Blasphemy Scratchnsniff

in Random Crap

For my birthday Hailey gave me a betta fighting fish.

"Don't pet me."
“Don’t pet me.”

His temporary name is Prisoner #7942 (that’s the number that was written on the small bowl he was living in) but he needs something better.  I was leaning toward “The Admiral” but Victor suggested “Old Gregg”, because he’s one fishy bastard.  Hailey suggested that I call him, “THE PRETENDERS.” She’s not great at this.

I asked twitter, and they gave me several good suggestions, like:

  • Lawrence Fishburn
  • Darth Betta
  • Atticus Fish
  • Prisoner Zero
  • Sir Nigel Rufflebottom
  • “He looks like Legolas.  But without legs.  Legless Legolas.”

But then someone suggested I use the Benedict Cumberbatch Name Generator and these are just a few names it suggested for my fish.  I dare you say them out loud and not giggle:

  • Snorkledink Cottonpatch
  • Fragglerock Candygram
  • Crumpledonk Chuckecheese
  • Wimbeldon Chickenbroth
  • Timothy Chowderpants
  • Bumblebee Frumblesnoot
  • Bukkake Custardbath
  • Syphilis Curdledmilk
  • Bunsenburner Coochyrash
  • Bandersnatch Crumplehorn
  • Rinkydink Clompyclomp
  • Blasphemy Scratchnsniff

Conclusion:   I’m gonna need more fish.

PS.  Right now, Prisoner #7942 is in a large bowl on a very high shelf, but that’s not stopping Hunter S. Thomcat from going full-meerkat on him:  

unnamed

It’s adorable and unsettling all at the same time.  

"I just want to touch him a little. With my mouth."
“I just want to touch him a little. With my mouth.”

PPS. This was supposed to be a weekly wrap-up, but I don’t have a sponsor for it so I was like, “Hey, lemurs.  You guys want in on this action?” And the lemurs were like:

"Who let you in here?" ~ lemurs who can't appreciate a good business opportunity
“Who let you in here?”

So fuck those lemurs.  I’ll sponsor this post myself, lemurs.  This week’s post sponsored by thebloggess.com, a website specializing in the care and feeding of aquatic-cats.  Or something.  I didn’t really research it.  It looks awesome though and ads start at $100 a month, which is crazy cheap and (surprising) less than what you’d spent setting up an aquarium for a $5 fish.  Click here if you want in.  

PPPS.  As requested, 2015 Bloggess Calendars are hot off the presses:

bloggess calendar
Yeehaw, motherfuckers.

283 thoughts on “Blasphemy Scratchnsniff”

Read comments below or add one.

  8. Love the calendar but I wish you had included one of those other-worldly photos of you in the woods. Those were mighty cool.

  9. Rinkydink Clompyclomp gets my vote. Don’t get too attached, though; he’s about to be cat fud.

  13. My daughter’s betta is called “Fishy.” We once had a bird called–you guessed it–Birdie. We are awesome at naming creatures.

    I’m also insane and have spent $$$ on a 5-gallon tank with filter and heater for our one tiny Fishy. I even bought it a fish hammock but the damn fish will never relax on it. I’m starting to think that I’ve been had by the fish hammock people who are laughing at idiots like me who buy a $5 hammock for a fish (which is really a leaf with a suction cup on one end.)

    Hope your fish lives a long and happy life and never sees the inside of a kitty’s mouth.

  15. Ours was MC Red Fish. He was an awesome Rapper. RIP, MC. He’s dropping wicked beats in fish heaven. That’s what I told the kids. And myself. Cause I’m still kinda sad.

  16. By the way, I had one named James Tiberius Kirk. He lived up to his name, too.

  17. My dog is constantly trying to touch my betas with his mouth…it’s been 6 months

  19. Way back in the Dark Ages, I worked as a bank teller. One day, we decided we needed a fish to spruce the place up. His official name was Jackson (for Andrew Jackson) but I renamed him Action Jackson, Double-0 Bubble. I even put his name on one of those $1 paper pumpkins we sold for charity.

  20. I sent you an email regarding sponsorship a few days ago but haven’t heard back, just wanted to follow up. 🙂

  23. I didn’t even have to say the Benedict name generator names out loud to laugh like a maniac. It’s been a slow two weeks. I think my mind left a long time ago, therefore, the names are funny said only in my head. Wow. Did any of that make sense?? All of the names are awesome, especially the ones suggested on Twitter. Your followers are awesome. 🙂

  24. My betta’s name was Ella because she was a girl and a betta. Ella Betta. I know I’m ashamed of me too. She lived like 5 years though!

  32. My daughter’s is called Nino and she has kept him alive for 6 months! A proper setup is worth the cash and ours has a lid to keep our Bengals out. Our Jones says the same as Hunter ” but Mum, I just want to give him a cuddle. With my teeth…”

  33. Oops I commented now 3 times. I’m new at this. Please bear with me and accept me for who I am.

  34. I shot you an email regarding sponsorship earlier in the week, it went to the Advertising email address. Let me know? Thanks so much!

  35. BUNSENBURNER COOCHYRASH.

    I was reading them out loud to my husband and we are still laugh-crying at that one.

