where made by scam artists they would take the monkey skulls out and sell them separately then stuff the head with a bunch of dry grass and crap to make the head skin round again. now that it is nice and dry the grass is falling out and creating a nice trap for those of us with type a personalities or OCD that cant stand to see little strand of shit hanging out of possessed demons faces.

    Maybe a nice hat or scarf would friendly it up some??

    A MONOCLE!!! That’s what that little asshole needs make him less face eat-y looking!!

    Like

  236. you can tell hunter doesn’t trust it by the way he’s holding his ears. he knows it can’t chase him, since his legs are relaxes, but hunter has NO IDEA what this thing might try and is preparing for anything.

    Like

    steph gas recently posted home with with cats.

  237. The fact the mermaid fits into your home décor perfectly makes me want to squish your guts, in a good way. Not in a creepy mermaid I want to eat your face off when you are sleeping way.

    Like

  238. I was just wondering what I could do to cause my already-rampant insomnia to increase exponentially. Hmmm….wonder what the Bloggess is up to? Problem solved.

    But is it still technically insomnia if you don’t sleep at all?

    Like

  239. Holy crap, no doubt the funniest thing I have read in a long time!! What the fuck is that thing?!? Freaking hysterical, I was laughing at this blog so hard it made me cry….!

    Like

  240. But now I want to see the insect funeral scene!

    Like

  241. Holy shit. I’d take it into the back yard, douse it with holy water and then blast it with a shotgun. I’d gather up pieces and put them in dumpsters that were in different states. To prevent that thing from ever reforming.

    (And I’m Jewish and my tribe doesn’t usually have holy water.)

    Like

  242. OMG IT’S A FIJI MERMAID. It’s awful and creepy and I want it. #superjealous #ohshitamIcrazierthanthebloggess #yeahIguessIam

    Like

  243. OH…and if you put some googly eyes on it, and maybe a wig, it would be less scary and MORE AWESOME.

    Like

  244. 252
    SqualorHouseGail

    @Anubis Bard—-Bwahahahaha!!!!!!!
    Congrats to Stefano on the find!!!
    Personally, I think it’s a “she” and would look wonderful with the red sparkly bow someone suggested….

    Like

  245. It appears it once had a unicorn horn on the midparietal section of its head. You should find who performs cornuplasty on chimeras and get it done

    Like

  246. HO-LEE shitballs. Please make this look happier, less creepy, less like it will kill me in my sleep. You’re creative. If I ever see this mermaid skeletor whatever it is again, it better be dressed up and be comforting. Also. For the love of God, do NOT put your hand in it’s mouth. I will now add this comment and not scroll up to see this thing again. But go Stefano, he seems to know you well!🙂

    Like

  247. I. NEED. THIS!!

    Like

  248. That is terrifying! But, if a thief breaks into your house, he’ll probably see your oddball collection and run the hell away because a) he’ll have already pissed himself and b) who would want to steal that stuff anyway?!

    Like

  249. Speechless. (And, for me, that’s saying a lot.)

    Like

  250. I think this is absolutely darling! I do think a wig in a stylish bob, perhaps with a bow on top would complete the look. Maybe in a lime green to complement the tones of decay.

    Like

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  251. 259
    Lucky Maria

    Look, I’m not wishing you any ill will but I can hardly wait for your fucking estate sale.

    Like

  252. I believe it was the little mermaid (or perhaps finding nemo?) that taught me that horizontal tail fins are good (i.e. dolphins) and vertical tails fins are bad (i.e. sharks)

    Like

  253. That’s the weirdest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. That’s creepy horror movie material.

    Like

  254. 262
    Laurie Ann

    I opened this while covering the reception desk and everyone who walked through the lobby could see it. Needless to say, I’m now given a wide berth by everyone in the office.

    Like

  255. Oh, Holy Crow!

    I am at a loss for words after that….

    Like

  256. Holy fuck that might be the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen. Certainly the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen someone use as part of their home decor. Makes Copernicus look like a fucking Cabbage Patch Kid.

    Like

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  257. A Fiji mermaid! HOLYFUCKBALLSYOUOWNAFIJIMERMAID! This is why you’re on my sidebar under the heading “She Is Our God Now.”

    Like

  258. Holy hell, even the cat is scared! At the first picture, I thought, yes, scary, but is it really worse than a scrotum? And then came the fish tail, and I decided, YES. It is most definitely worse than a scrotum.

    Like

  259. I’m really fucking jealous. you get all the best shit.

    Like

  260. … I close my eyes and the face is there, tattooed onto my brain. I will never sleep again.

    Like

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  261. 269
    Heidiohhellno

    Kinda looks like it’s making one of those heart symbols with it’s wretched little fingers, no? But in more of a ‘I will remove your heart while you’re sleeping’ kinda way…

    Like

  262. IT’S A FIJI MERMAID AND OMG I WANT IT!!!

    Like

  263. Seriously fucking awesome beyond words! Hats off to Stefano, I bow before your ability to find the creepiest taxidermy animal/mythical creature ever.

    Like

  264. What I wouldn’t give to have a fiji mermaid. You are one lucky woman Jenny!

    Also, seeing as you tend to make things better and mention the musical instrument playing mice; can you find him a little saxophone or something judging by the way his hands look positioned it may work? Or a submarine sandwich? Okay – I’ll stop now, but just know that I am jealous.

    Like

  265. I swear I once saw a “Mysteries at the Museum” episode where this thing was kept as an exhibit. Someone had apparently at one time put together two or more creatures and created this and it became some kind of circus side show.

    Like

  266. Today is my birthday, and that is SO not the gift I wanted!!
    ; )
    But, yeah…it’ll be tough to ever top Stefano!

    Like

  267. Any zombie cemeteries nearby? He/she seems like an appropriate guard or mascot for that type of thing.

    Like

  268. That thing is seriously, life-altering disturbing.

    Like

  269. Apparently, my 7 year old daughter should belong in your family……… I showed it to my teen sons, thinking they would find it funny, but she came up behind me- “Awww…Mom, it’s adorable. It’s really pretty creepy, but it is still adorable.”
    Also, I have some holy water and I think I may sprinkle it around my computer tonight so that thing can not come into my home through the computer screen……

    Like

  270. that is phenomenal. creepy and yet hilarious. and could it possibly have found a more appropriate home? hat’s off to Stefano!

    Like

  271. I love it so hard.

    Like

  272. It’s a Fiji mermaid!! funny, I was just researching these yesterday for a new painting I’m going to start working on.

    Like

  273. OMFG Jenny! That is the creepiest creature I have seen to date. Not surprised you own it. LOL. Just when I think there’s nothing to top your last addition, something like this happens. Can see why Stefano’s wife wanted that out of the house. If I have nightmares tonight, I’m blaming you.

