I’m a murderer. Sort of.

Remember a few weeks ago when I confessed that I can’t keep a houseplant alive, but then somehow managed to accidentally grow a plant in my pantry when a sweet potato went rogue?  And then I gave it googley eyes and a name?

Sam I. Yam in happier times.  Naturally smiley and high in vitamin C.

Sam I. Yam in happier times. Naturally smiley and high in vitamin C.

Well it turns out I can’t even keep a yam alive because – in spite of my care – Sam turned gaunt and withered and started to decompose.  Sam was blossoming just fine when he was lost in the back of the pantry but when I rescued him he started dying immediately.  It’s like my love is deadly.  Like I’m an accidental Black Widow, but for plants and sweet potatoes.

We had a quiet funeral and I buried Sam, but only up to his eyeballs (which I had to remove and reset) because the spoon I was using as a shovel broke.  And also because I read that if you plant the bottom part of a dead sweet potato they’ll sometimes come back to life.

Victor could take a lesson.

Then Victor looked out his office window asked me why a sweet potato was staring at him from the yard and I explained that I was attempting to make a vegetable zombie, which is sort of true.  Then he sighed at me because apparently bringing the dead back to life is another thing on The List Of Things I’m Not Allowed To Do According To Victor.  I didn’t even mention the broken spoon because if he’s this upset about me trying to Frankenstein a potato I figured he was too irrational to deal with silverware issues, so I took the broken spoon and buried it next to Sam because that way Victor won’t find it and also it’s probably a good way to add iron to the soil.

Then Victor was like, “You don’t have funerals for spoiled potatoes  You throw them away” and I was like “You can’t throw away something you’ve named.  Where is your humanity?” and then he said that I needed to stop naming vegetables, which is just insane because I’ve done that ONCE in my whole life, Victor.  Way to focus on the negative while I’m in mourning.  Honestly, Victor could take a lesson from that upbeat potato.

But the good news is that on my way back inside from burying the broken spoon I saw something that made me smile in spite of the grave situation.

I saw a tiny little weed sprouting out of a small hole in our stairs.

shirley

I’m going to call her Shirley.

133 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I’d love to live in your garden.

    Like

    Burns the Fire recently posted I Never Told.

  2. I’m not one to interfere (well, actually I am one, but I pretend I’m not), but you might have more luck if you buried Sam I. Yam the other way around. Like, cover up his HAIR. As for Shirley, a sunflower seed that the birds rejected over the winter became Lola, the full-grown sunflower on our patio. Nasty folks told us Lola would crack the patio stones, but Lola was a lady.

    (Bury him head first? Are you some sort of sadist? ~ Jenny)

    Like

    notquiteold recently posted Remembering Miss America.

  3. I’m rooting (see what I did there?) for zombie Sam I. Yam. And don’t call me Shirley.
    (Wow. I managed a completely lame joke and a dated movie reference in one two-sentence post. I rock!!)

    Like

  4. What does Victor have against peeping Toms? First, he objected to Beyonce and now Sam. He must be a real scream on Halloween and to carolers.

    Like

  5. This will reveal my gardening ignorance, but: If the way to grow a yam is to stick a yam in the ground, does that mean that we’ve all been eating one yam, repeatedly?

    (My head just exploded. Someone get a scientist to answer these important questions. ~ Jenny)

    Like

    notesfromthebathroomfloor recently posted ‘Tis The Season.

  6. 7
    Breana's Jamberry Nails

    I love your zombie-yam garden. I can only imagine what people would think seeing a yam staring at them from the ground – I’m laughing just thinking about it. Keep up your shenanigans!

    Like

  7. Sam I. Yam = awesome name! (an important reason to keep him around, clearly. Ahem, Victor!) Shirley made me snort. Long may she thrive!

    Like

  8. Poor Sam I. Yam. I can see him pimping out in Yam Heaven.

    Like

    Jessie recently posted 15 Days Until Christmas.

  9. Victor really needs to widen his horizons. Funerals are for what ever we need to mourn. If Beyonce broke, you’d have a funeral for her, wouldn’t you?

    Like

    Cassandra recently posted All I Want for Christmas is My Daughter to be a Lesbian.

  10. I had a shitty day at work and this just evaporated my bad mood within a minute.
    You are awesome personified. Screw what Victor thinks😉

    Like

  11. One year when I planted my spring flowers, I put in sweet potato vines. They’re merely decorative, or so I was told, but when I pulled them out in the fall, I’d accidentally grown a yam. Sweet potatoes are probably going to be responsible for the zombie apocalypse, feisty buggers.

