This makes me weirdly homesick.

My sister and her kids are at my parents’ house and we were supposed to be there too but this hernia bullshit made traveling impossible so I’m living vicariously through my sister’s texts: geese

Turns out that they are not swans but are baby geese.  I know from experience that they grow up into real bastards and can draw blood when angry, so I reminded Lisa to get tetanus shots but then she reminded me that she had already learned her lesson because daddy had given her husband tetanus a few years ago.  Accidentally, that is.  Not as a gift.  That would be a terrible gift.  Not as bad as indoor geese probably.  But close.

Bumble protecting the kids from predatory geese.  I don't know if he has his tetanus shot yet.  He's new to the family.

Bumble protecting the kids from predatory geese with his “I’M WATCHIN’ YOU FUCKERS” stare. I don’t know if he has his tetanus shot yet. He’s new to the family.

This all makes me terribly homesick.

How weird.

118 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I’m sorry you’re homesick.😦

    I can see why…that picture is adorable.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted Search Term Tuesday: Now Including The Artist Formerly Known As Prince.

  2. The story of your family is why real life inspires fiction. And then there is your voice, dear Bloggess, that is its perfect mirror.

    Like

    Burns the Fire recently posted How to stop smoking and do something else with your hands.

  3. You are wonderful and I love your love for your family. I hope the hernia heals as fast as a tailless lizard.

    Like

  4. I had a pet goose once. You’re right about them. Rottweilers chased by a cloud of hornets are less viscious. Bumble is a good dog.

    Continued healing . . .

    Like

    marydpierce recently posted Fragile.

  5. UGH. Geese are creepy, not to mention filthy! I’d be glad I’m not there. Ew.

    Like

  6. Bumble is adorable!

    (yes, of everything in this post, I’m like OOH A DOG. Ah well.)

    Like

    Jen Donohue recently posted Blogging Naked.

  7. The things we miss. I was just telling someone this morning about my incident running into a dead animal – literally, much like in your book- and it made me miss my dad.

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    Steph recently posted Jailbirds and Search Terms.

  8. I’ve got some geese living next door. They are incredibly loud. Also, I think that one is psychotic. It laughs like a crazed clown for a couple of hours a day.

    Like

    Cassandra recently posted Let Them Eat Dirt.

  9. Geese are so very loud. Giving geese is like giving someone the gift of hearing loss.

    Like

  10. 10
    ocularnervosa

    The U.S. military replaced guard dogs with geese at some bases because they are more relentless and louder.

    Like

  11. It looks like Bumble has it under control. He’d totally have been able to protect your brother-in-law from tetnus which is probably why they got him.

    Like

    Laurie recently posted Weird Outlets.

  12. don’t worry. you’ll be back on your feet in no time, and then you’ll be attacked by not-as-baby-geese-as-they-were-when-you-were-recovering, and then you’ll be back on your back, but at least you won’t be homesick!

    Like

  13. 13
    happyhourmary

    Yes, homesick because weird you are used to is better than normal that you are not used to. Plus, really, live geese in the house and you are not there!

    Like

  14. Yeah, I know how you feel, first you get sick of home, then you get homesick. Problem is, the progression follows you for the rest of your life.

    Like

    Bryan Hemming recently posted José Maria and Maria José.

  15. Having read your book, the fact that this makes you homesick doesn’t seem the least bit weird.

    Like

  16. I love that one of the kids has on a Ren & Stimpy shirt. Makes me feel nostalgic myself.

    Like

  17. I’m guessing you chose NOT to use the word “gosling” to avoid getting all that Ryan Gosling web traffic that the cool people don’t want anything to do with.🙂

    Like

  18. “Run. Run quickly.” Sage advice. And, you’re right, tetanus would be a terrible gift.

    I once removed a maggot-infested carcass from under my mom’s house, but I’m not homesick. Sorry about your homesickness though.

    Like

    Foxy Wine Pocket recently posted Potty Training, the Advanced Course: How to Fart Correctly.

  19. All geese hate my oldest son. He didn’t believe me when I told him to leave them alone. Now they passed around his picture and hunt him down. He is doomed.. I am not going to save him. No way am I going on that most wanted wall. Poor kid. Good thing I have a spare.

