It takes a surprising amount of intelligence to be this stupid.

in Random Crap

Victor and I are both giant fans of all things sci-fi but it drives him nuts that I once *cough*  mixed up the names of Star Trek and Star Wars, so now I do it on purpose.  This lead to a series of text messages I sent him today which he did not think were funny.  I disagree.  I think they are very funny but only if you get all of the weird, mangled references to Firefly, Battlestar Galactica, Star Wars, Star Trek, Buck Rogers, etc.  If you don’t watch these shows then you won’t find this funny because you won’t understand it.  If you do watch these shows you probably won’t find this funny because you’ll be screaming at me for fucking them up so badly.  Either way, everyone loses.  But it makes me laugh so I’m posting it.  I’m so, so sorry.

*****

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151 thoughts on “It takes a surprising amount of intelligence to be this stupid.”

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  2. I really feel for Victor. Star Wars and Star Trek are so different and the fact you know is just cruel to poor Victor. Both Star Trek and Star Wars are good and as for Buck Rogers, the best thing about that show was Erin Gray 🙂

  3. This is hilarious! The conversations I have with my husband in real life are just like your text. He gets the glaze-over after 6 sentences.

  5. Haha, brilliant! I got most of the references. And I thought it was prequel, because it’s called The Force Awakens, not 30 years later. Shouldn’t it be called The Force Reawakens??

  7. I think the bigger problem here is why don’t you have unlimited texting? What is this 1998? I think Victor made that up just to keep you quiet. Rebel against the empire! They’ll never keep you quiet!

  8. Can we be married in another plane of existence? Because I’d really like someone to harass me this way.

  14. Love it, understand it… but my inner nerd requires me to tell you it’s REAVERS not reapers.

    (Victor waited until he was home from lunch to scream that one at me. I should have called the “reefers”. REEFERS! ~ Jenny)

  17. This is awesome. I love how much it pains him. 😉 I once made a reference to Lord of the Rings instead of Lord of the Flies when discussing a chaotic kid situation. Mr. Foxy and I have a lot of fun with that as well.

  20. My crew are D&D/fantasy geeks. My honey is Type A. That A is capitalized for a REASON. When my honey goes to GenCon w/o me, I take out a number of his carefully stored & labeled & organized miniatures & hide them all over the house. The ONLY assistance he gets (IF I am feeling benevolent & the booty brought home is generous) is a list of which minis are hidden. One year I took all the books in his bookcase and put them back in starting at the bottom (with top shelf books) with every other book upside down &/or backward.

    Victor should be down on his knees before your graciousness if all you’re doing is poking him with random text messages that really are a brilliant melange of sci-fi trivia. This could be SO MUCH WORSE!

  21. In a similar vein of confusing movies, last night my 6-year old told me that “the funny movie about dinosaurs was on”. He thought it was called, “Land of the Lost”, a movie which I haven’t seen (side note– I watched that show as a kid and the Sleestaks scared the living sh*t out of me). Anyway, the movie that was on TV was actually “Jurassic Park”, which he hasn’t seen in it’s entirety. I asked him why he thought it was a funny movie and he said he liked the scene where the lawyer gets eaten while on the toilet. So yeah– I can see how you’d assign an entire genre to a movie just based on that one scene.

  23. We are dragging the kids down to the Lamar Alamo Theater (when we have one right down the street) because that is where they are premiering the Star Wars trailer tonight….which we already saw online this morning….about 10 times….

  25. Except that Victor is TOTALLY. WRONG. Those messages are blue. Which means they’re going over iMessage. WHICH DON’T COUNT TOWARD TEXT COUNTS, VICTOR.

    Keep doin’ your thing, Jenny. Those messages don’t cost a damned thing.

  26. I’m not sure who is luckier in this marriage, you for finding a man who can take it, or him for finding you, because that’s fucking HILARIOUS.

  33. I love the fact that you threw in a “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure” line in the mix! Keep us on our toes!

