Facebook will remind you how fucked up you are and also try to make money off of it.

in Random Crap, rants

I was just on Facebook, and this popped up in my feed as something suggested for me personally:

squirrelbutt

And first of all, it’s disconcerting when you get targeted advertising for half a dead squirrel, and it’s not even the good half.   Why send me this ad?  It’s as if Facebook said, “Hey, we saw this asshole and thought of you.”

And then it’s even more insulting because it’s all “Still interested?” as if they’re implying that this was something I was definitely interested in at one point.  And no, I’m not interested.  That’s why I didn’t bid on it when I saw it yesterday, eBay.  I was just looking at it.  STOP MAKING WEIRD ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME.  It’s creeping me out and it’s also making me feel bad about my internet surfing because probably everyone else is getting targeted ads for pretty dresses or new phones, whereas my page is all, “THIS ASSHOLE COULD BE YOURS.”

Stop being creepy, Facebook.  You’re making this weird.

184 thoughts on “Facebook will remind you how fucked up you are and also try to make money off of it.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Welcome to the age of Facebook’s “retargeting” ads. They know you looked at something, and even if you already bought that squirrel’s asshole yesterday, you’ll see that ad til the end of time every time you visit Facebook.

  8. I hate that marketing. That and whatever insanity lead to shutterfly telling me I had a newborn yesterday.

  9. Those targeted ads are so creepy! If I wanted it, I would have bought it! (Or I already bought it and certainly don’t need two!)

  12. Oh for fuck’s sake. I meant, holy shit, Facebook, why are you so nosy? In a side note, today has been quite the day for animal related posts. Assholes and balls everywhere!

  13. And this, Jenny, is why we love you…. also, I think that add may have been more aimed for my wife…. she’s always looking for great metaphors for me….
    I will leave you to ponder the possibilities

  14. Seriously? I want to see these ads. Way better than the cure-autism-and-poverty-now-for-only-9-million-dollars ads Facebook feeds me.

  17. Are you certain your home isn’t lacking in squirrel posterior? I mean you have plenty of front half taxidermy but you are light on the back halves

  19. I saw this comment yesterday…think it fits: “Facebook is so much better when Facebook stays the fuck out of it.”

  20. Better than the Weight Watchers pamphlets I get routinely and the AARP invitations vs been getting since age 35

  22. That squirrel’s ass would look great in a pretty dress. It could be holding a tiny phone in one paw. You could have the whole package.

  23. Once I was looking on amazon for a piece for my kitchen faucet. I ended up getting dozens search results for male bondage devices. They showed on my targeted ads for months. Not cool at the time; funnier, now. 🙂

  24. Damn, maybe I ought to turn off adblock for a while to see what kind of stupid stuff FB will push at me!

  25. mine recently featured an ad for home imprisonment anklets. Not sure how to take that exactly…for the record, I am not under home imprisonment.

  26. I keep getting ads in Spanish. They might be for assholes, I’m not sure. Although I’m not sure if they’re asking if I’m still interested, they are still there. And they’re showing pictures of food. WHAT IS FACEBOOK IMPLYING?!? sigh

  34. Targeted ads are the internets way of telling you it cares, in a creepy, quit rubbing my shoulders we’re not that kind of friends way. Sure every once in a while it may suggest buying an asshole, but isn’t that more than made up for by the thousands of times it suggests you buy porn or adult toys? Internet, you just keep giving. – Please stop.

  35. Are you sure they are trying to sell you the squirrel? Maybe they are trying to see if you are interested in purchasing the wall. I mean I get that if one is trying to sell a wall then using Taxidermy Squirrel Darts isn’t the best marketing tactic for everyone, but it could be seen as a potential winner for you, could it not?

  37. You could totally get a back half of a squirrel and a front half and mount them onto book ends. THAT would be awesomeness

  38. Wondering what it would imply if someone were possibly interested in it? Just a little. Not a lot. It’s kind of cute, in a sad way. Don’t you think?

  43. THAT’S A PERFECTLY GOOD WALL, IT JUST HAS A SQUIRREL IN IT. WHY YOU NOT LIKE IT?

  45. But Jenny: Squirrel darts! I will see your tiny asshole and raise you dollar signs, lol.

  46. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA This asshole could be yours! I’m looking at hubs sleeping and snoring and thinking…you know…we’re all filled up.