    Like

  20. I hate adult geese. But babies are nice and soft and cuddly. There’s a middle ground in there somewhere when they should become dinner.

    Like

    Kitten Thunder's Girl recently posted The Thunder Channel.

  21. Could you imagine being able to give someone diseases in a box? Merry Christmas here’s some herpes. Happy Birthday we got you malaria!

    Like

    Stephanie@themadchatters.com recently posted A Giant Heap of Humble Pie.

  22. Geese have teeth. On their tongue.I hate those godforsaken Birds. It’s funny the stuff that will make you homesick. Wishing you quick healing.

    Like

  23. They look like Chinese Goslings. If you’d like, I’d be more than happy to box up a couple of ours (the least aggressive ones, of course) and send them to you for a week or so. Ya know, just to make sure your family doesn’t miss out on the memories.
    Besides, your sister will be jealous, cause yours will be bigger! (and louder, and poop more…)

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    Chris Dean recently posted A fault in our programming?.

  24. Wait, geese like, to keep? Or did he borrow them for entertainment? And Hailey could have used the duck call she made!

    Like

    Liz recently posted My Brain Worked!.

  25. My uncle gave my 87 year old grandpa a baby potbellied pig 2 years ago. This year it was 8 live lobsters….I kind of wish it was a pig again!

    Like

  26. 26
    Don A in Pennsyltucky

    If you think that geese are territorial and aggressive, don’t even think about swans.
    http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/04/killer-swan-blamed-for-mans-drowning/

    Like

  27. Ohhh, geese, I hate geese! Hissing, scary motherfuckers!

    Like

  28. Naming a white poodle “Bumble” <– FTW!!

    Like

  29. Made me think of Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis. He has a guard duck. If you haven’t read this comic, you should check it out. Here’s a link to his blog:
    http://stephanpastis.wordpress.com/

    Like

  30. Do you think there will come a day when your father will just bring home flowers for your mom and not something that needs shots and can draw blood?

    Like

    Teri recently posted Oh the horror!!!.

  31. Ren and Stimpy shirt! Y’all should make your family reunions a public affair. You could charge admission.

    Like

  32. My Nana said that geese make better watch dogs than dogs. And are way more vicious. I’ve had a healthy respect for them ever since.

    Like

    skullwoman recently posted My Mother’s Notebook #2 Green Bean Salad and Grilled Potatoes.

  33. I love how the dog is sticking its neck out and investigating like WTF?!

    Like

  34. I so get you. There was a time my brother had a pig living in his kitchen, which believe it or not was immensely less messy than the ducks or goats. I’m thankful for my non-ordinary family. It makes get-togethers more colorful.

    Hope your now-fixed-hernia feels better soon. Your insides are really pissed- that’s what’s causing the pain. Body insides can be vindictive little fuckers.

    Like

  35. REN AND STIMPY, I HAVE THAT SHIRT TOO!!

    Like

  36. I’m not sure who in the photo is braver…

    Like

  37. I love geese. My Mom calls me Goose. I feel like a weirdo and that is impressive with you people.

    Like

  38. 38
    Kristabelle

    Love that the dog is named Bumble! After the Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer movie, of course.
    Hope you’re feeling all better very soon!

    Like

  39. There is only one Gosling I’d like in my house.

    And you know someone is making a fortune selling diseases as presents. “As seen on TV! Tetanus in a box! Call now and we’ll throw in rabies for free!”

    Like

  40. My aunt and uncle have a pair of geese that visit their creek every year. My uncle was just telling us how another invader couple tried to encroach…he said it was the most horrific fight he’d ever witnessed…in real life or on the screen. Geese are the swans of Satan.

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    Marianne recently posted Odds and Ends.

  41. Bumble, maybe the best dog name ever.

    Like

  42. OMG. I’m sitting here giggling, because I think your family might be as frakked up as mine is.

    “Last time I was home, dad made us sit down before dinner and watch Santa Barbara.”

    “Wait. Dad watches soaps?”

    “And makes the whole entire family stop everything they’re doing and watch it with him. You can’t do anything else. No phone calls. No nothing.”

    Okay. It’s not baby geese, but…

    Like

  43. Reading this reminded me of the squirrel story from your first book. I don’t know why, but that one made me crack up so much! It’s probably something my grandfather would have pulled if he thought he could get away with it. Just think, these kids will have amazing stories to tell when they get older too….the cycle will be perpetuated!

