Where do you get the toys with the shit in them?

Most of the toy shelves are fairly empty, but there are still a few things you can pick up on Christmas Eve:

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Nothing better than a shitting animal at Christmas.

“I POOP PEANUTS!” the little elephant says.  That’s because you don’t chew properly.

Also, I’m looking at the box and your kid is supposed to take the feces and feed it to your elephant again and again.  And he just keeps pooping!  It runs right through him, almost like diarrhea.  Because it is diarrhea.  Because you’ve given him dysentery from feeding him his own shit.  Merry Christmas!

Also available in Tigers!

I didn't even know tigers laid eggs.  THANKS, SCIENCE!

I didn’t even know tigers laid eggs. THANKS, SCIENCE!

PS. Victor says that “laying eggs” and “pooping eggs” are two different things.  Sorry.  I’m being anal.

PPS.  This toy is on the same aisle.  HOW IS THIS NOT SOLD OUT?:

Wanna feel old?  This movie was made 30 years ago.

Wanna feel old?  This movie came out 30 years ago.

100 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Wow. I’m obviously not looking closely enough in the toy aisle.

    Have a Merry Christmas!

    Like

  2. Running out to buy all the cool kids pooping toys! And myself a Biff…

    Like

  3. You’ve got to love toys with dysentery. Merry Christmas http://yummylummy.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/2014-12-21_09.25.50_001_GARY_LUM.jpg

    Like

    Gary Lum recently posted Merry Christmas.

  4. My favorite is the toy that poops charms that you’re supposed to make into a bracelet. Yuck.

    Like

  5. No wonder kids are messed up. How will they safe the ozone layer if they think tigers poop eggs?

    Like

  6. And I thought Betsy Wetsy was bad. Yikes!

    Like

  7. I thought my Christmas Eve couldn’t get any better than an adorable dyslexic vicar tweeting about wearing a Cossack, and then you posted this.

    Like

  8. Jenny, I love you. But Biff Tannen is also poop-related. Dude lands in a giant cart of it! I hope this isn’t the beginning of your coprophiliac stage….

    Like

  9. Someone somewhere decided that little girls need toys that poop, and it’s freaking me out.

    Like

  10. I didn’t even know there WAS a Biff Tannen action figure!

    Like

  11. On the bright side, I now know how to say “I poop striped eggs!” in both French AND Spanish. I can only imagine this coming in handy some day…

    Like

  12. Now I regret not buying the little Christmas deer that poops candy that YOU get to eat! NOM.

    Like

  13. A friend’s then-toddler aged son was afraid of going to the bathroom, and he would run around yelling, “Poop coming! Poop coming!” I can only imagine what these toys would have done for him…instantly life scarring. Wishing everyone a safe and happy (peanut-poop free) holiday!

    Like

    fillyourownglass recently posted Blue Blood, Blue Christmas.

  14. WOW. I raise chickens and I didn’t know tigers pooped eggs. I knew chickens laid/pooped eggs. Maybe I need to check out some egg pooping tiger species. Hmmm…

    Like

    C. Lee aka The Urban Chicken Keeper recently posted HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!.

  15. Chickens poop and lay eggs from the same place, so let’s go to the website:

    http://isvictorwrong.com/

    Like

  16. I’m almost regreting my decision not to have children.

    Like

  17. That doll has a lot of moxie feeding her elephant poop.

    Like

    Sandy the Fearless Scribe recently posted Christmas Eve eve.

  18. Are you shitting me?

    Like

  19. Thank goodness my kids are way too old for that “shitty” toy! I hope that you bought the Biff action figure. BTW, I remember seeing that movie in the theatre when it first came out, and that didn’t make me feel old. Now, when I think back on the fact that I saw Star Wars in the theatre when it first came out, that’s when I feel old.

    Like

  20. When did it become a thing for kids to play with poop? Oh wait…

    Like

    janice recently posted The Most Important Reason to Love Winter.

  21. I think my favorite part is the “Be true! Be you!” motto at the bottom.

    Time to take ownership of my inner moxie and go adopt an exotic pet with the shits.

    Like

    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted Mer-regiftmas.

  22. On the bright side, I now know how to say “I poop striped eggs!” in both French AND Spanish. I can only imagine this coming in handy some day… (~ Sossity )

    Add multi lingual educator to the Bloggess’s achievements.

    Like

  23. Maybe I shopped at the wrong places for the grandkids

    Merry Christmas, Jenny..to you and your family and Beyonce and various stuffed dead things

    Like

    Michelle recently posted Holiday Cleaning Tips That Probably Aren’t Dangerous.

