UPDATED: As soon as ASU gets back to me I’ll be available for consultations and endorsements. And it will be awesome.

I’m not sure how it happened (I suspect voodoo) but I was somehow magnamed the Distinguished Alumna of 2014 by Angelo State University, my hometown college.  (ASU Magazine clipping at right to prove I’m not just drunk right now.)

It was very flattering but equally baffling, and I spent the weekend pretending to be “distinguished” and hoping that people wouldn’t realize that I am entirely overrated.

I was given my award at a banquet where everyone else being recognized had a legitimate reason for being honored and they were all insanely awesome, professional, and unintentionally intimidating, and I suspected that none of them had ever dug up a corpse or been attacked by their pet turkeys.

It was fancier than my wedding, and there was a live marching band to play us to our seats.

I can't play an instrument but I think I'd be a good band leader because I look good in capes.

Do all marching bands have capes, or is this one especially bad-ass?

I requested “Tusk“, but I don’t think they heard me, or possibly they’re just too young to know who Fleetwood Mac is.

My extended family all turned out, so I had to come up with a suitable speech that I could give in front of my daughter and my granny, so I wrote my speech on my phone while Victor drove us to San Angelo.  Here it is:

“I am so glad to be here tonight to accept my honorary doctorate degree. I never thought this would happen. Until I was driving here, that is, and thought, “I bet if I accept an honorary doctorate at this event they kind of have to give me one. That’s just polite.”

It doesn’t haven’t have to be crazy official. You don’t even have to spell “doctor” correctly, and I will vow to never perform surgery on people without first telling them that I’m an honorary Doctor of Journalism, but that I’m really excited about seeing if I can find their appendix.

This might seem ridiculous but I heard some other college gave Ellen Degeneres an honorary doctorate and my husband was like, “Well, is ASU up to those kinds of standards?” And I said, “Oh, ASU is way better than that crappy college” and I think you could prove me right tonight by making me whatever it is that’s one step above doctor.  I don’t know what that is.  Super-Doctor, maybe?   Major Doctor?  I don’t know.  I’ll leave it up to the board.  You guys are the experts.

I’d like to thank my parents and grandparents for bribing me to go to college with the promise that I’d get whatever money was left in my college fund after I graduated.

If I’d had college math at the time I probably would have realized that there wouldn’t be any money left and that I’d have to rely on grants and scholarships and work to carry me through, but in the end it was worth it. Because 17 years later I stand here before you:  A proud ASU graduate…

A Super-Doctor, at last.”

You can't tell, but that's me at the podium.  Trust me.  I'm a doctor.

You can’t tell, but that’s me at the podium. Trust me. I’m a doctor.

I was supposed to be in the Homecoming Parade but I said I’d only do it if I could ride on the float with Dominic (our live Ram mascot).  I was told that was impossible, probably because they assumed I’d steal him, and they were right because LOOK AT HIS FACE:

He looks like he'd be fun to drink with.

He’s like if Matthew McConaughey was a sheep.

I refused to ride in the parade unless I was given an equal or better sheep but they weren’t going for it, so I was like, “What if I bring my own sheep?” and they didn’t say no, so I just dressed my kid up as a ram and smuggled her into the bed of the pick-up.  Hailey had never been in a parade before either but you never would have known it and honestly she sort of out-Dominiced Dominic because she had the sweeping, majestic horns and furry coat, and she could throw plastic footballs to kids watching the parade because she has thumbs.  Additionally, she didn’t shit everywhere and that is a big plus as far as I’m concerned.

(Hailey is the one on the right.)

(Hailey’s the one on the right.)

Then I went to the ASU homecoming game because I was told I needed to walk onto the field at half-time to be “recognized” and that sounded a bit awkward, but then when I got there I realized I was supposed to follow the royal homecoming court onto the field.  And let me tell you, if you ever find yourself walking slowly, here-comes-the-bride-style, onto a football field toward a packed stadium of people (and one live sheep) while a marching band plays “You Can Tell Everybody This Is Your Song” and an honor guard makes a bridge of swords for you to walk under, just remember that it could be more awkward.  You could be doing all of that while wearing a sweatshirt and pajama jeans as you follow the thinnest and prettiest girls on campus, who are all wearing strapless ball gowns and glittery jewelry, and one of them just got a tiara and that’s when thought to myself, I suspect a team of unicorns will be by to whisk them away, while a pack of dirty dogs carries me off because that’s the only thing that could make this any more glaringly unbalanced.

It's like turning up for a wedding wearing overalls and then you remember that you're a bridesmaid."

It’s like turning up for a wedding, but you’re wearing overalls for some reason and then you remember that you’re a bridesmaid.

I’m reading all of this and it sounds like it was ridiculously ludicrous, and it was.

But it was also…really lovely.

I kept waiting for someone to realize that they’d made a terrible mistake, but they never did, and I remembered that one of the reasons I’d chosen ASU in the first place was the fact that people there are accepting of anyone…even the girl who never joined a sorority or club, or went to frat parties or football games, or ended up in a single photograph during her time there.  I wish I could have told the terrified college me who hid in libraries and tiptoed through halls that one day I’d go to my first homecoming.  And that that very same weekend I’d aggressively accept a doctorate degree, and ride in a parade with a small, beaming child dressed as a sheep, and walk in the footsteps of (small-town college) royalty while a marching band played Elton John as I limboed under pointy sabers.  Then again, I probably wouldn’t even have believed me.  Honestly, who the hell would?

