OHMYGOD WHAT IS THAT?

WARNING:  This post contains pictures that might make you make involuntary noises.  It also contains kittens and Jesus, though, so it sort of evens out in the end?

I’m still slunking around the house like Quasimodo but I’m starting to feel less awful and I can even stand almost upright without screaming if you give me a minute to get into position.  I complained to Victor that it was weird that my belly button (where the hernia actually was) didn’t hurt at all but that the pain was on my sides, like I’d been pinched by one of those claw machines and he was like, “Well, yeah.  Your belly button wouldn’t hurt because they did all the surgery from the sides and never cut into your belly button” and I started to disagree and he was like, “Seriously.  You hurt because of the mesh they sewed around the sides.  Remember the pictures?”   And then I just stared at him because WHAT?  “Remember the pictures”?!  

Apparently there are photos of my insides that the robot took while it was fixing shit and Victor swears I saw them and that I insisted that he take pictures of them with his phone.  So basically the most naked pictures of me on earth have been on Victor’s phone this whole time.  Victor says that pictures of me under my skin don’t count as “naked” but I assure you that they are the most naked I’ve ever gotten.  I made him send them to me so I could see them and then I was like “WTF IS THAT?” and Victor just shrugged but I’m a little disconcerted because I’m pretty sure the surgeon grafted an upside-down cross into my stomach.  I know that pain pills and anesthesia make me an unreliable witness and that’s why I’m including a picture.  Also, I am immune to being grossed out and can watch the surgery channel with no qualms but I realize this isn’t normal so if you’re even slightly easily barfy then just squint your eyes and scroll until you see the Jesus kitten, which I added to calm you down after seeing horrific nightmare pictures of my insides.

***

Ready?

***

***

Naked pictures of the bloggess:

bloggesshernia

AAAAAH.  KEEP SCROLLING.

Jesus Kitten.

You’re safe now.  Jesus Kitten.

First of all, if you’re here because you googled “naked pictures of the bloggess” then you brought this on yourself, asshole.  Secondly, WHY IS THERE AN INVERTED CROSS SEWN INTO MY STOMACH?  Is that normal?  I need medical opinions here, people.

I pointed it out to Victor and asked “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?” and he said “Well, that seems to be the mark of the beast.”  Then I glared at him and he was like, “What’s really weird is that that cross was already there when they cut you open” and I inadvertently laughed which hurts a TON, but maybe it hurts so much because I’m so holy and my body is rejecting Satan.  It’s like when you put a right-side-up cross on Dracula and he gets all flinchy, except the opposite.

PS.  I’m sorry about exposing you to this picture and I assure you that my normal stomach looks AMAZING compared to these pictures.  Except for the six scars that are in the process of healing.  Those look super stabby.

PPS.  I’m not sure where that kitten picture came from but my friend mailed it to me when I was dealing with a bout of depression and I was like “Did you just send me a Jesus kitty?” and she was all, “Are you high right now?” because she didn’t see the insane resemblance to all the Jesus pictures I grew up with and so I sent her this:

jesuscat

jesuskitten

She agreed that the artist might be the same but pointed out that Jesus Kitten couldn’t be on Jesus’ Bible because it was written after he died but I was like, “Well, maybe it’s the Purrst Testament” and then she said I needed to stop before I went to hell but I’m pretty sure this upside-down cross is going to be harder to explain than a bunch of kitten puns.

PPPS.  I’m still on a lot of drugs.  Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense.  I blame the fact that there’s a satanic mark sewn into my stomach.  You’d probably be fucked up too.

PPPPS.  Seriously, medical people, does that thing look right?  Is there supposed to be a cross there?

274 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I needed that laugh. Thanks for the jesus kitten. Makes me want to find my x-ray from when I broke my wrist sumo wresting at a bar. I’ll be back…perhaps with a new post :)

  2. Not sure it’s a cross but it might be that missing plane. :-)

    Maverick ~ recently posted La Belle Dame sans Merci.

  3. I see the upside down cross, but on my phone the second one looks like a dragonfly – so I’d tell everyone you have a dragonfly inside your belly.

    Rhonda recently posted George Will: The “Sexual Assault is a Coveted Status” Douchebag.

  4. “Seen the Blogess Naked” checks off bucket list item

  5. Ok, I can’t be the only one who thought Jesus was going to say “Knock knock, motherfucker”, right?

    I’m going to hell. Which is why I would absolutely freaked out about an inverted cross INSIDE me, too.

    Enjoy the drugs, Jenny.

    Jess recently posted BSC SS #6: New York, New York! Part One.

  6. 6
    Terri in SF

    Not a medical person here, but the fact that you can stand at all right now given those pictures and your marked stomach is a damned miracle. Also, Jesus Kitty made my night. Take care and take your meds/pain pills. Standing without thinking about it will happen soon enough.

  7. It looks like before the mesh was sewn in to the abdominal wall defect (hernia) it was marked with a sterile surgical marking pen. Surgeons often mark surgical mesh so it can be oriented correctly when it’s sewn in via a laparoscopic or robotic surgical procedure.

  8. One, those pictures are insanely cool. Two, my guess is that pattern that looks like an inverted cross is a marker on the mesh so the doctor gets the little bugger into place exactly the way it’s supposed to be. Think of it more like a bulls eye than a cross, even though it does look that way. Also, with the way the camera would have been pointed in your stomach, it’s very possible this could be a reverse view, so they’re looking at it from the bottom. If you could physically see it, it might be right side up. I’m not a nurse or surgical professional, but based off the things I’ve watched on med TV, those are my uneducated guesses.

    I hope someone else who IS more medically trained than I am can answer. I’ll send it along to some friends who are nurses and see what they come up with.

  9. Jesus lives in all of us.

    Just kidding.

    Actually, I’m a nurse but I unfortunately, don’t know
    the answer to your question.

    It’s probably normal?..

    P.S. If there’s pus, redness, or you get a fever that could mean it’s infected and see the doctor. Thought I would at least say something useful.

  10. It was a mistake on the part of the surgeon. He meant to leave an inverted star of David. Shalom.

  11. That does look strange but I’m sure it’s fine. Drink a bottle of holy water and see if that helps?

  12. I’ve known many surgeons to mark mesh and other such coverings so as to assure proper direction once inserted. I don’t K know why they wouldn’t use an arrow as opposed to a cross, but also this pic could be upside down. Cuz robots. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, but if you are genuinely concerned, I’d give the doc a buzz.

  13. I’m too sexy for ma bellah. Too sexy for ma bellah… so sexy it hurrrrts.

    You’re welcome.

    itzybellababy recently posted Is this the week to #BringBackOurGirls?.

  14. 14
    Kathryn Franks

    First of all I laughed so hard now I think I have a hernia.. It’s like you are infecting us all!!
    Actually I think it’s a landmark for the mesh.. No worries, unless that’s not mesh, then yeah, you’re fucked!
    Kathryn

  15. Oh, and hope you’re feeling better soon. Enjoy the painkillers!

  16. I agree that cat is a Jesus kitty. When I saw it I just assumed that was a bible it was laying on.

    I’m glad you’re out of surgery, I hope you feel better soon.

  17. Ha! Victor wins the Internet today ;) Glad you’re walking around now!

  18. They probably put that cross in there when they took out your gall bladder, and the hernia was all staged so they had an excuse to check on its development and we of it was ready for the next level yet.

    karifur recently posted How to be the biggest geek at the Marathon.

  19. That’s from inside you? So cool. Is that maybe a mark made by the surgeon as a guide or point of reference? (Or a reminder of what souls he’s got to go back and collect?)

  20. Good news! The upside down cross is often associated with one of the apostles (Peter maybe?), so I think you’re in the clear on the “mark of the beast” front. I’d be way more concerned if it was “666” or a pitchfork, or something else more blatantly devilly.

  21. Disappointed. Really thought we’d get a “Knock, Knock Motherfucker” out of the Jesus Kitten.

    Teri recently posted 12 year old gets a tattoo, mom allows it....

  22. It must be the same artist, but I don’t actually see a resemblance between the kitten and Jesus. Technically, Jesus probably isn’t even a white guy anyways, but not the point.