    Like

    AmberLynn Pappas recently posted Adventures in Breastfeeding Part Two: Teething and The Worst Run EVER!.

  44. ((hugs)) It’s ok to be homesick when seeing baby geese.

    Like

  45. My parents once had a hawk accidentally drop a headless grouse into their backyard. They were like well, free food has fallen from the sky. So they cooked it up for dinner. The hawk was probably pissed. They told my sister and she was like, “You don’t know what it died from! It could be diseased!” And they responded with, “IT DOESN’T HAVE A HEAD. We’re pretty sure we know how it died. And also we cooked it really well.” That’s Montanans for you.

    Like

    Adrasteia recently posted Now I remember why I avoid The Ave [Update: also more new art].

  46. Ok, they ARE really damn cute but you’re right, they grow up to be fuckin bastards.

    Like

  47. Geese are terrible people.

    Like

  48. I grew up in a house on a river with a huge back yard. Geese were everywhere. One time I tried to chase them. They turned around and chased me back, and I think it was the most scared I’ve ever been in my life. To this day if I go to that house, I don’t even have to look at them before they start charging toward me.

    I highly doubt they’re the same geese from 15-20 years ago. They must have turned me into some kind of folklore among their flock.

    Like

  49. It’s funny, all I could think of was “her poor carpet”. Goose poop is nasty.

    Like

  50. Your blog is one if the best things on the internet.

    Like

  51. The dog is the best part of this lol.

    Like

  52. I’m grooving on the lamp in the background.

    Like

  53. Geese are excellent watchdogs. And yes, swans are far crankier! Thank you to Don A in Pennsyltucky for pointing that out – swans are bigger and nastier than geese.

    Like

  54. My father use to bring my mother “gifts” (2 pigs, 2 ducks, 1 skunk) and NONE of these things made good pets when you lived in the suburbs!
    But do make for great stories!

    Like

  55. There is a strange allure, but I agree, they grow up to be real bastards. The geese, not the girls.

    Like

    bethmarkley recently posted How not to watch the game (Part I).

  56. Those pictures are making ME homesick and I’m not even part of your family.

    Like

    Janice recently posted My Thinking Room.

  57. Geese are dicks. I lived next to a man-made lake when I was in the UK for grad school and got hissed at every single morning on my way to class. The university even had a special “poo man” come around each week riding on some sort of guano Zamboni to clear the droppings off the walkways.

    Like

    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted Take me to your TP..

  58. If I got tetanus, my husband would start calling the CDC for help in calculating how long he could enjoy the lock-jaw induced quiet without completely killing me. I know where I stand – I’ve got his number!

    Like

  59. “because daddy had given her husband tetanus a few years ago”
    This reminds me just a bit of being in college – Medical Microbiology. A big part of our grade and most of the quarter was spent trying to identify a bacteria that had been assigned to each of us. We got making puzzled/worried looks when one of us would shout out (while in the cafeteria), “I got gonorrhea!”. Such nerds. 🙂

    Like

  60. I take my daughter to a music class, and when we’re finished, we go to the pond to feed bread to the ducks. It’s so adorable, all these little baby ducklings milling around together, then BOOM!! Two Canada Geese come flying over and scare all the little ones into the reeds so they can eat. And they have babies!! Those Motherfuckers are setting a poor example, I’m telling you…

    Like

  61. We had some goslings this Spring at the little lake behind our house. They were all named Ryan, of course, and they were floofy and adorable. Now they’re just about grown and are indistinguishable from the fat, waddling, bad-tempered adult goose bastards they came from. Geese suck, is what I’m saying.

    Like

  62. Tetanus would be the worst gift ever.

    Also, Canadian Geese in particular are the worst of the worst. Those fuckers decide to set up nests anywhere: middle of your driveway, the parking lot at Costco, etc. And don’t even bother trying to encourage them to move. They are vicious. Bastards.

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    NancyTex recently posted let it go.