PS.  Dear ASU Alumni Board/President/King/Vicar:  I went ahead and made this myself because I know you’re very busy.  I’m not sure if it’s totally accurate but it felt right.  Could you forward it to whoever needs to sign it?

my degree

Please rush if possible. My first patient is ready for surgery but his family is giving me static and I think the certificate will help reassure them.  Also, can I get a discount on bulk ether now?   It’s important.  These cat’s tonsils aren’t going to remove themselves.

PPS.  Seriously, thank you ASU, for being a wonderful college for even the dangerously social awkward.  I just saw the video you sent out this morning and it reminded me again that there’s a place for everyone.  Thanks for being my place:

100% of all Super-Doctors approve of this message.  (See?!  Think of the endorsement opportunities alone, ASU.)

Now please hurry up with that certificate so I can start stabbing people legally for a change.

UPDATED (10/15/14):

This morning when I was getting Hailey ready for school I vaguely remembered that I might have sent an email to the President of ASU at 1 o’clock in the morning when my insomnia makes me even more unstable than normal. And apparently I did:

“To: Dr. Brian May

Just a quick thank you for the fabulous and unexpected honor of being named the Distinguished Alumna of the year. This weekend was really amazing and I can’t tell you what it meant to be recognized in the town where I always thought I was invisible at best.

I wrote a quick post about it I thought you might like. Or might hate. Hard to tell.

Ps. I’m just kidding about being given a “super-doctor” degree. But only if by “just kidding” you mean “ridiculously serious and dedicated to making this happen.” The last time I was this focused I was made an official Czar of Texas (true story) and ended up using this power to increase awareness of the awesomeness of Texas and also to overthrow the Government. (But just for one night and the Government was very nice about it because they recognized my valuable political contributions, and also because they didn’t entirely take me seriously since {according to my proclamation} I report to the stray cat that lives at city hall.)

It’s very late so this email might not make much sense but I thought I should mail it off before Tulane reads my post and offers me a Super-Doctorate and things get all awkward.

Hugs,
Jenny”

My husband, Victor, read my email and suggested that thing had already gotten awkward, but my faith in the weird was redeemed moments letter when a response came back from Dr. May, which read simply:

“Super Doctorate is in the mail!!!!”

It’s possibly he’s humoring me, in a “the-check-is-in-the-mail” sort of way, but if I really am getting my Super Doctorate I’m stoked because as a Super-Doctor I would always outrank everyone in the room and so no one would question me when I mispronounced words, or let myself into the lemur house at the zoo. Victor argued that I would actually rank below “Subway Sandwich Artist” because “Super-Doctor” doesn’t really exist. And he might be right, but I countered that”Super-Doctor” doesn’t really exist YET, and that with my Super-Doctorate I will be setting a record for having both the highest and lowest ranking degree to ever come out of ASU, and that’s pretty darn impressive.

Also, if I become a Super-Doctor I can diagnosis everyone as needed. Like if you’re having a terrible day you’d be able to say, “Oh, this? My doctor prescribed this portable margarita machine to help me get through these horrific business meetings. It’s medicinal, I assure you. Please carry on.” Or “I need to take a nap because apparently I’m suffering from ‘An Overabundance of Bad-Assness’ and my doctor says naps are the only thing to keep it from growing to dangerous proportions that might overload my body and make everyone feel terribly inferior to me. Basically I’m taking this medically necessary nap for you, so please keep it down.”

EVERYONE WINS.

I’ll keep you posted.

187 replies. read them below or add one

  1. That is fantastic!!! Congratulations.

    Like

    Ann St. Vincent recently posted 18 years between kisses | Part 1.

  2. Angelo State has the proud distinction of being the first hockey game I went to. I went on to attend UAF (Fairbanks, AK) and went to many more hockey games, but ASU has my hockey cherry.

    I enjoyed my time in San Angelo! I found it to be a very charming town.

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  3. Congrats! that means we all have to buy your book again so you can have Super-Doctor added to it

    Like

  4. So much fun! (I work at a community college and am currently writing a press release about our distinguished alumni. I’m totally going to sneak super-doctor in it.)

    Like

    Jaime recently posted Randomly on a rainy Tuesday.

  5. Mazel tov, Dr. Lawson! You can edit my words with your scalpel, anytime.

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    Burns the Fire recently posted Love & Squalor in the Middle East, 2.

  6. Dammit, Jim. I’m a Bloggess, not a Doctor!

    Like

  7. Congratulations on your Super Doctorate. Way to go!!!!

    Like

    susielindau recently posted An Open Letter From My Boobs.

  8. AWESOME! ..you are the Doctor.

    And I have Tusk stuck in my head now.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted That Didn’t Turn Out Like I Hoped.

  9. The fact that the font on that doctorate looks like its from Harry Potter makes this even more betterer🙂

    Like

  10. You’re aiming way too low. Now that you’re a Doctor, don’t ask for a signed certificate; ask for a T.A.R.D.I.S.

    Congrats, Dr. Lawson!