    I’m a total medical expert. When something is “ouchy” or “hurty”, I prescribe a bandage, an ice pack, and going to see an actual doctor since I never even graduated high school. The only thing I can be helpful about is that you’re right about the puns. I think we have a lot more to explain about you’re cross body and my constantly breaking my cross necklace, rather than kitten puns, cursing, or feeling stabby.

    Also, if you add a Y to any word, it makes it an adjective. I’m also experty in English.

    Rachel recently posted Six? Seriously?.

  23. Oh crap, that was supposed to say *see if it was ready. Why must my fat thumbs ruin everything?

    karifur recently posted How to be the biggest geek at the Marathon.

  24. 24
    harlene m.

    I think it looks more like the eye of Sauron. But either way you’re still really fucked.

  25. 25
    grantaviuskennarius

    Best practice for surgeons is to use a marking pen to show the place that they will operate on. The surgeons do this by writing directly on the patient’s skin on the day of surgery. Rarely, surgeons will make a mistake and operate on the wrong part of the body. This is bad for their insurance, so they draw on you to show where to cut.
    The shape relates to the direction of the intended incisions.

  26. totally a Jesus Kitty. . . I am a squint and scroller, but when I read mark of the beast, I cracked up. heal fast so you can save some pain pills for fun. :)

  27. If you look at the cross just right, and kind of scrunch your right eye just so, the stitches form the number 666. You may be beautiful on the outside, but your guts are going to hell. Here kitty, kitty, kitty!

  28. If you have an upside down cross in your belly, then is your pee unholy water? I’d market that somehow.

  29. Something looks seriously uncircumcised in that first one. I’d be more upset about that thing.

  30. Jesus Kitty makes my tummy feel all warm and fuzzy. I’m sure that’s why you should look at it as often as possible. It will cancel out any satanic vibes.

  31. So, in an effort to help I googled “hernia mesh surgery cross image” and then made the mistake of looking at the images associated – OMG those are images that will haunt my sleep tonight. YIKES?!? TIP TO OTHERS…don’t make this same google mistake :-)

    Did find one photo (not yours Jenny) that showed the same inverted cross in the purple ink. I know doctors use the purple ink to help with ensuring they get the right location/set-up.

    Thanks for the giggle about Jesus Kitten – love the knock, knock.

    Get well soon!!

  32. The doctors probably made that mark on your stomach when they did the CT scan, so they would know where a central point would be for the surgery. Doctors are quite handy with Sharpies.

  33. I’m a scrub tech and was super excited that you posted pics. Bunch a weirdos here in the medical field. The cross is to line the mesh up where your belly button and midline are so it can be properly placed and tacked in. Hope you feel better. Moving around helps speed recovery. I’m pretty sure a sadist came up with that.

  34. Nah it’s not inverted Victor just took the pic upside down to upset you. Thanks Victor.

    Stephanie@themadchatters.com recently posted #dontsayshit.

  35. It’s all fine. Really.

  36. 36
    ntmyslftdy

    What’s weirder is the little guy near it saying “It’s dangerous to go to the colon alone. Take this”

  37. I have to have a hysterectomy in the fall. I hope that I handle my recovery as well as you’re handling yours. Thanks for the laugh!

  38. Look on the bright side, if you do a headstand or handstand, the cross will be the right way up. (Dont do a cartwheel though, that’ll only cause confusion in high or low places!)

  39. Thank you for making me laugh. Again. And again. And again.

  40. 40
    Susan Worthington

    I see the cross and the plane. The last pic reminds me of those spot lights that you’d see outside of old Hollywood premieres. And maybe they still to that for new Hollywood premieres. Jeeze, I hope that doesn’t mean you’ll be craving Chinese food from Grauman’s Theatre! :) Feel better!

  41. This whole post is awesome and made me laugh. You think your insides look scary? Mine are so bad (multiple abdominal surgeries) that one doctor said he was glad he didn’t have to operate on me again because I apparently have a ton of scar tissue in there. So an upside down cross is no big deal.

  42. 42
    ntmyslftdy

    What’s weirder is the little guy next to it saying ” It’s dangerous to go to the colon alone. Take this”

  43. For any occult advice you should refer to the Winchesters on Supernatural. You can find it on Netflix and thank me later when you are a SuperWhoLock fan.

  44. I’m not a surgeon, but work for one and see lots of pictures. Believe me, these are tame. Anyway, my guess is the X is, literally, drawn there to mark the spot where the mesh needs to be placed. Or, the doc and techs were playing weird tic tac toe. I assure, no satan involved.

  45. KITTY! Sorry, what was in this post besides bible kitty?? Some other pictures. Mostly KITTY.

    Mayor Gia recently posted Letters for Kitty.

  46. Yeah, that’s definitely a Jesus kitty. Plotting to shred the bible it’s frolicking on, any minute now. I’m not looking at the other pictures. Some things I will never be old enough to see.

    pericat recently posted book review: the martian.

  47. Yup. Was totally waiting for Jesus to say motherfucker as
    I scrolled down. I’m a bit disappointed now.

  48. Jesus Kitten is currently everything. That is all.

  49. I think you are safely warded against vampires..

    Michelle recently posted Search Term Tuesday Is Something I Stole.

  50. I Googled “surgical mesh hernia” and found a similar image on someone else’s innards. I’d offer a link, but yours is plenty gross. I think Robin is correct. It appears to be sterile marker. Sort of an internal “THIS END UP” guide. Thank you so much for the Jesus kitten. I needed that way more than the “what’s seen cannot be unseen” images of your insides.

  51. I am quite certain you never “bought” depression, or illness, or any of that shit. You might have had a “bout” of depression, or illness, but given your recent surgery and meds and that weird cross on ya (I have one, too, so maybe all us girls have one?), even though you’re a writer, you get a pass on the misspell. Hope you feel better SOONEST!

  52. OMG, I’ve seen you without your skin on. So Wrong.

  53. If we all laugh too hard here, at Jesus Kitty, we’ll all need surgery. Ah, I see what you’re up to, Satan.

  54. Suggestion: start praying to the Jesus Kitten.

  55. Is it weird that my first thought in response to your surgery pictures was not “Ew, insides” but “Oh cool, her surgeon uses the same type of scope mine does!”? (For the record, “my” surgeon is the ortho that employs me.)

    It’s nice to see Victor finally following your directions.

  56. I could send you a video of my lasik or an xray of a needle in my spine if that would help.

  57. Yup the cross has to do with lining up things inside. It SUPPOSEDLY has to do with direction, but I’ve been told by some really awesome surgeons that it’s really just a Hail Mary last ditch effort so they don’t fuck up and get sued. But the inside pics of your mesh & guts looks pretty cool & very clean. Did all the staff like the candy I know you remembered to bring??? :)

    C. Lee aka The Urban Chicken Keeper recently posted The Incredible Growing Chicks!.

  58. Update from one nurse and one EMT: Your surgeon will leave initials on the surgery site to endorse the surgery, the incision and all that jazz. She says if your surgeon’s name has a T, that’s likely what the mark is. The EMT says she believes it’s a mark to properly align for surgery like I said earlier. She also says, and I quote, “Tell her to have a hit of morphine for me.”

  59. The mesh sort of looks like a fence, lest you lose that cross.

    Janice recently posted Fun with a 4-year-old.

  60. Just fu$%&ng awesome…that’s about all I can say about this post. :) Nudity, Jesus, and kittens all rolled into one.

  61. It doesn’t look like a cross to me. It looks like a sword. Now you can tell people not to mess with you because you have a sword in your belly button. And then people will back off slowly and leave you alone. Because nobody wants to mess with someone with a sword in their belly.

    TechyDad (@TechyDad) recently posted Do You Wanna Play Some Munchkin? (A Tabletop Parody of Disney’s Frozen).