    Okay..he’s not a horrible asshole. He’s a lovable asshole. Who better make me breakfast tomorrow or he’s dropping down to horrible asshole.

  47. Bah ha ha. Facebook always sends me ads for walk-in showers. Why it thinks I’m 92, is beyond me… likely all of my internet searches for knitting patterns, sensible walking sandals, and hemroid creams.

  48. Now I feel bad about calling my husband an asshole. Especially since he had to endure a post were my friend and I talked about what people at work look like when they’re having sex. He suffers sometimes.

  50. I get ads about erotic toys and I’m like, HAH, Facebook, you don’t know me. I WIN over your algorithm.

  51. Omg people, keep it up! These comments are MAKING MY FRICKING DAY!

  52. You should google “deer butt face”. It’s a whole thing. This squirrel rump, however, doesn’t look like a face. It looks more like it was shoved into the drywall where it was cartoonishly stunned permanently.

  54. I think it just needs to be used properly. It would make great fascinator with a few feathers. It would look like the squirrel is munching on your brains. It would also be a fantastic cake topper. You could put it on a bottle stopper for to use on all that fancy wine people drink. See Facebook is just trying to make you think outside the box. Just don’t stay there too long.

  55. Maybe it’s a squirrel that can move through solid objects and there really is a whole squirrel and it’s just a bad picture. Who wouldn’t want a squirrel that walks through walls? (Oh wait, nobody.)

  59. The Google app on my iPhone is similarly stuck in a one-track ad loop. I have a family member who has MS and is bipolar, and a few months ago there were some major issues with meds and an MS flare-up that seemed to trigger a manic phase. Meanwhile, another family member was having a psychotic break related to a change in Schizophrenia medications. Concerned and curious as to what was going on, I Googled “Bipolar,” “Manic Depression,” “Schizophrenia,” and “Multiple Sclerosis.” Ever since I keep getting pop-up ads at the bottom of my screen asking: “Are you suffering from Depression?” and “Do you have Bipolar disorder?” “Do you think you might have Schizophrenia?”
    No, No I don’t, but if I did, I wouldn’t want it shoved in my face every time I use Google. In fact, if I did, seeing that might trigger me. I’m probably the most mentally stable person in my family, which if you knew my family, you’d realize isn’t anything to brag about.

  60. I want this. Why isn’t this ad in my feed? WTF Facebook? It’s like you don’t even know me.

  61. And this would be why I deactivated my Facebook account. I had enough assholes on my friends list. I really don’t require Facebook to imply that I need more assholes in my life. Case and point, the rude ass neighbor who thinks it’s okay to sit outside on his back deck and let his dog bark at all ungodly hours of the night. If I’d take my Glock out there and fire off a few rounds or the entire clip at the asshole, could I claim temporary insanity because I’m on heavy pain meds post-surgery?

    Sorry if this post is incoherent. I’m blaming the Percocet. I’ve never taken Percocet until today. 😀

  62. “This asshole could be yours” is my new favorite catch phrase of all time.

  63. It’s stuff like that that keeps me off Facebook. All I ever get from Facebook is frustration, grief and regret, I have barrowloads of that without FB, so why bother?
    Apparently they’ll never delete your account, I begged but got no response, but you can de-activate your account, which at least will keep them from bothering you so much.

  64. Somebody made that. And they were thinking about someone when they did it. I wonder if the person who made it is selling it? Or the person who received it? Or someone who inherited it, who now wonders what ELSE they inherited? Facebook: creepy. I concur.

  65. You make me appreciate having had Adblock for a couple of years now.

  67. I’m over 60 and I got the same Shutterfly ad as #8 Tammy yesterday reminding me to send thank you cards for my recent newborn. WTF?

  68. But, now do you kinda want it? Just imagine if you had it and Victor said something weird, you wouldn’t have to say he is an asshole, you could just point to the squirrel butt!! Problem solved.

  69. Okay, so maybe it is more sophisticated than we think? What if Facebook KNEW you looked at taxidermied animals on eBay, AND, combined with your previous post where you mention “all the ass I’m kicking” THEN found ALL BY ITSELF the eBay taxidermied ass item for you to kick?????

    Of course, I just watched the season finale of “Person of Interest”—maybe that is influencing my conspiracy thinking……..

  70. Our cats catch mice and leave us the front half. A friend’s cats catch mice and leave her the back half. We live in different states, so that may explain the different preferences in mouse-halves. I see a doctoral dissertation in there somewhere.