    Like

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  11. What Michelle said. Both things.

    Congratulations!

    Like

  12. I think you could totally post a image of a press clipping while drunk so so it doesn’t prove anything. Also, why didn’t you ask for a TARDIS?

    Mazel tov!

    Like

  13. I don’t know about marching bands, but I’m pretty sure super-doctors get capes.

    Like

  14. And now all I can think is…”Tusk!” Dah dah dah, dah dah dah…

    Like

  15. Congrats!!!!

    Like

  16. As a fellow Rambelle (let’s not discuss how little sense that makes…), congratulations! I miss the breakfast burritos and airport chinese.

    Like

  17. All kinds of awesome. Don’t forget the little people now that you’re a super Ph.D.

    Like

  18. I’m sort of disappointed. You should have asked to be The Doctor. And they would have said Doctor Who? Then you could have responded “Exactly.”

    Like

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  19. 19
    mollypockets

    Congrats from a fellow alumna! The hill country is nice, but sometimes it feels good to go home: where they call them breakfast BURRITOS and the best Chinese food is at the airport.

    Like

  20. Nice work, Super-Doctor Lawson.

    Like

  21. Now that you’re a Super-Doctor, does this mean you get a Super-Doctor Tardis?

    Like

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  22. That’s incredible! Dr. Bloggess has a lovely ring to it, no?

    Like

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  23. Congrats, Jenny!

    Once when I was a paperboy, a customer wrote in to the subscription service raving about what a great paperboy I was. They published his letter alongside my picture in the newsletter they gave to all the paperboys. I don’t know who delivered the newsletter to the paperboys, but if I met him, I would have written him a letter so that he could have had his picture in the newsletter that they give to the boys who deliver the newsletter to the paperboys. Anyway, THAT recognition I received when I was 12 was as close to the Super-Doctorate as I’m going to get.

    I quit delivering papers soon after that newsletter came out because I wanted to go out at the top of my game. Sometimes I feel bad for the paperboy who followed me. I was a goddamned legend.

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  24. That video was so cool : )

    Like

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  25. Congrats! Adorable rams! And ram dancers!

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted An Apparent Intention.

  26. I lived in San Angelo for ten years and my dream was to go to ASU. But, alas, my dad was Air Force and I ended up in Colorado when I graduated high school, so I went to their version of ASU, UNC. Both schools get confused for bigger, more prestigious schools, and they both are known as “teacher’s” schools, so I didn’t feel overly deprived. Except, UNC doesn’t have kick-ass homecoming mums. Congrats!

    Like

  27. That’s fabulous! If anyone ever deserved to be a Super-Doctor, it’s you.

    Like

  28. Well done, Super-Awesome Doctor Lawson!

    Like

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  29. Congratulations Super-Doctor, here is your honorary scrubs, face mask, and scalpel…note they all have “I Shit On Everything” emblazoned on them, because, yeah.

    Like

  30. You should tell everyone that you’re THE DOCTOR, the definite article, you might say.
    Paraphrased (stolen) from a Tom Baker speech.

    Like

  31. Does that Doctorate come with malpractice insurance or are they making you purchase your own coverage? I bet Super-Doctors have to pay special premiums…

    Like

  32. Congratulations, Super-Doctor. We should have an ether party and take out some gallbladders. I’m a medical transcriptionist, so I am totally qualified to advise you during your procedures.

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  33. That is awesome. You are awesome. I’m going to try get myself a Super Doctorate!🙂

    Like

  34. 34
    Juliet Holden

    The “just” in the first paragraph? Excellent. “…pack of DIRTY dogs…”? Also excellent.

    Like

  35. Congrats! It sounds like it was a blast. I’ve been getting this pain in my side, do you think you could take a look at it?

    Like

  36. Clearly your school has the coolest collection of staff and students ever, per the vid! And? BIG congrats, Dr. Bloggess! (they’re sending your TARDIS next week😉 )

    Like

  37. Congrats, Super-Doctor Lawson!!! That’s fantastic! And your daughter is the cutest fake sheep, like, EVER.

    Like

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  38. I was trying to come up with something witty yet affirming to say but I’m pretty stuck on how awesome you are. So. You’re awesome. The end.

    Like

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  39. “Hailey’s the one on the right.”

    I say this a lot but you are incredible. Thank you for your unique way of looking at the world.

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  40. you should demand a Modern Major General Doctorate. Can’t get better than that, right?

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  41. If I had know ASU was so great I would have stayed in San Angelo and gone to college there! Congrats Jenny! You deserve all the wonderments bestowed upon you!!!

    Like

  42. Congratulations Super Doctor Jenny!
    I have to say, that video is awesome, and I LOVED that none of the people walking by the awkwardly dancing people even paid them any notice.

    Like

  43. That is AMAZING that you got recognized! I think my alma mater blatantly ignores me because I write gasp romance novels. Oh, yeah, well I still get into your alumni newsletter, college. There’s no stopping me now! insert evil laughter here

    Like

  44. Amazing! I probably would have puked if I had to do ALL of that. Congrats!

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  45. watching that video all I could think was… THESE ARE MY PEOPLE!!!!