    Like

  274. That is terrifyingly awesome!!!

    Like

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  275. Yeah, I’m scared. Seriously the stuff of nightmares! I’m so glad that he has a home. I say he as it looks like a young male mermaid. Would that be a merboy? Meryouth?

    Like

  276. Well, that’s certainly interesting…in the best MInnesotan sense of the word. Cleared this was phased in from an alternative universe. Interestingly, while Face Book says “Phased” your blog says “fazed” although in this case the former “phase” could seriously be correct.

    Either way, you gotta admit, that’s pretty weird.

    Like

  277. Yes. It is scary. I will grant you that. Scary. But you know what’s terrifying? Somewhere on this planet, there exists a person who woke up one morning and decided THAT would be his work for the next while. I think I could survive sitting in a room with the mermaid. Not completely sure I could say the same about its creator.

    Like

  278. I have to know, WHAT IS IT? I mean what is it made of? I love it.

    Like

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  279. Just when I think you can’t surpass my wow factor, you surpass my wow factor!! WOW!

    Like

  280. HOLY CRAP!!!! I want one😀

    Like

  281. My word. Stefano sent you a Fiji Mermaid. This one is very well done! A taxidermist (of varying skill) would merge half a monkey with the body of a fish to create these things, and sell them to huge amounts of money to the gullible. It was all the rage for a short while in history. You seem to have acquired a very nice specimen. The grass inside the mouth is stuffing – it helps the body retain shape.

    Most excellent!

    Like

  282. 290
    Courtney Struble

    You could put a red wig on it to make it more “Arielesque”.

    Like

  283. That’s no mermaid. That is a demon fish devouring an infant.

    Like

  284. OK that has to be the most awesomestly terrifying thing I’ve ever seen! I love it and kudos to Stefano!

    Like

  285. The Figi Merman is displayed at the Zwaanandale Museum in Lewes, Delaware, my home town! http://history.delaware.gov/museums/zm/merman.shtml Check it out!

    Like

  286. 294
    CreepyGirl

    A Fiji Mermaid!!! I could’ve used one of these on the 1st. I got married, the theme was Sideshow and the venue redecorated and relocated their Fiji Mermaid to some mysterious hidden location. You lucky girl!

    Like

  287. 295
    Julie K. McCarty

    While I find this a little disturbing, the scientist in me wants to have it x-rayed! Or in a CT scan, or maybe an MRI? It would be cool to see the skeletal structure of this thing. My curiosity is getting the better of me. I know it would destroy the mystery of it all, my bad.

    Like

  288. Super awesome! This type of thing, by the way, is what Barnum used in his museums in the 19th century to get people to think he had found evidence of mermaids!

    Like

  289. Nightmares, I’m having them… wide awake and during the day.

    Like

    Lauren recently posted Running on Empty.

  290. This is clearly from another planet and therefore proves the existence of The Doctor and the TARDIS.

    You’re welcome.

    Now get that guy back here so he can take this thing HOME, for the love of Pete.

    Like

  291. And all I can think of is the movie Splash!

    P.S. I’m terrified.

    Like

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  292. There are no words but WOW. I really don’t think I’ll ever sleep again!

    Like

  293. I want this so bad and I would display it proudly the next time my sister, who is afraid of everything and thinks everything in life is bad and actually, genuinely, thinks creatures like that exists, comes to visit.

    Like

  294. Holy hell

    Like

  295. Oh rock out.

    Like

  296. It’s like it wants to be sooooo scary, but its fishbutt ruins it. Poor thing. It needs a name!

    Like

  297. Oh sweet baby Jesus! What exactly is that made of? It is terrifying and magnificent!

    Like

  298. It reminds me of the Fiji mermaid, from an episode of the X-files. Yikes!

    Like

  299. Is it worth mentioning that my computer didn’t even want to load this page, and it took 5 tries to get it to load properly?

    Who needs sleep anyway?

    Like

  300. Sweet baby Jesus! What exactly is that made of? It is terrifying and magnificent!

    Like

  301. Well there goes swimming.

    Like

  302. WHAT IS THAT MADE OUT OF???? (please tell me paper mache)

    Like

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  303. Oh holy crap. Hell no. I mean HELL NO.

    Like

  304. That is the freakiest fucking thing I have ever seen. It looks like an alien that escaped from Area 51 and was half eaten by a trout or salmon. Nightmares, here I come!

    Like

  305. I think it looks cool. Obviously, I also adore horror movies, so that doesn’t say much about me…

    Like

  306. This is the weirdest thing I’ve seen in days.

    Like

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  307. Longtime reader, first time commenting – I saw this at the Victoria Steam Expo in 2012. I took a picture of it because it was so cool: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r01Mly0BfKY/T5TNRTmF0KI/AAAAAAAANLY/7opr8O_XqTA/s1600/110.JPG

    Rock on, Jen – enjoy your awesome mer-thing.

    Like

  308. Holy crap that’s disturbing… and basically awesome

    Like

  309. I haven’t read all comments so maybe someone else wrote this … it appears to be a FeeJee Mermaid .. made of half monkey half fish used in a traveling circus. If you g00gle, you’ll see more of these “lovely” monkeymaids.

    Like

  310. I am guessing Hunter S. Thomcat is channeling his namesake and just assuming this is the product of a bad acid trip. At least, that is what I am hoping these images are because, well, WTF if not!?!?

    Like

  311. Kids who see this will never be able to watch The Little Mermaid again!

    Like

  312. I’d just like to mention how proud I am for NOT having nightmares about this thing after seeing it last night. NICE TRY, STEFANO.

    Like

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  313. Is this like something from “the ring” where we now have to make other people look at it so it won’t come to our house? If so, you’re safe, but I’m screwed…or am I? I have students!

    Like

  314. Is it real? I mean, is it maybe one of those babies born with the legs fused together or is is plaster. If it’s the mummified remains of a child, I think you need to find a new tribe.

    Either way, get thee some holy water, post haste and sprinkle that shit while chanting and praying in Latin. And incense. The smelly kind. It supposedly makes the demons flee. Mostly because they can’t stand the odor.

    Like

  315. Creepy as Hell! Where’s the door anyone!!!!! :oP Post it back to its ‘rightful’ owner ASAP!

    Hysterical post! ;o)

    Like

  316. 324
    sjorgenson

    Cue the Twilight Zone music…

    Like

  317. It looks like a Bubble Guppy (Nickelodeon show)

    Like

  318. I discovered where you can buy one for your very own: http://theevolutionstore.com/store/feejee-mermaid-og9001. (Note: Act soon! It says there’s only one in stock.)