  62. I…I… will never look at you the same way again. (makes the sign of the cross and runs away screaming in terror)

  63. Oh god, jenny. I’m also on a lot of drugs right now. I don’t know if it is the hernia or what but I feel like I might die. And I have pictures from my EGD and no one in my family will look at them. I guess they only love my outside, which is kind of sad. I love you inside and out. nods solemnly

  64. 65
    Marilyn mcKinnon

    RN here. Did they tell you about the huge amount of carbon dioxide they pump into your abdomen before surgery to lift other organs out of the way so they can see better? And did they warn you that this would cause excruciating gas pains? And did they tell you to use warm blankies or heating pads to absorb the gas? And did they tell you to move as much as you can so you can fart and feel better? Hmmmm. Thought not. Marilyn

  65. I think it looks more like a sword. Like the kind Peter might have used to lop off that guard’s ear when they came to take Jesus away. But then Jesus healed the guard’s ear, which must have made Peter feel like an idiot.

    “You could have told me the sword was just for decorative purposes. But no, you just let me lop off Van Gogh’s ear so you could show off your fancy healing spell. Jeezus, Jesus, t’s always about you. Always hogging the spotlight.”

    “Happy to trade places, Peter, if you like. Um, just a heads-up: I’m about to be crucified on a cross.”

    “Really? A cross? You mean like that image in Jenny’s surgery photos?”

    “That’s not a cross. That’s a sword.”

    Looks at the sword in his hand. Notices guards coming for Jesus.

    [Infinite loop created. You're welcome time-space continuum.]

  66. Looks like marker to me for lining it up. Kudos, by the way, for your lack of fat (the yellow stuff). I watch the surgery channel all the time also. Have you ever seen a full body lift? Amazing.
    Hope you feel better soon. Be careful of those spontaneous laughs.
    And I am with that other person – I fully expected Jesus to be saying knock knock motherfucker.
    I was kind of disappointed.

  67. I can’t see what I’m typing because of the tears of laughter that I really, really needed. I know it may be a little sacrilegious but if we are made in God’s image then God obviously loves kittens so I think you’re good.

  68. Jenny,

    I’ve spent enough years reading your blog to know you’ll probably need this article.

    http://m.us.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052970203833004577249344022834000?mobile=y

    You really seem to have the worst luck in the medical department! I hope recovery speeds up and you’re back to your old self soon!

  69. Don’t tell me. Norco. Percoset?

  70. Isn’t the upside-down cross the symbol of St. Peter?

  71. what is that ? it looks creepy :/

  72. Enjoy the drugs! The Jesus kitty is awesome, as are you.

  73. 74
    EatReadDrink

    I’d be more concerned that the robot inside you was apparently made by stryker..you know, the lovely people that make saws that cut your skull open..

    Feel better and enjoy the drugs.

  74. 75
    Sarah KnitsAndThinks

    It’s much more like an “x marks the spot” on a pirate map than having marked you for a future ritual sacrifice. I work with doctors and nurses so I’m an expert.

  75. I have an AWESOME photo of my womb and its parasite tumors that I will whip out and show anyone who asks. Be proud of all your bits, even the icky ones!

  76. 77
    Anny Mouse

    I think we all have little hidden Jesuses inside us. Mine was discovered when I had my ultrasound while pregnant. There was Jesus, hanging out on a cross in my intestines. Unfortunately, the tech must’ve been religious cause she refused to print the photo for us.

    Anyway, congrats! You found your Waldo Jesus!

  77. I love you people. Now I can sleep. Until I accidentally roll over and scream myself awake.

  78. Wanna know one of the secrets about why your sides hurt so much? It’s because they pumped your abdomen full of carbon dioxide gas. They do that so that the little robot can see better when it’s inside of you. Unfortunately, when you get upright, all that gas moves upwards and starts pushing up on your diaphragm and rib cage and it hurts like hell. It will eventually naturally dissipate through your body and you’ll be fine, but it kind of sucks before then. I recommend a heating pad. It always seemed to help me. I should mention that I’ve had three abdominal surgeries (all in my teens) and so I’m kind of a veteran when it comes to this stuff. Also, for some reason instead of telling me I walked like Quasimodo, my mom told me I walked like Ozzy Osbourne, you know, post plane crash and frying his brain on drugs. I hope that image gives you a laugh, but not too hard because laughing will hurt.

  79. Interesting…so THAT’S what a belly button looks like from the inside! So they totally meshed over your belly button? So you have your own built-in lint trap…

  80. Lab tech hubby (who doesn’t work with surgery stuff but is still incredibly intelligent) agrees with the people above–it just looks like a positional marking on the mesh. I actually cried with laughter while reading this though, so thank you for that! We both hope that you get to feeling better soon.

  81. 82
    Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaula

    I’m so jealous that you have pictures of your insides. I wish I’d thought to ask or have someone take pictures when I had surgery. Hope you feel better soon.

  82. I think it’s obvious that that cross is right side up FOR YOU. Anyone looking at it upside down is looking from the wrong direction.

    Jess, Comment #5: I totally thought that too. Absolutely. Which just goes to show that we have been reading The Bloggess for a very long time and we’re trained. Like Pavlov’s dogs but with mfer instead of drool.

  83. I’m so glad I’m not the only person who was expecting “motherfucker” below knock knock. Glad you’re walking. Happy medicating.

  84. I am fascinated by all things medical. Thanks for showing us this! I begged for pictures of my surgery…or a video. I was totally going to instagram the shit out of it. They compromised by taking a picture of the sawed-off femoral head once they were done and giving me a copy. It looks like a buttermilk biscuit. And yes, I instagrammed the shit out of it. I am so glad you are on the mend. Standing upright is a gift most people take for granted. Here’s hoping you get there soon!

  85. I saw Hitler in a piece of toast once… I fed it to the duck that hangs out by my apartment.

  86. It’s better than the mark of the beast on your head. God, if I have to explain that to ONE MORE HAIRDRESSER…

    MeglyMc recently posted Unless The Question Is, “What Sucks?”, Then Cash Is Always The Answer..

  87. I’m not sure what it is about that post, but it nailed pure and simple comedic genius. i follow you, i think i have left a comment on one or two posts, but this comment is simply to say “amazing.” it’s awesome you’re on the internets. you are a force of something always new, always fresh. thank you.

    corradiniphoto recently posted socks matter..

  88. Mesh. Helps keep your hernia from returning. Cool.

  89. Totally thought the first line said “I’m still spelunking around the house.”

    Glad your Satan tummy is on the mend.

  90. Maybe the PICTURE is upside down. If so, you’re good. Golden, even.

  91. 92
    Valerie P.

    Your drugs are bad. Otherwise, that pic of Jesus would have said, “Knock, Knock, Motherfucker!”

    And, THAT is a greeting card I would buy for every occassion!

  92. I had my gall bladder removed and they found a small hernia in my umbilicus/naval so did a similar surgery after ripping/cutting out my defective gallbladder. I got to go home the next day and they didn’t give me any drugs. Now I’m feeling ripped off and crabby cause I never got any good drugs.

  93. 94
    Lucia Von Letkemann

    Pretty sure it’s a temporary Satanic symbol- surgeons write all kinds of stuff on you before they operate. When I completely shattered my ankle 2 years ago, I needed surgery, and when I got the cast changed a week later, “THIS ONE” was written in sharpie on my lower leg. It came off, so I’m sure you won’t wear the mark of the beast for long either…

  94. I had photos taken of the inside of my bladder and it looked like a planet. We should probably move there.

  95. That mark is just a gentle reminder that the surgeons make. it’s sorta like x marks the spot or wrong leg do not amputate. Its a skin marking surgical pen. the cross will fade away. BTW your innards look very nice. Feel better soon. :)

  96. The real question is, who sees the cross as upside down? Victor if he’s standing in front of you or you if you’re looking down at your belly?

  97. My grandparents had that Jesus picture in their house, except it was one of those hologram type pictures. I totally need to go see if I can scavenge it.

  98. I totally laughed out loud at Jesus looking for his kitty. Oh shit! I bet I have an upside down cross on my insides too!

  99. I’m pretty sure your pictures are upside down. I’m not exactly sure what that means but don’t be surprised if the Pope calls you tomorrow.

    Julie You Jest recently posted I need Bruce Lee to come back from beyond and kick my normal’s butt. Do normals have butts? I’d ask but we’re not speaking..

  100. Maybe it’s a cross to keep your evil twin from breaking out?

  101. I did not follow advice… I googled “hernia mesh surgery cross image” I don’t even KNOW what I looked at. I think I’m permanently scarred.