  24. My daughter has the Poopsie pet unicorn. It poops rainbows of course.

    Like

  25. Fascinating that the original pooping pet was Barbie’s dog. Thanks for the dysentery Barbie! And the body dysmorphia! http://www.amazon.com/Barbie-Potty-Training-Taffy-Doll/dp/B00FBWFVK6/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1419465625&sr=8-2&keywords=pooping+dog

    Thank you Jenny for teaching me the word “poop” in French and Spanish. My life is complete!

    Like

  26. Ewww those are like the baby born things where the baby just pees when you feed it, instantly too, like how is that good for the baby? And then you have to go to the hassle of changing him/her… I worked out the easy way to stop that,don’t feed it!!! I’m guessing this tactic would work for this toy too…

    where would you keep the poop? you cant leave poop around when anyone can eat it you know!!!??

    Like

  27. Did you check Biff for extra pooping action? I sense a theme here.

    Like

    Stacey Graham (@staceyigraham) recently posted 11 Archaic Words to Liven Up Your Holidays.

  28. Stupid pooping toys. Unfortunately for me, these toys would be endless entertainment for my smallest daughter; except for Biff. She has no idea who he is…. but she will!!! BTF is a house favorite for the adults. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

    Like

    mmaxwellbey recently posted the good elves.

  29. Never mind about feeling old, in a week or so we’re finally getting our HOVERBOARDS!

    Like

    trillie recently posted Mindfulness: you're doing it wrong..

  30. merry Christmas Jenny, thank you for being you

    Like

  31. all these years and I’ve gone without a Biff Tannen action figure?!? Suddenly, my life feels empty. goes to play with my De-Loreans to cheer myself back up (yes, I do have 2….evidence on my site…somewhere. I forget which day at the moment with all the renewed BTTF excitement in my head)

    Like

  32. I fell off my ‘stool’ as I laughed at these funny as ‘crap’ toys and I consider it my ‘duty’ to wish you a Merry Christmas!

    Like

    Momma Bird recently posted The Christmas Shopper..

  33. Merry Christmas to you and your family, thank you for a year of laughs!

    Like

    sin recently posted 2014, its the perfect blend of new and old..

  34. You indeed are very anal today with the poop post. Happy Christmas:)

    Like

  35. Did the Biff dolls time travel from 1984?

    Like

  36. 36
    Jeane-Azzie's Attic

    Wow, apparently the Panda poops bamboo. OUCH!!! Also, I must point out that the literal translation of “petit tresors” is “small treasures”. WTF???

    Like

  37. Pssht, Catalonia has had shitting toys for centuries. The Caganer (or “the shitter”) is the greatest Christmas tradition ever. They have a figurine of a guy taking a big dump, and they hide it in the nativity scene. The children have to look for him.

    Like

  38. Can you eat the poop? That would be awesome. It would be kind of like a pez dispenser, just out the other end

    Like

  39. That doll needs to eat a sammich. She’s so skinny I bet she hasn’t pooped anything for 3 years.

    Like

  40. You can make any doll poop if you try hard enough.

    Like

    The Dusty Parachute recently posted 5 Reasons You Should Read The Shell Collector by Hugh Howey.

  41. Yes, i feel old now. Thanks, but more importantly, 2015 is the year marty is supposed to have come to the future. Since there aren’t any flying cars, it’s time to start planning 80’s parties.

    Like

  42. Why? Just, why?

    Like

  43. I’m only interested in the ones that poop glitter.

    Like

  44. By the time all these christmas cookies are eaten I’ll likely be pooping striped eggs too.

    Like

    A Crock of Schmidt recently posted When Santa Made House Calls.

  45. Elephants really are pooping factories. The stuff they eat combined with a super inefficient digestion means that sometimes what goes in comes out in the same format. Someone threw a stuffed toy into the elephant enclosure at our zoo, and the baby ate it. The keepers found it and washed it off, completely intact.

    Like

  46. More importantly I would like to know when you and Victor are going to take a “cat bearding” photo and post it on your blog? It’s a new meme thing. Check it out on the internets.

    Like

  47. I am a proud owner of two pooping reindeer. I have owned them for several years, and my son LOVES them!! My mother is mortified whenever she sees them, but that is one of the primary reasons we keep them around, that and because The Boo loves them!!! wickedlaugh

    Like

  48. I now realize our Christmas is incomplete!

    Like

  49. Oh man… I try to steer clear of stores for toys. We like to do the thrift shop thing. And then, even if it WAS a pooping toy, the kid wouldn’t even know… The poop wouldn’t have made it to the donation pile. Lolz. So, now it is just a toy with an ass cavern. Not sure that’s better tho…

    Like

  50. Kids toy’s are weird. I refuse to by my son any of these strange fad toys. He did get big foot slippers, though. Merry Christmas!

    Like

    hollie recently posted He had a “reading closet”.