  36. I had a betta in with some neon tetras at one point, and the tetras were mysteriously disappearing. I saw no corpses and was lie what the fuck? Then one morning I happened to be looking straight at the tank when the betta suddenly turned to a tetra, did that ruff poofing thing that happens to Denis Nedry in Jurassic Park when he’s trying to escape the spitter dinosaur, and BAM, half the tetra was in his mouth. I screamed obscenities and I guess they startled him, because he gagged out the tetra, who drunkenly lumbered off in confusion. Needless to say, all the remaining tetras were gone in short order, their murderer the only one left. I HOPE YOU FELT BAD, LONG-DEAD JACK THE NIPPER.

  37. My daughter named her goldfish “sushi”. We had sushi for 5 years. She still doesn’t see the irony.

  40. I made it, just smiling, all the way to Bukkake Custardbath. Now the cats are disturbed, but I am VERY happy.

  41. OMG the pics of Hunter S Thomcat make me laugh!! My girls want a bird. We have 5 cats. I’m not sure who would have a heart attack first!

  44. I was going to say what lizellingwood said. Also, I might have nightmares about Hunter S Thomcat’s black demon eyes.

  46. My daughter had goldfish named: fishstick, chowder, and shark bait, she was a morbid 10 year old.

  47. In college, my roommate & I had a beta named Guido the Fighting Fish. He used to blow out his gills at intruders (well, at his reflection). It was very intimidating (for a fish)

  50. I’m all for combining two of the name generators– Snorkledink Chowderpants. Snorkel (duh) and Chowder… never mind.

  52. Although Bunsonburner Coochyrash might be my favorite, I like the name Alpha for a Betta.

  53. I think you should have a Doctor Who reference. Since its a blue fish, what about The TARDIS, or Prisoner Zero.?
    Rory Pond, maybe? Dorian Maldovar?
    Please give him a Doctor Who name

  54. My daughter named our cat Stormy Jerry Blueberry. Her dolls are named Paint and Gobler. I fear for my future Grandchildren.

  55. My daughter is fish-sitting for a friend’s betta fish, named Poseidon. I think she’s “hooked.” As soon as her friend picks up her fish, she’s going to buy one of her own. Thanks for the great list of name suggestions!

  56. I have had four betta fish over a period of about twenty years. Each one was named Fred. Now a friend of mine has a cat named Fred. She’s a very pretty cat but does not look like Fred to me. Prisoner #7942 looks like Fred.

  59. I tried the name generator. I got Bouillabaisse Bumbersplat. It’s appropriate. Although I prefer a simple name. Fido is good.

  61. We had two betas named Pirate and Ninja and we kept them in one bowl with a clear divider so they couldn’t actually kill one another but the would glare at each other constantly and try to look tough all the time.

  63. If you go with “Fish Stick” someone will inevitably say “Fish Dick” by mistake. It’s worth the wait.

  64. We had a beta that we called Jarry, because he came in a jar. He got “beta bloat disease” and I had to kill him with Absinthe. I never told my son, Now I have a goldfish called Yukio Mishima. He has his own twitter account (@tweetsoffish) but he’s a real diva.

  65. Mr Pink.

    That’s the only name good for a fish that lives in a tank or a bowl. But he’ll probably wish his name was Mr White.

  67. Just got one – he’s got two names. The Master and Capsule. For Doctor Who/naughty things and Ultraman.

  69. Hunter S. Thomcat and Ferris Mewler want you to name it Josie and give it a hat with ears.

  72. Our was named Bob — he lasted about 3 hours, until my toddler decided (unbeknownst to me) Bob wanted to sleep in her bed with her. RIP, Bob…

  73. is it definitely a boy fish? Are all betas male? It’s giving me a lot to NewYork debutante energy, so I’d probably go with Finsley Mortimer.

  74. My friend has a betta – and yes, it’s named Alpha. (We’re programmers).

  75. Shoot now I’m worried that you’ll soon be hearing the disembodied voice of Atraxi saying “Prisoner #7942 must vacate The Bloggess Residence or The Bloggess Residence will be incinerated.”

  77. our beta was called Levi (short for Leviathan) until one of the dogs knocked the tank over so the cat could eat him. At least, that’s what I assume went down, because we weren’t home at the time and only found a soaked carpet and rocks everywhere when we got back. It’s like that movie with the two dogs and the cat who get lost in the forest except it’s my living room instead. Poor Levi lived 17 months, which is apparently like 259 in beta years.

  78. Once walked in to find the cat watching the betta flopping around in a puddle of water. The betta lived another few years.

  79. So many great betta names, you could line a shelf with fish bowls. Live long and prosper, Prisoner 7942.

  80. The Benedict Cumberbatch list has me doing the Eddie Izzard Englebert Humperdinck routine and, as a result, I have to suggest Slut Bunwallah (sp?).