  63. 63
    Lady Macbeth

    @Stephanie (aka #21): You can give people both malaria and herpes – as well as lice, botulism, MRSA, the plague, leprosy, and a yeast infection – thanks to Giant Plush Microbes, which you can find at Think Geek:

    http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/6708/?srp=3

    and through their own website:

    http://www.giantmicrobes.com/

    Like

  64. Good Bumble. Also, fyi, it turns out dogs don’t get tetanus. Who knew.

    Like

  65. This is why I am worried about what Ryan Gosling will be like when he gets older. Oh sure, right now he’s cute and cuddly but in 30 years he’s going to be mean and cranky, attacking people for no reason, and leaving poop on golf courses across America.

    Like

  66. 66
    Princess in my head

    “Merry Christmas! Have some herpes!” Just nearly choked to death.

    Side note: Geese are assholes. Local park has a shitton of them and one in particular hates me. Every time I go there the little bastard makes a beeline for me. Hissing, spitting and flapping its wings. It seriously needs to wind up I’m someone’s oven.

    Like

  67. We have a flock of turkeys living in our corporate complex. Some of them are big enough to be good eating! And one of my coworkers is afraid of them – she won’t go out the door into the parking lot if they are nearby. (Her story is that they don’t have turkeys in the ‘hood she grew up in.) 🙂

    Like

  68. Maybe you could teach them to march

    Like

    Katren recently posted Herb & Spice crumbed pork chops.

  69. Your dad buys awesome gifts

    Like

  70. OMG, Katren.

    I had a neighbor who had geese and peacocks. They both have challenging personalities, but I loved having peacocks around. They eat rattle snakes and this was Arizona. So, yay peacocks. Noisy, up in the middle of the night, tear apart the garden, wander in to the neighbors, messy, get very affronted if you try to send them home, cranky, and expensive. I still like them.

    Like

  71. The story about the geese and the mailman in your book had me laughing so hard I was peeing. Especially when the geese were carrying the mail around in their beaks…

    Like

  72. 72
    Michele H.

    Oh, for heaven’s sake…just raise the babies like you would a dog or cat and the geese will be ok when they’re older. Spread your own arms wide if they get too close for comfort. Teeth (??)…they do have a bit of a jagged edge on their bills, but no teeth. Yes, I’m touched in the head and have some pet geese…nothing like having a sick goose in the bathtub that you’re desperately trying to not wake up in the middle of the night when you have to pee…that squawk echoing off of bathroom tile is reeaallllyyy something!

    Like

  73. “I’m watchin’ you fuckers” has to be the best line ever. Good Bumble!

    Like

  74. I need to know how your father gave your bro-in-law tetanus now. Immediately, if possible.Thank you.

    Like

  75. We have two different “when geese attack” stories in our family and they both end with missing fingers.

    Like

  76. I found a great parking spot at work yesterday because our resident geese were LOUNGING in the cross walk, so I went the other direction. Some of my co-workers are scared of them, but if you hiss at them or come at them really fast you can get them to fly off the tops of the cars (where they like to hang out). Building a wetland into the parking area seemed like an earth-friendly thing to do but now we dodge goose poop and hope our cars don’t get fowled.

    Like

  77. We have a lot of geese living in our community. They stand in the middle of the path and hiss at me as I try to pass them. I have started hissing back at them. My boyfriend and I are convinced that when they are shouting at one another, what they are saying is “Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Goose! Hey! Hey!”

    Like

  78. This is doubly horrifying since I just re-read Allie Brosh’s story of the attack goose. Geese are frightening creatures. (Bear in mind birds are just cute feathered DINOSAURS.)

    Like

  79. Yeah, geese are kind of evil. Well, really evil. Chickens on the other hand – THEY ARE AWESOME!!! As my small human says, they act like they are pooping, but they give you breakfast…then they poop!

    Like

    C. Lee aka The Urban Chicken Keeper recently posted Are Chickens an Appropriate Gift?.

  80. 80
    Doug in Oakland

    My father’s passion in life is shooting Canada geese with a shotgun. I was never very impressed with him for it because I don’t like eating them. Their meat is dark, tough, and oily. We have local populations of them in the East Bay now, and they are so obnoxious that every time I see them I give my dad a retroactive cheer for all of the ones I can remember seeing him shoot. I have even slightly upgraded my memories of eating them.

    Like

  81. i think you just inadvertently explained the underlying meaning behind “duck, duck, goose.”

    Like

    Simone recently posted How I launched my second book.