  71. OOOOH since my life can be pretty dull sometimes, I think I will go on Ebay and just look at all of the “nasty” things people are selling to see what pops up for me the next time I log on.

  72. But why WOULDN’T you be interested? You NEED that squirrel, even if it is the bad ass-half (see what I did there?) I’m thinking… Victor’s office? He’d LOVE to a squirrel butt on his wall, I just know it

  74. I liiike hiiim. I’ll buy it. Just because he only has an ass and could only think from his ass doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be loved.
    *That rule DOES NOT apply for humans. * 😛

  75. “Jen Z | May 15, 2014 at 9:26 pm
    I think it just needs to be used properly. It would make great fascinator with a few feathers. It would look like the squirrel is munching on your brains.”–Thank you for making me laugh uncontrollably tonight/this morning. I now totally want a brain-munching squirrel fascinator.
    Jenny, I really need to stop reading your posts and the resulting comments after midnight. Keep ’em coming.

  76. My stalker ads are always for some newfangled diet trend typically featuring a photo of “Skinny Oprah”. I always appreciate getting my “you’re fat” reminders first thing in the morning on account of my dick of an inner-critic being so forgetful and all.

  77. Yea, Facebook, Jenny does not need any help in the “being weird” department. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

  78. To be honest, as soon as I saw this I thought of you. It would be better if it had the other half too, so you could put it on the wall in the next room.

  79. Take Mary Delong at #44 for the pencil sharpener idea, get the front of a squirrel for one of those staple removers, mount them as bookends. Now you have a fully functional three-in-one desk set. Perfect for your desk. Or Victor’s.

  80. Honestly I would think you would love it! I mean use it as a door knocker to help prevent those pesky neighbors or anyone sharing the “good word” with you. I mean if someone touches that butt they deserve some time with you! And I think all the other people leaving comments has made me realize that they really are the best group of weirdos ever and I want to join the club!

  81. Facebook usually suggests that I become a surrogate mother. Or it’s asking me to sell my baby for $2,000. I’m not really clear what it is actually advertising. I could probably click on the ad, but then, if it IS for baby selling, the next thing I know, it will be advertising all types of body part selling. And that seems like a slippery slope.

  83. Well, on the up side at least it’s something legal and not like “Check out this awesome girl suit…made from REAL girls!” Or something someone once used to get to my blog (for the love of flowery fuck, HOW?!?!) that was like “dead breakfast vaginas”. I just can’t. Nope.

  84. If you use Chrome, AdBlock Plus will block all of those targeted ads and tracking from FB and other sites. I use it, as it creeps me out to know they are tracking every webpage I look at.

  87. Well, at least it is off the beaten track – I get ads for ‘cleaning your windows’ (how the h… does FB know I do not (ever) do that?!) and moist toiletpaper. No. I won’t go there.

  88. I wasn’t interested in taxidermy, particularly the creepy kind, before religiously reading this blog, yet, now, I find myself drawn to it (online only; I don’t think my allergies could stand the copious amounts of dust it would take to shop for this sort of stuff). In all fairness, I more than half-like this squirrel; I feel we (the squirrel and I) have a lot in common.

  89. Targeted advertising is creepy. I keep being offered Asian girls to date. I am an Asian woman (who is Aussie through and through). Assholes. I don’t really want to keep seeing how my race and gender combined can be so objectified and exploited by creepy, desperate, racist men everywhere. Way to make me feel good about myself. At least I know that if I was ever single again I would get lots of dates and advertising exposure? Or not. Then some other poor Asian woman would have to look at my face haha.

  90. Uhmmm perhaps the ad is suggesting that you are brown-eyed and bushy-tailed?

    Don’t know about the pretty dresses, but I’ve had some whips and chains and tomatoes.

  92. This is a a perfect example of the power of correct punctuation. World of difference between getting a message, “Are you still interested in this asshole?” and “Are you still interested in this, asshole?” Be grateful they didn’t throw in the extra comma.

  93. I always get targeted ads for Christian Mingle. The good people over at Christian Mingle should fire their targeted ads person. He or she has clearly never read anything I’ve ever written on Facebook.

  94. Facebook. With a face like mine I don’t think I qualify. It’s also Wednesday, know what I mean? for people eternally stranded the middle of the week. And talking about Wednesdays, what’s happened to them? There used to be one every week, but the government seems to have taken a few out. I think it’s another austerity measure to do with the crisis. I bet you the bankers get extra Wednesdays. Well, they can have all mine, I can tell you.