  83. My daughters first fish was named Turd….God rest his soul….the new one is Bubble 07. Feel free to use!!!!

  84. Timothy Chowderpants – best fish name ever. Unless it’s a girl fish. Those are all boy fish names.

  86. Yeah, you’re going to need a lot more fish. Given the way Hunter S. Thomcat is looking at him, I’d go with sushi themes. We had chickens for a while, and we “motivated” them to be good layers by naming them things like Dumplings and Fricassee. Although, we did name the snake we found on the porch Mr. Snakeypants. And then he had babies, so the Mr. part was just wrong. That’s why we’re just calling the possum in the attic Smileykins. Our life is sounding way too interesting…

  89. I had a goldfish when I was little. I named it Fish. If I remember correctly, it was because I didn’t know if Fish was male or female, so Fish just made sense.

    Also, I just bought a calendar, dang, BUT the calendar is all about bacon, so I might live.

  91. Personally, as much as I loved all the Cumberbatch mashups (truly) I am most in love with Prisoner #7942. When you feed him (her?) you can whistle the theme from “Bridge Over the River Kwai” = = why? well, just because of course!

  92. “Prisoner Zero will exit the human residence, or the human residence will be incinerated.”

  93. Bunsenburner Coochyrash . . . doesn’t it just seem like the kind of insult a betta fish would hurl at an opponent? Ah, says you, you rinkydink clompyclomp!

  94. My son has crazy good naming skills. He named his Betas “Roadbean” and “Climber De Rock”. He suggests “Leatherhead”, “Hawkstyle”, and “Steve”. Not sure why, but he likes the name “Steve”.

  95. OMG – I mucked around with the Benedict Cumberbatch Name Generator and it gave me WANDA’S SON. That should definitely be Prisoner #7942’s new name!

  97. I have 3 bettas (all in separate tanks, of course….) “Sid” is named after the fish in the Mutts comic strip. The other two are “One Fish, Two Fish” and “Red Fish, Blue Fish”… (from, yeah… You got it already) I also had “Benny” – named that because there was a seafood restaurant (not a Benihana, though) in the strip mall where he came from… And “Wally”, because I asked someone to watch him “while I” go on vacation….

  99. I vote for Timothy Chowderpants!

    In college my roommate bought a Betta fish. She named it Masta. Like Masta Betta. Get it?

  100. Our beta is named “Red Fish”. Yeah. My daughter isn’t very imaginative when it comes to naming pets.

  101. Timothy Chowderpants is too ironically perfect. Though my all-time favorite fish were named Bruno and Fluffy.

  102. when my daughter was 8, we bought her a Betta… She named him Moe… So he was Moe Betta. When Moe died, she got a new one… Named Evan Moe Betta. I’m boring and tend to name my fish after movie characters…

  104. How about Blue is the New Orange? Prison Guards Ferris Mewler and Hunter S. Thomcat his/her prison guards. When the fish is sent to the SHU you can call him/her Prisoner #7942.

  105. You absolutely MUST name him Bukkake Custardbath! Pease?!? I triple-dog dare you with a cherry on top! If you do, I promise I’ll vote for you to become Queen of the Interwebs! OK, truth be told I was going to vote for you anyway, but still, there’s a principle in here somewhere.

  106. “don’t pet me”

    Actually come to think of it, at least one of my bettas would let me pet it, in a way. If I held my hand underwater with my fingers curled, he would swim inside and pause long enough to make it seem like a tiny, wet hug. He was also the only one who liked shiny rocks.

  107. We had a blue male betta named “Elvis” and a red female betta named “Cilla” They lived in 2 separate fish bowls until Cilla and Elvis started jumping out of their bowls to fool around…THen they would fight so my daughters would put them back in their separate bowls farther apart. One day Elvis missed her tank while we were out and his body was found much later dried up like a leaf! Damn horny fish!

  108. My Siamese Fighting Fish is named Bitey McBite Bite, because, well. His name really says it all. He bites the cats, too. He survived far longer than Nineteen, who got his head bit off.

  111. A cardbord box turned up at our house around 6 months ago containing two betta fish that my mother had chosen to purchase online after she’d discovered Amazon. They are currently residing in two separate bowls on either side of the mantelpiece but I know that the day will come when I return home a little too drunk (the aggressive kind) and decide to stage a fight between them. £10 a ticket. To the death.

  112. We had a red beta the girls named Bloody Mary. 😳
    Also had a goldfish named Steve, after their dad. Steve did not last long. (The fish; not the dad).
    We had another goldfish named Lips. Don’t ask. Lips was a feeder fish and was 9 cents and…..LIVED FOR 14 YEARS!!!
    Fourteen LONG years.
    I call BC Benedict Cumbersquatch, because I don’t like dat man’s face.
    Too reptilian. Ewwwk.

  114. I so wishI could comment, like, or vote up the comments on your posts. They rock!

    I named the fish I had in college after my high school boyfriend. He wasn’t all that warm or affectionate (the boyfriend). The fish didn’t donanything except drift around the bowl….didn’t even swim. Could have named it Flotsam. Or Jetsom.

    I vote for Prisoner Zero, too. Or Bettamax.

  116. my two were Stick and Patty (and a dear old Irish Beta was he. Lets drink a toast to dearly departed Patty lads and lassies). Of course we also had two dogs named Brussels and Sprout, a used ferret named Cookie and a hamster named Nibblets.

  117. Khan the Beta Fish. It is only a matter of time before he swims over your cold dead corpses. 😉

  120. My betta was Mr. Bill and you better not forget the ‘mister’. RIP Mr. Bill. Not after the clay-mation guy either, but after Bill the mule in The Postman. I heart that movie so hard.

