Last week thousands of you voted in my first ever ANGRY POLL where I asked you help settle an argument Victor and I were having. The question was “Does eating powered sugar donuts make your mouth feel cold?”
- “Of course. That’s just science.” = 26%
- “Of course not. What the hell is wrong with you?” = 26%
- “Now I want donuts. Thanks a lot, asshole.” = 40%
So basically the world can be divided into those whose mouths work properly and those whose don’t. And those who just want donuts. And those who answered “other” just to be purposely contrary.
For our second poll we’re moving to childhood because I insist that everyone in America was taught mandatory square dancing in elementary school and Victor just stares at me and shakes his head.
me: This, Victor. This is what everyone learned in music classes:
me: Who says white people can’t dance?
Victor: Everyone who’s seen that video, to start with.
And now, time for the weekly wrap-up: Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- “BE NICE OR I WILL STAB YOU” plate. Remind anyone eating at your place why they shouldn’t be shitty. Bonus: Since it’s dinner you are likely to be actually holding a knife when they get to the message at the bottom of their plate, so they’re even more likely to take you seriously. Great for Thanksgiving.
- Bloody drawstring backpack. Perfect for wet swimsuits or small books or one large human head. The wording is nice because it’s comforting but it also tells people you might be dangerous. Also, good camouflage in case zombies attack.
Shit that I’m vaguely involved with on the internets:
Shit you should buy or steal because it’s awesome:
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Suburban Underbelly, a book by the lovely Michele Theron. “For suburban moms Quinn, Jill, and Lucy, freedom from motherhood as a competitive sport starts innocently enough: three hours a week without kids. Before they know it, things are careening out of control and their lives change in ways that they never could have imagined. Sexy, snarky, smart and funny as hell–SUBURBAN UNDERBELLY invites you into a world with the best friends we all wish we had”. Check it out here.