  82. Is that child wearing a Ren and Stimpy shirt?! I can understand why you’re feeling homesick; who wouldn’t want to be with such a cool family AND baby geese?! I hope you feel better soon🙂

    Like

    Kat recently posted I'm "with it"…. sort of....

  83. Your dad isn’t going to taxidermy the babies, is he?

    Like

  84. Geese are mean buggers, but goslings are still pretty cute. It’s the guinea hens I can’t stand (even though I know they’re good because they eat ticks). It’s the noise. Holy face-hugging-Chthulu, the NOISE. Their squawk is just like fingernails on a chalkboard, and you can’t eat them (because hello, they eat TICKS…blech).

    Like

    Jess@NoPithyPhrase recently posted Please Keep Your Feet Inside The Vomit Tank At All Times....

  85. I feel like not a single being is relaxed in that photo AT ALL.

    Geese: Where the fuck am I?
    Dog: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
    Kids: I kinda want to touch them… but I also kinda don’t want to lose my hand…

    Like

    Emelie recently posted This Superpower is USELESS..

  86. Well, our secret’s out. Canadians are so polite because the geese are so nasty. Busted!

    Like

  87. Based on all your family’s animal stories, Bumble looks a little too cute and fluffy to hang. He’d better have several attitude problems and a shiv.

    Like

    kstewand4cats recently posted Reunited and it feels sooooo goood.

  88. Pffft. That’s small potatoes compared to having a sloth and a wallaby. He’s has to up his game.

    Like

  89. HAHAHAHA this is so cute!! Where does one acquire baby geese??

    Like

    Megan recently posted Create An Evening Routine For A Productive Morning.

  90. Bumble is ferociously cute!

    Like

  91. 91
    The Original Lisa

    Don’t worry y’all, Bumble ate both the geese a few minutes after this picture was taken, so no worries about adult geese running around. Just kidding. Actually, they are living in the taxidermy shop, the back part where they work on the animals. We’re letting them know from the start what’s going to happen to them if they stick one little goosey foot out of line. They’re probably going to need therapy.

    Like

  92. Wait — am I crazy or didn’t your dad bring you and your sister a box of ducklings when you were a kid? He must have a soft spot for baby fowl.

    Like

  93. This is so adorable and hilarious and also slightly dangerous. It really makes me want a second book. Sorry you’re still dealing with the hernia bullshit. Sending positive thoughts because maybe new age-y bullshit can counteract hernia bullshit. But also, because you’re awesome and I hope you have the speediest hernia recovery on record.

    Like

    cat recently posted Maybelline Frozen Over Sinful Colors Cinderella Comparison.

  94. Do baby geese mess up a perfectly good bed just as much as your cats do?

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    Donna recently posted Drunk Baby Photos.

  95. I was chased away from my own front door by a pair of semi-feral muscovy ducks (which are kind of geese, really) which had decided to eat some plants at the front of my unit. Luckily a small dog similar to Bumble chased them away for me. I am sure Bumble will do a great job!

    Like

    Laura Morrigan recently posted A GEEK?.

  96. I just love the fact that one of your sisters children is wearing a Ren and Stimpy shirt!!! 🙂

    Like

  97. I remember being at Niagara Falls and visiting the Canadian side when I was younger, and watching the geese roam all over the flat area. And I remember trying to see how close they’d let me get, and subsequently running the fuck away because they’re total dicks who will chase you.

    When I said younger, I meant 20.

    Like

  98. Get them out of the house. Nearly all baby animals are cute in some way, but those geese grow up to be right bastards who will terrorize the house and shit for England. We have some on our pond here, and it’s like the Bloods and the Crips.

    (They’re outside geese. He just brought them in to make the grandkids giggle and tick off my mom. I’m sure they’ll live outside with the ducks, doves, pigeons, chickens and peacocks. It’s bird-flu menagerie. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  99. i am sorry you are feeling homesick.
    it is just these kinds of random weird things in our families that make us want to be with them isn’t it?
    here’s to hoping that next time a noisy box is opened up at your dad’s house, you are there to have to run away from whatever is inside it!

    Like

    jennifer niles recently posted How to Fill a Book (and a Giveaway).