  122. I had a betta named Atticus Fish, then I had one named Yul Finner. Both have been accorded burial at sea with full honors after being a part of Mama Lori’s Domestic Zoo and Fool Farm for several years, each.

  126. PLEASE CALL HIM OLD GREGG!!! And get him a pink tutu. And give him Baileys. Please. Please!

  127. Syphilis Coochyrash – how did it not generate those two together? But clearly, Timothy Chowderpants is perfect for him.

  130. We are inheriting a betta from our moving neighbors. My 3 year old son has named it Mr. Bubbles, but I’m taking suggestions for a good first name.

  132. Hahaha you have such funny, clever readers! We had goldfish, but they were like mutants that grew really huge and lived really long. They were named by my husband. Bruce, Trevor and Greg. Top blokes.

  133. sorry…the fishs name has to be ‘Blue Jackman’.
    You’re obscure Les Mis reference solidified it.

  136. I had a friend who named his pet rabbit “Stew”. I do like the name “Jim the Fish” (if you are a Doctor Who fan you might like it too!). How about Moby Dick, or Free Willy?

  137. My girl got one for Christmas too! His name is Gills Squirt…because I looked up the characters from Finding Nemo on imdb. She wanted to name him Eli or Jacob.

  139. I had a series of bettas in college, all named Zeta. So there was Zeta the First, the Second, etc.

  141. My son had a Beta for quite a long time. He would eat his food directly off my finger. Kind of a sweet little fishy nibble!

  142. I got it — VHS! And this would be one of the reasons no one asks me to help name anything. Didn’t even have to name the dog, she came from a rescue already named.

  143. First impression: he looks like a ballerina out of a Degas painting, but without legs. Also, I love the name generator names…so…Leg O’less Dancermatch.

  144. I am using “Darth Betta” for our next Betta – and I am going to pretend I made it up myself. Everyone will think I am awesome.

    My 6-yr-old named his Betta fish “Dinah’ – I have no idea why. But he has managed to keep DInah alive for 6 months now.

  146. I like Prisoner 7942 but would likely just refer to him as “the prisoner” during normal day to day conversations.
    I also think you would like an Aquafarm for your Betta. We love ours and enjoy tropical plants on top.

  148. We had an awesome Betta who lived in a giant Absolute bottle. His name was Willem Dafish.

  150. My daughter actually named her betta after Benedict Cumberbatch. His name is Benedict Bettafish. We just call him Ben though.

  151. When my brother was 12 I suggested he name his Betta “Master,” and for some reason he ran out of the room giggling every time I said the fish’s name. Every time!

  152. I like Prisoner #7942, but if I had to pick from the other suggestions, I would go with Atticus Fish. The “I just want to touch him a little. With my mouth” cracked me up!

  153. My son has a beta. He named him “Scootaloo “. Scootaloo now has 2 tank buddies. Ghost shrimps named Midnight and Shrimpy.
    My cats don’t realize they are cats and not just extra short, furry people so they have never shown the slightest interest in Scootaloo.

  154. Those gifs of Hunter made me think, “that cat needs a bow tie.” Not that I’ve ever seen a cat in real life wearing a bow tie. Nor do I think his namesake would approve. Still, especially in the second gif, I can’t help thinking there’s supposed to be a bow tie there.

    Regarding the fish name: I’m impressed that Hailey came up with The Pretenders, regardless of whether it makes sense. I’m guessing it makes complete sense in some trans-dimensional way that only someone like The Doctor or Delirium would comprehend.

  155. We named our daughter’s fish “shark bait”! She had no clue and it stuck. So, three others later and they are all the original Shark Bait.

  156. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, that Benedict Cumberbatch Name Generator kind of took a nasty turn for a bit there.

  157. My cat always seemed to be wanting to eat the fish but when she did make it to the fish bowl, all she did was drink the water…maybe Hunter just wants fancy flavored water 🙂

  158. I’m with Hailey on this one, though Atticus Fish is pretty great too.

    btw we now have a kitten named Sir David Cattenborough thanks to the good influence of your cats.

  159. I think your best bet is an acronym. I suggest EFR. You can tell the cats it stands for Emergency Feline Rations, but you can tell the fish that it stands for Erudite Fish in Residence.

  162. We had two at my husband’s shop, the first was Guido, the second was Vinny. We referred all customer complaints to them.

  163. He looks like a Wilbur to me.

    Or you could call him Rumble Fish. Like the book by SE Hinton, in which your fish’s relatives played a major role. Later made into a movie with Mickey Rourke and Matt Dillon.

    Or, remember when that basketball player, Ron Artest, renamed himself Metta World Peace? How about Metta Betta?

  165. My son (4 at the time?) wanted to name his Transformers. Not Optimus Prime or Megatron. Just Transformers. I couldn’t think of an appropriate response in time, which he mistook for disapproval and said “too popular? How about Nemo Jack Sparrow?” So we have Nemo Jack Sparrow…

  166. I had a blue one named Cassius. If I held a little food pellet up over the bowl, he would jump up out of the water to take it from my fingers.