    Like

  12. I believe this is how Easter ISland got started…

    Like

  13. Burying that yam may provide you with a whole family of yams next year!

    Like

    susielindau recently posted The Unusually Wild Gift Guide.

  14. I predict that Sam I. Yam is totally going to make a Zombie baby by spreading out his hair while singing, “I whip my hair back and forth”, as those freaky tendrils creep along the ground….Sam I. Yam is probably going to kill you while you sleep but he will be totally NOT sorry because your killed him first so turn about is fair play and all. So yeah, good luck with that.

    Like

    Joanna recently posted Beware the ball; more tales from the Tess & Oreo files.

  15. I killed my cactus. I don’t even know how I killed my cactus. It’s a CACTUS. I can’t throw it away though..I’m just watching it get skinnier and skinnier…like a slow motion cactus horror movie.

    Like

  16. Maybe I should try yams.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted Mind Your Own Business, Clarence.

  17. You’re a murder? Of crows, I presume?

    Like

  18. Also, Sam I. Yam needs a CT scan…is pupils are dilated and unequal. You’re welcome.

    Like

  19. I have some rotten bananas that are very envious of the love and affection that Sam received in his final days.

    Like

  20. My screenplay “Zombie Crushing Booby Girls” I figure any movie with this title is a surefire money maker) will now feature a yam subplot.

    Like

  21. Definitely bury his head. That’s not hair, it’s roots. You put his eyes on his butt and now he’s tormented. You created a Frankenyam, you must ease his horror.

    Like

  22. Do sweet potatoes wear pants? Cuz there’s only one thing to do when he’s mostly dead….go through his pockets and look for loose change🙂

    Like

  23. Shirley reminds me of this plant that I found, I didn’t name her though, now I feel guilty. http://nachista.blogspot.com/2014/06/choices.html

    Like

  24. When all the zombie yams start attacking, I’m blaming you.

    Like

  25. I always thought house plants were dumb anyway. I worked so hard to sweep up, wipe up, vacuum up dirt in the house, why are people bringing buckets of into the house?! I try to get dirt to stay outside of the house. Who wants pots of smelly dirt in their abode?

    Like

  26. People – please stop upsetting my OCD. Sweet potatoes are not yams!

    It is right there on the internet – so it must be true!
    http://www.ncsweetpotatoes.com/sweet-potatoes-101/difference-between-yam-and-sweet-potato/

    Like

  27. This is just so funny and wonderful and weird. Thank you for the laugh this morning.

    Like

  28. Sweet potato plants can be pretty. Just, if you have gardeners, mark the spot with a tomato cage or something so they don’t “pull the weed” in the spring.
    It took a really long time for me to realize why the perennials I kept buying for my mother never came back the next year….

    Like

  29. I think you’ve discovered your Plan B career, or at least a side job. You could love people’s weeds to death. No harsh chemicals necessary. You’re actually saving the planet by lovingly killing weeds. Could you do me a solid and vow to love all poison ivy? I’m really allergic and it would be great if you did away with those little itchy bastards.

    PS – Don’t love the whole planet, though. Obviously.

    PPS – Victor couldn’t argue with the extra income. You’re winning on so many levels.

    Like

  30. Shirley, you can’t be serious.

    Like

    Brian recently posted This.

  31. Victor clearly has unreasonable expectations. Sheesh.

    Like

    Mom in Two Cultures recently posted On Being Strong....

  32. I’m trying to decide if I want to text this to my boyfriend or save it to read to him later… Apparently I’m a lot like you and he is a lot like victor. The towels that led to Beyoncé…. Yeah we have had similar discussions about Tupperware… He can’t understand why I needed to buy new Tupperware because this type was divided… Um hellos its divided now my rice doesn’t have to touch the rest of my food.

    Like

  33. Every generation gets the heroes it needs. Sam I Yam was plucky. Until he was not. RIP.

    Like

  34. Sweet potatoes/yams will actually grow from scraps. So you may end up with a potato vine before long.

    Like

  35. Oh Jenny, you have no idea how much I needed this post.
    Well, maybe this will explain my day a little better::
    http://happyplace.someecards.com/toddler/this-toddlers-missed-golf-putt-leads-to-a-masterful-tantrum/
    See what I mean? I totally needed Sam I. Am & Shirley in my life today.