  102. 103
    @shthisisme

    Yeah, that would have freaked me out at first, the positioning mark. But the camera was totally at the wrong angle, so, you’re golden.
    And atav007 is totally right, you have a built in lint trap, for what else? Belly button lint. Is it as handy as it sounds?
    Put pillows on both sides of your body when you sleep. Maybe it will keep you from rolling over and waking up to pain.

  103. Was the upside down cross really a big pirate X marking the spot for the surgeon? Because if so, he damn well better have been doing the surgery in pirate-speak!

    And yet, I can totally imagine Victor all nonchalantly commenting on your mark of the beast. Are you SURE that’s a Jesus kitty?

    Jess@NoPithyPhrase recently posted Excuse Me, I'll Be Hiding Until This Is Over....

  104. Maybe the cross isn’t upside down, but you are? Or maybe Jesus was on that wine He made when He marked you with a regular cross and stood by your head instead of your feet, like oops.

    I had that Jesus picture too, but not the cat. Now I kind of want both for my bedroom. Purrst Testament. LOVE IT.

    Michelle Grewe recently posted I was Mistaken, several times..

  105. I have nothing to say on the cross thing, that seems to be covered, but I just wanted to chime in to say I totally thought that Jesus picture was going to say Knock Knock Motherfucker too, and then I kinda wanted a postcard/print of that. I’m definitely going to hell…

  106. Not to negate the whole “going to hell thing” but an inverted cross is not necessarily a satanic symbol. For an extremely long time it was used by Catholics to show unworthiness to be compared to Jesus. It is known as the cross of St. Peter.

    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross_of_St._Peter

    The whole anti-christian slant is new.

  107. “It’s like when you put a right-side-up cross on Dracula and he gets all flinchy, except the opposite.” Yes, it’s exactly that. And a Jesus kitten. We’re all saved now. Really.

    Foxy Wine Pocket recently posted Foxy Wine Pocket Is on Scary Mommy!.

  108. Bwahaha! I love creepy insides storries.After seeing an MRI of my skull, I like to think that I have a pretty sweet skeleton…though no Jesus marks or satanic marks…

    Quirky Chrissy recently posted Heading to BlogHer 2014 in San Jose and Things I’m Going to Con Brian into Doing.

  109. 110
    Joan Clements

    Are we all going to hell because we A) read this and B) snickered…..a lot? P.S. I am now going to use the word “slunked” because it’s just too funny not to.

  110. 111
    elaineziman

    Probably not a Jesus kitty. Bibles are generally written in columns. Let’s just assume that kitty is reading your book and hoping for the next one.

  111. Maybe the cross is inverted so it’ll look upright TO YOU.
    ….eh?!

    Psychobabble recently posted Things Not to Say to a Pregnant Lady.

  112. 113
    Heather H.

    Is there really a surgery channel?? Because I need to start watching now and for always. Also, if you splint with pillow when you laugh, it’ll help the pain.

  113. So jealous that you have pictures of your insides! I begged my surgeon for copies of the pictures he took during my knee surgery, but he wouldn’t give me any. Probably because he overheard me saying I was going to send them out as Christmas cards. This was before cell phones, or I totally would have taken my own pictures! Surgeons are no fun. :(

  114. This is EXACTLY why I didn’t watch the video of my arthroscopy. So apparently I now know your insides better than my own.

    Tragic Sandwich recently posted Playing Favorites.

  115. If you’re looking down at the cross it’s actually right-side-up, which is holy-shit lucky for you. However, if your surgeons name starts with a T, it may actually be medical graffiti which in my opinion is way cool and probably worth something on EBay. The photo I mean – I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to sell people on EBay, at least not yet, in this country anyway.

    Hope you’re walking upright again soon!

  116. Ok, I am SO jealous. I had my surgery the day before yours and I STILL don’t have my photos. My Dr. did a video of the whole thing and he said he’d print out some stills for me, but I have to wait till my follow up to see them. sadface

    That being said, I am fascinated by the Naked Bloggess photos. I hope you are feeling better soon. And do take the walking/heating pad advice. It works. I’m down from Screaming Gas Agony to Get Out of My Way I Will Cut You Pain.

    Kelly and Geoff recently posted Boston! Live Jazz near YOU.

  117. The comments are as good as the post. I love it.

  118. Our son impaled himself on his bike handle, it went sideways into his abdomen about 7 inches across. They gave us pics of the surgeon inserting a forceps into the hole to show how far it went in, AND the piece of underwear they dug out of him. Thankfully they put the underwear in a little specimen cup. Too bad he was too old for show and tell by that point. Hope you feel better soon!

  119. It’s not a sword nor a cross. It’s a directional sign so the aliens don’t get lost when they arrive with their probes. Jeez, don’t you guys know ANYTHING?

  120. At first I was thinking “Holy shit! Why did they sew an upside down cross on you!?” but then I thought “what would I tell myself in this situation?”. In that thought I have your solution/salvation. It is a sword. Actually, it is a really cool sword! You have been marked by the awesome toughness that was the middle ages. Well done! You have just become more epic than previously…which is pretty damn epic if I do say so myself! I hope your sword stops hurting you real soon. Oh, the pain of having an epic sword in your side!

  121. I have pics of my heel spur xrays. Looks like I could land on an aircraft carrier. Not as cool as an inverted cross.

  122. I wouldn’t worry about going to hell…all the cool people will be there…and if this is the case, I say “Go big or go home!”
    See ya there maybe! ;D. And I hope you are milking this convalescence for all it’s worth!!

  123. Probably normal, but watch carefully for signs of purple magic marker poisoning. You’ll know because you’ll start itching and also craving moose tracks ice cream. I sure hope that doesn’t happen to you. Probably won’t , It only happens in 8 out of 10 hernia robot surgery patients. In Texas.

  124. Ok so on a totally unrelated note… watched like two hours flat of kitten videos today… one thing led to another and my life wasted away before my eyes…. fuck you youtube my husband is now that unless I find something to do with my time we will have a million cats and our house will reek of ammonia … also… I want to be a doctor so I can sharpie penises as marking points on people.

  125. Since you shared that I’ll be happy to send you pictures of what it looks like when an ovary explodes and is the size of an orange and they have to take it out through your belly button! I have comparative pictures of my good little ovary! :) Since we are sharing our insides and all. :D

  126. Look, St. Peter’s cross: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross_of_St._Peter
    And now you can distract yourself with wikipedia for a while. Also, google image searches for various saints tend to pull up some good art.

  127. An upside down cross is considered a more befitting symbol of the power of the pope. Because the cross is Jesus’ symbol see. So the pope’s symbol is the upsidedown cross.

  128. Listen,

    (I’m so sorry. Please know that I’m not trying to be inappropriate or disrespectful, it’s just that I think Weird Al has the power to make anyone feel even a little bit better.)

  129. Apparently, after reading through the comments, I’m the only one that thinks picture number one kinda resembles an uncircumcised penis.

  130. Is that the INSIDE of your belly button? THAT’S AWESOME.

    I think it’s a bullseye. You’re walking around with a bullseye. Or “X marks the spot”. Maybe treasure? Oooooo treasure-belly.

    rhymeswithtwitch recently posted rolling rolling rolling.

  131. A friend told me this reminded her of me. I think its because I wrote a nice long entry about my Abdominoplasty. Which was called “The Horror of Beauty” for a reason. Now none of my friend ever want to get an abdominoplasty. I think an internal mark of the Messiah is probably a good thing. I ended up with a frankenstein-ish scar around my belly button so my stomach looks like a puzzle piece. Which is kind of cool really.

    Be glad they didn’t make yu take the blood thinner shots. Mein Gott.

    smibbo recently posted Norway.

  132. 133
    ocularnervosa

    Is it odd that I don’t see a cross but a sword? I’m worried about what Rorschach would say. Ps, I can’t spell Rorschach but auto correct can so all is right with the world.

  133. Just the other day I was telling my husband about this one Jesus picture from childhood, with Jesus in his long white dress, with long blonde hair, and how it was all blurry and glowy but I’m not sure he could picture it so I was delighted to be able to show him blurry and glowy Jesus knock knock and Jesus kitty, thank you. Also, a surgeon once showed me a picture of the inside of my (then) 3 year old son’s skull and said “and THIS is how close the growth got to the brain” because I think he was really proud, but I must have blinched because he whisked it away before I could take a picture or look for crosses. I shouldn’t worry about it being upside down, it might have been right way up for the robots.