  167. I had one named Cassius. He would jump right out of the water to take a food pellet from my fingers!

  169. What a pretty betta Hailey picked. Clearly a Snorkledink if there ever was one.

    Hunter looks very interested so don’t get too attached!

  170. I worked for an awesome lady who gave me a “Great Job!!!” beta. It was great!! He lived on my desk until I got downsized and I had to leave him to a new mommy. Because cats.

  171. Timothy Chowderpants grabbed my attention straight away! Do you have a taxidermied astronaut squirrel to be his girlfriend or maybe a goofy looking starfish in jams to be his best friend? Gotta go with a theme I think. Loved the calendar by the way, but I agree with whomever suggested one of those cool photos of you should have been included but then realized that they are the intellectual property of the photographer. Oh well….

  172. Timothy Chowderpants was my first choice, but when I visited the Cumberbatch name generator it give me Bouillabaisse Battleship, which is even better.

  173. Someone at my kid’s school decided it would be a GREAT idea to give all the special ed kids a fish in a bag for Christmas a few years ago! ( I still wanna hug them so hard around the neck for that!)
    As soon as Learah came running in with it, from the bus, I sent her brother to the pet store for a bowl and food.
    After work that night I stopped at Walmart and bought a new fish and water treatment.
    I just knew my mother would look at that bowl, with 4 inches of water, and fill it up with tap water. She did. It died.
    Learah decided after a few months the new fish was lonely and long story short, the little solid white friend we got it had ick and died a week after we bought it. Then ours died too!!!
    Learah was so upset I went back to Walmart and bought THREE 38 cent goldfishes. I figured one would live!
    They all did…. and grew like I was feeding them growth hormones.
    I am now the fish mommy of three foot long + “bubble puppies” They are in a 40 gallon tank with 200 gallons of pump on the back! (goldfish are dirty fish!)
    So much work!
    A “free” fish has cost me around $500 so far!
    Learah talked her brother into a betta fish that looked half dead a few months ago.
    I know right?
    We now have the cutest 2 gallon rectangle aquarium in the kitchen. ($15 at Petsmart+ $10 for the filter)
    He is alive and kicking and she named him Flipper! 🙂
    She has decided he’s “her” fish. The big ol’ bubbas are mine now!

  174. If you take the first letter from all the numbers- except the four, because you need a vowel somewhere- it spells “snot”. I would totally go there!

  177. My beloved betta was named Vinnie Bettarino. Had him for 3 years and he’s now buried by my rose bush. sniff

  178. Yeah, I’mma hafta go with The Pretenders. Or with whatever name Victor came up with, rule 1 being what it is.

  179. I did have a cat named Puppy growing up. I would crack the neighbors up by standing outside, yelling for Puppy, only to see my big cat running to answer. Great fun. Mother had said I couldn’t name him Kitty so I did the opposite and named him Puppy. Loved that cat!

  180. How about naming the fish Phil? Just because.. Also, thank you for the reference links. If I had to look up Old Gregg myself, even if I had found that page, I still wouldn’t have believed it.

  183. A friend and her young daughter gave me a betta for Christmas a number of years ago. Like a few folks here, I named him Bob. The daughter wanted to call him Santa Claus (because Christmas), so we compromised and called him Santa Bob. I had that fish for over a year. Not bad considering I had two cats and didn’t really want a fish in the first place. Fortunately the cats mostly ignored him.

    Timothy Chowderpants seems to be the top choice so far, so I’ll throw my support in as well.

    Oh – I’ve seen some easy cleaning fish bowl on TV… There it is… “My Fun Fish” (www.myfunfish.com). It really looks easy and somewhat less traumatic for the fish than being chased around with a net (not to be confused with being chased by Annette Funicello). If you get one, I’d be curious if it really does what it says it does. If not, I ended up scooping him out with a glass instead of a net. He can just stay in the glass while you clean the bowl.

    Good luck!

  185. Happy birthday!

    I like Timothy Chowderpants,too. I wish I could come up with a fun name, but sadly, if he lived in this house, he would probably spend the rest of his life as “Fish”.
    (I’m glad my dog came pre-named,or she would have been called “Dog”—also somewhat relieved I don’t have kids, because they would have been called “Kids”,possibly with numbers attached, and so no.

    Not very good at the naming thing.

  188. I had friend with a beta named “Chop” he lived in old broken blender on the kitchen counter, they just cut the cord off at the base.

  190. Betta Davis?
    Betta Offdedd?
    Betta Laitheneva?
    Betta Yuthanme?
    Betta Betta Punkinetta?

    We don’t have a pet yet but my 3 year old has an imaginary cat named Cutie and a dog named Capsicum.

  192. I’d just have to him Geoff or Nigel or something, that way when I tell people ‘me and Nigel were talking last night and we really think you should come out to the cabin in the woods with me’ it doesn’t sound, you know, creepy. If I’d said I’d been talking with Bobbob the fish they’d think I was crazy.

  194. I am now embarrassed by my fish’s name; Moby. It is much too simple for a fancy fish. Moby is now short for Möbius Mayhemmediocrity.

  195. I heard Prisoner #7942 was in for cannibalism. I don’t suggest purchasing more fish.

  200. Name him Unicorn because his coloring looks so rare and beautiful when it probably isn’t. Please? All the fish I’ve ever had have died even in a fancy tank.