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  46. You’re class of nineteen-NINETY-SEVEN?? Good God. I have regrets older than you.

    (Did I mention how proud I am of you??)

    Like

  47. That video made me cry with joy. I think I might have a hormone imbalance. I need you to do some surgery on my hormones.

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  48. After my tongue-in-cheek comment above (having in tongue-in-cheek-ectomy while typing), I must say that the weekend looked amazing; your daughter is beyond cool; ASU was brilliant to honor you; and I bow to your SPhD degree (especially the entitlements conferred).

    Have you designed your doctoral regalia for future academic gatherings or even upcoming Halloween, no seriously! Have you seen some of the bizarre caps and hoods worn by faculty?

    Like

  49. 49
    Maggi Oswald

    You should be honored. You are one of the funniest people I have ever read – I loved your book and I love your blog. And I love San Angelo. Even though when I was there, you had to drive to the city limits to by alcohol. But I loved the Laundromat that had the bar next door.

    Like

  50. I am loving the dance video. I am demanding that you make a full length version with just you and your stuffed friends.

    Like

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  51. @Karen in comment #46, I love and plan to totally plagiarize this line:

    “Good God. I have regrets older than you.”

    Like

  52. I plan to shake it off as I walk across that stage in December for my Masters! Go Rams!

    Like

  53. Congratulations to you, Super-Doctor! Well deserved! (P.S.- you totally should’ve stolen Dominic!)

    Like

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  54. Dominic should sign the degree! That would be the ram shaped bow on the present.

    Like

  55. Jenny with a scalpel. Watch out mice, she can legally cut you open now. You know, for science.
    BTW: Hailey’s smile is so beautiful!

    Like

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  56. I’m from NJ so I hadn’t heard of your school before reading this post. But, thanks to their exceedingly good decision to give you an honorary doctorate, your school is#1 in my mind. Well deserved!

    Like

  57. I randomly applied to Angelo State in 1985 and now I’m sad I chose to stay in Colorado.

    Like

  58. I love ASU! I recently had to transfer because of a move, but ASU has always held a special place in my heart! Everyone is so accepting and makes even older students feel at home!

    Like

  59. Congratulations, Jenny!

    You never know what’s going to inspire someone. The final scene of ‘Dirty Dancing’ did it for this little boy. His mother posted it to Facebook last week and it’s going on 10 million views already.

    Have you seen it? It’s great🙂

    Like

  60. 60
    ocularnervosa

    The next time Victor tells you you’re wrong you cabin say, “Oh trust me I’m right, I’m a Doctor”

    Like

  61. 61
    ocularnervosa

    “Can say” darn autocorrect

    Like

  62. PAJAMA JEANS!!!! BEST DRESSED SUPER-DOCTOR!!!! GAH!!

    Like

  63. 63
    Elizabeth Grace

    If you are the Doctor, can I be your dangerously awkward companion? You can have a sonic screwdriver. We can travel to distant galaxies and solve crimes and puzzles and such.

    Like

  64. I went to ASU! In my freshman year (1981) I was on the events committee, and The Amazing Kreskin (mentalist/psychic) came to do a show. My friend Dyann and I were in charge of driving him to his hotel after the show, and I turned the wrong way down a major street. We were just boppin’ along in my powder-blue Buick (cuz I was cool) and suddenly four lanes of headlights are headed straight for us. We all screamed and I jumped the concrete median into the correct lane. Once we’d stopped screaming and could start to breathe again, my friend Dyann leaned forward from the backseat and tapped Kreskin (in the passenger seat) on his shoulder, and said “You know, you really should have seen that coming”. We dropped him off at his hotel and were still laughing when he slammed his door and ran to the safety of his room. I don’t blame him for being less than good-natured about almost being killed by 18-year old girls in San Angelo, TX. But it’s one of my favorite memories ever.

    Like

  65. OMG! Where can I get one of those COOL ram beanies?!?! Do you have one?!?

    Like

    1. I need that ram hat everyone in the video is wearing
    2. The girl at 3:10 is my spirit animal
    3. My biggest regret about attending ASU was not attending while the kid from Weird Science was a professor. That might be urban legend, but I swear its true. Or maybe it was the kid from Real Genius. Whatevs. Nerdy kid actor nevber did anything again, became english? history? professor at ASU.
    4. If you get the guys from ASU to issue you your doctorate, excuse me, SUPER doctorate, I will frame it for you.

    Like

  66. 67
    Minnesota Red

    You most assuredly deserve to be an honorary-ass doctor (note I didn’t say “ass-doctor”) because you help fix people’s souls and hearts — Congratulations!!

    Like

  67. Oh, Jenny! You’re way too modest for your own good. Of course you deserve this Super Doctorate! And Hailey is a living doll!

    Like

  68. Gosh, now I’m thinking I should have asked for my Master’s degree to include a statement that I could lightly stab mean people. Sure, it is nowhere near a super-doctor certificate…but sometimes a girl just feels stabby, right?

    Like

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  69. Congratulations, Super Doctor Lawson!!!

    Like

  70. Congrats to the ultimate bad-ass, super doctor, uber doctor, with a great family and a wine habit. You make us all so proud. And more people love you than you’ll ever know. Even those of us who aren’t drunk. You’re my hero(ine). Okay, that last bit was kind of awkward, but the intention was legit.