  36. OMG I love you so much! I am NOT a fan of any of those things, but my husband is. And because of that I know more about them than I ever wanted to, so I admit, I often have very similar conversations with him just so that he will ask me to go away after he has spent a good part of the day wearing me down and basically forcing me to watch one of these things with him when he knows I don’t want to. We have an agreement that he is only allowed to watch Star Trek, Star Wars, or anything with hobbits in it when I am not home or asleep in another room. In return, I am only allowed to watch musicals when he is asleep or not home. (Although whenever Grease is on, I watch it and play it LOUDLY because it’s almost like watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show at this point.. it’s not the same without my husband’s snarky comments which are predictable and always at the same points in the movie. My favorites are at the beginning: “Obviously these people are all mentally deficient since they are all 30 and still in high school.”.. and the end: “So the moral of the story is high school girls need to go slutty to get a boyfriend.”) Always fun at our house. Hahahahaha! 🙂

  38. Totally doesn’t matter who gets it or who doesn’t, who likes it, who doesn’t – this is why it’s called thebloggess.com – i.e., YOUR blog, nobody else’s. 🙂 And? Priceless texts! I loved where he told you stop texting, you had the wrong number 🙂

  40. “The Force had some mediocre sequels and will now awaken hopefully with better dialogue.”

  45. My husband has issues with the whole of my sci-fi geekiness. He gets mad when we watch Game of Thrones because I already know who dies next. I compounded the injury last week when he handed me a business card of a company called “Mellon,” and I said, “Speak, friend and enter.” So. Not. Amused.

  46. I think I died a little inside. Wait…No. I know I did. Victor, you have my sympathies. But then, I wish my wife had any interest in anything Sci Fi at all whatsoever.

  47. I was married 24 years before my husband asked me “Which one is Luke and which one is Hans?” I would have divorced him but I couldn’t stand to see him happy.

  50. Yeah. I laughed, I cried, I just about choked on my sammich. I don’t get any of tho and my phone keeps wanting me to spell damnit for sammich….dammit sammic!

  53. What, no Babylon 5 references? It’s like you’re not even trying.

    Actually, That was really cool! Now do one with a mashup of DC and Marvel comic characters, please?

    What else ya got?

  54. Is he kidding? Conversations like that are totally worth an extra $100/mo. And I think the last line of that entry should have been “Sorry not sorry.” hehehe

  55. He’s a little bit saintly, isn’t he that Victor? I think it was all good fun until CPthirty. Man, that could just send a person right over the edge . . .:)

  57. Honestly that behavior is SUPER annoying. Not because you’re intentionally getting all the popular sci-fi stuff wrong…but you just neeeeeever shut up about it – you send like 20 texts in a row and he only responds twice. He even asks you to stop but you just send like 10 in a row after that…bleh I’m sorry I love messing with people as much as the next girl but that’s just 100% irritating and 0% not funny.

    (In the interest of accuracy I have had this verified and it’s actually 82% irritating and 18% funny. Please show your work. ~ Jenny)

  58. That was funny, you torture that poor man. I am just glad he’s not a LOTR nerd because if you did that to my beloved LOTR, I might have to mail you a live badger.

  60. I think you’re betraying how much you know by how well you’re able to twist all the storylines! 🙂

  61. I can’t help but think that this would be even better if you sent that barrage of messages to a random number.

  65. Now I wish I watched all those shows so that I could laugh along with you and all the commenters! Everything went way over my head, about a mile high.

  66. So you must be the one who created those memes to piss off the geeks. “Use the force, Harry,” said Gandalf.

  69. No, everyone WINS!! You rock. Love all those movies, references were epic. I prefer to harrass my husband in public: at a Bengals game. How can I tell how close we are to a down if there’s no blue line, like on tv? Those cheerleaders need to put some damn clothes on….& eat some fries. Got any cash? I need some $3k nachos. Touchdown! Let’s take a touchdown selfie. Those bigger guys REALLY should wear white on the bottom. never gets invited again

  70. Reapers are from ‘the 100.’ So it is a thing, lol. As long as you’re not one of those people who know everything about the Kardashians but have no idea who the president is, then a little fun is ok with me. Go nuts.