    Caz Stone recently posted Put a little something in the lemonade.

  134. Wait wait waitwaitwaitwait…… there’s a SURGERY CHANNEL ??!! Why don’t I have this?! Like NOW??!!

    Julie
    (who is very impressed with these naked pictures, and has always wanted to watch her own medical procedures)

    lunarmom recently posted Saying, Seeing, Freeing..

  135. When I had my umbilical surgery I was all, “I feel like I’ve been stabbed!” and Rey said, “Of course you’ve been stabbed! They stuck a knife or something in your belly button.” and then I said it hurt so much because they cut me where my life originated. And they did go in through my belly button, not my sides. that was interesting.

    Loida recently posted 20 Days Into Changing My Eating & 20 Questions to Ask.

  136. Here’s some Catholic church trivia that may help or may actually make you feel even more upset: the upside down cross is NOT satanic unless Jesus is depicted ON the cross and he has been turned upside down with it. So what you have there, on your insides, is merely a cross that is upside down which is a symbol that usually represents Saint Peter who, when he found out he was to be crucified, requested to be crucified upside down since he felt he was unworthy to be martyred in the same manner as Christ. So it’s a Saint Peter cross. There you go, and please feel free to wikipedia it. Btw I am not a raging Catholic I just happen to remember learning about this type of cross from a British TV horror series. Apparently there are followers of St. Pete that wear upside down crosses. Well in the TV show they did but that was around their necks and not on their stomach muscles. So I hope you are into Saint Peter because you are carrying his symbol inside you. If nothing else maybe it gets you points in the afterlife? Ciao bella bloggess!

  137. It looks more like a sword to me, which they obviously put there to fight any more hernias off. Or it could be why you feel stabby. I’m not a doctor, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn last night.

  138. Too hilarious! Those last two photos. Sorry, I didn’t read your words, but I made up for it by looking at those last two images – purrrrfect!

    virtualnonsense recently posted Going Viral.

  139. It’s not a cross. At the start of your surgery the robot surgeon wanted to play tic tac toe and started drawing up the board, but then the human surgeons were all “What the Hell are you doing robot surgeon!? She can’t play tic tac toe! She’s unconscious!”
    The robot surgeon put on a brave face and finished your surgery but ever since then he’s been hiding in a broom cupboard crying because nobody ever plays with him.
    Poor robot surgeon. He’s the one that needs a Jesus Kitty.

  140. Hmmm, I’m not sure I should have read this. My 2-year-old’s got an appointment about fixing his umbilical hernia next week. He’s not even old enough to appreciate the photos/robots/farting. Could I leave it until he’s say, 12, when all if the above will just be awesome?

  141. This comic reminded of your intestines. http://theawkwardyeti.com/page/19/

  142. Hey, I work in the operating room. The cross on the mesh is for measuring purposes to make sure that they are placing the Mesh in the correct position. They take the mesh rolled up, push it into one of the trocars (the ports that they put in your tummy to get to your insides) and use long laparoscopic graspers to unroll it and put it into place. Then they staple and/or sew it around the circumference to secure it to keep your intestines from getting into the hernia area. That is how they repair the weakening you have in your abdominal wall. If I over explained I apologize, but I enjoyed the pics! haha And to gluestickmum You really don’t want to push it off, pushing it off only causes more and more complications. Hernias can have horrible effects on you if you put off repairing it.

  143. 144
    Terri in Tucson

    Ask Viktor to listen to your voice. If it drops a few octaves you’re screwed.

    I need to get this done too. Now I’m Really dreading it! Hope you recover soon, but milk it for all you can get. :) And thank you for Jesus kitty!

  144. Drink Dr. Pepper. Seriously. You will ‘poot’ your hiney off all day (sometimes burp) but the gas will leave you much faster and you will feel better!! It has to be Dr. Pepper. Not Coke or other beverages. (I am not a Doctor, I just play one on blog replies)
    Trust me, I’m old and trying to get into heaven.

    Momma Bird recently posted And then.........

  145. Jesus kitty is hi-flippin-larious. You should take drugs more often :)

    ponymartini recently posted You Want My Kids to Play With What?.

  146. 147
    Debs (Findawe)

    Not a medical person, but I do have a theology degree and I think the upside down cross actually means you’re extra holy, not marked for satan. Contrary to popular belief, upside down cross is actually a Catholic symbol, not a satanic one – it’s carved into the Pope’s chair. St. Peter, the 1st Pope, felt he was unworthy to be killed in the same way as Jesus so asked to be crucified upside down instead of right way up. So you now have a claim to the Vatican, or something.

  147. Chill. It’s not upside down TO YOU. Just the rest of us. It’s all good. (Assuming you have painkillers. You do have painkillers, right?) (Also: Quasimodo.)

  148. Well, the Jesus Kitten is indeed scary — uh, sorry, I think maybe it was meant the other way around — but actually I’ve solved the mystery of your stitches. Notice the sign on your picture? It says STRYKER. That was a Christian Heavy Metal band. And they were from Texas. And they are no longer together, which means have to do something else to make money besides playing their song “Crush the Head of Satan,” and the lead singer is the father of 16 children (I am not making any of this up), and so he definitely had to get a job, which apparently involved patching up your insides. This at least means that if they have any fans left, you could auction the pics on eBay.

    Monsoon Rose recently posted 500 Miles to Bollywood: How an American Folk Tune Went to India.

  149. Purrrrst testament. Ha! I admit that I squinted my eyes until I got to the Jesus kitty so I’m afraid I have no opinion to offer at to why the cross is upside down, or there in the first place for that matter…

    Shari recently posted Blood Brothers.

  150. Hahaha. I’m told I carried on a full conversation in recovery. I insist those are dirty lies because I have no memory of that.

  151. I have been too well conditioned. The picture of Jesus was only showing Jesus and “Knock knock” and I was sure ‘MutherFucker” would be on the bottom portion. Then I scrolled down and it was not what I was expecting at all.

  152. Brandi Parker, I’m with ya.

  153. I’m so jealous that you got pictures!

  154. That’s one pious pussy you got there, Jenny.

    dimwhit recently posted How to take Zimbio quizzes and maintain your dignity!.

  155. Brave woman. I won’t even post a picture of myself covered head to toe like Nanook of the North.

    Cassandra recently posted Apologies to My Mother.

  156. From your point of view (looking down on it), it’s right side up, so really it’s not the mark of Satan, but what the Catholic Church calls stigmata, a special mark of holiness. You could be a saint! We’ll vote for you.

  157. I’m raising a litter of stray kittens all of whom, for unknown reasons, have umbilical hernias. Now I need to worry that they are satanic as well? More satanic than average for kittens. How would I tell the difference?

  158. You’ve got to get a like button for people’s comments. That is all.
    P.S. glad to see you are feeling better. ♡♥♡

  159. Inverted cross = St. Peter
    St. Peter = 1st pope
    Jenny’s tummy = Pope Mo-belly

  160. When I got my tubes tied a few months ago my right shoulder hurt for a few days after and apparently that is a symptom of getting surgery around your belly button. Does your shoulder hurt too or is that just for the newly barren?

  161. Oh dear god! … i’m gonna have nightmares about this I can see it. They’ll likely involve jesus-kitties bursting out of stomachs, Alien style. =((

    PinkNoam recently posted “..No-one needs peas, peas are unnecessary”.

  162. Since lots of Jenny’s readers are medical… and HAVE THE POWER… when someone gets mesh, is it sewn to the inside of the skin? What does that do when we gain or lose weight? I ask because my husband has one… and has gained weight…and has been told to lose it.

  163. Jess with comment #5 drops mic

  164. PS I for one am delighted you refrained from having Jesus borrow Beyonce’s thunder. Kitty questions I can put on my screen at work.

  165. The cross isn’t upside down, you are. Walk on your hands and you won’t go to hell.

  166. Holy crap i was doing fine with hernia pics & surgery discussions until I got to Shelly #118. OW OW OW. Underwear fragment 7 inches inside his belly!? OW OW OW.
    This apparently resonates with me because of all the times I skidded out my bicycle. Suddenly I feel much better about having to pick so much gravel out of my shins.