    Like

  71. My high school band uniforms not only had capes, but also plumes on top of the helmets. The mascot might have been the Wildcat but they looked like Big Birds. Congrats on the Super-Doctor status!!

    Like

  72. As a mother of three marching band members, they most CERTAINLY know and recognize (and really enjoy playing) Tusk!!!! I think it might be the first thing they teach in band camp, after the fight song.

    Like

  73. 75
    alison waskom

    STOP degrading yourself, you make people laugh, people love to read your book(s), and blog, and they get pleasure and fun, and just a good time out of it…you ARE worth whatever they give you. So stop it.

    Like

  74. From a fellow ASU grad (’05), congratulations!

    Like

  75. Many congratulations Jenny. How completely wonderful!

    Like

  76. I went to ASU! For a while, after I flunked out of one semester of UT. But then I discovered beer at ASU (thank you Pike fraternity), and stayed a couple of years but had to sober up, so I left. I went to A&M, where I discovered slightly less beer. But anyway.
    Angelo State was swell and I have very fond memories of the early 80’s there (82 and 83). I was not officially an alumnus of ASU (but I am of A&M, is that right?), but for the two years I was there, it was good times. I am not distinguished at any of the institutions that I attended nor too distinguished after.
    Thank you for the lovely reminder of ASU.

    Like

  77. I am thinking that while they love you and all, you Super Doctor you, they also know of your fascination with taxidermy. And Dominic is much cuter as a live mascot than a stuffed one. Pure mascot preservation, that’s what that denial of float riding was:).

    Like

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  78. 80
    Jeane-Azzie's Attic

    Congrats, Jenny. You are well and truly deserving of the honor.

    Like

  79. You TOTALLY deserve it. I was just thinking about my own school’s mascot and how I think it would be sort of a problem if we had a live cougar in our parade. But our mascot cougar does super cool flips so I think it’s ok to not have a real one.

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  80. Shit. I am forwarding this to UConn right away. I can walk under swords. I can dress my nephew like a husky.

    Like

  81. I am so pissed at UConn, I forgot to leave my link.

    Like

    notquiteold recently posted Dad, The Annoying.

  82. Congrats on the accomplishment. It took me altogether too, too long to figure out where Angelo State was – and that was after finding the ASU web site.

    Like

  83. Everything about this post is spectacular. Your acceptance speech rocks and I love that you walked in with a marching band accompaniment. There’s not enough of that these days. Keep us posted on the cat’s recovery after you remove its tonsils. Sounds sketchy. But I bet it’s the same as that game Operation.

    Like

  84. Congratulations! That is totally cool! Also I busted out in laughter at the thought of the band breaking into Tusk.

    Like

  85. This. This here. Could only happen to you. I LOVE Hailey’s costume. She totally out-rammed the ram.

    Like

    Mary-Anne recently posted Mustard Pickles.

  86. My wife is enchanted with how deliriously happy Hailey looks, and I have to say, she looks that way in a lot of pictures.
    For a moment my brow was troubled as I pondered, “How is her adult life ever going to measure up to that awesome childhood?” but I suppose it will be because she learned from you that you make awesome things happen by making ridiculously silly demands of the world and let the world deal with it. And by being awesome yourself, so that the radiation of pure awesomeness around you surrounds you with it.
    Now, if I could just learn to do that myself…

    Like

  87. @annie, Great story about Kreskin!

    Jenny, I love this tribe of strangelings. I enjoy the comments about as much as I do your original posts.

    Like

  88. I’ve been a fan of yours for a few years, but now that I know you’re an ASU grad (me too) and that you are a Wall native (I live and teach in Wall), I’m a bigger fan🙂

    Like

  89. I absolutely love that Hailey dressed up like a ram!!! My daughter won’t even dress up for Halloween with me this year bc she says that we are way too old ugh!

    Like

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  90. 92
    Jennifer Bucher

    Ok seriously Jenny that was one of the most inspirational posts you have ever written. And now I am way sad that I didn’t go to a college where people dance like that and people walking by DON’T EVEN NOTICE.

    Like

  91. Distinguished is easy, all you need is a top hat, cane and monocle. Wait, that’s Mr. Peanut (or Top Cat).

    What do you need with a tiara? I thought that you already had one (or was it a crown?).

    You should have just taken a band cape, and told them it made you look distinguished.

    Like

  92. I knew Hailey was the one on the right by the non-Matthew McConaughey eyes. Also, she is pure joy, and he is simply hot. ❤ (Heart them both for completely different reasons, why am I explaining this? I don't know.)❤ again (Gah!)

    Like

  93. How cool is that? Congratulations!

    Like

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  94. congrats! that is a really awesome honor to have received! It just shows all of your hard work🙂

    Like

  95. That video makes me want to go to college!!

    And you are definitely NOT overrated!!

    Like

  96. I can’t believe we grew up in the same area! I went to ASU before transferring. My family is all still there. Congrats on your degree! You rock!