    Like

  319. Are you sure that’s not in any way human remains?

    Like

  320. 328
    Pyxiegirl76

    Holy crap, that is……riveting. I say move it around your house covert ops style to unhinge your fam. Imagine opening the dryer and that thing is in there, ready to pounce. Or the refrigerator…

    Like

  321. Way cool! It will keep Creepy Davey Jones (the pirate one, not the Monkeys one) out of your house.

    Like

  322. You should move it around the house every night, like a really fucked up Elf on the Shelf.

    Like

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  323. Great, now every time I check under the bed I am going to have visions of this lurking underneath it . . .

    Like

  324. WHAT
    THE
    ABSOLUTE
    FUCK

    That thing is going to make my future grandchildren wake up screaming in the future.

    TIME WARPING TERROR FOLKS and NOT THE WIBBLEY WOBBLEY TIMEY WIMEY STUFF

    Like

  325. Heard of the “Walking Dead”, this is the swimming dead, look away, look away now.

    Like

  326. Did Stefano by any chance happen to mention what it’s made of? Because I’m probably not gonna sleep until I know.

    Like

  327. Magnificent. Truly, truly freaking magnificent.

    Like

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  328. Yep. Have to admit as much as I’d love to be married to you, I’d divorce you if you insisted on keeping that in the house. There’s no good there, nogoodnogoodnogood.

    Like

  329. It’s the murdered out eyes…

    Like

  330. All I every wonder is, when you get things like this in the mail (of course not having any clue what lies in the package), what is your reaction when you first open the box? I have no clue what I would have done if I were to open a package and this thing was staring at me!

    Like

  331. 339
    Jose posey

    Is that a human infant skeleton taxidermied to a bass carcass??
    This may be better than any other television show out there.

    Like

  332. Well, that’s scarier than that Insidious movie I watched last night.

    Like

  333. So, please next time Webcam yourself opening these packages – I might even webcam myself reading your blog. Personally I think this minature denizen of the deep would be perfectly comfortable nestled up to those taxidermied scrotums (they are taxidermied – aren’t they?)

    Like

  334. HIlarifying.

    Like

  335. It’s like a surprise party at your house every bloomin’ day. I’d love to be your delivery person. “$20 says it’s a bucket of thumbs!”

    Like

    Stacey Graham (@staceyigraham) recently posted I have a new appreciation for geriatric flexibility.

  336. How does one even package a deep-fried (I’m assuming) mummified fetal mermaid? I’m surprised its arms didn’t fall off in transit!

    Like

    Kristine N. recently posted How I Met Your Mother – “Gary Blauman” (Spoilers).

  337. It’s beautiful!

    Like

  338. This reminds me of Jake the Alligator man here in Washington State! We have a bumper sticker with him on our car. Sometimes I wonder why we’re getting such odd looks from the other drivers…
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jake_the_Alligator_Man

    Like

  339. Oh my god, it’s a mermaid Dementer. now I’m afraid to swim in open water in case all the happiness is sucked out of me!

    Like

  340. I never shut up and that thing left me speechless. All I can think of is the phrase from Princess Pride in the To-The-Pain scene “every baby that weeps at your approach, every woman that cries out DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT THING?!?”

    Like

  341. She needs a bra made out of seashells. A little color would make all the difference.

    Like

  342. Because my boyfriend is addicted to all those ancient aliens shows, I also recognized it as a fiji mermaid, but the tail is wrong. Regardless, he is totally jealous.
    Also, if he/she/it isn’t on the cover of your next book, I will be very very sad.

    Like

  343. I’d have to put that in the fridge. Just think of all the weight I could lose!

    Like

  344. My hat goes off to your daughter, if she’s not terrified of all this stuff. i just couldn’t sleep anymore…

    Like

  345. I so want one of those!

    Like

  346. I’m afraid to blink. You are a brave, brave woman.

    Like

  347. 355
    pepethefreak

    fuckity, fuck fuck, FUCK. OH HELL NO!

    Like

  348. I think you should add a long, blonde wig to it…. Daryl Hannah -esque.

    Like

  349. I bow to you, Stefano.

    Like

  350. My eyes! I cant un-see that.

    Like

  351. ohh for all that is holy…. can’t you just imagine that thing crawling up the stairs to nibble daintily at your toes hanging over the edge of your bed…

    Have you ever seen that old movie called “It’s Alive!” it moves/sounds like that… up and down, up and down…

    holy shit… just holy shit

    I think I’d be looking in the yellow pages where to find the nearest vial of holy water and doing the sign of the cross on my chest (and this coming from the least religious person you’re ever gonna meet)…

    shudder

    Like

  352. I assume this will end up on greeting cards soon.

    Like

  353. Holy Mary that thing is TERRIFYING

    Like

  354. I feel like he needs a tiny monocle and tophat.

    Like

  355. I thought it was kind of cute, like once you get passed the decay fossil look of it, you can envision a beautiful creature singing songs that distract seamen (I got to say semen) from their voyage into her evil sea trap. There might be 2 others out there just like it.

    Like

    dribblesngrits recently posted Poetic Dribbles that Signify Nothing.

  356. I was reading this at work and started making strange noises. My buddy came over and we both were in AWE! We then read some of the postings. I love the doll as a counter to this and… PIGMY MERMUMMY!!!! My friend is going to have nightmares. It’s just freaking awesome.

    Like

  357. 365
    Rebecca Thompson

    Looks like Jake the alligator man, a local legend of seaside, Oregon. You should visit there sometime. You’d love it.

    Like

  358. 366
    Rebecca Thompson

    Oh I was wrong, as another poster said, jake is from WA.

    Like

  359. Oh, and in response to some other comments, I do have some Holy Water if you need it. I keep one from one church in the pretty bottle they gave me, and some more in a Motrin bottle from another church. One was blessed by an old priest, and one by a young one. It never did me any good really, but I was thinking of taking a bath in it to like make up for the slut period of my life. It’s really hard, I said hard, for a girl to say no when surrounded by a bunch of loose whore men with muscles and brains. Never at the same time. Ewwww.

    Like

    dribblesngrits recently posted Poetic Dribbles that Signify Nothing.

  360. That definitely belongs in a guest bathroom!

    Like

  361. Hunter S. Thomcat knows half a fish when he sees one.

    Like

  362. When do I get mine? That’s how you know you’re big-time in the blog world😉

    Like

    Moni Barrette recently posted The anatomy (and aftermath) of a "wine night".

  363. I LOVE IT!! Well done Stefano.

    Like

  364. I think I need this. I mean. It’s amazing. Definitely needs a top hat.

    Like

  365. What the hell is it made out of?? My assumption is all the dead souls of fisherman who kill whales or something but is it papier mâché?

    Like

  366. 375
    Bethany Robinson

    Looks to me like Billy Bass’s unfortunate cousin, Mervin Merman. He died from constipation (hence the expression).