    Like

  36. Victor was disturbed by the naming of the yam, and not the fact that his eyeballs shifted? I think that man needs to get his priorities straight.

    Like

  37. That weed won’t last. Speaking of, what you’re cost for services “taking care” of the weeds in my yard? I have quite a few that sprout in the cracks of my walkway that need your “tender loving care.”

    Like

    Cary Vaughn recently posted The People vs. Zoe.

  38. 40
    Kelly Bundy's Evil Twin

    Idk why but Sam kind of reminds me of Desi Arnez…..

    Like

  39. Is Sam. I. Yam. going to be a zombie resurrection miracle for the Church of Bloggessianism? Should we put up an additional holiday tree, or will a frilly headed faux yam hung on our usual tree suffice? Or Festivus pole or something? Some people hang glass pickles on their trees, so why not another glittery piece of produce?

    Sam. I. Yam. Still more handsome and less creepy than the elf on the shelf.

    Laughing and laughing at the thought of the shenanigans that somehow seem to happen in the spot outside of Victor’s office window. Jenny, if you ever manage to contact alien life in the galaxy, this plot outside of Victor’s office will be their landing spot or portal or worm hole or whatever.

    Thanks for the laughter.

    Like

  40. I have boiled 5 of my children’s fish…we are now a pet-less family. I didn’t realize the sun was coming in so strong it was essentially boiling the Betas that were residing on the kitchen counter. Took me 5 swap outs before I caught on. No way I could maintain plant life.

    Like

  41. Just a thought: iron tends to be a hindrance to the undead community. Faerie folk, for example, can’t stand iron. So the spoon may actually inhibit your zombie’s return. Go get some calves brains or something to bury with Sam I Yam. Zombie’s love brains.

    Like

  42. Agree with burying him head first. Not a sadist, just think that roots do better in the ground🙂

    Like

  43. Hey, I’ve named some of my Halloween decorations, so no judgement here!

    Like

  44. The little sprig of life reminded me of this — when I was 12 my parents strangely and unexpectedly had a single mushroom grow out of the wall in their bathroom. It grew between a crack in the moulding and the flocked wallpaper. We left it alone for awhile since you had to admire the mushroom’s desire to live, even inside a ranch house in suburbia.

    Like

    Gina W. recently posted "Mom, was Santa cursed as a baby?".

  45. I think it would be a great way to honor Sam if you added a little yam ghost to your haunted dollhouse. Or a little yam zombie.

    Like

    tlcombs recently posted The Ultimate Pinterest Dream Home.

  46. You’ve obviously never seen a sweet potato vine. Barring a winter freeze, you may have given spawn to the sweet potato that ate your yard. Maybe you can write a musical a la Little House of Horrors, but not to worry, they don’t eat humans. Not yet, anyway.

    Like

  47. Soon you can eat Sam’s babies and isn’t that a sign of real friendship.

    Like

  48. Thank you in advance for the zombie sweet potato nightmares I will be having.

    Like

  49. My son was reading this with me and he said, “oh shit Shirley’s screwed.”

    Like

  50. I needed this funny post today. Thank you for being you, Jenny. NEVER CHANGE.

    Like

    Karen Marie Peterson recently posted 4 Things.

  51. I killed bamboo in a jar of water. I have no idea how. One day it was growing little bamboo leaves and the next it was getting all puffy and moldy.

    Like

  52. Have I told you lately how much I love you? Because I really, truly, do.

    You had me at the buried spoon…

    Like

  53. Please know that I mean it as a total compliment when I say that my husband has told me that you and I can’t be allowed to be friends. As I have to be dragged kicking and screaming from the house myself, I realize this won’t be a real problem. I need to find some googly eyes to put on something in the frig….bwah, ha, haaa!!!

    Like

  54. 56
    Amber Oppenheimer

    So yes, sweet potatoes love the heat of the south. A friend of mine had tilled a garden at her rent house. She carefully planted vegetables and watered it daily. She didn’t plant three kinds of potatoes, and watermelons which grew and almost killed all her other produce. Good news is the potatoes were free and yummy! Just make super sure to remove the plant and all potatoes at the end of the season or you may have an invasion of the zombie sweet potatoes for centuries! I think the red potato vines are the prettiest. They make tubs for growing potatoes to prevent potato invasions, but my boyfriend told me we didn’t need one! I may plant a few around the garage to test him

    Like

  55. The lesson is things that thrive in the dark don’t always thrive in the light🙂

    Like

    Gary Lum recently posted Comment on Ricardo’s Cafe by Gary Lum.