  96. Ok Jenny, seriously. You didn’t, for one minute, look at that and think, “I wonder if the other half of him is wearing a helmet and goggles.”?

  97. This post and comments need to be made into a book. A bathroom reader would be perfect. You could sell it on Facebook.

  98. Honestly, it seems like something you would be interested in. FB keeps suggesting to me that I should be a Franciscan friar (which is a little weird maybe for a Jew who practices Buddhist meditation.)

    (I keep getting ads about finding my Jewish roots. This after my DNA test came back with Jewish markers. Apparently they have my DNA now. I’m fucked. ~ Jenny)

  100. Maybe it is some higher order, esoteric metaphor that is really a compliment to your intellect…no wait, you saw this on Facebook…never mind. Sometimes a squirrel butt is just a squirrel butt.

  101. ROFLMAO – Every day, I hate Facebook a little bit more. But, just out of curiosity, how much is a half-dead squirrel going for these days? We have a backyard FULL of live ones, but I’m thinking that maybe (just maybe) I’m sitting on a GOLD MINE!

  102. Bidding on the electrified squirrel ass is now up to $46.00 and I blame you people. I need it so I can secretly signal the identity of the least favourite party guest. ‘Oh, how nice to see you. Can I take your coat? I’m just going to hang it here . . . ‘ But nooo, somebody drove up the price on the taxidermied ass-end of a terminally surprised rodent and now my life will never be complete.

  103. True story: I was in the car with my husband and 2 kids over last weekend. I mentioned that I would like to see the Scottish Highlands on our next vacation. I did not surf, I did not mention it to a friend on facebook. However, immediately after saying that, I picked up my mobile to see all of the important things going on on facebook. The first ad? A package trip to the Scottish Highlands. Freaked. Me. The. Fuck. Out.

  105. well I was interested until Jessie said it was up to $46.00. I’d love to see the look on Christmas morning when someone opened this. I may have found my new profession. Squirrel ass seller. There are a ton in the neighborhood, I have a hyperactive dog, who I’m sure could get me a critter or two a day, and at almost $50 a pop it sounds fabulous.

  106. They only care about where you’ve been–not what you did while you were there. I get ads for my own Etsy store almost every time I update it.

  107. Dear Jenny, I love you even though you look at weird shit on eBay. Actually, it’s BECAUSE you look at weird shit on eBay.

  108. The other day, I was sitting in the car with a friend and her phone wouldn’t load the thing on pinterest we were talking about. So, I opened Pinterest on my phone (logged in as me) and the thing that opened on my phone was the thing on her Pinterest board that she was trying to look at in the car next to me. Totally creeped us both out. For real, interwebs, back up, just a skosh!

  109. I actually like the Squirrel Butt! Put it at your front door, and I gives just the right message to your guests…. A kind of a “kiss my” attitude…. I really like it. I want one for my office DOOR!!! Yea, that would be a perfect place for it here at work!!!!!!

  110. Well, I have always assumed that because I read YOUR blog, I get tons of spam and targeted marketing for Mommy things, and the only kids I have are four-footed and furry. (Someone even subscribed us to “Parenting” magazine.) Ah, the modern age.

    I once looked at a pair of sneakers on eBay. They showed me ads for it for months thereafter, long after I’d determined I wasn’t going to buy them.

  112. I’m trying to wake up and I look at the picture and think “flying squirrel”. Then you post the ebay link and my mind sees “gay” not “grey”.

    So all I can think of now is it’s a gay flying squirrel that thought it had superpowers and tried to get outside to save the world from creepy internet ads.

    But our internet overlords got together, stopped the plucky squirrel and left behind the asshole to reminder us not to try anything because the internet overlords are fucking assholes and they are everywhere.

    Time to take my drugs now.

  113. Mine keeps asking me if I want to go back to school as if I’m some sort of idiot that needs to go back to school. Like, “I see you told someone to treat their migraine with tequila and muscle relaxers, why not consider a career in the healthcare industry?” Um, no Facebook, A, it was bad advice. B, school wouldn’t change that advice. C. I threw up on my own kid while changing a diaper do you really think I should go into a career that starts off as cleaning other people’s poop?