    P.S. had a yellow and neon green oair of fish. What do you think I named them? Lemon and Lime. 🙂

  202. I read this, and instantly thought of this
    Watch “Eddie Izzard – Engelbert Humperdinck” on YouTube
    Eddie Izzard – Engelbert Humperdinck: http://youtu.be/ckGmMO0zbJo
    so I’m leaning towards Prince Humperdink, like princess Bride, AND Englebert.

  206. My first betta was Pooty Poo OR King Indigo, cuz my mom refused to call him Pooty Poo. The last betta I had was Gill Sharkbait Oo HA-HA (has dies….or not). I miss having a betta.

  207. What a pretty boy! Our two super-imaginative (child-created!) betta names are Swimmy and Glubs. 🙁 I feel like my life would’ve been richer if I knew about the Buffalo Carrotstick name generator.

    Anyway, just wanted to say that http://www.bettafish.com has a great forum about these guys. If you’re not aware (I wasn’t, when my son got his fish as a gift), they need a tank of at least 2.5 gallons with a lid (bettas jump!), a heater since they are tropical, and a filter if you don’t want to have to change the water 2-3 times a week. Plus live or silk plants to rest on, and some sort of hidey-hole/cave. Funny how a $5 fish ends up costing you like $200, right?

  208. I had a beta fish. I’m a huge fan of Kurt Vonnegut so I named mine after one of his characters – Kilgore Trout. Atticus Fish is a great name!

  209. I love all of these names, but would like to add Millard Gillmore to the pot. And since everyone is sharing, my current betta is Fritz, and my old one was Nickel Fishy (“Nicky”), cuz I got him for a nickel after I bought all of the bowl/rock/filter crap. Also, Nicky used to fly back and forth from college to home with me in his little cup, so my parents had a bowl for him at their house. 🙂

  210. We had Dude (he looked tie dyed), Gilbert Grape (he was purple), and someone else who’s name escapes me at the moment.. Not all at the same time. We had an imaginarium that hung from the ceiling of my daughters room to prevent our cats from “touching them a little with their mouths” But one of them was really a “people” fish He would dink into the side of the bowl and follow you as close as he could when you moved around the room…

  211. I have 4 bettas (Timmy, Smokey, Philay and Lolita – Philay is my fav:P) In fact Timmy and Lolita are set up for breeding right now. My vote goes for Darth Betta – if you don’t use it then I call dibs!

  213. I think Timothy Chowderpants is a great name! Although the reference to chowder in a fish name might get him all freaked out about Hunter S. Tomcat’s intentions.

  214. My betta is named Mr. Bubbles. It’s supposed to be a BioShock reference, but everyone in my office just thinks I have the naming skills of a 5-year-old. He keeps me company in my grey, sad cubicle.

  215. My wife loves Bettas. Only problem is she can’t manage to keep them alive. So I started naming them Dead Meat, Dead Meat Jr., Dead Meat 3rd, etc… Just flushed DM6 last week. PETA should be knocking anytime now.

  216. I vote for Tardis. Or anything with “chowder” in it.

    I’ve had two bettas. The red one first, he was Hans Betta (for Hans Bethe, a now-deceased Nobel prize-winner). The next was blue, so he was Twofish. (One fish two fish, red fish blue fish.) The next one’s going to be “test” …because I’m a tech writer and got involved with something that needed beta testing. Sorry if that hurt.

    A 5-gallon tank may seem big but it gives them room to lead up to a jump. And they can learn to take squished bugs out of your hand. Which you don’t want to do in a bowl because you really want the filter to take care of the …high-fiber output of fresh food. 😉

    Hm. You have cats. You need a lid. Maybe don’t train it to jump.

  217. Love the names! You need all of them, and so, yes, more fish.

    We had a gorgeous turquoise fighting fish spend an evening on our counter during our family holiday party, because my niece got him while they were shopping before they came over, and I’m pretty sure she called him Harvey. He spent the evening in the bag on my counter, watching us drink eggnog and listening to her telling my sister-in-law, “But MOM, a fish bowl is only like 50 cents!”

    I remember the last time we tried fish (because, they’re only like 50 cents). I love that the fish itself is practically free, but the rest of the food/filters/aerators/rocks/castles/fake plants/water test strips/cleaning nets/tank covers/replacement fish and/or rubber gloves was like $200, but by the time you get to the total at the register, it’s too late to quietly push everything towards the cashier and whisper “Um. We don’t actually want any of this. Can you cancel this transaction?”

  218. High shelves didn’t stop my cats from getting up close and personal with the last beta I had. From the crime scene investigation conducted in my living room it appears they pulled him out of the water to play and got bored. Poor fish didn’t stand a chance.

  220. OMG Sid Fishious gets my vote!

    We used to have kitty TV. A dining chair in front of a salt water aquarium for the fur kids. They would watch so intently that they would forget gravity as they leaned and leaned and fell off. The fish would be so scared they would jump out of the tank through a little opening.Screaming would ensue when those fish would stick to the bottom of my feet. So, keep your Berta covered!