    Like

  367. I think it’s kind of cute. In a “don’t close your eyes EVER” kind of way. I couldn’t imagine a better home for..him? And just think how great he would look with accessories.

    Like

  368. Looks like Billy Bass’s unfortunate cousin, Mervin Merman. He died of constipation.

    Like

  369. I am pretty sure if you just put a filet o fish in it’s hands the expression will take on a whole new meaning. Personally, I kinda like it. I mean how can you not love a mummified mermaid? (or merman as the case may be)

    Like

  370. 379
    Madame Defarge

    I want one!!!

    Like

  371. Ha! I almost asked for your address to send you the very first rabbit I ever skinned… But then I thought, nah, it’s a family heirloom. I love the mermaid; it was a really thoughtful gesture from Stefano.

    Like

  372. Wow, nightmares for life guaranteed. I’m kind of speechless, like it, my mouth is set with a perfect O. What in God’s name will you call it? Maybe some combination of the words mermaid and Stefano? Mermano? Stefanmer? shudder

    Like

    Shari recently posted Behind the Closet Door.

  373. I so desperately needed something to make me laugh today and this just did the trick. Your writing is so damn funny – thank you!!

    Like

  374. It needs a top hat… definitely!

    Like

  375. This is the inspiration to start your amazing new career as a screen writer of horror movies.

    Like

  376. I think it’s also making the “illuminati” sign, just sayin’

    Like

  377. She needs a hat.

    Like

  378. So, does it have a NAME yet?

    Like

  379. Unsuspectingly scrolled by that thing on Pinterest this morning. Thanks for the nightmare fuel!

    Like

    Jordan recently posted Eep! I entered a writing contest!.

  380. Sweet baby Jesus! I don’t even… I cant… I give up.

    Like

  381. Pretty sure that creature is a minion of Cthulhu.

    Like

  382. that. is. awesome.

    Like

    Stubbs recently posted Angels Among Us.

  383. Reblogged this on LINGZ and commented:
    Ha! How amazing! How do I unsee this?

    Like

  384. Wow. So Stefano doesn’t like you much, right? Sending you something that he and his wife are afraid of?

    Like

    Skye recently posted From a Place of Fear.

  385. I don’t know why, but it looks like he should be holding and eating a banana!

    Like

  386. I’m worried. Because the thing I took away from that whole post was not the Fiji mermaid/dementor mummy, but what instruments do the dead mice play and is it a full orchestra or a rock band or a mouse playing a banjo or an accordion or something?

    Like

    Kelly recently posted Roots, family, golf courses, and Facebook photos.

  387. Yeah, I’d have to keep that.

    Like

  388. Perhaps among the 300+ comments someone has posted this link already, but /there are more of these/ available for sale:

    http://www.thegeminicompany.com/feejee.html

    Like

  389. I’m fairly certain that it is going to steal your soul. And I’m entirely certain that thing far exceeds the creep factor of clowns. God Bless you my child. God Bless you.

    Like

  390. I imagine this was part of circus tent sideshow originally.

    Like

  391. 🙀 urk….

    Like

  392. Love that expression. “This is the scariest house I’ve ever been mailed to.”

    Like

    Curiosity recently posted She is kind of functional. Nice and warm..

  393. @stan #88 is correct. It’s a version of the Fiji Mermaid which was passed off for years as a real taxidermied mermaid and shown as fairs and circuses in the 19th century. I work at the institution that owns the original one that PT Barnum had. This is, if you can believe it, much better looking than the original.

    Like

    Kelly and Geoff recently posted Baritone or Bass needed 3/30 & 4/6‏ Cambridge, MA.

  394. That is truly incredible. In the worst sort of way. I can’t wait to see the outfits/cards/t shirts/whatever that this creature might inspire. Have you named him/her/it yet?

    Like

  395. He looks like he’s just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar! You could put a cookie or a piece of cake right in front of him!

    Like

  396. Have you guys read Geek Love? Because I’m in the middle of it right now and this ‘gift’ totally belongs in Crystal Lil’s Chute. If you know what I mean.

    (One of my favorite books. ~ Jenny)

    Like

    Sarah recently posted BOOKMONTH.

  397. If I was a mermaid I wouldn’t have my gills on my rib cage because:
    1. it would take the attention away from my boobs.
    2. if you were hugged you would be suffocated
    3. once you landed (on land) you couldn’t wear a shirt/clothes as the fabirc would suffocate you, and opting to go clothes-less would bring you back to point 1

    I was thinking that perhaps I would have the gills on my head or neck, but being from Canada the suffocating problem would happen during the winter because I would be wearing a scarf or wooly hat.
    So I question you. Where would an appropriate place be for gills in this day and age?
    With that said/questioned I just don’t think this stuffed mermaid/person is real! So possesion or demon hauntings should not really be a concern for you. I’m just sayin….

    Like

  398. That looks like the thing that was in my nightmare last night. For reals.

    Like

    karenmpeterson recently posted On the Subject of Mormons and Homosexuality.

  399. Oh my god i need this!!

    Like

    scar recently posted made of steel.

  400. It looks like it was caught doing something it shouldn’t have been doing- maybe eating a child. Great post! I’m not sure I’ll forgot the pictures. Ever.

    Like

  401. I feel very concerned because I am prone to nightmares and I can’t unsee this. THANKS STEFANO!

    Like

    qoftu recently posted Work In Progress.

  402. Seared into my cerebral cortex forever….shudder

    Like

  403. Eh it’s just a Fiji mermaid, who doesn’t own one?

    Like

  404. Going to have to side with Stefano’s wife on this one. That thing looks like it was on its way to claim its rightful place in hell when a poorly placed mirror and a man with an empty wooden plaque intervened

    Like

  405. I would pay serious money for a tour of your home. Perhaps an occasion to benefit your favorite charity?

    Like

  406. I would love this, but I’m seriously worried you stumbled across the remains of a lost child…

    Like

  407. The expression on Hunter’s face looks like a cross of WTF and I’m seriously thinking of moving. PLEASE post a picture of the insect funeral scene!

    Like

  408. OMG…Don’t blink!!! Blink and you DEAD!

    (Oh how I would love to put that in my naughtiest student’s locker to scare the crap out of him!)

    Like

  409. Are you seriously keeping that? That is possibly the creepiest thing I have ever seen. Even the photos make me cringe: I can’t imagine trying to sleep knowing that thing is in the other room.

    Like

  410. I’m not so sure that your mermaid looks shocked so much as terrified. I’m afraid of how she died… Is there a ghost?

    Like

  411. Never try and get away with reading thebloggess in lecture. osmosis is not funny, and its hard to explain why you can’t breathe because a mummified mermaid with soul-sucking eyes is freakin hilarious. omfg.