    Like

  97. You brought all kinds of class to our little town this weekend!

    Like

  98. Um….wear underpants! If you don’t know who I am talking about, I won’t tell you.

    Like

  99. Congrats! I hope you enjoy the legal stabbing. Just don’t do it too much. You don’t want it to become some boring old routine. Gotta keep everyone on their toes.

    Like

    Katy Bug recently posted Blankets, Big Knitting Needles, and Inappropriate Comments About Cows and Doctor Who.

  100. 102
    Robin Berthelet

    Oh, Jenny! I so want to lightly stab mean people. Thank you for always bringing me joy.

    Like

  101. Super Congratulations Super Doctor!!!

    Like

  102. 104
    SqualorHouseGail

    Congratulations, newly minted Super Doctor!! I’d never heard of Angelo State but after having read this and watched that totally awesome video—I would definitely go there if I can ever figure out what I want to be when I grow up!!! (I’m only 53!)

    Like

  103. That is a seriously cool video. Wish my college had thought of that!

    Like

  104. Congratulations Super Doctor!

    Like

  105. Congrats, and that video is super awesome.

    Like

    brittanyssp recently posted Salvation Sunday: Worry.

  106. This post made me so happy. <3<3

    Like

  107. 109
    Sarah Filler

    Congrats on the Super-Doctor status – that’s awesome! And I loved that video that ASU posted, my only concern is the whole lice thing. I mean, a lot of different people put on that ram hat. Did they spray it in between? Maybe one of your first gifts as Super Doctor could be to inform them of the complete nightmare that is lice.🙂

    Like

  108. Thanks for labeling which ram was Hailey. I couldn’t tell🙂

    Like

  109. That was just brilliant. I was thoroughly enjoying the post (as always) but then I saw your daughter in the sheep costume.

    I lost it. Full on chuckle breakdown. My coworkers definitely think I’m insane.

    Like

    Aria Bauer recently posted Thanks For: FLUFFY COWS!!!.

  110. Congrats (honorary) Dr. Lawson! 🙂 And I really loved the video – totally had me grinning like something was wrong with me. Thanks for always making me smile. Speaking of smiles, Hailey’s? Well that just lights up the whole damn world now – doesn’t it? Gorgeous!!

    Like

  111. Congratulations. Sounds like a wonderful day and loved your speech (not to mention the ram costume of Hailey’s).

    Like

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  112. Congrats to you!

    Also, I want to be best friends with every one of those “Shake It Off” people!

    Like

  113. So many awesome feels & funnies in that post! Congrats to Hailey, she makes a superior sheep in my book🙂

    Like

  114. Hailey definitely beat out Dominic! Hooray for you on your super-doctorate!

    Like

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  115. 117
    Cheryl in Wisconsin

    Thank you for this amusing and splendid story with which to start my morning.

    Like

  116. 118
    Alice Fraggle

    I think that makes you Dr. Strangeling. I guess it’s sort of like Dr. Strangelove, but I’ve never seen that movie to know for sure.
    All of us weirdos are proud of you.
    PS: Your sheep-daughter is much cuter that Dominic. I bet she smells better too.

    Like

  117. Congratulations Jenny. You absolutely deserve your Super-Doctorate! But I feel I should point out that you don’t need to be a super-doctor to talk TO horses…

    Like

  118. This is just .. FABULOUS! In every single respect, it’s just simply fabulous. I did the snorty-laugh that I almost always do when I read your blog, but even more, if such a thing were possible. Fabulous! x

    Like

  119. #######################
    SrDr. Jenny – congratulations!
    #######################

    Frances (#78 above) – you may be a graduate of A&M — but up are an alumna* of UT, ASU & A&M. Phew.

    *Frances with an “e” is the girl version of Francis, right? Because if I’ve got it wrong, you’re an alumnus. I refuse to say “alum” … that’s a bitter substance sometimes used in pickling.

    Like

  120. Congrats! You SO TOTALLY DESERVE Super-Doctor status!!

    Like

  121. 123
    Dee, Just Dee

    Hate to go all Victor on you, but shouldn’t it be “out-Dominicked” Dominic? “Out-Dominced” sounds like Hailey was being nicer than Dominic …

    Like

  122. 124
    Dee, Just Dee

    Once more without the typo (karma, I see you):

    Hate to go all Victor on you, but shouldn’t it be “out-Dominicked” Dominic? “Out-Dominiced” sounds like Hailey was being nicer than Dominic …

    Like

  123. Congratulations, Super Doctor Lawson! And best of luck with the surgeries.

    Like

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  124. Congratulations!! That is perhaps the best doctorate certificate I’ve ever seen (having now seen 2 in my lifetime). You old uni has good taste.

    Like

  125. Congratulations Jenny, I’m sure you totally deserve it!! I also noticed that not once did you mention wanting to hide in the bathroom or under your table, so either you omitted it or you felt like doing either – but gave the speech ANYWAYS. You rock. Inspiration is really your middle name, right?🙂

    Like

  126. 128
    @mawrter1999

    Congrats! Also, where did you get those horns for Hailey?? I’m asking for a friend…

    Like

  127. I’m allergic to margaritas, any chance you could substitute mudslides? Congratulations!!

    Like

  128. 130
    benita flores

    …ever wish there was an “awkward-alyzer” (kind of like a breathalyzer) for texts and emails written in the excitement of the moment? It would prompt you with: “Sure you want to send this? Seriously?” Did you go to far? I think not. Super – doctorate is in the mail!!!!