  114. That is why I use an ad-blocking program (mine is AdBlock Plus for Firefox but I know there are others) – I have not seen an Ad on Facebook for years! Tho – I gotta admit – if I am missing targeted Ads like that one I might reconsider 🙂

  117. I know I hate all this tracking of my random searches. Like I’ve been looking for a new bra that’s pretty, yet made for the girl with a big rack. And then I’m also looking for Duke’s mayonnaise to make pimento cheese. So I really think I’m going to get served up some bizarre fetishist ads. And I just googled fetishist, to make sure I’m spelling it correctly. Can’t wait to see the ads I get served up today.

  118. Someone should invent a script that opens a bunch of random web pages when you close your browser. Search terms that would cancel each other out, it’d blow the facebook algorithm’s mind! “Here, eat THESE cookies!” bwahahahaha

  119. Lately my spam moved on from Viagra to walk-in bathtubs.
    And you should see the assortment of books it asks me if I’ve read… One set was Good Night Moon, Fox in Socks, some other children’s book, and a really creepy-looking horror novel. I don’t do horror novels. And my daughter’s gone WAY past Dr. Seuss to Jules Verne.
    I wonder how I get to the taxidermy ads.

  120. Rofl! So great! (Even if I really don’t like taxidermit – do you say it like this? – animals, this post really made me laugh)
    But I must say, I’m always happy if they suggest me items I DON’T want. This feels more like: They don’t know me, they just pretend to know me. It’s definitly more creepy if they really guess right.
    xxx
    viki

  122. When I was pregnant, I was getting “Want a flat belly?” ads. :/

  123. You want it. We know it. It’s okay, we’re your people, so there’s no judgment.

  125. This is not related to this post at all but you simply must see this: http://www.amazon.com/Butterfly-Body-Liners-Count-Leakage/dp/B00IKYEJ8C/ref=sr_1_2?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1400254940&sr=1-2&keywords=butterfly+body+liners

    Who knew we could be looking forward to ABL after we turn 40? Another fun fact to be aware of, becuase I am your friend, at least in my head.
    If you listen to the youtube video promoting this product it seems to be highly regarded by only Southern women. Another plus.

  127. Hahaa! I had one of those that a friend had bought for me, after I hung the “good half” of a squirrel playing poker in my kitchen. I hung the “business end” over the toilet in the bathroom, which seemed fitting. That is, it hung there until my dogs apparently snuck into the bathroom and removed it from the wall and ATE it. So gross. I can’t even imagine what awful chemicals they might have ingested doing it. I just came home to the wooden placard and the wad of paper stuffing that was inside. I can picture one of them using the dried-out squirrel tail as a toothpick afterward.

  128. “…and also try to make money off it” is the Facebook version of the standard fortune cookie “between the sheets” completion. It makes any description of something Facebook has done more true.

  130. For me it’s Candles, Glasses and Lingerie. 🙂 Not sure why the Lingerie, I haven’t bought a new bra in about three or more months!

  132. With me it’s underwear. Like, yeah I purchased panty hose from an on-line catalog…once…but THONGS?? I. Don’t. Think. So.

  133. I started getting letters from AARP–when I was in my THIRTIES!! I’d rather someone think I was interested in a squirrel @sshole…

  134. When I assume I make an ass out of you and me!! When I saw the picture before reading the post, I DID assume that you would be interested. Oh DAMN, I’m like Facebook!

  135. I am SO relieved I am not the only one who screen shots her FB ads in horror – I am upset and deeply offended by them at least six times a week. I keep a file on my desktop bc I’m sure one day they will come in handy. And by ‘sure’ I mean compulsive.

  136. Why would ANYONE be interested in that??

    My targeted ads are usually for weight loss products and “lonely singles” in my area. I hate you, Mark Zuckerberg.

  137. This is why I use one browser (Firefox) for Facebook and one browser (Chrome) for everything else. And never the twain shall meet. I periodically “dump” it all from Firefox, too – delete all my cookies and history, log out of Facebook, close the browser, then reopen it and start clean. So maybe I’m paranoid. So what. I love getting ads for businesses near where some of my long-distance relatives live. 🙂

  138. Yesterday, I looked at a gorgeous Milo Baughman campaign desk that I want desperately. Sadly, I don’t have $6,500 to buy it. Facebook keeps taunting me with it. Jerks.