    Like

  412. Shit! I can’t ‘un’ see that… Ever.

    Like

  413. 422
    Linda Nordeen

    Way. Too. Cool.

    Like

  414. awww shucks, the dead black eyes make him/her/it look kinda sweet….in a permanently homicidal way.

    Like

  415. I wish I had that amazingness in my home! Dang!

    Like

  416. Is that a doily wrapped around the base?! How, ummm, quaint….

    Like

  417. Will it fit in your purse? If so, you’ll need to amend your poem.

    Like

  418. …although it could easily be the “something much worse”.

    Like

  419. All I can think of is a show called Oddities (http://www.sciencechannel.com/tv-shows/oddities?_ga=1.6149494.415031260.1395274499) on the Science channel, which I’m sure you must watch regularly – those are your peeps!

    Like

  420. It it weird that I have two childhood memories this brings back for me? Growing up in Long Beach, Washington and having Jake the Alligator Man on display at Marsh’s Free Museum (alligator bottom, not fish), and going to Ripley’s Believe It or Not museum/waxworks in Newport, Oregon and seeing the Fiji Mermaid on display. Oh… good times, desiccated pseudo-animals and good times. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jake_the_Alligator_Man)

    Like

  421. I was proud of you for spelling faze correctly and then I see you had an English teacher in comments. Oh, well. I am more concerned that somebody sacrificed a newborn for that horrible collectible. Thanks for the nightmares tonight..

    Like

  422. brilliant! horrifying — but brilliant!

    Like

  423. It was a common thing during the Victorian era to try to rip people off with “remains of strange creatures.” The mermaid trick was attaching the torso of a small monkey to the back half of a fish. Creative taxidermy, nothing more, but sideshows made a killing from them.

    Like

  424. I think that thing needs an Irish dancer’s wig. Seriously. Because: more freakishly freakish is freakishly good, no?

    Like

  425. 434
    Sara, Rescue Ninja

    WTF. KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!! (yeah, I’m SCREAMING….)

    Like

  426. I’ve heard of these curiosities and hoaxes that involved people putting together different creatures to create fake mermaids and other creatures (because I’m weird, too curious, and live on the internet) but I’ve never heard of someone keeping one in their house so… kudos to you? I want to say “of course the fake mermaid isn’t trying to trick you into feeding yourself to it” but just to be safe, you should probably let Victor reach into its mouth. After the young priest and old priest visit.

    Like

  427. Oh my god. I seriously lost it with the last picture. The whole time I was thinking that all the mermaid is asking for is a pudding cup, and then to see Hunter S Thomcat’s expression in that last pic? Total waking-up-the-house guffaws. BEST. GIFT. EVER>

    Like

  428. He just finished saying “I ate WHAT?!?”

    Like

  429. 438
    Samantha Kay

    Awesome. Just awesome! I love it!

    Like

  430. I work for Ye Olde Curiosity Shop. We already have one of these. Yes, it’s a Fuji mermaid. The shop has been in Seattle for 114 years & in the same family. We’ll take it off your hands. http://ye-olde-curiosity-shop.myshopify.com

    Like

  431. 440
    BooksInGarden

    Oh that looks so . . .
    wrong . . .
    disturbing . . .
    cute . . .
    nightmare worthy . . .
    but still cute . . .
    WTF . . .

    Like

  432. I did a search on this page to see if someone else thought the same thing I did before positng, so my hat goes off to manuregurl, who shares my theory that it was an alien surprised by an overzealous trout, which choked, drowning the alien in the process. Sad, really.

    Like

  433. all i got to say is WTF and thanks now I won’t sleep for the rest of my life?

    Like

  434. The poor cat looks very stoned or something!

    Like

    Corina recently posted Glorious spring days!.

  435. The Gemini Company have these on their home page:
    Store: Gaffs & Side Show Replicas

    Fiji (Feejee) Mermaid
    This is a sculpture of the Fiji Mermaid. This replica was inspired by those made famous in P.T. Barnum and Robert Ripley museums.

    This mermaid measures 18in. long and 9in. high on the base. Each model is cast in black resin and has a dusty finish like the real thing.
    $300
    +shipping & tax

    Like

  436. Holy Crap! It’s the Fiji Mermaid!! That’s a pretty amazing & f’d up gift. I think my husband would move if I brought that home…Hmmm, something to keep in mind if I need a few days to myself.

    Like

  437. I am terrified, truly. I kind of want to know what it would look like rehydrated or reanimated or whatever you do to it to make it look alive.

    Like

  438. 447
    @shthisisme

    I’m both frightened and jealous. Mostly jealous. That would have to go in the guest bathroom and be holding the guest towels.
    I see a Merman. And yes, he needs a monocle and a top hat.

    Like

  439. And I thought my Weeping Angel statues were on the scary side…

    Like

  440. SOOOO at the Battle of Hogwarts, a Dementor fell into the Black Lake where it was somehow merged with one of the merpeople … and was then killed, shrunk and sent to a taxidermist. At this point, the Ministry must have stepped in and decided that there was NO way that was going to be allowed to stay in the UK and it was sent to the US.

    That is how it happened … right?

    Like

  441. Is it fuzzy? It looks fuzzy.

    Like

  442. While the mermaid is both terrifying and awesome, what I want to know is what is the title of the book about Victorian venereal diseases. That sounds like a fun read. No seriously, I would read the shit out of that book.

    Like

  443. So, you had surgery today and it’s midnight and you haven’t slept in two days and now you can’t sleep because your abdominal pains are stabbing you to death and you think to yourself, “Oh you should go on the Bloggess and read her, she always takes your mind off things”. So you do. You go on the Bloggess. And you see THAT. And now you want to check under the bed because you swear you can hear that thing scuttling beneath you, but you can’t because you can’t move from the abdomen pain and you lie there, waiting for it to claw its way out to the top of the bed and eat what’s left of your shriveled soul and you realize, thanks to the bloggess, you are never, ever going to sleep again.

    Like

  444. Oh my gosh your cat looks SO upset by that… and rightfully so! Yikes… that is so disturbing…

    Like

  445. I wasn’t sure where else to put this link. I wanted to send it to you, because I thought it might pique your interest – unless, you’ve already seen it and I simply missed your previous commentary (if any). Your blog has brought a lot of smiles, thought this might send one back your way. Here’s the link: http://www.etsy.com/listing/169081997/taxidermy-mouse-chess-set-wooden-board
    Apparently, it has already sold, but there are other things and she states she can make one, in 30 days. Just in case you think you may want one.