  73. Savagarus, thank you, I kept thinking WTF, reapers? reavers, got it…that was diabolical Jenny

  75. hilarious! thats the kinda thing i would pull on my husband.. instead i do it with all the johns dialing the number for a hooker (her phone number is one digit different than mine)

  77. Poor Victor…. I will be his Star Wars buddy. My sweetie is sick in bed with bronchitis and didn’t respond with the proper awe to the teaser. Normally we both would have squealed like 10 year olds but he just coughed and wheezed at me. Tell Victor I understand the giddiness of seeing the Millennium Falcon doing the flippy thing and that I know that despite the extreme goofiness of his sweetie’s texts, you will be right next to him in the theater next December. We have seen the Darth Vader dress. YAY! Star Wars!!

  80. This is exactly how to spice up a marriage. Kind of like that spice drug that Adama gave to that Ferrengi traitor in Star Wars. What was it called? Mal?

  82. My husband totally cracked up over this, so there’s at least one male out there who appreciates your humour. And I do too

  89. Omg! That was brilliant. The only thing that could have made it better would be Red Dwarf, or Space Balls thrown in there too. Lol

  91. I don’t understand the problem. It all made perfect sense to me. Signed, Darth V.

  93. We’re off to see Star Wars burlesque tonight. Chewy in fur pasties is awesome. Though I imagine dancing in the fur panties can be rather hot. And not just in the HAWT sense. Star Trek burlesque on the other hand… Not sure I’m keen on Worf in his skivvies. Wesley Crusher on the other hand…

  99. Honestly the only thing I took from this is you don’t have unlimited texting…are you savages?

    (Frankly, I suspect Victor just says that to keep me from constantly texting him. ~ Jenny)

  104. Tell Victor that my husband calls it Star TRACK. Well, at least he did until I buried him.
    Did his eye twitch?

  105. This is why you should have an unlimited text plan. So that you can torment Victimor mercilessly and then write about it. And since you write about it, you can make it a business expense and write it off your taxes.

  106. I accidently once called Star Trek, Star Track. Craziness ensued. I feel you sister. I love most things syfy, but admittedly, not the old Star Trek series. My husband on the other hand, has decorative plates that have been placed as decorations on our bar., in places of honor. I have to admit the trouble with tribbles one was cute. But it is a source of amusement for me and annoyance, i am positve, for him! He is lucky to have such a cool wife that loves all his fandoms!

  107. My crossed about half-way through, trying to keep up with the mismatched references. I loved it.

  110. The Wrath of HAAAAAAN! I LOLed at the whole thing but that was my fave bit. I’m the biggest geek in our house, and my lightweight scifi ignoramus husband has developed RSI of the eyeballs from rolling them at me. It’s ok because I can get him back in two ways;
    1) wilfully mispronouncing all place names in his home nation of New Zealand (they sound funny anyway) and
    2) making inane comments during tense rugby matches, usually about the All Blacks players’ hair.
    Marriage is all about give and take 🙂

  111. That was perfection. I loved it. However, there was a perfect opportunity for mixing up Yoda and Odo there, Jenny, I am disappointed that you missed it 😉 (not really, because it was already golden and he might be one of those ppl that doesn’t include DS9 when talking about Trek, so it’d be pointless lol)

    Apparently there are Reapers in Mass Effect.(they’re a race of synthetic-organic starships) unfortunately, in order to point that out it would mean admitting that you mess it all up on purpose, and there’s no fun in that. 😉

  112. I laughed. A lot. I even read through all the comments and the ones of those that made me laugh the most were the judgy mcjudgerson ones about your marriage. Because seriously, you pre-empted yourself with a statement, AND if they don’t know what they’re getting into when they come here, they haven’t done their homework AT ALL. AND HEEELLLLOOOOO, half the free world wants to marry you, regardless of your or their gender identification or marital status. Wrong tribe judgies. There can be only one Bloggess.

  114. My husband and I both cracked up. My husband even said “Oh, very good” when he finished laughing. You’re the ultimate geek girl. You should tell Victor (I almost called him Vincent) that he’s very lucky because apparently we’re a rare breed. Like gamer girls, we don’t really exist. 😉

  117. Okay, I found your reply to confettipanda the best and most laugh provoking response! I mean what was she thinking?!! ALWAYS, ALWAYS show your work–esp if you want to get full credit! Kudos for pointing that out.