  139. I got that on my facebook page today also…I just thought that facebook was calling me a squirrely asshole!

  140. I would recommend a lovely little programme called FB Purity which blocks all ads, but with recommendations like that, I’d hate to see you block the ads!

  141. There was a stretch of a couple months where I was getting ads for christian dating sites, X-rated “virtual reality” games, and creepy porn sites. I live alone, and am the only one who uses my computer. The only thing I can figure is that I developed sleepsurfing, and my sleepsurfing persona was a creepy middle-aged man who struck out on christian dating sites and then watched porn.

    Then I bought one really nice piece of furniture and all of a sudden my ads were like “BAM, YOU’RE RICH! BUY OUR FANCY CAR!” And I’m all “I don’t have ANY car…and I get mad when I take too many trips and my employer won’t pay for me to take the bus anymore. You have the wrong person.”

    So what I’m saying is that targeted advertising is a crap shoot of one-off things and people with multiple personalities that only come out to play at night…

  142. I will never be able to look at a squirrel’s butt and not think of you, Dear Jenny. Thanks for the LOL post.

    BTW- not interested because it was too expensive? I’ll bet you can “make an offer” on it!

  144. That’s like asking a man, “Have you stopped beating your wife yet?” No way to positively answer that.

  145. Every time I attempt to be accepting and magnanimous about Facebook, BOOM, they roll out something else unbelievably annoying. Drives me crazy. I get the strangest targeted ads (although perhaps…just perhaps, mind you, I can see a teensy reason why they might target you with a big old dead-as-a-doornail squirrel butt, Jenny—LOL), making me wary of looking at anything for fear it will come back to haunt me.

    Like, for instance, the ad for an aging singles online dating service that displayed some ridiculously gorgeous & youthful-looking guy who we all know would NEVER be one of the guys to sign up. Naturally, I had to check it out (don’t judge), just to see who was really on the site. Next time my husband was at my computer he was rather perplexed that I was getting a “still interested?” ad for online seniors dating. I had some ‘splainin’ to do! 😉

  147. Facebook + Google = BIG BROTHER! I have no problem staying away from Facebook but how do you live in the modern age without Google?! Also, Facebook apparently doesn’t understand “boundaries.” My online life and my real life are kept separate. I didn’t even have my personal Facebook on my phone but somehow, when I “liked” one of your updates; it appeared on my personal account.

  148. i keep getting ads for “mature singles.” which, ok, yes, is better than an immature single, but they are showing a pic of a man about 20 yrs older than me. ok, so maybe not 20 years older. maybe 10 years older. but i look younger than my years; i shouldn’t be lumped in with those old men!

    oh, god, fb does know me.

  149. All I get is Christian Mingle ads (I am pagan), the ‘get skinny quick’ ads, and Republican propaganda (I am Democrat to the bone.) I think FB likes you more than it likes me.

  152. Mine yesterday were two different plastic surgery ads, one for Weight Watchers and one for a fast food restaurant. Insults AND mixed messages. I was offended until I saw your squirrel butt ad.

  153. Okay, I went to a site and put a bizarre breast feeding boob rest pillow that is shaped like a J into my cart. And now we wait to see to how long before it shows up in my targeted ads….I think I’ll continue in this vein until FB just gets so confused that it’s ad-stalker device implodes.

  154. I dunno… I’d probably dress up the squirrel bottom-half as Shadowcat from X-Men or something. Like, who are people to judge if a squirrel superhero is phasing through your wall? nerd alert

  155. One person reads your blog that actually reads mine too- I post pictures of squirrels every day, usually the other heal of them and she thought your post would resonate. I’m so glad, been looking for squirrel asses for years now. Thanks! My life is more compleat. Compleater? Just finished a post about a guy who paints with fly specks, I so appreciate squirrels again.

  156. You could put a skirt and tiny bloomers! Clearly the ass half of a taxidermied squirrel needs bloomers.

    (Meanwhile you can get rid of the targeted ads if you want with adblockerplus. F’reals, I cannot express how happy I am to not be told I need to lose weight and get married NOW.)

  157. I have been targeted lately by plus-sized clothing ads. There’s nothing wrong with plus sized, it’s just that I’m not, and I don’t understand where it all came from! I don’t know what I looked at to make this happen!