  167. Y’all – why is no one commenting on the fact that a ROBOT not only did surgery on Jenny, but also TOOK PICTURES of her nekkid body? Did it stop in the middle of surgery to take a selfie? Are robots becoming sentient? Do you all have your Old Glory insurance paid up? Call Sam Waterston now!

    (Also does that cross/sword/poorly drawn lowercase t count as a tattoo?)

  168. When I got my hysterectomy, I asked my doctor if I could have pictures and the video. I think it’s really cool. I even show people sometimes!

  169. I love your guts. And now I think your stomach is a marker left by the Illuminati. You’ve been called to a holy purpose now, woman.

  170. 172
    Sassy Rouge

    I adore picture of insides. My various medical professionals always look at me oddly when I ask to see my insides. Thank you for sharing!

  171. I got carpal tunnel surgery done on BOTH hands. One done in Feb. The other in May. The surgeon put little purple crosses on my palms. Now my palms looks as if they have signs of stigmata. I can’t wait for the scars to fade. Good luck on your recovery.

  172. Man! I just had a hiatal hernia repair myself along with photos and there was no cross on my stomach. I feel cheated. I’m calling my pastor.

  173. Wait. Did you see the two roach clips? Were your surgeons getting stoned? That might explain why they sewed a cross onto your belly button. It might also explain why Jesus misplaced his kitty.

  174. I was shocked to learn I had pictures of my insides from my ectopic surgery, too, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at them until I’d mostly healed.

    Two things about abdominal surgery:
    1) Carry a pillow around, and hug it to your abdomen when you need extra support, like when you laugh or cough. It totally helps.
    2) When your muscles start healing, every once in a while you will feel something like an electrical shock. This is totally normal.

    Speedy recovery!

  175. Are those pictures to scale? Is that a sick question? Fascinating. And hilarious. I think they have to ask you if you reject Satan and all his works before they can inscribe an upside cross inside you. At least I think that’s what I learned in Sunday school.

    Liz recently posted Zoe vs. Doc McStuffins.

  176. Looks more like a sword to me, but I am a nerd so there’s that.

  177. We totally had tummy surgery on the same day!!! Mine was to remove a cyst, but it totally makes us twins. Or something.

  178. Is your code name STRYKER??!!?? How badass is that?? Of course, if that is your super secret spy name, your cover’s been blown. All because a lab tech forgot to redact the copy of the photos of your insides.
    Also? Is the too left a pic of the inside view of your belly button?

    Marianne recently posted Bad to the bone.

  179. Ha, you think thats a picture to make you barf ….; try this one http://t.co/7A3WpF1PpY

    ps. sorry not been around sweets meds..; shitty … you know the feeling xxxxxx

    Tom Stronach recently posted Two Birthdays in one.....

  180. Okay, now I want my code name to be Stryker. But I don’t want to have to have abdominal surgery for it. (I blame Marianne, comment #174)

    Also, my reader pulls the first picture from any post, no matter where it is in the post, and puts it at the very top of the page for me to see. I have seen your insides ALOT. Everyone else whose blogs I read needs to get writing!

    words.pics recently posted coming to art.

  181. All of our love and best wishes for your speedy and not so stabby recovery!!!

  182. 184
    Amy Karasz

    I’m just jealous because you have a legit reason to call Sam and Dean. 😉

  183. Why is it that kitties make everything better? Just like magic! bad? kitty! poof! better!

    Perhaps it was an X to mark the spot but then it got moved around and stretched funny by the robot.

    Glad to hear you’re feeling better! Hugs!

  184. I can’t say I wasn’t warned before scrolling down. Now my stomach hurts from laughing. Half-way thru your book and loving it! Keep it coming!

  185. 187
    suzannecarillo

    Thank God (literally) for that Jesus kitten. Brightened up my whole day.

    As for the inverted cross…it isn’t as bad as giving birth to an alien cone head person through your bellybutton…which is what happened to me last year. (sadly it isn’t even a joke)

    http://bisous.typepad.com/bisous/2013/08/waking-up-after-surgery-.html

    bisous
    Suzanne

  186. I’m headed to the doctor today about my stomach pain/hernia and the first thing I’m going to say is that it’s probably a Who, because my doctor needs to realize that I know medical shit. I learned it on the internet.

    P.S. I made a joke on my blog about not being able to eat humans because I’m allergic to mammals, and someone sent me a private message to inform me that eating humans is illegal. My first idiot! I’m so happy!

    P.P.S. I’m finally on your sidebar >>>>>>>>>>>>> Even my Who is pleased about this.

    Steph recently posted Search Term Tuesday.

  187. If you fear it’s an upside down cross you just need to learn how to walk on your hands so that it is right side up… then problem solved. I’m sure God will appreciate the effort you put into correcting this and totally take you off his “list”.

    Bridge recently posted "overheard" office humor.

  188. ‘kay, here’s the thing – I had an emergency unilateral salpingo-oophrectomy when I was 26 (they took out an ovary and all the tubes) and the doctor actually took similar color pictures of my uterus and spleen and stuff. He then showed them to me, my parents, and my only-known-him-for-one-week-boyfriend immediately after the surgery, about five minutes after the parents and OKHFOW Boyfriend had only just met and while I was stoned out of my gourd on morphine and the remains of the anaesthetic. So this is actually strangely fascinating.

    (It also is telling that my OKHFOW boyfriend’s immediate thought when he saw the pictures was to ask for copies so he could take them to work and ask people, “wanna see a picture of my girlfriend?” Which is one of the most awesomely twisted things I’d ever heard, and is one of the big reasons why we dated for another year and a half and why he is still one of my besties 20 years later.)

  189. My dr told me I’d be up & fine the next day. Sure, if you look at it in the sense that yes, I was awake & no I wasn’t dead….. Such a long & painful recovery. Haven’t forgiven my dr yet !!

  190. I would just like to point out the cross is only upside down to those of us looking at you. However, to YOU it’s right side up when you look down at it. Perspective. It’s amazing. :)

  191. 193
    SqualorHouseGail

    Maybe the upside-down cross is a warning to your intestines to stay-the-fuck-inside???

    The first pic looks like a picture of the planet Jupiter with the giant red spot……

  192. It’s not an upside down cross, it’s Mjolnir, the hammer of Thor…the two are often confused. Just wait until you start pooping thunderbolts!

  193. I totally thought Jesus was going to say “KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER!”

  194. Ok, clearly this mesh was cut down to size from a larger piece of mesh which was labelled with “fucking awesome mesh” and that isn’t a cross, but just the letter “f” with the top bit cut off.

  195. I think it looks more like a sword than a cross. Be proud, you have the map of excalibur sown into you!

  196. I didn’t see an upside down cross.. I was like, “HOLY SHIT! It’s a broadsword! …ssoooo baadaasss… :3″ See? http://www.peterfiner.com/current-stock/item/181/

  197. I just thank God that my Urologist didn’t post pictures when he did the cystoscopy, biopsy and cauterized the lesion in my bladder last month. Can you say YouTube VIRAL???

  198. When I Blink (comment right above this one. I think..unless someone else comments)

    I was thinking the same thing! Haha.

    Michelle recently posted Amateur Level Anxiety.

  199. I like to think there’s just an upside-down Jesus inside of you. I’m also now sure that “Upside Down Jesus Inside of You” sounds like the most intense sex position ever.

    tanktronic recently posted Rome : Day IX – Proof of Existence.

  200. Coincidence: I just had an emergency laparotomy on Sunday, sonIm sore and deranged too! My surgeon said he would take pics of my gross ovarian cyst, but I haven’t seen any yet.

  201. 204
    whawhawhatsis

    Ooh, I love gross surgical pictures! I have a bunch of dillies from my back surgery, which I find amazingly fascinating but everyone else thinks are also gross (except my family doc, whose reaction was, “Oh, cool!”). My biggest disappointment, actually, was that my surgeon didn’t video the entire procedure; I think he thought I was extra-weird for being so disappointed by that.

