I have about 8,000 notes on my phone that make almost no sense whatsoever because I write them in the middle of the night when I’ve had too little sleep and too much to drink, and then I look at them later and think, “What in the hell is wrong with me?” This is one of those notes:
They say there’s more than one way to skin a cat, but isn’t one way enough?
I mean, there’s probably more than one way to take off your pants but that doesn’t mean you should try it. I suppose you could roll up the legs until they’re like a weird speedo and then slip them off but that seems like waste of time.
Also, why were so many people skinning cats when this phrase was popular? And why is it still with us today? Does it mean something I don’t know? Is it like “spanking the monkey” or “choking the chicken” or “flogging the dog”? Is it weird that I can’t think of anymore animal cruelty euphemisms except for ones about men wanking? Is the cat skin one a euphemism for girls? Because ew. I was considering calling my dad to ask how to skin a cat since he’s a taxidermist but now I’m worried I might accidentally ask my father about masturbation.
These are things that keep me up at night.
Oh, hang on. I just thought of another one…”Doing the snake.” That one’s not about wanking but it really seems like it should be.