  56. Sam I. Yam has a chance, a small chance, to make it. He is loved though, so that helps! I snorted when I read about Shirley – that’s my Mom’s name. Good luck to that wee plant as well!

    Like

  57. Now that Sam is dead, is it ok if I put a picture of him on my altar, leave offerings, and ask him to help me with my magical shit like I do with other dead people, animals and vegetables? PS, I might have been able to raise him from the dead but I think he’s been in the ground too long. (sorry, I should have checked your blog earlier.) Let me know right away when you kill the next vegetable, or even a fruit.

    Like

    Princess Stupidhead recently posted Ain't Got Nothin At All.

  58. Victor is wrong. I thought that had already been established.

    Like

  59. don’t mention Shirley to Victor, wouldn’t want him to cement her door closed…

    Like

  60. All of you wanting to bury him head first… for shame. (those are not roots, but stems and leaves) Now if you wanted to bury him sideways, we can talk.

    Like

  61. Pretty sure Sam’s hair isn’t roots (roots don’t grow up, and a sweet potato is a tuber, so the roots are more hairlike), so you planted him slightly sideways, but not upside down. I hope he likes his new garden spot!

    Like

  62. Seed potatoes (yams/sweet potatoes) Often shrivel and start rotting when they start to bloom. See it all the time when I dig up my potatoes during harvest. Sam actually looks like he’s doing well with his little green leaves!

    Like

  63. We once had a pumpkin vine growing out of the asphalt in our parking area. I made my husband drive around it for weeks until we got one, tiny pumpkin. Perhaps I should have named it.

    Like

  64. bwahahaha! RIP Sam I. Yam until you come again…
    I don’t think it is creepy that his eyes moved. Seems to me that a zombie sweet potato would have moving googly eyes. Logic.

    Like

    Kristine @ MumRevised recently posted Mall Cops Make Christmastime Even More Festive.

  65. I think notquiteold (comment 2 or 3 or something like that) is actually right. Bury him head down. Then, think of him as an ostrich zombie yam.

    I think the eyes are sort of ostrich-y, when you think about it.

    Like

  66. 68
    SqualorHouseGail

    Was Shirley’s hole/entryway already there or did she burrow a perfectly round hole in your concrete? Cause that would scare me. I mean, if she can burrow through concrete? Patientlly gnaw, gnaw, gnawing and then one day you’ve got a sinkhole! LOL.

    Like

  67. Every day it’s somethin’!! Again, you made my day!🙂 Thanks for the laughs! Victor can be such a debbie downer! ha ha ha

    Like

  68. I once at an ear of corn named Ernie. He was delicious.

    Like

  69. Thanks for this, now I dont feel so bad about spending my afternoon crafting a tombstone for my 6yr olds dead goldfish who is currently residing in my freezer in a Ziploc bag.

    Like

  70. Does Victor know nothing of composting?! You’re saving the planet!

    Like

    AmberLynn Pappas recently posted Is your Fitness Routine too Rigid?.

  71. I just adore you.

    Like

  72. Long live Shirley! LOL!

    Like

  73. I think Sam might stand a chance, unlike the pumpkin seed that we started in our kitchen sink. You should put a little protective fence around Shirley before Victor steps on her.

    Like

  74. I want to have beers with Victor.

    Like

  75. As in “Shirley she’ll die.”

    Like

  76. I am sorry for your loss…. I think he is in a better place now, (outside Victor’s office creeping him out) Googly eyes make everything better!!! But shirley is a tad small… maybe she is a cyclops?

    Like

  77. You used Frankenstein as a verb.

    I can’t remember what number I’m up to, but I am totally adding this to my list of reasons why I ADORE your writing.

    Like

  78. I have to admit, this has had me researching how to plant sweet potatoes and now I’m thoroughly confused.
    http://www.diynetwork.com/how-to/how-to-plant-and-grow-sweet-potatoes/index.html

    Like

  79. Sam will be truly missed. He was a good spud. I hope you can find solace in Shirley.

    Like

  80. Oh, Sam… I was only just getting to know you…

    Like

    Emelie recently posted Everything could be terrible. I wouldn’t know..

  81. I have a houseplant named Lazurus because he keeps dying and I bring him back to life. Too bad I can’t make wine out of water..