    Like

  129. I VOLUNTEER TO BE YOUR COMPANION! All doctors need a companion. The good kind at least.

    probably not butt doctors though.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted That Didn’t Turn Out Like I Hoped.

  130. Dr. May rocks! And so do you!

    Like

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  131. ASU sounds like a wonderful school with a sense of humor. Congratulations, Dr. Lawson! (I bet Victor is just jealous.)

    Like

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  132. 134
    Samantha layman

    I cannot love this enough.

    Like

  133. Capes on a band are pretty badass, but my college band wore kilts, so I think we win.

    Like

  134. I just wanted to let you know you are invited to Sunday dinner. You would fit right in.
    Best update ever🙂

    Like

  135. Seriously. I love you.

    Like

  136. I am so coming to you for all my emotional and mental health concerns, let me know when we can start. I am also open to negotiation of payment, though I would prefer to pay in mediocre crocheted crafts.

    Like

  137. Please indicate where the line starts for the portable margarita machine. I can see people actually showing up to my meetings…and if they don’t…who cares?

    Like

  138. AWESOME!!!!!!!! (Will you please be my super doctor? I’ve got some serious medical needs for tons of naps.)

    Like

  139. Anytime you are asked ANY queston at all, be sure to say, “It’s my professional opinion as a doctor…”. Just ’cause. It won’t make you any friends but it sure will be fun to say.

    Like

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  140. person calling in sick because cats. idk why I thought of you…

    Like

  141. Congratulations, Jenny!! That is so awesome!! Don’t forget us little people!!

    Like

  142. sammie, I’m so envious. I have a boss throwing a tantrum and suspending me this week for taking a second sick day in 18 months.

    Like

  143. Keep us posted and let me know when the napping can commence!

    Like

  144. 146
    mistresserris

    My son says Hailey looks more like a Wampa from Star Wars than a Ram….but that is his 11 year old opinion. He also says Wampa’s are cool and outrank the Ram anyway.

    Like

  145. Think of the possibilities. You now can clearly toss around your super doctorate degree when Victor disagrees with you and that should trump whatever his point is. Or when anyone disagrees with you really. And you could probably stop ISIS just by telling them you said so. And maybe even appoint a female President into the White House. If not you and with your super doctorate, then who, I ask?

    Like

  146. Congratulations! You can be my doctor starting immediately; by the way, I think the medicinal margaritas would probably naturally lead right into that nap you prescribed.

    Like

  147. We saw you at the game and were so excited for you! Congratulations on your honor – both real and imagined.

    Like

  148. Congrats, Jenny!!! This is awesome. I always knew you’d be a doctor.

    Like

    Simone recently posted Ten Minute Interview.

    1. Congrats! Super-doctorates are super rare!
    2. I’m now getting personalized ads for full-sized, realistic, brown-bear adult costumes on my FB account. Damn you, Bloggess! (And thank you.)

    Like

  149. Victor married a doctor. He’s really come up in the world.

    Like

  150. Such cute rams! Congratulations, Jenny! I’m sure you’ll get lots of patients, being a super doctor and all. And by the way, I’ve had Amazon bear suit pictures follow me around all over the internet since I checked out the pjs from your last post. I’m kind of wondering what boring shit was there before, guess it was so boring I didn’t notice it. Keep the Amazon links coming!

    Like

    kdcol recently posted A nerdy hooker?.

  151. 154
    @shthisisme

    Congratulations!
    I’m so glad you had this experience, with Victor and Hailey at your side. You are awesome.

    Like

  152. Dr. Brian May?? DOCTOR BRIAN MAY?!

    That IS a super doctorate.

    Like

  153. That is the most awesome update EVAH.

    Like

  154. 157
    happyhourmary

    Dr. Lawson sound right. Can you get working on Ebola now?

    Like

  155. You have an amazing way of being hilarious and reminding me that I’m ok too. Plus that I can make my own certificates to remind myself. You deserve all the super doctorates.

    Like

  156. Naps ARE medicinal. Take two, they’re small.

    Like

  157. OMG Please offer Prescription Naps on your site, all you need is an RX Pad with your name and info, I would love to give that to my Pharmacist just to see his face!!!

    Like

  158. You ROCK Jenny! Thank you and your Super-Doctorness for making my day that extra bit more awesome!

    Like

  159. You never forget your first doctor….

    Like

  160. Congratulations Jenny! Well deserved. Please let me know if I have to change my bookmark of your site to http://www.thesuperdoctorbloggess.com, Now, can you prescribe something to soothe the pain of squirting vodka and coke out my nose whilst reading this post? (because I was laughing, not because I was playing vodka mixer target practice on the dog or anything)

    Like

    PinkNoam recently posted “…we’re doing Kiddy-Cook this morning”.

  161. Everything about this is just so fucking awesome in every single weirdass way.
    I love you Super-Doctor Lawson!! I’m so looking forward to more totally inappropriate (and by that I mean perfectly, outrageously appropriate) diagnoses. Bravo!!!!!