  158. It could be worse… I have big feet- I need a 10.5 narrow… So, basically I have skis for feet. When I got my first real job I decided I needed something crazy- like shoes that fit. I requested a “larger sized” shoe catalog. I had no idea that this was code for “transvestite”. I ended up on a remarkably educational mailing list. The catalogs came until I moved. I wonder what the mailman and the next tenant thought. Oh, and the worst part…. They don’t offer narrow shoes in these catalogs… But I could have gotten a 10EEE…..

  160. I just want to thank whoever mentioned AdBlock! I just installed it for Chrome and the first time I opened up Outlook (Hotmail), it blocked 15 ads! So satisfying to see that number up in the toolbar. 🙂

  161. The more I look at it, the more I think I could actually use a taxidermied squirrel ass. I could hang it on my front door as a fucked up door knocker. And that sound really wrong, but I didn’t mean it that way. Anyway, I’m sure it would keep away all unwanted guests – Mormon missionaries, political campaigners, my psycho neighbors. I’d probably have to warn the FedEx guy though. Still, I see some major possibilities for this!

  162. I just thought of another one. That squirrel would make an amazing addition to a Beware of Dog sign. Like, “BEWARE OF DOG – She makes trophies and posts them on Pinterest!”

  164. Just–What? I don’t get on FB much and I don’t browse online much, (knock wood), but I had this happen last week, after I tried to order my usual shipment of tulip bulbs online, then couldn’t get it to go through, then had like FOUR ANNOYING PHONE CALLS where they wanted me to give them $400.00 right this minute (instead of the buy-now-pay-later deal the website promised), so I canceled the order. For the next WEEK, every page I opened online had this floating side-bar ad from them. “Come BACK. Your cart is STILL FULL.”

    Now, I ask you. What if that had been a surprise GIFT for someone. What it if was something not as, shall we say, innocent as flowers? What then??? Really, not cool.

  165. And shit like this is reason #4,397,623 why I avoid Facebook as much as I can. Google targeted ads at least relate to things I’ve actually expressed interest in online!

  166. If you’re not interested, I might be! Wait. NO! YES! Shit…nevermind.

    And I am just about to delete my facebook acct. Because I’m too lame and boring to have one.

  168. My question is… what the hell made that squirrel’s tail stand up so straight?? What is happening to its other half?!?

  169. So did Bullwinkle get really mad one day, and just send Rocky right through the wall? Because I’m sure on the other side of that wall you will see a dazed squirrel with a pilot’s cap and aviator glasses.
    On the targeted ads front, I keep getting pictures of strange fruit that look like female body parts, that have supposed miraculous health benefits, flat belly by following this one weird trick, and make thousands of dollars working from home. So apparently I’m fat and lazy. Oh interwebz you know me so well 🙁

  170. I used to get ads for community college while I was in college, ads for help for pregnant teenagers when I was not a teenager and not pregnant, and ads to join the military even though I’m a pacifist, although the most offensive ones I think were the “become a social worker” ads where to get your attention they photoshop unnaturally blue eyes on African American babies. Because, you know, only blue-eyed babies deserve our attention. Then I got ad block plus, and now I don’t have that problem anymore.

  171. I see the squirrel rump sold for $61. Is that a reasonable price? I can’t say I’ve ever priced half a squirrel.

  172. I mean squirrels can be real assholes. Maybe this is more about squirrels than about you? (Also, I’m still trying to figure out how Facebook knows I’m fat. I don’t think weight was part of the “About” section, yet the ads, the ads…..)

  174. I’d buy it. That’s the only part of the squirrel my dog ever sees, so he’ll be jazzed.

  177. Your blog should come with a warning label that says something like “Do not read at work. Sudden laughter may explode from you and all of your coworkers will realize you have officially gone nuts, and are not actually working”.

  178. I just spit out my yogurt… Now that I’ve recovered, I think Facebook needs to work on it’s taxidermy recommendations. Personally, I feel in awe of your accomplishment. We’ve bought a jackalope and are still only getting the front ends of animals. Must… work… harder!

  181. My husband, god save us all, works for the company that made that ad.
    Now his coworkers went and bought the squirrel butt for HIM and it’s hanging in his cubicle at work. I refuse to let him bring it home, even if we ARE decorating the baby’s room with a woodland theme.
    (The husband now tells me that the coworkers failed to win the auction for that particular squirrel butt. THIS IS A DIFFERENT ONE.)
    So thanks to your selfishness in not buying this squirrel butt my family now owns it. 😛

    (THAT IS AWESOME. ~ Jenny)

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