    Like

  82. I read this and now I have an image of Sam.I Yam yelling “But I’m not dead yet” in a British accent while Victor tries to convince you to just let him throw Sam on the cart since he’ll be dead soon anyway.

    Like

  83. I’m just surprised Victor even still asks these questions…

    Like

    Jen Donohue recently posted Making sure you're really ready.

  84. Have you ever read “The Family Tree” by Shirley Tepper? If you haven’t, you should. You’ll love it.

    Like

  85. Whoops. Sheri S. Tepper

    Like

  86. I love how Sam’s hair is flying in the wind like he’s Fabio being buried alive or something. Now I know what I’m doing for my next short story.

    Like

    Kate recently posted making faces :: journey to the heart of light.

  87. It was Shakespeare, I believe, who said: A yam by any other name would be just as sweet.

    Like

    Diane Holcomb recently posted Have You Ever Gone to the Hospital Wearing Your Own Pajamas, and Come Home Wearing Someone Else’s?.

  88. But Shirley will be lonely with out a levern.

    Like

    • Laverne

    Like

    cupcakethegreat recently posted The cold hard truth.

  89. I seem to remember one of my college roommates tossing some mostly dead potatoes out into the planter outside our kitchen door one time. Then we totally forgot about them. A few months later, potatoes for everyone. So apparently you should completely ignore Sam I. Yam’s shriveled corpse, because zombie potatoes/yams do best in stealth mode.

    Like

  90. Sam I. Am looks like a sweet potato with a bad combover.

    Like

    kdcol recently posted It’s a girl!.

  91. Quick! You need to put a tiny little toothpick-et fence around Shirley so Victor doesn’t grind her pretty little head into the bricks.

    Like

  92. I have a yam (or really, a Sweet Potato — I haven’t named her yet) who started to grow leaves, so I made a cutting and have her growing in the windowsill in an old jam jar. She has filled out beautifully and soon I will transplant her to the garden and see if she stays this happy outside (I imagine the summer may kill her, but it’s been sort of almost cool lately).

    I need to get her some googly eyes. And a name. Maybe Patty. Patty S. Potato.

    Sam I. Yam is a very upbeat fellow. Victor can be a real downer.

    Like

  93. Shirley is a perfect name! Tell Victor I am on your side.
    Again!

    Like

    Mary-Anne recently posted Learning to say no.

  94. Oh thank you so much for that laugh. Like you, I can’t keep plants alive for sh*t. Except weeds, and technically I did nothing so they were fine before I ever came into the picture.

    Like

    KezUnprepared recently posted Toddler talk..

  95. Be careful. Sam I Yam really can take over if he wants too.

    Like

  96. I spent my childhood having funerals for baby mice. I did not kill them. Their parents did. And they ate them. Sad but true, I had cannibal pet mice. I think it’s perfectly normal to name plants, and bring them back from the dead, especially when you could be eating your own young. Tell that to Victor next time he complains.

    Like

    Laura Morrigan recently posted The Separated Lovers.

  97. Run, Shirley! RUN!

    Oh wait…

    Like

  98. I still have questions about the skull cluster bong behind Sam…

    Like

  99. It’s like freemium gaming in real life! Plants Vs. Zombies!

    Like

    Donna recently posted Gift Wrapping 101.1.

  100. YOU CAN STILL SAVE HIS BABIES! Snap off a couple of those longer shoots (sort of disengage them from the potato – it’s tricky surgery, but I have faith in you) and put them in a glass of water with 1″ of water. The bottoms will grow roots in a couple days.

    Like

  101. your husband’s patience is so cute!! did u really bury a sweet potato ? hahahahaha i love it http://thewanderlusthasgotme.blogspot.co.uk/2014/12/new-years-eve-plans-in-london.html

    Like

  102. There is something unsettling about a partially-buried dead body, even if it is a yam. And he can still watch you! Shiver…

    Like

    Musings, Rants & Scribbles recently posted Should You Keep a Journal?.

  103. There are no words for how much I love this post.

    Like

    emilypageart recently posted Live Fearless or Die.

  104. Victor seems to be badly misinformed about which things are and aren’t done in today’s yamcentric society.

    Also if he’s going to get all huffy about a little bit of casual necromancy then he would be well advised to just stop looking out the window.

    Like

    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted The Nine Inch Conspiracy.