  119. I have to try to trick my husband into reading this even though it would annoy him. He stalks my Facebook page without even having one, so maybe I’ll share it !

  123. Doesn’t your friend Will Whedon direct that Firestar show? Or was it Josh Wheaton?

  124. See, I read that through and here’s the funny thing: Victor only texts you back twice (and he’s wrong both times, of course), but those two texts are what make the WHOLE THING SO FUNNY. The guy has a magical wrong-and-funny thing going. Hey, just like you! Huh, anyone would think you should, I dunno, get married or something.

    By the way, I just saw your blurb on Amanda Palmer’s book! SO COOL! I have no idea why I think that’s so cool, but, um, I do. OK, I’m embarrassing myself so I’m gonna go now. I hope Thanksgiving wasn’t as awkward as predicted. Bye!

  125. See, you said Reapers and I didn’t think, “Oh, she got Firefly wrong.” I thought, “Now she’s dragged Mass Effect into it!” Even though that’s a game not a show and so makes no sense. But there you go.

  126. Ha. OH similarly unimpressed when I countered “Robert Heinlen called butterflies self-propelled flowers” with “Bats are self-propelled Rorschach tests”.

  129. This absolutely made my day. At our house it would be based on most of these plus the Avengers and Princess Bride. But we’d both be playing on your team for the fun of it, and Victor as straight man is essential to this entire exchange.

  131. I got all the references and I laughed until I cried. I stopped laughing, then read your response to Confettipanda and started all over again. Laughter is good for the immune system. Thanks for the booster shot.

  132. Ouch. You could kill me with your brain.
    This seems like an appropriate lace for a shameful confession. I once referred to “Lando Kardashian” in a conversation with fellow geeks. The shame and horror the second that name passed my lips…

  134. Managing to fit a PeeWee’s Big Adventure reference in the middle of that mess is what makes it all work. Or made me snort my drink out of my nose. One of those.

  135. My husband needs to read this. Seriously. He was so disappointed when he realized that he bagged a deal-breaker who had mixed up Star Wars & Star Trek and was like, “Whatever. Same difference, right?” when he corrected me. Alas, ’twas too late for him to let go. 😉

  136. I love that in the middle of all that awesome, you threw in a Pee Wee’s Big Adventure reference.

  137. Erin Grey was hot, but Pamela Hensley was my babe. She was also in Rollerball (The one with James Caan, not the one with LL Cool J). Tweeki was a dick.

  138. In my happy place, that girl who used to be a guy was Delenn from Babylon 5, and you knew that the character was originally male and supposed to change genders as well as species at the end of season one.
    (And don’t sneer at Babylon5. You’re a Whovian. You don’t get standards.)

  142. The PeeWee’s Big Adventure reference is perfect, since:
    1. PWBA is a parody/ripoff/hommage/retcon of Corvette Summer.
    2. Corvette Summer starred Mark Hamill.
    3. Victor is right (sorry, rule three is like that).
    4. Mark Hamill was Luke Skywalker in Star Wars (which is the title on the disc I have it on, with no ep number, no nothing, and a nice greasy blob under the speeder as God intended).

  143. Nice presentation. I just saw your blurb on Amanda Palmer’s book! SO COOL! I have no idea why I think that’s so interesting.

  144. My husband does this to me, but with musicals. For example, if I am talking about Sweeney Todd, he will say “Is that the one where all the cats get arrested by Javert?” Sometimes he starts out so subtly that I don’t even know for sure that he’s doing it – like he’s some extremely niche form of a criminal mastermind.

  147. Some people do take these things very seriously. I used to like to watch the early Star Trek shows. More out of curiosity and boredom really. They have a certain cheesy quality to them.

  148. ROFL and trying to be quiet so I don’t wake the entire house. Hysterical.

  150. I’m not a big sci-fi fan but I got enough of this for it to be hilarious. Good job. That extra $100 is worth it.

  151. I got almost every single one of these references, and they made me laugh like a looney.

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