  100. I am homesick too Jenny. Hugs!

    Like

  101. Leaves me full of questions. Are these loaner geese or permanent residents? If permanent, was there some money exchanged at a pet store or farm or was this a straight kidnapping and there is a mama and papa goose out there hunting your father down? Are geese trick (e.g., roll over and play dead) educable? If a poodle and a baby goose are trapped in a room, who comes out alive?

    Like

    momus83 recently posted Falling in Love with Smart Women: My Fatal Addiction.

  102. I think that indoor geese are the new floating bookshelves. I’m just saying. (I bet it can be found on Pinterest)

    Like

    Woman_on_Pause recently posted Brain Soup.

  103. We had geese when I was growing up. Mrs MaGee, was the most aggressive, she kept everyone out, even people we wanted to see. Friends, family. OK friends, Jehovah’s witnesses. One afternoon I was bringing in firewood, she rushed me and grabbed me by the croch and flogged me with her wings. I screemed like a girl ( mostly because I am one) (and it hurt)and dropped the wood on her head. After milking it for all it was worth, and then some with my parents, my mother said “go out and do something with that goose. Bury it I guess”. When I got out there, the goose is gone. Figured the dogs got it, good riddence! So I bend down to pick up the wood… And there is a goose in my face, scratching! Biting my neck and flogging me with her wings. Much screening honking, hissing,and wailing ensued. My mom rescued me by swinging the goose against the shed several times MY HERO!!!

    Like

  104. Geese poo, nothing harder to remove from your shoe.

    Like

    HeadDummy recently posted The Birth of the Modern Day Big Dummy.

  105. Oh my gosh, they look exactly like Gossie and Gertie!

    Like

  106. 106
    Lucky Maria

    Dear Bloggess’ Dad,
    Please don’t EVER change. Thank you.
    Sincerely, Your Adoring Fans

    Like

  107. Every year around this time there are baby-geese “parades”. All the babies are walked across the main road up here (Route 22 in Brewster, NY) by their adults, stopping traffic at least twice a day. There’s usually one adult in front, one in the rear and one or two in the middle of the line of babies. Annoying as F*CK, but kind of adorable once you realize why you’ve been sitting in a hot car in traffic for 15 minutes while trying to get to work.

    Like

    LVital7019 recently posted Imbecillusism of the Week: RUFKM!? Excuse-of-the-Week.

  108. Whoah! That looks exactly like my grandparent’s living room! The green carpet, couch with picture above it near the window with lace curtains–even the fancy-ish lamp! But they don’t have baby geese.

    Like

  109. Ah, there’s nothing quite as loving as the gift of young winged serpents. All of my goose experiences have been horrific…being chased by groups of them that would swarm out of nowhere. Evil, evil creatures. I don’t fear them, but I give them their props. And your Pops, brave as he is, gifting them to those he loves, is beyond awesome. It’s like a choose your own adventure gift: survive it if you can.

    Like

  110. Love the goose in the text looking like, “Well, helloooo there!” I am jealous. I have never had a baby goose in my house. 😦

    Like

  111. I think the proper description of adult geese is “right bastards.” Or perhaps “right fucking bastards.”

    Like

  112. I love this in so many ways. I can’t even begin. And the look on that dog’s face is priceless:).

    Like

    candidkay recently posted My bed is like Grand Central Station.

  113. I can totally understand why you’re homesick – a home that isn’t full of weird animals, isn’t a home at all. (Sadly we’re in a one bedroom flat so no animals allowed… we have bird feeders and borrow our neighbour’s cats when possible).

    Like

    Eleanorjane recently posted Four hours in Bath Spa.

  114. You never cease to make me laugh so hard I snort.

    Like

  115. That is one well-behaved dog. If it were my dog (looks to be about the same size) the living room would have been a mess of blood and baby down, and he’d by trying to share his kill with the kids. Everyone has something weird in their life.

    Like

  116. When my boys were about that age we took a trip to Maine. Visited Portland, ME. It is a beautiful seaport. Not overly crowded. There is a Lobster cruise where she can where the outfit and learn to catch lobsters. Nice restaurants. It is also quite close to Kennebunkport. Not too hot… not too cold. Lighthouses and parks to visit.

    Like

  117. I so want to be a part of your family!

    Like

  118. 118
    SmellyElly

    Giving someone tetanus as a gift is indeed a terrible gift. My question though, how would you wrap it?

    Like

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