  51. Gives new meaning to the words, “…oh just going to the store for toys and sh**.”

    Like

    Metz recently posted A Christmas Wish for you all.

  52. Warning to fellow readers who think they are learning how to say poop in French: “mes petits trésors” means “my little treasures”. Poop in french is best translated as “merde” or “caca”.

    Like

  53. I wonder what the APP does.

    Like

    Michelle Grewe recently posted Merry Christmas VS Happy Holidays.

  54. Those are fabulous gifts, all right. Good grief!
    Merry Christmas, Jenny. You are an inspiration to the rest of us.

    Like

    Marcia recently posted EMBRACING MY INNER REDNECK.

  55. I, too, was delighted to learn how to say, “I poop striped eggs” in French. Alas, “My little treasures are strikeouts eggs” just doesn’t have the same je ne sais quoi. “Mes petits tresors sont des oeufs rayes” would make a dandy t-shirt, though (if you do one, I’m a 2x. Just sayin’).

    Happy, happy Christmas my dear friend whom I’ve never met!
    😀

    Like

  56. I can’t decide if that’s hilarious or disturbing…

    Like

    lattes&layovers recently posted Never Pass Up An Opportunity: A Short Story (With a Long Title) About What Happened to Me Yesterday.

  57. I feel better about the toy isle where I work now! we have neither of these…

    Like

  58. I, too, shit striped eggs.
    Merry Christmas everyone…

    Like

    tanktronic recently posted The True Value of Christmas.

  59. Do kids today even know who Biff Tannen is? (And his last name is Tannen?)

    Like

  60. The “Biff Poops Peanuts” model sold out last week. I settled for “Lorraine Baine Poops Pistachio Nuts.”

    Like

    notquiteold recently posted O Christmas Pan!.

  61. Merry Christmas to you and yours!
    I poop peanuts too!

    Like

  62. Thanks for the Christmas morning laugh, Jenny! Hope you’re having a great Christmas.

    Like

  63. Thank you for the snorty laughter while we are uncelebrating. It is not a surprise to me those are left in the stores instead of given as gifts. I echo the basic sentiment of WTF, who is making the decision these are a good idea?

    Merry happy to you are yours, Jenny!

    Like

  64. Back, to you and yours. Or youz.

    Like

  65. And that should have been “ack”. Stupid effing auto correct.

    Like

  66. What a shitty present that would be!

    Like

    Laurie Brown recently posted Wither, by J.G. Passarella. Pocket Books, 1999.

  67. I once had a wind-up chicken that walked and pooped malted milk balls as it trundled along. I hate malted milk balls, but I doubt I would have eaten them anyway.

    Like

    Janet Coburn recently posted Hungry Children: A One-Act Play.

  68. Great Scott, the eggs could fuel the flux compasator just like the banana peel in Part 1…
    Merry Christmas!
    Esther

    Like

  69. What is up with pooping toys!?! My daughter keeps asking me for a game called Doggy Doo, and I keep saying, “Oh, hell no!”
    http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008PQ4JPI/?tag=mh0b-20&hvadid=7002103185&ref=pd_sl_702rgqfvtm_b

    here’s the description –
    “This game is easy to play: just feed and “walk” your little pup. When you squeeze his leash he makes a hilarious gassy sound that gets louder and louder until plop. The first player to clean up after Doggie Doo three times wins the game. Doggie Doo comes with four pooper scoopers and teaches kids to clean up after their pets.”

    There’s no mention of feeding the poop back to the doggie, but you’ve got to reload him somehow, right?

    Like

  70. Ok now i do feel old.

    Like

  71. I’ve thought my life has been crazy…you win every time…

    Like

  72. So…snapped this pic a few months back:

    http://s29.photobucket.com/user/wendylady123/media/Mobile%20Uploads/image-1.jpg.html

    And I work for the company that makes those Back to the Future ReAction figures. Let me know if you need a set. I can make magic happen! @NerdRage42 on Twitter.

    Like

  73. They also make a pooping panda. AND…they have a dog-walking BARBIE with a pooper scooper because the dog shits chicken nuggets. Or maybe they’re Tater Tots? Are these toys designed to introduce and perfect life skills?

    Like

  74. My daughter was obsessed with the pooping Barbie doll so guess what she got for Christmas. Now we have fake dog poop in the house.

    Like

  75. I want one of those shitting elephants so bad. Gotta find one before they all sell out.

    Like

  76. 76
    Scarletnecklace

    Caught 2nd Handed.. If I’m correct, I believe that company also makes Pop! Vinyls.. I love them! Have them make a vinyl of Jenny!!!!! I’d totally buy it!