    Like

  446. I hope it died of natural causes, of course.

    Like

  447. I’d be fazed, too, if someone sent that to me. Of course, my next job would be to find ways to use it…We had friends, when we lived in Scotland, friends who’d grown up in the Pink Flamngo Capital of the World (Florida). As kids, they’d both tried doing various things with the neighbors’ pink flamingos, so they’d gotten pretty good at it. Well, a bunch of friends decided to send them a whole plastic flock of these things…among other things, our friends put a nest on the roof of their Scottish cottage & perched a flamingo on top of it. They hid them behind bushes, where they peered out with cardboard binoculars, telescopes, etc., or wore goofy sunglasses, or were clothed in a kid’s trench coat from a thrift store. They had several large trees & perched them up there, some with backpacks to mimic parachutes, some hanging from fake parachutes from the trees, others nesting, some simply perched in the branches….basically, they wanted to put them in not too obvious sight, but where they’d eventually be discovered. One even had a kilt & bagpipes (fake, of course)!
    It didn’t help that most Scots have never seen a pink flamingo, or perhaps saw them only in shows that took place in Florida, nor that, once they’d seen one, most Scots thought they were ghastly monstrosities (obviously, they’ve never seen this particular soulless, face eating, zombie-fied, petrified cross between 2 demonic creatures of your choice, which outdoes by far anything you can do to a plastic pink flamingo, & they’d probably dislike the attention it would take away from the national monster of Loch Ness). Still, it didn’t take long for them to get the joke, & to come up with other ways to place the noxious pink plastic birds.
    The point here is, there is no limit to what you can dress this thing in, or where you can partially hide it so people slowly realize they are looking at a full fledged, soul-eating mermaid from hell thing. The reactions, caught on a motion activated camera, could provide a lot of entertainment. I’d suggest wading pools instead of nests, or perhaps some fake coral, though. Nests don’t seem soul-eating-mermaid-y.
    Good luck with the display variations!
    PS I got here via ChronicBabe.com, she recommended your blog. I will be forever in her debt.

    Like

  448. I knew you would have loved it. Besides, thinking of a gift to you, flowers are mainstream and you have to choose the color very cautiously because the meaning can be different and range from “I am your friend, how are you today” to “I’d hump you right now”. Sweets cause diabetes.
    My choice was easy. Miriam, my wife, when she saw IT, asked me if I was positive that you were not going to be totally pissed or offended. She does not read your Blog. I first read your book on my flight from New York to London. I started giggling and then I burst in laughing and could not stop, tears down my face. I let her read some passages and she went like “uh… yeah, sure, funny” but she had a poker face with some traces of suspect. Suspect that I should maybe seek for some medical advice.
    Anyway, some of your readers/fans wrote some hilarious comments. You are attracting very interesting people here; maybe you should find a sponsor and call for a convention. I’d kiss’em all.

    Like

  449. Put it on casters so you can take it for walks or just roll it at unsuspecting visitors to see what they do. Entertainment value!

    Like

  450. What is its name?! Ari-hell?

    Like

  451. that is very special. Weird with a capital W

    Like

  452. Please use that as a centerpiece for the next major holiday dinner. Please.

    Like

    Emelie recently posted My Morning Routine is Starting to Get a Little Weird..

  453. Wtf I’m traumatized!!!

    Like

  454. 464
    John Jenkins

    These were very popular in Victorian England, and were passed of as preserved mermaids or mermen. they are more commonly referred to as Monkey fish, because that it what they in fact are. Taxidermists would unite the front half of a monkey with the rear half of a fish. if you google “monkey fish” you will see many examples.
    This one appears to have suffered a bit from mould or mildew. but not a bad example.

    Like

  455. It’s the Fiji Mermaid! Oh, please tell me you saw that episode of The X-Files! It’s a thing PT Barnum made. He sewed together a dead monkey and a dead fish and called it the Fiji Mermaid. But it looked so bad he had to bill it as a “genuine fake”.

    Like

  456. Yes I love you. And I couldn’t have it in my house either, even though I know it’s extremely collectible.
    I went to google to see if we could find any other photos of the same one to figure out which sideshow it came from. And then I remembered I was at work and no coffeebreak would last that long.
    But I grew up hearing about sideshows & vaudeville & friends who lived under roller coasters, because my grandfather grew up across the street from Coney Island’s Steeplechase Park. (His father was their doctor, apparently a LOT of people fell off the Steeplechase ride. Because beer + rollercoaster without seatbelts.)

    Like

  457. Holy freaking hell, Jenny. I would keep that in a locked room while you’re sleeping. You know, just in case. And about the stuff in it’s mouth – try chopsticks.

    Like

  458. I vote for the kill it, kill it with fire option.

    Like

  459. My brain says “KILL IT WITH FIRE” but my heart says, “OMG amazing, can I have one too, please?!” I was just in the Ripley’s Believe It or Not museum in Niagara Falls a few weeks ago and they have something like this in there, but yours is far creepier. The one in the museum belonged to PT Barnum and he put it on display for years saying it was a genuine mermaid carcass. In reality, it was the top half of a fetal dog or something stitched onto the back end of a fish. Yours? SO MUCH BETTER.

    Like

    Nikki Stafford recently posted The Walking Dead 4.14: "The Grove".

  460. Yes, just reading the comments above and it was definitely a monkey!😉

    Like

  461. I sincerely hope that you have been saving MONEY for all of the therapy visits adorable Hailey will be needing in the future….that thing is too darn creepy for anyone!!! Perhaps if it had a different wardrobe?

    Like

    hibernationnow.wordpress.com recently posted Love, Like Birds.

  462. 472
    tokenblogger

    I’ve seen that fella on several documentaries about oddities/hoaxes. The sender sent you a documentary star!

    Like

  463. As I was reading this, I felt my cat brush up against my leg. I looked down AND THERE WAS NO CAT! I think by just looking at these pictures the ghost of this thing moved through me.

    Like

    Shannon Not Sharon recently posted I hope the wagon has a seat belt.

  464. So scary. That’s just the kinda prop that comes alive to grab you. ~Catherine

    Like

  465. Oh, ok so, I just got here about 20 minutes ago and I’m in love, and probably also can never work again because I will be too busy reading your blog for the rest of my life.

    So, thanks for that!

    Like

  466. That is absolutely and completely terrifying. I LOVE IT! I don’t think I could LIVE with it; but it I love it. You have the ultimate collection now.

    Like

    Purji recently posted Well Then….

  467. 477
    Mike Richards

    Has the Bad Ass Billy Bass been named yet?

    Or does something terrible happen if you call it by its real name?

    Like

  468. My gut reaction: Look how clean your floors are!

    Like

  469. That is a Fiji Mermaid. It is the top of a taxidermied monkey and the back end of a fish.
    After the popularity of P.T. Barnum’s exhibit, there were many of them made.

    Like

  470. 480
    cindylee511

    Jenny, it looks like it is making an “I love you” heart with its hands. It knows it has found a home.