  224. My vote, hands down, is Timothy Chowderpants. Sounds kind of sophisticated, but still relatable. Like fish are.

  226. My 14 year-old just found out that his fish Boo didn’t live from the time he was three until almost 12. Kid was amazed/horrified that every time ‘Boo’ died I just got him another.

    I think I am going to get him a fish named Surprise. You are welcome to use it too. 🙂

  227. I rescued one from my psychology lab….they wanted us to show the fish it’s reflection in a mirror and then document what happened. Yeah….nope. Can you imagine a life of that? So, I took him home and called him: Sai Baba Psychobabble Babel Fish. You’re welcome.

  230. My sister had a betta named Jimmy Riley (named after her favorite character on “American Dreams”). Her Siamese cat, Louis (named after the Sun King), watched him incessantly (the fish, not the television character), and their tale of joint existence ended when Louis carried Jimmy Riley downstairs in his mouth to, ostensibly, watch the human-Jimmy Riley on tv.

  231. What about THX1138?

    From the pic I’d say your fish is a male – more frilly and attractive than female bettas.
    Not being a chauvinist, just tapping into my knowledge from having had aquarium fish for a good while, and having read up a bit.
    Whatever you do, don’t put another betta in the tank unless you’re absolutely certain the other is female; otherwise you’ll find out why they’re called fighting fish, and likely there will be tears before bedtime, and a funeral carried out in the bathroom with the sound of a flush to solute the loser of the battle.

    Bettas can get along with other fish; you can mix them with any other tropical fish that isn’t big enough to eat it (you learn pretty quick that in the fish world if you’re big enough to fit in someone’s mouth, chances are you’ll end up there).
    A word of warning about your betta though; they only live about 2 – 3 years, so if it dies within the next year or so it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.
    It seems the nicer looking fish live less time, so I have some fairly plain looking fish in my tank that just keep going.

    Aquarium keeping can be somewhat addictive and expensive, we started out with a segmented tank for 3 bettas, we now have a 70 litre tank with about a dozen or so fish; though you need to keep the ratio of fish to space below the maximum, or they’ll get sick & die.

    May I even suggest you get a red female, and you can then call them Redfish and Bluefish; just like in the old Dr Seuss book; One Fish Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish?

    Did I spot a reference to “The Mighty Boosh?” (Old Gregg)

  233. My betta died after a very long life. His name was Burt Reynolds. I had just watched Boogie Nights.

  234. My betta died after a nice long life. His name was Burt Reynolds. I had just watched Boogie Nights.

  235. I giggled at all of them and I didn’t even say them out loud…Bunsenburner Coochyrash…I think is my favorite.

    My Mom bought one of those fish and let my four year old daughter name it. Treehump was it’s name. When Treehump died, she made the mistake AGAIN of letting my daughter name it, so you guessed it, Treehump II. She didn’t get another one.

  237. I had a betta, and his name was Fresh. You know, they can be suicidal…don’t fill the bowl too full of water. They are prone to jump out, and it’s not great if you don’t find them right away. (I’m totally serious about the jumping).

  238. I agree with Norton’s Mom, at a previous workplace, someone had a betta in a bowl on their desk.
    When they came back to work after the weekend, the fish was on the floor, and had obviously decided it couldn’t take living in a call centre anymore!

  239. Have you seen the Eddie Izzard skit about Englebert Humperdink because that’s totally what the name generator reminded me of.

  240. if you leave the bowl on top of the book case your cat wil eventually learn how to read, and if I were you Id either move the fish or name it RIP. the video of that cat is hysterical, i cant stop laughing

  241. When my son was in Pre-K, they went on a field trip to a pet store. In their infinite wisdom, the teachers decided it would be a good idea to buy each kid a goldfish. I was NOT happy. Some of the parents were really mad and refused to take the fish home but my son was SO excited that I just had to bring it home (after an expensive trip to Petco). He named that fish Bubbles. Of course it died quickly which led to many questions about how exactly our toilet gets fish all the way to fish heaven. We tried another fish. He named that one Fred. It didn’t last long either. Now he wants a dog. Sheesh.

    (Be careful. That dog is never gonna fit in your toilet. ~ Jenny)

  243. My 8 year old named her Beta “Shine Lighter Brighter” which had quite a poetic ring to it. It lived happily (or at least safely) in its bowl in a glass front cabinet for over a year. My cat hurled his body against the glass every single day. Then we got rid of that cabinet and put the fish up on our 3rd floor but somebody tragically forgot to shut the door. The cat got the beta and dropped it’s half dead carcass on my daughter as she slept. You know, as a sweet present. Sadly, the crayfish she brought home from 3rd grade met an eerily similar fate. Moral of this story: fish and cats don’t mix!

  245. My friend had a guppy she named Trout (as in Kilgore Trout) who was a lively little character and had many adventures. So I’m leaning toward the literary Atticus Fish name (also I love that book). And thank you for giving your betta a nice place to live. I once walked out of a cafe because they had one on the counter in a container no bigger than a teacup.

  246. My last fish was named INDY (I’m Not Dead Yet). He liked to play dead until the day he got really good at it.

  247. I can’t be the only one who clicked on this post with absolute faith that you’d found a way to do a scratch and sniff THROUGH THE INTERNET.