    And it’s my experience that surgeons love nothing more than marking you up with magic markers. Every time I’ve ever had surgery, they’ve put giant marks on my body to make sure they’re operating in the right place and I guess to line everything up right. I don’t know if they left marks inside me, but then again, since all they put in me was big chunks of metal (it’s SO fun going through metal detectors with a titanium knee and now titanium screws and rods in my spine, too), I don’t know that they’d need to mark them, and if they did, they didn’t show up on x-rays. Fortunately.

  202. Maybe the cross was supposed to be right side up, but the robot was upside down.

    Karen Marie Peterson recently posted My version of training for a half marathon is not recommended by running experts anywhere..

  203. HAHAHAH, the mark of the beast….that was a legitimate laugh, not a creepy satanic laugh.

  204. From your viewpoint, isn’t the crucifix right side up???

  205. Some of those pix make me think about Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, ya know that whole knights protecting the grail thing.

    TheJackB recently posted Dads Love Their Sons- Darth Vader & Luke Skywalker Edition Part II.

  206. Okay the Jesus kitty comment is too funny. I didn’t drill into the pics of your insides cause ew but good luck with that whole Devil thing. ;)

  207. Ohmygosh you are INSANELY funny!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m pretty sure I need that surgery but your experience makes me very scared! :(

    Hope you heal soon!

  208. Your discomfort is also partially due to the gas they had to use to expand the visible area…..sometimes just a little and sometimes a lot. But your body takes time to reabsorb it since you can’t just fart through your skin to relieve it. Heal quickly!!!

  209. I read your blog through Feedly and it proudly displayed your surgery picture right up front. Thanks for nuthin’, Feedly. vomits forever

  210. It looks like the cross was drawn onto the mesh. Maybe one of the nurses thought you needed some extra help. Also, I totally got the Jesus kitten reference right away. You may be high, but you are not crazy. Well, not much. :)

    kristimartin recently posted third delivery.

  211. Quisimodo? He’s like Quasimodo’s quizzical cousin?

    (Actually, I’m slightly concerned for me that that was the part of the post that stood out and warranted comment. Like Jesus Kitten was hilarious, but totally made perfect sense.)

  212. So if you google Jesus Kitten, you aren’t even the first thing to pop up.

    http://www.pleated-jeans.com/2012/10/02/best-of-the-jesus-kitty-meme-14-pics/

  213. 216
    Wampus Cat

    When I had some screws removed from my leg (long story, not relevant here) the surgeon came in beforehand and asked me to confirm which leg it was, which did not make me feel confident in him. He then marked the correct leg with a Sharpie marker.

  214. Stealin’ your Jesus Kitty. Just sayin’. (I’ll give it a good home, though.)

  215. BTW, you’re looking at the cross the wrong way. If you were looking down at your abdomen, it would appear right side up from that perspective. ;-)

  216. You should probably get in on a class-action law suit while you can – that is some Rosemary’s Bloggess shit. You can trust me – I’m a doctor (of nuclear engineering ..).

  217. I have been snorting/laughing at the jesus kitten so much so that I am finding it hard to catch my breath. Thank you (snort).

  218. Thank God you had that cute kitten picture because it did calm me down, lmao! Ewww gross. Feel better asap!

  219. still laughing over the “purrrrrrrrrrrrrrst testament” Jesus Kitten, you’re funny

  220. I’m not a medical person, but I’m the kid of one. And my mother’s exact words were:

    “I hope you’re not hanging out with this girl in real life because that’ll earn you some space in hell” and then she laughed maniacally while drawing upside down crosses.

    I’m not sure what all that means, but I bet you’re fine. I mean, maybe God drew it on you while you were hanging upside down on the monkey bars in the second grade. He got all confused on which side was up and he just slapped it on in a hurry.

    Either that or you’re going to hell. Just pack a pair of shorts, you’ll be okay.

    And funny side note, my blog today was totally relatable to yours, which was fun to see when I came over here to read and I felt like your brain may be in some way related to my brain.

    Heather Keet recently posted The fires of hell would be a kindness…..

  221. I had hernia surgery last summer, but it wasn’t with a fancy robot. It was with a standard laproscopic process, with one cut through the belly button, and one small hole on my upper left belly for the air hole to pump air into the cavity so they could see what they’re doing. Only two cuts, and it took a couple of weeks to recover back to working again. No pictures for that one. I had a laproscopic hysterectomy the year before (I’m 45) because my uterus has been trying to kill me for 10 years and I finally got someone to listen to me and take it out. It’s been heaven ever since. There were photos from that surgery, and they were so scary, so awful, I couldn’t even believe I was still alive after all that. I was back at work 2 weeks after that one too. I might have to have a second hernia surgery, but I’m in denial about it. I hope you’re feeling better soon, and walking upright all the time. xoxo

  222. I think it’s an “X”, just photographed from a weird robot-y angle. I’m pretty sure people are going to start digging in your stomach with shovels now, an account of everyone knows pirates always bury their treasure under the “X”. So, good news, no Satan. Bad news, strangers with shovels are probably making their way towards you now, treasure maps in hand.

  223. Haha Jesus Kitty rocks. I’m sure Jesus-K would agree that your surgery photos look fine. You might even say they’re purrfect… That was too much. Ahhh time for dinner.

    DL recently posted Monster-n-Mutt on the Instagrams.

  224. I would like those pictures framed above my desk.

    Not the ones of you naked. I meant the Jesus ones.

    No offense.

    Emelie recently posted This Superpower is USELESS..

  225. “I’m here, Jesus”!!!!!! My church has that picture right inside the front door (the one of Jesus, not your antiChrist belly). I will never look at it the same, again.

  226. Hey Jenny.

    As it’s been said already, the cross is just a surgery orientation mark. No big deal now, although it was originally. You always want your surgeon to know which end is up.

    I love the Jesus Kitty!! I grew up with the same Jesus picture and would’ve liked Jesus better if my church had had the Jesus Kitty picture too. The religion I was raised, I mean, indoctrinated, in was Pentecostal and waaaaay too scary. Jesus Kitty would’ve helped negate some of that. So cute!!

    Wishing you well. Hey to Victor & Hailey.
    Molly

  227. No worries, just so you know, in the Catholic world an inverted cross is the symbol for St Peter, who was crucified upside down. Hope that helps!!

    Get well soon!!

  228. Very cool shots – looks like you got medically-inserted Spanx and that cross is just the seam! Happy healing.

  229. That is definitely an upside-down cross, INSIDE your BODY, which is just metal as hell. Rock on, Jenny.

  230. I have to thank you for your skinless photos! I just had a hernia repaired and I’m experiencing the same pains where they tell me they tacked down the mesh. Now I’m not picturing thumb tacks holding down my innards like a bon jovi poster thanks to your informative post. Good luck with your recovery, and also with whatever the satanic robots implanted in your guts. I had a flesh doctor, so at worst I might have a bobby pin, or a sugar packet all up in my bidness, but nothing that might condemn me to hell.
    Warmest regards,
    Mesh Friends For Eva

  231. Cooooool! I love surgery pics and blood and guts! Hope you’re healing well and feeling great! Sending you virtual cupcakes and kitten breath……

    Desire recently posted The Birds and the Bytes.

  232. Do you still have a belly button? Or are you fully Kyle XY now? I neeeed to know!!!

    Donna recently posted The GoNoWhere Camera.

  233. Neosporin fixes everything. going to spread love of Jesus kitty across my internet wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

  234. 237
    gweenbrick

    Your insides look like all naked mole ratty

  235. The Jesus Kitty got me. lol. Also, I’m with everyone else in that the cross was just a way for the doctor to make sure they put it in the right way. They write on your body in a similar way. My husband had his thyroid removed last Friday and although they planned to take the whole thing, their backup plan was to start with the right side and just do half if something went wrong. His doctor literally wrote on his neck “start here” on the right side and “not here” on the other. As you can imagine, my husband and I were starting to feel incredibly confident in our choice of doctor at that point. ha. (PS – everything turned out fine. Except he’s feeling stabby too. You guys should start a club.)

  236. I’m an OR nurse and we do that surgery all of the time. When they shove the mesh in they have to kind of ball it up to get it through the small hole so they have to mark it to tell which side is up. We usually use an arrow… Apparently your MD was feeling a bit more Jesusy that day.