    Like

  471. First of all, I love this! Secondly naming it the best/most difficult thing you could do. Suggestions: Miranda the Mermaid. Gracie McSwimmers. Ariel Flounders. or something that incorporates the two scariest names ever: Heather or Jessica.

    Like

  472. That is the ghost of old man winter 2014 saying “First day of spring my ass!!” To all of us in the colder regions of the U. S.

    Like

  473. Oh…my god. I bet the people on that Oddities show would take that thing off your hands if you guys decide it’s too nightmare-worthy.

    I’m sure HST has seen weirder stuff in his life. After all, he’s had Tardis nails and a slight drug-bottle addiction.

    Like

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  474. 484
    Paula in Calgary

    It’s beautiful! If I owned this, or if it owned me, it would sit majestically high on my coffee table watching me and my family watch tv. It would freak my family but I wouldn’t care. It reminds me of the mummified mermaid of Banff, Alberta that I have to see every time we go to Banff. I have seen it hundreds of times now and it never fails to amaze me.

    Like

  475. Is the Bloggess the girl seated next to Bradley Cooper? If not, she’s definitely her doppelganger circa 1999.

    Like

  476. You will need more than just two priests. Of any age. That is the creepiest thing I have ever seen. And oddly beautiful. Which convinces me you might need the entire College of Cardinals AND the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. A few Druids would not be amiss. Good luck.

    Like

  477. Holy crap, Jenny. Just, really, just holy crap.

    Like

  478. http://r.ebay.com/Rk2vCD

    I found a book on it…whatever it is…..

    Like

  479. I do believe it is trying to eat my soul through my computer screen. Possibly with its terrifyingly-huge, glassy eyes.

    Like

  480. It will look darling in a Santa hat or Easter Bunny ears or an Uncle Sam hat. I think that is the trick to living with it – tame it with costumes.

    Like

  481. I think it’s a merman, not a mermaid. I’m not sure why, maybe because there’s no mummified hair on his head? And wow, I can’t believe how big Hunter S. Thomcat has gotten. I love orange cats, and he is a beautiful one.

    Like

  482. It vaguely reminds me of our HR director

    Like

  483. wow…just…wow

    Like

  484. I have not read your post today but just wanted you to know that TODAY I went to at the wake of someone how believed the lie. She took her life. Her fight with bi-polar won. She was the funniest, kindest, love filled women I have known. Her hugs took you over. She believed the fucking lie. I made my friends pinky swear not believe the lie. Don’t do it, don’t believe the lie.

    Like

  485. 496
    Elizabeth Lang

    First thing I thought was “your right, I won’t ever sleep again” also “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! I think I’m gonna barf” and last but not leased “why does it look like it’s ready to give someone a blow job?”

    Like

  486. Who does that? Why? Really? These types of things confuse me. Unlike the jackalope, where I can imagine some redneck drinking with his buddies after hunting and they’re all lying and trying to out do each other and one guy says, “Hell, I saw a cross between a jack rabbit and an antelope!” All his buddies start guffawin’ and teasing him so he goes and makes one…

    But a merman? How does that happen? I guess the same way as I described, but, but, the whole human aspect is so much creepier. So very much creepier… Yeesh!

    Like

  487. Hey, leave the petrified zombie mermaid alone! He/she has feelings too!

    Like

  488. Find a nice, central place in your house to showcase it. Quietly lock the front door, burn the house, change your names, and move to South Florida. All will be well in the morning, plus, you no longer have to pay state taxes.

    Like

  489. In our house, when a cat has that look on his, or her face, we call it “giving the stink eye”. Judging by Hunter’s stink eye, that mermaid should smell like a fresh cow flop.

    Like

  490. That’s just crazy and creepy and AWESOME. I don’t think I’d ever sleep with that thing in my house.

    Like

    CrissyMoss recently posted Computers make our lives easy, right?.

  491. 502
    daffodil101

    I think this is a fossil of the first ever mermaid, like some gruesome accident where a fish ate a baby and they got stuck. Like frankenstein. But of course mermaids are kinda gruesome and creepy, a la Harry Potter. The pretty Disney ones are a lie.

    @ comment 49- hell yeah, Zombies will always be a thing.

    Like

  492. 503
    Alonso Quijana

    I’ve often wondered what happened to Mindy. Now we know.

    Like

  493. I’ve seen that beastie before!

    You can see a lot of similar creations if you do a Google Image search for “Mermaid Taxidermy.” I saw this particular specimen at the Arisia science fiction convention some years back when a vendor brought it as part of a collection of “anatomical curiosities” exhibited to advertise their Steampunk clothing line.

    Yes, that’s right. Your new stuffed mermaid demon used to sell Steampunk bustiers.

    Like

    Matthew Miller recently posted Inspired by The Bloggess, Search Terms that Lead People Here.

  494. Gloriously creepy, but I want to know what was going through the mind of the creator when he (or she) first got the idea.

    Like

    Sue recently posted Why should I?.

  495. What I think is interesting about this whole concept, is the issue of spinal movement. For a fish, the spine moves back and forth (think of a fish swimming, the tail moving side to side). For a mammal, the spine moves up and down (think of a dolphin or whale, and the up down motion). Here, we have the top spine of a mammal, and the back spine of a fish. But if the mermaid used the whole spine in swimming (which spines are meant to do), it probably wouldn’t be able to swim well, as the spine would constantly be fighting against itself for forward movement or momentum.

    the more you know

    Like

  496. 507
    Julesville

    My first thought was “give it a hat to make it less creepy.” Then I saw that others had the same thought. I vote for a jaunty Bavarian fedora with a feather or maybe a Rasta cap with dreads. But I do really like the monocle idea.

    Like

  497. That is so freakin’ creepy!!

    Like

  498. Hunter S. Thomcat looks so calm and composed. My cats would be doing this: http://thepapermama.com/wp-content/uploads/creepy-cat.gif

    Like

  499. I think there’s a dead fish head out there somewhere that wants its ass end back.

    Like

  500. I want to go shopping with Stefano!

    Like

  501. wtf why does no one send me weird stuff???

    I love the look on the cat’s face in that last photo

    Like

  502. 514
    UncommonKiss

    It’s an Undead Undine!

    Like

  503. Um… I am going to point this out.. it is probably not going to be popular,but here goes. I don’t think the mermaid wants to do something icky with vaginas. And it knows sign language. Look at the thumbs and first fingers together. It;s ASL for woman parts. If you aren’t deaf, maybe you are safe.