    Sigh. Anyway, I say just go for it and call the prisoner Benedict Cumberbatch. Because (1) he seems like a guy who totally deserves an aquatic namesake; and (2) HST will consume said namesake long before any right of publicity claim can be made. Win-win.

  248. Well… if you go all Whovian on his gills, he could be ‘Finric’. For some reason I think a villainous name would suit a Betta. If you are felling punny, you could give him Hunter’s surname and make them brothers. I suggest Ulrich Betta Nuteetme Thomcat (U. Betta Noteetme Thomcat for short).

    But personally, since he’s a fighter…why not a Hunger Games reference….

    Finnick Odair is perfect.

  250. I have a similar betta. His name is Bartok. Highly recommend the Aqueon Mini Bow for his home. It has a light and a kitty-proof lid. 🙂

  251. I had some fish in college that were all named for various authors/poets. I named the betta Virginia for Virginia Woolf. Unfortunately, the fish took a little too much inspiration from its namesake and it kept jumping out of the bowl. I’d find it flopping on the table and put it back. It managed to live a good few years despite this despondent behavior.

  252. Fish Mooney.

    or, Eric. Though I do like Prisoner Zero – and it’s kind of appropriate, as bettas can be vicious. Have you shown yours a mirror yet?

  253. We had to put a cover on the 2-gallon tank we had on the mantel because the cats thought it was their very own water bowl. They never bothered the fish, though. Dumb cats.

  254. Since it’s blue, I would like to suggest Mo Betta Blues. Of course, that would be his registered name, because I would imagine the Blogess would have only purebred animals. The rest of us can call him Mo.

  255. Ive had 2 beta fish commit suicide. They both just right out of their bowls and I came home and found them dead. Make sure your prisoner can not escape.

  256. Thanks. The name generator gave us a good laugh at lunch yesterday. A co-worker and family are trying to name a new puppy who I am sure will answer to Rinkydink Clompyclomp or Magellan which is the co-worker’s top choice.

  258. I’m just sitting here at work trying to look productive. I clicked the link to advertise and, because I’m creepy that way, Googled the address given and noticed that the Chinese restaurant in that shopping mall, with the “Chinese” font they used, looks like it’s called Lung Fung. Which is an unfortunate name for a restaurant. But a clever one for perhaps a repository specialist.

    (It is called Lung Fung. Their egg rolls are tasty. ~ Jenny)

  259. I vote for Prisoner 24601 (aka Jean Valjean), and then if you get a second fish, you could name him Javert and call them ‘Les Fisherables’.

  262. Greetings,
    I am sorry for the late reply. I just received our gifts today and friday. I would just like to say to the following people Thank you so much for your extreme kindness!

    Kerry Manning
    Elizabeth Bailey
    Kathleen Mahoney
    Sue Wheeler
    Laurel Johnson

    Thank you so much for the beautiful smiles that you endlessly put on my childrens faces
    <3
    We are so Thankful for you giving this Holiday!

    Thank you Bless your hearts

    Love,
    The Buono Family

  263. We used the Benedict Cumberbatch name generator to name our Betta too. His name is Fishyface Pumpkinpatch.

  264. I had a beta in college. His name was Chuck Norris and that bitch wouldn’t die! He even tried to escape once when I passed him onto my brother after he tried mating by himself… It smelt horrific…be on the watch for lots off bubbles along the waterline, that’s a betta egg depository aka fishy little swimmers…

  265. Considering that the fish won’t respond to his name anyways, I would alternate between all 18 in a triweekly rotation!
    Just don’t let him think that means he is 18 different fish, or he’ll probably end up killing himself.

  271. My vote is Atticus Fish because I just recently read this great book called “To Kill a Mockingbird”. I love discovering new novels and I told all my friends about my find. Apparently they already knew.

  273. As always, my name of choice is Gandhi the Destroyer.

    I don’t know if you’ve had bettas before, but they sometimes jump out of their enclosures. Mine managed to leap from the 1″x2″ space on the hood of his tank. I’ve since covered it with plastic wrap into which I’ve punched a few holes, but still: it’s not fun to have a child say, “Mom? I can’t find my – MOM! HE’S ON THE FLOOR! HE’S NOT MOVING!”

    Side note: in the event that this happens to you, try tossing him back in the tank anyways. They can live outside of water for a little while.

  275. Bettas are awesome and are the best bang for your fish-buck. I gave my son fish for his 4th birthday. He was begging for fish. He wanted 3 rosy minnows which were only 25¢ each! It was 2009 and we were broke so I was psyched…75¢ plus $9 for a fishbowl! Then I found out we needed gravel and a bubbler and a plant and water neutralizer and food… it came to something like $40 🙁 I hope your little guy lasts longer than ours did.

  279. Sorry I am really late to the party, but I had to weigh in. My husband once had a Betta, and he named it Master. Master Betta. Genius!

  280. Sorry I’m so late to the party, but my husband once had a Betta and he named it Master.
    Master Betta. Genius!

  281. We are going to get a dog at some point and my son is naming him Oregano….just because he’d like to wake up on the dog’s birthday and shout, “Happy Birthday Oregano!”. He’s four, so this was his story and I have to say, I’m really starting to like the name. Who knew?

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