  105. RIP Shirley.
    Too soon?

    Like

  106. Shirley? You must be joking! (Also, I apologize (but not really) if someone else already made that same joke.)

    Like

  107. How do you know Shirley is a girl? Her lady (but maybe man!) parts are covered up.

    Like

  108. Ah, yes. A black thumb. I have one, too. I have killed the unkillable spider plant.

    My MIL said to wait until it looked dead, and then water it.

    I guess I waited too long.

    Like

  109. I totally understand how you feel as I too, suffer from the “black thumb” curse. Tired of the emotional roller coaster of finding everything I managed to sprout withered and dead, I eventually decided to fill our flower pots on the front porch with plastic zombie fingers looted from the kid’s Halloween pails. I told my family they sprouted from some fingernail clippings I planted on a whim. If they have withered at all, no one can tell, since they were made to look all gnarly and gross to begin with.🙂

    Like

    shalagood recently posted Ho Down at the Country Club (A Christmas Tale).

  110. Um, did you put a stake through his heart? What if he comes back a yampire?

    Do Yampires drink carrot juice? Your potential peeping pantry might be in danger.

    Yup. I went there. I’m not sorry. (might be a little tipsy, though)

    Like

    Jess@NoPithyPhrase recently posted "Mrs. Titts" isn't an empty title, people..

  111. This post is the highlight of my day. I needed a good laugh!

    Like

  112. Thank you once again for bringing a smile to my face.🙂

    Like

  113. THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY! Thank you!

    Like

  114. Is that some kind of test-tube-bong sculpture in the background of your pantry?

    Like

  115. 118
    Nancy stupidgirl

    I love Victor. I’m first in line to marry him when you are done with him. Please don’t ever be done with him because where would you get your material from then?

    Like

  116. You should write a post on “The List Of Things I’m Not Allowed To Do According To Victor”. I feel like there’s a gold mine in that, and frankly, we’d all probably love to hear more tales from what seems to be the greatest marriage in the history of the world. (You guys could have a hugely successful reality show lol)

    Like

    Alanna recently posted An Interview With Yours Truly (Stuff You Never Needed To Know).

  117. Love.Love. Love. I haven’t taken to naming vegetables yet, but I do have a habit of calling my cats completely different names than their own. Like Handsome Banana, Yola, booby bear and Bubby. They are so confused.
    ❤️😻

    Like

  118. French manicure?

    Like

    tanktronic recently posted Find Your Desirability Score!.

  119. Have you seen Robin Schaefer’s potato paintings? They are amazing…and sadly well outside my current art budget. http://plusgallery.com/artists/robin-schaefer/?collection=4&image=4

    Like

  120. LOL at vegetable zombies. But for real though, walking past that potato at night would give me a heart attack.

    Like

    lattes&layovers recently posted What ‘Having Your Cake and Eating It Too’ Means to Me.

  121. 124
    365fitjournal

    Hopefully Sam is only mostly dead so that he can come back to life and make little tater tots of his own some day.

    Like

    365fitjournal recently posted Each New Day Brings A Fresh Opportunity For Success.

  122. I’m more concerned about the skull pipe behind the science experiment gone awry…

    Like

    The Hook recently posted How To Travel With Kids During The Holidays – Without Killing Them..

  123. So I recently acquired one of those glass things that’s behind Sam in the alive photo. Does anyone know what it is and how to use it?? (Unfortunately I do not have that pipe, but I’m looking into it)

    Like

  124. “But the good news is that on my way back inside from burying the broken spoon I saw something that made me smile in spite of the grave situation.”

    Are you referring to Sam I. Yams’ actual physical grave-site and Victor just not understanding the situation with his grave, orrrrr to the serious and solemn nature of his unfortunate and much-too-early demise? (Also, I love puns)

    Like

  125. Well, shit, Jen, now Shirley’s doomed. Don’t go naming your plants/veggies. Nothing good can come of it.

    Like

    awesomesauciness recently posted These Didn’t Happen in The Same Day, But Definitely In Close Proximity To Each Other and My Life is Weird.

  126. My name is Shirley! I am going to take this personally, in a good way, even though you didn’t know until I commented that I existed. Thank you. Try not to crush my going down the steps.❤

    Like

  127. Me, not my. So excited, of course I make a grammar error.

    Like

  128. Poor Shirley in the hands of a herbicidal maniac.

    Like

  129. I’m going to stop cleaning out the fridge so I can see how many things I can stick googly eyes onto in a couple of months.

    Like

    Shawna recently posted Never Give Up. Oh, Wait... Yeah, Just Fucking Give Up.

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