    Like

  162. I never really wanted to get a doctorate, or be a writer, but now I desperately want both. I am going to take my medically prescribed margarita machine and re-evaluate my life choices now.

    Like

  163. So I can’t decide what I like best about that video… That the only attempt at twerking was near the end and done by a guy, the seeming affinity for sweatpants in public, or the guy at about 1:25 that appears to be wearing ballet shoes. Whatever was happening there, thanks for posting it – it made me smile.

    Apparently, Super-Doctors always know the remedy for the afternoon blahs.

    Like

  164. 167
    Lance Karutz

    This is seriously one of the best posts you’ve ever written. Congratulations, Super Doctor Lawson.

    Like

  165. Wow, that sounds amazing! And well deserved, too. Congratulations.

    PS- you should have worn a ball gown and tiara to the event so then you wouldn’t feel outdressed on the field. I would have!

    Like

    Eleanorjane recently posted English things - faff, spiders and paving stones.

  166. Mean people will stab you back. Not so lightly.
    meow meow meow

    Like

  167. Hysterical post Jenny. Do you get a prescription pad with your degree? I need one of those margerita machines for sure.

    Like

  168. This made me laugh so hard, and my husband is looking at me like I’m insane.

    Like

  169. Also, Jenny, before you say no to Tulane, keep in mind we have lots of lots of Campus Cats who would worship you. Also, New Orleans throws AWESOME parades.

    Like

  170. Dear Jenny, Please tell ASU it may be too late. We at Tulane have read your post. May I led the Committee to Award you with the Super-Doctorate? Seriously, we love you here! Love, Meg, Tulane Super-Adjunct and Fixer of Things with Duct Tape, Ph.D.

    Like

  171. 174
    goldy Schumacher

    Dearest Jenny,
    When Tulane calls hold out for the “Super Dooper Doctorate”, you know, since they’re a little late to the party.

    Like

  172. Congrats, Super-Doctor Lawson! No one is more deserving. Also, glad the new book will be out soon. A TV show based on your writings will be AWESOME!!!!

    Like

  173. Never mind super doctor, you should have gotten them to name you as the next Doctor Who…..

    No one beats that.

    Like

    vicky frankland recently posted Bedroom Makeovers for Autumn/Winter.

  174. 177
    Lucky Maria

    Yeah, yeah, super doctor, blah, blah, blah. I want the horns that Hailey is wearing and how the hell do they stay on? She looks awesome.

    (I got them on Amazon. They just tie on like a headband. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  175. Belated congratulations on earning your super doctorate! After I earned my own (slightly less super, and definitely less celebrated) doctorate my friend Annie said she was just going to legally change her first name to Doctor instead of going through all the hard stuff. I wish I’d thought of that.

    Like

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  176. Congrats!!! I totally love that you explained which ram was Hailey. Also, I now have to admit that I like that Taylor Swift song. Thanks a lot, Dr. Lawson. Do you have an antibiotic or something I can take for it?

    Like

    TriGirl recently posted The Hottest Day of the Year (a.k.a. the day we ran the Bushtukah Canada Day 10k).

  177. Congrats on the Super-Doctorate! About the surgeries…you need to complete your residency first. Fortunately, that only involves watching 8 hours of programming on Discovery Fit&Health. Any combination of “Mystery Diagnosis”, “Untold Stories of the E.R”, or “Monsters Inside Me” will do.

    Like

  178. You clearly went to precisely the right school. I can see how you fit in, even if you were invisible. I’m so jealous of you being a Super-Doctor that I’ll have to write to my alma mater and see if they will cough up the goods. (Somehow I doubt it, the University of Michigan is notoriously without a sense of humor). Congratulations!

    Like

  179. Well deserved, in my book, and total bollocks on not being able to ride with Dominic. Although, your reasons for Hailey being a better Dominic than Himself are quite valid. Esp in the poo department. I’m so glad that you had a fun weekend!!

    As far as titles, I decided quite a long time ago that I’d never really have a title, so I gave myself one. My self-appointed title is Supreme Ultra Goddess of The Universe. Go ahead, you can ask my family – they all know. I am 100% TOTES LEGIT*.

    *-no endorsements, honoraries, gifts, tiaras, income or recognition has resulted BUT THAT’S OK.

    Like

  180. YOU ARE KIDDING ME!! I was in San Angelo that same weekend for my husbands high school reunion. I saw Angelo State, Central High School, and even went to a Bobcats game. The entire time I was thinking about you~LOL! I even met a lady from Wall! I asked her if she knew you, Jenny. She kind of looked at me like I had two heads.😉

    Like

  181. You are such a funny, talented, no holds barred woman !!!! Congrats on your recognition.

    Like

  182. I lived in San Angelo for a few months from July 2005-March 2006 and would have loved to have run into you! Instead I spent all of my time working at the Community Health Club and wondering if Matthew McConaughey would show up anywhere I was.

    Like

    AmberLynn Pappas recently posted Stand Up, Sit Down, Fight, Fight, Fight!.

  183. I went to Angelo State and loved every second of it. I loved the small town charm and the welcoming spirit over everyone. Congrats!

    Like

  184. What are these students coming home from? Where have they been? I am not familiar with “Homecoming” as a concept.

    Like

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