    Like

  77. When I was young Naughty kids got coal in their stockings. Now its shitting animals. Santa has gotten a bit harsh….

    Like

  78. I nearly spit out my candy when you wrote you were being “anal”. Don’t ever change you clever girl. ☺

    Like

  79. Ooh, I hope there’s a monkey — Manny the Monkey — he poops AND throws his poop!

    Like

    Elyse recently posted The Ultimate Sign of Life.

  80. Stinkeye (#37), you have forgotten to mention Caga Tió (translated: Poop Log), the log that Catalan children beat with a stick and sing a song to until it poops out the children’s gifts on Christmas Eve. I shit you not! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ti%C3%B3_de_Nadal
    Also, the caganer tradition has been spread to include caganers of famous celebrities. My husband and I have an Obama caganer that hilariously says “Yes, I can!” as he is pooping.

    Like

  81. I keep falling apart of the La La Loopsy Diaper surprise doll.. she “poops charms”…

    Like

  82. The tiger poops “striped eggs” according to the description, but two thirds of the eggs are not, in fact, striped. False advertising!

    Like

  83. Elephants actively seek out and eat elephant poop because it is super nutrient rich because, as EveeGalla noted, they don’t have super efficient digestion. So the toy is actually kind of accurate? The more you know!

    Like

  84. I GOT A GEORGE MCFLY!!!!!!! I got a George McFly from my boyfriend, even though he KNOWS I’d easily dump him for McFly, and have proven this by asking Crispin Glover out on a date, twice, right in front of him.
    Really glad I didn’t get a Poopsy Pet (though now I know what to get each member of my family next year).

    Like

  85. I wonder if pooping toy gifts would make me the best aunt ever or The worst aunt ever. I have no kids, so I’m kinda hoping my siblings’ brood have mercy on me in my old age, so I’m gonna stay away from these controversial Caca toys.

    Like

  86. Just wanted to let you know my son LOVED the jellyfish aquarium. He thought it was pretty awesome

    Like

  87. I was in a bookshop last week buying a last-minute gift for my boys and on the counter there were two books: one called The Dinosaur Who Pooped Christmas, and the other called The Smelly Sprout. I expressed disbelief about the latter and received a stern look from the cashier. “It’s a children’s book,” she informed me, as though that explained everything. “It’s a best seller.” But of course it is.

    Like

  88. “Petit tresors” is french for “little treasures”, and that is not what anyone calls poop. Unless they’re really into shit. And that’s a whole other thing that probably shouldn’t be on a toy shelf either.

    Let’s get it right, toy people, the word is “merde”.

    Like

    Jessica @ Just a Mum? recently posted There's Always Tea..

  89. Victor is wrong. My wife and I are farmers and chickens poop eggs. Eggs come out their butts through their colon. I have seen it. It is totally gross and amazing at the same time. Just thought you would want to know.
    Kestrel
    PS I’m a Virgo.
    PPS Our tiger however does not poop eggs.

    Like

  90. Thank you for this. Hilarious. You really do make my day! xoxo

    Like

  91. Didja see this one? http://www.amazon.com/Lalaloopsy-Babies-Surprise-Blossom-Flowerpot/dp/B00IZ8T3DE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1419886219&sr=8-1&keywords=lalaloopsy+diaper+surprise

    If my daughter’s “diaper surprises” had included jewelry, I might’ve considered having more than one kid!

    Like

  92. ” That’s because you don’t chew properly.”
    Have you not ever eaten peanuts? I don’t care how much or how carefully or how properly you chew them, unless the peanuts you ate were in the form of creamy peanut butter, you’re going to be pooping peanuts. Check it out.

    Like

  93. You’re not being anal, Jenny. Victor’s just being vaginal (or cloacal, if you wanna get really particular!)

    Like

  94. How extraordinary. I also found a toy that “comes with shit” (hooray?) at Toys R Us. This poo was plush and came with a scooper. For that…realistic…fun…um…

    Like

  95. My sister got my kids a Poopsie Pet last year. This year her kids got “Gooey Louie” from their Auntie. “Put your finger up his nose and try to pick a winner!”

    Like

  96. I’m for once glad I’m too poor to be in the toy isle. That popping shit would have made me flip some shit. What will they make next?

    Like

  97. Where can I buy one?! I have been trying to find the one with the unicorn that poops rainbows, but with no luck here in Canada.

    Like

  98. I actually did a post about dolls that poop charms a little while ago.

    http://notastepfordlife.com/pooping-charms/

    Like

    The Imp recently posted Excited, or Baby Rabies?.

  99. My kids currently argue over who gets to carry the “poop bucket” in the yard (seriously, I should record it for their teenage years), and that is the extent of the poop I am comfortable dealing with in this house. Why would I want a toy that poops?

    Like

  100. Hilariously, the French translation is “My little treasures are peanuts/striped eggs”

    Way more classy in French…

    Like

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