    Like

  504. Oops. I mean do something icky with vaginas

    Like

  505. You probably won’t remember the boring stuffed frog I gave you at a reading. Just can’t compare.

    Like

  506. 518
    snerrigreen

    It starts feeding off you at first by nibbling at the dead skin cells on your face while you sleep. This causes a slight itchy burny feeling, like you’ve been poked by a tiny needle. Then you’ll make the mistake of scratching that spot, which causes your histamines to go into red Alert. Your nose will itch in the back of your nose, the type itch that makes you want to take a shrimp fork up the nose to find relief. The next night, she comes to feed, excited by the pheromones the histamines put out. Tomorrow, you’ll awake to a raised bump, which itches even more, which makes the interior nose itch worse, and then your eyes will start watering in defense. By now, your crumpled, sodden tissues tissues are being used to track you by the she beast. Do not scratch. Under no circumstances, scratch. May God have mercy on your soul.

    Like

  507. Sweet baby jesus in a hammock!!! I hate it and everything it stands for. Kill it. Kill it with fire. Cries in a corner

    Like

    GurlNxtDoor recently posted Friday Favorites: I Scare Because I Care.

  508. Its the Fiji Mermaid! That is so cool!

    Like

  509. 522
    morgan sheridan

    That’s a pretty outstanding giftie!

    Like

  510. From WikipediA: The Fiji mermaid (also Feejee mermaid) was an object comprising the torso and head of a juvenile monkey sewn to the back half of a fish, covered in papier-mâché. It was a common feature of sideshows, which was presented as the mummified body of a creature that was supposedly half mammal and half fish, a version of traditional mermaid stories, but research studies has solved the mystery. Barnum had hired a man to create a mermaid, which appeared to be the dead body of a monkey attached to the tail of a fish.

    Like

  511. Don’t y’all have a Roomba? If not, you need to get one so you can place this sthing on it and let it roam around the house. And videotape it so we can see. Please?

    Like

  512. I can’t even comprehend that thing.

    Like

    Brenna recently posted A look back.

  513. put a pacifier (dummy) in its mouth then it won’t be able to eat your soul!

    Like

  514. 527
    Maxine Armstrong

    Ah! I’ve been wondering where my hand went. It’s awful hard to type with one hand.

    Like

  515. Holy shit. Good call on not letting it eat you. And good luck.

    Like

    Steph recently posted News Flash: I’m An Idiot..

  516. Even though he’s laying down, Hunter S. Thomcat is not relaxed.

    Like

  517. Oh, and the more I look at it, the more I like it. thumbsup
    The bar has risen, indeed.

    Like

  518. Holy Smokes. What the hell IS that? Or, I hope, WAS that! Geeze.

    Like

  519. Holy Christ! The picture came up first and my first thought was it was going to climb through my computer screen, Sadako ‘Ringu’ Yamamura style, to kill me. The phone didn’t ring; I’m safe. You, on the other hand…

    Like

  520. The Austin Museum of the Weird on 6th has one too🙂

    Like

  521. Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus,
    omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii,
    omnis congregatio et secta diabolica.

    Ergo, draco maledicte.
    Ecclesiam tuam securi tibi facias libertate servire,
    te rogamus, audi nos.

    There…. I feel better now. – NOT

    Like

  522. Apparently these things have a name…Jenny.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jenny_Haniver

    Like

  523. I think there’s a side story in Harry Potter that JK Rowling never told about the unlikely romance between a mermaid and Dementor and the Mermentor child that wouldn’t be accepted in either community. Sure, he’d suck all the happiness out of the mermaids and slap the dementors with his tail when flying about, but he was just trying to fit in. Is that so wrong?

    Like

    TechyDad (@TechyDad) recently posted Love and Acceptance Trumps Hate.

  524. It’s a fiji mermaid! I’ve always wanted one!

    Like

  525. I’m with the “what the hell is it made out of” crowd.

    Like

  526. Oh my god, that is AMAZING. And glorious. And it scares the shit out of me.

    Like

  527. This kinda made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

    Like

  528. 504 comments and I can not read them all to see if anyone else actually knew what this was, but I Do!! Just went to Gatlinburg, TN and the Ripley’s Odditorium and saw this there. If I’m remembering correctly they were made in South America or maybe China (?), regardless, somewhere and marketed as Mermaids. They are actually constructed of half monkey and half fish. Wonderful disturbing handiwork🙂

    Like

  529. So very, very … very … wrong. Terrifyingly so.

    Like

  530. Oh dear god I just know I am going to be seeing that creepy little face in my dreams tonight!

    Like

  531. 544
    thepinkladiesandbabies

    Sorry I am just too busy laughing my head off at this to appreciate the absolute chill-factor this thing oozes.

    Like

  532. I want one now! Must do some serious shopping!

    Like

  533. I think it’s a dead baby mermaid. and now my underpants smell of shit. thanks for that jenny! I don’t have another pair at work for “accidentally was too creeped out by reading the bloggess at work” moments. I curse and hug you all at the same time.

    Like

  534. I am so scared. Holy s#!T. And now I have to go to bed?!

    Like

  535. I haven’t read all the comments but I did ctrl-F and didn’t see anyone mention that if you put her in front of a keyboard (I was initally thinking piano, but you know, computer would work. or your old typewriter!) she could totally be playing piano and singing. Or alternatively, typing and shouting at people that single spacing after a period is an abomination unto god.

    Like

  536. also ps, I think she’s beeeYOUtiful.

    Like

  537. On further reflection, I want her to star in a video montage/slideshow set to ‘Part of Your World’, with at least some shots of her at a piano, sitting on a stack of phone books so she can reach the keys.

    Like

  538. I had a serious bout of insomnia the other night and watched The Real Mermaid Revealed and they actually had this thing on there! Monkey torso attached to a fish that the circus would advertise as being a mermaid. Apparently, it is rare collectible. Congrats!

    Like

  539. 553
    kellygirl84

    I had a serious bout of insomnia the other night and watched Mermaids The Body Found (don’t judge) and they actually had this thing on there. Monkey torso with fish body. They were set up in sideshows in the mid to late 1800s and advertised as real mermaids. Step right up to Jenny’s house!

    Like

  540. This guy gets everywhere he’s in bizarre bazaar Philly He popped up on my Instagram an this guy had grass in his mouth too!! There breeding!!!

    Like

  541. I’m sure you know about this twisted taxidermy already, but if not, you’re bound to find some new friends to covet here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/alanwhite/if-you-want-laughs-and-to-feel-a-bit-sick-you-should-follow

    Like

  542. Hubster has a book from the library, about the old timey freak shows. This puppy is in it! PT Barnum even had one. The front half is a monkey, the back for most was salmon or a similarly sized fish.

    Like

  543. I’d carbon date that.

    Like

  544. 560
    Trader Scott

    I’ve always wanted a Fiji Mermaid. Very cool!

    Like

  545. 561
    Marietta

    Dear God.

    Like

  546. Thanks… I was going to go scuba diving next month. Now I can’t go back in the water.

    Like

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