  237. “Purrst Testament”. Just choked on my coffee. SO much awesome.

  238. I just kept thinking, “Cool… so that’s what it looks like to be inside someone and stare at the back side of their belly button…” I think there may be something wrong with me.

  239. 242
    SC loves The Bloggess

    About recovering from any abdominal surgery – a girdle helps tremendously to keep things squished in place when coughing, laughing etc. It really helped a lot after my hysterectomy – I keep an old fashioned one around for any future needs.

  240. Perhaps it is just because I bought another boat but I don’t see and upside down cross. It looks more like an old fashioned ship’s anchor in the pic at lower left with the chain going up to the vessel (not shown because it is floating up out of the pic.

  241. Maybe the surgeon wanted you to find Jesus?

    NancyTex recently posted just pay attention; that’s what he said.

  242. I suggest you drink holy water. If you don’t burst into flames it should rid your belly of Satan.

  243. I laughed at your thoughtful warning about graphic pictures because all four of them were already the first things that’d come up as I scrolled down my blog feed! I was eating breakfast at the time but fortunately gizzardy naked pics don’t faze me at all.

  244. This has nothing to do with anything but I just know that you need to see it. I know that is vague and creepy but let me just say this was called “taxiderpy”.

    http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/84158440

  245. Now I’m disappointed I didn’t get pictures of my insides when they took out my disobedient gallbladder. All I got was a rock in a little jar. I still have it in a drawer in my kitchen. My husband says that’s weird.

    M and A's Mama recently posted 5 Minute Friday: Messenger.

  246. drugs good. Jesus kitten pics….even better!

    Mary-Anne recently posted Friday the 13th.

  247. The DaVinci robot rocks! Great way to have surgery. (My husband had 8 hours with those type arms working on him in Seattle,) The cross is really the X marks the spot. He’s had hernia surgery by DaVinci in conjunction with his primary surgery. He recovered from that very quickly. Then he had conventional hernia surgery on the other side about 6 months later. I suspect when they blew his abdomen up with gas to have room for surgery they weaken the wall where the ‘new’ tear came in at. His second surgery had a horrible recovery.

    I also had hernia surgery 2 years earlier with the same surgeon and had horrible scarring and nerve damage. (He was the only choice in our town) It pulled and hurt for ages. I mentioned it to my chiropractor/acupuncturist/masseuse and in about 2 minutes, he had me pain free … and it hasn’t hurt since then. So, come visit me if you have scar tissue problems. I have connections and can get you an appointment with just a few days notice. : – )

  248. I had a dream last night after reading your previous hernia posts that I too had a hernia. Rather than sealing me with an upside down cross though, the doctor in my dream was going to encase my middle in metal (like a cyberman), which in my dream I thought was pretty hilarious and told my boyfriend I’d finally have those abs of steel everyone carries on about. I blame you for my lame dream jokes, Bloggess :-) I hope you feel better soon!

  249. I want to believe that people found this page not because they were searching for “naked pictures of the bloggess” but “Jesus Kitten.” In my head, that’s not a kitten that Jesus owned but a kitten version of Jesus. You know, like Veggietales but with kittens instead of vegetables.

    cat recently posted REVIEW of Ginger+Liz Colour Collection Polish in Got My Groove Back.

  250. Upside down is a matter of perspective. When you’re better you can spend most of your time standing on your head to make sure that the cross is the right way up and all is well with the world. Or not. :)

    Eleanorjane recently posted A princess among cats.

  251. After I had surgery, holding a pillow or heavy blanket across my stomach helped the pain while laughing, sneezing, or coughing. Kinda awkward to walk around with a pillow, but it took away some of the pain with jostling.

  252. I’ve never seen pictures of anyones insides before. That was cool. And I am hella barfy. Jesuskitten was cute though. I guess if you spin around fast enough the cross will be an X after awhile? Haha! Feel better, Jen!

    Marielle recently posted Di derre / Alta Soul og BluesFestival.

  253. I’m not sure the Son of God a cute kitten were enough to wipe the memory of your insides from my brain-box, Jenny…

  254. Jesus Kitty is the best laugh I’ve had in a while … I’m going to save this post to look at when I’m feeling down!

  255. I went to a parochial school and that picture was in the library. We were told by the librarian we always had to be good because we never knew when our Lord and Savior was going to return and knock on our door. So I still am a bit freaked by that photo. I do hope he’s just coming back for his KJV and the cat right now.

    And since my husband has had several surgeries on his knees and his shoulder, I swear I have more photos of his inside than I do his outsides at this point.

    skullwoman recently posted Commute Music of the Week 6/13/14: The Selector “On My Radio”.

  256. The inverted cross doesn’t bother me nearly as much as that first picture. It looks like you had a tiny little penis inside you. Who wants a tiny little penis inside them? LOL. Sorry, couldn’t help it. If you stand on your head, the cross will be right side up. Maybe this is just your doctor’s way of encouraging you to practice yoga.

  257. I wish I had found your blog sooner…like when I had the 5 knee surgeries, the gall bladder and hysterectomy… both of those through my belly button….now THOSE hurt. And you will walk upright soon enough….enjoy and use this time to torture Victor with random “I want….; I need….; please get me _________.

    Usually I am a NTKP (Need to Know Person) about medical crap like photos, and the squishy surgical stuff…I do NOT need to know. “No, I do not want to watch the colonoscopy and please put that note in my records” …. No I do not want those gall bladder photos, so the photos of my gall bladder were given to my spouse who actually ASKED for them….I thought that was rude, but gave my blessing.

    Be well. Heal fast. Time is just time. It heals nothing. Your body heals itself over time…but time is just tic-toking away.
    God bless.

  258. I am still wondering why they let Victor watch the surgery. isn’t that against the law or something?

  259. I’m with the others on the cross being crosshairs for the surgeon. Also, the reason you don’t remember the conversation about the pictures? Versed, the surgical roofie.

  260. Thank you, Jenny. I was starting to fall into what I could tell was going to be “dark day,” as I call them, and your post with your Jesus Kitty and your Jesus looking for his kitty pulled me back over the edge. I appreciate you. I hope you feel better soon, dear.

  261. Ooo! I can see the inside of your bellybutton!

  262. 266
    snoogerbot

    Wait until your first colonoscopy – I have photos that resemble the Luray Caverns of Virginia — well, maybe not THAT bad but interesting nonetheless.

  263. I don’t mean to be too geek, but that looks more like a broadsword to me. So, you kind of have a weapon on you at all times… Poor Victor.

  264. I hope you’re finally more upright and feeling better. OMG–Bible kitteh. At the risk of heading straight for hell, I thought it would be hilares to see Beyonce the chicken answering that door when Jesus knocked.

  265. I thought it looked like a sword. Like someone who isn’t very artistic was trying to draw a pirate sword.

  266. Don’t worry about the inverted cross, I think it is perhaps instead a representation of a shark’s tail (ok they drew it with a sharpie, had zero drawing skills and had their 2 year old draw it instead). the shark is there to protect your sort of gooey-wet insides from further incursions from surgeons, tears or other infiltration. I mean really, who is going to argue with a tummy shark?

  267. So, the picture of Jesus didn’t fit on my screen completely as I was scrolling. I saw “Knock knock” and the pic of Jesus and I thought, “She’s going to get a lot of hate mail if it says “Motherfucker” on the bottom”. And then I thought about how funny that would be, Jesus pretending to be Beyoncé.

  268. 272
    starryeyeddesigns

    Aw, your hernia looked like an itty bitty baby penis. It’s so cute…LOL

  269. You are the best cure for depression. Honest to God — and the Jesus kitten –you make me laugh every time I read your blog. Sometimes even afterward…for days.

    Fran Tunno recently posted Happy Birt-a-day Mom!.

  270. Don’t feel bad about exposing your insides to the world! I just had surgery to remove a sizable tumor. My doctor took pictures of it (it looked like a human heart – so cool!) and texted them to me and my mom. Mom then sent them to damn near everyone she knows – without sending an “if you don’t want to see Amy’s tumor, don’t open the next message” text first.

    You may have grossed out some people, but at least you gave us some warning first!

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